Full Show PT 2: Wednesday, April 8 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 2: Wednesday, April 8 [Vault]

Date: April 8, 2026
Host(s): The Bert Show Cast (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, et al.)
Episode Overview:
This segment of The Bert Show delivers classic off-the-cuff humor and real-life talk, focusing on three big listener-driven themes: the concept of “born again” virginity, debates around parents providing contraception for teens, and a fun love story sparked by a mysterious cell phone photo album. The discussion is candid, unfiltered, and filled with audience calls, memorable analogies, and the trademark banter that sets this show apart.

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Main Discussion Points & Recap

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1. Hunting for Virgins & The “Born Again Virgin” Debate

[02:05–13:00]

Highlights:

• Melissa’s Superpower: Melissa claims she can tell if a woman is a virgin based on demeanor, explaining, “Once it happens...they mentally change their demeanor" (Melissa, 02:25).
• Field Study: Melissa and Katie visit Rio Grande in Buckhead to try to “spot virgins.” The night yields mostly “born again virgins”—women who consider themselves virgins again after a period of abstinence.
  • “It must not be virgin season, because I really didn’t sense [any].” (Melissa, 03:33)
  • Her process involves approaching women and asking, “I really don’t think you’re a virgin. Are you a virgin?” (Melissa, 05:41)
• Born Again Virgin Phenomenon: Multiple women claim “born again” status after six months of celibacy.
  • “Born again virgin came up more than once last night… the consensus was six months is the reset." (Melissa, 07:16, 08:49)
• The Cast Debate Logic of ‘Virgin Reset’:
  • "That’s not born again, that’s a drought.” (Jen, 07:33)
  • "You are not a virgin anymore once you engage in sexual activity. That’s it.” (Bert, 07:39)
• Analogy by Wendy: Compares virginity to running—if you haven't run for months, you’re still a runner; there’s no “reset” in experience.
• Listener Calls and Perspectives:
  • Patricia calls in to reinforce: “There is absolutely no reset button for your virginity … it’s a drought.” (Patricia, 09:53)
  • Maggie shares a wild story about a Bible camp hosting “revirginization ceremonies,” questioning the logic behind it and hilariously asking, “Did God actually reach down and reknit the hymen?”—for which she was promptly expelled from camp. (Maggie, 10:46–11:42)
  • The panel laughs and denounces purity pledges/re-virginization as confusing and “perpetuating confusion between men and women.” (Melissa/Wendy, 12:09)

Notable Quotes:

• "There’s no more born again.” (Jen, 07:52)
• "How does this restitch the hymen?" (Maggie, 11:30)

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2. Should Parents Provide Birth Control/Condoms for Teens?

[15:39–24:42]

Highlights:

• Awkward Discoveries: Bert describes a tense dinner where he’s the only parent advocating buying condoms for his (in-hypothetical) son, facing five women adamantly opposed.
  • “I would want Hayden (his son) to come to me… If it comes down to that, I want to be there to help. I want to get condoms with them.” (Bert, 17:41)
  • The other parents argue that “buying is an endorsement,” preferring to “preach abstinence.”
• Gender Double-Standard?:
  • Melissa wonders whether the women would be as averse to providing daughters with birth control as with sons.
  • The group notes that birth control pills typically require parental consent, and theorize that women may be more willing to facilitate birth control pills for daughters.
  • Wendy notes, “The pill is something you ingest…but if you're actually buying condoms for your son, you can think of the physical act…” (Wendy, 21:17)
  • Jen underscores, “If you’re buying the pill for your daughter, you should also be buying her condoms.” (Jen, 21:38)
• Audience Calls:
  • Beth, a caller, shares that she got IUDs (5-year birth control devices) for both her daughters and says her husband is supportive (22:12).
  • Another caller, Crystal, says she put her daughter on birth control at 12. Bert is surprised; Crystal explains early proactive parenting is necessary given current trends (23:24–23:56).
  • The cast reaffirms: Proactivity is good parenting, and callers almost unanimously agree teens should have access to contraception.
• Underlying Message: The conversation jokes but also earnestly argues that abstinence-only approaches are unrealistic, and protecting kids means being honest and proactive.

Notable Quotes:

• “You’re endorsing it if you go and buy the condoms…” (Bert paraphrasing the dinner debate, 17:41)
• "That to me is ridiculous...you're going to turn a blind eye and risk your kids getting STDs over giving them a condom." (Jen, 21:09)
• “I think it’s good parenting to provide contraceptives for your kids.” (Crystal, 23:29)

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3. “Cell Phone Destiny” – The Accidental Romance

[27:19–36:53]

Summary:

• The Backstory Recap (Jen): Beth buys a used phone and discovers dozens of photos of a “really hot guy.” She and her friend attempt to track him down at the bar seen in the photos. While they don’t spot him initially, they meet his friend, and eventually, the group hangs out together.
  • “She came across all these pictures of this really hot guy on her phone…[and] realized he was hanging out at a certain watering hole..." (Jen, 27:37)
• Beth’s Update (Beth, on the line): The romantic prospect is working out nicely. She spent an evening at his place, playing Wii and talking through the night, and he even gave her the bed out of chivalry.
  • “He was a perfect gentleman and he slept on the couch. And I was like, you don’t have to…he was like, absolutely not, you’re staying in the bed, I’m staying on the couch.” (Beth, 30:27)
  • They’ve hung out a few times, with things “progressing nicely” but she’s “just enjoying the moment.”
• Honesty Policy: Beth confesses she revealed the whole funny cell phone/photo story to the guy on their first night, and he thought it was hilarious.
  • “He just laughed so hard and thought it was kind of cool.” (Beth, 32:22)
• Matchmaking Joy: The cast teases Bert’s “Captain Destiny” persona, but everyone expresses genuine hopes for a happy ending, resisting the urge to inject drama.
  • "I want to prove that destiny works." (Bert, 36:07)
  • Wendy jokes, "Why am I the only one on this show who can see joy?" (Wendy, 36:47)

Notable Quotes:

• “Captain Destiny would not throw a stick into the spokes of the bicycle of love.” (Wendy, 33:36)
• “Good for you for chasing him down, finding him and hooking up. I think it’s great.” (Melissa, 34:47)

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Noteworthy Moments (with Timestamps)

• Melissa’s Virgin-Hunting Field Report (02:05–09:17)
• “Born Again Virgin” Callers (09:51–12:02, 12:36–13:00)
• Bert’s Parenting Debate Story (15:39–17:41, main debate through 20:43)
• Callers Share Real-World Parenting Choices (22:12, 23:24)
• Feel-Good “Cell Phone Destiny” Romance (27:19–36:34)

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Tone & Style

• Conversational, irreverent, and authentic.
• The cast does not shy away from disagreement but always circles back to playfulness and camaraderie.
• Listener participation is heavily featured, with sincere and funny perspectives celebrated.

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Standout Quotes (Speaker, Timestamp)

• “That’s not born again, that’s a drought.” (Jen, 07:33)
• “You are not a virgin anymore once you engage in sexual activity. That’s it.” (Bert, 07:39)
• “Did God actually reach down and reknit the hymen?” (Maggie, 11:30)
• “I would want Hayden to come to me…If it comes down to that, I want to be there to help. I want to get condoms with them.” (Bert, 17:41)
• "If you’re buying the pill for your daughter, you should also be buying her condoms.” (Jen, 21:38)
• “He was a perfect gentleman and he slept on the couch…” (Beth, 30:27)
• "Captain Destiny would not throw a stick into the spokes of the bicycle of love.” (Wendy, 33:36)
• "Good for you for chasing him down... I think it’s great.” (Melissa, 34:47)

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Conclusion

This episode is vintage Bert Show: candid and comedic takes on sex, dating, and modern parenting, sprinkled with personal anecdotes and listener stories. Highlights include the crew’s takedown of the “born again virgin” notion, a lively and occasionally awkward debate over parental involvement in teen contraception, and a heartwarming “destiny” narrative involving romance via a secondhand smartphone. If you missed it, tune in for the laughs, perspective, and the feeling you’re just hanging out with very honest friends.

Transcript

[Bert]

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[Bert]

Visit borhearst.com the Bird show previously on the Bird Show.

[Melissa]

My superpower is that I can tell if a girl is a virgin or not because women put so much thought into losing it. And so once it happens and it's such a, you know, they finally have allowed that Experience to happen for them. And they have sex for the first time. They mentally change their demeanor.

[Bert]

That's what Melissa has said all along.

[Melissa]

Yes.

[Bert]

And she's got a superpower. She can spot a virgin from a non virgin. So last night she had an assignment.

[Melissa]

That's right. And so I was gonna go out, and I was. Because I said, I need to see women in their natural habitat. I need to see, you know, I need to put on, you know, the natural environment. Yeah. Like, I'm bird watching, have my binoculars, and I'm watching these women. Yeah, well, I normally do that, but otherwise. No. But I asked Wendy because I said. Because my concern was where to go where there was age diversity. Because I think the older women are.

[Wendy]

You asked Wendy where to find virgins

[Melissa]

where there was age diversity at a place to hang out. Anyway, don't give. Don't give Wendy a hard time. So. Because I feel like the older women get, the less likely that they're. Virginia.

[Bert]

That's just common sense.

[Melissa]

That's with anybody. So Wendy said, you know, what a great age diversity area. Rio Grande in Buckhead Trivia night last night. So Katie and I decided, you know what, we're gonna hang out at the deck, and we're gonna have dinner, and we're going to look for virgins. So we go to.

[Bert]

We're going virgin.

[Beth]

We're going.

[Bert]

Shh, be very quiet. We're hunting for virgins.

[Melissa]

Exactly.

[Wendy]

With the crocodile hunter now.

[Bert]

Crikey idea.

[Beth]

Virgin.

[Melissa]

So I'm at Rio Grande last night. Katie and I were on the deck, and we're looking around, and I. You know, and it is a younger crowd, and we're looking around, and I'm trying to, you know, get my senses up and see and sense the virgins in the room. But it must not be virgin season, because I really. I really didn't sense. Because Katie would be like, well, what? You know, girl in the blue? And I'd look over there. I'm like, no, she's not a virgin.

[Bert]

So she's playing a little bit of Robin to your Batman during this whole thing. This is your sidekick here.

[Melissa]

That's right.

[Bert]

Spotting version.

[Melissa]

Katie was my sidekick last night. Golly gee, Batman. What about that girl in the red? And I said, no, no, no, not a virgin. Because that's okay, right?

[Jen]

But.

[Melissa]

Well, it's okay, but it's not her gift. But. Well, the gift is I can tell virgins from non virgins. Now, the challenge yesterday from Bert was to find the virgin, though. And I had a hard time last Night. But I thought, you know what? I can't come away empty handed. So I thought, I'm going to go test it, because if I truly think that these women are not virgins, then I have to let them know, and I have to ask and see if I was proven wrong. So there were a few women that were not willing to participate in my little study last night, but then I did.

[Bert]

How did you approach them? Because that was part of your concern. So how did you approach these women?

[Melissa]

Well, I went up and I.

[Jen]

Well.

[Melissa]

Well, let me tell you, because I was. I used the radio thing. I had to. So I went up and I said, by the way, do y' all happen to be Burch show listeners? And so. And there were some out of town groups that were not Birch show listeners.

[Wendy]

Uh, we liked Delilah.

[Melissa]

So. Yes. And this was not quite the. I don't. I don't think this is actually where

[Bert]

we stole this bit from exactly. Delilah did the same thing a couple days.

[Melissa]

Delilah's always asking all the time, tell

[Wendy]

us into your happy place and tell me if you're a virgin or not a virgin. It doesn't matter. This is just a place for you to unwind and relax.

[Melissa]

What song dedication would you like to give for your sexual experience tonight? No, that's not what she does. So anyway, so I did go up last night at Rio Grande and talked to several women and confronted them and said, you know what? I really don't think you're a virgin. And this is the response I got.

[Bert]

I really don't think you're a virgin.

[Melissa]

Don't think you're a virgin. All right, I'm Gonna ask you two questions. One, how old are you? 53. My superpower is I can detect virgins on the deck. I'm assuming that you're not a virgin. Are you a virgin? Oh, no, I am a virgin. I've been divorced for four years, so I'm a virgin again. If you're like a born again virgin, how long does that take? I'm gonna say six months. And then you're. You're thinking, like, I've gotta find somebody because I've gotta go after it again. Okay, perfect. Now your daughter's at the table with you. Is your daughter a vi. Well, I would like to say yes, but I know she's not. So are you a virgin? No. And I'm assuming that you're not a virgin either. Based on her definition, yes.

[Bert]

Now, I think it's funny that Melissa's initial concern yesterday was she didn't Want to seem creepy, right? Yet she goes up to a mom and her kids, and in front of the mom says, are you a virgin?

[Melissa]

And that's the reason I was positive, because I actually talked to other people before her. And so I got my confidence up before I got to the table of the mother with the two daughters.

[Wendy]

And by talking to other people, you're referring to your server who brought you margaritas to get that confidence up.

[Melissa]

There may have been one in both.

[Wendy]

Okay.

[Melissa]

Because I'm allowed one or two. And so, yeah, so I went up to the mother, and she had the two daughters there. I still didn't think the daughters were virgins, but I thought I'd ask her. But the reoccurring theme I had from last night was that when I would talk to women and I'd say, you know, I'm getting the feeling you're not a virgin. She said, no, but born again virgin came up more than once last night.

[Bert]

This is a pet peeve of mine. This is such a ridiculous mind game that women play with themselves.

[Melissa]

Born Again virgin came up multiple times last night. And I asked, what qualifies you as a born again virgin? It was the same as that woman. It was six months. Because it said once at six months, you hit a restart button.

[Jen]

That's not born again. That's a drought.

[Bert]

So it's not.

[Jen]

That's a rough patch.

[Bert]

Can we just play the women's common sense here just for a sec? Let's just play to common sense. You are not a virgin anymore once you engage in sexual activity. When.

[Jen]

Intercourse.

[Bert]

Intercourse. Okay, it's over. That's it.

[Jen]

There's no more born again.

[Bert]

There's no more born again.

[Wendy]

You know, there's the connotation that comes with virginity, like, whether it's good or bad or whatever. So, like, you have to put it into something else, like running. Like, I think everybody would agree that running is good, right? So if you've run marathons and you run for fitness. Physical fitness, working out. Everybody would agree that working out is eating good, right? So if you go. If you eat healthy and work out and you don't go six months for. Without working out, do you become. Are you automatically, oh, you're unhealthy. You're a fat slob. You don't. You're still like, yeah, I haven't run in a few months, but I'm. Yeah, I run.

[Jen]

I'm still a runner.

[Wendy]

I'm still a runner.

[Bert]

We have talked about this before, and I would like to hear again the compelling Arguments from women that have labeled themselves born again virgins. And you really believe that? Yeah. I mean, when you talk to your friends about it, you. You say that you are a virgin.

[Melissa]

Right.

[Bert]

Because it's been, in your case here, what you're hearing is it's six months.

[Melissa]

Six months. That was the consent. There was no discrepancy of the time frame of being six months. And let me say, it confuses my superpower, because I know that you're not a virgin, but you're telling me you're a virgin. Born again virgin. I see. I don't. I don't. I don't detect born again. So I will say last night, I was 100% accurate. But, you know, with your non virgin. With my non virgin. But I didn't find a virgin. Not virgins, but I couldn't find a virgin in the room last night. So I guess virgins don't go to Rio Grande.

[Wendy]

It's like back in the old episodes when the Penguin would put a disguise on and try to convince Batman and Bruce Wayne that he was a good person.

[Melissa]

But let me also say, just as a side note, I just want to brag a little bit because there was team trivia last night. And I know Jeff is going to judge us because we decided to play since we were there, and we came in second place. Did you really? Yeah. Good for you. And our team name was. GG has seizures. Okay.

[Bert]

So that's the name of Alyssa's dog. That's the name of our dog.

[Melissa]

So Gigi Hess Seizures came in second place last night.

[Jen]

Thank you.

[Wendy]

I can't find a virgin, but I know the capital of, you know, Kenya.

[Bert]

Hey, Patricia.

[Jen]

Virgin in last place.

[Bert]

Patricia, what's going on?

[Caller]

Hey. I just wanted to agree with you guys. There is absolutely no reset button for your virginity. I don't care what you say. Whoever said that there's, you know, it's a drought. Yes. That's what it is. Because you're just having a rough patch, not getting any. But you're not a virgin again.

[Bert]

Yeah. Nobody is calling up to defend themselves about the born again virgin thing. It's a ridiculous.

[Beth]

Yeah, with good reason.

[Bert]

Yeah, it's. I mean, I don't even think women are buying it. Like, if your best friend came up to you and started throwing that phrase around, you'd look at her in a ridiculous way, wouldn't you?

[Melissa]

Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Well, and then I think it's sad because I don't think that you should be embarrassed by your sexual activity. And I still Think women have. I don't think it ever seems to go away for women, this. This idea of her number or her experience or whatever. So it's almost as if in her mind she feels better, she cleanses it.

[Bert]

Oh, boy, this one is gonna be too good.

[Beth]

Good morning.

[Bert]

Maggie, you're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hi, good morning.

[Bert]

Hi.

[Beth]

Morning.

[Caller]

How are you?

[Bert]

I can't wait.

[Caller]

Well, I am not a pro re virginization. I just have a great story. I was 12 and I was in a Bible camp and it was one of those laying on of hands kinds of churches. And they were performing a revirginization ceremony on some of the other girls and being. Yeah, they do this whole thing where they lay on the hands and God supposedly restores your virginity and yada, yada, yada.

[Wendy]

What are they putting the hands?

[Caller]

Yeah, no, not so much. Not that kind of a camp. Not quite. But I got booted from camp because being very analytical at the time, I wanted someone to explain to me how exactly this worked. And did God actually reach down and re knit the hymen? Was the question that I asked. They called my mom like eight seconds later and they were like, come get her.

[Bert]

I bet they did. But the concept is that this priest or whoever could re virginize you.

[Caller]

Theoretically, God was working through him. I. What?

[Bert]

Ooh, that sounds creepy. We are walking around.

[Caller]

I don't know.

[Bert]

Yeah, we are walking a really fine line there. Thank you.

[Melissa]

I mean, gross. Well, and that goes the re virginization. And what is it? The. What's the pledge? What's that?

[Wendy]

Purity pledge.

[Melissa]

Purity thing and whatever is always geared toward the girls. Always make the girls pure. And they don't have these for. And it just, I think, perpetuates this whole confusion between men and women. It's just like.

[Wendy]

I think it's a brilliant idea. I want to put a kiosk up at Perimeter Mall. I'm going to hire some of those annoying women who tell you about your cuticles and won't let you pass. Can I ask you a question? Can I ask you a question? They're always Russian, right. And I'm going to have to.

[Melissa]

And the guy with the weird UFO floaty thing in the.

[Wendy]

Yeah, and that little Atari controller that plays every Atari game. I'm going to get one of those people and I'm going to convert one of those kiosks into a revirginization ceremony. And so the Russian woman will put the stuff on your hands or whatever and then say chant, Right. And then they'll give you a hair extension and you're done. You're a virgin again. Booyah.

[Melissa]

I will say though, if that listener was my daughter, I would be so proud. If my 12 year old told if she questioned you, she said, how do you. How does this restitch the hymen? I'd be like, I'm so sorry.

[Bert]

That's my girl. The Birch Show Delete Me makes it easy, quick and safe to remove your personal data online. At a time when surveillance and data breaches are common enough to make everybody vulnerable, it is easier than ever to find personal information about people online. Having your address, your phone number, family members, names just hanging out there online, it's all pretty scary stuff, right? With Delete Me, you can protect your personal privacy or the privacy of your business from doxing attacks before sensitive information can be exploited. Look, I'm online all the time and it freaks me out that my info is out there. Take control of your data. Keep your private life private by signing up for Delete Me now at a special discount just for you guys. Get 20% off your delete me plan. When you go to JoinDeleteMe.com Bert use the promo code Burt at checkout. That's JoinDeleteMe.com Bert enter the code Bert B E R T at checkout okay,

[Hers Brand Announcer]

can we talk about how confusing weight loss has become? Like one minute it's carbs are bad and then the next it's now actually carbs are fine, but only if you walk 10,000 steps and drink a green juice. And honestly, it's just a lot. And then even if you do lose the weight, keeping it off is a whole different story. If you're struggling and want something that fits your real life, hers can help. It's designed to support you in reaching your goals in a way that actually fits your life. That's why weight loss by hers is getting so much attention right now. Hers connects you with licensed medical providers who create doctor developed treatment plans tailored to you. They offer access to an affordable range of FDA approved approved GLP1 medications, including the Wegovy pill and the Wegovy pen. It helps regulate your appetite so you eat less and keep the weight off. If you're ready to reach your goals and want to try something new, visit fourhers.com Bert to get personalized affordable care that gets you that's F O-R-H-E-R-S.com Bert for hers.com Bert weightlift by hers is not available in all 50 states, but govee is a registered trademark of Novo Nordisk A s get started and learn more, including important safety information, wegovy, clinical studies information and restrictions. Visit borheart.com Wendy's new Biggie Deals lets

[Melissa]

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[Melissa]

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[Melissa]

How you want them at Wendy's, price

[Wendy]

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[Bert]

You guys ever been in the very awkward situation to where you're sitting around with your significant other? Right. And a whole bunch of other people and politics come up or some serious issues come up and you don't realize until that very moment how different your opinion is of your significant other to a point to where it gets tense while there are other people around?

[Wendy]

I don't think it's ever happened with politics or something serious. But there's nothing more awkward than the brewing fight in mixed company. Is that what you're alluding to?

[Bert]

This really wasn't. No, no, no. That wasn't a brewing fight. It was just something that still shocked you.

[Jen]

I think it's shocking to have something about your spouse still shock you.

[Bert]

Yeah. And it wasn't even about Stacey. Here's what happened. We were all sitting around at dinner on Saturday night and one of the women that we were sitting with brought up the fact that we had new kids on the block on the air and the fact that Danny Wood said this. Is that strange for you? Picking out body deodorant with your sons?

[Wendy]

Not stranger. Picking out condoms with them. Wow.

[Bert]

Are you doing that?

[Wendy]

They're 16 and 17.

[Bert]

Yeah, tell us about that. Wait a sec.

[Melissa]

Yeah, you gotta be straight up, you

[Wendy]

know, with your kids.

[Bert]

I've been having talks with them about

[Wendy]

that since they were like 11.

[Bert]

So this particular woman said she listened to that and she liked became an anti Danny Wood fan right after that.

[Wendy]

Oh, really?

[Bert]

Because of his stand on buying condoms for his kids.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Bert]

So I started to say I think it was ridiculous. And it became more of a conversation on should you buy condoms for your children or not? And I was the only one in the group. There were six women at the five women at the table. And me. And I was the only one saying, yeah, I kind of think that maybe you should. They were so against it. Why so against it?

[Jen]

They would rather have their kids impregnate young girls?

[Melissa]

Or did they even talk about how they comfortable with talking about condoms in general?

[Bert]

Yes. Talking was fine.

[Melissa]

Buying was not.

[Bert]

The line for them was, you're endorsing it if you go out and you buy the condoms with them. And I felt. My point was I would want Hayden to come to me to talk about it. And my feeling is that it's. It's gonna happen. It's gonna happen. You could preach abstinence. Chances are pretty good they're gonna give in to their feelings. And I thought, look, if he has those thoughts and he really wants to do that, we'll talk about it first. And if it comes down to that, I want to be there to help. I want to get condoms with them. I would do that. It's gonna be uncomfortable, but I'd rather have me doing it than have the school supply condoms. There wasn't a woman at the table that agreed with me.

[Jen]

Are you serious? Even your wife?

[Bert]

They were all. I mean, it was one guy fighting off five women. Finally, I just gave up. Even Stacey, she was the most passionate about it. She was. It almost broke out into an argument because we were both so passionate about both sides.

[Wendy]

What. So what is her argument against it? That it's an endorsement.

[Bert]

It's an endorsement to go ahead and have sex, whereas we should be preaching abstinence. But if you go and you say here, I'll.

[Wendy]

But what about the theory that they are available at a health clinic or a school clinic or generally can be purchased at a drugstore for a reasonable amount of money? Yeah, that's fine.

[Bert]

That was fine. That there's sort of a line between church and state, and it shouldn't be crossed by parents. So it got so heated, I sort of put the squash on the discussion with Stacy for a later date because I didn't want to do it in front of all these other women. But I'm still curious about her position because I had no idea she felt that way.

[Melissa]

Well, I'm curious about the gender lines too, because. All right, you are endorsing by, you know, with Hayden Hollis when they're of age to buy condoms. The women in the room were against it. Would the women in the room provide their daughters with birth control pills?

[Bert]

Didn't ask. Don't know.

[Melissa]

What's the difference?

[Jen]

Because under 18, you've got to have your mom's or a guardian's permission. And you got to go through the doctor.

[Melissa]

And I'm also wondering if you, if it was daughters, would be as supportive of providing them with birth control. I'm just wondering if it's a gender thing or with condoms.

[Bert]

Let me ask you.

[Melissa]

The girls can wear condoms too.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

Supplying them with birth control.

[Bert]

Well, the first part of that is I just have to assume that they would feel the same way about the pill as they would a condom. So it's not a parent's responsibility. It would be. They would have to be educated by somebody else to go and buy those.

[Melissa]

See, I bet. I bet they didn't say that.

[Bert]

That's what I bet that.

[Melissa]

I guarantee those women wouldn't. Not all six of them would have felt the same way about birth control bills.

[Bert]

And if it was a daughter, how would you feel? It would even be more uncomfortable to do it. But I think you got to do it.

[Jen]

I mean, I hate that. I totally agree with you.

[Bert]

Come on, there's a difference.

[Jen]

Have to be involved. Like, you want to assume that your kids aren't going to have sex before marriage or whatever. Well, all of those rules and everything came when people were getting married when they were 18 years old. Guess what? You know, people don't get married until they're. I mean, what's your rule that you would prefer for your kids not to get married until after they're what, 26, 44.

[Bert]

44 what?

[Beth]

After?

[Wendy]

Well, by your math, Hayden turns 44 next year.

[Jen]

You know, unless you want your kid to get married at 18 and say, you know, quote, unquote, save themselves, then you got to get realistic about it. And if, you know, if you don't want them to have unwanted pregnancies or unwanted STDs, protect themselves from it and get real about it. I just think it's ridiculous. You're gonna turn a blind eye to it and let Hayden or you know, let any of your kids get an STD over giving them a condom.

[Bert]

I should have had you on the

[Jen]

phone to me is ridiculous.

[Wendy]

You know what I think is it's

[Jen]

naive and it's just. It's just turning a blind eye to what's really gonna happen.

[Wendy]

You know what I think the difference is? Cuz I guarantee those women would take their daughters to get the birth control, you know, the birth control pill. The pill. But the son's doing the. And you know, because I think the pill is something you ingest and it happens. Whatever. But if you're actually buying condoms for your Son, you can think of the physical act that would involve using that.

[Jen]

Well, if you're buying the pill for your daughter, you should also be buying her condoms. Cause that doesn't protect against stdh.

[Wendy]

I know, but I don't think the thing is right. But I'm thinking the reason anxiety with the condom is because it's. It's part of the physical act of doing it.

[Bert]

Hey, Lisa.

[Jen]

I totally agree with you.

[Bert]

You're on the voice disguiser. Go ahead.

[Beth]

Is it me?

[Bert]

It's you. What's up? You're on the voice disguiser. You don't have to whisper. Can you speak up a little bit?

[Beth]

Is this better?

[Bert]

No.

[Wendy]

Nope.

[Melissa]

I know you're at work, but sure, go ahead.

[Beth]

Well, I actually got an IUD for both of my daughters.

[Jen]

Mm. And how long does that last?

[Beth]

Five years.

[Jen]

Five years.

[Bert]

Does your husband know?

[Beth]

Yes, he does, and he's very happy now.

[Jen]

Do they also know they need to use protection?

[Beth]

They do. One of them.

[Jen]

Sorry.

[Caller]

Mad about this.

[Melissa]

Wow.

[Jen]

Because they won't get knocked up, but they can still get some funk.

[Bert]

Did you buy. Did you go and buy the condoms with them also?

[Beth]

Yes.

[Bert]

You did.

[Beth]

Not with them, but for them.

[Wendy]

Because that's what the. I agree with you. If you just get someone the pill, your daughter the pill, then, hey, I'm getting her these pills just so she's safe. There's no guarantee that she's using them. But the second time that your son or daughter asks you for condoms, that means they used up the first box. And, you know, there's no doubt in your mind. There's absolutely no. Like, the pill gets taken every day, prescription gets refilled every month, whether they do it or don't do it. But once. Once they need that box of condoms.

[Jen]

But it's.

[Melissa]

But the principle's the same. I mean, the idea. The argument that the women made the other night with Bert is that you're endorsing your child having sex if you buy them condoms. Well, I mean, the same argument can be made with the birth control.

[Bert]

Good morning, Crystal. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Good morning.

[Bert]

Hello.

[Caller]

Hi. I love the show. I listen every morning.

[Bert]

Thank you.

[Melissa]

Thank you.

[Caller]

And my comment. I just wanted to say that I think it's good parenting to provide contraceptives for your kids. And I also wanted to just say that I did get my daughter put on birth control when she was 12.

[Bert]

12.

[LifeLock Announcer]

Wow.

[Caller]

Just because the age now for kids having sex is really young.

[Bert]

Did she indicate to you at all that she needed that at 12 or did you just assume it?

[Caller]

Yes.

[Bert]

You just assumed that she needed to be on birth control at 12?

[Caller]

Yes. And I just took her to the doctor. And they were the pediatricians that I go to. They actually have an on site person that helps you talk to your kids about sex. And we just decided that was the way to go. My husband and I did. It was my idea, though.

[Bert]

That's a different topic for another time. Do you go ahead and get like aggressive with it and suggest it or do you wait till them they come to you at 12 years old? I wouldn't have thought of that. I would take more calls, but everybody's calling saying the same thing. You should have the talk and you should go get the condoms. Where were you guys all Saturday night?

[Melissa]

Yeah,

[Wendy]

they were probably making a condom run for their horny little sons.

[Jen]

I'm curious where they're coming from on that argument. I mean, I would have loved to hear how they were even arguing against you.

[Bert]

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[Jen]

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[Melissa]

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[Bert]

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[Jen]

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[Caller]

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[Jen]

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[Bert]

All right, Jen, I'm gonna put this one in you. This is a long, complicated story. Like, let's say you're a new Birchill listener and you're just hanging out because you're trying to win that thousand dollars. But you listen to us for a couple of minutes and you're like, okay, I'm gonna give these guys a try. You don't know the story of Beth, so we're gonna have to try to get this very complicated story and to you in like 60 seconds.

[Jen]

It's not too bad, actually. I think we've had more complicated ones in the past, but Beth basically bought a phone of a friend of a friend of a friend of hers. And so she was all excited and going through and learning all the new technology on her new phone. And she came across all these pictures of this really hot guy on her phone. And there was like, what, maybe 20, 25 pictures of this guy on there. She's like, this guy is a total hottie and I want to find him. Well, by looking and examining the picture, she realized he was hanging out at a certain watering hole, bar, whatever restaurant, and she knew exactly where it was because she'd been there before. So she gets her friend with her and she's like, we're going to go out to this bar on the weekend and look for him. So they go out there, and they don't see him, but they see one of his friends that's in a lot of those pictures as well. So her friend and his friend actually started talking and genuinely, like, hit it off or whatever. So then we checked back with her at that point. The next time she was supposed to go out, they were going out, like, all four of them, like, in a big group together. And we were supposed to check back in with her the following morning. Well, instead of checking back in with her, we heard from her sister, who called Tracy because she had gotten a text message from Beth saying, hey, call Tracy, blah, blah, blah, and follow up. And so why are you giving me that look?

[Bert]

I'm just smirking because you're doing a very good job with it.

[Jen]

Oh, I thought I was completely talking about the wrong story. That's why you were laughing.

[Bert]

No, you're right.

[Jen]

You're just gonna let me keep going.

[Melissa]

So.

[Jen]

So anyway, so her sister said, I got this text message. I'm supposed to call you and tell you everything is fine, but met the guy. And she read us the text. It was very basic, but basically told us that Beth and her friend and the guy in the photos and his friend had all gone out together. And we don't know what happened after that.

[Bert]

These are exactly the words that the sister used when she called us. And this is where it kind of sits with us, too.

[Caller]

I'm not totally sure exactly what's happening, but I got a text earlier this morning that said, call Tracy. Tell her I'm with phone guy and Rach and her guy. Everything's fine.

[Bert]

So that was it. They were all hanging out together all night long. So we. There was sort of a question here, because I love to be Captain Destiny on the show. I love.

[Wendy]

That's your other superpower. He's got two uniforms. Depends on which phone booth he goes into.

[Bert]

Because I'm thinking, you know, if she gets this phone, like, fourth hand, and she sees the pictures of the guy in these different settings, and they do meet up, and they end up with each other forever, that's destiny taking over right there.

[Jen]

But she had a hand in it. She was playing the Geppetto of Pinocchio the puppeteer.

[Bert]

But the fact that that phone with those pictures got into her hands, third or fourth generation, that was a sign that she followed. I like it.

[Melissa]

Destiny really could be for her friend,

[Bert]

but it could be for the friend also. Here is Beth Beck on the voice disguiser. Hey, Beth.

[Beth]

Hey.

[Bert]

Hi.

[Beth]

Hi.

[Bert]

How you been? What, you've been M.I.A. how have you been?

[Beth]

Oh, I've been really good.

[Melissa]

All right, tell us about it.

[Bert]

Yeah, give us an update here.

[Beth]

Okay, so as you guys know, Thursday night I finally met the guy that I've been sort of like, you know, looking for a little bit. And that night we went back to his house and we were like up all night playing Wii and talking and having a really, really great time. And it was super late and I slept over and he was a perfect gentleman and he slept on the couch. And I was like, you don't have to. It's fine. Like, you can stay in your bed, I'll stay on the couch, whatever. And he was like, absolutely not. You're staying in the bed, I'm staying on the couch. There's no arguing. Like that's what it's gonna be. I was like, okay.

[Bert]

Did that make him way hotter to you?

[Beth]

Yeah. Really, really kind, you know, and not sleazy. And then we've hung out a couple more times. We hung out on Sunday night. We hung out.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Bert]

And is he, is he still hanging out on the couch when you guys are spending the night together?

[Beth]

You know, like, we kissed and like, it's. It's progressing really nicely. Okay. And you know, I'm not staying at his house every time. I just like that it was that first night. And look, I'm not, I'm not saying that he's like the guy that I'm gonna marry, but like, at this moment in time, he's really, really great.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Bert]

How about that?

[Melissa]

Congratulations. Is your friend still hanging out? Is your friend still hanging out with his friend?

[Beth]

Uh huh.

[Melissa]

Is your. She is. Okay.

[Beth]

Yeah. Yeah. Wait. Okay. But here's, here's the one thing.

[Melissa]

Oh, okay.

[Beth]

I. The only thing that I did not take your advice on.

[Bert]

Oh, no, you didn't know. You did not tell him pictures. You did not tell him about the pictures.

[Beth]

The first night we were hanging out, we were. The first night we were talking all night long and. And I. I told him the story of how my cell phone broke and I bought this phone from friend. Friend, friend. And his picture and. Da, da. And he thought it was the funniest thing he's ever heard. He just laughed so hard and thought it was kind of cool.

[Wendy]

It's okay. Bert's mad.

[Bert]

I'm not. I just think it was a. Apparently he wasn't offended by it because you guys have seen each other.

[Beth]

He thought it was funny.

[Melissa]

Did you find it?

[Bert]

You must be super hot.

[Melissa]

I take it wasn't his phone though. If his Pictures were all over it.

[Beth]

No, it wasn't his phone. No.

[Jen]

Did he tell you whose it was?

[Beth]

Yeah, I mean, he was saying like it was to the. It was one of his female best friends. Like really good friends. Yeah.

[Bert]

Who obviously has something for him. If she's taking all these pictures of him without his shirt on, then she obviously has a little something something for him also.

[Beth]

I just think he's like a really funny guy and you know, he's one of those people that will kind of like do anything just to.

[Jen]

She's in a glow.

[Bert]

You're so funny. Will you take your shirt off so I can take your picture? Yeah.

[Wendy]

Captain Destiny would not throw a stick into the spokes of the bicycle of love.

[Bert]

No, this has nothing to do with him. This has something to do with the girl with the phone. I'm just saying be a little weary of her.

[Melissa]

Is she still his best friend?

[Beth]

I haven't asked too many questions about her, but this is.

[Wendy]

Hold on a minute.

[Jen]

Wait a minute. To drill him about this friend bird show. They've only been on a couple times.

[Wendy]

This is a happy ending.

[Bert]

You're right.

[Wendy]

This is a happy ending. It's 6:15 this morning. We're talking about.

[Melissa]

We don't know how to handle happy endings on this show.

[Wendy]

Here's how we wrap it up. We just say, you know what? Thank you for sharing your story with us, Beth. And we hope you have many years happily together with him.

[Melissa]

Congratulations, Bert.

[Wendy]

Say that.

[Bert]

No, I want that.

[Wendy]

Say it.

[Bert]

I want you to be together for the rest of your life and prove that destiny has taken over with no buts.

[Wendy]

No watch your back. No, I think he's cheating on you.

[Bert]

No, I want it all to work out. I want it to work out perfectly too.

[Wendy]

Carter,

[Melissa]

I wish you the best.

[Wendy]

Okay?

[Jen]

You're man girl.

[Hers Brand Announcer]

Wish you his girlfriend and have fun.

[Bert]

Yeah, go have fun with him because

[Melissa]

I think Destiny's too much pressure. Just go have fun with him. Good for you for chasing him down, finding him and hooking up with him. I think it's great.

[Wendy]

Wendy, wish her the best.

[Melissa]

I wish you his girlfriend and him the best.

[Bert]

I don't think he's got a girlfriend. I don't. And there's nothing wrong with the story. I'm just saying that whoever took those pictures of the dude had something for him. That's all.

[Beth]

Well, that's kind of her her deal. And that's not really about me or about him.

[Bert]

Yeah, go with it.

[Jen]

Is she in any of the pictures on the phone?

[Beth]

Say that again. Is he white?

[Jen]

Is she in any of the pictures on her old phone?

[Beth]

Oh, again, like, I didn't really ask him too many questions about. Because I didn't take the phone out and be like, show me which one she is. You know what I mean?

[Jen]

Yeah, but there are pictures of a girl in there.

[Beth]

Yeah.

[Bert]

Inconsequential.

[Melissa]

Got rid of the phone. No.

[Bert]

What did I just.

[Wendy]

You're not even.

[Bert]

You're not even listening to me. I just said inconsequential. Right.

[Wendy]

She's. The fact that she's still on the phone means that we will keep her.

[Melissa]

But I'm saying the happy ending to that is that the girl got rid of her phone. So obviously whatever that was is done.

[Bert]

It is done and over.

[Wendy]

It was probably.

[Jen]

I was just asking if you'd seen your picture to see if you're cuter.

[Bert]

You go get your man and you go follow it.

[Beth]

Okay?

[Bert]

But I do want to check back with you in like a month for sure.

[Wendy]

No, no, she's gone. She's.

[Bert]

I want to know.

[Wendy]

She's floating on a cloud.

[Bert]

I want to prove that destiny works.

[Jen]

Let's do like two weeks.

[Bert]

This is. This could be a very, very cool story.

[Melissa]

Then let it is already a cool story.

[Wendy]

We did this once before, before. Remember? We had somebody on and you're like, we're going to check in with you in six months. And like six months later, the guy had gotten her sister knocked up or something like that. Remember that?

[Bert]

You say, just let it go and let's just believe that it works out. Jen, why are you being so quiet?

[Jen]

I want to check back in.

[Bert]

So do I. I do too. We'll talk to you in a month.

[Wendy]

You guys are filthy tabloid horrors.

[Bert]

Bye. Bye.

[Beth]

Bye.

[Bert]

At least now everything is working out just fine.

[Jen]

We've been on a couple dates.

[Beth]

What's.

[Jen]

What's the harm in a follow up?

[Bert]

Indeed.

[Wendy]

I like it too.

[Bert]

I agreed.

[Wendy]

Why am I the only one on this show who can see Joy?

[Bert]

I'm all for it. I hope it works out. Well, we'll check back in a couple weeks. The third show.

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