The Bert Show – Full Show PT 3: Friday, January 23 [Vault]

Original Air Date: January 23, 2026
Hosts/Main Speakers: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & the Bert Show cast
Episode Theme: Laughs and real-life insights from the cast, covering morning show antics. Key segments include the long-awaited resolution to a "who is the better driver?" competition between Bert and Stacy, and an in-depth follow-up about listener Amanda’s dramatic life reinvention.

Overview

This episode brings a mix of competition, personal revelations, and listener participation. The two main storylines feature:

• The outcome of Bert and Stacy’s driving test showdown, complete with banter, playful taunts, and expert judgment
• A follow-up with Amanda, a listener in the midst of major life changes, exploring themes of honesty, self-reinvention, and the emotional fallout of fresh starts

The hosts keep things fast, funny, and authentic while tackling relatable real-life issues.

Driving Test Showdown: Bert vs. Stacy

Setup and Taunting (00:00–04:05)

• Bert and Stacy recount taking a professional driving test before vacation.
• The test was meant to resolve a household debate: Who is truly the better driver?
• Both drove the same car for fairness, with Alan from New London Driving School administering the test.
• Taunting and overconfidence on Bert’s part, with claims of test perfection:
  • Quote:
    "There has to be winners. There has to be losers. My house is a microcosm of America." – Bert (00:01)
  • Stacy describes Bert's taunts and her hope that parking would be included, as she thinks Bert is notably bad at it.

Details of the Test and Initial Reactions (04:05–06:11)

• Stacy reveals she had extra tasks (parallel parking) that Bert had managed to skip.
• Bert concedes the vehicle (a gigantic truck) is difficult for him to park.
• The group jokes about the difficulties and fairness of the challenge.
• Bert’s confession: He lied about not getting driving instructions, stirring playful accusations about his honesty.
  • Quote:
    "Well, that's nice that you lied." – Stacy (05:06)

Announcement of the Winner (06:11–07:00)

• Alan, the instructor, gives his verdict and praises both for solid, safe driving.
• Memorable Moment: Alan reveals the winner is... Stacy!
  • Quote:
    "The person that won this actually is Stacy." – Alan (06:24)
• Bert is floored and demands to see the test sheets!

Breakdown of Performance (07:00–09:02)

• Alan’s reasoning: Bert lost points for going over the speed limit, while Stacy’s parallel parking was "awful," but it was not weighted heavily.
  • Quote:
    "If we had included that parallel parking, then I'm afraid Bert would have won." – Alan (07:36)
• The show ribs Bert on his loss and Stacy gives a playful victory speech, thanking listeners and her (slightly infamous) father for her driving prowess.
  • Quote:
    "It will always be there every time we get in the car... I can be a silent winner." – Stacy (08:56)

Final Confirmation and Lasting Consequences (09:02–13:16)

• The hosts insist Bert must admit, unambiguously, that Stacy is the better driver.
• Notable Audio: Bert, on-air and with no background music, finally concedes:
  • Quote:
    "My wife Stacy is a better driver than I am.” – Bert (11:19)
• The cast ruminates on the consequences: jokes about home decorations, perpetual reminders, and harmless family trolling.
• Alan offers to come back for a rematch in a year. The segment wraps with good-natured ribbing and acceptance.

Listener Life Change Follow-Up: Amanda’s Reinvention

Recap and Where Things Stand (13:25–16:17)

• Amanda, previously featured for planning radical life changes, calls in for an update.
• She has since quit her job, moved back to Ohio, and is preparing for a clean start, including possibly changing her appearance and name.
• Quote:
  “I just want to talk because I’m moving back to Ohio.” – Amanda (14:12)
• Her boss reacted positively, praising her work ethic even during her notice period.

The "Major Hookup" and New Opportunities (16:17–18:37)

• Amanda reveals she landed a new temp gig at a PR firm in Atlanta after a show listener recommended her.
• The job pays more than her previous one and offers the potential for a permanent, higher-paying position.
  • Quote:
    “I got the major hookup. I have a new gig that’s going to start on January 4th.” – Amanda (16:17)

On Changing Identity and Starting Fresh (18:37–20:44)

• Amanda intends to change her hair and use her middle name with new acquaintances.
• She’s secretive about specifics but excited by the prospect of a “completely new” self.

Host and Listener Reflections on Honesty, Lies, and Growth (20:44–25:01)

• Hosts question Amanda’s willingness to omit truths or lie outright as she resets her life.
• They reflect on the difference between externally changing circumstances and real, internal transformation.
• Listener Katie’s advice (22:00):
  • "Wherever you are, whatever you do… your happiness really depends on you. You have to be true and honest with yourself and everyone around you."
• Katie suggests sometimes "you have to lie to keep your courage" (23:12), but stresses ultimate happiness is rooted in self-honesty.
• Another listener, Julia, shares that lying during a similar personal reinvention cost her friends and family (24:50).

Hosts Debate Amanda's Trajectory and Integrity (25:25–27:23)

• The cast speculates whether Amanda will stick with them or vanish after her reinvention.
• Mixed takes:
  • Some see Amanda as selfishly focused and likely to cut ties if not benefitting herself.
  • Others defend her actions as natural adjustment to new expectations and environments.
  • Quote:
    “She’s adjusting her life to what her expectation was when she came down here.” – Co-host (25:53)
• Ultimately, concerns are raised about the long-term effects of dishonesty in forging a new identity.

Notable Quotes (with Timestamps & Attribution)

• “There has to be winners. There has to be losers. My house is a microcosm of America.”
  — Bert (00:01)

• “Well, that's nice that you lied.”
  — Stacy (05:06)

• “The person that won this actually is Stacy.”
  — Alan, Driving Instructor (06:24)

• “If we had included that parallel parking, then I'm afraid Bert would have won.”
  — Alan (07:36)

• “My wife Stacy is a better driver than I am.”
  — Bert (11:19)

• "Wherever you are, whatever you do… your happiness really depends on you. You have to be true and honest with yourself and everyone around you."
  — Katie, Listener (22:00)

Key Segment Timestamps

• Driving Test Build-Up & Taunting: 00:00–04:05
• Test Details & Rules: 04:05–06:11
• Announcement of Winner: 06:11–07:00
• Analysis & Victory Speech: 07:00–09:02
• Bert’s Concession & Fallout: 09:02–13:16
• Amanda’s Reinvention Follow-Up: 13:25–25:01
• Listener & Host Debate: 25:25–27:23

Takeaways

• Humor & Heart: The Bert Show continues to blend sharp humor with sincere discussion, showing how even trivial competitions (like a driving test) can mirror relationship dynamics.
• Relatability: Amanda’s journey reflects the universal search for identity, the allure and peril of reinvention, and the blurry lines between self-preservation and honesty.
• Memorable Moments: Bert’s forced, solemn concession and the group’s collective ribbing. Amanda’s cautious excitement as she steps into her redesigned life.
• Authenticity First: Whether winning, losing, or making major changes, the hosts encourage “owning” your choices—and if possible, doing it with a laugh.

For full drama, laughs, and life lessons, this episode is packed with Bert Show energy and honesty. Perfect for listeners who value real talk, playful banter, and a few life lessons along the way.