Full Show PT 2: Tuesday, June 30 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 2: Tuesday, June 30 [Vault]

Date: June 30, 2026
Hosts & Cast: Burt, Jen, Melissa, Jeff, plus callers
Theme: Real talk and humor about relationships, marriage, parenting, and everyday mysteries

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Episode Overview

In this rich and engaging episode, The Bert Show’s cast invites callers to share the most extreme obstacles their relationships have faced—without revealing if the relationship survived, letting the team and listeners guess the outcome. The crew then pivots into a candid conversation about shifting perspectives on marriage and divorce, and later, Burt discusses his dilemma about supporting his son’s passion for acting. The show closes with an ongoing mystery about a suspicious individual in a townhouse community, with the team brainstorming how to get answers.

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Key Segments & Insights

1. Extreme Obstacle Game: Did Their Relationship Survive?

[01:01 – 14:40]

Setup:

The show takes calls from listeners detailing intense relationship obstacles, while the team guesses if the couple stayed together. The segment brings out laughter, surprise, and genuine moments of reflection.

Notable Calls & Moments:

• Abby’s Affair with Best Friend
  • Cheated with best guy friend for a month before her wedding, confessed, and is still engaged.
    • “You wanna know now? Yeah, we’re still engaged. He forgave me.” — Abby [04:12]
• Denise’s Pregnancy During Same-Sex Relationship
  • Had an affair with a man while in a 9-year relationship with a woman, kept the baby, stayed with her girlfriend.
    • “The relationship survived. Our son is 18 months old, and...We are together.” — Denise [05:59]
• Leslie’s Nemesis Pregnancy
  • Husband cheated with her life-long enemy, who got pregnant. Leslie forgave him; they’re still married.
    • “Actually, we found out a couple months later that she was lying and it was just a one time thing, so I forgave him and we've been married for three more years.” — Leslie [08:33]
• Sheila’s $130,000 Financial Reveal
  • Fiancé revealed massive secret debt just before their wedding; she married him and they are nearly debt-free after ten years.
    • “May 21st will be our 10 year anniversary.” — Sheila [10:30]
• Becky’s Story of Infidelity & Addiction
  • Nine years together, multiple years of his cheating, drug, and alcohol issues; ended in separation.
    • “Well, it did survive. And then I collected all my evidence and took some of his money and got out.” — Becky [11:36]
• Christy’s Addicted Partner
  • Her boyfriend went to rehab five times; they’re still together, though he’s not sober.
    • “He’s still struggling, but we are still together.” — Christy [13:03]
• Terry’s Marriage While Closeted
  • Married his high school girlfriend though both knew he was gay; they divorced, and he’s been with his male partner for 25 years.
    • “If you’re gay and you know it, don’t marry a woman.” — Terry [14:25]

Host Reflections:

• The team is surprised at how many couples survive chaos.
• Humor blends with empathy:
  • “I think a woman could survive her husband having an affair with her best friend over having an affair with her arch enemy.” — Melissa [08:15]

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2. Philosophical Shifts on Marriage & Divorce

[15:23 – 28:12]

Jen’s Journey Post-Divorce:

• Jen shares her evolving views after being divorced, discussing skepticism about marriage and the societal pressure to wed and have children.
  • “I can probably only count on one hand the number of married couples I know that are happy... my parents being one of them.” — Jen [17:20]
  • “For a long time, I thought getting divorced was a failure, but I don’t anymore.” — Jen [26:00]

Burt’s Take:

• Burt admits marriage is tough, but cherishes his with Stacy. If it didn’t work out, he wouldn’t marry again.
  • “Marriage is the hardest thing you'll ever have to do.” — Burt [19:28]
• He recognizes the growth in relationships over time, highlighting how much people change from their 20s to 30s.

Jeff’s Observations:

• Jeff discusses the high divorce rate, arguing people are charmed by the fairytale rather than the reality.
  • “If it was a disease... the government would be like, we've got to solve this thing.” — Burt [25:25]
  • Believes waiting until at least 30 to marry makes for stronger relationships.

Divergent Perspectives:

• Real success isn’t staying in an unhappy marriage, but being genuinely happy and connected.
  • “Failure is being in a miserable marriage just as much as it is a failed marriage.” — Jen [26:00]
• Divorce is offered as a lifesaving option for those in unhappy marriages, especially when looking at previous generations.

Notable Quotes:

• “Don’t get married until you’re 35 and don’t own a pit [bull].” — Summary joke from Melissa [28:04]

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3. Parenting & Pursuing Kids’ Passions: Burt’s Son and Child Acting

[29:16 – 37:12]

Burt’s Conflict About Signing His 7-Year-Old Son to an Acting Agent:

• Shares concerns about pushing his son, Hayden, into professional acting, even though it was Hayden’s idea.
  • “It just feels too professional for a seven-year-old.” — Burt [32:35]
• Worries about the legitimacy of the agency, money scams, and the pressures on kids.
• Ultimately wants his son to follow his passion, whether it’s acting or another team activity.
  • “As long as he’s part of a team and learns teamwork, if it’s through the theater, that’s cool with me.” — Burt [35:37]

Cast Confessions:

• Jeff recalls being scammed by a shady talent agency in his 20s, cautioning parents to do their research.

Parenting Philosophy:

• They reflect on how ambitions for children (sports vs. theater) have changed, and how to strike the balance between encouragement and innocence.

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4. Community Mystery: The Townhouse Stranger

[37:12 – 44:40]

Setup:

A regular segment on everyday mysteries. Listener Whitney notices a man parking in her gated community, entering a townhouse for five minutes every day—suspicion arises.

The Crew’s Operation:

• Sending Frankie to watch and strike up a conversation with the man—scripted to feel out if he’s a resident, real estate agent, or something else.
  • “Hey, can I ask you a question? Do you live here?” — Melissa scripting for Frankie [41:56]
• Speculation about who the mystery man is, from aquarium technician to “just doing his Pez poops.”
• The team discusses possible confrontation tactics and shares outlandish theories, keeping the energy light and humorous.

Notable Quotes:

• “You just need to confront a strange man in an alleyway and not let that end up with gay sex.” — Melissa (joking) [39:55]

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Memorable Quotes

• “If you’re gay and you know it, don’t marry a woman.” — Terry [14:25]
• “Failure is being in a miserable marriage just as much as it is a failed marriage.” — Jen [26:00]
• “Marriage is the hardest thing you'll ever have to do.” — Burt [19:28]
• “As long as he's part of a team and learns teamwork, if it’s through theater, that’s cool with me.” — Burt [35:37]

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Summary Table of Key Segments

| Segment | Time Range | Highlights / Guest Stories | |:------------------------------:|:-------------:|:------------------------------------------------------------------| | Extreme Obstacle Game | 01:01–14:40 | Call-ins with outrageous relationship obstacles and outcomes | | Marriage & Divorce Reflections | 15:23–28:12 | Deep dive on changing views on marriage after divorce | | Parenting & Acting | 29:16–37:12 | Burt’s son gets an acting agent; candid discussion of child talent| | Townhouse Mystery | 37:12–44:40 | The team investigates a suspicious visitor in a community |

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Tone

Light, irreverent, and genuine. The cast mixes humor with authentic, personal reflection, and their conversations oscillate between heartfelt, wise, and playfully outrageous. The listener calls contribute real-life perspective and maintain the show’s approachable, interactive style.

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Episode Takeaways

• Many relationships survive wild adversity, sometimes in surprising ways.
• Attitudes toward marriage and divorce can radically shift after personal experience.
• Childhood passions, when nurtured wisely, can be positive, but require parental vigilance.
• Never underestimate the power of a good mystery to unite a morning show team—and its audience—in spirited debate.

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This episode is a vibrant example of The Bert Show’s ability to blend authenticity, humor, and real-life drama, giving listeners both laughter and food for thought on love, life, and community curiosity.

Transcript

[Burt]

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[Jeff]

Before Legally Blonde, before law school, Elle

[Jen]

woods was in high school.

[Caller/Guest]

Set in 1995, this Gemini vegetarian knows exactly who she is until her family moves from Bel Air to Seattle and turns her world upside down. Watch Elle navigate a new city, a new school, frenemies and crushes, all while staying true to herself. Packed with iconic fashion, 90s nostalgia and a throwback soundtrack, Elle proves one law school was hard.

[Jeff]

High school was harder.

[Caller/Guest]

From the world of Legally Blonde, watch

[Jeff]

Elle, a new original series only on

[Caller/Guest]

Prime Video July 1st.

[Burt]

Listen, it's the vert show, all right, I would like to do a little game with you guys called Extreme Obstacle, all right? If you have been in a relationship, maybe even your marriage, right, and you've gone through a crazy extreme obstacle in your relationship, I want you to call us right now, 404741, Q100, and you tell us what that extreme obstacle was. Don't tell us if the relationship survived or not, okay? We're gonna try to guess if you guys made it. Or for instance, like if I had Tiger woods on the line right now, right? 404741, Q100. Tiger would call up and go, you guys, I'll tell you what. I had a little problem with fidelity in my relationship, and I ended up cheating on my wife 17 times. 17 times. Did my relationship survive or not? Then we would go around the room and we would try to guess if you guys made it, because in looking at their relationship, nobody would say that they've made it. But there were pictures this morning came out. They're kissing and stuff, right?

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Jen]

They were in Windermere, Florida, which is where their home is in their neighborhood. And apparently they were spotted hugging and kissing each other. And sources close to the family say that they are definitely working it out and he is winning her back over again.

[Burt]

Now, this could be anything, okay? The guy I was dating, I found out was sleeping with my father. Did my relationship survive or not? Then we guessed. And this doesn't have to always be, you know, like, you guys survived. It could Be a breakup also.

[Jeff]

Okay, but just don't tell us.

[Burt]

Just don't tell us.

[Jeff]

Right.

[Burt]

I'm trying to think what other actor or athlete we could use as an example. Kobe. Yeah, there you go.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Jen]

Because didn't he have an affair on his wife?

[Jeff]

Assault.

[Burt]

Assault.

[Jeff]

Allegedly.

[Burt]

So we'd get the details of the Kobe situation and we'd probably all say, there's no way that that survived.

[Melissa]

Well, then we get all the details, including the ring, the size of my parents, one car garage.

[Jen]

That's true.

[Burt]

404741, Q100. Good morning, Abby. You're on the voice disguiser. And of course we can put all you guys on the voice disguiser. What's up, Abby?

[Caller/Guest]

Hey.

[Burt]

All right, Abby, just give us the details and don't tell us if it survived or not.

[Caller/Guest]

Okay. I cheated on my fiance.

[Jen]

We.

[Caller/Guest]

With one of my best friends. And like, like a whole month of it happened.

[Melissa]

So you had a 30 day affair with your best guy friend?

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, my best guy friend.

[Melissa]

While you, While you were engaged?

[Caller/Guest]

Yes.

[Burt]

And you confessed this to your fiance?

[Caller/Guest]

Confessed it.

[Burt]

Okay. And how many times did you have sex with this guy?

[Caller/Guest]

10. Yes.

[Jen]

And how long was the relationship up to this point?

[Caller/Guest]

Up to this point? The fiance. Three years.

[Burt]

Three years.

[Jen]

Three years.

[Burt]

All right. Cheated with one dude Best friend 10 times in a month before they were gonna get married.

[Caller/Guest]

I'm going, no way.

[Burt]

You say no, I say no.

[Jen]

I say they got married.

[Melissa]

No way.

[Burt]

I'm going with no way. Did you guys get married?

[Caller/Guest]

You wanna know now? Yeah, we're still engaged. He forgave me.

[Jen]

No, still engaged. When's your wedding day?

[Caller/Guest]

In May.

[Jeff]

Is the best friend still around?

[Caller/Guest]

I chose to not keep him around.

[Jeff]

That's the only reason you're engaged?

[Jen]

Wow.

[Burt]

So he stuck around. Trust issues. Gone now.

[Caller/Guest]

The trust issue was there for a little bit. It's. It's gone now, though.

[Jen]

I mean, it'll take time, of course, but it's not. It never, it never goes away.

[Caller/Guest]

It'll never go away. But.

[Burt]

Yeah. Okay, Abby, thank you.

[Caller/Guest]

Thank you.

[Jeff]

Good luck in that marriage.

[Burt]

That one survived.

[Melissa]

Wow.

[Burt]

At least now. Okay.

[Jen]

All right.

[Burt]

Denise wants to be on the voice disguiser. 404741, Q100. Hey, Denise.

[Caller/Guest]

Hi.

[Burt]

All right, give us the extreme obstacle your relationship went through. Then we'll try to guess if it survived or not. Then you tell us the result. Okay?

[Caller/Guest]

Okay.

[Burt]

All right, go for it.

[Caller/Guest]

My, at the time, nine year relationship with my girlfriend, I had an affair with a man, got pregnant and kept

[Melissa]

the baby and you were in a relationship with a woman at the time?

[Caller/Guest]

Yes.

[Melissa]

For almost a decade?

[Caller/Guest]

Yes. Wow.

[Burt]

I would say the relationship did not survive.

[Caller/Guest]

I'm gonna go with no.

[Jeff]

Hell, no.

[Jen]

I'm going with yes. You and your girlfriend are raising the baby together.

[Melissa]

I'm gonna go with yes. You're still together, and Melissa will use this model to have her baby.

[Burt]

Right.

[Jeff]

You keep trying, Jeff.

[Caller/Guest]

Keep trying.

[Jeff]

I'm right here on that door.

[Melissa]

Listen, I got a trombone in your hands. And that's where it starts.

[Burt]

Denise, did the relationship survive?

[Caller/Guest]

The relationship survived. Our son is 18 months old, and

[Jen]

you and the girl are together raising the kid.

[Caller/Guest]

We are together.

[Melissa]

And where's. Dude, where's daddy?

[Jen]

Where's the baby daddy?

[Caller/Guest]

God only knows, really?

[Burt]

And you were. You were lifetime lesbian up until that point?

[Caller/Guest]

Yes.

[Burt]

And had one night with this guy?

[Caller/Guest]

Yes.

[Melissa]

How'd you do it? How'd he do it? Like, what did he say?

[Jeff]

Oh, no.

[Melissa]

Can you hold. Can I talk to you off the air?

[Burt]

Yeah.

[Jen]

Like, for.

[Burt]

I mean, your whole life, you held out. So what did this guy say that you like? You know what? I'm gonna give this try one time.

[Jeff]

Thank you so much for all lesbians out, honey.

[Melissa]

No, seriously, how did it happen that one time?

[Burt]

Why'd you choose him there?

[Caller/Guest]

Well, it wasn't. It wasn't like that. It was just. There had been some other circumstances in the relationship that caused me to have a weak moment, and he caught me at the right time with a guy.

[Jeff]

Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

[Caller/Guest]

I just can't.

[Burt]

He hit the lottery. He tried to hit the lottery.

[Melissa]

Are you feeling weak or strong today, Carter?

[Jeff]

Yeah, I. Yeah, these stories do kind of irritate me because. Yeah, I wouldn't. Yeah, there's. I could be weak there. There's never a moment in which a guy could. Could be in bed with me.

[Burt]

This is for a guy. This is a. This is a really moment. Like, it would be like you finally saying yes to Jeff and him going, really?

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

I would ask you, while it's happening, are you sure you want to be doing this? Are you 1000% positive that we all should be here?

[Burt]

I wouldn't even give you a millisecond to think about it again as soon as you said yes. Right on. It's funny. All right, Leslie, you tell us the extreme obstacle your relationship went through. Just don't tell us if the relationship survived until we ask you.

[Caller/Guest]

Okay?

[Burt]

Okay.

[Caller/Guest]

My husband cheated on me with my worst enemy and got her pregnant.

[Melissa]

Did not survive. No way.

[Burt]

Oh, now was this a worst enemy? From like, I mean, it started in junior high and went through high school. Or is this adult enemy?

[Caller/Guest]

It started junior high with your high school with your adults.

[Jeff]

Oh, I saw Nemesis.

[Jen]

Okay, Nemesis.

[Burt]

Lifetime nemesis.

[Melissa]

I think a woman could survive her husband having an affair with her best friend over having an affair with her arch enemy.

[Burt]

So you say, no, it did not survive, Jen.

[Jen]

I say you. You left him and you did his best friend, Melissa.

[Jeff]

I can tell by your tone, no, it did not work.

[Caller/Guest]

No way.

[Burt]

I say no way.

[Caller/Guest]

Actually, we found out a couple months later that she was blind and that it was just a one time thing, so I forgave him and we've been married for three more years.

[Jeff]

What? Wow. I suck at this game.

[Melissa]

Did she target your husband? Cause you guys are enemies.

[Caller/Guest]

I think so. She, like, made fake doctor's papers and all sorts of crazy stuff. So, yeah, it was. It was fun.

[Burt]

Look, my wife Stacy has a nemesis in her little itty bitty town up there in Pennsylvania that was just bullying Stacy for like three years. I mean, it was really, really bad. And I know her. Jamie Van Sickle and Stacy.

[Jeff]

What were their names?

[Jen]

Jamie Vanciclearies.

[Burt]

Stacy hates her as much when she talks about her.

[Melissa]

She hates her today.

[Burt]

It happened yesterday.

[Jen]

Really?

[Burt]

Yes.

[Jeff]

The fact that you just said her name on the air. Stacy threw something.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Boo.

[Jen]

I can't believe they.

[Jeff]

What's her last name?

[Burt]

Van Sickle.

[Caller/Guest]

Van Sickle.

[Jeff]

Yankee names.

[Burt]

Shiloh doesn't need to be on the Voice Disguiser. Go ahead. Tell us about the extreme obstacle.

[Caller/Guest]

Oh, it's Sheila.

[Burt]

Oh, Sheila.

[Jeff]

Oh, Sheila.

[Burt]

Hey, Sheila. You don't need to be on the Voice Disguiser.

[Caller/Guest]

Nah, that's all right.

[Burt]

Okay, tell us.

[Melissa]

Just call her Shiloh.

[Caller/Guest]

Okay. The day before I was supposed to get married, my fiance sat me down in the middle of our floor and told me that he was $130,000 in debt and I had no idea.

[Burt]

The night before you got married.

[Caller/Guest]

The night before I was supposed to get married, invitations were sent, wedding was set.

[Melissa]

Everything was this like cash debt or is this like mortgages and stuff?

[Caller/Guest]

Like credit card debt?

[Jeff]

Oh, damn.

[Jen]

Dang.

[Burt]

You went through with it. You married him, Wendy.

[Caller/Guest]

No, she didn't.

[Jen]

No, no.

[Jeff]

Yes.

[Melissa]

Yes, she did.

[Jen]

Yes, you married him.

[Burt]

Go ahead.

[Caller/Guest]

You want me to say now?

[Burt]

Yes.

[Caller/Guest]

May 21st will be our 10 year anniversary. Wow.

[Burt]

So you went.

[Melissa]

How long until you pay off that debt?

[Caller/Guest]

A long time.

[Melissa]

Still working on it, huh?

[Caller/Guest]

We're still working on it yet, but it is very close to being paid off.

[Jen]

Good for you. That's amazing.

[Melissa]

You know, we give $1,000 away at 7:15 every day. Just saying.

[Jen]

Wow, that's a lot to take on.

[Burt]

Here is Becky. Good morning, Becky.

[Caller/Guest]

Good morning.

[Burt]

How are you?

[Caller/Guest]

I'm okay.

[Burt]

All right. Extreme obstacle.

[Caller/Guest]

Extreme. Okay, well, let's see. Married for nine years and we had GTS together. He was cheating on me for about three of those nine years. As well as drugs mixed in with it and some alcohol.

[Burt]

Drugs, Alcohol. Affair for you say three years?

[Caller/Guest]

About three years. He was having a. Yeah.

[Burt]

Okay. Did the relationship survive, Wendy?

[Caller/Guest]

No.

[Jen]

Her tone makes me say no.

[Melissa]

Nope, I'm basing it on her tone too.

[Caller/Guest]

Well, it did survive. And then I collected all my evidence and took some of his money and got out.

[Burt]

So it did not survive.

[Melissa]

It did not survive.

[Caller/Guest]

And I said, okay, he can have her right back.

[Melissa]

It did survive until the divorce was finalized. Then it no longer survived.

[Jen]

Then it was finally done.

[Burt]

There was a brief survival period right before I killed it.

[Melissa]

He survived until I wrapped my arms around his neck and choked the life out of him. Then he was no longer a survivor.

[Burt]

This is all based on the whole Tiger woods thing, man. That got the fact that he had all these affairs and they were taken. A photo was taken yesterday with them kissing. That he's gonna survive this. No way.

[Jeff]

Stupid. I just see Elon like, oh my God. Anyway, just. I can't believe she's doing this to herself.

[Burt]

Hey, Christy.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey.

[Burt]

Hi.

[Caller/Guest]

Hi. I have been in a relationship. We've had like a 16 year relationship and of 10 of those years, I found out he was using drugs and I had no idea. I'm a little naive, I guess. And he's been to rehab like five

[Jeff]

times during your relationship?

[Caller/Guest]

Uh huh.

[Burt]

He's been a rehab five times.

[Jen]

I say that he's sober now and you guys have made it.

[Burt]

Melissa.

[Jeff]

No.

[Burt]

Yes, Jeff.

[Melissa]

I'm saying yes just cuz every one of them's yes.

[Burt]

I'm gonna go with yes. It made it.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah. Well, he's still struggling, but we are

[Jen]

still together, so he's not sober.

[Jeff]

Wow.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Jen]

Are you an Al Anon?

[Caller/Guest]

No, I tried it, but.

[Burt]

Didn't work for you?

[Caller/Guest]

It didn't work for me. But I have a lot of, you know, support friends that have been through similar situations that I. That I talked to. So.

[Burt]

Yeah, well, okay, I'm not judging. All right, thank you. And here we'll end this one with Terry here. Hey, Terry.

[Caller/Guest]

How you doing, guys?

[Burt]

Okay, you're on the voice disguiser. Go for it.

[Caller/Guest]

Love the show. Love the show. Just wanted to add my comments. 30 years ago, I married my childhood high school girlfriend, even though both of us knew that I was gay.

[Jeff]

You want us to know if it survived or not?

[Burt]

Well, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

[Jen]

He married his childhood high school girlfriend and they both knew at the time they got married that he was gay.

[Jeff]

Right, and you said that was 30 years ago.

[Caller/Guest]

30 years ago.

[Jeff]

I say.

[Burt]

No, no, no.

[Jen]

I say you're so married.

[Caller/Guest]

And to add to the mix, I have a 30 year old son.

[Jen]

Okay, my guess is that you're married.

[Caller/Guest]

We are not married anymore. And I've been in the same relationship with the Same guy for 25 years. Blissfully happy, really. Let me just add to that. If you're gay and you know it, don't marry a woman.

[Burt]

If you've, if you've learned nothing from the show today, this is what you need to take away from it. Terry, one more time, your advice.

[Caller/Guest]

Don't get married if you know you're gay. Don't marry someone of the opposite sex.

[Melissa]

Well, and what I've taken away from it is, yeah, every, everybody's. Every guy's got a lesbian who will give him one chance.

[Burt]

This is the bird show. This is the Birch show.

[Jen]

So Bert just said that I might have had a shift in my. What did you.

[Burt]

Philosophical shift?

[Jen]

Philosophical shift. In my opinion of marriage, yeah, I think it's. It shifts all the time. I think once you've been married and divorced like I have been, I think your whole attitude about things change a little bit. I think you're more skeptical of it and that kind of thing.

[Burt]

So you're skeptical that it just. Or you're skeptical that you just want to be with one person or what's the. At the root of it?

[Jen]

Well, and I think. I think at the root of it is that, you know, it feels like for a long time a big failure and then you sort of grow and get over that. And it's not quite as emotional every time you say the word or think about it or whatever. And time, time definitely heals a whole lot of things. But, you know, I think it's something I continue to think about because I'd like to have children and I want to have a family. And I think the best way to do that, if you can, is through a marriage. And so I have this whole, like, inner strug a lot because on one side I think that that's really the best way to have a family unit, if that's the way that you can do it. And that's the way that it works out for you. Awesome. But at the same time, I think on the other side, when you go through it, you have a lot more realistic view of marriage. I am envious of Joanna, producer Joanna, and her sort of dreamy eyes and dreamy thoughts about marriage and that kind of thing, because I don't think I would ever approach it in the same way again. Um, you know, I think when you, I don't know, when you go through something like that, you just, you look at things much more realistically because you sort of been there and you know what it takes, do you know, to be, to be in a marriage and to make one. Make one last or what makes one not last? So I don't know. So I've always said since, since going through my divorce that I wasn't sure that I believed in marriage. And I kind of liked couples who stayed together because they just wanted to be together, not because they had to be. You know, And I gotta be really, really honest. I can probably only count on one hand the number of married couples I know that are happy.

[Melissa]

Wow.

[Jen]

You know, and my parents being one of them. And so that's the weird thing for me, like when I talk about it now with friends or are you judging

[Melissa]

me all the time?

[Jen]

I'm not. I'm not at all. I just. And I have a new boyfriend. And as we. And he's been married previously as well, and you know, as we talk about it and talk about whether you believe in it or this and that and the other, it's just interesting how it brings up. All of it just brings up a different thought process about it. It's much less dreamy. And reading through Martha Stewart wedding magazines and the whole live happily ever after thing, I mean, I think you realize, I don't know, there's just a lot more to it than what you believe. When you're 20 something and you just buy the fairy tale, do you entertain

[Caller/Guest]

the thought of getting married again or

[Burt]

is it just completely shut off?

[Jen]

I do. And I guess I lost my train of thought. I was kind of rambling. It's kind of an emotional topic. So I'm kind of rambling. But I thought for a long time I didn't want to get married again.

[Burt]

I thought, you know, that's natural after a divorce for sure.

[Caller/Guest]

Right?

[Jen]

Yeah. I just was like, I mean, even

[Burt]

after when you were single and you were just dating after a breakup, you're like, I'm not dating guys for the longest time.

[Jen]

Yeah. I just thought I Thought, no, you know, I'm going to be totally cool. I'm going to be like the Brad and Angelina. Like, I'm going to find somebody and just have kids. And we're not going to get married. You know, we'll take this down. We won't get married till gay couples can get married. And now gay couples can start to get married in a lot more states. I kind of start changing my thought

[Burt]

on that if I'm gonna really stick to it.

[Jen]

But, you know, I kind of thought that for a while, but. So I think I did have a sort of a shift on marriage. But I look at my parents and they work very hard at it, and they're very, very happy. And they still flirt. And my father still calls my mother his bride, and he still grabs her butt in the kitchen and they still make out and gross out me and my brother. And I think it's awesome, you know, So I have, like, one of the greatest ex of marriage that I grew up with, but it's not what I experienced. So I go back and forth between the two, like, can you really do it? Can you not? You know, And I think. I think the shift from I don't ever want to get married again is shifting back again for me.

[Burt]

And I've said this before, that marriage is the hardest thing you'll ever have to do. For me, it's not raising kids, it's compromising all the time and being in a marriage. That said, if Stacy and I didn't work out, I would not get married again. And I think for a couple of different reasons. Damn. It's a lot of work, and I'm just. I'd be tired. But the more I'm married to Stacy, especially the last couple of months, and here we are, we're 13 years into it. The longer that we're with each other, the more I realize how perfect she is for me, the more I realize that there's a. I understand why we're together now. And I sort of feel like if it's not with Stacy, then I can't do it with anybody.

[Jen]

Well, and I think that you're in a different place. Cause you have your kids already. I mean, you got a vasectomy. You're not having kids with anybody else. Even if you decided years down the road to get married.

[Burt]

My second one was like six hours old. And I went in maybe when they.

[Jen]

You know what I'm saying, Stage in life to be able to sort of make a proclamation like that, that, you know, if for some reason you guys didn't work or.

[Burt]

Yeah, I mean, I've got.

[Jen]

You were. You were widowed or God, you know, God forbid something like that happened. I think that's an easier statement for you to make because you have children.

[Burt]

Yeah, I think you're probably right, you know. Yeah.

[Jen]

What were you going to say?

[Jeff]

You're going to make a joke about his vasectomy?

[Melissa]

Oh, yeah, it's gone.

[Caller/Guest]

Windows closed.

[Jen]

You're going to make a frozen peace joke.

[Caller/Guest]

Is there a fear of getting married again?

[Jeff]

Failure.

[Jen]

Of course. Yes, yes, Absolutely. Absolutely.

[Burt]

Here is Christina. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller/Guest]

Good morning, Burt Show. How you guys doing?

[Burt]

Great, thanks.

[Jen]

Good.

[Caller/Guest]

Love you guys. Jen, I was so totally in your shoes about five years ago. I got divorced after seven years, and fortunately, we did not have kids. But I was so jaded. Didn't want marriage, didn't want kids. And I think it came down to. I was so frustrated with my ex that I didn't trust a man to raise a family because I didn't want to be a single mom and just really scared of being a single mom. So I thought then, kids aren't for me because I'm not going to be with somebody that I didn't. Couldn't trust to stand by me to raise a family. But I think women, especially women in their early 20s, there's such a social expectation to hurry up and get married and have kids that you almost tend to settle without realizing it. That you're gonna somehow be on the outs if you don't hurry up and get married and have a family. Yeah.

[Jeff]

I think that's where the point is. It comes in. I think that. That my opinion of why divorce, the divorce rate is so high is because I do think people are marrying the wr. I do think that they are more fascinated. Exactly what Jen said with the fairytale of it. And they want that day, and they want to be the princess for the

[Jen]

day, and they want the day, the year. I mean, you know, producer Joanna's got a year and a half that she's the princess, the bride.

[Melissa]

She's been the princess for a long time.

[Jeff]

And I just think she's not using

[Melissa]

the wedding as an excuse to be.

[Jeff]

And I just think so many people. And I agree with Burt's. You know, he jokes about it, but I agree, like, if you can wait till your late 20s, at least 30, I think that you should. Well, I think it's better for you. I think you'll be a better wife, a better husband, a better person by that point.

[Burt]

I mean, you know, and as I get older, I just realized how I had no idea who I was in my 20s, in my early 20s. So if I didn't know myself, how could I possibly know the partner that I wanted to be with for the rest of my life? And you just evolve so much from your 20s to your 30s and from your 30s to your 40s, that I understand why relationships don't work out. Because at the end of the day, Stacy is a completely different person now than she was back then. Thank goodness I haven't evolved, not even a little bit. But no, we both have evolved into such a different person. Yeah.

[Jen]

Yeah, thank goodness she has, or else she'd be not living her life.

[Jeff]

But you have to be able to grow old with somebody, and that's the key. And Kenny, my perspective is different. It's a whole different attitude with women when you can't. I mean, you find that it is this veil that is put, especially women. And I'm leaving men out of it because women are the ones that buy into this fairy tale thing. And you know, guys, you know, they. Women force, you know, your hand sometimes at wanting to get married or talking about it.

[Jen]

Oh, God, the pulling teeth. No way.

[Jeff]

So the thing is, when you can get married, like Katie and I, when it's not an option, we cannot get married. So when you take that out of it, that is when you start looking at your relationship raw, you know, like you said. Yeah, Katie and I choose to be together. We don't. Again, we don't have the option. And we are with each other every day because we want to be. And we, you know, like you, like you just said, Bert, we see how we complement each other and we see how we need each other and we fight and we love and we do all these things and it's raw. And the older we've. We've gotten, the more we see how much of the mind game it is just to have this wedding and marriage option. You know, the fun, the legal part of it, we do miss the, the connection that way. We do miss. But when it comes to day in and day out communication and conversation and the way we live it, we do sometimes find it fascinating when we watch straight couples and just the, the weird, the weirdness that's between them for no reason whatsoever.

[Burt]

Hey, Kara. Good morning. You're part of the bird show.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey. I was just kind of wondering, why does he think that? Is it like all 20 something year olds don't know who they are?

[Burt]

Kara, Kara, stop. When we, when you can't draw generalizations on everybody, right? I mean, you just can't say all. But I think as a general rule, you. You at 22 are going to be such a different person at 32 and at 42.

[Caller/Guest]

Right. And that would be said of someone in their 30s, how they're going to be in their 50s.

[Melissa]

Right?

[Jeff]

But I'm glad that. I'm glad that I am not with the woman I was with when I was 22. I'm glad I'm with the woman I'm with now.

[Burt]

Look, I think the point here is that when you're looking at marriage, right, and you look at the success rate of marriage, it's abysmal. It's terrible, it's awful. It's an institution that technically, statistically, doesn't work. If it was a disease and 60% of the people in the country were infected by this disease, the government would be like, we've got to solve this thing. It's, you know, it's an infection. But everybody's doing the same thing today that they were doing 30 years ago. And that's why that statistic's not changing. So I think you gotta change the rules.

[Jen]

I also have to say, too, that I think that it's not a success to be in an unhappy marriage, agreed to be miserable and married. I don't think that's successful. I think if you're just staying in it so that you're not a quote, unquote statistic, that. I mean, this is one shot at life. Like, we don't get. This is not a dress rehearsal. Like, we don't get to do this again. Like, this is it. So I think that a failure is being in a miserable marriage just as much as it is a failed marriage. I mean, I think they're on equal playing grounds. But I don't feel like. I felt for a long time that getting divorced was a failure, but I don't anymore. I absolutely claim it, have lived through it and moved on from it. And I don't. I don't see it as a failure anymore. I think staying miserable for a really, really long time and people who do it for a really, really long time is. I think that that's a failure too. If you're not talking to your spouse, if you're not sleeping with your spouse, if you're not intimate with your spouse, if you don't communicate like Melissa's been talking about, and you're just roommates in a marriage just because you have to be, that's a big time Failure, too.

[Jeff]

And divorce is there to. To save people like our grandparents. You know, if you look back at other generations, there was a lot of miserable people in a time when divorce was not cool and when you couldn't get it and when you couldn't have it. I mean, to me, there was a lot of abusive situations. And to me, divorce is a fantastic option if, like Jen said, it's an unhappy marriage. But, you know, going back to that caller, the reason I'm glad I'm not with the woman I was with at 22 has nothing to do with her. Fantastic woman. But we weren't right for each other. You know what I mean?

[Burt]

You don't know that then.

[Jeff]

At 22, I really think that you should not worry so much about being married and planning the rest of your life, because for God's sake, that. I mean, I would. Yeah, I'm much happier now than I ever was in my 20s, and I plan on being happier in my 50s, more so than I am now. You know what I mean? So at 22, 25, forget trying to figure it out. Figuring it out. And that is why people rush into marriage. Forget it. Leave marriage alone and just be happy.

[Melissa]

So if you weren't listening, Melissa said, don't get married or own a pit bull. And Burt said, don't get married until you're 35 and don't own a pit.

[Burt]

Simple.

[Melissa]

Right? Just want to make sure.

[Jen]

I said I thought I didn't want to get married again, and now I do.

[Burt]

It's the first show.

[Caller/Guest]

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[Burt]

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[Melissa]

Here.

[Burt]

Bird Show. I gotta tell you something that Stacy and I did with Hayden a couple of weeks ago that I've been conflicted about.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Burt]

But we did it anyway, and it's rolling along, so it's something I'll have to deal with. But this sounds so weird to say and so elitist to say, but we ended up getting Hayden an agent.

[Jeff]

Mm.

[Burt]

Hayden, his passion is acting. And how old is he? He's seven.

[Jeff]

Seven.

[Burt]

And he has been with this. This one sort of company learning how to act the last couple of years and he really, really, really, really seems to love it.

[Melissa]

Right.

[Burt]

And look, I haven't been around enough six or seven or eight years olds to know if he's really talented or not. But I do know that he really loves doing it.

[Caller/Guest]

So

[Burt]

I ended up getting him an agent. He said he wanted to act more and he started throwing around the TV stuff. So we ended up signing up with this agency down in Atlanta called the People Store. And I think they do, like models, but they also do a lot of actors and actresses of all ages, Stuff like that. Of all ages, yeah. But the whole industry, to me, I think from the outside looking in, like, I'm always a little bit nervous about any talent agency because you just don't know if you're getting scammed or not. Now, we did the research on this place and they're totally legit and we've got a friend that really digs them also. But it just seems like it's such a money making thing because I think everybody wants to believe that their child is really special in an area. And I think in this industry, especially entertainment, man, you will listen to what anybody says so long as you're handing over the money.

[Jeff]

All right, so I have to confess something. So when I first moved to Atlanta because.

[Caller/Guest]

Oh, no. Yeah.

[Jeff]

It just made me think of this. When I first moved to Atlanta because I had been a theater major in high school, I had been dead a lot of theater. And when I was in college, I was a theater major for a little bit. But my acting skills, like, I'm much more comfortable being myself and doing speeches or being on the radio than I am trying to do a role. I can't do that very well. So. And my interest when I was in theater was more of playwright than it was actually being on stage as the actor, you know, herself. So I got out of it. But when I first moved to Atlanta, I thought, well, let me. Let me pursue this again. So there was some agency, like in Midtown that I thought, well, let me. It'd be cool to be extras in movies or to do something like that. You know, let me just try it out. Because I'm 22 and I'm green and I can do this, and I'm new in town and here I am. And so, yeah, it was a place where the only thing that I did was some showcase. That's another thing is if all you get is showcases where it's just you and the other students you're in there with and there's nobody Nobody's there. Yeah, nobody's there but the friends of the people that you're in there with. So I ended up on a showcase one time but. But yeah. And the money that I spent was for headshots and for everything. So this, it was a scam. I mean it was a total scam.

[Burt]

So I get nervous about. I'm not worried, honestly. I'm really not worried about the place we're in.

[Jeff]

Right. But I'm just saying when you, for other people, like you have to do research because if it, yeah. If it ends up that they want money immediately for the head, it takes, we need the money for the headshots and everything.

[Caller/Guest]

Oh.

[Jeff]

And like I said, if they don't get you gigs then it's a scam.

[Burt]

They actually have, they booked him while we were all on vacation last week that he had an audition for a commercial for Children's Healthcare of Atlanta but he was out of town so he couldn't do it. So they're already starting to generate some of those. So I'm cool with that.

[Caller/Guest]

Right.

[Burt]

It's just the, I think just what's bothering me is like I sort of feel like it's seven year old, he should just be able to go in. There shouldn't be any money attached to it. Like we shouldn't. It just feels too professional for a seven year old.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

I mean, so, but it was Hayden who initiated that.

[Burt]

He wanted, he didn't say, look, I want an agent.

[Jen]

Right.

[Jeff]

I'm just curious where the decision for the agent came. I mean where, why that decision was made.

[Melissa]

Why did you go with the agent rather than.

[Burt]

I think he's told us, you know, at the end of the day, I mean, at seven years old you don't know. But he says that he wants to be in TV and he wants to be in movies and he wants to be an actor. So I think we took a look at that and we said, look, if he's really serious about this then let's get him some formal training and let's get him an agent now. Now in six months he may not want to do that at seven years old. On Tuesday you want to do one thing and on Wednesday you want to do the next. But for two years now he's been totally into it.

[Melissa]

So if he said he wanted to be a cop, would you gotten him a gun, a taser?

[Burt]

I'd have put him in the academy. So I'm not really sure what I'm conflicted about. I just know I'm a little Uneasy about sort of. It was cool when he was acting on stage with a whole bunch of people that didn't know what they were doing. Also sort of the innocence, all that, and then the fact that there's gonna be money involved with it now.

[Melissa]

Weird.

[Burt]

I'm kind of happy about it, but I'm also uneasy about it.

[Jen]

Is there a part of you that's

[Caller/Guest]

nervous about him becoming a child actor

[Jen]

because of all the stereotypes around child acting?

[Jeff]

So if he gets, like, big gigs, he's.

[Burt]

That will beat his ass. That will keep his feet firmly on the ground. I promise you that.

[Melissa]

Are those the reality TV stars?

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Burt]

Right, right.

[Melissa]

I'm just. I wanna make sure we're. I just wanna make sure we're all clear when we're talking about who.

[Burt]

Well, just because. And I'm not on a reality TV show yet.

[Melissa]

Oh, yeah.

[Burt]

But just because you're on a reality TV show doesn't mean you don't have feet on the ground.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Burt]

Okay. All right. Hey, Kim. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, Bert. How are you guys doing?

[Burt]

Good, how are you?

[Caller/Guest]

I'm good. I was wondering if you would tell me again who your son's agent is. My daughter does plays, and she keeps hounding me that she wants to do tv, and I have no idea what steps to take.

[Melissa]

Just put an ad on Craigslist letting the world know she's available.

[Caller/Guest]

Kim, that's why we love you. Jeff.

[Burt]

I don't know enough about this agency yet to say if they're good or not. We signed up with this place called the People Store, but we've only been with them for two weeks, so I don't feel comfortable going. This is the place you need to be with.

[Caller/Guest]

Right.

[Burt]

You know what I'm saying?

[Caller/Guest]

Okay. So, yeah, I mean, I know Hayden does a lot of acting. Right. He does plays or didn't he?

[Burt]

Yeah, he was in a place called Applause for Kids, which I can endorse because he was with them for so long.

[Caller/Guest]

Right.

[Burt]

They've got two different locations, and they handled them with kid gloves. And he's ended up loving acting more now than when he. Before he went there. So they must have done something right.

[Caller/Guest]

All right. Yeah. Well, that's. My daughter does. She's 11, and she's been in a couple of plays. And she auditioned for Annie. She didn't get it, but she loved the whole process. So, yeah, she's really into it. Wants to be a movie star.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Burt]

I said this before, like, for Hayden, it took me a little bit to adjust to this. But, you know, I always thought that I'd have a kid that loved to play sports and stuff like that. And while now I'm sort of at peace with him never being on a baseball team and not playing soccer. If he doesn't, his sports is going to be theater. So long as he's part of a team and people are relying on him and he's relying on others and he learns teamwork. If it's through the theater, that's cool with me. At the end of the day, that's the message.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, absolutely. Whatever they love.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Burt]

You learn how to win together. You learn how to lose together when you're on stage also. So it's the same premise. It's just a little uneasy if sort of that the innocence of just being on stage and just acting for the love of it is gone. And now that there's some money exchanged.

[Jeff]

Jobs.

[Burt]

Yeah, it's like a job.

[Melissa]

Are you gonna.

[Jen]

He doesn't know that. So it's still fun for him.

[Melissa]

Are you gonna treat him the same way you would if, like it was a baseball game? Like if he puts, puts out a lousy performance, are you gonna sit him

[Jeff]

down and go, hey, Mr. Mark.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah. What is wrong with that?

[Melissa]

What are your lines? What are your lines? You keep up till two in the morning in the baseball field?

[Burt]

Well, you popped into my head. Cause we had this chat a long time ago about parents that have kids that are in baseball that are like seven, eight, nine years old. And they really seem to be good at it. And they're hiring coaches at 7, 8 and 9. And I argued against that. Like, let the kid be a kid. Forget about him being a pro at 7, 8 or 9. And then a couple of years later, I feel like I'm doing just the opposite of my advice on my own kid when it comes to acting.

[Melissa]

Now that I know those little ankle biters can be profit centers, I'm gonna have to re evaluate where Jessica and I are on having kids.

[Burt]

Oh, I'll let you know.

[Melissa]

The Burt Show.

[Burt]

The Burt Show. Good morning, Carrie. You are on the Burt Show. Hi.

[Caller/Guest]

Hi, Burt.

[Burt]

Hi, Kerry.

[Jeff]

Hi, Kerry.

[Caller/Guest]

So I'm a friend of Whitney's and she has told me the story before and I just wanted to make the statement. He parks in front of another set of units and then walks behind the other ones down there. And I was thinking, if he's like a security guard or a real estate agent, why wouldn't he just pull in the driveway?

[Burt]

So draw a visual for me so there are a couple of different rows of townhomes and he parks way out of the way and walks in the back.

[Caller/Guest]

Walks in the back and down to the other end, apparently, from what I've heard. And I was just thinking, if he was a real estate agent, he would go over there. And if he's a security guard for the complex, why wouldn't he check out the ones on the other side of the street as well, you know?

[Jeff]

Well, the security guard thing, I don't see how that. Because he would be invisible. He would be visible to everybody. And then if he's walking in the same unit over and over again, it just doesn't make sense, you know?

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Burt]

Yeah. I don't know. I guess we'll find out in a couple of minutes.

[Jen]

Does Frankie have some sort of protection, like mace, or.

[Melissa]

Have you seen Frankie?

[Burt]

He's got his bare hands registered with gbi, man.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

See those guns?

[Melissa]

He's a lover. He'll hug you to death.

[Jen]

I know.

[Burt]

Have you seen this guy that we're talking about?

[Caller/Guest]

No, Because I work at Emory, so I'm at work at 8 o' clock every morning, Monday through Friday, so I don't get the chance to.

[Jeff]

Is that a slam on Whitney?

[Caller/Guest]

No kidding, mom, she's got things to do.

[Burt]

All right, Kerry, thanks for calling.

[Caller/Guest]

Okay. You're welcome.

[Burt]

Bye. Bye. The bird show. I am very excited about. I'm just curious. Today I got me too strangely curious about. I'm just curious. Yesterday we took this call from Whitney and she told us that she's curious about some dude that's pulling into her townhouse community. It's gated, right? And he comes in there every day and he parks in the same spot. He walks around the back of the townhouse row. And she said he looks a little on the shady side. A little skittish, a little shifty, right? Like maybe I'm not supposed to be back there or whatever. And he walks into one townhome for five minutes and it's almost timed to a T every day it's five minutes and then he walks out and then he gets back in his car and

[Jeff]

he takes off and he arrives. Yeah, he arrives the same time every morning. He goes into this for five minutes and she said, he's been doing this for months.

[Jen]

And he wears the leather jacket going in. He comes out without the leather jacket.

[Burt]

So he's doing something there for five minutes. So we'll get Whitney back on in a couple of minutes, but we're sending Frankie Q100 employee Frankie, down there. Hey, what's up, Frankie? You understand your assignment today?

[Caller/Guest]

I think I do. I'm kind of thinking I'm being set up, but okay.

[Burt]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Melissa]

You just need to confront a strange man in an alleyway and not let that end up with gay sex.

[Jeff]

Don't people trust me?

[Caller/Guest]

I'm kind of wondering why you guys asked me to wear a leather jacket.

[Burt]

So I'm trying to figure out what the best way to approach this is. I wonder if it's just you're a townhouse owner also, and you just happen to be behind there at the same time, and you, you know, strike up conversation with the dude and then tell us about it later or what?

[Melissa]

I thought of it yesterday because I thought. I actually thought we had lost Frankie because when we were going back and forth with text messages, he said, are you gonna embarrass me? And I wrote back, hell, no, we're not gonna embarrass you. We just need you to be in the alleyway behind a house indicator at 9:30 tomorrow. And then I never heard from him again, so I figured he was out. But what I decided was if you did decide to do this for us, the easiest thing is when you're walking, you just ask the dude. The first question is, hey, excuse me, do you live around here?

[Burt]

Okay. And you can get one answer, right?

[Melissa]

And then if the guy says, no, I'm just visiting. And he goes, oh, okay, then I don't know what the next question is. But if he says yes, then you can ask neighborhood related questions like, you know, I'm thinking of moving into this neighborhood. Because then if he's a real estate agent, he'd immediately say, well, that's home right there is for sale. Could I show it to you?

[Burt]

I like this angle.

[Melissa]

So, but the thing is, if he goes, no, I don't live around here.

[Burt]

Then can he play the part of an owner saying, well, I see you here every day.

[Jen]

Good follow up.

[Melissa]

It's teamwork.

[Burt]

You see what I'm saying right there, man? You're gonna have to shift as the conversation moves on.

[Caller/Guest]

You know, I can do that.

[Burt]

Okay. Because Whitney told us yesterday that that back alleyway right there that you're gonna be in there are on most days, people are back there walking their dogs. So it wouldn't be strange for this guy to bump into somebody in the back.

[Jeff]

I mean, we're calling it an alleyway. Did she call it an alleyway? It's just really.

[Melissa]

It's a road behind the houses. Now.

[Jeff]

It's the backyards of the townhomes, right?

[Melissa]

Mm.

[Caller/Guest]

The townhomes are all together, so it looks like an alleyway.

[Burt]

So I think that's a great opening line from Jeff, though. Cause that will. That will dictate which way you go in the conversation. Hey, dude, do you live around here? Is that what you said? First line.

[Melissa]

I'm sorry. Hey, can I ask you a question? Do you live here? There you go.

[Burt]

And then if he says yes, you go one way, and if he says no, you go another way with it. And then just keep asking him questions.

[Caller/Guest]

Okay.

[Burt]

All right. And we don't have to it on the air. In fact, we can't have his voice on the radio, so we'll do it off the air, and then we'll just get your report. Are you there already?

[Caller/Guest]

I just pulled in, and I'm actually backing up traffic because I'm trying to get in.

[Burt]

Okay, so what are you supposed to get on?

[Jeff]

You can drive and talk to.

[Caller/Guest]

I have the code to get in, but I'm on the phone, so I can't get to it right now, but.

[Burt]

Okay, we'll hang up with you then. Are you gonna get on the phone with Whitney or something, and then she's gonna coordinate this whole thing with you?

[Caller/Guest]

Yes.

[Melissa]

Okay, let's keep in mind till someone honks.

[Jeff]

No.

[Burt]

Do you think he's a favor?

[Jeff]

It stresses me out when there's a line behind me at a gate or at 400 or something, you know?

[Melissa]

Do you even have any recollection of what the code is? Like? Do you even want to try to guess it right now?

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, but I know, like, the first three numbers.

[Melissa]

All right, just get. Then you get 10 choices.

[Burt]

Hold on a sec. Hey, Alex, Go ahead. You have a suggestion here?

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah. What's up, guys? Well, this. Joe.

[Burt]

Thank you, sir.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, I was saying, I was thinking of. He's. Maybe Frankie should go to the girl's house where. When she called up yesterday and say that he's part of community watch and just say, hey, you know,

[Jeff]

if you

[Burt]

do that, you put him on the defensive immediately, and then, I don't know, that you get real honesty out of them.

[Melissa]

And we don't want to associate the girl with the investigation because. Yeah, what if the guy's creeper?

[Burt]

Right? All right, let's get off the phone with you, because this guy can show up anytime over the next 10 minutes, and we still got to get Whitney on, too.

[Caller/Guest]

Okay, cool.

[Burt]

All right, so you got your assignment. You understand it, and we'll talk to you here in a couple of minutes. Okay.

[Caller/Guest]

Awesome.

[Burt]

All right, dude. I'm still going with real estate agent also.

[Jeff]

Yeah, because we never confirmed whether anybody lived in that townhouse or not. But it did make sense when somebody suggested that he may come in just for five minutes, turn the lights on or unlock the door so that other people could show it and then leave. You know, I'm going with aquarium technician.

[Burt]

No way that he's just going in there. Every day he cleans up somebody's aquarium, but it's been months.

[Jen]

Well, maybe they're really exotic fish.

[Melissa]

I'm going with paranoid schizophrenic with ocd, and he's just going over to the house to make sure one of his personalities didn't turn the stove on.

[Jeff]

I think that he is very, like an athlete, superstitious about things, and I think he does his Pez poops there. So I think that his. His morning routine. Pez poops, his best poop. Sorry, I'm drunk. And that because we talked about how. Anyway, that he.

[Burt]

That he might be. That might be his routine, that it might be like. It might be an empty house. He's a real estate agent, but we

[Jeff]

talked about new relationships. He doesn't want to poop in front of, you know, somebody.

[Melissa]

He is more regular than my grandfather was, if that's the case. 9:45 every day. That's impressive.

[Burt]

Catherine's suggestion was just to have Frankie hide and see what he does. I don't think it's necessary, though.

[Melissa]

Yeah, and Frankie's not capable of hiding.

[Burt]

Yeah, it's kind of a big deal. Hey, the bird show.