Full Show PT 3: Monday, June 15 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 3: Monday, June 15 [Vault]

Date: June 15, 2026
Hosts: Bert Show cast: Jeff (Host), Melissa (Co-host), Tracy (Host), plus recurring contributors and listeners

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Episode Overview

This episode leans into the show's signature blend of candid conversations, humor, and real-life listener interactions. Major topics include romantic and career jealousy within couples, evolving attitudes about body image after pregnancy, the complications of social media in modern dating, and heartfelt calls from listeners dealing with infidelity and decisions to stay or leave "for the kids." The tone is accessible, supportive, and lively, with moments of laughter and sympathetic listening.

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1. Jealousy in Relationships & Career Imbalance

(Start – 09:32)

Key Discussion Points

• The show kicks off discussing tabloid rumors about Nick Cannon's alleged jealousy over Mariah Carey's acting success.
• Broader discussion follows about partners feeling resentful, envious, or inadequate when a spouse's career takes off.

Notable moments & quotes:

• Melissa on Hollywood marriages:
  “It seems like every time an actress gets to a certain point and they're more popular than the person they're with, they end up divorcing. Like Demi Moore and Bruce Willis ... Reese Witherspoon’s another case.” (02:20)

• On roles being reversed:
  “Can you think of any situations where it’s gone the other way, where the guy has become more successful and it divorced? ... It’s all the guys who are the shallow ones.” – Jeff & Melissa (02:57)

Listener Calls

• Olivia (Nanny whose boyfriend is quickly advancing at FedEx):
  “It's tough to see somebody who has, you know, my boyfriend has this great career, and he's constantly moving up, and I kind of feel like I get stuck ... you can't really move up in levels, you know?” (05:03)

• Mary (Supporting artist husband):
  "He got laid off last year and started an artistic business ... I’m paying all the bills ... I can't tell if she's jealous of him or just mad at him." (06:14)

• Chris (Stay-at-home dad; wife’s income grew):
  “I didn't get jealous, but she got really controlling ... a lot of things led to this and we ended up getting a divorce.” (07:29)

• Wendy (Husband gets to follow his passion):
  “He gets to do what he wants when he wants and gets to be with the kids and I get to go work the 9 to 5 and pay all the bills ... not fair.” (07:57)

Segment Wrap

• Melissa:
  “Number one cause of divorce, they say, is money ... in a relationship, you and your spouse are not going to be at the same level the whole time. It's just impossible.” (08:54)

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2. Body Image After Pregnancy

(11:46 – 16:41)

Key Discussion Points

• Tracy joins to talk about adjusting to her post-baby body.
• Listeners and fellow cast members discuss the pressure to “lose the baby weight,” personal acceptance, and the role of supportive spouses.

Notable moments & quotes:

• Tracy:
  “Ever since having a baby, I am more comfortable with my body ... While I would love to be the size I was before, I don’t care as much. ... It’s no big deal when I get to have this beautiful little baby girl.” (12:26)

• Wendy (Listener, 3 kids):
  “Some days I want to feel bad about my body, but my husband is like, oh, no, I still love it just the way you are ... He totally does not care. ... My stomach looks like a plate of tetanus from all the stretch marks. You know what? He does not care.” (15:50)

Contrasting views

• Another listener (Nicole):
  “Afterwards I feel that it’s like that, it’s worse. I feel that, like I'm watching what I eat more than what I did before I got pregnant.” (13:58)

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3. Prank Letters to a Religious Call-in Show

(16:45 – 21:14)

Key Discussion Points

• The hosts share a segment from a UK religious TV show, where hosts read prank letters incorporating "Star Wars," the "Fresh Prince" theme song, and Rick Astley lyrics, illustrating the pitfalls of reading unscreened viewer emails.

Notable moments:

• Melissa on the “Ben Kenobi” prank:
  “Yeah, it's a whole… he just did the whole Ben Kenobi, Star Wars whole thing.” (18:57)

• Jeff, amused by Rick Astley lyrics getting analyzed as theology:
  “That's a whole new genre of prank phone calling. Prank writing.” (21:04)

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4. Single Girl Boot Camp: Social Media & Dating Rules

(23:23 – 36:19)

Key Discussion Points

• Dating experts Jen and Deborah launch “Single Girl Boot Camp,” offering dating advice tailored to the challenges of modern, online-connected culture.
• Focus: How to avoid pitfalls of texting, tweeting, Facebook comments, and online flirting during the early stages of dating.

Notable advice & quotes:

• Jen:
  “If you do saturate these communication lines early on ... it’s probably going to burn out that love connection really quickly because you’re just so attainable and out there ... you’re losing that mystery.” (24:40)

• On Facebook friending:
  “You should refrain from being Facebook friends … until the fourth date.” (25:59)

• Deborah:
  “Biggest turnoff to guys ... is when a girl comments like every single status or picture or link that they put up, I mean, it reeks of trying too hard.” (27:09)

• On using social media for initial outreach:
  “People are actively using [Facebook] almost as a dating site at this point ... but it's got to be more personal than a generic ‘Hi, you’re cute, want to go out?’” (31:00)

• Deborah on infidelity online:
  “There's a level of trust that you have to have. ... Pictures posted of you and your girlfriend everywhere ... are you serious?” (33:20)

• Chivalry & tech:
  “A guy that really likes you will call you at some point... It’s got to come down to the phone call.” (34:45)

• Facebook profile tips:
  “When a girl gets a guy's number, the first thing she's going to do ... is check out your Facebook profile ... make sure that picture is very, very wonderful.” (35:39)

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5. Infidelity & “Staying for the Kids”

(38:55 – 53:05)

Key Discussion Points

• Prompted by Tiger Woods' infidelity scandal, the hosts open the phone lines to listeners who stayed in marriages after infidelity “for the kids.”
• The conversation explores whether staying benefits the children, if love and trust can recover, and how experiences differ if the man or woman is the one who cheated.

Notable calls and quotes:

• Melissa:
  “I don't have children. ... The difference between two women ... one whose mother stood her ground and kicked the man out ... is a confident woman. ... Dating another whose mother stayed ... there’s an undercurrent constantly of this insecurity about it not lasting.” (39:46)

• Tracy:
  “I’m not saying stick it out in a loveless marriage for the kids. What I admire about Elin is that she’s attempting to make it work for the kids.” (41:29)

• Mike (stayed after wife confessed affair):
  “I really put that behind me and said, everyone makes mistakes. ... Found out later she had at least a half a dozen other affairs, including one with my best friend.” (41:46–43:06)

• Jenny (worked through husband’s Christmas confession):
  “Because I stayed under the circumstances ... we had to talk about it. ... Two years later we're together ... I think we are better off than we've ever been. ... The reason I stayed was for the kids. Now the reason I'm around is not.” (46:05–47:25)

• Mary (planning to leave when kids are grown):
  “We’re still together now. I don’t think we'll probably be together when my children are grown.” (48:21–48:31)

• Steve (wife’s affair; stayed, but ultimately she left):
  “The trust I never actually really did get back ... what I had lost in that whole time was myself ... I had given up my integrity.” (51:55–52:33)

• On whether kids notice:
  “Don’t you think kids know? ... Even if you think you’re fooling your kids, you’re not … the kid’s not dumber than the dog. The kid’s smarter than the dog.” – Jeff (48:46, 49:55)

Segment Wrap

• Conclude that children always sense underlying tension. Trust, once broken, is rarely fully restored. Many who stayed for the kids either split after the kids are grown or found deeper problems lingered.

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6. Lighter Moments & Humor

Throughout the show, the cast’s jokes, pop culture references, and playful banter persist—balancing the heavier emotional discussions. A favorite: the British religious show getting “Rickrolled” with song lyrics and Star Wars references.

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Key Takeaways & Advice

• Jealousy and resentment about career differences are common, and honest conversation is vital for relationship health.
• Post-pregnancy body image varies; support from partners makes a big difference.
• In the world of dating, mystery matters: Avoid over-saturating communication; wait before mixing social media with romance.
• Infidelity and decisions about staying “for the kids” are complex—children are perceptive, and unresolved bitterness or distrust often lingers.
• Humor and open, supportive conversation help process even tough subjects.

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For more details, listener stories, or advice segments, visit thebertshow.com.

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Transcript

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[Host Jeff]

The Bird show we talk about lives of celebrities and how they oftentimes reflect normal people's lives as well. So I was wondering if you'd give us a call if you thought that this sounded like maybe something you would admit. And we can use the voice disguiser on this as well. 404-741-Q100 but apparently, according to one of the gossip magazines, you know Mariah Carey's getting the rave reviews for her work in Precious. Well, her husband, Nick Cannon should be really proud of her. But they are reporting in the gossip rags that instead he's really jealous of her. A source tells the National Enquirer that Nick told Mariah early on how fickle Hollywood is and that she shouldn't get her hopes up to be a movie star. Well, it turns out she's eclipsed Nick's acting career by leaps and bounds, and now he's jealous of her. So I'm wondering if anybody out there can admit that you're unhappy about your spouse's success.

[Co-host Melissa]

And this is not the first story in Hollywood. It seems like every time an actress gets to a certain point and they're more popular than the person they're with, they end up divorcing. Like Demi Moore and Bruce Willis got divorced from her career, started excelling above his. Reese Witherspoon's another case.

[Host Jeff]

Ryan Phillippe and Ryan Phillipe, when they were together, he was really the way more famous when we. When they first got together.

[Co-host Melissa]

Right. And the same with, you know, Bruce and Demi, and then also, I can't think of the actress's name, but there's. Yeah, but there's other cases in which, yes, as soon as the actress who was lesser known into their marriage becomes more popular, the guy's ego can't seem to handle it.

[Co-host Jeff]

Can you think of any situations where it's gone the other way, where the guy has become more successful, has become more successful and it divorced?

[Host Jeff]

And that would be the reason behind it.

[Co-host Jeff]

It's all the guys who are the shallow ones.

[Listener/Caller]

Huh.

[Host Jeff]

Or maybe it's sort of like the expectation of the male to be the. The one who's the provider and that kind of thing. And to get outshined by his wife would make him feel inadequate or lesser than.

[Co-host Melissa]

I don't know. But it just seems like in the same career, it seems like a guy can't handle it if his wife is actually beating him. I mean, that's what, you know, she's doing is she's more successful, so she's winning the race in Hollywood.

[Host Jeff]

And I don't think it has to necessarily. I'm sorry, go ahead.

[Co-host Jeff]

I was just saying our phone number is 404741, Q100. If you have a story, and like Jen said, voice disguiser is working.

[Host Jeff]

Voice disguiser works if you can admit you're unhappy about your spouse's. Because I don't think it necessarily has to be in the exact same line of work. We talk about it in Hollywood and it's with their acting. But I mean, I think it could be unhappy if you're, you know, if your significant other got a humongous raise.

[Listener/Caller]

I don't.

[Listener/Caller Olivia]

I don't know.

[Co-host Melissa]

I mean, I think that. Yeah, I Don't know.

[Co-host Jeff]

Or just what they're doing for a living?

[Co-host Melissa]

Answer that.

[Co-host Jeff]

What if your significant other is doing what they love and you're doing, you know, something to pay the bills?

[Listener/Caller Olivia]

Right.

[Co-host Jeff]

Like, you could. I could see that.

[Co-host Melissa]

Hillary Swank is who I was thinking of.

[Co-host Jeff]

Oh, her.

[Co-host Melissa]

Her marriage ended when she got those Oscars.

[Dating Expert Jen]

Yep.

[Co-host Jeff]

Hey, Lindsay.

[Dish Advertiser]

Hey.

[Listener/Caller Olivia]

How you guys doing?

[Dish Advertiser]

Good.

[Co-host Jeff]

How are you?

[Listener/Caller Olivia]

Doing all right. Doing all right. So I'm listening to you guys on the radio, and I am right there with being jealous with my boyfriend. We've been together for two and a half years, and he works for FedEx, and he's an amazing courier. And he is 23 years old, and he is already getting in the process to become a manager for his station, which is really, really awesome for him. And it's very uncommon for somebody of his age to move up as quickly as he does.

[Listener/Caller]

Okay.

[Listener/Caller Olivia]

And I love my job.

[Listener/Caller Wendy]

I love children.

[Listener/Caller Olivia]

I'm a nanny, and I've been a nanny for almost seven years. But it's tough to see somebody who has, you know, my boyfriend has this great career, and he's constant moving up, and I kind of feel like I get stuck, you know, just like I'm. I feel like I could do more. But it's hard when you're a nanny because you can't really move up in levels, you know?

[Host Jeff]

Right.

[Co-host Jeff]

Yeah.

[Listener/Caller Olivia]

So it is. It's tough to see that.

[Co-host Jeff]

Well, you should. Yeah, you should marry him right now. Just climb on a train.

[Listener/Caller Olivia]

Oh, I can't tell you how many of his friends are like, okay, when are you gonna put a ring on her finger? You might as well.

[Co-host Jeff]

Hey, Mary on the voice disguiser. Welcome to the bird show.

[Listener/Caller Mary]

Hi. My husband and I, last year, up till last year, we both worked corporate jobs, and he always hated it because he's really an artist. And he got laid off last year and had started an artistic business, and he's not making any money yet. I'm paying all the bills, and.

[Co-host Jeff]

Oh, your phone's cutting out.

[Dating Expert Jen]

Do what you want.

[Listener/Caller Mary]

Oh, you should do this too. You should follow your dreams. And I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm paying all the bills here, everyone. And it's like he just decided to quit his job.

[Co-host Jeff]

I can't. I'm having a hard time. You know, the phone's breaking up, but I can't tell if she's. If she's jealous of him or just mad at him.

[Listener/Caller]

He's mad.

[Listener/Caller Mary]

You're mad at him Sort of mad. But it is jealous when he starts off on the. Oh, it's so great when you can wake up in the morning and you

[Listener/Caller Olivia]

love what you do. Well, I don't love what I do,

[Listener/Caller Mary]

but I have to do it.

[Host Jeff]

I think it's a little bit different than being jealous of his success. You're jealous of. I mean, she seemed jealous of his choices.

[Co-host Jeff]

She just seemed mad at him.

[Listener/Caller]

Hey, she needs somewhere to vent.

[Co-host Jeff]

Hey, Chris.

[Listener/Caller Chris]

Yes. What's up, man?

[Co-host Jeff]

How are you?

[Listener/Caller Chris]

Hey, man. I'm out here working out and it's kind of chilly out here, but I'm just listening to you guys talk about this. I was married for about 14 years, and I decided to stay home as a dad, and my wife became very, very successful. Her income, Roy, it went into the six digits. And I didn't get jealous, but she got really controlling. Like, really, you do this, you do that. And it actually caused a divorce.

[Listener/Caller Wendy]

Wow.

[Listener/Caller Chris]

Yes. Yes. And. But, you know, sometimes I was a little bit, you know, envious of how, you know, she was acting, her career and everything, but really the roles kind of switched big time, and so I just couldn't take it. And a lot of things led to this and this and that, and we ended up getting a divorce.

[Listener/Caller Mike]

Wow.

[Co-host Jeff]

Thank you for the. Now it's funny. Now it's a joke. Hey, Casey, welcome to the show.

[Listener/Caller Mary]

Hey.

[Listener/Caller Chris]

Hey.

[Co-host Jeff]

How are you?

[Listener/Caller Wendy]

Good.

[Co-host Jeff]

What's up?

[Listener/Caller Olivia]

So, yeah, I'm a little envious, a lot envious of my husband because he is getting to lay in bed right now while I'm on my way to work. And he gets to do what he wants when he wants and gets to be with the kids and I get to go work the 9 to 5 and pay more and pay all the bills and not fair.

[Listener/Caller]

So does he do anything? Does he work?

[Host Jeff]

Not really quite.

[Listener/Caller Olivia]

Well, he does. He works. He freelances. And what he does is he works in kind of like the music entertainment industry. So when he does get to work, he gets to go do all these concerts and these shows. He's out late at night rubbing elbows with the stars. And still I have to. I don't get to do what I want to do, and I have to pay more money into our, you know, our family fun and.

[Dating Expert Jen]

And it's a little, you know, whatever.

[Co-host Melissa]

Frustrating. I mean, the number one. Yeah. Not quite what Jen's question was, but

[Co-host Jeff]

I think we totally missed the mark on what Jen was trying to do. But we gave a lot of people an opportunity to vent.

[Listener/Caller]

To vent.

[Co-host Melissa]

Well, it just shows you that, I mean, the number one cause of divorce, they say, is money. I mean, and you heard some very angry people about having to pay the bills. But you also have to know that in a relationship, you and your spouse are not going to be at the same level the whole time. It's just impossible. You know, somebody's always gonna make more money than the other.

[Listener/Caller]

Well, I'm not sure Nick Cannon's too happy holding the umbrella for Mariah Carey and all these unfortunate yeah, and Mariah

[Co-host Jeff]

Carey, by the way, can't be an easy person to be in a relationship with in the first place.

[Co-host Melissa]

But Mariah Carey went into that a bigger star than him and she deserves the accolades she's getting for her role in Precious. So he just needs to shut up. So what else is he doing but hosting shows?

[Host Jeff]

And I think we figured out what our new vent line no should be.

[Co-host Jeff]

Yeah, I hate my spouse.

[Dish Advertiser]

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[Weight Loss Advertiser]

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[Co-host Jeff]

Tracy has come in studio because she's having. We always like to talk to Tracy about her baby stuff going on in her world. Tracy's having Ella, little Ella Grace. How is Ella?

[Host Jeff]

How old is Ella?

[Listener/Caller]

Ella.

[Host Jeff]

Ella.

[Listener/Caller Olivia]

Hey.

[Listener/Caller Tracy]

She'll be seven months in a few days. Already.

[Co-host Jeff]

Did she do okay when you and Scott went out without her this weekend?

[Listener/Caller Tracy]

When we went out without her, yeah. We didn't go out without her.

[Co-host Jeff]

Oh, yeah, that's right. You never do.

[Dating Expert Deborah]

No.

[Co-host Jeff]

How's she doing?

[Listener/Caller Tracy]

She's great. She's awesome.

[Dating Expert Deborah]

How are you?

[Co-host Jeff]

How are you doing?

[Listener/Caller Tracy]

I'm good. Talking about my baby weight, right?

[Co-host Jeff]

Yeah.

[Listener/Caller Tracy]

My added.

[Co-host Jeff]

Well, not because of me. She's the one who wanted to talk about it. I didn't say, Tracy, you gotta talk about that weight.

[Host Jeff]

That's an awkward conversation, Jeff.

[Listener/Caller Tracy]

I don't know if I'm unique in this, so I would love to hear from other, you know, formerly pregnant women. But ever since having a baby, I am more comfortable with my body. Let me also say that I'm about 20 pounds heavier than I was when I got pregnant. But before, if I would have put on two pounds, three pounds, if I had a little bit of a bulge, I would obsess over it. I would start dieting. I would be concerned with, like, the clothes that I was wearing in my closet.

[Host Jeff]

And.

[Listener/Caller Tracy]

And for whatever reason, I just. While I would love to be the size that I was before, I don't care as much. And I don't know if it's because I realized what my body was able to do and like, an extra £20 is no big deal when I get to have this beautiful little baby girl who I love so much or if it's just I feel like I have an excuse now, like, whatever. So I've got a little belly. I had a baby.

[Host Jeff]

Right.

[Listener/Caller Tracy]

Like, I don't.

[Host Jeff]

I think it's healthy. I think it's a really good transition for you.

[Listener/Caller Tracy]

Yeah.

[Host Jeff]

I mean, I think that's a much healthier approach to what your body looks like anyway.

[Listener/Caller Tracy]

It's totally. I mean, I feel more free, you know, like I just ate a biscuit, whereas, you know, a year and a half ago I'd been like, I can't have that. You know, I've got a couple pounds I need to lose or I need to stay in my skinny jeans. And now I'm like, whatever, I can't fit in my skinny jeans. I've got a daughter. You know, I birthed a baby. Like, here's my body and take it or leave it.

[Host Jeff]

Right.

[Co-host Jeff]

Hey, Nicole, welcome to the show.

[Listener/Caller Olivia]

Hey.

[Listener/Caller Wendy]

Well, good morning to everybody.

[Host Jeff]

Good morning.

[Dating Expert Jen]

I was going to say mine was the exact opposite.

[Listener/Caller Wendy]

Before, I kind of.

[Dating Expert Deborah]

I just.

[Listener/Caller Wendy]

I didn't really have to worry about

[Listener/Caller Mary]

my weight, I guess. But now that afterwards I feel that it's like that, it's worse.

[Listener/Caller Wendy]

I feel that, like I'm watching what

[Listener/Caller Olivia]

I eat more than what I did

[Listener/Caller Wendy]

before I got pregnant.

[Co-host Jeff]

So, Tracy, you should consider yourself lucky because you've been.

[Listener/Caller Mike]

Well, I guess so.

[Listener/Caller Olivia]

But I also had my child young,

[Listener/Caller Wendy]

so I guess it might have been easier for me. But everyone else always tells me, you

[Listener/Caller Olivia]

know, you have a baby, you shouldn't be so worried about it.

[Listener/Caller Wendy]

You look great for already having a baby. But most people my age, look, you know, it's just.

[Listener/Caller Tracy]

Yeah, I thought the baby weight was going to come off a lot easier than it did. Like, I think I was kind of like, eh, whatever. When I was pregnant, I wasn't really, you know, watching what I eat as carefully as I used to because I figured, oh, I'll breastfeed. And once you breastfeed, it comes off so easily. That hasn't been. That hasn't been the case for me. I mean, I gained 60 pounds when I was pregnant, so, you know, and I've lost like 40 of it. Of course, most of that was Ella.

[Co-host Jeff]

Yeah, that's true.

[Listener/Caller Tracy]

She was a big girl, but. And I just don't. I thought I would be more concerned with it as, you know, as soon as the baby was here, I thought I'd be obsessed. I had like a diet plan all worked out, like, when I was pregnant, like, okay, this is exactly what I'm going to do as soon as she gets here and I'm going to start running and I'm going to, you know, by the time she's six months old, I'm going to be running five miles A day. And I'm going to have this diet plan. And for whatever reason, I just don't care. I'm just like, whatever, eventually it'll come off. If it doesn't come off, it's not like I'm, you know, overweight or anything like that.

[Co-host Jeff]

Well, if you want Scott to give you another baby, you should probably think about getting out of there.

[Host Jeff]

And Scott doesn't care.

[Listener/Caller Tracy]

I mean, if he does, he hasn't said anything. Like he's told me, I think you look great. You haven't. He's like, you haven't even done anything and I think you look great.

[Co-host Jeff]

Tracy, you can move out for four months and as long as you don't take Ella. He wouldn't even notice you were gone.

[Listener/Caller Tracy]

Yeah, I don't think he cares much about me anymore. It's all about her. But whatever, that's a different topic.

[Co-host Melissa]

Hey, tomorrow.

[Co-host Jeff]

Hey, Jessica. Welcome to the show.

[Listener/Caller Wendy]

Hey. I want to say that, yes, Tracy, I have. I am 28 years old. I will be 29 in March. I have a 6, a 3, and an 18 month old. And it is all about whether or not your spouse is supportive. Because there are some days where I want to feel bad about my body, but my husband is like, oh, no, I still love it just the way you are. You gave me all three of my beautiful kids. He totally does not care. Yes. My stomach looks like a plate of tetanus from all the stretch marks.

[Listener/Caller Olivia]

You know what? He does not care.

[Listener/Caller Wendy]

I will put on my Spanx, still put on my cute little jeans and my tight fitting shirt and walk in the mall with my babies in their stroller and call it a day, honey. It's a great free feeling to have.

[Listener/Caller Tracy]

It's awesome. I mean, if you're one of those women that obsesses about your weight like every woman does have a baby and you're just not there.

[Listener/Caller]

Oh, perfect.

[Co-host Jeff]

Yeah, that's all you need to do, Wendy.

[Listener/Caller Chris]

There you go.

[Listener/Caller]

No, The Birch Show.

[Co-host Jeff]

Josh found some audio that I want to share with you. I know one piece of this will make Melissa laugh in particular.

[Dish Advertiser]

Okay.

[Co-host Jeff]

There is a television show in the UK somewhere where they read emails and it's a religious based, religion based TV show. So they're talking about God and Jesus and worship and all that fun stuff. And people email in their thoughts while the show's going on. And the hosts of the show will actually read the feedback that they're getting while they're live on the air. It's very apparent that they don't have anyone screening what they're reading. Like the inbox pops up, you've got mail and they just start reading. And so somebody over in the viewing area got an idea to see what sort of emails they could slip through the system. So the first one is definitely for Melissa. If you listen carefully at the beginning, you should be able to figure it out.

[Co-host Melissa]

Okay.

[Co-host Jeff]

And this is a letter written to this talk show, religion based talk show in the uk.

[Religious Show Caller]

My inspiration in life is a man I met in Nigeria called Ben Kenobi. He taught me so much about the force that spirituality has. It can be used for good and it can be used used for bad. There is a light and a dark to everything. It's up to us to make sure that the light side of things outweighs the dark side. But in the kingdom of God, it's all about light. No darkness at all. But people go over and get powers from the enemy and that's darkness really. I helped him spread his message as best as I could for summer. For the summer I was there. But one man with a particularly sharp tongue attacked his beliefs one day and he disappeared shortly after. He believed the midichlorians controlled all of us and created all of us. He didn't think that the force of spirituality and midichlorians went hand in hand. Ben taught me that we must always try to live in harmony with all other forces of the universe.

[Co-host Jeff]

And he obviously starts the devil. Yeah, he catches on at the end. And he stops reading because he's of course referring to the Star Wars.

[Co-host Melissa]

Yeah, it's a whole. He just did the whole Ben Kenobi, Star wars whole thing.

[Co-host Jeff]

Ben Kenobi is Obi Wan Kenobi. So I got it. I kind of laughed at that one.

[Host Jeff]

I didn't think it was Ben Kenobi. I thought it was Obi Wan Kenobi.

[Co-host Jeff]

Okay, so I laughed at that one. That was funny. And then Josh played this one for me, which is a little more mainstream, I think.

[Weight Loss Advertiser]

Okay.

[Religious Show Caller]

Someone who has written a story here is a long one. He says, I'm a newly born again Christian and would like to share my story of salvation with you. I was born in West Philadelphia and also raised there. I spent most of my days playing basketball on a playground, but also chilling out and relaxing. But then one day, a couple of guys who were up to no good started making trouble in my living area. I ended up getting into a fight which terrified my mother. As a result, she sent me away from West Philadelphia to the most peaceful area of Bel Air.

[Listener/Caller]

That's from Fresh Prince of Prison.

[Co-host Jeff]

Somebody in the background figures it out.

[Religious Show Caller]

Yeah, I think there's some. There's some Mongolians in the system.

[Co-host Jeff]

So they figure out that it's the Fresh Prince of Bel Air and the Born and raised.

[Co-host Melissa]

Yeah.

[Co-host Jeff]

So I think that, you know, this guy's catching on. So then the next day, they have to move on to a different host.

[Listener/Caller]

Louise says, I think it's a real shame that there is cynicism directed towards this channel which only wants to help our fellow members of the flock. When will people learn that God will never give them up and never let them down, never run around or hurt them? I mean, she's right, isn't there? Isn't it? Yes.

[Co-host Jeff]

I mean, I'm afraid I smile,

[Spinquest Announcer]

You see?

[Co-host Jeff]

So it could be that someone's out there just trying to have a laugh, but actually that's them still talking about the Rick Astley song.

[Host Jeff]

They continue. Once they figure out it's a song.

[Co-host Jeff]

No, they don't figure out. They never figure it out. They're analyzing it. The first line of his letter was the Rick Astley song.

[Co-host Melissa]

Oh, my God.

[Host Jeff]

Love it.

[Co-host Jeff]

So I think that's a whole new genre of prank phone calling. Prank writing.

[Co-host Melissa]

I was gonna say, if, Jeff, if this was in Atlanta, you would be the very one to do everything we just heard.

[Co-host Jeff]

Yeah, that was brilliant. I just need to find a TV show that reads their email unsolicited.

[Dish Advertiser]

The Birch Show.

[Weight Loss Advertiser]

Okay, can we talk about how confusing weight loss has become? Like, one minute it's carbs are bad, and then the next it's, no, actually, carbs are fine, but only if you walk 10,000 steps and drink a green juice. And honestly, it's just a lot. And then even if you do lose the weight, keeping it off is a whole different story. If you're struggling and want something that fits your real life, hers can help. It's designed to support you in reaching your goals in a way that actually fits your life. That's why weight loss by hers is getting so much attention right now. Hers connects you with licensed medical providers who create doctor developed treatment plans tailored to you. They offer access to an affordable range of FDA approved GLP1 medications, including the Wegovy pill and the Wegovy pen. It helps regulate your appetite so you eat less and keep the weight off. If you're ready to reach your goals and want to try something new, visit for hers.comburt to get personalized, affordable care that gets you. That's F O R h e r s.com Bert borhers.com Bird weight loss by hers is not available in all 50 states, but Go VI is the registered trademark of Novo Nordisk. A s Get started and learn more including important safety information with Gobi, clinical study information and restrictions. Visit borhears.com what's going on everyone?

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[Co-host Jeff]

Birch Show hey, is this Olivia or Deborah?

[Dating Expert Deborah]

This is Deborah.

[Co-host Jeff]

Hi, Deborah, how are you?

[Dating Expert Deborah]

I'm good, how are you?

[Co-host Jeff]

Hold on, we'll get Olivia on. Hi, Olivia, how are you?

[Listener/Caller Olivia]

Hi.

[Co-host Jeff]

Welcome back. Welcome back to the show.

[Listener/Caller Mary]

Thank you.

[Dating Expert Jen]

Good to be back.

[Co-host Jeff]

All right. Jen and Wendy are going to spearhead this, but we're starting. You guys are kicking off this single goal boot camp that we're doing all week and it's about helping single ladies navigate the dating waters. And the reason we have you guys joining us is because we originally talked to you in studio about texting, but questions have come up about Facebook commenting and tweeting and direct messages and replies and so much more than texting. So that's why you guys, that's what you're representing, the social media aspect of dating.

[Host Jeff]

And we, we just get a ton of email from listeners anytime that Wendy and I talk about dating or being single, whenever we share it on the show, we get lots of responses from other women listening who are single or maybe newly single getting back out on the scene. And all the social media is this really new element to dating now that nobody's really navigated that before. So we were kind of wondering if you can give us like some rules of thumb, some definite things to always remember when you're on those sites.

[Dating Expert Jen]

Right. I mean, I guess the biggest thing to remember is, you know, we never before were inundated with all these, like, technologies and are kind of like, for 247 coverage of our lives on Facebook. And people are tweeting now. I mean, there's just so much going on that I think everybody just needs to be mindful that if you do saturate these communication lines early on, and I'm talking, you know, you're emailing your BlackBerry messenger and you're Facebooking with, you know, your crush, that it's just probably going to burn out that love connection really quickly because you're just kind of so attainable and out there and everything about you is out there that you're kind of losing that mystery, which is the really the kind of thing that you want to keep, especially early on in the love connection.

[Co-host Jeff]

Is there, like, a guideline to go by? Because, you know, the texting and the tweeting can be somewhat private. But if you're going to Facebook message someone, like, comment on their wall and post something, that almost seems like it's a question that has to be or an issue that has to be addressed beforehand because people might not want to know who. You know, like, if I'm dating somebody, I might not want the whole world to know it just yet. If we've only been on one date, is there a guideline?

[Dating Expert Jen]

Well, here's the rule that we always tell single girls is that you should refrain from being Facebook friends or, like, friending. Facebook friending someone to, like, the fourth date. I mean, let's face it, the first, you know, three dates are, you know, you kind of feeling that person out. I think by the fourth one, you can. You can safely say that you guys are dating and headed that on that road. So we tend to kind of hold back on whether the girl's Facebook friending him or whether he's Facebook friending her. Just kind of hold out on that because, I mean, I think that's the safest way to go about.

[Listener/Caller]

So what if you're already Facebook friends with your crush? Should we delete them or just avoid posting anything on their wall?

[Dating Expert Deborah]

Yeah, definitely avoid. You know, you don't want.

[Listener/Caller Olivia]

It's.

[Dating Expert Deborah]

It's very. You don't want everybody to know what's going on. And like Olivia said, you want to keep the mystery, so. And guys also don't appreciate it when a girl that they just started to date posts on their Facebook page. Hey, I had a great time last night. Because early on, early on, that's.

[Dating Expert Jen]

That's not a good move to make private thing. I mean, I think that's something that you can private message on Facebook and not make it public domain, you know? Right. The biggest turnoff to guys that we've gotten is that when a girl comments, like every single status or picture or link that they put up, I mean, it reeks of trying too hard. And it's just. It's like you don't want everybody knowing, you know, you. That you're out there and you have nothing better to do but to comment on his.

[Host Jeff]

Well, and two, don't you think it needs to be. The tone needs to be light and fun, like in any sort of text communication or social networking. Like, to me, it should stay light and fun. Any sort of serious subject matter I feel like you should talk about.

[Dating Expert Jen]

Oh, absolutely.

[Dating Expert Deborah]

No. Texting, Facebooking, bbming, It's all supposed to be light and fun because we have found that a. A very big misconception that people have come across is that they think that now that texting is around, that you need to have all these conversations on texting. But that's actually absolutely incorrect. You know, texting and Facebooking and all those things are ways to supplement a relationship that should also include phone calls and face to face, because that's how you build a relationship. And all those other fun things in social media should be just that they should be fun and light.

[Host Jeff]

Exactly. Yeah. Because I think that that's a mistake that a lot of women make is they'll get serious or they'll, like, try to express their emotions in that way. And it's like, you can't really do that. You can't express a serious emotion and then an emoticon to really get across.

[Co-host Jeff]

Smiley face.

[Host Jeff]

Yeah, smiley. Or a wink or a sad or whatever it is. Like, really say what you need to say. I think it should just be fun and flirty and light.

[Listener/Caller Mary]

Yeah.

[Dating Expert Deborah]

And the great thing about flirting in these social media environments is that you're able to flirt in a controlled environment. You're able to actually think about what you want to say and how it's going to make you look before putting it out there. So if you're smart about it, then it could really, really help you out.

[Host Jeff]

And for single girl boot camp, what would be your suggestion before immediately replying to something you get from a boy? So say you get like a flirty text from a boy or a flirty direct message or whatever else it is. Like, do you have any advice on. Okay, before you reply, you should do what?

[Dating Expert Deborah]

You should stop yourself, stop and think.

[Dating Expert Jen]

Well, what we usually say is that the first thing that pops into Your mind is most likely impulsive and driven by emotion. So what you want to say initially is probably you're going to think of something better in an hour, you know, and, like, just hold off. There's no need to. Just because it's speedy technology doesn't mean you need to be speedy with your

[Co-host Jeff]

response, which is the rule that you applied to texting when we had you

[Host Jeff]

in exactly the same kind of thing. Like, if you take your time, then you can be witty and light and funny.

[Co-host Jeff]

Now, we had a guy in studio, actually a friend of the Bird show a couple months ago, and he approached a girl. He got invited to a party that he couldn't attend, but then was looking at the pictures of the party, and in those pictures found a girl that he thought was attractive. So checked out her Facebook page, and whatever he saw on her Facebook page, he's like, wow, this is, you know, this is a cool girl. So he sent her a message, not a public message, a private message on Facebook, and asked her if there was any, you know, if she's single and if she wouldn't mind grabbing a cup of coffee.

[Host Jeff]

And I thought his approach was kind of cute because he said, you know, I was supposed to go to the party where you went, and, you know, kind of, man, I'm really mad I missed it because I missed the chance of meeting you.

[Co-host Jeff]

So the question is, is Facebook or any social media that has a picture attached, is that an acceptable medium for meeting people? For the initial approach, yeah.

[Dating Expert Jen]

For the initial meeting, I think people are using it. Absolutely. I think people are actively using it almost as a dating site at this point. And if, you know, the rule, I mean, I think it's cute and safe to say what that guy did is appropriate. And, you know, it's also based on whether this girl is interested and most likely they have a lot of friends, mutual friends in common. And she can. She'll probably check that out and go and ask around her friends, get his story before she probably responds. And that's the thing, is it's going to be based on those mutual friends and what they have to say about him.

[Co-host Jeff]

Well, what she did do is she immediately defriended him, which we found amusing.

[Host Jeff]

She blocked him.

[Co-host Jeff]

Blocked him, right?

[Host Jeff]

Yeah.

[Co-host Jeff]

And so he couldn't contact her anymore, which led us to believe that she was a psycho. And he.

[Dating Expert Deborah]

My rule with guys who. That, I don't know, strangers sending me a private message saying that they think I'm cute, and when I want to go out sometime, I ignore all of them. Every single one of them. If you give me a generic Facebook private message the same way you would give me a generic text message, I just, I don't think you're putting in effort. I think it could be a massive message that you copy and paste to a bunch of girls. If you want to make yourself stand out, then you need to. I don't, you know what you said, what this guy did, where he mentioned a party that he knew she was going to, which could be a little bit crazy on his end, but

[Dating Expert Jen]

if

[Dating Expert Deborah]

he had said something, you know, that they had in common and I know your friend, this person and that sort of stuff, if you make it personal that you know a girl knows you didn't just copy and paste it, I think that that's better for you. I mean, it gives you a better step ahead in the right direction.

[Co-host Jeff]

What about the issue of infidelity online? Like, once you're exclusive with someone, are you allowed to comment on members of the opposite sex as pictures?

[Dating Expert Deborah]

Yeah, if you do it very lightly. I mean, if you don't say anything inappropriate.

[Listener/Caller Wendy]

Absolutely.

[Dating Expert Deborah]

Because you know that it says it on your page that you just talked about somebody else's photo. So your significant other is going to check that out if she's able to. And also there's a level of trust that you have to have. You know, with social media.

[Dating Expert Jen]

I actually though, I mean a little story like we have. There's someone I know that is in a relationship with someone else, living with them and on Facebook and it does so on their status. However, they continue to guy continues to hit on other girls and it's like you have to be, I mean, none of these girls. I mean, he's a really good looking guy. He's got a lot going for him. But like, are you serious? Like there's pictures posted of you and your girlfriend everywhere. It says in a relationship with blank. I mean, I don't know what people are thinking that that's okay to do a huge weird thing to me.

[Host Jeff]

Let me ask you guys about chivalry because a lot of people would argue that chivalry is dead and that technology makes even more easy for chivalry to be dead. How does a single girl navigate, you know, being in the world of texting and social networking while dating? Because it's just a part of it now. You know, there's no avoiding. That's just, that's just the way it goes now. But still being able to expect to date a gentleman or expect some chivalry at some stage of the game.

[Dating Expert Deborah]

I think it's about mixing it up. I mean, it's about knowing that a guy that really likes you will call you at some point and hopefully early on to make a date. But we'll use texting to flirt with you. We'll send a funny post on your Facebook page when he's thinking of you and he's going to mix it all up.

[Dating Expert Jen]

Mm. No, it's true. I mean, I think, you know, the most important thing is, I think if you have to wait for that phone call, I mean, I think that is kind of all these social media, everything that's going on, whether he Facebooks you and gets your phone number. That way, it's got to come down to the phone call. Right.

[Host Jeff]

Okay.

[Co-host Jeff]

So it's like phone call, like in person, like talking.

[Host Jeff]

Yes, I'm just talking. Hearing their voice. Yeah.

[Co-host Jeff]

I don't understand.

[Dating Expert Deborah]

Yeah, no, you can still place calls on your phone.

[Host Jeff]

I know you can express so much more with your voice than your thumbs. Jeff.

[Co-host Jeff]

Hey, Deborah and Olivia, thank you so much for joining us today.

[Listener/Caller Mike]

Sure.

[Host Jeff]

Thanks, you guys.

[Co-host Jeff]

I appreciate it. And the name of the book is called FlirTexting.

[Dating Expert Deborah]

FlirTexting. Yeah.

[Host Jeff]

It's really good and it's awesome book. It's such a great book. I have used it more than one time as, like, a guide for how to do it.

[Dating Expert Deborah]

And do we have to have to tell you one more super big tip about Facebook?

[Co-host Jeff]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Dating Expert Deborah]

Olivia and I were doing sort of a Facebook makeover boot camp with some of our guy friends, and we noticed that a lot of our guy friends have absolutely ridiculous photos. And when a girl gets a guy's number, the first thing she's going to do, whether she's friends with you or not, is check out your Facebook profile. So you have to make sure that that picture is very, very wonderful and you're not doing anything in it that she could disagree with. So if you go to flirtexting.com on our blog today, we've listed the 25 worst things you could possibly be doing in your Facebook profile picture.

[Co-host Jeff]

We'll link that up to our website.

[Listener/Caller Mike]

Great.

[Co-host Jeff]

That's very cool. Thank you, guys.

[Dating Expert Deborah]

Thank you, guys.

[Co-host Jeff]

Have a great day. Have a great week.

[Dating Expert Jen]

Thank you, too.

[Listener/Caller]

Bye.

[Dish Advertiser]

The bird show.

[Weight Loss Advertiser]

Okay, can we talk about how confusing weight loss has become? Like, one minute it's carbs are bad, and then the next it's now, actually, carbs are fine, but only if you walk 10,000 steps and drink a green juice. And honestly, it's just a lot. And then even if you do lose the weight, keeping it off is a whole different story. If you're struggling and want something that fits your real life, hers can help. It's designed to support you in reaching your goals in a way that actually fits your life. That's why weight loss by hers is getting so much attention right now. Hers connects you with licensed medical providers who create doctor developed treatment plans tailored to you. They offer access to an affordable range of FDA approved approved GLP1 medications including the Wegovy Pill and the Wegovy Pen. It helps regulate your appetite so you eat less and keep the weight off. If you're ready to reach your goals and want to try something new, visit fourhers.com Bert to get personalized affordable care that gets you that's F-O-R-H-E-R-S.com Bert for hers.com Bert weightlifts by hers is not available in all 50 states, but Gobi is a registered trademark of Novo Nordisk A s. Get started and learn more, including important safety information with Gobi clinical, clinical study information and restrictions.

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[Host Tracy]

We're sort of jumping off on a serious point here for a second because the rumor now is that Elin, Elin woods is down in Mississippi and she is standing by her man. At least she's gonna try. So Tiger's had 14 different affairs, and the rumor is that she's at least gonna try to make this one.

[Host Jeff]

She's 17 now.

[Host Tracy]

17? Well, once you get past like 6,

[Co-host Jeff]

doesn't really matter after you hit a dozen.

[Host Jeff]

I mean, that might make a difference for some people. For Tiger, they may draw the line of,

[Co-host Jeff]

I know it's a childish joke, but I want Tiger to go 18 holes.

[Listener/Caller]

Oh, my gosh.

[Host Tracy]

So the question here is, I would really like to hear from people outside the celebrity world that have had to go through this. You have kids, there was some infidelity in the relationship, and you stayed together. You made it work for the kids, just for the kids. Because Melissa says she don't respect Elin for doing this at all.

[Co-host Melissa]

I don't. I think less of her. And my perspective, yes, I don't have children. I understand the intention of parents doing it for the children. But my perspective comes from two different things. One, one of my best friends growing up and watching her from elementary school up until adulthood now, we've been friends this whole time. And she's a product of divorce whose mother stood her ground and kicked the man out. And then dating a woman who is a product of divorce, who did not witness or not experience the divorce until high school, but had to endure all that growing up. And the difference between the two women is the woman I grew up with, whose mother stood her ground when she was young and kicked the man out when there was abuse and infidelity going, grew to be a confident woman who's in a long term marriage now and has no worry that this marriage is gonna end. I'm dating a woman who there's an undercurrent constantly of this insecurity about it not lasting. And it's not. It doesn't emanate in big ways. But every now and again there's these just subtle things where I know that she just wants me to make sure that I let her know I'm not leaving for no reason. For no reason.

[Host Tracy]

I do think that this is one of those places that if you don't have kids, I really do think it changes your perception. That's my first point on it. And the second one is I don't want to. I don't want it to get too twisted. My opinion on it, I'm not saying stick it out in a loveless marriage for the kids. What I'm saying that I admire about Elan is that she's attempting to make it work for the kids. I don't think at the end of the day she's going to be able to. And at that point, once your heart is out of it, I think you got to split. You can't stay in a marriage where you can't stand the person because the kids pick up on that and it does more damage than it does good. The thing that I admire is that at least she's gonna give it a try.

[Co-host Melissa]

I don't understand why she's giving it. Yeah, I just think less of her. Why give it a try? He has disrespected you, he's made a fool out of you many times and now that you're going back, you're just, you're being a fool again and your children will know it.

[Host Tracy]

Here is Mike on the voice disguiser. Hey, Mike.

[Listener/Caller Mike]

Hey.

[Host Tracy]

Alright, so you stayed in your relationship for the good of the kids after some infidelity?

[Listener/Caller Mike]

Well, actually that was only part of the reason. I mean, that was a big part. And I had two step kids I was raising and, but it was also because that's just what I felt you did, you know, you got over that. You, you're in it for better or for worse. And so I decided she had come and confessed an affair to me and we had been married just under three years, I think, and at the time, this is many years ago, and so I decided to stay in it. And I did not go through a point where I hated this person. I literally did what it did took to get over it and I got over it. And then two years later she just decided, she told me she was gonna, she wanted a divorce. And it was at a time when our relationship was probably, I thought was going better than ever and then came to find out after the fact from many sources that she had at least a half a dozen other affairs that was only including one with my best friend.

[Host Tracy]

Oh, dude. Oh, no, no, no.

[Host Jeff]

Did you ever really get over it though? Yeah, because I don't think.

[Listener/Caller Mike]

Okay, I, I mean, without a doubt, I, I really get over it because. Yeah, oh yeah. I, I, I really put that behind me and said, you know, everyone makes mistakes. You know, I'm not perfect. I did, I've never done that, but I, and I hopefully never would. But you know, people make mistakes. She confessed it and, and that Was that was it for me. And there were several times over the next couple years where I would find myself getting suspicious or jealous. Now, in hindsight, I probably was right.

[Host Tracy]

Yeah.

[Listener/Caller Mike]

But I just said, oh, no, it's silly. It's just, you know, I'm. I'm reading things into this. And. And I would make myself get over it.

[Listener/Caller Steve]

And

[Listener/Caller Mike]

yes, I would say I dealt with it. And I was still in love when she decided that she wanted a divorce.

[Host Tracy]

I wonder if, by the time we're done taking these calls, I wonder if the outcomes are going to be different based on who did the infidelity. Because I think that the common thought is guys can still love women but still get physical with other women. And my dad. Me and my dad had this conversation. Man, it was repulsive that he used to screw around on my mom only because it was a physical thing. He could have sex with other women, come home to my mom, and still had feelings for my mom. He loved her. Whereas when women screw around, at least the underlying tone is that they've been pushed into it or they've emotionally checked out already. So when the guy says, yes, when his wife comes home and says, I had an affair, and the guy says, that's all right.

[Listener/Caller Mike]

Right.

[Host Tracy]

Let's stick it out for the good of the kids. Let's go ahead and make sure that we still have this. She really is already checked out. Emotionally. She's done. She. She's out of love already. And the relationship in the long run isn't gonna last because she's already checked out. You know how. You know what I'm saying?

[Host Jeff]

Yeah.

[Host Tracy]

That was just different.

[Co-host Jeff]

And it's easier for the guy because of the way the guy processes when he's doing it.

[Host Tracy]

He's thinking, in a guy's mind that it's just a physical thing.

[Co-host Jeff]

It's a matter of thing. It's.

[Host Jeff]

But I still don't think it's easier for the woman to get over just because of that.

[Listener/Caller]

Well, I don't think he can.

[Host Jeff]

Like, you could say that to your partner, but I don't think she ever gets over it.

[Host Tracy]

Sure. Because the same way, regardless, the same way a guy is processing the infidelity with a woman thinking it's just physical,

[Host Jeff]

she's processing it as a woman thinking that it was more than that.

[Co-host Melissa]

But last caller, we had only knew about one incident. Like, to compare it with Aylin, if he had found out about the dozen that she had slept with, would he stayed for the good of the kids?

[Dating Expert Jen]

Right.

[Host Tracy]

So the question we're asking is this good of the good for the kids thing. You found out some infidelity. You stayed in the relationship for the good of the kids. When you crossed the finish line, did it work out or not? Hey, Jenny. Good morning.

[Listener/Caller Mary]

Hey.

[Host Tracy]

Hi.

[Listener/Caller Wendy]

I found out about two years ago, around Christmas that my husband admitted it. He called. Well, he came home and told me. I've actually confronted one of the other women about it. But it happened about three and a half weeks before Christmas is when he told me. So I felt like I was kind of obligated to stay because of Christmas with the kids. I didn't think that was fair to them around the holiday. They were 5 and 6, so I didn't think they would really, really understand what was going on at the time. But because I stayed, because I stayed under the circumstances, me and him actually had to talk about it. There wasn't, okay, I'm leaving. It's over. I don't want to talk about it. Because I was there. I felt like, I mean, we had to talk about it. There was. I was miserable. He was miserable in the whole situation and we had to just talk about it. And so we did. And two years later we're together. And I think we are better off than we've ever been. Now I know I can still be a made a fool of. And he knows that I told him that. And so, I mean, I'm not completely blind that this can happen again. I don't think it's happened since then.

[Host Tracy]

But at the end of the day, you're glad you stuck around.

[Listener/Caller Wendy]

Yes.

[Host Tracy]

And it's worth it.

[Listener/Caller Wendy]

The reason I stayed around was because of the kids. Now the reason I'm around now is

[Host Jeff]

not okay, good for her. I mean, I think it. Yeah.

[Co-host Melissa]

And it took both of them to have the conversation. I just don't think Tiger's gonna stay loyal to Elon.

[Host Tracy]

Here is Lee. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Listener/Caller Mary]

Hi. I was calling in about the situation you're talking about the infidelity and staying for the children. My husband had a two year affair that I found out about and I ended up staying with him for our children. We have two small children at home and I just felt like having a stable. Well, I mean, they never realized what was going on. And I felt like having them raised with two parents and being able to do what we could do for them financially together was more important for the short term.

[Listener/Caller]

And did it work out?

[Listener/Caller Mary]

Well, we're still together now. I don't think we'll probably be together when my children are grown.

[Host Tracy]

So as soon as the kids are out of the house, that's your finish line.

[Listener/Caller Mary]

Probably.

[Co-host Jeff]

Are there a lot of people like that who just wait till the kids are going to college and they're done?

[Co-host Melissa]

But the kids. Don't you think the kids know they have to.

[Host Tracy]

They do, or they'll pick up eventually as they get older, that there's really sort of like mommy and Daddy don't touch each other, they don't hug each other.

[Co-host Melissa]

And then you're. They know.

[Host Tracy]

Don't they pick that up?

[Host Jeff]

You're the example of what a marriage is supposed to be to your kids. So if you.

[Listener/Caller Mary]

Well, I think we did put out a really good act. I mean, you know, we're not. I don't hate him. I mean, we're, you know, we're friendly. I mean, and I will, you know, I will hug him. I'll, you know, you know, I do have a, you know, I love for him. I tell him I love him. I just, you know, it's just not the same. And, you know, that trust has been broken. I don't.

[Listener/Caller]

But understand, your children are feeling that underlying tension, especially growing up in a household with that you feel attention, no matter if it's being expressed or not. You're visualizing your parents. You see your parents every day. You can hear the arguments go on in the background. And your children aren't immune to that. And growing up in that, it really ruins you as a person.

[Listener/Caller Steve]

Growing up.

[Co-host Jeff]

I think it was. I can't believe.

[Listener/Caller]

Oh, absolutely.

[Host Jeff]

I mean, you're.

[Listener/Caller]

You're constantly. Even in relationships, you're constantly questioning somebody whether you trust them completely or wholeheartedly. But that's how you grew up. Like, you see your parents, they act like they're in love act. I mean, you think you're doing a good job. You're really not. You're doing a disservice to your child because then you don't trust marriage at all.

[Co-host Jeff]

I can't believe I'm about to quote Dr. Phil, but I think I am. But in the 30 minutes of my life I've spent watching him, he did say something really interesting about the same situation. He said, you know how if you grew up with dogs, like in the house, a dog can sense, like, when there's change in feelings or different emotions or whatever, we'll run and hide, we'll come to your side, we'll do whatever. And people think that because your kids don't do that, they're not feeling it. And the difference is the kids are capable of hiding it. A dog isn't. So you, like, keep in mind next time you think you're fooling your kids, you're not. Like, a dog is capable of knowing what the feeling and the emotion is in the house. If a dog can feel it, so can your kid. Your kid is just doing you a favor by saying, you know what? I'm gonna go into my room or I'm gonna go outside, or I'm gonna smile or laugh or make a joke or do whatever is different. The kid's not dumber than the dog. The kid's smarter than the dog.

[Host Tracy]

Hey, Steve, you're on the voice disguiser. Go ahead.

[Listener/Caller Steve]

Yes, I also have a situation like the fellow that called. First seven years into our marriage, I found out my wife had an affair. I did stay for the kids and for the marriage. I also believe that, you know, for better or for worse, I'm in here for this is the worst and it's going to get better at some point. So I understand exactly what Tiger woods wife is going through. And I especially understand the smashing the Cadillac part. You get some of these intense emotions that make you crazy and make you do and want to do crazy things. I think where I was a little bit different is I can sense that the quantity would be. Would have been a deal killer for me that she had had. But I think the only way you get. The only way that you get through it is through prayer and a lot of prayer. And for me, actually, the trust I never actually really did get back.

[Host Tracy]

So you guys are still. You're still together today?

[Listener/Caller Steve]

Actually, no. She left at 16. 16. Wedding anniversary. Around that time she left. She decided to end after I stuck it out like that. And why I would recommend not doing it is just by that point when that had, you know, I stuck it out and we tried to work it out. It was like reopening the whole can of worms again, looking in the mirror again. And. And what I had lost in that whole time was myself. And because I'd given up everything to try to save the marriage and to make it work and. And kind of felt like I had given up my integrity.

[Host Tracy]

Look, I don't know that you can draw a total generalization on these yet, but I mean, the common theme with the dudes is they wanted to stick it out. And a couple of years later, the women left. So is the conclusion that we're drawing that if a wife screws around that there's no going back?

[Co-host Melissa]

Well, I don't know, but I mean, is it also a case where if a guy cheats and he confesses to his wife and she sticks it out that he stays monogamous the whole time

[Host Jeff]

or that she ever gets over it?

[Host Tracy]

Well, we've talked about that before. There's never 100% trust ever again. We've talked about that too many times.

[Co-host Jeff]

There is. We can end this on a good note. Joanna is no longer anxious about getting engaged.

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