The Bert Show – Full Show PT 3: Monday, April 6 [Vault]

Date: April 6, 2026
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & the entire Bert Show Cast
Sections Summarized: 00:00–47:32

Episode Overview

In this vault episode, The Bert Show crew dives into hilarious personal mishaps, awkward confessions, and intense listener drama. The main themes revolve around sharing embarrassing home improvement injuries, navigating complex friend relationships, and a gripping true confession involving long-term company fraud. With a blend of real talk, laughter, and judgment, the cast and their listeners create a lively, often chaotic morning show atmosphere.

Segment 1: DIY Disasters & Bee Removal Fiascoes

[01:31–10:32]

Key Discussion Points

• Jeff recounts his recent "bee problem" (01:31) – His partner Jessica warns him about an apparent bee infestation making the house inaccessible.
• Initial panic gives way to DIY bravado as Jeff manages to exterminate what turns out to be thousands of bees, all without getting stung.
  • Jeff: "Do you know how many times I got stung? Zero." (02:35)
• The saga escalates when Jeff attempts to seal up the hive with expanding foam insulation.
  • Ignoring label warnings, Jeff ends up gluing his own fingers together and suffers chemical burns after using acetone to clean up.
  • Jeff: "It says on the website, if you get this on your skin, don't use acetone because it will dissolve the product, causing it to sink into the first layer of your skin." (09:02)
  • Ellie: "Did you save a flake of skin for me?" (10:04)

Notable Quotes/Moments

• Jeff (about Jessica): "I just wanted to make sure she was aware that there was a level of danger... sacrifice me!" (04:11)
• Group: Roasts Jeff over his DIY mishap, sharing similar injury stories from listeners, including falling through ceilings and using unsafe substitutes for ladders.

Segment 2: Listeners’ Dumbest Injury Stories

[10:12–13:38]

Key Discussion Points

• Callers share their own clumsy or dangerous home improvement anecdotes:
  • Laura recounts her father falling halfway through the attic and accumulating various other injuries.
    • "He's not allowed on the roof of the house at all." (12:30)
  • Adam and Joseph recall electrical shocks and near-misses on ladders.

Segment 3: Listener Drama—Best Friend’s Mom Dilemma

[15:16–23:30]

Key Discussion Points

• Ellie (Guest) returns with an update about her friend wanting to ask out his best friend’s mom—a saga previously discussed on the show.
  • Ellie: "I decided to let him know how I felt...he absolutely refused to back down from asking his friend’s mom out." (16:56–17:12)
• Ellie's anxiety about her friend’s possible mistake, and the show’s suspicions that jealousy is at play.
  • Jen: "She’s already peed on him...she was mad that somebody else was gonna have him." (16:00)
• The drama escalates: When her friend storms off at dinner, Ellie sends a rogue text from his phone to his friend—"Hey dude, would it be cool if I asked your mom out?" (19:15)
  • Ellie admits it was wrong, but at the time, "it felt right."
• The cast reacts strongly, calling out Ellie for sabotaging the friendship out of lingering feelings.

Notable Quotes

• Jen: "By trying to save your friend's friendship with his best friend, you ruined your friendship with him." (20:50)
• Joseph (caller): "To take such drastic actions as to actually send the other person a text...she is totally cock blocking." (22:17)

Segment 4: “How Often Do You Wash Your Bra?” Debate

[25:08–30:32]

Key Discussion Points

• Jeff poses a question to the women: How frequently do you wash your bras?
• Varied responses:
  • Most say every few wears—never after every wear.
  • Sports bras get washed immediately—but regular bras may go a week or longer.
• Discuss bras’ price, the importance of rotation to prevent wear, and the embarrassment of old, discolored favorites.
  • Jen: "You get a three-pack of T-shirts for, what, $10? But a bra is at least $40 to $50 for a good one." (27:51)

Memorable Moment

• The group laughs about “emergency bras” at the bottom of the drawer—the ones you hope no one sees you wear on a first date.

Segment 5: Payroll Fraud Confession—Brandi’s Case

[30:36–47:06]

Key Discussion Points

• Recap: Brandi had called in previously, admitting to keeping paychecks meant for a new hire who never started. Over nearly two years, she managed to misdirect about $60,000 in payments.
  • Jen: "She's collecting a salary that's not hers...making this probably a felony." (31:50)
• Brandi details her attempt to make things right after years of denial—aided by her mother, who drains savings to help repay $35,000 up front.
  • She meets with her company, confesses, and resigns.
  • The company, led by a forgiving owner, accepts her repayment and affidavit, promising not to press charges but expects full restitution.
• Callers call out Brandi’s privilege and lack of awareness; many criticize her for relying on her mother instead of owning up alone.
  • Providencia (caller): "You are a bad person...for your mother to have to go into her savings account, that is disgusting." (41:32)
  • Brandi: "My mom is always there for me, and I am really embarrassed, and I’m not proud of what I did, and I’m humiliated." (44:18)
• Discussion about potential IRS and credit fallout for the unintended victim of the fraud, skepticism from callers, and debate over whether Brandi truly understands accountability.

Notable Quotes

• Jeff: "Only now...reality has hit her over the top of the head." (44:50)
• Jen: "I mean, people make mistakes. I mean, it's a calculated one. It's a really bad one. And it could still send her to prison." (46:52)
• Brandi: "All you’ve got to do...is take steps to make it right, you know...and figure out what got you here to this place." (46:25)

Memorable Moments and Tone

• The mix of self-deprecating humor, group teasing, and harsh real talk creates an atmosphere both lighthearted and confrontational.
• Injury stories are met with laughter and empathy, while the ethical lines in the listener dramas are robustly debated—often with pointed, sometimes uncomfortable honesty.
• The tone swings from comedic (adults falling through ceilings, sticky foam mishaps) to soap-opera dramatic (rogue texts and fraud confessions).

Key Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment/Topic | Notable Moment | |-----------|-------------------------------------|--------------------------------------------------| | 01:31 | Bee problem/home repair injuries | Jeff’s DIY story and gluing his fingers | | 10:12 | Listeners’ injury stories | Callers' own accidents—falling through ceiling | | 15:16 | Best friend’s mom drama | Ellie admits sending rogue text as sabotage | | 25:08 | “How often do you wash your bra?” | Group laughs over bra-washing confessions | | 30:36 | Payroll fraud confession | Brandi details her theft, repayment, and fallout |

Conclusion

This episode delivers classic Bert Show energy: a patchwork of real-life disaster stories, controversial listener confessions, and frank, sometimes judgmental conversation. Whether laughing at mishaps or navigating tough moral dilemmas, the cast and callers bring honesty, empathy, and a little chaos to the morning radio experience.