Full Show PT 2: Tuesday, May 5 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show

Episode: Full Show PT 2: Tuesday, May 5 [Vault]
Date: May 5, 2026

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Main Theme Overview

This energetic episode of The Bert Show dives into authentic, often hilarious explorations of modern relationships, personal drama, and cultural phenomena. The cast—Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and guests—tackles listener dilemmas about infidelity and dating, dispenses real-world (and sometimes tough-love) relationship advice, and goes behind-the-scenes of Atlanta’s hair culture with a special guest stylist. True to the show's style, the episode blends empathy, brutal honesty, and plenty of humor while delivering practical advice.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Listener Drama: Marriage, Infidelity, and Tough Choices

[00:00–08:32]

• Situation: Tom, a married construction worker, seeks advice while on a voice disguiser. After ten years of a stale marriage, he begins an affair with a woman from work. Now, his affair partner is crossing boundaries (showing up at his son’s school), and Tom feels trapped between his wife and mistress.
• Hosts’ Reactions: The team delivers some straight talk—no sugar-coating the mess. They emphasize Tom’s need to make a choice rather than string along both women and question the motives and mental health of the affair partner.
• Listener Callers: Live callers (notably, Kim at [05:23]) vent their frustration at Tom, telling him to "man up" and make a decision instead of playing both sides.

Notable Quotes:

• “You just made this bed. It’s the same with the ESPN guy...you took yourself down this path.” – Cassie [04:11]
• “You’re waiting for other people to make the choice for you because you don’t want to make the choice yourself…You can’t do both.” – Cassie [07:59]

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2. Real-time Relationship Coaching: The IM Standoff

[08:36–32:02]

• Context: Terry, a recurring listener, is guided in real time as she navigates a precarious series of instant messages with an ex-boyfriend she’s interested in rekindling with. After prematurely reaching out (“Good morning, sunshine”), the team helps Terry recover from what they dub as a ‘relationship faux-pas.’
• Strategy and Play-by-Play: The hosts crowdsource witty, slightly flirty responses ('Wouldn’t it be funny if I was in Alabama and you were here in Atlanta?' [22:19]) and urge Terry not to chase or over-initiate, letting the guy make the next move.
• Takeaways: The segment doubles as a masterclass in “the game” of digital dating—timing, confidence, and not appearing too eager.

Notable Quotes:

• “Never say ‘Good morning, sunshine’ and initiate the contact again.” – Cassie [19:57]
• “Women cannot err if you let him chase you.” – Bert [30:04]
• “You performed relationship CPR right there.” – Bert [32:00]

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3. Dating Dynamics: Confidence, Availability, and Playing the Field

[32:06–40:35]

• Discussion: Cast and intern Michelle dissect the “game” of dating, emphasizing confidence and the importance of not being too available—advice particularly aimed at young women. They debate the philosophy that “guys only want what they can’t have,” comparing male dating behavior to kids preferring toys others are playing with.
• Societal Take: The team reflects on the anxieties women feel about not being attentive enough and how feigned scarcity boosts allure.

Memorable Analogy:

• "No six-year-old boy has a more appealing toy…than the one the other kid is playing with.” – Jeff [35:50]

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4. Hair Culture in Atlanta: “Good Hair” and Extensions

[40:35–48:53]

• Special Guest: Jason Gregoris, a celebrated hairstylist and competitor in Atlanta’s Bronner Brothers Hair Show, joins the show.
• Topics:
  • Background on the Hair Battle Royale and its prominence in Black hair culture.
  • Behind-the-scenes: Lauren, a show member, gets hair extensions live while discussing the pain, process, and surprising facts about human hair extensions.
• Industry Insights: Human hair used for extensions can come from India and beyond; the value of hair can surpass that of gold in this industry.

Notable Quotes:

• “They say hair is worth more than gold. You can go to the jeweler and buy gold, but you can’t always go and buy hair.” – Jason [44:39]
• “Most people try and wear it about two months, but four to six weeks, you know, tops. If you swing from poles, the lifespan is gonna be a lot shorter.” – Jason [46:44]
• “That’s real hair off of someone’s head right there.” – Bert [46:05]

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5. Parenting and “DIY” Haircuts

[48:53–52:55]

• Bert’s Dilemma: Bert comically laments his wife’s ongoing attempts to cut their children's hair—with disastrous results. Jason recommends making haircuts a father-child outing instead, transforming a point of tension into bonding.
• Team’s Take: Universal reminiscing about childhood haircuts and the “ceremony” of going to the barbershop.

Notable Exchange:

• “Don’t crush her dream...I can bring you in a picture of me…my haircut is jacked to Jesus.” – Jason [50:39]

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Memorable Moments & Quotes

• “You performed relationship CPR right there. The first show. That was first date Heimlich. She was choking, and you came up right behind her and got that thing out of her throat.” – Bert [32:00]
• "It all goes back to...women really do believe that if they are not totally and completely attentive to a dude, that the dude is going to lose interest, where it's just the opposite." – Bert [33:38]
• “Guys never move past…I think probably six years old because no six-year-old boy has a more appealing toy...than the one that the other kid is playing with.” – Jeff [35:50]
• “That’s mojo.” – Cassie [34:58]

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Timestamps Quick Guide

• [00:00–08:32] – Tom’s infidelity dilemma and listener call-ins
• [08:36–32:02] – Terry’s instant message coaching session (dating game masterclass)
• [32:06–40:35] – Dating dynamics, confidence, and psychology of availability
• [40:35–48:53] – Bronner Brothers Hair Show, Atlanta hair extensions explained live
• [48:53–52:55] – DIY kids’ haircuts and advice for parents
• [52:55–End] – Final wrap-ups, ongoing hair extension segment

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Tone and Language

The cast maintains a fast-paced, good-natured, and occasionally blunt conversation style. They are candid and self-aware, oscillating between giving heartfelt advice, poking fun at each other, and compassionately challenging listeners and each other’s assumptions.

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Summary

If you missed this episode, you’d come away with a blend of wisdom and laughs about relationships—both romantic and familial—and a wild new appreciation for Atlanta’s dynamic hair scene. Whether it’s navigating infidelity, making better dating choices, or just realizing you probably shouldn’t cut your kids’ hair at home, The Bert Show delivers their signature mix of humor, honesty, and heartfelt realness.

Transcript

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[Burt (Host)]

from rebel.com Dear Virtue, Tom here wants to be on the voice disguise. We were just talking about this Steve Phillips dude. You probably don't know his name unless you're a big old sports fan, but he is an analyst for ESPN. It's 46 years old and he was having an affair with a 22 year old who just, I mean called him out big time, showed up to his house with a letter, ended up befriending his 16 year old son on MySpace and got all sorts of personal information about the family, identified birthmarks on her husband. In the letter she's saying that she really cares about this guy and maybe the wife should leave him and she wants to be with them. Let's just be. It's a sticky mess. What's up, Tom?

[Caller with Affair Problem]

What's going on, Burt?

[Burt (Host)]

You tell us.

[Caller with Affair Problem]

I was wondering if you guys can help me out with trying to give me some kind of advice.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

Okay.

[Caller with Affair Problem]

I've been married to the same woman for 10 years. I work in the construction field. About a year ago on one of the job sites I met a concierge that we were flirting for four or five months. We went to lunch a couple of times and we went on a date and then we had. I can't say it's a one night stand because we've been on a couple of dates before. And then one thing led to another and we got romantically involved. I do like this woman and like I said, I've been with my wife for a long time, but me and my wife haven't seen eye to eye in years, and I gave her plenty of opportunity. I said, if you really don't love me, why don't you just pack your bags and leave? Or I'll pack my bags and leave. And she goes, no, no, no. We can work this out. But it's been months since we've been romantically involved at all. And being that I'm a man and man does have some kind of needs, I. I didn't mean to venture somewhere else, but it just so happened to do that. And I really like this girl, but now she's on and doing stuff behind my back to try to get my wife to find out. And I don't want to lose this girl as a friend because she does make me feel like a man.

[Burt (Host)]

All right, so she. The one that you're having an affair with, is now starting to just tell your wife or.

[Caller with Affair Problem]

No, she's innuendo. She's going to my son's school. Oh, my son knows her.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

How does he know her?

[Caller with Affair Problem]

We went on a company picnic, and she was there, and I just introduced them. Oh, this is Blah, blah, blah. And he hung out with her son, and they started playing. They became friends.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

So he knows her just as a friend of yours from work, but not as a girlfriend?

[Caller with Affair Problem]

Yes. And now she's showing up in school, and I pick up my son. She's showing up. Oh, I just happen to be in April, and I knew you were picking up your son. I just want to say hello, so.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Oh, boy.

[Burt (Host)]

Who are you trying to protect here? You trying to protect your wife? Are you trying to protect the friend?

[Caller with Affair Problem]

I'm trying to protect my wife because. Even though. Even though my wife says you can pack your bags, Even though I told my wife she can pack her bags and she doesn't want to leave me, she says our family's more important than anything.

[Jen (Co-host)]

And what do you want?

[Caller with Affair Problem]

I want to be happy.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Which is in which direction?

[Caller with Affair Problem]

I really don't know, because if I leave my wife, she's pretty much told me to my face, if you leave me, you're not going to see your kids. Even though I know it's impossible. There's laws up at that'll protect me. So I can't see my kids, but she'll make it a real hard time for me.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah, that's gonna get sticky. The thing that scares me more than anything here is that you're saying that this woman is showing up at kid's school and stuff like that.

[Caller with Affair Problem]

She's not psycho, though. She's not.

[Burt (Host)]

I can tell you that's a little crazy.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Her kid and his kid are friends at school.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Yeah, that's tough.

[Caller with Affair Problem]

But she's never usually picked them up. Now he takes a bus, her son takes a bus home.

[Jen (Co-host)]

There's no way anybody can help you until you decide what you're gonna do. You've got to just make a decision. Are you gonna stay with your wife and your family and try to work it out and try to rekindle that romance, you know, and be sure you guys are both getting your needs met. And you can figure it out or you're gonna go, you can't do both.

[Burt (Host)]

You won out. I mean, it just sounds like you won out.

[Caller with Affair Problem]

I won out, but I don't want to lose my family and I don't want my kids to hate me.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Well, that's why you have. You just hang up or somebody else. Okay. Yeah, that's why you have lawyers. I mean, if you want out, you gotta go to your lawyer and you gotta lay it all out and you gotta bury your. And you got to hope the guy's good.

[Burt (Host)]

Melissa. What's the condescending look for?

[Melissa (Co-host)]

Well, I mean, I'm being consistent because I feel like. Well, I mean, you've made this bed. You know what I mean? Like, it's the same with the ESPN guy. I mean, you've been having this affair for a while, been married to your wife for a while, and you've had both for a while, and now it's imploding and you're confused. I mean, I agree with Jen. You gotta make a choice. You can't have both. And you've been trying to have both, and you're trying to protect yourself is who you're trying to protect. But you've been lying to your wife. And you knew what you were getting into when you started flirting with the woman for a few months. I mean, anytime somebody says, oh, I just fell into this affair. No, you didn't. You worked on that affair for six months before anything happened. So you, you. You took yourself down this path. So, I mean, I don't know what advice you want.

[Burt (Host)]

There's no easy way out. This is going to be ugly one way or the other.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

You made a choice, and now the repercussions are here, and so you got to face them.

[Caller with Affair Problem]

But in your opinion, what defines psycho you?

[Melissa (Co-host)]

I mean, you know, you can't blame her for. I mean, and I don't Mean to be harsh. I just think that it is ridiculous for me to have sympathy for anyone who's trying to get the best at a situation for themselves. And, you know, you're hurting people in the process.

[Burt (Host)]

Here comes Kim. Hey, Kim. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Terry (Caller)]

Hi. I just wanted to let him know he's making me really, really mad. You need to either man up and get the heck out of your marriage, because obviously you're not happy, which means your wife and your kids are miserable because the household is not happy, or you need to get rid of your little girlfriend and make your marriage work. This is the problem with society nowadays. People won't go and take care of their business. They want their cake and eat it too.

[Burt (Host)]

You're saying you're not getting.

[Caller with Affair Problem]

Because I been with my wife a long time, and I just. This is the first time this has ever happened to me. It's not like I've done this before. When I was dating, I used to cheat on my girlfriends. This is the first time it's ever happened to me. I'm honestly one of those first callers that actually call you for some advice. I'm not.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah, I mean, I think. I think what you're hearing is. I think you probably know that you got to do one thing or the other at this point. Do you want to be with your wife and make it work, or do you want to be free? The. The girlfriend that you have on the side, she doesn't. She just seems to me to be the symptom. It's just like, do you want to be in this relationship or do you want to be free? What do you want to do? Because you're gonna. I think women and guys threaten that you'll never see the kids again, and in some cases, they make it really, really difficult for you. But chances are pretty good you're gonna see your kids and things are gonna be okay that way. What do you want to do? You wanna stay in the house? You wanna take off? Do it.

[Caller with Affair Problem]

I gotcha.

[Jen (Co-host)]

And I think you can do some soul searching and go get some counseling about it too.

[Caller with Affair Problem]

Yeah, I've already tried. Started doing that. And me and my wife, we have an appointment. This year's marriage counselor.

[Burt (Host)]

You have been or you just have the appointment?

[Caller with Affair Problem]

We have the appointment.

[Burt (Host)]

You have the appointment. Well, sounds like you want to work on the relationship. Do it, man.

[Caller with Affair Problem]

I just want. I just want to. If you can define besides me, define psycho.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

But you can't.

[Caller with Affair Problem]

If I do break up things with this girl, is There a sign that would tell me that she's.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

I think her going to your kid's school is proof that she wants more out of this than you're willing to give her.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

I don't know why you're diverting it because. Are you afraid that she's going to get. But my concern is you're going to marriage counseling with your wife and still having the affair on the side. You can't. You can't even do that. You know you can't do that. That's not going to work.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Oh, my God. What a great concept. Marriage counseling and affair counseling, where you could go with your mistress.

[Caller with Affair Problem]

Or once we obligate ourselves to the marriage counseling, I'm gonna try to make it work. I'm not that much of a moron.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Well, before you start spending money, before you spend 200 bucks an hour on your counselor, you should probably dump this girl.

[Burt (Host)]

I think that's really good advice, Jeff. I do. It's common sense, man. You're not a dumb dude. Come on. You know what's going on here.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

You're waiting for other people to make the choice for you because you don't want to make the choice yourself. And that's the consistent advice that Jen's given, I've given, Bert's given, the callers get. I mean, make a choice. That's what everybody's saying. You can't do both.

[Burt (Host)]

Do the right thing. And you're not going to.

[Caller with Affair Problem]

I just want you guys to know that I'm not. It's not going to one and not the other. And I appreciate you guys very much.

[Burt (Host)]

Okay? And if you're looking for an answer on what Psycho is, we can't answer that because Psycho has so many faces. So, I mean, at this point, you're not going to know until you break up with her what Psycho looks like.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Psycho is like a fresh box of crayons. All kinds of 64 different colors.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

The Birch show.

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[Jeff (Co-host)]

Hey, the bird show.

[Burt (Host)]

Terry is back from the other day. Terry is the Birch show listener that instant messaged. The ex boyfriend was in a panic. So Jen and Wendy did a great job of getting her through it. And she's back. Hey, Terry.

[Terry (Caller)]

Hi.

[Burt (Host)]

Hi. How are you?

[Terry (Caller)]

I'm okay. How are you?

[Burt (Host)]

Good.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Did you initiate this IM chat?

[Terry (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Burt (Host)]

She told you not to.

[Terry (Caller)]

I know, I know, but I didn't. Like, he wasn't IMing me, so I IMmed him.

[Jen (Co-host)]

It was the whole 24 hours.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

The first time on with us was when? Monday or Tuesday?

[Terry (Caller)]

Monday.

[Burt (Host)]

I think it was Tuesday. I think it was Tuesday.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

It was only a day or two.

[Burt (Host)]

What you've done here is you have lost the stare down. Okay? Basically by not IM ing each other, you were staring each other down. It was. We were. We were. We were jockeying for alpha dog status here, and you lost. And I don't know how Jen and Wendy are gonna recover this. What?

[Jen (Co-host)]

What did you say?

[Terry (Caller)]

Well, I. Like, I said, like, I thought I should be cute, so I was just like, good morning, sunshine.

[Burt (Host)]

Good morning, sunshine.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Wtf?

[Wendy (Co-host)]

I can't even defend against this.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Did he write back at all?

[Terry (Caller)]

Yeah, he said, hi, and then I said, you ready for the weekend or no? He said, yeah, hi. You ready for the weekend? And then I was like, not here yet. But then he didn't respond, and, like, there may have been, like, a type. Like, what? I think I have a problem.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

I don't understand what you just said again.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah, you got.

[Terry (Caller)]

Yeah, so I said here, but H E A R. I just noticed. So we say anything.

[Burt (Host)]

We got to slow it down again. You get so. You get so excited and you get so nervous that what you say doesn't make sense.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Okay.

[Burt (Host)]

So you said, good morning. The good morning, sunshine thing. His instant message back to you was what was high? And then you say, ready for the weekend? And he says,

[Terry (Caller)]

yeah, not here yet. But it's. It's like. Then I was like, here.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

He says, the weekend's not here yet.

[Burt (Host)]

Okay.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

He's ready for it, but it's not here yet.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

So now the ball is in your court.

[Terry (Caller)]

Yeah, but the thing is, like, I started to do something that's bad, and so I thought I should call you because I, like, sometimes I think, like, my jokes don't, like, land very well. Like, I feel like we're friends and stuff.

[Burt (Host)]

What'd you do?

[Terry (Caller)]

I'm trying to be funny.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

She wrote Good morning, sunshine spelled here wrong.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

So I was like, no, she said something else.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

Oh, he spelled here wrong. And so what did you say after that?

[Terry (Caller)]

Well, I was gonna say, Something about how he spelled it wrong.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

I would stay far away from that.

[Terry (Caller)]

Honey, I shouldn't do that.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah, don't do that.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

You don't need to be the spelling or grammar police. We talked to you on Tuesday and learned that very, very clearly.

[Burt (Host)]

So now the ball is in your court for the next instant message back to him.

[Terry (Caller)]

Yeah, Jen.

[Burt (Host)]

Okay, bring in the I am wolf.

[Jen (Co-host)]

We gotta recover from the Good morning sunshine. And I'm trying desperately to figure out a reason why she would have said that.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Could it be, sorry, thought this is someone else?

[Jen (Co-host)]

No.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Hey, back off, people.

[Burt (Host)]

Is the good morning sunshine thing that bad? Because he was so flirty with her in the first one and she didn't flirt back, not even a little bit. So she throws this bone to him just to sort of let him know, hey, I'm interested.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Still no. It's totally lame and almost unrecoverable. But we can come up with something. Let's see.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

All right, give us a minute.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Let's just totally change the subject. How's that?

[Wendy (Co-host)]

Because they're on the weekends.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Like, let's ask him a question. Let's make him the expert. Ask him a question about you guys. Help me. Like a sports game. Something going on this weekend?

[Burt (Host)]

Phillies just got into the world.

[Jen (Co-host)]

No, no, no. Cup football. College football. They're just out of college. What's, like, the biggest game going on?

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Oh, he's in Birmingham. So what's. Is that Alabama? Is that near Birmingham?

[Melissa (Co-host)]

Y. Alabama.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Alabama playing. That's the question. It doesn't matter. That's the. That's the question.

[Burt (Host)]

Is, who is Alabama.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Who is Alabama playing this week?

[Jen (Co-host)]

Totally changes. Yeah. Do you know who Alabama is playing this weekend?

[Terry (Caller)]

Okay. Do you know who else?

[Jen (Co-host)]

You just have to totally change the subject.

[Terry (Caller)]

Plane this weekend. He's. He's typing, though.

[Burt (Host)]

Oh, he's typing something that's almost cruel. That little icon that allows you to know when they're typing is like, it's the most gripping soap opera ever. Like, I can't get the information fast enough.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

Don't say, what are you saying? What are you saying?

[Wendy (Co-host)]

But don't click send yet until you see what he says first.

[Terry (Caller)]

I sent it.

[Jen (Co-host)]

I think it's fine, because we need to establish a reason why she would be contacting him with the Good Morning Sunshine. But, like, why she would need to reach out to him, like he's an expert on something.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

Oh, no.

[Terry (Caller)]

What he said? No idea. Not a fan.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

Maybe ask him what his college team of choice is.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Well, they went to college together.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

Where did you all go to school?

[Terry (Caller)]

We went to usc.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Which one? South Carolina or the real one?

[Terry (Caller)]

Oh, we went to the one in Los Angeles.

[Burt (Host)]

Okay.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Dude, you're a foreigner here.

[Terry (Caller)]

I mean, I could ask him about that. Maybe he used to watch his Jen.

[Burt (Host)]

You better. Let's see how good you are.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Jen, come on.

[Jen (Co-host)]

I know. I was trying to figure out.

[Burt (Host)]

I just want to let you know, Terry, you have really put your Jen in a very stressful situation.

[Jen (Co-host)]

I'm just trying to establish why you contacted him. Why don't you say something like, oh, I was looking forward to watching some good football this weekend, or.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

Well, before you. Before you do that, like, is there any chance. I mean, let me ask the experts. Is there. Is there a chance that she could have been going to the game or something?

[Jen (Co-host)]

Or does that.

[Burt (Host)]

No, because then she would know.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Let me Google real quick and see who Alabama's playing, because that might be a tie in Ellis.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

No, they're playing Tennessee.

[Jen (Co-host)]

That's what I thought.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

I thought I should know that.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

In Tennessee or in Alabama?

[Melissa (Co-host)]

In Alabama. In Tuscaloosa.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

So could she be going there?

[Harold (Caller)]

I was.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

What about. I was offered tickets.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Yes, that's perfect. I was offered tickets.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

Are you sure you want to do that, though? Because what if he says, well, you have anybody to go with?

[Jen (Co-host)]

No, but she doesn't have the tickets yet. Offered tickets is different.

[Burt (Host)]

Offered.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Okay, dude, I'm. I'm absorbing your power. Nicely done. Don't touch me.

[Burt (Host)]

All right, so it's. I was offered tickets. Offered.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Offered tickets.

[Terry (Caller)]

Offered tickets, period. Okay. I was offered tickets.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

I'm nervous about his response to that.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

If he says, go balls, then I'll go out with him.

[Burt (Host)]

Is that all? That's the key.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

That's all it takes.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Go balls. Go balls. Go balls. Go balls. Jessica's been out of town for a while. Go balls. Honey, seriously? Volunteers. Rocky top, all that stuff. Bring it.

[Terry (Caller)]

He said you going.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Just say not sure yet.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Good.

[Alex (Caller)]

Okay.

[Burt (Host)]

You're getting them back on a road of insecurity. Nice job, Jen.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Hey, that was mine, dude.

[Burt (Host)]

Who are you?

[Melissa (Co-host)]

Well, I think I said about going to.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Yeah, but nobody heard you. I heard you, and then I said it louder, so I win. Ah. Go balls. Did you respond to.

[Terry (Caller)]

Yeah, I said not sure yet, but he's not typing anything.

[Burt (Host)]

Okay, good. Let him stress out about a response.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

I find this.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Pretend like you're busy getting ready for work.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Oh, I find this extraordinarily.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

Don't say anything, though. You weren't about to type something, were you?

[Burt (Host)]

You let him make the next move. You can take your fingers off the keyboard.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

Yes.

[Jen (Co-host)]

So it's Alabama, Tennessee. What time is it getting?

[Wendy (Co-host)]

Because I feel like she.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

I feel like she's ready to transcribe anything that Jenner Wendy says. Oh, I'm getting ready for work. You know, like.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

No, no, no, I said it. No, I said it. Go vols.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

It's a 2:30 game.

[Terry (Caller)]

Okay.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

Still early.

[Burt (Host)]

He's got nothing. No response.

[Terry (Caller)]

I use, like, entering text.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Oh, you're getting the typing tease. You know what the cool thing about the typing tease is? Is it comes up on, like, if you interrupt somebody. Like, you notice, like, if I'm typing to Tracy and you click in Bert, then it shows me still typing up on your screen. You're like, oh, I'm Get a quick response, but I'm ignoring you. It's cruel.

[Burt (Host)]

You know what I like to do is just hit one letter so people think that I'm still writing something for six minutes, just ll.

[Jen (Co-host)]

What did he say?

[Terry (Caller)]

He said, who would you go with?

[Melissa (Co-host)]

Okay.

[Burt (Host)]

All right.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

So this is cool.

[Burt (Host)]

We're recovering, so we're back to where he's starting to win choir again, just like he was the other.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Okay, you could just. Could she say a co worker invited her or a friend invited her?

[Wendy (Co-host)]

I would definitely say a friend.

[Burt (Host)]

How about just a friend and keep it? Because that wouldn't imply it's a guy. Doesn't imply it's a girl.

[Terry (Caller)]

He said, I always have tickets for work.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Okay. Oh, no, that's good. That's good, that's good.

[Burt (Host)]

So what he's saying is it really doesn't matter who you're going with. What he's already implying is that you guys are both gonna be at the game.

[Jen (Co-host)]

He could go.

[Burt (Host)]

He could go also.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

So he went from not liking Alabama to now being willing to go to tickets.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Not a fan. But I can always get tickets. They work. This is good.

[Terry (Caller)]

He says, let me know if you need a pair. Might be able to help.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

Oh, so he wants you to go

[Jeff (Co-host)]

to this, but a pair?

[Melissa (Co-host)]

He's saying, I'll provide it for you, but you tell me who you're going with.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Right.

[Burt (Host)]

So he's not necessarily saying, I'll meet you. He's saying, I can get tickets if you need them, but she's already taken care of.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Couldn't. Wendy, wouldn't you just say something? Don't write this. Wouldn't you just. Wouldn't you just say something like, some friends were talking about going. Not sure of the details yet.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

Yes, perfect. Yes. Put that.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Okay.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

Write that.

[Burt (Host)]

Did you catch that?

[Terry (Caller)]

Friends of mine are going.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Some friends were talking about going.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Listen very.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

Yes, transcribe what Jen's about to say.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Some friends were talking about going. Not sure the details yet.

[Terry (Caller)]

Okay. Some friends talking. Not sure

[Jen (Co-host)]

because this puts it back in his court to make her to ask her to come. She's just kind of tossed it out there. This like. Do you know where they're playing? Jeff was brilliant with the I've been offered tickets.

[Burt (Host)]

Thank you for giving him credit or it would have bothered him all day today.

[Jen (Co-host)]

You know, like all that stuff, you know, it's kind of just like eh, I might be able to see you but I might not be that interested in going.

[Burt (Host)]

Oh, can't believe she's reeling them in right now. She's reeling them in.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

Well, just never say good morning sunshine

[Melissa (Co-host)]

and we'll never initiate the contact again.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

I don't even. I'd see the people I work with. I see every day.

[Caller with Affair Problem]

What

[Terry (Caller)]

he asked me what are D.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

What are what D E, T S. Yeah, type out details.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Just write out details.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

You've got to write this stuff out.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

You don't use abbreviations after a certain

[Melissa (Co-host)]

age in your life.

[Burt (Host)]

What are deets?

[Jen (Co-host)]

I love it that he doesn't get your lingo.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

Did you type details back to him?

[Terry (Caller)]

I did.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Okay, well you can't use abbreviation.

[Terry (Caller)]

He said O.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Ask him what is O?

[Burt (Host)]

Don't do that. He's kidding.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Just leave it. Give him a second to stew.

[Burt (Host)]

Okay, so his last response was just oh, so you're saying she shouldn't respond

[Jeff (Co-host)]

at all right now she clarified details and his.

[Jen (Co-host)]

And his was like oh, okay, details. Now it's his turn to respond even though he already responded. Right.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

He needs a response on his response before you can respond.

[Burt (Host)]

You should write back to him right now and say, look, if I go to Alabama this weekend, it's a sure thing for you.

[Jen (Co-host)]

No way.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

Why not dare write that. I think your friends, you need to have a sponsor. You know, much like people who have alcohol issues. You have I'm too excited about this guy issues and everything over eager. And if you want to type him or call him, call a friend instead.

[Burt (Host)]

Right? I can't wait for you to touch.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

Stop.

[Jen (Co-host)]

No, don't.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

And write that to your friend and then your friend will be confused.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

You have no bad touch. I like stranger danger with people. I went to college with no response from him yet.

[Terry (Caller)]

Oh, just now you said sounds like fun. There's about a 50% chance I will be in Atlanta tomorrow and Saturday.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Oh, that's good. See, now we're in. It's the pursuer on you.

[Burt (Host)]

Can she write something back? Like, wouldn't it be funny if I was there and you were here?

[Wendy (Co-host)]

Oh, that's a good one. That's a good one, Bert.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

You got a good one. Way to go, Bert.

[Jen (Co-host)]

I think that's okay.

[Burt (Host)]

My work is done here, people.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

Type that now.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

All right, well, tell us very specifically, Burt, what to type.

[Burt (Host)]

Wouldn't it be funny if I was in Alabama and you were here in Atlanta?

[Wendy (Co-host)]

That's brilliant.

[Burt (Host)]

Thanks. That's the dating dinosaur contribution.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

And spell it out in the A.

[Burt (Host)]

And don't write Hotlanta. Do not write Hotlanta.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

No,

[Jen (Co-host)]

we're banning that.

[Burt (Host)]

We're going to start a campaign here to teach the rest of the country never to refer to Atlanta as Hotlanta.

[Caller with Affair Problem]

Ever.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Weren't we gonna bury it? Like, have a funeral for it? Yeah, it's a death of, like, death of autotune.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Yeah, like death of auto.

[Caller with Affair Problem]

Tune.

[Burt (Host)]

What if he writes back something like, I don't think that'd be funny. And then she writes back, why don't you shut up? And then he writes back, why don't you shut up? This is the reason why we broke up in the first place. Well, I never wanted to be with you. That's why I only hooked up with you.

[Jen (Co-host)]

We're in dangerous. You're going to be the last one to respond territory here. Okay, hold on. Before you. Okay, what does he say?

[Terry (Caller)]

Oh, he said, check this out. My ex girlfriend. Oh, girlfriend. Is getting married in Atlanta, and I might go meet up with my parents who are invited to the freaking wedding.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

So his parents are going to his ex girlfriend's wedding in Atlanta, and so is he. So he might drive out.

[Burt (Host)]

Does that mean he's going to the. Is he saying that he's going.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Read it again.

[Burt (Host)]

Can she ask that? Does that mean you're going?

[Terry (Caller)]

It says, my ex girlfriend is getting married in Atlanta and I might go meet up with my parents who are invited to the freaking wedding.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

So his parents are invited. Ask him. Say, your parents are invited to your ex girlfriend's wedding.

[Burt (Host)]

Wait, run this through the gym.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Hold on. Don't write that.

[Burt (Host)]

You shut your mouth.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

I do not write that.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

No, because that sounds like you care.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Yes, I think you just write back, ouch.

[Caller with Affair Problem]

Ouch.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

That was simple but good.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Like, oh, that sucks for you.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

Just say ouch.

[Burt (Host)]

And there is no abbreviation for ouch. Not ou.

[Terry (Caller)]

She said, no kidding.

[Jen (Co-host)]

See? All right, now you Guys are on the same team. Okay.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Oh, my God. I'm frightened of being social with Jen.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Okay, so I think here's where we need to make our exit strategy. I think the last thing you need to say is, gotta run. Keep me posted.

[Terry (Caller)]

Oh, no.

[Jen (Co-host)]

What does he say? What do you say?

[Terry (Caller)]

He said. So he said, no kidding. And then he wrote off to work. Talk to you later.

[Burt (Host)]

He got the last one in.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Oh, dang it.

[Burt (Host)]

He got the last one.

[Terry (Caller)]

He's still typing again.

[Burt (Host)]

Okay, should she write something before she gets his.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

No, no, no, no.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

I think you're done, honey.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Hold on.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Break your fingers. Go slam your fingers in the car door.

[Jen (Co-host)]

No, no, no, not yet.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Never mind. You might need them.

[Terry (Caller)]

He said. He said, have a good day, sunshine.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Right.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

Leave it. Right.

[Burt (Host)]

How about just you two and then sign up?

[Jen (Co-host)]

No, no, not you two. I think you should just acknowledge the joke. I think you should just write like, ha, ha, ha.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

What about lol?

[Burt (Host)]

How about a smiley face?

[Melissa (Co-host)]

Or lol?

[Jeff (Co-host)]

What about one of those capital D smiley faces so it's like

[Jen (Co-host)]

giant smile. No, I think you're right, Jeff. I think lol. That's it.

[Terry (Caller)]

Lol.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

All cabs.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Yep.

[Burt (Host)]

And then sign off.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

That's it. Lol.

[Jen (Co-host)]

And then.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

Wait.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Just wait.

[Burt (Host)]

Well, you're giving him the chance.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Then he should be the last one to respond. But she needs to acknowledge his last three.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

That was a joke.

[Jen (Co-host)]

That's why the LOL is to acknowledge the last three. And then you know what they should do? See if he puts in another one.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

You know how they have a million different smiley faces? They have the big grin, the little grin, the laugh, the tongue's sticking out. They should do orgasm faces.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Oh, come on, Jeff.

[Burt (Host)]

Jeff, it's 7:42, dude. They do.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

They just put a little zero or.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

No,

[Burt (Host)]

Christian, I won't get to your call, but I am acknowledging that it's a great point. If this guy's going to be in Atlanta this weekend, we cannot play this segment on Saturday morning during the Best of Smart. Thank you for the save, Christian.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

Yes, thank you.

[Jen (Co-host)]

It was so smart, Melissa and I had to sing it.

[Burt (Host)]

Anything back from this dude?

[Jeff (Co-host)]

No, I don't think it's okay. I think you need to sign off.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Sign off.

[Terry (Caller)]

Okay.

[Burt (Host)]

Get out. Get out.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Because I think the LOL is an acknowledge is a. But it's not a response. So technically he still had the last word in. So you're gone.

[Jen (Co-host)]

I think it's good.

[Burt (Host)]

Are you off now?

[Terry (Caller)]

Yeah, I'm off.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

That was a song

[Jen (Co-host)]

you're not good.

[Terry (Caller)]

That he said sunshine, right? That's like. He's probably like.

[Burt (Host)]

I think that's a key right there.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

Good morning.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Jimmy's. He's joking. On your cheesiness.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

Yes.

[Burt (Host)]

You think?

[Terry (Caller)]

No.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

Yes.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey, Michelle. Good morning.

[Terry (Caller)]

Hey, guys. How are you?

[Burt (Host)]

Good. How are you? This has been really fun.

[Terry (Caller)]

Listen, this guy, he needs a date to the wedding. That's my thought.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

I got the vibe that he was.

[Jen (Co-host)]

That's actually a good thought.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

But I got the vibe that he wasn't going.

[Jen (Co-host)]

He wasn't going to the wedding.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

His parents. That's why he said, my parents are freaking going. Because it's obviously a situation where the parents are friends.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

He's coming in town the same weekend as the wedding, so I don't know.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

It's driving over to see his parents. If they went to USC, wouldn't his parents live in LA?

[Caller with Affair Problem]

Right, right, right.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey, Alex, good morning. You're on Q100.

[Alex (Caller)]

Hey, Bert. I just called him to say. I think, honestly, I can't agree with what. What. What y' all just did there. I just think it's a little ridiculous that you kind of built up this whole thing on a lie about football tickets and stuff. I mean, if she really likes him, why wasn't she just honest with you?

[Burt (Host)]

Can't do that. You can't do this thing too soon.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

And we're trying to. And we're trying to build time.

[Alex (Caller)]

So you lie about it. I mean, so they do get together. It's like, oh, well, we just started talking because you lied to me about college tickets and stuff. I mean, if. If he has any mutual feelings towards her, then I feel like she could be approached, then she could be open, and it wouldn't be a problem.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

There is no lie about the tickets. It was all, we might go, friends might go. If she wanted to right now, she could hop on the phone with five friends and go, hey, let's hit StubHub, buy a bunch of tickets and go.

[Caller with Affair Problem]

Right?

[Jeff (Co-host)]

So it's not a lie. It's just a truth that hasn't proven itself yet.

[Jen (Co-host)]

It's a suggestion.

[Burt (Host)]

And, hey, man, that hasn't.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

It's a truth that hasn't been proven yet.

[Burt (Host)]

I'm trying to use that.

[Jen (Co-host)]

You can't hate the players, hate the game.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Right?

[Burt (Host)]

That's right. Yeah. That whole outdated love, just be honest from the very start thing, man, that went out in 1962.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

Well, and it's different because she is so into this guy. Like, if she was honest about her feelings, he would be so he would run so far in the other direction.

[Burt (Host)]

Okay, Terry, keep us posted. I imagine that you guys are gonna be on the same schedule every morning, that if he's online at this time every morning, it'll be a consistent thing.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

But can. Now can we learn the lesson? And Jen and Wendy, I defer to you guys that she not initiate any more conversations.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Yeah, I think because he talked about coming here and that he might come here and you talked about that you might go there. I think the next time, like, let him hit you up tomorrow. Cause he may hit you up and say, hey, booked a last minute flight. I'm on my way to Atlanta. Or I jumped in the car this morning. I'm on my way to Atlanta. I'll be there tonight. You know what I'm saying? And then you can go from there on setting up something, because he should ask you out, right?

[Jeff (Co-host)]

It's Birmingham. What are we, 90 minutes away?

[Jen (Co-host)]

I mean, it sounds. You know, it sounds old school, but I think the first time that you go out with him, he should ask you out.

[Burt (Host)]

Let him chase you. You cannot err. We've said this so many times. Women cannot err if you're erring on the side of having him chase you.

[Lauren (Guest)]

Mm.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

And too many women think, oh, I'm gonna lose him if I don't let him know. No, exactly opposite.

[Burt (Host)]

Makes us more intriguing.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

So don't initiate any IMs to him. Okay?

[Terry (Caller)]

Okay.

[Burt (Host)]

Say that out loud to us. Repeat that back. I will not.

[Terry (Caller)]

I will not initiate any more IMs to him.

[Burt (Host)]

That's my goal.

[Jen (Co-host)]

At least without consulting us first.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Lol.

[Burt (Host)]

Okay.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Lol.

[Burt (Host)]

All right, Terry, nice job today.

[Terry (Caller)]

Thank you so much, you guys.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

I think we saved it.

[Jen (Co-host)]

It's on, baby.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

So does he. Just for clarification, if he hits her up tomorrow, can she respond without our guidance or does she have to call Tracy?

[Jen (Co-host)]

I think she should call Tracy tomorrow.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Okay.

[Jen (Co-host)]

I mean, if he's coming here, we gotta help her navigate that first time. And then it gets easier after the first date, after he first initially asked her out and he's showing interest, then she can chill out and be more herself and she doesn't need help. But it's the fishing. We're fishing right now. We're reeling him in.

[Burt (Host)]

What if she's online later today after the show and he's online and he hits her with an instant message and we're not around to help her out?

[Jeff (Co-host)]

She's gotta ignore it.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

She is a friend.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

She's got to ignore it. Because then tomorrow, during the show she can write him back and go, sorry I missed you yesterday. Left it open on my home computer.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Done.

[Burt (Host)]

Can you do that? Terry, if he ever apologize, you can't handle this alone.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

So sorry I missed you.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

No, you cannot say sorry at all.

[Jen (Co-host)]

You don't apologize.

[Burt (Host)]

We'll get to that tomorrow if it happens.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Okay?

[Burt (Host)]

All right, Terry, so if he hits you with an instant message today, under no circumstance do you respond to it because you just can't handle it. Okay?

[Jen (Co-host)]

But we love you and we like helping you.

[Terry (Caller)]

Thank you so much.

[Jen (Co-host)]

At least, hopefully we are helping.

[Terry (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

Okay.

[Burt (Host)]

I hope we are. Talk to you later.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

I think we are. Because, I mean, I love that. I mean, you helped her recover from Good morning sunshine and what the hell,

[Jeff (Co-host)]

to the point where he was joking about it at the end. That was well done. You just.

[Burt (Host)]

You performed relationship CPR right there.

[Jen (Co-host)]

I am earning my texting PhD.

[Burt (Host)]

That was first date Heimlich right there. She was choking and you came up right behind her and got that thing out of her throat. The first show.

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[Burt (Host)]

The bird show intern Michelle here. I have heard her complain off the air before that women just don't have any game.

[Michelle (Co-host)]

And we've spoke about this before or you guys have spoken about this before. Confidence. It goes back to confidence. I think that women are emotional creatures. So when something like Terri today when she was instant messaging him, she gets all excited and giddy. So instead of like actually thinking and being cool and calm and collective. She just wants to respond with her immediate reactions, acting on her emotions. And therefore it leads to not having any game. Whereas guys are a little bit more nonchalant about things, they don't get as involved. But the trick is, is that if you play the game properly, you can have them all wrapped up in you. And. And I think that's just about being nonchalant and just, you know. Well, first of all, like you said, don't say good morning, sunshine. That's a little cheesy. Like good morning, sunshine. Even if you were going to initiate a conversation with somebody kind of. I don't say plan it, but at least have a reason for why you want to. Like, if you really are eager to sit there and contact somebody, then come up with the reason why you're eager. You know what you want to say to this person? No, I mean, they went to school together, so if they went to USC and California, shouldn't you kind of like know who his football fans, you know who he's a fan of and know if he's into football and stuff like that? So when you create these conversations or initiate these conversations, you have something to base your conversation on.

[Burt (Host)]

Doesn't this go. It all goes back to that conversation that I think we've had before where women really do believe that if they are not totally and completely attentive to a dude, that the dude is going to lose interest, where it's just the opposite.

[Terry (Caller)]

Right?

[Jen (Co-host)]

Absolutely.

[Michelle (Co-host)]

And I also think that when you are single and you're dating a guy, say you meet a guy and you're interested, not that you should drop the fact that there are other guys, but let him know that you are on the market for other men to take you on dates and other men to be interested on you, be interested in you, because that makes them. It just, it initiates that little thing inside their mind that it's like, I want this girl because everybody else wants this girl. And I think that's very, very important when you're in the dating scene. I mean, like I said when I was single and I told Wendy this that one time, it's like having a selection of wine or a selection of cheeses when you're drinking wine. You want to be able to pick and choose who you want to go on a date with and let them wine and dine you and be charming and be nonchalant. There's some girls out there that if a guy says something about an ex girlfriend or talks about ex girlfriend, they get all emotional and they get hurt, their feelings hurt. Why just be cool about. Be like, really? That's like, ouch, that sucks for you. You know, but that's cool.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Michelle (Co-host)]

And just not care. And then they're like, okay, I could talk to this girl. She doesn't care. She's confident in who she is, so she's not threatened by any other female.

[Burt (Host)]

That's mojo. That's mojo.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Jen (Co-host)]

And I think there has to be an authenticity with that as well, though. Like, I think you have to work on your own self confidence so that the genuineness of that shines through and then you can act upon that self confidence. Because somebody that's totally insecure and not confident whatsoever is eventually going to pull off the mask and they're gonna see that. Right.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

I think the insecure, I mean, because that's coming from a perspective of late 20s, 30s woman, where an early 20s woman I just don't think is gonna be able to have the confidence that she's gonna have later on. So I think in the meantime, for an early 20s girl, there has to be a way for her to distract herself from working on her emotions. Because I think guys are easily distracted. I mean, come on. I mean, they're, you know, that's a great answer. So they're not so tapped into their emotion that they get overwhelmed by. They may see, you know, they see pretty girl on TV while they're texting, oh, wait, she's alive.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

You know what?

[Melissa (Co-host)]

And a girl has. It's so hard for a woman to distract herself mentally, you know, you know

[Jeff (Co-host)]

what it is, Melissa, you just said something in there that it's put a light bulb thing above my head. Guys never move past, I think probably six years old because no six year old boy. And Bert correct the age or whatever if I'm wrong because, you know this from Hayden or whatever. But no six year old boy has a more appealing toy in his toy chest than the one that the other kid is playing with.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

Right.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Seriously. And every time I've been around kids, I see it. I remember doing it as a kid. I could have never picked up that, you know, remote controlled dump truck thing for two Christmas, two years after I got it for Christmas two years ago. But the minute my little buddy is over at the house and he takes out and he's playing with it, I'm like, wait a minute, my favorite toy.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Don't you think it's a little bit dangerous to compare women to, like a toy, like an object? Like it's something that a guy Wants to somehow own.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

Well, what do you, like, want you when they can't have you?

[Jen (Co-host)]

Like, women sort of possession.

[Burt (Host)]

I. I totally understood what you said.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

It's. I'm not talking about.

[Burt (Host)]

It's more of a. It's more of a statement about guys and their mentality than it is that being literal. Right? Don't be literal about it.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Let's not try to get too deep when I get deep, because there ain't much more there.

[Burt (Host)]

It's basically shallow, deep pool.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

That's the conversation between men and women. He's making it a simple analogy, and we read so much into it. So I think that for a woman to be able to play the game, Michelle, do you think. Don't you think that she needs to kind of pull back from what she's thinking?

[Michelle (Co-host)]

And I think it goes with both you and Jen. You, Melissa, and Jen said, I think, yeah, it has to be genuine. And you have to. Like they say you have to love yourself for someone else to truly love you and want you. That's just, you know, that has to come from within. But I also think it's what you said, Melissa, about, you know, men are distracted. And when you are in your early 20s, it should be about you. It should be all about you and what you want to do and make it about you. And if you're making it about you and your goals in your life and where you wanna be, then people are gonna be attracted to that. Just guys are gonna be attracted to that. People are gonna be attracted to that and they're gonna say, wow, you know, this girl is like. She has herself not arrogant or cocky, but she knows what she wants and she's not afraid to, you know.

[Burt (Host)]

You know, don't be scared of cocky either. Cocky's not bad.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

I still think you're way overcomplicating it. You're trying to analyze a guy from a girl's point of view.

[Lauren (Guest)]

I'm not.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

It's talking.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

She's talking about girls. I mean, you know what I mean, right?

[Jeff (Co-host)]

But I think there's like. I think you're putting a lot of things, okay, I gotta be cocky and confident. Blah, blah, blah, blah. All you have to be. There's one thing. You have to be. Unavailable, elusive. Every now and again, be a little bit unavailable. Don't worry about cocky, because a guy is gonna assume that you have your own thing going on when you are, you know, doing your thing, doing your thing. Don't worry about being confident because he's gonna assume that you're Confident. Because. Wait a minute. Every guy thinks they're the greatest guy in the world. Every guy.

[Caller with Affair Problem]

Only.

[Burt (Host)]

Only a few of us know it.

[Michelle (Co-host)]

That's my point. Every girl should. Every girl should think that she's the greatest thing in the world.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

But so many young girls think that they're only great based on the guy they're dating.

[Michelle (Co-host)]

Exactly.

[Burt (Host)]

Harold here doesn't. Isn't agreeing with Michelle at all. Hey, Harold. Good morning.

[Harold (Caller)]

Hey, good morning, guys. I just wanted to say real quick that, like, I didn't agree with what Michelle said when she was saying, like, guys are like wine, like, having a selection of wine and cheese. I mean, like, honestly, if you're dating somebody, you know, and, like, and you, like, want to date him or whatever, I don't think you should, like, try to, like, you know, keep your, like, options open or whatever. Because. Because then, like, if you're dating, let's say, like, you're dating somebody, and then, like, you go on a date with somebody else and then the guy tries to talk to you, then you just, like, blow him off. Like, then that guy, like, doesn't even know what to do anymore. And then he gets to the point where, like, he's, like, annoying you, you know?

[Burt (Host)]

I think we're talking about apples and oranges there.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

I don't.

[Burt (Host)]

I don't think.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

No, we're talking about wine and cheese.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

All I know is I'm hungry and

[Burt (Host)]

Jen heard the word wine and she's like, what? Where is it?

[Jen (Co-host)]

I checked out. I'm already like, wait, which kind?

[Melissa (Co-host)]

But I do think we're on a date.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

I'm so confused.

[Burt (Host)]

Here's Elizabeth real quick. Hey, Elizabeth. Go ahead.

[Caller with Affair Problem]

Hey.

[Terry (Caller)]

I was just saying that everything that Michelle is saying is nothing groundbreaking, really. I mean, girls have known this forever. As long as you're confident and you can exude that, then guys are going to be interested. It really doesn't matter if you pay attention to them or not. And I'm a woman in my early 20s and I've never had a problem.

[Burt (Host)]

You might be right. But just because you have the playbook doesn't mean that you know how to play.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

Yeah, I think I'm certainly not in the playbook.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

I just think so many girls have her, you know, tear off a day calendar to let her know exactly what she needs to be doing. But then in real life, she is trying to please him and cater to and doing all these things, and it's like, you're way too available. I do think too many, so many girls do that.

[Burt (Host)]

You're on the Vert Show.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Listen, it's the Vert Show.

[Burt (Host)]

Jason Grigors is in studio with us. Hey, Jason. Good morning. How are you today?

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

Very well. How are you?

[Burt (Host)]

Great. Jason, if you see the Chris Rock movie, Good Hair is sort of the star, almost one of like the stars of the show. It's it. The movie immediately begins informing us of a. What's that big old convention they have here?

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

It's called the Bronner Brothers Hair Show. They have it twice a year, actually.

[Burt (Host)]

And what is it?

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

The Brauner brothers.

[Burt (Host)]

Bronner Brothers. And it's all the stylists are brought into Atlanta. Right, right. And what exactly is the competition?

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

The competition started late 90s, and it was called the Hair Battle Royale. And it's grown into something that's almost larger than life.

[Burt (Host)]

And I'd say, what, 99.5% of the stylists that are there are black, Right.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

Generally, when I first started in the late 90s, it was 100% black. And I think of myself as the integrator of the. Of the Warner brothers hairs.

[Burt (Host)]

You're a pioneer.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

I'm a pioneer.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

And you are not black.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

No, no.

[Burt (Host)]

Just shock it there.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Well, we are. We are on radio, so.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah.

[Caller with Affair Problem]

And he.

[Burt (Host)]

And you've won this thing before, right?

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

I've won. I won. The very first time I won was in 1999. And I competed in 2002, 2005 and 2007. And I can never taught myself. I always come up with the second highest score.

[Jen (Co-host)]

What is the competition? How quickly you can do hair or how outrageous or what are you competing for?

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

They look for, of course, hairstyling. They look for a theme. They look for how well you execute, get the hairstyles, and it's a presentation. We have to have music and costumes, and it takes place in a huge, big boxing ring. Like I said, they call it the Hair Battle.

[Burt (Host)]

It's huge.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

That was funny.

[Jen (Co-host)]

I want to go to that. Can regular people go? Do you have to be hair industry?

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

No. Anybody? The Bronner Brothers is all about getting their money. And if you buy a ticket,

[Jeff (Co-host)]

it's like a trade show. But it's become a social event, right?

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

It's become more than a social event. The Hair Battle has produced. How can I say it? Like hair celebrities almost.

[Burt (Host)]

Is that right?

[Jen (Co-host)]

Oh, really?

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

Right. I mean, it's amazing.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Is that where that flipping out guy came from?

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

I don't know where he came from, but you need your own show, I think. Isn't he one of Jeff's Neighbors.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Hey, Lauren. How are you?

[Burt (Host)]

Since I can tell you how she's doing, actually, because here's the deal. Let's just reset this real quick. Lauren here a couple of days ago said that she saw Chris Rock in an interview, and I think it was on Oprah, and they were talking about his new movie, Good Hair. And Lauren made the observation that she's sort of jealous of black women in their hair, that the extensions, the weaves, the wigs, and she. Lauren has beautiful blonde hair, but she thought it would look even better with extensions, but she's never had the cash to do it.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

Right. Right.

[Lauren (Guest)]

And being here in the chair right now, I have a much, much greater respect for the women who get this done, because it is painful.

[Burt (Host)]

It hurts, huh?

[Lauren (Guest)]

Like, I had no idea it would hurt this much. And, oh, gosh, I'm just wishing that it's over soon.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

Think of what it's like to get breast implants or something.

[Burt (Host)]

Why does it hurt so much?

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Well, that's what. That's what we're doing for after. And you're doing those also, just so you know.

[Burt (Host)]

Is it a t? Is it. Are you tug. What exactly is going on over there? Because I don't know the difference between a weave, a wig extension.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

There are different ways to install the hair extensions. Most people prefer this method, which is called sew in. And I make a small braid in the shape of a horseshoe from crown from one side of the crown to the other side, and sew some hair onto it.

[Burt (Host)]

So you're sewing hair right on. Not into the scalp, not into the scalp.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

It's not surgery.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Bert, where does her hair come from that she's. That you're sewing in?

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

That's a good question. Some of the hair comes from India. It all says it's human hair, but if you look on the. The packaging says made in China, made in Taiwan, made in Stone Mountain. I mean, it could come from anywhere.

[Burt (Host)]

It's a crazy industry, though. They say in the movie that. That industry, the hair extension world, it's a crazy industry. How much money they can get for that, right?

[Harold (Caller)]

Mm.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

I mean, they make a reference in the movie. They say hair is worth more than gold. They say you can go to the. To the jeweler and buy gold, but you can't always go and buy hair.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

We have a limited budget, so we actually just chopped up some paint brushes

[Jen (Co-host)]

from Home Depot, and so, Lauren, you said you brought the hair in today. Yes, When I saw you this morning. Where did you get the hair?

[Lauren (Guest)]

I got it.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

Can I Say this one?

[Lauren (Guest)]

Yeah, I got it from Mina's lawn the other day, and she actually went into, like, a drawer and matched my hair, which I thought was pretty cool, but.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Oh, so that's the hair you're gonna sew in. You just haven't sewed it in yet, right?

[Burt (Host)]

Oh, that hasn't even started yet.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Wow. Lauren's like, no, it hasn't.

[Jen (Co-host)]

Okay. Because I can see Jason's doing these, like, tiny braids that go around, like, almost, like, in a crown shape her head. And then this is going to get sewn into that. So you're almost like, building the anchor right. Right now. And then this gets tied in, and then we'll.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

And then we'll stow that on. It's kind of like sewing a patch onto a shirt.

[Jen (Co-host)]

But these are three different colors.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

Lauren.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

Well, she has, like, 10 different colors in her hair.

[Burt (Host)]

What's that, Lauren?

[Jen (Co-host)]

What?

[Lauren (Guest)]

I had different colors in my hair already, so she matched as close as she could, and she said it looked pretty good. I didn't see, because she did it to the back of my head.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Can you color now? Can you. Can she color that hair? The fake hair?

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

I wouldn't recommend it. You know, the hair comes in so many colors, and it's easier if we can just buy it, and it's a step that we don't have to go through.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

That's weird. Get away from me. That's real.

[Burt (Host)]

That's real hair off of somebody's head right there. That's not me.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

This is real hair off of somebody's head.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

So how did. How do you integrate the different colors into her hair?

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

We blend them together. We'll take. We have three different colors because, like I said, Lauren has multiple colors from. From having highlights, and we'll just put them together and hope for the best.

[Burt (Host)]

That's comforting, isn't it?

[Jen (Co-host)]

Like now, once Lauren gets this done, how long will it last? And, like, how long is she gonna. Like, when can she take it out?

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

Well, different people. Everybody wants to get the most bang for the buck. And most people will try and wear it about two months, but four to six weeks, you know, tops. If you swing from poles, the lifespan is gonna be a lot shorter.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Lauren, did you hear that?

[Lauren (Guest)]

I don't worry about that.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Hey, Jen, will you move your yogurt? That's awfully close to a big wad of hair.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

And can you blow dry the hair and straighten the hair? Like, is it, like, normal? Like, you can do whatever you want and functions normal.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

There's two different kinds of hair. The hair that we're putting in today is human hair. You can treat it just as you would your hair. There's another hair called synthetic hair, and a lot of people will opt for that because it's. If you buy wavy hair that's synthetic, it stays wavy. You don't have to do anything to it. But it's very heat sensitive. So if the blow dryer gets too hot or, you know, you hit it with iron, it's gonna, you know, jack it up. Yeah, Gonna jack it up.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey, Lisa.

[Alex (Caller)]

Good Morning.

[Burt (Host)]

You're on Q100.

[Terry (Caller)]

Hey, hey, hey. I want to. I want to know how much hair.

[Caller with Affair Problem]

How much.

[Terry (Caller)]

How much money you can get for your hair, Because I have a lot of hair.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

So you want to donate hair?

[Burt (Host)]

Well, it's not exactly a donation.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Sell it.

[Burt (Host)]

How do you do that, Jason? And how much does it cost?

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

That I don't know. You know, in. In India, they. They give the hair away. It's a religious ceremony called tantra, and they give it away because they're wanting a blessing from their God.

[Burt (Host)]

But, well, this is American. We're about right.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

We're trying to get the money. You know, I have no idea where you could go on sale.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

We don't need blessings. We need to look beautiful. We need.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

Right. We're in a recession.

[Jen (Co-host)]

And what are you doing right now? Wash this hair. Like, should you wash less often? Use a special shampoo?

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

You know, most people are very loyal to whatever brand of shampoo they've been using, and just use what you have. It's not that high.

[Burt (Host)]

Put them, like, in front of Lawrence.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Yeah. What are you sewing right now?

[Burt (Host)]

That's really what we should be taking pictures of because she's. She's in a lot of pain.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

These are the two braids that I'm sewing.

[Burt (Host)]

It looks painful.

[Wendy (Co-host)]

These are, like, really, really tight to the scalp. Like braids in her hair.

[Lauren (Guest)]

Yeah, it's painful. And when he first got here, I was like, do you have a tender head? And, I mean, usually. No, I don't. And then as soon as he started, I was like, oh, I take that back. I do.

[Burt (Host)]

Really?

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Do people take. I mean, I guess you could probably take, like, a couple of aspirin or Tylenol or something before they come in to do it.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

They'll take something before they come in. They tell you something during, and they'll have a glass of wine.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

I was gonna say, you sell booze here, slime, because that'd be smart.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

No, we don't sell it. You know, That's.

[Burt (Host)]

Come on, complimentary.

[Jen (Co-host)]

If people are spending that much on their hair, you better give them a glass.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

Right?

[Wendy (Co-host)]

How much normally do extensions cost? If somebody wanted to get this done

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

with real hair, it's anywhere from 30 to 50 per row.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

How many rows will Lauren have?

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

Lauren's gonna have about anywhere from four to five rows.

[Burt (Host)]

Okay. So it can get pretty expensive.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

And how many rows have you done so far?

[Harold (Caller)]

Three.

[Michelle (Co-host)]

Oh, my God.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

All right, but this is the work part. This is the most uncomfortable part.

[Burt (Host)]

This is the most painful part.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

That's good to know.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Her face is the color.

[Jen (Co-host)]

You work so fast. I am, like, blown away at how quickly your fingers are moving.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

Well, y' all don't want to look at me all day, do you?

[Burt (Host)]

Stay as long as you like. Yeah.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Wearing a bright red, like the color of the. On the. What is that? Italy flag red T shirt. And Lauren's face is slightly redder than that.

[Burt (Host)]

Seriously. So he's going to continue to work on her for the next hour or so. Help me settle something in my house here real quick, Jason and I know this is probably not down your alley here. Seven years now. Seven years now. My wife has cut our kids hair, and it looks like crap every single time. But she and my wife is blessed in a lot of areas. She's very creative. She can do a whole bunch of things. But she sucks at cutting hair and she is embarrassing our family. Embarrassing it. The kids are sporting a haircut right now. That is so jacked up, man.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Does she not see it?

[Burt (Host)]

She does, but she thinks she's like, you know what?

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Next time I'll get it.

[Burt (Host)]

I'll get it right next time because I've made mistakes on this one. Well, baby girl, you've been making some mistakes for seven years now. I will never be able to dance. You will never be able to cut hair. So what do I have to do to shake her up to say, leave the kids alone, don't crush our dream?

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

You know you, I bet. And Jeff, too. When we were little boys, my mom used to cut my hair. And I can bring you in a picture of me when I was probably six years old and my haircut is jacked to Jesus. I mean, it's. I read this.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

I read that tweet you sent yesterday, Burton. I don't think that my parents ever cut my hair. And we were pretty.

[Burt (Host)]

Mine did.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Yeah, we were.

[Melissa (Co-host)]

Yeah. Millie, Pete cut hair.

[Burt (Host)]

Why do women think. Why do moms. It's moms think that they can do that? I mean, you went to School, I'm sure for a long period of time to learn how to do that. So why can moms just like, I can do this. I got this. How hard can this be?

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

I don't just. They just want to take care of their kids.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Is it like a dream?

[Burt (Host)]

Then let them go to somebody that does it professionally.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

Well, you know what, What I can recommend to you is as a father, you should have an outing maybe every couple of weeks. And you and your son, that's your ritual. You go to the barbershop and you can get their haircut.

[Burt (Host)]

I love it.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

Go get ice cream. And that's something that they can do with their dad.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

That's how I know.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

That's what I do.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

That's how I know my parents never cut my hair. Because I remember the ceremony of going to Bob's Barber Shop. I remember that's how he answered the phone, too. Bob's Barber Shop with my dad.

[Jen (Co-host)]

A cute kid Salon indicator that I've walked by a bunch of times. I think it's called, like, Salon Red or something.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

Don't get them started on that. Oh, God, please don't. Because they'll always want to go in there and write on the thing. And then they have, like, all kind of candy and stuff and. And not that place specifically.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Are you talking about Bert's kids or Burt?

[Burt (Host)]

You just don't like kids salons.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

For a long time, I just didn't like kids.

[Burt (Host)]

Don't you have kids?

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

I do have one now. And he is the joy of my life. And so I have to say that, you know, my point of view has changed. But before him, I was like, oh, my God, these kids. Call the police.

[Burt (Host)]

I could say, moms, you are scouring your kids right now. You think you're doing a good job on it and you're not getting better at it. You're getting worse. I see it every couple of weeks. And one of our best friends owns a salon in Shambly, but my wife thinks that she can do it herself.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Yeah, maybe you gotta have your friend do an intervention. Like, maybe you gotta cj, right? Maybe you just gotta get CJ and go. Stacy. It's embarrassing.

[Burt (Host)]

Seriously.

[Jen (Co-host)]

I like Jason's idea, though.

[Burt (Host)]

I would've never thought about doing that.

[Jason Grigors (Guest Hairstylist)]

Is a brand new two week diplomatic and the minimum feelings hurt.

[Burt (Host)]

I love it. Hey, the Birch Show.