Full Show PT 3: Monday, June 22 [Vault]

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bert Show – Full Show PT 3 – Monday, June 22 [Vault]

Date: June 22, 2026
Hosts & Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Jen, Dan, Lindsay, Paulette, Bianca, Lady Luck, and callers

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show brings listeners a mix of authentic comedic banter and real-life stories. The hosts delve into awkward hospital moments, modern remote control struggles, post-Super Bowl party hangovers, the addictive power of social Facebook games, and the social minefield of Valentine's Day gifts—all with listener call-ins adding extra hilarity and relatability.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

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1. Hospital Humor: Breastfeeding, Dads, and Pranks

[01:32 – 05:30]

• Dan tells a story about meeting a listener at Taco Mac who recounted a bizarre experience at the hospital when their baby was born.
  • The lactation consultant supposedly encouraged the new dad to take his shirt off, standing shirtless in the delivery room, to help the mom feel comfortable with breastfeeding.
    • Quote (Dan, 03:09): “Dad is naked from the waist up, standing in the delivery room … just to make the mom feel more comfortable.”
  • The crew speculates if this was a prank by the nurse, especially if the dad had been a “pain in the ass patient.”
  • Lighthearted aside about men possibly being able to lactate, though admitted to be very unlikely.
    • Quote (Host, 04:07): “I’m not exactly sure, but I’ve read it before … I think it is humanly possible.”
  • Laughter about the embarrassment and the existence of photos as the dad’s friends later mocked him.

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2. The Lost Remote Escapade & Accidental Relationship Drama

[05:31 – 10:22]

• Bert and Katie Jo recount the saga of breaking their remote during a big TV weekend and desperately tracking down a cable service van in a stranger's driveway to try and get a replacement on the spot.
  • Quote (Bert, 07:29): “We pull in the driveway … because we are five feet from the van. This is the most motivated I’ve seen you in nine years.”
  • Their presence sparked suspicion with the homeowner’s wife, who launched into an argument about “the two girls parked outside”—the wife suspected infidelity.
  • The cable guy refused to clarify, and the hosts debate whether they should clarify things, ultimately deciding it’d only make things more awkward.
    • Quote (Bert, 09:24): “When they got in the house … he heard this man’s wife yelling from another room … about who were the two girls parked outside.”
  • The team laughs about relationships, misunderstandings, and the modern struggle of living without remotes.

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3. Caller Dilemma: Paulette’s Super Bowl Hangover & Missing Work

[12:25 – 22:28]

• Paulette calls in on a voice disguiser, confessing she missed work after her Saints’ Super Bowl party and didn’t even call in sick. She woke up at 1 pm, panicked, and hid out all day.
  • Quote (Paulette, 13:33): “I didn’t hear my alarm and I woke up at one o’clock in the afternoon yesterday… I didn’t call into work. I didn’t do anything.”
• The crew relates, sharing their own past work mishaps and discussing whether to lie, admit the truth, or feign confusion (like pretending to think it was a holiday).
  • Jen’s advice: Pretend you thought you turned in a vacation request—sort of honest, but not incriminating.
  • Listeners weigh in, sharing opinions on owning the mistake, the risk of going unnoticed, and whether to say nothing unless confronted.
    • Quote (Lindsay, 16:50): “If I’m the boss, and you come in like, ‘I got too drunk’ … at least I know you’re honest.”

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4. Gaming Obsessions: Sorority Life & Farmville on Facebook

[23:04 – 29:56]

• Bianca shares her addiction to “Sorority Life,” a Facebook game that simulates sorority rivalries and social climbing.
  • Explains how players, including adults, form houses with friends, fight rivals, steal “glam” and boyfriends, and compete for influence points.
    • Quote (Bianca, 26:13): “She attacked me first. She kept trying to attack me, and she kept on losing. So I attacked her back ten times … Chill, it’s just a game!”
  • Other hosts compare their own Farmville exploits and marvel at people spending real money on game points.
    • Jen (about Farmville, 23:20): “So you’re in Farmville Nation.”
  • Callers reveal some spend up to four hours a day on such games—even at work or school.

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5. Valentine’s Day Gifts: Timing, Awkwardness, and Listener Stories

[31:35 – 40:21]

• Discussion on relationship “milestones” and how the wrong Valentine’s Day gift can be a disaster.
  • Quote (Lindsay, 32:36): “You could be dating for four weeks—he gets you diamonds or a car … the best way to learn is by hearing others’ mistakes.”
• Callers chime in with awkward or hilariously bad gifts:
  • Toilet paper holder after two months: “That’s just a bad gift, period.” (34:22)
  • Four new tires after a year: practical, not romantic.
  • Starship novelty gift at six months: a bit too risqué, but ultimately appreciated.
  • Marriage proposal after three months: “I didn’t even know your middle name.” (38:45)
  • Basketball hoop (for the kids more than the wife) after 10 years.
  • Bottle of Captain Morgan (she doesn’t drink, he does): “That was really romantic.” (39:51)
• The team debates the meaning of gifts, the importance of unselfishness, and expectations at different relationship stages.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dan, on the hospital shirtless dad:
  “Dad is naked from the waist up, standing in the delivery room … just to make the mom feel more comfortable.” [03:09]

• Host, on men lactating:
  “I’m not exactly sure, but I’ve read it before… I think it is humanly possible.” [04:07]

• Bert, about the cable truck escapade:
  “We pull in the driveway … because we are five feet from the van. This is the most motivated I’ve seen you in nine years.” [07:29]

• Paulette, on her Super Bowl bender:
  “I didn’t hear my alarm and I woke up at one o’clock in the afternoon yesterday … I didn’t call into work. I didn’t do anything.” [13:33]

• Lindsay, on excuses for missing work:
  “If I’m the boss, and you come in like, ‘I got too drunk’… at least I know you’re honest.” [16:50]

• Bianca, on Facebook game feuds:
  “She attacked me first. She kept trying to attack me, and she kept on losing. So I attacked her back ten times … Chill, it’s just a game!” [26:13]

• Lindsay, on Valentine’s Day gifts:
  “You could be dating for four weeks—he gets you diamonds or a car … the best way to learn is by hearing others’ mistakes.” [32:36]

• Jen, on gifts:
  “I dated somebody for like five or six months before Valentine’s Day once, and I got nothing … That might actually be better than a toilet paper holder.” [34:57]

• Caller, about over-the-top V-Day move:
  “I had a guy proposed to me after three months of dating… I didn’t even know your middle name.” [38:45]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:32: Dan’s hospital/breastfeeding/lactation consultant story
• 05:31: Bert’s desperate hunt for a cable remote (and unintentional marriage drama)
• 12:25: Paulette’s Super Bowl hangover dilemma and improvising a work excuse
• 23:04: Bianca and the Facebook game “Sorority Life” obsession
• 31:35: Valentine’s Day gift fails—callers share stories of awkward, thoughtless, or mismatched presents

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Tone & Style

The show’s trademark: quick-witted, self-deprecating humor, lively banter, and unfiltered but empathetic advice. The hosts keep things playful and relatable, welcoming outrageous stories and honest confessions from their audience.

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For Non-Listeners: Why Tune In?

• Real-life issues (awkward workplace moments, relationship mishaps) handled with honesty and humor
• Listener participation makes every segment unpredictable and authentic
• Perfect for anyone who loves group chat energy, pop culture, and finding humor in everyday life

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Skip to [12:25] for a classic confessional call-in about missing work after a wild night, or [31:35] for hilarious Valentine's Day gift horror stories!

Transcript

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[Dan]

want to tell you guys a story that and I wish Tracy was in here. Can you somebody run and grab Tracy because she may be able to verify this or not. But I spoke to. I met a new person this weekend, Saturday night, randomly at Taco Mac came over and started talking to us. And part of Was it a listener

[Jen]

or just somebody random who was sitting near you?

[Dan]

It was a listener to the show. Definitely knew about the show. But somehow we got on the subject of oh, I know how we started talking about new babies and breastfeeding came up.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Guest Caller]

Okay.

[Dan]

And he told this story and Tracy, maybe you can verify this or you will just laugh at it.

[Host (possibly Jen or Bert)]

Okay.

[Dan]

Because I think the possibility exists that one of the nurses at the hospital where he had his baby was jacking with him.

[Paulette]

Okay.

[Dan]

Apparently when you know when you have a baby if you're gonna breastfeed the baby, they got that specialist who comes by.

[Host (possibly Jen or Bert)]

Lactation specialist?

[Dan]

Yes, that person. And is that a nurse? I'm assuming.

[Host (possibly Jen or Bert)]

I mean they can be, but not

[Dan]

always just somebody who goes to lactation school. So this person or has breastfed a

[Jen]

Lot of babies, one or the other.

[Dan]

So this person comes in the room, right. And says, you know, is talking to the mom about how to breastfeed the baby and how to get the baby to latch on for the first time and all those important things. And at some point wants to get the dad involved in the process.

[Jen]

So uh, oh, I'm nervous.

[Dan]

The end of the story is there's some yada, yada in the middle, but at the end of the story, dad is naked from the waist up, standing in the delivery room or in the hospital room holding the baby with no shirt on just to make the mom feel more comfortable about the whole process.

[Jen]

Weird.

[Dan]

Jessica started, she had tears in her eyes. I think the nurse was jacking with this.

[Bert]

Cause I could see if he was like, had been kind of, I don't know, I mean, how did he treat the staff when they got there? Cause that's one of those things that, you know, get this guy back.

[Dan]

Just a pain in the ass patient or something like that.

[Jen]

Yeah. Or condescending or something.

[Bert]

And they were like, uh huh, I get you, buddy, that's weird.

[Host (possibly Jen or Bert)]

But I thought what you were going to say is that it is possible for a man to breastfeed, which I have read it is.

[Jen]

What?

[Host (possibly Jen or Bert)]

Yeah.

[Bert]

How is that possible?

[Host (possibly Jen or Bert)]

I'm not exactly sure, but I've read it before. No, Scott wouldn't try it. But yeah, I think that if you

[Jen]

really do it enough.

Sympathy mode.

[Host (possibly Jen or Bert)]

Try it enough or something. I think it is possible for a man to breastfeed to lactate.

[Bert]

Uh huh.

[Lady Luck]

Weird.

[Host (possibly Jen or Bert)]

I mean, I'm not an expert, so don't try it and then blame me. But I think, look into it. I think it is humanly possible some

[Dan]

guy emails Tracy in six weeks and is like, look how chafed my nipples are.

[Bert]

Or some woman who comes home to

[Host (possibly Jen or Bert)]

find her man doing that.

[Bert]

Right. Like honey, what are you doing?

[Jen]

So this guy had to be standing in the hospital room with his shirt off to make her more comfortable with

[Dan]

her having her shirt off.

[Bert]

I guess.

[Dan]

Apparently there's actually photographs of him doing that.

[Spin Quest Announcer]

Oh no.

[Dan]

Because his other buddy. His other buddy.

[Bert]

Did the nurse take the pictures? Because then she's definitely jacking with him.

[Dan]

Cause his other buddy was making fun of him for it. Because we were just talking about our friend who wasn't there, whose wife had started contractions and if she didn't have a baby last night, it's probably today or it's within 24 hours. So that's how the whole discussion of being in the hospital and everything came up. And then he said, well, make sure you let him know that he doesn't have to take your shirt off in the delivery room.

[Jen]

And it became, oh, my gosh, that is awesome.

Was this guy a good looking guy?

[Dan]

Yeah, I think so.

[Jen]

Because then, like, what if the nurse just wanted to see him with his shirt on?

[Show Host (possibly Dan or Bert)]

You're on the Burch show.

[Bert]

Guys, I'm afraid that Katie Jo and I may have messed up a complete stranger's marriage. All right, this is what happened. So over the weekend, we were. I forgot what night it was, but, I mean, this was a big, important weekend for television, especially since the super bowl was on, right? So we were doing something, and the remote control fell off the coffee table on the floor, which, no big deal, didn't crack, didn't bust nothing. So we picked it back up and it couldn't use it anymore. Like, I don't think that cable remote controls are very, you know, I don't know, Sturdy. Sturdy. And so we realized that I guess one too many times of tossing it on the coffee table, tossing on the couch, whatever. Our remote control was broken, right? So we didn't have a remote. We didn't have a universal remote. We didn't have anything. And so we were frustrated because even with our cable box, it's a little difficult to get to everything on it. Like, there's not all the manual control. So we realized that we had been so dependent on that remote control that we were panicking about what we're going to do the rest of the weekend. So we called the cable company and the. They're like, well, next week you're gonna have to drive to, like, I forgot where, but somewhere, like in Gwinnett and we live in Fulton to go get the remote control. Like, it was not an option for them to bring us a remote control. Okay? So that was the scenario we were in. Like, we were. We were frustrated that we didn't have a remote.

[Lindsay]

Okay, Tanya, realize how far it is from the couch to the TV when your remote doesn't work.

[Bert]

But even then, if you can't punch all the buttons and get to everything you need to get to. I mean, it's even. Not even when you, you know, even when I make Katie get up and go walk to the TV since she's the athlete, then, you know, and can't do it, then it's frustrating, right?

[Dan]

And you'll sit and watch a crap TV show for two days just because

[Lindsay]

you don't want to get up.

[Dan]

What are you watching? A documentary On Big Bird's costume. Really?

[Caller]

Why?

[Bert]

Because that's the only channel we're getting

[Lindsay]

because it's six feet to the tv, and I won't get up because the

[Dan]

show that was on this channel yesterday at two in the afternoon was fascinating.

[Bert]

Yeah. So anyway, so we didn't have a remote, so we were panicked, all right? So we were out running some errands. We're going to have lunch or something. And we were coming back, and we were cutting through some streets in our neighborhood, and we saw a cable truck parked in front of a house. And I said, pull over.

[Jen]

Pull over.

[Bert]

Because I said, he's got a remote in that van somewhere. So I knew if we offered him some cash, he would give us one of the remotes, okay?

[Jen]

So he pulled in under the table, his ass.

[Lady Luck]

Okay?

[Dan]

So the only thing that will make Melissa get out of her wallet get out her wallet is the threat of having to leave her house for more than 15 minutes.

[Bert]

Whatever. So whatever. I'm not looking at you. So we pull in the driveway, okay, of this house that this, you know, cable guy is at, and he's talking to the guy that lives there on the front porch. And so we pull in and, you know, they both kind of look at us. And Katie kind of rolled down her window and said, you know, we want to talk to the cable guy. And so he's kind of gave us a signal, and he's, you know, like, okay, I'll be with y' all in a second, but I'm gonna go in and fix this problem first. Okay? No problem. So we sat in the driveway, and we ended up sitting there for maybe five, 10 minutes. And then Katie said, is this weird that we're sitting like, he's not coming out? I said, you know what?

[Jen]

Stalking him.

[Bert]

I said, I. We are getting that because we are five feet from the van.

[Lindsay]

This is the most motivated I've seen you in nine years.

[Bert]

I'm telling you. I'm telling you, we have to get that remote control. Okay.

[Dan]

Home to get your ninja.

[Bert]

But I'm telling you, you need this remote control.

[Jen]

Clever. I would have never thought of it. Thank you, J. I would have never thought of it.

[Bert]

Thank you. So we're sitting there. I'm like, no, we're not going anywhere because we're going to get that remote control. So finally, the cable guy comes out, and he comes to the car, and we explain to him what we need.

[Caller]

And.

[Bert]

And he's like, okay, no problem. He said, you just let me know where your house is. And Then I'll come by after I'm done here and we'll fix it up. Okay, no problem. So we go home, no big deal. Take the dogs out, everything. He comes by and he said, I don't think y' all realize what you did. He said, but he said that when they got in the house, when we had pulled up, him and the guy on the front porch waving, he got in the house to fix this guy's cable, and he said it. And then he heard this man's wife yelling from another room. And then the guy was pulled into that room, and he and the cable guy stood there while the two had a fight about who were the two girls that were parked outside in the driveway.

[Paulette]

Oh, yeah.

[Bert]

And what did they want?

[Show Host (possibly Dan or Bert)]

Oh, no.

[Bert]

So we were joking with the cable guy, and we were like, well, what did you say? And cable guy said, well, it was none of my business to, you know, to get into their business. So I didn't say nothing. So the cable guy didn't say that we were there for them.

[Dan]

That's awesome.

[Bert]

So you drive back to that house,

[Show Host (possibly Dan or Bert)]

you need to tell them, apologize.

[Bert]

It won't help because my thing is two ranch random people pulling up in a dry. Like, if two.

[Paulette]

Yeah.

[Bert]

I would not think twice about it. I'm like, there's something going on with them. Anyway. We just start like, there's some infidelity

[Lindsay]

going on, and now she's just not 100.

[Lady Luck]

Yeah.

[Bert]

But yeah, yeah, that's really gonna help for us to say, oh, hey, we're just coming back to let you know there's really. No, we weren't here for you. Like, that's not gonna help.

[Jen]

Yeah, you're right. That'll probably make it worse.

[Bert]

I put it on the cable guy for just standing there because he wanted to see the drama. I didn't want none of my business to say anything.

[Jen]

That's hilarious.

[Bert]

So, yeah. So, yeah. So Katie and I. Sorry if we contributed to the demise of a relationship.

[Show Host (possibly Dan or Bert)]

This is the bird show.

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[Geico Gecko]

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[Bert]

It feels good to get good news. It feels good to Geico.

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[Show Host (possibly Dan or Bert)]

n. This is the Birch Show.

[Lindsay]

Paulette wants to be on the voice disguiser.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Lindsay]

Got herself in some trouble over the weekend and missed some work and wants some help on how to recover. Paulette, good morning. You're on the voice disguiser.

[Paulette]

Good morning. How are you guys today?

[Lindsay]

Good. How are you today?

[Paulette]

Good. I listen to you guys all the time and now I'm calling for advice.

[Geico Gecko]

Okay?

[Lindsay]

You have become one of those people that you've laughed at now for years. So let us.

[Paulette]

I know.

I recognize that, but I really needed some help, so I decided to call. Anyway.

[Bert]

Welcome to the dark side.

[Lindsay]

Yeah, right. What's going on?

[Paulette]

So, obviously I watched the Super Bowl Sunday. My boyfriend and I had a big party at our place. Actually, like 25, 30 people were there. It was awesome. I grew up in New Orleans. I'm a huge Saints fan. And so clearly, I celebrated pretty late. So late, in fact, that I did not wake up the next morning for work. I was, you know, I have to be honest, I was super drunk, totally tapped out. I didn't hear my alarm and I woke up at one o' clock in the afternoon yesterday.

[Lindsay]

Oh, that is a bender right there.

[Bert]

Okay, I know what Time. Are you supposed to be in work?

[Paulette]

And I was so bad. I was so hungover, so I just kind of laid there and I was so distraught about what to do that I didn't even. I didn't call into work. I didn't do anything.

[Bianca]

Wait.

[Jen]

Oh.

[Lindsay]

Oh, nothing. So the whole day goes by and you never called? You never check in?

[Paulette]

No, I know, I know. I didn't. I didn't feel well. And then I was so nervous, I didn't know what to say. I was kind of in bed the whole day. I mean, you know what it's like, right?

[Lindsay]

Yep. You went large for sure.

[Bert]

You did.

[Dan]

Melissa's den. Then didn't you sleep 24 hours right through a job?

[Bert]

There was. There was a time where I had just moved that weekend and didn't get a lot of sleep and I was young and so I was probably had been drinking too, but. And I slept at four in the afternoon and I was supposed to be at work at 10.

[Caller]

Damn.

[Bert]

And I walked in, but I went like. I got up, got ready at 5pm and everybody was leaving at 5:30. And they were like, what? And I said, I'm just. I'm just owning up to it.

[Lindsay]

Just wanted to make sure that you guys were concerned that you thought I was dead. Really? Here I am.

[Bert]

But I asked earlier, what time were you supposed to be there yesterday? I'm just curious.

[Paulette]

Nine o'. Clock.

Nine o'.

Clock.

[Jen]

Could you potentially fake it like you thought you had the day off? Like since you haven't called at all?

[Paulette]

That's what.

I don't know what to do for today because I have. I've been thinking up some plans in my mind and I'm not sure which one to do. The first one is that I can like obviously just totally set up and explain to my boss what happened.

[Dan]

No.

[Paulette]

Or I could pretend like I had no idea. Like, I don't know, maybe I thought it was President's Day like yesterday and then I got the weeks mixed up.

[Bert]

Everybody knows it was Super Bowl.

[Jen]

Your boss already knows.

[Paulette]

And tell my boss that he actually signed a vacation form like a month ago and maybe he won't know.

[Dan]

Go with. I'd vote for the President's Day idea.

[Caller]

What?

[Dan]

President's Day is a week from yesterday. It's one week off.

[Jen]

Did you say you thought it was President's Day?

[Dan]

So going today, like, I would never

[Bert]

bother get President's Day off.

[Dan]

Oh yeah, That's a good question.

[Bert]

Yeah. Do you get President's Day off?

[Paulette]

We did, but like what if I just pretend that I like playing dumb and I say all the weeks mixed up.

[Lindsay]

No, you can't do that, because what you're gonna do, what you want to avoid, is an excuse that really sort of, I don't know, makes him lose or her lose respect, you know? Like, I have this idiot working for me and the President's Day. One, I think, would do that. If I'm the boss, I'm like, you're an idiot.

[Bert]

If it.

[Bianca]

Yeah.

[Bert]

If you had gone out on a bender at any other time of year, then maybe. But I don't. Everybody knows it was super bowl, and there's so many people that didn't make it in the next morning. So I don't see. I mean, I don't know why you can't just tell the truth.

[Lindsay]

404,741,Q100. Except we're not in the real world, you know, it's like with us, we could probably get away with it, you know, but in the real, we don't operate like, unless you're a banker or something, you can't do that.

[Bert]

I guess I just. I'm going on what you just said, Bert, because I feel like you're going to insult your boss if you come up with an excuse when the boss knows. Well, super bowl is Sunday, because if you walked around Friday talking about how you're from New Orleans and you want them to win and you made a big deal about the super bowl, then I think people know where you are, I'd be pissed.

[Lindsay]

So if I'm the boss and you come in and you're like, I got too drunk.

[Paulette]

I've only been there three months, which is, like, part of the problem. And I sit in a cubicle by myself. So, like, for all I know, there's, like, a tiny chance I didn't even realize I wasn't there.

[Lindsay]

And nobody called you during the day, either?

[Jen]

No.

[Paulette]

I mean, I work in customer service. It's not like I'm part of a critical team, you know?

[Lindsay]

It certainly is making you probably feel less than essential personnel if you go an entire day and nobody calls. Nobody at all.

[Dan]

Yeah, well aware.

[Jen]

What if you went in and you still make it your fault if they call you out on the mistake, but that you say you thought you turned in a vacation form for Monday, you're like, I'm a huge Saints fan. Y' all know I'm a huge Saints fan. I thought I turned in a vacation form, did I not? And then if they bust you for not turning In a vacation form, you're still taking the blame on yourself and saying, you know what? I am so sorry. I really thought that I had turned that in. I checked it off my list, whatever it is you got to do, and because you're still owning it, that it's your fault. But you're not, you know what I'm saying? You're not going full disclosure on the getting hammered and forgetting to get to work thing.

[Dan]

You could even go above and beyond that and fill out a form. Like, as soon as you get in. And the minute you get there, walk into your boss's office and go, oh, my God, I filled this out last week and I walked in, thought I took it, and it was sitting on my desk.

[Bert]

Well, it's almost the same. It's almost. If you go in like that, prepared, it almost seems like a lie. Like you said, you don't know. Part of me is curious about you just going in and not doing anything yet until you get called out. And like Jen said, because if you don't think anybody noticed you were gone, then I think if you go in and nobody says anything, then you're clear. I mean, it might make you feel bad about your job, but, I mean, at least you're not in trouble.

[Lindsay]

Hey, Tim. Good morning. You're part of the virta.

[Bert]

Hey, good morning.

[Caller]

That's awesome. I love you guys.

[Lindsay]

Thanks for calling, man.

[Caller]

Family emergency of her family is Saints fans. One of her family members partied too

[Bert]

hard and had to go into the hospital, and she had to go be

[Caller]

with them and didn't have any time to call.

[Lindsay]

Yeah, the problem with that is you should still check in, even if it's whatever, just.

[Dan]

And Wendy made a good point.

[Jen]

Yeah, that's bad karma because then you're wishing that to happen to a family member. Yeah, don't use that.

[Lindsay]

I think the best one so far is Jen's idea. Thought I turned in the vacation request because I knew I'd be out.

[Dan]

Right.

[Lindsay]

Hey, Dan, good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Yo, what's going on? Just want to say I love you guys. You guys rock.

[Lindsay]

Thank you, sir.

[Jen]

Love you too, darling.

[Caller]

She could go either way with this. And I mean, but it really depends on her boss. How is her boss? Is he like, you know, one of those where he's like, hardcore if she's like two minutes late or is he like, well, you know, just make it up later or whatever? You know, like, what kind of a boss is, you know, Is this guy

[Lindsay]

real old school, conservative by the Book

[Paulette]

dude, somewhere in between, I think. You know, I've only been there three months so I haven't had to address any of these issues with him yet. But I mean, he doesn't, you know, we're supposed to be there at 9. He doesn't come till 9:30, you know, he leaves exactly at 5. So it's not like he's above and beyond type of boss. But you know, I've never had a run in with him so I don't know how he'll react. I've only been there three months.

[Bert]

Are you at work right now?

[Paulette]

You know, I'm on my way right now. I'm in the car, I should be there.

[Bert]

Are you going to be.

[Lindsay]

You're going to have the late thing

[Bert]

going for you late today.

[Lindsay]

Here's Sarah. Good morning, Sarah.

[Paulette]

So, you know, it's okay if I'm a minute or two late, you know, there's so much traffic here.

[Lindsay]

Hey, Sarah.

[Caller]

Hey.

[Lindsay]

Hey. Paulette here just didn't show up to work yesterday because she got too drunk at our super bowl party. Passed out, didn't wake up till one. So she had and nobody called her. So what does she do when she gets into the office today?

[Guest Caller]

Yeah, what I think is it kind of depends on what her boss thinks that I'm a boss too. I had an employee who actually called out yesterday and I would have appreciate. He called out sick. But you know, I definitely think he was probably hungover from partying for the super bowl. And I would have appreciated if he had just called and said, hey, you know what, I'm hungover from the Super Bowl. And rather than telling me he was sick because I really just didn't believe that. So. And I'm the kind of boss that would have understood that instead of some far fetched lie. So if her boss is understanding at all, then you know, I would have appreciated the truth.

[Lindsay]

The problem is we don't know anything about this guy. She has very little reaction or interaction with him, so we don't know how he or she is gonna react. So I like the, I thought I put in the vacation request idea, especially

[Jen]

if you get ahead of it, owning the mistake, but it's not as bad as what it would typically be.

[Lindsay]

And then you just say, look, just, you know, obviously I'll take it as a vacation day. I thought that's what I was doing.

[Show Host (possibly Dan or Bert)]

My bad.

[Bert]

Don't you agree though? Only if she's asked.

[Lindsay]

Only if she's asked.

[Bert]

I think you go in and just. I don't think you volunteer anything.

[Lindsay]

Right.

[Dan]

But you don't think it could be a situation where her boss is waiting to see how she's gonna handle it?

[Jen]

No. If he's mad, he'll approach her.

[Bert]

Yeah, because even when I slept in that day, they were trying to call me. Like the fact that nobody tried to call you. I don't know if anybody.

[Jen]

Maybe they thought you had it scheduled.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Lindsay]

They may not even know that you're an employee today. You'll find that out if your key

[Jen]

card doesn't work walking in the building, then, you know, they. They found out and they were pretty upset.

[Dan]

You go upstairs and your area's just cleaned out.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Lindsay]

Wait a minute.

[Dan]

Pictures of another family on your desk.

[Bretzky]

What?

[Bert]

And a box with a plant in it that you're supposed to take with you. Because I don't know why everybody thinks

[Dan]

there's always a plant in a box.

[Lindsay]

Hey, Paulette, will you do us a favor and at least email us later on today and let us know how it went so we can follow up with you tomorrow?

[Caller]

Sounds good.

[Lindsay]

Okay.

[Bert]

All right, good luck.

[Lindsay]

Good luck.

[Bert]

Try to get there as on time as possible.

[Rakuten Announcer]

Bye.

[Lindsay]

Bye.

[Paulette]

Thanks for the advice.

[Show Host (possibly Dan or Bert)]

Guys, it's the vert show.

[Bianca]

Hey, everybody.

[Bert]

Lady luck here.

[Lady Luck]

And we're celebrating America's 250th birthday. Now, all summer long, I'm going to be celebrating by playing on spinquest.com which is an American owned social casino. It obviously features over a thousand slot games and live blackjack, live craps, live bubble crafts. Head on over to spinquest.com. get yourself a $30 coin pack for just 10 bucks.

[Spin Quest Announcer]

Spin Quest is a free to play social casino, Boyd. Where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details here.

[Show Host (possibly Dan or Bert)]

Virtue.

[Lindsay]

So Bianca is addicted to a social networking game.

[Bianca]

Yes, it's called Sorority Life on Facebook.

[Paulette]

Mm.

[Bianca]

And y' all just look at me.

[Bert]

Yes. You asked me to be part of Farmville, and I'm very proud to report I got my dairy farm last night.

[Show Host (possibly Dan or Bert)]

Oh, you did, silly.

[Jen]

So you're in Farmville Nation.

[Bert]

I've got my horse barn and my dairy farm. I'm chicken coop.

[Jen]

So now you're done.

[Bert]

So now you're done.

[Lindsay]

So you reached the highest, and now you're done. That's how you win.

[Bert]

I don't know how much. I mean, there's never an end. I mean, that's how they get you. But it is. I mean, it's like a sim, you know, it's like a sim game. Anyone's ever played a sim game. It's just you keep building, and I don't know what else to do. I mean, I don't know what else I can get, but, yeah, I'm doing the farm bill thing.

[Lindsay]

And is this the same company that is doing the one that you're addicted to now?

[Bianca]

I'm not sure if it's the same company, but basically, your friends on your friends list, you try to get them in your house, and you fight rivals and stuff. You. It's like a sorority, Your sisters. And then when I was fighting this one girl, well, first off, she attacked me, so I attacked her.

[Lindsay]

Well, we gotta back up. So you have your own.

[Bert]

I'm trying to get into it.

[Lindsay]

What's the name of the. What's the name of the game?

[Bianca]

Sorority life.

[Lindsay]

Sorority life.

[Dan]

And how old are you?

[Bianca]

19.

[Dan]

And you hear the words that are coming out of your mouth. This is like middle school stuff.

[Bianca]

No, it's a sorority stuff.

[Bert]

It's sorority stuff.

[Lindsay]

You realize you're at the age where you could be doing this in real life. You could be in a sorority.

[Bert]

Don't listen to the haters. Don't listen to the haters.

[Bianca]

But it's funny because it's a lot of older people on there.

[Lindsay]

So anyway, like, in their 20s and

[Bianca]

their 50s, they're people.

[Show Host (possibly Dan or Bert)]

What?

[Bert]

Yeah, their grandma's on there who weren't in Greek life. Pro. Now, do you have a name for your sorority house? Do you have a name?

[Bianca]

We don't pick names for it. It's just like, our friend list.

[Bert]

Gotcha.

[Lindsay]

So it's not random people that are coming into your sorority? It's made up? Only if people that.

[Show Host (possibly Dan or Bert)]

You know.

[Bianca]

Yes.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Lindsay]

That does change things a little bit.

[Bianca]

And people want to join, but they'll have to go through your. Be your friend on Facebook, and then you can add them later.

[Jen]

So it's like initiation?

[Bert]

Yes.

[Lindsay]

And do they have to be, like, okayed by a certain amount of members in the sorority like a real sorority?

[Bianca]

No.

[Lindsay]

Okay.

[Bert]

You don't haze them or anything? No, I'm sorry. That's not legal. I'm sorry.

[Jen]

Once you're in the game, what do you actually do?

[Bianca]

Okay, so you have to get influence points and you level up. Like, the higher level, the more stuff you can do.

[Jen]

So how do you get an influence point?

[Bianca]

Okay, so you organize events and you fight rival rivals. So that's how you get points.

[Dan]

How does someone become your rival?

[Bianca]

If they attack you, then you just. They're just in another house and they just want to attack you because why do they Attack you just because they're not in our house.

[Lindsay]

Are they trying to take anything from your house?

[Bianca]

It's like the Deltas and the akas,

[Jen]

so it's like a sorority row.

[Bert]

So let's pretend you're an AKA and the Delta's attacking you. How is that. How did she do that? How did. How did all this start?

[Dan]

Well, pulling hair and a pillow fight, and then you end up in the group shower. I've seen that dvd.

[Bert]

You just hit.

[Bianca]

You click fight on the app, and then you just pick whoever you want to fight. You hit attack. And then you take their boyfriends, and it's just.

[Lindsay]

Wait a second. Wait, wait, wait.

[Bianca]

You can do a whole bunch of stuff, okay? You can take their. It's called glam. Like their accessories.

[Bert]

All right?

[Lindsay]

At least this one has some fun to it. It's way better than farm Building.

[Dan]

Steal their caboodle.

[Bianca]

Yeah, you can steal their boyfriends.

[Lindsay]

Really?

[Bianca]

Yeah.

[Bert]

So what did she steal from you?

[Bianca]

She didn't steal nothing. She attacked me and she lost.

[Bert]

Oh, okay.

[Lindsay]

So how do you defend yourself and win?

[Bianca]

Well, it's the bigger your house, the more chances you have of winning. Okay, So I guess she didn't have much people in her house, but she lost and she got upset and she kept trying to attack me, and she kept on losing. So I attacked her back and I attacked her like, 10 times. And she wrote me on a message. She cursed me out. She was upset. She's like, why the f do you keep attacking me? That. I said, you attacked me first. She's like, well, can you please not attack me anymore? I said, sure. Then she attacks me again. So then I attack her back. You gotta take her out, you know, just like that. So she keeps writing like, this is really pissing me off. You know, you keep messing me up, stealing this. That. I'm like, it's not that serious. It's just a game. Calm down. Right? So I put. I put it on my Facebook status that these people are taking these games way too serious. And then this girl writes, maybe because we buy our brownie points. Oh, brownie points are something that you need in order to buy stuff. So she's like, well, I buy mines with my credit card. I say, whoa, you're taking it a little too serious now.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Bianca]

You know how you can get points on farmville?

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Bert]

Some of these, the way they make their money is like, there's some things that are unobtainable unless you buy the points for it. So on farmville, I don't do that. But I know there's people who have ran their credit card and their PayPal account.

[Dan]

Store calls you three, and it cost you 3.99 or something.

[Bert]

And they buy their mansion on their farm based on physical money that they've paid.

[Dan]

I want to create a game where there's a sorority house on a farm and it's going to take over. That's my girl. Take them out to the barn and haze them. You know what I'm saying?

[Lindsay]

Hey, Bryce. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Dan]

Show them the Golden Rooster.

[Paulette]

Hey, I'm addicted to sorority life, too. Like, every morning when I wake up, that's the first thing I do.

[Jen]

For how long?

[Paulette]

For, like, the past year.

[Caller]

No.

[Dan]

How much time do you spend on. How much time do you each spend on it every single day?

[Bianca]

I'm on it, like, two hours a day.

[Paulette]

I'm on it, like, more than that.

[Lindsay]

More than two hours a day. How many hours we talking about?

[Paulette]

Maybe, like, four.

[Lindsay]

And what are you doing in that four hours?

[Paulette]

Like, if I'm in class, I'll be on sorority life. Like, just whenever I have free time. That's what I'm doing.

[Lindsay]

What school do you go to?

[Paulette]

Georgia State.

[Lindsay]

Okay. You'll be there for six or seven or eight years. Enjoy.

[Bert]

Well, like, I know in Farmville, like, you are planning and harvesting, and, like, there's time. There's things that will take up your time. And I can. I now understand why people say they're on there for a little long. What is it you do in sorority of life that you. You know, little things you do around?

[Bianca]

Well, I just fight people now. And that makes you, like, get a lot of points.

[Bert]

So you're the tough chick in your house.

[Paulette]

Yeah,

[Lindsay]

it's like jail, man.

[Dan]

Standard sorority theft. You cry. You have crying points where you cry to your roommate about something and you have to refill your birth control points where you go and you refill your birth. Then you have the unprotected sex points. Then you.

[Guest Caller]

Yeah.

[Jen]

So do you guys team up with any fraternities on sorority.

[Bianca]

I wish they did have one like that, though. But no, not yet, because then you could have.

[Dan]

You could have a.

[Jen]

When I was actually in a sorority was like, when you. Which house. Like, which fraternity house you teamed up with for different events or parades or floats or, you know, social mixers or whatever. It was like, that's how you sort of increase your status on campus was like.

[Lindsay]

And what she's talking about is. She's talking about there's an actual Building

[Jen]

where girls and like about 53 girls lived in the house. Like actually lived in the house.

[Bert]

Y' all are sounding old because you know what? People are on these things.

[Jen]

I would join the sorority house if there was a fraternity because then at least I would have a virtual boyfriend, right?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Bert]

It's a way to meet people.

[Lady Luck]

I know.

[Lindsay]

Hey, Katrina.

[Show Host (possibly Dan or Bert)]

Good morning.

[Dan]

Actual boyfriend on Craigslist. Wendy.

[Lindsay]

Katrina.

[Show Host (possibly Dan or Bert)]

What's up?

[Caller]

Hi. I miss the girl's name that's talking about sorority life, but I'm also addicted. I'm actually playing right now and I've actually been playing since I got up at 7:30. So my computer stays on sorority life about all day until I go to sleep about 11 o' clock at night because I even play it at work.

[Bert]

Are you as tough as our intern Bianca?

[Caller]

Yes, I'm. I'm very, very, very much addicted. And yeah. So we should join houses or you

[Lindsay]

guys should just kick each other's ass.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Jen]

You're attack her later on today.

[Bert]

I know it.

[Bianca]

I wanted to say one more thing. It's crazy that there are guys that's on it and they're acting like girls. Like really guys that play sorority life on sorority life.

[Jen]

I just wanted to say that.

[Lindsay]

And how do you know? How do you know they're guys?

[Bianca]

Because I know them and it'll say their name. And I'm just clowning them on their own page. Like, why are you on sorority life now?

[Dan]

Are they. Are they really playing? Are they just trying to get in the house to slip you a virtual rupee?

[Jen]

One guy fought you?

Yeah.

[Lindsay]

Did you beat his ass?

[Bianca]

No, but I'm coming back.

[Show Host (possibly Dan or Bert)]

The Birch Show.

[Bretzky]

What's up, everybody? It's Bretzky. And America is turning 250. And I can't think of a better way to celebrate that than playing on an American owned social casino. Spinquest.com with all of your favorite games. Live craps, bubble craps, live blackjack. There's no better place to play for free and win real cash prizes. Spinquest.com Spin Quest is a free to

[Spin Quest Announcer]

play social casino, Boyd. Where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details.

[Show Host (possibly Dan or Bert)]

Hey, the Bird show.

[Lindsay]

We talk about this every single year right around this time. And for a lot of you couples, you're in this tweener stage right now for Valentine's Day and you're not exactly sure what to get each other. Right? And at least for a guy, maybe it goes both ways. Also, the present that you get for Valentine's Day might speak. It may define where you think the relationship is and he may not be in the same place and vice versa.

[Bert]

Right.

[Lindsay]

So before I run through this list that we talk about every single year of what appropriate gifts are for the time that you're going out. If you guys have a couple of seconds to call us. 404-741-Q100, tell us about like the inappropriate gift you got based on the time that you're going out for Valentine's Day. And this could go both ways. Like you could be married for 20 years and he gave you something scratch off tickets. Yeah. Like insignificant. Like a lottery ticket is perfect. Or it goes the other way also where you guys are dating for four weeks.

[Bert]

He gets you diamonds.

[Lindsay]

He gets you diamonds or a car or something like that. Because I think the best way to learn what those windows are is by hearing others mistakes.

[Bert]

Yeah, agreed.

[Lindsay]

And this is a, this is important right here especially I mean, Jen, for you. You've been dating this dude now how long?

[Jen]

Like two and a half months.

[Lindsay]

That's a tweener stage right there.

[Jen]

It is.

[Lindsay]

Even though the movie is the relationship has progressed quickly in two months, it's still only 60 days. So you got a tough decision ahead of you.

[Jen]

And my question is like, what do you get dudes for Valentine's Day? It's almost to me easier for guys because you've got so many different like categories for women already set up for you. You know, like Melissa did her de Geller thing last night. Like jewelry is, you know, a home run every single time. Like, you know, you're always going to Solomon Brothers for Stacey, like all that stuff. So you guys have like kind of like a go to category. But for women, like what do you don't get like hearts on boxers, like unless you're in the eighth grade, you know, like what do you get for men for Valentine's Day if you don't want to go? Something as expensive as like a watch. Because I think a watch would be like a one or two year relationship, right?

[Lindsay]

Yeah, that's a major one right there.

[Jen]

It's like a really great, nice, like handsome gift for a man. But that, I mean, you could be the other watch. Too early. Yeah, you have to be together a while to do that. So what do you get for guys at a total loss?

[Lindsay]

Let's learn from your mistakes here. So we're looking for the most inappropriate gift for the amount of time that you guys were going out. Hey, Sarah, good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Oh my gosh, I can't believe I'M on the radio.

[Guest Caller]

I love you guys.

[Lindsay]

Thank you.

[Paulette]

I dated a guy.

[Guest Caller]

He was really hot. We dated for like two months. He was super romantic. And not only did I get my gift late, but I got a toilet paper holder.

[Jen]

What?

[Guest Caller]

A toilet paper holder next to your toilet to hold toilet paper.

[Lindsay]

Like, I mean, that's not a good gift. That doesn't have anything to do with the amount of time you're going out. That's just a bad gift, period.

[Caller]

It was.

[Guest Caller]

And the part. The sad thing was is that my parents bought the same one, like, a couple months later. And it was even missing the part like he got on clearance or something.

[Lindsay]

What are you thinking, dude?

[Jen]

That's worse than nothing at all. Because I. I dated somebody for like five or six months before Valentine's Day once, and I got nothing.

[Paulette]

Really?

[Lindsay]

Nada.

[Jen]

Zero. And so I think that that might actually be better than a toilet paper holder.

[Lindsay]

The relationship is gonna end up in the same place.

[Dan]

Well, you know, very true.

[Lindsay]

Save the 75 cents.

[Dan]

Think of what you do immediately after thinking of him every time you see the toilet paper holder. And it might be appropriate.

[Lindsay]

404-741-Q100 in inappropriate gifts for Valentine's Day, based on how long you guys been going out with each other. Hey, Ann. Hi.

[Paulette]

Hi. How are you?

[Lindsay]

Good. How are you?

[Guest Caller]

Pretty good. So I got a set of tires for Valentine's Day one year.

[Bert]

Nice.

[Lindsay]

You guys were dating for how long?

[Guest Caller]

We had been dating for over a year.

[Lindsay]

Over a year.

[Host (possibly Jen or Bert)]

Tires.

[Paulette]

Yeah. So he was being told me later

[Guest Caller]

that he was going to get them for my birthday, which is the 23rd, and he didn't want to wait that long, so he got him for Valentine's Day.

[Lindsay]

See, we're problem solvers.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Bert]

He spent money, right? I mean, a lot of. I mean, tires are expensive. So I don't fault him too much.

[Lindsay]

There's nothing romantic about it, but he

[Bert]

was trying to help.

[Paulette]

Really romantic.

[Guest Caller]

It was definitely practical. But I got him a leather jacket and I had a little tie. Rubber basket delivered to his office. And the next day he took me to the. The garage and we both sat there while the tires were changed.

[Bert]

But it was also personal.

[Jen]

It's on a neat basis, though.

It took some thought.

[Dan]

And he sat with you while the tires are changed? I mean, what's romantic than having a nice quiet conversation interrupted by the sounds of an air drill?

[Jen]

See, I think if he did the tires and then he did something sweet like cook her dinner himself at home, it would have been totally fine because there Would have been like a more sweet side to that.

[Lindsay]

See, now the toilet paper holder girl thinks the four tires is awesome.

[Jen]

Amazing.

[Lindsay]

The most considerate guy ever.

[Bert]

Yes.

[Jen]

I would have preferred four tires over nothing.

[Lindsay]

Hey, Mandy. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Good morning. I would have took the tires over what I got myself. Let me build this up for you. We have been going out about six or seven months and I put so much thought into his gift. I went and got a red toolbox and filled it with red candies and a red Sears gift card. I was so happy. Knew I was getting jewelry. We get to Valentine's Day and y' all are gonna have to read into this a little bit. He went to Starship and brought my gift home.

[Bert]

No,

[Dan]

we didn't really have to read into that.

[Paulette]

It's before 8:30.

[Caller]

Starship, six months. Been going out. I was crushed. I was so upset. Wow.

[Bert]

Well, it is Valentine's Day right now.

[Guest Caller]

Yeah.

[Caller]

Well, I appreciated it later, but not

[Bert]

so much at Valentine's Day after you broke up.

[Dan]

Yeah. When you were alone.

[Lindsay]

I was gonna say. So, like, did that say to you. Did that say to you like, it was more of an emotional relationship for you, but it was more physical for him?

[Caller]

Well, we're still together, so

[Bert]

I guess it works.

[Lindsay]

All right, hold on.

[Dan]

Freaky.

[Jen]

Freaky.

[Bert]

It worked out.

[Lindsay]

Good morning, Lauren. You're on Q100. Hi.

[Paulette]

I had a guy proposed to me after three months of dating. Including, like, meeting and dating. Three months?

[Lindsay]

He proposed to you on Valentine's Day after three months?

[Paulette]

Yes. It was crazy. He always seemed really desperate. And I was actually in the process of trying to figure out how to leave him. And he proposed on Valentine's Day, so it was really crazy.

[Jen]

What'd you say at the time?

[Paulette]

I said yes because I was really into him, but I was just really shocked. I didn't know what to do. But about two weeks later, I called him over and was like, pretty much told him he lost his mind. And so that's all over with now.

[Jen]

So did you say I don't even know your middle name?

[Paulette]

Yeah, right. Like, I'd never met his parents or anything. So it was really, really crazy.

[Geico Gecko]

Wow.

[Lindsay]

Here is Carla. Carla was married for 10 years. Hey. Hey, Carla.

[Guest Caller]

Hey.

[Bert]

Yeah, I got a basketball hoop.

[Lindsay]

A basketball hoop for Valentine's Day. After 10 years of marriage.

[Guest Caller]

Yeah.

[Caller]

That was more for my boys than

[Guest Caller]

it was for me.

[Rakuten Announcer]

You think?

[Bert]

Boy, that sucks. Having a Valentine's Day give gift given to you when it's really for the person you know who's giving it sucks,

[Lindsay]

which is what happened to Carter.

[Jen]

It'd be better if it were for your kids than if it were just for him.

[Bert]

You know I'm joking because Katie got me today, Donna. 500 tickets. And how long for Valentine's Day?

[Dan]

And before you met her, you were a race car fan, NASCAR fan for how many years?

[Jen]

Zero.

[Caller]

Okay,

[Bert]

I'm not complaining. I'm not complaining because it'll be fun and then.

[Dan]

But she did get you that something cool while you're there, right? Or no, that's her. That's her.

[Bert]

I get that for her.

[Lindsay]

Hey, Michelle. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Guest Caller]

Hey, good morning.

[Lindsay]

Hi.

[Guest Caller]

After a year of dating this guy, I got a bottle of Captain Morgan. And I don't drink, but he does.

[Bert]

Oh, my God.

[Guest Caller]

That was really romantic.

[Lindsay]

That's. I think where we got to go with this later in the show is the focus on unselfish Valentine's Day presents. Like in Melissa's case, It's the Daytona 500 tickets, which really aren't for her. They're for her girlfriend. In this case, it's the bottle of Captain Morgan. She didn't even drink, so it's really for the guy that got it for her.

[Jen]

And I'm sure guys get surround sound systems for their whole house for their wife, right? Look, honey, I got you surround sounds

[Dan]

so we can watch movies together.

[Show Host (possibly Dan or Bert)]

The first show.

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