The Bert Show – Full Show PT 3: Thursday, December 18 [Vault]

Date: December 18, 2025
Hosts: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and the Bert Show Cast

Episode Overview

This segment from The Bert Show delivers the show’s signature blend of candid banter, listener engagement, and humor—focusing on spectacular stories of relationship drama, wild “Psycho Hall of Fame” antics, complex wedding mishaps, and a frank conversation about emotional infidelity. With listeners calling in to share their personal stories, the cast offers both laughs and true moments of empathy, creating a morning show that feels both outrageous and uncomfortably real.

Key Segments, Insights, and Timestamps

1. Psycho Hall of Fame Inductions (00:57–09:53)

Background & Format

• The cast reminisces about infamous “Psycho Hall of Fame” stories—personally outrageous acts committed in the name of love, jealousy, or heartbreak.
• Listeners call in to share their own “psycho” moments, with one winner being inducted after a group vote.

Notable Stories

• Stacy: The original “Psycho Hall of Famer,” who stalked her ex for three years.
  • “She’s the model on the trophy.” (01:16, D)
• Tina: Swapped out her crush’s contact’s number to monitor his calls.
  • “I got my friend to record the voicemail to say, like, Nicole... and I changed [his contacts] to my new number.” (01:35–02:29, E)

This Episode’s Nominees

1. Kimberly: The Paint Roller Incident (03:09)

   • After being locked out by her boyfriend during an argument, “I picked up a paint roller from outside and just crashed it through his window... then did the other window when he locked me out again.”
     • “Oh, so violent. Psycho Hall of Fame.” (03:40, A)
   • Married to him now: “Yeah, I know, but I’m married to him now.” (03:42, E)

2. Amy: The Hospital Panic Attack (04:12)

   • Suspecting her boyfriend was with another woman, Amy staged a fake panic attack, enlisted her roommate, and ended up in the ER for three hours to elicit sympathy and attention.
     • “Went to the emergency room, acted like I couldn’t breathe, hyperventilated for three hours, and to this day, still claim that I was having a panic attack.” (04:12, E)

3. Kerry: Police Welfare Check (06:12)

   • When ignored by her long-distance boyfriend, Kerry called local police, said she was worried about him, and had police instruct him to call her.
     • “The police went over to his apartment, knocked on the door, and said, ‘You need to call Terry back.’” (06:42, E)

Hosts’ Commentary

• On group-enabling psycho behavior: “There should be another hall for the friends that enable this kind of thing.” (05:20, B)
• “If you go psycho on a guy, he’s gonna end up being your husband.” (08:32, B)

Vote & Induction Ceremony

• Amy wins the vote, largely due to the calculated effort and accomplice angle.
  • “Amy in the hospital stay.” (07:41, A)
• Amy is sworn in with a tongue-in-cheek “Psycho Hall of Fame oath,” repeating lines like:
  • “I will no longer slash, stalk or steal... I promise to stop cracking voicemails, emails and or passwords.” (08:58–09:22, A/E)
  • “This is my official oath. So help me, Psycho Stacy.” (09:48–09:50, A/E)

2. Maid of Honor & Wedding Disaster Stories (10:05–19:00)

The “Safety Net” vs “Maid of Dishonor”

• Melissa recounts making her friend’s wedding legal at the last moment, underlining the best of the maid of honor role: “I handled and made sure... the wedding was actually legal before they left for their honeymoon.” (10:38, C)

Worst Maid of Honor Experiences

1. Heroin in the Limo (11:09)

   • Dan recalls a maid of honor caught prepping to shoot up heroin in a car weeks before the wedding: “She got totally cut out.” (11:26, E)

2. Best Friend, Worst Maid (11:46)

   • A caller’s best friend skipped every event except to pick up her dress, resulting in the bride doing her maid of honor’s hair on wedding day:
     • “She was irresponsible back in the day, but she had gotten better—didn’t think it would be this bad.” (12:25, E)

3. Bra in Hand (13:02)

   • Maid of honor missed the ceremony to shop for a bra, arriving late and oblivious, bra-in-hand:
     • “She just barged in...with her bra hanging in her hand, not even realizing that the ceremony was almost halfway through.” (13:13, E)

4. The Ultimate Betrayal: Maid of Honor Sleeps with Bride’s Father (14:08–18:44)

   • Erica describes how her best friend (since age five) was caught by her mother “in the act” with the bride’s father during the rehearsal dinner.
     • “My mom...found this maid of honor and my dad hooking up...like, they were in the act.” (15:03–15:14, E)
   • Erica fired her friend and maintained the appearance of normalcy, but:
     • “I wanted my father to walk me down the aisle, and he and my mom...there was so much drama, but they worked stuff out.” (15:50, E)
   • “That walk is supposed to be so cool—and he took your head out of the game.” (17:26, A)
   • Her story stuns everyone; after her call, “all the phone lines were lit up...and then everybody hung up. Because they must have been going, I can’t beat that.” (16:59–17:08, B/C)

Host Reflections

• “You have to...suck it up and take it. That’s part of accepting the job [of maid of honor].” (19:25, A)
• On brides’ high expectations: “I just think they’re very demanding.” (19:47, E/C)

3. Infidelity & Emotional Affairs (Newsweek Discussion) (20:16–34:47)

The Changing Shape of Cheating

• Based on a Newsweek article, the hosts discuss the notion that infidelity now affects both genders equally and often involves emotional rather than physical cheating.
  • “About 50% of infidelity going on is women. Now it’s not just a guy thing anymore.” (20:39, B)

Emotional Affairs: Jay’s Story

• Jay (voice disguised): Married four years, husband’s job keeps him away for long periods; she maintains intimate, non-sexual relationships with other men for companionship.
  • “Fundamentally, he still does [fulfill my needs], but...I never get to see him anymore. And we kind of both felt it wasn’t really fair for me to sit home and be alone.” (22:17–22:37, F)
  • Has shifted from one close male companion to another as they pushed for intimacy:
    • “As soon as it leans toward wanting to get physical...we just sort of cut it off.” (23:40, F)
  • Emphasizes transparency: “He knows about it, so it’s not even like I’m going behind his back.” (26:23, F)
  • “It’s just sad that she’s got this intimate relationship going on with another man that’s not her husband.” (27:21–27:29, A)

Host and Listener Reactions

• Doubting the arrangement’s viability: “She’s leading guys on, she’s dating them, and it’s wrong.” (29:04, C)
• On emotional cheating double standards:
  • “If her husband was getting the same fulfillment out of other women...would you be okay?” (31:25, B)
  • Jay: “No. No, I wouldn’t.” (31:38, F)
  • “If you’re going to do something that you would not be happy with him doing, then you’re wrong.” (32:08, C)
• Realism about marriage: “They will not make 50 years this way, Bert. It’s impossible.” (33:47, C)
• Advice: “Go get some girlfriends, dude...I’m not gonna threaten my marriage or have more intimate relationships with any other man than my husband.” (34:03, A)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Psycho Hall of Fame:

  • “She’s the model on the trophy.” (01:16, D)
  • “I picked up a paint roller from outside and just crashed it through his window.” (03:11, E)
  • “I will no longer slash, stalk or steal... so help me, Psycho Stacy.” (08:58–09:50, A/E)

• On Maid of Honor Drama:

  • “They were, like, in the act.” (15:14, E)
  • “That is so selfish...takes your head out of the whole wedding. You know, it was disgusting.” (16:28, C)
  • “She wins the gold medal for maid of dishonor.” (18:44, A)

• On Emotional Cheating:

  • “She’s leading guys on, she’s dating them, and it’s wrong.” (29:04, C)
  • “If you’re gonna do something that you would not be happy with him doing, then you’re wrong...that’s not what a marriage is about.” (32:08, C)
  • “Go get some girlfriends, dude...That’s therapy, my friend.” (34:03, A)
  • “Jay, I just think you need to go back and review those vows y’all exchanged… I just don’t think you’re living up to what you made that promise for.” (33:18, A)

Summary Table of Key Segments

| Segment | Notable Stories | Main Insight/Takeaway | Memorable Quote/Host Line | |----------------------------------|-----------------------|--------------------------------------------|--------------------------------------------------------| | Psycho Hall of Fame (00:57-09:53)| Amy, Kimberly, Kerry | Psycho behavior often leads to marriage | “If you go psycho on a guy, he’s gonna end up your husband.” (08:32, B) | | Maids of Dishonor (10:05-19:00) | Heroin limo, Bra, Betrayal| Weddings can be derailed by closest friends/family | “She wins the gold medal for maid of dishonor.” (18:44, A) | | Infidelity Talk (20:16-34:47) | Jay’s emotional affairs | Emotional cheating is a “gray area”; double standards exist | “If you’re gonna do something that you would not be happy with him doing, then you’re wrong.” (32:08, C) |

Episode Vibe & Takeaway

The Bert Show continues to excel at making space for both darkly funny and sincerely raw listener stories—poking fun at “psycho” antics and wedding drama while not shying away from the sadness and complexity of relational struggles. The tone ranges from raucous (inducting Amy into the “Hall of Fame”) to compassionate (empathizing with Jay’s loneliness in marriage), ensuring listeners are both entertained and comforted by the show’s candid, unfiltered perspectives.

Best for listeners who:

• Love wild relationship stories and real talk about love, friendship, and fidelity
• Appreciate humor that veers into heartfelt territory
• Value hearing multiple perspectives—both from hosts and real listeners—on what makes (and breaks) relationships

Most Memorable Moment:

• Erica’s story of her maid of honor sleeping with her father the night before her wedding: no story on air could top it, both for shock value and empathy from hosts and callers. (14:08–18:44)

Quote of the Episode:

• “If you go psycho on a guy, he’s gonna end up being your husband.” (08:32, B)

Note:
Ads and non-content segments have been omitted for clarity.