Full Show PT 3: Monday, October 27 [Vault]

Summary

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The Bert Show – Full Show PT 3: Monday, October 27 [Vault]

Release Date: October 27, 2025
Host: The Bert Show Cast (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, et al.)
Key Guests: Ms. Cleo, Michael Clarke Duncan, Ms. Peach, Tracy, Dana

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Overview

In this episode, The Bert Show team brings listeners a blend of humor, heartfelt moments, celebrity interviews, and real-life drama. The cast navigates everything from exposing bad parking behavior to candid conversations about illness and living fully, along with signature segments like “Second Date Update.” Highlights include an uplifting exchange with regular caller Ms. Peach, insights from the iconic psychic Ms. Cleo, a warm, funny interview with actor Michael Clarke Duncan, and a candid second-date drama involving mistaken signals and dating misconceptions.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Parking in Handicap Spots: Comedy Meets Justice

• [01:45 – 04:18]
  • The team debates how to handle seeing someone park illegally in a handicap spot.
  • Tommy considers letting the air out of the car's tires, but Bird and Bert advise against damaging property, suggesting public embarrassment instead.
  • Tracy jokes about just letting the air out (“Let the air out of his tire.” – Tracy, 02:29), but Bird points out this could actually worsen the situation for legitimate handicap drivers.
  • The segment devolves into playful chaos and mock arguments, highlighting the group’s banter.

2. Ms. Cleo & Ms. Peach: Finding Joy in Every Moment

• [04:21 – 11:28]
  • Ms. Cleo joins for an uplifting segment with Ms. Peach, a beloved listener battling a terminal illness.
  • Main themes: The importance of cherishing every day, the power of gratitude, wisdom on life and dying, and an emphasis on spreading love.
  • Ms. Peach: “I get up early enough every morning to see the sun rise. Yeah.” [08:34]
  • Ms. Cleo: “When you wake up and you go and you tell the people that you love that you love them… Don’t wait that long… Go tell that person today, right now, all of you listening to me, how much you love them.” [09:54]
  • The cast and Ms. Cleo exchange heartfelt reflections and affirmations (“You all have been so embracing and so loving. I just… I just can’t stand it.” – Ms. Cleo, 09:16).
  • The segment is deeply emotional but sprinkled with humor and warmth.

3. Celebrity Spotlight: Michael Clarke Duncan Interview

• [16:35 – 24:11]
  • The Green Mile and Planet of the Apes star calls in for a friendly, illuminating chat.
  • Topics discussed:
    • Dating etiquette – always pays on the first five dates, but appreciates the offer (“Even if a woman just offers…” – MCD, 17:05).
    • Life in Hollywood, including being a bodyguard for stars like Will Smith and Martin Lawrence.
    • Insights into on-set life, makeup for Planet of the Apes (“…anywhere from three and a half to three [hours] a day.” – MCD, 22:13).
    • Approach to conflict and confrontation (“…most of the time I just walk away.” – MCD, 20:18).
  • Ms. Peach pops in to declare her admiration: “I saw both the movies, the Green Mile and the Cedar House Rules, and I think you outdid Michael Caine like, a thousand times.” [23:21]
  • Light-hearted mutual invitations to visit Atlanta, jokes about Buckhead, and humility from the actor.

4. Signature Segment: Second Date Update

• [26:07 – 32:49]
  • Listener Odin seeks help after a promising first date with Wendy goes unanswered.
  • Wendy’s roommate, Simone, reveals that office rumors and Odin’s “gay vibes” (two male roommates, lives in Midtown, likes Backstreet Club, and has French poodles) led Wendy to believe he’s gay and not interested in women.
  • Discussion highlights stereotypes and misconceptions in dating culture.
  • Odin clarifies: “It doesn’t mean I’m gay.” [30:48] and fields questions about effeminacy.
  • The team offers both levity and support, with plenty of frank, comedic commentary (“Maybe you just need a more masculine woman.” – Bert, 32:20).

5. Sound Effects Challenge: Gender Banter in Studio

• [14:04 – 16:31]
  • Bird and Tracy compete in making mouth sound effects, leading to playful claims that some “guy things” can’t be matched by women.
  • The contest includes machine-gun noises, pistol shots, and car effects, blending classic Bert Show humor with friendly rivalry:
    • Tracy: “Throw me a sound effect. I can do any sound effect.” [15:06]
    • Bird: “See, guys can do that women can’t.” [14:58]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Let the air out of his tire.” – Tracy [02:29]
• “It’s not hard for smile, you understand? No matter what go on.” – Ms. Cleo [06:18]
• “When you wake up…and you tell the people that you love that you love them… Don’t wait that long.” – Ms. Cleo [09:54]
• “Even if a woman just offers that little me know that she is not selfish, right?” – Michael Clarke Duncan [17:05]
• “I saw both the movies, the Green Mile and the Cedar House Rules, and I think you outdid Michael Caine like, a thousand times.” – Ms. Peach [23:21]
• “Just because he has poodles, lives in Midtown and goes to Back[street] doesn’t make him gay.” – Bird [30:34]
• “Maybe you just need a more masculine woman.” – Bert [32:20]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:45 – 04:18 — Handicap Spot Parking Prank & Debate
• 04:21 – 11:28 — Ms. Cleo & Ms. Peach: Lessons on Life & Love
• 14:04 – 16:31 — Sound Effects Showdown: Guys vs. Gals
• 16:35 – 24:11 — Interview with Michael Clarke Duncan
• 26:07 – 32:49 — Second Date Update: Misconceptions and Stereotypes

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Tone & Language

The episode is true to The Bert Show’s style: casual, irreverent, and full of heart. Emotional moments are met with compassion and honesty, while fun segments feature sharp wit and candid banter. The dialogue is laced with Southern charm, side comments, and a sense of family among both cast and loyal callers.

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This episode provides a full spectrum of what makes The Bert Show a daily favorite—real talk, real humor, and real people sharing life’s big (and not-so-big) moments.

Transcript

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[Bert]

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[Bird]

This is the bird show. Doesn't it drive you nuts when somebody parks illegally in a handicap spot? Well, it does us, so we sent Tommy out to do something about it.

[Dana]

Excuse me. That is a handicap parking space. You cannot park there. You don't have a path. Sir, I'm just gonna run in and grab a bagel. No, no. You don't have a handicap parking space. You need to move your car now. No. Okay, I'm gonna let air out of his tires.

[Bird]

What happened?

[Dana]

Somebody pulls up to come in and get him, I'm gonna let the air out of his tires.

[Bird]

Did he went into the Starbucks?

[Dana]

Yeah, he went straight in. He said five minutes. If somebody pulls up, come get me.

[Bert]

Go in the Starbucks with the megaphone follower. How funny would that be there right now?

[Tracy]

No, I like Tommy'.

[Bird]

What?

[Tracy]

Let the air out of his tire.

[Bert]

You hurt his property. But go into Starbucks. Let him embarrass everybody in the Starbucks.

[Bird]

There you go.

[Bert]

I mean, embarrass him in front of him.

[Tracy]

Letting the air out of the tires is not damaging property. It's only air.

[Bird]

No, a moron. If he lets the air out of the tire in the parking spot, it'll be there longer than it normally would be. So somebody that comes to park there legitimately.

[Ms. Cleo]

Yeah.

[Tracy]

No, because then he'll help him push it out, then let the air out of his tires and then call 911 and say there's a guy parked in a handicapped parking lot.

[Bert]

Can we just go into Starbucks and embarrass the guy in front of everybody?

[Tracy]

Starbucks, Tommy, let the.

[Dana]

Before it comes out.

[Bird]

What?

[Tracy]

Go in there, Tommy, let the air out of the tires.

[Bird]

Don't let the air of the tires.

[Dana]

I'm walking towards the car now.

[Bert]

Tommy, Tommy, Tommy.

[Bird]

If you let the air out of the tires, you and Jeff are totally on your own. I am not sticking up for you in the meeting.

[Bert]

Tommy, don't put the air out of the tires. Just go into Starbucks like Melissa said and let everybody know.

[Dana]

Fix him.

[Ms. Cleo]

Let him out.

[Bird]

Tommy.

[Dana]

Hold on.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

I'm fixing.

[Dana]

Let him out.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

I think it's a bad idea.

[Bird]

Idiot.

[Commercial Announcer]

Idiot.

[Bird]

Oh, my. You idiot. How are they gonna get this. The car out of there now?

[Dana]

Tomm.

[Bird]

If he goes.

[Dana]

No, look what?

[Tracy]

Look what's running.

[Dana]

I'm doing this and getting hell out of here.

[Bird]

You're an idiot. There's another guy.

[Tracy]

No, no, because if you guys and.

[Bird]

Him are going into meetings today.

[Tracy]

No, because if he goes into Starbucks with the bullhorn. Will you put him on hold for a second?

[Dana]

You there?

[Tracy]

Yeah, hold on.

[Bird]

Moron. Why would you.

[Tracy]

Because if he goes into the Starbucks with a bullhorn, he'll just be thrown out by Starbucks management.

[Bert]

Tommy can't think for himself. Anything somebody else tells him to do, he's gon.

[Tracy]

But this is his idea.

[Bird]

Now the car is stuck in the spot, so somebody that legitimately wants to use it can't because that defeats the.

[Bert]

Whole purpose of this whole thing.

[Tracy]

He'll help him push it out.

[Bird]

You're an idiot.

[Ms. Cleo]

Hey.

[Bird]

This is the bird show. I'll come totally clean with you and let you know that when we were Cutting the commercial with Ms. Cleo, we were all a little bit skeptical. She's a psychic. You got the 1-800-line-working and all. But I gotta tell you this. When Ms. Peach called up and she and Cleo talked, she totally turned us around.

[Dana]

Well, hey, y'. All.

[Ms. Cleo]

Oh, Lord mercy.

[Bird]

How are you today?

[Dana]

Oh, honey, you know how I am. I'm great. It's a great 24 hours to be alive.

[Ms. Cleo]

You hear me, dear? I agree with you wholeheartedly.

[Dana]

Well, thank you.

[Ms. Cleo]

Well, you think they're gonna be able to understand us between the accents? Baby, you can start talking like me. And me, I'll start talk like you, Ms. Peach, huh?

[Dana]

Hi.

[Ms. Cleo]

You are beautiful. You are just breathtaking.

[Bird]

Let me give you a little background on Ms. Peach. She joined us a couple of weeks ago and informed us that her doctors have given her six months to live. She has non alcoholic, non alcohol related cirrhosis and lupus. I got it, didn't I?

[Dana]

You got it. I'm so proud of you, boss.

[Bird]

And she comes up. I still can't spell it, but I do know what you have now. And she comes on with us about two or three times a week. And she teaches us more about living. Like I told you, through her having. You know, through her dying. I have a very tough time saying that word. She's trying to school me on that. And we just think she's about the most special person that talks to us every week. And we weren't gonna let you go without talking to her.

[Dana]

You're so special, Bert. Thank you.

[Ms. Cleo]

You know what? You're absolutely right, Ms. Peach. Cause he really is.

[Bird]

You know what I'm saying?

[Ms. Cleo]

Thank you. But you have had. I mean, I will echo that because when they speak your name, their eyes light up. My daughter.

[Dana]

Oh, how sweet is that?

[Ms. Cleo]

Their eyes light up. And I agree with you wholeheartedly about. You know, life is. Is every day, every moment is wonderful. You understand?

[Dana]

Oh, it's so precious, isn't it? And it is so precious.

[Ms. Cleo]

And teach the. We need to teach the young ones that they complicate it more than they need to.

[Dana]

They do.

[Ms. Cleo]

They go and they seek up the trouble, you know?

[Bird]

Yep.

[Ms. Cleo]

And all we have to do is keep it simple. It's not hard for smile, you understand? No matter what. Go on.

[Dana]

That's the truth.

[Ms. Cleo]

You understand me. Because she. This woman, she's formidable. My goodness. I mean, I could. I could go cry on her shoulder. I go sit up with his feet, I'm out of here. And she would. You know what I'M saying. And she has that much love. Forgive. You understand me? And of course, we know that death is something, you know, I mean, again, because we talk about death and we say, Diane. And we were just saying to somebody that it's always okay. Bert was saying earlier, how ironic, you know what I'm saying that, you know, things will go on this way and then. And that, you know, and you have this suffering over here and it's like. But you know what? That's still a joy.

[Dana]

Okay? I agree with you 100%, sweetie. I really do.

[Bird]

Okay.

[Dana]

My birth date is 12, 9:54.

[Ms. Cleo]

Do you have a therapist or somebody that. That is a female?

[Dana]

There is a young lady that lives with me. Take care of me.

[Ms. Cleo]

Okay. I'm looking at her and you're really trying to work on her spirit, aren't you?

[Dana]

Yeah, I'm trying to give her the knowledge.

[Ms. Cleo]

Yeah. Because she is. And she's trying. And you know. You know how stubborn she is. My goodness.

[Dana]

Not as stubborn as I am, I suppose.

[Ms. Cleo]

Exactly. And that's why you are winning. You understand me? That's why you are winning. Because I see her here and she really is struggling. She's going to be fine. You understand me? And you are doing a marvelous thing. And it's interesting enough. There is another woman that you miss because I tell you, the other thing is Ms. Peach is not concerned when she gets there because she's waiting. It looks like a friend, a very dear friend that has already passed over.

[Bird]

And she.

[Ms. Cleo]

She's. Yeah, I see her here, the Queen of Swords. She's passed over. And Lord mercy, you know, when you go, you get to go hang out with her. Yes. And. Yeah. Oh, she does. She's looking forward to it.

[Dana]

I'm looking forward to it.

[Ms. Cleo]

She is looking forward to it.

[Bird]

So.

[Ms. Cleo]

I know Ms. Peach, but you're not going nowhere right now.

[Dana]

I'm ready for next time.

[Ms. Cleo]

Yeah. See, you're like me, baby. You understand? They could say 10 minutes from now, all right, I'm out of here.

[Dana]

I got 24 hours. That's all I got.

[Ms. Cleo]

Yeah. You know, and I, you know, every. Every moment. And we got one minute. You understand me? We have. Because Ms. Peach and I understand. Because we have illnesses that we face that we have to cherish life. Wake up singing.

[Dana]

I get up early enough every morning to see the sun rise. Yeah.

[Ms. Cleo]

Ms. Peach, you need to come hang out with me, honey. I do the same thing at home. I'm up at 5am I'm outside with my cigar. You understand me? With My dog zat looking at the sunrise saying, you know what? Nobody can tell me there's not a God, Lord, mercy, that you are just precious. And no wonder they love you so much. You brought a lightness to my heart.

[Dana]

Oh, bless you.

[Ms. Cleo]

So I. Yeah, I will take my blessings and I will take it up from you and say thank you so much.

[Dana]

I love y'. All.

[Bird]

Bye now. Hey, Ms. Cleo. You are awesome. Not just from like a psychic standpoint, but you really. I think I could say this for these guys, too.

[Bert]

Absolutely.

[Bird]

You have been an inspiration to be around for the last couple of days. All right.

[Ms. Cleo]

You all have been. Let me just take a few moments and say, you all have been delightful to the city of Atlanta. You all have been so embracing and so loving. I just. I just can't stand it. Look at this. People are so nice.

[Bird]

Yeah.

[Ms. Cleo]

And. And, I mean, people are just. And for all of you that called, I'm just fine. I'm fine. Life is what it is, and we have to celebrate it every step of the moment. Never be afraid to cry, but don't get stuck in the crying. You understand? Release yourself. And tomorrow morning when you wake up, remember, oh, me got up. That's not a given, people.

[Dana]

Good point.

[Ms. Cleo]

That's not a given. So when you wake up and you go and you tell the people that you love that you love them, Joan Armatured, who is a phenomenal singer and songwriter that has a song called Shapes and Sizes and it talks about. Obituary columns are filled with love. You understand me? Don't wait that long. Every day you understand somebody that you haven't talked to, go and tell them. Somebody that you're mad at over some stupid little thing. Leave it. Go. How important is it in the big picture? Go tell that person today, right now, all of you listening to me, how much you love them. When was the last time you talked to your mother? When was the last time you talked to your daddy? When was the last time you talked to those people that while you were growing up, you made them want fit, pull out their hair? You call them and you tell them, you know what? Thank you. I don't take you for granted. I appreciate you and I love you. And that's all I call to say. And you hang up that phone and I guarantee you from that point first, that day on, that person will have such an outstanding day. And if we all did that for the ones that we love, nobody be walking around shooting up people on freeway and wanting to get mad on airplane. That. But we've Forgotten how to love. We're too busy moving. We have to slow down, my dears. Slow it down. Because we don't have to move that fast. We really don't.

[Bird]

That's Ms. Cleo. Thank you so much for joining us. You are the best. You are. I mean, this wasn't radio for the last couple of days. This was a joy. All right, the next time you're in town, we'll see you again.

[Ms. Cleo]

Yeah, I'm gonna come up here and wreak some havoc.

[Bird]

All right. This is the bird show.

[Bert]

Okay, so tell me if this sounds familiar. You're out with your friends and someone mentions how much they're saving every month, and you're like, wait, should I know that number? Because I'm gonna be straight up with you. That was me. I mean, I thought I was doing fine. I'm paying bills and I'm saving a little here and there. But when I finally looked at everything in Monarch, I realized most of my money was just sitting idle in my checking account. It was basically taking a big nap. Feel organized and confident in your finances with Monarch, an all in one personal finance tool that brings your entire financial life together in one clean interface on your laptop or your phone. It gives you visuals, categories, trends, and it's basically like seeing your entire financial picture without a single spreadsheet. And it's built for busy people. You link your accounts in minutes, and Monarch does a heavy lifting. You can even share your dashboard with your partner or advisor so everyone's on the same page. Don't let financial opportunities slip through the cracks. Use code bertonark.com in your browser for half off your first year. That's 50% off your first [e-mail] with code Bert.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Bird]

Morning, Zoe. Got donuts.

[Bert]

Jeff Bridges. Why are you still living above our garage?

[Bird]

Well, I dig the mattress. And I want to be in a T mobile commercial like you. Teach me. So, Dana.

[Dana]

Oh, no.

[Bert]

I'm not really prepared. I couldn't possibly at T Mobile get the new iPhone 17 Pro on them. It's designed to be the most powerful iPhone yet and has the ultimate pro camera system.

[Bird]

Wow. Impressive. Let Me try. T mobile is the best place to get iPhone 17 Pro because they've got the best network. Nice.

[Bert]

Jeffrey, you heard them.

[Bird]

T mobile is the best place to get the new iPhone 17 Pro on us with eligible traded in any condition. So what are we having for launch?

[Bert]

Dude, my work here is done.

[Bird]

The 24 month EBIT credit on Experience beyond for well qualified customers. Plus tax and $35 device connection charge credit send and balance due if you pay off earlier. Cancel Finance agreement. IPhone 17 Pro 256 gigs $1099.99 and new line minimum $100 plus a month plan with auto pay plus taxes and fees required.

[Bert]

Best mobile network in the US based.

[Bird]

On analysis by OV Speed Test Intelligence data 1H 2025 visit t mobile.com I know women want to believe they can do things just as well as guys in every aspect of life. The truth is, it's not the case. I am all for women's rights, but there are some things that guys can just frankly do better than women.

[Tracy]

Hey, Tracy.

[Bird]

One is sound effect noise with your mouth.

[Tracy]

Do a machine gun noise.

[Bird]

Yeah, you say no, no, no, no, no. Just do a machine gun.

[Tracy]

That sounds like a deck of deck of shuffling cards. One more time, Tracy. All right. I'm going to shoot your cards with my machine gun. Go ahead.

[Bird]

You're way better than she is. Do it again, Jeff.

[Dana]

How do you do that?

[Bird]

What a gift.

[Tracy]

Thank you very much you tried.

[Bird]

See, guys can do that women can't.

[Bert]

That's exactly alike.

[Bird]

Yeah, that's some things women can't do. Like I can do here.

[Tracy]

Throw me a sound effect. I can do any sound effect.

[Bird]

Okay, how about now? You go first. You do Tracy. You do Tracy the intern. A pistol shot. You see? All right, Jeff.

[Tracy]

You see, it's in the throat. Try it again.

[Bird]

All right, now you try cannon shot. This time.

[Tracy]

Use your diaphragm like this.

[Bird]

All right. Try a fire truck, Tracy. That's a good chalkboard.

[Tracy]

That one's from the back of the throat.

[Bird]

Like this.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

You see?

[Bird]

You're gonna hurt yourself, though, man.

[Tracy]

Always makes one of my eyes go.

[Bird]

Bloodshot when I do one, Tracy. Try a car peeling out. That's not bad, Jeff. You see? Okay, okay. All. It's the bird show. Michael Clark Duncan. He's been in the Green Mile. He was in Apocalypse Now. He was in that movie with Bruce Willis and Chandler from Friends that I can't remember the name of. And he was also in Planet of the Apes. And he joined us on the Burt Show. Michael Clark Duncan.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

Yes.

[Bird]

Hey, how are you, man? How are you?

[Michael Clark Duncan]

I am all right, man. It's a little bit. It's a little bit early for me, but I am fine.

[Bird]

It is. You know what we were just talking about is, are you a single guy? Are you married?

[Michael Clark Duncan]

I'm single.

[Bird]

You're a single guy. All right. When you go out on a first date, isn't it automatically assumed that you're gonna pay?

[Michael Clark Duncan]

Always.

[Bird]

Always.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

And you know what? I always do anyway.

[Bird]

Yeah. It just seems that's not even a first date, like the first five.

[Bert]

But Michael, do you appreciate it when a woman at least offers?

[Michael Clark Duncan]

Even if a woman just offers that little me know that she is not selfish, Right?

[Bird]

Yeah. Okay, that makes sense.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

Even if she offers, I'm still not gonna let her pay. But it's just a thought that she's thinking about this.

[Bird]

Michael Clark Duncan is talking to us. He was in Armageddon. He was the star of the Green Mile along with Tom Hanks and of course is in Planet of the Apes. And you, you know how big this guy is? He's six, five. Yeah.

[Tracy]

What part of LA are you living in? Are you right in Beverly Hills? Bel Air, with all the stars around that way.

[Bird]

Are you. He's not that down Earth.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

But you do not, like, live at, you know, what's that area there in Atlanta? Yes, I was there for the Super Bowl a couple of years ago and they had a party up actually up there in Buckhead. And the houses there are simply beautiful.

[Bird]

They're amazing, aren't they?

[Michael Clark Duncan]

They are really gorgeous up there, that Buckhead area.

[Tracy]

Well, we don't get invited to the parties at those houses.

[Bird]

Right.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

Because you guys probably live up there, so.

[Bird]

No, we valet at those parties.

[Tracy]

When you say Buckhead to us, we're thinking of like the deck of the $3 cafe by $4 pitcher of beers during two for one happy hours and.

[Bert]

Then splitting the bill.

[Tracy]

Yeah, you're talking. You're talking about the other side of Buckhead and where.

[Bird]

If we.

[Tracy]

If we wander over there, there's like some sort of sensor that goes off and they immediately sweep us out.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

Well, if they mess with you guys, give me a call.

[Bird]

Hey, Mark. Michael, it wasn't that long ago that you were a bodyguard for a lot of big stars in Hollywood, huh?

[Michael Clark Duncan]

Yes, I was bodyguard from Martin Lawrence, Will Smith, ll Cool, Jamie Foxx. I think I did a little bit of everything here in Hollywood before I got mine.

[Bert]

You must have some great stories.

[Bird]

Oh, I bet you have great stories of protecting Those guys?

[Michael Clark Duncan]

Oh, yeah, they're some of my best friends now because they were. They were really nice back then to me. And I always treated them. I treated them professionally. Problems out of them. But you can get into some little conflicts. Not with them, but the people that want to, you know, get over as jealous with them, like, or try to touch them or something.

[Bird]

Sure.

[Tracy]

Plus, I'm sure they're all very close friends of yours because you probably have some good blackmail memories that you're holding onto.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

Well, that keeps the money coming in, too.

[Bird]

Now, who could be the bodyguard for a guy your size?

[Bert]

I know.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

You know what? That's a good point, because I don't have one yet.

[Bird]

I wouldn't think. I mean, who's gonna take that job?

[Michael Clark Duncan]

You know what? It's. Because I know what entails to be a bodyguard. And I wouldn't want to put anybody through that. I don't want to put anybody constantly following me around and doing this and doing that.

[Bert]

Holding an umbrella for you like Puff Daddy.

[Bird]

Yeah.

[Tracy]

Especially if you never go out of your house. Cause that would get kind of boring for the guy.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

Yeah, well, you know, he'd be making some easy money off me.

[Tracy]

He'll wake up in the morning. Hey, Michael, you want to go somewhere today?

[Dana]

Come on.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

It's all right. I'm all right. You texted downstairs in the limo I was coming.

[Bert]

You talked to, what's his name? Texas Ranger. What's that?

[Bird]

Chuck Norris.

[Bert]

Chuck Norris. You talk to people like that who are just, you know, someone who's been in the martial arts for years. And people are constantly trying to mess with him because they, you know, they want to see if they can kick his ass, you know?

[Michael Clark Duncan]

And you know what? That is the stupidest thing, because then they wind up really hurt.

[Bird]

Sure they do.

[Bert]

People do that to you because you don't.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

Oh, yeah, all the time. But you know what you do? I laugh. I laugh and I let it go. Because in the long run, that's what they want you to do. And in the long run, that's what A lawyer or something. Their lawyer. Some will want you to get into some type of confrontation, and you're gonna wind up paying. So most time I just walk away.

[Bert]

Michael just says, quiet, little man.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

Yeah, I am. Sometimes I get riled up, but most of the time I'm quiet.

[Bird]

When's the last time you got into a fist fight?

[Michael Clark Duncan]

Oh, man, sixth grade.

[Ms. Cleo]

Is that right?

[Bird]

Is that right?

[Michael Clark Duncan]

I'm working several clubs, but every time a guy wanted a confrontation, I would talk him down.

[Bird]

Yeah, I bet.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

Because it wasn't that serious for us to, to go there. Even if a guy took a swing at me, I just grabbed and say, come on, man, you don't want to do this.

[Tracy]

Well, I'm thinking, I'm thinking probably the way I'm envisioning the way that you talk to the average man would be similar to you talking to the mouse and Green Mile. You pick him up in the palm.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

Of your hands, very soft.

[Tracy]

Yeah, you pat him a little bit.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

And that way you keep their energy down. If you go over there and you're getting aggressive, then you're gonna make them.

[Bird]

More sure you are.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

Just like I am in Planet of Apes. I'm kind of, you know, the even keel. Did you guys see it?

[Bird]

I haven't seen it yet. A couple of people in here have, but it's getting mixed reviews, I'd say.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

And you know what? I don't think there's a perfect movie out there yet. But as long as you guys are entertained by it, that's all I can ask.

[Bert]

Well, the reviews are not about the primates. I mean, all the reviews for the apes are great. So you're reviews about probably the storyline, the, you know, the alternative ending.

[Bird]

You can't help but compare to the original.

[Bert]

Right.

[Bird]

And there are gonna be some people that say you can never remake a classic like that. And there are others that are gonna be saying, you know what, it's something new, it's a better version, or it's not a better version. At least they're open minded to it.

[Bert]

Michael, how long did it take for you to get that makeup on? Because the makeup is outside outstanding. And it really, I mean, the, the primates in the film are really great.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

They really anywhere from three and a half to three hours a day.

[Bird]

Are you kidding?

[Michael Clark Duncan]

No, it was, it was, it was something that you, that you knew was part of the movie, right? So they told you, hey, this is, you're gonna play an ape, so you're gonna go through this process. And actually we had a test, a test run to see how long. And the test run took like four and a half hours. And they said, well, on the day when we start filming, it'll get, you know, shorter and shorter. And the first day it was pretty good. It was like 3 hours and 45 minutes. Then we got it down to 3:30. Then finally we got it down to 3 hours.

[Bert]

Wow.

[Bird]

First of all, I want you to introduce you to our favorite listener. This is Ms. Peach.

[Dana]

Good morning.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

How you doing?

[Dana]

I'm Doing fine.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

Good morning.

[Dana]

Turn him up. I can't hardly hear him.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

You just taking it easy like me.

[Bird]

I can't turn him up any more than that.

[Dana]

Okay, Okay. I just wanted to tell you, Michael, that a couple years ago, when you wrote for the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor, that I think you really got cheated. Because I saw both the movies, the Green Mile and the Cedar House Rules, and I think you outdid Michael Caine like, a thousand times.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

Oh, man. You know what?

[Dana]

And I just love you. I have got the biggest crush on you. I just love you.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

She does a lot for. For me, because Michael Caine is, as you guys know, is a very talented actor. But to hear somebody say that, that really just makes me feel good.

[Bird]

Oh, come on. Michael Caine's been in every movie ever made in Hollywood. He was in my wedding video, for crying out.

[Dana]

I made him out. I mean, he just got cheated, sugar.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

Oh, thank you, Ms. Tweets. I appreciate that.

[Dana]

And I tell you what, anytime you want to come to Georgia, you are more than welcome.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

Thank you very much.

[Dana]

And I am an old George girl from way back.

[Bird]

Yeah, Miss Pete than Miss Peach.

[Dana]

Bye, y'.

[Bird]

All.

[Dana]

Love you.

[Bird]

Hey, continue. I know you gotta go, so we'll just say, hey. Continued success with Planet of the Apes, man.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

Thank you guys so much. And I love Atlanta, and we love you. Everybody go see Planet Apes because it's a really good movie. We love you guys.

[Tracy]

Only if you promise to come hang out with us when you come to Atlanta.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

I promise. I got your address and everything right here.

[Tracy]

All right.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

All right.

[Bird]

Here, Bird. Dude, did you order the new iPhone 17 Pro?

[Tracy]

Got it from Verizon, the best 5G network in America.

[Bird]

I never look so good.

[Dana]

You look the same.

[Bird]

But with this camera, everything looks better. Especially me.

[Ms. Cleo]

You haven't changed your hair in 15 years.

[Bird]

Selfies check, please with Verizon.

[Bert]

Get the new iPhone 17 Pro. Designed to be the most powerful iPhone ever. Plus a new iPad and Apple One. No trade in needed. Offer ends November 5th with a new line on Unlimited Ultimate Best 5G Tours. Root Metrics, the United States. 20, 20, 25. All rights reserved. Additional terms apply for all offers. See verizon.com for details. Why does every recipe I try need 18 ingredients, including a jar of something paste I'll never use again but will sit in my fridge for nine months? I just want dinner in the oven fast. That's why I love Blue Apron's new One Pan Assemble and bake meals. They send you fresh ingredients that are already chopped. All you do is Put it all together and bake. That's it. No chopping, no weird leftovers. Just delicious, easy to make meals. Get 20% off your first two orders with code apron20. Terms and conditions apply.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Bird]

For the life of me, I can't figure out why guys keep doing this. We call it second date update. Odin goes on a great date with Wendy. Wendy. That's her name? Odin. Yeah.

[Dana]

Aunt Wendy.

[Bird]

Okay. He really does it upright. Takes her to the sun. Sundial. Sundial. And has just a really great time with her. He spent how many hours with her?

[Dana]

It was like four or five hours.

[Bird]

Four or five hours with her. It was a fantastic date. And there's absolutely no reason why there should not have been a follow up date. Correct?

[Dana]

Yeah, that's right.

[Bird]

All right, so Odin called us up, wanted to call her and find out exactly why she hasn't returned his phone calls.

[Bert]

Right.

[Bird]

Cause it seems so. Right, so we're trying to get Wendy on the phone right now. Hi, Wendy.

[Dana]

Yeah. No, no. Yes, but you got her. Hi.

[Bird]

Who is this?

[Dana]

This is Simone.

[Bird]

Hey, Simone. How are you?

[Dana]

I'm doing well.

[Bird]

Where's Wendy?

[Dana]

She's here. She just doesn't really want to get on the phone. Aw, I know. She's a sore sport.

[Bird]

So you're going to be the spokesperson.

[Dana]

Or I will be the liaison today.

[Bird]

Okay, well, here's the deal.

[Tracy]

Simone, she's from Mississippi. She ain't used to hotfalutin radio technology.

[Bird]

Yeah, where are you from? Because I hear an accent there.

[Dana]

Also, I'm from New York.

[Bird]

New York and Mississippi living together in the same house.

[Dana]

I'm breaking her.

[Bert]

I bet it's like a sitcom.

[Bird]

So did she hear what was going on or.

[Dana]

Yeah, she knows. I mean, she just doesn't really feel like publicly exposing this boy.

[Tracy]

But the New York girl ain't got a problem, right?

[Bert]

Wait a minute.

[Bird]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Bert]

Simone, you just said publicly exposing this boy.

[Dana]

Well, I mean, she feels like maybe he should have laid off after the first call. And I mean, I don't know, she's kind of fed up with him. Calling all the time.

[Bird]

Well, he thinks that the date went great. Right, Odin?

[Dana]

Yeah, it was pretty good. I only called three times and.

[Bird]

Yeah, and he thinks it great. And three doesn't seem like too much of a number. Yeah, that sounds all right. Odin, do you know Symone?

[Dana]

Oh, hey. Yeah, yeah, we've talked a couple times.

[Bird]

Okay. So you guys. So, Simone, what happened? I mean, everything sounds fine. Why won't Wendy go out with him again?

[Dana]

Well, not that I'm going to start, like, national radio rumors.

[Bird]

Well, you won't have to worry about that. We're just in Atlanta. Barely.

[Bert]

You're like six listeners.

[Dana]

But. Well, I haven't met Odin, so I shouldn't say it, but Linda kind of feels like he's gay and that he's sort of putting up this huge facade by continuing to call her.

[Bird]

These never end well. These never, never end well.

[Dana]

And she kind of feels like he's putting on this huge facade by like, continuing to call her when like, he pretty much outed himself from what I heard on the date.

[Bird]

What did she tell you that he said or did that made her think that maybe he was gay?

[Dana]

Well, first of all, and I know this, being from New York City, he was continuously talking about going to the Backstreet Club. And there's nobody that I know that wants to be like, even near there, unless for some, like, big throwaway with their gay friends.

[Bird]

There are plenty of straight people that dance there.

[Dana]

Oh yeah, there are.

[Bird]

There are plenty of straight people that.

[Dana]

Go there, are there? Uh huh. I haven't been there that often.

[Bird]

All right, what else?

[Dana]

And they continued to talk about it and about how funny the drag queens were there. And then when they went over to his house, which is in midtown, which, I mean, it's not like Chelsea, but whatever. And then he's got two guy roommates still. And this is the clincher for me that he has two French poodles.

[Bird]

He's not.

[Dana]

I mean, that did it for me right there. I was like, honey, you must be backing off of that. And then, I don't know, I guess all the people at their office thinks he's gay already. And that was kind of why she went out with him. Was like, no, no, no, he's not. I'm gonna go out and I'll see. And I guess at the end of the day, he didn't even try to kiss her or like even make really a physical advance.

[Bert]

Wait a minute. Odin just said. Odin, didn't you say that you guys did a little something smoochie smoochy.

[Dana]

Yeah, just a little. But it was like, I didn't want to be obnoxious, you know, I'm not one of. I'm not gonna be a dude. You guys had a great date. You're allowed to be obnoxious after that. Yeah, well, you know, I thought next.

[Bird]

Week, you know, he's not guilty of being gay at all. I mean, just because he has poodles, lives in midtown and goes to Back.

[Bert]

Street.

[Bird]

Doesn'T make him gay.

[Dana]

Right, But. But the rumors were already there, and a lot of people had said that he maybe was. And she kind of just solidified it in her mind after the state that he is.

[Bird]

Odin, if you.

[Dana]

Yeah, I mean, if you found. If you found a place for 400 bucks in Midtown, you know, and it's with two guys, what's the big deal, you know, it doesn't mean I'm gay.

[Bert]

Odin, are those your French poodles or somebody else's?

[Dana]

No, they're Andy's. Oh, so, Odin, Andy's gay?

[Bird]

No.

[Commercial Announcer]

No, no.

[Bird]

Okay, so they're not yours.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah.

[Bird]

No.

[Bert]

You got a cheap place to live, which is great. We all like that.

[Dana]

It's a cheap place to live. It's in Midtown, and, you know, I.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

Got a couple of poodles.

[Dana]

Not a big deal.

[Bert]

Well, let's talk about Back Street a little. Do you just like to go there? A lot of straight people hang out at Back Street.

[Dana]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bird]

I mean, it's not like you're a flight attendant or something where it's a sure thing. You did not just say that.

[Dana]

Yeah, you know, sometimes we go out to Back Streets on the. It's not a big deal.

[Bird]

So you're not gay?

[Dana]

No, I'm not gay.

[Bird]

You're not bisexual?

[Dana]

I'm not. I might be bisexual. No, I'm not bisexual.

[Bird]

Okay, you're just. You're making a joke. You're making a funny gay joke.

[Bert]

Me?

[Dana]

No.

[Bird]

Has this ever happened to you before, Odin, where other people mistake you for being gay?

[Dana]

Not really. No. I mean, I'm gay because I'm friendly or whatever.

[Bert]

Are you effeminate? I mean, has anybody ever said that told you that you were effeminate?

[Michael Clark Duncan]

Maybe a little bit.

[Dana]

I mean, I'm not a big athlete.

[Bird]

Well, something somewhere along the lines is turning her off because she's thinking you're gay.

[Ms. Cleo]

Yeah.

[Dana]

Yeah. I mean, this is ridiculous.

[Bert]

Maybe you just need a more masculine woman.

[Dana]

Maybe.

[Bert]

I was just joking.

[Bird]

All right, well, Simone, we asked for total honesty, and you certainly gave that to us.

[Tracy]

I like talking to the roommate better than I like talking to the girl.

[Bird]

She's willing to give it up. Vic.

[Bert]

Time.

[Bird]

All right, Simone, at this point, we're gonna let you go, okay?

[Dana]

Okay.

[Bird]

All right. Now you're sure? Now you're not kidding? This is really what she said?

[Dana]

This is exactly what she told me. She's been talking about it all week. Every time he calls, she's like, what? I see. Why is it calling again? To send over the poodles to come get me.

[Bird]

All right, Simone. See you. The Birch Show.

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[Bird]

Got donuts.

[Bert]

Jeff Bridges. Why are you still living above our garage?

[Bird]

Well, I dig the mattress and I want to be in a T Mobile commercial like you teach me. So. Dana.

[Dana]

Oh, no.

[Bert]

I'm not really prepared. I couldn't possibly at t mobile get the new iPhone 17 Pro on them. It's designed to be the most powerful iPhone yet and has the ultimate pro camera system.

[Bird]

Wow, impressive. Let me try.

[Michael Clark Duncan]

T Mobile is the best place to.

[Bird]

Get iPhone 17 Pro because they've got the best nuts network.

[Ms. Cleo]

Nice.

[Bert]

Jeffrey, you heard them.

[Bird]

T Mobile is the best place to get the new iPhone 17 Pro on us with eligible traded in any condition. So what are we having for lunch?

[Bert]

Dude, my work here is done.

[Bird]

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[Bert]

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[Ms. Cleo]

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[Bert]

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[Ms. Cleo]

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[Bert]

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