The Bert Show: Full Show PT 3 – Friday, December 12 [Vault]

Date: December 12, 2025
Podcast: The Bert Show
Host(s): Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & the Cast

EPISODE OVERVIEW

This episode dives deep into real-life relationship dilemmas, teenage party ethics, and classic dating behavior—serving up The Bert Show's signature blend of humor, honesty, and audience engagement. Key segments include a heartfelt listener call about intimacy struggles, a heated debate on a parent's controversial party decision, and a playful examination of "signs a guy is into you" from teen magazines. Listener calls and cast chemistry keep things lively and relatable.

1. Listener Drama: "Perfect Relationship... Except in Bed"

([01:36–18:47])

The Scenario – John’s Dilemma ([01:36])

• Listener John calls in (with his voice disguised) about "almost a tragedy" in his otherwise perfect two-year relationship.
• The issue: While everything is ideal emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually, there’s a lack of satisfaction in their physical (sexual) relationship.
  • “She’s the woman of my dreams... there's nothing she could say or do [wrong]... she's just perfect.” – John ([02:13])
  • John has even bought a ring but hesitates to propose due to concerns about their sex life.

Discussion and Questions ([03:41–06:35])

• John explains the sex is "routine, the same thing over and over", lacking spontaneity or variety.
• Has tried communicating, asking for changes and feedback, but nothing has worked.
• "At times I try to avoid... getting into bed, because it's almost like a disappointment for me." – John ([03:33])
• Panel acknowledges the importance of physical compatibility in a long-term commitment.

Listener Calls & Cast Advice

• Sarah ([07:20]): Suggests John “move on,” warning it's setting himself up for trouble and possible infidelity.
  • “He’s going to end up out there having affairs.” – Sarah ([08:12])
• Gwendolyn ([08:39]): Warns that “getting married is not going to help it. That’s one of the main reasons that men cheat on their wives; because the sex isn’t there.”
• Gina ([10:00]): Advocates for open communication and therapy: "If she loves him... you can so work through that."
• Tiffany & Clay ([10:52–12:44]): Raise the point that sexual repression, trauma, or self-esteem could be root issues; improvement requires vulnerability and trust.
  • “Her inhibitions fell away... after 14 years, we’ve got the best sex life as anybody I know.” – Clay ([12:37])
• Lisa ([13:23]): Says people put “too much pressure on sex,” suggesting time and comfort are key, drawing on nine years of marriage.

Cast Takeaways ([14:35–18:47])

• Importance of mutual satisfaction—John acknowledges he's never asked if his girlfriend is also dissatisfied.
• “You may be just as bad for her as she is for you.” – Cast ([15:48])
• Consensus: John hasn't "done everything" yet—therapy and open, vulnerable dialogue urged.
  • "Just don't think you've tried everything yet...keep that ring in your pocket right now." – Bert ([16:51])
• Humorous moment: suggestion to just marry and "find a mistress" via Craigslist, quickly shot down.
• Dr. Phil Disclaimer: "No one here is a therapist—just friends giving advice." ([18:47])

2. Parenting Debate: Can You Host a Teen Drinking Party If You're Responsible?

([22:17–35:53])

The News Story – Janice Burke's Dilemma ([22:17–25:15])

• Lilburn mom Janice Burke faces 15 counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor after chaperoning her son’s 18th birthday with a keg and planned overnight, aiming to keep teens safe from drinking and driving.
  • “The children are going to drink no matter what...I wanted the children safe in my home so that I could protect them.” – Janice Burke ([24:25])
• Legal context: In Georgia, parents can provide their own underage child alcohol, or others’ children only with parental permission.

Listener Calls and Cast Reaction

• Sarah ([26:22]): “We have 18 year olds in Iraq... why can't they have a beer?”
• Lisa, age 17 ([27:18]): Praises the safety aspect, says most teens’ parents know "deep down" what's happening.
• Cast and others ([28:59–30:47]): Debate the "where do you draw the line" on parental responsibility, alcohol vs. marijuana, and the slippery slope of trying to be the "cool parent".
  • “If she was a responsible adult... the phone call is between all the parents.” – Jeff ([29:44])
• Becky ([30:50]): Warns parents must role-model respect for all laws—even those they disagree with; don’t teach kids to pick and choose.

Personal Stories Highlight Risks ([32:39–35:03])

• Erin ([32:39]): Recounts a party where a teen fell off the roof and died, despite supposed “safe” supervision.
• Russell ([33:44]): Shares a tragic story: his 17-year-old sister was killed by a peer who drank at such a party. Warns of “false sense of security”—risks don’t end in the morning.
  • “He stayed up drinking till 2, 3am. Drove home the next day, still had alcohol in his body.” – Russell ([34:32])

Final Thoughts ([35:07–35:53])

• The cast and callers land on:
  • Parental permission is crucial.
  • Even “supervised” parties entail major risks—teens don’t fully understand consequences.
  • Laws exist for a reason, and “being real” sometimes means saying no.

3. Cosmo Girl Quiz: Are Dating ‘Games’ Universal from Teen to Adult?

([35:57–45:06])

Cassie’s Supermarket Discovery ([36:13])

• Cassie describes picking up Cosmo Girl magazine at the checkout, finding an article of teen guys giving advice on how to tell if you’re "in" or "out" with a guy.

The Panel Unpacks 'Signs You're In' with a Guy

1. Teasing as Flirting ([37:09–37:45])

   • “If I like a girl, I tease her about her shoes...” – Quoting Cosmo Girl
   • The team notes: playfulness remains, but as adults you have to be careful (teasing about shoes might backfire).

2. Winning Over Her Friends ([39:20–40:03])

   • Guys are nice to a girl's friends to get in their good graces—a tactic for both teens and adults.

3. "I'll Be Your Friend... Until Month Seven" ([40:30–40:55])

   • Bert admits to long-haul platonic “friend zoning” as a dating strategy.
     • “I would have been your friend for six months...month seven, I’d try to pull a hammer out.” — Bert

4. Ignoring Her In Public—Works Both Ways? ([41:03–41:34])

   • “I play games and talk to everyone but the girl I like”—the “hard to get” routine.

5. The 'Ugly Friend' Theory ([41:34–42:00])

   • Jeff describes a bar tactic: talk up the less attractive friend to draw attention from the 'hot' one, triggering competition (“That is a technique, don’t sweat the technique.”).

'Signs You're Out' – When Guys Lose Interest

• “I stop calling her back or say I'm busy…” ([42:56])
  • If he’s not responding, “it’s time to give up.”
  • “A guy will never say, ‘it’s not working out’—he just leaves.” – Jeff ([43:15])
• Acting like a jerk so the girl breaks up with him.
• Confessing attraction to someone else and calling her "like a sister"—classic letdown lines.
• Competitive instincts in women mean “sister zone” tactics may backfire.

4. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Quote | Speaker | | --- | --- | --- | | [02:13] | “She's the woman of my dreams. There’s nothing ... she can say or do … she's just perfect.” | John (caller) | | [08:16] | “He's going to end up out there having affairs.” | Sarah (caller) | | [10:41] | “Go have a discussion with somebody ... you can so work through that.” | Gina (caller) | | [12:37] | “Her inhibitions fell away … after 14 years, we've got the best sex life as anybody I know.” | Clay (caller) | | [15:48] | “You may be just as bad for her as she is for you.” | Cast | | [16:51] | “Just don’t think you’ve tried everything yet … keep that ring in your pocket right now.” | Bert | | [24:25] | “The children are going to drink no matter what ... I wanted the children safe in my home.” | Janice Burke | | [29:44] | “If she was a responsible adult... the phone call is between all the parents...” | Jeff | | [34:32] | “He stayed up drinking til 2, 3 in the morning. ... Drove home the next day, still had alcohol in his body.” | Russell (caller) | | [37:30] | “If I like a girl, I tease her about ... her shoes...” (Cosmo Girl quote) | Cassie (reading) | | [40:50] | “I’d be your friend for six months ... month seven, I’d try to pull a hammer out.” | Bert |

5. Section Timestamps

| Segment Description | Start | End | |---------------------|-------|-----| | Listener John’s Relationship Dilemma | 01:36 | 18:47 | | Parenting & Underage Drinking Debate | 22:17 | 35:53 | | Cosmo Girl Quiz & Dating Strategies | 35:57 | 45:06 |

6. Summary Tone & Takeaways

The Bert Show delivers empathetic but candid advice through real listener stories and lively debates. The hosts’ conversational, occasionally cheeky tone and openness about their own experiences make the sensitive topics of intimacy struggles and underage drinking accessible and thought-provoking. The episode brings laughs with playful dating talk but doesn’t shy from highlighting the deep consequences of decisions in both relationships and parenting.

For New Listeners: Whether you’re looking for practical life advice, validation of your own relationship struggles, or simply want to laugh at dating games, this episode is a classic slice of The Bert Show’s honest, entertaining morning radio.