Elizabeth (1:56)

Well, you know, Paris just opened her first nightclub. I mean, it's called Club Paris and it's in Orlando, Florida. And so that one just opened on New Year's Eve and she's opening a string of them around the country, New York, Vegas, L.A. and I think actually there's gonna be one in Paris. And so she's probably got this whole ego stroke going right now because she's got one chain of businesses with her name on it that's doing very well. So I'm thinking that she probably wants to do that in the fashion industry. But the other part of this is that Nikki's the fashion one. I mean, Nikki's the one that's been designing handbags. She's been the one who's been working in fashion pret heavily this, you know, entire time in her, you know, teenage to, you know, to adult woman life.

Host (possibly Burt) (2:37)

And the truth is, if they both got together, they'd probably have a better product. But then you get egos in the way, right? Because Paris certainly has the bigger than life attitude, and Nikki has the talent. So if you put them two together, they'd probably make a great team. But because of this sister competition going on, and sister rivalry just can't happen.

Melissa (2:53)

I mean, rich or poor doesn't matter. They're just showing that sisters, there's a. There's just this ingrained something between sisters. You know, I mean, my situation is a little unique. So I don't have the day in, day out in school kind of rivalry with my sister, because I was the pleasant surprise for my parents. So my sister is 10 years older than me. So the only. You know, and we're not at each other's throats like rival. Well, I guess we are sometimes, but. Because I think my brother's listening goes, yeah, you are all the time, But. But I think the only time that I could see where there was a competition that was just like. You could not help but notice again, my sister's 10 years older than me. And so she had gone to school but didn't finish her degree, went on, she got married, and then she got divorced. And then she was doing her career path and that kind of thing. So I was coming through school. I was about to graduate at Tennessee, and a semester. I mean, all of a sudden, my sister went back to school while I was in college. And the semester before I graduated from college, she got her bachelor's degree. Okay. I mean, big celebration for my sister. Everything's great. I graduate a semester later with very little fanfare. So, you know, so there was that big, noticeable, like, wait a second, after all this time, Is it just the timing that, you know, because she, of course, never says that has anything to do with the fact that I was graduating. It was just, you know, it just was coincidental.

Jen (4:12)

Her kid's sister to get a degree before.

Melissa (4:14)

Exactly. And so. And again, there was a lot more celebration for her graduation than there was for mine.

Host (possibly Burt) (4:19)

I wonder if there's anybody listening right now that, you know, you're. You're in like an unsaid competition with your sister even right now.

Melissa (4:25)

Oh, absolutely, it's unsaid.

Host (possibly Burt) (4:26)

But you guys know you're jockeying. 404-741-1005 I'm kind of in the same situation as Melissa.

Rachel (4:32)

Like, my sister and I are so different, so we haven't competed on a lot of different levels. But I know the one thing that bothers me more than anything else is her getting engaged before I do because she's six years younger than me or five and a half years younger than me. And just the fact that she could possibly get married and get engaged and have the big, huge hoopla of a wedding and, you know, kind of steal that thunder from me. Cause I'm the big sister. Like, I'm the older one.

Host (possibly Burt) (4:53)

Right.

Rachel (4:54)

And by her getting married before me, it kind of makes me feel like an old maid, you know, Like I'm kind of like, eh, old news. And my parents have already gone through the big, huge, exciting event and she was the princess. And then, you know, several years later, her older sister gets it.

Host (possibly Burt) (5:07)

So it's not even that she's engaged yet. Just the thought of her getting engaged before you kind of drives you crazy. So there's almost like this race to the altar.

Rachel (5:15)

Yeah, I mean, I know that, like, her. She had a boyfriend or whatever. She has a boyfriend. And he had put, you know, several. Like a year ago or whatever they were talking about, like, putting. Looking at rings and stuff like that. And I was like, whoa, we haven't even gone that far, you know. And they had just started dating. And I'm like, I put in three years with this guy and I'm not even that far. Like, no, that's not fair.

Elizabeth (5:35)

Is she in a serious relationship? So this is quite a possibility, right?

Host (possibly Burt) (5:39)

Oh, boy. Scott. Oh, I would hate to be Scott. The day we find out that her younger sister got engaged first.

Elizabeth (5:45)

That would be hard. That day. That would be hard.

Melissa (5:47)

And the theme, I think the theme is, like, parents are great, parents are loving. But one mistake that parents always make is when one child, especially same gender, does something, they don't give the same type of motivation to the second one that comes along with the same accomplishment.

Rachel (6:03)

My brother. There's all these pictures of my brother when he was a baby, and there's all those, you know, baby pictures of the first child, the second one comes along and there's none. And that's what's gonna happen to me, is there's gonna be this big, huge wedding and photo albums everywhere. And then for me, there'll be nothing.

Jen (6:18)

Hey, Rachel, enjoy that. Hey, guys, what's that city in Tennessee people go to get married?

Elizabeth (6:22)

Gatlinburg.

Melissa (6:23)

Come to Gatlinburg.

Jen (6:24)

Have a good time in Gatlinburg.

Host (possibly Burt) (6:26)

Hey, Rachel.

Sarah (6:27)

Hey, guys.

Host (possibly Burt) (6:28)

What's going on?

Sarah (6:29)

I have the worst sister rivalry in the world.

Melissa (6:31)

Really?

Sarah (6:32)

There is 13 years difference between my sister and I. And they had her when they were really young and they were further along in life when they had me and they were able to give me more than they were to her. So there's just a constant rivalry there. And the fact that I've gone on to college now and, you know, she barely finished high school, she tried to run to college and get enrolled before I did and unfortunately I beat her. Beat her to it. And it's been a constant rivalry between the two of us as far as school and stuff goes as well.

Melissa (7:04)

And I go back, you know what, and maybe this is different for you because, you know, same age difference that all three of us have an age difference between our sisters and us. But I think I put a. I bring back to the, to the parents. Because the thing is, like, I was proud that my sister graduated from college. I mean, I know that she worked so hard to get that. I just felt, when I felt robbed was when I came through and finished my degree and got nothing. Like, you know, and that is not my sister's fault. That's the family's fault. You know, like, they were so close together. So I don't think my sister was attempting to rob me of anything. But I do think that her motivation was the fact she didn't want her baby sister to graduate before. But the family contributes to all this.

Host (possibly Burt) (7:45)

Hey, Patricia, you're on all the hits. Q100. Hi.

Sarah (7:47)

Hey. I just want to tell you, like, I'm the younger sister. And when I got engaged, my sister, like when I was three months engaged and I had a six month engagement, she went and eloped and got married while I was engaged. And I was like, okay. No one expected it. No one knew it was coming. It was just, I totally feel, I'm four years younger than her, that she really needed to get that done before I did.

Elizabeth (8:10)

Was she trying to steal your thunder, you think?

Sarah (8:12)

Yeah, yeah, definitely. Definitely. I was like, okay, you went and got engaged to this guy and he was like, 21. She was 28, you know, and the marriage lasted. I think it was just about over when I was getting married. So it was, like, really interesting, the whole thing.

Host (possibly Burt) (8:27)

So you think that she did it, like, purposely just to steal your thunder?

Sarah (8:31)

Absolutely.

Host (possibly Burt) (8:32)

Really?

Sarah (8:32)

Yes, absolutely.

Elizabeth (8:33)

That's sad. That is so sad. I don't have the same thing because I just have a brother. And I think it's so different when you have two different sexes. I think it's. When it's the same sex, there's a much bigger competition. I have.

Rachel (8:44)

Obviously, my parents are divorced, so I have several sisters. Now. The one I was talking. The other one I was talking about is my mom's daughter. I feel it worse, I think, with my dad's daughter. Like, he only has one other daughter, and she's. I mean, she's 14, 15 years old now, and she's my little sister, and I adore her. But it's just every time my dad calls up and says, oh, Lisa did this, or Lisa's so great at this, or Lisa, you know, is, you know, I don't know, like, she's into sports and stuff like that. And he's so proud of that. I crazy cringe every time he calls because I'm like, well, you used to be proud of me. And I always got good grades. And I. Yeah, so I didn't do sports, but I was always good in theater. And what about all that? Like, I cringe every time he talks about how proud he is of her, because I'm like, what about me?

Elizabeth (9:25)

But Tracy, she's 14.

Rachel (9:27)

I know.

Jen (9:28)

You know what the saddest thing is?

Melissa (9:29)

It doesn't matter. Well, the thing is, you have parents. You really have to be careful when you have more than one child, especially two of the same, whether it's two boys or two girls, because your relationship with that parent is going to be threatened. Like him telling Tracy about it. I know his intention is not bad, but it does bring. It threatens their relationship.

Rachel (9:48)

And you're always Daddy's little. Like, there's no other Daddy's little girl, you know, like, you have it all to yourself, but it's just when you've been Daddy's little girl your whole life, and then all of a sudden there's somebody else, Daddy's little girl. That hurts.

Melissa (9:59)

Or like your older sister was Daddy's little girl, and you never reached that stage, as in my case.

Host (possibly Burt) (10:04)

Let's take it from Mom's perspective. Hey, Shannon.

Sarah (10:07)

Hello.

Host (possibly Burt) (10:07)

Hi.

Sarah (10:09)

I have two little girls, and I do the same thing whenever My oldest one, like, when she scored her first goal, it was this big thing in soccer. And now the youngest one, when she did it, it was like, yay. And it goes to homework. It goes to everything. It's the excitement, I guess. It's hard to be done. It.

Host (possibly Burt) (10:25)

It's gotta be so hard because that first one, everything is so unique. You've never had the experience before. Now, of course, with the second one, you've never had the experience before with the second one, but you sort of live through it. So it makes sense that it would only be natural that you're not naturally more excited.

Melissa (10:41)

Can I tell you from that younger daughter's perspective what her issue in life will be is. I know from my perspective, I never felt good enough. Like, I. Even as an adult, that is the underlying in the back of my mind idea that comes into place is that I'm not good enough because I did not get the fanfare that my other siblings got. Now my brother, he's the. He and I are very close and he's the only boy. So being the only boy, especially in the Southern family, also brings a lot of fanfare. So I get left out a lot. And so I just think, you know, you have to as a parent, that's your job, man. You got to step it up for that second child, too, and that third child. That's your job. Because if you don't, they pay for it the rest of their life.

Sarah (11:22)

Oh, I agree. It's just so hard.

Host (possibly Burt) (11:24)

Yeah.

Jen (11:25)

Your daughter is on the fast track to become a lesbian with a bad.

Melissa (11:27)

Kidney and it's all mom and Dad's fault.

Host (possibly Burt) (11:32)

Good morning, Katie. You're on all the hits. Q100.

Sarah (11:35)

Hey, I totally agree with Melissa about that. I'm the younger of the two and like, completely bizarre things, like my sister is two years older than me and she graduated from high school, obviously, guess what, two years earlier than I did. So we have, you know, a summer picnic thing at my grandparents, and they're introducing her around. It's like, oh, look, it's Karen, the smart one. She just graduated from high school. They literally introduced her as the smart one.

Host (possibly Burt) (12:07)

Okay.

Sarah (12:09)

You know, when she turns 16, she gets a brand new car, blah, blah.

Melissa (12:13)

Blah, right off the lot.

Sarah (12:15)

And then when I, you know, I'm in college and everything, by the time I get one, and it's like this used escort, like, 10 years old thing. And then when we graduate from college, she has like this half carat, you know, diamond, you know, pendant, and I get this genuine simulated diamel chip. You know, it's a continuous. You know, what, Am I just not good enough? Am I, you know, was I, you know, some kind of disappointment or something?

Host (possibly Burt) (12:46)

But the question is, is it really a sibling rivalry or does. Is it the parents that are making it the competition between the two. Hey, Wendy.

Sarah (12:54)

Hey. It's the parents. I have two baby. Actually, I'm one of six kids. I'm next to oldest. I have two baby sisters. One is 10 years behind me and one's eight years behind me, and one's a half and one's a. And there is absolutely no competition between us. However, there is competition between the parents. My stepsister's mother has to be the best parent, so we've had problems with her. Oh, my gosh. Christmas at their house is just absolutely amazing. I wish I was her daughter just for that. Christmas presents are just, oh, my gosh, so expensive. She puts herself in debt every year with that. And then with my sister, though, my half sister, my stepmother. I mean, she loves me terribly, but I'm not her daughter. And so that's where the. Any competition would come in. It's a constant competition to get on her radar screen just so that she could say, oh, hey, look, I do have another daughter. She might be a step, but, you know, this is still my other daughter.

Melissa (13:46)

I mean, I. It totally. I told friends this. My career path was. Was based on the whole not getting the attention, not getting, not feeling good enough. The fact that I'm on the radio today has everything to do with the way that I felt growing up about not being good enough. I need to do something and more exciting in order just to get the same amount of attention, you know, and make up for whatever. So my whole life felt like I was making up for not being good enough because I wasn't, you know, Melanie or Michael. And so, I mean. And it's ridiculous. It is ridiculous. As an adult, it is totally ridiculous. And I'm not saying my father and mother were evil people, but that's a result of parents not being able to act for their, you know, subsequent children.

Jen (14:30)

Did your mom give either your sister or brother a generic Christmas present this year or just you?

Melissa (14:35)

No, just me. Yeah, she sure did. That's right. That only happens. She would never have done that to the other children. And, yeah, Melanie, she got a yellow Mustang when she was 16. Brand new. It's really cool, you know, custom stuff on it. And I actually shared a car with Millie Pete when I was in high school.

Host (possibly Burt) (14:51)

Dude, those scars never go away. They never Go away, dude.

Jen (14:55)

Wood paneling's coming back.

Melissa (14:56)

Huh?

Jen (14:57)

Wood paneling's coming back?

Melissa (14:58)

Sure.

Jen (14:59)

You're a badass in that car.

Host (possibly Burt) (15:00)

Get the station wagon with the seat facing backwards. It's all yours. The Birch Show.

Jen (15:13)

Did you see the game last night? Of course you did. Because you used Instacart to do your grocery restock. Plus you got snacks for the game, all without missing a single play. And that's on multitasking. So we're not saying that Instacart is a hack for game day, but it might be the ultimate play this football season. Enjoy. $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees apply for three orders in 14 days. Excludes restaurants. Instacart. We're here.

Host (possibly Burt) (15:38)

Hello, listeners, meet Lisa.

Melissa (15:40)

Hey there.

Host (possibly Burt) (15:41)

Lisa runs an online boutique specializing in sustainable fashion. With Acast, she found a whole new way to reach eco conscious shoppers.

Melissa (15:48)

Yep. I recorded a quick ad targeted listeners interested in fashion and sustainability using Acast audience attributes targeting feature and set my budget. Before I knew it, people all over were hearing about my shop.

Host (possibly Burt) (16:00)

Now that's a smart way to grow your business. Hey, Lisa, what's trending right now?

Melissa (16:04)

Shopping sustainably. And my sales, of course.

Host (possibly Burt) (16:07)

Start reaching your ideal audience through podcast ads with Acast. Visit go.acast.com advertise to get started. All right, let's recap quickly. Yesterday, we got into talking about family interventions when a woman named Sarah gave us a call and told us she was on the brink of doing one of these herself. Hey, Sarah, you're on all the hits. Q100. Hi.

Sarah (16:37)

I'm actually working up the courage for my own intervention. And this is actually with my mom. Fiance. This will be if it goes through my mother's fourth marriage. And I love my mother, honestly, but it's a pattern with my mom. My mom uses men.

Jen (16:59)

And you're doing the intervention. You're intervening with your mom or you're intervening with the man your mom wants to marry?

Sarah (17:05)

The man my mom wants to marry.

Melissa (17:06)

Are you gonna tell him to leave or not marry her?

Sarah (17:09)

I'm gonna. He's a great guy. He's a sweetheart. But my mom will cheat on him.

Melissa (17:15)

Oh.

Sarah (17:16)

Oh, she has done. She did it to my dad. She did it to my stepdad. She has a view of men that it's like, you know, if she. She. She feels that marriage is something that's not natural and that if she starts to get unhappy, she just goes out of the marriage.

Host (possibly Burt) (17:35)

Well, if she thinks that marriage isn't natural, why is she getting Married.

Sarah (17:38)

Because she likes to have somebody around.

Host (possibly Burt) (17:40)

Go ahead, Nikki. You're on the Burt Show.

Sarah (17:42)

I'd like to commend her for deciding to take a stance on what is right and what is wrong. I think that she's doing the right thing. I think it takes a lot of guts.

Host (possibly Burt) (17:54)

Hey, Sarah, here's what I want to. Here's what I want to do with you, Sarah. I want to get your phone number, and I want you to give us a call back once you. Right before you're about to do this intervention thing, and then we'll talk to you after it also.

Sarah (18:03)

Okay, that sounds good.

Host (possibly Burt) (18:05)

Now, when we left the show yesterday, it was gonna be months before she had that intervention. Then I got an instant message from Tracy saying that, you know what? She can get in touch with her brother. She was gonna do it last night, and we felt.

Melissa (18:17)

I mean, I mentioned how it's probably better for her to do it last night because her, the mother, and the fiance were gonna get married in about two months. So the longer she waited, the closer to the wedding date she was gonna get.

Host (possibly Burt) (18:27)

Hey, Sarah.

Sarah (18:28)

Hi.

Host (possibly Burt) (18:29)

Good morning. Thanks for joining us again.

Sarah (18:31)

Sure.

Host (possibly Burt) (18:33)

So I'm guessing that you got in touch with your brother sometime yesterday, and you decided to pull the trigger on this thing.

Sarah (18:39)

Yes.

Host (possibly Burt) (18:40)

Okay. You want to take it from there?

Sarah (18:42)

Sure. Called my brother. He agreed to do it, and he just. He agreed to bring his wife. So the three of us went to my mom's fiance's, and we started telling him this, and he felt very uncomfortable, you know, because my mom wasn't there. So he said, I really want your mother to be here for this. So he called my mother.

Host (possibly Burt) (19:04)

Okay, let's stop there for just a second. That's a good place to stop. All right, Just give us some details on some of the things that you were telling the fiance, like, where did you come from? What were some of the points that you. You brought up that, look, this is not a woman you want to marry.

Sarah (19:20)

Well, you know what? We were really positive at first, you know, because we thought that would be a good method, you know, to start, like, you know, we told him how much we loved him. We said how much we loved my mom and how we loved both of them together, but we didn't think that them getting married was the right decision. And this is why, you know, that my mother, she deals with marriage in a very strange way. She probably should have never gotten married, but she did. And this is what she did in each of her marriages. That's how we approached it. So it wasn't like we really just railed on my mother.

Host (possibly Burt) (19:56)

You were just kind of establishing a pattern that she had in other relationships, and one of, like. I mean, the tone of this is more of protection than anything else.

Sarah (20:05)

Exactly. And, you know, we. We. The angle we went into, it was like, you know, we love you and we love her, but it wasn't like, oh, my God, my mom is such a slut. And, you know, even though that's what you really think. Well, yeah.

Elizabeth (20:20)

Okay, I want to know even before that, like, before you even started talking to him about all this stuff, when you guys show up, the three of you, and knock on his door, what's his reaction to that in the first place?

Sarah (20:30)

No, I called him.

Elizabeth (20:32)

You said you guys were coming over.

Sarah (20:34)

Yeah.

Elizabeth (20:34)

And what'd you tell him you were coming over for? Wouldn't that be weird?

Sarah (20:37)

I just said we wanted to say hi, we wanted to talk. He didn't think anything of it.

Melissa (20:42)

Well, I would think he's about to marry their mother, so I don't know if that's weird. I mean, you said you already have a relationship with him, right?

Sarah (20:48)

Oh, yeah. And I mean, like, I'll go to his place for dinner and vice versa. I mean, we're very close. That's the whole point of this. I mean, if I didn't really care for him that much, I'd be like, oh, fine. You know, your loss, you know, your mistake.

Host (possibly Burt) (21:03)

Okay, so you. The three of you go over there. He's getting uncomfortable because you're starting to lay all this on him. And he says, look, this doesn't seem fair to me. Let's call your mother. And that's what you do, right? Okay, let's go ahead into chapter two.

Jen (21:16)

Round two. Ding, ding.

Sarah (21:17)

So my mom comes, and, you know, immediately my mom felt threatened. She couldn't believe that we were there. She couldn't believe what we were talking about. And my mom likes wine, okay? So she started popping the wine. She started downing a few glasses. So she started getting a little drunk and a little angry. And I just said, look. And my brother said it, too. Look, this is your history. We're just trying to help you. We were trying to help him, and my brother got a little mad at my mom for getting kind of drunk. She gets mean when she drinks. And she kind of berated him a bit, so he lashed out at her. And my brother's wife got mad at him because of the way he was speaking to her. So she storms out. Okay, so his wife leaves, right? And Then my brother and I are trying to deal with that, and my mom is still really upset. So then I ended up getting mad at my brother because of the way he was talking to his wife. So then he leaves. He's like, I'm done with this. And then he leaves. Okay. So I'm left there.

Melissa (22:33)

Well, can I. Can I make a few comments real quick?

Elizabeth (22:37)

I.

Melissa (22:37)

My only concern, and it was my. This is my same concern yesterday is the fact that you just sound like you're such the victim. Well, mom then start. She for some reason seemed, you know, threatened. And then she started drinking wine and she got drunk and she got mad, you know, and it just seems to me that, I mean, you have to understand, she's walking into her entire family who is against her at this point, and only her fiance is the one standing up for her. So, you know, you're getting. I mean, to me, the brother's wife is the one that seemed to have some sense in that because she didn't think what was going on was right.

Sarah (23:10)

Well, it gets better.

Melissa (23:11)

Okay.

Elizabeth (23:13)

Or worse.

Host (possibly Burt) (23:13)

Right?

Sarah (23:14)

Worse. Okay. So my brother told. My brother left. Right. Mm. So then my mom and I now at this point, she's just like, you know, she's drank like a whole bottle of wine. It's like. It's not pretty. We're kind of going at it. And then past situations start coming up, and I just telling her now how she never supported me and blah. It started to get into many other issues.

Melissa (23:39)

Bringing the whole basket is stuff in.

Jen (23:41)

Oh, yeah.

Sarah (23:42)

Our whole lives, like. And I got. I told. I just said about how I've never forgiven her for cheating on my father. And it was. It was bad. And my mom's fiance kicks me out.

Host (possibly Burt) (23:59)

What a mess.

Sarah (24:00)

What a mess for talking to her like that. So the only people speaking are my mom and her fiance.

Host (possibly Burt) (24:10)

You gotta kinda look at this just for a second from her angle here. I mean, imagine the betrayal she must have felt when she walked in there and her children are talking this way about her. I mean, the sense of betrayal in that case must have been overwhelming to her.

Sarah (24:27)

I guess so. But, you know, honestly. Well, first of all, I'm so numb right now. I mean, I went through, like, being. I was furious, and then I started crying, and now I'm just really numb. It's just like, this man's gonna marry my slutty mother. And you know, there's not. You say, oh, but you didn't live a life that we lived. You have no idea.

Melissa (24:50)

And that's true. That's true. I just. You know, one thing is, I think, though, you. You might have gotten down to the point, the first point of your looking down upon your mother when you said that you never forgave her. I mean, I know it took an ugly situation for you to finally get that out, but I'm just wondering, is this whole time just because of the betrayal on your father? You know what I mean? I mean.

Sarah (25:09)

Oh, it's more. It's more than the way my. You know, I mean, I don't want to get into all the details of my. The specifics of my mother not really being a mother. But that's the crux of it, you know? I mean, you know, not everybody's meant to be a parent, and my mom certainly wasn't meant to be a parent and wasn't meant to be married. And I. You know, I just feel bad she's going to ruin another man's life, but I guess so be it, right? We tried.

Host (possibly Burt) (25:32)

All right, Sarah, hold on here. A lot of calls are coming in, and I know you're kind of in a vulnerable state, but I hope you didn't hear from me. You didn't come here for a lot of comfort, because I don't think you're gonna get it this morning. Good morning, Elizabeth. You're on the Bird show. All the hits. Q100.

Sarah (25:45)

Hi. I'm sorry. How old are you? How old am I? Yeah. 28. 28. Okay. So you're an adult now, and you have your own relationships going on, and she's an adult. You need to let her have her own life. Who are you to decide whether or not she should be married ever?

Host (possibly Burt) (26:04)

I think that Melissa. I'm no psychologist, but I wonder if Melissa doesn't bring up a fantastic point that while there are a whole bunch of history. Yeah. The history here is the hurt of you from your childhood. I wonder if this wasn't you just kind of lashing back because your mom had the affairs on your dad.

Sarah (26:20)

Well, you know, my brother was right there with me. It's the way she. It's a pattern she has of cheating on men, and she's already cheated on him. You know, for me to sit back and not do anything to a man I care about and why. It would be like. If you. Can you imagine if you had a daughter or a son and you knew they were making a huge mistake, wouldn't you confront them?

Host (possibly Burt) (26:40)

Well, I would go directly to my son or my daughter. I wouldn't go to the fiance.

Elizabeth (26:45)

Well, did the affair did the affair that she has already had on him, did that come out last night? Did you throw. What you said your mom already has had affair on her fiance.

Sarah (26:56)

Yes, it came out last. Oh, no, that didn't.

Host (possibly Burt) (26:58)

That did not come out. Okay.

Jen (27:00)

That's good. At least.

Melissa (27:01)

Yeah.

Host (possibly Burt) (27:02)

At least you got that going for you. Good morning, Andy. You're on the Burt show. All the hits Q100.

Sarah (27:07)

Yeah, I totally feel like what she did was to try to protect him, but the problem was, was that you and the brother and the sister in law got off topic. You exposed years and years of historical feeling, and it turned into a lashing between your mom and kids versus what you were there to do, which was to protect the fiance. So I think that maybe you should have the conversation with your mom offhand and, you know, resolve what you guys have, because it sounds like it's just a lot of betrayal. And then maybe you can try to approach repair this. I don't know if you can even bring it up with the fiance again, but she just diverted from the topic.

Host (possibly Burt) (27:45)

That make any sense to you, Sarah?

Sarah (27:46)

Well, it makes sense, but unfortunately, nobody's talking but my mom and her fiance.

Host (possibly Burt) (27:52)

What do you mean you feel like we're not.

Sarah (27:55)

Nobody's speaking to anyone.

Elizabeth (27:57)

Do you feel like.

Sarah (27:57)

Not like I can call up and be like, I'm sorry, Mom.

Melissa (28:01)

Why not?

Host (possibly Burt) (28:02)

Yeah, why not?

Sarah (28:03)

She won't take my phone call.

Host (possibly Burt) (28:04)

Well, it's gonna take some time.

Melissa (28:06)

No, but doesn't mean you have to. Your actions can't be because of somebody else's reactions, you know?

Elizabeth (28:11)

Do you feel like this whole thing last night caused more of an alliance between her and her fiance? Did the opposite of what you were trying to do?

Sarah (28:18)

Yes.

Host (possibly Burt) (28:19)

Yeah, I mean, essentially. I mean, if you look back at it, Sarah here, nothing good came of this.

Sarah (28:23)

No, nothing except that we got our feelings out.

Host (possibly Burt) (28:27)

Yeah, I mean, there's something to be said for that. I think if they're. If they're genuine, I think something good could have been.

Melissa (28:31)

I don't think it's a wasted action. I think something good could eventually come out of it because she. I mean, your mom now sees how hurt you and you know, her two children are.

Sarah (28:38)

Maybe they won't get married. Who knows?

Host (possibly Burt) (28:40)

Well, Carla, good morning. You're on the Burt show. All the hits Q100.

Sarah (28:45)

Hi. I just wanted to say she just completely went about this the wrong way. She should have approached her mother first and pulled her mother aside and said, look, mom, you know, this is your history. Are you sure you're doing the right thing. You know, maybe you guys need to sit down and talk about this. But to go to him behind her back, of course she feels betrayed. Who wouldn't. I wouldn't take her phone calls either. I mean, she completely went behind her mother's back and tried to undermine, you know, the relationship that she has with this man. And she is a grown up and he's a grown up and, and does he not have any idea, you know, certainly he knows that this is going to be her fourth marriage. Certainly he knows. Obviously she's not too great at it, but it's not your place to step. She's not your child. She's not your child. You know, maybe this will be different if she was your child, but she's an adult and, and for you to step in. Of course she feels betrayed. Who wouldn't feel betrayed by that? First of all. And now you've ruined your relationship with these people that you claim to care so much about. I'm not even going to try to speak.

Jen (29:48)

Have a good time.

Sarah (29:49)

Can I talk?

Host (possibly Burt) (29:49)

Yeah, go ahead.

Sarah (29:50)

Okay. First of all, just because you're an adult doesn't mean you act like an adult. And second of all, my mother and I have had conversations in the past about her behavior and she's completely oblivious to hurting other people.

Melissa (30:04)

But I think you just have to let it go.

Jen (30:05)

Like, if that's your job to police that.

Melissa (30:08)

Yeah, you just go and live your life normally.

Sarah (30:11)

In the last two marriages, I didn't do a thing. I became very close to this man. He became like my father. And I did not want to see him hurt.

Melissa (30:20)

See, I think that's where this all stems from. I really think that you associate every man that she marries with your father.

Jen (30:27)

You gotta look out for you and stop looking out for your mom. Like, let her do what she's gonna do. Just make your. Make sure yourself. You yourself are protected.

Melissa (30:36)

And the thing is, you feel like your mother betrayed your father. Well, you betrayed your mother last night.

Host (possibly Burt) (30:39)

Yeah, I mean, I can't imagine that kind of hurt. Like, as a parent, the only thing you hope for as your children get older is that they still honor you and they still understand you. And I mean, essentially, we want to be our children's heroes. And to hear the disappointment and to hear the betrayal actually come out of my own child's mouth that how much of a disappointment and how much I disapprove of their life and how that would just. It would cut to the core for me.

Sarah (31:05)

Yeah, but you've never Done anything bad to your children.

Host (possibly Burt) (31:10)

I'm just. What I'm saying here is.

Sarah (31:12)

You know what I'm saying, though? But what I'm saying to you, idealistically.

Host (possibly Burt) (31:15)

What I'm saying to you is just to hear that kind of betrayal. I mean, if you approach your mom, that's one thing. That's not betrayal. That's confronting. But when you step out of the family and you talk to a third party about it, it takes it to a completely different element, even if they deserve it.

Elizabeth (31:32)

Like, I don't agree with. With her actions. Exactly. But in theory, what you're saying is that, like, if you apply it to your life, I mean, you've said some pretty bad things about your parents, but they weren't the best parents. So you're almost giving her the opposite of advice of your actions in the past.

Host (possibly Burt) (31:50)

I'm not exactly sure how that by me relaying what happened with my family is the same as going, like, right to my dad's girlfriend.

Elizabeth (31:58)

Okay, I. I don't think that it's the same thing, but just the advice that you were giving her, if you gave that to yourself, it would be different. You know what I mean?

Host (possibly Burt) (32:06)

No, because I confronted my dad. I wouldn't go ahead and confront her.

Sarah (32:10)

Yeah, but how did your dad respond?

Host (possibly Burt) (32:12)

Terribly. Terribly.

Sarah (32:13)

Okay. I confronted my mom. Do you. I mean, it depends on your relationship with his wife.

Melissa (32:19)

I just think. I don't know what you. What your agenda is. Like, what final goal are you trying to achieve? You did. You did your part by going to your mom. Okay, so your mom didn't respond to it. Okay, fine. Then you move on with your life. You did what you did. You did. You did what you could. I respect Bert because he directly went to his father and tried it on several occasions. He didn't get the happy ending he may have wanted, but at least he did it. And he's walked. You know, he walks away knowing he did the right thing for you. You know, I don't know. You keep going and you keep going. You think your mother's stubborn, you're being stubborn, too. And I don't know what your end goal is.

Sarah (32:51)

I really don't have a goal anymore.

Jen (32:53)

I can't say, because, you know, making it more personal. Like Jen was doing with your family. Bert. Like, I can't. Like, I can almost see where Jen's coming from because I think if your dad found himself a great girl, but you knew that he didn't change his ways, and you love that girl. I could see you going to her. I could see you struggling with it, but I could see in the end you going like, look, I don't think you see this side of my dad, but this is what happened when I was growing up. And I know it's still going on now.

Host (possibly Burt) (33:18)

I don't know. I can't deny that. Let me take a support call for you because you're taking a lot of.

Jen (33:22)

Because you're getting your ass kicked.

Host (possibly Burt) (33:23)

Yeah, you're getting your ass kicked by our listeners. So let's at least get some representation from the other side before we move on. Good morning, Lisa.

Sarah (33:30)

Hi. Good morning.

Host (possibly Burt) (33:31)

Hi.

Sarah (33:31)

I wanted to call and say, okay, look, maybe she didn't go about it the best way, but the fact is at least she's grown up with some morals, no thanks to her mother. And she feels a responsibility to tell this guy, look, this is how my mother is. You need to be aware whether she went to her mother or not, because she's probably tried to go to her mother before. She's gotten nowhere. So she felt responsible. She has a conscience and she has some loath.

Host (possibly Burt) (33:56)

All right, now the calls are starting to come in supporting you. Hey, Amanda.

Sarah (33:59)

Hey.

Host (possibly Burt) (34:00)

Go ahead.

Sarah (34:00)

I totally agree with her. If my mother or my father had done that, I would absolutely do the same exact thing that she did. I absolutely agree with her.

Jen (34:11)

I think she sold me.

Host (possibly Burt) (34:13)

She sold you on it. I can't see it that way.

Jen (34:18)

How many chances does she give her mom to screw up someone else's life that affects her? Like your argument is. Well, she's an adult.

Host (possibly Burt) (34:24)

I think this had very little to do with the fiance and had, like Melissa said, had everything to do with her relationship with her mom.

Jen (34:29)

Well, we can only go by what she's saying, and she's saying it's not about the relationship. Relationship with her mom.

Melissa (34:33)

So why, why she's, I mean, like, I mean. Well, Jeff, you had the opinion, you know, similar to mine earlier, about she, you know, move on. Like you're, you are an adult. You're a 28 year old woman that needs, instead of being so obsessed with your mother's relationship, move on. I mean, let it, let it evolve the way it's supposed to because your.

Jen (34:50)

Mom is bringing people into your life. Like, that's your mom and she's bringing in a stepdad. And even if you are 28 years old, I mean, that's.

Melissa (34:58)

But she doesn't dictate the family. She's not the matriarch or the family. And she can't tell everybody what to.

Jen (35:01)

Do if the mom is immature, Somebody has to be immature. And sometime that's the kid.

Melissa (35:05)

She's not. She's not her mom's mom. Sorry.

Host (possibly Burt) (35:07)

Once again, these family things are so complicated. That's why Endorse cut everybody off. Everybody. Mothers, fathers, cousins, brothers, everybody. You don't have to worry about this. Hey, Sarah.

Sarah (35:16)

Yeah.

Melissa (35:17)

All right.

Host (possibly Burt) (35:17)

Thank you for sharing with us. You certainly gave us something to chew on for a while. I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you liked it to, you know, and it almost.

Melissa (35:24)

It won't always be this way. I mean, let things simmer, but, I mean, things always change within a family, and it can always get better. They can.

Sarah (35:33)

No, I hear you. I'm gonna call. I'm gonna try to call him. So we'll see what happens.

Host (possibly Burt) (35:37)

We're gonna keep in touch with you because I know we're gonna get a ton of emails from people that want to hear from you over the next couple of weeks. So we'll keep in touch with you. Is that cool?

Sarah (35:44)

Cool.

Melissa (35:44)

Good luck. Thanks, Sarah.

Host (possibly Burt) (35:46)

Good luck. Bye. Now. The bird show.

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