Full Show PT 2: Wednesday, January 21 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 2: Wednesday, January 21 [Vault]

Date: January 21, 2026
Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Barbara, Melissa, Jessica, Jeff, Chris, Producer Tracy, Phil Tyranno

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Episode Overview

This lively episode of The Bert Show weaves through relatable annoyances, personal phobias, and humorous social experiments, all delivered in the show’s trademark candid, comedic style. The first half hosts a quirky roundtable of “insignificant soapboxes” – little things that irrationally irritate each cast member and listeners, sparking laughter and camaraderie. The second major segment dives into conquering fears—highlighting Melissa’s anxiety-inducing climb atop a tall Atlanta building. The show closes with a witty field report on relationship etiquette: how (and when) to declare one’s committed status in conversational situations, featuring a hilarious on-the-street experiment by producer Phil Tyranno.

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Segment 1: Insignificant Soapboxes (00:01 – 13:03)

Main Theme

The cast shares personal, irrational "soapboxes"—minor annoyances that get under their skin—and invites listeners to join in, creating a playful therapy session.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

• Band Controversy:

  • Discussion about Hilton High School's band pulling “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” from their Peach Bowl performance after a Virginia local criticized its focus on the devil, sparking a broader debate on overreactions and “insignificant soapboxes.”
    • “This whack job…gets total policy changed because he feels like it’s such an offensive song.” — Barbara (00:50)
  • “In the end of the song, the devil loses!” — Jessica (01:07)

• Personal Soapboxes:

  • Barbara: Has a grudge against BMW drivers, insisting they're rude; won’t let them merge in traffic.
    • “If I was the governor of Purdue, I would outlaw BMWs in the state of Georgia.” — Barbara (02:27)
  • Jessica & Barbara: Deeply bothered by people who intentionally sit in the wrong seats at events.
    • “If it’s as soon as the concert begins and, like, you’re getting situated—get your ass out of my seat, punk.” — Jessica (03:56)
  • Chris: Annoyed by small-dog owners in stores and loud movie snacks (“Why do they sell such loud food at the movie theater?”) (04:50)
  • Melissa: Frustrated with stores putting out Christmas merchandise before Thanksgiving.
    • “So if you put out your Christmas items in department stores…wait until Thanksgiving weekend!” — Melissa (05:46)
  • Jeff: Furious at bad parking—drivers who park over the line and waste space.
    • “It is a wasted parking space. I get more mad about that than anything else.” — Jeff (06:34)
  • Caller Contributions:
    • Angry at fast sports cars driven slowly, checkbook users in supermarkets, and lingering at retail counters/money machines.
  • Jessica: Retail pet peeves—customers interrupting transactions, and workers who prioritize calls over people right in front of them.
    • “Don’t be on the phone…I’m your customer right here. You should be kicked in the eye.” — Jessica (10:04)
  • Chris (Insignificant Soapbox Winner):
    • “I cannot stand businesses who spell their name wrong on trumpets [storefronts]. Like House: H-A-U-S.” (11:29)

• Mini-Rants:

  • Over stylized "olde" spellings, people who can't properly navigate toll booths, annoyance towards names (“Philip,” “Nicole with an H”).

Memorable Quotes

• “Anybody that walks around with those little itty bitty dogs in that little itty bitty dog cage…that’s another one. It just drives me crazy.” — Barbara (04:37)
• “That's almost a keyable offense…” (re. people intentionally parking across two spaces). — Barbara (07:18)
• “If you have a purse…scoot down so I can start checking out so you can get [organized].” — Melissa (08:40)

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Segment 2: Melissa Faces Her Fear of Heights (13:11 – 23:37)

Main Theme

Melissa attempts to overcome her acrophobia by ascending to the top of Atlanta’s Westin building, describing her escalating anxiety and self-coping techniques live on air.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

• Description of Experience:
  • Melissa climbs to the rooftop platform, describing her nervous system coping mechanisms (like tapping pulse/meridian points).
  • “I am a little anxious. My palms are still sweaty. My feet are actually sweaty.” — Melissa (13:58)
  • She narrates her sensations—sweaty palms, cold extremities, racing heart—as she edges closer to the rim, ultimately sitting with one foot dangling over.
  • Fear is both “powerful, but fragile…you can distract yourself from it. It’s just your mind is your worst enemy at stuff like this.” — Melissa (22:30)
  • Aspirational note: wants to eventually try parasailing or even skydiving.
    • “…because I don’t want this to control my life anymore.” (23:28)

Memorable Moments

• “Oh God, I’m going higher than I thought…I have to stand to see how high I am.” — Melissa (13:58)
• “I'm not completely petrified, but…it's literally paralyzing.” — Melissa (20:02)
• “Congratulations. You did it!” — Jeff & Barbara (23:35)

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Segment 3: The Relationship Status Dilemma – When to Say “I Have a Significant Other” (23:49 – 36:59)

Main Theme

Inspired by Producer Tracy’s real-life relationship conversation, the team debates the fine line between friendly conversation and signaling relationship status, followed by Phil Tyranno’s comic field study on the topic.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

• Producer Tracy’s Story:

  • Recaps an awkward scenario where Tracy didn’t immediately tell new acquaintances she was coupled. Discussion about the “appropriate” time to make relationship status clear and if it’s connected to how attractive the other person is.
    • “There would be a direct correlation on how long it is before you tell somebody you’re in a relationship as to how good looking that person is…” — Barbara (26:25)
  • Group agrees using “we” or “my boyfriend/girlfriend and I…” works to gently clarify status.
    • “As soon as you drop the ‘we’…watch how quickly they walk away.” — Jeff (28:07)
  • The social nuance of not wanting to seem rude, arrogant, or leading during polite conversation.

• Phil Tyranno’s Social Experiment:

  • Premise: Approaches strangers and, regardless of context, quickly drops “I have a girlfriend” to test reactions.
  • Key finding:
    • When said early, especially to women, it’s read as a flirtatious joke or pick-up line, not a firm boundary.
      • “Every single girl I tried this on, they thought I was flirting with them…it almost kind of backfired on me.” — Phil (31:23)
    • With men and retail workers, it created confusion or banter.
  • Hilarious Interactions:
    • To a female food court worker:
      • “I have a girlfriend, but I do appreciate the advances. I would just go, what comes on the barbecue sandwich?” — Phil (32:37)
      • “She was all smiles, and I almost thought to slip her my number.” — Phil (33:20)
    • At a cell phone store:
      • “I know I’m in a relationship, I appreciate the offer, though…If you have a really good plan, I might be interested in talking about that.” — Phil (34:38)
    • At the Chinese food counter:
      • “I’m almost married, I’ve got a girlfriend, but thank you though…how many vegetables come in the mixed vegetables?” — Phil (35:44)

Memorable Quotes

• “Don’t be on the phone…I’m your customer right here. You should be kicked in the eye.” — Jessica (10:09)
• “I actually might use this to my advantage. The way to make women, you know, giggle at you is to remind them you have a girlfriend.” — Phil (36:30)
• “If I’m a single guy, I am trying that this weekend.” — Barbara (36:46)

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Noteworthy Timestamps

• 01:18 — “Insignificant Soapbox” introduction and BMW driver rant
• 03:56 — Jessica and Barbara’s strict ‘assigned seat’ policy
• 05:46 – 06:15 — Early Christmas item rant
• 07:18 — Wasted parking spaces and new sports cars hogging two spots
• 13:11 — Melissa begins rooftop climb segment
• 19:30 – 20:57 — Melissa edges towards the ledge, narrates fear
• 23:49 — Producer Tracy and the “how soon do you say you have a partner?” set-up
• 26:44 — “Good looking correlation” debate
• 31:23 – 32:44 — Phil’s experiment: “I have a girlfriend” as a pickup or punchline
• 34:08 – 35:44 — Male group and food court pranks ("No, I have a girlfriend, thank you, though…")

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Episode Tone & Takeaway

With sharp wit, playful ribbing, and universal anxieties, this episode is vintage Bert Show: honest, funny, and a little bit awkward—in the best possible way. Whether dissecting petty annoyances, witnessing a cast member face her greatest fear, or poking fun at the blurry boundaries of modern dating, the team draws the listener into the absurdity and warmth of their world. Perfect for anyone who’s ever had a tiny pet peeve, a thumping heart on a high-rise, or a relationship status to (sometimes clumsily) declare.

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End of Summary

Transcript

[Phil Tyranno]

The Bird Show.

[Barbara]

Melissa was telling us about a story yesterday, it was front page on the AJC yesterday about this tool in Virginia that there's a high school band up in Prince William County, Hilton High School. And I guess they're gonna be playing at the Peach Bowl.

[Producer Tracy]

Right.

[Melissa]

And so they were trying to find a song that was appropriate to play here in Atlanta at the Peach Bowl. And so the song that they chose that they thought would be cool is the Devil Went down to Georgia by Charlie Daniels Band.

[Barbara]

And he came out and he said, I have no idea why anybody would. Ok. A song like that that focuses on the devil and it seems like a conflict of interest between church and state or something.

[Melissa]

Yeah. There's a guy that wrote an article in the local newspaper up there in Virginia about that, and it freaked the band out so much. And the band director, he wanted to protect the children from criticism in their town that they decided not to perform that song when they come to Atlanta.

[Barbara]

So this whack job writes, like Melissa says, gets total policy changed because he feels like it's such an offensive song or just that church and state, there should be no conflict there. I don't see it with a song.

[Melissa]

That'S like 30 years old.

[Barbara]

Right, Right.

[Melissa]

A lot of people, a lot of young people probably don't even know that.

[Jessica]

In the end of the song, the devil loses.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Barbara]

Yeah. Like, good wins over evil, right?

[Jessica]

Yeah. If you have a fiddle made of gold, it doesn't matter.

[Barbara]

This is like his insignificant soapbox. And I think we all pretty much have one of these. And I want to give you the opportunity to vent yours. Like, when you tell people what bothers you, like what? Your insignificant soapbox, they kind of look at you and they go, that's it. What is it about that that possibly upsets you? But all of us have one of these really quirky things that just annoys us. But we almost keep it to ourselves now because we know the reaction that we're going to get from other people. So I want to give you the opportunity to tell us what your insignificant soapbox is. 404-741-1005 for me. And I know I'm going to be offending some kind of sponsor here. BMW drivers. I must have been, for whatever reason, I've been cut off by a couple, probably when I first started driving. And now I have just got a thing against any BMW that is on the road with me. Like, if you try merging and you're in a BMW, to me, I won't let you I won't let you in.

[Jeff]

But if you were driving, like, Melissa's car, the Volkswagen.

[Barbara]

Come right in.

[Jeff]

Come on over.

[Barbara]

Yeah. And I think that they are just the rudest, rudest drivers. BMW drivers set me off.

[Jeff]

That's very insignificant, so. Box.

[Barbara]

If I was the governor of Purdue, I would outlaw BMWs in the state of Georgia.

[Jessica]

I have Jessica and I share this one. And it's dangerous because we go to so many things together.

[Barbara]

But.

[Jessica]

And this is something that I think everybody can legitimately be angry at, but I think we get unreasonably upset at people who sit in the wrong seats intentionally.

[Jeff]

At events, like any event, like Braves game, Thrashers game, whatever, concerts, sit in your seats.

[Jessica]

And nothing will make me feel worse because I'm so obsessive about it that if I accidentally sit. Sit in, like, the wrong seats, like, if I, you know, or if I sit, you know, if it's, like, the wrong row or whatever. But I just. I mean, people. And there was a recent event where we went and we sat, and the guy was sure that we were in the wrong seats, and he legitimately made a mistake, but he was such an a hole about it, and he was just going off it. Legitimately ruined the first 30 minutes of the concert.

[Barbara]

I'll tell you why I can't do that. Because I sit there in a constant state of anxiety, wondering if the people that I know these are legitimate, their seats are gonna come at any time. It's the same thing when I'm flying. Like, if I take a seat that I know is not mine, I'm sitting there in such an anxious state, fear that the next person coming on is gonna take their seat, and there's such relief when the door finally closes that, yeah, I get to sit at the window.

[Jessica]

But, like, my. My thought is, if it's at a concert, or wait 30 minutes, like, you know, because people run late, give them.

[Melissa]

A chance to get there.

[Jessica]

If it's a ball game, wait till the third inning or the end of the first quarter, then move down. And if I get there after that and you're in my seat, I don't think I would be legitimately mad. I think I would actually apologize. Go. I'm sorry. I was stuck in traffic. I missed the whole first quarter of the Falcons game or whatever. But if it's as soon as the concert begins and, like, you're getting situated. Get your ass out of my seat, punk.

[Barbara]

Beth. What is your insignificant soapbox?

[Chris]

They let those with those little bitty dogs into the stores because they Say they can't really do anything because they're not on the floor. So can I buy one of those baby things and strap my German shepherd to the front of me? That should be fair, right?

[Barbara]

I agree with you.

[Jeff]

That is so funny.

[Barbara]

Anybody that walks around with those little itty bitty dogs in that little itty bitty dog cage or underneath their arms as they're walking through Lenox or Phipps, that's another one. It's just drives me crazy.

[Jessica]

Dog in the purse.

[Chris]

Can I give you one more thing?

[Barbara]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Why do they sell such loud food at the movie theater? They sell juju beans, and everybody's gonna get one juju bean at a time and they dip it back up.

[Barbara]

That's fantastic.

[Chris]

And then they get one juju bean again and they dip it up. And the popcorn. Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch.

[Jeff]

Perfect.

[Jessica]

Now that's. See, now that's.

[Barbara]

That's fantastic.

[Chris]

We did this.

[Jessica]

We did this last year. And remember the girl who was mad at the guy who would rake off the infield at Turner Field but then walk across where he just raked?

[Barbara]

Do you remember that going on?

[Melissa]

I remember that.

[Jessica]

Yeah. I remember. I found out this year that they actually changed the way they raked the field last year because somebody heard that.

[Barbara]

Are you.

[Melissa]

Are you kidding?

[Jessica]

Yeah. Because all you had to do is just stop on the grass instead of stopping. They used to stop in the inside. They'd stop on the outside. But she used to get annoyed that when they would run out and do the thing, they would rake it. Then he would pick his rake up and run across where he just raked, leaving like four footprints. And it's Rover freaking nuts.

[Barbara]

404-741-1005 this is inappropriate one because we're.

[Melissa]

Into the holiday season, but one of my insignificant soapboxes is the fact there is a progression of holidays. There is Halloween, and then there's Thanksgiving and then there's Christmas. So if you put out your Christmas items in department stores and drugstores on, let's say, October 15th, guess what? You need to wait until Thanksgiving weekend to put out your Christmas stuff and not do it, like, as early as July.

[Jeff]

Nobody does that anymore, though.

[Jessica]

Have you noticed the tree going up on top of north side?

[Melissa]

No, no, they do do that. I know. I was in a department store a few weeks ago, and they're already doing their Christmas display.

[Barbara]

Jeff tipped me off to this yesterday, Right? So I'm a little bit like, Christmas conscious right now. And as I'm flipping through channels last night, just watching a couple of you know, just trying to fall asleep. Bad Santa is on three different stations. It's not even Halloween.

[Melissa]

Halloween, put your scary movies on now, put your costume commercials on, but leave Christmas until after Thanksgiving.

[Jeff]

My insignificant soapbox is people who park over the parking line or they park close to the parking spot line, far enough that you can't get into that other space. Because it feels like to me that I'm always going places that is tight on parking. Like, I shop in Decatur a lot, so there's not a ton of parking down there. I go to Virginia Highlands a lot, Midtown a lot, and so there's not a ton of parking in those spaces. You're always feeling like. Especially in the Highlands, I feel like always fighting for somewhere to park. And when someone crosses the line, I get extraordinarily ticked off that they have gone so close to it that you can't fit in that space. And it is a wasted parking space. I get more mad about that than anything else I can think of.

[Barbara]

Let me add to one that's sort of like that also, and this is almost a keyable offense is when, like, somebody's got, like, a new hot sports car and you know, it's like, $120,000 car, and they purposely park it in two spots.

[Jeff]

Yes.

[Barbara]

Because they don't want anybody close to their car. They don't want any dings from almost. I'm not endorsing it. It's almost a keyable offense.

[Jeff]

Yeah, it's true.

[Melissa]

Agreed.

[Jessica]

Good morning.

[Barbara]

You're on all the hits q100.

[Chris]

Hi.

[Barbara]

Good morning.

[Melissa]

Good morning.

[Chris]

I was calling because my biggest, biggest thing is people who have very fast cars and they're Driving Miss Daisy, they get in front of you, they're doing 10 miles an hour in a 65, and, you know, they've got a Hemi under the hood. You're, like, so faster. What is wrong with you?

[Melissa]

That's true.

[Barbara]

Very good soapbox Morning, Chris, your insignificant soapbox.

[Chris]

I think people that use the checkbooks, especially in supermarkets, Checkbooks drive me crazy.

[Barbara]

Now, you break out that checkbook, and you can hear everybody in line go, oh, yes.

[Melissa]

And if you're gonna do the checkbook thing, okay, fine. But have that check filled out, except for the amount before you ever get. Cause you know where you are, you know what story.

[Jessica]

That's right. You know how to spell Kroger?

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

Prepare before you get to the check.

[Producer Tracy]

That is great.

[Melissa]

Agreed.

[Jeff]

Don't balance your checkbook right there.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Fill that out when you're sitting in your car or Something. Don't fill that out right there in line while everybody else is waiting.

[Melissa]

And let me add to that, ladies, and this is ladies in particular, especially older ladies, if you have a purse, and it's a very complicated process to put your credit card back into the billfold, back into the purse, back into whatever, scoot down so I can start checking out so you can get that done. But once you finish your transaction, you don't have 30 minutes to sit there to organize your purse before you leave.

[Barbara]

It's the same thing with the money machine. If the drive up money machine, get your cash, pull your cash in the car, then pull up 10ft so I can start my transaction rather than stay there in cash and count your money so I can't pull up. Same thing.

[Jessica]

Here's what I hate, and this is kind of twofold, involves retail clerks. One, here's the deal. When I'm at the counter checking out or checking prices or whatever, not at a grocery store, but like at a clothing store, I got my shirt and my socks on the counter and I'm checking out, and she's ringing them up, and we're engaging in the usual department store small talk. Would you like to open a credit card? No, I don't need to do it. Thanks, but you sure you don't want.

[Chris]

To open a credit card?

[Jessica]

You can save 10%. No, I really don't need one. Don't come up behind me and ask her a question that involves her doing something else besides, like, if you say, can you point me in the direction of the shoes? That's fine. Don't hand her something and say, can you tell me how much this is? Because she'll probably take it, turn around and check it. So I have two problems. One, the jerk who said, can you tell me how much this is? And two, you're waiting on me now. That person can wait in line.

[Jeff]

Agreed.

[Jessica]

And along with that, if I'm in front of you, don't be on the phone.

[Melissa]

Speak it, brother.

[Jessica]

Don't even answer the phone. I'm your customer right here. So pick up the phone and say, how can you please hold. I'm fine with that, but anything else, you should be kicked in the eye.

[Barbara]

Jeff, good morning. You're on all the hits. Q100. Hi.

[Chris]

Hey, what's up? I got one. People who become the best drivers in the world just because a cop happens to be 30ft behind them.

[Barbara]

Yeah, well, that one doesn't bother me if they're. If the cop is behind you because I think you're trying to avoid a ticket. But if there's in front of you.

[Chris]

I mean, all the cop has to do is be near you, and all of a sudden you're 10 and two, your seatbelt is 100% fastened, you're looking in every mirror, you adjust and everything, all because he happens to be there. Just drive.

[Barbara]

Well, that I would agree with this. Like, if you're on 285 and there's a cop, you're going westbound, and there's a cop eastbound. No need for you to slam on your brakes. He's not behind you. There's no imminent danger.

[Melissa]

And if a cop has already pulled somebody over, if he's already on the emergency lane with somebody else, he's not gonna get you that you don't slam on your brakes because you saw the cop get out of his car giving a ticket to somebody, and all of a sudden you think the cop's gonna turn around and see you and jump in his car and follow you.

[Jessica]

I hate the people who slam on their brakes at the sight of a cop. Take your foot off the gas, but don't slam on your brakes.

[Barbara]

Barbara.

[Chris]

Yes.

[Barbara]

Insignificant. So I think this is the most.

[Chris]

Insignificant one I've heard. I cannot stand businesses who spell their name wrong on trumpets.

[Barbara]

Like House. H A U, S. You mean?

[Chris]

I can barely go to Kwik Trip, but I need gas, so I go.

[Jessica]

There, like a comedy club called the Laugh Factory. L, A F F or the. You know, the.

[Chris]

What's that?

[Jessica]

The restaurant. The Country Kitchen. K O U N, T R Y K I, T, C, H, E, N.

[Barbara]

I've got a problem with spelling it in Old English.

[Jessica]

Random Old English.

[Barbara]

Yeah. S H, O, P, P, E. Look, you're in this country.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Barbara]

All right? It's not S H O P, P.

[Melissa]

E and it's not O, L, D.

[Jessica]

E. If it sells. Why when it sells Christmas shop. Why, if it sells Christmas ornaments, does it have to be written in Old English?

[Melissa]

I don't know.

[Jessica]

Like, why can you have, like, a Halloween store but ye olde Christmas shop? And it's ye olde Christmas shoppy. You idiot. You don't know how to spell.

[Melissa]

Now I'm starting to think of so many others. Like on 400, you know what? You know where the toll booth is and where the cruise card is. You live in the city for 10 years, but for some reason you're in the far left lane. You don't have your cruise card, you slam on your brakes and block everybody trying to get to the toll booth.

[Barbara]

Yeah, that Is the dangerous. That is the most dangerous hundred yards of roadway in Atlanta is the hundred yards that lead up to any toll.

[Jessica]

I am automatically annoyed by people named Philip. That name bugs me.

[Barbara]

Philip.

[Jessica]

Philip. Phil, I'm okay with, but Philip just weirds me out. Like, if you're named Philip, you just weird me out. In Nicole with an H. Nick Hole.

[Barbara]

If you're Nick Hole, Deborah with an H at the end. That kind of annoys me.

[Jessica]

No, I'm okay with.

[Jeff]

Oh, yeah, with O in the middle.

[Melissa]

Deborah.

[Phil Tyranno]

Deborah. The bird show.

[Melissa]

I'm at the base of the stairs and, you know, like the meridian, you know, like Katie was talking about, which is kind of like the system where your nervous system. So probably going up this. Up these stairs. I'm going to try to tap my hands where my meridians are, but I'm walking up. Phil's in front of me. So we're capturing pictures for those of you who love to see Melissa and Misery.

[Barbara]

This meridian thing you're talking about, there's just a nerve in your hand that controls your anxiety.

[Melissa]

Well, it's almost like. I think it's just almost like pulse points, but for the nervous system. And I think when you tap it, it's almost like a distraction, like you're. To me, the tapping is what kind of shakes me out of my fear. Okay, now I'm walking up the platform.

[Barbara]

How do you feel right now? Are you. Are you nervous? Are you as nervous as you thought you would be? Are you having any kind of anxiety at all?

[Melissa]

I. Oh, I'm going up here. Oh, God, Sorry. I'm going higher than I thought. I am a little anxious. My palms are still sweaty. My feet are actually sweaty. Okay, hold on. I'm on the platform. I'm squatting because. And I see Atlanta, and it's beautiful, but I have to stand to see how high I am.

[Jessica]

So hold on.

[Melissa]

You see my breath get heavier. Okay, I'm standing.

[Barbara]

So you can see Atlanta. And you have. You're on one platform, and you have to walk up a ladder to get to another platform.

[Melissa]

No, I'm. I'm on the top now.

[Barbara]

Oh, you. You went up the ladder.

[Melissa]

I went up the ladder as I was talking, so I was trying to help distract myself, and I. My heart is racing.

[Phil Tyranno]

Come on, let's go.

[Melissa]

But I'm okay. I'm better. I'm better than I thought I would be. But I am walking closer to. Now, when I say closer to the edge, I'm not going closer to the edge of the building. Just this Platform. And, you know, the thing is, looking straight out is beautiful, but looking closer to me, my heart race is a little faster. My. It's almost like the blood flow to my extremities is leaving. So my hands are cold, my feet are cold, my nose is cold. Like, my breath. My breath is hard to get. To get because I'm inching as I'm talking toward the edge of this platform, which, again, is about how far eight feet from the edge of the building or maybe. Yeah, so maybe, you know, a little less than 20ft from the edge of the Westin.

[Jeff]

You are 74 floors up.

[Melissa]

Yeah, more than that, because I had to climb stairs from the 74th floor.

[Barbara]

And as you go out that platform, is that where there's a wall? Like, you can't see over that or.

[Melissa]

I can see over the wall now.

[Barbara]

You can see over there.

[Melissa]

So I'm looking at Atlanta. I'm actually looking at the Georgia Dome edge of the Westin. The more I talk about it, the more my legs are losing feeling and I am, like, dead standing still on this platform. How far are you now on the edge?

[Barbara]

How far are you now from the edge?

[Melissa]

From the edge of the platform? Again, I try. I'm sorry, I'm not explaining myself very well, but on the top of The Westin, about 10ft in from the edge of the entire hotel is the wall that I was talking about. And then about another, I don't know, six to eight feet in from that is the platform. So I'm less. You know, I'm 20ft away from the edge of the building, so I'm safe. But in my. My mind knows that, but my heart is like, no, you're not.

[Barbara]

Do you feel stretching yourself enough where you want to go from 20ft to 10ft?

[Melissa]

Well, I'm inching. I'm trying. Because right now, the thing that's keeping me is I can see the Equitable building, which has been far beneath me. Oh, so I see the word equitable looking at me, and I'm just kind of like, that's. What's. Melissa.

[Jeff]

What's that line from Titanic? They're out in front of the ship.

[Melissa]

Oh, God, I'm king of the world.

[Jeff]

I'm king of the world.

[Melissa]

I'm queen of Atlanta. And it really is a bigger, more powerful, clearer city signals, because I'm touching. Atlanta's beautiful, no doubt. But it's the. The thing is, looking straight out again, I could, you know, when I'm looking out toward the suburbs, beautiful. Looking into the Dome, Equitable Georgia Pacific building. I have to walk back. How can go to the edge?

[Jeff]

How far down can you see? When you are looking sort of down, can you see any sort of cars, traffic, anything? Oh, is she gone?

[Barbara]

I think we lost her. For whatever reason, the.

[Jeff]

The phone line dropped out.

[Barbara]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Okay. That freaks me out. That's making my heart race right now.

[Barbara]

Well, you would. I mean, if something happened, we would have heard a little shriek before.

[Jeff]

I know, but it's just enough because, I mean, I think everybody has a miniature fear of heights. At least, you know, I mean, I definitely am empathizing with her, and I can tell you are to. Your mouth is dry. You're like.

[Barbara]

Yeah, I get freaked out. Like, I watch Fear Factor, and I watch those challenges where they're, like, at the Grand Canyon or whatever, their big pit, and they have to walk on some kind of steel girder or something. Like 30ft or 50ft. I get nauseous watching that. There's no way I could pull that off. Hey, Melissa, how close to that edge.

[Chris]

Are you now to the edge of the platform? Probably, what, 6ft, 7ft? And I'm inching on my rear over toward it. Like I was saying earlier, I am taller than any of the buildings here. I'm taller than the Georgia Pacific building. The more I talk about it, the more I'm losing my breath. Like. Like, I'm looking at things I recognize, and I guess it's my mind absorbing the fact of how high I am, because I see. I see the dome. I see the Georgia Pacific building, the Capitol. But, you know, I. You know what? The more I'm up here, the more panic I'm getting, Melissa, you know, like.

[Barbara]

You got, like, one. One crack at this to, you know, to rehabilitate yourself in any way you can. I just don't want to make it dangerous for you. So go. If you. If you're done now and you think your work is done and that you've, like, at least a little bit overcome your fear, then get out of there. If you feel like you got more work to do, then go closer.

[Chris]

All right, I'll go. Well, I will. I'm determined to get to the edge of the platform. I'm scooting on my butt. I'm about four, three feet away. Yeah, I couldn't walk it, because the thing is, I started feeling lightheaded. My stomach got, so to speak. So I'll get to the edge of the platform. Oh, God.

[Jeff]

Are you gonna stand up?

[Chris]

I don't. I can't guarantee that. I can Say I did and not do it. Just kidding. Yeah, this is as far as I can go. I'm about a foot from the edge, sitting on my butt.

[Jessica]

Can you get to the edge to where like your feet are dangling over the edge?

[Chris]

Yeah, no, I don't think I can do it, guys.

[Jessica]

It's only 12 inches.

[Chris]

All right, scooting.

[Jessica]

It's only 12 inches. Now it's only six, three inches.

[Chris]

Oh, gosh. I got one foot. The edges at my calf. Okay. Oh, God. All right. Okay. So I have one leg dangling over the edge. The other is kind of like crossed and. Yeah, it's like I'm not. I'm not completely petrified, but my stomach is nervous. My. Yeah. It's funny how the more nervous I get, the more. It's almost like the extremities thing where I. My legs are cold, my arms are cold, my head's a little light headed. And I think it's like. It's not quite vertigo like I thought I would get, but sensation I have right now is what keeps me from doing stuff because it's literally paralyzing.

[Jessica]

So from where you are right now, like you're on the edge, and then is the ladder in the center or is it on the other edge?

[Chris]

What I'm on is a big round platform in the center of this, of the roof. So the. The tower is behind me, but where's the building?

[Jessica]

Where's the ladder that will take you down to that walled terrace like the first.

[Chris]

Oh, it's probably. Oh, it's on. It's kind of. Johnny, how far do you think that the stairs are? About 20ft away.

[Jessica]

So can you stand up where you are and walk back to the ladder?

[Chris]

All right, I'm standing up. Probably have tar all over me.

[Jeff]

Is Phil getting a picture?

[Chris]

I'm standing up. I'm standing up.

[Jessica]

You gotta let Phil take a picture of you right on the edge.

[Barbara]

You just do what you have to do if you want to get out of there.

[Chris]

Yeah, he's not here, so I'm not. I'm good. Johnny held out his arm as a gentleman, but I'm not taking it. Damn it. I'm. This. All right, so I'm looking over. I'll look one more time, wave at the Equitable building, which is way farther or farther down from me. And I'm walking toward the stairs, and I'm walking. Atlanta is a beautiful city, no doubt. Walking to the stairs. And as the cliff course through the stairs, I get the more calm I.

[Barbara]

Am because you're getting Away from the edge.

[Jeff]

Sure.

[Chris]

So, yeah, it's that, you know, that edge and looking down and seeing how high I am. But.

[Barbara]

But you did it.

[Chris]

I did it.

[Barbara]

You did it.

[Chris]

I mean, you know, the caller called in talking about. And I forgot what the initials were for the. You know, Katie and Meridians and that kind of thing, but that really. That really did help. I mean, she wasn't kidding it because I think it's just a matter of, you know, your own fear is. Fear is so powerful, but it's so fragile and, you know, it can be easily. You can distract yourself from it. It's just your mind is your worst enemy at stuff like this. Like I said when I was analyzing the buildings and recognizing the buildings and realizing the only perspective I have of those buildings is from the ground, looking up at them and looking down at them, that's when I started thinking, oh my God, I've never looked down at these buildings. Oh my God, I'm high up. You know, the whole process of panic and, you know, that's just the thing I have to get over. But I'm going to conquer this. I told Katie I would love to get to the point someday where I actually like parasail or, you know, jump out of a plane or something because I don't want this to control my life anymore.

[Barbara]

Well, you're certainly on your way. I mean, you did it. Yeah. You did it. Yeah.

[Chris]

Well done. You did it.

[Barbara]

Melissa, you did it. Congratulations.

[Phil Tyranno]

One minute you're laughing, the next minute you're crying. The Burnt show on all the hits Q100 the Birch Show.

[Barbara]

Producer Tracy.

[Melissa]

Yes.

[Barbara]

How are you today?

[Producer Tracy]

I'm good.

[Barbara]

You seem like you've lost your sense of humor this morning. You okay today?

[Jessica]

Yeah, we're off schedule.

[Jeff]

That's like looking at somebody and going, you look sick.

[Melissa]

Are you sick? Are you feeling okay today?

[Barbara]

No. She generally is like real, like smiley smiley. She walked in today and you just seem a little bit more tense than usual. You okay?

[Producer Tracy]

Yeah, I'm fine. I just didn't know why I was coming in here until two seconds ago, so I was a little confused, little worried.

[Jessica]

You look like you didn't brush your hair at all today. Have you brushed your hair?

[Chris]

Uh huh.

[Producer Tracy]

Do I look tired too? Kind of sick, maybe.

[Jessica]

It's sick. Have you lost weight? The bags in your eyes are huge. Are your teeth rotting? Is that a glass eye?

[Producer Tracy]

No, I'm fine.

[Jessica]

Is that your right hand or do.

[Chris]

You have a hook?

[Barbara]

Cool. Thanks for coming in. Really don't need you for anything.

[Jeff]

Thanks.

[Jessica]

Have a good day.

[Barbara]

I'd say where we're gonna go with this is a philosophical debate that producer Tracy and her boyfriend Scott had. But it all stems from being in this period that they're going out with each other, they're committed to each other, but it's not officially a commitment. And that's why there's always so much gray area in these kind of relationships, because you never really know what goes and what doesn't.

[Producer Tracy]

Sure. You're totally blowing this out of proportion.

[Barbara]

No, I don't think I'm blowing anything out of proportion yet.

[Producer Tracy]

It was just a light hearted conversation. It wasn't a philosophical debate or anything that stemmed from any kind of insecurity or anything.

[Barbara]

All right, you set it up.

[Producer Tracy]

Okay. My friend Maggie met this guy at Smyrnabration. It was just, you know, she was talking to him for like 45 minutes, which meant that I kind of had to entertain his friends for about 45 minutes too. So I was totally her wing woman. After these guys left, apparently there was some debate as to whether or not I had a boyfriend.

[Barbara]

A philosophical debate?

[Jeff]

No, no, philosophical.

[Producer Tracy]

There was just some debate as to whether or not I had a boyfriend because apparently I didn't make it clear enough to them. So I guess I didn't say it right away.

[Jeff]

The guys had this debate and told Maggie and Maggie.

[Chris]

Yes.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Producer Tracy]

And Maggie happened to tell me when Scott was there. And Scott was like, you didn't tell him you had a boyfriend? And I'm like, well, I thought I did, but I just. You don't want to say it too soon. You know, you don't want to walk up to somebody and say, hey, I have a boyfriend, and then continue the conversation.

[Jessica]

Do you know what the proper response would have been for a woman in your position? Oh, I'm sorry. I thought they would have noticed the engagement ring on my. Oh, never mind.

[Barbara]

Right.

[Producer Tracy]

So his question to me was, well, how soon would you want me to tell a girl that I have a girlfriend? And I jokingly said right away, as soon as you meet them. Like, you know, you're in the checkout line. I want the check. The lady at the checkout line to know that you have a girlfriend. You know, server walks up, I want her to know you have a girlfriend. And I was joking.

[Barbara]

Here, wear this T shirt says, I have a girlfriend.

[Melissa]

I'm taken.

[Producer Tracy]

So I thought it would be funny to find out what would happen if you walked any. Every time you walked up to somebody, the first thing out of your mouth was Just wanna let you know, but I have a girlfriend.

[Barbara]

Which is really the assignment that we send Filteranna on yesterday. So we're gonna hear that in just a second. But I think that if you were doing like, like a study, like a psychological study, I think that there would be a direct correlation on how long it is before you tell somebody that you're in a relationship as to how good looking that person is that you're talking to.

[Jeff]

Absolutely, definitely.

[Jessica]

100%.

[Jeff]

Oh, yeah, for sure. I mean, if you're interested and they're flirting with you and they're looking good, you're like, yeah, I'm going to go ahead and hold out on that information.

[Barbara]

Even though you know it's not going anywhere just to have that attraction at you, the attention.

[Jeff]

Yeah, yeah, definitely. And the only time that you're gonna reveal it in that situation is when they press you for the information. So are you seeing anyone? You're like, yeah, you know, or like, can I have your number? Maybe we'll go out sometime. And that's when you're like, well, actually I'm involved.

[Barbara]

I hate to do this to you, but I'm happy.

[Producer Tracy]

But don't guys get angry though if they spent 45 minutes talking to you and wasting their time just to find out that you're unavailable? Like, there's gotta be a time period where it's a appropriate to say I, because you can say it. Like you can't walk right up and say you have a boyfriend, but you don't want to like waste their time for 45 minutes.

[Jessica]

Well, that's why you just make the engagement ring clear.

[Melissa]

I think there's also, you know, a way to do it that you don't have to say, okay, you know what? Stop talking to me, I have a boyfriend. Or, you know, you can incorporate it in the conversation to where like, oh, yeah, you know what? If you talk about a place or whatever. Yeah, my boyfriend and I, da, da, da, da. You don't have to be like rude and abrupt and like accuse them of getting, you know, like, you can mention it within the conversation.

[Barbara]

I think there's a natural we that you throw in there. And a dude is usually pretty good about picking up on that.

[Jeff]

As soon as you drop the we or like Melissa said, my boyfriend and I did, whatever. Watch how quickly they walk away.

[Phil Tyranno]

That's it.

[Jeff]

Watch how quickly that conversation is over.

[Jessica]

But the problem is you, the girls like the attention. I mean, 45 minutes is a long time.

[Melissa]

Depends on the person. Oh, I think this and the correlation of the good looking part.

[Jessica]

Oh, yeah, but that's what I'm saying. Like, I think if you went 45 minutes, Tracy, part of you was, no.

[Melissa]

That'S a lot of time.

[Producer Tracy]

I really was. Yeah, I was kind of giving Maggie the look, like, come on, let's go. Hurry up, get the phone number. I wasn't. I wasn't really interested in the attention at that point.

[Barbara]

I don't know what that timeframe is. I really don't know.

[Melissa]

45 minutes is a long time.

[Barbara]

That's a long time.

[Melissa]

That's a long time.

[Producer Tracy]

But I couldn't walk. I couldn't walk away because she obviously liked the guy that she was talking to. And I already have a boyfriend, so why am I gonna ruin her game?

[Barbara]

It's so intoxicating to get that kind of attention, though. You know, it's coming to an end once you say we. Two little words threw it all up the next.

[Producer Tracy]

But if I said we, I just assumed that he would think I meant Maggie and I.

[Barbara]

Well, I guess it depends in the context that you're saying it. If you say we, he's right. He's gonna pretty much say, what do you mean by we?

[Melissa]

There's a way to do it. I mean, there's a way to do it that you're not, you know.

[Jeff]

Cause I. Yeah, I think it's 45 minutes. It's also sort of funny when you do get engaged and get married and the guys don't notice the ring. Like, to me, that is like, moron.

[Jessica]

Oh, guys notice it.

[Jeff]

Idiot. No, I have been in this situation before where I was out with my girlfriend Elena, and these two guys came up and were just yet. That, that, that, that, that, like, would not stop or whatever. And then were pressing us to go out with them further. And I was like, well, maybe you should look at my left hand before you continue pursuing. They're like, oh, what does that mean? You're too rich for us? Like, we're not rich. Like, the distill didn't get it. Even after, like, pointing out, does, like.

[Melissa]

Matter to some guys.

[Jessica]

I guarantee he knew what it meant.

[Barbara]

Really?

[Producer Tracy]

Yeah, I know I've talked to guys before and said that I had a boyfriend. And they're just like, so you're not married? You know, you can't talk to me because you're not married. Like, are you really even happy with your boyfriend? Like, they start pushing you. Like, maybe you're not so happy with your boyfriend.

[Jessica]

And I mean, you're at smurturbation. Why didn't you just point out and go, hey, you know what? Like, you know, use we. And then when he goes, you and Maggie go, no. See the guy over there? Well, he's not really a guy. He's the six foot tall squirrel wearing the headset. Yeah, that's my lucky man.

[Chris]

I did.

[Jessica]

In my defense, I did.

[Producer Tracy]

I was very clear about the fact that I had a boyfriend, because both Maggie and the guy she was talking to were like, dude, she said, like, clearly she had a boyfriend.

[Barbara]

Well, there is a. There is a point where you can say it too soon and you seem arrogant.

[Producer Tracy]

Right.

[Barbara]

That's why we sent Phil out yesterday. Because if you're in the opening sentence and you already start telling somebody that you have a girlfriend or have a boyfriend, then it seems like, dude, I just started talking to you. And that's when we sent Phil Tyranno out to do this very same thing yesterday.

[Jessica]

And what would have been funn. Melissa, you would know with the crowd in midtown if you went to Piedmont park and did it to guys like.

[Melissa]

I have a girlfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend.

[Jessica]

The minute they open their mouth.

[Melissa]

I think it doesn't matter who you're saying it to. I mean, if you say it too soon to anybody, you're arrogant. Like, well, I wasn't trying to hit on you or anything.

[Jessica]

What if you just are at Piedmont park and a guy goes by on a bike and you yell it at him, hey, I got a boyfriend.

[Chris]

See you.

[Jessica]

Come around here.

[Chris]

Leave me alone.

[Phil Tyranno]

Well, I learned on this assignment that it actually almost kind of backfired on me because I actually took me two days to record this. And I realized that every single girl I tried this on, they thought I was flirting with them, and they almost saw this as a pickup line. And so I had to. I had to change my game plan a little bit. So you're getting here in this first one. I walk up to the girl. I go to a mall, and I walk up to a girl, and I start. First thing I say is, can you tell me what's on this sandwich? She starts telling me back. Boom. You'll hear it. You know, I've got a girlfriend. She starts giggling, and it's almost like.

[Barbara]

A flirtatious giggle because she thinks, like, you're. You're just being cute about it because obviously there's no. Come on. That's actually a really good.

[Jeff]

And it's actually sort of a good pickup line.

[Jessica]

The chick Fil. A girl at the mall food court almost mounted you.

[Phil Tyranno]

Exactly, exactly. And that's actually the first Clip I have. So here's me going to the mall and going to a. I don't even know what restaurant is. It was just a food court restaurant that didn't have a big line. And so I just walk up and start talking to the girl and letting her know that I have a girlfriend.

[Barbara]

Well, if it's a food court and you give Jeff longitude and latitude points, he can tell you what restaurant it is.

[Jessica]

What mall was it?

[Phil Tyranno]

Cumberland Mall.

[Jessica]

All right.

[Phil Tyranno]

And I asked about a barbecue sandwich.

[Jessica]

Arby's.

[Phil Tyranno]

How you doing? What all comes on the Wild West. Barbecue sandwich.

[Chris]

You get steak, onions.

[Phil Tyranno]

No, I appreciate that. I have a. I have a girlfriend, but I do appreciate the advances. I would just go, what comes on the barbecue sandwich?

[Chris]

You mean like the extra.

[Phil Tyranno]

No, no, no, no. I. I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I have a girlfriend, so you don't have to hit on me. What I need to know is what comes on the barbecue sandwich.

[Jessica]

Steak, onions, cheese, shredded cheese, and barbecue sauce.

[Phil Tyranno]

Again, flattering. I do appreciate it.

[Jeff]

Very flattering.

[Phil Tyranno]

But I'm in a relationship. But I do appreciate it, though, if. Could I get it without the cheese?

[Chris]

Yeah, okay.

[Phil Tyranno]

Can I also get it without the advance and the flirtations remarks? Is that okay?

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

Okay.

[Producer Tracy]

Here you go. Have a nice day.

[Phil Tyranno]

Thank you.

[Barbara]

I was a guy, and I'm listening to this. I'm trying this.

[Jessica]

Yeah, that's a good line.

[Phil Tyranno]

And she was all smiles the whole time. And she was all smiles, and I almost thought to slip her my number.

[Jessica]

Was there a number on your ketchup pack?

[Phil Tyranno]

When she was handing me the chick, I even said, you didn't hear this? I said, I didn't write my number on here. And she just giggled the whole time.

[Jeff]

It's a great pickup, sort of for a guy, I think.

[Phil Tyranno]

So I had to change up my game plan a little bit. And so every woman that I tried this on, it was pretty much the same way. They thought I was hitting on them. So I thought, what happens if you go up to a group of guys and let them know that I think they're hitting on me? And tell the guys repeatedly, guys, fellas, I have a girlfriend. So this is actually a montage of two of them right here. A group of guys. You know how you walk around specific cell phone places and they will pull you in the kiosk? And these guys are like, hey, hey, hey, come here, come here. And I bleeped out any. I saw the concern on Jeff's face. I bleeped out any mention of what cell phone company?

[Jessica]

It was, but my concern was just that you've been, you know, single for a few weeks now, and you might start experimenting with People are interested in you.

[Phil Tyranno]

So you'll hear that. You'll hear that. And then the last one I go to, which is in this montage, is, there's nothing more fun to me than just getting free samples from the Happy China Walk 7 and getting the free samples and letting the ladies behind the counter know. I also. I have a girlfriend, too. So this is me going to a cell phone place and then going to the Chinese restaurant. No, I have a girlfriend. Thank you, though. I appreciate the offer. What's your best plan that you have going on right now?

[Jeff]

45.99.

[Jessica]

1,000 minutes.

[Phil Tyranno]

I know I've got. I'm in a relationship. I appreciate the offer, though, but. I'm in a relationship. But if you have a really good. If you have a really good plan going on, I might be interested in talking about that. And I appreciate that.

[Barbara]

I just.

[Phil Tyranno]

I'm not. I'm not into that. I've got a girlfriend, but thank you, though, but I appreciate it. What's the most popular phone that you have?

[Jessica]

The razor.

[Phil Tyranno]

How much is that one go for? 245, I guess. Flattering. Very flattering. I've never gotten hit on by buying a phone. I appreciate that.

[Barbara]

Filled his application.

[Phil Tyranno]

Application? No, I don't. I don't want to give you my.

[Barbara]

Number.

[Phil Tyranno]

But I appreciate it, though, but I have a girlfriend, but if you're. That's cool. It's none of my business.

[Chris]

Whatever.

[Phil Tyranno]

Whatever way y' all swing, it's none of my business. Oh, cool.

[Jessica]

That's cool. Not my style.

[Barbara]

That's fine.

[Phil Tyranno]

I was just thinking about switching phone services, but fill that out.

[Barbara]

Well, that's the thing.

[Phil Tyranno]

I don't want to give out my number. It's cool, though. I appreciate it, guys. I really do.

[Barbara]

What is this?

[Phil Tyranno]

No, I have a girlfriend, but what is this? No, I'm. I'm in a relationship, but what. What is that one?

[Producer Tracy]

Chicken teriyaki.

[Jessica]

Teriyaki.

[Barbara]

Okay, I'll try that.

[Phil Tyranno]

What's the combo come with? I. I'm. I'm almost married. I've got a girlfriend, but thank you, though. And this is what. Right. No, I'm in love. She's. I think she's the one, but this is what.

[Barbara]

Nice to meet you.

[Phil Tyranno]

Nah, thank you. I appreciate it. Very flattering. How many. How many vegetables come in the mixed vegetables. No, I'm a boxer's man, but thank you, though, and what's all in the Tokyo Bowl? No, I do think we are going to move in together. That's a good possibility.

[Melissa]

But thank you.

[Phil Tyranno]

Well, thank you for the advances. Have a good day.

[Barbara]

She have any idea what you are doing?

[Phil Tyranno]

She just kept there with a toothpick in front of my face the entire time.

[Melissa]

I was going back to the guy. I just loved how he said, well, you know what, dude, I got a wife. So, I mean, the fact that he.

[Barbara]

Ended up having to defend himself.

[Phil Tyranno]

So if anything, if there's, you know, I actually might use this to my advantage. The way to make women, you know, giggle at you is to remind them that you have a girlfriend. They all thought it. And that wasn't the only girl. That was just the best audio I got from it because this took two days. And every girl I went to, they just kind of smiled and giggled and laughed.

[Barbara]

If I'm a single guy, I am trying that this weekend.

[Jeff]

That is so funny how it turned out that way.

[Barbara]

Good job, dude.

[Jessica]

You're so cute. You're funny.

[Barbara]

Hey, the bird show.