Full Show PT 3: Friday, June 12 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 3: Friday, June 12 [Vault]

Date: June 12, 2026
Episode Summary by [Podcast Summarizer AI]

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Episode Overview

This lively and candid installment of The Bert Show brings a vibrant mix of listener-driven discussions about relationships, romance, and the complex realities of daily life. The centerpiece topics include:

• Whether doing chores leads to more intimacy in relationships
• A humorous yet insightful conversation about racial terminology and cultural sensitivity
• A “Single Girl Bootcamp” segment focused on navigating the digital dating world
• A dramatic call-in about workplace boundaries and unrequited love

Throughout the episode, Bert and the cast—alongside several callers, guests, and experts—intermix humor, realness, and emotional honesty, always aiming to connect with the daily struggles and joys of their audience.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Do More Chores = More Sex?

[01:31 – 12:39]

• Premise: Can men increase intimacy in their relationships by simply doing more household chores?

• Discussion:

  • The hosts and callers debate whether contributing more domestically improves romantic relationships and leads to more sex.
  • Several male callers admit to being in “droughts” and are challenged to do extra chores over the weekend and report back if it changes anything.
  • Key advice: Do the chores without announcing or seeking praise.

• Notable Quotes:

  • “The more chores you do, more sex you’re gonna get from your lady.” (Caller, 01:31)
  • “It's an effort issue. I think like she sees that you guys are doing something together and that just triggers the okay, it's on.” (Participant, 01:49)
  • “You just have to let the chore speak for yourself.” (Male Perspective, 03:16)
  • “Go do some chores. She sees you doing it, according to the survey, you’re going to get some.” (Participant, 07:22)

• Listener Experience:

  • Several callers provide first-hand testimonies, both supporting and challenging the theory.
  • One caller, Gary, confirms: "She’s pretty upfront that, you know, you want some...Vacuum the house, wash…” (Caller, 09:26)

• Humorous Interjections:

  • Suggestions to do chores naked as a twist. (09:56)
  • Joking about “just carrying a tool” for sex appeal. (08:15)

2. The “Mahogany Gentleman” – Racial Terminology & Sensitivity

[15:23 – 27:33]

• Premise: A story about a caller’s brother being called “that mahogany gentleman” by an elderly white lady at work sparks a deeper conversation about the language people use to refer to race.

• Discussion Topics:

  • The generational confusion and discomfort among white people about which terms are appropriate.
  • Black callers and show members weigh in on personal preferences—“black,” “African-American,” “mahogany,” or other.
  • The hosts discuss the shifting social norms and humor that sometimes surrounds these terms.

• Notable Quotes:

  • “I would have taken that [mahogany]…she’s trying to be real character.” (Caller, 17:12)
  • “There almost needs to be, like, a day where we're educated on this is the word to use from this day forward...” (Participant, 22:32)
  • “I prefer black. I can understand you referring to me as African American.” (Caller, 24:44)
  • “When you're in the majority of anything, the jokes are less offensive because it doesn't hurt you...” (Caller, 23:52)

• Cultural Insights:

  • Some callers express more offense at outdated terms (e.g., “colored”) than even hostile ones, saying they appreciate directness and context.
  • The segment mixes levity (white host called “pine boy”) with genuine exploration of how to respectfully refer to people of different backgrounds.
  • Both black and white perspectives strive for understanding and less awkwardness, with advice to focus descriptions on things like clothing over race whenever appropriate.

3. Single Girl Bootcamp: Digital Dating Rules

[30:05 – 42:58]

• Premise: Guests Deborah and Olivia, authors of “FlirTexting,” offer a “Single Girl Bootcamp” to help women navigate dating in the age of constant social media and digital connectivity.

• Key Do’s and Don’ts:

  • Mystery Matters: Don't rush to friend or interact with a new romantic interest on social platforms. “You should refrain from being Facebook friends with someone until the fourth date.” (Deborah/Olivia, 32:40)
  • Avoid Public Posting Early: Don’t plaster someone’s wall with attention; keep it light, private, and non-clingy.
    • “You don’t want everyone to know what’s going on...you want to keep the mystery.” (Deborah/Olivia, 33:32)
  • Keep Texts/DMs Light: Don’t get heavy/emotional over text or Facebook; always opt for face-to-face or a call for serious topics.
  • Flirting Online: Texting and messaging should supplement, not replace, in-person connections; use them for fun, not emotional discussions.
  • Profile Pic Matters: First impressions count. “Make sure that picture is very, very wonderful and you’re not doing anything in it that she could disagree with.” (Deborah/Olivia, 42:20)

• Advice Highlight:

  • “Don’t respond to a text or DM impulsively; what you want to say initially is probably…driven by emotion. Give it an hour.” (Deborah/Olivia, 36:17)
  • “If you want to make yourself stand out...make it personal, not a generic copy-paste.” (Deborah/Olivia, 38:33)

4. Workplace Boundaries and Unrequited Love: The Bartender & Her Customer

[44:37 – 59:34]

• Story Recap:

  • Jill, a bartender, confesses on-air that she’s fallen for a married regular customer and asks him not to return to the bar to avoid awkwardness.
  • Listeners and hosts weigh in heavily on both the emotional and business implications.

• Caller & Host Reactions:

  • Many believe Jill should’ve handled her feelings privately, warning her actions could hurt her job and the restaurant’s bottom line.
  • “You don’t take regular customers that spend good money… and run them off. She doesn’t have the right to impact the revenues of that business.” (Caller, 56:24)
  • Others suggest she was hoping he’d reciprocate, calling the move “a test.”
  • Jill insists she simply needed to set a boundary for herself, not seeking a response.

• Host Reflection:

  • “You’re breaking up with a guy that you’ve never dated. You realize that, right?” (Burt, 55:59)
  • The team ultimately recognizes the emotional complexity, but leans toward keeping such confessions private in a business context.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Quote | Speaker | |-----------|-------|---------| | 01:49 | “It's an effort issue. I think like she sees that you guys are doing something together and that just triggers the okay, it's on.” | Male Perspective | | 08:15 | “Why don't you try it? Why don't you just walk around carrying a tool? Not your tool. A tool.” | Burt (Host) | | 17:34 | “She thinks she's graduated to political correctness of Mahogany.” | Caller (Male) | | 22:32 | “There almost needs to be, like, a day where we're educated on this is the word to use from this day forward...” | Caller/Participant | | 32:40 | “You should refrain from being Facebook friends...until the fourth date.” | Deborah/Olivia (Dating Experts) | | 36:17 | “What you want to say initially is probably...driven by emotion. Give it an hour.” | Deborah/Olivia (Dating Experts) | | 42:20 | “Make sure that picture is very, very wonderful and you’re not doing anything in it that she could disagree with.” | Deborah/Olivia (Dating Experts) | | 56:24 | “You don’t take regular customers that spend good money with you every week and run them off.” | Caller (Female) |

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Segment Timestamps

• [01:31–12:39] – Chores & Relationship Intimacy
• [15:23–27:33] – Racial Terminology & Sensitivity Discussion ("Mahogany Gentleman")
• [30:05–42:58] – Single Girl Bootcamp: Digital Dating Rules
• [44:37–59:34] – Bartender Jill’s Story: Unrequited Love & Workplace Boundaries

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Overall Tone & Style

Candid, funny, informal, occasionally irreverent, but always grounded in real-life scenarios and sincere advice. The show leans into awkward topics, embracing listener engagement and diverse viewpoints.

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Closing Thoughts

The Bert Show demonstrates why it’s a morning radio staple: mixing relatable drama, sage (and not-so-sage) advice, laughs, and open conversations about topics—from chores and relationships to racial language and navigating love in the digital era. This episode is particularly rich in crowd-sourced wisdom, and there’s never a dull minute for fans or newcomers alike.

Transcript

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[Burt (Host)]

The bird show.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

The more chores you do, more sex you're gonna get from your lady.

Well, yeah, because you free up time.

Isn't that common sense? No, that's not common sense to guys.

Not for me.

[Burt (Host)]

Really?

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

They had to commission a study.

[Burt (Host)]

Once I do chores, I'm exhausted.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

So I don't think it's a time issue.

It's an effort issue.

It's an effort issue. I think like she sees that you guys are doing something together and that just. That triggers the okay, it's on.

Well, I think you benefit, like if one person is doing all the housework, you both are benefiting from the housework. So that's gonna create an environment of you Know bitterness if one person. Because in this day and age, no, it is not the woman's responsibility to do everything. So why, you know, the guys are gonna have to get out of that old school mentality because you are living in the same house, you are benefiting the same thing. So you have to contribute to the household.

You need to be quiet right now.

No, seriously, because you both are probably working now. It wasn't a case. We're not talking about your grandparents. This is a case. When women are working, men are working, you come home, you both are. So how about split the chores and then of course, yes, the woman's gonna be very appreciative that you gave the effort to do something for the both of you.

I think even more so. We're probably looking for dudes that are sort of in a sexual drought right now. Like you're living in the same place with your wife, but you know, you got kids or what have you and you're just not having sex as much as you'd like or you guys are living together and the numbers don't, they just don't look real good for you. So I think that's our better test group. Go ahead, do a couple of chores this weekend. We'll talk to you now and then we'll talk to you on Monday and we'll see if the drought is over.

But you can't say anything when you're doing the chores.

[Burt (Host)]

Look what I'm doing.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Don't be.

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

Yeah.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey, you notice this?

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Yes, of course. He does it now.

[Burt (Host)]

Oh my God. Look at that new ceiling fan. Nobody got electrocuted.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Aren't I hot?

Uh huh.

You just have to let the chore speak for yourself. Yes, absolutely. Right. So you go, you do some chores. Yeah, she's in the house. Of course. So she sees you doing something and then you call us back on Monday or we get your number and, and we'll see if it really worked or not.

Now it's more like a team effort when you're, when you're both participating, you're both doing things and it's like almost brings it togetherness even if this chores are completely separate.

404,741 Q100.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey Brandon.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Hey.

[Caller (Male)]

How you doing?

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Good man. How are you?

[Caller (Male)]

I'm doing well, Doing well.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

All right.

Now are you a guy that normally gets a whole bunch during the week?

[Caller (Male)]

No.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Okay.

[Dating Expert (Female)]

No.

[Caller (Male)]

But hey, but we're, we're, we're going to have our 10 year anniversary in March and I will say this. My wife Is. She's, you know, she's. She.

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

She.

[Caller (Male)]

She helps out.

[Burt (Host)]

What does that mean?

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

I don't understand that.

[Burt (Host)]

All right, sorry.

[Caller (Male)]

Well, you know, she's, you know, she. She's a good wife, and she has been making a good effort, you know, towards me. I'm a guy, and I, you know, I love my wife, and I, you know, want to be physical, but she's, you know, she's getting better at reciprocating. But I'm also.

[Burt (Host)]

She provides often. Is that what you're saying?

[Caller (Male)]

Well, no, not necessarily often, because, you know, I. I'd want it all the time.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

So you're looking for a little initiation.

[Caller (Male)]

Exactly.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

You want her to. Yeah, yeah. Turn the crap, get the car started.

[Caller (Male)]

But, you know, I clean around the house a lot. She's in corporate America, and I speak around the US So when we're both home, you know, we kind of have to share the side of the cleaning. But I'm home more frequently, so, you know, I want her to notice a lot of times because she'll come in from work and let's even say she, you know, she.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

She.

[Caller (Male)]

She's doing things, and maybe she throws something at the trash can and misses and, you know, 10 minutes later, I have to clean it up.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

So here's what we want you to do this weekend. I mean, again, you can't brag that you're doing the chores. You just got to do them.

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

Okay.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

And at least according to this survey, that once she sees you doing them, it will lead her to take some action.

[Caller (Male)]

Sounds like a winner.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

And I know you're looking for action, so hold on one sec.

[Burt (Host)]

Okay.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

He doesn't sound like the typical situation, though.

[Dating Expert (Female)]

Because he does it anyways.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Because he's doing it anyway.

It seems like he's home, and they've kind of got reversed roles.

[Dating Expert (Female)]

Mm.

[Burt (Host)]

That one won't count so much as. What we need is a guy who, On a normal. Who has, like. Let's say your garage has no blinds on the windows, but they're sitting in the box next to the windows, and they have been for three months. And the electrical switch in the kitchen hasn't worked since the beginning of last year. And the bicycle that you bought for your kid at Christmas still hasn't been assembled this week. Tackle all those problems. Put up the blinds, hang the ceiling fan, fix the legs, follow through, and

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

then clean up after your project.

[Burt (Host)]

Yes. And then just see what happens. That's what we need. Somebody. Yeah, somebody finishing all these things that normally that have just been waiting Forever.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Dudes don't get it. Women are calling up to volunteer their husbands. You can't do that.

No, no, no, no, no. It's gotta be the guys.

Yes, it's an experiment. That's funny.

[Burt (Host)]

It's an experiment in lovemaking.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Most dudes won't call up and say that. There. I think it's the. You're not getting much admission, Admit it. That makes guys not want to call.

[Burt (Host)]

Well, hey, Luke.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Go ahead. You're on Q100.

Hey, Bert, how you doing?

Okay. You sound like the kind of guy that's just not getting a lot, I gotta tell you.

Yeah, kind of like one of those. Like the other caller just mentioned, not getting a whole lot. Last time I can reckon, remember, was Sunday, right after New Year's, which was the third, I believe.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

So I've been on a drought since then.

[Burt (Host)]

We know it's been a long time because he used the word reckon. Cause, I mean, if you're remembering something that's, you know, in your memory, if you're reckoning, then you're going way back. You're blowing dust off it.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Lou is going through a sexual recession right now.

Yeah, it's been quite some time.

Okay. According to the survey, Lou, I'll put you on hold, and we'll get your phone number. We want to talk to you again on Monday. Just do some chores this weekend. Don't mention it to her. Like these guys said, don't highlight it,

but just do it.

She sees you doing it, according to the survey, you're going to get some.

Mm.

Okay.

All right. Good luck. Hold on.

Yeah, and if she asks, you guys, don't say. Well, the Burt show told me to do this.

No excuse.

I wanted to do this right.

Stacy drops this little hint the other day. We're watching I told you guys we love Friday Night Lights. And there's this character on the show, and his name is Riggins. And he's like this long hair, like, sort of country boy, loves his beer and stuff. And he's just handy. He's always got, like, a wrench in his hands or whatever. And this week, he went over to his brother's house to fix a toilet. And he's got a wrench in hand and his. His flannel shirt on. And she said, you really have no idea how hot that is to me.

Really. The fact that he could fix things,

fix things around the house so, you

know, you could try to fix things.

I mean, just have the wrench in your hand. Doesn't mean, you know what you're doing so I can dress the part.

[Burt (Host)]

Why don't you try it? Why don't you just walk around carrying a tool? Not your tool. A tool.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

A real tool.

[Burt (Host)]

Yes.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Hey, Gary.

Hey.

[Caller (Male)]

How you doing?

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

What's up?

[Caller (Male)]

Not much. Just listening to the show. Love the show, guys.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Thanks.

You're not getting much, Gary.

[Caller (Male)]

Well, you know, we've been married for going on nine years now. We've got three kids. You know, it kind of slacks off after that.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

I feel you.

[Burt (Host)]

When is the last time. When do you reckon the last time your wife laid down like a woman for you?

[Caller (Male)]

It hadn't been that long. I mean, it's. It's gone from where it was almost, you know, four or five times a week when we were dating and first got married.

[Burt (Host)]

But, of course, that's how they get you.

[Caller (Male)]

I would say it's, you know, down to once or twice a month.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Yeah.

Yeah.

See, that's the problem with women. They're giving it to guys too much in the beginning of the relationship. If you want to break us in, give us the reality on the front end and only have sex with us once a month,

[Burt (Host)]

it's giving guys what they want. It's trapping them. Yeah, it's called manipulation.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

That's what women do best.

Well, Gary, you may be perfect for this. Try it this weekend. Just do a couple of chores around the house. Don't brag about them, but according to the survey, it's going to work out good for you by the end of the weekend.

[Caller (Male)]

I will go ahead and say that it. I believe it will work because she has flat out said that before. She's like, you know, look, you want some. Vacuum the house, wash, you know, she. She's pretty upfront that, you know, you want some. That's what you got to do.

[Burt (Host)]

And I think if you feel it'll

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

work, if you already do a couple of chores, typically, I think you got to ramp up your game. So you got to increase your. The amount of chores that you're doing by at least 50 to 100%.

[Caller (Male)]

Well, that's not hard for me because I hate doing chores, so I don't do any of them.

[Burt (Host)]

And you can also do them naked. I don't know that that would work. Be careful using the hose attachment to the vacuum, though.

[Caller (Male)]

What?

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Who knows what's going on in his house?

Lord.

Gary, hold on one sec. Go get your phone number, and we'll talk to you Monday, okay?

[Caller (Male)]

All right, Sounds great, guys.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

All right, let's look for one more. Dude, just stop Talking. Hey, Blake.

Yo.

What's going on?

[Dating Expert (Female)]

Nothing much.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

On any given. Literally, yeah.

Right.

Any given week. How many chores do you do around the house?

I had, man, I can't even count it. I mean, I might, you know, watch a load of clothes here and there, but my wife pretty much does the majority of it.

Does she work too, outside of the home?

Yeah, she works a part time job and usually during the week she works in the mornings. And on the weekends she works tonight.

And sexually, how's this all working out for you, man?

I mean, maybe once every two weeks.

Okay, that's defeat.

[Burt (Host)]

And given that she's not spending time making love to you, why doesn't she work a full time job? Have you asked her that?

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Well, she.

[Caller (Male)]

I never asked her that, but I

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

kind of didn't work full time because of our little boy. You know, he's about to start school and next year he's gonna start school. And she's trying to get in as much time with him as she can before, you know, he starts school.

[Dating Expert (Female)]

So

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

what we want you to do this weekend is just do a couple of chores. If you're doing nothing, just do a couple of chores around the house and by the end of the weekend you'll be fine. Okay, hold on. And then there's Tyler. Hey, Ty. Tyler.

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

Hello.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey.

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

Hey.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

This is Thomas.

Yeah, it is. Tommy Tyler.

[Burt (Host)]

Okay, what's up?

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

I'll help you with your segment here. It totally works. We've been together for seven years and we. I mean three, four or five times a week still. However, this last month, it's been a severe drought for us. And I'm telling you, I got home early for the first time last couple months yesterday, did some chores, clean all three bathrooms, made dinner, came home, had sex life.

There is your shining example, man.

Right there.

[Burt (Host)]

Was it, Was it your wife? I'm telling you.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Yeah, my wife. I'm telling you guys, it works. Do it. The other thing is be appreciative of what they do. And it goes a long way.

Just a little thank you, a little appreciation and a chore now and then.

Oh, yeah, and it's own Tommy Tyler.

Oh, yeah. Twice.

[Burt (Host)]

Just remember, twice.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

He keeps getting that in there.

Way to go, Tommy Tyler.

[Burt (Host)]

Twice. Hey, guys, remember this phrase, work with this? Like school a chore makes her a the bird show.

[Weight Loss Advertiser]

Okay, can we talk about how confusing weight loss has become? Like one minute it's carbs are bad, and then the next it's no, actually, carbs are fine, but only if you walk 10,000 steps and drink a green juice and honestly, it's just a lot. And then even if you do lose the weight, keeping it off is a whole different story. If you're struggling and want something that fits your real life, hers can help. It's designed to support you in revolution, reaching your goals in a way that actually fits your life. That's why weight loss by hers is getting so much attention right now. Hers connects you with licensed medical providers who create doctor developed treatment plans tailored to you. They offer access to an affordable range of FDA approved GLP1 medications including the Wegovy Pill and the Wagovi Pen. It helps regulate your appetite so you eat less and keep the weight off. If you're ready to reach your goals and want to try something new, visit4hers.com Bert to get personalized affordable care that gets you you. That's F-O-R-H-E-R-S.com Bert Borehurst.com Bert waitlist by hers is not available in all 50 states with Gobi is a registered trademark of Novo Nordisk A S to get started and learn more, including important safety information with Gobi, clinical study information and

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

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[Burt (Host)]

N. The Birch Show.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Let's introduce you to intern Brandon. Brandon said, at least for him, there are worse things that you could call him than the N word. Yeah. And he was shocked by one. What, last week?

[Caller (Male)]

Yeah, last week. It was actually my brother that got called this. I've been called similar, but what's hot

[Burt (Host)]

is Brandon is white. So that's what's really.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Don't confuse people, Jeff.

[Caller (Male)]

Well, my brother, he works at Staples and he's a computer repair man. And it's in West Marietta, so it's not exactly the most diverse part of Cobb County. So he comes in one day and he was just like, you'll never believe what this old lady called me. And I. He like, whatever.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Old white lady.

[Caller (Male)]

Yeah, old white lady. And he's like, I was helping her, helped her for about 20 minutes. She was buying computer and stuff. And then like her grandson came in and was talking to her. And the grandson was like, oh, did you find everything all right, grandma? And she was like, yeah, that nice mahogany boy. Mahogany gentleman. Mahogany gentleman helped me over there. She called him a gentleman.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

At least she called him a mahogany.

[Caller (Male)]

A mahogany gentleman.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

And how old is this lady?

[Caller (Male)]

I. I would think she's pretty old. Be calling people mahogany.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

What would you do if somebody calls you mahogany?

[Burt (Host)]

But you know what though?

[Caller (Male)]

That, that's hilarious, man. Cuz I've been. I haven't been called like mahogany anything like that. But I've noticed people having a hard time trying to reference my color.

Yeah.

Like, you know, you know, Carl, the African, you know, the, you know, I'll

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

tell you straight up, white people are confused. Yeah. We've been confused for a long time about this. Is African American, Is it black? Is it colored? What is it? Yeah, you know, and no one wants to offend the ladies.

[Caller (Male)]

Say mahogany. I would have taken that.

That.

She's trying to. She's trying to be real character.

[Burt (Host)]

She's trying to be polite.

[Caller (Male)]

Yeah.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Especially the older you get. Because the older generations have had to, I mean, get out of bad habits. Because it's our grand grandparents generation that, you know, would you be using the N word as if it was, you know, right off their tong. So then you're trying to teach everybody what to say. That's more correct. And I guarantee. Yeah, that's the first thing that came to her mind.

[Burt (Host)]

She's trying to be. Or that's what she uses. And I think because my grandmother, before she passed away, she would. All black people were Colored to her. And I think when they reach a certain age, nobody bothers to correct them, like I think they tried to in the past or whatever. And then it just doesn't happen. Because with her generation, that's what it was.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

She thinks she's graduated to political correctness of Mahogany.

[Caller (Male)]

The sad part was my brother actually had to look up what Shane Mahogany was. I mean, it's kind of purplish, if I remember correctly. I guess he's either really dark, he's purple or something like that.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Typically a word you use to describe furniture in the living room.

[Caller (Male)]

Like, you go to the Home Depot and you ask for, like, mahogany. Wood stain.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Stain.

Yeah.

[Burt (Host)]

Well, I was giving somebody directions, a black woman, and she described me as that nice pine boy. So I think it's just a whole new generation of humans are now shades of wood.

[Caller (Male)]

Well, Jeff, you're more maple.

[Burt (Host)]

Okay.

[Caller (Male)]

I mean, the thing is, just like

how we're laughing about it now. I promise you, as soon as I would have been called Mahogany, I would have turned around, called my wife, hey, Shell, listen to this. I mean, we crack up about it just being so careful. Just call me black or African American.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Well, I had a guy, is all.

Good.

[Caller (Male)]

Yeah, well, I had a guy when I was working in retail. He was an older white guy working Acworth. Not again. Not the most diverse part of any place in the world. He called me boy. And it wasn't like a cop. Like, a cop calls you boy and it's like, okay, you're a cop. You have a gun. You can call me whatever you want. Just don't shoot me. It was one of those. A boy come help me find this. And I was standing next to a white girl, and I looked at her, and I was like, is he talking to me? Because I ain't his boy and his friend. I ain't his son or anything like that. So. And then, like, she was like, just calm.

[Talkspace Promoter]

Just.

[Dating Expert (Female)]

He.

[Caller (Male)]

He's old.

[Burt (Host)]

It's okay. It's okay.

[Caller (Male)]

So, like, when it goes to, like, that point, then it's a. It's offensive. But it's. In my opinion, it's less offensive than being called the N word.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Boy is less offensive. I mean, we're splitting hairs here, right?

[Caller (Male)]

Not really. Because at least when you have the N word, you're upfront about it's hate.

[Burt (Host)]

I think the N word has been throughout generations a negative word.

[Caller (Male)]

Yes.

[Burt (Host)]

Whereas there. Depending on how old this guy was, they're in the small town. Right? But it's. It's not hate. It's might be what he grew up with. Whereas the N word has always been the N word.

[Caller (Male)]

When you start off this. When you started this off by saying that it was something worse than the N word. Like, I understand the confusion and all the. About being Mahogany and boy and all that, but there's nothing worse than the N word for me. I mean, hands down.

Well, one for me. I can't be like, as upset when somebody calls me N word because I feel that it loses its value. Especially in today's generation. The guys are walking around calling themselves N words in terms of endearment. Like, even. I'm not going to lie, I do it too. Like, you see your friend, you're like, what's up? N word. So it's like in an ideal situation, nobody should be able to use that word rather than some be able to use it in a nice way and somebody able to use in a bad way. But at least when you get called the N word, you know there's hate behind it. I can deal with somebody being up, up forward foremost and hate with me. I. Okay, we don't have to like each other. You call me N word.

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[Caller (Male)]

That's blatant hate. But at least. But when somebody calls you colored, like, the stories that I used to hear from my. My mom and my grandmother growing up was when white people were trying to be politically correct and nice and upfront.

[Talkspace User]

Like they.

[Caller (Male)]

Like black people, they were calling them colored when behind their backs they were really hating. So rather, I'd rather you be upfront with me and call me the N word then. Trying to, like, try to make it seem that way.

Yeah.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Hide it behind a word.

[Burt (Host)]

Like, unless they're. Unless they're older. And it's then.

[Caller (Male)]

Then it's just kind of funny if it's really old and she's calling you Mahogany.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

I mean, it's fun.

What does that mean?

[Caller (Male)]

Do you.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Does that mean you like me or you don't like me? I can't tell.

[Burt (Host)]

Creativity in the realm of furniture, like mahogany is a good solid. Yeah. So that's a compliment. She wasn't commenting on your color. You were a good, solid nightstand.

[Caller (Male)]

Call me Oak.

[Burt (Host)]

Strong as oak.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Hey, Monica. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

Hey.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Hey.

[Dating Expert (Female)]

Love you guys.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Thank you.

Loving you.

[Burt (Host)]

Right now.

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

The color thing, it's just so weird. I have a vanilla brother at work.

[Burt (Host)]

Vanilla.

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

And I call him Vanilla. And I'm his chocolate sister. And then when, when my kids were little, my daughter, they're half Puerto Rican. We're half black. And she's always said she was beige. And it wasn't because she was taught that she. Just as she learned colors, she said she was beige, so.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Well, I remember when I was a kid and I had a Fat Albert coloring book, one of my favorites. And I remember asking my mom, like, well, if I'm. If they're black, then why am I using the brown, you know, Crayola to color his skin?

You know, I think that seriously, like, white people are confused, and I think white people want to be so sensitive about it that white. They're not exactly sure what to use. There almost needs to be, like, a day where we're educated on this is the word to use from this day forward, because for a while there, African American was the word that white people were supposed to refer to black people as. And then we took some calls from people saying that they were offended by that word. Because I'm not from Africa.

[Caller (Male)]

Yeah, that's. That's my thing, is that I don't go around calling white people European Americans.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Right.

[Caller (Male)]

You know, it's been so many degrees of separation, so to say. Then I've been from Africa. Like, my mom wasn't from Africa. My dad was from Haiti. His parents are from Haiti. My mom's parents were from America. That's when it gets down to me. It's too many degrees of separation from me being Africa. So, you know, you're probably more like

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

French or Creole American.

[Caller (Male)]

Yeah, I'm Haitian American.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Yeah.

[Caller (Male)]

And that's a good point. Do you all get it? Well, have you all ever been offended by being called white? No, because sometimes I kind of teeter on the fence. My Caucasian friend or my white friend. Seriously, though, I kind of.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

There are very few things. I mean, as a white person, I mean, I got black friends that call me cracker jokingly, and that cracks me up.

Wow.

[Caller (Male)]

We can say that on.

[Burt (Host)]

I didn't know that. Have you ever seen Burt walk in this morning? He's like, what's up, my cracker

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

brother?

Yeah.

I think when you're in the majority of anything, the jokes are less offensive

because it doesn't hurt you.

It doesn't hurt you because you are just in the majority. It's the same with, like, straight people jokes. Like when gay people call us breeders, I'm like, okay, that's supposed to be offensive, but not. You know what I mean? So I think anytime you're in the majority, it's kind of deflected because of that, the innate nature of that.

And I've heard this also, that. Don't call me black because my skin is brown. You're calling me black, and that's offensive.

[Caller (Male)]

Yeah.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

So that's why white people don't know what to say.

[Caller (Male)]

And I can understand. I can understand the sincerity of the confusion. Now, I don't. Those bogus ones out there, I'll be quiet. But the sincerity of one that's confused, I can understand. So I would say a good point. This is me. I'm the black guy representative.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Right.

[Caller (Male)]

But African American is more, for me, more legitimate, I would say. I mean, don't get me wrong.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

You prefer African American.

[Caller (Male)]

No, I prefer black. I can understand you referring to me as African American.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

So black's okay.

[Caller (Male)]

Yeah.

Where's mahogany rank in there for you? Going with mahogany?

[Burt (Host)]

Mahogany American. It's a new era, don't you think

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

also, though, like, with your kids and stuff, like, it's best to identify people by, like, the color shirt they're wearing or whatever it is. Because I'll even try to do that myself. If I am. Say I'm shopping and somebody's helped me out, and it's a black girl that helped me. She was the sales girl. And then I go up to the counter and they say, has somebody been helping you? My first inclination, and I try to do it consciously, is say, the girl in the green shirt over there was the one who helped.

Because that's how you describe a white

girl, because that's exactly what you know. Or I would say, oh, she's the one with the pretty curly hair or whatever it is. I try my best not to use that as the first identifying factor, because I think once we start doing that, then it's like your skin color doesn't. It doesn't matter what your skin color it is.

I agree with you, but I don't know that it's realistic. Like, if if people.

You.

[Dating Expert (Female)]

You.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

You take out the glaring characteristic that separates you from somebody else. So if you're with a group of

white people, shouldn't be the glaring characteristic that separates you from somebody else.

Why? It's no offensive. It's not offensive to me. If somebody refers to me as a short guy, that's the glaring characteristic that separates me from most of my friends, which are taller guys.

[Caller (Male)]

And I. I understand what Jen is saying, but I agree with you, Burt.

[Burt (Host)]

No, around most of your friends, you're the white guy.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

I feel like it's only with black people that I would typically be trained to do that. I would never say if Reshma Who's Indian, right? Indian of Indian or something darker? I'm not sure.

Somewhere between Kimos and Carl.

But if I were. If I were out shopping and they said, who helped you? I would never say the Indian girl or the brown skin girl over there. I would say the girl in the gray striped sweater.

[Burt (Host)]

Let me ask you this.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

You know what I'm saying? But if it were Brandon that were helping me, I would have been conditioned to say, oh, the black guy over there helped me. So instead I would rather say the guy in the Yankees.

[Burt (Host)]

At least it's not mahogany if you're in a store, you know what I'm saying? I don't know if you're in a store that's predominantly where it's staffed, but most of the employees are black and there's one white person working and the person said, who helped you? Would you say the white girl over there?

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

I'd probably name the color of her hair.

I'd say the white girl.

[Burt (Host)]

See, I would say the white. I would say whatever is the most identifying. If I wouldn't identify the person. If I walked into a store and every employee was black, I wouldn't identify the person who helped me as the person as the black guy over there. But it's a way to describe, if I'm in a store, it's 50, 50 employees. I would go, the black guy with the Yankees cap and the blue shirt. And I certainly don't mean it offensively. I. It's an easy way to identify somebody. Hey, the Birch show.

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[Burt (Host)]

Hey, is this Olivia or Deborah?

[Dating Expert (Female)]

This is Deborah.

[Burt (Host)]

Hi, Deborah, how are you?

[Dating Expert (Female)]

I'm good. How are you?

[Burt (Host)]

Hold on, we'll get Olivia on. Hi, Olivia, how are you?

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Hi.

[Burt (Host)]

Welcome back. Welcome back to the show.

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

Thank you.

[Dating Expert (Female)]

Thank you.

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

Good to be back.

[Burt (Host)]

All right, Jen and Wendy are gonna spearhead this, but we're starting. You guys are kicking off this single goal boot camp that we're doing all week and it's about helping single ladies navigate the dating waters. And the reason we have you guys joining us is because we originally talked to you in studio about texting, but questions have come up about Facebook commenting and tweeting and Direct messages and at replies and so much more than texting. So that's why you guys, that's what you're representing, the social media aspect of dating.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

And we. We just get a ton of email from listeners. Anytime that Wendy and I talk about dating or being single, whenever we share it on the show, we get lots of responses from other women listening who are single or maybe newly single, getting back out on the scene. And all the social media is this really new element to dating now that nobody's really navigated that before. So we were kind of wondering if you can give us, like, some rules of thumb, some definite things to always remember when you're on those sites.

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

Right.

[Dating Expert (Female)]

I mean, I guess the biggest thing to remember is, you know, we never before were inundated with all these, like, technologies and are kind of like 247 coverage of our lives on Facebook. And people are tweeting now. I mean, there's just so much going on that I think everybody just needs to be mindful that if you do saturate these communication lines early on, and I'm talking, you know, you're emailing your BlackBerry messenger and you're Facebooking with, you know, your crush, that it's just probably going to burn out that love connection really quickly because you're just kind of so attainable and out there and everything about you is out there that you're kind of losing that mystery, which is the really the kind of thing that you want to keep, especially early on in the love connection.

[Burt (Host)]

Is there, like, a guideline to go by? Because, you know, the texting and the tweeting can be somewhat private. But if you're going to Facebook message someone, like, comment on their wall and post something, that almost seems like it's a question that has to be or an issue that has to be addressed beforehand because people might not want to know who. You know, like, if I'm dating somebody, I might not want the whole world to know it just yet. If we've only been on one date, is there a guideline?

[Dating Expert (Female)]

Well, here's the rule that we always tell single girls is that you should refrain from being Facebook friends or, like, friending. Facebook friending someone to, like, the fourth date. I mean, let's face it, the first, you know, three dates are, you know, you kind of feeling that person out. I think by the fourth one, you can. You can safely say that you guys are dating and headed that on that road. So we tend to kind of hold back on whether the girl's Facebook friending him or whether He's Facebook friending her. Just kind of hold out on that because, I mean, I think that's the safest way to go about.

[Weight Loss Advertiser]

So what if you're already Facebook friends with your crush?

[Burt (Host)]

Should we delete them or just avoid

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

posting anything on their wall?

[Dating Expert (Female)]

Yeah, definitely avoid. You know, you don't want.

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

It's.

[Dating Expert (Female)]

It's very. You don't want everybody to know what's going on. And like Olivia said, you want to keep the mystery, so. And guys also don't appreciate it when a girl that they just started to date posts on their Facebook page. Hey, I had a great time last night. Because early on, early on, that's. That's not a good move to make

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

too clingy private thing.

[Dating Expert (Female)]

I mean, I think that's something that you can private message on Facebook and not make it public domain, you know? Right. The biggest turnoff to guys that we've gotten is that when a girl comments, like every single status or picture or link that they put up, I mean, it reeks of trying too hard. And it's just. It's like you don't want everybody knowing, you know, you. That you're out there and you have nothing better to do but to comment on his.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Well, and two, don't you think it needs to be. The tone needs to be light and fun, like in any sort of text communication or social networking. Like, to me, it should stay light and fun. Any sort of serious subject matter. I feel like you should talk about.

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

Oh, absolutely.

[Dating Expert (Female)]

No. Texting, Facebooking, BBMing. It's all supposed to be light and fun because we have found that a very big misconception that people have come across is that. That they think that now that texting is around, that you need to have all these conversations on texting. But that's actually absolutely incorrect. You know, texting and Facebooking and all those things are ways to supplement a relationship that should also include phone calls and face to face, because that's how you build a relationship. And all those other fun things in social media should be just that they should be fun and light.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Exactly. Yeah. Because I think that that's a mistake that a lot of women make is they'll get serious or they'll, like, try to express their. Express their emotions in that way. And it's like, you can't really do that. You can't express a serious emotion. And then an emoticon to really get across.

[Burt (Host)]

Smiley face.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Yeah. Smiley or a wink or a sad or whatever it is. Like really say what you. What you need to say, I think it should just be fun and flirty and light.

[Caller (Female)]

Yeah.

[Dating Expert (Female)]

And great thing about flirting in these social media environments is that you're able to flirt in a controlled environment. You're able to actually think about what you want to say and how it's going to make you look before putting it out there. So if you're smart about it, then it could really, really help you out.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

And for Single Girl bootcamp, what would be your suggestion before immediately replying to something you get from a boy? So say you get, like, a flirty text from a boy or a flirty direct message or whatever else it is. Like, do you have any advice on. Okay, before you reply, you should do

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

what you should stop.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Stop and think.

[Dating Expert (Female)]

Well, what we usually say is that the first thing that pops into your mind is most likely impulsive and driven by emotion. So what you want to say initially is probably you're going to think of something better in an hour, you know,

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

and, like, just hold off.

[Dating Expert (Female)]

There's no need. Just because it's speedy technology doesn't mean you need to be speedy with your

[Burt (Host)]

response, which is the rule that you applied to texting when we had you

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

in exactly the same kind of thing. Like, if you take your time, then you can be witty and light and funny.

[Burt (Host)]

Now, we had a guy in studio, actually a friend of the bird show a couple months ago, and he approached a girl. He got invited to a party that he couldn't attend, but then was looking at the pictures of the party, and in those pictures found a girl that he thought was attractive. So checked out her Facebook page, and whatever he saw on her Facebook page, he's like, wow, this is, you know, this is a cool girl. So he sent her a message, not a public message, a private message on Facebook, and asked her if there was any, you know, if she's single and if she wouldn't mind grabbing a cup of coffee.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

And I thought his approach was kind of cute because he said, you know, I was supposed to go to the party where you went, and, you know, kind of. Man, I'm really mad I missed it because I missed the chance of meeting you.

[Burt (Host)]

So the question is, is Facebook or any social media that has a picture attached, is that an acceptable medium for meeting people? Yeah, for the initial meeting.

[Dating Expert (Female)]

I think people are using it. Absolutely. I think people are actively using it almost as a dating site at this point. And if, you know the rule, I mean, I think it's cute and safe to say what that guy did is appropriate. And, you know, it's also based on whether this girl is interested and most likely they have a lot of friends, mutual friends in common. And she can, she'll probably check that out and go and ask around her friends, get his story before she probably responds. And that's the thing is it's going to be based on those mutual friends and what they have to say about him.

[Burt (Host)]

Well, what she did do is she immediately defriended him, which we found amusing.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

She blocked him.

[Burt (Host)]

Blocked him, right?

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Yeah.

[Burt (Host)]

And so he couldn't contact her anymore, which led us to believe that she was a psycho. And he.

[Dating Expert (Female)]

My rule with guys who, that, I don't know, strangers sending me a private message saying that they think I'm cute and when I want to go out sometime, I ignore all of them, every single one of them. If you give me a generic Facebook private message the same way you would give me a generic text message, I just, I don't think you're putting in effort. I think it could be a mass message that you copy and paste to a bunch of girls. If you want to make yourself stand out, then you need to. I don't, you know, what you said, what this guy did, where he, he mentioned a party that he knew she was going to, which could be a little bit crazy on his end. But if he, if he had said something, you know, that they had in common and I know your friend, this person and that sort of stuff. If you make it personal that you know, a girl knows you didn't just copy and paste it, I think that that's better for you. I mean, it gives you a better step ahead in the right direction.

[Burt (Host)]

What about the issue of infidelity online? Like once you're exclusive with someone, are you allowed to comment on members of the opposite sex as pictures?

[Dating Expert (Female)]

Yeah, if you do it very lightly. I mean, if you don't say anything inappropriate.

Absolutely.

Because you know that it says it on your page that you just talked about somebody else's photo. So your significant other is going to check that out if she's able to. And also there's a level of trust that you have to have. You know, with social media.

I actually though, I mean a little story like we have, there's someone I know that is in a relationship with someone else, living with them and on Facebook and it does so on their status. However, they continue to guy continues to hit on other girls and it's like you have to be, I mean, none of these girls, I mean, he's a really good looking guy. He's got a Lot going for him. But, like, are you serious? Like, there's pictures posted of you and your girlfriend everywhere. It says, in a relationship with blank. I mean, I don't know what people are thinking that that's okay to do a huge, weird thing to me.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Let me ask you guys about chivalry, because a lot of people would argue that chivalry is dead and that technology makes even more easy for chivalry to be dead. How does a single girl navigate, you know, being in the world of texting and social networking while dating? Because it's just a part of it now. You know, there's no avoiding. That's just. That's just the way it goes now. But still being able to expect to date a gentleman or expect some chivalry at some stage of the game.

[Dating Expert (Female)]

I think it's about mixing it up. I mean, it's about knowing that a guy that really likes you will call you at some point and hopefully early on to make a date. But we'll use texting to flirt with you. We'll send a funny post on your Facebook page when he's thinking of you and he's going to mix it all up.

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

Mm, no, it's true.

[Dating Expert (Female)]

I mean, I think, you know, the most important thing is I think if you have to wait for that phone call, I mean, I think that is kind of all these social media, everything that's going on, whether he Facebooks you and gets your phone number, that way, it's got to come down to the phone call. Right?

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Okay.

[Burt (Host)]

So it's like phone call, like in person, like talking?

[Dating Expert (Female)]

Yes.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Do you remember personal phone, Hearing their voice? Yeah.

[Burt (Host)]

I don't understand.

[Dating Expert (Female)]

Yeah, no, you can still place calls on your phone.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

I know you can express so much more with your voice than your thumbs. Jeff.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey, Deborah and Olivia, thank you so much for joining us today.

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

Sure.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Thanks, you guys.

[Burt (Host)]

I appreciate it. And the name of the book is called FlirTexting.

[Dating Expert (Female)]

FlirTexting. Yeah.

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

It's really good.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

And it's an awesome book. It's such a great book. I have used it more than one time as, like, a guide for how to do it.

[Dating Expert (Female)]

And do we have time to tell you one more super big tip about Facebook?

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Dating Expert (Female)]

Olivia and I were doing sort of a Facebook makeover boot camp with some of our guy friends, and we noticed that a lot of our guy friends have absolutely ridiculous photos. And when a girl gets a guy's number, the first thing she's going to do, whether she's friends with you or not, is check out your Facebook profile. So you have to make sure that that picture is very, very wonderful and you're not doing anything in it that she could disagree with. So if you go to flirtexting.com on our blog today, we've listed the 25 worst things you could possibly be doing in your Facebook profile picture.

[Burt (Host)]

We'll link that up to our website.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Great.

[Burt (Host)]

That's very cool. Thank you guys.

[Dating Expert (Female)]

Thank you guys.

[Burt (Host)]

Have a great day.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Have a great week.

[Dating Expert (Female)]

Thank you too.

Bye.

[Burt (Host)]

Get it the Birch show okay, can

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Spin Quest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. You're on the Birch show so Jill

[Burt (Host)]

joined us last week. If you've listened at this time, you already know the story she tells us on Wednesday or Thursday, that she's in love with one of her customers. She's a bartender or something. She's in love with one of her customers who comes in all the time. Sometimes with co workers, sometimes alone, and sometimes with his wife and kids. She tells us that she's in love with him. So then we say, well, there's nothing you can do about it. You're gonna either have to deal with it or quit your job.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Because the idea was that he. It was not reciprocal. Like he had given no indication, right?

None.

That he was as interested in her as she is in him.

But she did say one night she came really close to leaning in and kissing him, right? So they were having an intimate enough conversation that she felt like that could have happened. She was overwhelmed with her urges.

[Burt (Host)]

So the. The show and the listeners kind of advised her, like, look, this is your problem to deal with. Keep your mouth shut or either don't say a word or you've gotta quit your job or whatever. But you can't bring this on him. Cause her big idea wasn't, well, I'm gonna tell him. I'm gonna warn him that these feelings exist. And so we get off the phone with her the first time we said, don't do anything. Then she calls us back the next day and goes, look, I just wanna give you guys a heads up. I know what you said, but that wasn't the right advice, of course, not for her, on account it not being what I want. So he came into the restaurant with his wife. And when he got up to use the restroom, our bartender friend Jill followed him to the bathroom and said, hey, listen, I need you to come in sometime tomorrow when I'm working, because I have to talk to you, but I can't do it in front of your wife, so come on in. So we all went around the room and kind of took guesses as to what might happen when he came back in. Melissa, you said you're not even coming.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

I was wondering if any of us thought he would actually show up. Did anybody think that he would show up?

Well, I don't think. I didn't think he would show up, but if he did, that says a lot about his reciprocal feelings for her.

[Burt (Host)]

I think he showed up because I

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

think shows a big sign.

[Burt (Host)]

I think he showed up because I think it's so far off of his radar. You know? Like, I think that somebody said. And I thought this. When somebody in here said, what if he wants to borrow money? Or if it was like a call

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

out if he Thought she needed money.

[Burt (Host)]

Right.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

But even then, though, still it's not his. I mean, why would you feel obligated? I don't know about guys, but I know that as a woman, if there's somebody that's interested in me that I have no interest in whatsoever, there's a little bit of it that creeps me out. You know what I mean?

But see, I think women are on guard more often about advances in that way than men are.

[Burt (Host)]

Totally. And I think Bert has talked about this, and I've agreed with him, or I've talked about it. He's agreed with me. There's a weird thing, like, there are situations where we have both walked away from encounters with women, where our wives have said, she was totally into you, she's totally flirting with you, or something like that. And we're like, what? Like, yeah, because guys don't. If the guy doesn't have an interest in the girl, it's not even on his radar, because the guys are simple. You know what I mean? So if a guy.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

So if you really thought that some strange woman that you may have associated with and socialized with in a bar setting wanted money from you, that you would actually go out of your way to go back in to check it out.

[Burt (Host)]

Well, if it's somebody. If I was in his situation and I was a regular at a restaurant,

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

and that was the assumption.

[Burt (Host)]

Right. And always had the. For a year and had the same server when my. Or, you know, always, like, the server was around a lot, whether I was there with my office coworkers, with my wife, or there alone. And I have developed a rapport with this person, a friendly rapport, but was not attracted to them, then I would think, oh, my gosh, I hope everything's okay.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

You know what I mean?

[Burt (Host)]

Like, I hope.

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

Well.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

And you and Burt both said that if somebody had approached you guys about it, the first thing you would do would be tell your wives.

[Burt (Host)]

Right.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

And then I would you say, Jessica would be like, oh, you gotta go in and figure out what it is.

[Burt (Host)]

Exactly.

[Dating Expert (Female)]

I think it's.

[Weight Loss Advertiser]

Well, that's what my prediction, that his wife showed up.

[Burt (Host)]

Well, not him.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Well, we can speculate, but Jill's on hold. She can tell us the whole thing.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey, Jill.

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

Hi.

[Burt (Host)]

Welcome to the show. Was John the voice disguiser?

[Weight Loss Advertiser]

She is now.

[Burt (Host)]

Okay. Hey, Jill. How are you?

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

I'm all right.

[Burt (Host)]

So how was your weekend?

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

It was okay.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

So what happened?

He was supposed to come in on Friday, right? You asked him to come Friday?

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

Yes.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Okay. He did show up alone.

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

Yes. And at the end of my shift.

[Burt (Host)]

Okay.

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

And. And, yeah. And I told him what I told you I would tell him. I said, in the past year, I've developed feelings for you, and they are making me uncomfortable. I don't want things to be. To grow and get awkward for me or for him. And I. You know, I would really appreciate it if there was any way that you could not come into a restaurant anymore. And he definitely didn't expect that. That's what I was gonna say. He looked completely shocked and sort of didn't know what to say for a while.

[Burt (Host)]

So you asked him, was that part of the plan that I missed, or was that something you threw in at the last minute, like, I don't want you to come into the restaurant until

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

the end of my session.

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

That was the whole point from the start, because I don't want him around, and I can't quit my job. That's the whole point. And so. So he agreed to it. And he said, you know, I didn't expect you to say that. And I'm glad that, you know, he didn't say glad, but I can't remember exactly, but he was like, you know,

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

where are you guys when this conversation.

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

I can respect your feelings, and I will try not to come to the restaurant when I know you're working anymore.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Where are you guys sitting when this conversation goes down?

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

We're just sitting, you know, at a table. It was, like, kind of past lunchtime, so nobody was really there.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Okay, so he said he would respect your feelings and try not to be there when you're there.

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

Yeah.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Okay.

[Burt (Host)]

I have to. Like, I didn't know. Did I miss something? Was. Was that part of the plan all along to tell him not to come into the restaurant anymore? That was part of the plan, all right, Because I. Because.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Because I got emails from listeners who said, that's illegal, right?

[Burt (Host)]

Well, it's illegal. But not only that, if this were me speaking from a male point of view, I would be shocked at the beginning.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

I mean, it happens to you all the time.

[Burt (Host)]

Sure, if I had no idea from

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

experience, you know, But I think if

[Burt (Host)]

I went home, I would definitely tell Jessica that story and go, oh, my God. Because first of all, it's a badge of honor. Someone fell in love with me. But I would go home and I would tell Jessica, right? And then I think. I don't know what her initial reaction would be, but over the course of the weekend, I know I would grow increasingly angrier. Like, wait a minute. You're telling me I can't come in because if he had no feelings for you, that's genuinely a favorite restaurant or bar of his. It's either really convenient or really good food or really something. I would grow increasingly angry that you're preventing me from coming into a place that's convenient and good.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

And, Jill, he said nothing about any feelings for you?

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

No.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Did he say. I mean, did he address that at all other than, okay, I respect the way you feel? What else did he have to say?

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

I mean, it was a very short conversation. He just pretty much left after that.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey, Jill, don't hang up. I'm gonna put you on hold. But we have somebody who wants to. Hold on.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

I want to ask her one more question.

[Burt (Host)]

Okay, hold on. Go ahead.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Did he come back in at all the rest of the weekend?

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

No.

[Burt (Host)]

Okay, I'm gonna put you on hold because we have somebody who wants to make a comment on the voice disguiser. So you can hear that comment, but it screws up if you're on at the same time. So hold on.

[Caller (Male)]

Okay.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey, Mary.

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

Yes.

[Burt (Host)]

Welcome to the show.

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

Thanks.

[Caller (Male)]

Jill is a complete moron. If she really felt this way, she could have kept this all to herself. And I think deep down inside she wanted to tell him this so that he would come back to her and say, oh, yeah, I felt the same way. She's an idiot.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

She's testing him.

[Caller (Male)]

She was telling me this story this morning, and I was like, you know what? I've got to call in. Because this girl is this type of person. I'm telling you, women, they're all out there. She's the type of person that wants to wait until someone slips up and try to move in there.

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

She's a moron.

[Burt (Host)]

So she's waiting for the guy to have a couple too many drinks on the night he argued with his wife, and then she can.

[Caller (Male)]

Bam.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

I think it's just this misconception by certain people, and it's men and women who. Once you fall for somebody, then it's destiny. It was meant to be. I can't avoid these feelings. I can't deny these feelings. I mean, they are here for a reason. Crap. If it's for a married person, stay away.

[Burt (Host)]

How long have you been squashing your feelings for me, Melissa? Since, oh, two.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

We've been together since 2001.

Yeah, it's a long time.

It's a long time.

How are you dealing with that? I don't think that this guy's going to ever come back in the restaurant again. I don't Think so either. I bet he's gonna leave for good. And then I bet Jill's manager is gonna be like, wait a second, what happened to so and though the regular who was spending a lot of money in here every single week.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey, Alan, welcome to the show.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

He needs to do is tell his wife so that there's nothing can come back on him. The next thing he needs to do is take his butt in that restaurant, go to her boss and say, look, this girl's a friggin psycho. Get rid of her. She is screwed in the head.

[Burt (Host)]

See, I don't. Yeah, I don't think that that's not going to happen like that for me.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

He's already told his wife.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah, but for me, like, that would happen today or tomorrow, like where I'd be like, I gotta call her boss. Like, you're not gonna tell me that I'm not gonna go into the restaurant that's either right next to my office or close to my house or whatever he likes about it.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

I don't know. It depends on he and his wife's situation, how secure they are. He might just be like, you know what? I just want to avoid this altogether.

Well, even if they. I mean, to me, I think the most secure is like, you know what, there's other restaurants, there's other bars, right? Yeah. I mean, this is not worth a fight.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey, Heather.

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

Hello.

[Burt (Host)]

Welcome to the show.

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

Thank you.

[Burt (Host)]

What's going on?

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

I think Jill is a lion. I think her whole story is false.

[Burt (Host)]

Okay.

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

I think what happened was she has feelings for this guy and she tried to kiss him and he obviously wasn't interested. And so now, because her pride is hurt now, that's why she doesn't want him in there, that she's trying to punish him for not being into her.

[Burt (Host)]

So she's not. She's not making up the story, she's making up her motivation for.

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

Exactly.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Good theory.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey, Jill, is any of that true?

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

No.

[Burt (Host)]

Are you upset that I definitely didn't

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

try to kiss him? I just felt like kissing him and that's why I didn't want him around anymore.

[Weight Loss Advertiser]

So you just felt I didn't want

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

to be around him anymore? I don't like the feeling that I could lose control and ruin something.

[Burt (Host)]

Are you upset that he didn't respond saying that he was in love with you?

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

No.

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

I mean, I didn't expect him to. I don't even know what I would do if he did say that. It's not. I just want the awkwardness out of my life. I want the feelings not there anymore.

[Burt (Host)]

And I can't realize you're breaking up

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

with unless he's not around me.

[Burt (Host)]

You're breaking up with a guy that you've never dated. You realize that, right?

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

Did you actually like that?

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Did you actually say the words, I'm in love with you?

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

No, I said I developed feelings.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Okay. And what was the look on his face when you said that?

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

The total shock.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Mm.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey, Lynn. Welcome to the show.

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

Hi. How are you?

[Burt (Host)]

What's up?

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

Hey. I own bars and clubs, right? And if this person was working for me, I would fire her. They need to find her boss and let him know what she has done. Because you don't take regular customers that spend good money with you every week and run them off. She doesn't have the right to impact. She does not have the right to impact the revenues like that of that business.

[Burt (Host)]

That's a good point.

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

And I just fired somebody not long ago who did the same thing. Some guy had a girlfriend. She broke up with him, but was coming to the club with her girlfriends all. All the time. He tells her she can't come in anymore, or her girls, they're there every week. He had to go. She needs to go. She's impacting the bottom line. She doesn't have the right.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

That's a great point, Joe. You talk about it being a family, but it's a business first.

[Burt (Host)]

You know, that is a really. That's a solid point right there. Hey, Deanna.

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

Yes.

[Burt (Host)]

You agree with what Jill did.

[Caller (Female)]

I agree with why she told him, but I don't agree with the whole aspect of work. It can hurt her position. It can hurt the restaurant itself. So

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

why do you agree with her purging what she's thinking on to somebody else who is an innocent bystander, basically.

[Caller (Female)]

Well, I'm guessing that she's probably in her 20s, early 20s. I think that, you know, I'm also in my early 20s and I'm also a waitress, so I understand having to voice your opinion. And it's more of a laid back position. Hold on, I gotta turn on my radio. But like, to get that out, to get it off of her. I understand that. But in the long run, it's gonna hurt her more than it's gonna help her because she just lost a good client. And I mean, that's practically what waitressing is. It's selling, you know, your food and yourself.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Yeah.

[Caller (Female)]

And you know, your service. And it's gonna hurt her in the long run. And it could possibly hurt the restaurant because he can go around saying that, you know, there's the crazy girl that works there, and she told me that

[Caller/Participant (Female Perspective)]

she's in love with her, which might

[Caller (Female)]

not have been her, like, whole point. It might have just been, get it off her chest. And so she doesn't have to live with that.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

So you agree with her getting it off her chest, but just not in the way that she said, don't come here anymore.

[Caller (Female)]

Yeah, I agree with her getting that off, saying, hey, I developed feelings with you, for you, all that. But I don't agree with her saying, don't ever come in here again. She could have told her boss, I need to cut my hours up. I need to work dinners, not lunches or something like that, you know, See, I. I thought.

[Burt (Host)]

I thought that's what she was going to do. Like, I thought she was just gonna say, I don't want anything ever to happen between us. I have to let you know how I'm feeling.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Regardless.

[Dating Expert (Female)]

It's gonna be an awkward situation.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Even if he came into the bar the next day with her telling him,

yeah, I just handle it. Don't. It's not. That's on your head. It's like we said before. I don't care how old you are. Early 20s, late 30s. I don't care who you are. Just, you know, keep it to yourself.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey, Jill, we will stay in touch with you because if he comes back into the restaurant or you get in trouble from your boss or anything like that, we definitely want to hear about it.

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

Okay.

[Burt (Host)]

Thank you anyways for sharing your story with us. I really zero people were on your side, but we appreciate you coming on.

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

All right, well, thanks, you guys.

[Burt (Host)]

All right, talk to you later.

[Caller Jill (Bartender)]

Bye.

[Burt (Host)]

Bye.

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

That's like thanking a cop for a ticket.

[Dating Expert (Female)]

Yeah.

[Burt (Host)]

What, her thanking us?

[Caller/Participant (Male Perspective)]

Yeah.

I gave you advice, you didn't follow, so I don't know what you're thinking.

Everybody beat her up and called her a moron.

[Burt (Host)]

This is the Birch show.

[Caller (Male)]

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Wait.

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[Burt (Host)]

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