Full Show: PT 2 Tuesday, November 4 [Vault]

Summary

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The Bert Show - Full Show: PT 2 Tuesday, November 4 [Vault]

Air Date: November 4, 2025
Podcast Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Cast: Burt, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Melissa Carter, Jen, Phil Tyranna, Paige Desorbo, Adam Grant, and guests

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show leans into the show’s signature blend of laughs, authenticity, and real talk, tackling a handful of headline-worthy, eyebrow-raising, and relatable listener dilemmas. Standout topics include: debating privacy and ethics in relationships, creative office vengeance over food theft, the awkward boundaries (or lack thereof) of step-sibling romance, and a crash course on surviving a NASCAR Sunday as a newbie.

Buckle up for passionate debate, candid confessions, and classic Bert Show banter—perfect for anyone who wants a window into drama both absurd and deeply resonant.

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Major Segments & Key Discussion Points

1. Couples Court: Is Snooping on Your Spouse Ever Justified?

Timestamps: 01:52 - 20:25

Summary

Tom calls in with a dilemma: he read his wife’s journal—weekly, for a year—using it to “fix” his floundering marriage, only to be caught. The panel debates whether the end justified the means, while listeners and co-hosts sound off about trust, communication breakdowns, privacy, and what it really takes to save a relationship.

Key Topics Covered:

• Tom’s marriage troubles: marital disconnect, “talk of divorce” prior to snooping
• Tom discovers and reads his wife’s journal, learning she feels neglected (04:10–04:51)
• He makes behavioral changes (phone down at home, more attention), relationship improves
• Continued pattern: Tom checks the journal about once a week for a year (“progress reports”)
• Gets caught putting journal back in wrong place (06:22)
• Wife feels privacy was violated and trust broken; now, she’s furious and communication is worse

Panel Debate:

• Melissa Carter argues Tom misjudged his wife’s attempts at communication as “nagging,” using the journal as a non-threatening feedback loop (09:34)
  • “The reason I think you're at fault… is because that first time should have alerted you to… really improve your relationship with your wife is that to listen to her and not take it as criticism when she's saying it to you rather than when her journal's telling you.” —Melissa, 10:02
• Jen confesses she’d probably read her spouse’s journal too, but couldn’t keep the secret (16:50)
• Listeners weigh in—some congratulatory, others aghast at the privacy breach and “cheat sheet” dynamic
• Tension over whether improvements gained are “invalid” if built on secrecy

Memorable Quotes:

• “Is it really that bad, if it saved my marriage?” —Tom, 08:53
• “I believe that the relationship between a husband and wife should be completely open.” —Listener Ann, 13:24
• “If he's not willing to listen to her, it has not saved the relationship.” —Melissa, 10:48

Takeaway:
No clear consensus; the panel walks a fine line between justifying desperate measures and warning of deeper issues unresolved by surface fixes.

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2. Office Lunch Theft: Petty Revenge or Justice?

Timestamps: 22:19 - 29:14

Summary

A classic office frustration: someone’s stealing lunches from the fridge. After an office-wide email hints at “special surprises” left for thieves, the Bert Show community unleashes their wildest revenge tales.

Key Topics Covered:

• The shame, frustration, and pettiness spawned by food theft at work
• Creative (and occasionally gross) retaliation tactics—including:
  • Orange juice refilled with urine (24:13)
  • Sandwiches spit on (25:32)
  • Tampon in lunchbox as deterrent (24:42)
  • Jalapeño juice on drink cans (27:32)
  • X-Lax in food (28:45)
  • Filming the thief and broadcasting it storewide after spitting in chocolate milk (29:26)
• Nostalgic reminiscing about high school pranks (ink on sandwich, pollen dust, etc.)

Memorable/Funny Quotes:

• “I got so sick of a man in my office eating lunch. I put a new unused tampon in my lunchbox. And it warded them off like garlic does a vampire.” —Caller, 24:42
• “She peed in her orange juice... later on that day, sure enough, somebody had drank it. But it never happened again.” —Melissa, 24:13
• “If you're stealing somebody else's food to me, you know what you're taking? All bets are off.” —Burt, 27:22

Takeaway:
Office lunch theft is a universal grievance, and when push comes to shove, collective creativity (sometimes bordering on criminal) reigns supreme.

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3. First Date Friday Follow-up: Step-Siblings or Soulmates?

Timestamps: 30:28 - 44:02

Summary

Eric, who went out on a date with his former stepsister, returns to share how it went. The room divides as the cast and listeners debate if this is “gross,” “just weird,” or completely fine. Discussion turns candid about the line between family and romance, the implications of shared histories, and the reactions from friends and family.

Key Topics Covered:

• Social stigma and “ick factor” of dating a former step-sibling (no blood relation, parents now divorced)
• Eric’s recap of the date: drinks, party, growing romantic connection (33:10)
• Jen’s visceral discomfort vs. some co-hosts and several callers who see no problem
• Listeners share similar stories—many support Eric, a few, like Jen, are fiercely opposed
• Ongoing banter about the semantics of “family,” jokes about the South, and hypothetical family trees

Memorable Quotes:

• “I can't believe you're able to change the way you looked at this girl as your little sister all growing up, and now she's a sexual object for you. To me, I think you're really demented and you should end up on Maury Povich.” —Jen, 35:41
• “The only problem I can see with it because you aren't blood related, that it's gonna be difficult if you guys ever get married, that the church will have no center aisle because you don't need two sides. So when you come in, are you, you know, with the groom's family or the bride's family? You just say yes, and with the family.” —Phil Tyranna, 37:10
• "Most are calling up saying, there's nothing wrong with this. To me, it's just icky, man." —Burt, 40:35

Takeaway:
Taboo is in the eye of the beholder. The Bert Show leans into the discomfort, humor, and ambiguity that come when love, family, and history collide.

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4. Culture Crash Course: NASCAR 101 for the Uninitiated

Timestamps: 46:04 - 52:38

Summary

Melissa Carter, swept up in the “honeymoon phase” of a new relationship with a NASCAR superfan, gets schooled in the essentials for surviving (and enjoying) her first Daytona 500.

Key Topics Covered:

• Phil Tyranna gives Melissa “rules” for her first NASCAR viewing party:
  • Never take Dale Earnhardt’s name in vain (49:13)
  • Diet of all things fried or buffalo’d; beer only—preferably Budweiser (49:51)
  • Red wine is only permitted from a box
  • Dress code: pit-stained T-shirts, wife beaters, and homemade gear are expected
  • Bring “charcoal, dog food, or motor oil” as hostess gifts
• Panel lightly ribs Southern stereotypes while celebrating their own regional quirks

Memorable Quotes:

• “If you even walk up on that front porch with a Zima or a Takiza, it will be discarded, it will be poured out, and you will be sent to the local convenience store." —Phil Tyranna, 51:01
• “Only from a box, right?” —Melissa Carter on wine, 51:43

Takeaway:
Lean in, have fun, and respect the regional rituals—even if it means eating hush puppies off a weight bench.

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Notable Quotes & Highlights

• “Is it really that bad, if it saved my marriage?” (Tom, 08:53)
• “If he's not willing to listen to her, it has not saved the relationship.” (Melissa Carter, 10:48)
• “If you're stealing somebody else's food to me, you know what you're taking? All bets are off.” (Burt, 27:22)
• “I think you're really demented and you should end up on Maury Povich.” (Jen on the step-sibling date, 35:41)
• “Never, ever, ever, under any circumstance, ever, take the name of Dale Earnhardt in vain.” (Phil Tyranna, 49:13)

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Timestamps - Important Segments

• 01:52: Tom’s journal snooping story begins
• 06:22: Tom gets caught by his wife
• 10:02 – 12:17: Deep dive: Is listening by reading really better than “nagging”?
• 16:50: Jen: “I would absolutely read it… but then I’d tell him about it”
• 22:19: Opening of ‘stolen lunches at work’ revenge stories
• 24:13: Melissa’s “orange juice” office revenge
• 30:28: First Date Friday—step-sibling romance follow-up
• 33:10: Eric details his date with his former stepsister
• 35:41: Jen: “You should end up on Maury Povich.”
• 46:04: Melissa’s “NASCAR education” segment
• 49:13: NASCAR party “rules”
• 51:43: Red wine: only from a box!

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Final Thoughts

This episode showcases why The Bert Show remains a morning staple: no topic—whether cringe or common—is off-limits; debates are robust and often hilarious, and the team’s open, authentic style creates a forum where real life’s tangled messes can breathe. Whether you’re seeking relationship advice, office solidarity, or just tips on surviving your first round of NASCAR Sunday, you’re in good company here.

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Transcript

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[Paige Desorbo]

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[Burt]

Purchased the Bircho we were initially going to do this as a couples court, and that's when wife and husband or boyfriend and girlfriend come on and they're having an argument that, you know how you just get into those stubborn modes and you guys just can't somehow some way compromise on an issue. There's just nothing you can do. So you either table it or it starts to burn at you, and somebody needs a resolution. So with couples court, the couple comes on with us, and then the virtual listener community votes on who's right, who's wrong, and the couple agrees. Okay, that's it. No more talk about it. Everybody else sees it this way. That's how we'll see it, Right?

[Paige Desorbo]

Yeah.

[Jen]

Go with the majority decision. And whoever's digging in their heels, that's opposite of that. Has to let go.

[Melissa Carter]

Right.

[Burt]

So we were going to do that for this particular call, but Tom's wife won't come on with us. She's that upset about what's been going on. Does he need to be on the voice disguiser?

[Phil Tyranna]

I don't know.

[Burt]

Hey, Tom.

[Tom]

Yeah?

[Burt]

Do you want to be on the voice disguiser?

[Tom]

Uh, no, I think I'm fine.

[Burt]

Okay. All right. Tom, I think at first hearing, just the. The beginning of the details of what happened, you snooping on your wife, that's.

[Tom]

Not really the beginning. I mean, there were a big problem, so something led to the snooping, you know.

[Burt]

Okay, go for it, man.

[Tom]

Well, about a year ago, I mean, we've been married for a while, and so we were kind of in a. You know, to say that we were in a tough spot is kind of putting it lightly. I mean, there was talk of divorce, there was talk of counseling, all that sort of stuff. So I decided to, you know, sort of. I didn't know what the problem was, so I decided to pick up the slack around the house, and I was helping out, and one time I was cleaning and I came across her journal. Now, I didn't even know she had a journal. Right. So you see a journal there? It's my wife's journal. I don't think it's that big of a deal. So I decided to take a look in it. We've been having problems. I don't think it's that it's that far fetched to do something like that. So I go ahead and I take a look in her journal, and I find out that some of the small stuff that I've been doing, you know, avoiding, you know, I've been working really hard, stuff like that. She felt like she was being neglected. So I decided after that, after reading the journal, becoming informed by the journal, you know, pay more attention to her. So I made a concerted effort that every night when I got home from work, the cell phone went off. You know, no text messaging, no. No working on anything that was work related. You know, it was like home time was her time. So.

[Phil Tyranna]

So even though I'M she had been telling you stuff like this. You didn't follow it until you read it in the journal. Or had she not been saying anything at all to you?

[Tom]

She had been nagging a little bit, but I felt like that wasn't. That wasn't the big problem. But then I read the journal, I realized that those were the big problems, you know, I wasn't paying attention to her. So learning that from the journal, it sort of reinforced it and crystallized it for me. It's like, oh, this was the problem.

[Jen]

You were thinking it was big things, but really it was like the small things.

[Tom]

Exactly, exactly. I guess I was just being thick headed about the whole situation because I felt like I was working for my family, I was doing a good thing. I felt like I was doing a sort of service for them, you know, But I realized after reading her journal that I was actually, actually neglecting them. So it sort of put things in focus for me.

[Burt]

All right, so the first time you read it, you see this and you make some adjustments to that.

[Tom]

I made some serious adjustments. You know, I decided to pay attention to her. So things got, you know, exponentially better. It's like the second I did that, it was like night and day, you know, I. The next day I come home, turn off the cell phone, like I said, and things got better, you know, Got better. So I stopped reading the journal. And then about, I don't know, like two weeks ago, I came across it again. So I see it sitting there, maybe in my head. I thought I would do like a little bit of a progress report, you know, I don't know, I just. It's there, you know, it's my wife. I love her. And so I feel like we have no secrets. So I open it up and I'm not. I'm not looking for serious details, you know, I'm not reading it cover to cover. I'm just looking, skimming really, for my name. So everything seems to be fine. So I put it back. I guess I didn't put it back the way that it was initially. And she finds out because it's not in the same place. You know, I guess when she places it somewhere, you know, it's in a specifically marked place, and I didn't put it back exactly as she had it initially.

[Burt]

So she busted you?

[Tom]

She busted me.

[Burt]

You came clean with her at that time?

[Tom]

I did, yeah.

[Burt]

Let me ask you this. Before we even get into her reaction. I was under the assumption that you not only read this journal one time and got that nice Piece of information that you were working too much. But after that, you started to go to the well even more, and you started reading the journal and found some other things in the relationship that weren't quite right. Am I wrong there?

[Tom]

Well, I went back occasionally, but I felt like everything was. Everything was. You know, there was small stuff, you know, stupid stuff that I never felt like. You know, I mean, I guess just, you know, like cleaning up, chores around the house, stuff like that. Nothing really big. But I would go back to it, and I would see that, and I would say to myself, oh, you know, I'll fix this. It's like small little problems. It's sort of like a progress report.

[Burt]

I guess, you know, without sugarcoating it. How many times did you take a look through that journal and find something in there that was written about you that inevitably helped you make some changes in that relationship?

[Tom]

Honestly, I probably. If I have to be completely honest, I probably looked at it maybe once. Yikes. Once a week, probably.

[Burt]

Okay, for how long?

[Tom]

For about a year.

[Burt]

Once a week? For a year. Into her journal. Okay.

[Jen]

So, Tom, what was the change in behavior that made you feel like the relationship was getting better? Was it, like, less fighting? Was it more action in the boudoir? Like, what? I mean, how did you feel like it was improving?

[Tom]

Well, there was definitely less fighting because I was paying more attention to her, you know, so like I said, it was night and day. It's like we were bickering all the time. It was serious. Serious before I started looking in the journal, I'm talking dead serious. You know, we were talking about divorce. We were considering going to a marriage counselor. Yeah. I mean, everything. Everything. We went on a vacation after that. I decided to do that for her. It's like I was totally there and I was totally focused. As a result of reading the journal.

[Burt]

Does she agree with you that the relationship got better over the last year based on what you were reading in that journal?

[Tom]

She agrees that the relationship got better. I don't think that she want to say that it was because I was reading the journal, but because that was something that was my mistake, you know? But she agrees that the relationship did get better. There's no. There's no question that the relationship did or didn't get better. I mean, it got better.

[Burt]

So what's your question? Are you in the right. Are you in the wrong?

[Tom]

Yeah, that's basically my question. It's why? I mean, is it really that if it improved my marriage, if it not even improved my marriage, if it Saved my marriage. Is it really that bad? And what do I do now? Because I feel like I did a good thing. You know, I, I understand it. It's a little bit of a violation of privacy, and I can appreciate that, and I, I understand that. But ultimately, at the end of the day, when everything is said and done, I have a good relationship with my wife because I read her journal.

[Burt]

404-741-1005 Interesting point, Tom.

[Melissa Carter]

The first time is. I mean, I mean, the first time, totally understandable. I think the irony is, though, that what you learned the first time from the journal is that you weren't paying attention to her. And the way you explained it to us is when Jeff asked you, had she expressed this to you before? You said why she was. She nagged a little bit, but. So your interpretation of her telling you something is wrong is her nagging at you. So you went. You became dependent on her journal because it wasn't a nagging. You were in control of reading it.

[Tom]

Exactly.

[Melissa Carter]

So the reason I think you're at fault from the second time through the rest of the year is because that first time should have alerted you to the fact. Yes, you were paying more attention to her. And that means including when she talked to you. Because the reason your relationship improved is because you were acknowledging her concerns and doing something about it. And I just think that. Yeah, continuing to go to the journal for that, I think is what is wrong because you. To really improve your relationship with your wife is that to listen to her and not take it as criticism when she's saying it to you rather than when her journal's telling you.

[Tom]

I agree, but when she said it to me, it put me on the defensive. So I automatically became, that's not her fault. I know, I know, I know.

[Burt]

But he's learned from that. Yeah, but he's learned from that.

[Melissa Carter]

How long did it take him to. I mean, you read the journal for.

[Burt]

52 weeks, but it saved the relationship.

[Melissa Carter]

But, I mean. But I don't think it has. If he's not willing to listen to her, it has not saved the relationship.

[Burt]

Well, he. He can't listen to her now because she won't talk to him.

[Melissa Carter]

I mean, I can understand that.

[Jen]

Well, Tom, I'm just curious why. To get more into that a little bit because I'm concerned that your wife's going to a journal rather than going to you. Like, did she give up on going to you with these thoughts and feelings, or did she continue to try to talk to you about it and you wouldn't listen, because I don't think we've really gotten into that that far.

[Tom]

I'm not going to disagree with you and say that there wasn't. There hasn't been a communication breakdown. You know, there definitely. And there. There are things that I need to work on. But when there's something as easy as going to her journal and seeing it there and it doesn't put me on the defensive and I can read it sort of like my wife opens up in an honest way that I feel isn't nagging, you know, and maybe. Maybe her way of communicating it to me is by nagging. You know, she's not able to say it matter of factly or frankly to me. Like, I would appreciate it if you did this, this, and this. It's like, when we would get into it, she would get. She would get nasty with me. And so it's like that automatically put me on the defensive. So by reading her journal, it was like, it took it down a step, and it. It took it down a level. You know, it was like, oh, I see. Like, I understand she's really hurt by these things, and I love her, and so I can't deny that fact. It's like, I read this and I look at it, and it's like, oh, well, I see how she's feeling now.

[Phil Tyranna]

Now, what's her argument? Like, the relationship is better, and she obviously has to know that. But now she's not speaking to you. So is her argument the invasion of privacy argument, or is her argument the, like, I don't know, what if she feels like there's an honesty issue or that she feels betrayed? Like, what is her argument for. What is her reasoning for not speaking to you now?

[Tom]

Well, I mean, right off the bat, it was the trust issue. I read her journal. It was an invasion of privacy. But I think now it's kind of settled in, like, all of these good things that have been happening in our marriage, it sort of invalidates them because I have. I don't know what you want to call it, but like a cheat sheet. Almost like when you. When you have something like that, she feels like, oh, was it disingenuous that you were reading the journal and then making adjustments in your behavior because you were reading the journal and it's not. It's not genuine because it wasn't coming from, you know, our communication. It was coming from this indirect source.

[Burt]

Hey, and you're on with Tom. Go ahead.

[Paige Desorbo]

Hey, Tom. I wanted to say congratulations on saving your relationship. And I think you should be very proud of what you've done. Keeping a journal. And spouses using either one journal or two different journals to help improve their communications is a strategy that a lot of therapists would recommend. Now, certainly you came into hers kind of by accident, but I believe that the relationship between a husband and wife should be completely open. I would keep a journal if I thought that my husband would read it. And I will tell you that women, and I include myself in this. We're not always good at expressing what frustrates us or what hurts our feelings. But if you can read it and not take a defensive attitude and use it as a tool to improve your relationship, I think it's spot on. And I really think you are an incredible man and an incredible husband to do what you've done.

[Burt]

Hey, Tom, before you even react to that, Melissa literally scoffed at Ann when she first got on and said that you're a good man.

[Melissa Carter]

Well, I mean, I'm not gonna, you know, overly criticize Tom. I just think that, you know, But I think she's given him too many accolades. 1. You know, therapists probably use that as a tactic in improving relations when people are aware that other people are reading their journals. And I think that I really am concerned that the relationship is not perfect because they're not communicating with each other verbally. Now, if she wants to continue writing that journal knowing that Tom's going to read it, that's one thing. But she's obviously angry enough not to come on the radio. So I. I think that we're, you know, it's not. It's not fixed yet. And I don't want too many people, you know, giving Tom the idea that it is.

[Jen]

That's all.

[Burt]

Why not? Well, go ahead, Jen. I don't mean to cut you off. Go ahead.

[Jen]

I was just gonna say that I do think that writing it down is a great strategy, because I feel like even I'm just trying to reflect on my own marriage. And sometimes I will come off, like, more emotional when I have things to tell my husband that would put him on the defense rather than matter of factly, like. Because in my mind, that frustration has played over and over and over and over again. By the time I voice it, it comes off as really crabby and angry and probably is, like, nagging, because in my mind, I've already had that argument 400 times before I ever tell him about it. So I feel like the whole strategy of the journal writing thing could be a great way to learn about each other, because you're writing it more matter of factly to your diary rather than to you. You idiot. I can't believe you haven't been reading my mind the last 400 times I've wanted you to pick up after your damn self. You know, like, it just. It comes out in an angry way. Cause you're so sick of being frustrated with the same thing. And I think. I think it's a great way. Now I would feel. I would feel betrayed because he kept that secret for so long. Like the year long thing, I think is what's bothering me, Tom, more than like what you did was just how long it went on without you saying anything about it.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[Jen]

Is that, Is that. I mean, is that one of her issues with it too?

[Tom]

Yeah. I mean. Yeah. And I understand that she has. She has a right to be angry about it. My point is that it fixed them. It fixed the relationship, you know, and it's also gripping.

[Burt]

It's a soap opera that you're starring in.

[Adam Grant]

How can you turn that down every day?

[Phil Tyranna]

And you know what?

[Tom]

This, in addition, it's like everybody can criticize, but I think most people, if they came across her spirit spouse's journal, they would read it.

[Jen]

Absolutely I would read it. I. No doubt in my mind, if Ryan had. My husband Ryan had a diary and I came across it, I would absolutely read it. But then I'd tell him about it. Really, I don't think I'd go on a year long without. Without confessing going, listen, I came across this. I read it. I'm sorry I did. But here's the deal. I totally would read it.

[Phil Tyranna]

If there was. If your relationship is in trouble and you read stuff about yourself in there that you could adjust the relationship, would you tell them right away or would you say, let me make these changes.

[Adam Grant]

And just do that?

[Jen]

I can't keep stuff like that from him. I have to tell them right away.

[Burt]

Here's the thing. Like, they still have the communication problem, but here is my reality of it. Like, if you are in the marriage, all right, you are in love with this woman and you are living it dissolve in front of you, then to me, almost all bets are off to try to save it the way you can. And this is the way that he chose to save it, even if it was for a year.

[Melissa Carter]

I disagree with the year thing.

[Phil Tyranna]

Is it possible, like you say, that you know the woman. Some women will say, you know what? I'm not gonna bother him with this. Cause he's going through a lot. Is it possible that she was more Honest with her journal than she was with him, which would give her some of the blame for the relationship.

[Burt]

Let's ask him. Tom, were there things in that journal that you read that you feel like she never communicated to you before?

[Tom]

A little bit. It's like she would say stuff to me and then it was more clear in the journal. You know, it's like, so there were no angry at me. There would be, you know, bits and pieces would come out, but then the whole picture was in the journal.

[Phil Tyranna]

You know, like, would there ever be a situation where, like she. Where you would read in the journal that. I don't even know what, like you guys don't do date nights anymore and she had never once said that to you?

[Tom]

Yeah, there were some things like that. There are definitely some things she definitely.

[Melissa Carter]

Takes responsibility for not, you know, communicating, but I don't. I think Tom wants to be right. I think the reason Tom called us because he wants to be right. And I think that there's no clear cut right and wrong in this.

[Burt]

Let me take a couple more calls and we'll move on. Hey, Elizabeth. Go ahead.

[Paige Desorbo]

Hey. I completely disagree with him reading her journal and I'll tell you why. You know, marriages are based on trust, One of the fundamental cores of why you get married. And all these superficial problems that he claims you have fixed in his marriage, if you're not communicating, then there's a trust issue. Somebody doesn't feel safe. And he has just reinforced one of the underlying issues of his marriage. And if I were her, I would be absolutely enraged.

[Burt]

Yeah, Tom, if you guys continue like the communication problem though, like, if you learn, let's just say now, for whatever reason, maybe they go get the help or now they're communication problems that they had before are fixed. Do you then agree with this was a good game plan or do you still say this was a bad decision on his part to read it for.

[Melissa Carter]

That while there were problems in their marriage, nobody's right and wrong. They both did something. But like you said, in desperate times, she was frustrated by him, couldn't talk to him because obviously he got defensive. So they couldn't communicate well. That's both their faults. What he did, like I said the first time, I can't say that I wouldn't do that the first time. I wouldn't done that for a year. I just think that if Tom. I mean, because like I said, Tom wants to be right now there are problems in their marriage. They both take responsibility and they both move forward with it.

[Burt]

All right, Tom. Thanks. Man. I think that desperate times call for desperate measures. And everything that you think is right when you see your marriage dissolving is off the table so you can save it. And if this is what you had to do, hopefully she can get over it.

[Tom]

Yeah, let's hope.

[Burt]

All right man, appreciate you calling. Thanks for sharing. Talk to you later. Bye bye bye.

[Adam Grant]

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[Tom]

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[Burt]

I think this is a pretty common problem in most offices. You know where you come in, you bring in your lunch, you set it in the refrigerator, and maybe it was leftovers from last night. And all you're doing from the time you get into work is you can't wait till 11:30 or noon just to dig into your leftovers from last night. Man, you are so stoked, and you're almost watching the minutes on the clock until you can get back into those leftovers. So you go, finally, noon arrives. You rush on into the kitchen, open up the fridge in the office, and somebody has stolen your food. Man, there's nothing more frustrating than that. Well, we have a guy here at the office that apparently has been going through this for some time, and this is how he decided to handle it, because we all got the email. I think it was yesterday. Yeah, it says, I noticed a few weeks ago that someone was stealing my frozen pancakes out of the refrigerator in the kitchen. Last week, instead of sending an email asking someone not to take what's not theirs, I decided to add a special surprise to the two pancakes that were left in the box. As I suspected, the pancakes were gone this morning. Whoever you are, I hope that you enjoyed them. Maybe next time you will think twice about taking what's not yours. The brilliant part of this email is he never says what he's done to.

[Jen]

The pancakes, and everyone in the office is riveted. You should see the reply to all emails.

[Burt]

It's beautiful. So if you have ever been the victim of this and you decided to do something about it and whatever you did actually worked in the office, give us a call right now. 404-741-1005.

[Melissa Carter]

True, true story. When I first moved to Atlanta, I worked over at Turner Broadcasting, and one of my buddies, Jane, over at Turner Broadcasting, she would just bring orange juice in. True, true story. She would bring orange juice in, and that would be her morning drink when she got in the office. And there, it's not that somebody would take it, but somebody would actually open up her orange juice, drink it, drink part of it, and then put the, you know, the unused undrunk portion back into the refrigerator. So it wasn't even taking the whole thing. So this happened consistently. She never found out who it was. And she got so mad one morning that she took her orange juice, drank part of it, went to the restroom, filled it back up to the brim, put it back in the refrigerator. She peed in her orange juice, put it back in the refrigerator, and later on that day, sure enough, somebody had drank it. But it never happened again.

[Burt]

Is that right?

[Melissa Carter]

So they must have got a little stomachache that day. True story.

[Burt]

Hey, Rhonda. Good morning. You're on the Burt Show.

[Melissa Carter]

Oh, my gosh.

[Paige Desorbo]

I got so sick of a man in my office eating lunch. I put a new Unused tampon in my lunchbox. And it warded them off like garlic does a vampire.

[Burt]

Brilliant.

[Jen]

That is awesome.

[Adam Grant]

Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant.

[Melissa Carter]

Garlic does a vampire.

[Burt]

I love it. Thank you for your call.

[Paige Desorbo]

Mine was actually not in the workplace.

[Melissa Carter]

It was in the sorority house. Because at the sorority house, obviously, all.

[Burt]

The girls were sharing the refrigerator.

[Paige Desorbo]

And so I was actually staying with one of my friends one night at her sorority house, and she had a.

[Melissa Carter]

Problem with people eating her food. So when we were out, we knew.

[Paige Desorbo]

We were gonna be taking her food back to the house and putting it in the refrigerator.

[Melissa Carter]

She said, you know what? I know if I put this in the fridge, somebody is gonna eat it.

[Paige Desorbo]

Tonight and it's not gonna be there for lunch tomorrow. And I said, well, why don't we.

[Melissa Carter]

Take care of it?

[Paige Desorbo]

I happened to be sick that week.

[Melissa Carter]

And I went deep down in my chest.

[Tom]

Oh, God.

[Paige Desorbo]

Hopped up a big one and spit.

[Jen]

It on the sandwich.

[Melissa Carter]

And we put that.

[Jen]

That bun back on top and put.

[Paige Desorbo]

It back in the fridge.

[Melissa Carter]

Literally, it was gone the next day. So the next chapter meeting, she stood.

[Paige Desorbo]

Up and said, okay, well, whoever ate my sandwich, you guys, a little surprise.

[Melissa Carter]

In there, and I hope you enjoyed it.

[Burt]

Never said what the surprise.

[Melissa Carter]

Never said what it was. But it was definitely a big.

[Adam Grant]

Gross.

[Burt]

I think that's a great way to do it because your thoughts are always going to be way worse than actually, really, what happened.

[Melissa Carter]

Chewy loogie is kind of gross.

[Burt]

That's.

[Jen]

Yeah, that's pretty bad.

[Phil Tyranna]

We did the same thing as somebody who was stealing lunches back in high school out of somebody's locker. They were, like, stealing sandwiches out and stuff. So we. It was like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. So we made the. Opened the sandwich up and cut the tip off a pen and put ink all over the, you know, jelly. Cause you wouldn't be able to tell dark blue ink on grape jelly or whatever.

[Jen]

The.

[Phil Tyranna]

You know, it was like some dark colored jelly. And we were easily able to identify. We actually got in trouble, though, because we could have poisoned them. But we were easily able to identify it by the blue.

[Melissa Carter]

That's great.

[Jen]

Oh, my God. That kid never felt more like an idiot in his whole life.

[Burt]

Good morning, Kevin. You're on the Burt show. All the hits. Q100. Hi.

[Tom]

Good morning, you guys. How are y' all this morning?

[Burt]

Excellent, man.

[Tom]

I've got one for you. I worked. I was a field mechanic for a construction company. And we used to have problems with one worker stealing drinks off the back of our trucks and stuff. So one afternoon we took.

[Paige Desorbo]

We had a drink.

[Tom]

We had went to Quick Trip and got a big quart cup, and we.

[Paige Desorbo]

Drank our drink, got rid of the ice and stuff.

[Tom]

We put dog poo in it.

[Paige Desorbo]

Oh, well, when it started to rain, it rained that afternoon. He ran by and grabbed the cup. Needless to say, everybody that he carpooled.

[Tom]

With would not let him ride in the car with them anymore.

[Paige Desorbo]

And he did not steal anybody else's drink after that one.

[Burt]

It worked. You know what? If you're stealing somebody else's food to me, you know what you're taking? All bets are off.

[Melissa Carter]

That's right. You know, you're stealing food.

[Burt]

Do what you want. Good morning, Kevin. You're on all the hits. Q100.

[Tom]

Yeah, I have worked in a warehouse, and I always bring my own Cokes in and put them in the refrigerator. And there's about 50 people in the warehouse. Well, my drinks kept coming up missing. So one day I went to one of these little Mexican Spanish stores that are everywhere, ask them for the hottest jalapenos they had and just cut it up and rubbed it all over the drink and all over the lid. Whoever drank my drink the next time had a burning whip.

[Phil Tyranna]

Nice.

[Jen]

That's really good revenge.

[Burt]

Did you ever get to call them out? Like, was there somebody in the office screaming because of the jalapeno juice? Juice.

[Tom]

I guess they held it in.

[Burt]

See, there is.

[Tom]

My drink was missing.

[Burt]

There is something to be said about, like, Jeff and the ink on the guy's mouth. You can actually identify who it was.

[Jen]

And they're pretty affiliated.

[Phil Tyranna]

I'm pretty proud that we came up with that in high school.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah.

[Phil Tyranna]

You know, you could do now, just given the number of people in Atlanta who have allergies. It's not hard to just blow a little pollen, dust off your car or leave the window in your house open for a few minutes and you'll find a nice coating of pollen on your table or whatever.

[Jen]

Yep.

[Phil Tyranna]

So just take that yellow green powder and put it on a sandwich. That person wheezing for a month.

[Burt]

Hey, Louis. Good morning. You're on all the hits. Q100.

[Tom]

Yes. Good morning.

[Burt]

Morning.

[Tom]

I'm working a body shop and I had a guy that I suspected was taking my lunch. So I figured I got fed up. So what I did one morning was I laced it with xlax, see what would happen.

[Phil Tyranna]

There you go.

[Tom]

And he fell for it. And he spent a good afternoon and ended up going home because he was wondering what was going on to him.

[Burt]

Did you know who it was before you put the. The xlax in there.

[Tom]

I had an idea. I wasn't. I wasn't 100% sure.

[Jen]

That confirmed it.

[Burt]

Yeah, confirmed it.

[Tom]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then everybody else knew also what I had done. Once I saw him running back and forth, we said, okay, I found them.

[Burt]

That's so fulfilling.

[Phil Tyranna]

So fulfilling.

[Burt]

Hey, Wayne, you'll be the last call. What's up?

[Tom]

Hey, man. I work for HH Greg, and in our break room, that's the only place that we don't have video cameras. So I took one of our camcorders off display and hid it up in the locker. And this guy. Sack of crap kept taking my chocolate milk every morning. Anyway, I hopped a big loogie in it, recorded it, and then went back and plugged it into one of the receivers, and we played it on all the plasmas and all the big screens throughout the entire store so everybody could see what this sack of crap was doing.

[Burt]

Dude, you were really upset about the chocolate milk, aren't you?

[Tom]

Man?

[Paige Desorbo]

I was pissed, dude.

[Jen]

Day after day, this is.

[Adam Grant]

Chocolate milk starts to grate after you.

[Burt]

In a while, you know?

[Phil Tyranna]

And I'm pretty sure proud of that guy for calling up with that boldness, because I, as an adult, love chocolate milk, but am embarrassed to order it. Like, I've been out to breakfast before and been like, and I'll have an orange juice.

[Tom]

Chocolate milk.

[Burt]

Hey, the bird show. All right, so this all started as a first date Friday.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah, on First Date Friday. We talk to people on Friday who have a big date that they're excited about coming up over the weekend. We get the details of what they expect from the date, and then on Monday, we usually check back in with them to see if it met their expectations. So last Friday, we did just that. And we talked to Eric, who said that he was gonna go out over the weekend with his former stepsister. Apparently, the story is that his parent and her parent married years ago when they were, like, 8 and 10 years old. They grew up together in the same home. And then those parents divorced. And he ran into her recently, found that she was attractive, he was attracted to her, and asked her out on a date date. He let her know, look, I'm asking you out on an official date.

[Adam Grant]

And.

[Melissa Carter]

And she accepted.

[Phil Tyranna]

He actually said the sentence. This isn't a brother sister thing.

[Burt]

Yeah, let me. You know what probably makes more sense? Let me play, like, 90 seconds of the first phone call that we took from this guy.

[Tom]

I'm 28 years old. My parents divorced when I was really young, my dad remarried a woman who had daughters. And my dad and this woman, they then got divorced. And so I'm going on a date.

[Melissa Carter]

With your stepsister?

[Tom]

Former stepsister.

[Adam Grant]

Oh, dude, you can't.

[Tom]

I mean, I hadn't seen her in eight years. And we connected for lunch. My dad had her email address. She had just moved back into Atlanta. I'd been here. She went to California for school. And my dad said she was back in town. I shot her an email and went out for lunch, and she was smoking hot. So I decided, what the hell? I'll ask her out to dinner. You know, I don't ever have to see her again. So I said, you know what? Why don't we get some dinner Saturday night if you want to. You know, not a brother and sister thing. And she said she'd love to go out.

[Burt]

Dude, that is gonna be so weird for you, like, if you kiss her or more.

[Tom]

Or more. I hear you, but I don't know.

[Jen]

I mean, I.

[Tom]

It. It could be. It could be kind of. It could. It could feel a little weird for that reason, but I. I guess, you know, I'll play it by ear.

[Burt]

All right, so maybe you early morning Birch show listeners have more sense to you than the later Birch show listeners, because after we played the following call from yesterday, we got a ton of calls saying, leave the guy alone. Not doing anything wrong at all. So we followed up with them yesterday to find out. This is what happened. Eric, good morning. You're on the Burt Show. How are you, sir?

[Tom]

Hello.

[Burt]

We are reserving judgment until you tell us exactly what happened. Like, was it weird when you picked her up? Did you guys meet out? I mean, was it awkward the entire time?

[Tom]

No, not at all. Not at all. I got together with her after work. I hung out in my apartment in midtown. We had a couple of drinks. There was a party in my apartment complex a couple doors down. We went down there. Everybody liked her. It was totally cool. I mean, I continued to learn more about her. I like her even more. You know, I never knew her really. I never really knew her as a person. I mean, I lived with her, but she was my stepsister when I was living with her, you know, But I got a chance to get to know her a lot better.

[Jen]

Did you introduce her to people as your sister?

[Tom]

No, no, I. People. I sort of clued people in on the background and, you know, because I was sort of bouncing it off people beforehand. But at the time, it was just like, you know, they seemed open to it.

[Burt]

You realize, you were the most anticipated guest of the night. I'm sure they couldn't wait for you to walk through the door and see what she looked like.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[Burt]

So you guys go have drinks, you hang at your place, you go to a couple of parties. And you are attracted to her.

[Tom]

Totally. Yeah. Yeah, We're. We're. Well, we. We. I mean, in terms of the date, we then went back to my place, hung out a little bit more, and decided in the end to see each other again on Thursday. So we're going out again on Thursday.

[Burt]

I gotta ask you the obvious question. Did you kiss her goodnight?

[Tom]

I can't kiss and tell, man.

[Burt]

You kissed her on the lips, didn't you?

[Tom]

I can't kiss and tell. I enjoyed myself way too much to kiss and tell after this. Normally I would, but this seems like a special thing, you know, family trying.

[Phil Tyranna]

To be respectful, you know, gotta respect the family. If it was just a stranger, sure, we. But I mean, considering she's my sister and all, I gotta respect her.

[Jen]

I gotta be honest with you. I'm ready to vomit. I can't believe you're able to change the way you looked at this girl as your little sister all growing up, and now she's a sexual object for you. To me, I think you're really demented and you should end up on Maury Povich.

[Phil Tyranna]

Why?

[Jen]

I think it's demented and I think it's sick, and I think it's bizarre and weird and incestual and creepy, and I think you need to see somebody. Seriously.

[Tom]

Well, you're entitled to your opinion. You know, the people. Most of the people that I talked to, it seemed like they were kind of. They were, like, slightly weirded out by it, but that they were open to it in terms of, you know, like you said, you were saying people sending emails and were like, you know, this is not incest. I mean, it's not incest. I'm not biologically related to her, so.

[Burt]

Well, let me give you an example of one of those emails, actually, because the calls are now coming in, and I'm guessing this is from another dude. Hey, Chris. Yeah, go ahead.

[Tom]

Yeah, I want to support him. I think that just because they grew up together and they have no blood relation, that there's really nothing wrong with it. I mean, it's just like you grew up with a childhood friend, so, you know, you guys know everything about each other. There's no big deal to it if you're not blood related, Whether it's your sister or your brother.

[Paige Desorbo]

It's just like the girl next door.

[Burt]

Maybe age wise you're talking, but I mean, they lived under the same roof, they grew up together, watch each other sort of mature together. That yeah, something ain't right.

[Phil Tyranna]

It's something right because you just. It doesn't think. Because the word is stepsister. But, you know, I mean, the only. Honestly, the only problem I can see with it because you aren't blood related, that it's gonna be difficult if you guys ever get married, that the church will have no center aisle because you don't need two sides. So when you come in, are you, you know, with the groom's family or the bride's family? You just say yes, and with the family, yeah.

[Burt]

Have you even told us if any of the other family members know that you guys went out over the weekend?

[Tom]

No, they. Not. Not that I know of. I don't think anybody knows at this point.

[Melissa Carter]

When are you going to tell them?

[Tom]

I think. I think I'll wait and see if it develops a little bit.

[Melissa Carter]

Why? I mean, is there a problem with telling them?

[Tom]

I just. I don't want to get. I don't want to get a bunch of the garbage in my head about it, you know?

[Burt]

Yeah. We're gonna have to follow your storyline for a while.

[Phil Tyranna]

You're aware that if you guys have kids, you'll be the kids uncle and dad.

[Burt]

No, because they're not really.

[Phil Tyranna]

She will be her kids grapple.

[Burt]

Yeah, I don't think technically that. Yeah, that's true. Because they're not ex. Ex step ex step uncle.

[Melissa Carter]

But they have pictures together of when they grew up, like, you know, probably hanging out in the house when they were 8, 9, 10 years old. So if they kids, the kids will have plenty of. How did y' all meet? Well, that's when our parents married and that's the house we moved into together when we were kids.

[Phil Tyranna]

I think in West Virginia. They'll give you a free piece of land.

[Tom]

Oh, yeah.

[Burt]

Good morning, Pam. You're on the Burt show. All the hits. Q100 at least.

[Tom]

Good morning.

[Paige Desorbo]

How's it going?

[Burt]

All right. What's up?

[Paige Desorbo]

What's this guy's name?

[Burt]

This is Eric.

[Melissa Carter]

Eric.

[Paige Desorbo]

Eric. There is nothing wrong with you going out with her at all. Nothing. It's not like she's your cousin. It's not like y' all are half sister. But brother, there's nothing wrong with it. So everybody's making a big deal about it. Don't even get a bunch of crap in your mind because there's nothing wrong with what you're doing.

[Burt]

Let me guess.

[Jen]

Are you married to somebody that used to be a step.

[Paige Desorbo]

You shouldn't run and tell your family anything anyways because usually people don't know who you're dating or what you're up to until you start having feelings for somebody in the first place.

[Burt]

Jen has a question for you.

[Jen]

Did you ever date a step sibling?

[Paige Desorbo]

I never had any. My mom had five children and married someone that didn't have any kids.

[Burt]

Okay, you just.

[Paige Desorbo]

There's. I mean, there. If there was blood relation or if it was like they shared the same father or the same mother, then I can see you saying it's sick and twisted and sexual, but that's pretty much an insult to someone who has no blood relation to this person whatsoever.

[Jen]

It's an insult because they grew up in the same house together. And that's the way I feel about it. I mean, I just think that it's disgusting and it is incestual. I don't care if there's blood relation or not. They were a family unit, like brother and sister. Sister. And now he's sexually attracted to her, blood or not.

[Paige Desorbo]

Everyone's gross.

[Phil Tyranna]

What's wrong with it, though, Eric?

[Paige Desorbo]

You can just keep doing what you're doing because you're not in the wrong at all.

[Phil Tyranna]

They didn't control that they lived in the same house.

[Jen]

I just think it's disgusting.

[Burt]

Jackie's gonna take it one step further. Hey, Jackie.

[Paige Desorbo]

Hey. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. The first person I ever slept with was my ex stepbrother after my parents had already gotten divorced, but they had been married for three years.

[Tom]

Wow.

[Paige Desorbo]

And we were older. I mean, we didn't grow up together. I mean, I was 14, 15, 16. And then they got divorced. And when I was 17 is when we got together.

[Burt]

Jen, you and I are in the minority here. Most are calling up saying, there's nothing wrong with this. To me, it's just icky, man. You slept with your stepbrother? The first guy you ever slept with was your stepbrother, Jackie.

[Paige Desorbo]

Yeah, but it was after our parents had already gotten divorced.

[Burt]

How long had y' all lived under the same roof?

[Paige Desorbo]

We never lived under the same roof. He lived with his mother, and I lived with his father and my mother.

[Burt]

Okay.

[Phil Tyranna]

Would that have been different for you, Jen? Like, let's say that Eric and the girl grew up in separate houses.

[Jen]

Well, I think her story. Her story's a little bit different because they didn't meet until they were already teenagers. And they never lived in the same household, so, yes, it makes it different. Still creepy, but not as creepy as Eric.

[Burt]

Good morning, Cindy. You're on the Bird show.

[Paige Desorbo]

Hey. I grew up with a girl who was dating a guy. They introduced their parents. The parents got married, and they were not allowed to date anymore. When they got old enough, they started dating and got married. So mom and dad were married. And stepbrother. Stepsister married.

[Burt]

All right, so you're not in a boat by yourself. That's for sure, Eric. I mean, apparently this happens more than I had ever anticipated.

[Tom]

Yeah, really?

[Burt]

Well, I.

[Tom]

People calling in.

[Burt]

I definitely. Hold on a sec. I just want to take a call. Just to hear one person from the other side other than Jen and I. Good morning, Caitlin.

[Paige Desorbo]

Yeah, I absolutely cannot believe that people are calling in agreeing with him. Jen, I am so with you on this. I think it's completely disgusting. He might as well move to Alabama and marry her. I mean, at least not Tennessee.

[Phil Tyranna]

Yeah, or Tennessee, West Virginia, Alabama, Kentucky, anywhere.

[Burt]

Y' all do realize that people in Alabama and West Virginia make Georgia jokes, right?

[Jen]

Of course.

[Paige Desorbo]

Okay.

[Burt]

Yeah.

[Paige Desorbo]

Well, I mean, now they definitely can make jokes about us with this.

[Burt]

Yeah, this. This didn't help.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Tom]

This is so different. This is so different from a kissing cousins thing.

[Phil Tyranna]

And there's like, six years apart between the time their parents got divorced and today.

[Burt]

There's so many women out there.

[Phil Tyranna]

They're different people.

[Jen]

You have step siblings, Jeff.

[Phil Tyranna]

You can't control love.

[Jen]

Do you ever date one of them?

[Tom]

Well, no.

[Burt]

Why not?

[Phil Tyranna]

Because they're both guys.

[Jen]

If there was a woman and she happened to be hot, would you date her? Be honest.

[Adam Grant]

Yeah.

[Phil Tyranna]

You got to get it where you can.

[Burt]

People save that. Such an adorable Jen. We are in the far minority. Are you telling me calling up, saying there's nothing wrong with this? I still haven't heard.

[Jen]

Again, I think it's because we. I came so strong, and we came so strong against it that people always have to call up to defend. I cannot believe this is the majority.

[Phil Tyranna]

As close as you are to your brother, you've never fantasized about making love to.

[Jen]

You are sick.

[Phil Tyranna]

Just not even going all the way, but just letting your brother go up your shirt.

[Jen]

Oh, my gosh. You are so disgusting.

[Adam Grant]

Just.

[Phil Tyranna]

You've never French kissed, like, on the holidays.

[Jen]

Oh, my God.

[Paige Desorbo]

You only.

[Melissa Carter]

The only child would say that crap.

[Jen]

Sick.

[Phil Tyranna]

I'm just asking. You guys are a close family.

[Jen]

Was it okay when your stepbrothers touched you when you were little?

[Phil Tyranna]

I don't remember that.

[Tom]

I blocked out everything in your bobo.

[Jen]

You liked it?

[Phil Tyranna]

I blocked out everything before age 8.

[Burt]

So I don't know. Hey, Eric, we are definitely going to check in with you over the next couple of weeks to see how things are progressing with your sister.

[Tom]

Sounds great, man.

[Burt]

All right, dude.

[Tom]

See you with my sister.

[Phil Tyranna]

Feel the deal, bro.

[Adam Grant]

Get er done.

[Burt]

See you, man.

[Tom]

See you, man.

[Adam Grant]

The Bird show hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway now through November 4th. Shop the annual beauty event and save $5 when you spend $25 on select beauty products. Shop in store or online for items like Dove Body Wash, Native Body Wash, Cetaphil gentle skin cleanser, Dr. Squatch body wash, Neutrogena Hydro Boost water gel, Dial Liquid hand soap and Olay body wash. And save $5 when 25 or more. Offer ends November 4th. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Paige Desorbo]

Hey, I'm Paige Desorbo, and I'm always thinking about underwear.

[Burt]

I'm Hannah Burner, and I'm also thinking.

[Melissa Carter]

About underwear, but I prefer full coverage. I like to call them my granny panties.

[Paige Desorbo]

Actually, I never think about underwear. That's the magic of Tommy John.

[Melissa Carter]

Same. They're so light and so comfy.

[Burt]

And if it's not comfortable, I'm not wearing it.

[Melissa Carter]

And the bras? Soft, supportive, and actually breathable. Yes.

[Burt]

Lord knows the girls need to breathe. Also, I need my PJs to breathe and be buttery, soft and stretchy enough.

[Melissa Carter]

For my dramatic tossing and turning at night. That's why I live in my Tommy John pajamas.

[Paige Desorbo]

Plus, they're so cute because they fit perfectly.

[Burt]

Put yourself on to Tommy John.

[Paige Desorbo]

Upgrade your drawer with Tommy John. Save 25% for a limited time at tommyjohn.com comfort. See site for details.

[Tom]

Did I talk too much? Can't I just let it go?

[Adam Grant]

Well.

[Paige Desorbo]

Take a breath.

[Melissa Carter]

You're not alone. Let's talk about what's going on.

[Paige Desorbo]

Counseling helps you sort through the noise.

[Burt]

With qualified professionals, and online therapy makes it convenient.

[Paige Desorbo]

See if it's for you.

[Burt]

Visit betterhelp.com randompodcast for 10% off your first month of online therapy. And let life feel free. Better. All right, Melissa Carter here.

[Melissa Carter]

Speaking of going back to my redneck.

[Burt]

Roots, dating a new woman. Been a totally different Melissa Carter the last couple of weeks, but she's going through this honeymoon period with this new woman. She's. She's dating Katie.

[Adam Grant]

Where?

[Jen]

Katie Jo.

[Burt]

Katie Jo. We're calling her now, right?

[Melissa Carter]

For a reason. We're about to tell you they're in.

[Burt]

This, this look, I'm getting to know you, period. You're getting to know me.

[Melissa Carter]

Everything's so cute.

[Burt]

Everything is so cute. Up until Sunday, everything is really cute.

[Melissa Carter]

So, yeah, I talked to Katie earlier this week and I just. She got all excited about something. She's just, you know, clapping her hands. Rub her hands together. Sunday's a big day. Sunday's a big day. And I thought, oh, like, we've been together, you know, like you said, we're in the honeymoon, quote unquote phase where, you know, I'm paying more attention. And I, you know, I'm like, what did I forget about Sunday? What's going on Sunday? Big day Sunday.

[Jen]

You're like, is that some sort of anniversary? Did we start like a month? Like a one month anniversary? What's going on?

[Melissa Carter]

What's going on? Daytona 500. And I'm like, what? The Daytona 500? Katie is a huge. Oh, Katie. Joe, I guess as we're calling her, is a huge NASCAR fan. And I have never watched a NASCAR race. I knew. I know some of the names. Jeff Gordon. I know. And Little Lee, because of Phil Turana, you know, And I knew. And I remember hearing about his dad and. But I've never seen a race. And I don't understand the fascination with a bunch of cars going around in circles for four hours. I don't get it.

[Burt]

Sorry, I'm distracted.

[Melissa Carter]

Because I don't get it.

[Burt]

I'm sorry. I'm distracted. The auction is not over. Somebody just bid 80, $100.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah. So anyway, for the other people listening to me in the studio, I don't get nascar.

[Burt]

So Phil is the only one in here that gets nascar. I mean, the dude is. He goes to professional wrestling. He does the NASCAR thing. I'm proud some Marlboros rolled up into his sleeve right now. I'm proud of my Southern roots.

[Adam Grant]

I'm proud to be a Southern boy. Born and raised in Smyrna, Georgia. Moved out to West Cobb, went to high school in Kennesaw, moved back to Smyrna, while I live in the same house that I was born and raised in, where I throw horseshoes and sit on the front porch and drink beer on a constant basis. And I am a okay with that.

[Jen]

No, you sat on the front porch.

[Adam Grant]

I sat on the front porch with my buddies.

[Phil Tyranna]

He's got a beer bottle opener screwed onto his house.

[Adam Grant]

So that's a.

[Phil Tyranna]

That. That says a lot about who Filtering.

[Melissa Carter]

Honey, you just do that on the grill of your car, don't you?

[Phil Tyranna]

Yeah.

[Adam Grant]

I've got a trailer hitch that has a bottle opener on it for tailgate. And very important to have he can do.

[Phil Tyranna]

He does it with his knife, and that's a knife at his mouth.

[Adam Grant]

If I don't have my knife, I used to use my teeth.

[Phil Tyranna]

My tooth.

[Burt]

So we figured as an education going into the weekend here, Phil Tyranna could help Melissa Carter out a little bit with her NASCAR experience.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah. Since my Sunday is going to be spent in front of the TV with the new. The new girl, because I want to be impressive and sit and watch the Daytona 500, I need a little help.

[Adam Grant]

Now, Melissa Carter. Darlin, this one is for me and you. I need you to look me dead set in the eyes. We're gonna talk. Melissa, I have made for you a very miniature a CliffsNotes, if you will, to an idiot's guide to your first NASCAR race. Okay? Okay. Don't mind them.

[Paige Desorbo]

Okay.

[Melissa Carter]

I'm looking right at you, Phil.

[Adam Grant]

Me and you, darling. Now, nasty. NASCAR itself is a sport that I cannot explain to you in five minutes. So here's what I'm gonna do to help you out. I have a list of rules that you need to live by for this NASCAR party On Sunday, Daytona 500. This is the Super bowl of NASCAR. It's a great way to start the season. Take notes, if you will. Number one for Melissa Carter. Number one, first and foremost, I cannot stress this enough. Never, ever, ever, under any circumstance, ever, take the name of Dale Earnhardt in vain. You do not joke about it. You do not make jokes about it. You do not laugh about it. When his name comes up, you have a moment of silence for Dale Earnhardt. If you do, you will be demoted to plunger duty for the rest of the day. This is not a lie. It has happened to me. I have done it to other people. Now, something you will expect from this NASCAR party on Sunday, the food. Here's what I want you to do. Do not expect anything healthy on the makeshift buffet table. And if said makeshift buffet table is weight bench with a blanket over it, don't be surprised. This is a day set aside for all things greasy. As a matter of fact, the Surgeon General has instituted that there is a new food pyramid that is official on this day only. It consists of a few different groups. The new food pyramid has the wing group. This includes buffalo wings, hot wings, chicken wings. Now, if you want something international, eat a teriyaki flavored wing. Another group on the Daytona 500 food pyramid is the food. I mean the fried Food group. This includes French fries, chicken fingers, hush puppies, chicken nuggets, double country fried steak, and don't be surprised to see a deep fried Twinkie or two.

[Melissa Carter]

Oh, God.

[Adam Grant]

Now, honey, if you're looking for some kind of vegetable, bring yourself a bag of cheaters. And finally, my friend, there is the beverage group. This includes all things Budweiser, period. No exceptions. If you even walk up on that front porch with a Zima or a Takiza, it will be discarded, it will be poured out, and you will be sent to the local convenience store to buy smokes, lottery tickets and nudie magazines.

[Phil Tyranna]

Now, Melissa's a big red wine drinker. Red wine, however.

[Adam Grant]

However, if you cannot drink beer, if you cannot drink Budweiser, box wine is totally acceptable. Only from a box, right?

[Melissa Carter]

Only.

[Adam Grant]

And last but not least, the attire.

[Melissa Carter]

Okay?

[Adam Grant]

Do not be shocked or surprised to see wife beaters, tank tops, shirts with pit stains, or even no shirt at all. This is all acceptable if not expected. And if you see someone who has created their own Dale Jr shirt with a number eight on it, all written using nothing but a worn out Sharpie, do not laugh at this pit stained T shirt. Do not laugh at the grammatical errors. Better yet, commend them on their artistic talent. And one last tip for your Daytona 500 party as a little thank you. Don't bring flowers, don't bring a card, don't bring something sweet. Charcoal, dog food and motor oil is all perfectly expected. Have a good time. Daytona 500? Hell, yeah. Go, Tony Stewart.

[Burt]

Can I get a hail? Yeah. Hail.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[Burt]

Can I get a Canon Choo?

[Adam Grant]

You know it.

[Jen]

Get it.

[Adam Grant]

The Bird Show. Hey, it's Adam Grant from Ted's podcast Work Life, and this episode is brought to you by ServiceNow. AI is only as powerful as the platform it's built into. That's why it's no surprise that more than 85% of the Fortune 500 companies use the ServiceNow AI platform, while other platforms duct tape tools together. ServiceNow seamlessly unifies people, data, workflows, and AI connecting every corner of your business. And with AI agents working together autonomously, anyone in any department can focus on the work that matters Most. Learn how ServiceNow puts AI to work for [e-mail].

[Paige Desorbo]

Hey, I'm Paige Desorbo, and I'm always thinking about underwear.

[Burt]

I'm Hannah Berner, and I'm also thinking.

[Melissa Carter]

About underwear, but I prefer full coverage. I like to call them my granny panties.

[Paige Desorbo]

Actually, I never think about underwear. That's the magic of Tommy John.

[Melissa Carter]

Same they're so light and so comfy.

[Burt]

And if it's not comfortable, I'm not wearing it.

[Melissa Carter]

And the bras?

[Paige Desorbo]

Soft, supportive and actually breathable.

[Melissa Carter]

Yes.

[Burt]

Lord knows the girls need to breathe. Also, I need my PJs to breathe and be buttery, soft and stretchy enough.

[Melissa Carter]

For my dramatic tossing and turning at night. That's why I live in my Tommy John pajamas.

[Paige Desorbo]

Plus they're so cute because they fit perfectly.

[Burt]

Put yourself on to Tommy John.

[Paige Desorbo]

Upgrade your drawer with Tommy John. Save 25% for a limited time at tommyjohn.com comfort See site for details.

[Burt]

ACAST powers the world's best podcasts.

[Adam Grant]

Here's a show that we recommend.

[Jen]

Hello, this is Jessie and Lenny Ware from Table Manners, a podcast direct from our dining table where we talk all things food, family, growing up and everything in between. And everything in between. This season we've had Reese Witherspoon reveal the greatest cookie recipe. We had Gary Oldman, who's freshly knighted Sir Gary Oldman.

[Burt]

Sir Gary Oldman.

[Jen]

We did some singing with Gloria Estefan and Jeremy Alan White has shared some culinary stories with us. And it's not just this series. We've had plenty of other brilliant guests where you can listen back to all the episodes. People like Cher, Dolly Parton, Kate Winslet, Se, Paul McCartney, John Legend, Benny Blanco and Selena Gomez. We've had them all and we' fed them very well. Come and listen to Table Manners, the podcast with me, Jesse Ware and Lenny Ware.

[Phil Tyranna]

ACAST helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere.

[Burt]

Acast.com.