Full Show PT 3: Friday, June 19 [Vault]

Summary

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The Bert Show: Full Show PT 3 – Friday, June 19 [Vault] (June 19, 2026)

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show is a lively, honest, and relatable ride through a variety of topics, from listener relationship drama and family meddling, to body image and cosmetic surgery, from the ongoing dog-vs-cat debate in dating, and some personal stories about unusual bucket list dreams. Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and the crew keep the conversation rolling, mixing humor and heart while fielding listener calls and crowd-sourcing advice.

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Segment 1: The Super Bowl Husband Mystery

[01:02–13:14]

Key Discussion Points

• The Setup: Michelle calls in, seeking help to “bust” her brother-in-law, whom she suspects of lying to her sister about his whereabouts during their 10th anniversary (which coincides with the Super Bowl weekend).
• Her Story: The husband originally claimed he was going to the Super Bowl despite the special occasion. After objection, he changes his story, claiming a sudden work trip to Milwaukee to "cover for people going to the Super Bowl," which Michelle finds suspicious.
• The Ask: Michelle wants Bert to physically check her brother-in-law’s hotel in Miami, hoping to catch him in the act.
• Panel’s Reaction: The team debates whether Michelle is helpful or meddlesome, the logic of the husband's story, and whether the sister’s trust should be respected.
• Callers React: Multiple listeners weigh in, some saying Michelle should back off, others understanding her protectiveness, and some suggesting creative ways to catch the husband in his lie (e.g., calling from a hotel landline).

Notable Quotes

• Michelle (on her motives): “She’s a very trusting person… and I want him to get busted.” (05:45)
• Burch (on the husband's excuse): “That guy should get busted just for coming up with a stupid excuse.” (08:50)
• Caller, Brian (on meddling): “That’s making me mad because she’s putting herself in a really bad situation…what’s that gonna make their relationship from that point on?” (09:00)

Memorable Moments

• Bert jokes about walking through hotel lobbies like he’s on an “AMBER alert.”
• Listeners passionately debate love, honesty, and the boundaries of family intervention.

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Segment 2: Dr. Carmen Cavalli on Plastic Surgery

[14:51–25:45]

Key Discussion Points

• Credentials: Dr. Cavalli clarifies the difference between a "plastic surgeon" (fully trained) vs. "cosmetic surgeon" (not always a specialized surgeon).
• Pop Culture Sparks: Discussion of Heidi Montag’s highly publicized multiple cosmetic surgeries at a young age, raising issues of fame, body image, and mental health.
• Body Dysmorphic Disorder: Cavalli explains the prevalence of this condition in cosmetic consultations, and the challenges physicians face in identifying patients at risk.
• Caller Q&A: Listeners seek advice about tummy tucks, stretch marks, repositioning belly buttons, breast reductions, and implant removal. The doctor gives practical, empathetic, and nuanced advice.

Notable Quotes

• Dr. Cavalli (on Heidi Montag’s surgeries): “I think her self-esteem is definitely impaired. She may have something that we call body dysmorphic disorder, or she may just be nuts enough to do it to extend her fame.” (15:58)
• Dr. Cavalli (on surgery selection): “Plastic surgery shouldn't be the first thing you think of when you think about getting in shape. It should be the final touches.” (18:40)
• Dr. Cavalli (on refusing surgery): “If you can pick up [body dysmorphia] beforehand, then that’s someone I truly will refuse to work on.” (17:26)

Memorable Moments

• The doctor’s humor about medical terms: “Is ‘nuts’ a medical term?” – “It is, actually. I put it in charts.” (16:31)
• Light-hearted aside about “urine therapy” to move belly buttons.

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Segment 3: The Cat Lady Stereotype in Dating

[26:49–36:44]

Key Discussion Points

• Jen’s Dating Dilemma: Jen confesses she downplays having two cats when dating new guys, fearing the “crazy cat lady” stigma.
• Team Debate: Panel and callers delve into why cats and their owners get a bad rap, versus dog owners, and where the stereotypes come from.
• Dating Honesty: Discussion of when it’s “acceptable” to leave out quirky personal info in early dating ("How long is defined as 'the beginning'?").
• Male Perspective: Several male callers reassure Jen that cats aren’t a dealbreaker—but the panel notes they themselves are cat owners.
• The Scent Factor: Fergie and others stress that, “no matter what, wherever your litter box is, it smells like a cat lives there.” (35:20)

Notable Quotes

• Jen Hobby (on disclosure): “I will refuse to tell guys I have cats because I don’t want them to judge me right off the bat that I’m this single, lonely person who’s filthy with nothing going on.” (28:53)
• Caller, Charles (advice): “You have got to be honest with him straight up and just tell him, look, I love cats. If you don’t accept me for that, then you don’t want to date me.” (32:04)
• Fergie (on aroma): “Whatever room your litter box is in, it smells bad. And I'm just telling you, if you put it in your bathroom…they're grossed out.” (33:32)

Memorable Moments

• Lighthearted bickering about cat vs dog lifestyles.
• Practical (and funny) pet-hiding strategies for single daters.

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Segment 4: Super Bowl Trivia – Ladies Edition

[37:21–43:56]

Key Discussion Points

• Context: In a lighthearted contest, two single women, Story and Katherine, compete to win prized seats at a local sports bar on Super Bowl Sunday.
• Format: Rapid fire, basic football knowledge questions serve as an audition for prime “guy territory” in the bar.
• Outcome: Katherine wins after correctly answering questions such as “How many minutes in a quarter?” and “What is a sack?”

Notable Quotes

• Burch (to Story): "We'll start with Story, because she's American and we won the war…” (39:07)
• Melissa (on prize location): “It’s almost like this halo of men around you…prime seat as it should be, for two ladies of your caliber.” (38:19)
• Catherine (on her Super Bowl companion): “My roommate, Lisa. Yes, we are both single!” (43:08)

Memorable Moments

• The panel’s riffing on “God Save the Queen” and the U.S.-U.K. rivalry.
• Playful confusion over sports terminology, e.g., sack vs stack.

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Segment 5: Bucket List Dreams & The Rose Bowl Parade

[43:59–52:18]

Key Discussion Points

• Melissa’s Dream: Out of a casual on-air remark, Melissa is invited to fulfill her “bucket list” wish of attending—and participating—in the famed Rose Bowl Parade, thanks to Central Carroll High School.
• Parade Education: She explains the unique all-organic construction of Rose Bowl floats (using flowers, mustard seeds, coconut, etc.).
• The Challenge: The catch—she must play an instrument in the marching band, despite confessing no musical prowess.
• Listener Support: Callers joke, reminisce about their own band days, and encourage her upcoming journey—while the show speculates what instrument she should be “forced” to learn.

Notable Quotes

• Melissa (on her talent): “I was next to last saxophone chair only because Christy Davis, who was last chair, couldn’t get a noise to come out of her saxophone…so that’s the only reason I was beating anybody.” (48:23)
• Listener, Jessica: “I was in the color guard… the band members are really nice. They’ll really help you.” (51:52)

Memorable Moments

• The crew's playful threats about making Melissa play the flute ("That movie ruined that instrument!") (50:09).
• Listeners sharing stories about joining bands just to go on trips.

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Episode Highlights & Running Jokes

• Team Cat vs Team Dog: Endlessly referenced, with dog people always giving “courtesy” warnings about smell.
• Honesty in Dating: Whether it’s about pets or hidden habits, the team continually comes back to when and how to share “quirky” info with a romantic interest.
• Family Meddling: The cast and callers provide a full spectrum of opinions on what constitutes loving support and what’s just plain “out of bounds.”
• Lighthearted Medical Jargon: Dr. Cavalli’s dry humor about calling patients “nuts.”
• Authenticity & Connection: Through every segment, the cast’s chemistry, willingness to poke fun at themselves, and empathy toward callers shine through.

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Timeline Quick Reference

| Timestamp | Segment | Key Topic | |------------|----------------------------------------------|-------------------------------------------| | 01:02 | Family Drama Call: Super Bowl Husband | Meddling & Marital Trust | | 14:51 | Dr. Carmen Cavalli in Studio | Cosmetic Surgery Q&A | | 26:49 | Jen’s Cat Confession & Dating | Pet Stereotypes in Dating | | 37:21 | Super Bowl Trivia Contest | Pop Culture + Sports | | 43:59 | Rose Bowl Parade Bucket List | Listener Dreams & Band Humor |

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Tone & Takeaway

Real, unfiltered, and funny, The Bert Show lives up to its promise of serving up relatable morning entertainment. The cast’s willingness to tackle listener drama, challenge stereotypes, self-deprecate, and celebrate the weird details of life makes this episode both dynamic and heartfelt.

End of Summary

Transcript

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[Burch]

We're changing the schedule because of an email that Tracy got that's super bowl related and somebody who actually wants to involve Bert. Wendy, we need the voice disguiser.

[Michelle]

Okay.

[Burch]

And if I'm not mistaken, Michelle is trying to help out her sister.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Burch]

Is that accurate, Michelle?

[Michelle]

That's right.

[Burch]

Okay, tell us the story.

[Michelle]

I just, you know, I need Bert's help to help me bust my brother in law, okay. Because I think he's lying. First of all, he's kind of a selfish guy and my sister, their anniversary is on Saturday and he had said he had made plans to go to the super bowl and it's their 10 year anniversary. So I was just, you know, my sister was telling me this and I was like, are you kidding me? This is insane. So she had a talk with him and she said, you can't go. This is our anniversary. So he said, okay, you know what, you're right. You're right, I won't go. So he changed his plans and then suddenly he says, babe, I've got to go to Milwaukee for work on Saturday over the weekend. It's last minute. There's nothing I can do. Right? Because this is what he said. He's got a cover for other people who are going to the Super Bowl. So he's got a cover for the office for other people who are going to the Super Bowl.

[Burch]

So he was, he was originally supposed to. He's going To. He said he was going to the super bowl for work. Is that accurate?

[Michelle]

No, no. He's going to the super bowl, period.

[Burch]

Okay. And then changed his plans.

[Melissa]

Said he's going to Milwaukee for work to cover for people in Milwaukee who are going to Miami for the Super Bowl.

[Fergie]

And why did he change the plan? She didn't want him to go.

[Michelle]

She. No, she said this is our 10 year anniversary. Right. And he's like, oh, you're right, babe. You know, I. I didn't think it meant that much to you, blah, blah, blah. So that he decides he's gonna stay and celebrate their anniversary.

[Melissa]

So you think he comes back with

[Michelle]

this story saying that he's gonna cover people in Milwaukee. And she buys it. She's like, there's nothing he can do. He has to go for work. And I'm saying they wouldn't fly somebody from Atlanta. They would just hold somebody back and not go.

[Fergie]

So you're so mad about it. You got really high pitched.

[Caller/Guest Male]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

Yeah. So you. I take it, I'm sorry.

[Michelle]

It's so ridiculous.

[Melissa]

Yeah. I take it you talked to your sister about her husband a lot. So you think he's going to Miami for the super bowl and you need our help and you want Bert to scout to find him.

[Michelle]

I want. Because I also know somebody that works with him and I know the hotel that they're staying at now.

[Jen Hobby]

Which hotel? The one in Milwaukee or the one down in Miami?

[Michelle]

In Miami.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Jen Hobby]

Okay.

[Michelle]

Now I know the hotel. I actually tried to call the hotel, but you know, he's smart enough to not put it under his name.

[Burch]

So. Is he already gone?

[Michelle]

Yeah.

[Burch]

Okay.

[Michelle]

And what I want to do is, and I'll pay Bert, I want him to go to the hotel and I have a detailed description of my brother in law and I want him to find out if he's there.

[Burch]

So Burnt's gonna be walking through a hotel lobby with like a photograph, like an AMBER alert.

[Jen Hobby]

You've never really liked this guy, have you?

[Michelle]

You know, he's a really selfish guy and he's a liar, to be honest with you. And I'm almost 100% sure that's no.

[Burch]

Helen? Hey, Helen, can you hear me?

[Caller/Guest Female]

Yeah.

[Burch]

All right, how are you? How are you?

[Caller/Guest Female]

I'm fine.

[Burch]

Good, go ahead. You're on the air.

[Caller/Guest Female]

I just wanted to make a comment. I understand it's her sister's 10th anniversary and everything, but I kind of think it's selfish of them and it's pretty bad that feels like he has to lie, but it's not always that you get to go to the super bowl, which is a big ordeal, which I understand our anniversary is too, but I just think they should just say, you know, have fun. You know, make sure you're here and there's nothing wrong with that.

[Melissa]

Well, yeah, I was going to ask you when.

[Fergie]

Okay.

[Melissa]

If he had gone to the super bowl like the original plan, when would he have left to go?

[Michelle]

Yesterday.

[Melissa]

Okay, so.

[Michelle]

But he could have bought both of them tickets.

[Burch]

Now, do you. Is your sister a sports fan?

[Caller/Guest Female]

He would go.

[Michelle]

I mean, it's fun.

[Caller/Guest Female]

Who wouldn't go to the super bowl, right?

[Fergie]

Well, I'm just curious why you're so into it. Like, even if you find out that he's in Miami instead of Milwaukee, even if you get proof, like do you want your sister to leave him for that?

[Michelle]

No. But you know what, she's always making excuses for him and he's always lying to her and she's always thinking it's the truth. And I want him to get busted

[Burch]

just to people want to call up and talk to you. But did he, did she have a problem with him going to the super bowl before you started menacing?

[Michelle]

Yes.

[Fergie]

Yeah, because it's their 10 year anniversary, right? His wife wanted him to stay home for the 10 year anniversary.

[Burch]

Did the wife want him to stay home or did you think, did you tell her?

[Michelle]

She was so hurt she was crying to me.

[Burch]

All right, got it.

[Michelle]

I can't believe he did this.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Michelle]

I said, well, you have to confront him.

[Burch]

Hey, Stacy, welcome to the bird show.

[Caller/Guest Female]

Hey, you guys.

[Melissa]

Hey.

[Caller/Guest Female]

This, this woman is out of her mind. First of all, she has no business meddling in her sister and brother in law's business. And the sister is the selfish one because she should have sent him and said, go have a great time. This is your anniversary present. We teach people how to treat us. And the reason he's lying is because she taught him to lie. And oh, she just pisses me off.

[Fergie]

Yeah, I understand you being defensive for your sister. I can understand that. If she called you crying and you're upset and you know she's that upset, I can see how it makes you that upset. But I still just don't understand. Like once he's bused, like if he's busted, if he is in Miami, then, then what happens?

[Melissa]

What's your end result? Are you want them to get a divorce?

[Caller/Guest Female]

Yeah, I want them to get a

[Michelle]

divorce, but I want her to see that he is lying to her. She believes his stories. And this is not the first time She's a very trusting person.

[Melissa]

I just feel like she's caught in the middle between you and him. And I just. There's a part of me that just think I understand about the super bowl on the 10th anniversary thing, but I just feel like it's a bigger picture going on maybe.

[Michelle]

Oh, it is a bigger picture. But here's.

[Melissa]

That you're included in. That you're. That you're included in is what I'm saying.

[Burch]

Hey, Sam.

[Caller/Guest Male]

Yeah?

[Burch]

Sam wants to give a guy's purse point of view, guys perspective about this. Go ahead, Sam.

[Caller/Guest Male]

Hey, listen, there's two things about this. One, it's the super bowl once again. It's a once in a lifetime event. It's like the best thing a guy could do for himself. But at the same time, in South Florida, you got some of the resorts going on down there. If you could afford a ticket to the super bowl, you could afford to get your wife in a resort and let her hang out while you're at the Super Bowl.

[Fergie]

Agreed. That would be a good compromise. You're right.

[Melissa]

Yeah. If you're a guy. Yeah. You have to kind of balance it out and figure something out.

[Burch]

Is there any chance that. What if he legitimately is going to Milwaukee? Like, what if he passed on the Super Bowl? What if his bosses and Michelle, just being, you know, hypothetical. What if his bosses knew that he had plans to go to the super bowl and changed him for his wife so they knew that he wouldn't be in Florida and said to him, look, we are short staffed because everybody's going down to the super bowl, so we have to have you cover this office. Is he a manager or something? Is he. Is he a person who would cover. Why would you be covering an office on a weekend?

[Michelle]

No, they would never have somebody come from Atlanta.

[Melissa]

Well, it's kind of. Yeah, it's kind of a strange.

[Michelle]

Everyone from Milwaukee and then fly a guy from Atlanta.

[Burch]

You're right. That's a lame excuse. That guy should get busted just for coming up with a stupid excuse. Yeah, he should get dumb excuse trouble. Hey, Brian, welcome to the show.

[Caller/Guest Male]

Hey, guys, when you take out of the equation where he's at and what he's even going for, I, I think that the base problem here is this lady butting into her sister and her husband's relationship. I mean, that's something. If the wife involved here is trusting enough to trust her husband, that's what relationships are based on. To have her sister calling a radio show, trying to get somebody to sneak around and Catch him doing something that she's not even 100% sure he's doing. That's making me mad because she's putting herself in a really bad situation. Because if she does this and a sister and her sister and her husband finds out and it was true, like you said, Jeff, then what's her. What's that gonna make their relationship from that point on?

[Melissa]

Yeah, it's just. I mean, it's just I feel bad for your sister. I mean, she's caught because I'm sure that her husband feels the same way about you that you feel about him.

[Fergie]

And then she's gonna be embarrassed if he is lying. Like, not only is she gonna be mad at him, but then she's gonna be embarrassed in front of you and whoever else you tell, because then she is married to the liar that she's still married to.

[Melissa]

And then if she tries to make the relationship work for the better, you are always going to be in her ear about what do you remember? We can do what he did for you. Ten exactly.

[Burch]

Hey, Karen.

[Caller/Guest Female]

Yes, go ahead. I completely agree with her. If this ever happened to my sister, I would do the exact same thing. I think it's horrible that he's leaving her on their 10th anniversary. He could have easily bought her a ticket. Go with him. And I thought that the resort idea was a wonderful idea.

[Jen Hobby]

Oh, well, here's an idea. What if he's planning something this weekend and wanted to keep it a surprise, and there's something big happening on the 10th anniversary?

[Burch]

It's a great point.

[Melissa]

Anybody think about that?

[Burch]

That's brilliant.

[Jen Hobby]

So maybe he'd be like, something good.

[Fergie]

Would he be the type of guy to do that?

[Melissa]

You know her answer?

[Michelle]

Never.

[Jen Hobby]

Of course not.

[Burch]

According to her. She says never.

[Fergie]

But has he ever gotten her a cool romantic gift?

[Michelle]

Never.

[Fergie]

That you know, of taking her on a trip?

[Michelle]

No, I would know. My sister and I are very close. He always thinks of himself first. It's always. He'll buy himself, you know, whatever he wants and then buy her like a crock pot or, you know, he's just not that guy.

[Burch]

All right, one more call. Hey, Julie. Yes, what's going on?

[Caller/Guest Female]

Hey, I was just gonna give the comment about Havard's call. Have him call from the hotel room in Milwaukee, just like I do my son, and go, call me from the location, not your cell phone. I want to know you're at that location.

[Burch]

So call so that the area code or whatever comes out.

[Caller/Guest Female]

Yes, his hotel room in Milwaukee.

[Burch]

How do you do that with your son?

[Caller/Guest Female]

Well, he's usually not in a hotel room, but like, if he goes to somebody's house, say, and he goes, I'm going to spend the night with, you know, TJ. I go, okay, you call from TJ's house, so I know you're there.

[Burch]

How old's your son?

[Caller/Guest Female]

Well, this is when he was younger, but when he was in high school, we go, he's like, you know, and if the husband goes, you don't trust me? No.

[Burch]

Treat your husband like a 15 year old kid.

[Melissa]

Yeah, in the age of cell phones, that's a little more difficult to do. But I do think. I mean, isn't the better plan for the sister to say, you know what? I feel really bad that you're going to be in Milwaukee on our anniversary, having to work. So I would, you know, want. I'd love to come up there and let's have dinner after you get off work on Saturday.

[Burch]

That's brilliant.

[Melissa]

That's a great idea. Instead of you. But again, because I have a. I have a feeling you're the older sister. Yeah, I can tell.

[Jen Hobby]

I wouldn't do that to my younger sister.

[Melissa]

I can tell.

[Jen Hobby]

I don't think I would even do that to my younger sister.

[Burch]

Well, here's what we'll do, is we'll run the idea by Bert. I mean, he's down there. I don't think you'll have to pay him. That seems weird, I can tell you. I probably wouldn't do it on my vacation if I'm taking vacation days. But we'll run the idea by him and if he's willing to, or if he finds himself in the hotel, he can look. But no promises. Okay.

[Michelle]

Okay. I appreciate that.

[Fergie]

You've got photos and stuff you can give us, we can send to Burt.

[Michelle]

Yeah.

[Fergie]

Okay.

[Burch]

We will call you back and get all that information and then we'll talk to you again Monday morning and you can give us the update on what happened or we'll let you know if Bert found anything out or whatever. Okay.

[Michelle]

I really appreciate it. Thank you so much.

[Burch]

All right. Try to have a good weekend.

[Michelle]

Okay?

[Burch]

The Birch Show.

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[Burch]

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[Burch]

Hey, the bird show. Right now we have Dr. Carmen Cavalli in studio again. Good morning.

[Melissa]

Welcome back.

[Caller/Guest Male]

Good morning.

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

How are you? Thanks for having me. Great. It's always fun.

[Burch]

She is a board certified plastic surge. She doesn't care for the term cosmetic surgeon. Why is that again?

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

Well, because plastic surgeons are fully trained in plastic surgery and people who tend to call themselves cosmetic surgeons have typically trained in something else and then have decided to start doing cosmetic procedures.

[Burch]

Gotcha. So like another type of surgeon who says, I could fix a nose.

[Melissa]

Oh.

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

Or not even a surgeon.

[Burch]

Oh, really?

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

Family practitioners doing liposuction, which.

[Burch]

Which is when I get my arm extensions, I'm going to a board certified plastic surgeon like Dr. Carmen Cavalli.

[Melissa]

Your arm extensions?

[Burch]

Yeah, I'd like really, really long arms.

[Fergie]

Why?

[Burch]

Conversation piece.

[Melissa]

I do. I was gonna say I do not want to know why.

[Fergie]

That's bizarre. Very bizarre. Hey, Dr. Cavalli, I wanted to ask you before we take the calls about Heidi Montag and that whole thing about her being 23 years old and getting the 10 surgeries in one day and if anybody came into your office and asked you for that, like, what your decision would be?

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

Well, I think she's struggling really hard to extend her 15 minutes well beyond what it should have Been. And unfortunately, I really think this package of cosmetic surgery she had has lent itself to that. And that may have been her main motivation for having it done. I wouldn't have done everything she had done, especially for someone at age 23. I think her self esteem is definitely impaired. She may have something that we call body dysmorphic disorder, or she may just be nuts enough to do it to extend her fame.

[Melissa]

Is nuts like a medical term?

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

It is, actually. I put it in charts.

[Jen Hobby]

Well, then, with people coming in with distorted body image, do you seek out counseling before that for that person, or do you go over counseling with them during that time?

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

I try to avoid them because they.

[Burch]

You just don't answer the phone. Turn off the lights. Oh, this person's got distorted body image.

[Caller/Guest Female]

Turn off the lights.

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

Well, actually, I will. Sometimes the client with the distorted body image has already been to enough consults that enough other physicians have picked up on those red flags and have refused to operate. That by the time they come to me or to one of my other colleagues, they figured out what to say. So they don't seem quite so nuts. So occasionally they'll slip under the radar, and then it's just miserable to deal with after the procedure because they're never happy. But if you can pick it up beforehand, then that's someone that I truly will refuse to work on.

[Melissa]

Connecting the two questions, do you find that Heidi Montag is just encouraging people who may have that disorder to go to plastic surgeons first and try to get something done like her.

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

She's exactly the kind of role model that. That someone with body dysmorphic disorder would pick up on.

[Caller/Guest Female]

Wow. Wow.

[Burch]

So our first phone call is from Wendy, who has a tummy tuck question.

[Caller/Guest Female]

I do. Good morning, burcha. Good morning, Dr. Cavalli.

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

Good morning.

[Caller/Guest Female]

I have been to actually, several plastic surgeons who have told me that you have to be really at your ideal body weight or like five pounds. But most of my weight is right at my tummy. There's no other weight on my arms or my legs or my bottom. If. If you were to remove that, you might remove 30 pounds just in itself, because I've had two children back to back. They're both born on Christmas Eve, a year apart. And, you know, I had that big slab there. But I want to find a plastic surgeon who will, you know, to do that for me. To be within your ideal body weight to have a tummy tuck.

[Fergie]

I'm not a cosmetic surgeon.

[Burch]

No. Plastic surgeon.

[Melissa]

Plastic surgeon.

[Caller/Guest Male]

Got it.

[Fergie]

God, I'm all confused.

[Burch]

So it does seem weird to tell someone to get to their ideal body weight in order to have a procedure to remove weight.

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

True. And I don't typically tell people they need to be at their ideal body weight. They should be reasonably close to it. And to me, reasonably close is 20 to 30 pounds. So you don't have to be right at it or starving yourself to get there. But you should be doing all you can to reach your goals yourself. Because plastic surgery shouldn't be the first thing you think of when you think about getting in shape. It should be the final touches. It sounds like you have, like, the typical apple shape, Wendy, and that maybe if most of your weight is in your abdomen. There are different ways to carry weight in the abdomen. And a tummy tuck really does a great job when most of the weight is on the lower abdomen or the hips and the waist. When it's in the upper abdomen, like, literally coming out from under the ribs, that part you can't really treat with a tummy tuck. You can help it, but that thickness is still going to be there. It's just going to be pulled lower on the abdomen. So that may be what those other surgeons are looking at.

[Burch]

Hey, Christy. Welcome to the bird show.

[Caller/Guest Female]

Hi.

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

How are y'?

[Caller/Guest Male]

All? We're good.

[Burch]

How are you?

[Michelle]

Good.

[Caller/Guest Female]

My question is I've had three children, and I have stretch marks galore on my stomach, and my belly button is deformed now, and I want to know if this is repairable.

[Burch]

The stretch marks or the belly button?

[Caller/Guest Female]

Both.

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

Both can be fixed with a tummy tuck. That's exactly what it does. Now, any stretch marks you have that are well above your belly button right now will still be there, but they'll be pulled lower on the abdomen. And just the act of stretching. A stretch mark, as odd as it sounds, makes it look less apparent. You don't have the crinkly skin.

[Caller/Guest Female]

It looks tighter. But, like, I have, like, Kate on John and plus eight, it's like a flat stomach.

[Michelle]

I mean, it's really bad. Yeah.

[Caller/Guest Female]

Had my children so young.

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

That's perfect for a tummy tuck.

[Burch]

Hey, Melissa. Welcome to the bird show.

[Michelle]

Hi.

[Burch]

I think we're sticking with the tummy tuck theme.

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

Awesome.

[Caller/Guest Female]

Well, I'm wondering if it's possible to move my belly button.

[Michelle]

I don't need a tummy tuck.

[Caller/Guest Female]

I just want to move my belly button down.

[Michelle]

Why?

[Caller/Guest Female]

It's too high on my body. Like when you. If someone were to guess where my belly button was when I have a shirt on, they would be about, you know, a Couple inches out of the wrong direction. It needs to be lowered because I look funny.

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

Well, there are a couple of ways to do that. The easiest and least obvious way would be to do a tummy tuck in which you. Well, typically when we do a tummy tuck, we leave a scar around the belly button and then a little smiley face scar along the lower part of the abdomen. And we kind of drop the belly button inside, pull everything down, and then pop it back up through a new little hole. Hole that we make for it. And so that leaves you with a scar.

[Burch]

All right, so that leaves you with

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

a scar around the belly button.

[Burch]

Can you fix that? Can you just move your belly button by drinking your own urine?

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

Oh, my God.

[Melissa]

Urine therapy?

[Caller/Guest Female]

Yeah.

[Burch]

Is that what we learned yesterday on the show?

[Fergie]

No.

[Caller/Guest Female]

Yeah, that's right, yesterday.

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

But there's another way to do a tummy tuck in which you don't release the belly button from the outside, you release it from the inside so it gets pulled down along with the rest of the skin. So, yes, you can lower your belly button. You would do a tummy tuck if you have enough loose skin to do a tummy tuck. And the other way to do it would be to literally just cut around it and move it down, but then you're left with a scar in the original position of the belly button. So that's probably not the best way to go.

[Caller/Guest Female]

So basically, I should wait until after I have children and then do the tummy tuck and lower the belly button at the same time.

[Jen Hobby]

Or just eat a lot. I would be at McDonald's every day.

[Fergie]

That'll move it down.

[Bluff]

Yeah.

[Burch]

All right, now moving on to boobies. Hi, Kira.

[Melissa]

Oh, my God.

[Fergie]

Boobs.

[Caller/Guest Female]

Hi. How are you?

[Burch]

Good. Turn your radio all the way down.

[Caller/Guest Female]

I'm sorry, what?

[Burch]

Turn your radio all the way down for us.

[Caller/Guest Female]

Okay, it's down.

[Burch]

Sorry. You're on with Dr. Cavalli.

[Caller/Guest Female]

Hi, my name's Kayla. I am 21 and 5. 5. And I'm a little bit bigger than a triple B. And I've always wanted a reduction, but I have friends who tell me that I'm supposed to wait until after I have cancer because it could affect breastfeeding. And so they should wait until they plateau and are done growing. I guess I was wondering if that's true.

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

Well, at 21, your breasts are probably done technically growing. They will still change as your body weight changes over time. As you have hormonal changes over time or with future pregnancies in general, if you have triple Ds, they're not going to get smaller over time. They tend to stay the same or get bigger. And even with pregnancy, they tend to get much larger and then might deflate some, but you still have roughly the same volume that you started with. The answer to when to do a breast reduction is really very individual. Yes, it can interfere with breastfeeding, but there are some women who just aren't able to breastfeed successfully, having never had surgery. So you really have to decide how important that is to you. If it's critical that you be able to, you know, give every opportunity to yourself to breastfeed, then yes, wait until after you've had your children. If you want to enjoy your new breasts longer and it's important to you to breastfeed but not critical, then you might go ahead and do it sooner.

[Melissa]

Lord bless your heart, honey.

[Fergie]

Wow.

[Michelle]

Thank you very much. Sure.

[Caller/Guest Female]

Sure.

[Burch]

Lee, welcome to the Bird Show.

[Caller/Guest Female]

Hi. I have a question about breastplant removal, implant removal.

[Burch]

Everybody's going in the wrong direction today.

[Caller/Guest Female]

I've had them for 10. I had a lot of body issues when I was younger and I'm just kind of over them now. And I wondered if you could just absolutely remove them or if you had to have some sort of exchange, you know, so that you wouldn't look like horribly like a raisin or how does that work?

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

You can remove them. And just as I told Kayla, the last caller, your breasts change as you age and with weight changes and even with implants in your breasts still change the way they would have even if you had never had implants. So you may have more breast tissue or less now than when you started 10 years ago. It just depends on how your breasts have changed. Yes, you can remove implants. You would need to do at least probably a lift, some sort of skin tightening procedure to get rid of the loose skin that has been left from the stretch that the implants have caused.

[Caller/Guest Female]

Okay. All right.

[Michelle]

Thank you.

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

Sure.

[Burch]

You know what? The questions today are all going in the wrong direction. Jeff, I just don't understand.

[Melissa]

Be respectful.

[Burch]

How do people get in touch with you?

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

Dr. Cavalli, 404-250-3333 is our office number and my website is drcovalli.com d r k a v a l I dot com.

[Burch]

Do plastic surgeons have specialties? Do you have a specialty or are you like a one stop shop fixing anything?

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

I'm some do. Some like ENT facial plastic surgeons only do surgery above, you know, the clavicle in the head and neck. But I am fully Board certified, head

[Burch]

to toe, bumper to bumper.

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

I don't do noses because I don't enjoy them, but everything else is fair game.

[Fergie]

Okay.

[Burch]

Okay. Well, thank you for your time this morning.

[Melissa]

Thank you. Good job.

[Burch]

The Bird Show

[Bluff]

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[Burch]

Visit SpinQuest.com for more details.

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[Jen Hobby]

Get it the Birch show so, I mean, I am. I'm obviously single. I've talked about my single life and dating.

[Burch]

You're obviously single.

[Jen Hobby]

It' I think everyone probably knows at this point I'm single and I'm going out and I'm dating a lot. And when I meet guys for the first time, there's a little detail that I leave out. Because, you know, you discuss things you like, discuss where you're from, your family, how many brothers and sisters do you have? What part of town do you live in?

[Melissa]

Do you lie about what I do for a living?

[Caller/Guest Male]

Right?

[Caller/Guest Female]

Yep.

[Melissa]

Marketing. Yes.

[Jen Hobby]

Do you live in an apartment? Do you live in a house? But when the pet question comes up, they ask me, do I have any pets? And I am so hesitant to tell guys that I have cats.

[Advertisement Announcer]

Why?

[Burch]

Because you think you're gonna be a. I'm a creepy cat lady.

[Jen Hobby]

I almost try to avoid the question and turn it on them before I could really answer the question. No, because I think there's a stereotype that comes with cats. And then almost the first time thing guys will ever say is I don't want to date a girl cats.

[Burch]

Because how many cats do you have?

[Fergie]

Guys have said that to you before or just around you?

[Jen Hobby]

Around me in conversation. And I'm. Because there's a stereotype with you being the cat lady, which I don't really understand what that means.

[Melissa]

What's wrong with cats?

[Fergie]

Well, there is a stigma. There is a crazy cat lady. Like, if you are single, and I think if you have more than two, you can be qualified for that category. And I don't know why that is, but I. I make that assumption too.

[Melissa]

But if you have three dogs, nobody thinks anything about it.

[Fergie]

Exactly. Yeah.

[Jen Hobby]

Because there's always been that cat stereotype, I think, ever since you were little.

[Melissa]

But my thing is why? Like, I understand the stereotype, but where's it come from?

[Burch]

Because doesn't every neighborhood have the woman who feeds all the stray cats and she's usually alone.

[Fergie]

The crazy cat lady.

[Michelle]

Yeah.

[Burch]

And her house is kind of smelly and she's got newspapers from 1970 piled up on the.

[Melissa]

So that's why they think her house is going to stink.

[Fergie]

Yeah.

[Jen Hobby]

Well, I could see, like, feeding a stray cat at their body like a dumpster or something, but I'm not going to, like, bring them in.

[Fergie]

How many cats do you have?

[Jen Hobby]

I have two, and I'm never going to get more than two because of that reason, nor do I want to even deal with any more. So I only have two. But I will refuse to tell guys that I have cats because I don't want them to judge me right off the bat that I'm this single, lowly person who's filthy with nothing going on.

[Melissa]

So when. Cause eventually they have to come to your place. So do you go as far as to hide the cats or at that point is when you reveal that. You know what I gotta tell you. I gotta tell you something before we go in. Okay. Like, you're standing at the door, you unlock and say, wait a second. Before we go inside, I got something I need to tell you.

[Jen Hobby]

I try to put off coming to my place as much as possible. So I'm like, I'll just come over there.

[Fergie]

It'll be okay.

[Burch]

Now, you're not one of those people. You don't have, like, the.

[Fergie]

That is a different step.

[Burch]

You don't have the litter box, like, in the bathtub of the guest room, do you? Or something?

[Fergie]

No.

[Jen Hobby]

And by no means is my place smell. It's not nasty. It's actually really clean.

[Fergie]

All people with cats say that. And you can tell it's something that you say if you have cats.

[Melissa]

And it's so funny that people who have dogs actually think their dogs don't smell bad.

[Fergie]

No, they don't smell like cat litter, though.

[Burch]

Cat litter does Have a special smell.

[Fergie]

It has a special.

[Burch]

But it's fine, I guess, like that.

[Melissa]

I guess guys like that better than the old wet dog smell on a couch.

[Burch]

Is it okay, Is it acceptable in the dating world to leave out details like that?

[Melissa]

Yeah, in the beginning, absolutely.

[Fergie]

For how long?

[Burch]

How long is defined beginning, then?

[Fergie]

I mean, I think it's fine until you decide he's okay to come over to your house, because that's a whole new step. I know when they're allowed in.

[Jen Hobby]

There hasn't been anybody allowed in yet.

[Burch]

Hey, Shane. Welcome to the bird show.

[Melissa]

Shane.

[Caller/Guest Male]

Yeah. Hey, I got two cats myself. And I would never think it's, like, weird for a girl to have cats or anything like that or any of the stereotypes you guys just talked about. It might be the guys who, like, might be a little weird. I don't know. But, I mean, it's like there's just the most convenient pets you can have, you know?

[Melissa]

Have you ever had a girl judge you for having cats, as a guy?

[Caller/Guest Male]

No.

[Michelle]

No.

[Caller/Guest Male]

All right. I don't date a lot of girls either. And I just broke up with my girlfriend recently, so I don't know.

[Burch]

Okay.

[Melissa]

They would say I'm a. Yeah, I'm. I'm a cat lover, so.

[Jen Hobby]

Well, see, I think he has cats, so he doesn't have that judgment. So he already has the pets.

[Melissa]

But, guys, you have to find a cat guy.

[Burch]

We just hung up on Shane, and

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

you could have made.

[Burch]

You could have made a brady bunch out of cats.

[Caller/Guest Female]

I don't know.

[Burch]

Your cat family could have met his cat family. Then y' all could have lived together.

[Melissa]

So are you judging? Yeah, I think it's funny. She gave a look. So you would judge a guy if he had cats?

[Caller/Guest Female]

Well.

[Jen Hobby]

Cause he just added to the stigma. You're single and you're like, it's me and my cats. That's all I've got going on in my life. Me and my cats just hanging out all day long. That's all I do.

[Fergie]

See, I think you get cool points if you have a dog, too. And you have a dog, right?

[Jen Hobby]

I do have a dog, yes. So I have a dog and two cats.

[Fergie]

See, I think that's cool. Points, I guess.

[Burch]

So now you've just become.

[Melissa]

I just come from a dog person.

[Burch]

You've become an animal.

[Fergie]

I'm a dog person. I'm not a cat person. I like my friends cats. I'm totally fine with that, but I don't want one myself.

[Burch]

Well, don't you have a cat? Your friend has A cat who can drive a car and use the toilet and read.

[Fergie]

Yeah. Kirby uses the potty.

[Burch]

Hey, Charles.

[Caller/Guest Male]

Yes, sir.

[Burch]

What's up? Charles, you're in charge.

[Fergie]

Oh, all right.

[Caller/Guest Male]

I got a little advice for Wendy. Go ahead. I absolutely love cats. My wife loves cats. And I think. I think you're kind of missing the big picture. If you're wanting to get involved with a guy, you have got to be honest with him straight up and just tell him, look, I love cats. If you don't accept me for that, then you don't want to date me or you don't want to get involved with me.

[Melissa]

Be proud of your cats is what he's saying.

[Burch]

Hey, cat pride, Steve.

[Melissa]

That's right.

[Jen Hobby]

My campaign.

[Burch]

Hey, Stephen, welcome to the show.

[Caller/Guest Male]

Two things real quick. First of all, I do cable TV and a lot of houses. You get to. You can smell the cats before you get to the door. You know, clean the box out. That's fine. But I think that 70 show read, the father said it best when Kitty, his wife, wanted a cat. He said, best case scenario, we get the smartest cat that's ever existed on the planet, and it craps in a box in my house.

[Fergie]

You're not a cat person, are you?

[Melissa]

Yeah, it doesn't sound like.

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

There we go.

[Fergie]

He and I are dog pride. Dog love dog pride.

[Melissa]

Because dogs never go in the house.

[Bluff]

Who are you?

[Burch]

Are you. Are you team dog, or are you team cat? Like, at least. Yeah, it's a good point, Melissa. At least the cat goes in a box.

[Fergie]

It's cat dog.

[Burch]

Dog just goes on your floor.

[Fergie]

Yeah, only once in a while. And those are accidents.

[Caller/Guest Female]

All right?

[Fergie]

Cats poop in the house every day in a box.

[Burch]

On purpose. On purpose. I would take intentional box pooping rather than intention.

[Fergie]

Whatever room that litter is in, it smells bad. And I'm just telling you, if you put it in your bathroom and your guests have to go use that bathroom, they're grossed out. Hey, Travis, just giving you a heads up.

[Burch]

What's going on?

[Caller/Guest Male]

Well, I was just thinking from a guy's point of view. I have dogs and cats. That Wendy's obsession over whether or not somebody cares about the cats is far crazier than whether or not she has cats. The last thing I'm gonna think of if you mentioned to me you have cats is that you're a crazy cat lady. If anything, because you have CA security, that you think you're a crazy cat

[Fergie]

lady because you're team cat.

[Melissa]

We've talked to three guys who've had cats. So there's plenty of. There's plenty of guys that have cats that you could date and not be a problem.

[Fergie]

They have to be team cat guys.

[Melissa]

Jeff has a cat too.

[Burch]

Meow. I would like to. I would like to make an observation. I would like to make a Jen hobby observation because Bert can't stand cats. Yeah, he's talked about that on the air. I don't hate cats for years. And Jen, it's like, has never made a comment in alignment with cats being stinky or disliking cats until she got Carolina her dog. Now all of a sudden she's like in the allegiance of like, yeah, I got a dog.

[Fergie]

I'm only giving you a heads up that whatever room your litter box is in, it stinks. So just put it in a room that's not going to be near your living area or anywhere people come over to visit. You go and you're good to go.

[Burch]

We keep Gugu's litter box under the dining room table. Hot that way. We don't like people stretching their feet out too far. Cause then they kick us. So that stops them pretty quick. We actually don't even have a litter box. We just pour a pile of litter on the floor underneath the dining room table at least.

[Melissa]

But Ngu goo still goes on that pile of sand on the floor where the dog goes wherever the hell it wants to go.

[Fergie]

I'm just saying courtesy from, you know, an outside dog person who's not your friend who won't want to offend you that you're wherever your litter box is, it smells like a cat lives there.

[Melissa]

I think we got the point. Okay, angry, angry dog. You got the point. I hate cats. General.

[Fergie]

That is incorrect. I don't hate cats at all. I like cats and I like my friend's cats. But I'm just telling you. Just giving you the heads up.

[Burch]

Hey, Dan.

[Fergie]

Cat people like to say, but my house doesn't smell like it.

[Burch]

Hey, what's going on?

[Caller/Guest Male]

Not much. I was just gonna tell Wendy that I think she should hold off on telling people about the cats. Cause like, half the guys I know hate cats. I mean, no offense, I'm not big on cats, but it'd be better to hold off.

[Fergie]

I agree.

[Jen Hobby]

See?

[Fergie]

Yeah, I think you're doing the right thing.

[Burch]

So is what you're saying, Jen, essentially go dogs? Is that what you're saying?

[Fergie]

I'm saying team dog. No, it's fine. I think cats are fine. I'm just giving you the heads up. You can't ever. It's just like a bride saying to a bridesmaid, you're going to wear this dress again. No, you're not. And it's the same thing as cat people saying, my house doesn't ever smell like a cat. Yes, it does.

[Jen Hobby]

That's all.

[Burch]

I think I would like to.

[Caller/Guest Female]

And not all cats.

[Jen Hobby]

Well, we all know Jen Hobby's friends, houses smell like cats.

[Melissa]

And not all cat people think their house doesn't smell like cats. But I do want to say too, Wendy, don't go to the point of getting rid of your cats to please a guy. Like to me, I would have it come up in conversation because I'm not. You know what? My animals are going to come before the person that's coming in the house.

[Jen Hobby]

Oh, yeah. My animals are not going anywhere.

[Fergie]

True.

[Jen Hobby]

They're staying.

[Burch]

Another in depth conversation on the Bird show. You're on the Bird show.

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[Caller/Guest Male]

here.

[Burch]

Bird show. So the super bowl is this weekend and we have to say hello again to Katherine. Hi, Katherine.

[Caller/Guest Female]

Hi, how are you? Hello.

[Burch]

Are you excited for the super bowl this weekend?

[Caller/Guest Female]

Very excited.

[Burch]

Okay. And we have to say hello to Story.

[Fergie]

Are you going to talk to her now?

[Caller/Guest Male]

Hello.

[Melissa]

Hi, how are you?

[Caller/Guest Female]

Good morning. I'm doing well. How are y'?

[Caller/Guest Male]

All?

[Melissa]

Good.

[Fergie]

You've been brushing up on your football knowledge.

[Caller/Guest Female]

I have.

[Burch]

How about you, Kathryn? Have you been.

[Caller/Guest Female]

I've been trying your American football knowledge a little bit. I'm not quite sure how much you can learn in a couple days.

[Melissa]

Oh, that's so funny.

[Caller/Guest Male]

A little bit.

[Melissa]

I think if she said, oh, I got to look up football and shit, and she knows all about soccer,

[Jen Hobby]

American football.

[Burch]

So here's what I. Here's what's up for grabs because you guys are both single ladies.

[Caller/Guest Female]

Yes.

[Burch]

And what's. What's up for grabs is some space at the bar at Dantana's. Two primetime seats right in like testosterone heaven.

[Melissa]

It's almost like a movie. Like if you see a bar full of guys, you know, and they're all crowded around this bar and you are literally in the front center. I mean, it's almost like this halo of men around you. So it's like it is the prime

[Burch]

seat, as it should be, for two ladies of your caliber.

[Melissa]

That's right.

[Burch]

So Wendy has. Wendy is a hardcore football fan.

[Jen Hobby]

I am.

[Burch]

And Wendy wrote a bunch of trivia questions. And I think what we'll do is just go back and forth.

[Jen Hobby]

It's all basic football knowledge. Because our basic question.

[Melissa]

Because the idea was that we wanted women who didn't know much about football so they could carry on the conversation with the guys, so they could let the guys teach them a little bit about the super bowl as they're watching. However, they needed to carry on conversation. So that's why we had them look up a little bit about football so that they could at least, you know, ask the questions.

[Burch]

So what we'll do is we'll just start. We'll go back and forth, and the first person to get three answers correct is the winner. We'll start with Story, because she's American and we won the war and we'll. The Revolutionary War.

[Melissa]

We are no longer your colonies.

[Caller/Guest Female]

I know.

[Burch]

What if My land, too. If I see taxation without representation. Yeah, it still exists today.

[Advertisement Announcer]

All right.

[Melissa]

Stars and stripes.

[Burch]

So we'll let Story the pilgrim go first, and we'll go back and forth. And if God bless America, if somebody doesn't get the question right, then the other person has a chance to answer it. Javi, are you unhung over enough to keep score?

[Fergie]

I'll try.

[Caller/Guest Female]

All right. I don't know how to answer that.

[Burch]

It's Story and Catherine.

[Melissa]

That means she's hungover.

[Burch]

If you can't answer Story, the first question is for you. And by the way, if we get to the end of the list of questions, we don't have a winner. We'll have to do a coin toss.

[Jen Hobby]

Well, yeah, I did write 19 questions.

[Burch]

Or if. Or if we get to the point where we're bored with it. All right.

[Melissa]

Coin toss with an American coin. Not a shilling.

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah, well, the first question does have to do with the coin toss. Melissa.

[Burch]

All right, Story, this is the first question. Go.

[Jen Hobby]

Which team calls the coin toss? Visiting team or home team?

[Caller/Guest Female]

Visiting team.

[Jen Hobby]

That is correct.

[Fergie]

Story, one second question for Katherine.

[Jen Hobby]

All right, Katherine, how many minutes are in a quarter?

[Michelle]

Fifteen.

[Fergie]

Correct.

[Burch]

Story question.

[Melissa]

God save the queen. I'll stop.

[Advertisement Announcer]

I'm sorry.

[Jen Hobby]

How many points for a safety?

[Caller/Guest Female]

Oh, let's see. For a safety, that would be. All right, I'm gonna just guess.

[Jen Hobby]

No googling.

[Caller/Guest Female]

Three.

[Jen Hobby]

That is wrong. It's two.

[Burch]

Oh, Catherine, you have a chance to answer that now. Oh, no, I know you don't.

[Caller/Guest Female]

I did actually know the answer to that.

[Jen Hobby]

I just said the answer.

[Caller/Guest Female]

I know.

[Burch]

Don't do that anymore.

[Jen Hobby]

Okay, that was my bad.

[Burch]

Catherine, question four.

[Caller/Guest Male]

Go.

[Jen Hobby]

Name one position in football besides the quarterback.

[Caller/Guest Female]

A fullback.

[Jen Hobby]

Correct.

[Burch]

Is that what David Beckham plays?

[Caller/Guest Female]

No. He doesn't.

[Michelle]

No.

[Burch]

Story.

[Melissa]

She's like, I'm done.

[Jen Hobby]

What is a sack?

[Caller/Guest Female]

It's a plan. I mean, like the. One of the plays that the. That the coach makes out for the team. Like they get together and. And huddle and they discuss one of the plays.

[Jen Hobby]

That is not correct.

[Caller/Guest Female]

No. Okay.

[Burch]

Catherine, what is a sack?

[Caller/Guest Female]

Oh, sack. I'm sorry, I thought you said stack. I'm sorry. Okay, go ahead. I'm sorry.

[Burch]

Do you know what a sack is and not a stack? Story?

[Caller/Guest Female]

Yes, I know what a stack is.

[Burch]

Okay.

[Caller/Guest Female]

Okay. A sack is when the other team takes down the quarterback.

[Jen Hobby]

That is correct.

[Fergie]

There you go.

[Burch]

Okay, Catherine, next question for you.

[Melissa]

Yeah, we're eighth grade because we were left about sack.

[Jen Hobby]

Catherine, how many downs until the other team gets the ball?

[Caller/Guest Female]

Four.

[Jen Hobby]

Correct.

[Burch]

Story. God, you guys are good.

[Jen Hobby]

How many players allowed on one side of the football?

[Caller/Guest Female]

And I got three right?

[Fergie]

Oh, yeah.

[Burch]

Catherine just got three right. First three to three.

[Fergie]

Jen is sorry.

[Melissa]

Congratulations.

[Burch]

Hey, nicely done, Jen. Way to keep score.

[Fergie]

Catherine wins three to two.

[Jen Hobby]

Oh, yay.

[Melissa]

See if we make a mistake all morning. I'm just gonna thank Fergie. Thank you, Fergie.

[Fergie]

Thanks, Will.

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

I am.

[Caller/Guest Female]

Congratulations.

[Burch]

Hey, Catherine. The British did win this time, but it will not happen again. Enjoy Dantanna's. Who are you gonna take with you?

[Caller/Guest Female]

My roommate, Lisa.

[Burch]

Okay. And you guys are both single?

[Caller/Guest Female]

Yes, we are.

[Burch]

All right, you've got two primetime seats. And we'll put some information up online about Dan Tanners. They're having a big event on Sunday and I mean, I think they're selling like these seats at the bar because they're.

[Fergie]

Yeah, they are selling them like you have to buy a ticket to sit at the bar. That's how coveted these spots are that you guys are sitting in. You're going to be right in front of the big TVs. You can order food and drinks and just have a great time there. And Dantana's is always stacked with good looking guys.

[Melissa]

She's stacked.

[Fergie]

Stacked, not sacked.

[Burch]

Hey, Katherine, hold on. We'll make sure we have all your information so we can pass that on to the Dantanas people.

[Caller/Guest Female]

Okay, thank you very Much.

[Burch]

You're welcome. And enjoy the super bowl on Sunday. And please call us on Monday and let us know how you fared.

[Caller/Guest Female]

I will do.

[Burch]

Yeah, listen, it's the Vert show.

[Melissa]

Recently, I got an invitation that's very exciting. And it was based on a random conversation. Conversation I had on air about a bucket list item. Like, you know, the bucket list is things you want to do before you die. And so, like, some things on my bucket list, which is probably on a lot of people's, is like, attend the Academy Awards. I'd love to do that once before I die. Somehow get in that building or write a book or. You know, one of the other things I had said on the air randomly was that I wanted to attend the Rose Bowl Parade because I'm one of those geeks that loves that parade. In particular, because if you've never seen the Rose bowl parade, you've heard of it, you've heard of the Rose Bowl. And the parade beforehand is every float is made of organic material. So you are not allowed in the Rose Bowl Parade to have anything on your float that's not organic. Meaning because it's the Tournament of Roses parade, so that's why it's all, like,

[Burch]

wooden floats with flowers.

[Melissa]

And it's not just flowers. Like if when they're coloring some of the big items on the float, they're using mustard seed or they're using coconut, or they're, you know, like.

[Burch]

I don't think I knew that.

[Melissa]

Yeah. I mean, it is intensive and it's the timing, too. So it's not only that they have to do that and find all the materials to do it, but they can't do it too soon because it's organic and rot. Yeah. So anyway, it's just fascinating to me, and it's something that my mother and I used to watch, and it's something I watch now. HGTV has this great coverage because they have the experts on that can tell you all the. Like I said, I'm trying to think of some other items, just random, like herbs and spices that sometimes they can glue and brush on these things. So I love the artistry of it. And so being there.

[Burch]

And I think it's important to know, too. You may not know this about Melissa, but she is artistic, like in, like, she custom. Like, all of. Every time you get a Christmas card from Melissa, it's a custom. It's a Melissa Carter design. So it's not just like a weird, geeky obsession.

[Fergie]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

So, yeah, anything creative. Like, one of the things I Like about Project Runway, for instance, I'm not a big clothes person, but the fact they have to make it like anything like that, where it takes a lot of creativity and effort and passion, I really appreciate. So, anyway, so I said on the air, just off the cuff one day, that I think it was right after New Year's. And I said, you know, I'd love someday to go to the Rose bowl parade. Okay. Well, soon after that, I actually got an email from a representative at Central Carroll High School. Okay. In Carroll County. And they have been invited. Their band is going to be in the 2011 Rose bowl parade.

[Jen Hobby]

Oh, that's awesome.

[Melissa]

Now, you have to think about. There's only.

[Burch]

That's a year almost. That's 11 months from now.

[Melissa]

That is the next Rose bowl parade. Central Carroll High School is going to be in that parade. And it is, you know, much like when we helped South Cobb, going to the inauguration parade. And you can get an invitation, but it's up to you to do your own fundraising for the event. So they had invited me to become an honorary member of the band because they said, we would love to fill your dream in being a part of the Rose bowl parade. So. But one of the things is that I'm going to share with you on air is that Central Carol High School, some of the band members came to talk to me about this. And so the agreement is, you know, we would love to do this for you, and we would love to make sure that you get to the Rose bowl parade. But to become an honorary member of the band, you must play an instrument in the band. That is incredible. Now, let me just.

[Burch]

Hey, Wendy, why don't you look for some samples of Melissa singing, if you could, just so we could get a full. So we have a good.

[Melissa]

This is not a chorus that's going.

[Burch]

I'm just saying it could be representative of your musical ability, which I don't have any.

[Melissa]

I may have artistic.

[Fergie]

Did you ever play an instrument growing up or anything?

[Melissa]

And I explain to the nice juniors of the band that I. My history of any kind of musical talent or not any. Do you ever think when you're gonna be where this thing can go? Am I crazy or falling in love? Is it real or just another. They may change their mind at this point. Yeah, no, that's. Baby, I know it. You've lost that love and feeling. Katie just broke up with me.

[Burch]

You're singing a romantic song to her.

[Melissa]

You've lost that love. Oh, God. Wow. Well, and the other, you know, just to add to that in junior high school in my hometown, you know, everybody tried the band at first, and so I was. I chose saxophone and I was.

[Burch]

I played saxophone.

[Melissa]

Did you?

[Burch]

Yeah, for one year, I tried the band.

[Melissa]

Well, they. They rank you based on if you've never played in the band before, they rank you based on your chair. So if anytime you see a band, especially if they're not marching, if it's, you know, some kind of, you know, you go to another event and they have their chairs, they're. They are ranked based on those chairs. And so one end is the best to one end is the. Is the worst. I was next to last saxophone chair only because Christy Davis, who was last chair, couldn't get a noise to come out of her saxophone because she could never quite make it. So that's the only reason I was beating anybody in the set. So I cannot play an instrument.

[Jen Hobby]

Why didn't you try that for the flag girls? Cause I was in the marching band and I did the flags. So why don't you be a flag?

[Fergie]

What's that called again?

[Jen Hobby]

Color guard.

[Fergie]

Color guard.

[Melissa]

Well, you know, I appreciated what they were trying to tell me. Okay. The guys over at Central Carol, because, you know, we couldn't. You couldn't hear my progression over the year. If I was twirling a rifle, you can hear it in an instrument.

[Fergie]

That's true.

[Melissa]

But the agreement for them so it. So it's a very generous. They're like, you know what? We want you to be part of our fundraisers. We want you to, you know, you got to be a part member of the band, do some fundraising, and you'll be out in Pasadena with us for the 2011 Rose Bowl.

[Burch]

That's awesome.

[Melissa]

But they have to choose the instrument for me to play.

[Burch]

Oh, they're choosing.

[Melissa]

They're choosing the instrument. So sometime soon, we'll have some of the members of the Central Carol High School Marching Band to come on to tell me what instrument I'm playing, and I have to learn it this year and play it.

[Caller/Guest Female]

Oh, my God.

[Burch]

Do you have a preference right now? Going into it?

[Fergie]

That was great.

[Melissa]

No, because I can't. I mean, no, because.

[Burch]

Well, you don't want it to be something giant because you want. Yeah, tuba. That's heavy. You don't want to have to maybe

[Jen Hobby]

a flute, because that's like a long parade route.

[Melissa]

You know, I said, I.

[Burch]

The flute is going to earn you a year's worth of jokes from me.

[Fergie]

Just so you know, because of American

[Melissa]

pieces, anything's going to do that that movie ruined that instrument one time at band camp.

[Caller/Guest Male]

Yeah.

[Burch]

What about. What about clarinet? Is it like clarinet, the go to first instrument?

[Melissa]

Well, I mean, it's up to them. It's up to. Now in my head, what if they

[Fergie]

heard you say you were in the drums? Like, in the right.

[Melissa]

Or they could put me on where I just hit the big bass drum.

[Michelle]

That would.

[Burch]

That would weird me out, though, because the marching with. I'm bad at rhythm. Like, I can't dance and like, I'd be like, marching and I'd screw up the whole. Because I'd start marching in the rhythm that I'm banging the drum to.

[Fergie]

You're gonna have to go to rehearsals and everything. Yeah.

[Melissa]

I mean. Yes. And one of the things they said is that they're. They said, you know, well, even as you get, you know, better, that there'll be a performance they could do with, you know, a part of the band in which I get a solo.

[Advertisement Announcer]

Really?

[Burch]

I will definitely be going.

[Caller/Guest Female]

I know it's.

[Burch]

Hey, Kerry, welcome to the Bird show.

[Caller/Guest Female]

Hey, Melissa.

[Melissa]

Yes.

[Caller/Guest Female]

You and I are about the same age, and I always appreciate what you say about a lot of things, especially about high school. But back in 1987, so I could go to the band and they were going to Disney, I begged the leader if I could hold the banner so I could walk down the. Just so I can go to Disney. And it was not pretty. Trying to keep in step.

[Burch]

You do know last time Melissa had to walk at Disney, she broke her ankle.

[Melissa]

That's right.

[Burch]

So perhaps banner would not be her Instagram.

[Melissa]

I appreciate you trying to save me. I do. But I, you know, I committed to them. I said, I'll do this. I will be part of it. Because like I said, they're making what they're checking off one of my items on my bucket list for me.

[Burch]

Hey, Jessica. Welcome to the Bird Chef.

[Caller/Guest Female]

Hi. I was just gonna tell her that it's really fun. I was in the color guard.

[Bluff]

And you just.

[Caller/Guest Female]

I mean, Mr. Ruby is like an awesome person. If you'll just listen him, he'll help you follow instruction. Huh?

[Melissa]

Just following instruction.

[Michelle]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest Female]

He's a really nice guy. And the band I was in there, I was in a color guard. I wasn't actually playing an instrument, but I mean, the band members are really nice. Like, they'll really help you.

[Dr. Carmen Cavalli]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

You know, the three member. Three band members I met at Central, Carol came in, you know, and they were very sweet, but I know in their minds, they were thinking, we've got her now.

[Fergie]

You know who I feel bad for is the band Sully and Gigi, your animals because they're going to have to to be your audience while you're really, really bad.

[Melissa]

No, no. They're going to love and support me as dogs do.

[Burch]

Hey, Tracy. Welcome to the bird show.

[Caller/Guest Female]

Hey, I've got one word for Melissa. I don't know if I would have it in the marching band, but triangle.

[Bluff]

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[Burch]

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