Full Show PT 3: Friday, January 30 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show — Full Show PT 3: Friday, January 30 [Vault]

Date: January 30, 2026
Cast: Bert, Jeff, Tracy, Annie, Bob, various guest callers

---

Episode Overview

This spirited installment of The Bert Show delivers their signature blend of laughs and real talk, authentically inviting listeners into lively discussions about daily experiences—this time focusing on car buying stereotypes, sales industry secrets, and a popular recurring segment featuring “tough love” from a confident 12-year-old listener. The episode moves between candid industry confessions, comedic competition, and heartfelt advice for under-15 listeners, creating an entertaining spectrum of relatable content.

---

Key Discussion Points

1. Do Women Get Treated Differently at Car Dealerships?

[00:00–17:36]

• Voice-Disguised Dealer Insights:
  Multiple car industry professionals (anonymously) discuss the stereotype that women are treated differently during car negotiations.

  • Annie (dealer): Confirms that, historically, women have been seen as “easier to talk to” or more excited to make a deal, but notes today's buyers—especially women—are often better educated and prepared thanks to the internet.

    "Sometimes women are so, just so ecstatic to get into a situation that they don't care what you feed them." — Annie, [00:44]

  • Warns against relying on the Kelly Blue Book for East Coast deals due to pricing regionality.
  • Bob (dealer): Notes a major shift—women now make over 50% of car-buying decisions, and online transparency has essentially leveled the playing field.

    "You can't really take advantage. There's none of that anymore." — Bob, [03:19]

• Online Resources and Dealer Tricks:

  • Bob’s Tips: Recommends manufacturer websites, AutomotiveNews.com, cars.com, and edmunds.com for getting an accurate sense of rebates and costs.

    "All you gotta do is get on the Internet. Plus, it'll tell you any rebates and even hidden dealer cash." — Bob, [05:12]

  • Discusses non-negotiable fees (sales tax, title, lemon law), but that document fees ("doc fees") can be discussed.

• Old Sales Tricks & Dealer Reputation:

  • Stories about outdated, shady practices like tacking on fake fees and even (illegally) bugging offices for negotiations.

    "We just hit the speakerphone button on the, you know, on the phone before we leave the office. But it was 100% illegal..." — Bob, [16:26]

  • Today, reputable dealerships focus on service and reputation to keep loyal customers—bad behavior spreads quickly.

Notable Moments:

• Callers recount being trapped in dealerships (even having keys thrown on the roof!).

  "They actually trapped him at the dealership and to the point where, trying to escape, he lost his shoe." — Burt, [07:43]

---

2. Accent Challenge: Who Does the Best British Accent?

[17:40–27:34]

• Bit Setup: Jeff and Burt rekindle an old bit—seeing who can stay on a call with a British business the longest without being “outed” for a fake accent.

• Jeff’s Call (Hotel): He impersonates a Brit and is not called out (though the cast jokes about his accent slipping into Australian).

• Burt’s Call (Mechanic): Takes a sillier, more theatrical route—jokes, flirts, asks for “bangers and mash” and “shepherd’s pie.” Much banter ensues.

  "Perhaps we could travel up to my flat and you could have a look under my hood." — Burt, [26:23]

• Result: No winner declared; both have fun and the mechanic's receptionist plays along.

• Cast Reaction: Hilarity over who “broke character” and whether any English locals were fooled.

---

3. ‘Ask Annie’ — Teen Listener Gives Tough-Love Advice to Peers

[27:41–41:50]

• Concept: Annie, a confident 12-year-old listener, dispenses plainspoken advice to fellow teens—addressing real issues on air.

  • Recurring bit leader quote:

    “Like, she doesn't have to tell me. If she wants to tell me, then she'll tell me, but I'm gonna find out anyway, so it doesn't really matter.” — Annie, [28:46]

• Common Themes and Mini Cases:

  • Divorcing Parents: Allie, 13, expresses distress over parents fighting and potential divorce.

    “If they're not like happy together, then like, you shouldn't feel bad if they get separated, because if they get separated, they obviously like, aren't like happy together.” — Annie, [30:21]

  • Challenging Teachers: Alexa, 13, describes feeling targeted by a teacher who “loses her projects.”

    "If you turn something in and they lose it ... don't ever say that the teacher lost it, because they'll get mad. Just say, 'Oh, I don't know what happened to it.'” — Annie, [34:08]

  • Annoying Friend Dynamics: Raven, 14, and Tiana, 14, ask advice on distancing from clingy or “copycat” friends.

    “Like, why are you copying me? Like, can you not come up with your own ideas that you have to steal mine?” — Annie, [39:14]

  • Rumors at School: Randy, 15, shares embarrassment about rumors involving nose-picking and bed-wetting.

    “If you're gonna start a rumor, start a good rumor. Don't start a lame one.” — Annie, [37:51]

• Parental Interjections:

  • One caller’s mom humorously scolds her for calling the show with teen problems instead of just asking her for advice.

• Bert Show Takeaway:

  • Adults and teens have the same friendship issues and emotional struggles, just with different context.

    “We take the exact same calls for adults as for kids. ... I still don't believe anybody ever really evolves past the ninth grade.” — Jeff, [40:16]

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Women in Car Buying:

  “Women make more than 50% of the buying decisions when it comes to automobiles these days.” — Bob, [03:19]

• On Researching Before Buying:

  “Just go to one of these websites right here, you've got it right there. There's no negotiation.” — Jeff, [05:32]

• On Dealer Office ‘Bugging’:

  “It was 100% illegal ... [but] some guys would go as far as going to little spy stores and getting a little microphones that look like pens." — Bob, [16:47]

• On Adult vs. Teen Social Dramas:

  “I can't even understand it with kids, but with grownups, that's just being whiny... you're a grownup, handle it.” — Annie, [40:31]

• On Loyalty to Good Businesses:

  “If I had a mechanic or a dealership that treated me well, I would always, always ... be so loyal to that company.” — Tracy, [14:10]

• Hilarious Roleplay:

  “Perhaps we could travel up to my flat and you could have a look under my hood.” — Burt, [26:23]

• Teen Confidence:

  "I just think the fact that you are so confident to get out here and help other kids is awesome." — Jordan (caller), [41:13]

---

Important Segment Timestamps

• Car Industry Stereotypes, Dealer Tips & Scams:
  [00:00–16:47]
• Accent Challenge (UK Phone Calls):
  [17:40–27:34]
• Ask Annie (Teen Advice):
  [27:41–41:50]

---

Tone and Show Signature

The cast keeps things real, supportive, and irreverent—cutting through serious topics with humor and accessibility. The “Ask Annie” segment stands out for showing the relatability across generations, and the car dealership discussion debunks myths while sneaking in actionable advice.

---

For New Listeners

If you’re new to The Bert Show, you’ll hear sharp, witty banter, practical life advice, and genuine earnestness about tackling everyday challenges—whether you’re buying a car, faking a British accent, or navigating middle school drama.

Transcript

[Burt]

Get it?

[Jeff]

The bird Show. Good morning, Carl. You are on Q100. How are you this morning?

[Annie]

I'm alright, how you doing?

[Jeff]

Good, thank you, sir. All right, so the stereotype here is that women get treated differently when they walk into a car dealership to negotiate for a car and you're on the voice disguiser. We don't know where you were, we don't know what part of the industry you're in, but we'd really like some real answers.

[Annie]

Okay.

[Jeff]

Have you found that to be the case?

[Annie]

Most cases, yes, it is.

[Burt]

Do they, do they train you to treat women differently?

[Annie]

No. I mean it's a male species. Sometimes, you know, we perpetuate the women, you know, and go into the stereotype that, you know, they, they seem to be at some time to be a little bit easier to talk to and easier to, you know, get a deal done. Most of the time like when men come in, they already are so stern, they don't want to, you know, budge. But sometimes women are so, just so ecstatic to get into a situation that they don't care what you feed them.

[Tracy]

So, you know, I think the question is do you treat women differently in a negative way? Like do you try to take advantage of them? Like you said, they're easier to talk to and I'm sure communicating with male customers and female customers definitely naturally is going to be different. But do you purposely think, well, they're naive so I'm going to get more out of her than him.

[Annie]

Yeah, but the naivety. Yeah, but as far as, you know, sometimes. But I can't say that because some women do come there and they've done, they're more computer savvy and some more consumer conscious to the fact that they feel as if they will be treated differently, that you know, they go home and they do their homework, you know, in the misnomer is, you know, a lot of people, yeah, a lot of my, my comrades are gonna rag me on this, but a lot of people here on the east coast use the Kelly Blue Book and that's not a good thing to do because is west coast prices and it's usually about three or three to $4,000 more. So when you go in and you say, wow, the Kelly Blue Book says, you know, most, most dealers are happy that you use Kelly Blue Book. They're like, yeah, great.

[Jeff]

Carl, hold on one second for me, okay? Because we got a bunch of other guys that are sales guys also that have been in the industry for a really, really, really long time. Let's just See if they confirm what Carl was saying. Hey, Steve, you're on Q100. Good. Thank you for calling. Thank you, man.

[Tracy]

All right.

[Jeff]

We don't want to know where you work. We don't want to know what part of the industry that you work in. We don't want to give up your identity. Okay?

[Tracy]

Okay, good.

[Jeff]

Is it true that women get treated differently in negotiating for a car than.

[Bob]

Men do in the earlier days? I've been doing this a long time. Maybe not anymore.

[Tracy]

And why is that you think the.

[Bob]

Internet has changed everything? People can go online and get our cost.

[Burt]

So who is more prepared when they come in? Because one of our theories, and I think the first guy that we talked to kind of confirmed this, that guys will come in and they have a number in their mind and they decide, I'm going to spend 20, $20,000 on a car and nothing more. And there's no flexibility. And they're a pain to deal with. Whereas women can be reasoned with. Have you found that to be the case, or is that.

[Bob]

Yes, yes, that's true. But at the same time, you have to understand women make more than 50% of the buying decisions when it comes to automobiles these days, whereas most men, oh, I gotta go home, check with my wife. Da, da, da. They're the ones. So how do I put this? You can't really take advantage. There's none of that anymore.

[Tracy]

It's funny how you say that, because I know that the first caller who talked about sometimes women coming in prepared because they feel the sense that they might be taken advantage of. And I say that because, I mean, the responsibility is on women, too, to be educated on it. Like, I, growing up was not really educated on cars. So I recently purchased a car, and I really, like you just said online, I prepared and I went in with a specific purpose instead of. And I wouldn't. I was not able. I went to several dealerships and I wasn't. I couldn't be swayed because I went in knowing they're going to try to sway me. This is what I want, you know, that kind of thing. So, you know, it may be the case where now everybody's on the level playing field.

[Annie]

I'm just curious.

[Tracy]

Back in the day, when you said that they were. That women were manipulated, did salesmen use, like, fake acronyms or, like, fake fees or, like, make up different costs and throw them in there and just sort of make them up off the top of their head?

[Bob]

They were different costs because for one, sales. Sales reps as a whole, or general they have no control over cost. That's done at the desk from the sales manager. So it's just, you work a deal from A to Z, and I guess how you're reading it in there as to what you can get away with.

[Tracy]

Like, this is an LHD charge, you know, and then, like, they wouldn't know.

[Burt]

Is this for your headlight fluid?

[Tracy]

Or they. Yeah, they would feel. They would feel dumb to ask, what is that?

[Bob]

By these little stickers they put beside the original MSRP on the car. They're just trying to make extra money doing that anyway.

[Jeff]

So, I mean, this could be a pretty short conversation. Then what you're saying is if you do your research on it, you should go in there with a price and know it anyway. It doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman. The price is right there.

[Bob]

Exactly. All you gotta do is get on the Internet. Plus, it'll tell you any rebates and even hidden dealer cash.

[Jeff]

Can you give us specific websites to go to to even the playing field?

[Bob]

You can go to any of the manufacturer's place sites, or you can Also go to automotivenews.com Automotive News automotivenews.com will give you rebates on any car out there.

[Jeff]

All right, so if you're a woman and you're thinking about, you're a little intimidated to go and negotiate your own car, what he's saying is you go to one of these websites right here, you've got it right there. There's no negotiation.

[Bob]

There it is, you're done.

[Jeff]

That's it.

[Bob]

People walk in like that were like, oh, well. And you just give it away and go on about your daily business.

[Burt]

Now, other than the purchase price of the car, the sales tax on the car, and. And the.

[Bob]

It was called dealer prep fee or dock fee, that's at any dealership you go to. Now, that can be negotiable, but at one time it can't be taken away because they're printed on a buyer's order. If you take one away from one person, you're opening yourself up for a lawsuit from the whole industry, because then you'd have to remove it for everyone out there that you've ever sold a car to.

[Burt]

Okay, so which one is that? The document fee or the prep doc fee?

[Bob]

Document fee.

[Burt]

That one's negotiable. What are the other mandatory ones that are not negotiable? Obviously, the sales price is negotiable, but sales tax can't be.

[Bob]

Sales tax is not negotiable. The $3 lemon law, which is only on new cars. Warranty rights, or lemon law, that's not negotiable. And $18 tag and title. That's not negotiable. That's what the state charges.

[Burt]

But everything else you can work with.

[Bob]

Absolutely.

[Burt]

All right.

[Jeff]

Just go to one of these websites. Okay. Again, those websites to go to. To give you an even playing field.

[Bob]

You can go to any of the manufacturers websites, any of them, and they'll list them. Also. AutomotiveNews.com. that's probably the best.

[Jeff]

Fantastic. Thank you very much for calling.

[Bob]

You're very welcome. Have a great day.

[Jeff]

You too.

[Annie]

Appreciate it.

[Jeff]

He just sounds like a car salesman. You have a great day, too. Give you a little wink, a little gun. Gun toting thing.

[Tracy]

Is that how it sounds?

[Burt]

Do you guys ever. When you're shopping for a car and you get at the car dealership and you drive by and you see one, you're like, oh, I want to go look at that. Whatever it is, you know, like, almost like you're in a rush to look at it before the guy, the salesperson makes it over to you. Hey, how you doing today? What's your name? Because you don't want. I just want. I just want to see it. I want to see it close up. Want to look inside? I'm out.

[Tracy]

Katie and I one time were on a lot when I was looking for a car, and it was almost like Night of the Living Dead. As soon as we pulled in and we were slowly going by, all of.

[Burt]

A sudden they come out from between.

[Annie]

The cars, just like, get out, get out, get out. Quick. Lock the door, lock the door. Roll up the windows.

[Burt]

Go, go, go. I had a friend of mine who was buying his first car at like 21 or 22. And it was. I don't know if it was a new car or one that was slightly used, but he was getting it from a dealership. And they actually trapped him at the dealership and to the point where, trying to escape, he lost his shoe.

[Tracy]

And he called me, like, locked him behind closed doors?

[Burt]

No, they said, you can test drive this, but then you have to give us the keys to your car so we can go evaluate it for the trade in. And then they wouldn't give him his keys back. So they sat him down in the finance manager's office and they were def. I mean, it was like two hours. And every time he would leave, the sales manager would come over and, like, they wouldn't give him his car keys back. So he had to climb out the Window of the finance manager's office and his shoe fell off.

[Jeff]

I told you about the dude I used to work with in Dallas. Said that he wanted to go buy a car before he was in radio. And they took his car keys. He goes for a test drive and they're negotiating and they wouldn't budge. And he's like, I can't budge. This is all I have. So they took his car keys and they threw them on the top on the roof of the car dealership and said, you sit right here, we are going to negotiate this car.

[Tracy]

I remember you telling us that story. And he actually had to on the.

[Annie]

Roof to go get his keys.

[Jeff]

He had to call somebody. Yeah. To go get the keys on the roof of the car dealer.

[Burt]

Did he have to call like a friend to go to bring a ladder?

[Jeff]

I'm not sure the end of it. I don't know. I never asked. All right, so this is Bob. He is on the voice disguiser. Also. Also been in the car industry for over 20 years. Bob, is there anything you heard over the last 10 minutes that you don't agree with?

[Bob]

Pretty much the same thing. You know, I personally have been where with dealerships where we treat women the same way as we treat men. I find the women are actually more attuned to buying a car than a lot of the men. They have more expertise. They do more looking into the websites on the Internet. They check things out actually more than a lot of men do.

[Tracy]

So maybe our fear is fueling us to do the research more than the guys.

[Bob]

I don't think it's fair. I think that there are some dealerships out there that are not scrupulous. Some of these smaller ones, if you go to a reputable dealership, they will actually take good care of you. They don't want to lose any customers because you don't take care of one customer the right way. That customer tells someone, who tells someone, and right away your reputation becomes really bad. So you basically take care of the customers the right way.

[Burt]

Let me ask you a question. In terms of general. Somebody else say it.

[Tracy]

Generalities.

[Burt]

Thank you. How much drug.

[Tracy]

Sorry about that.

[Burt]

Yeah. When you walk up and you look at the sticker price on a new car, how much lower should you initially offer off of that sticker? Like in terms of a percentage people.

[Bob]

Think that there's 18 to 20% like they used to have back a long time ago. Right now, realistically you're having off of the sticker price, you have generally 6 to 8% off of the sticker price. Sometimes you do have dealer cash. Some dealers have rebates. The other gentleman that had said gone to go to the website automotivenews.com that's a very good thing to do. Also you can go to cars.com or edmunds.com they're very reputable dealers, dealer sites and you'll find things out. But you know the most important things right now with the Internet, especially people, they know what the cost of the cars are.

[Jeff]

Yeah, that's the common denominator we're hearing today is that the. Yeah, the whole negotiation advantage is completely taken away now. But it's in your hands to do five minutes of research on the car that you want and then go in there with some confidence because there it is in black and white and you really can't negotiate it. Hey, Sandy, what's up?

[Annie]

Hey. I just wanted to sort of give all the women out there another caution that yeah, they do try to take advantage of women still today. I just tried. Well, I bought six cars from the same dealer because they had treated me so well. Went to buy the seventh one and you know, I didn't have, of course the same sales guy and they came out, offered me sticker price and I have excellent credit. They offered me a payment with 14% interest and no, nothing on my trade in. So I went off on the guy and left immediately. So women are, women are still at a disadvantage advantage these days.

[Jeff]

Then how do you know that you're not. But you're not. What you're saying is if you don't go in there and know what you're negotiating for, that, that evens the playing field. So if you go in there and you don't do the research, you're only doing a disservice to yourself. I mean the car dealership and a salesman's job is to make as much money for himself and the company as he can. If you take that away from him, that's your fault, not his.

[Annie]

Well, I know I did. I didn't take the deal. I walked out. But there was one thing I wanted you to ask maybe on the rad because we finally ended up finding a car and buying it, me and my son. But I think that the dealerships, their offices are bugged. I think they listen to the conversation when they leave the desk.

[Tracy]

Oh, that's funny.

[Burt]

That's a good point. That's really good question.

[Jeff]

I would love to know the answer to that. All of our sales guys that were on before aren't around anymore. But let me react.

[Burt]

They can just call back and tell.

[Jeff]

Lindell if you're one of those sales guys that we just had on. There is this common belief that the negotiation is kind of bugged because, you know, when you're.

[Tracy]

If you've never bought a car before, then you go in and then you go into this office with your salesperson and then you're negotiating a price. They say, well, hold on, I gotta go ask my manager. And they get up and they leave to go ask the manager, really probably going to get a cup of coffee. But the question is, if while they're gone and you're sitting there talking to whoever you're with, if they're bugging that conversation or they go sit.

[Burt]

They go sit in the manager's office and turn on whatever channel is.

[Jeff]

I don't even think that would be legal, would it?

[Tracy]

I don't know.

[Burt]

Adding a headlight fluid charge might not be legal, but if it makes him an extra 150 bucks.

[Tracy]

Wow. And I do want to say one thing. While we're waiting on those managers to call, that she brought up. That I think is a positive point for dealerships and businesses. And this includes, I think, mechanics as well. Because there is, like Jen said earlier, a kind of a fear of women thinking when it comes to cars. And anything dealing with cars, we're being taken advantage of because they think we don't know. But that woman who just, you know, she had a bad experience with her seventh car, but she bought six cars from the same dealership because she had good experience. And I think especially for women, and I'm sure men, the same thing. But, man, if I had a mechanic or a dealership that treated me well, I would always, always I would be so loyal to that company. You keep going back Because I want to feel safe, you know? Absolutely.

[Jeff]

We're still waiting for those sales guys to call back, but I. I would be really interested to find out. I don't think any of those conversations are bugged. I think we're being paranoid.

[Burt]

But I bet we just gave somebody great ideas. I mean, think about it. As soon as you get up and walk away.

[Jeff]

Not even legal.

[Burt]

Probably not. But come on. What you gotta do to make a buck.

[Jeff]

Julie, you're on the voice disguiser. What's up?

[Annie]

I have worked at a car dealership now for nine years, and car salesmen.

[Bob]

Are basically scum of the scum. They all cheat on their wives and what.

[Annie]

How do you know this?

[Bob]

Get over on whoever they can.

[Annie]

And I mean, there's some good.

[Burt]

Like, I mean, we have to also remember what their job is like. The infidelity part of that conversation aside, like they're not trying to get over on as many people as they can. As Bert stated, their job is to make as much money as they can for the dealership and for their own commission. So if somebody walks in there and is not prepared, as we learned, you can easily be with some time on the Internet and somebody walks in there, they're going to jack up the price, jack up the interest rate, add on some extra fees, and it's your job to be educated against that. So you can't say, oh, they're scum. They're trying to make a living.

[Jeff]

They're trying to make money off of me. Salespeople.

[Burt]

That's like getting mad at the Houston's waiter for recommending the spinach dip. Hey, you're not going to get one over on me.

[Tracy]

You're trying to upcharge that extra dip.

[Burt]

Slipping in the spinach dip bill.

[Bob]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Have you ever bugged the dealership to listen in on a conversation of negotiation.

[Bob]

That is 100% illegal? They used to do it back the first place I worked for about 13 years ago, actually had the ability to do that. And what we do is we just, we hit the speakerphone button on the, you know, on the phone before we leave the office. But it was 100% illegal for any dealership to do that. And if they do that, they can get in a whole lot of trouble.

[Jeff]

Wow. So you're saying it was a practice that used to be done though?

[Bob]

Absolutely. It used to be done. There was some guys who would go as far as going to little spy stores and getting a little microphones that look like pens and that look like other office supplies and they would hide them in their office and they'd go into the other room. If you ever get a chance, there's a great movie, it's called Suckers and it shows all the old school practices. And any car guy who's ever been out has watched this movie, knows this movie because it literally shows all the kinky stuff that dealerships used to do.

[Burt]

You know, there's some old school dealers who are still doing that.

[Jeff]

Oh, you know, some guys.

[Burt]

The guy, the guy who still smokes in his office, the ceiling tiles are yellow.

[Tracy]

The guys on the, the small lots with like 50 cars on a half acre lot, you know, that have, you know, a trailer right there.

[Burt]

Right.

[Tracy]

Sell it, whatever it is on the.

[Burt]

Lot, buy here, pay here.

[Tracy]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

807 ounce Q100 Birch show all the.

[Annie]

Juicy info you need from Hollywood, get it?

[Jeff]

The Birch Show. All right. This has been brewing between Jeff and I now for a couple of years here. And there was a time when we started the show where I was the accent guy, and Jeff, somehow, someway, I think, just because he got louder, became the branded accent guy.

[Burt]

When were you the accent guy?

[Annie]

The volume award.

[Tracy]

Yes.

[Jeff]

I will tell you exactly when I was the accent guy.

[Burt]

You had a mediocre Sean Connery once.

[Jeff]

The mediocre Sean Connery kicked your arse back in the day because we were having this thing on, who's got the better foreign accent or who can do a Sean Connery impression better? So we ended up, like, calling a hotel and trying to book the hotel as Sean Connery to see who could stay on the line the longest as Sean Connery. And I smoked him. So we're gonna sort of do the same thing this morning, but we've moved from Scotland to England. All right.

[Tracy]

Okay. See how you can switch it up like that?

[Jeff]

How are you gonna compete with that? And we're gonna put this thing finally to rest.

[Tracy]

Okay.

[Jeff]

So much like we did six years ago when we called Scotland, what we want to do is we're gonna call England, because you can't just call a hotel here and put on an accent and get any kind of authenticity. We're not gonna tell them that we're pretending to have an accent. We're just gonna see who could stay on the line the longest without them asking us where we're from or calling us out. Mm.

[Tracy]

Okay.

[Jeff]

And whoever.

[Tracy]

Will they really do that?

[Jeff]

I don't know.

[Tracy]

Did they do that last time?

[Jeff]

I'm assuming Jess is gonna be so bad that, yeah, within the first couple of seconds, they'll go, you know what? I'm having a. I'm having a bloody tough time trying to figure out where you're from. See, you want to stop now? You want to do something else? We can do something else.

[Burt]

I'm frightened.

[Jeff]

We could do American. We could do something else. If you're into.

[Burt]

Now, what happens if, during the conversation, they ask what part of New Zealand you're from then.

[Jeff]

Then you're called out.

[Burt]

Okay.

[Jeff]

At that point, I think we can all say that obviously they're calling you out, that your accents. Not authentic.

[Burt]

Got it.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Bob]

Got it.

[Jeff]

My producer, Tracy. May I go first as the. I know it's been a long time, but if you're the champ for one year or three years or six years, you're still wearing the crown. It's all yours until somebody knocks you off.

[Burt]

It's all yours.

[Jeff]

So we're gonna call England now and I'll start a casual conversation with my accent. We'll see how long it goes. And I think if we're 90 seconds into it and they don't call me out, I'm just gonna end the call. Okay.

[Burt]

All right, so that just means I have to go 91.

[Jeff]

Do you understand the. The rules?

[Tracy]

I think so.

[Jeff]

Okay, pick a category before we dial. We've got pubs, restaurants, hotels and bed.

[Burt]

And breakfasts and mechanics, mechanics, mechanics.

[Jeff]

I'll go with the hotels.

[Tracy]

All right, you see that?

[Annie]

Oh, no.

[Jeff]

Do you want out? We don't have to do this the way you can. You don't have to do this.

[Burt]

In and out of it is truly amazing. All right, we're calling the Cambridge House in Cornwall.

[Jeff]

The Cambridge House in Cornwall.

[Annie]

Cornhole Lord.

[Jeff]

You are going. You're going down.

[Burt]

Why are you making constipated face? Do you want any tips before you make the call?

[Jeff]

Dude, it's all right here in the soul. Okay.

[Tracy]

And you're British roots.

[Jeff]

Oh, there's the telly.

[Annie]

Cambridge house. Morning.

[Jeff]

Good morning. I'd like to check for some availability, please.

[Annie]

Sure. When's that for?

[Jeff]

For June 3rd.

[Annie]

June 3rd? Yeah. What sort of accommodation you after, please?

[Jeff]

I'm looking for something really high end, something like a suite.

[Annie]

Okey dokey. Let me just grab. Is it one night you're looking for?

[Jeff]

June 3rd through June 19th. It's an extended stay.

[Annie]

Okey dokey. Okey dokey. Let's just have a look here. One second, please. Just got grabbing the diary.

[Burt]

He's now British.

[Annie]

Sorry. Okie dokie.

[Jeff]

That's just a couple of words you don't hear next to each other very often.

[Annie]

No, maybe not. Third through 19. Let's have a little look here. 19th.

[Jeff]

Something really high end. Something. Yeah, Maybe a view.

[Annie]

Yeah. Okay. The nicest accommodation that I've got available for those dates in June. It's it, is it? For how many people we looking for here? Is it one, two. Family.

[Jeff]

It's two, Alice for two.

[Annie]

Perfect. So I've got a large. I've got a large double room, but it also has a sofa in the room. So it. I haven't got a. I haven't got a suite with a separate sitting room, but it does have a sofa in the room. It's full, fully en suite. It's just literally been decorated, finished off about a month ago. So it's sort of looking pretty spanking brand new and looking Very nice.

[Jeff]

I'm assuming that you do tea there every day as well.

[Annie]

Dinner. Yeah, I can cook dinner if you want dinner. No problem at all. You might want it every day, you might not. But as long as you let me know, there's no problem with that whatsoever.

[Bob]

No problem at all.

[Jeff]

And is the hotel equipped with bidet as well? In each suite?

[Annie]

With a what, sorry?

[Jeff]

A bidet?

[Annie]

No, I'm afraid.

[Bob]

No, I'm afraid it doesn't.

[Annie]

No.

[Jeff]

Oh, okay. That's a deal breaker for me. Thank you very much for your time. Now.

[Annie]

Okay.

[Jeff]

Jolly good day. All right, how you go? I mean, how you.

[Tracy]

He definitely went. You went down under at the end.

[Burt]

You got a little Australian at the end.

[Bob]

I agree.

[Jeff]

Crocodile way.

[Burt]

I agree. Now the problem is.

[Jeff]

Yeah. How long did we go? I don't even know. It was like.

[Burt]

There's so many problems with that.

[Tracy]

But it's a 90 seconds. But the rules of the game where he didn't say anything to him, didn't call him out, nothing. Had a very British conversation.

[Burt]

But the guy could have thought you were from Sydney.

[Jeff]

Oh, he obviously knew I was one of his London brethren.

[Tracy]

PDP could have always did.

[Burt]

You have no proof of that.

[Jeff]

If it was that bad, he would have said, where are you from? Like, I'm sure it's about to happen.

[Burt]

Why?

[Jeff]

Let me just show you how it's done. Incorrectly. Let's make the call. You going down, cream puff?

[Burt]

Okie dokie.

[Jeff]

Does Jeff get a hotel also or a different category?

[Burt]

I don't care. It doesn't matter.

[Jeff]

Give him the mechanic.

[Burt]

Surprise me.

[Jeff]

All right. We're calling Harry Feeney.

[Bob]

Who?

[Jeff]

Harry Feeney in Blackpool.

[Tracy]

Is he?

[Jeff]

Tracy wants in. You hear that? Her little thespian just coming out in her mouth.

[Tracy]

I've got my money on Tracy. What does Harry do? He's a mechanic.

[Jeff]

So something's wrong with your Fiat car.

[Bob]

Parts.

[Jeff]

And then we can put this thing to rest. All right, Done. No tension between you and I, except what's sexual.

[Bob]

Good. Fine.

[Annie]

Harry Finney, Todd to parts. JB speaking. How can I help?

[Burt]

It's Sir Harry Longboard from Cornwall. I have a question about my car repair. If you don't mind, for a moment.

[Annie]

I'll just put it as a service department.

[Burt]

Yes.

[Tracy]

Nice.

[Jeff]

Is this robbie williams?

[Annie]

Your turn is over.

[Jeff]

Sorry.

[Annie]

Good morning, Tracy speaking. How can I help?

[Burt]

Hello, Tracy, how are you?

[Annie]

I'm fine, thanks. How are you?

[Burt]

Good. It's Harry Longball from North Cornwall. I have a question for you about a car repair. I was having considered down at your mechanic's garage.

[Annie]

Right. Okay. What's the registration number?

[Burt]

Oh, you know what? I haven't brought the car in. I just have some questions. Normally, I would travel to the cab tire in beautiful Atlanta, Georgia, but on account of the pawn between us, that is no longer practical.

[Annie]

Right, okay. So what's the question you need to ask, love?

[Burt]

Well, I was just wondering if I might be able to bring my car in and so you guys could have a look, see at it. Maybe you and I could go for a shag.

[Annie]

Who is this?

[Burt]

It's harry longball from north cornwall.

[Annie]

Who is it? Who's up?

[Burt]

My name is Sir Harry Longball. I'm from North Cornwall and I have a question for you about my vehicle. Perhaps we could travel up to my flat and you could have a look under my hood.

[Annie]

Oh, right.

[Bob]

What's going on?

[Annie]

Who is it?

[Burt]

Perhaps you and I could get together for some bangers and mash, if you know what I mean.

[Annie]

Gonna have to go now. Who is it?

[Burt]

I would like to have a look, see at your shepherd's pie, if you don't mind.

[Annie]

Shepherd's pie's fine by me. Yeah, absolutely.

[Burt]

Yeah. Let's do it then. Shepherd's pie and a shag. It'll be a wonderful Friday night.

[Annie]

You all right?

[Bob]

Getting there.

[Annie]

Right, who is it? Go on, come clean.

[Burt]

Harry Longbow from North Cornwall.

[Annie]

Yeah, whatever. Who is he?

[Burt]

You may also know me as the Duke of Delilah, the Prince of pleasure.

[Annie]

No, sorry, don't know any princes of pleasure, in all honesty.

[Burt]

All right, thank you very much.

[Annie]

Bye. Bye now.

[Burt]

All right, love. All you need is love.

[Annie]

God, it was a great spot, Sport. She was a great sport. Yeah.

[Burt]

And there was no question.

[Tracy]

And there was no question. So we're at a tie.

[Burt]

Yep. She knew clearly, that I was from North Cornwall.

[Jeff]

Obviously, we're going to have to do this every single day until we. You're on the Birch Show. All right. You remember last week we had Annie on, I think, a bir show listener, an adult, was calling up and she was having a tough time because she thought that her best friend. There was some really serious personal stuff going on in her best friend's life. And her best friend wasn't confiding in her. And this 12 year old calls up and goes, just get over yourself already. 12 years old. Good morning, Annie. You're on The Burt Show, Q100.

[Annie]

Hi. I just wanted to say that, like, she doesn't have to tell you. It's really none of your business anyway.

[Burt]

Hey, Annie. How old Are you?

[Annie]

I am 12.

[Jeff]

I don't mean her opinion's any less valid.

[Tracy]

No, your opinion is just as valid.

[Jeff]

We were just curious, like, Annie, how would you handle this situation?

[Annie]

It happens to me, like all the time. I really don't care. They don't have to tell me.

[Jeff]

So, like, if your best friend had a secret and she was telling other people and not you, you wouldn't be offended by that?

[Annie]

Not really.

[Tracy]

Okay.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Annie]

Like, she doesn't have to tell me. Like, if she wants to tell me, then she'll tell me, but I'm gonna find out anyway, so it doesn't really matter.

[Jeff]

So I wanted to try something new this morning. Normally what we'll do is if you're an adult, we'd have you call up and have the 12 year old give you advice. What I'd like to do now is because I'm really interested to find out, like, what's stressing out people under the age of 15. Okay, so you guys call us up and Annie will give you, do the best she can to give you some straight tough love advice because she obviously has that kind of confidence, right? 404-741-Q100. Good morning, Annie. Hey, how are you today?

[Annie]

Good, how are you?

[Jeff]

I'm good. Now, Annie, are you the girl, like in your group that generally just you might. You say what's on your mind and people come to you for advice?

[Annie]

Um, I think so. I hope so.

[Jeff]

You sure seem like you got it together.

[Tracy]

Mm.

[Jeff]

Most of the time.

[Tracy]

Well, ask me a question, I'll answer it.

[Jeff]

That's right.

[Burt]

Do you have your radio turned all the way down?

[Annie]

Yes.

[Burt]

Okay, perfect.

[Jeff]

All right, I'm gonna put you on with Allie first. She's got the first question for you. Okay?

[Annie]

Okay.

[Jeff]

All right. Allie.

[Annie]

Huh?

[Jeff]

Hey, how old are you?

[Annie]

Thirteen.

[Jeff]

Thirteen. All right, Allie, why don't you tell Annie what's bothering you right now. We'll see if Annie can give you some tough love advice. Okay?

[Annie]

Okay.

[Jeff]

All right, go ahead.

[Annie]

Well, my parents names are Andrea and David Smith. And they have been fighting for the most longest time that I can imagine.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Annie]

And my parents, I don't want them to get a divorce because most of my friends parents are divorced or getting divorced.

[Jeff]

I'm sorry, that's gotta stress you out. Boy, that's a heavy one to start with right there, Annie.

[Annie]

Yeah, that must really suck. But your parents, like, if they're not like happy together, then like, you shouldn't feel bad if they get separated, because if they get separated, they obviously like, aren't like happy together.

[Jeff]

That's really good advice right there. So she's saying rather than, you know, like, you're getting all stressed out, your parents fighting, but maybe in the long run, Is that what you're saying, Annie? That it might be better that they.

[Annie]

Just separate and then if they get divorced, like, they'll both be happier and you won't have to hear, like, them fighting all the time.

[Jeff]

That help at all there, Allie?

[Annie]

Uh huh. Thank you.

[Jeff]

Okay. Thank you for calling.

[Tracy]

Good luck. I'm sorry.

[Annie]

Thank you.

[Jeff]

Bye. Bye.

[Annie]

Bye.

[Jeff]

Now, for some of you adults that.

[Burt]

Call up, you know, mom or dad's gonna have a really weird conversation with her in a couple hours.

[Jeff]

That one's gonna be tough.

[Burt]

Did you call Q100?

[Jeff]

No, it wasn't me.

[Tracy]

I was trying to get y' all not to laugh, though. Cause it's our parents.

[Burt]

I'm very serious.

[Jeff]

But yeah, just when she called the names out was the only thing that I thought was funny about it. But for you parents, there's something to learn here too, because how many times have we taken calls from virtual listeners that are parents that are staying together just for the kids, and they're miserable in their relationship and they just keep saying, you know what? So long as we can keep the family together, we'll be all right. You kids are picking up on it.

[Tracy]

Yeah. I don't understand why adults never think that this child knows what's going on. They certainly know what's going on regardless. They don't even have to be 13, younger than 13. But you really have to look at the environment that you're creating for your kids. And if you're fighting all the time, then is it really worth it?

[Jeff]

Annie, that was a tough first one. I think you did really well.

[Annie]

Yeah, I know. I was, like, scared because I didn't know what to say. Because that's a sensitive subject.

[Jeff]

Yeah, it's a tough one right there. Annie, where do you go to school?

[Annie]

Lovinggood.

[Jeff]

Okay. Good morning, Alexa. You're on Q100.

[Annie]

Hi.

[Jeff]

Hi. You have a question for Annie?

[Annie]

Yeah, well, I have a teacher in science that absolutely hates me. And I have like a 97 in her class. And she'll, like, embarrass me in front of my friends. And I do, like, most of a project. And she'll say, I'm not doing anything. Oh, my goodness, I have like a million of those teachers. Okay, so if your teacher is just like, oh, you're not doing anything? Just be like, yeah, just say yeah. And then they don't know what to say. Just be like, yeah, just be like, I do stuff.

[Jeff]

But, you know, because Alexa, she's giving you the good grades that you deserve, right?

[Annie]

Well, because she'll lose some of my projects, and I'll turn them in, and I'll even make copies of them and turn them in, but she won't accept them late, and I'll already have turned them in. So what's your deal?

[Jeff]

Say that one more time, Annie.

[Annie]

Just be like, I turned it in. So what's the problem? Because I really need a good grade in her class.

[Burt]

You have a 97, right?

[Annie]

Yeah, but every time I turn something in, it'll get lost or missing, and I'll get a zero on it, and it'll pull my grade down.

[Burt]

Well, it's not pulling it down that bad. Like, 97's okay, and the year's, like.

[Annie]

Almost over, so you just gotta stick it out till the year's over and just tell people. Just, you know, to be aware of her meanness. Okay. The next year.

[Jeff]

All right, Alexa, good luck.

[Annie]

Thank you.

[Jeff]

Now, as the adult, I'm interpreting that like, you know what? You may be getting a tough time about it, but you're still getting a 97, so stop griping.

[Tracy]

The first thing I thought about is, like, make copies of all your assignments and have a copy back up so that you can prove that you turned it in.

[Jeff]

But that's probably a great suggestion also.

[Tracy]

Yeah. Because if you're. I mean, if she's getting zeros and it's 97, then, I mean, it could. By the. By the end of May or whenever, you know, that school gets out. I mean, it could drop her grade down. So I'd make copies.

[Annie]

Yeah, and teachers don't like to hear that they lost stuff. So, like, if you turn something in and they lose it, and you're like, well, turned it in, you lost it. They don't like to hear that. So don't ever say that the teacher lost it, because they'll get mad.

[Jeff]

So just put it on yourself, is what you're saying.

[Annie]

Well, don't put it on yourself, but just be like, oh, I don't know what happened to it. Cause I turned it in. Don't ever say that they lost it.

[Jeff]

I see what you're saying. Don't directly, like, put them on defense. Yeah, I got you. Hey, Raven, how old are you?

[Annie]

Sit down. 14.

[Jeff]

You're 14?

[Annie]

Yeah.

[Tracy]

Okay.

[Annie]

Okay. I have a question. I changed my question. I have this friend, like, at my school. I'm kind of. I'M cool with a lot of people. I'm just, you know, a general nice. At least I like to think so. And there's this girl, she swears she's like my best friend ever. And we really not that close. We were kind of close last year because we had a mutual friend, but now it's just like, hey, how you doing? What's up? Nothing. It's not really. Oh my God. You have to turn the radio down. I'm trying to tell my mom to turn the radio down.

[Jeff]

Come on, mom.

[Annie]

What can I do? Because I don't want to just like totally blow her off. Be like, oh my God, I really don't like you. But then, I mean, she's not that bad. Well, you don't have to be friends with her. Like if you don't want to be friends with her, just stop saying hi. You could ask me that question. No, I couldn't have. Okay, but see, my thing is I can't just like stop saying hi to people because all the people in my school will tell you. Because it's only like 240 of us. All the people in my school will tell you. It's just my thing to just like know everybody by name and say hi and good morning. Yeah, but she just want to make it this big long drawn out thing. She got a nickname for me and she asked me about all these questions. She wanted to be in all of my inside jokes and I'm just like, it's not working like that. Like what is the problem? Well, like if she. Okay, like you're walking down the hall and she goes hey. And she calls you by the nickname, just don't even acknowledge her. And then she says your real name and turn around and say hey. Okay, cuz like if you like. And really like if she tries to be inside jokes and she's like, oh yeah, who was this? Or like she walks up and talk about somebody and she goes, oh, who are we talking about? Just be like, nobody can change the subject. Okay, that was great. Thank you. I love the verse.

[Burt]

Hold on a minute. What's your mom yelling about?

[Jeff]

Here comes mama.

[Annie]

Hey mama, good morning. I am riding in this car. That child could have asked me that for free and not use my cell phone phone. She's going to take the advice of another teenager. And I've got 44 years of experience.

[Jeff]

See, you know how it is though. No one wants to listen to mom or dad. You guys don't know anything.

[Annie]

These teenagers are lost. They frack knackle mine.

[Burt]

What what advice would you have given her?

[Annie]

I would have told her to speak and keep it moving. Don't stand there and hold the conversation. And speak. Hey, how you doing? Keep it moving. It takes five seconds to say good morning. That wasn't even five seconds. That was one good morning. Two seconds.

[Jeff]

That's pretty much exactly what Annie said right there.

[Tracy]

You know what? But parents are out of touch.

[Jeff]

Yeah, man, you haven't had to go through that in a long time. That's why Annie's on top of it. It's on.

[Burt]

And just so you know, we've moved on from when you got your cell phone. It's no longer a quarter a minute.

[Jeff]

Good morning, Randy.

[Burt]

It's not.

[Jeff]

Hey, how old are you?

[Annie]

I'm 15.

[Jeff]

15. All right. What do you got for Annie?

[Annie]

I just have a lot of rumors going around about me at school. Just saying that I picked my nose when I wet my bed.

[Bob]

Stuff like that.

[Burt]

Do you?

[Annie]

Sometimes.

[Jeff]

Well, then they're not rumors, are they?

[Bob]

I don't want people knowing about it.

[Jeff]

You're just checking with us, right?

[Annie]

Say what?

[Jeff]

You're just checking with us. No one's. You don't have any rumors at school.

[Annie]

D. Yeah, I do.

[Jeff]

Seriously.

[Annie]

About wetting your bed and picking my nose.

[Jeff]

Alright, Andy, how are you gonna handle that one?

[Annie]

Are kids at your school lame? Cause I feel like they are. Who starts a rumor that you pick your nose and wet your bed? Who are these kids? I don't know. That's a lame rumor. If you're gonna start a rumor, start a good rumor. Don't start a lame one.

[Jeff]

I think that's solid enough.

[Burt]

So the problem isn't with you. It's with the losers in your school. The best they can come up with is you pick your nose.

[Jeff]

Good morning, Tiana. You're on with Annie.

[Annie]

Hey, Annie. How you doing? I'm really happy that we have somebody younger who understands. Anyway, I have a group of friends because I don't like to have too many friends. So there's like four or five of us and we're really close. But then there's this one girl who just seems to, like, be jealous of, like, our group because she just came in and like, it's like every time we go to do something, she does it. I don't know if it's to fit in. Like, when I learned how to play the piano, she started to learn. When I start singing because I like to sing, she started singing and it's just like, really? I don't know what. And her friendship Means everything to me, but I just don't know. Well, like, obviously, if she's copying you, she wants to be in your group, and she wants to be your friend. Is she, like, mean or, like, is there a problem that y' all had that's, like, you don't like her, she doesn't like you, or. We've always been cool since, like, the sixth grade. We was always cool, but we just really got entwined to each other. Like, you kind of, like, started to butt heads on some things? No, we just kind of, you know, started hanging out more because we got closer. And then she started to, like, copy you. Yeah, she just started doing everything I'm doing, and then it's just like, I can understand if you want to learn. I could teach you, but it's like, I sing, and then that's something that's close to me, and then she goes and do it, and I'm like, you don't even like singing as much as I do. Yeah, that gets, like, really annoying. And, like, I don't know. I guess you could just be like, like, why are you copying me? Like, can you not come up with your own ideas that you have to steal mine? Like, yeah, I've talked to her about it because, you know, I'm really opinionated, so I'm like, you know, could you just please just, you know, stop? Cause, you know, this is something that's close to me, not you, so I don't know what the problem is, but, you know, she doesn't stop. It gets ridiculous.

[Jeff]

You know, we take. You know, what it makes me realize is that we take the exact same calls for adults that we do for kids.

[Tracy]

Right?

[Jeff]

I mean, this is a call that we took not too long ago from one roommate saying the same thing about the other roommate. They were, like, 24 years old. It's the exact same thing.

[Burt]

Remember we had that girl?

[Annie]

I can't even understand it with kids, but with grownups, that's just being whiny. Like, for real. You're a grownup. Handle it, Annie.

[Jeff]

It never changes. I still don't believe anybody ever really evolves past the ninth grade. I swear to you, I really am. Look at Paris Hilton. You're way more mature than Paris Hilton is.

[Burt]

And I remember once I got mad at Birch, so I told everybody he picks his nose and wets the bed.

[Tracy]

But he knows.

[Burt]

Now I'm embarrassed to find out that was a lame rumor.

[Annie]

It is a lame rumor. Like, who starts that rumor? That's stupid. Like, start a rumor that he made out with this girl or something. Don't say that. He wets the bed and picks his nose.

[Burt]

No. Nobody would believe that Burt made out with a girl.

[Jeff]

Hey, Jordan, real quick. You're on with Annie.

[Annie]

Hey. Yeah, Annie, I just wanted to tell you, first off, I'm 18, and I just think the fact that you are so confident to get out here and help other kids is awesome. Oh, thank you. I mean, I really do like you. Wow. I mean, you're. You're 12 years old. That's.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Annie]

Gosh, I would never have had the confidence to do that at 12 years old. That's awesome.

[Jeff]

Annie, I think you did a great job. For your very first time on the radio. I think you did a really, really, really, really great job.

[Annie]

Thanks, guys.

[Jeff]

Thanks for coming on with us. Will you do it again with us in a couple of weeks?

[Annie]

Of course.

[Jeff]

All right, Annie, we'll talk to you in a couple of weeks. Thank you for joining us.

[Annie]

All right, guys.

[Burt]

Bye.

[Jeff]

Bye.

[Annie]

Bye.

[Jeff]

I like that. Ask Annie. She got it together, man. To come on the radio like that and come at 12 years old. She got it together.

[Burt]

Listen, it's the Vert show.