The Bert Show – Full Show PT 3: Monday, November 17, 2025

Podcast: The Bert Show
Episode: Full Show PT 3
Date: November 17, 2025
Hosts & Cast: Burt, Jen Fallon (and various co-hosts), plus live listener call-ins

Episode Overview

This episode, true to The Bert Show’s signature mix of humor and authenticity, explores the candid realities of relationships—from the lengths people go to date attractive partners, to frank parental conversations about teen sex, and finally, a hilariously cringe-inducing round of "Sex-Related Injury Poker" that showcases listeners’ wildest (and most painful) mishaps in the bedroom.

Key Segments and Insights

1. Guys Putting Up With Anything For a Hot Girlfriend

[01:33–13:35]

• Main Theme: Burt and the team tackle an age-old dating cliché: men tolerating outrageous behavior or inconveniences purely because their partner is exceptionally attractive.
• Calls & Confessions:
  • Andrew ([02:12]): Admits he’s engaged to a “hot” woman and often goes along with demands he wouldn’t entertain otherwise—like immediately upgrading apartments.

    “Despite the fact that I gotta, you know, suck it up sometimes and say yes to her, you know, I don’t mind… I know I’m in a better place than a lot of my friends, really.” — Andrew, [03:04]

  • John ([06:07]): Regularly sacrifices sleep to pick up his bartender girlfriend at 4:30am, despite needing to work early.

    “If you weren’t… it almost gets aggravating. It’s almost like clockwork. I know at least every Tuesday, Thursday and Friday I’m gonna get up at 4:30 in the morning to pick her butt up.” — John, [07:01]

  • Josh ([09:26]): Does everything for his girlfriend, but he has to “pull teeth” to get his needs met—she resembles Tara Reid, which makes it worthwhile for him, for now.
  • David ([10:27]): Willingly shaved his entire pubic area on request, because his girlfriend was that attractive—but ultimately reached his limit when her partying and boundaries crossed the line.
• Host & Co-Host Commentary:
  • The hosts discuss the struggle between attraction, "bragging rights," and self-respect, noting the unhealthy lengths some will go to prolong these fleeting relationships.
  • The effect is summarized:

    “You just know. It’s, you know, it’s like great bragging rights… You feel better about yourself. You’ve got one up on your friends. She’s hot.” — Burt, [07:55]

Notable Quote:

“You will sacrifice every ounce of who you are if she’s that hot, I mean every fiber in your body.” — Burt, [05:43]

2. Open Parenting and Teens & Sex: Where's the Line?

[13:35–24:44]

• Caller "Lisa" ([13:35]): A mother struggling with her senior daughter's post-breakup sexual activity seeks feedback on her approach: open communication and acceptance, as opposed to strict prohibition.
  • Lisa openly shares she’s aware her daughter is sexually active post-breakup but believes an open dialogue and trust will lead to responsible behavior.

    “I have taught both my kids from the time they had sex education in fifth grade that it’s a very special thing, and… we talked about it a lot.” — Lisa, [15:54]

• Host Support: The hosts (and multiple callers) validate Lisa's approach, reinforcing the value of transparency and trust in parent-teen relationships.
• Additional Callers:
  • Melissa, 20 ([19:01]): Credits her open relationship with her mom for making wise choices and responsible sexual behavior.
  • Kristen, 24 ([20:29]): Shares a similar story—her mother’s openness fostered honesty and safe decision-making.
  • Larry, a stepfather ([22:19]): Suggests involving kids’ significant others in family discussions and being honest about parent emotions, even if sometimes disappointed.
• Parenting Insight:
  • The consensus: strictness often backfires, while freedom paired with trust and honest conversations prevents recklessness.

    “I have noticed that the tighter the strings are on the child, the more promiscuous they are.” — Lisa, [20:02]

Notable Quote:

“You may be the first listener to ever leave the Bert Show feeling good about themselves!” — Burt, [24:33]

3. Sex-Related Injury Poker: Candid, Painful, and Outrageously Funny

[25:18–40:25]

• Premise: The segment, led by Burt and Jen, invites listeners and hosts to outdo each other by sharing their most memorable "SRIs" (Sex Related Injuries).
• Hosts’ Stories:
  • Jen: “Nip-rip” (a torn nipple during passionate play, only noticed later in the shower).

    “I noticed it in the shower afterwards when the water was running down and it was stinging.” — Jen, [26:41]

• Listener Highlights:
  • Scott: “Brokeback penis” ([28:03])—suffered a penile fracture during aggressive sex.

    “It broke about 2 inches from the base… then filled up with blood blister. Still today, I have a bend in that same exact spot.” — Scott, [28:30]

  • Debbie: “The Redneck Rip” ([30:03])—her husband’s deer-head necklace hooked her nose and tore it during sex.

    “The antler grabbed my nose and ripped my nose. Very painful, very painful.” — Debbie, [30:19]

  • Steven: “Canine Cut” ([31:00])—bitten by a girlfriend’s dog during an intimate moment.
  • Eddie: Suffered a severe injury after his wife whipped a wet towel at his genitals in the shower, leading to months of recovery.

    “The weight of the wet towel tore some muscles down there and put me out of action for about six months.” — Eddie, [33:57]

  • Jamie: “Aunt Jemima Scar” ([35:45])—badly burned by overheated Hershey syrup during a misguided romantic gesture.

    “He grabbed the Hershey syrup…thought he’d warm it up… it came out into a big gush and burnt my whole stomach.” — Jamie, [36:23]

  • Sean: “Barbell Accident” ([36:54])—his tongue ring got tangled with his girlfriend’s genital piercing, forcing an awkward extraction.

    “The barbell of mine bars into hers… I had to remove it right there. So, needless to say, the mood was killed severely.” — Sean, [37:18]

  • Stephanie: Most dramatic—broke her neck after being thrown onto a windowsill during climax, wore a halo for six months but fully recovered.

    “He literally climaxed so hard that he threw me off and I landed backwards, neck first, on the windowsill… Broke my neck.” — Stephanie, [39:19]

Memorable Moment:

“If I ever adopt a basset hound, I would name him Nip. That seems like a good name for a dog. Like a basset hound.” — Jen, [27:05]

Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “You will sacrifice every ounce of who you are if she's that hot.”
  — Burt, [05:43]
• “Actually I try to play it off… because I feel sure that if I tell them exactly what's going on they're going to be like, get out.”
  — John (caller), [07:21]
• “I have noticed that the tighter the strings are on the child, the more promiscuous they are.”
  — Lisa (caller), [20:02]
• “I noticed it in the shower afterwards when the water was running down and it was stinging.”
  — Jen, [26:41]
• “It broke about 2 inches from the base where it broke, bent, and then filled up with blood blister… still today, I have a bend in that same exact spot.”
  — Scott (caller), [28:30]
• “He literally climaxed so hard that he threw me off and I landed backwards, neck first, on the windowsill. Broke my neck.”
  — Stephanie (caller), [39:19]

Segment Timestamps

| Segment Description | Timestamps | |----------------------------------------------------------|-----------------| | Guys tolerate anything for a hot girlfriend | 01:33–13:35 | | Parenting & open discussion about teenage sex | 13:35–24:44 | | Sex-Related Injury Poker (SRI Poker) | 25:18–40:25 |

Tone & Style

The episode is light-hearted, irreverent, honest, and at times outrageous. The hosts and callers are open and self-deprecating, laughing at their own expense. Discussions of relationships and sexuality are frank but not crude, maintaining the show’s trademark blend of humor and relatability.

Summary for Non-Listeners

If you missed this episode, expect classic Bert Show banter: confessions about dating dynamics that are painfully relatable, an insightful conversation on how to parent teens without shame or secrecy, and a raunchy—but never mean-spirited—round of “SRI poker” that will have you wincing and laughing all at once. Real people, real stories, and a lot of honesty—and, as always, plenty of reasons to laugh at ourselves.