The Bert Show — Full Show PT 2: Wednesday, February 18 [Vault]

Release Date: February 18, 2026
Hosts: Bert (Host 1), Jim or Jen (Host 2), Jeff (Host 3), other Bert Show cast
Summary by: Podcast Summarizer AI

Episode Overview

This episode captures the trademark mix of humor, authenticity, and listener interaction that defines The Bert Show. The hosts dive into playful yet honest conversations about celebrity crushes and tattoo culture, share a listener’s powerful decision to join the military at 37, and round it off with a wild commentary on the misuse of 911—all wrapped in the show’s irreverent, empathetic spirit.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Celebrity Crushes & Tattoo Taboos

[01:30 – 13:10]

• Sean William Scott & “Tramp Stamp” Talk:
  • A host reveals her long-time crush on Sean William Scott is wavering after discovering he has a “tramp stamp” (a tattoo on the lower back).
    • “He has four tattoos... the last one says ‘Amo’—Latin for ‘I love’—on his tailbone.” — Bert, [02:02]
  • The group debates the acceptability of lower-back tattoos on men. The conversation morphs into a callout for any heterosexual men with such tattoos to call in.
    • “How do you make out with a man who has a tramp stamp?” — Bert, [02:29]
    • The segment teases at “impossible questions” and explores perceptions of masculinity and tattoo choices.
• Listeners and Tattoo Artists Chime In:
  • A tattoo artist, Puck, calls in to discuss tattoo placements he’s done—including one for a man who wanted "inspiration" in Old English across his lower back "for the ladies.”
    • “Why are the ladies staring at the small of your back?” — Host, [05:35]
  • Puck describes the most unusual places he’s tattooed—including his own testicles with the phrase “New South.”
    • “Where’s your most unusual tattoo, and what is it?” — “My testicles.” — Puck & Host, [06:54]
    • “Because the New South’s always knocking at your back door.”* — Puck, [07:15]
  • Conversation turns to scarification, with Puck explaining techniques and motivations behind the practice.
    • "Some people don't want to be tattooed. They prefer that the scar is more beautiful than a scar with ink.” — Puck, [09:57]
• Listener Stories:
  • A caller shares her experience of meeting a guy with his mother’s name tattooed on his lower back, casting doubts on their potential relationship.
    • “Makes me wonder a little bit. It’s his mom’s name.” — Amanda (Caller), [10:55]
  • Another listener reveals her husband has a lower-back tattoo chosen by his ex-fiancée.

Notable Quotes

• “I know it’s supposed to be trashy, but I still think it’s sexy.” — Host 2, [03:37]
• “If I had any cojones at all, I would do that. But I don’t.” — Bert, [04:25]
• “On a scale of 1 to 10, the pain was a 13.” — Puck, [07:38]
• “The more it hurts, the more you laugh half the time.” — Puck, [07:52]

2. Midlife Military Calling: John’s Story

[14:14 – 23:57]

• Listener John Calls In:
  • At 37, John left a comfortable career for a sense of purpose by joining the Army.
    • “I was going and sitting in a cubicle all day long, doing my job and just feeling like I was working for the paycheck and nothing else.” — John, [14:52]
  • Recounts initial rejection by the Air Force (age limit), but the Army accepted him after waivers and physicals.
    • “The Army is the only branch of the service that will commission people up to age 40.” — John, [16:29]
  • Describes family reaction—especially his parents' anxiety—and his own reasons rooted in childhood aspiration and a sense of calling.
    • “I think my mom and dad are both concerned that I’m going to be killed by the Iraqis on my way to boot camp.” — John, [17:11]
    • “There’s always been this burning desire to serve in the military and give back to my country.” — John, [17:45]
  • Host and callers express admiration.
    • “Kudos to you for actually taking action and making your dreams a reality.” — Bert, [23:40]
• Community Support:
  • Another listener, Laurie, calls to thank John and share her husband’s similar journey from IBM to Army Commander.
    • “My husband believes in what he does and he’s so passionate about it.” — Laurie, [20:18]
  • Valerie calls in to see if she can write John letters as a pen pal.
    • “Someone to encourage him as he goes through his trial.” — Valerie, [22:27]
  • John shares he’ll keep in touch via Facebook and through letters via The Bert Show.

Notable Quotes

• “If you don’t support the war, you have to at least support the troops.” — John, [22:15]
• “No, I’m actually never married and have no children.” — John, [23:17]

3. 911 Over Sandwich Drama

[26:18 – 34:23]

• Wing Restaurant Refund Fiasco:
  • Listener Angel recounts customers calling 911 over being denied a refund for eaten wings, eventually getting arrested for trespassing.
    • “They ate all their wings and then wanted a refund… So they called 911.” — Angel, [26:22]
• Subway 911 Call Playback:
  • Bert Show plays two actual 911 calls made by a man who believes being shorted spicy Italian sauce on his Subway sandwich is a true emergency.
    • “Sir, I’m not leaving here until I get what I paid for.” — 911 Caller, [28:17]
  • The group analyzes the problem of people misusing emergency services and reflects on the subjective nature of “emergencies.”
    • “Most people don’t need this explanation, okay?” — Bert, [27:33]
    • “Property or health is in danger—that’s an emergency.” — Jeff, [27:17]
  • Jokes abound as the group explores what real emergencies are, and how dispatchers handle frivolous calls.

Notable Quotes

• “Everybody’s common sense is different.” — Host 2, [27:35]
• “Do you think there’s any chance that the 911 dispatchers were starting to jack with them at that time?” — Host 2, [32:23]
• “I think Melissa might have a point—technically that’s a theft, right?” — Jeff, [32:30]

Memorable Moments & Humor

• Bert’s incredulity at male “tramp stamps” and the panel’s riffing on tattoo choices.
• The vivid (and outrageous) tattoo stories from Puck, including the infamous “New South” testicle tattoo and scarification.
• John’s heartfelt reflection on finding meaning through sacrifice—sparking honest, supportive dialogue.
• The crew’s animated play-by-play and comedic critique of petty reasons people call 911—with hilarious speculations about dispatchers’ true reactions.

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Tattoo Taboos & Sean William Scott Crush: 01:30–13:10
• John’s Late-in-Life Military Career: 14:14–23:57
• 911 Emergency for Sandwich Order: 26:18–34:23

In Their Own Words: Notable Quotes

• “How do you make out with a man who has a tramp stamp?”
  — Bert, [02:29]
• “On a scale of 1 to 10, the pain was a 13.”
  — Puck (tattoo artist), [07:38]
• “There’s always been this burning desire to serve in the military and give back to my country.”
  — John, [17:45]
• “If you don’t support the war, you have to at least support the troops.”
  — John, [22:15]
• “Sir, I’m not leaving here until I get what I paid for.”
  — 911 Caller (Subway), [28:17]
• “Everybody’s common sense is different.”
  — Host 2, [27:35]

Conclusion

This episode embodies The Bert Show’s signature blend of real talk, humor, and heart. From tackling guilty celebrity crushes and challenging tattoo stereotypes to spotlighting a listener’s bold life change and lampooning small-town 911 absurdities, the cast covers relatable, thought-provoking—and always entertaining—ground.