The Bert Show — Full Show PT 3: Monday, March 2 [Vault] (March 2, 2026)

Episode Overview

In this lively, candid installment, the Bert Show crew brings out their most authentic—and sometimes uncomfortable—selves with the popular “Raise Your Hands Poll,” anonymously answering yes/no questions about personal behaviors, opinions, and secrets. Later, the episode pivots to a humorous yet sincere interview with actor Billy Bob Thornton, covering celebrity culture, personal relationships, and his film career. The tone is consistently playful, self-deprecating, and open, in true Bert Show style.

Raise Your Hands Poll: Awkward Honesty

Segment Start: [01:00]

How It Works

• Crew members answer yes/no to personal and provocative questions without speaking—they raise their hands.
• Producer Tracy, the only one privy to the tally, reports the results, keeping identities anonymous.
• Listeners are directed to the website to see who answered what.

Key Questions & Responses

Looking Up an Ex Online

• [02:36] "In the past week, have you looked up an ex online?" → 1 out of 5 said yes.
• After expanding to “the past month,” still just 1 of 5.
• Across the past year, 4 out of 5 admit to checking up on an ex.

Sick Day Excuses

• [03:06] "Have all your sick day excuses in 2008 been accurate?" → 1 out of 5 admitted to lying.

Sleeping Preferences

• [03:49] "Regardless of your relationship status, would you rather sleep alone at night?" → 1 of 5 would.

Better Looking Than Partner?

• [04:23] "Do you think you're better looking than your partner (or last partner)?" → Unanimous answer (implied yes).

Saving a Cast Member

• [04:48] "Would you save one particular person over the others if the whole show were hanging off a cliff?" → 2 of 5 would pick someone specific.

Friendships for Social Status

• [05:38] "Do you keep a friend mainly for the social perks?" → 2 of 5 admitted yes.

Considered Relocating?

• [05:55] "In the last year, have you thought about moving away from Atlanta?" → 2 of 5.

Financial Secrets

• [06:01] "Do you have (or have you hidden) money from a significant other?" → 1 of 5 said yes.

Home vs. Work

• [06:28] After some back-and-forth to clarify: "Over the past 6 months, would you rather be at work than at home?" → 1 of 5.

Do You Feel Overpaid?

• [07:35] Unanimous (implies no one feels they are overpaid).

Shoplifting

• [07:40] "Ever shoplifted?" → 2 of 5 admit they have.

Parents Walking In During Sex

• [07:55] "Ever had a parent walk in on you during sex?" → 2 of 5 have.

Unspoken Confessions

• [08:06] "Is there something you want to tell a cast member that you never have?" → 1 of 5.

Sex with Two People in One Day

• [08:55] 1 of 5 admit yes.

Induced Vomiting

• [09:11] "Stuck your finger down your throat after eating?" (Debates over alcohol as an exception.) → 2 of 5.

Regret Career Path

• [10:16] "If you could do it over, would you choose a different career?" → Unanimous yes.

Better Looking Than Other Cast?

• [10:31] "Is there at least one show member you think you’re better looking than?" → 4 of 5 say yes.

Memorable Quote

• “We're going to rename this bit bury the host.” — Bert Show Cast [04:17]
• “You guys gotta watch the video. Sometimes expression speaks a thousand words.” — Tracy [05:55]

Interview: Billy Bob Thornton on Hollywood, Privacy, and Life

Segment Start: [11:17]

Paparazzi, Privacy, and Hollywood

Friendship Rumors

• [11:36] The hosts bring up persistent tabloid rumors about Billy Bob’s relationship with Angelina Jolie. He laughs off speculation:
  • “That’s hysterical.” — Billy Bob Thornton [11:50]
  • “I mean, I talk to her every once in a blue moon. She’s gone all the time.” [12:06]

Avoiding Fame’s Spotlight

• [12:17] “I do a pretty good job of it. I don’t go out. When I go out, it’s because I have to work. Most of the time, I stay in the basement.” — Billy Bob Thornton

Thoughts on Celebrity Culture

• [12:53] "It's really hard to find a good script these days. ... It also depends on what genre you’re talking about. The independent films generally appeal to me more."
• On the rise of reality TV and celebrity obsession:
  • “It’s more important than what they do, you know? Yeah, I definitely think it’s gotten worse over the years.” [13:11]

Making (and Watching) Movies

Industry Trends

• Hollywood has become more about scandals than the art itself.
• He prefers smart, well-written scripts, often found in indie projects.

Film Preferences

• [13:49] “I really don’t go to movies. I take my kids to movies, you know. So I end up seeing things like Kung Fu Panda.”
• On the quality of scripts: “It's really hard to find a good script these days.” [13:56]
• Praises his movie Eagle Eye: “It was a smartly written script and it was like a thrill ride movie... you rarely get both in one movie.” [14:02]

Rom-Coms and Career Choices

• Would do a romantic comedy if it were in the spirit of classic 1940s films. Finds most modern ones “kind of stupid.” [14:21]

Reflections on Relationships

Marriage Lessons

• [15:09] “That’s pretty safe to say, yes.” — On being unlikely to marry again after five marriages.
• Biggest lesson: “It’s good to be friends if you’re going to be in one that lasts very long, but not that good of friends.”
  • Radio Host: “What do you mean by that?”
  • Billy Bob: “In other words, you can’t let it get stagnant.” [15:24]

Notable Career Moments

Knowing When a Film Will Succeed

• [16:07] “It’s kind of hard to tell, really. It’s harder to tell which ones are going to be successful. ... You can usually tell if one’s going to be good and whether the critics are going to like it... But it’s really hard to tell whether people are going to go see them or not.”
• Genuinely surprised by the success of films like Sling Blade, Monster’s Ball, Bad Santa.

Surprise Star of Eagle Eye

• [17:14] Jokingly claims: “How about me?” to who the surprise star is.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• “We're going to rename this bit bury the host.” — Cast, [04:17]
• “You can’t let [a relationship] get stagnant.” — Billy Bob Thornton, [15:27]
• “I’m not big on the biz, you know.” — Billy Bob Thornton, [12:41]
• “You guys gotta watch the video. Sometimes expression speaks a thousand words.” — Producer Tracy, [05:55]
• “It's more important than what they do, you know? Yeah, I definitely think it's gotten worse over the years.” — Billy Bob Thornton, [13:17]

Useful Timestamps

• [01:00] Raise Your Hands Poll Begins
• [02:36] Social Media "Ex" Stalking Discussion
• [03:06] Sick Day Lies
• [04:23] Would You Save a Specific Cast Member?
• [05:38] Friendships for Social Climbing
• [06:01] Hidden Money from Significant Others
• [07:40] Shoplifting Stories
• [07:55] Parents Walking in During Sex
• [10:16] Regret Over Chosen Career Path
• [11:17] Billy Bob Thornton Interview Starts
• [12:17] Billy Bob’s Philosophy on Privacy
• [13:11] Thoughts on Celebrities and Scandal
• [15:09] Lessons from Five Marriages
• [16:07] Knowing a Film’s Potential

Summary

This episode combines the Bert Show’s characteristic blend of hilarity, rigorous honesty, and camaraderie with an insightful celebrity interview. The “Raise Your Hands Poll” peels back layers on relationships, ethics, and aspirations, often with self-mocking levity. Billy Bob Thornton’s presence delivers a refreshingly real take on Hollywood’s pitfalls, personal privacy, and the hard-won lessons of love. It’s classic Bert Show—unfiltered, unpredictable, and always engaging.