Full Show PT 2: Wednesday, May 13 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 2: Wednesday, May 13 [Vault]

Date: May 13, 2026
Hosts/Cast: Bert, Jeff, Jen, Jill, Melissa, Patrice, Scott

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Episode Overview

This classic episode of The Bert Show exemplifies their signature blend of authentic, humorous, and heartfelt conversation, touching on real-life listener drama, relationship dilemmas, family dynamics, and quirky internet finds. The team, with signature warmth and chemistry, navigates complicated interpersonal issues, trades stories from their own lives, and banters about life’s oddities, resulting in a show that’s as relatable as it is entertaining.

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Key Segments and Major Discussion Points

1. Listener Dilemma: The Non-Biological Dad Conundrum

Timestamps: [01:01] – [18:55]

Topic Summary

Kim calls in (voice disguised) about a complicated family dynamic: Her ex (not biologically related to her daughter, but regarded as 'Dad' by the child) is now married to someone else who doesn't want him to maintain a fatherly relationship with Kim’s daughter. Kim wants to preserve her daughter’s connection with this father figure, while the new wife feels threatened.

Key Details and Flow

• Kim’s story: Met ex when daughter was 2-3 months old - he became ‘Dad’, got her name tattooed ([01:40]). Broke up, ex dates new woman, ex maintains visitation with daughter ([02:14]).
• Complications: New partner finds out the child isn’t biologically his; tension arises ([02:40]).
• Kim’s Concern: Ex considered telling the girl the truth at age six—Kim objected, cut contact for a brief period ([04:18]).
• New Wife’s Objection: She asks if the ex is expected to support a child that's not his and fears Kim wants money ([06:18]).
• Kim’s Focus: “It’s not about the money. I just need his time, that’s all.” – Kim, [06:46]

Panel Reactions & Call-ins

• Jen: “He’s gotta make a commitment to be either in her life or out of it, like now. … That’s not up to you, that’s up to him.” ([08:00])
• Burt: Raises the issue of complexity as new kids/relationships emerge ([08:36])
• Listener Brittany: Shares her own story of being abandoned after her dad’s remarriage – urges Kim to push for commitment: “Once that girl gets older, you’re going to regret it.” ([11:27])
• Michael (Caller): Advises truth-telling soon: “If she doesn’t tell her sooner or later, she’s gonna hold it against her.” ([12:13])
• Patrice (Caller): Offers perspective as a new wife in a similar situation, expressing the emotional challenge and regret of not embracing a non-biological stepchild early on ([15:16])

Consensus and Advice

• Most panelists and callers urge Kim to compassionately reveal the truth about the girl’s paternity sooner rather than later and to go forward honestly, knowing obstacles exist with the new wife.

Notable Quotes:

• “To be fair to that daughter, it’s not about the wife.” – Burt, [18:04]
• “She needs to know now. Sooner the better.” – Patrice, [18:10]

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2. Second Date Update: Jill and the Vanishing Date

Timestamps: [19:28] – [32:34]

Topic Summary

Jill calls in, puzzled after what she thought was a great first date (met a guy at a movie, went to her place, had a good time—but not that good of a time), but hasn’t heard from him since.

Segment Highlights

• The team deconstructs the possible reasons: Was it a lack of chemistry, a ‘three-day rule’, expectations of a hookup, or something Jill did or didn’t do?
• Panel banter: Riffs on dating rituals (“first, second, or third base?”) and how quickly a guy should follow up after a promising date.
• Listener Theories:
  • “He went somewhere else that night.” – Melissa, [26:21]
  • “…if you get the phone number, the girl’s skanky. How else are you supposed to let [guys] communicate?” – Jeff, [28:11]
• Jen’s take: Cautions about inviting a stranger home on a first date and the signals it can send ([30:32]).

Actionable Outcome

Producer Tracy will try to get Jill’s date on the phone for a confrontation and clarity in the next episode.

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3. Family Arguments Over Trivia: The Pearl Harbor Debate

Timestamps: [32:38] – [38:14]

Melissa recounts a family spat that erupted over whether FDR knew about the Pearl Harbor attack ahead of time—a classic demonstration of how absurdly trivial topics can escalate when families gather.

• “Family arguments, they're over the stupidest things. And ours was over World War II.” – Melissa, [35:40]
• Jeff notes how these arguments are rarely about the stated issue, but about family history and needing to win ([37:02]).

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4. Shock of the Week: The Crocheted Childbirth Doll

Timestamps: [38:15] – [44:14]

Topic: Discovery of a bizarre, anatomically correct crocheted childbirth doll on Etsy.

• Scott and Melissa describe their stunned reactions to the find and try to explain the visual horror/amusement to the rest of the team live in studio.
• Description: Pregnant, anatomically detailed, detachable placenta—equal parts fascinating and disturbing.
• “It is an anatomically correct, crocheted doll of a woman giving birth. Crocheted.” – Scott, [41:01]
• Studio reactions: Laughter, disbelief, and morbid curiosity as everyone takes turns looking at the image.

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5. Nostalgic Story: Bert’s San Francisco Hotel Full Circle

Timestamps: [44:15] – [50:45]

Bert tells the full-circle story of unwittingly booking a hotel room in present-day at a now-renovated hotel where, 12 years prior, he had a subpar experience on his first trip with now-partner Jessica.

• “Full circle in a city of probably what, a thousand hotels or whatever.” – Bert, [49:50]
• The team reflects on fate, romance, and the wild unpredictability of life’s little jokes.

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Memorable Moments and Quotes

• Kim’s Earnest Plea: “It’s not about the money. I just need his time, that’s all.” ([06:46])
• On Parenting Commitment: “He’s gotta make a commitment to be either in her life or out of it, like now…” – Jen ([08:00])
• Family Bickering: “Family arguments, they’re over the stupidest things. And ours was over World War II.” – Melissa ([35:40])
• Entertainment News Oddity: “It is an anatomically correct, crocheted doll of a woman giving birth. Crocheted.” – Scott ([41:01])

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Important Timestamps

• 01:01 - 18:55: Kim’s blended family dilemma and call-in advice
• 19:28 - 32:34: Second Date Update – Jill’s dating confusion, panel and caller speculation
• 32:38 - 38:14: Melissa’s family argument story, panel discussion about family fights
• 38:15 - 44:14: Internet oddities: The crocheted childbirth doll
• 44:15 - 50:45: Bert’s nostalgic San Francisco hotel story

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Tone and Style

• Conversational, real, humorous: The show’s tone stays informal, with light banter between hosts, guests, and callers—even in serious moments. Authentic, occasionally irreverent, and always relatable.
• Listener-focused and inclusive: Multiple audience call-ins provide a spectrum of real-life experience, grounding the show’s more outlandish moments in genuine advice.

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Conclusion

This episode is emblematic of The Bert Show’s successful formula—blending touching real-life drama with outrageous humor and quirky personal stories, all delivered with unmistakable warmth and camaraderie that invites listeners into the cast’s inner circle. Whether you’re wrestling with unconventional family roles, navigating modern dating, or just seeking a laugh, this episode offers it all.

Transcript

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[Burt]

The Birch Show.

[Jeff]

This gets complicated here, and I think I'm explaining it correctly, right?

[Jen]

I think so. I mean, what you told us yesterday was that her ex husband raised his stepdaughter as if he was dad. And now they've been divorced, and he's remarried to a new woman and new stepmom doesn't want him to have a relationship with what is essentially his daughter, but not a biological daughter.

[Jeff]

Kim is on the voice disguiser here. Kim, do we have that right?

[Kim]

Actually, he's. We weren't actually married.

[Jen]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Michael]

All right.

[Jeff]

Why don't you give us the history?

[Jen]

Yeah, give us the story.

[Kim]

Okay. We met, like, when my daughter was, like, maybe two or three months old. And he pretty much, like, fell in love with her. He spent a lot of time with her, and. And we would go out all the time. And around the time when she turned 2 years old, she started calling him dad. I mean, nobody told her, you know, say, this is your dad, or nothing like that. She just started calling him dad. Cause that's what she felt like. And we were just all okay with it. We just, you know, went with it. And I mean, he was in love with this little girl. He got her name tattooed on his arm and everything.

[Jill]

Aw, sweet.

[Kim]

Yeah. So then we end up moving in together, and we lived together for about a year, and then it wasn't working out between us. Cause we were both young when we first moved in, so it wasn't working. So we decided to separate. And he starts dating this other woman. I was fine with it, and I still, you know, let him come see her or whatever. So, I mean, her dad left before she was even born, so she doesn't even Know, her dad, she thinks this is her dad. So she would go spend the weekends with him. So we would alternate weekends or whatever. But at this time, his new girlfriend, she didn't know that this wasn't his biological kid. So, you know, she was all fine. You know how the girlfriend, dad, she tries to, you know, make the child happy, to make the dad happy, you know, try to get in that kind of way. So she would take my daughter to the nail salon and all this, you know, good, great stuff. I mean, they spent Thanksgiving with them. She spent Thanksgiving with them and all this, you know, great stuff. And then she found out from one of his relatives that, you know, this wasn't his actual daughter. And I guess she got upset by that and, you know, made a big stink about it. And my thing with him was he should have put his foot down and said, well, she's been here in my life way before you, you know, so it should stay this way.

[Jeff]

Like this is a package deal here. This is just not me. This is my daughter also.

[Kim]

Right? And you know, he didn't because, you know, he wanted to make her happy. I'm guessing, because I'm guessing she, she's thinking, you know, I want to get back with him or something like that. But it's not even like that though, you know, I'm way past that. I mean, I'm in a new relationship now and everything. I mean, I've told them both that, you know, and they decided they were going to get married because they were having a kid together. And then he's like, well, I'm going to counseling and stuff. And they want me to go ahead and tell, tell her that I'm not really her father. I was like, at this time, my daughter was six. And I'm like, my six year old does not need to know that, you know, just yet. So I kind of like changed my number and lost contact with him because I did not want him to, you know, because he's basically like, oh, I'm just gonna tell her and there's nothing you can do about it. I'm like, that's not happening.

[Jeff]

Okay, so let's cut him off. Let's pause there for a second, cuz that's a pretty big piece to the puzzle here. So because he was gonna tell your daughter that he wasn't the biological father, you cut him off. So how long was he out of her life for where there was no communication?

[Kim]

I don't even think it was a whole month, because maybe a couple weeks later he called, he Tried to like, contact me between. By one of my family members or whatever. And he was like, you know, I'm really sorry. I was just going through something and I didn't realize what I was saying and blah, blah, blah. So he apologized. He's like, well, just give me another chance. I really want to be in her life. And blah, blah. I was like, okay, fine. Because of course she loves her dad. I don't want to pretty much, you know, eliminate him. If he wants to be there, that's fine. I mean, I want him to be in her life. So, you know, I gave him this other chance. And then he'll come visit, you know, when he gets off work or whatever, for maybe 20 minutes. And then he's like, yeah, I gotta go. I was like, okay, what's that all about? And then come to find out that he was doing this behind his wife's back. Cause he wasn't okay with the whole thing.

[Burt]

Are you, Are you in a relationship with anyone else? Yes, I am and is. And how old or new or how long have you been dating someone else?

[Kim]

Probably like maybe six months after we broke up.

[Jill]

After me and broke up.

[Kim]

So it's been a while. Like I've been. And I mean, he's even met the guy that I've been in a relationship with. I even suggested that, you know, if we all sit down and talk about it, maybe that make, you know, give his wife some ease or whatever. But he's like, no, no, I don't want you all to talk. And, you know, kind of, you know, avoiding that issue. I'm like, I'm trying to do what's best for my daughter.

[Jeff]

So there's a whole bunch of. There's, you know, there's so many details here. So let's just try to focus on one thing here. So has he told you that his new wife does not want him to communicate with your daughter?

[Kim]

Yeah, basically he said that she said, I don't want you taking care of your ex girlfriend, child.

[Jeff]

Okay, so the question here is how do you get him involved?

[Melissa]

So she thinks that you're taking advantage of him financially, like you, you're wanting him to take care of her. And that. And that's what it's about, is financial. So she sounds, it sounds like you're. You're asking for a handout from him. And she's offended because they're not blood relatives probably.

[Kim]

But I mean, it's not about the money. I just need his time, that's all. No, I understand for, you know, anything like that I just want him to be in her life.

[Jeff]

Is there any way, because she's feeling insecure right now, is there any way that you could sit her down somehow and make her feel better about the whole situation so she can greenlight this relationship between him and your daughter?

[Kim]

Well, I mean, I don't, I don't. I haven't really talked to her personally like that. But like I said, I'm trying to relate through him that maybe we all need to sit down and have a meeting about it. I mean, I would, you know, gladly agree to talking to her, you know, trying to put her at ease or whatever, because of course I want this relationship to work. So, I mean, any kind of way to compromise, like if, you know, she doesn't want him to come to my house, that's fine. If I have to come meet you guys halfway somewhere or, you know, whatever will make her feel more comfortable because I want him to be a part of my daughter's Life.

[Jeff]

All right. 404-741-Q100 Initial Thoughts I think for this

[Jen]

to be a long term situation, he has to make that commitment to your daughter. You know what I'm saying? Kind of.

[Burt]

But how can he, like, he's got

[Jen]

to negotiate it with his wife. He wants to be in your daughter's life. If he sees her as his daughter, this is gonna, this is a lifetime, you know. How old is your daughter now? Seven.

[Kim]

Seven?

[Jen]

Yes, seven. So, I mean, we're talking the rest of her life. He's gotta make a commitment to be either in her life or out of it, like now. You know what I mean? So. And that's gonna be. That's not up to you, that's up to him.

[Jeff]

But isn't the reality of it, if his new wife isn't totally comfortable with the situation, then he's never going to be at ease being on the phone with his daughter or being on the phone with Kim here. So doesn't she. I mean, really, we got to get the new wife comfortable with this whole situation before he really emotionally gets involved.

[Burt]

But not only that, not only that, there are so many variables that make this a dangerous situation. And I appreciate what the guy is doing, and I don't want to make it sound like that. I don't want the girl to have the father figure in her life and all that stuff. But there are so many things that can't be predicted that I think this is just one problem getting ready to stack on top of the other. Number one, what happens when Kim and the Guy she's with now decide to get married, but this girl's calling another guy dad, even though that guy is not that girl's dad? Number two, what happens when this guy, who's taking care of the girl right now, has kids of his own with the other woman who's already giving him grief, and then says, you know what? I gotta focus on my own kids? Like, is your daughter gonna. Is your daughter gonna be their sister if their mom's not gonna like it?

[Jeff]

That's why I'm saying we gotta get moms on board here, because all of that stuff is so. You're right. It's such a complicated situation. But working through all that is a way better plan than not having him in her Life.

[Burt]

But only 10% of it involves Mom. It's such a tiny little sliver. He could have kids of his own with her and him on his own. Say, you know what? I have to prioritize, and right now I can't. I understand what you're saying, and I don't want to take away the father figure thing, but there are so many variables that you're going to have to deal with. I don't know if it's worth it.

[Jeff]

Hey, Brittany. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Kim]

Hey.

[Jill]

I just wanted to say, it's so funny because I'm in the exact same situation she's in with your daughter. With my dad.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Jill]

I'm 17 and split up when I was. Right before my 15th birthday. And two weeks after they got divorced, my dad started dating this girl Amy. And I haven't talked to my dad since. And they're married and everything now, and I just. He just totally shut me and my brother out.

[Jen]

Is that your stepdad or your biological dad?

[Jill]

My biological dad.

[Jeff]

Oh, wow. Yeah. That's a totally different level, too, there.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

I mean. And, I mean, those scars don't go away when your dad makes a decision like that. I mean, that's tough to live with right there. So, Brittany, if you were gonna give Kim advice on what to do and what to say to this guy that is the father of her child, what would you say as a. As a girl that's going through this whole thing?

[Jill]

Well, her daughter's only seven. Right. Well, he just needs to get in that girl's life, because, I mean, I'm 17, I'm a senior in high school, I'm about to graduate, and he's not coming to my graduation. He's already told me he doesn't want to come to my wedding. You know, all the big stuff, he just doesn't want to come to.

[Jeff]

I'm sorry. Honestly.

[Jill]

And, I mean, she just needs to seriously talk to the dad and just be like, you may not realize it now, but once that girl gets older, you're going to regret it.

[Jeff]

Absolutely.

[Patrice]

Well, he needs to make a decision now. She's seven years old, either in or out. So I think you need to have the discussion with him on whether he wants to make the full commitment.

[Jeff]

Hey, Michael. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Burt]

Hi.

[Michael]

Hey, Bert. How are you guys doing?

[Jeff]

Good, thank you.

[Michael]

My quick comment is that I agree with Jeff. This will probably turn into a big issue, but I think that it will turn into a huge thing. But what she should do is establish the fact that he's not her biological father before it gets later in life and she kind of figures it out for herself if everything goes sour, as, you know, teenagers are emotional. She's gonna hold it against her. She doesn't tell her sooner or later.

[Jen]

I think that's true. I think that maybe he. He and his counselors were more correct in saying that it was time to tell her that he's not her biological father.

[Jeff]

But you didn't feel like the timing's right on this?

[Kim]

No, not yet. I was thinking she was too young. I mean, of course, eventually we're gonna tell her, but, I mean, I still want him to be a part of her life, is what I was trying to get him to see.

[Jeff]

Even though, do you think that if his wife said was totally okay with it, he would be in her life, or do you think that he just would choose not to be in it anyway?

[Kim]

I think he would, because, I mean. I mean, I would. I could have, like, years ago, I could have, like, bet any amount of money that this guy would, like, never, ever, like, abandoned my daughter like that because, I mean, he loves her like, he was. She was his own. Like, and not until he got married, like, because we lived in a situation, like, I always treated him as, you know, she. He was her dad, so I never thought of him as anything else. So I had to kind of remind myself, like, okay, yeah, he's not really her biological father, but, I mean, that's the only father she's known.

[Jeff]

Only have time for a couple more calls here. Good morning, Eugene. You're on Q100.

[Michael]

Hey, what's going on, guys?

[Jeff]

Hey, what's up?

[Michael]

Everything that's going on and, you know, everybody talking about what the mom should do, the new mom, the old mom, but nobody's talked about what's best for the seven year old yet I haven't heard, you know, what is best for her at this point in her life. When you think about that, you know, with him not telling her, entering, keep standing part of her life or exiting her life right now, what is best for the daughter. You know, the mom keeps talking about talking to the wife and talking to the new boyfriend or they need to sit down. But are they talking about what's best for the daughter?

[Melissa]

What do you think is best for the daughter?

[Michael]

I. What I think is best is for everybody involved, all of the adults involved, to come together and let the daughter know what the deal is. Because this man, if he's new with his wife, if he's married again, he can't put a strain on that relationship because it's going to cause or cause a strain with your relationship with his daughter. So maybe this is a time for him to let the new boyfriend take over as a dad.

[Jeff]

Oh.

[Michael]

I mean, she's young, you know, she's already having issues where he's having to sneak out to see his daughter. You know, he's having to leave his wife to go see his daughter.

[Patrice]

I don't know if I necessarily agree with that because what if she changes boyfriends again? Then you're going to be changing dads.

[Burt]

I don't think you could be swapping out dads, but I, I understand what he's saying that. I mean, it sounds harsh, but the dude's not the dad. And the dude's in a situation where he's not gonna be allowed to be a dad. And there's a hundred variables that are gonna prevent him from being the dad.

[Jeff]

Maybe it is time to have that conversation. Here's Patrice. Good morning. You're on the voice disguiser.

[Kim]

Good morning. I just had to call because I went through this exact same scenario 10 years ago with my husband. We started dating, and maybe a year, not even a year after we started dating, he brings this kid, kid around and he's like, this is my son. And I'm like, okay, a son. And by this time you're thinking about a future with someone and you're like, okay, I don't have kids. I'm thinking, he doesn't have kids. So when we have kids, they'll be our kids. It'll be a first for both of us. And I think what his wife is feeling is that it's not a first for them. And now that she found out that this child isn't his, it's like, okay, now we have a chance for that to. We about to have a child together, and it's our first. So I went through that whole thing, and I promise you, I tried my best to make this child feel like it was not a problem that he was in our life, and that was it. Although I knew he wasn't my husband's biological child, but deep down, I tell you, I resented it. And I think eventually, as he got older, he started. And I totally regret it now. I mean, he's. Like I said, he's an adult. He's in college now. And I try my best to make it up and to make it seem like, okay, he is my child. I accept him. But I know that he sees the difference in how I treat my son and how I treat him. And I totally feel bad about it. But you go through these emotions, and you have these emotions that nobody can understand if they're not in the situation, you know? So I totally understand what she's going through with this whole situation. But first off, she needs to let that child know that that's not her biological father. That's the first thing, because that's what my husband had to do with his son, you know? And it's hard. It's not easy. And she's expecting this woman to just embrace this child, and she will not be able to embrace this child and make this child feel like her. And I know people probably think that's harsh to say, but it's so hard when, you know, I can't. I don't know if I'm explaining it right.

[Jeff]

No, you're doing fine.

[Burt]

Awesome.

[Jeff]

Hey, Cam. Most are calling up saying the same thing, that even though the daughter is seven years old, it's time to have the talk. That's your safety net right there.

[Jill]

Okay.

[Kim]

Well, I just wanted to, like, remind you guys, too, that his wife didn't know that, you know, she wasn't his biological child.

[Burt]

Doesn't matter.

[Kim]

She was okay in the beginning, you know?

[Burt]

Yeah, that doesn't matter.

[Melissa]

Yeah. I think, to be fair to that

[Burt]

daughter, it's not about the wife.

[Melissa]

That's not her father.

[Jeff]

Right.

[Patrice]

She needs to know now. Sooner. Sooner the better.

[Jeff]

That's the first piece of advice most are giving you.

[Kim]

So then I shouldn't try to pursue a relationship, them having a relationship anymore?

[Patrice]

Or you should pursue the relationship. She needs to know now rather than find out when she's 14, 15 years old in high school.

[Melissa]

But go into it educated, because Jen was talking about how it's up to him. To have to make that commitment. And then you just heard the caller talk about how that new wife is resenting her. So just go into it knowing the obstacles you face, you know, and then make that decision.

[Jeff]

Kim, we gotta run.

[Kim]

All right.

[Jeff]

I hope this helped a little bit.

[Jen]

You the best.

[Kim]

All right, Good luck.

[Jeff]

Good luck. She didn't sound like she liked it.

[Burt]

I hate you guys because I didn't like your advice.

[Jeff]

She didn't like that at all.

[Burt]

The bird show.

[Jeff]

Book a loved by guest property with VRBO and you get a top rated vacation rental that's loved for all the right reasons, like being in a great location or having great amenities.

[Scott]

Ugh, I love my VRBO for the view.

[Jeff]

Good reason.

[Jill]

Ooh, and the sauna.

[Melissa]

Sweet.

[Jeff]

Another good reason.

[Patrice]

And that it's one of those good saunas with the hot rock thing.

[Jill]

Oh, love a good hot rock thing. Fancy.

[Jeff]

That's also a reason. Don't worry about surprises. Book a verbo you'll love with the love by guess filter if you know you verbo.

[Burt]

The bird show.

[Jeff]

We've been doing this for years now. Second date update. We've all been here before. First date goes great, right?

[Jen]

Yeah. You feel like the conversation is flowing and the chemistry's there and everything's awesome and you just can't wait for that second date. And then it doesn't happen. You're like, wait a second, what happened there? Obviously something wasn't getting returned that I was feeling. And so you just always wonder, so you just want the answer.

[Jeff]

Jill's in the same place. Hey, Jill.

[Jill]

Hey.

[Burt]

Hi.

[Jeff]

How are you?

[Jill]

Good.

[Jeff]

You're confused.

[Jill]

Yeah, no, I'm definitely feeling. Yeah, I'm wondering if I'm being rejected or what.

[Jeff]

When was the first date?

[Jill]

It was just this last Saturday and we met a week before that.

[Jeff]

Okay. And where did you guys initially meet?

[Jill]

I was at a movie with a girlfriend, and we were in line for popcorn, and there was a long line, and these two guys behind us were making jokes and being really friendly, and we ended up, like, talking, and they were really nice. And I hard. I rarely give my number out, but my girlfriend approved and I gave him my number and he said that we should go out sometime. And so we had a really great time last Saturday when we finally got together and then went to an Irish pub around my. Around my house, like, near my neighbor in my neighborhood. And we decided to have dinner, but it was kind of loud in there and we wanted to talk and decided to skip going to a movie theater and just go back to My house. And we talked and ended up watching, like, sort of kind of watching a movie at my place and having a really good time.

[Jeff]

Who wants to ask the obvious?

[Melissa]

Yeah, Defense. Sort of, kinda.

[Patrice]

Did you watch the movie or quotations? Watch the movie?

[Jill]

Well, yeah, I mean, we definitely, like, we kissed and we're talking probably more than watching, I guess, just because we were really engaged in getting to know each other. And that was probably why it felt so great, like everything was going so well, you know?

[Jeff]

Well, this is a key. I hate to ask the question, but it's a key question here. So did you guys. How do I say this sensitively?

[Jen]

First, second, or third base?

[Jeff]

Did you guys do it?

[Jill]

No, not at all, actually. Well, the one thing that did happen that was kind of a little bit weird, I guess, was I got an emergency phone call from work. And I don't know, maybe I went into the other room, maybe for like 20 minutes at the most, because, I mean, I really had to deal with it. And that doesn't happen very often, but when it does, I have to take those. And he said it was fine. He was totally fine with it. When I came back, he understood, you know,

[Burt]

Was the timing of that. Was that like a weird mood killer time?

[Jill]

Like, I mean, I guess it could have been, but no, it's. I mean, it wasn't like, it wasn't mid makeout or anything.

[Burt]

What do you do for. You're not a prostitute?

[Jill]

No, escort.

[Jeff]

And there's a difference?

[Burt]

Well, it would just be awkward if she had a client in the other room. All right, I gotta go take care of this guy. He's older. It'll be 15 minutes.

[Jill]

Yeah, that would make things complicated, probably.

[Melissa]

What time did this emergency happen?

[Jill]

Oh, it was. We met for dinner pretty early after work, so it was maybe around like, I don't know, 7:30, 7:45.

[Jeff]

Did you feel like he bought the story that it was work that was calling, or do you think that he

[Jill]

feels like he probably could have heard me on the phone in the other room anyway?

[Jeff]

So there's no chance that he's like, oh, my. She's in a relationship and she's on the phone with her boyfriend or she's dealing with some kind of drama going on?

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

You don't think that's it?

[Jill]

I mean, unless he's got, like a great imagination or he's paranoid. I hope not. I mean, that's how I feel about that kind of a thing.

[Melissa]

Because that's why I was asking about what time, because it could be interpreted so many ways, like they said. Or it could be you set somebody up to get you out of a situation that was awkward. Like if anybody uses the whole. Call me, you know, and I'll explain

[Jill]

for a bit after that though. And made out. I mean, not made out, but we kissed.

[Jen]

That's a funny thing to say.

[Jill]

We had quite a bit of time to talk and enjoy each other after that.

[Jeff]

Okay, so how long the exit here is. Is an important piece. So how did he leave and how long are we talking about between phone call and exiting the door?

[Jill]

Oh my gosh. I, you know, I'm not sure. It could have at least been more than an hour.

[Jeff]

An hour? Okay.

[Kim]

Between.

[Jill]

I mean, between the phone call and. Yeah, him leaving. So this is like a super gentleman. He totally understood that, like I wasn't going to have him spend the night or.

[Jeff]

That still puts us at a lot like 9 o' clock at night. If you get the call at 7:30, you're on the call till 8. You guys make out.

[Jill]

My timing could be a little bit off. It could have been a little bit later.

[Jeff]

Did he excuse himself or did you just say, you know what, it's a late night, I got to get up tomorrow? Or did he say, look, it's time for me to leave because it's still early?

[Jill]

I think I initially brought it up, but we were both moving toward that direction because we had both been at work all day. Okay.

[Jen]

Okay. So what was the last thing that was said? Like, how did the date totally end?

[Kim]

That.

[Jill]

Well, he kissed me and said that he would call me and that we would, you know, get together.

[Jen]

Did he give you a specific day he would call you?

[Jill]

Like, I'll call you tomorrow or no, no, he didn't.

[Jen]

Did you guys talk about any work stuff?

[Jill]

It was kind of casual.

[Jen]

Did you talk any about any work stuff with him for this week? Like what he's up to?

[Jill]

A little bit, but it didn't sound like anything overly stressful or he wasn't

[Jen]

gonna be traveling or anything like that?

[Jill]

I don't think so, no. Well, even so, I mean, not that he mentioned or anything.

[Jeff]

I mean, if you're totally into a girl or you're totally into a guy, even if you're traveling, it takes you three seconds to text. You'll at least make the connection to know that I'm setting this up for when I get back into town. But there's been nothing.

[Jen]

Well, I mean, it is only Wednesday

[Jeff]

morning at 7:30, but they hooked up on Saturday night.

[Burt]

There shouldn't There be something. Shouldn't be something on Monday at the latest.

[Jen]

Yeah, there should be. There should definitely be something.

[Burt]

Especially considering she was all.

[Jen]

I wouldn't be totally shocked if it wasn't till today that you heard from him. But it's disappointing that you haven't.

[Melissa]

Yeah, I don't.

[Patrice]

Right.

[Jill]

Because don't guys have like some weird three day rule or something because they don't want to seem too anxious or something? Well, we know you guys been at least three days, so I guess that's probably why.

[Jeff]

And we know you guys are onto that now, so that doesn't even work anymore.

[Melissa]

Now it's.

[Jeff]

Now it's a month

[Melissa]

within the calendar year. What?

[Jeff]

Yeah, I don't know. Here.

[Melissa]

Well, I don't think his evening ended when he left.

[Burt]

He went somewhere else.

[Patrice]

Yes, of course he did.

[Melissa]

I mean, I'm not convinced that, you know, he wasn't with somebody else the rest of the weekend.

[Jill]

Oh, man.

[Burt]

I'm not trying to discourage anything, but I agree with Jen that this may be going too soon. But it's.

[Patrice]

Well, I kind of lean on Melissa's side. I think if they were having a great time, they would have stayed longer.

[Melissa]

9 o' clock Saturday night.

[Patrice]

Saturday night. You're gonna go out after that if you're not having a good time.

[Jeff]

Hey, Laura, you got a hunch here?

[Jill]

Probably like 10 o'. Clock. I used to work in a bar. Okay. And I think that when you're single, you know, you go out to a bar, you're 21, 22. These guys are out looking for one thing. They're looking to pick up a woman. I don't think that age for men changes that. I think as a woman you grow up, you see what the men are trying to do and you know, you grow up, they don't. I think that this, this gentleman here was probably like, oh my gosh, I picked up this lady's phone number at a movie theater. She's going to be easy. And you know, he went out on a date with her and she didn't give it up. That's probably why he didn't call.

[Jeff]

Why do you get the label being easy if you give your phone number out at a movie theater?

[Jill]

I don't. I think that's how the man perceived it. I don't think the woman probably perceived it like that. And like she said, she doesn't ever usually do that. I wouldn't have seen it like that at all. Men, I think men, not all men either. So I'm not going to Categorize it as all men. I just think, for the most part, I think that a lot of men see it as being, you know, oh, I got this lady's number. That's going to be easy.

[Jeff]

Well, how are you?

[Burt]

Especially if you take a look at what movie, like if she's standing in line about to walk into Cloudy with a chance of meatballs, you know, you can hit that easy. Bam.

[Jeff]

I don't understand. What that last caller is saying is that some guys think that if you get the phone number, the girl's skanky. How else are you supposed to let communicate?

[Melissa]

I think she's saying that the guy probably, you know, when he went over there that night, maybe he was, his intention was a hookup and it wasn't going in that direction. So he left and he went and got another. He got one later on that night.

[Jeff]

But Jeff, follow me on this. Let's say dude goes over to the apartment or whatever.

[Burt]

Yes, sir.

[Jeff]

And he doesn't get as far as he wants to. Sure he's disappointed, but he goes out and he hangs with his friends or he hangs out somewhere else. And if you're that guy though, you've put the time in on the first date. So you would call back for a follow up thinking that, all right, I bumped the first date, I'm either gonna set and spike on the second one. But there would always be a follow

[Jen]

up, especially if she is really turned off by something.

[Jeff]

Right?

[Patrice]

Was there anything in your apartment that's

[Jeff]

embarrassing, like a dead body or something?

[Jill]

No, totally not. I mean, but if he did go and do that later on that night then, and I wasn't that girl, then that's, I mean, that's okay.

[Jeff]

Viviana, good morning, you're on Q100.

[Jill]

Good morning, boat show. Hello everyone.

[Burt]

Good hello.

[Jill]

Well, really, I hate it for this poor caller. I mean, first of all, if she's already this kind of hung up and curious about a guy that she's only spent a couple of hours with, then, I mean, sweetie, go find something else to do. Go find another man if he's not going to call you. He's not with the time. But also I think, you know, she met him on a whim and she invited him back to her place. And it kind of leads along those lines. And he probably thought, oh great, you know, this is a booty call and he didn't get it and he's done with it. I mean, I have four brothers and I'm. Men are fabulous creatures. But you know, if it's if it's not going to be worth their time, they're not going to put into it.

[Burt]

Well, I think the guy. I think once he goes back to the and you guys are able to make out for a bit and he's able to get all handsy with the bird, he knows that he can spend time with her again and probably go even further and probably shag that you're

[Jeff]

like Kevin Costner trying to keep an accent on.

[Jill]

I think really, though, I mean, if they left the bar and went back to her place, he was expecting booty call. He didn't get it done.

[Jeff]

But here's what women don't understand is that's a good setup. We don't need to go the whole way the first night, but because we know we've set it up for the

[Burt]

second and he would definitely call.

[Jen]

I agree with her, though. I think coming back to your apartment on the first date is kind of. I mean, that's definitely alludes to him that something else is going to happen. Dangerous for you because you met him randomly in line at the movie theater and then met him for dinner. Like to tell him where you live. Like, to me as a girl, I'm like, I don't want him knowing where I live.

[Burt]

And she made out with him, so she's clearly in need of some physical affection.

[Jeff]

Katie, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Jill]

Good morning, Burt. I'm just wondering, from the time that she gave her number at the movie theater, how long did he wait to contact her after that? I mean, if he waited two or three days after the movie theater, maybe he's just a guy that waited two or three days to contact somebody.

[Jeff]

That could be a good indicator. How long did it take for him to call you after he initially got your number?

[Jill]

He called me at the beginning of the week. It was Tuesday. And how many days ago Saturday that we met.

[Melissa]

So Saturday. And he called John Saturday, Tuesday.

[Burt]

So then we should have a Saturday Tuesday equation, especially if you gave him some saliva.

[Jeff]

And now we're on Wednesday. Okay, so here's what we will try to do tomorrow morning. If you give producer Tracy all of his information, she will try to strong arm him to come on tomorrow morning and at least give you some reality on why he hasn't called.

[Burt]

Mm.

[Jill]

Hey, you never know.

[Jeff]

You never know.

[Melissa]

Yeah, it could be something. There's been plenty of times where we've tried to formulate what happened, and it ended up being something completely different when we got the guy on the line.

[Jeff]

So there's no way to tell him. So we'll try to get him on tomorrow morning, and we'll get some truth out of him. Okay.

[Jill]

Thank you, guys.

[Jeff]

Okay. Hold on one sec. For us.

[Jill]

All right.

[Jeff]

Yeah, I just. Something happened that night. He didn't like the way that she hooked up or what have you. I think it's gonna be pretty basic stuff.

[Burt]

I think it was a technique issue.

[Jeff]

Could have been a technique.

[Burt]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Yeah. Or there was something in that apartment.

[Melissa]

Something happened.

[Jeff]

Yeah, Something in the apartment. One too many stuffed animals on the pillows.

[Burt]

She owns four cats.

[Patrice]

She's messy.

[Jeff]

Yes. Six, eight cats will do it.

[Burt]

The Birch Show. The Birch Show.

[Melissa]

So last weekend, I had to go to Nashville because Millie, Pete, my mother, had to be admitted to the hospital for an infection. And she's doing fine. She's out of the hospital. Everything's good. But one of the things that happens when you go for anything, whether it be an emergency like this or holidays or whatever, and you have siblings and you get in this group, inevitably an argument's going to happen. But it's the stupidest arguments that cause you to have this tension in the room. So we were playing Saturday night. We had been to the hospital all day. So we were sitting there as my sister, my brother, Katie Jo, and myself. And so we were introducing my sister to the Wii. So my brother brought his Wii over to my mom's house, and that's where we were staying.

[Burt]

That's a funny sound.

[Jill]

So.

[Melissa]

Yeah. And so.

[Jen]

Gaming console.

[Melissa]

Gaming console, the Wii. And then Katie was playing Call of Duty, so that's her favorite game right now. And the new one just came out. And so she was showing Call of Duty to my siblings. And so Call of Duty, if you don't know what it is, it's a. A war game. And the one she has, it's. She's fighting in World War II, and she's fighting the Germans and the Japanese both.

[Jeff]

And she really gets into it, right?

[Melissa]

And really gets into it.

[Jeff]

So she puts, like, a little helmet on with the bush on top.

[Patrice]

Should we tell her happy Veterans Day?

[Burt]

Do you want us to call her later?

[Jeff]

Just thank her for her service.

[Melissa]

Thank you for your dedication to our country, honey.

[Burt]

Appreciate you liberating France.

[Melissa]

Yes. So we're sitting there and she's playing the game, and all of a sudden, we were talking about how Call of Duty is based on actual battles in World War II. And then World War II came up, and then Pearl harbor came up, and my family honestly got into an argument. I'm serious about whether or not FDR knew about Pearl harbor, the attack on Pearl harbor, before it happened, on whether or not FDR let it happen so that we could get into World War II and have a good excuse for it because he was feeling pressure to get into World War II.

[Jeff]

So let me ask you this.

[Melissa]

Or not.

[Jeff]

So when you're all around and the subject comes up for the very first time.

[Melissa]

Yes.

[Jeff]

What is the line that is said where you realize, okay, there's about to be some tension here?

[Melissa]

Well, I think just the fact that when it said, do you think President Roosevelt knew that Pearl Harbor's about to happen? And I thought, well, that's an odd question. And then when everybody answered the question and we weren't all on the same page, then I thought, oh, no. And then it was a 20 minute conversation.

[Jen]

Was it one person arguing on one side and three on the other?

[Melissa]

Two and two, it was two and two.

[Jeff]

It's a standoff.

[Melissa]

And then it became like, because the people who had the conspiracy theories, you know, were giving their reason why, and the people that thought, and I can't believe I'm explaining this argument, and then the people who believe that there's no way that FDR in our country, there's no way that he would sacrifice lives for this. I mean, offended. None of us were even near being alive during World War II. But somehow we got into an argument. And so the family arguments, they're over the stupidest things. And ours was over World War II.

[Burt]

When Jessica and I, our very first night in San Francisco, we were sitting in a restaurant and somehow the conversation came up about what we would do if we win the lottery. But not enough money to make us, like, filthy rich, just disappear, go by a Caribbean island, never see us again, but enough money that we could do some really cool things. And one of the things that we both agreed upon that we would like to do would be to have a chauffeured car service, like, at our beck and call, so we would. Not a limo, but, like, so we could, when we're going to the airport, if we're driving to the mall, whatever. We could do other things and change it. And we both agreed upon that. But then the conversation evolved into, what do you tell people? Because there's a certain aloofness that comes with having a chauffeur like, of, oh, that's my driver. Like, oh, you got a driver. Blah, blah, blah. Like, how do you explain that? Like, do you explain that you won the lottery? Do you explain that you, you know, lost your driver's license in a, you know, horrible DUI incident several years ago. Like, what's the thing? We got into an argument, a legitimate argument, to the point where we both at one time said, I'm not. You know what this is. I'm not even doing this anymore. And then somebody said something that stuck the other one back in on what the explanation is for our fantasy joke.

[Jeff]

At some point, it doesn't become about the thing that you're arguing about, but it becomes about the years of history.

[Melissa]

Yes.

[Jeff]

Of things that you've disagreements about. And there's gotta be a winner and there's gotta be a loser.

[Melissa]

And then it becomes so. I mean, and then it got to the point where my brother and sister, like, they. Because they're closer in age, so they spent more time growing up together. That become. That became the more tense part of our argument because it became. Because my sister made the comment. Which never is good in an argument. Don't be so emotional about it. I mean, we're just a baby.

[Jeff]

Oh, no. That's one of those things. One of the triggers. Why are you being so emotional? Why are you overreacting?

[Melissa]

What's the big deal?

[Burt]

That's a perfect line, though. If you're in an argument because there's no response, I'm not getting emotional.

[Melissa]

Exactly.

[Burt]

Why don't you take a look?

[Jill]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

And then you get emotion. And then it's really all about being, like, back in the eighth grade and not getting your way back then.

[Melissa]

I know. And she's like, I'm not. It's not bothering me a bit. But she was yelling 30 seconds before that. But then she's going to take control of the situation. But I wasn't yelling before that. I don't know why y'. All. What a manipulator your sister is. She's the oldest.

[Burt]

The Bird show.

[Jeff]

So we've been doing this show now for close to nine years, right? Yep. It takes a lot to shock us. It really does. And producer Tracy here is the one behind the scenes that sets up all the calls and the most shocking stuff Tracy is behind. So when she sends me an email and the subject line is, wtf, I know we got something good. And this. This is shocking. This is really, really shocking. And you're gonna have to go to our website to get the full benefit of it. But we'll tell everybody in studio exactly what we're talking about, and I'll show you guys one by one the picture Tracy's about to show you. This is bizarre.

[Scott]

Yeah. And every single person I have showed it to, they've said the same thing. Wtf? They don't abbreviate every single person. And so here's the deal. There's this website called Etsy.com and it's a really awesome website. It's kind of like a marketplace for people to sell, like, all of their handmade items. So I was recently online trying to find some cute handmade things for Ella because while I like to be crafty, I don't have time. And I wanted her to have these kind of hand me down type stuff. So I was searching handmade dolls, and there was lots of cute stuff. And I'm scrolling down and scrolling down, and all of a sudden I screamed, wtf? And I call Scott and I'm like, look at this. And he was shocked. He's like, what the hell is that?

[Jeff]

It's the most bizarre thing. It really is. And I spend a lot of time online every day searching for material, and this is one of the most bizarre things I've ever seen.

[Scott]

It was so bizarre.

[Jeff]

It's pretty bizarre.

[Scott]

I sent it to Burton Jeff and checked my email every five minutes, waiting

[Jeff]

for their reply without telling anybody, describing exactly what it is. One by one, come on over to this computer and let's get your reactions one by one.

[Burt]

What the.

[Jeff]

Hold on, Melissa.

[Jill]

Hold on.

[Patrice]

I gotta share in this experience with everybody who has not seen this because this is not normal.

[Jill]

Oh, my.

[Melissa]

Oh, my God.

[Jeff]

Come over here and take a look at this and then we'll tell you guys. We'll give you a description of child. Exactly what they're like.

[Jill]

Oh, my God.

[Melissa]

That is not for a child.

[Burt]

Wow.

[Jeff]

Wow. Jeff, you've already seen this, right?

[Scott]

For a child.

[Patrice]

Please tell me that's an adult doll.

[Burt]

I already bought one for Sasha.

[Jeff]

I don't even know where to start with the description. Tracy, you gotta help.

[Burt]

Well, just read it.

[Jeff]

It's a childbirth education doll, but that doesn't tell you enough of the story.

[Scott]

It's terrible. It is an anatomically correct, crocheted doll of a woman giving birth. Crocheted.

[Jeff]

And it's graphic.

[Melissa]

I mean, yeah, it's crocheted. And it's as if the woman was in stirrups. And the baby's coming out.

[Scott]

Yeah, the baby is coming out of her. Now, if you read the description further, you can. The baby will actually come completely out. The baby attaches on the inside with a button, and there is detachable placenta.

[Burt]

Oh, no.

[Jeff]

I didn't even read that for you.

[Melissa]

Yes. Oh, my God.

[Scott]

And it's crocheted. It is the crochet.

[Jeff]

Crochet.

[Jen]

And mommy's curtains match the drapes.

[Jeff]

Yes.

[Jill]

Yes.

[Jeff]

And she hasn't shaved. She hasn't shaved in nine months, right? She does.

[Burt]

Well, the shaving thing, I mean, if you're crocheting. If you're. If you're crocheting it, you can. You can give her laser hair removal if you want.

[Patrice]

Oh, come on.

[Scott]

It is bizarre and creepy and I don't know.

[Jeff]

Yeah, it's a. It's a. It's a beige crocheted doll, and mommy is pregnant, and she's got long, flowing d. Black hair, and she's naked, and her breasts are red where the nipples should be. And she. Like you guys said, there is hair down underneath also that is as black as the hair up top. And then the baby's face is just starting to come out of mommy, and it's a crocheted little baby also that's peeking out from her body. It is the most bizarre thing I've ever seen on the Internet.

[Scott]

Who buys that?

[Jen]

Who makes that, sits around and stitches that while watching Jeopardy?

[Patrice]

Where do you even find a pattern for that?

[Burt]

What happens if you see the little lady sitting in the waiting room with the doctor and you ask her what she's working on, thinking it's gonna be a scarf or a mitten? She's like, oh, this is the placenta for my anatomically correct birthing doll.

[Jeff]

Hey, John, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Michael]

Hey, how's it going?

[Jeff]

Okay. How are you?

[Michael]

Good. There's a website called regretsy.com which catalogs all of this kind of stuff. It's all weird stuff from Etsy. It's just called Regrets.

[Melissa]

I've got to go on that website now.

[Jeff]

We have a picture of the website up on ours right [e-mail]. So you really get the payoff later on today when you go to see it. But I guarantee it's jaw dropping.

[Jen]

I can't believe you were just scrolling

[Jeff]

for, like, innocent little dolls and came in there.

[Kim]

That was.

[Burt]

Yeah, you must have been shocked.

[Jeff]

And yet a.

[Burt]

Good Morning.

[Jeff]

You're on Q100.

[Jill]

Good morning, Bart. How do you sell the web factors?

[Scott]

You're speaking of Etsy e t s-y.com

[Jeff]

and you can either search childbirth education doll pattern, or you could just go to our website, q100atlanta.com and we have a picture of it online right now.

[Jill]

Thank you.

[Jeff]

You're welcome.

[Burt]

No, you know, thank you, Etsy, for giving Us. This beautiful gift of childbirth in the form of something my grandma would make.

[Jeff]

This is one of those things where you'll want to run video or take a picture of somebody looking at this picture for the very first time, because it'll be a similar picture.

[Melissa]

Yes. What the.

[Jeff]

What?

[Burt]

Totally. The birch show. The birch show. So Jessica and I flew into San Francisco on Friday, and it is only my second time in San Francisco.

[Jeff]

It's a great city, man.

[Burt]

Yeah, it was. It was fun. And the first time we were there, Jessica's been there a couple. I don't think she's been there a ton, but she used to have a friend who lived there. And when she lived out in Arizona, it's obviously much easier. It's a five hour flight from Atlanta. So I went up there once, and I lived in Arizona because a guy I worked with was getting married, and I was in his wedding, and he was like, I think it's. Is Modesto the town that's up that way or Merced?

[Jeff]

It's not Modesto. Not up that far.

[Burt]

Okay. I don't know where. Where what? Wherever it was. We flew into San Francisco, and then we drove like 90 minutes out, went to his wedding, and then spent a couple days in San Francisco. And it was the first vacation Jessica and I went on together.

[Jeff]

Oh, yeah? And how many years ago Was that?

[Burt]

Probably 12 ish. So we go to San Francisco, and I figure it all out. This is gonna be a great trip. And I get on the Internet and I find this hotel. It's called the Californian. The Hotel Californian. That looks great. And it talks about where it is and on the maps and, you know, you didn't have Google Maps and stuff back then. But I was doing the research. First trip, it's important, right? And we get to San Francisco, and we get to the hotel. We pull up in front. You know, we had the rental car. Looked kind of seedy, but that's all right. We're gonna work through this. And we walk in together, and in the lobby, there's a lot of seediness. It's just an older hotel furniture. No, Like a lot of dark. Lot of international backpackers just kind of sitting around. Okay.

[Jeff]

So it's more hostelish maybe than it is hotelish.

[Burt]

Yeah, that would be a word that you would maybe use to describe this hotel that I carefully researched for my first vacation. Pretty raw girl I was dating. But that's all right. We worked through it.

[Jeff]

Minimalist hotel.

[Burt]

Yeah. So we go up to the room, and everything's cool. But the room is definitely old school hotel, you know what I'm saying? Like, couple of the little tiny tiles missing out of the bathroom floor. Like, I think the pipes for the toilet were the ones that went up the wall instead of, like, you know,

[Jeff]

it's like they took a picture of another hotel in the rooms and then put it on their website because the hotel doesn't look anything like it does on the Internet.

[Burt]

If. If that had happened, it wouldn't have surprised me. Cause it was. But Jessica's like, it's cool. It's totally cool. So we go to bed.

[Jen]

That's when she's still like, sure, you're in love.

[Jeff]

It doesn't matter where we are, honey, so long as we are together.

[Burt]

So in the middle of the night, Jessica gets up to go to the bathroom. And I feel the bed move because, you know, it's about the thickness of a laptop.

[Jeff]

And this is 12 years ago, right? This is not the current trip.

[Burt]

No, not the current. So I open one eye, and I actually see her putting her shoes on to walk from the bed into the bathroom because the floor is so nasty.

[Jeff]

So I called, but it's okay. Cause we're together.

[Burt]

Well, I made the executive decision that this was not acceptable, and I'm gonna take care of things. And we packed up the next morning and checked out of that hotel and walked up the street to the Westin Sir Francis, which is one of the nicest hotels in San Francisco. And I handed over my credit card. I literally may have been shaking. This may have been the. To this point, may have been the largest thing that I had ever put on my credit card.

[Jeff]

At that point, you're probably, what, making $17,000 or something?

[Burt]

It was three nights. It was like $300 a night. Like, the bill was gonna be over $1,000. This seriously was gonna take me a year to pay off. Like, I did the math in my head. I didn't like anything about it, but I had to do it right. So I pay, and we check into the west in St. Francis, and all is good. We got beautiful. I mean, heavenly bed. It's Weston. You know what I mean? We chill out. We walk around.

[Jen]

Jessica doesn't have to put her shoes on.

[Burt]

She doesn't have to put her shoes

[Jeff]

on to walk across.

[Burt]

I rescued our first trip. And fast forward 12 years. That certainly did not impact us, that we're homeowners now. We. We're making our car payments. We're doing better now. Recovered from that situation. So we fly into San Francisco on Friday and we get into the car at the airport. We didn't have. It wasn't a rental car, we had a car service. We get in the car at the airport and we're driving into town and we're having a conversation with the driver and talking about a bunch of different things. And we say to the driver, hey, if we're going to be in the vicinity, because there's a part of San Francisco called Union Square and that's where the Weston St. Francis is or Sir Francis. That's where the Hotel Californian was. And that's what our hotel was near. I said, I know there's a ton of one way streets and we're kind of getting rush hour y but if there is a route that takes us past the Hotel Californian, we would like to see it.

[Jeff]

Because we get nostalgic.

[Burt]

We made the joke that we would go back and like take a picture in the lobby because I'm sure we have one from 12 years ago. And he goes, hotel California? And I go, yeah. And he goes, it's where you're staying. And I said, I'm sorry, what? And he goes, the Hotel Californian's now the Serrano, that's where you're staying. And I said, are you serious? And he goes, yeah. Some company came in like six years ago and bought it and renovated the whole thing. And it's the same exact hotel.

[Jeff]

You must have been freaking out.

[Burt]

Like, oh, no, it was beautiful.

[Jeff]

Oh, it was.

[Burt]

We walked in and it became completely been.

[Jeff]

How freaky.

[Patrice]

Weird.

[Burt]

Full circle in a city of probably what, a thousand hotels or whatever. And here's the deal. We had nothing to do with this reservation. Like, we're usually pretty picky about hotels, like on vacations and stuff, but we're only gonna be staying in that hotel for one night. Somebody else made the reservations. It was near someplace that we had to be. They did it. I didn't even look into it. I just. They said it's a great hotel. It's fairly new, you're gonna love it.

[Jeff]

What a cool, like romantic coincidence.

[Burt]

As soon as we walked in, remembered the layout of the. Like there's stairs that go up to the top, you know, like two floors, like right in front of you. And I remember I have in my mind the backpackers like sitting on the stairs, just chilling.

[Jeff]

This is where you put your shoes on to walk across the floor. I remember this place.

[Kim]

Sure.

[Melissa]

That's like a destiny store.

[Jeff]

Okay, cool.

[Burt]

I knew Ver would like that one. Cause it's, you know, and it's also

[Jen]

destiny that you guys had the driver that knew the history of it.

[Burt]

Yeah.

[Patrice]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Awesome story.

[Burt]

And we did walk to the Westin. I can't remember. It's Sir Saint, but we walked to that Weston. And I do remember making that walk with our little pole, you know, travel bag up the street, the Birch Show.