Full Show PT 3: Thursday, July 9 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show — Full Show PT 3: Thursday, July 9 [Vault]

Episode Date: July 9, 2026
Summary by: Podcast Summarizer

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Episode Overview

This lively episode of The Bert Show showcases the show’s trademark blend of unfiltered humor, relationship advice, candid confessions, and celebrity interviews. The morning’s main themes circle around romantic relationships—exploring everything from dating dynamics and bedroom blunders to trust issues and double standards. Notably, reality TV star Kim Zolciak drops in for a frank interview about her much-publicized personal life, and singer Chilli from TLC discusses her dating standards and new reality series. As always, the cast (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and friends) and a panel of guest voices keep the conversation real, hilarious, and insightful.

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Key Discussion Points & Notable Moments

1. The Guys’ Panel Returns: Relationship Q&A

[01:31 – 17:08]

A roundtable of male panelists join the cast, fielding listener questions about modern dating, relationships, sexual dynamics, and gender expectations.

Stay-in Dates & Dating "Economics"

• Caller’s Dilemma: A woman asks why her date only wants to stay in for dates, never going out in public.
• Brian Duke: Breaks it down humorously as "math," introducing "CPI – Cost Per Insertion" as a dating metric and jokes about transactional dating.
  • "If I can get it done by slinging a couple of tin Lizzy’s tacos... and I could still make it happen—what’s my motivation?" ([02:13])
• The panel agrees that “staying in” is easier but reflects on expectations and “raising your own CPI.”

Sexual Pace Mismatch

• Voice-disguised Caller (“Megan”): Shares that her husband lasts “way too long” in bed, causing issues despite her satisfaction.
  • “I’m finished three times, and he’s still not.” ([03:46])
• Panel suggests communication, explores possible reasons (sensitivity, boredom), and jokes about prescribed solutions.
  • Dutch: “Take off all your clothes, get a bottle of wine, and talk about it. Seriously? That’s gonna work. Trust me.” ([05:34])
• Discussion of whether her feedback could be “turning him off,” or if deeper disconnects exist.

Double Standards & Trust Issues

• Amanda: Asks about her boyfriend’s jealousy—he texts exes but gets upset if she texts male friends.
  • Dutch: “That’s a boy, not a man, sweetheart. Keep moving.” ([06:43])
  • Brian Duke: “That’s absolutely a security thing... Those don’t go away.” ([06:49])
  • Duke: “The worst quality in the world. Don’t ever put up with jealousy, ever.” ([07:11])
• Panel advises that trust and equality are crucial.

Sudden Personality Change in a Boyfriend

• Melissa (voice disguised): Boyfriend of 7 months suddenly becomes extremely affectionate after a Florida trip.
  • Brian: “This is a knee-jerk reaction for something he did... like he cheated and is overcompensating.” ([08:49])
  • Others: Suggest maybe the vacation brought them closer, changed pressure dynamics (“maybe your prayers have been answered”). ([09:45])
• Suggest acceptance unless there’s clear evidence of betrayal.

Men & Marriage: Age vs. The One

• Caller Jen: Asks if men plan to settle down at a certain age or with the right woman.
  • Host: “Every dude... has an age in their head. For me, it was 30, but life changes your plans. When the right one came along, 30 was out the window.” ([10:34])
  • Bert: “They just wake up... and decide the next girl is it. And I think that’s why they’re divorced.” ([11:28])
  • Dutch/Duke: “It’s a matter of the heart... If you’ve got an age, then you’re a settler. Better to be alone than with the wrong person.” ([12:10])

Sex With the Lights On: What Does It Mean?

• Brittany: Wonders if men care about having sex with the lights on.
  • Duke: “If you’re hot, I like the lights on. If the lights are off, it’s for a reason.” ([13:35])
  • Bert: “If a guy wants to have sex with you with the lights on, consider that a compliment.” ([14:00])
  • General consensus: Lights on equals attraction/confidence.

Suspected Partner Sexuality

• Ashley (voice disguised): Found out husband is looking at “men seeking men” on Craigslist.
  • Dutch: “He’s gay. It’s not even a question.” ([15:01])
  • Lesbian panelist: “Still a stigma for guys. But if he’s on Craigslist looking for men and doing it more than once... he likes men.” ([15:34])

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2. Kim Zolciak Breaks Her Silence

[19:10 – 31:35]

Real Housewives of Atlanta’s Kim Zolciak discusses recent tabloid stories about a possible romantic encounter with her female producer, Tracy, and the emotional fallout.

Key Insights:

• Kim admits to a “one-time” romantic occurrence with Tracy, someone she was working with on her music.
  • “We hung out a ton... She was gonna do the new track on my new song. She’s great. She’s my friend.” ([21:06])
  • “She was a great girl... and it happened. I mean, it’s that simple, really.” ([21:32])
• She expresses confusion about her feelings but is clear it was unique and not ongoing.
  • “It’s been very confusing for me... I’m just trying to work it out myself.” ([21:51])
• A lesbian panelist opines: “I think Tracy’s probably in love with you, but she’s going by your direction.” ([22:43])
• Kim shares the impact on her personal life, especially her 13-year-old daughter.
  • “I have to focus on my girls... I just can’t communicate [with Tracy].” ([22:52], [25:55])
• On whether Tracy leaked the story: “Only two people knew about it. So I certainly didn’t tell people.” ([26:26])
• Kim concludes she can’t continue any relationship, even friendship, with Tracy for her family’s sake.
  • “There’s not even going to be a friendship... I do have children and family... so it is what it is.” ([30:08], [30:31])

Notable Quotes:

• “Some things that go on behind closed doors need to stay that way. Although I’m comfortable talking about it, I’m not embarrassed, nor am I ashamed.” — Kim Zolciak ([30:08])

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3. Chilli (TLC) on Relationships, Standards, and Her Reality Season

[33:49 – 46:29]

Chilli from TLC joins to talk about her new VH1 dating show, her high standards for partners, and why they matter.

Key Insights:

• Chilli’s “Wants vs. Needs List”
  • “Needs: He has to be a Christian. He has to love kids. He cannot smoke... have morals and values.” ([35:59])
  • “I would want him to have a six pack, but if he had—I'll take four!” ([36:33])
• Discusses peer (and public) reactions to her standards.
  • “If women would just raise the bar and keep it there, it would make men really step up to the plate.” ([38:21])
• On women settling:
  • “Women fall in love with the greatest potential of a man, but not the man as he is that day.” — Melissa ([39:13])
  • Chilli: “That motion of the ocean, who came up with that?” (Joking about size vs. technique.) ([37:38])
• Fielding host’s matchmaking attempts, she keeps details on her show’s romantic outcomes vague: “You just gotta watch.” ([42:48])

Chilli’s Dating Philosophy:

• Wants and needs must be distinguished—and needs are non-negotiable.
• Self-respect and boundaries empower, not hinder, real relationships.

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4. Candid Banter: Multi-tasking, Technology & FarmVille

[48:28 – End]

The crew dives into lighter topics:

• Playing FarmVille at work (and getting fired for it)
• Multitasking during calls and meetings, including the merits of muting during bathroom breaks
• Candid jokes about pretending to pay attention and maintaining authenticity in every facet of life.

Notable Riff:

• Bert: “I am convinced I can use the guest bathroom while on the phone and flush, and the person has no idea through a carefully placed maneuver of mute, flush, swing the phone, step out...” ([53:22])
• Lesbian Panelist: “People know when you’re not paying attention to them. I have yet to meet somebody that can function with two things going on at the same time and actually pull both of them off.” ([51:57])

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• Brian Duke: “It’s very simple...we measure CPI—Cost Per Insertion. If I can get it done by slinging a couple of tin Lizzy’s tacos...what’s my motivation?” ([02:13])
• Dutch: “Take off all your clothes, get a bottle of wine, and talk about it. Seriously? That’s gonna work. Trust me.” ([05:34])
• Dutch: “That’s a boy, not a man, sweetheart. Keep moving.” ([06:43])
• Kim Zolciak: “She was a great girl. I’ve never been in a situation like this...it happened. I mean, it’s that simple, really.” ([21:32])
• Chilli (from TLC): “Your needs have to be met...and your wants are your compromising areas.” ([35:24])
• Melissa: “Women fall in love with the greatest potential of a man, but not the man as he is that day.” ([39:13])
• Bert: “I am convinced I can use the guest bathroom while on the phone...and the person has no idea through a carefully placed maneuver of mute, flush, swing the phone, step out...” ([53:22])

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Episode Highlights — Quick Timestamps

• Guys’ Panel Relationship Q&A: [01:31 – 17:08]
• Kim Zolciak’s Candid Interview: [19:10 – 31:35]
• Chilli (TLC) Interview & Relationship Talk: [33:49 – 46:29]
• FarmVille and Multitasking Banter: [48:28 – 54:40]

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a quintessential Bert Show blend—occasionally raucous but always transparent, balancing laughs with honest, sometimes raw, conversations about relationships, sexuality, and self-worth. With perspectives ranging from straight talk about marital intimacy to navigating friendships (and romance) in the glare of the tabloids, listeners will find both entertainment and food for thought. The interviews with Kim Zolciak and Chilli add depth and relevance, making this show as relatable as it is fun.

Transcript

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[Brian Duke]

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[Host (Bird Show Host)]

The Bird show all right, Wendy wants to kick off Guys, panel part two here with a dating question.

[Female Caller/Panelist]

I do. One of my acquaintances is dating, I put it relatively dating a guy, but they've only done the stay in date. Like he refuses to do a public date. So it's like four dates but he's like cooking dinner, having movie night and refuses to like go out to eat or out to the movies. It's always let's go to my place, I'll just do something special for you.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Brian Duke. What does that mean?

[Brian Duke]

So I mean this is all about math, right? It's very simple.

[Dutch]

And you sir are mathematician?

[Brian Duke]

Yes, I am. So this, there's a very simple metric that we Measure. It's called cpi Cost per insertion. And so.

[Kim Zolciak]

Cpi.

[Brian Duke]

Yes, cpi.

[Duke]

Thank God he said it.

[Bert]

And so he's been reading books.

[Brian Duke]

You know, he's been writing books. I mean, it's just like running an ROI on anything else. I mean, if I can get it done by slinging a couple of tin Lizzy's tacos down your face and not have to go to Rathbun Steak, then, I mean, and I could still make it happen.

[Dutch]

Then.

[Brian Duke]

I mean, what's my motivation? And so, I mean, girls, I. I mean, this is. This is your own doing. I mean, you lower or you raise your. Your own cpi. But I mean, it's basically. I mean, you know, you look at the economics of it, and, you know, it is what it is.

[Bert]

That is.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

That is hard. That's hard to top right there. Everybody agree with that?

[Duke]

Totally.

[Dutch]

No comment. No comments.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Do you agree with that?

[Bert]

You gotta acknowledge the brilliant.

[Male Caller/Panelist]

I mean, like, what.

[Duke]

I'm with Duke. I probably have one or two dates a month in public. Everybody else is coming to the house.

[Brian Duke]

Right.

[Duke]

I'm gonna say the right thing. We're gonna throw in a movie. I've never made it more than five minutes. A movie that. Something weir.

[Bert]

Isn't it your date's choice not to be in public with you, though? You're talking about two totally different.

[Duke]

Believe it or not, they will still go out. But, yeah, that's an armchair, man. That's got to be something you want to show off you're taking to an event.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

It's just too easy.

[Duke]

At the end of the day, you're like, if you'll just come to the house. And, I mean, that's just easy money, right?

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Absolutely.

[Brian Duke]

Absolutely.

[Bert]

Can we go around the room and guess all the women's CPIs?

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

No,

[Bert]

Bert, you go first.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Megan wants to be on the voice disguiser. Go ahead, Megan.

[Female Callers (Various)]

My question is, I have the exact opposite problem of most women, where my husband lasts way too long. Like, I'm finished three times, and he's still not.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Do you know how many women just flipped you off around? Do you have any idea?

[Female Callers (Various)]

Well, I totally understand that. But when anytime I try and, like, give my husband direction or encourage him or try and, you know, even broach the subject, like, because I feel bad, like, I'm not doing it. But when I. Every time I try and broach the subject. Deadpan silence.

[Duke]

I know why she's disguising her voice.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Now, is he. How do I say this? Is he fully excited the entire time? He just can't finish Right. Okay. And you're long done. I mean, you've been there three times, and he just. He's working and working and working.

[Female Callers (Various)]

Working on my laundry list.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Anybody?

[Dutch]

I don't want that one.

[Bert]

I was actually gonna say what Jen wrote.

[Brian Duke]

Well, I mean.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

No, no. Is that possible? He's taking care of himself too much.

[Duke]

Jen, that's absolutely. Which is the sign you held up is wrong, because if he was doing that, he wouldn't have a problem. Actually. That actually can kill a dude's game, be honest with you. Yeah, no, it. Some guys are gifted with that. You know, it's sensitivity issue. I. You know, I can go long. I'll admit it. But I. I'm like a menu. I'm like, you give me a time, and I'll. Now, you want to go 22 minutes, you want to go 48.

[Kim Zolciak]

You want to do.

[Duke]

You want to do an hour, or you want three minutes? If you want three minutes, I'm gonna have to tell you to do to me, because every guy knows his hot button, you know, and Dr. Phil, Dr. Ruth, I think you got to have that ability, you know, but with a husband, it sounds to me like that he's either a little bored, so it needs to get a little fun for him, or he's probably got the. He doesn't have the sensitivity issues. You got to figure out what his hot button is.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Don't they sell, like, creams and stuff like that for more sensitivity and stuff?

[Male Caller/Panelist]

They do, but also, he may. She may be giving too much direction. She may be a little bossy from.

[Bert]

From what you're talking about.

[Dutch]

Maybe she's saying stuff, but not saying the right stuff or the way, you know, you got to figure your guy out. You know what need to do? You guys need to take off all your clothes, get a bottle of wine and talk about it.

[Brian Duke]

Oh, my God.

[Dutch]

Seriously?

[Duke]

Oh, you're.

[Dutch]

That's what I'm telling you. No, that's gonna work. Trust me.

[Bert]

All of us. No, all of us.

[Duke]

The couple,

[Bert]

and then talk it through

[Dutch]

and then get passion going, that kind of thing. You'll be fine.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Is it possible that you're doing something that's totally turning him off? I mean, to be honest, if.

[Female Callers (Various)]

If I am, he won't talk about it.

[Duke]

Oh, he's closed off.

[Male Caller/Panelist]

It's just.

[Brian Duke]

There's a mental issue there. He's got something going on.

[Male Caller/Panelist]

It's just not feeling right for him.

[Dutch]

Yep.

[Male Caller/Panelist]

I mean, it's just not. There's no cancel.

[Dutch]

Last advice.

[Duke]

Are you married to this guy?

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

She's gone.

[Duke]

Oh, was she married?

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Yeah, she's married.

[Duke]

You know what? There's a reason that's divorced, man. Are you sure the bedroom's not working, man?

[Male Caller/Panelist]

That's when you work to make it work.

[Bert]

I don't think she's gone. I think she's got three questions.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Good morning, Amanda. You're on Q100. Hi.

[Female Callers (Various)]

Hi.

[Female Caller]

I was wondering, why is it that every guy has to double standard every girlfriend? Because my boyfriend right now gets mad at me when I'll, like, text a guy, but he'll text every single one of his ex girlfriends, and he expects me to just be okay with it.

[Dutch]

That's a boy, not a man, sweetheart. Keep moving.

[Duke]

Yeah, you're exactly right.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

You have jealousy issues, Brian.

[Bert]

Yeah, that's a boy.

[Brian Duke]

I mean, that's absolutely a security thing. I mean, if he's got issues, I mean, I've got tons of girlfriends, and if a girl I was dating, I mean, she would have to just accept the fact that I'm going to be friends with these girls forever. There's nothing sexual there. It's just a friendship. And so if you're not willing to deal with that, then you obviously got

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

some security comments you're dating to do that. And those don't go away, man. No, I mean, you're dating a dude that's probably going to be jealous your entire relationship.

[Duke]

That's the worst quality in the world. Don't ever put up with jealousy, ever.

[Female Caller]

No, like, I'm fine with him texting, like, any girls that he wants to text, as long as it's not like, hey, you know, let me get with you, because I've been with the guy for three years, but the second, like, I text a guy, even if he's just a friend, he's like, oh, my God, who's this kid? Why are you texting him?

[Lady Luck]

Really?

[Female Caller]

All right, calm down.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Yeah.

[Brian Duke]

Bye.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Bye.

[Duke]

If a dude ever even goes through your phone, you need to just walk.

[Dutch]

That's stalker insecurity breeds more insecurity. So you're gonna become insecure. He's gonna be insane. It's a whole mess. So don't even.

[Duke]

Yeah, don't put up.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Here's Melissa. She wants to be on the guys panel. Go ahead, Melissa. You're on the voice disguiser.

[Female Callers (Various)]

Hi. How are you?

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Okay, thanks.

[Female Callers (Various)]

All right. I have a boyfriend. I've been with him for about seven months, and he has never been an affectionate guy. I've come to accept that. I went down to Florida on Tuesday. He met Me down there Friday with one of his friends. And he is a completely different person since the day he got there.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Since he got where?

[Dutch]

Smyrna, Florida. Florida.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Florida. Okay.

[Lady Luck]

Yeah.

[Female Callers (Various)]

He met me down at Florida this weekend and we got back on Sunday and ever since he got there, like, he is a completely different person. Touchy feely, sweet, compliments, catering, like it's scaring me. And then he even dropped the L bomb. And I thought it was gonna, you know, go back to normal when we got home Sunday, but it didn't. Like, he is a completely different person after seven months. It's just like, I want to know why he's changed all of a sudden.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

All right, so he wasn't affectionate before and now, and now he is, and he's telling you he loves you and he's paying attention to you.

[Dutch]

I don't know if I'm carrying the problem.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

What's the problem, Brian? What do you got?

[Brian Duke]

Well, I mean, just my gut reaction is that this is a knee jerk reaction for something that he did.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Like he cheated on her.

[Brian Duke]

He cheated on her, hooked up with somebody else, and now he's just trying to overcompensate because he feels guilty about it and he's worried that it's going to come off as being weird and so he's just showering the girl with affection. I don't know. I mean, it's.

[Bert]

I got different theory.

[Male Caller/Panelist]

I got a different one.

[Dutch]

Go ahead.

[Male Caller/Panelist]

One of the things in a relationship, or as you're getting into a relationship with somebody, is the one big test on whether you're going to work out is a vacation. Because that's the one time you can kind of go out. There's a lot of time spent together. There's a lot of decisions to be made, a lot of hard things. You know that where you're gonna do, where you gonna go, what you gonna do, how you gonna get there, all that kind of stuff. So a vacation can either tear a couple apart or bring him together. And the other side of that is could he could be going on vacation with this girl, went to Florida, went somewhere where all his friends aren't around, he doesn't have the pressure of being the cool guy and he just can just be with her. And so, you know, he's feeling good about it and realize that he really does care about her and not trying to be cool.

[Dutch]

I mean, maybe your prayers have been answered, more or less, I think, is what Dutch is saying. If you've been looking for a guy to be affectionate, and he's finally affectionate. Don't critique it so much. Just kind of accept it. I know your fear is, is he gonna go back to the regular guy, but, you know, embrace what's in front of you right now.

[Female Callers (Various)]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

All right.

[Female Callers (Various)]

All right. Thank you very much.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Thanks, Melissa.

[Kim Zolciak]

Bye.

[Female Callers (Various)]

Bye. Bye. Bye.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Go ahead, Jen.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

What's up?

[Advertisement Voice]

Okay.

[Melissa]

I talked to a guy friend the other day who has in his mind an age at which he's going to get married and have K. Up until that point, he's gonna, like, date a bunch of girls, have fun, like, focus on his career, whatever else. But he knows that he wants to have kids by, like, 41 or 42. So he knows at 40 he'll get married. So I'm just curious. Is he the norm or is he the exception to the rule? Like, is it the time in your life or is it the woman that makes you settle down and get in a relationship?

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Can I start that one?

[Dutch]

Go.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

I think everybody has. Every dude, I think, has a. An age in their head that they think they'll be ready to get married. Like, for me, it was 30 years old. I'm not getting married until I'm 30. But life has a way of changing your plans. When the right one came along, 30 was out the window for me, man, it was done. Now, I do know dudes that are stubborn, that are like, I'm just not getting married until I'm 35 years old and they've passed up the right girl. They'll even admit it to you. They might have passed it up two or three times because they'll wait. But for me, it was when she came along. That was it. I was done with everybody else.

[Bert]

I think the most common occurrence along those same lines is people who is guys who don't have an age set, but they just wake up one day, like, maybe it's the first day after their 35th birthday. It could be when their best friend got married. It could be when something occurs and they wake up and they're like, holy crap, I'm X number of years old and I want to have kids and a family. I'm going to get married.

[Dutch]

Do the math.

[Bert]

And then they decide, and the next girl that comes along, they marry. They marry. And I think that's why they're divorced.

[Brian Duke]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Bert]

That curse thing where, you know, women get so mad because I dated this guy for four years. We lived together for three, then we broke up. Then he dated this other girl for nine months and gave her a giant rock, and they're getting married. I think that your breakup was the traumatic thing that made him wake up the next day and say, that's right.

[Dutch]

Nothing should be really planned, you know, It's a feeling. It's not. When I reach 35, I'm gonna be, you know. Your friend Jen said 40 or 41. I mean, I don't think it should be planned at all. I think it should be something that you feel and you relate to a person, and then you make that decision.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

I don't have an age.

[Melissa]

Right.

[Duke]

It's like mixing science with religion, man. They don't go together. It's a matter of the heart. You've got to know when at times, if you've got an age, then you're a settler. Anybody that settles is going to be miserable. And it's better to be alone than be with the wrong person all day long. It's better to be alone.

[Dutch]

Amen.

[Melissa]

That is not what I thought you guys were going to say.

[Bert]

Really? What did you think we were going to say?

[Melissa]

I thought you were going to say, like, that there was a certain time in your life or an age that you had in mind, and then it was just timing more than it was the woman.

[Dutch]

I think women think more like that. More women do deeper than that than guys do.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

For me, it was just like I was thinking. Like, I felt like I was going out. It was different girls, but it just felt like it was the same woman. After a while, they were saying the same things. Women for me, came in different types. Like, I knew what to say to one woman in order to get her into bed. And then if she fell into another type, and it all just became like, chocolate, vanilla. It was all the same.

[Brian Duke]

Yeah, but you were ready for it. There was an age that was defining when you were gonna make it happen.

[Duke]

You picked a flavor. I like Baskin Robbins.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Yeah, I mean, it's different. You know, she came along, and she told me that I was in love with her, and that was it.

[Duke]

You're like, I'll take it.

[Dutch]

You f believe this, but you're in love with me.

[Bert]

I am?

[Dutch]

Yes, you are.

[Bert]

Here's the ring. You're gonna propose to me.

[Lady Luck]

Exactly.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Brittany, good morning. You're on Q100 with the guys panel. Go ahead.

[Female Callers (Various)]

Hey, I just have a question.

[Female Caller]

If sex with the lights on really

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

matters, what does sex with the lights on really matter for you or for him?

[Dutch]

What's your question?

[Female Caller]

For him.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

For him.

[Duke]

Yeah, he's right. Duke's right. If you're hot, I like the lights on. All the time. Because it's hotter. I mean, you're looking, you can see everything. If the lights are off, it's because a reason.

[Brian Duke]

I mean, if you look on all

[Male Caller/Panelist]

good candles midway, decent dim light is always nice because then, you know, if

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

this dude is darkening the room and putting like tin foil on the window, he's putting a towel underneath the door. So not any ray of light can get in there at all.

[Male Caller/Panelist]

Paper bag next to the bed.

[Brian Duke]

If a guy wants to have sex with you with the lights on, consider that a compliment. You look like an unmade waterbed to him.

[Bert]

Because he.

[Female Caller]

He's always all about, like morning sex.

[Kim Zolciak]

And it just the lights and like the outside light. And I was wondering if it really makes a difference.

[Duke]

It's a compliment.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

It's a compliment to you.

[Bert]

You must be fly.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

He's loving on your body.

[Bert]

And then like, if you guys are doing it at night, does he whip out his BlackBerry and use the screen?

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Big old like premiere light in the

[Duke]

bedroom

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

here is Ashley. Wants to be on the voice disguiser for very good reason. Hey, Ashley.

[Female Callers (Various)]

Hi.

[Female Caller]

Good morning.

[Female Callers (Various)]

It's Bert Shen.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Hey, how are you?

[Female Callers (Various)]

I've been better. I just wanted to say I found out my husband's been looking on Craigslist for men seeking men. And I'm trying to find out if he's just curious or if he's gay

[Bert]

or what's his name? Dude, I might know him.

[Dutch]

This is, wow, really training him. She said he was looking on Craigslist

[Bert]

for what he was looking for.

[Advertisement Voice]

Dude.

[Dutch]

Oh, he's gay. Yeah, he's gay.

[Duke]

He's just gay.

[Bert]

He's just.

[Dutch]

I mean, a straight guy's not gonna do it. Ain't gonna look. I don't understand. It's not even a question.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Is he. I don't even know what to ask to even like make it an.

[Bert]

Has he done it more than once?

[Female Callers (Various)]

Yeah.

[Brian Duke]

Okay.

[Bert]

Because it's like that he can do it once he's gay.

[Brian Duke]

Still gay.

[Kim Zolciak]

Right.

[Bert]

Well, if you do it. If you do it once, you could be going like, what's this all about? But then the first time you click on a picture and a giant penis lands in your face.

[Brian Duke]

Right.

[Dutch]

Representative. Representative.

[Bert]

You remember that? That's burned right there.

[Female Caller]

Yeah.

[Bert]

Never go back.

[Dutch]

Yeah.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

These are still a stigma for a guy to be gay. So a guy is sneak around more than a woman because a woman, you know, you have straight girls in clubs that kiss on each other and they're play. Play lesbians. And so there's not as much Stigma for them. But if your man is on Craigslist looking for another guy and he's done it more than once. Honey, I'm sorry. He likes men.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Have you talked to him? Does he know that you know, he doesn't.

[Duke]

There's not a guy in this room that doesn't have a friend. We've all got a couple friends that, you know have gone south, but they won't admit it. And you don't press the issue because you're not, you know, because you can tell they're trying to cover it up. You can tell when there's a guy amongst you that's. That's definitely not. He's going out after girls because he feels like he has to sense that

[Bert]

both of Bert's knees have gone out.

[Duke]

We got a guy at the gym. I'm like, just come out of the closet.

[Brian Duke]

I hurt my knee. Yeah, you hurt your knee.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

This is coming, by the way, from the guy that confessed he wore a girdle last night.

[Melissa]

Really?

[Bert]

Spanx. It was man. It was man spanks. If I'm not mistaken, somebody in this room on the Today show.

[Melissa]

Wow.

[Bert]

I did that one time. One time.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

Let me just reiterate my point that guys. Do you understand, they're not comfortable with, you know, like, these guys are making jokes about any kind of gay reference, any gay reference. All of a sudden, it's five minutes of comedy. So that means your. Your guy is gay.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

All right, you guys, thanks for coming.

[Bert]

Melissa.

[Dutch]

Whatever.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Sneaky gay. Thanks, Dolvett.

[Dutch]

Thank you, bro.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Thanks, Brian. Thanks, Dutch. Southside. Thank you, dude.

[Bert]

You're welcome.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

You guys are good. This is our A list right here. This is our A team. This is our guys panel. A team. All right, we'll do this again.

[Brian Duke]

The bird show.

[Advertisement Voice]

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[Host (Bird Show Host)]

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[Lady Luck]

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[Brian Duke]

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[Bert]

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[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Refreshers contain caffeine. Hey, the Bird Show. I was saying earlier this morning that I thought that as a show we needed to redefine our relationship with Kim Zolciak. You know, we sort of have like, it's not like she's talking to any show when she calls us. I mean, she lives here. We talk to her a lot. We see her out and I felt like we had something a little special. And all this stuff is like in the tabloids. And Jeff's been calling to get her on and she's like, I'm just not talking about it.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

But it's not.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

We're not anybody. We're the Bird show.

[Bert]

We're friends.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

We're the Bird show, man.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

And she's been avoiding us. But she's on today. She's hanging out. Hey, Kim.

[Kim Zolciak]

Hi. I've not been avoiding you. I just, you know, was put up against the wall in a crazy position. And I do have two little girls, so I didn't have much time to really process all that I was going through. So I did the Life and style article and thought that that should be enough. But clearly it's never ending.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

All right, so the rumor now is, and all of this is a good thing for you and a bad thing also. I mean, there's got. You gotta be a little bit split when stuff like this comes out. Cause it gains you publicity. It's good for the show, it's good for your wig line and good for anything else that you're doing professionally. So you gotta be a little bit split when these.

[Kim Zolciak]

Well, I mean, sometimes when things happen, it's good, but this is far personal. So I don't see any gains for my wig line other than, like you said, the publicity. But. But I do have two little girls. I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, et cetera. And it's been a situation where, you know, it was a one time deal and it's just blown up and then I don't know who's running rampant with the story, but it's insane.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Okay, now some have no idea what you're talking about. So the one, the one time deal that you're talking about is what I mean.

[Kim Zolciak]

I'm just gonna say, I mean, Tracy, you know, and I work together on my remix. We spent a ton of time together and you know, things happen. That's it. And then I guess whoever felt the need, only two people knew about it, whoever felt the need to run to the press with it. There you have it.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Okay, so you're working with this producer, Tracy. You guys were working with each other for how long? And becoming friendly with each other for how long?

[Kim Zolciak]

I met her in December and we're what, in March? So I mean, we hung out a ton with that music. She was going to do the new track on my new song. And I mean, she's great. She's my friend.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Did you start to develop feelings for her? Was this like one night, one bottle of wine over some track and then you both look at each other and it surprised you and it surprised her.

[Bert]

Kim, have you ever done anything with one bottle of wine or a case?

[Kim Zolciak]

It didn't take a whole bottle of wine. It was nothing like that. It was just that she was a great girl. I've never been in a situation like this where I've, you know, she's cute and fun and it happened. I mean, it's that simple really.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

But you said it's a one time deal, so she hit on you. It happened one time. That was it. But somebody leaked the story.

[Melissa]

A relationship or it is a relationship.

[Kim Zolciak]

No, it wasn't I mean, however you want to look at a relationship, friendship, however we became close throughout that time. And then, like I said, I mean, it is what it is. It's been very confusing for me, so that's probably why I didn't want to talk about it, because when I get asked questions, I'm not really sure what I'm thinking and feeling, to be honest with you. It's kind of a different. I've never been in this situation. I have tons of girlfriends who have been in this situation, and they've been incredible, but I'm just trying to work it out myself kind of thing.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Melissa could probably help you with some of this stuff here.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

Well, I just feel like she had a crush on you. You know, I think she was. I mean, I know y' all are friends, but interpretation, if she is a lesbian, like an out lesbian, that she got a crush on you working with you, and she worked it and got, you know, was able to achieve what she wanted to achieve, and then you freaked out, and so she's gonna back off a little bit, and. But I think she's.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

What are you insinuating? That this was just physical for Traci?

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

No, I think she's in love with her.

[Kim Zolciak]

Oh, okay.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

I think. I think Tracy's probably in love with you, but she's, you know, she's. She's going by your direction, like what you want to do. But I recently.

[Kim Zolciak]

Just. The reason why I think this story hit yesterday was just because it's a lot for me to handle. Like I said, I do have a 13 year old who's in school who's having a hard time. And I just said, you know what, Tracy? For now, I just can't communicate with you. Like, I've got to focus on work and, you know, I just can't communicate. And that was yesterday. And then an hour later, Radar Online, Perez, et cetera, just went rampant with the story.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Okay, so there are two things to cover here. Has Tracy told you that she loves you?

[Kim Zolciak]

Yes.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

And the second part of it is

[Kim Zolciak]

I thought I say it, too. Like, I'm like, I love you too, girl. Like, I don't know, maybe I was just kind of naive, you know, I don't know how.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

So you thought the I love you is more of a we're bonding friendship? I love you. I love you, too.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

She's in love with Kim. How old is Tracy, if you don't mind me asking?

[Kim Zolciak]

40.

[Advertisement Voice]

She's 40?

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

Yeah, she's 40. She knows what she's doing. She's totally in love with Kim.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

But when you're gay and you get involved in a relationship with a woman that's been struggling up until this point, aren't these sort of the hazards of the whole thing?

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

Yeah, that's. I would not touch. No, I would not do that. That's what I did in my 20s. You know, chasing for straight girls in my 20s. No, you know better.

[Bert]

I mean, you would not touch.

[Female Caller]

What.

[Bert]

Cause that was about to be a great situation.

[Kim Zolciak]

I was clearly aware of, I mean, what I was doing and the friendship and how much time we were spending together. There was no, like, I was naive and had no idea. I don't want to put it off on her like that.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

But she, but I am, I'm a lesbian. I mean, I'm saying a 40 year old out lesbian knows what she's doing and I think that she knows better.

[Kim Zolciak]

I had a connection with her for sure. And that's what I, you know, I had a connection with her. And it is what it is, unfortunately. You know, sometimes, I mean, things happen behind closed doors. Unfortunately. All my stuff's always out there. I just am having a hard time because it was so quick. Like, it was like it happened and then bam.

[Melissa]

Well, the, you know, the rumor that I was circling around today is that she was the one who broke it off because you kept going back to Big Papa.

[Kim Zolciak]

I've been with Big Papa. He's fully aware of the situation. He's been incredibly supportive. Actually, we weren't together for a while. It was back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. He's one of the first person people I told and he's been incredibly supportive of it. And although it's been difficult, you know, she didn't, there's nothing to break off. I don't even know what that, what

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

she's talking about is Big Papa looking at this like, okay, well, maybe this would be a good opportunity for a little hers and hers and his. Or is he like, are you really emotionally into her and you. Are you thinking about this is the rest of your life you're going to be with her?

[Kim Zolciak]

No, he, he was like, what? You know, like, what are you talking about? Or whatever. And you know, we talked in depth about it and no, it wasn't really like that. We spent a lot of time together. I did have a connection with her. I'm not invalidating that by no means. A different connection like that I didn't have with my other girlfriends or other friends. And I've never, like I said, been with A woman before in my life. So it was strange and we were spending all this time together and it happened. It's really that simple. And then whoever, I don't know who because only two people knew about it, it go in the press.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Who were the two people that knew about it?

[Kim Zolciak]

Clearly the two people that were involved. And now, you know, like I said when I, when I said yesterday, that's just. We just need to not communicate and there's so much drama surrounding this. And I just said, you know, for right now I got to focus on my girls and my, my 13 year old had a lot of unanswered questions. I told her I had to, it was, you know, about the story and all this stuff. I need to focus on other things and just kind of let this stuff go.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

So logically what you're saying here is that you had this one night thing with Tracy and you think she went to the press and she went to the tabloids with it.

[Kim Zolciak]

I mean, or she told, you know, she could have told somebody. I mean, I don't, you know, only two people knew about it. So I certainly didn't tell people and

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

was not fair to you. I mean, I'm in defense of Kim on this. It's not fair to you because I mean, look at the emotional stress is putting on you and your family, you know where. Yeah. And I think that Tracy, I mean, I hope she didn't go to the press with this. I know you hope she didn't go to the press with this. But I do think that she, her feelings are far more intense for you than yours are for her. And you just know that 40 year old lesbian who has slept with you, she still is around you and if she's still telling you how much she loves you and she's still kind of talking in your ear about how she wishes it could happen again or anything. Whatever she's telling you then it's coming from where she's in love with you. So you gotta either know that and handle that or, or kind of walk away from it.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

What's the last communication that you had with her? Did you say to her, look, we got to end this thing right now. I'll call you. Inevitable someday or where is it right now?

[Kim Zolciak]

No, I mean there's been other drama surrounding the situation with her. So I just said, look, like, wow, settle on down. It's not good that we communicate. You know, this is just blown up like crazy. And I just think it's best. I said, I don't ever really want to talk to you again. I said, I don't appreciate all this stuff. I haven't had time. I made it very clear to her because I was a little bit concerned that this would happen. And like I said, I do have daughters and I don't. It's hard already in middle school. So I was, you know, fearful that this would happen, which is fine. It happened. I told the truth and I just wanted to move on. So now I'm in a position clearly where, you know, I tell her very clearly, like, look, we don't need to be speaking. And she's saying she did my music career, Candy's handling my, you know, doing my tracks and all that stuff. But so there's a bunch of other stuff going on with her regarding the situation. I just said, look, let's just not talk and not communicate. I don't want to hear from you. I was quite angry, actually.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

Is she, is she trying to talk you into a relationship with her?

[Kim Zolciak]

We spent, like I said, we spent a lot of time together. And so, I mean, a lot of time together. We would travel together, we would do appearances together as well.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

I know, but I'm saying from her perspective, I'm just wondering if one of the reasons you're like, you know what? Enough is she's gotten really intense on you.

[Kim Zolciak]

You. Since it happened, there's been a lot. Yeah, I mean, I guess that's a great way to word it.

[Bert]

Melissa's a lesbian. Whisper.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

Well, no, yeah, I'm a 40 year old lesbian. And if I was single and I was like trying, really trying to get with a straight girl, I'm totally, I'm going above and beyond to try to get with her. I am, I am totally in love. You know what I mean? I'm not just casually doing this. So that's all I'm asking is probably the. She probably now all of a sudden thinks you all are a couple and you're, you know, that she helped create you. And you know, you travel together now, you know, you've been an item for a long time. And so that's my interpretation.

[Kim Zolciak]

She, you know, big papa would say to me, kim, this is crazy. Like, you're, you're with her here, you're with her there, you know, And I'm like, that's okay. Like, I travel with my girlfriend. My best friend Jody could go with me. I'd take her, you know, and so he's like, are you sure? I think she likes you. I'm like, no, she doesn't. You know what I mean? Like, it was kind of that way. And then, you know, it's kind of an unfortunate situation. I adore. She's a great girl. I just feel like somebody ran with it, they did it, I came out. Like I said, it's all the truth. It's not been easy, you know, and that's it. And I just want to move on. I don't want any further communication with her. Not from a standpoint that I don't respect her. It's just too difficult for my daughter, my 13 year old. And they will always come first. So it's just easier for me to cut you off, have a night, you know, best of luck to you and call it a day.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

So officially it is over now.

[Kim Zolciak]

Yeah. There's not even going to be a friendship. There just can't be. I mean, how can I trust somebody in a situation like this as well? Like, you know, some things that go on behind closed doors need to stay that way. Although I'm comfortable talking about it, I'm not embarrassed, nor am I ashamed. But like I said, I do have children and a family and stuff, you know, I mean, so it is what it is.

[Melissa]

Straight girls have been trained our whole life to notice when guys are trying to pick you up and when guys are trying to get with you. But, like, it's a different thing because you think it's just a friend trying to be your friend.

[Kim Zolciak]

I have a lot of, you know, lesbian friends, and I shared this story with one. I was like, wow, this is crazy. You know, when it happened and they were like, what, Kim?

[Female Caller]

Are you kidding?

[Kim Zolciak]

They were like, floor. And like I said, it's. You can't blame it on the wine. I knew exactly what I was doing. It wasn't that, you know, I don't believe in all that. It wasn't, you know, it wasn't intoxicated and, you know, I did have a couple glasses of wine, but I was clear on what I was doing in the situation. So I don't want to invalidate that or, you know, I want to take the high road and tell you I was very aware.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Sure, sure. All right, Kim, we appreciate you finally coming on with us.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

Yes, thank you, Kim.

[Kim Zolciak]

I just needed a little time. You guys had nothing to do you personally, because I just needed some time to kind of.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

I was. I was taking it personally because Trip,

[Kim Zolciak]

my mom, dad, daughters, you know, that sort of thing. The important people, you get the people

[Bert]

in your life prioritized.

[Female Caller]

Okay, Appreciate that.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

All right, Kim, thanks.

[Kim Zolciak]

Have a good day, you guys.

[Female Caller/Panelist]

Bye.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

That's Kim Zolciak from Real Housewives of Atlanta right there. And I can guarantee you that story is going to be in all the tabloids later on Today, the first show.

[Advertisement Voice]

Okay, can we talk about how confusing weight loss has become? Like one minute it's carbs are bad and then the next it's no, actually carbs are fine only if you walk 10,000 steps and drink a green juice. And honestly, it's just a lot. And then even if you do lose the weight, keeping it off is a whole different story. If you're struggling and want something that fits your real life, hers can help. It's designed to support you in reaching your goals in a way that actually fits your life. That's why weight loss by hers is getting so much attention right now. Hers connects you with licensed medical providers who create doctor developed treatment plans tailored to you. They offer access to an affordable range of FDA approved GLP1 medications, including the Wegovy pill and the Wegovy Pen. It helps regulate your appetite so you eat less and keep the weight off. If you're ready to reach your goals and want to try something new, visit fourhers.com Bert to get personalized affordable care that gets you. That's F O-R-H-E-R-S.com Bert for hers.com Bert weightlifts by hers is not available in all 50 states, but go use the registered trademark of Novo Nordisk A s Get started and learn more, including important safety information with Gobi, clinical study information and response restrictions. Visit borhearse.com hey everybody, lady luck here

[Lady Luck (Alternate)]

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[Brian Duke]

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[Advertisement Voice]

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[Lady Luck]

Get it?

[Duke]

The Bird Show.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Chili always of tlc. There you go.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

That's right. There you go.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Has a new reality.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

She didn't want me to beat him up.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

I got scared of that attitude. She's got a. A new reality TV show on VH1.

[Melissa]

Chili is too damn picky.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

Chili, this is dope ass.

[Dutch]

You to come see my gym and

[Kim Zolciak]

kind of see what I do if

[Chilli (from TLC)]

I dumb down my standards. Yeah, I could get somebody, but I wouldn't be happy. Nobody is gonna meet those standards. Date Jesus. Gotta love Missy Elliott, right?

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

So this whole reality TV show really is. I mean, you're going through the same motions that most women are going through that if you're single in Atlanta are going through. You're just frustrated by the scene, right?

[Chilli (from TLC)]

Yeah, I mean, I was really excited to do this because of that reason. Just to let people see that, you know, no matter. Although I'm chilli from tlc, I have the same, you know, problems and worries that the next woman has. You know what I mean? So I thought that that was a really good thing to see. And I encourage every woman to have a list. You have to highlight this.

[Female Caller/Panelist]

This was the best part of the trailer, was watching that because Julia's picky and she's got standards. And yes, every girl has standards.

[Bert]

People are recommending Jesus to her.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Maybe you don't want to have that long, serious standards.

[Female Caller/Panelist]

I think it's great because you say your standards out loud and I think other women like myself will keep our standards inside because we don't think we're worth it.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

No, girl, you are worth it.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

This one needs to hear that more than anybody else. Talk right to us.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

I'm serious. You are. And, and you know, a lot of people hear all my stuff and like, oh, that's just ridiculous. But you break it down, you know, you put your wants on one side and your needs on another, and your needs have to be met. They have to be met. And your wants are your compromising areas.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Don't you find that, like. I am sure my wife had a list at one point, but it didn't look anything like this.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

So at one point, her niece. You meet her needs, I bet.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

Give an example of what would be on one side and on the other.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

Okay, all right. The needs. He has to be a Christian. He has to love kids. He cannot smoke. That is an absolute, no, no, no bending in that area. He has to, you know, just be a family oriented person. Like, things like that. And have morals and values. And as far as the wants are concerned, I really don't want him to eat pork. But I can bend there because I can switch that. Like, I can change that. We can work on that, right?

[Advertisement Voice]

Sure, yeah.

[Female Caller/Panelist]

Cause you're gonna cook.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

Yeah.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

And I would want him to have a six pack, but if he had. But I'll take four. Cause, you know, the two we can work.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

We can work on two more.

[Female Callers (Various)]

And

[Melissa]

where does a career, like in a career path land? Is that a need or a want?

[Chilli (from TLC)]

No, that's a need. I don't need a man to take care of me. You know, I'm very independent and I'm just that way. But I think every woman would like to know that her man could take care of her.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

I have a friend, a girl friend who has her list, but she calls it the list of six.

[Bert]

All right?

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

And on her list is this. The man must meet all these requirements of six. He has to be. Be six feet tall. He has to have a six pack.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

Okay?

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

He has to be at least six inches, and he has to make at least six figures. So her list is all six.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

Oh, the packing is a need also. You saw the trailer, right?

[Melissa]

It matters.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

You know, it matters. It does.

[Melissa]

If you've got to be honest.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

That motion of the ocean, who came up with that?

[Bert]

It's not true.

[Kim Zolciak]

It's not true.

[Duke]

A man.

[Kim Zolciak]

A man.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

I'll beat him up.

[Bert]

It's getting uncomfortable in here.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Like, the things that you were just talking about. It doesn't seem like it would be that difficult to find a guy that meets the needs on that list right there that you just rattled off. Like, there's nothing crazy about that list. So there's gotta be something.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

I don't think there's anything crazy. But, you know, a lot of people in VH1 thought it was really crazy. I mean, that's why they really wanted to do this. They're like, okay, she's nuts. I'm like, I'm really.

[Melissa]

I think it's good to have high standards like that, you know?

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

Yes.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

And I think that if women would just raise the bar and keep it there, it would make men just really step up to the plate. You know, when you know that you have to come correct to women, you're gonna do that. And these days, women don't, you know, it's like they don't have any standards,

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

start getting beat down.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

Or do you think they do have it in their mind? They're list in their mind, but they settle for a Guy. And that's where they spend their life, trying to change him into the list that they wanted.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

Oh, it's not too that also. I mean, you have to realize people are who they. The only time you make changes is when you recognize the change in yourself that you wanna make, you know? But otherwise, people are who they are. And women spend so much time trying. I read this book, and in there it said, men get married in hopes of no change, and women get married in hopes of change. And I think that's true. It's like he's a project. He's not a project.

[Melissa]

Women fall in love with the greatest potential of a man.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

Right.

[Melissa]

But not the man as he is that day.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

High five, sister.

[Melissa]

You know, and then you become very disappointed when they never rise to that potential.

[Female Caller]

Mm.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

See, Okay, I have my go to single friend. Okay. That I think meets everybody. Everything on your list. Oh, okay.

[Melissa]

He's a Christian.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

He's a Christian. I know he doesn't eat pork. Damn. He's got a six pack that I hate. And I think he meets everything on your list.

[Bert]

Doesn't smoke, but I married Bert.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

But yeah, he's got a six pack. It's just way underneath it's there. And I want to bring him in right now. I want to bring him in right now.

[Kim Zolciak]

Okay.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Okay. Because this is a guy that should be, I think is on your list. Okay, Bring him on in. Not you, Britt. This is my best friend, Dolvette.

[Bert]

Get over here, dude.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

All right.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

This is my best friend, Dolvett. And he was on your show and you turned him down. This is my boy. What is it about this guy that you didn't find solid right here?

[Female Caller/Panelist]

This is hysterical.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

This seriously is my guy. And he was telling me about your reality TV show way before anybody knew about it because we call each other. He's like, dude, guess what? I think I just got cast for. I was all excited cuz I had you guys married. Oh, married off. So he was on the show. And I gotta know, like, what happened on that day that the two of y' all are not married. Right?

[Chilli (from TLC)]

Right now you just gotta watch.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

This is my go to dude right here.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

He's a great guy. He is.

[Bert]

For the record, they are sitting farther apart from each other in the studio than anyone else. Like, we're not on top of each other in here.

[Dutch]

It's like long distance.

[Kim Zolciak]

Hello.

[Dutch]

Right now.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

How are you? But let's go through the list here. We got no pork.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

No pork.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Dolvette, you eat pork don't eat pork. Don't eat pork. Six pack?

[Chilli (from TLC)]

No. Oh, six pack.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

You know, man's got a six pack.

[Bert]

All right.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Christian, you said, right?

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

Yes.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Okay, you Christian all day. Okay.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

He's like, all day.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

All day.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

That voice, you know? I like the voice. He has that voice.

[Kim Zolciak]

Hello there.

[Bert]

When's the last time you went to church?

[Dutch]

Last time I was invited.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

God's always inviting. You know what?

[Chilli (from TLC)]

I love you, Jeff. Jeff just got him.

[Dutch]

No, it's not about getting me. It's like, you know, if I don't have a church home, I don't. But when I'm invited, I always say yes.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Okay, what did you hear when he

[Chilli (from TLC)]

said that he doesn't go to church?

[Dutch]

No, I don't. I don't have a church home. I really don't. I'm not going to lie about it.

[Bert]

He's like, if you ask somebody when the last time they went to church was, and you think of the last per. And they start thinking of the last person who got married or the last person that died.

[Dutch]

Exactly. I was in church in Naples. Wait, that was a beach wedding.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

It was going to church on Easter.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

I was going to say this weekend.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

So many people are going to be in church in the aisles. This Easter won't go again until next year.

[Bert]

Did Grandma pass before or after Christmas,

[Female Caller]

man?

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

We were talking about the show as he was going through it, right? And my boy is confident. And that's one thing that I think that women really find very attractive about him. And he called me up on the phone one day, and he's like, I don't know what happened, man. But she wasn't buying it. I'm like, bruh, it's all right.

[Bert]

What do you mean she's not buying it?

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

She's not buying it.

[Dutch]

I did not say she wasn't buying. I said it was all the best date I've ever been on my life. It was not the best date. It was just not.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

And you felt that that day off also, you.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

You gotta watch.

[Bert]

Yeah, well, there's.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

See, I don't have to say anything. When you see all Chili's about to

[Bert]

move over onto Melissa's chair.

[Dutch]

Exactly. Chil's like, I'm gonna be over here.

[Advertisement Voice]

Wow.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

See, that's how Tracy got Kim Zoliac.

[Dutch]

You see that?

[Bert]

You're turning women into lesbians.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Hey, hey, whatever I could do to help out the.

[Dutch]

The community. Whatever I could do.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

I say women are a lot slower than guys.

[Female Callers (Various)]

Wow.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Like, even the whole premise of the show sounds strange. To me, because you just seem like such a catch to me. Like, obviously, you're beautiful. You got a great personality. You're successful. So when you say that you can't find a good man, I'm not even necessarily buying the whole premise of the show.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

Are you gonna have my back?

[Melissa]

I was gonna say, do you think that men have a hard time with women like that, that are independent, successful, beautiful? Like, they're intimidated by all of that and, like, don't feel like they're worthy for you? Like, sometimes I think men need to be needed and are intimidated by a woman like Chili, who doesn't need a man.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

Well, the thing about it, they look at the whole outer part and assume you don't need them. I think that a man's definition of needing and a woman's, you know, someone in my position, and they're two different things. You know, I do need a man. I want one. I need one. But it has to be right.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Are you tough? Are you a tough girlfriend?

[Chilli (from TLC)]

I'm not tough. I can be tough. I'm fun. I like to laugh. I'm extremely silly. I like to just, you know, to me, the best relationship ever is Martin Lawrence show. Gina.

[Dutch]

Martin and Gina.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

Just playful. I love that.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Good time. All the time, right?

[Chilli (from TLC)]

All the time.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Well, the show starts or the meal.

[Melissa]

Neelys. Have you seen the Neelys on the Food Network?

[Dutch]

The Neelys?

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

No, wait.

[Melissa]

The couple that has the Food Network show. Anyway, they're just fooling around.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

To me, it's almost like Will Smith and Jada.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

Like, I look at that relationship, and

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

they always seem like they're having fun together.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

They do. They do.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Yeah. So the show starts when?

[Chilli (from TLC)]

April 11th.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Okay.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

VH1.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

And it's all shot around Atlanta, right? These are all Atlanta dudes shot here in Atlanta.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

Atlanta and in Vegas. One cool part is that a lot of the TLC fans will get a chance to see us perform. We performed in Vegas with Justin Timberlake. I had the pleasure of meeting Taylor Swift. And it was so funny because right before stage, she and I were talking, and she said that Unpretty was her favorite song. And I was like, oh, my God, it was so sweet. And then when we were performing, I ran off on the side of the stage. Cause I was looking for my water, and I couldn't. I was like, I'm just, you know, like, I need water.

[Melissa]

I need water.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

And she was off to the side, and she gave me her water.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Did she sweet?

[Advertisement Voice]

Oh, she.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

She was the sweetest.

[Bert]

Sweetest thing and somewhere she's telling the same story. Like, oh, my God. I was in Las Vegas and I was doing this thing, and TLC was there, and I gave Chili my water. Then she gave it back to me. But I knew that she was with that Dolvette guy. And I was like, I had heard about him.

[Dutch]

Chalice said, watch the show. Watch the show.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

We will link on up to VH1. And we'll link on up to the show. Also from Q100Atlanta.com thanks for coming in.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

I can't wait. I. I want everybody to know I'm finally on Twitter.

[Bert]

Jeff, we set up this whole interview on Twitter.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

Yes, we did. Yes. Fiscalchili.

[Female Callers (Various)]

All right.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

And I tweet back to my fans.

[Lady Luck (Alternate)]

You do?

[Chilli (from TLC)]

I do.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

I'm gonna start following you today.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

Yes.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Okay.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

All right.

[Lady Luck]

All right.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Again, we will link on up from q100atlanta.com Chili, thanks for coming in.

[Chilli (from TLC)]

Thank you.

[Brian Duke]

You're on the vert show.

[Advertisement Voice]

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[Lady Luck]

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[Brian Duke]

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[Chilli (from TLC)]

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[Host (Bird Show Host)]

Listen, it's the vert show.

[Bert]

Melissa, I thought of you this morning when I read this article about farmville. Did you see this?

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

No, I didn't.

[Bert]

Any of your wire reports did not just. I'm gonna deliver this news story. This is a bonus news story. This is the sixth thing you need to know at work today. Cause it's gonna save your job. Uh oh, Melissa, I'm talking directly to you, okay? A guy was fired because of farmville.

[Melissa]

I'm not surprised. Cause people spend so much time on that dang thing.

[Bert]

Now this is a story out of Bulgaria.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

And you're telling me because I'm the only one in the. In the room that's ever, ever farmed. Ever farmed.

[Bert]

Not real farm, no. Your crops died in like a week, right?

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

Yeah, exactly.

[Female Callers (Various)]

Yeah.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

Because you actually have to go back and harvest them and replant them. And I just tend to forget and for whatever.

[Melissa]

If you've never been harvesting eggs, you don't have time for a farm.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

Right, Exactly.

[Bert]

She right now is playing real life Uterusville. She doesn't need to play farmville.

[Lady Luck]

Farmville.

[Melissa]

Who needs farmville? We have Overiville.

[Bert]

So this is farmville. And every time we talk about farmville, people send us angry emails.

[Lady Luck (Alternate)]

You don't understand.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

There's a lot of people on this sign.

[Bert]

People are passionate about it. Very exciting. And it's great, you know, water your crops, raise your cows, whatever you gotta do. But perhaps you shouldn't do it at work because this story out of Bulgaria, from Plovdiv Bulgaria, which is a place I would imagine has a lot of real cows. Like that just strikes me, it's a type of town that has cows walking down the street, a lot of fields and stuff like that. A guy named Dimitar Karen, he is A city hall worker. I don't know if he's an elected official or appointee.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

So he's a government worker.

[Bert]

How he gets a job. He's a government official and he was fired because he was watering his virtual eggplants and milking virtual cows during important meetings.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

During meetings.

[Female Caller/Panelist]

During those could get kind of boring.

[Bert]

Yeah,

[Female Caller/Panelist]

I might start a farmville.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

Like I don't understand having a boring baby.

[Female Caller/Panelist]

I get it.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

Because I'm sure.

[Melissa]

So is he on his laptop in the meeting? Well, can you get just on farmville or was he doing it on like his, his BlackBerry or whatever, his iPhone or something?

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

People in meetings, I mean, you check, you check your emails, you know, tweet, you text. I mean, what's the difference?

[Melissa]

I think the funniest thing is when people are on conference call calls and they don't realize they haven't hit mute.

[Kim Zolciak]

Oh.

[Melissa]

And they start talking on their end and they start talking to their administrative assistant or they're clickety clicking away on the keyboard or they're like coughing or whatever it is because they think they're on mute and they're not.

[Bert]

I have to really do forced focus, like talk, understand, you know, feeling sympathy for this guy. Just looking for a meeting distraction. Because if I'm in a conference call or if I'm in something like that and. And I'm the guy who, you know, during the call does the occasional uh huh. Yes, I do agree with that. And I am sure there are times where I've authorized transfers out of my checking account that I have no idea what I just signed up for. 30 Columbia House Record and Tape Club. You know, I mailed in my penny a hundred times. Cause I'm like, yeah, that sounds great. And they're like, really? You sure? So you're gonna buy a car and just give it to that family? No, that's not what I said. I said it sounded great. It sounded great in theory for somebody else. Not necessarily for me, per se. Factually.

[Melissa]

No, I can totally tell too. And men, I think, are the worst at this. When you're on the phone with them, but they're doing something else and they think they're being sly.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

I think it's men and women. I just think people, you're not as great of an actor as you think you are. People know when you're not paying attention to them. You know, I have yet to meet somebody that can function with two things going on at the same time and actually pull both of them off. You know what I mean? Like, if You've got a BlackBerry or an iPhone in your hand. People know that you are having a conversation with somebody on that via text or email while you're talking to me. Because you just don't finish a sentence when you're distracted.

[Bert]

That's exactly how it sounds too.

[Melissa]

Oh my gosh. It totally happens. I can be on the phone. This especially happens with my brain. So he and I are talking or chatting or whatever and it's like conversations going, going, going. And then I can tell when he sits down in front of his laptop, just all of a sudden it's like distant. Yeah, uh huh.

[Bert]

You're on speakerphone, he's watering his eggplants,

[Melissa]

he's harvesting his virtual artichokes, whatever. It's like it's not even making sense in the conversation.

[Bert]

I am going to do an experiment next week because Jessica is not going to be in Atlanta next week. So. So I can do this without waking her up. I'm going to. We'll do this during the 5:30 club. I'm just gonna come in late, like two or three days. Cause here's the experiment. I am convinced that I can use the guest bathroom while on the phone. And flush. And the person has no idea through a carefully.

[Melissa]

Ew.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

That's your experiment.

[Bert]

Carefully placed maneuver of mute, flush, swing the phone, step out, shut the door.

[Female Caller/Panelist]

Oh, that's easy.

[Bert]

Yep. Nobody knows. I'm convinced that I can ask you a question. So like, while I'm on the phone with you, I can say, yeah, blah, blah, blah, you know, you know. So Melissa, what time are you coming to the meeting tomorrow? Hold the phone, out the door, flush the door, step out, shut it behind me and pick it back up. And then ask you to repeat your answer. You're talking to me.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

The fact that you called me while you were sitting on the toilet kind of disturbs me a little bit because you have.

[Female Caller/Panelist]

I didn't know. You just hit a mute button, you ask somebody like a long winded question,

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

hit the mute button, but you're in the bathroom. I'm sorry, but people can tell you're in the bathroom. There's the acoustics. I'm sorry. In a tiled room different than another room.

[Bert]

I don't think you can. I don't think you know.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

Yes you do.

[Bert]

Because when I use the toilet, when I'm sitting, I pull a blanket over my head.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

Almost like one of those steamers. Like one of those steamers for. Your face stinks in there. It's the steam that's coming out of the toilet. That helps my skin.

[Bert]

That is sick. I tense myself.

[Host (Bird Show Host)]

That is sick.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

What's that taste in my mouth?

[Bert]

It's my potty Snuggie.

[Lesbian Panelist (40 year old)]

Hey, come smell this.

[Duke]

Gross.

[Brian Duke]

This is the bird show.

[Kim Zolciak]

Hey everybody.

[Lady Luck (Alternate)]

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[Brian Duke]

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[Bert]

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[Lady Luck (Alternate)]

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[Brian Duke]

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[Advertisement Voice]

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