Full Show PT 2: Wednesday, March 25 [Vault]

Summary

---

The Bert Show: Full Show Pt 2 — Wednesday, March 25 [Vault]

Podcast Date: March 26, 2026
Hosts: The Bert Show crew (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Jeff, Melissa, Jen, Yancey, Mandy, Wendy, plus callers/listeners)

---

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show is a vault release from March 25. It’s a classic morning radio format blending authentic conversation, humor, and real-life listener stories. This episode centers around:

• A follow-up interview with Mandy after her emotional breakup and solo travels in Europe
• A lively, honest “Ask Anything” segment about race and cultural quirks between black and white Americans, with listeners and cast members asking candid questions
• Ridiculous and hilarious confessions from the cast about personal quirks as part of the “25 Things About Me” Facebook trend
• Unfiltered listener stories about bizarre experiences while on the sleep aid Ambien

The show’s tone is honest, inquisitive, self-deprecating, and lighthearted, aimed at demystifying cultural differences and highlighting human experiences in a fun, nonjudgmental way.

---

Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Mandy’s Relationship & Solo Travels Update

Timestamps: 01:02–11:43

• Background: Mandy and Brian, an Atlanta couple, sold everything to travel the world, documenting their ups and downs—including their relationship—on a blog.
• Current Status: Last update was via an emotional email; Mandy had returned home after their breakup, regretting the split.
• Live Update: Mandy joins live from Venice, Italy.
  • “It was really nice to travel by myself for a bit… but then once that kind of wore off, I thought, oh my God, what have I done? I missed him so much.” (Mandy, 04:22)
  • Mandy reveals she decided to delay returning home. She’s reuniting with Brian in Verona to talk things out after realizing their breakup might have been a mistake.
• Compromise or Stuck?
  • Mandy is proposing to keep traveling with Brian through the summer, then both return home to further education.
  • Openly admits she’s more eager than Brian to reconcile, but believes mutual love remains.
• Communication Challenges:
  • Mandy talks about the heartbreak and lack of closure when communicating big emotions only via email and brief internet sessions.
  • “My poor dad’s just kind of sitting there like, ‘Okay, it’s okay.’ Or we’d be walking down the street and I’d start crying.” (Mandy, 09:34)
• Support Systems:
  • Noted the lack of a close “girl circle” while solo traveling; relied on her dad and hostel acquaintances for support.
• Mandy agrees to update the show after her Verona meeting with Brian.

Memorable Moment:

• “It kind of helps me, like, think about it... your questions kind of help me process here.” (Mandy, 10:34)

---

2. “Ask Anything” Segment: Asking the Uncomfortable Race Questions

Timestamps: 14:44–35:38

A standout, candid segment where the hosts, cast, and listeners ask blunt questions about black and white cultural habits—everything from flip-flops in winter to why black people supposedly don’t swim, and more.

Sample Questions & Insights

• Why do white people wear sandals and flip-flops all year?
  • “For me, it’s just... easy. It’s a comfort issue.” (Jeff, 17:11)
  • “Lazy is what it is.” (Jen, 17:14)
• Do black people really not swim or go in the ocean?
  • Yancey: Suggests it’s more a “black American” thing, rooted in historical context (slavery, lack of generational swimmers), not true for islanders.
  • Caller: “I love the ocean. I swim. I like to swim.” (21:45)
  • Dolvett: “Most of my black friends, myself included, I taught myself how to swim. ... It wasn’t important. It wasn’t something huge.” (24:09)
  • “If you grow up in inner city Atlanta, you don’t need to learn how to swim.” (Yancey, 24:27)
• Why do white people cup both hands around their coffee?”
  • “My hands are cold, and it helps warm them up.” (Jen, 20:05)
  • “There’s so much comfort in that coffee. Like, it just feels like that’s the first starting place of the day.” (Jeff, 20:10)
• Why do black men wear pantyhose/stocking caps on their head?
  • “It protects the hair… the hair is compacted and then they brush it down so it gets a wave figure...” (Yancey, 25:13)
• Why do white people introduce themselves (and ask about jobs) so quickly?
  • “White people, you say your entire name and your occupation, what you do, where you from... it’s like a whole paragraph. I really don’t need all that.” (Listener, 33:26)
  • Black folks tend to ask about sports teams or just exchange names at first.
• Attitudes toward dogs:
  • Black callers confirm they generally don't treat dogs as family and tend not to allow pets on the bed, while white people often do (“White people look at their dogs as more family members than black people do.” — Jeff, 28:26)
• Extreme sports & risk-taking:
  • “Why does everything have to be to the limit? … We had more of a death wish than black people did.” (Yancey, 26:11; 26:27)
  • “Because it’s foolish.” (Bert, 26:46)
• Repetition in Black conversation:
  • “It’s a passion thing. You’re passionate. You’re making sure you’re heard.” (Caller, 31:07)
• Self-deprecation as a white trait?
  • Melissa observes, “Every white answer had some self-deprecating joke in it… but every answer like Dolvett gave, there was a deeper meaning behind it.” (Melissa, 33:56)

The overarching vibe is safe, tolerant curiosity:

• “I’m serious. Like, this is the way I think we start to learn about each other. But everybody’s so freaked out about asking stupid questions...” (Jeff, 25:37)
• “I really think, man, as soon as we get to that point we could just ask stupid questions of each other and we can both show some tolerance on both sides... and then we’ll start to understand about each other. Maybe some of this fear goes away, you know?” (Jeff, 34:44)

---

3. “25 Random Things About Me” - Cast Confessions

Timestamps: 37:46–47:12

A fun, revealing game where hosts guess each other's confessions inspired by the then-current Facebook meme.

Standout Confessions:

• “I have no idea what my real hair color is.” (Jen, 39:30)
• “I have a written wedding plan from elementary school.” (Melissa, 40:21)
• “I was on The Queen Latifah Show to meet *NSYNC." (Jen/Wendy, 41:19)
• “I have faked an emergency call to get off the treadmill.” (Jeff, 42:14)
• “I always look at the clock at 11:11 and 1:11 and say it aloud.” (Jeff, 43:18)
• “Never impulsively splurged on anything.” (Melissa, 43:50)
• “I’ve exaggerated my love for U2 to my wife.” (Jeff, 44:28)
• “I sing The Little Mermaid song out loud when home alone.” (Wendy, 45:11)
• “I watch Full House reruns Monday through Friday at noon.” (Wendy, 47:01)

Tone Highlights:

• Playful shaming and supportive ribbing.
• Sharing reveals both vulnerability and universal quirks.
• Moments like “My cat’s there and I have to sing it out… just belt it out for this Little Mermaid.” (Jen, 45:25) deliver both relatability and laughs.

---

4. Listener Stories: Ambien Gone Wild

Timestamps: 49:17–54:17

Listener call-in time dedicated to wild, sometimes disturbing (but usually funny) stories related to the sleep aid Ambien.

Memorable Stories:

• Sleep-eating & Kitchen Chaos:
  • “My mom was on it for a while. She was waking up in the morning and there was food and knives all on the kitchen counter and she had no idea...” (Jeff, 49:17)
• Ambien-Induced Hallucinations:
  • “I hallucinated this Tranquility Buddha jumped off the mantle and chased me around the room.” (Mandy/Listener, 49:53)
• Accidental Embarrassment:
  • Emailing/texting questionable things to new partners, initiating sex with no recollection — “I had sex with my husband and proceeded to tell him after sex that I felt like we had had ancient history sex. Like he had a shield and a sword, like the movie 300.” (Listener, 52:36)
• Shopping Sprees and Medieval Obsessions:
  • “I ordered all of these, like, old knight helmets, you know, with the chain mail... and all of a sudden, this chainmail and knight medieval things start showing up at my house...” (Angela/Listener, 53:37)
• Sleep-driving & fast food:
  • “My sister woke up... dressed herself, and walked right out the door, jumped in her car, went and picked up food, came back home and went straight back to bed and had food all over her bed. She didn’t know how it got there.” (Caller, 54:23)
  • Hosts express concern about safety, while still finding humor in the ridiculous situations.

---

Notable Quotes (with Timestamps & Attribution)

• On relationships:
  • “I started to think, you know, you're kind of irritating... But now that I've had distance, I've realized the things that bugged me were really stupid. And, you know, it's like, it's not a problem at all. And I would rather be with him than not.” (Mandy, 08:20)
• On discussing race:
  • “Race, man, in this town especially, is so tight. I am a big believer that you have to have a friend from another race that is tolerant of your ignorant questions.” (Jeff, 14:44)
  • “There’s no self-deprecation like that in the answers we got today. ... Every white answer had some self-deprecating joke in it.” (Melissa, 33:56)
  • “As soon as we get to that point we could just ask stupid questions of each other... then we'll start to understand about each other. Maybe some of this fear goes away.” (Jeff, 34:44)
• On quirks:
  • “I have no idea what my real hair color is.” (Jen, 39:30)
  • “I sing The Little Mermaid song out loud when home alone.” (Wendy, 45:11)
• On Ambien stories:
  • “She had no idea what she was doing. Zero idea.” (Jeff, 51:41)
  • “Ambient makes you go medieval, man.” (Jeff, 54:18)

---

Useful Timestamps for Key Segments

• Mandy’s story: 01:02–11:43
• Ask Anything About Race: 14:44–35:38
• “25 Things About Me” game: 37:46–47:12
• Ambien stories: 49:17–54:17

---

Summary

The Bert Show’s Vault episode is an energetic, honest snapshot of how humor, real talk, and shared humanity can break down boundaries. Through a heart-on-sleeve travel story, riotous cross-cultural curiosity, confessional games, and outrageous listener call-ins, the crew models embracing our quirks and differences. Listeners are left with lots of laughs, new perspectives, and the sense that—even if we’re all “crazy”—we’re crazy together.

---

Transcript

[Jeff]

With the Venmo debit card. A taco in one hand and ordering a ride in the other means you're stacking your rewards.

[Bert]

Nice.

[Jeff]

Get up to 5% cash back with Venmo Stash on your favorite brands when you pay with your Venmo debit card. From takeout to ride shares, entertainment and more, pick a bundle with your go tos and start earning cash back at those brands. Venmo Stash Bundle terms and exclusions apply. See terms at venmo me stashterms max $100 cash back per month

[Yancey]

when you

[Jeff]

fill up with Philips 66 and Conoco, you're ready to go to the library and get a library card instead of paying for overpriced. And you're ready to go to the amusement park on a weekday when there's no lines and go on a six mile hike you instantly regret. Only two more miles to go. Go here, go there, go anywhere with Phillips 66 and Kaneko the Birch show

[Bert]

who are Mandy and Brian?

[Jen]

Mandy and Brian are a couple from here in Atlanta. They were boyfriend and girlfriend and both of them wanted to travel the world so they decided to just go for it. And they sold a bunch of stuff and put all their things in storage and got all their affairs together and went out to travel the world together. And we've been following them all around the world, not only the ups and downs of travel and where they've been and sort of exciting stories of the countries they visited, but also the ups and downs of their relationship. And so the last we heard from Mandy was via email, because when we had talked to her, she said that it had been coming up almost on a year, that they had been traveling, right? And that Brian was going to continue traveling and that she was going to come home and that that was going to be the end of the relationship. But they hadn't planned on that until April. And then the last we heard from her was in an email where she was really upset, so much so that she didn't feel like she could talk to us in person because she was still so emotional about their breakup and she said maybe that she had made a mistake. So we wanted to actually talk to her, maybe give her a little time under some breathing room to kind of get her emotions in order and then be able to share her story with us.

[Melissa]

Because it sounded like it was mutual though, because like last time when we read the email that on their website, on their blogs, like each one was kind of talking to the other through the blog and both upset about the separation.

[Bert]

So Brian wrote a post about them walking away from each other. I think it was at a post office. And now he went out to the street and looked after her, but didn't want to cry in public. And then she was walking away. Well, she ended up responding to his post saying, I had the same thoughts. And it was actually very movie esque that they were both walking away from each other crying, but nobody wanted to admit to crying in public. And so when we first discussed this, Mandy wasn't available to come out with us because it was so fresh. But she joins us now from beautiful Italy. Hi, Mandy.

[Melissa]

Hey, Mandy.

[Mandy]

Hey guys.

[Bert]

How are you?

[Mandy]

Hi. Good

[Bert]

night. Where in Italy are you?

[Mandy]

I am in Venice.

[Bert]

It's a beautiful city. I got to go there a couple years ago.

[Mandy]

It's amazing. And you know, I'm just kind of right now I'm hanging out, killing time still. I'm actually going to meet up with Brian in a couple of days. So you are? Yeah. So sad I didn't go home a couple of days ago like I was supposed to. But there are worse places to kill time than Venice.

[Bert]

No kidding.

[Melissa]

So tell us about, because that's new, that you are now going to reunite with Brian. What happened since the last email?

[Mandy]

Okay, well, since the last email I have finally mostly stopped crying uncontrollably and I'm keeping my emotions in check a little better. We've kind of been communicating with each other by email and as you know, like talking about like your feelings and big, serious issues, like, you know, what are we going to, are we going to be together? Are we not? Can this work? Doesn't really work by email. And so we realized that he and his parents would be in Italy just a couple of days after I was supposed to leave. And so I said, you know, why don't I just stay? It's just a few extra days and we can talk about this in person. So I don't really know what's going to happen, but we're at least going to get together and talk about things face to face.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Bert]

And what, I mean, if it's not too personal, what type of things are you going to be talking about? Because you don't talk unless there's hope of continuing. Right, Right.

[Mandy]

And it kind of started with, you know, we'd set, we'd separated for a couple weeks. We separated for a couple weeks and once I got over, it was, and I have to be off. It was really nice to travel by myself for a bit. I mean, we spent so much time together. It was really nice to be alone and all that. But then once that kind of wore off, I thought, oh my God, what have I done? I missed him so much. And it was. It felt like it's so much more than just getting over a breakup. It was kind of a, I really messed up. I really want to be with this person and crap, now I'm not. And so I kind of started it and told him, you know, I'm still crazy about you. And the reason we'd separated, as you know, was because really I wanted to go home and he kind of wanted to keep going. And we didn't think it would work. But I started thinking, there's got to be a way we can compromise, make this work. So that's kind of what we're talking about, is what do we both want for the future? And is there a way to make that, you know, mesh together somehow?

[Bert]

Would you be willing to

[Yancey]

stay with

[Bert]

him in a relationship but allow him to continue to travel while you come back home?

[Mandy]

That would be part of it. But I mean, it would be hard to do that for a really long time. Like, you know, a couple of months, that'd be fine. But, you know, more that, you know, if it's going to be like another year or something of us being apart, I don't know how well that would work. So we kind of need to discuss. I'm willing to stay on the road a little more if he's willing to come home, maybe a little sooner. And then so we have to kind of figure out a way.

[Jen]

Now, in the breakup, in the breakup with you guys, did it seem balanced? I mean, did you both seem as equally upset about the decision you were making, or is one of you more trying to save this than the other?

[Mandy]

I. Well, we first. When we broke up, it was more of a. It was never, I don't like you, I don't want to be with you. It was more of a. Our situation is kind of, you know, we're going separate ways. It'd be like if one of us wanted to have kids and the other didn't. You know, you can't really reconcile that. So it's either get over it or you break up. And so it kind of ended up like that for us. And. But now I feel like it's not totally one sided, the wanting to get back together, but I think it is a little more me than him. He's a little more hesitant and I can't put words in the mouth, but he seems a little More hesitant and a little more hurt of. Or afraid of getting hurt and kind of going down this road again, only to have us realize, you know, we do want separate things and have to

[Bert]

go through this all over again for whatever reason. I think it's the coolest thing in the world that you guys are meeting in Italy. Where is he now?

[Mandy]

He is in Greece right now.

[Bert]

Yeah. That's just a cool thing because when I meet people, it's like, you know, at Moe's, right? Yeah, it's like, you want to meet at Moe's. Yeah. Which one? Buckhead or Roswell Road? Sandy Springs.

[Jen]

Right, right.

[Melissa]

Well, Roswell really is the Athens of Fulton County.

[Mandy]

What's even crazier is we're not only meeting Italy, but we're meeting in probably Verona. And, you know, that's the Romeo and Juliet fame. And so I'm like, you know, I. It's romantic and it's sweet, but I know how they turned out. And that's not really what I'm.

[Melissa]

Yours ends better.

[Bert]

What would your. What would your ideal resolution to this whole thing be?

[Mandy]

I would like to get back together.

[Bert]

And would you? And so if you guys have that conversation and he says, okay, I want to go to Prague. Do you go with him?

[Mandy]

Well, my proposal to him was this. He we both want to go back to school. I was planning to start a little sooner than him. So I'm kind of trying to propose that I'll keep traveling for the summer rather than going back and starting school in the summer. And then we could maybe both go back and start school in the fall. And then we would still have our summers to travel and if we could just do that till we both, you know, finish getting new degrees and that kind of thing. So I would keep track, I would keep traveling. But I do want to be home by fall.

[Jen]

Do you feel like wanting to get back together with him is sort of a knee jerk reaction to being alone?

[Mandy]

I don't think so. I mean, I've worried about that. Like, what if this is just part of the healing process? You know? Of course it hurts and I need to get over it, but it feels like it's a lot more than that. Like, I feel like this is someone that I really love and care about and, you know, could spend my life with. I feel like the way we left things, we had just spent so much time together. We were getting on each other's nerves so bad it may be made me take them for granted. And so. And I started to think, you know, you're Kind of irritating. This isn't the person I want to be with. But now that I've had distance, I've realized the things that bugged me were really stupid. And, you know, it's like, it's not a problem at all. And I would rather be with him than not.

[Bert]

Okay, the pressure or anxiety that you must have felt because the only way that you guys could communicate was via email, which I'm assuming takes place at Internet cafes and whatnot.

[Mandy]

Right.

[Bert]

I would imagine that you send him an email because I'm flashing back to high school. Like when you're going to call the girl, you know, and you leave her a message and then you start doing the things where you check the dial tone to make sure the phone's still working. I would imagine that you send him a message from an Internet cafe and walk four blocks and see another Internet cafe and duck it and start it in. Yeah, and duck in there and buy a little 10 minute thing and just check it again, see if he happens to be writing back.

[Mandy]

It was close to that. I was traveling with my dad at the time. My dad came and just traveled the last two weeks with me, and he just left. And so it was really great to have my dad here. But I feel really bad because all during his vacation, I would just randomly start crying. And so we'd go to the Internet cafes and, like, I'd get an email from Brian, and whether it was good or bad, I'm sitting there like, sobbing. My poor dad's just kind of sitting there like, okay, it's okay. Or we'd be walking down the street and I'd start crying. But I think he. He kind of got used to it. And I'm like, okay, can we go to the Internet cafe again, dad?

[Jen]

Aw, sweet.

[Bert]

Dad, the meeting with Brian is gonna take place when?

[Mandy]

On Friday.

[Melissa]

On Friday?

[Bert]

Well, I'm sure you've already arranged this with Tracy, but we will want to get caught up with you, if that's cool.

[Mandy]

Yeah, as long as I'm not an emotional wreck again, that would be fine.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Jen]

Well, we appreciate you being so open and honest and sharing your life with us. We know that's not always easy to do.

[Mandy]

It kind of helps me, like, think about it. And sometimes, you know, to hear other people's perspective, it makes me realize, like, am I being crazy? Should I be doing this? But, you know, so at least your questions kind of help me process here.

[Jen]

What do you do with we're all crazy. So, I mean, that answer. That answer is yes for every Single person who asks himself, am I crazy? Yes, everybody's crazy.

[Bert]

What do you do when you. Because like, you know, when girls break up and a relationship ends, they go and they circle with their other girls and they talk about it and analyze it, everything. Who did you do that with? Were you able to do that with anyone?

[Mandy]

Not really. I mean, my dad a little. And now I'm staying at this hostel and it's right, it's all girls at the hospital. And so I thought, oh, this will be great. We'll have some girl time and you know, maybe we can talk about things. But maybe these people are strangers. They don't want to hear about my relationship.

[Bert]

They're like, isn't this the most beautiful place in the world? And you're saying, I am so miserable.

[Melissa]

You should, you should just go into a cafe where they're not speaking predominantly English and just go in there and talk and they, and you know, then they'll stare at you and then it'll be almost like you're in a circle.

[Bert]

Me too. You know, we, we appreciate the honesty and we hope to hear from you an update one way or the other.

[Jen]

Good luck.

[Mandy]

Okay.

[Bert]

The bird show.

[Ad Read Host]

Spring is giving fresh start vibes. Like suddenly you want to open the windows, drink more water and maybe act like you have your life together. But when dinner rolls around and you're this close to ordering takeout again, Butcherbox can help. They deliver premium clean protein straight to your door. No antibiotics, no added hormones, no mystery ingredients, just real food that actually fuels your body instead of slowing it down. Effortless, glow up energy, but make it dinner. For over a decade, Butcherbox has led the industry with meat and seafood that's antibiotic free, hormone free and independently verified. Because when it comes to fueling your body, quality isn't extra, it's everything. Clean whole protein means better support for strength, metabolism and that steady all day energy we're all chasing. As an exclusive offer, new listeners can get their choice between chicken breast or top sirloin for a year or ground beef for life. Plus $20 off when you go to butcherbox.com pods that's right, your choice of chicken breast or top sirloin for a year or ground beef for life plus $20 off your first box and free shipping always. That's butcherbox.com pods. Don't forget to use our link so they know that we sent you.

[Range Rover Ad Host]

If you want to make an impact, you set an example, you take the lead, you adapt with intention and when you move with that kind of purpose, you drive a vehicle that does the same. The Range Rover Sport. With a design that's distinctly British, it blends power, poise and performance, delivering a drive that feels as refined as it is responsive. Defining modern luxury, the Range Rover Sport features the latest innovations in comfort and convenience, from the air cabin purification system to active noise cancellation, creating a quieter, more controlled experience. Built with raw power and agility, the Range Rover Sport responds with precision. Seven terrain modes powered by terrain response. Two fine tunes Performance. To meet challenging roads ahead, choose from a range of powerful engines, including a plug in hybrid with an estimated range of 53 miles. Like you, the Range Rover Sport was designed to make an impact. Build your Range Rover Sport@range Rover.com USSport

[Jen]

Quieres Mejor Internet Cox Internet.

[Mandy]

The tresintas megas tiene las velocidades rapidas

[Jen]

y confiables que buscas perfecto par streaming y gaming y TRA bajardes de casa todo porsolo cuernte cinco dolaes con do

[Mandy]

Gregas Cox Mobile inclusia quipo de wifi

[Jen]

y guarantia depressio de dos anos entu plan nues cambia te hoy a Cox.

[Mandy]

The Kiera Cox Mobile Gig Unlimited guaranteed.

[Bert]

Apresion including Pues.

[Jeff]

There is a question that you've always wanted to ask somebody from another race. You just felt too awkward to ask it. Race man in this town especially, is so tight. I am a big believer that you have to have a friend from another race that is tolerant of your ignorant questions. And when you're asked those ignorant questions, I think as the friend, you gotta go, okay, I'm just educating today. You're not judging, you're just educating. That's all. Sure should be able to ask anything. Dolvett has asked me before. Why do white people hike?

[Caller/Listener]

Really?

[Jeff]

Yeah. I don't really know, but we do. I just like being in the mountains. It's like, black people don't hike. Why do white people hike?

[Bert]

But is it also.

[Jen]

That's a funny question. It's funny.

[Bert]

Do black people not love the ocean? Like, black people not go to the beach?

[Jeff]

I think this gets into like a swimming thing.

[Bert]

Black people don't like to swim.

[Jeff]

I think I'm white. So I, if I. If I start to answer. Yeah, but that would be a good question for you to ask.

[Bert]

But if we have a black listener call up because I don't know that I've ever paid attention to that. But somebody once said that to me, like, that black people don't. I heard it was the ocean and I never even thought about it. But be along the same lines as hiking.

[Jeff]

Then ask 404-741. Q100 and whenever we touch upon race on this show, Jeff was just asking, how long do you think it's going to be before we get our first you guys are racist calls? And I don't understand how any of this could be considered racist.

[Jen]

Just asking questions, just not sharing information and getting answers.

[Bert]

Racism is thinking that one group of people, that your group of people is superior to other groups of people based on heritage. This is nothing to do with that. This is simply, why don't black folk get in the water?

[Jeff]

That's a question for white people. Good morning, Q. You are on Q100.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey, how are you guys doing today?

[Jeff]

Okay. How are you?

[Caller/Listener]

I'm excellent. Excellent. I love you guys. My question is, why do I see white people wearing sandals, sandals and flip flops in winter, summer, spring, fall, it can be 10 degrees outside.

[Melissa]

That is correct.

[Caller/Listener]

I see white people with sandals and flip flops. I'm just like, wow, now do you

[Jen]

see the same thing?

[Bert]

Hey, Bert, why don't you take this one?

[Jen]

I have to clarify. White people or white men?

[Caller/Listener]

Just white people in general.

[Melissa]

I think I've seen white girls do it, too.

[Jen]

Really? I do it.

[Melissa]

I was there last night at that softball game, freezing, and I had my rainbow sandals, flip flop.

[Jeff]

I've got my flip flops on this morning also.

[Caller/Listener]

I just cannot do it. I can't do it.

[Jeff]

For me, it's just, it's easy. It's a comfort issue.

[Jen]

Lazy is what it is.

[Jeff]

It's lazy. It's easy. It provides coolness under the warmth of your clothes. I don't know. I just.

[Caller/Listener]

Well, see, I'm black and I and black people, I guess we like to wear socks with our flip flops. And I don't know, I just, I just can't do it.

[Jen]

I like socks.

[Mandy]

Can you do it?

[Bert]

Being a black man? Can you shed any light on the. The thing that I've heard that black people don't like the ocean and the expansion on that. The bird says black people don't care to swim.

[Caller/Listener]

I cannot because, I mean, I love the ocean. I swim. I like to swim. So I can't. I can't touch on that at all.

[Jeff]

Right. You're allowed to ask the ignorant questions here.

[Bert]

That's what this is for.

[Jeff]

Thank you, Q.

[Caller/Listener]

No problem.

[Jeff]

I don't think we answered that well enough, though.

[Melissa]

Do we have an answer for that?

[Jen]

I don't know. I just don't like the confinement of shoes or socks. Nancy has an answer. I think that's. Come here.

[Jeff]

How can Yancy have an answer? He's not?

[Bert]

No, we're talking about the sandal flip flop one.

[Jeff]

Oh, okay. Are you answering the ocean?

[Yancey]

I have an answer for the ocean one. Absolutely.

[Jeff]

Yancey is black.

[Yancey]

For those of you who didn't know. No, the reason that I can think of is it's not black people in general. It's just black Americans. And I think a lot of it probably has to do with the slavery trade, because, I mean, being black from the island, I love the ocean. I'll be the first black person to tell you, I am gone. If there's an ocean within 100ft, you will not find me because I'm somewhere behind the waves, you know, digging my way through. But black Americans, for some odd reason, they get close to the water and they're like, what do I do now? I think. I don't know.

[Jeff]

Dolvett. I gotta get him on the phone because he's explained this to me before.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

But I can't remember what he said. But, I mean, we've been up at Lake Lanier before, and he's had a life preserver on, and somebody's jumped on him while he's had the life preserver on in the lake. And I saw him freaking out like he was gonna die. He was drowning.

[Jen]

Really?

[Jeff]

Yes. And he explained it to me. It's the first time I saw him where he almost got into a fight with somebody.

[Bert]

Really? Get off me. Get off me.

[Jeff]

What are you doing? Dude, you're in a lake. You got a life preserver on. It's all gonna be fine.

[Melissa]

I can't believe he got that close. Cause my black friends wouldn't even go to the lake if I asked him.

[Bert]

We have a question here from our friend Father Ricardo Bailey, for white folks. Okay, so we can answer this. Bert's gonna dig out Dolvett's number, so we'll take this one and this. Melissa.

[Melissa]

Yes.

[Bert]

And, Jen, this will apply to you because it has to do with coffee drinking.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Bert]

Reading from the book of Father Ricardo Bailey. Yes, my secretary is a lovely woman, but whenever I drink coffee with her in the morning, or even during the day, she embraces her coffee cup like she's in Vail, Colorado.

[Melissa]

Yes.

[Bert]

My unofficial research has led me to conclude that every white person I know does that.

[Jen]

So why do I swirls it with two hands?

[Bert]

So my question is, why do white people in general embrace Their coffee mug like they are in a commercial for Maxwell House.

[Jeff]

I think this is easy to address. You want to take this, Jen?

[Jen]

I would explain it in that my hands are cold, and it helps warm them up.

[Melissa]

Same here.

[Jeff]

Oh, really? For me, it's deeper than that. It's just something so. There's so much comfort in that coffee. Like, it just feels like that's the first starting place of the day. And, like, when you have both hands around it. It's like when you kiss somebody. See, I'm passionate about it, and I'm gonna take your face in both of my hands, and I'm gonna bring you in. That's how it is with coffee also.

[Bert]

So you're bringing it up to your lips is the way it was. A beautiful woman.

[Jeff]

I am gonna enjoy every second of this.

[Mandy]

Yeah.

[Jen]

No, I have a response from Father Bailey. Your office is too cold. And so your administrative assistant is freezing, and she's trying to get her hands warm around her coffee.

[Mandy]

It's funny.

[Jeff]

All right, I'm gonna get Dolvette on to answer some of these also. Good morning. Trey. You are on Q100. Hi.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey. Good morning.

[Melissa]

Hi.

[Caller/Listener]

I've always wondered, why is it that black people always back into the parking spots?

[Jeff]

Why do black people back into a parking spot? I can't speak to that because I've never even noticed that before.

[Jen]

I didn't notice that either. Yeah, white people do that, too, Yancy.

[Yancey]

I think a lot of it simply has to do with we missed the spot. I'm not paying attention to all of the spots. Like, we're jamming out to our music. We've got all these things going. You missed a spot. Well, instead of turning all the way around, just back in.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Jeff]

All right. Does that help?

[Caller/Listener]

That helps.

[Yancey]

Thank you.

[Jeff]

Okay. Good morning, Michelle. You're on Q100.

[Mandy]

Yeah. I've always wondered. I've always heard that black people don't like dogs. Like. Like, they're scared of little dogs. Because I've been to the drive through before, and I have dogs, and that sometimes they act like they don't want to give me my money back, and they kind of stand far away. And I've got a black friend who has been to my house before, and I have little dogs, and they're just, like, scared of them.

[Melissa]

Why don't black people. Or do black people not like dogs?

[Jeff]

Hey, Dolvett.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

All right. We're getting a whole bunch of questions this morning.

[Caller/Listener]

Okay.

[Jeff]

We're asking questions of each other's race and One question that we just got was, how come black people are scared of dogs?

[Caller/Listener]

That is the stupidest, most absurd thing I've ever heard in my life.

[Jeff]

It's not true.

[Caller/Listener]

Not true at all. Not even on True Street. It doesn't even

[Bert]

now, there is a difference, I think, between. And Dova, correct me if I'm wrong, because I'm only half black, so help me out here, brother. The black people, as I understand it, really care to have dogs in their house and licking their faces and climbing up on their bed and everything. Whereas white people, if they could, would keep most of their pets dressed in people clothes and sleeping in the bed with them.

[Caller/Listener]

Well, happier race is very correct on that because that's true.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Caller/Listener]

Very true.

[Bert]

And I think Carl has actually, our intern Carl has told us that before because he had a dog that he's like, yeah, I'm just gonna keep it in the yard, whatever. Blah, blah, blah. We made a comment like, do you want a big dog run through your house? It's like, oh, my dog won't be in my house.

[Caller/Listener]

Not in the house. Not on the bed. You know, I got a new puppy now, and she sleeps in her crate. She does not sleep in the bed with me.

[Jeff]

Yeah. I do think that white people and black people have different attitudes when it comes to dogs like that, towards dogs.

[Jen]

We treat them like humans.

[Jeff]

Dolvette, somebody called up a white person called up earlier. No, it was Jeff that was asking the question about swimming. Black people and swimming. I mean, I've seen you in Lake Lanier. You and I have tried to swim together at Turks, and I saw the fear in your eyes, and Dinesh jumped on you while you. You had a life preserver on in Lake Lanier, and you almost. You really thought you were drowning.

[Caller/Listener]

I thought I was about to kill him. I was about to kill him.

[Jeff]

So what is it?

[Caller/Listener]

Well, there's black people that are born and raised in the islands, and they know how to swim, and they swim very well because they were surrounded by water. But for the most part, most of my black friends, myself included, I taught myself how to swim. So, you know, we come over in a boat. I ain't trying to mess with that water stuff. Forget that.

[Melissa]

I heard both of y' all mention about slavery or coming over on a boat and everything. Or is it just simply a case of where your parents didn't learn how to swim? They're afraid of the water. They pass it on to you, and you just have. Generationally, nobody's teaching anybody how to swim.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, I mean, it wasn't. It wasn't important. It wasn't something that was. That was huge. Let's go to the Y and let's go swim.

[Yancey]

It wasn't right in regards to the whole race thing. It's very simply, it's not necessary. If you grow up in inner city Atlanta, you don't need to learn how to swim. If you grow up on an island, you're swimming to get food. Like, it's a complete, completely different situation.

[Bert]

And the only reason I know how to swim is because it was a thing for me to do that got me away from my parents. Hey, you want to go to swim lessons? Not really. All right, we'll pick you up tomorrow at 8. I said not really.

[Caller/Listener]

Okay.

[Bert]

Enjoy. It's a nine week course by the. All summer. You'll be Michael Phelps by the end of it.

[Jeff]

Hey, Debbie, go ahead. You're on Q100.

[Mandy]

I am wondering why black men wear pantyhose on their head.

[Jeff]

Why do black men wear pantyhose on their head?

[Yancey]

It protects the head.

[Mandy]

I love that little stocking cap thing. I see them driving down the road. Yeah, what is that for?

[Yancey]

It protects the hair. It's very simply. You know how you have a lot of guys who have the wave figure in their hair? That's because the hair is compacted and then they brush it down so it gets a wave figure from them brushing it. So since they're going for that, they keep the pantyhose to protect the hair.

[Mandy]

Okay. All right. Because I see them driving down the road and then as soon as they get to work, they take it off.

[Jeff]

Good for you for being brave enough to ask the question.

[Mandy]

Very, very curious.

[Jeff]

I'm serious. Like, this is the way I think that we start to learn about each other. But everybody's so freaked out about asking. Asking stupid questions that we don't.

[Mandy]

I mean, I don't think it's rude to ask, do you?

[Jeff]

Well, I mean, I think it all depends on your relationship. You know, it's like, I wouldn't go up randomly if I were you today to a black person and go, you know, boy, they were really cool about this on the bird show this morning. I got a question for you. Because you're black.

[Mandy]

Can I see those waves in your hair?

[Jeff]

Yeah, I don't think I would do that.

[Caller/Listener]

Trust me. Don't do that.

[Jen]

Keep it right here.

[Bert]

Do you guys. Yancy or Dovet, do you have any questions for us?

[Mandy]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

About white people.

[Yancey]

My biggest question is about white people. And Extreme sports. Why does everything have to be to the limit? I don't get it. Can we just enjoy a nice game of basketball or something? No, it's gotta be jumping off buildings. Bungee jumping, I would say. I'll guarantee you, like, we had more

[Jeff]

of a death wish than black people did.

[Bert]

That game show where you got to run through the obstacle course, you know, and the stuff in the wall punching out at you and all that. Like, I guarantee you that was invented by a white guy.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Yancey]

Something else to notice. Especially, like the show Ninja Warrior. Have you seen that? There's not been a single black contestant of that entire show. There's a reason for that.

[Bert]

Because it's foolish. And I think, generally speaking, white people are dumber than any other race because we're so amused by simple little things like Asian shows.

[Melissa]

Too Asian? Yeah. Come on, now.

[Jen]

Come on.

[Jeff]

Felicia. Good Morning. You're on Q100. Hi.

[Mandy]

Good morning. I wanted to know why white people find it appropriate to put their hands in food, like on serving trays or in somebody else's plate. Why is it appropriate to put your bare hands on food that somebody else is going to eat?

[Bert]

It's not.

[Jeff]

What do you mean? You mean, like.

[Mandy]

I mean, I have been to a thousand events where they have, you know, little trays of cheese and fruit or whatever, and the white folks are the ones who will reach in and just grab it with their fingers, pop it in their mouth. And if you're in a room with black people and white people, and you do that, as soon as the black folks see that, that tray will not be touched again.

[Bert]

So, like, black people use the little tongs or whatever that they got to put the cheese on their plates.

[Mandy]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

And white people don't use that.

[Bert]

We just grab it at it like it's a bowl of M&M's.

[Melissa]

Well, it goes back to the extreme sport thing. So we. Everything is a competition. Yes. So if we take the time to grab these utensil, that means we lose out on the best piece on that plate.

[Jen]

Right.

[Jeff]

Good morning. This is Claudine. You're on Q100. Hi.

[Mandy]

Yeah, I have two answers and one question.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Mandy]

I think Jeff was generally right about the dog thing. I think in general, black people just aren't raised with dogs in the house. I know some people. Some people are, but most of us aren't. And we just don't like the hair and the licking and all that stuff. We do like dogs.

[Jeff]

As it. As a general rule, would it be safe to say that white people look at their dogs as more family members than black people do.

[Mandy]

Yes. Yes.

[Jeff]

Yeah. Okay.

[Mandy]

And then my question, and then I want to do another answer, is that why do white people wear shorts and, like, T shirts when it's cold outside?

[Jen]

It goes along with the flip flop thing.

[Jeff]

Yeah. I just think as a. I mean, let's be honest.

[Melissa]

I think it's the mentality of the thing.

[Jeff]

It's simple. I think we're learning that when you're asking questions about white people, it all comes down to just. We're a simple race. We don't like to put shoes on our feet. We'll put sandals on. We'll dress down in the wintertime just because it's easier to put shorts on. Is that right?

[Jen]

I also think there's a mentality that's stupid.

[Melissa]

I think that the past week has shown me. I mean, people were scrambling for the decks.

[Jen]

People were scrambling to put their flip on.

[Melissa]

People were scrambling to put their shorts on. So, I mean, it's like we are. We are at. Like in a horse race. We are at the gate, and as soon as spring opens, we are full.

[Bert]

We're running out to the deck, grabbing food with our bare hands, bringing our dogs up on the deck with us

[Melissa]

because people were talking about what a beautiful day it was the other morning. So I had shorts and T shirt, and we were on a deck, and it was so windy and I was so cold. And I thought. But we stood out there and I thought, why are we out here?

[Jen]

Dogs? Look in the face.

[Bert]

I did that last night, man. It was a little too cold to

[Jeff]

be out on a deck, but that was me.

[Bert]

My buddy Jesse called me, and his meeting ran late, so it was definitely too cold to be on a deck. But we had decided in the middle of the day when it was sunny and warm that it was gonna be a deck night. And we seriously locked and loaded. By 9 o', clock, we were the only people on the deck and we were white.

[Jen]

I have a race question. I want to know why it seems that black people often more so black women repeat themselves a lot if they have something to say to each other. It's the same phrase repeated over and over and over again.

[Jeff]

Like an example. Like what?

[Jen]

Like anything. Like to make it more emphatic or whatever. There's a lot of repetition. Do you see what I'm saying?

[Yancey]

The person that comes to mind is the actress Monique. When she does her skit, she always ends up repeating herself. Or Wanda Sykes does it too. I know what you're talking About.

[Jen]

I'll give an example.

[Yancey]

I can't think of one off the top of my head, though, is the problem.

[Jen]

Did you see her hair? It's not just, did you see her hair? It's three times.

[Yancey]

Yeah. And it's different emphasis every single time. Yeah. It's like, did you see her hair? Did you see her hair?

[Jeff]

No.

[Yancey]

Did you see her hair?

[Bert]

I know what you mean.

[Jeff]

Don't tell me AB. It's guys, too. AB Is so guilty of doing that.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, he is. He really is. But, you know, it's a passion thing. You know, you're passionate. You're making sure that you're heard. That's all that is passion.

[Jeff]

Good morning. Christy, you're on Q100.

[Mandy]

I love you guys. I love you. I am burning. This question is about first. Please tell me why white people need to know total strangers. Hey, how are you?

[Caller/Listener]

Hi.

[Mandy]

What do you do? Don't ask me what I do for a living. I mean, that's like a third introduction.

[Melissa]

Mind your business at that point.

[Mandy]

Mind your business.

[Jeff]

Really? So are you telling me that black people. That's not one of the first questions that y' all ask each other is.

[Mandy]

White people not ask that. We. We get to know the person, then it comes up. But you. But white people. This is like a pet peeve of mine.

[Jeff]

I think we look at it differently. I think we look at that as the getting to know you process.

[Jen]

I think it's how white people define themselves.

[Jeff]

Could be.

[Jen]

And that's why we ask it.

[Melissa]

Absolutely.

[Caller/Listener]

Here's another cocktail one, guys.

[Mandy]

Black people are very stylish. We like to look good. So water. Water does not make our hair look good because most of us may have weed. So we don't want to spend all that money and then go in the ocean and get it all. We.

[Melissa]

Okay, Sounds good. Makes sense.

[Jeff]

I'm glad we did this.

[Mandy]

Don't that you stop asking black people what they do for a living. And you don't know their names.

[Jen]

So get the name first and then ask.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Jen]

You gotta get in. It sounds like you gotta get in maybe past a couple of times of hanging out with somebody to ask. Not just the first couple of questions.

[Yancey]

Absolutely. It doesn't come up in the first couple of minutes of conversation. You might ask them what their favorite sports team is. Cause that's how we figure out where you stand. You figure out what their favorite sport is, what they do, but not what their job is.

[Jeff]

That's so odd. Because to a white person, that's how we get to Know you and what you're saying as a black person. You better know me before you ask me exactly. Huh though that. What were you saying there? You kind of get cut off.

[Caller/Listener]

There's just a simpler way you said about simplicity and white people doing things simple. Black people do things simple too. You know, if I meet a friend or I don't know a guy, you know, black guy, black girl, I'm like, hi, how you doing? I'll just say my first name. They say their first name, what's up? And then keep it moving. White people, you say your entire name and your occupation, what you do, where you from.

[Jen]

We give you the business card.

[Caller/Listener]

Jim Jones here. Jim Bob. This is the wife, Susie Evans. You know, it's like a whole paragraph. I really don't need all that.

[Jen]

Just trying to make sure, you know, real quick.

[Caller/Listener]

In and out, in and out, people. In and out.

[Jen]

All right, see, there's the repetition again.

[Bert]

Keep it moving. Get your dog outside, stay out of the water.

[Jeff]

Just kidding. I'll see you at two o', clock, dude.

[Caller/Listener]

All right, brother, Be good.

[Jeff]

Later. We did that. That's one of my favorite things that we've done from time to time.

[Melissa]

And I, well, I have a qu. In my mind. I'm fascinated that every white answer had some self deprecating joke in it. You know, every time we explain something white people did, we're like still uncomfortable. But every answer like Dovette gave or there was a deeper meaning behind it. Well, it's because we were on the boat across the ocean.

[Jeff]

That's why we don't swim, we don't know our history. It's not as important for us to know our history, but it's just there's

[Melissa]

no self deprecation like that in the answers we got today. Like I hear somebody joke about them make fun of themselves a little bit

[Bert]

because I think it's, I think it's more, I think for the white race answering the questions and everything. I think it's a little more nerve wracking because we don't want to offend anyone. And that's the way.

[Melissa]

I don't know if we feel comfortable.

[Bert]

I think that's where ourselves, yeah, everybody else feels comfortable. So I just don't think we're at that point yet.

[Jeff]

I really think, man, as soon as we get to that point we could just ask stupid questions of each other and we can both show some tolerance on both sides going inside, you're saying that is the stupidest thing I ever heard. But you still got to answer the question and then we'll start to understand about each other. Maybe some of this fear goes away, you know. Hey Sean, you're on Q100.

[Mandy]

Hey, my name is Sean and I was just like, I know y' all already said, but I just wanted to know why white people like run to danger. Like if it's a tornado or something, like y' all will film it. It's like black people.

[Jeff]

That goes along with the extreme sports. Why are you walking in danger?

[Jen]

Storm chasers.

[Caller/Listener]

You know what?

[Bert]

I'll say this with no turn your camera.

[Jeff]

Yeah, you won't see a lot of black storm tracer storm chasers.

[Bert]

There's no self deprecation in this. This is not trying to cover anything up. This is just fact. Keeping it quick like Dovette suggested. I'm Jeff, I'm white, I'm stupid.

[Jeff]

Hey, the Birch Show

[Ad Read Host]

Spring is giving fresh start vibes. Like suddenly you want to open the windows, drink more water and maybe act like you have your life together. But when dinner rolls around and you're this close to ordering takeout again, Butcherbox can help. They deliver premium clean protein straight to your door. No antibiotics, no added hormones, no mystery ingredients, just real food that actually fuels your body instead of slowing it down. Effortless. Glow up energy, but make it dinner. For over a decade, Butcherbox has led the industry with meat and seafood that's antibiotic free, hormone free and independently verified. Because when it comes to fueling your body, quality isn't extra. It's everything. Clean whole protein means better support for strength, metabolism and that steady all day energy we're all chasing. As an exclusive offer, new listeners can get their choice between chicken breast or top sirloin for a year or ground beef for life plus $20 off when you go to butcherbox.com pods. That's right, your choice of chicken breast or top sirloin for a year or ground beef for life plus $20 off your first box and free shipping always. That's butcherbox.com pods. Don't forget to use our link so they know that we sent you.

[Bert]

My shopping style is more stay at home than try in store. So my Amex Blue Cash everyday card is my go to accessory. When I shop it's easy to earn by getting 3% cash back on US online retail purchases. Each order brings me closer to more cash back. So go ahead, add the cart and shop the latest styles. Reinvent your look and reward yourself with Amex and try on the blue Cash everyday card. Learn [e-mail] Explore BCE terms and cash back cap. Apply. With the American Express Platinum card, you can access over $3,500 in annual value with benefits and eligible purchases across travel, entertainment, and more. There's nothing like Platinum. Learn more@american express.com Explore-platinum enrollment requirements monthly and other limits in terms of apply.

[Jeff]

Hi, Melissa. You're on Facebook. Explain what this group is.

[Melissa]

Well, I mean, it's. It's almost like a. I first got it from a close of mine, and I have to say, I didn't expect it from her, and I was a little disappointed, but no, it's 25 things, random things about yourself. So basically, you answer these 25 questions, and then you pass it on to your friends. The person who sent it to you, you send it back to them, and then you send it on to other people with your list and ask them to go ahead and fill it out for themselves. So really, amongst your little friend group is kind of a fun game to where you learn about each other. And as you know, just like a chain mail. It's just a chain email in which you answer questions.

[Mandy]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

You're reve things about yourself that others might not know.

[Melissa]

But because Facebook is. I mean, you know, so many people are on Facebook, this has just become so popular, and you see it so much, and you get all these requests now to do the 25 things that. I mean, it's. You know, it's come outside of the Facebook circle, and a lot of other people are doing it.

[Jeff]

It's more intelligent than sending somebody a fart.

[Bert]

Yeah. Or a ninja kick.

[Jeff]

Or a ninja kick.

[Bert]

Hey, watch your. Hey, Bert, give me your list, because you won't think that the stuff on yours is exciting.

[Jeff]

Well, Tracy highlighted it them, but you can have it if you want.

[Bert]

Well, I was gonna say I want to pick yours out because you. You probably think some of yours are boring them.

[Jen]

We know who they are.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Some of them are pretty obvious.

[Bert]

What do you mean?

[Jen]

If you're.

[Melissa]

Anything you read is.

[Jen]

Anything you read is Bert's.

[Bert]

Oh, well, I think that's. I just want to pick his out because I don't think he'll pick out the interesting ones for himself.

[Jen]

So you'll make him read them.

[Jeff]

Tracy's already highlighted him, so it's already done.

[Jen]

Okay. I thought you were gonna say you were gonna read Bert's.

[Bert]

Oh, no, no.

[Jen]

We would know if you were reading it.

[Bert]

It was Burt's. Yeah.

[Caller/Listener]

No, no, no.

[Jeff]

Tracey's got him already highlighted. Okay. I love this one. I have no idea what my real hair Color is.

[Bert]

That's funny.

[Jeff]

And that one's Jeff, right?

[Bert]

Yeah. It's not me.

[Jeff]

Anybody want to try to guess who that is?

[Jen]

I'm gonna say Jen.

[Melissa]

Melissa, I guess. Jen. Cause it's not me.

[Bert]

Is it you?

[Jeff]

That's right. That is great. That is really great.

[Melissa]

Oh, that's funny.

[Jen]

No idea. And I thought that if we revealed that, that everyone could think it would be any of the girls.

[Melissa]

Well, yeah, I just know I didn't put it that up. But I think that. That I think a lot of girls. Probably because you start coloring your hair young. So you don't know how it's changed.

[Jen]

So no idea what's under there.

[Jeff]

Have a written. Have a written wedding plan from when I was in elementary school.

[Bert]

Wendy.

[Jen]

Yeah, definitely Wendy.

[Jeff]

I would have gone with Wendy.

[Jen]

Say, Jeff. It's not me.

[Jeff]

It's not Wendy.

[Jen]

It's not me.

[Jeff]

Jen, is it you?

[Melissa]

No, it is actually Melissa Carter. And I need to bring it in because I was going through some. You know, because I moved last year and going through a box. And I actually have it un. It was kind of rolled and folded or whatever. And I saw it just not too long ago when I was unpacking a box. And it said my wedding. And I thought, oh, my God, I did this in elementary school. And I thought, no, you know what? And I put it aside and didn't open it up. So I'm gonna have to bring that in just to show you what my wedding.

[Jeff]

Love to see that.

[Mandy]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

So that's actually how much of it

[Jen]

that you could actually put into place if you get married, you know?

[Melissa]

Well, yeah. Yeah.

[Jen]

When and if it becomes legal. We all know you're gonna wait till then.

[Melissa]

I'm sure that, you know, in there talks about, you know, what the guys are gonna wear. So I'll have to. Just a little bit.

[Jeff]

This one. Some of these are great. I can't believe we haven't talked about some of this stuff. Or maybe we haven't. I've just forgotten I was on the Queen Latifah show to meet. An interview. In sync.

[Jen]

The Queen Latifah show to meet.

[Bert]

I didn't even know Queen Latifah had a show, so. That's not me.

[Caller/Listener]

It's me.

[Melissa]

Is it really?

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Jen]

Wendy, that's in high school.

[Jeff]

Do you have the video of that?

[Jen]

Yeah, but I'm not gonna.

[Jeff]

We gotta put that. Are you out of your mind?

[Jen]

I mean, I was a. I mean, I was kind of a nerd. And they made me wear. Because I Was on my way to a band concert. So my parents came out of nowhere and surprised me that I was gonna go meet NSYNC on this talk show. Cause I wrote every talk show back then to meet NSYNC and try to meet NSync. So I'm in this really dorky outfit.

[Jeff]

Oh, you gotta bring that. We gotta put that online.

[Jen]

So cute.

[Jeff]

What did you ask them?

[Mandy]

I don't know.

[Jen]

I don't even remember. I haven't seen the video since back then.

[Jeff]

Bring it in. Let's put it online.

[Jen]

That is adorable. That is so fun. It's embarrassing.

[Jeff]

I have faked getting an emergency phone call so I could get off the treadmill.

[Bert]

Well, that's not me.

[Melissa]

That's not me, Bird.

[Jen]

It's gotta be you.

[Jeff]

Yeah, that's me.

[Bert]

I think that was so awesome. Can you reenact that for us?

[Jeff]

Yeah. Well, I knew it was gonna be cardio and leg day in the gym with Dolvett. And I was just tired, so I kept my cell phone on really, really, really loud. And I knew what time I'd be doing cardio and he'd be busting my ass. So I just said that. I think I heard my phone ring. And then I went over to my backpack and I, like, faked an emergency, like, oh, my God, are you kidding? At the house right now. Dolvett, I gotta get out of here. Cause I didn't wanna do any more cardio.

[Jen]

That is hysterical.

[Jeff]

That's awesome.

[Bert]

Just so you know.

[Jen]

I wonder who's gonna use that today.

[Jeff]

I know.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Bert]

Just so you know, if. When he hears about this and you finally get back in the gym, it's today.

[Jeff]

Today's the first day, baby.

[Bert]

He is going to rip tendons from your bone.

[Jeff]

I always look at the clock at 11:11 and 1:11. And when I do that, I say 1:11 or 11:11 out loud. I have to do that.

[Melissa]

Jeff.

[Jen]

Yeah, I would go with Jeff.

[Melissa]

This isn't Jeff or Wendy.

[Bert]

But it's mine. It's Jeff every single day. 111 or 1111.

[Jen]

I have 1222.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Bert]

Haven't we talked about that before? And there's a whole society of people who have the same thing with 111 and 1111. It's weird.

[Jen]

Make a wish on any of those. If it's like 11 11, 222, I don't know. 333, you make a wish.

[Jeff]

This one won't be surprising. Don't think I've ever impulsively splurged on Anything, Melissa. Yep. Won't be surprising.

[Melissa]

And you know what? I know it's not surprising, but when I thought about it last night and Kate and I were talking about, I said, oh my God. She goes, yeah, I could tell you that. She said, I would love for to come home one day and you just have like a flat screen or you have a whole like new furniture set or you like do something crazy. And I realized I have never gone impulsively splurging. I have not gone and spent a bunch of money on one thing. Never.

[Jeff]

I'm not shocked by that.

[Bert]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Melissa]

I just never done it.

[Jen]

You need to go get some designer shoes or designer handbag or something because it's a jeans. Ridiculous amount of money that you spend on something like that. And then you can't believe how much you love it.

[Mandy]

You keep doing it.

[Jeff]

This one's gonna be obvious and it may change things a little bit. In a personal life. I've falsely exaggerated my love for U2 to my wife because she loves the band so much.

[Jen]

That's you.

[Melissa]

Oh my gosh.

[Jeff]

I mean, I like them, but I sort of have faked how much I like them because she loves them so much.

[Bert]

That's awesome.

[Jen]

It's kind of cute.

[Bert]

Sweet. That is.

[Jeff]

Bono kind of bugs me.

[Bert]

Is that recent though? Because he's. He's really.

[Jeff]

The last couple of years.

[Bert]

Yeah, he's gotten pretty booshy.

[Jeff]

I sing out loud the Little Mermaid song when I'm home alone.

[Melissa]

Wendy, Wendy,

[Jeff]

Wendy.

[Jen]

My cat's there and I have to sing it out. I don't know why. That song. Which one? It's where she's under the water.

[Bert]

She's like under the sea. That one.

[Jen]

A whole. Wait, what? I don't even know.

[Melissa]

Didn't the crab sing that one?

[Jen]

It's her and Flounder and she wants to be a part of their world. There you go. Part of this world or whatever.

[Jeff]

You'll sing that one out loud?

[Jen]

Like I'll belt it out. I'm surprised my neighbors haven't complained. Like just belt it out for this little mermaid. Who can be mad about that? Terrible. It's a happy little.

[Melissa]

That is a guilty pleasure for a lot of adults. Is the Little Mermaid soundtrack.

[Jen]

Yes, it is a good soundtrack.

[Melissa]

Good soundtrack.

[Jeff]

Sometimes I drive the long way home just to listen to loud music in my car.

[Melissa]

Jeff.

[Jen]

Jen, it's Jeff. Alyssa, it's me.

[Bert]

Jeff, it's you.

[Jeff]

You go out of your way to listen to loud music.

[Bert]

Uh huh.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Jen]

That wouldn't be me because I do already have a long way home.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

All the rest of you being Conyers

[Jen]

live within two minutes of this place.

[Jeff]

I often mistake shy people for being snobby.

[Melissa]

Jen.

[Jen]

Jen,

[Jeff]

why were you so.

[Bert]

God, Melissa is like, I just followed Melissa.

[Melissa]

I didn't.

[Bert]

Is it just me, or is Melissa saying these things, like, almost passing judgment?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Bert]

Oh, it's Jen.

[Jeff]

Let's see who's the most judgmental person in the room.

[Mandy]

Jen.

[Jen]

No, but I. I recognize you were right.

[Melissa]

I've heard you say that before, though.

[Jen]

Yeah. Shy people. I think that you're a snob. And I think you don't want to talk to me because you're snooty. And then I realize you're shy, and I feel bad for thinking you're a snot. I used to do that in my sorority all the time. God, that girl is such a. Mmm. And then be like, oh, no, she's just quiet.

[Jeff]

I've done that, too. I have done that. This one's not gonna be a surprise. Have had thoughts of purchasing shoes with a lift in them to make me appear taller.

[Bert]

That's you.

[Jen]

You can't keep saying it's not a surprise when it's yours.

[Jeff]

Well, I mean, that's easy. Who else in here would be insecure about that?

[Jen]

Hey, Wendy.

[Jeff]

That's the one. High heels are.

[Jen]

Oh, that's true.

[Jeff]

I watch Full House reruns Monday through Friday at noon.

[Bert]

Shut up, Wendy.

[Jeff]

Wendy, this is the Birch Show.

[Ad Read Host]

Spring is giving fresh start vibes. Like, suddenly you want to open the windows, drink more water, and maybe act like you have your life together. But when dinner rolls around and you're this close to ordering takeout again, Butcherbox can help. They deliver premium clean protein straight to your door. No antibiotics, no added hormones, no mystery ingredients, just real food that actually fuels your body instead of slowing it down. Effortless. Glow up energy, but make it dinner. For over a decade, Butcherbox has led the industry with meat and seafood that's antibiotic free, hormone free, and independently verified. Because when it comes to fueling your body, quality isn't extra. It's everything. Clean, whole protein means better support for strength, metabolism, and that steady all day energy we're all chasing. As an exclusive offer, new listeners can get their choice between chicken breast or top sirloin for a year or ground beef for life plus $20 off when you go to butcherbox.com pods that's right, your choice of chicken breast or top sirloin for a year or ground beef for life plus $20 off your first box and free shipping always. That's butcherbox.com podcast. Don't forget to use our link so they know that we sent you.

[Jeff]

Tyler redick here from 2311 Racing. Another checkered flag for the books. Time to celebrate with Chumba. Jump [e-mail]. let's Chumba. No purchase necessary. VTW Group.

[Yancey]

Void work prohibited by law.

[Jeff]

CTNC21+ sponsored by Chumba Casino.

[Jen]

With VRBAL's last minute deals, you can save over $50 on your spring getaway. So whether it's a mountain escape with friends, a family week at the beach, or sightseeing in a new city, there's still time to get great discounts. Book your next day now. Average savings $72. Select homes only.

[Jeff]

Your ambient issue here. Okay. Ambient is notorious. I mean, for people doing freaky things in the middle of the night and having zero idea about it. My mom was on it for a while. She was waking up in the morning and there was food and knives all on the kitchen counter and she had no idea what she was eating. Zero idea.

[Bert]

She'd wake up at 2 in the morning, go make a sandwich, eating the whole thing, go to bed.

[Jen]

My grandmother was on it and woke up one day on her front porch. Yeah, I mean like I'd woken up in the middle of the night and sat on her like rocking chair on the front porch and that's where she woke up. Awesome.

[Jeff]

Hey, Melissa. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Mandy]

Good morning, you guys. I had a fireplace in my bedroom and on the mantel I had a Tranquility Buddha. And the first time I ever took Ambie and I hallucinated this Tranquility Buddha jumped off the mantle and chased me around the room. So I'm talking to a friend the next morning I said, you're never gonna believe what happened to me last night. Your Tranquility Buddha jumped off the mantel and chased your own room. Scott, how did you know? You called me at 3 o' clock this morning to tell me all about it.

[Jeff]

No idea.

[Mandy]

Sorry. But I've also emailed people in the middle of the night on Ambien. I've lost. I'm on Ambien. Yeah, I don't, I don't take it anymore.

[Jeff]

Yes. Freaky, freaky.

[Jen]

How is that stuff legal then? If it does this to everybody, I don't know.

[Mandy]

What.

[Melissa]

Do it to everybody.

[Jeff]

It doesn't do it to everybody. It just made me. It was really strong. Like I couldn't even walk up the steps in My house after I took an Ambien. That's why I switched over to Vanessa. It was too. Too strong for me.

[Bert]

So what would happen? You would just be like, really drunk.

[Jeff]

Like, I know some people that take and go out, they can have a great time on it because they're high as hell.

[Melissa]

Yeah, there's a lot of people that use it as a recreational drug because of all this.

[Mandy]

I took a dollar. You know, that happened to my friend. Actually, my friend is dating this new guy. This is. This is perfect. Dating this new guy. And she took Ambien and she sent him some really nasty text messages that she didn't even remember. Oh, no. And the next day he was like,

[Jen]

what's up with you?

[Mandy]

I mean, new boyfriend. That's way to ruin it.

[Jeff]

Yeah, we've heard stories of like the husband walks down or the wife walks downstairs and. No, the husband and is all sort of embarrassed because last night his wife just attacked him. And they had freaky, freaky, freaky. Like she was like this animal. And it happens for a couple of nights in a row. And he thinks he's just the benefit of his kitty cat wife.

[Bert]

He's a man.

[Jeff]

And four days later, they both realized that she had no idea what she was doing. Zero idea. Hey, Tanya. Good morning. You're on Q100. What's up?

[Mandy]

I got physical when I took it. I woke up to my boyfriend wrapped up in dirty towels on the floor. And I went to touch him and look, are you okay? And he jumped like 50ft in the air. I scared him and had scratches all over him. And apparently I beat the ever living crap out of him and wouldn't give him a blanket and wouldn't give him a. And didn't even let him in the bed.

[Bert]

So he had to sleep on the floor using a towel as a blanket.

[Mandy]

Yeah, he was in the dirty laundry. He was sleeping with dirty laundry to cover himself.

[Jeff]

That right there, that's rock bottom.

[Bert]

That is horrible. If you're trying to manipulate a sock because part of you. A dirty old sock because part of you is cold.

[Jen]

Yeah, you gotta reevaluate that relationship.

[Jeff]

Wow, Shannon Ambient. Tell us about it.

[Mandy]

Hi. Good morning.

[Jeff]

Hey.

[Mandy]

Sunday night I had sex with my husband and proceeded to tell him after sex, but I felt like we had had ancient history sex. Like he had a shield and a sword, like the movie 300. And then Tuesday night, apparently we had sex again. And I had no idea until Wednesday morning was he proceeded to tell me that I told him to get a sword out and let's get ready. And we had sex for, like, an hour, and I don't remember any of it.

[Bert]

Damn.

[Mandy]

He said his odds are working out really good for him right now with Ambien. So every night he's like, hey, you taking that AM

[Jeff]

he's crushing it up into your dinner. You don't even know it.

[Bert]

Hey, Wendy, you should invite him up to Medieval Times with us so you can practice with the sword and the shield.

[Melissa]

I don't see his sword.

[Bert]

I don't either.

[Jeff]

We are going to have ancient history sex tonight. I don't even know what that means, but okay, let's do it.

[Mandy]

Let's try it.

[Bert]

Then we'll have future sex.

[Jeff]

What do you think?

[Bert]

All right. Sure.

[Caller/Listener]

Call me.

[Jen]

Buzz Lightyeart Infinity and beyond.

[Jeff]

Hey, Angela.

[Mandy]

Hey. I. One night, it was like a weekend, I was sitting up late, and I ordered a ton of stuff on ebay. I went and bid on all these auctions and won them, and I didn't even remember doing it. And all of a sudden, things start showing up at my house. And what's even stranger about it is I went and ordered all of these, like, old knight helmets, you know, with the chain mail. And I have no interest in that stuff at all. And all of a sudden, this chainmail and night medieval things start showing up at my house, and my husband's freaking out, thinking that I've lost my mind.

[Bert]

You got the movie 300?

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Bert]

And we got this woman trying to put together a suit of armor.

[Jen]

Sword and Shield lady.

[Jeff]

Ambient makes you go medieval man. Clay, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Mandy]

Hey.

[Bert]

One night I was.

[Caller/Listener]

My sister woke up in the middle of the night off of Avian, and she grabbed her pillow, dressed herself, and walked right out the door, jumped in her car, went and picked up food, came back home and went straight back to bed and had food all over her bed. And she didn't know how I got there.

[Bert]

Did she, like, go to a grocery store? Like, you mean take away?

[Caller/Listener]

No, like McDonald's.

[Jeff]

Scary. Didn't even know she got into the car.

[Bert]

How much does that freak you out there? Like, if you wake up in. In the morning and you open, you know, you open your eyes and you roll over and there's a Big Mac in your bed.

[Jeff]

Yeah, like, how in hell?

[Bert]

And it's like, if you live alone or something, you're like, what the hell, right? Like, how long does it take you to figure out that you went to McDonald's in the middle of the night?

[Jeff]

We had one woman's call dropped out that said Hamburglar. She always dreamt that she was a queen on a throne and she'd be barking orders to her husband.

[Bert]

Medieval again.

[Mandy]

Oh, everyone needs to take this.

[Jeff]

Everybody's going medieval. This is the Birch Show. Tyler redick here from 23 Xi Racing Victory Lane. Yeah, it's even with Chumba by my side. Race to chumbacasino.com let's Chumba. No purchase necessary VTW group void where prohibited by law. CTNCS21+ sponsored by Chumba Casino At Energy

[Jen]

Trust of Oregon, we know it isn't easy the tremendous weight of today's operating costs working in cold, drafty spaces with inefficient heating systems or under lights that have seen brighter days. But we also know how to help you upgrade those systems, lower those costs and meet the demands of your business with smart, energy efficient solutions. Find cash [e-mail] Energy Trust of Oregon More power to you.

[Bert]

This is Mike Volo of Lexicon Valley

[Jeff]

and I'm Bob Garfield. Are you one of those people who sometimes uses words?

[Bert]

Do you communicate or acquire information with, you know, language?

[Jeff]

Hey, us too. So join us on Lexicon Valley to true over the history, culture and many

[Caller/Listener]

mysteries of English plus some wisecracks.

[Bert]

Find us on one of those apps where people listen to podcasts.