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Bert
Okay, can we talk about how confusing weight loss has become? Like one minute it's carbs are bad and then the next it's no, actually carbs are fine, but only if you walk 10,000 steps and drink a green juice. And honestly, it's just a lot. And then even if you do lose the weight, keeping it off is a whole different story. If you're struggling and want something that fits your real life, hers can help. It's designed to support you in reaching your goals in a way that actually fits your life. That's why weight loss by hers is getting so much attention right now. Hers connects you with licensed medical providers who create doctor developed treatment plans tailored to you. They offer access to an affordable range of FDA approved GLP1 medications, including the Wegovy pill and the Wegovy pen. It helps regulate your appetite so you eat less and keep the weight off. If you're ready to reach your goals and want to try something new, visit for hers.combert to get personalized affordable care that gets you that's F O R h e r s.comb for hers.com Bert Weightliftsbyhurst is not available in all 50 states, but go via registered trademark of Novo Nordisk A S to get started and learn more, including important safety information with Gobi clinical study information and restrictions, visit borhears.com what's going on everyone?
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Host (Bert)
The Birch Show I want to fire up the voice disguiser here. If you already know, you have accidentally or purposely found what you're getting for Christmas and you already know like on Christmas morning you're gonna have to put on that Academy Award face and pretend like you don't know. 404-741-Q100 and we'll use the voice disguiser here so you're not busted. But I'm assuming that there are a whole bunch of you guys that while you love a surprise, the hunt for your present has just been too great over the last couple of days. So you went snooping.
Melissa
So I mean like if you're an adult snooper. Were you a kid snooper? Does that, like, personality never change? I don't know.
Host (Bert)
I've never snooped.
Jen
I haven't either.
Melissa
I always have.
Jen
I want to be surprised. Yeah.
Bert
I used to snoop as a kid.
Host (Bert)
You did?
Bert
I could never find anything.
Jessica
I found mine one year. I looked everywhere, and it was depressing.
Melissa
But you didn't mean to.
Jessica
No, I did.
Melissa
You did?
Jessica
Yeah. Like, I think I knew. Like, I think I was getting something out of a closet or something that normally wouldn't be in. And then I saw, like, in the corner, you know, like a bag.
Jen
Corner of a game box.
Jessica
Like, I saw, like, I saw a bag from a department store or whatever, and I was like, oh, I know what that is. And I looked, and then I was like, I was so bummed because, like, I was lying in bed, Christmas going, I know what's going to happen tomorrow. It's not even fun.
Host (Bert)
It doesn't even necessarily have to be a snooping question. Like, it could be you just saw the receipt, and now you know what you're getting. You're a little bummed about it, and you're gonna have to put the face on on Christmas morning.
Jen
Now, I did some online shopping the other day, and when the confirmation came in, it said gift in the subject line. It said gift information might be inside.
Host (Bert)
Oh, that's good.
Jen
Like, kind of like warning you.
Host (Bert)
Like, warning you. Okay. You know, or tempting you.
Jen
Yeah, I guess it would depend if you're a snooper or not. But if you weren't a snooper and you were in that email account, but it wasn't from your order.
Melissa
It was warning you.
Jen
It was warning you that you were gonna get a gift.
Host (Bert)
So, Danielle, do you want to be on the voice disguiser?
Kim
No, I don't need to.
Host (Bert)
Okay.
Jennifer
My mother had. We were shopping in a store, and I saw some earrings that I really, really liked, and. Oh, those are just pretty. Those are pretty.
Kim
Well, on Monday, I guess it was.
Jennifer
I was getting something out of her purse for her, and sure enough, those earrings were. She told me, so go get my
Kim
camera out of my pur. I went to her purse, and there
Jennifer
were the earrings, and I was like, oh, gosh. She told me to go get her
Kim
camera out of her purse.
Host (Bert)
She did. She forgot.
Melissa
She forgot. She.
Jennifer
I know she's gonna realize it, and she's just gonna be heartbroken.
Jessica
You know what? Excuse me. You know what the problem is now, in addition to finding stuff, like, in the closet or in a purse or under a bed. Excuse Me is like you said with the email, if you share a computer with someone, you have to log out. I bought some gifts on am and they put up a warning that actually says log out of your account. Because if you don't, the next person to use it can see your recent. Not only what you bought, but what you recently browsed. So then they'll know categories. Let's say you're price shopping for a whatever. There might be five of them up on the screen. They might not know exactly what one they're getting, but they're like, wait a minute. That person looked at five universal remote controls. I know what I'm getting.
Host (Bert)
We will call her Kim. She wants to be on the voice disguiser. Hey, Kim.
Kim
Hey.
Host (Bert)
Hi. You're on the voice disguiser.
Kim
Hey. I love you guys. Okay, so. Well, to answer the question earlier, I think, like, once a snooper, always a snooper, because my sisters and I used to unwrap all of our gifts before Christmas and rewrap them all.
Jessica
Oh, no.
Kim
Yeah. Yes. And so it's horrible, and I think it's just in me, but I don't know. I don't like the element of surprise, I guess. But. Okay, so I found that I am getting a new car for Christmas, and he does not know. So how did you find it? Well, he does a really good job of, like, hiding stuff. And we have two different accounts, and, like, one is his business account. And I never really touched that. I don't pay bills with it or anything like that. But I was online and, like, recently viewed things was like, the website for it. And then I totally found under our account a deduction to go into his account, like a transfer thing, you know, And. And it was like, this amount of money, and, like, I just kind of put two and two together for the car. And so I know. Well, and we've been kind of talking about it, but I think he's gonna.
Melissa
So you're the. You're the person that gets the car for Christmas commercials with the boat. Yes. And you're the one.
Host (Bert)
So do you think that. Do you have a great, like, poker face? Like, he'll never know when you're really good?
Kim
Yes, I think I totally have it down by now because I've been doing it since I was, like, five. So I'm really good at, like, oh, my gosh. And I can cry on command and I can, like. It's awesome.
Jen
Are you kind of bummed, though, that, like, you can't pick out, like, the interior or the color or the no, not at all.
Kim
Because he's got, like, really, really good taste, and I totally think it's just. It'll be awesome no matter what. And I think it's still, like, fun because I'll still get to, like, drive it for the first time, and it doesn't take the fun newness away from it.
Host (Bert)
I hope that he, like, runs video on it so we could see your Academy Award eventually.
Bluff
Okay.
Kim
Okay. Yeah, Yeah, a little. Like, I'll set up a hidden camera or something.
Jessica
I love that. You can't set up a hidden camera. What if you get busted setting up a camera? What are you going to tell him
Kim
you're setting it up for? I don't know. I'll think of something on the spot. He's not as, like, sneaky as I am, so he would never, like, this
Melissa
time of year, you can say. Yeah. This time of year, you can say Christmas. Okay. Don't ask any questions.
Jessica
Right.
Melissa
And people. Okay. But I had a best friend in high school that could cry on command. Man, she got away with all kinds of stuff.
Host (Bert)
Think about how handy that would come in.
Melissa
Oh, yeah.
Host (Bert)
Hey, Ashley, we're gonna put you on the voice disguiser. Hi.
Kim
Okay. Hi.
Host (Bert)
Hi. The question is, you already know what you're getting for Christmas, but you have to put on the Academy Award face on Christmas morning.
Kim
I do. And my husband keeps asking me if the kids have told me because they're nine and six and they can't keep a secret for their life, literally. And they have told me, and I had to even. I mean, yeah, they told me, and they don't know that I know either, because they were yelling it in their hands and they were writing it down on paper and flashing it to me, and they're whispering it real loud, and they wanted me to know so badly, but I can't tell them that I know either, because then they'll know I'm lying to my husband.
Melissa
Oh, that's so cute. They're yelling at, so what did you say?
Host (Bert)
That you're getting a Mac computer?
Jessica
Oh,
Bert
hey, look at that.
Kim
He keeps coming home and saying, have you told your mom? And they're like, no, no, we haven't. And they'll stand behind me and say it real low, and I'm like, guys, I'm going to find out. You can't keep doing that.
Melissa
They can't.
Host (Bert)
Kids cannot keep a secret, man. Hayden is the exact same way. The quickest way for him to. For his mom to find something out is if I say, keep this secret.
Melissa
Oh, that's funny.
Host (Bert)
I'm not capable.
Melissa
I am now remembering that. Yeah. My dad never told us what he got my mom for Christmas.
Host (Bert)
Well, for good reason.
Melissa
Yeah. Now I realize why.
Host (Bert)
Hey, Lisa. Good morning. You're on the voice disguiser.
Kim
Good morning.
Host (Bert)
Good morning.
Kim
How are you?
Host (Bert)
Good. Were you snooping?
Kim
Well, I found out from my twin daughter that I was getting a coach bag.
Host (Bert)
A coach bag. Nice.
Jen
So your daughter's told you what your husband's getting you?
Kim
Well, yeah. Well, first of all, that was them on his part. He took some shopping with him, and it was on a day when he was off work and I was at work, and he took some shopping, and I knew. So it was just a process of elimination. I asked them questions.
Host (Bert)
So you interrogated your kids in order to get information out of them?
Kim
Well, yeah. They're seven years old. I just asked him, okay, what mall did you go to?
Melissa
And can't do that.
Kim
I just said, okay, I'm getting a coach bag. And he was like, how did you know, Mommy?
Melissa
You manipulated them.
Host (Bert)
I did.
Kim
And then I told them, please do not tell dad. This is between us girls.
Host (Bert)
Oh, they're gonna tell us. Yeah. You know, as soon as you open it up, they're gonna say, she knew. Mommy knew.
Kim
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Me and my girls, we have a very, very tight bond.
Melissa
We'll say on Christmas morning.
Kim
Ever.
Host (Bert)
All right. We will see on Christmas morning. Thank you.
Melissa
That is hilarious. I never thought about kids spilling the beans.
Host (Bert)
Here's Neil. Good morning, Neil. You're on the voice disguiser.
Neil
Morning, guys.
Host (Bert)
Good morning.
Neil
So my friend was over, and he had his email up. One of my best friends, and not snooping or anything. I look onto my computer, and there's a thread between him and my girlfriend. And I'm like, what's going on? So I open the thread, and they're talking about my gift for a gift idea for my birthday or for Christmas. And I totally know what it is, and I'm the worst actor ever.
Host (Bert)
I don't know what I'm. What are you getting?
Neil
I'm getting a new guitar. I'm a guitarist.
Melissa
Oh, nice.
Jen
That's awesome.
Neil
I don't even know what to do. She's gonna know.
Host (Bert)
Do you want to practice? Do you want to practice on us real quick? Like, go ahead and pretend practice.
Jessica
Acting shock.
Host (Bert)
You're acting shocked now. You just opened it up and there it is.
Jessica
It's a guitar.
Kim
Oh, cool.
Melissa
Yeah.
Jessica
The bird show.
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Bert
about how confusing weight loss has become? Like one minute it's carbs are bad and then the next it's no, actually carbs are fine, but only if you walk 10,000 steps and drink a green juice. And honestly, it's just a lot. And then even if you do lose the weight, keeping it off is a whole different story. If you're struggling and want something that fits your real life, hers can help. It's designed to support you in reaching your goals in a way that actually fits your life. That's why weight loss by hers is getting so much attention right now. Hers connects you with licensed medical providers who create doctor developed treatment plans tailored to you. They offer access to an affordable range of FDA approved GLP1 medications, including the Wegovy pill and the Wegovy pen. It helps regulate your appetite so you eat less and keep the weight off. If you're ready to reach your goals and want to try something new, visit for hers.combert to get personalized affordable care that gets you you. That's F O R h e r s.com Bert borehurst.com Bert weightless by hers is not available in all 50 states, but go is a registered trademark of Novo Nordisk A s Get started and learn more including important safety information with govi, clinical study information and restrictions. Visit borehurst.com hey everybody.
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Melissa
The Bird show so Katie and I don't see eye to eye on some. Well, there's a lot of things Katie and I don't see eye to eye on because we're very different people. But I do think that's why our relationship works. But this, this in particular just kind of is a little friction this Christmas based on something from last Christmas. So, and I think it has everything to do with the fact that we're not married. And what disturbs me is the fact that, you know, in Georgia we can never get married. So I don't know if this will ever change. So it's kind of something I want to ask or present to people who are in a relationship who aren't married over the holidays.
Jessica
Never. Melissa.
Melissa
I mean, if DC approves it, this may cause us to move to DC to get married for this. Because I feel like over the holidays people have a disrespect for couples who are not married. And it's not just outside. I think it's the couples themselves on them being their priority for Christmas to where families pull them in so many different directions. And if you're not married, you feel obligated to do whatever the family tells you to do. And what I'm talking about is last year Christmas Eve was spent with Katie's family, I believe. I'm trying to think. I think it was Christmas Eve we spent with Katie's family, which was great. I mean, I enjoy her family, I love her family. And then Christmas morning, I think it was the night before on Christmas Eve that Katie said, oh, by the way, I'm going to be going to have breakfast with my grandparents today or tomorrow morning or we, I, I and she was going to go with, you know, just tradition, her and, you know, some of her family to go have breakfast with her grandparents. And I think it was the case that she didn't want me to have to get up early and then I was having to get prepared for us to go to Nashville and stuff. So it was more of a scheduling thing. But it was just the announcement the night before that I'm going to breakfast. So we had Christmas Eve with her family dinner. And she comes from a divorced family. So it's one side for Christmas Eve is the other side for Christmas morning. And I felt like, well, where do we fit into this? You know, where is our Christmas. So I thought about this the other day and haven't brought it up to her because Christmas is still a week away, but. Cause we're trying to do logistic things because my family's obviously not here. They're in Nashville. So we're trying to coordinate with them when we're gonna get together. But my planning is always, you know, what Katie and I are gonna do first, and then, you know, I tell my family. My family's, you know, a little more used to me letting them know that they're second when it comes to Christmas. But I don't think Katie has that in her head, and I don't think her family has that in her head because we're just dating, so. And I made a comment to. I made this comment to a friend who said, oh, well, that happened when we were, you know, dating. But once we got mar. Everything changed. And I thought, but we can't. We can't get married. So I just feel like. I just feel like, you know, just because you're not married, why is it that a couple cannot dictate to people? Look, we have our own Christmas celebration, and then the family comes second.
Host (Bert)
I think there are two different debates here. There's the one that you guys can't get married, which really changes everything. But I think that if you're the family and you're watching your daughter or you're watching your sister, what have you. They've probably seen so many women and so many guys come and go over the years that even though they're in a very serious relationship now, since it's not in officially committed status, it's still not taken as seriously.
Melissa
But we've been together for four years. I mean, I just think we have earned our time.
Jessica
If you weren't a slut, then it would be so much easier for me.
Melissa
I see what he's saying is like, you know, you.
Jen
You.
Melissa
But with our. With us and with gay couples and with couples who don't. I mean, it's not just a gay thing. There's plenty of straight couples who don't want to get married. And so I just think that just, you know, what is the. What is the border in which you, you know, where the family automatically knows, okay, what. I don't know what y' all are doing or when y' all are doing your Christmas, but when are we gonna get together? It just seems like we're. I'm last.
Jen
I would even say that it's not necessarily married couples. It's. Once you have kids, Because I have friends that are married without children that are still expected to do the rounds and, you know, run all over the place and make the, make it about the families and everything else. But then once the, once the couple has kids, it seems then they can start their own traditions. Then the family then like the tides change and the family has to come to them because they plan their traditions around the kids.
Melissa
It's not me want to be with the family, it's me wanting to be with Katie. It's me and Katie by ourselves.
Jen
Right, exactly. And being at home and not have to be on anybody else's schedules and that kind of thing. But I feel like, I feel like that doesn't even turn until you have children. Because I've watched it with my friends who have kids now and they were running around ragged. It wasn't Christmas morning wasn't for the two of them. It was for, you know, going to this house or going to that house or whatever else. And then once they had children, it's like now they get to dictate where Christmas morning is gonna be and, you know, how they're gonna do the gifting and how they're gonna do their own traditions and where they're gonna have breakfast and dinner and when they're gonna go to church and all that kind of stuff. It's like all of a sudden they're in charge because they have kids now and then the, then the grandparents and everything else, like starts to default to their own tradition. So maybe you guys just need to have a baby and.
Melissa
Yeah, that's the one reason to have the baby.
Host (Bert)
Yes.
Jen
Christmas.
Jessica
Hey, Shelly, welcome to the bird show.
Jennifer
Good morning.
Jessica
Good morning.
Jennifer
I wanted to comment on that. You know, Melissa, I really don't know that it has anything to do with being married per se. I've been married for three years.
Melissa
Okay.
Jennifer
My family still expects that I'm supposed to put my spouse's family last and they come first.
Melissa
Yeah, I just, I am a traditionalist. I love family. I mean, I love my family. I love Katie's family. So it has nothing to do with not wanting to be around them. It's my. I just find that and you know, and I put a lot of responsibility on Katie that, you know, and last year that's where I, you know, we had a conversation about it last year. I felt like that, you know, there needs to be time for us because I don't want to. With my 4 year girlfriend. I don't want to have Christmas on the 21st, 26th or the 23rd or whenever, so that we can accommodate the other people in our lives. It's like, well, if we're going to start our own traditions and start our own life, I feel like we're now, again, after four years, I feel like we have earned it.
Jessica
The worst case I've ever seen is Tracy and Scott. And we talk about this every year. I think they travel one year. I think they told us 200 miles, but not, like, to a destination or, like 100 miles somewhere and back.
Melissa
Like, oh, it's here, and it's just around town.
Jessica
They go, Tracy, if she's here already, she'll come down and explain it or whatever. But, like, they go to Athens and back on Christmas Eve, then, like, to Woodstock, then to Athens, then back to Woodstock, then to somewhere else. Because they just have grandparents and divorced families and this and that. And they do the same thing. And I remember when they got married, Tracy thinking it was gonna stop, and it didn't.
Melissa
But I wanna ask Tracy, when did Scott and Tracy have their personal time? Did they wait?
Jen
It's this year because they have a baby?
Jessica
Uh, they're doing it again. I think they did it on Thanksgiving. And again, everybody wants to see the baby.
Melissa
Well, the thing is, I don't. I don't wanna confuse things. Even if it's Christmas Day and we travel around, I'm fine with that. It's just. Do couples have the personal time in which they say, christmas Eve is ours, Christmas morning is ours, and then we travel around. The thing is, Katie and I don't have the personal time. We don't have that, you know.
Jessica
Hey, Andrea.
Kim
Yes.
Jessica
How are you? Welcome to the show.
Kim
Good.
Jennifer
How are y'? All?
Melissa
Good.
Kim
Yeah. I'm going through the same thing right now.
Jennifer
I've been with my boyfriend for three years, and we live together, so it's not like we're just doing the dating thing. And my mom is still very much.
Kim
Are you coming to have Christmas Eve
Jennifer
by yourself or are you bringing that boy? I'm like, mom, he's not that boy anymore.
Kim
And if you were married, yeah, good luck with that.
Jennifer
If you have any advice, let me know how that goes. I need it.
Melissa
Do you think if you were married, your mother would say something?
Jennifer
Honestly, I do.
Kim
Just because, I don't know, she's ready
Jennifer
for me to get married, ready for me to have kids.
Kim
And I think, yeah, she's. I'm like, mom, one step at a time. Thanks.
Jen
Right?
Melissa
Thank you.
Bluff
Thank you.
Jennifer
Y' all have a good.
Melissa
Good luck.
Jessica
Yeah, that's. That's that's gonna be.
Melissa
I mean, it's, it's up to us to set the boundaries. I just. The thing is, I think I've realized that Katie and I are not on the same page about those boundaries.
Jessica
You know, I remember when Jessica and I were living. I think part of it too is proximity of family because your family's farther away. Yeah, like, I remember that too. When I was living in Arizona with Jessica, she was like, okay. And then we woke up Christmas morning and I thought we were gonna hang out and I was gonna make breakfast and it was gonna be like, okay, well, let's go over to my parents house first. Then we'll come back and do our presents. And I'm like, what?
Melissa
Yeah, same thing. It's like, why am I last?
Jessica
The bird show.
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Everybody's talking about weight loss injections because the results are so dramatic. They work by lowering blood sugar and reducing appetite. So what if you're looking to lose weight but not interested in painful weekly injections? Especially when you hear about some of those intense side effects. That's why doctors created a weight loss supplement called Lean. And the results are remarkable. The studied ingredients in Lean have been shown to lower your blood sugar, burn fat by converting it into energy, and curb your appetite and cravings so you're not as hungry. But listen, lean is not for the casual dieter. With only a few pounds to lose, the doctors at Brickhouse Nutrition created Lean for frustrated divers with 10 or more pounds to lose. Here is even better news. They're having a huge Memorial Day sale and lean is 25% off. Visit takelean.com and enter. Thank you 25 for 25% off. That's promo code. Thank you, 25@takelean.com okay, can we talk
Bert
about how confusing weight loss has become? Like, one minute it's carbs are bad, and then the next it's now actually carbs are fine, but only if you walk 10,000 steps and drink a green juice. And honestly, it's just a lot. And then, even if you do lose the weight, keeping it off is a whole different story. If you're struggling and want something that fits your real life, hers can help. It's designed to support you in reaching your goals in a way that actually fits your life. That's why weight loss by hers is getting so much attention right now. Hers connects you with licensed medical providers who create doctor developed treatment plans tailored to you. They offer access to an affordable range of FDA approved GLP1 medications, including the Wegovy pill and the Wegovy pen. It helps regulate your appetite so you eat less and keep the weight off. If you're ready to reach your goals and want to try something new, visit fourhers.com Bert to get personalized affordable care that gets you. That's F-O-R-H-E R S.com Bert for hers.com Bert Weightlifts by hers is not available in all 50 states, but Gobi is a registered trademark of Novo Nordisk. A s get started and learn more including important safety information with Gobi clinical clinical study information and restrictions. Visit borhearst.com hey guys, lady luck here.
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Jessica
The Bird Show Hey, Mary.
Host (Bert)
Good morning. You are on the voice disguiser. Hi.
Kim
Hi.
Host (Bert)
Hi.
Kim
How are you guys?
Host (Bert)
Good. All right.
Jen
What is her name? Is this Rachel?
Host (Bert)
This is Mary.
Jen
You could tell Mary, right?
Jessica
You can tell she's a hooker.
Kim
Oops.
Jessica
Don't say that.
Host (Bert)
What's going on, Mary?
Kim
Well, I am going to out of town for the holidays for New Year's and I might have an affair.
Host (Bert)
You might have an affair for Christmas. And who's the lucky guy?
Jessica
Maybe it's cold outside.
Melissa
Yeah, that's a good present for his wife.
Kim
Yeah. Well, the thing is that I know my husband isn't. Is not here. He's overseas.
Host (Bert)
Oh, no.
Melissa
Oh, my God.
Jen
Oh.
Melissa
So this is a present for.
Kim
He's not. He's not a military. He's over there working this work situation. He's not here.
Host (Bert)
Okay, so it's not military based at all.
Kim
He's on a military base, but he's not military.
Jessica
Oh, he's a. He's a contractor.
Kim
Yes, he's a contractor.
Jessica
And how long has he been gone?
Kim
Oh, yeah. I've been a little lonely here in good old Georgia. And a friend of mine who used to be my neighbor for many years started talking to me on Facebook. Good old Facebook. And he told me that he had a crush on me for many years. And I, you know, told him why didn't he tell me this before? But Nina didn't. But now I'm Going to his sister's wedding on the 27th and we might hook up.
Jessica
Isn't Facebook awesome?
Host (Bert)
How. How long has your husband been gone?
Kim
He has been gone since May.
Host (Bert)
May.
Kim
And I've hear alone with three kids.
Host (Bert)
And is this like emotional infidelity or is this like you just feeling you got to get some needs met?
Kim
Just. I think I just need to get some.
Host (Bert)
So it's just purely physical?
Kim
Really physical. I'm not like, you know, I'm not the mushy Gucci type. I know my husband, you know, ironically loves me, but I think we should get some.
Jen
Just a quick little Santa to go to Pure romance or ask Santa to stop by.
Kim
What's that story?
Melissa
Get an insurrection over Stacy
Kim
before. And then I got pregnant with twins, so I have a whole bunch of toys that I can use and whatnot. But, you know, I don't know, it's just I hadn't, you know, hadn't had any.
Jessica
Just need a little stocking stuffer.
Host (Bert)
I'm assuming this isn't the first time you've done this because you sound so, like, giddy. Yeah. Almost giddy about it. Like, I would think if you've been married that long, you'd have like, you'd be tore up about it.
Kim
Yeah. Well, okay. I was in out of town for Thanksgiving and we kind of like kissed. When I was there in Thanksgiving, we didn't do anything. We just kissed.
Host (Bert)
Alright, so this started at Thanksgiving and now you're excited by taking it a little bit further at Christmas. Hmm. I mean, and you've been married to this dude for how long? Seven years.
Kim
Yeah.
Jen
Isn't there an itch named that?
Bert
Seven?
Host (Bert)
I think it's called the seven year itch.
Kim
I mean, seven years, actually, next month.
Jen
So how would you feel if your husband did the same thing? Do you think that he probably is.
Kim
No, I know he isn't.
Melissa
Why?
Host (Bert)
And he knows you're not.
Melissa
Yeah.
Host (Bert)
And he's very sure you're not.
Kim
Yeah, but see, I.
Jessica
That's gonna screw the brain a while.
Kim
I'm a flirtatious person by nature, so I mean, that doesn't mean anything, but I just.
Jennifer
Yeah.
Kim
I don't know why he said it, but yeah.
Host (Bert)
So you're just gonna be able to turn off your emotions of the whole thing. Cause I think guys get pegged with this stereotype that it's just sex for guys. Whereas with women, it's way more emotional for you. You don't think you're gonna have any problem with this at all? It's Physical, you'll get it done. Husband walks through the door, you'll kiss him, and it'll all be over?
Kim
Pretty much. Because I don't have time for emotional. I don't take care of three kids. I don't have time for that. I'm just gonna do what I gotta do and be like. Okay, bye.
Jennifer
Thanks.
Host (Bert)
I'm wondering. I'm only intrigued to talk to you when we get back to see if that's accurate. Like after it's done, if you still feel the same way or you're having tremendous feelings of guilt.
Kim
Yeah, we'll see.
Host (Bert)
All right, let me put you on hold. Okay.
Kim
Okay.
Host (Bert)
You think that was just nervous laughter or she just generally excited?
Jessica
She's giddy. She's got. She's. I don't know, what's it called? You know, the new love butterfly Feeling?
Host (Bert)
Anticipating.
Jessica
Yeah.
Jennifer
What?
Melissa
Well, it's just irritating. Like it's not new Love giddiness. She's having an affair in her husband.
Host (Bert)
She just wants to live.
Melissa
Disrespectful.
Neil
Yes.
Jessica
We're living in different times. And unless you have 14 affairs, who cares? Yeah.
Host (Bert)
Right. Tiger has really set the bar much higher. Lower for everybody. Jennifer, good morning. You were on the on Q100. Why do we want to talk to you after the first of the year?
Jennifer
Well, I have a monster in law that's going to be staying with me for a week.
Melissa
Say monster in law.
Host (Bert)
The monster in law for a week?
Jennifer
Yes. Jane Fonda doesn't have anything on Nicole.
Host (Bert)
It's really bad, huh?
Jennifer
It's really bad. And it always has been. My husband and I started dating. We dated for five years. We were married for over a year now. And for the first six months, she was really, you know, really nice to me. But she had him really young. And so she decided to move to Florida because she got pregnant. And so my husband and his little brother are 19 years apart, and she moved to Florida to be with her boyfriend. And my husband or my then boyfriend decided not to go with her. And so when that happens and he chose me over her, I mean, that it was on.
Host (Bert)
What are some of the things she's done to you over the years that prove to you that she just has it out for you?
Jennifer
Well, the very first time that I ever met his extended family, I drove. He had just gotten laid off, and so I drove him down to Tampa because his great aunt had died. It was her aunt. And so I drove him down there. I used my money, my gas, everything like that to go take him down There to be with his family. And, you know, of course, when you're going to a funeral, you think, even if it is in Tampa, you're thinking, to pack pink to pack a black. So I get there, and she's like, oh, Aunt Ruby Lane wouldn't have wanted us to wear black to her funeral. She would want us to celebrate her life. And so she made me go out and buy a new outfit, which was pink, and I'm a blonde. So I show up to the funeral in pink, and everyone else is wearing black.
Host (Bert)
Oh, she set you up.
Jen
She set you up. She hates you.
Jennifer
She even had on a yellow outfit when I left the house, and she switched it, and then she changed.
Melissa
Oh, you're kidding.
Jen
She changed into black?
Jennifer
Yes, she changed into black.
Host (Bert)
Did you ask her about it?
Jennifer
I didn't have to, because as soon as I showed up, his grandmother, I got out of the car and she's like, what are you wearing? And I said, as soon as. I said, well, Nikki, as soon as I said her name, it was her mother. And her mouth locked.
Host (Bert)
Evil.
Melissa
Wow.
Jennifer
So when she got there, her mother took care of her. I didn't have to say anything.
Host (Bert)
And she's staying in your house for
Jennifer
seven days from Wednesday. She's coming in the 23rd, and she's leaving the 30th.
Jen
I don't know how you married that guy.
Melissa
Yeah, I was gonna ask that same question. Why did you marry him?
Jen
How did you do that?
Jennifer
Well, she did live in Tampa, and so we don't see, you know, and he takes my side.
Kim
It took a little bit because at
Jennifer
first he thought that I was being petty because she wouldn't show. I mean, that time he obviously saw. But the other things, she wouldn't, like, allow him to see, or it was kind of like maybe. Maybe he thought I was lying. I don't know. But then once he started to see, like, I think it was two, might have been three Christmases ago, we got in a fight in his grandmother's front yard, me and his mom. And it wasn't like, you know, a trashy, like, fist fight. Like, she was. I was trying to leave, and she got up in my face and started, like, screaming at me. And that was the point that he. He stepped in and he was like, listen, I'm going to marry her, and you're not going to be able to treat her like this.
Jessica
So will you call us from jail?
Neil
Yeah.
Host (Bert)
It's gonna get ugly.
Jen
Killer.
Host (Bert)
Yeah. Jennifer, let me put you on hold, and we will definitely talk to you. When we get back. Okay?
Kim
Okay.
Jen
Seven days. She's gonna be changing his diapers again.
Jessica
If I'm the husband's son, I. I'm carrying my phone around and I've got nine and one already dialed.
Host (Bert)
Can't go seven days. That won't go seven days.
Jessica
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Jessica
The third show.
Host (Bert)
Will you go get Joanna?
Melissa
Oh, I sure will.
Kim
I can't wait.
Melissa
Oh my gosh.
Host (Bert)
So Joanna. I can't even. Hilarious.
Melissa
This is great.
Host (Bert)
We're all gonna give each other our Christmas presents tomorrow. But Joanna gave the morning show her Christmas gift today because she's got like a half day tomorrow.
Jen
She's so competitive she has to beat us two.
Jessica
Yeah. Why did you do. Why did you hand out gifts today?
Joanna
Because Wendy's not gonna be here tomorrow.
Jessica
Oh.
Lady Luck
Yeah.
Joanna
So I wanted to make sure everybody got their gifts. And by the way. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm talking over my bed.
Host (Bert)
It's okay.
Joanna
It's probably why I should bring headphones. Sorry. Okay, so I was thinking, what should I get you guys that always brings a smile to everyone in my life
Host (Bert)
only Johanna could fall into. Go ahead, Go ahead. I want to hear this whole thing.
Melissa
Go ahead. I'm sorry. Go ahead.
Jen
Keep going.
Joanna
So I thought a picture of me, right?
Host (Bert)
Five frames. Individual frames for five Burt show members. All with pictures of Joanna.
Bert
Oh my God.
Joanna
I mean, and each picture, each picture frame I thought about, you know, you guys, I got one with a martini glass for Wendy. Party girl. I got some flowers, a pink border from Melissa. I thought it was really pretty. Same for Jen. And then Bert and Jeff. I got like. I stuck with black. Cause guys are more like neutral color. Yeah, black.
Jessica
And yeah, I'm sure when I put this on my desk at home, Jessica's gonna notice the frame and not the fact that I have a picture of a smiling co worker on my desk. It's larger than any picture of my wife that I have on my desk.
Melissa
It is a close up of Joanna's face. It is hysterical. Hilarious. This is hilarious.
Host (Bert)
I am literally gonna put this on my desk in my office, right by my computer. And I am going to put the recorder in my office for when Stacy comes in and hear her reaction.
Melissa
Oh my God.
Jen
Yes.
Joanna
Well, you do know you can take the picture out. I don't know why you would, but if you wanted to, just, you know, don't get in trouble with your wives and significant others, go ahead.
Melissa
That was great.
Host (Bert)
Thank you.
Jen
You're welcome.
Melissa
That was right.
Jen
I'm gonna keep it on my desk all year.
Host (Bert)
I don't know about y'.
Kim
All.
Jessica
Hey, for next year, for my birthday, can I have one of you standing up? Just more of a farther away shot. Like a body shot.
Jen
I was gonna request close up of her boobs.
Jessica
Well, yeah. I mean, I could zoom in on my computer.
Kim
Okay, perfect.
Bluff
Get it.
Jessica
The bird show. You're on the bird show.
Host (Bert)
We're not gonna let this one go here. We were just asking if you know what you're getting for Christmas. Either you're snooping around, or you accidentally found out what you were getting for Christmas, and you have to put that Academy Award on Christmas morning and give us a call and let us know. And Amber called just a little bit late to get into the first batch of calls, but this is too good to let go. Hey, Amber. Good morning. You're on the voice disguiser.
Amber
Okay, thank you.
Kim
You're never gonna believe this.
Amber
I was taking my boyfriend's. He works in Atlanta, and he has to work in a suit, so he has about three of them. And I was taking one of them to the cleaners, and of course, I cleaned out the pockets, and there was a ring in one of them and a Salomon Brothers receipt.
Jen
Yes.
Kim
So.
Amber
And it fits perfectly, and it's beautiful. So I have no idea how I'm gonna pull this off, but I'm getting engaged for Christmas.
Host (Bert)
There's a lot of pressure here, though, for her to put the oh, my God, I'm so surprised face on this.
Jen
Oh, here's the thing. Here's the thing. It's actually brilliant because nobody is ever surprised when they get engaged. Women are not surprised ever. Never. Guys, we know. Yeah.
Host (Bert)
Well, let me ask you this question. To that point, are you not surpr. Because you always assume that it's coming, even on days it's not. You've already set your mentality that today might be the day.
Kim
So when it finally does happen, because we've been.
Amber
We've been dating for three years.
Jen
See?
Melissa
Yeah.
Kim
I've been.
Amber
I've been thinking he was gonna do this since we were dating for a year.
Kim
Right.
Amber
It's kind of surprising, but not. I've been wanting this for so long. I wanted it to be a surprise,
Kim
but apparently it's not gonna be now.
Melissa
Is he Freaking out because like, he doesn't know where the ring is. You know, like. Right.
Amber
Uh huh. He has been tearing the. He's been tearing the house apart.
Host (Bert)
So where are you gonna put it for him to find?
Amber
But I stuck it.
Jennifer
He has this box that he keeps
Amber
his cufflinks in that for some strange reason he hasn't opened yet. And it's stuck in there because sometimes he hides things in there.
Host (Bert)
So is it possible that he'll look all around the house and not think to look in that cufflink box? And you'll go all of Christmas without the engagement ring?
Kim
It's possible.
Melissa
You gotta find something to dress up for where he needs those cufflinks.
Kim
Yes.
Jessica
Hey, we have a black tie dinner tomorrow. For what? I'm not really sure. I'm gonna. I'm actually gonna go look some stuff up right now. But it's tomorrow and you need your tuxedo.
Host (Bert)
That's great. Hey, Amber, let me put you on hold because I want to talk to you when we get back from our break and find out if he went to look for the ring in the cufflink box and if you got engaged or not. Okay.
Kim
All right.
Host (Bert)
All right. Hold on. Like, for sure she will. She will not allow Christmas to roll around.
Jen
No.
Host (Bert)
And not somehow, some way point him in that direction.
Jen
Get engaged.
Host (Bert)
Yeah.
Jessica
Listen, it's the vert show.
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Episode Date: May 29, 2026
Hosts/Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Melissa, Jessica, Jen, Joanna, Bluff, plus callers
Theme: Real-life holiday drama and candid holiday stories, with a focus on accidental (or intentional) discovery of Christmas presents, relationship boundaries during the holidays, and family dynamics.
This lively episode from The Bert Show vault dives deep into the chaos, comedy, and sometimes awkward tensions of the holiday season. The cast and callers share humorous and honest stories about finding out their Christmas gifts early, juggling expectations and priorities in relationships during the holidays (especially for unmarried couples), and classic family tensions. The cast offers support, teases one another, and takes calls with stories ranging from secret gift snooping to being forced into pink at a funeral, to contemplating infidelity while a spouse is away. Laughter, empathy, and sarcasm abound.
“Once a snooper, always a snooper… I can cry on command. It’s awesome.” (Kim, 06:10)
“So you interrogated your kids in order to get information out of them?” –Host (09:16)
“I’m the worst actor ever.” –Neil (10:34)
“Just because you’re not married, why is it that a couple cannot dictate to people: ‘look, we have our own Christmas celebration,’ and then the family comes second?” (Melissa, 15:58)
"Once the couple has kids… the family then, like, the tides change and the family has to come to them." (Jen, 17:12)
“Is this like emotional infidelity or is this like you just feeling you got to get some needs met?” (Host, 26:26)
“Pretty much. Because I don’t have time for emotional. I take care of three kids. I don’t have time for that. I’m just gonna do what I gotta do…” (Kim [Mary], 28:36)
“She set you up. She hates you.” (Jen, 31:13)
“It’s larger than any picture of my wife that I have on my desk.” (Jessica, 37:08)
“Can I have one of you standing up? Just more of a farther away shot. Like a body shot.” (Jessica, 37:53)
> “So I have no idea how I’m gonna pull this off, but I’m getting engaged for Christmas.” *(Amber, 38:52)*
“Nobody is ever surprised when they get engaged. Women are not surprised ever. Never.” (Jen, 39:06)
| Time | Segment | |------------|------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:30-11:00| Gift snooping stories from hosts and calls | | 13:31-22:03| Relationship status and holiday family dynamics | | 24:37-32:58| Affair confession and monster-in-law drama | | 35:47-37:52| The Joanna photo frame gift exchange | | 38:08-40:58| The proposal discovery and engagement surprise discussion |
The episode is fast-paced, humorous, and conversational, with playful sarcasm, quick-witted banter, and authentic, sometimes vulnerable moments from both cast and callers. The show thrives on honest, relatable confessions and collective laughter amidst the chaos of real life.
You’ll walk away feeling:
Catch the next show for more authentic stories, laughs, and listener drama with The Bert Show crew.