Full Show PT 3: Monday, March 2 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show — Full Show PT 3: Monday, March 2 [Vault] (March 2, 2026)

Episode Overview

In this lively, candid installment, the Bert Show crew brings out their most authentic—and sometimes uncomfortable—selves with the popular “Raise Your Hands Poll,” anonymously answering yes/no questions about personal behaviors, opinions, and secrets. Later, the episode pivots to a humorous yet sincere interview with actor Billy Bob Thornton, covering celebrity culture, personal relationships, and his film career. The tone is consistently playful, self-deprecating, and open, in true Bert Show style.

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Raise Your Hands Poll: Awkward Honesty

Segment Start: [01:00]

How It Works

• Crew members answer yes/no to personal and provocative questions without speaking—they raise their hands.
• Producer Tracy, the only one privy to the tally, reports the results, keeping identities anonymous.
• Listeners are directed to the website to see who answered what.

Key Questions & Responses

Looking Up an Ex Online

• [02:36] "In the past week, have you looked up an ex online?" → 1 out of 5 said yes.
• After expanding to “the past month,” still just 1 of 5.
• Across the past year, 4 out of 5 admit to checking up on an ex.

Sick Day Excuses

• [03:06] "Have all your sick day excuses in 2008 been accurate?" → 1 out of 5 admitted to lying.

Sleeping Preferences

• [03:49] "Regardless of your relationship status, would you rather sleep alone at night?" → 1 of 5 would.

Better Looking Than Partner?

• [04:23] "Do you think you're better looking than your partner (or last partner)?" → Unanimous answer (implied yes).

Saving a Cast Member

• [04:48] "Would you save one particular person over the others if the whole show were hanging off a cliff?" → 2 of 5 would pick someone specific.

Friendships for Social Status

• [05:38] "Do you keep a friend mainly for the social perks?" → 2 of 5 admitted yes.

Considered Relocating?

• [05:55] "In the last year, have you thought about moving away from Atlanta?" → 2 of 5.

Financial Secrets

• [06:01] "Do you have (or have you hidden) money from a significant other?" → 1 of 5 said yes.

Home vs. Work

• [06:28] After some back-and-forth to clarify: "Over the past 6 months, would you rather be at work than at home?" → 1 of 5.

Do You Feel Overpaid?

• [07:35] Unanimous (implies no one feels they are overpaid).

Shoplifting

• [07:40] "Ever shoplifted?" → 2 of 5 admit they have.

Parents Walking In During Sex

• [07:55] "Ever had a parent walk in on you during sex?" → 2 of 5 have.

Unspoken Confessions

• [08:06] "Is there something you want to tell a cast member that you never have?" → 1 of 5.

Sex with Two People in One Day

• [08:55] 1 of 5 admit yes.

Induced Vomiting

• [09:11] "Stuck your finger down your throat after eating?" (Debates over alcohol as an exception.) → 2 of 5.

Regret Career Path

• [10:16] "If you could do it over, would you choose a different career?" → Unanimous yes.

Better Looking Than Other Cast?

• [10:31] "Is there at least one show member you think you’re better looking than?" → 4 of 5 say yes.

Memorable Quote

• “We're going to rename this bit bury the host.” — Bert Show Cast [04:17]
• “You guys gotta watch the video. Sometimes expression speaks a thousand words.” — Tracy [05:55]

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Interview: Billy Bob Thornton on Hollywood, Privacy, and Life

Segment Start: [11:17]

Paparazzi, Privacy, and Hollywood

Friendship Rumors

• [11:36] The hosts bring up persistent tabloid rumors about Billy Bob’s relationship with Angelina Jolie. He laughs off speculation:
  • “That’s hysterical.” — Billy Bob Thornton [11:50]
  • “I mean, I talk to her every once in a blue moon. She’s gone all the time.” [12:06]

Avoiding Fame’s Spotlight

• [12:17] “I do a pretty good job of it. I don’t go out. When I go out, it’s because I have to work. Most of the time, I stay in the basement.” — Billy Bob Thornton

Thoughts on Celebrity Culture

• [12:53] "It's really hard to find a good script these days. ... It also depends on what genre you’re talking about. The independent films generally appeal to me more."
• On the rise of reality TV and celebrity obsession:
  • “It’s more important than what they do, you know? Yeah, I definitely think it’s gotten worse over the years.” [13:11]

Making (and Watching) Movies

Industry Trends

• Hollywood has become more about scandals than the art itself.
• He prefers smart, well-written scripts, often found in indie projects.

Film Preferences

• [13:49] “I really don’t go to movies. I take my kids to movies, you know. So I end up seeing things like Kung Fu Panda.”
• On the quality of scripts: “It's really hard to find a good script these days.” [13:56]
• Praises his movie Eagle Eye: “It was a smartly written script and it was like a thrill ride movie... you rarely get both in one movie.” [14:02]

Rom-Coms and Career Choices

• Would do a romantic comedy if it were in the spirit of classic 1940s films. Finds most modern ones “kind of stupid.” [14:21]

Reflections on Relationships

Marriage Lessons

• [15:09] “That’s pretty safe to say, yes.” — On being unlikely to marry again after five marriages.
• Biggest lesson: “It’s good to be friends if you’re going to be in one that lasts very long, but not that good of friends.”
  • Radio Host: “What do you mean by that?”
  • Billy Bob: “In other words, you can’t let it get stagnant.” [15:24]

Notable Career Moments

Knowing When a Film Will Succeed

• [16:07] “It’s kind of hard to tell, really. It’s harder to tell which ones are going to be successful. ... You can usually tell if one’s going to be good and whether the critics are going to like it... But it’s really hard to tell whether people are going to go see them or not.”
• Genuinely surprised by the success of films like Sling Blade, Monster’s Ball, Bad Santa.

Surprise Star of Eagle Eye

• [17:14] Jokingly claims: “How about me?” to who the surprise star is.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “We're going to rename this bit bury the host.” — Cast, [04:17]
• “You can’t let [a relationship] get stagnant.” — Billy Bob Thornton, [15:27]
• “I’m not big on the biz, you know.” — Billy Bob Thornton, [12:41]
• “You guys gotta watch the video. Sometimes expression speaks a thousand words.” — Producer Tracy, [05:55]
• “It's more important than what they do, you know? Yeah, I definitely think it's gotten worse over the years.” — Billy Bob Thornton, [13:17]

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Useful Timestamps

• [01:00] Raise Your Hands Poll Begins
• [02:36] Social Media "Ex" Stalking Discussion
• [03:06] Sick Day Lies
• [04:23] Would You Save a Specific Cast Member?
• [05:38] Friendships for Social Climbing
• [06:01] Hidden Money from Significant Others
• [07:40] Shoplifting Stories
• [07:55] Parents Walking in During Sex
• [10:16] Regret Over Chosen Career Path
• [11:17] Billy Bob Thornton Interview Starts
• [12:17] Billy Bob’s Philosophy on Privacy
• [13:11] Thoughts on Celebrities and Scandal
• [15:09] Lessons from Five Marriages
• [16:07] Knowing a Film’s Potential

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Summary

This episode combines the Bert Show’s characteristic blend of hilarity, rigorous honesty, and camaraderie with an insightful celebrity interview. The “Raise Your Hands Poll” peels back layers on relationships, ethics, and aspirations, often with self-mocking levity. Billy Bob Thornton’s presence delivers a refreshingly real take on Hollywood’s pitfalls, personal privacy, and the hard-won lessons of love. It’s classic Bert Show—unfiltered, unpredictable, and always engaging.

Transcript

[Radio Host]

ABC Wednesdays. The Emmy winning comedy Scrubs is all new.

This is a whole new chapter for me. No more sad sack. That's what I'm talking about. I want both of our sacks to be fun.

[Billy Bob Thornton]

You two idiots are perfect for each other.

[Radio Host]

From executive producers of Ted Lasso and shrinking.

We were all a part of this victory. Now get those nachos out of the preemie warmer.

Nachos.

Feels like there's more applause for the nachos than my speech.

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The bird show today is the raise your hands poll, which is never comfortable for any of us.

No, this is where we get pretty real. We answer yes or no questions, but we actually don't verbally answer them. We raise our hand whether it's yes or no, and producer Tracy will say which. Which number of us have answered yes or no. But you have to go online to see the video of what the answers are. So it kind of makes it fun for us. And a mystery.

Real fun.

Well, we can be slightly anonymous with the answers.

And all of these questions today were all written by Burt show members and they were sent to Tracy anonymously. So none of us have any idea who the question came from, but we just know that we'll hate each other in the next 10 minutes. So producer Tracy has the list. And again, as this works is she'll ask the question. We will raise our hands if it's a yes. If it's a yes. Why are you looking at Jeff like that? What?

I'm just nervous. I was just looking.

Oh, okay.

Are you thinking that he.

Did you guys come together on one question or something that you know is really going to put somebody in a tight spot?

I swear to God, I don't know why she's looking at me like that. And it's weird me out.

She's looking around the room nervous, and he's the only one that looked back.

See how a bit like this can make you totally paranoid.

Yeah.

What, have you guys formed an alliance?

You just become Lord of the Flies?

It's like tribal council.

So Tracy will ask a question and we will all raise our hands if it pertains to us. And again, we don't tell you guys who has their hands in the air. We just say how many of us do have our hands in the air. Then you go later on to the website and see who raised. Yes.

Yes.

Okay, you ready?

Let's do this thing.

No. In the past week, have you looked up an ex online?

Oh, wow.

One out of five people said yes

in the past week. Can we modify that and stretch it

out a little bit?

Okay. In the past month, have you looked up an ex online?

You have to answer the same way, Bert.

I'm looking around the room to see if anybody else is also, but, I mean, it's obvious. Yeah.

All right, one out of five people still said yes.

Anonymous.

Jeff, what about in the past? In the past year, have you looked up an ex? Oh, four out of five people said yes. All right. Have all of your sick day excuses in 2008 been accurate? In other words, have you ever lied about why you are calling in?

Have you ever lied in 2008?

Yes.

Have you lied about.

Lied about why you weren't coming in?

When does that start?

Technically, January 1st. That's when the year starts.

So did you call in sick and you weren't sick?

Right.

One out of five people said they lied about being sick. Regardless of your relationship status overall, would you rather sleep alone at night?

Say that again. Huh? I didn't get that.

Regardless of your relationship status, would you rather sleep alone at night? People are still thinking honesty's the best policy. One out of five people said they would rather sleep alone at night.

One out of five people might be calling in not sick tomorrow to discuss that situation.

We're going to rename this bit bury the host.

[Billy Bob Thornton]

Next time.

[Radio Host]

Do you think you're better looking than your partner? Or if you are single, would you say you were better looking than your last partner? Okay, the answer's unanimous. If the entire show were hanging off a cliff, would you save one particular person over any of the others as

opposed to letting them all die? Is that an option?

I think if one. Is there one person that you would save first

that you would specifically go

for one particular person that you would save before saving the others?

I think you answered this for me a couple of years ago at our broadcast when I fell off the stage and you didn't even reach for me.

I panicked.

Let me ask a technical question. Are you counting intern staff? Are they hanging off as well?

You really do like Benjamin, Don't.

So did everybody answer that already?

I didn't see. Go ahead, raise them again. Two out of five people said yes. Anybody have a current friend that they don't really care for but still keep as a friend because they can advance your social status?

Hmm.

Two out of five people said yes. In the last year, have you thought about moving away from Atlanta?

You guys got to watch the video. Sometimes expression speaks a thousand words.

Okay, two out of five people said yes. Do you have money that your significant other doesn't know about? Or if you're not in a relationship, have you hidden money from previous significant others? One person said yes. Over the past six months. Do you like being at work more than you like being at your home?

Do you like being at work or working? I guess you can rephrase the question.

Yeah, it definitely has to be rephrased.

Rephrase the question.

Can I have the origin of the word work? Can you use that question in a sentence?

Over the past six months, would you rather not be at home, then be at home?

6 months starts when? How long was 6 months start?

Why are you getting so mad at us, Tracy?

I'm just. These are your questions, not mine.

I know. We're coming down on her for questions we wrote.

So would you rather not be at home is the question, I guess. Sure.

As a general rule, over the last six months, would you rather not be at home?

I don't know. Whoever's question it was, why don't you restate it?

Re explain?

Because the question has changed over the last couple of seconds. Yes.

Would you rather be at work than be at home? Be in this building than be at

home over the last six months?

One person said yes. Do you think you were overpaid?

Oh.

Oh,

Okay. That's unanimous. Have you ever shoplifted anything? Two out of five people said yes. Have you ever had a parent walk in on you during sex?

One of your own parents or just a parent?

[Billy Bob Thornton]

Oh,

[Radio Host]

two people said yes.

That's comfortable.

Is there something that you would want to tell one person on the show that you've never said before?

Hold on. Don't go with that yet.

I'm thinking whoever wrote that's a decent question. Unless it's James.

All right, read it one more time.

Is there something that you would want to Is there something that you would want to tell one person on the show that you have never said before? Everybody's still thinking.

I stopped doing that about half an hour ago.

Okay, my final answer.

Time for a couple more.

One person said yes. Have you ever had sex with two different people on the same day? Okay, one person said yes.

Oh.

Have you ever stuck your finger down your throat after eating?

Jeff, you don't have to answer this.

Does that include after consuming massive amounts of alcohol before eating?

There's no asterisk here. There's no asterisk. Either you have or you haven't.

You gotta raise your hand.

Can you specify?

I have a technique. Yes.

Absolutely hammered. That makes a difference.

I just need to know.

It does not. It's a very simple question.

Is tequila a food?

Again, There's a big difference.

No, because the time for explanation is tomorrow or the next day. But if you have to answer yes to it, then you gotta raise your hand.

All right, what is it again?

Have you ever stuck your finger down your throat after eating? 2 out of 5 people said yes.

We can explain later.

In a couple days maybe, if we ever get around to the explanation.

If we revisit.

That's not at face value.

Yeah.

All right. Two more questions. If you could do it all over again, would you choose a different career path? All right, that was unanimous.

It depends. Am I 7 foot 4 and can I shoot a basketball?

Do you believe you are better looking than at least one other member of the Burt show?

So rephrase that. There's at least one member of the Burt show that is uglier than you. Is what you're saying yes.

Four out of five people said yes.

That's a good one.

Hey, do you want to ask the career path one specifically to Melissa?

Now,

can you repeat the question?

All right, so the video will be edited. It will be put up online. You can see how we all individually answered. You might be surprised by some of the answers. And who said yes to what? The Bird Show. Hello?

[Billy Bob Thornton]

Hello.

[Radio Host]

Hi, is this Billy Bob Thornton?

[Billy Bob Thornton]

Yeah, hi.

[Radio Host]

How are you this morning?

[Billy Bob Thornton]

Not too shabby. Good.

[Radio Host]

You're on with the Birch show in Atlanta right now.

[Billy Bob Thornton]

Excellent.

[Radio Host]

And we just started. Hey, man, you got the movie coming out here, and we're going to talk to you about that in just a couple of minutes. But as we were reporting on the entertainment news today, sort of side like this. Oh, come on. What a load of crap.

Yeah, we read a story this morning, according to some of the tabloids, about your friendship with Angelina and that you guys are still really great friends and that somehow that that is causing problems in her current relationship.

[Billy Bob Thornton]

That's hysterical.

[Radio Host]

Yeah, we had a good laugh about that. But we had to bring it up to you.

[Billy Bob Thornton]

That's. Oh, I don't care. I mean, I don't even keep up with that stuff, you know, and I never know what's going on. But now they've been saying that for a while. That. I mean, look, I talk to her every once in a blue moon. She's gone all the time.

[Radio Host]

Is it a pretty fair statement to say that? I mean, because you keep yourself out of the paparazzi and out of the spotlight. Like, if celebrities in Hollywood want to stay away from the paparazzi and out of the spotlight, it certainly can be done right.

[Billy Bob Thornton]

I do a pretty good job of it. I don't go out. I mean, when I go out, it's because I have to work. Most of the time, I stay in the basement.

[Radio Host]

I got the sense, you know, just over the last couple of days and doing some research on you that you just sort of live above this thing. Like, you love acting, but I'm not sure that you're in love with the acting industry. Is that accurate, or am I way off base?

[Billy Bob Thornton]

That's pretty accurate.

[Radio Host]

Yeah.

[Billy Bob Thornton]

Yeah. I'm not. I'm not big on the biz, you know.

[Radio Host]

Do you think the business has gotten worse when it comes to pop culture and everybody being able to capture celebrities, you know, in candid photos and everything? Do you think it's gotten worse?

[Billy Bob Thornton]

Yeah, I absolutely think it has. I mean, when you look at how much reality stuff is on television, you know, the only time they want to see celebrities on TV is over a scandal or when they've got problems or something. It's not like, you know, there are a lot of shows about celebrities saving puppies.

[Radio Host]

Right. And doing good things.

[Billy Bob Thornton]

And also just celebrity ship or whatever is the most important thing. It's more important than what they do, you know? Yeah, I definitely think it's gotten worse over the years.

[Radio Host]

From the artist standpoint, is Hollywood making better movies? Are you encouraged by what you're seeing, or are you just discouraged by the movies that are coming out of Hollywood?

[Billy Bob Thornton]

I think the last movie I saw was the Sting.

[Radio Host]

Oh, come on. Come on.

[Billy Bob Thornton]

I really don't go to movies. I take my kids to movies, you know, So I end up seeing, you know, those kind of things, like the Kung Fu Panda. That's what I see.

[Radio Host]

Just based on scripts that you get, will you say there's a lot of great stuff out there, or is it mostly crappy stuff?

[Billy Bob Thornton]

It's really hard to find a good script. These days. And it also depends on what genre you're talking about. The independent films generally appeal to me more. What was good about Eagle Eye, this one here that I have out is that it was a smartly written script and it was like a thrill ride movie, you know, and you rarely get both of those in one movie.

[Radio Host]

Can you ever imagine yourself doing a romantic comedy?

[Billy Bob Thornton]

Yeah, I wouldn't mind doing that. When you think about the ones from the 40s and stuff like that, you know, I mean, like Spencer Tracy and Bogart and those guys. One of those kind, maybe. I don't know. The ones they make these days are kind of stupid. But if I found the right one, you know, maybe me and Ruth Buzzy

[Radio Host]

just was reminded. Wasn't she on the Emmys?

She was on the Emmys, yeah.

Two Ruth Buzzi references in a week, which is more than we've gotten in a couple of years on the show.

So, Billy Bob, I wanted to ask you a couple of questions about your personal life, and you can let me know if that's okay. But you have been married several different times. Five that I've read about. And you now say that you probably won't get married again.

[Billy Bob Thornton]

That's pretty safe to say. Yes.

[Radio Host]

Pretty safe to say. So through all of those different things, what do you think is the biggest theme you learned about relationships?

[Billy Bob Thornton]

I guess that it's good to be friends if you're going to be in one that lasts very long, but not that good of friends.

[Radio Host]

What do you mean by that?

[Billy Bob Thornton]

In other words, you can't let it get stagnant.

[Radio Host]

Okay.

Pink said the same thing to us a couple of days ago. She said, you know what? I just don't think the marriage thing works for me.

[Billy Bob Thornton]

Yeah, well, obviously it doesn't for me.

[Radio Host]

It was not from a lack of trying. You certainly have tried. Well, tell us about the movie. Tell us about Eagle Eye. And you real proud of this one.

[Billy Bob Thornton]

Yeah, it's a good one. It's very intense. You know, it's one of those movies that grabs hold of you, doesn't let go. And like I said, normally I'm not an action movie kind of guy. I don't really do those kind of movies or watch them. And this one's really good. Shia is really a good actor for his age, you know, really, really good.

[Radio Host]

How long into shooting a movie do you know if this thing is going to be really great or you're just going to be embarrassed by the product at the end of the day?

[Billy Bob Thornton]

Well, you know, it's Kind of hard to tell, really. It's harder to tell which ones are going to be successful. You can usually tell if one's going to be good and whether the critics are going to like it, that kind of thing. But it's really hard to tell whether people are going to go see them or not. Like, for instance, with Sling Blade, I thought, well, the critics are going to like this, you know, and 11 people will go see it. And that one turned out to be really surprising and a huge success. The same thing with Monster's Ball and Bad Santa. Those were all like that. And those are the kind of movies that I knew. I knew when we were making Bad Santa that this is going to be funny and strange. And I had the same idea about the Simple Plan, Monster's Ball, you know, movies like that.

[Radio Host]

On the other end of that, which of your movies have done well that have really surprised you?

[Billy Bob Thornton]

I think all of them. I mean, see, like, for instance, I wasn't surprised that Armageddon did well, you know, that's the kind of movie that people go see. You know, it's a big thing with a lot of stuff blowing up.

[Radio Host]

Right?

[Billy Bob Thornton]

Yeah.

[Radio Host]

Who's the surprise star of Eagle Eye?

[Billy Bob Thornton]

I don't know. I really. Well, you know what I like? How about me?

[Radio Host]

You're just damn surprised by how good you are in this movie.

[Billy Bob Thornton]

Thank you guys so much.

[Radio Host]

Thank you.

Nice talking to you.

[Billy Bob Thornton]

Okay, bye.

[Radio Host]

Bye.

Get it?

[Billy Bob Thornton]

The bird Show.