The Bert Show [Vault]: Full Show PT 3 - Thursday, December 11, 2025

Main Theme

In this segment of The Bert Show, the cast unpacks several listener dilemmas ranging from engagement ring expectations and relationship values to workplace confessions, dating safety, and experiences with awkward or inappropriate gynecologists. The episode features lively and often humorous exchanges between hosts and callers, mixing empathetic advice, sharp debate, and candid personal stories.

1. Grace’s Engagement Ring Dilemma

[01:46 – 17:52]

Background

• Grace, a successful woman in aesthetics making six figures, calls in to discuss her disappointment with her fiancé Tom’s engagement ring purchase. Tom is a full-time student earning under $20k/year, currently waiting tables. He saved up for a small ring, but Grace wants one worth $15,000.

Key Discussion Points

• Materialism vs. Sentiment:
  • Grace candidly admits she’s materialistic and wants a lavish ring, feeling she deserves it because of her hard work.
  • The hosts and callers debate whether the significance of the engagement ring should be sentimental, reflecting the giver’s effort, or whether personal preferences and expectations are valid.
• Relationship Dynamics:
  • The cast challenges Grace: Can a materialistic person have a healthy marriage with someone who isn’t? Is her disappointment about the ring truly “not about other people”?
  • Grace defends her stance, claiming self-honesty and reiterating her love for Tom, separate from her wish for a bigger ring.

Notable Quotes

• Grace:
  • “I mean, I want what I want. I work hard for what I get, and I…lavish myself and him and it has nothing to do with romance…I want a bigger ring. I personally want a beautiful ring.” [06:58]
• Host (A):
  • “Isn’t this really, like, what other people think? …Aren’t you just a little nervous to flash that little chip that you have and you’re afraid that the impression that you’re gonna make on them?” [05:09]
• Caller (Lisa):
  • “Maybe this guy is not the one, because you’re more of a material girl, and you need to go get one of Carrie’s boyfriends that’s going to buy you a big ring.” [09:14]
• Host (C):
  • “The foundation for your relationship…is a little shaky…because right now, the focus of what’s going on in your relationship is so superficial.” [10:39]

Listener Reactions

• Mixed. Some support Grace’s desire (suggesting she buy her own ring or “wear his on the other hand”), while most side with the hosts, stressing the symbolism of the giver’s love and effort over material value.
• The debate grows heated, with hosts questioning whether Grace is projecting blame onto Tom for surprising her with the proposal ring.
• Memorable Moment:
  • Grace, defending herself amid criticism, retorts: “I pay the bills, so he’s lucky.” [17:18]
  • Host (C), exasperated: “You were so full of yourself. …What responsibility are you taking in this?” [17:05]

2. “I Can’t Believe I Didn’t Get Fired For _____”

[21:12 – 25:38]

Discussion Format

• The show asks listeners to call in with stories about work mishaps or rule-breaking they miraculously weren’t fired for.

Highlights

• Sleeping on duty:
  • A caller fell asleep every day as a lifeguard at a senior citizen pool and didn’t lose her job.
• Company credit card abuse:
  • Another spent $1,500 on lap dances entertaining clients, but only got laughs from the boss the next day. “We just spent fifteen hundred dollars.” [22:47]
• Copy room tryst:
  • Someone was caught with the boss’s daughter in the copy room—surprise: the boss didn't know his daughter was gay.
• Profanity on a conference call:
  • A caller accidentally vented about a client while not on mute during a company-wide call.

Host Banter

• Hosts share war stories of their own, including repeated incidents of “flashing the boss,” adding a playful tone to this segment.

3. Kelly’s Online Dating Check-In

[25:38 – 30:06]

Background

• Kelly previously called about traveling to meet an online love interest after her husband’s passing, having told no one for fear of judgment.

Key Updates

• Safety concerns realized:
  • She reports back that she was fine but found herself on edge due to previous on-air warnings, and admits the experience was “too soon” and “not what I expected.” [27:04]
• Emotional insight:
  • “I think it was more fun talking and thinking of the idea of doing it than it actually was doing it.” [28:17]
• Hosts’ advice:
  • They urge greater caution in future and feel vindicated their concern convinced her to keep her guard up.

4. Worst Gynecologist Stories

[32:46 – 40:52]

Theme

• The show asks listeners to call in with the rudest, most inappropriate, or cringe-inducing moments from OB/GYN appointments.

Key Stories

• “Just like your mom”:
  • A doctor comments on a patient’s anatomy in comparison to her mother’s during a pelvic exam. [33:15]
• “If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it”:
  • A gynecologist advises a woman to have sex because of a dry spell.
• Male/female OB-GYN debate:
  • Hosts and callers discuss personal comfort with male vs. female doctors and the forthrightness or awkwardness of each.
• Insensitive jokes:
  • A patient is told by a doctor after a third miscarriage, “maybe you need to get a new hobby.” [35:43]
  • Another: “Nice bunny” about a tanning sticker in an intimate spot. [36:47]
  • “It must be all in your head” in response to post-miscarriage pain complaints. [37:03]
  • Dismissiveness—scolding patient for self-examining after childbirth: “Why are you looking there? You’re not a doctor.” [39:17]
• Humor and empathy:
  • The cast exhibits empathetic understanding for callers’ vulnerabilities, but maintains levity with biting humor and relatable comments.

5. Notable Quotes & Moments

• “You women confuse the hell out of me. All I hear from women is romance, romance, romance…” – Host (A), exasperated with Grace’s materialism [06:17]
• “I pay the bills, so he’s lucky.” – Grace, defending her value in the relationship [17:18]
• “Coming out of the copy closet.” – Host (C), after a caller’s workplace romance story [24:34]
• “If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it.” – OB-GYN’s questionable advice reported by a caller [34:13]
• “Nice bunny.” – Physician’s inappropriate comment about a patient’s tanning sticker [36:47]

6. Timestamps for Key Segments

| Time | Segment/Topic | |-------------|--------------------------------------------------| | 01:46-17:52 | Grace’s Engagement Ring Dilemma & Listener Calls | | 21:12-25:38 | “I Can’t Believe I Didn’t Get Fired” Stories | | 25:38-30:06 | Kelly’s Online Dating Update | | 32:46-40:52 | Worst Gynecologist Stories & Reactions |

Tone and Style

Maintaining The Bert Show’s trademark mix of real talk, humor, and listener interactivity, the hosts oscillate between empathy and blunt honesty. The conversations—sometimes heated—deal with real-life dilemmas, judgments, and values, all while inviting the audience to weigh in with their own stories and opinions.

Summary prepared for those who missed the episode or want to revisit its juiciest moments without the ads and promos.