Full Show PT 3: Monday, February 9 [Vault]

Summary

---

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 3: Monday, February 9 [Vault]

Air Date: February 9, 2026
Host & Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & The Bert Show Cast
Episode Theme: Modern Love, Wedding Rings, and Dysfunctional Wedding Stories

---

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives deep into two interconnected themes:

• The emotional and superstitious baggage of buying engagement or wedding rings tied to failed relationships, and
• Listeners calling in with wild, dysfunctional wedding and relationship stories in a lively “can you top this?” contest.

With Bert and the crew facilitating, the conversation is honest, humorous, and unfiltered, putting daily relationship drama under a hilarious, relatable microscope.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Selling a "Jinxed" Wedding/Engagement Ring (00:00 – 10:30)

Ashley's Dilemma: How to Sell Her Ring

• Ashley calls in, explaining she's been trying (unsuccessfully) to sell her wedding and engagement ring set after ending her marriage. She now has the option for a $5,000 store credit and wants to sell that for less cash so others—in need of an engagement ring—can use the credit for a better deal and she gets some money back ([00:00–01:39]).
• The show discusses the practicality, and emotional or superstitious issues in buying or wearing a ring (or using store credit) associated with a failed marriage.

Key Quotes & Discussions

• Bert: “I fully believe there are women out there who would be upset… if their engagement ring was purchased using a gift certificate that's tied to another engagement ring where the marriage failed.” ([03:32])
• Cast: Debate whether it's just superstition, or if there's a more rational hesitation. Is the problem the physical ring, or does the “bad karma” attach even to the store credit?

Listener Reactions

• Kelly: “We were so totally strapped for cash that I would definitely push him to take the gift certificate. It's free money.” ([05:23])
• Hosts look for dissenters, especially women who would refuse; Bert: “I want the woman who's like, no way... I will take a smaller ring rather than take a ring that is connected to a marriage that didn't work out.” ([05:46])
• Erica: Shares her fiancé traded in his ex’s ring for her new, better ring, and she's fine with it: “I now have an $8,000 ring on my skirt.” ([06:31])
• Other caller: Admits she’s too superstitious: “I'm all for a bargain, but when it was from another woman's ring, I'm not too sure about that.” ([07:17])

The Jewelry Store Angle

• The crew wonders: When stores take back rings, do they inform new buyers it’s “pre-owned” or from a failed marriage?
• Jeweler listener: Confirms that stores often just clean up and resell sets or repurpose diamonds: “You always resell those sets… plenty of women in Atlanta are wearing a jinx ring and have no idea.” ([09:26])

Another Notable Quote

• Bert: “If the cash was in front of her… my guess is she's wrapping her arms around the 20 stacks and the big stone and running the hell out of there.” ([10:32])

---

2. Dysfunctional Wedding Stories – “Beat Our Royal Flush” (11:06 – 23:47)

The cast launches a contest for the most dysfunctional wedding or relationship story—hilarity and jaw-drops ensue.

Top Listeners’ Stories

• Alexis: At her friend’s wedding, the bride’s mother stood up during the ceremony and announced she (and the bride’s father) had been having threesomes with the groom for six months. The bride attacked the groom, collapsed sobbing; “She’s still in therapy, it’s been three years.” ([11:27–13:00])

  • Notable Quote: “Her parents were having a threesome with the groom. That is solid. That is a tough, tough hand to beat.” — Bert ([12:08])

• Amber: Was dumped by her fiancé after the church marriage counselor (an older woman) intervened, then watched as he married the counselor…the same day Amber was supposed to be wed. The counselor told him God didn’t want them together! ([13:40–14:34])

  • Cast: “Oh, no, she didn’t!” ([14:34])

• Veronica: Married a man and divorced after 11 years—then her ex-husband married his stepsister. Both had grown up together (no blood relation), but it’s confusing and awkward to explain. ([14:56–16:33])

• Christy (voice disguiser): Learned her mother’s grandmother and father’s grandmother are sisters, making her parents cousins—“at reunions everyone is related more than one time.” ([22:31–23:43])

Show’s Own “In-Progress” Dysfunctional Story

• A co-host shares a convoluted real-time story:
  • A bride (former model) is marrying a groom, but had an affair with a female bridesmaid (also a former model and out lesbian), with the groom oblivious. The bridesmaid is in love with the bride and will stand beside her as she marries the groom this weekend. Unresolved as of air date. ([17:22–22:12])
  • “She is there right now… I want to hire a photographer just on the lesbian, because she's gonna blow before this is…” ([21:33])

---

Notable Quotes (With Timestamps)

• “There are women who would be annoyed that the husband… did some weird negotiation transaction… to get them their ring.” – Bert ([04:14])
• “You don't want [your ring] passed on from another relationship, especially something that's failed.” – Elaine ([10:14])
• “There are plenty of women in Atlanta who are wearing a jinx ring and have no idea.” – D ([09:41])
• “Her parents were having a threesome with the groom. That is solid. That is a tough, tough hand to beat.” – Bert ([12:08])
• “She broke up the two of you, and then they turned around and got married. How long after that?” – A ([14:24])
• “Every time you tell somebody, you have to explain it because they say your stepfather's stepdaughter in law, stepbrother… and you're like, yeah.” – Veronica ([16:33])

---

Memorable Moments & Tone

• The ongoing debate about “bad mojo” and rings is vintage Bert Show: honest and funny, but it takes seriously how deeply people can attach emotion and superstition to symbols of love.
• The call-ins are sometimes jaw-dropping, sometimes relatable; the cast balances outrage and humor, constantly looking for the “no way, that’s too wild” scenario.
• The in-progress wedding story, with its unresolved drama, gets the crew buzzing with speculation and mock bets about what will go down.

---

Timeline & Timestamps

| Time | Segment | |-----------|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00 | Ashley calls in—tries to unload her wedding/engagement ring via store credit | | 01:39 | Explains the unusual credit-for-cash trade proposal | | 03:32 | Bert and crew debate “bad juju” attached to rings/store credit | | 05:23 | Kelly: “It’s free money”—listener support for the credit idea | | 07:17 | Superstitious caller: “Not sure I’d want a ring from another woman’s failed marriage” | | 09:26 | Jeweler: most stores just resell sets or re-set diamonds, “jinx” included | | 11:06 | Kick-off of dysfunctional wedding stories contest | | 11:27 | Alexis: parents’ threesome with groom revealed at the altar | | 13:40 | Amber: fiancé dumps her for the marriage counselor, marries her instead | | 14:56 | Veronica: ex-husband marries his stepsister—navigating the family tree confusion | | 17:22 | Co-host introduces the “in progress” story: bride/lesbian bridesmaid affair, secret at imminent wedding | | 22:31 | Christy: learns her parents are cousins via shared great-grandmothers |

---

Summary Table: Positions on the “Bad Karma Ring” Debate

| Person | Position | Quote | |----------------------------|------------------------------------------------|-------------------------------------------------------------------| | Ashley (caller) | Wants to sell/store credit, empathetic | “Just trying to help someone out and get extra change in my pocket.” ([02:07]) | | Bert | Thinks some women will find it unacceptable | “I believe... there are women... who would be annoyed... if it had any connection to a failed marriage.” ([04:25]) | | Kelly (caller) | Practical, pro-credit | “…I would definitely push him to get... the gift certificate... It’s free money.” ([05:23]) | | Erica (caller) | Okay with traded-in ring/credit | “…I was totally fine... I now have that $8,000 ring...” ([06:31]) | | Superstitious caller | Won’t risk it | “…when it was from another woman's ring, I'm not too sure about that.” ([07:17]) | | Elaine (caller) | Only fine for non-engagement jewelry | “…beautiful diamond earrings or a pendant... Anything but engagement or wedding ring...” ([10:14]) |

---

Tone & Language

• Original: Honest, fast, and playful. Cast uses sarcasm, banter, and frequent interruptions.
• Listener Calls: Earnest and gossipy, with a range from matter-of-fact to “no way!” incredulity.
• Swings between deeply practical and gleefully superstitious.

---

For Listeners Who Missed It

This episode is a goldmine of modern love realities: the comedy—and agony—of making practical decisions with emotional baggage, a window into the business of secondhand diamonds, and proof that wedding drama knows no bounds.
If you like relatable, fast-paced, and slightly outrageous relationship talk, this vault episode is a must-listen.

---

Transcript

[A]

The Burt Show. Ashley here has an engagement ring. She needs to sell this then. Good morning, Ashley. You're on the Burt Show.

[B]

Hello.

[C]

Hello.

[A]

How are you today?

[C]

Good, how are you?

[A]

Good. Alright, so we're assuming at one point or another you're engaged.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

And at one point or another I'm assuming that he decides that it's off, right?

[C]

No, actually we were married for two years.

[A]

You were married for two years. So this is a wedding ring or an engagement ring?

[C]

An engagement ring. And. And the band.

[D]

So it's the whole set?

[C]

It's the whole set.

[D]

Okay. All right.

[A]

And there's no controversy there, right? Like, you know, sometimes with an engagement ring, when the guy, when the woman breaks it off, there's some controversy there. Like, do you give the ring back? Do you keep it? But with the wedding ring, that's pretty standard stuff, right?

[C]

Yeah, it's online.

[D]

Yeah. Oh. I mean, it wasn't heirloom or anything of his family, right?

[C]

No.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. You take it from there.

[C]

Well, okay. So I've been trying to sell it for, I guess the last six or seven months and I did ebay and I didn't have any luck. I had a lot of people trying to scam me. And then I did Craigslist and I tried just telling people about it and I didn't have any luck. So what I was hoping was that I could tell you guys about it. See, I can return it to the store that I got it and I can get a full credit for it towards something else in the store. So I was thinking if maybe you guys had a listener that was hoping to get engaged that maybe didn't have like so much money to spend on a ring that they could take my credit and get a better ring and then I could get, you know, whatever they were going to pay for a ring so that I could have a little extra change in my pocket.

[B]

So you would, you would sell the credit, not the ring?

[C]

Well, I mean, if they like the ring enough, they could of course have the ring, but.

[B]

Well, that won't work.

[C]

I kind of assumed that nobody would want my engagement ring in my, you know, my stuff.

[E]

I'm just a little bit confused. So you would take less money than what the credit would be for?

[C]

Yes, so that somebody could get a better ring. I mean, not like so less. Not thousands and thousands less, but.

[E]

Gotcha.

[C]

You know, just trying to help somebody out and get extra change in my pocket.

[A]

What was your uneasiness about that?

[B]

My problem? Well, it's not my problem. I think There are women who, and hopefully they would be courageous enough to call up. But I think because here to explain again, so we all understand what she's going to do is take her ring into the store. The store is going to offer her. Do you know what the dollar amount is that they would offer you?

[C]

It's around $5,000.

[B]

So they would offer her a gift certificate for $5,000 that she would then sell the gift certificate for $4,000. Right, right. I fully believe that there are women out there who would be upset if their engagement ring was purchased using a gift certificate that's tied to another engagement ring where the marriage failed.

[A]

Let's ask 404-741-Q100.

[E]

I think some people are pretty superstitious about that ring.

[A]

Really. So it would be like some kind of.

[B]

And that's ridiculous.

[E]

Well, I think so. I mean, I could understand somebody feeling that way if they got her ring specifically, but it's a little bit different because they're trading in for something brand new. So, like the actual ring itself is, isn't going to have like some sort of story attached to it.

[A]

So the debate here isn't if you got the ring and didn't know the history, your debate here, Jeff, is would you take the, you know, the history. Would you take that ring?

[B]

It has nothing. The ring's gone. This is purely gift certificate, which is even more ridiculous. Like the ring. She's taken the ring back into the store and gotten the $5,000 gift certificate.

[A]

So he's turned, he's getting the cash.

[B]

He takes, he, he takes $4,000 of his money and says, let's say It's Jen. Take $4,000 of his money and go, here you go. Jen gives him the gift certificate. Now everybody should be happy. Right?

[A]

Right.

[B]

Jen's got four grand in her pocket. All's good. Guy's got a $5,000 coupon to go into the store and go, I want this right here. Which I couldn't afford before, but I've just essentially found, right. $1,000. So, boom, let's do this transaction. All is good. Everybody's happy. I believe that there are women who, if they found out about that would be annoyed that a, their husband went discount shopping and was doing some weird negotiation transaction or their husband to be in order to get their money.

[E]

Some needed financing.

[B]

Yep. And two, I think there are women who would be annoyed that the husband or mad or refuse a ring that had any connection somehow to a ring that was tied to another marriage that failed. Which brings me To a whole other thought.

[D]

Oh, no.

[B]

When she takes that ring back to the store, do they resell it? And if they do resell it, do they label it? Do they disclose?

[E]

Well, I don't know. I would think that they would have to reset the diamond. Yeah.

[D]

And the thing is, most.

[E]

You know, most of the time. I'm sorry, but most of the time when you are shopping, you're getting the ring and the diamond separately, and then they set it together because the ring has to be the right size for that person, and the diamond has to be the one that the guy selects and the site, you know, the shape and all that kind of stuff. So I would assume that they would re. Take the diamond out and re. Redo it.

[A]

Hey, Kelly, you're on Q100. Good morning.

[C]

Hey, good morning. No, when my husband and I got married, we were so totally strapped for cash that I would definitely push him to get. Take the gift certificate and go. It's not like you're buying somebody's old ring, and there's something connected, you know, bad karma connected to the ring. It's a gift certificate. It's free money.

[B]

Right. I totally agree with you, but I don't want to talk to you.

[A]

The person that's brave enough to say no way.

[B]

The person who's fun to talk to. Like, I'm looking at the phones now, and there's like, whoever is. If it's Lindell in there, I don't want these people. I want the woman who's like, no way. Even if it puts $1,000 in his pocket, I will take a smaller ring rather than take a ring that is connected to a marriage that didn't work out.

[D]

I'm going back just for a second based on what Jen just said, because now it makes me wonder if I went into a jewelry store when you talk about resetting the diamond. So they bought the diamond back, and they're resetting it. How do you know already that you don't have a diamond? It was a part of a marriage that didn't work because you really don't know. You don't know where they got the diamonds from.

[A]

Good morning, Erica, you're on Q100.

[C]

Hi. How are y'? All?

[A]

Good. Thank you for calling.

[C]

I was just calling to say that my fiance has recently given me a ring that he traded in. He traded in his ex fiance's ring to buy mine. I was totally fine with that because hers was a $5,000 ring, and I now have that $8,000 ring on my skirt.

[A]

Yeah, and there's no connection, really, to it. I mean, it's not like it's the same ring or anything.

[E]

So not even the same diamond.

[B]

Congratulations on being smart, intelligent woman, Rachel.

[A]

We're hoping you're not. What's up?

[C]

I'm kind of torn on the subject. I, you know, I tuned in late, so I didn't really hear the initial part of the subject, but I was all for it. I was thinking, yeah, it's going to be a great deal that they got going on until I heard you guys say that it was from another marriage.

[F]

And I just.

[C]

I'm too superstitious for that. You know, I'm all for my guy going out there and having a great bargain, but when it was from another woman's ring, I'm not too sure about that.

[A]

If the history of the ring has been on a failed. The finger of a failed marriage, then she doesn't want it on there.

[B]

Or even an engagement. Like, maybe it would just be with an engagement ring if the person. Person. The engagement never turned into a wedding. Like, same thing, same jinx.

[A]

Hey, Ken.

[F]

Hey, good morning, guys. How are you?

[B]

Good.

[A]

What's happening?

[F]

My sister, a few years back got a divorce. We kind of did the credit thing. Her thing was worth 27, I think. So they gave her the credit for. And I gave her 19,000 for her credit.

[A]

Wow.

[F]

Put another 10 on top of it and got a smoking ring. I mean, this thing's huge. You could watch TV on it. Well, you know, it's year two down the road at a family reunion, talking, whatever my wife finds out. Not anything I was hiding. You know, she got a smoking ring and I got a good deal. Well, yeah. I was in the doghouse for about three weeks. She wouldn't talk to me. I have no idea why. To this day, she cannot validate that. I don't know. I mean, it saved us over 10 grand. I don't. I haven't figured it out.

[B]

See, it doesn't make any sense to guys. It wouldn't make any sense to Clark Howard. I hope it wouldn't make any sense to Jessica Shaw, but I think there's women out there who are. So is it paranoid or.

[D]

I mean, you could be superstitious.

[B]

Superstitious. So caught up in the whole thing that, like in this guy's case, $10,000, this woman would have had. Rather had a ring that was either $10,000 smaller and unique, or it would have had to be a. Well, that was still unique because it was a gift certificate exchange. That's the thing you're not actually physically putting on the jinxed ring. Like, the jinx ring is gone.

[A]

It's back in the history of the jinxed ring that produced the cash to get the ring.

[B]

And you'd rather have a $10,000 smaller ring. Save the money.

[A]

Go ahead. Hope you'll be the last call. What's up?

[C]

Well, I was just gonna say that we had a jewelry store for years.

[F]

And you always resell those sets.

[C]

Sometimes if the set is in good shape, you would just clean up the.

[F]

Set and resell it like it is. Or you, you know, might pull the.

[C]

Diamond out and put it in something else.

[F]

But of course they're going to resell the set.

[D]

I love the fact that there are plenty of women in Atlanta who are wearing a jinx ring and have no idea.

[A]

Elaine, good morning. You're on Q100.

[C]

Good morning. I just want to say, heck, no. That ring, any kind of connection to any type of relationship, whether it was a good thing or a bad thing, you just got to say no now. But if you know my significant other spouse, whatever, wants to use that credit for some beautiful diamond earrings or a pendant, that would be awesome.

[A]

But anything but an engagement ring.

[C]

Anything but engagement or wedding ring, because that's a symbol of your love. You don't want to just sit there and pass on your love from another relationship, especially something that's failed.

[E]

But what we just found out is that you might be wearing it anyway.

[A]

You don't even know.

[E]

I wonder if they had let it go.

[B]

I would love to know if they have to disclose that if you ask. And I would also, like. I would be interested to see the. The woman, like, if you took the. If the cash was in front of her, and there's, like, one pile of, like, you know, $20,000, you know, right there, and then another pile with 10,000 and the ring that it would buy in front of each one. You're like, look, here's what. Here's what I have to spend. But if we just put this gift certificate, here's what you could get. My guess is she's wrapping her arms around the 20 stacks and the big stone and running the hell out of there. You know, it.

[A]

The bird show. We think we have the greatest dysfunctional wedding story ever. We don't think it can be beat. We haven't even told you the story yet, but we're asking you to call up with yours and we'll see if our hand beats your hand at the end of it. Good morning, Alexis. You are on Q100.

[C]

Okay. So I went to. I'm sick. So sorry about my voice, But I went to my girlfriend Christina's. I was her maid of honor in California. And when they say, if anybody, you know, hold your peace, her mother stood up in front of everybody and said that her mother and father had been having threesome with the fiance for about six months.

[D]

You are kidding me.

[A]

You saw this with your own eyes?

[C]

With my own eyes. I was the maid of honors. I'm standing right next to her, and what does she do? She lunges her fiance and starts, like, hitting him and sobbing. It was awful.

[D]

Her parents were having a threesome with a groom.

[A]

With the groom. That is solid. That is a tough, tough hand to beat. Yeah.

[B]

That is, I think, game over.

[E]

Any chances that's pretty bad. Any chance there's a video of that?

[C]

No, to my knowledge. But I'm telling you, dude, she's still in therapy. It's been three years.

[A]

No doubt.

[E]

No thing. Wonder.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Talks to her mother or father. It is awful. And she was with her fiance. They were like high school sweethearts, the whole thing.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[E]

And how old was she as a Bride?

[C]

She was 27 when this happened. She's almost 30 now.

[B]

I wonder if the fiance and mom and dad are still doing slap tickle spanker.

[C]

You know what? Since about a month after everything, she has not spoken to anyone. She has completely disowned her parents.

[A]

That is a. That is a tough first call to take right there.

[E]

I was going to say that that may be the right.

[B]

Yeah, that might be it.

[A]

Right.

[D]

I think that's it done.

[B]

And there is video of that because. Yeah.

[E]

What? Somebody was.

[D]

Or there's a photographer there, so at least there's still shots. Assault.

[B]

Yep. Name a. If you're a wedding photographer, different phone topic for a different time. And drama breaks out.

[D]

Oh, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click.

[B]

Do you take pictures of it?

[D]

Absolutely.

[B]

Like, do you start shooting like mad if there's a fist fight at the reception?

[A]

Of course.

[B]

Okay, good.

[A]

Good morning, amber. You're on Q100.

[B]

I'll buy this purchase.

[C]

Oh, man. You're gonna make me follow that one.

[A]

That's a tough one right there.

[D]

All right, Clean slate. I want to hear your story.

[C]

Okay. Well, I was supposed to get married. And at my church. Before you can get married, especially young couples, you have to go to marriage counseling through an older person. Through the church. Well, we did it for a couple weeks, and then she said that she wanted to start seeing Us alone. Which I thought was very weird. So after a few months of that, he decided that he was going to dump me. He was getting cold feet. He didn't want to do it. Well, it turns out that the day that we were supposed to get married, he ended up burying the marriage counselor.

[B]

Oh, no. Oh, no.

[C]

No way.

[A]

These are strong. Oh, yeah.

[C]

She was telling him that God told me, you know, all men and all women have cold feet, that he. She told him that God didn't want us to be together, that it was a sign that we shouldn't get married.

[A]

So she broke the two of you up and then they turned around and they got married. How long after that?

[C]

They got married on the same day that we were supposed to get married. It was two months later.

[D]

Oh, no, she didn't.

[A]

Wow. Wow.

[B]

We got a couple flushes up there.

[E]

Jeez, that's really good.

[B]

That's a good one.

[D]

Wow.

[E]

Hmm.

[A]

Look at that. Qualify for the lower tier ones.

[B]

It's getting easier to narrow them down, isn't it?

[D]

Unreal.

[B]

You take a number five.

[A]

Of course. Good morning, Veronica. You're on Q100.

[C]

Good morning, Bert. How are you guys doing today?

[A]

Doing good. How are you?

[C]

I'm doing fine. I usually don't call, but I thought this was kind of humorous. So every time I start this story, I always use the dueling bang banjos. Sing it again. And basically it's because I was married to a guy for about 11 years and I used to make fun of his sister because she married her stepbrother and there was no incest or anything. What it was is his father left his mother, he married another woman, and she had a son, and so his sister married her stepbrother, but there was no blood relation. Well, I used to make fun of that all the time. Two years ago, I got a divorce from him and last week he married his stepsister.

[E]

You are kidding.

[C]

No. And it's completely no blood relation. Again, it's his stepfather that had married his mother, got a divorce, married somebody else, and my ex husband married his stepfather's daughter.

[D]

We had.

[A]

We had almost the exact same scenario on the show a while back. And we argued this left and right. And most people called up saying it wasn't. There was no icky factor because there was no blood relation at all, even if they grew up in the same house together as children.

[D]

See, the Growing up in the same house as children is what freaks me out. That's what I was about to ask in those two scenarios. Both of those married couples now including your ex. They didn't grow up together.

[C]

No, they did.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

That's not that bad. I don't. I don't think that's that bad. But if you grow up together. The scenario we had on the show is they kind of went to high school together in the same house. And I think that's gross.

[C]

Well, and see, the thing of it is, is actually, since it's not gross, but it's so out there that every time you tell somebody, you have to explain it because they say your stepfather's stepdaughter in law. Stepbrother, and you're like, yeah.

[D]

Yeah, that's senior level. I'm still.

[E]

For some reason, I want her to draw a family tree for me because I cannot follow it unless it is written out in brackets in front of me.

[A]

There's not enough ink in the pen, I don't think.

[E]

I don't think so either.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Those are tough to beat. I was pretty confident that our. Our dysfunctional wedding story was the royal flush, but after hearing those, it's going to be tight.

[E]

Well, those were over. And this royal flush story that we thought we had is still in progress. I have a good friend who is attending a wedding this weekend, and I can't give out too many details about it because I don't want to reveal who it is. But. Okay, as it goes. As her story goes.

[A]

And you got a triple swear on Sex on the City that this is a true story. This is not urban legend.

[E]

Triple swear. We were texting about it last night. I'm going. Did you talk to her yet? Okay, I want to go to this wedding. Okay. So as the story goes, the bride, who is, like, gorgeous former model, is getting married to her fiance. Well, recently, my friend, who is a bridesmaid in the wedding, found out that the bride was having an affair during her engagement with a woman. And that woman, also a former model, is an out lesbian. That woman is also in the wedding as a bridesmaid this weekend.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

She will not keep her mouth shut. There is no way.

[A]

And the groom has zero idea.

[E]

The groom does not know. But the bride has been bisexual for, I guess, years or whatever and has always, you know, participated in, you know, like, group things and that sort of stuff.

[A]

And the groom knows about that.

[E]

The groom knows about her past, but doesn't know that anything would be continuing now.

[D]

But this is not a group thing. It's just her and the bridesmaid.

[E]

It's just her. It has been just her and the bridesmaid. And so, yeah, so she's marrying the man anyway this weekend. And my friend, who knows what's going on, takes her job as a bridesmaid and standing up in the wedding and all that kind of stuff kind of seriously. And she's like, so I'm gonna be standing in a matching dress carrying flowers down the aisle next to her lover while she is exchanging vows with this man. And she's just like, what, what, what do I do?

[D]

I want to go to that wedding and I want to have. I would stare the whole time of that bridesmaid because I just. Because I think that, you know, I think that the natural reaction to some people, especially guys, is like, oh, well, why don't y' all get them all together and everything. But I think the key point here is that's an out lesbian that is on. And that's a different. Like that's not play play, not threesome material. Like, you know what I mean?

[E]

And by the way, the lesbian, the out lesbian bridesmaid is in love with the bride.

[D]

So there's not even, that's not even a possibility that they're going to do a threesome. So that's why I would stare at that lesbian because it's like she's not going to be able to contain herself during that ceremony.

[E]

It would be like Samantha Ronson having to stand up in the wedding of Lindsay Lohan to a man. Now is if the man did not know that they had a lesbian relationship.

[A]

Is it possible Weekend Bride is really a lesbian, but she's just getting married as the beard? Do you call them beards if it's women and not guys?

[D]

I don't know. I guess we could.

[B]

I mean, same thing works fine for this.

[E]

The COVID up concept is the beard.

[A]

The COVID up concept, right.

[E]

Well, that's what we had discussed about it because she's like, you know, I just want her to know that I'm her friend one way or the other. And I just want to be there for her. I want her to be happy and everything else. But she's like, you know, she had only found out about what had been going on like a week before the wedding. And she's like, you know, this is all going down. This is all happening. Like, I have flights, I have. I mean, there are plenty. This is all happening. And so she is there right now. We were texting last night. I said, did you talk to her yet? Did you sit her down yet?

[D]

Because that's so unfair to that groom.

[E]

There's been no resolution yet.

[A]

So there is a chance that somebody will say something, or the bride will just say last minute, I can't do this. She may not give a reason why even, but she may just say a.

[E]

Possibility for this to line up to be like the ending of a movie plot. But I don't think it's a royal flush on those stories because it's not over yet.

[A]

Right. We'll see what happens this weekend.

[E]

I mean, the rehearsal dinner is tonight, but if everybody has to stand up and give toasts.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Like, is that bridesmaid gonna stand up and toast to the couple?

[B]

She has to.

[E]

When she's in love with the bride.

[A]

What is she gonna say?

[D]

Say, does every bride tradition, every bridesmaid traditionally give a toast?

[E]

No, just the maid of the. Not always, but she has.

[B]

Like, if they go up and down that table, everybody has to stare. At least say congratulations, and we'll raise her glass. At the very least, the best man will give a speech where everybody will have. Have to raise a glass, including her. Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Oh, and I want to hire a.

[D]

Photographer just on the lesbian, because she's going to blow. Before this is.

[E]

Did I leave out this part of the story that the bride a couple of months ago, said she was thinking about leaving her fiance for the woman.

[A]

No.

[E]

And then changed her mind.

[A]

Really?

[E]

And decided to still get married.

[A]

She's not gonna do this this weekend.

[D]

Yeah. No.

[C]

But you know what?

[D]

Unless. And now if the parents get up and say they've had a threesome with the groom and a marriage counselor's involved, then we got our winner.

[A]

Right.

[E]

But still, I think that those two stories that Melissa just referred to might be the royal flush already, but this one's just not done yet.

[A]

Yeah, we'll see how the hand still has to unfold this weekend.

[E]

And I was gonna say, by the way, it's not the wedding I'm going to this weekend.

[B]

Disclaimer. Disclaimer.

[E]

It's not the one I'm attending.

[B]

In case anybody who's going to that.

[D]

Wedding is gonna be know the bride's a lesbian.

[E]

It's not the one I'm. The one I'm attending is very cookie cutter straight. They met through their moms. It's very cute. They're camp counselor people, and she's a teacher. And a teacher is very cute and straight and normal and cookie cutter and boring.

[A]

Christy, you're on the voice disguiser. What's going on?

[C]

Good morning, guys. How you doing? Okay.

[A]

What's up?

[E]

Good.

[C]

My parents have been married for about 30 years now, and it's actually quite funny. They just told me about five years ago that my mother's grandmother and my father's grandmother are sisters.

[B]

One more time. Do it. And do it slowly. And you're gonna have to turn the music off.

[E]

You're both.

[C]

My mother's grandmother and my father's grandmother are sisters.

[D]

So your two great grandmothers are sisters.

[A]

Okay.

[E]

Yes.

[C]

So when? I guess my parents are my cousins as well.

[A]

Wow, that's beautiful.

[B]

Where are you from?

[C]

I'm from Oakwood, Georgia.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So your parents.

[C]

Reunions. Even still, everyone's already related. More than one time.

[A]

So your parents are your cousins as well. They'll save you some money on the reunion for sure. Because once you got the parents there, you're covering the cousins as well. Look at Melissa China.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

I can't keep it straight. I need another family tree.

[D]

I need some kind of chart.

[A]

It's like one of those math problems on the sat.

[E]

Get it?

[A]

The Bird show.