The Bert Show – Full Show PT 2: Wednesday, January 21 [Vault]

Date: January 21, 2026
Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Barbara, Melissa, Jessica, Jeff, Chris, Producer Tracy, Phil Tyranno

Episode Overview

This lively episode of The Bert Show weaves through relatable annoyances, personal phobias, and humorous social experiments, all delivered in the show’s trademark candid, comedic style. The first half hosts a quirky roundtable of “insignificant soapboxes” – little things that irrationally irritate each cast member and listeners, sparking laughter and camaraderie. The second major segment dives into conquering fears—highlighting Melissa’s anxiety-inducing climb atop a tall Atlanta building. The show closes with a witty field report on relationship etiquette: how (and when) to declare one’s committed status in conversational situations, featuring a hilarious on-the-street experiment by producer Phil Tyranno.

Segment 1: Insignificant Soapboxes (00:01 – 13:03)

Main Theme

The cast shares personal, irrational "soapboxes"—minor annoyances that get under their skin—and invites listeners to join in, creating a playful therapy session.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

• Band Controversy:

  • Discussion about Hilton High School's band pulling “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” from their Peach Bowl performance after a Virginia local criticized its focus on the devil, sparking a broader debate on overreactions and “insignificant soapboxes.”
    • “This whack job…gets total policy changed because he feels like it’s such an offensive song.” — Barbara (00:50)
  • “In the end of the song, the devil loses!” — Jessica (01:07)

• Personal Soapboxes:

  • Barbara: Has a grudge against BMW drivers, insisting they're rude; won’t let them merge in traffic.
    • “If I was the governor of Purdue, I would outlaw BMWs in the state of Georgia.” — Barbara (02:27)
  • Jessica & Barbara: Deeply bothered by people who intentionally sit in the wrong seats at events.
    • “If it’s as soon as the concert begins and, like, you’re getting situated—get your ass out of my seat, punk.” — Jessica (03:56)
  • Chris: Annoyed by small-dog owners in stores and loud movie snacks (“Why do they sell such loud food at the movie theater?”) (04:50)
  • Melissa: Frustrated with stores putting out Christmas merchandise before Thanksgiving.
    • “So if you put out your Christmas items in department stores…wait until Thanksgiving weekend!” — Melissa (05:46)
  • Jeff: Furious at bad parking—drivers who park over the line and waste space.
    • “It is a wasted parking space. I get more mad about that than anything else.” — Jeff (06:34)
  • Caller Contributions:
    • Angry at fast sports cars driven slowly, checkbook users in supermarkets, and lingering at retail counters/money machines.
  • Jessica: Retail pet peeves—customers interrupting transactions, and workers who prioritize calls over people right in front of them.
    • “Don’t be on the phone…I’m your customer right here. You should be kicked in the eye.” — Jessica (10:04)
  • Chris (Insignificant Soapbox Winner):
    • “I cannot stand businesses who spell their name wrong on trumpets [storefronts]. Like House: H-A-U-S.” (11:29)

• Mini-Rants:

  • Over stylized "olde" spellings, people who can't properly navigate toll booths, annoyance towards names (“Philip,” “Nicole with an H”).

Memorable Quotes

• “Anybody that walks around with those little itty bitty dogs in that little itty bitty dog cage…that’s another one. It just drives me crazy.” — Barbara (04:37)
• “That's almost a keyable offense…” (re. people intentionally parking across two spaces). — Barbara (07:18)
• “If you have a purse…scoot down so I can start checking out so you can get [organized].” — Melissa (08:40)

Segment 2: Melissa Faces Her Fear of Heights (13:11 – 23:37)

Main Theme

Melissa attempts to overcome her acrophobia by ascending to the top of Atlanta’s Westin building, describing her escalating anxiety and self-coping techniques live on air.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

• Description of Experience:
  • Melissa climbs to the rooftop platform, describing her nervous system coping mechanisms (like tapping pulse/meridian points).
  • “I am a little anxious. My palms are still sweaty. My feet are actually sweaty.” — Melissa (13:58)
  • She narrates her sensations—sweaty palms, cold extremities, racing heart—as she edges closer to the rim, ultimately sitting with one foot dangling over.
  • Fear is both “powerful, but fragile…you can distract yourself from it. It’s just your mind is your worst enemy at stuff like this.” — Melissa (22:30)
  • Aspirational note: wants to eventually try parasailing or even skydiving.
    • “…because I don’t want this to control my life anymore.” (23:28)

Memorable Moments

• “Oh God, I’m going higher than I thought…I have to stand to see how high I am.” — Melissa (13:58)
• “I'm not completely petrified, but…it's literally paralyzing.” — Melissa (20:02)
• “Congratulations. You did it!” — Jeff & Barbara (23:35)

Segment 3: The Relationship Status Dilemma – When to Say “I Have a Significant Other” (23:49 – 36:59)

Main Theme

Inspired by Producer Tracy’s real-life relationship conversation, the team debates the fine line between friendly conversation and signaling relationship status, followed by Phil Tyranno’s comic field study on the topic.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

• Producer Tracy’s Story:

  • Recaps an awkward scenario where Tracy didn’t immediately tell new acquaintances she was coupled. Discussion about the “appropriate” time to make relationship status clear and if it’s connected to how attractive the other person is.
    • “There would be a direct correlation on how long it is before you tell somebody you’re in a relationship as to how good looking that person is…” — Barbara (26:25)
  • Group agrees using “we” or “my boyfriend/girlfriend and I…” works to gently clarify status.
    • “As soon as you drop the ‘we’…watch how quickly they walk away.” — Jeff (28:07)
  • The social nuance of not wanting to seem rude, arrogant, or leading during polite conversation.

• Phil Tyranno’s Social Experiment:

  • Premise: Approaches strangers and, regardless of context, quickly drops “I have a girlfriend” to test reactions.
  • Key finding:
    • When said early, especially to women, it’s read as a flirtatious joke or pick-up line, not a firm boundary.
      • “Every single girl I tried this on, they thought I was flirting with them…it almost kind of backfired on me.” — Phil (31:23)
    • With men and retail workers, it created confusion or banter.
  • Hilarious Interactions:
    • To a female food court worker:
      • “I have a girlfriend, but I do appreciate the advances. I would just go, what comes on the barbecue sandwich?” — Phil (32:37)
      • “She was all smiles, and I almost thought to slip her my number.” — Phil (33:20)
    • At a cell phone store:
      • “I know I’m in a relationship, I appreciate the offer, though…If you have a really good plan, I might be interested in talking about that.” — Phil (34:38)
    • At the Chinese food counter:
      • “I’m almost married, I’ve got a girlfriend, but thank you though…how many vegetables come in the mixed vegetables?” — Phil (35:44)

Memorable Quotes

• “Don’t be on the phone…I’m your customer right here. You should be kicked in the eye.” — Jessica (10:09)
• “I actually might use this to my advantage. The way to make women, you know, giggle at you is to remind them you have a girlfriend.” — Phil (36:30)
• “If I’m a single guy, I am trying that this weekend.” — Barbara (36:46)

Noteworthy Timestamps

• 01:18 — “Insignificant Soapbox” introduction and BMW driver rant
• 03:56 — Jessica and Barbara’s strict ‘assigned seat’ policy
• 05:46 – 06:15 — Early Christmas item rant
• 07:18 — Wasted parking spaces and new sports cars hogging two spots
• 13:11 — Melissa begins rooftop climb segment
• 19:30 – 20:57 — Melissa edges towards the ledge, narrates fear
• 23:49 — Producer Tracy and the “how soon do you say you have a partner?” set-up
• 26:44 — “Good looking correlation” debate
• 31:23 – 32:44 — Phil’s experiment: “I have a girlfriend” as a pickup or punchline
• 34:08 – 35:44 — Male group and food court pranks ("No, I have a girlfriend, thank you, though…")

Episode Tone & Takeaway

With sharp wit, playful ribbing, and universal anxieties, this episode is vintage Bert Show: honest, funny, and a little bit awkward—in the best possible way. Whether dissecting petty annoyances, witnessing a cast member face her greatest fear, or poking fun at the blurry boundaries of modern dating, the team draws the listener into the absurdity and warmth of their world. Perfect for anyone who’s ever had a tiny pet peeve, a thumping heart on a high-rise, or a relationship status to (sometimes clumsily) declare.

End of Summary