Full Show PT 3: Monday, July 20 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 3: Monday, July 20 [Vault]

Date: July 20, 2026
Podcast: The Bert Show
Hosts: Bert and the Bert Show cast (Co-hosts: Erin, Dave, Fiona, Wendy)
Summary Prepared By: [Podcast Summarizer AI]

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Overview

This episode delivers The Bert Show’s trademark humor and candid storytelling with a blend of entertainment recaps, real-life anecdotes, and listener interactions. The primary themes include a glowing review of Tyler Perry's live theater show, an intensely personal and frank discussion about toxic relationships (specifically, the concept of the “Dating Antichrist”), and a surprisingly deep and funny segment on personal comfort with nudity. The cast’s openness, empathy, and playful teasing create an engaging atmosphere rich with memorable moments.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Tyler Perry’s Live Show at the Fox Theater

[01:02–08:21]

• Bert recounts his experience at Tyler Perry’s “Big Happy Family.”

  • Despite being skeptical about long shows and not being a "musical guy," Bert calls it "the best show I have ever seen."
    Quote [01:31]: “It is the most fun I have ever had in a theater. Really, really ever in my life. It was the best show I have ever seen.” – Bert
  • Tyler Perry’s unique style includes breaking the fourth wall, improvising, and life advice. The laughter and energy create a church-like, communal atmosphere.
  • The show’s improv means even the cast is kept on their toes, creating spontaneous hilarity.
  • Caller Karma shares, “When it was over, I couldn't even talk because I laughed so hard.” [04:13]
  • Co-hosts discuss theater etiquette—latecomers get called out by Madea on stage, leading to hilarious audience moments.
    Quote [05:13]: “Madea called them out…so it was hilarious.” – Co-host Erin

• Bert describes attending Tyler Perry’s 100th show celebration at Perry's mansion.

  • Tyler Perry is described as “humble and soft spoken,” a contrast to his stage persona.
  • The mansion is extravagant—“the biggest home I’ve ever been in,” with “gold toilets” and an Olympic-size pool.
  • Tyler himself “is as humble as it gets. He really is so appreciative of everything that he has. And you don’t feel like it’s an act at all.” – Bert [06:11–07:41]
  • Bert hints at the mansion’s history and its importance to Perry due to “racial undertones” in its acquisition.

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2. The "Dating Antichrist" Discussion

[08:56–21:33]

• What is a Dating Antichrist?

  • Defined as a person one feels irresistibly drawn to despite knowing the relationship is toxic (“a roller coaster”), often mistaking the emotional highs and lows for love.
  • “It defies logic. You just keep going back time and time again.” – Bert [09:38]
  • “The person’s like a drug...the highs that they give you...the withdrawal is the worst low you could experience.” – Co-host Erin [10:00]

• Wendy shares her personal struggle.

  • Her ex was verbally abusive and made her feel insecure about her body; she started taking diet pills due to his comments.
  • She admits: “I indirectly still care about what he thinks I look like and how I look.” [11:16]
  • Describes dressing up to indirectly send word to her ex through a mutual friend, hoping the message would hurt or impress him – an act all agreed was common but perilous for someone still emotionally healing.
  • Cast challenges her: “I don’t think you are strong enough to play the game that you’re playing with this guy, even though he doesn’t know you’re playing it.” – Bert [14:23]
  • Wendy admits she can’t say with 100% certainty she wouldn’t respond to him if he reached out (“95% confident,” but with caveats) [18:33].
  • The segment is empathetically punctuated by supportive listeners.
    • “You’re a strong girl and you don’t need this crap in your life.” – Caller Katie [17:13]
    • “You’re looking so good, and you’re doing a very good job.” – Caller Antonio [18:56]
  • Hosts discuss the challenge of breaking free and rebuilding self-esteem, likening it to recovery from addiction.
  • “You’ve got to accept it and believe that you’re worth it and believe that you’re way worth more than this guy.” – Co-host Dave [20:22]
  • “Let it go. And eventually you forget about it, you know?” – Co-host Erin [20:38]

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3. Comfort with Nudity – "Being Naked"

[22:07–30:17]

• Bert’s “Superficial Resolution”: to get comfortable being naked.
  • Bert confesses to being deeply uncomfortable with nudity, even by himself. This sparks a lively, humorous roundtable.
  • “Even really by…I would not want to be in my house walking around naked.” – Bert [25:30]
  • Others (Fiona, Dave) are more at ease, even emailing naked, or having grown up in “nude” families.
  • Discussion includes body image, vulnerability, and cultural differences in comfort with nudity.
  • Bert is challenged to spend at least one hour this week naked at home.
    • “At some point this week, you need to, even if it’s just in your bedroom at your house for one hour, just be naked.” – Co-host Dave [25:47]
  • A caller describes her 67-year-old father’s lifelong comfort with nudity at home, despite her awkwardness as an adult [27:03].
  • Bert’s “graduation day” goal: to visit a nudist camp, if only briefly [29:57].

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4. Fastest Marriages – “From Eyesight to I Do”

[31:02–34:51]

• Inspired by Shane Lamas’ <24-hour marriage in Vegas,
  • The show asks if any listeners have married within 24 hours of meeting.
  • Co-host Dave: “So you meet each other. It’s chemistry. It’s fantastic…Who listening got married from eyesight to I do in less than 24 hours?” [32:29]
  • No immediate callers, prompting joking banter about the odds and wisdom of such marriages.
  • Reflection on celebrity impulsivity (Britney Spears’ quick Vegas marriage) and the wild realities of extreme, fast decisions.
  • Listeners eventually call, but no truly shorter stories are revealed; the segment becomes a playful meta-commentary on the question's outlandishness.
  • “[We] went from eyesight to I do to I failed.” – Co-host Fiona [34:51]

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Tyler Perry’s energy:
  “He’s a huge dude, and he’s loud and he’s funny, and he just commands the stage and he’s bigger than the stage. But at the end…he’s as humble as it gets.” – Bert [03:10, 06:11]

• On the Dating Antichrist:
  “It’s that gravitational pull, like, you know that it’s not good for you…But that’s what makes it the dating Antichrist, because it defies logic.” – Bert [09:38]

• On vulnerability in recovery:
  “You’ve got to accept it and believe that you’re worth it and believe that you’re way worth more than this guy.” – Co-host Dave [20:22]

• On nudity phobia:
  “I feel so naked.” – Bert [25:37]
  “At some point this year, I would like to be naked somewhere in public.” – Bert [25:05]

• On Vegas impulse marriages:
  “So you meet each other…it’s chemistry…it’s fantastic. Who listening got married from eyesight to I do in less than 24 hours?” – Co-host Dave [32:29]
  “We went from eyesight to I do to I failed.” – Co-host Fiona [34:51]

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Important Segment Timestamps

• Tyler Perry Show Recap & Party: [01:02–08:21]
• Dating Antichrist/Wendy’s Story: [08:56–21:33]
• Naked Comfort Discussion: [22:07–30:17]
• Fastest Marriage Challenge: [31:02–34:51]

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Episode Wrap-up

This episode masterfully balances comedy and sincere, vulnerable discussion. The Bert Show team lays bare their insecurities, relationship pitfalls, and family quirks, drawing empathetic listener stories and laughter. The chemistry between the hosts is evident through their supportive teasing and honest dialogue. Whether you’ve been to the theater, survived a “dating antichrist,” or struggle being naked in your own home, you’ll find something relatable and uplifting in this authentically funny and real episode.

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End of Summary

Transcript

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[Radio Host]

It's the vert show.

[Bert]

All right, so let me tell you guys about, about Friday night, okay? So I went to go see Tyler Perry show at the Fox.

[Co-host Dave]

Oh, cool.

[Co-host Erin]

Big happy family.

[Bert]

Big happy family. I gotta tell you guys, normally when I go to the theater, I'm in there 20 minutes and I'm looking at my watch.

[Co-host Fiona]

The theater.

[Bert]

I gotta get out of there. I just have add Not a big musical guy. I just. For me, if everything were done in 20 minute blocks, I'd be fine. This show is. It was three hours long.

[Co-host Erin]

Oh, wow.

[Bert]

Three hours long. Started at 8:00 clock and ended up at 11:00'. Clock. And it's mostly because Tyler Perry is improving. Like, he stops everything that's going on on the stage, talks to the audience, and then makes everybody get back in the scene. And then at times, Tyler will sort of like give you a life message and then he goes back in the scene. I want to tell you guys something. It is the most fun I have ever had in a theater. Really, really ever in my life. It was the best show I have ever seen. Melissa saw it on Thursday night, so I went on Friday night. He doesn't need to. He doesn't need me to sell him tickets. It's sold out. In fact, I think it's gone.

[Co-host Erin]

Yeah.

[Bert]

The 18th, I think is the last day.

[Co-host Erin]

Yeah. And it's all sold out.

[Bert]

So it's all sold out. If it ever comes back here with Tyler in it, you have got to go see this thing. I was laughing at things. I didn't even know what they were saying on stage and I was laughing about. But Melissa was right. It becomes almost like this church, like where the laughter is a little bit louder at a Tyler Perry show than it is at a non Tyler Perry show. And there's a little more interaction going on between the cast and Tyler and the audience. Dude, it was so funny.

[Co-host Dave]

It was great.

[Co-host Erin]

It was a great show.

[Bert]

Fantastic.

[Co-host Dave]

That's one of those shows you leave and you're just in a better mood. That carries you through several days because you've had so much fun. You've been laughing so much.

[Bert]

He absolutely. Tyler Perry is a mood changer. Absolutely.

[Co-host Dave]

Okay, that's incredible. You guys both were raving about this thing.

[Bert]

It's fantastic. Well, he's such a bigger than life character. Here's the thing that you can tell about Tyler is when he's Madea and he's dressed up like that woman and he's bigger than life on stage. First, he's got heels on. He's already 6 5.

[Co-host Erin]

He's a huge dude, and he's loud

[Bert]

and he's funny, and he just commands the stage and he's bigger than the stage. But at the end of it, he leaves and he comes back and he's Tyler Perry. He's out of his clothes, his onstage clothes, and he's Tyler. And you can tell that the dude is humble and soft spoken. And I don't want to say uncomfortable on stage because he was never uncomfortable, but you could tell that that character is bigger than his real personality.

[Co-host Erin]

It was a slight bit awkward. Now, I don't know whether it's because he was. Because at the end, he was just thanking the crowd and explaining about his mother's death, and that inspired him to write this particular play. And so maybe that was because he was talking about something that was very vulnerable to him. Maybe that's why he had this kind of awkwardness about him. But it could be that just in that. Because we've known people like that before, that even on a smaller level, that when they're in, it's one thing, you turn it on and you're able to kind of get that energy out. But when you're one on one, just yourself, you know, he's. He's a little shyer, I think. You know?

[Bert]

I think so. Hey, good morning, karma. You're on Q100.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, Bert.

[Bert]

Hey, Karma.

[Caller/Guest]

I went Thursday night to open the show, and when it was over, I couldn't even talk because I laughed so hard.

[Bert]

I cried.

[Caller/Guest]

I laughed, and it was just fantastic. And we sat on the stage. So that was the first time I've ever set up that close to one of his plays. And it was just great.

[Bert]

I just have never sat in an audience where they break character like Tyler does. And he's just so funny. And then he demands everybody to get back in the scene. Cause the characters on stage have no idea what Tyler's gonna do next. But it's hilarious.

[Co-host Erin]

And then Katie and I went. And I love the theater. So we go all the time. And one of the things I try to explain to her, this is not like a movie theater where we can walk in after it's already started. Because there's some plays that will not allow you into the show until there's a break in the scene because it distract actors on stage. I said, and especially with the Madea, you know, I don't know what's gonna happen if we're late. And we were. And we were toward the front too. And so we got in our seats on time, but somebody in the front row didn't get to their seats on time on Thursday night. And Madea called them out.

[Bert]

Yes.

[Co-host Erin]

So same. Yeah. So it was hilarious.

[Bert]

I thought it was very interesting that all the white people were in their chairs by 7:30 and there was only like 10 of us. But we were there by 7:30 waiting

[Caller/Guest]

for it to start.

[Bert]

Black people still coming in at 8:10, 8:15. And Tyler is ripping on them as they come in.

[Co-host Dave]

Ripping on.

[Co-host Erin]

I don't know what 8 o' clock is to you, but 8 o' clock to me is 8 o'.

[Commercial Announcer]

Clock.

[Co-host Erin]

I mean, it was hilarious.

[Bert]

Hilarious. Really funny.

[Caller/Guest]

Awesome.

[Bert]

So they had. Tyler had a party at his house on Friday night. It was the hundredth. It was a celebration of the hundredth showing. And I got an invite to it.

[Co-host Erin]

Oh, really?

[Co-host Dave]

That's awesome.

[Bert]

There was less than 100 people. And they asked me if I wanted to swing by and hang out with Tyler and a bunch of his friends and stuff like that. So Stacy and I said, yeah. So we ended up over at Tyler Perry's house on Friday night.

[Co-host Dave]

What does this house look like, dude?

[Bert]

I tried for two or three times this weekend telling people what his house looks like. And I can't come up with a description for it for you because it's the biggest home I've ever been in in my life, really. It's about 45,000 square feet, I'm assuming. And it sits by itself on a road. There's. He said he loves his isolation because we spent some time with him. This wasn't. Come on into my house and just go over there and eat and drink. And I'm not gonna show up. He came up to Stacy and I and we probably talked on two different times for about 10 both times. And he is just as humble. He's as humble as it gets. He really is so appreciative of everything that he has. And you don't feel like it's an act at all. But this home is.

[Co-host Dave]

The home itself is not humble.

[Radio Host]

No.

[Co-host Dave]

Well, the man who lives in it is.

[Bert]

The next time he's in, he'll tell you the history of that property and why it was so important to him after a while to get that property, because there are some racial undertones there that made him really want that property very, very much. But it's about a 45,000 foot square home and it is decorated impeccably, man. I mean, it is the most beautiful. Everything is marble. They're gold toilets, man.

[Co-host Erin]

Wow.

[Bert]

I don't know if it's real gold, but the toilets are gold in there. They're beautiful.

[Co-host Erin]

Like, Tyler's like, why are you saying it's not real gold? What is it about me that you don't think is real gold?

[Bert]

It is just beautiful. I mean, this is a huge Olympic sized swimming pool. He's got tennis court. It's just. It was amazing. And I get to hang out with the guy and he's just seriously as humble a guy as I've ever met in my life. Just so thankful by what he has and is as nice as it gets. So it was just amazing.

[Co-host Dave]

Very cool.

[Co-host Fiona]

Who else was at the party?

[Bert]

There was nobody I really knew. There was one other DJ there that I knew that I hung out with for a little bit, but outside of that, there was less than 100 people. There was a lot of people from the cast and probably some of their friends also. But it wasn't like this big, public Tyler Perry's house type deal. It was a real honor to be there and I was in awe all night. Cool. And the only thing that I'll report back to you guys is seriously, like, this guy's the real deal. He so appreciates everything that he has in his life. And his real life personality is nothing like Madea. I mean, it couldn't be any further from Madea, you know? So if it ever comes by again and he's in it, I would definitely check it out if I were y'.

[Co-host Erin]

All.

[Bert]

Definitely here.

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[Bert]

So Wendy's dating Antichrist is not back yet. So we can't even put this on him yet. But let's try to redefine this again for the new Burt show listener, Jen Hobby. What is a dating Antichrist?

[Co-host Dave]

Basically, this is the person that you're so in love with, you lose yourself. They treat you badly. You don't care. You go back to them anyway. At some point you're wailing, crying over them. You just. It's. It's not a good relationship, but you keep going back to it. And you mistake the roller coaster of emotion that you're going through for this person being a real love. And that's what real love feels like. But really, it's just. Just because they're a jerk and they keep treating you like crap. And that's why it's a rollercoaster.

[Bert]

And it's that gravitational pull, like, you know that it's not good for you. You know, it's not gonna end well. You know that you guys are gonna get in a fight within 24 hours of getting back together again, or he or she is gonna do something so nasty to you it can't end well. But that's what makes it the dating Antichrist, because it defies logic. You just keep going back time and time again.

[Co-host Erin]

Well, it's like a drug. The person's like a drug. And I agree with Jen. It's like you're not in love with them. You think you are, but you're really not. Low part of your life. And you need something like a crutch to lean on. And so the highs that they give you, because these are the people that can give you the best dates and say the best things and give you the best gifts. But the payoff is just like with drugs, the withdrawal, once you're out of that high, it is the worst low you could experience.

[Bert]

So if you're a long term Burt show listener, you know, when Wendy first started the show, she was in the middle of like breaking up with this guy. And it was really ugly. A lot of you guys have gone through these kind of relationships before also where this dude was like verbally abusive. And she'd come in here crying one day and ripping on him. And then the next day she was back with him and she's crying again. She's like, just please leave me alone. I'm gonna change my phone number in this. I mean, it was a pretty emotional couple of weeks. And finally, dude, the relationship is over because basically he's just not in the picture anymore. He moved away.

[Wendy]

Well, yeah, I've been removed from him for two years, so we haven't. We haven't been together for two years. The breakup's been two years ago, so there's no direct contact with him anymore. I've completely.

[Co-host Dave]

That's good.

[Wendy]

Completely cut him out. But, yeah. Found out a couple of weeks ago that he is going to be back in town within a month or two.

[Bert]

He's moving back to town or he's just here for a little stop and he's moving on his way.

[Wendy]

He's moving back to town. Moving back to town a month or two. I don't know when, I don't know what time. I just heard that information through a mutual friend. But over the weekend, I indirectly still care about what he thinks I look like and how I look.

[Bert]

We need to just define this part because this was like a large part of your. Your world with him is that he used to make you feel crap how you look and your weight and everything, right?

[Wendy]

Yeah. I started on diet pills when I was with him, actually, because I just felt fat. He would always pick at my side and pick at, like, my thighs and I mean, just very insecure. He would go to the gym all the time, worked out every day of the week.

[Co-host Fiona]

You mean pick at your sides? Like, he would pinch.

[Wendy]

Yeah, pinch my sides, like.

[Co-host Dave]

And what would he say?

[Wendy]

He's just like, oh, what's that? And just, like, little comments like that.

[Bert]

I could do that one time to stage.

[Co-host Fiona]

Oh, my God.

[Bert]

One time.

[Co-host Dave]

One time would be like, the guy missing one.

[Bert]

I'd be knocked out.

[Co-host Fiona]

You'd be the one ball guy.

[Wendy]

No, but he was. He worked out all the time, and he had friends that worked out all the time. So, yeah, it was.

[Co-host Dave]

Didn't he tell you about the girls in the gym?

[Wendy]

Of course. All the time I would hear about how good they looked and how they were always on the treadmill working out. And I never went to that gym. So I just stayed home a lot because I lost a lot of friends. I lost my family and the whole relationship. I lost a lot of people that I'm just now getting back. So, yeah, it's been a long time trying to build my Self esteem back up. And it's definitely not back up even close to being back up. But no, over the weekend, I indirectly still care about what he thinks because I went out to a club on Friday night with one of my friends just going out. But at this club, I knew there was a mutual friend of ours, a guy friend of ours that speaks to him more than he speaks to me. And this guy friend I haven't seen for a while, and I knew he was going to be there that night. So picking out my outfit and doing my hair, putting on the right jewelry, the right shoes, took me a lot longer. When I say I get. I can get ready in 30 minutes, I'm like, not one of these girls who primps in the mirror a lot. It took me two hours to find something awesome to wear to make sure my boobs looked good. My. I looked really thin and tan. I went to lengths to make sure I looked good.

[Bert]

Because you were dating for the Antichrist. Because, you know, this guy would give the scouting report. Yes, that's real right there.

[Caller/Guest]

Wow.

[Wendy]

I wanted to make sure that when he saw me, he thought I looked good enough to go back and tell my ex boyfriend that I looked amazing. Like, that he would want me back.

[Co-host Erin]

I don't know why that's normal, but in hopes of.

[Bert]

Okay, let's just look at it.

[Co-host Dave]

But in hopes of what?

[Wendy]

It's.

[Co-host Dave]

It's more of like a. It's kind of like the way you can flip him the middle finger, right? Kind of like you're not wanting him to go back and report. Like, oh, Wendy looks so good because you want to get back with him. It's more like that Wendy looks so good. Like, I can't believe you're such a loser and you're not with her anymore kind of thing.

[Wendy]

Like, but he's closer friends with the ex than. Than he is close to me.

[Co-host Dave]

That's what I'm saying. Like, what. What message did you want to get sent?

[Wendy]

That you looked really good and that you would regret treating me like crap.

[Co-host Dave]

Exactly. So I think that it's okay that it's a. That it's a big middle finger.

[Bert]

I don't think so. As long as I got. I got love and respect for you, but I don't think you're strong enough to play that game. Like, if you. I don't think that you are strong enough to play the game that you're playing with this guy, even though he doesn't know you're playing it. Like, you want the word to get Back to him that you're looking all good, okay? So he's gonna hear that. So when he comes back, he's gonna want to contact you. If you were strong and you had really moved on and you had fallen in love with somebody else or you were you. The slate was clean. I say, great game playing. Fine, do what you want to do. But I think that you're still weak. That when he calls, I think you're. You're sort of baiting him into a bad relationship again, a bad situation with you. I don't think you guys know. Am I explaining that right?

[Co-host Erin]

I see what you're saying.

[Co-host Fiona]

What you're saying you're not strong enough to handle it. If he gets word. I think what Bird's saying is if he gets word of how great you look, right? And then it calls you as soon as. And says, hey, I hear you look great. I think everything. It's cool. Let's go out and have dinner. You're not strong enough to say f you.

[Bert]

And then you're gonna be in a bad situation.

[Wendy]

I don't think I would say yes to dinner at all. I don't even think I would say even answering a phone call.

[Co-host Fiona]

Would you talk to him if he came up to you in a bar?

[Wendy]

No, I'd want him to see me, but I wouldn't want him to talk to you.

[Co-host Erin]

But I'm trying to.

[Co-host Fiona]

You wouldn't want him to. If he did, would you talk back?

[Wendy]

I don't know.

[Co-host Erin]

See, I think that we're in the middle ground because I agree with Jen. That's normal. I mean, I think anybody wants to look good if they see their ex in a, you know, ex.

[Co-host Dave]

Wife's friends.

[Radio Host]

Yeah.

[Co-host Erin]

I mean, I think that's normal behavior. It is.

[Bert]

That middle ground, though, if you accidentally see them, she's saying she dressed up for them.

[Co-host Dave]

No, I've done that before, too. When you know your ex's friends are going to be there and that there's a potential report back, you want to look really good to me. It's the big middle finger, like.

[Co-host Erin]

But I think, hey, look how.

[Co-host Dave]

You know, like, oh, saw your ex. She's looking really, really good. That's the message that you want to get back. But you don't think that's what Wendy's doing.

[Co-host Erin]

I think Wendy's at a disadvantage because she hasn't had boyfriends since then. Like, really serious boyfriends since this guy. I think that this would be normal behavior if this was, you know, Joe Schmo that she had dated last year and that she saw as friends. I just think that I'm trying to interpret how dangerous this is for her because she really hasn't had a serious boyfriend since Antichrist.

[Bert]

And you told us the last time we talked about him, you're still there. Small party. You're still attached to this guy. Like if he meant nothing to you. I mentioned his name and it was just like any other name.

[Caller/Guest]

Fine.

[Bert]

Do what you want. But I think this game you're playing is going to bring them back to you. And you're going to.

[Co-host Fiona]

You're. You're.

[Bert]

You're going to end up making a very tough decision. And I don't think you're strong enough to make the right decision yet.

[Wendy]

I mean, you're. You might be right. I don't. I don't know. He's still kind of a crutch, you know? He was that crutch for me for however long. Almost two years. And then being two years removed and nothing serious, it just kind of sucks, you know?

[Co-host Erin]

Do I have permission to call you Fiji if you go back to. Because I will.

[Wendy]

No, I won't do that.

[Bert]

Hey, Katie, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, I just wanted to say that, Wendy, you're a strong girl and you don't need this crap in your life. You need to find that one guy that's not going to find every single flaw within you because this guy's going to find any flaw possible.

[Bert]

This guy has no idea how to unconditionally love you.

[Co-host Erin]

She knows this, but she's still with a woman's emotions. It doesn't. You can say everything in the world, but as long as there's any kind of feeling there, it doesn't matter.

[Bert]

Okay, so what do you do then? Okay, so here's the reality of it is that she still has a grain of concern for this guy. She still has some kind of love for him. So what do you do then?

[Co-host Erin]

It's like the whole drug addiction thing. I said, it's up to Wendy to decide. She doesn't want it anymore. I mean, my Antichrist, years ago, I slammed the door in her face. And I knew it's weird to say, but this was like. God, this is like when I was 24 and I remember that I was eating dinner, she randomly showed up to my house. I slammed the door in her face and I went back to dinner and I told. And I thought to myself, I'm actually still eating after slamming the door in her face. And I don't care and that's when I knew I was over. And then it never once, you know, I've seen her since and talked to her and had no problem with it.

[Co-host Fiona]

And if you weren't ready for that, you would have slammed the door and then said, oh, my God, I made her feel better.

[Co-host Erin]

I would have not let her leave. And so I think that it Somehow Wendy's got to figure out when her moment of, I'm done with this and you're not there yet.

[Wendy]

I wish I could say with 100% confidence I didn't want him. Like, I didn't want to see him or I didn't want to talk to him, but I can't say with 100% confidence. I could say with 95% confidence that I don't want to, but there's always that little.

[Co-host Fiona]

That 95 goes down to about 40% once you do actually see them.

[Co-host Dave]

Yeah, that's true.

[Bert]

Here's Antonio.

[Co-host Fiona]

And then the minute you talk to him, down to 20%.

[Co-host Dave]

Right.

[Bert]

Hey, Antonio. Good morning. You're on the Bird show.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, guys. Good morning. I just want to say to Wendy, that, baby, now that I have gotten to know you, you are a very strong woman. And no matter what, you know, I'm very proud of you. And I know that you're going to go through this, and it's no problem. Okay? I totally. When guys come and hurt you so bad, it's so hard to get rid of all that. But you're looking so good, and you're doing a very good job.

[Co-host Fiona]

Hey, I'm gonna get his number and call him for advice randomly. It seems so wise coming from him.

[Bert]

Wendy and I had a brief talk about this the last time we talked about it on the air. And here's what I think Wendy needs is I think Wendy needs wins in the self esteem category. Little wins that build her security. And I think handling this sit correctly could really be a huge win for you, in you really finding some inner peace and love in yourself.

[Co-host Fiona]

Well, let's all hope she's not the first name drawn in Bobby Casket Sona.

[Bert]

You know what I'm saying? Is that too deep? Does that sound corny?

[Co-host Dave]

No. I think so.

[Wendy]

Well, I feel comfortable in the Morse suit because I'm covered up. You can't see me.

[Co-host Dave]

But see, I think that Wendy does get a lot of little wins. She just doesn't put them in her win category.

[Radio Host]

Like what?

[Co-host Dave]

Like her dancing with Antonio and kicking butt on that Dancing with the Stars thing and looking amazing on the video and having a Gajillion votes on the website. I think all of that's there to boost your confidence.

[Caller/Guest]

It's.

[Co-host Dave]

You've got to accept it.

[Wendy]

Yeah. I mean, I'm sorry.

[Co-host Dave]

You know, you've got to accept it and believe it and believe that you're worth it and believe that you're way worth more than this guy.

[Wendy]

And I wish I could have that feeling all the time, but I don't. Honestly, I don't. I don't have that feeling all the time. Doing the bikin tan is. Yeah, I had it for a moment, but I don't feel that every day.

[Co-host Erin]

I think the problem with a dating antichrist is you're embarrassed at how you behave so much that you think you can never get over it. Because it's this constant wanting to try to fix it. It's like this. This mouse in the wheel that you spin and spin and spin and thinking you're gonna improve upon it. Just let it go. And eventually you forget about it, you know? Yeah. Because I think that any. Especially with women I don't know. And guys too, maybe we all are inner perfectionists and we don't wanna fail and. And that seems like a failure when a relationship. We allow ourselves to be bad in a relationship, but just let it go. I mean, it happened. Fine.

[Radio Host]

Done.

[Bert]

You know, this to me falls under the same umbrella as you not feeling valued enough to go and ask for a raise.

[Co-host Erin]

Yeah.

[Bert]

You don't feel valued enough to say to this guy when he comes up to you that I'm just too good for you. I'm not gonna put up with this anymore. I think those where the wins come for you, you know?

[Co-host Erin]

Yeah.

[Wendy]

I mean you're probably. I mean, you're right.

[Co-host Dave]

The Antonio season it. We see it.

[Wendy]

No, you have to see it. Love me, Antonio.

[Radio Host]

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[Bert]

You know, we were talking about superficial resolutions last year and we really haven't talked about them too much like this year, have we?

[Co-host Erin]

Not superficial ones. Don't.

[Bert]

I've got one that has sort of been in the back of my head for a long time now. But this year I'm gonna do something about it. And when a story like this comes out, it re. It reminds me that this is something I really want to get good at.

[Co-host Erin]

Okay.

[Bert]

And that's being naked. I'm serious. I'm totally serious, man. For no real reason, man. I think I'm just one of those families where like everybody kept their clothes on and like, nudity wasn't dirty. It was just. We never did it.

[Co-host Erin]

Well, not too many families walk around naked in the house, but I think that's extreme.

[Co-host Dave]

What do you mean for families to be nude?

[Bert]

Oh, I don't. Check this out. 404-741-Q100. Wait til you hear this.

[Commercial Announcer]

Oh yeah.

[Wendy]

Wait, what?

[Co-host Fiona]

Oh yeah, I know. I grew up with neighbors who were nude family.

[Bert]

Oh yeah, man.

[Co-host Fiona]

And it was totally, like totally normal

[Co-host Dave]

for mom and dad and kids and everybody to walk around naked.

[Bert]

We've taken calls from like adult women that said that their fathers still walk around the house naked when they go to visit.

[Co-host Dave]

The only people I know that are like, that have parents that are European

[Bert]

or you like, live out in Northern California somewhere.

[Co-host Dave]

No, literally.

[Co-host Fiona]

Literally.

[Co-host Dave]

My friends who have parents who were born in Europe are the ones who walk around naked. But other than that, I don't know anybody.

[Co-host Erin]

I mean, like, my parents would change. They would change. They never got naked. They had no problem changing. Like their bedroom door might be open and they're changing clothes for something. And so there, maybe that was the message that it's no big deal to, you know, your body's no big deal. They didn't like lock the door to change their clothes or anything.

[Bert]

Everybody in here can walk around your house naked, no problem. And be comfortable?

[Caller/Guest]

Yes.

[Co-host Dave]

Yes.

[Co-host Fiona]

Like, who's over?

[Bert]

Like just you. I mean, just you. Or even just you and Jessica.

[Co-host Fiona]

I'm. The only thing that weirds me out is I've been trapped upstairs naked. Because if somebody comes to the front door, then that was a little awkward. It's not funny. There's. The only way downstairs is right into the front of the house, which is all windows. And there's actually been a time where I've been in my office and Jessica yells, do you have any laundry? And the laundry that I have is the clothes that I'm wearing. And I've thrown them over the edge and she's thrown them in the washer. And then the doorbell rings and I'm upstairs. And not only am I trapped, I'm in my office, which is like a. Yeah. Thing. And you can't even Run across. Because then you look like a streaker, and that's

[Co-host Dave]

awesome.

[Co-host Fiona]

Hey, I just. I know it's gonna sound like a weird 911 call, but I'm at a guy's door, and the dad from Family Guy is upstairs running around N.

[Caller/Guest]

There

[Bert]

is a display at the Museum of Modern Art right now that's just nothing but naked people.

[Co-host Fiona]

Oh, I saw that.

[Bert]

It's called the Marina Abramovich the Artist is Present. And it shows live nude performers facing each other in a narrow doorway. So people are this close to each other nude.

[Co-host Erin]

Oh, I saw those looking at each

[Co-host Fiona]

other while you have to pass between them.

[Bert]

You've got to pass between them in some cases. My goal, seriously, this year would be, at some point this year, I would like to be naked somewhere in public.

[Co-host Fiona]

I'll do it with you.

[Bert]

I'll handle this one.

[Commercial Announcer]

I got this.

[Bert]

I'm gonna go solo on this one. But I don't know the baby steps to wean myself up to it. Like, I think baby step one, I am not even comfortable in my home with only my family around naked.

[Co-host Dave]

I think, what about yourself?

[Bert]

Even really by. I would not want to be in my house walking around naked.

[Co-host Erin]

Even by yourself.

[Bert]

Even by myself. That's how kind of freaky it is.

[Co-host Erin]

Cause that may be the first baby step.

[Bert]

And it's a body conscious thing, because I'm comfortable with my body. I really am. I just don't know. It's just really. I feel so naked.

[Co-host Dave]

I think that you need to do it, like, this week. At some point this week, you need to, even if it's just in your bedroom at your house for one hour, just be naked.

[Bert]

Whether you just sit on the couch

[Co-host Dave]

naked on the computer, sit on the couch, watch tv, lie on the bed, take a nap, whatever it is you do for one hour by yourself, no kids around. Cause that might freak you out, but just by yourself, just be naked.

[Bert]

Have you guys been online before just naked?

[Co-host Dave]

Yeah.

[Bert]

I mean, you're not necessarily chilling. Yeah. Like, you work at your computer naked?

[Co-host Fiona]

Yes.

[Bert]

If anything, I'd have, like, boxers on.

[Co-host Fiona]

Can I. You want to be traumatized?

[Co-host Dave]

You've emailed Bert naked?

[Co-host Fiona]

Most mornings when.

[Co-host Dave]

I love this.

[Co-host Fiona]

You may want to pull your shirt down over. Yeah, here we go. Tent man. Most mornings when I email you later in the morning, I'm probably naked because I take my BlackBerry, I sit at my computer. As soon as I get up, I go to my computer, do some work. Then I go into the bathroom, and anybody who writes me back, I've Just gotten out of the shower, and I love to brush my teeth naked and look at myself in the mirror. So that's.

[Bert]

Save that. Hey, Kristen. Good morning. You're IQ 100.

[Commercial Announcer]

Hey.

[Caller/Guest]

I grew up. Up.

My dad was totally comfortable being naked all the time and still is at 67. I don't know why. He just, you know, it's never been an issue for him.

[Bert]

And Will now as an adult, and you as an adult, because we've taken these calls before where grandpa will still walk around naked in the house when the grandkids are there and his kids are there as well.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, he does. And. And it's awkward for me as an adult because, you know, you go. You look at it and you go, oh, Lord, he put some pants on. But, you know, it's something I've lived with my whole life, and it doesn't faze any of us, really. It's just like, oh, God, here he comes.

[Bert]

I think when you have that around you all the time, you're fine with it. Like, if Stacey and I even are just in the same room together alone, I mean, we're not intimate. Intimate. I got zero problem naked at all. But if we're just standing in the room together naked, I'm insecure.

[Co-host Fiona]

Will you get out? Isn't that weird? Would you get out of the shower and walk into. Because I'm assuming that your bathroom, your master bathroom is attached to your bedroom. Master bedroom. Right.

[Bert]

Yes.

[Co-host Fiona]

So let's say she's lying on the bed watching TV or reading a book or whatever. You get out of the shower and you don't like the clothes that you've brought into the bathroom with you. Will you walk into the master bedroom because the shorts that you were wearing are sitting on the edge of the bed naked, or do you have the towel around you?

[Bert]

Towel around?

[Co-host Fiona]

Really?

[Bert]

I know.

[Co-host Dave]

And when you said sleep naked, you and Stacy.

[Bert]

I will from time to time. Yeah. Sleeping naked doesn't bother me.

[Co-host Dave]

That's maybe a good step.

[Bert]

It's really weird. It's almost like. Almost like a phobia.

[Co-host Dave]

If you were gonna sleep naked, would you go from the shower to the bed, or would you have a towel around you and then strip real quick and get under the covers?

[Bert]

I wouldn't. That would not be the reason why I would sleep naked. Naked.

[Co-host Dave]

Oh. Oh, like, you wouldn't.

[Co-host Fiona]

Like, if you finish doing something

[Caller/Guest]

and

[Bert]

I wake up the next morning. But I would never purposely sleep naked.

[Co-host Fiona]

Hey, do you wear bathrobes around the house? And if yes, will you describe them I'll tweet today.

[Bert]

Good morning, Sarah. You're on Q100.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey.

Hey. I just wanted to tell you I'm on the same exact page that you are because I feel the same way. And I'm not insecure about the way I look. I just don't like being naked.

It.

[Bert]

It's just so vulnerable like that and.

[Caller/Guest]

No, it is. And I mean, I just. I don't know, I like the way it feels that pulls on and I've tried to sleep naked. People feel so free. You'll love it. And I give it a shot and I'm miserable. And I wake up in the night sweating and I hate it.

[Bert]

Yeah. This is going to be the year. My goal this year.

[Wendy]

How do you wake up sweaty if

[Co-host Erin]

you're naked and you don't wake up sweaty when you have clothes on?

[Bert]

Well, because she's all freaked out. Oh, okay.

[Wendy]

Oh, nervous.

[Bert]

If I sleep naked, generally I'll have a dream or a nightmare that I'm in some public place and I'm naked.

[Caller/Guest]

It also.

[Bert]

And everybody's laughing or looking or I'm really awkward.

[Co-host Dave]

Wow.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Bert]

So this year my goal would be like to do. I want to be in like. I want to go to like a nudist camp. Even if it's just an hour at some point where they don't know me.

[Co-host Erin]

We gotta build you up to that.

[Bert]

That's like graduation day. That's graduation day.

[Co-host Dave]

One hour this week.

[Bert]

One hour this week. You gotta spend it regular routine. But it's naked.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yep.

[Caller/Guest]

Right.

[Commercial Announcer]

Okay.

[Co-host Fiona]

During the entertainment buzz between from the 7 o' clock entertainment buzz to the 8 o' clock entertainment buzz. You're completely naked.

[Co-host Dave]

Let's do it.

[Commercial Announcer]

We will see you.

[Radio Host]

No, it's not the bird show.

[Caller/Guest]

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[Bert]

All right, so I think I have a question to ask today that we will not get one call on.

[Co-host Erin]

Okay.

[Bert]

Okay. Because the playing field is going to be set so high slash low for this question that I Don't think that it can be be today. Okay, so let me first, I'll give out the phone number. 404-741-Q100. And this is based on a story in Jen hobbies entertainment buzz this morning.

[Co-host Dave]

Yes, Shane Lamas is her name. She is the winner of the Bachelor. She is the daughter of Lorenzo Lamas. Well, she decided to go get her party on in Vegas and actually got married in less than 24 hours from meeting the dude. It's this dude who runs this online, like, gossipy celebrity website called the dirty dot com. So the guy who runs that, I was trying to pull up his name right now.

[Wendy]

Nick Richie.

[Co-host Dave]

What is it?

[Radio Host]

Nick Richie.

[Co-host Dave]

Nick Richie. So she meets Nick Richie. They're in Vegas. They go to the little white wedding chapel, and they tie the knot. They met less than 24 hours before they got married.

[Bert]

Okay, who can beat that record? Who listening right now can beat 24 hours today? I think we finally got a winner. Okay, 404741, Q100. So you meet each other. It's chemistry. It's fantastic. There would also have to be timing involved in this because they were in Vegas at this at the right time. Right at the same time they were in Vegas. And that's why they could get married within 24 hours.

[Co-host Dave]

Yeah.

[Bert]

So who listening got married from eyesight to I do in less than 24 hours.

[Wendy]

How excited, dude?

[Co-host Dave]

I mean, dang, dude.

[Radio Host]

Wow.

[Bert]

Bernie, you know what?

[Caller/Guest]

Take your head.

[Bert]

Can I go?

[Co-host Fiona]

We got the rest of the show. Get out of here.

[Wendy]

Yeah, you're done.

[Bert]

Because I'm only on Tylenol today.

[Co-host Dave]

Unless you were absolutely wasted. Alcohol, drugs, whatever. How could you do it? How could you really do it? Like Britney Spears, when she went and did that, it was with her childhood friend Jason Alexander. They had known each other all growing up. They were having a party weekend, but they had known each other a long time. So I can see how you get get swept up in that moment. Like, oh, I always had a crush on you my whole life. Like, let's just do this and get married. And I trust you. And you knew me before I was famous. And you can see how Britney Spears would have gotten kind of like swept up in the moment or the emotion of it. Dumb decision. Yes. They annulled it later, whatever. But still, you could see that. But they just met, like, at the bar, like, hey, baby, can I buy you a vodka tonic? And then married.

[Bert]

And the chemistry was so strong. By the way, no calls. I think we're gonna do it today. It's really not what I thought it would be. It's really pretty boring, actually.

[Co-host Erin]

I do.

[Bert]

Boy, it's too bad that it's worked. It's really pretty bad radio.

[Co-host Fiona]

But don't you think that how many times you should see how many times you can work in from eyesight to I do just to make something good come out of this?

[Bert]

Do you think that when they met each other, it was sort of like, yeah, there's something here, but let's go get married. And we know that. I mean, we're in Vegas. We can get this thing a knoll tomorrow if we really want.

[Co-host Dave]

Yeah, I guess they could. But why would you even do it if you were thinking about annulling it? You would really have to be, like, swept up in the moment of or

[Co-host Erin]

just, like, rebellion fun, you know? We're in Vegas.

[Bert]

Go for it. I think we got it.

[Co-host Dave]

I wonder if they wake up.

[Bert]

Wait, there's one.

[Wendy]

Hold on. One call.

[Bert]

There's one.

[Radio Host]

There's two. There's three.

[Co-host Dave]

No way.

[Wendy]

And now there's two.

[Bert]

There's two.

[Co-host Fiona]

Hi, Bird Show.

[Radio Host]

Hi.

[Bert]

Hi, Bieber Fever.

[Co-host Fiona]

Will you play song for me?

[Wendy]

There's only one.

[Bert]

Can you tell Justin Bieber to follow me on Twitt? There's only one more to go.

[Co-host Fiona]

Can I get tickets to Nickelback show?

[Bert]

Save that from Jeff. Hey, I really love you, Bird show. You giving away the thousand dollars? I saw you on Fox 5 last night. It's gone.

[Co-host Dave]

Fail, fail, fail, fail.

[Radio Host]

We failed.

[Co-host Fiona]

We went from eyesight to I do to I failed.

[Radio Host]

Bird show.

[Bert]

Q100.

[Radio Host]

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