Full Show PT 2: Wednesday, July 29 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 2: Wednesday, July 29 [Vault]

Air Date: July 29, 2026
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and the entire Bert Show crew

---

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show is packed with relatable family dilemmas, raucous laughter, and honest storytelling. From listeners' parenting conflicts to confessions about breaking up with alcohol and the annual struggle for Mother's Day appreciation, the crew and their callers balance comedy with real-life challenges.

---

Key Segments & Insights

1. Listener Dilemma: "Should I Trust My Sister to Babysit My Kids?"

[00:28 – 09:24]

• Situation: Cheryl calls in, her voice disguised, seeking advice. She needs a new babysitter since her college-aged sitter is away for summer. Her sister, who lives nearby and has kids the same age, offers to help—but Cheryl dislikes her sister's parenting style, calling it "lazy" and "spacey."
• Cheryl: “She’s just a little bit lazy, a little bit spacey, and she kind of leaves the kids to themselves... I don’t want to expose my kids to that two days a week.” [01:57]
• Panel & Callers' Responses: Opinions are sharply divided — some see Cheryl as overprotective, others say she's right to trust her gut if she's uncomfortable.
• Key Insight: Approaching a relative about their parenting skills is a social minefield. Several co-hosts and callers discuss ways to politely decline or skirt the issue (“Send them to a Spanish school!”), while others point out the contradiction of being fine with cousins raised in the same environment.
• Memorable Quote:
  • Burt: “A woman is most sensitive probably about her weight and about her parenting... for you to tell another woman you don’t approve of her parenting style, that hits right at her core.” [04:48]
  • Bird: “If our caller is uncomfortable with that, she’s never gonna... be comfortable with it.” [06:03]
• General Advice: Trust your gut; find an alternative that doesn’t question your sister’s parenting outright—like enrolling kids in a camp or summer program.

---

2. Segment: "I Broke Up With [Drink] Because..."

[09:30 – 17:45]

• Prompt: Bert reveals he’s “breaking up with tequila” after too many bad experiences, and invites listeners and co-hosts to share what drink they can’t stomach and why.
• Stories Shared:
  • Bert: “I broke up with Tequila… because I threw up on myself in the shower.” [10:14]
  • Bird: “I broke up with rum because we got a bottle of that 151 stuff and… I don’t really remember, but I do remember falling asleep.” [11:18]
  • Jen: “I had a vicious fight with Katie Jo in the car and don’t remember it at all—blacked out from rum.” [11:44]
  • Caller Tony: “I broke up with Jagermeister about six years ago… I used to wake up next to mysterious women, not know how they got there.” [13:07]
  • Hilarity peaks with stories about allergic reactions, blackouts, and “accidents” (ranging from embarrassing to mortifying).
• Memorable Quotes:
  • Bird (joking): “Just so you know, that probably was just an imaginary suppository and they just wanted to put something in your butt.” [15:43]
  • Christopher: “I broke up with 151 because I made twosies in my bed.” [16:44]
• Mood: This segment is filled with wild, unfiltered stories that showcase The Bert Show’s trademark humor and candor.

---

3. "Mommy on Strike" – The Underappreciated Mother's Day

[18:40 – 28:45]

• Caller Erin: Frustrated stay-at-home mom with two teenagers, says her only Mother’s Day gift the past few years has been a detailed minivan—a minivan the kids make filthy year-round.
  • Erin: “Even if they pick the flower from my garden, it would mean something. But they don’t even do it.” [19:56]
• Panel Reactions: Empathy and validation from co-hosts and other listeners; conversation snowballs into a forum for moms who feel taken for granted by their families.
• Suggestions:
  • Go on "mom strike"—stop doing chores and errands until some appreciation is shown.
    • Ruth: "I went to the coffee shop and they all had to fend for themselves for dinner for an entire week... 24 hours, they totally get it." [25:29]
  • Panel agrees that small, heartfelt gestures (like a handmade card or flowers) mean the most—but many partners/kids aren't getting the memo.
  • Growing consensus: All moms should go on strike at once to make their point.
• Memorable Quotes:
  • Jen: “It’s all about effort with women guys. God, get it?” [28:41]
  • Burt: “Let us men give credit to the men before us that have allowed us to set the bar so low for women that it just takes a card right now.” [28:02]
  • Bird (deadpan): “You’re welcome.” [28:12]

---

4. Update: The Softball Knee Saga

[28:58 – 33:39]

• Background: Bert discusses his ACL and meniscus injury, the conflicting advice from his doctor and physical therapist about playing in a prestigious charity softball game at Turner Stadium.
• Conflict: Physical therapist says he’ll be ready; doctor warns there’s a risk; Bert’s wife has flatly said "no" for the first time ever.
• Mood: Good-natured ribbing and spouse-mocking ensue, with Bert slightly bewildered at his own “adult grounding.”
  • Bert: “She is basically telling me no… I am not allowing you—grounded as an adult.” [31:04]
• Next Steps: The team will conference call and try to get all professionals and his wife "on the same page;" decision tabled for now.
• Quote:
  • Jen: “This is a new reality show. It’s Doctor vs. Physical Therapist, and it’s gonna air at the end of the summertime.” [32:42]

---

Notable Quotes & Time Stamps

• “I would never let those kids sit out in the backyard all day without parental supervision…” — Cheryl [01:57]
• “A woman is most sensitive probably about her weight and about her parenting…” — Burt [04:48]
• “If your gut is telling you… you would never forgive yourself.” — Burt [06:26]
• “I broke up with Tequila because I threw up on myself in the shower.” — Burt [10:14]
• “I broke up with rum because… I don’t really remember, but I do remember falling asleep.” — Bird [11:18]
• “Just so you know, that probably was just an imaginary suppository and they just wanted to put something in your butt.” — Bird [15:43]
• “I broke up with 151 because I made twosies in my bed.” — Christopher [16:44]
• “Even if they pick the flower from my garden, it would mean something.” — Erin [19:56]
• “It’s all about effort with women guys. God, get it?” — Jen [28:41]
• “Let us men give credit to the men before us that have allowed us to set the bar so low…” — Burt [28:02]
• “She is basically telling me no… I am not allowing you—grounded as an adult.” — Burt [31:04]

---

Conclusion

This Bert Show episode mixes heartfelt parental challenges with laugh-out-loud stories about alcohol regrets and the unending struggle for parental recognition and appreciation. Listeners will appreciate the realness: from messy family dynamics and honest, sometimes irreverent humor, to the challenges of asserting yourself as a parent (to your kids and your own parents). Whether you’re a parent, a former party animal, or just need a morning laugh, the cast and callers keep things witty, raw, and real.

Transcript

[Bird]

All new drinks are now at McDonald's with refreshers like the strawberry watermelon refresher and the mango pineapple refresher with popping boba. To crafted sodas like the sprite berry blast with berry flavors and cold foam. Who knew ice cold drinks could be so fire six? All new drinks are here now at McDonald's.

[Burt]

Refreshers contain caffeine. This is the bird show. All right, let's get Cheryl on the voice disguiser. Melissa says this one is unsolvable. There's nothing. There's nothing you can do.

[Jen]

Hear the story, but. Oh, I don't know how you could ever pull this off.

[Burt]

Well, hey, Cheryl. You are on the voice disguiser now.

[Cheryl]

Hi. Thank you.

[Burt]

Hi. How are you today?

[Cheryl]

I'm all right.

[Bird]

How are you doing?

[Burt]

Good.

[Caller 1]

What's going on?

[Cheryl]

So the situation is that I'm a mother of two. I have two kids, three and five, and I work part time because I have to work part time. And the other two days a week, I have a really fantastic babysitter who is. She's a college student. So this summer, she is taking the summer off to travel abroad. And so I won't have her. And so I'm looking for other, you know, other options for those two days a week that I'm at work. And my sister offered to take care of my kids. And, you know, she. The thing is, she lives right down the street, like, within walking distance. She has kids of her own that are my kids ages and everything should be fine. She doesn't even want to charge me. But I don't. I just don't like her parenting style.

[Caller 1]

Oh, and what's her parenting style like?

[Cheryl]

She's just a little bit lazy, a little bit spacey, and she kind of leaves the kids to themselves. They go to the backyard and they play all day. And she kind of has this attitude that these kids are sort of old enough that if something goes wrong, they know to run in and get mom. And I don't approve of that. I would never let those kids sit out in the backyard all day without parental supervision, and I don't want to expose my kids to that. Two days a week.

[Jen]

Oh, I. Well, I mean, you.

[Caller 2]

Tough to navigate.

[Jen]

I just love the way you. I mean, instead of saying this, my sister and these are my children's cousins that they would be staying with and spending time with two days a week. You said her children. Like, it's a very detached relationship already, it seems.

[Cheryl]

I mean, you're right. I. I didn't notice that. But those are her cousins.

[Jen]

That. Those are their cousins that they could be hanging out with two times a week.

[Burt]

Whoa, no, wait, wait, wait, wait. But if you don't trust your sister as like a guardian, then it doesn't matter if those are the cousins.

[Cheryl]

Yeah, I mean, the kids get along well. They get along well together. It's just that I don't want my sister, their aunt, I guess, taking care of them.

[Caller 2]

How old are your kids and how old are her kids?

[Cheryl]

My kids are three and five and her are two and five.

[Bird]

Okay, that's pretty awesome.

[Jen]

And she really puts them out in the backyard and she doesn't even. She, she really does that.

[Cheryl]

You know, she trusts her five year old to take care of the two year old. Wow.

[Burt]

Yeah.

[Caller 2]

So this is not you being an overbearing mother?

[Cheryl]

I don't think so. I don't think so. I mean, I do, I. I take good care of my children. I think I oversee everything that they do. And I don't think I'm overbearing about it. But yeah, my sister is just. She is trusting, to say the least.

[Burt]

404741, Q100, here is Abby. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller 3]

Good morning. How are you?

[Burt]

Okay. How are you doing?

[Caller 3]

Fine. I just wanted to say that it sounds like this mom is just being a little bit overprotective. I mean, I don't see anything wrong with letting kids be in the backyard. I spent my childhood growing up playing outside in the backyard and such and I never had any problems.

[Burt]

You've got a five year old taking care of a three year old.

[Caller 3]

Well, I guess I didn't hear that part.

[Burt]

Two year old.

[Caller 4]

Yeah.

[Caller 3]

Maybe the mom could just talk to her sister and, you know, let her know, hey, well, you could watch my kids, but, you know, you need to keep a little bit of a closer eye on them.

[Bird]

That won't happen.

[Burt]

Yeah, I don't know how. I mean that. A woman is most sensitive probably about her weight and about her parenting. If you're a mom, like for you to tell another woman that she. You don't approve of her parenting style, that hits right at her core. I don't know how you do that.

[Jen]

You don't say that. You would never say that. I mean, my thing.

[Burt]

How's it not gonna be interpreted like that though?

[Jen]

But my thing is like if. My thing is that if. Do you pay the student that's leaving to go abroad? You pay her to babysit?

[Cheryl]

Yeah, I pay her.

[Jen]

Then I would offer them, you know, your Sister say, look, you know, it really, really, it made me more comfortable if you kept an eye on them all the time because they're younger. So I'll even pay you for it because I know that that's going to be extra effort for you and start the conversation off that way and see what happens.

[Burt]

Because, I mean, no way.

[Caller 2]

I think you come up with something completely separate, like you want them to learn Spanish, so you're going to send them to a special Spanish school on those days, and that's the only reason.

[Bird]

But then you have to find a special Spanish school.

[Caller 2]

Fine, do whatever you gotta do. I would not approach the situation with your sister.

[Burt]

Hey, Bonnie, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller 5]

Good morning, Bert.

[Caller 3]

I just wanna say I agree with the caller.

[Caller 5]

If her sister is irresponsible with own children, then she shouldn't be trusted with hers. The children come first.

[Bird]

It's whether or not it's responsible or irresponsible. Like, I don't know if I necessarily disagree with the kids playing in the backyard. Like if the mom feels comfortable in the backyard, is safe and, and she's able to whatever, that's fine. But if the other mom is, if, if the, if our caller is uncomfortable with that, she's never gonna, even if she tells her sister, keep an eye on her all the time, she's never gonna be comfortable with it.

[Burt]

If your gut is telling you, Cheryl, that your kids wouldn't be safe around her and you compromised and you allowed your children to be under her care just cause you were trying to be a good sister and something were to happen to your kids, you would never forgive yourself.

[Caller 2]

Yeah, you gotta trust your gut in this situation.

[Burt]

But I don't know how you get out of it.

[Caller 2]

I'm telling you, Spanish, French, Mandarin, I

[Bird]

wouldn't pick the language until you hire the caretaker. Because if you say, I just really want him to learn Spanish, I'm gonna get him a Spanish nanny, and the only person you can find is like only speaks Farsi, then that's like, you're really on opposite sides of the spectrum there. So you hire the sitter, then you come up with the story.

[Burt]

Hey, Ramona. Good morning. You're on the Burt Show. Hi.

[Caller 3]

Hi.

[Caller 5]

Good morning. I think this is completely ridiculous because

[Caller 3]

if that's her sister and she thinks

[Caller 5]

she's such a bad parent, then does she not care about her nieces and nephews?

[Caller 3]

Has she never said anything to her about her own parenting skills?

[Burt]

I think it's different. I mean, just because you don't approve of somebody's parenting skills doesn't have anything to do with the fact that she'd be hanging out with your own kids. You know, like her kids are her kids, but my kids are my kids. Two totally different things.

[Caller 3]

But there's still family. I mean, if it's that bad that you don't think she would take care of your kids, then why would you be okay with your niece and nephew

[Caller 5]

being in that situation without never saying anything to her?

[Jen]

See, I'm with you because I think. I mean, it just doesn't sound like they're a very close family. I mean, are you close? It doesn't sound like it, no.

[Cheryl]

I mean, you know, we're close in some ways. We live near each other and we did that so that we could raised families together in a way. But, you know, I don't get along with her that well. So in other ways, not just with our kids. So, you know, no, we're not that close. I mean, she's important to me, but I think that my kids are more important ultimately, and their safety is more important than keeping my relationship with my

[Burt]

sister, you know, Amanda has a suggestion. Hey, Amanda. We have Cheryl here who needs a sitter for the summer, and her sister is available, but she doesn't trust her sister as a guardian. She doesn't like the way that she parents her own kids. So she certainly doesn't feel that her kids are safe around her. So what does she do?

[Caller 3]

Well, I would try to contact some type of summer program to maybe where it's just like in the morning time and the sister only has to watch maybe an hour or two. Or maybe you can find a summer program program that they'll watch them until you get off of work. And then you can just say, well, I want them to be around, you know, other kids.

[Burt]

And yeah, there you go.

[Caller 2]

Whatever excuse it is, it's got to be like a learning, a development.

[Bird]

Even if you have to take them to the Humane Society and have them put in that big cement, people come

[Jen]

pat them during the day.

[Bird]

I just want them to be around animals.

[Burt]

Cheryl, we gotta run. I wish we had more of a clear cut answer for you, but everybody's really kind of split on it.

[Cheryl]

Yeah, I know. Thank you so much.

[Bird]

You don't have to thank us. We didn't do anything.

[Burt]

Yeah, we didn't really do much for you. Yeah, we got a run.

[Bird]

Thanks for the ticket, officer. You're right, I was going too fast.

[Burt]

This is the Burt Show. It's the Burt Show. So I Made the declaration the other day that I'm breaking up with Patron.

[Caller 2]

It's.

[Burt]

It's over, Done for good.

[Bird]

Because you decided there's another tequila. You look better than. I totally get it.

[Burt]

I am breaking up with tequila, period. That is the. It's evil for me. Like, I think if you've done any amount of drinks drinking for any amount of time that everybody has one alcohol, that is just no good for them. And that's what I want to focus on. I want you guys to call 404-741Q100, and I want you to finish this sentence. I broke up with blank because. Blank because there's usually one night where you're like, okay, I am never doing that again. Like, for me, if I was calling right now, this call would have been placed, like, four years ago, but it would have been. I broke up with Tequila and. Because I threw up on myself in the shower.

[Bird]

Oh, Lord.

[Burt]

And that was the. That was. You know, it usually just takes that first time for you to go, I can't handle it anymore.

[Bird]

I had two breakups. One was in high school because our class trip, senior trip, was to Puerto Rico, where Bacardi is. And I wasn't a big drinker of liquor. You know, that's high school. That's sneaking a couple beers into the basement.

[Jen]

That's not you in advance.

[Bird]

That's not bottles of liquor, bottles of rum and stuff.

[Burt]

And it was way ahead of your time.

[Jen]

Yeah, I was a wine cooler in high school.

[Caller 1]

Y. Rum punch.

[Bird]

Bartles and James, they didn't make it. I didn't touch it. But that was, like, there was probably. I mean, all through college. Like, that may have been even until, like, I started traveling to the Caribbean.

[Burt]

There has to be one instance, though, that makes.

[Bird]

It was two nights before the last night.

[Burt]

So you broke up with rum because

[Bird]

we got a bottle of that 151

[Burt]

stuff and threw up on yourself?

[Bird]

I don't really remember, but I do remember falling asleep.

[Burt]

You're not being a very good caller right now. I have to re screen this one.

[Bird]

Okay, well, I have a better one.

[Jen]

Yeah, I got a rum one, too.

[Caller 2]

I got a rum one.

[Bird]

Is rum a big one?

[Caller 1]

I broke up with Kat Morgan because I don't remember anything of the night because I went to bed on one side of the room and woke up in the bathroom right by the toilet.

[Burt]

Okay.

[Caller 1]

I didn't throw up. I didn't throw up, but I just don't remember.

[Burt]

That's a good caller right there.

[Jen]

I broke up with Rum. I don't even remember what kind of rum I was drinking. But I broke up with rum altogether because I had a vicious fight with Katie Jo in the car and don't remember it at all.

[Caller 2]

Oh, really?

[Burt]

You told me blacked out through a

[Jen]

fight, blacked out from rum.

[Caller 5]

Wow.

[Jen]

And I'm not a big drinker anymore. And so one night I was. And so it didn't take a lot of rum. So I just realized even a little bit doesn't agree with Mama over here.

[Caller 2]

I broke up with Jim Beam because in high school, I played a nasty round of quarters with it. Chased it with Beam and Coke, but playing the game, it was shots of Beam.

[Caller 3]

And.

[Caller 2]

And we broke up because I ended up on the grass outside of the club we were sneaking into. All the rest of my friends snuck in and had a good old time. And I was on the grass outside of the car for probably three hours straight. Oh, never again, my friend.

[Burt]

If Stacey's best friend Carrie, was calling and she would say, I broke up with vodka because I peed in the middle of my bedroom thinking I was in the bathroom.

[Caller 1]

Oh, that's a good reason. That would be a good reason.

[Jen]

Pretty solid.

[Burt]

Tony, good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller 4]

Good morning, bro Show. Longtime listener, first time call. I love you guys. Make my morning the greatest.

[Burt]

Appreciate it. You've got, like, that deep. I've been drinking a long time, boys.

[Caller 4]

I quit drinking about six years ago now, but my. I broke up with Jagermeister about six years ago for multiple reasons, but mostly because I used to wake up next to mysterious women, not know how they got there, how I got there, who they were, what, anything.

[Burt]

And you broke up with it because of that reason.

[Bird]

And so

[Burt]

to me, that's a reason

[Caller 4]

to keep drinking face down and had no idea how I got there at all. So.

[Burt]

Yeah, that'll do. Those blackouts will scare you in.

[Caller 2]

Yeah. I wonder if he ever had to look at somebody's wallet to figure out their name.

[Jen]

Jen, you wanna. Yeah, why don't you bring that up?

[Burt]

I knew one girl that had to look at the dude's mail as she was leaving his apartment. Oh, that's so bad.

[Caller 1]

That's Hilar.

[Burt]

So she could recall his name.

[Caller 2]

Awful, Awful, awful.

[Burt]

All right, Stephanie, this is very simple. I broke up with Blank because. Blank.

[Caller 3]

I broke up with Smirnoff Ice because it's Smirnoff ice. Allergic reaction and broke out in hives.

[Burt]

Oh, really?

[Caller 3]

It's funny because now I drink vodka, like hard liquor. I don't do chasers or anything, but I can't do the stuff that has sulfites in it.

[Burt]

So I have thought to myself, like, on days that I'm really hungover, whoa. How much of a blessing it would be to be allergic to alcohol. Like, just for the doctor, like for Stacy to pay my doctor $250 to tell me that I'm allergic to alcohol so I can never drink it again.

[Caller 2]

I was watching that stupid show on E. What is it? Kourtney and Khloe take Miami or whatever it is, and they were talking about Kim Kardashian, how she doesn't drink because she doesn't like the taste of alcohol.

[Jen]

Wow.

[Caller 2]

That would really be a smart thing. That would be a good thing to have that you just didn't like the taste of it.

[Burt]

Well, I just really enjoy the taste of alcohol.

[Bird]

Alcohol's not a good tast.

[Caller 2]

Well, it doesn't prevent you from drinking it.

[Cheryl]

For her.

[Caller 2]

For Kim, it prevents her from drinking it.

[Burt]

I'm more strong willed than she is.

[Bird]

Imagine how terrible the world would be if all alcohol tasted like Welch's grape soda. Like, people would drink it by the gallon. People right now avoid it.

[Jen]

I think of Welch's grape soda. I think of church.

[Caller 2]

Why?

[Jen]

Because that's what they serve in church.

[Caller 2]

I grew up in Nashville.

[Jen]

Huh.

[Bird]

Of course.

[Jen]

Spittles are wine.

[Caller 1]

I got the real stuff.

[Burt]

Here's Mandy. Good morning, Mandy. You broke up with what? Because what?

[Caller 3]

I broke up with? Abstinence. It's a very strong 180 proof liquor. Because I got so drunk the next day, I got so sick, my friend had to give me a suppository to

[Caller 5]

stick up my butt so I could stop puking.

[Burt]

That's.

[Caller 4]

That.

[Jen]

That'll do it.

[Burt]

That would do it.

[Jen]

And that's a good friend.

[Bird]

Just so you know, that probably was just an imaginary suppository and they just wanted to put something in your butt. Oh, my God. I can't stop throwing up. Okay, well, you're gonna hate this, but I'm gonna have to put this quarter in your an. Trust me.

[Caller 3]

Throwing up.

[Jen]

You stop throwing up.

[Bird]

Give me the Noxzema or something gross.

[Burt]

If I was our former intern Sean, I gave up on absinthe because I almost drowned at Jeff's Pee at your

[Bird]

lake house because Bird had to save my life.

[Jen]

You are all saying it sounds like you're saying abstinence.

[Caller 1]

It's absinthe.

[Bird]

Absinthe.

[Burt]

I broke up with absinthe because I can't say it properly.

[Bird]

I Broke up with absinthe. When I got my veneers, I could no longer ask for it.

[Burt]

It's very frustrating.

[Caller 3]

You can't make fun of me.

[Jen]

What did I do?

[Bird]

Really, really ruin your buzz. You guys are idiots.

[Burt]

Hey, Chris. Good morning.

[Caller 4]

My name is Christopher. I'm an alcoholic.

[Burt]

Okay.

[Caller 4]

I broke up with 151 because I made twosies in my bed.

[Bird]

Oh, that way.

[Caller 1]

Do it.

[Jen]

Yes, sir.

[Caller 1]

You pooped in.

[Burt]

Pooped in his bed.

[Bird]

Now he made a toosie.

[Jen]

Oh, my God. How does that even look?

[Burt]

There she goes.

[Jen]

And she's off.

[Burt]

And there she is. How does that even happen? Well, you drink so much you just lose control of everything. Or you just think, look at her.

[Bird]

So we get.

[Jen]

She is gone.

[Burt]

There she goes.

[Bird]

The first caller breaks up with. Breaks up with a drink because somebody shoves something in her butt. And the second guy breaks up with a drink cause things are falling out of his butt.

[Jen]

I don't get that.

[Caller 1]

How do you do that?

[Burt]

Here comes.

[Bird]

Oh, come on, Wendy, look. You've never pooped your bed.

[Caller 1]

I've never pooped my bed. Wendy.

[Jen]

Laughing so hard. Til she cries. Tickle, tickles.

[Caller 1]

It doesn't really take much. Cause my eyes are weird.

[Burt]

Hey, Raquel. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Bird]

Hold on. We'll put something up your butt. It'll fix that.

[Burt]

Hey, Raquel.

[Cheryl]

Yes.

[Burt]

Hi. Yes, you.

[Caller 3]

I broke up with Long Island Iced Teeth because I blacked out, got kicked out of a bar. I insisted that they didn't know who I was. The cop told me to please calm down and stop bitching at him. And I proceeded to spit on him.

[Burt]

You spit on a cop?

[Caller 3]

Yes.

[Bird]

That'll get you tased.

[Burt]

Yeah, that's a deal breaker.

[Bird]

And then you'll make a toosie. I broke up with Long Island Iced Teas when I turned 23.

[Burt]

I think when I was 17, actually. When are you gonna be able to do the show?

[Caller 1]

Yes.

[Burt]

Pooping in bed. That's good stuff for Wendy.

[Caller 1]

I just don't get how that happens. That's just gross.

[Burt]

Here, Birch show the bird show. All right, here is Erin. Good morning. She does not need to be on the voice disguiser. Hey, Aaron.

[Caller 3]

Good morning.

[Burt]

How are you? Good. How are you this morning?

[Caller 3]

I'm good. I'm good. Little frustrated. So I thought I would call and just air my frustration.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Caller 4]

All right.

[Burt]

Bring it on. Because think this the. The idea of a mommy going on strike, I think is a brilliant idea because you can. The house will come to a screeching halt if Mommy decides. Look, it's sit down time. So what's your idea going into the weekend?

[Caller 3]

Well, especially my house. I have two teenage sons and they are into every sport. They're everywhere. I take them everywhere. I'm a stay her stay home mom. And you know, I do it by choice, but I'm doing everything for them. And a couple years ago, I'd say about three or four years ago, my husband gave me a minivan for Mother's Day. And I thought that was just swell. However, in the last three years, now, every year for Mother's Day, what I get is that minivan that is filthy because of the kids. Detailed and cleaned every year, my Mother's Day present.

[Caller 2]

Which I can understand how they think that that's thoughtful, but maybe you would prefer something that's more stupid.

[Bird]

Specific concern. They're probably the ones who mess it up. Mess up the minivan.

[Caller 3]

I mean, even if they pick the flower from my garden, it would mean something. But they don't even do it. They just, you know, my husband pays for it. So I'm. I'm at my wit's end. I have left tents. And nobody's picking up on this over the years. And what I've decided to do is if I get that minivan detailed again for Mother's Day this year, I'm just gonna stop doing stuff for them. They're gonna have to figure it out themselves. My husband, he works home over the garage. He'll have to drive them to the 45 million things that they do every week, run all the errands for them. I'm just not gonna do it.

[Bird]

So you're going on. You're like, you're the transit department, and the transit department is going on strike. Effective.

[Caller 3]

The buses are stopping here. Yep.

[Burt]

So really what you're looking for is a little more appreciation. I mean, your parents are. I mean, your kids are old enough now to where they can at least get you a card. They should be able to afford a little something something for you on Mother's Day, even if it's handmade.

[Caller 3]

Well, that's just it. I mean, years ago, when they were little kids, I would sit with them and we would make the cards for Mother's Day. And it was a joyful thing. But now it's like, oh, you got your minivan cleaned. No breakfast in bed, no flowers, nothing.

[Jen]

Yeah, and. Yeah, and the. In the detailing of the minivan should be something that they do during the year anyway. Oh, sorry we messed the van up.

[Caller 5]

Here's.

[Jen]

You know, that's not a gift for you.

[Caller 2]

Whose fault is this the most? The kids or the dad?

[Caller 3]

I'm beginning to think it's mine because I haven't really put my foot down. But it's ending now. It's the dad, though. I mean, he's. I guess he thinks that he's doing something nice for me. I can't really fault him for that. But the truth is, it's not for me. My little section of the minivan is always clean.

[Caller 5]

It's.

[Caller 3]

You know, it's just not fair. I'm their mother. I do everything for them. I should get some appreciation.

[Burt]

It's Pop's responsibility to instill that. You got to go shopping for moms, though, for Mother's Day. Like Hayden, I went shopping a week and a half ago. I swear he busted all those glasses at swoozies. So you got to make it, you know, you got to make a point to your kids that this is an important day, and you got to go. A little extra effort here. So outside of driving the kids around from everything, how else are you going on strike?

[Caller 3]

Well, I think that laundry is going to sit in a pile, and I kind of think that I will just, you know, when it's time to take the kids someplace, I'll just take the car instead of the minivan and, you know, go to my sister's house or, you know, go to the spa. I mean, whatever. I'm just going to shut down. They. They need their homework done at night. Help with their homework, dad. Somebody's going to pay attention.

[Caller 2]

So tell me, what can they do to stop the strike? Like, what needs to happen on Sunday for you to be happy?

[Caller 3]

It doesn't even need to be much. A small level of appreciation. Breakfast in bed, flowers, a card, you know, the regular stuff that everybody else is getting. And I just get this stupid minivan clean.

[Caller 2]

Right?

[Jen]

Yeah. Because I think that in our family, what we did for Millie Pete is just the fact that she. That was a day where she did not lift a finger at all for anything. So not only breakfast in bed, but lunch was provided for her, dinner provided for her, everything done for her during the day. Even though it shouldn't just be the one day that you do help mom around the house, but it definitely was, you know, something, because I'm thinking that there are other guys out there thinking, you know, or listening, thinking, okay, this is what I do for Mother's Day that are still confused. She doesn't lift a finger on Sunday at all.

[Burt]

I think this may turn into A forum for moms that haven't been shown any appreciation on Mother's Day in years. Hey, Tracy. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller 3]

Good morning. I feel the mom saying, join the club. I mean, you know, I'm hearing everything she's doing. I do everything she just mentioned. Plus I work 40 hours a week. I've got two kids, both into sport. I take them, I go to each one of their sporting events. I stay the whole time, practices, games, everything. My husband's clothes in the morning laid out, ready for him to put on.

[Caller 1]

That's above and beyond.

[Bird]

That's awesome.

[Caller 3]

Last year I got nothing for Mother's Day and I worked on Sunday. I worked every Sunday.

[Cheryl]

Wow.

[Caller 3]

The year before that, I got about a three dollar cup with candy in it. And the minivan that she got, I would love that. Did I mention that's what my husband does for a living, is sell cars?

[Burt]

Oh, wow. That's gonna hurt.

[Caller 3]

96 Dodge Grand Caravan. Want to hear it squeal? I think we all know join the club. It's, you know, it is what it is. Join the club. Maybe all mothers should go on strike, though. It's going to be, you know, be a nationwide thing. It'll be great.

[Bird]

Can you imagine the way this city would shut down, the world would shut down if all moms strike struck, strike did struck.

[Caller 1]

Him stroke together, clothes laid out for him. I don't know.

[Caller 2]

That's awesome how little that guy has

[Burt]

to think that's bad. And to not show any appreciation at all, that's bad. I mean, your moms, you have the ultimate. At least when it comes to dad. The ultimate strike sort of chip, if you know what I mean. I mean, if you go on strike in one area, guys generally will pay attention. I don't endorse it.

[Jen]

I think she wants to be appreciated for the other things she does.

[Burt]

That's what I'm saying, though. But if you're going to go on strike, there's nothing more powerful than striking in that area.

[Bird]

Hey, Ruth.

[Burt]

Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller 5]

Hi, guys. I was just telling them I've gone on strike three times. My kids are now 20 and he's going to be 19 actually. So three times in probably 10 years.

[Jen]

What'd you do?

[Caller 3]

What did I do?

[Jen]

How'd you go on strike?

[Caller 5]

The first time I actually left a sign in the kitchen and I went to the coffee shop and they all had to fend themselves for dinner for an entire week. Didn't clean, didn't do Anything. I. I just did the same thing the other guy was talking about. I let them fend for themselves. And I tell you what, 24 hours, they totally get it. But I did it for, I think, four days, so.

[Caller 2]

Good for you. When did this strike happen? Was it just following a Mother's Day where you weren't appreciated?

[Caller 5]

Well, there was one Mother's Day where I didn't get a card. And everybody decided that, you know, they just probably either forgot. I don't know what happened, but I did it right after Mother's Day about five years ago. That's when they were teenagers, because I think life just got, quote, too busy for them, God forbid, because it, you know, they would forget things. And I said, well, what if I forgot you at the bus stop one day? What if I forgot, like, to pick you up one day, you know, because. And I've worked full time. I'd have did 40, 50 hours a week at an office. So. But no, and I think the time two times before that, they were actually young, and it would be like, you make dinner and everybody be like. Somebody would be saying, well, there might

[Caller 3]

be too much salt in here.

[Caller 5]

This doesn't taste that good. Well, really? Then go to Taco Bell and get your dinner.

[Caller 1]

I think we need to have the Mother's Day vent line instead of, like, the teacher. We need the Mama's Day event.

[Burt]

Seriously. Open it up on Monday.

[Caller 3]

Really angry.

[Jen]

I mean, I'm gonna throw the statistic out. But, you know that, you know, website that we've, you know, talked about before for, you know, affairs and everything I had to go to this far, but there's a statistic out today saying that one of their biggest signup days for women is the day after Mother's Day.

[Caller 2]

Oh.

[Burt]

Oh, is that right?

[Jen]

Is that right?

[Bird]

You mean the moms sign up to that?

[Jen]

The women in relationships sign up the day after Mother's Day. No kidding.

[Burt]

Really?

[Jen]

So there's a lot of angry moms out there.

[Bird]

Leave it early. Go and shopping.

[Burt]

Hey, Chris. Good Morning. You're on Q100. Hi.

[Caller 3]

Hi, Bert.

[Caller 4]

I just wanted to say this call that as a son of a mother that is in the same shoes that her sons are in, I got a deep conviction of hearing her not getting the presents or the gift that she desired or needed. I'm sorry for her because I do my mom the same way. And getting off work hearing this and Mother's Day, and I got to work Sunday. I'm sorry for this lady. And the conviction hit me. And I know what it's like, not to get something, so.

[Burt]

So now you're gonna go and you're gonna treat mom okay this weekend?

[Caller 4]

I am. I hope I can, but I'm at the fire department, so I can't see her. So we're gonna do it Saturday.

[Burt]

Okay.

[Caller 1]

Oh, that's good, though.

[Jen]

It doesn't take much. I'm telling you, a guy's a card with a written message in there talking about how much you love her. That can be enough.

[Burt]

Let us men give credit to the men before us that have allowed us to set the bar so low for women that it just takes a card right now. It just takes a card and we're happy, man.

[Bird]

You're welcome.

[Burt]

Thank you, grandfather. Because for us, it's easy. It's just a card. That's all you gotta do or something like that, right?

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Jen]

I mean, I don't know if that helped the situation, but I think that's

[Burt]

exactly what you just said.

[Jen]

Well, but it's an. Men don't express themselves. Y' all don't express yourselves. Y' all want to be cool and hard and everything. Well, if you express yourselves to your mother, that's why it means so much, is because, I mean, it shows that you're making that extra effort for her. And it's all about effort with women guys. God, get it?

[Burt]

She just slapped guys on the face. Right there on the forehead, the head.

[Jen]

How many times do we have to say this on this show?

[Burt]

Hey, Aaron, we'll talk to you on Monday morning and find out if you're going to on strike or not. Okay?

[Caller 3]

All righty.

[Burt]

All right, thanks for calling.

[Caller 4]

Bye Bye.

[Burt]

The Birch show,

[Bird]

the Bird show.

[Burt]

Just a follow up from the conversation we had yesterday.

[Caller 4]

Okay.

[Burt]

About the knee.

[Bird]

Oh, no.

[Burt]

The softball game.

[Jen]

Oh, yes.

[Burt]

And everything that happened yesterday.

[Jen]

Jeff's insult that he's. He's never insulted you that badly.

[Bird]

And I didn't mean it in a way.

[Burt]

Just pretending I didn't even hear it. I mean, you got to consider the source on an insult like that.

[Bird]

I didn't mean it. I meant it. It professionally.

[Burt]

I'm not a professional athlete.

[Bird]

Right. So when I said Bird is not an athlete.

[Burt]

No, you said you're not athletic.

[Bird]

No, you did.

[Caller 2]

I said you're not an athlete.

[Bird]

I said you're not an athlete, which is insulting.

[Burt]

But I am an athlete.

[Bird]

But not a professional athlete. That's different.

[Caller 2]

But that's different than athlete really qualify because. Yeah, Jeff, the way you said it was.

[Jen]

Honey, be careful.

[Bird]

But what I meant was the ice

[Jen]

that you're on is starting to grow thin. Crack a little bit.

[Bird]

What I meant to say, what I was explaining is because you're knee, you don't have to participate in sports. You're still talking to earn a living. You are not an athlete.

[Burt]

I am not a professional athlete.

[Bird]

Right, Same difference.

[Burt]

There are plenty of people in the gym that are athletes. They're just not paid. Anyway, so just back history here. I jacked up my knee a couple of months ago playing soccer. Very athletic sport. Athletes play soccer. They're thin and fast and athletic. But I busted up my knee. I've jacked up my ACL and my meniscus. So I've been on crutches. I'm still going through physical therapy and I'm hobbling even now. I'm still kind of limping on it. And I was invited to play in a celebrity softball game at the end of June. This just happened this weekend. It was briefly brought up to me at a restaurant from somebody within the BRAZE organization. And the date of this celebrity softball tournament is the very end of June. So I asked my physical therapist if he thought my knee would be ready for me to play in that. And the big deal about this is not that it's a celebrity softball game. Jen and I have played in those before. Those are fun. This one is inside of the Ted 10 Turner Stadium. Playing inside of a major league baseball stadium on a major league field. For a guy like me that's played baseball, his whole life is a dream come true.

[Caller 2]

That would be really cool.

[Burt]

The coolest thing ever. And who knows if this charity event is going to happen again next year. So I asked my physical therapist, he said, yes, we will have you ready by then. So I went and I told my wife that I was gonna be ready. This is done. And she is basically telling me no. It's maybe the first time in our 16 year relationship that she has said that, no, you are on restriction from doing something. I am not allowing you grounded as an adult. You are grounded from. She's banning me. She's banning me. And I am defiantly digging in and saying, no, I am playing in that game. So my doctor called in yesterday, Tom McWhale, who worked on my knee and he said that there would be a chance because the graph, the hamstring graph that he did could slip if I played in that. If I played in that game. One game.

[Caller 2]

Ouch.

[Burt]

I've got to get everybody on my team on the same page because my physical therapist, Mark heard about it yesterday.

[Caller 2]

Okay.

[Burt]

He thinks I'm going to be ready, no problem. My doctor says not so much. So we're going to have to get on a little conference call, and we're going to have to try to figure out.

[Jen]

So that's what we're doing right now, is we're. Oh, we're not just giving you a

[Burt]

little update before Jay calls.

[Jen]

Just telling everybody, you know what? We're going to be on the same page.

[Burt]

We're going to be. A decision has not been made yet. So everybody that emailed me yesterday is this. Those of you that said, go ahead and do it. I've had the same surgery. No problem. Do it. To those that said I'm being a really selfish bastard, all you guys, everything's on the table until I get every. Everybody on the same.

[Jen]

Is this the same way? No decision has been made as the reality TV show. No decision has been made.

[Burt]

There hasn't been a situation.

[Caller 1]

This is a new reality show. It's Doctor versus Physical Therapist, and it's gonna air at the end of the summertime. So you're just prepping for it right now.

[Jen]

That's the episode night.

[Burt]

This would make better TV than anything I have lined up. I got nothing. So that we're at. Everybody's sort of at a standstill now. My wife and I aren't agreeing. My physical therapist and my doctor aren't agreeing. So right now we're are tabling it until we can all get on the same page.

[Bird]

Did you say if your wife is going to be in on the conference call, or is it just you, doctor and therapist?

[Burt]

It would just be me and the doctor and the physical therapist.

[Caller 2]

She's busy, busy, busy.

[Bird]

Do you want to ask her if she wants to be in on it?

[Burt]

She's got a lot of things to do during the day.

[Bird]

You want to call her right now and see if she can make time for it?

[Burt]

No, because Jake's on the phone. We don't have time.

[Jen]

When is the game, by the way?

[Burt]

Like, the end of June 26th next month.

[Jen]

Okay, okay.

[Burt]

Plenty of time.

[Jen]

Keep it in my head.

[Caller 5]

All right.

[Burt]

Okay.

[Caller 1]

All right.

[Burt]

The Birch Show.