The Bert Show – Full Show PT 3: Friday, March 20 [Vault] (March 20, 2026)

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show blends celebrity interviews, lighthearted team banter, listener calls, and signature humor, all crafted to make your morning more enjoyable. The team dives into thoughtful conversations with rapper T.I. on fame, mentoring, and personal setbacks, surprises a co-host with a heartfelt celebrity drop-in from Olivia Newton-John, shares viral (and absurd) 911 call clips, and gets introspective as the host recounts his solitary "mancation" and the personal insights gleaned from time alone.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Interview with T.I. – On Atlanta, Fame, Mentorship & Redemption

Timestamps: 01:04 – 08:47

• Atlanta Recommendations: T.I. details the must-sees for different types of visitors:

  • Friends: Magic City, Club Crucial, Velvet Room, Candy Shop – "an adult Atlanta experience" (01:58)
  • Mom’s friends: New Birth Church (Bishop Eddie Long), Chantrell for dining, High Museum of Art (02:47)
  • Kids’ friends: Sidetrack, Six Flags, Whitewater (02:57)

• Navigating Fame: On being recognized, T.I. notes the perks: "I can call in and have them shut the park down while me and my family do our thing." (03:18)
  On downsides: "Those protections...would make my time a lot more miserable...that would cause for me to be locked in a cell 23 hours out of a day." (05:27)

• Helping Others and Legacy:

  • Best perk of celebrity: "The influence to help others and the ability to create a new standard of living for my family." (03:34)
  • On mentoring at-risk youth (his show "Road to Redemption"): "I’m just trying to use my experiences...to keep them from making the same [mistakes], hopefully." (04:30)

• Facing Prison Time:

  • On nerves: "I’m significantly concerned...somewhat unsettled, but, you know, I’m all right, though." (04:55)
  • General population preference: "Treat me like everybody else, man. I'm doing my time and going home." (05:52)

• Reflections on Mistakes:

  • On buying guns: "I was extremely paranoid, and I had altered judgment because of that paranoia...I went about dealing with those things the wrong way." (07:44)
  • Trust in God: "I gotta put my trust in God, not guns, you know?" (08:16)
  • Courage: "You get the courage after you do the things that scare the hell out of you, not before." (08:31)

Memorable Quotes

• “Through all adversity comes strength.” – T.I. on advice to Chris Brown (04:00)
• "All things are possible, man. You get the courage after you do the things that scare the hell out of you, not before." (08:31)

2. Olivia Newton-John Surprises Melissa – Starstruck Moments and Nostalgia

Timestamps: 11:38 – 18:00

• The Birthday Surprise: Melissa is shocked and overjoyed when Olivia Newton-John calls in, inviting her to an upcoming Atlanta show complete with backstage passes.

  • Melissa gushes: "I have truly loved you for so long...I'm so glad you’re still on tour and still getting your voice heard." (12:22)

• Legacy of 'Grease' & 'Xanadu': Olivia reflects on being 29 during "Grease", her fears about not fitting the part, and the film’s enduring popularity:
  “After like 10 years...now, of course, it’s like 30 years. It’s unbelievable to me.” (14:37)

• Candid Thoughts:

  • On 'Grease 2': “I didn’t think it was that good a movie...it was a disappointment as a movie.” (15:04)
  • On Broadway's 'Xanadu': Shares the humor of seeing an actress mimic her: “I probably laughed more than anybody...she did my accent and took all my mannerisms.” (15:44)
  • On lasting careers: Praises Jennifer Hudson and her daughter, Chloe Lattanzi: “She's beautiful. She’s got a great voice. She can act.” (17:07)

Memorable Quotes

• “You get the courage after you do the things to scare the hell out of you, not before.” – T.I. (echoed from earlier)
• “You never forget your first leather-panted Sandy.” – Show Host (18:43)

3. Viral & Ridiculous 911 Calls – Comedy Gold

Timestamps: 20:12 – 34:00

• Burger King “Lemonade Crisis”: A man in Florida calls 911 because the drive-thru is out of lemonade. Melissa, impersonating a 911 dispatcher, walks him through why this isn’t an emergency.

  • “You cannot dial 911 ‘cuz you’re unhappy with your burger. Okay? Do you understand that?” (21:39)
  • When the caller continues: “Customer service is not a reason to call 911—911 is if you’re dying.” (24:05)

• Stoned Cop Calls 911:
  A police officer, high after eating marijuana brownies, panics and calls 911 convinced he’s dying.

  • Quotes:
    • “I think we’re dying. ... Time is going by really, really, really, really slow.” (27:14, 27:48)
    • “What’s the score in the Red Wings game?” – while awaiting help (31:13)

• Listener Shares a UFO 911 Call:
  Robert calls in, recalling his 911 operator days, including a woman demanding a UFO investigation.

  • “There was nothing really going on,” but “She really wanted to talk to somebody, so I transferred her to the Air Force Command.” (33:04)

Memorable Moments

• Hilarious escalation of the Burger King call, refusal to accept "no lemonade" as fate.
• Stoned cop's existential panic: “I think we’re dead. I really do.” (27:19)
• Listeners and co-hosts riffing on the absurdity and patience needed by emergency operators.

4. Host's 'Mancation' Reflections – Solitude, Personal Insight & Struggles

Timestamps: 35:50 – 45:03

• What is a 'Mancation'?: Host retreats solo to Argentina for annual self-reflection, disconnecting from all social and familial obligations.

• Personal Revelations:

  • Admits to intense loneliness and facing his own flaws: “You really are in touch with the things you like about yourself and the things you think suck.” (37:37)
  • Sees need for self-improvement: More patience, less coarse in relationships.
  • Struggles deeply with “never being content—if I’m in one place I always want to be somewhere else.” (39:15)

• Balancing Achievement and Contentment:

  • Team discusses the difficulty of slowing down ambition without feeling like you’ll lose your edge.
  • Host expresses frustration: “I can't appreciate it, and it sucks. It pisses me off." (40:03)

• Moments of True Peace:

  • Best moment was silent sunset solitude: “I was there for three hours...in that three hours, I was completely free. And that's what I was going for for the week.” (41:09)

• On Meditation:

  • Host envies his mother’s ability to find stillness in meditation; “For me, it’s a victory if I have a split second where I’m not thinking of anything.” (42:35)

Notable Quotes

• “Sometimes you can’t get away from your thoughts.” – Co-Host (41:31)
• “Your thoughts become a little bit louder [when alone].” – Co-Host (42:58)
• “I don’t know how to be content.” – Show Host (39:15)

Memorable Quotes & Timestamps (Spotlight)

• “Through all adversity, man, comes strength.” – T.I. (04:00)
• “Treat me like everybody else, man. I'm doing my time and going home.” – T.I. (05:52)
• “Customer service is not a reason to call 911—911 is if you’re dying.” – Melissa as dispatcher (24:05)
• “I think we’re dying. ... Time is going by really, really, really, really, really, really slowly.” – Stoned Cop (27:17, 27:48)
• “You never forget your first leather-panted Sandy.” – Show Host, re: Grease (18:43)
• “I don't know how to be content.” – Show Host (39:15)
• “If I stop, will I lose it all?” – Show Host wrestling with ambition vs. gratitude (40:24)

Structure & Tone

The episode masterfully transitions between earnest, heartfelt interviews and classic Bert Show irreverence. Listeners are treated to both celebrity vulnerability (T.I., Olivia Newton-John) and the morning show's signature comic relief via viral audio clips and group banter. Personal insights from the hosts make the episode relatable, while surprises and humor keep it lively throughout.

For First-Time Listeners: Key Segments Worth Revisiting

• 01:04 – 08:47: T.I. interview on fame, mentorship, adversity
• 11:38 – 18:00: Melissa’s birthday surprise with Olivia Newton-John, Grease/Xanadu memories
• 20:12 – 34:00: Ridiculous and viral 911 call audio & reactions
• 35:50 – 45:03: Host’s introspective ‘mancation’ reflections, team discussion on contentment

This episode delivers on The Bert Show’s reputation – real talk, real laughs, and a healthy dose of the unexpected, offering both entertainment and authenticity for your morning.