Full Show PT 3: Thursday, March 12 [Vault] - The Bert Show

Transcript

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Co-host Carly (0:14)

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Host Bert (0:27)

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Host Bert (0:45)

Hey, the Birch Show. For those of you that have been listening for the last couple of days, Carly called us and told us straight up she's blackmailing her boss. And a lot of you guys called up and you said, I understand where she's coming from. In this economy, things are so desperate right now, you gotta do what you can to save your job. So Carly has a couple of pictures of her boss. They were all hanging out in a bar one night together, and there was just some woman in the bar and he started getting drunk and getting all flirty with this woman and he puts his hand on her leg and starts flirting with her and is probably a little bit too close. And Carly was gonna use those for blackmail. So she goes into her boss's office and she says, look, if these cuts that you're gonna be doing, I just wanna let you know I've got these pictures. So the last time we talked to her, this is what she said.

Carly (Guest Caller) (1:29)

We just sat down. Well, I just started to say we've heard rumors that there may be some layoffs. And then I said, we have some information that would be in your best interest to keep private. I said, and we want to keep this information private as well. Handed him the camera phone, he looked through it and his face turned red. And then he just kind of stopped for a second and he just kind of took a breath and said, basically, as far as layoffs go, you know, this is not public knowledge. So I would just like you ladies to not discuss this with anyone any further and I will talk to you a little bit later. And that was it.

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 3: Thursday, March 12 [Vault]

Episode Summary

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode highlights The Bert Show's unique blend of humor, empathy, and real-life drama, focusing on three listener-driven stories:

The fallout from a workplace blackmail attempt,
An ethical dilemma about found money,
Crafting a "divorce bucket list" to restart life post-breakup.

Listeners and hosts engage in lively, candid conversations, providing honest opinions, personal anecdotes, and practical advice, all while keeping things relatable and funny.

1. Blackmailing the Boss: Carly’s Consequences

[00:45 – 12:35]

Background:

Carly, a listener, previously called in revealing she attempted to blackmail her boss using compromising photos.
She did this to avoid layoffs, leveraging photos of her boss flirting with another woman at a bar.

Key Discussion Points:

Legal Dangers: Hosts and listeners discuss the gravity of Carly’s actions, emphasizing that blackmail is a felony.
- Co-host Felo [02:20]: "We started getting a lot of emails...how dangerous this is, because, I mean, this is a felony."
What Happened Next: Carly returns to update everyone. She and her accomplice were laid off in a formal HR meeting, with no mention of the photos.
- Carly (Guest Caller) [03:47]: “Well, I got laid off.”
- The hosts speculate this was a calculated, corporate move, likely to avoid legal complications or further escalation.
No Sympathy: Callers express little empathy, highlighting that consequences were inevitable.
- Caller Jessica [08:48]: “I think she deserved all of it. I mean, what did she expect?”
- Caller Craig [09:00]: “It’s awesome that she got everything she deserves.”
Regret & Reflection: Carly admits to feeling desperate and regretting her actions, now just relieved she’s not facing criminal charges.
- Host Bert [10:14]: “What are you gonna do with the pictures now?”
- Carly [10:20]: “I’m not gonna do anything.”
- She expresses relief at merely being laid off: “I am really relieved that nothing happened to me. It could have been worse.” [10:23]
Debate Over Desperation: One caller tries to sympathize, but hosts remain firm—“It’s illegal, man.” [12:13]
Uncertainty Remains: Bert notes that legal action could still follow, and Carly says if pressed, she’d deny it all, banking on lack of hard evidence.

Memorable Moments:

Host Bert [08:46]: “You’re not going to get a lot of sympathy here, for sure.”
The show's trademark banter about protecting Bert from jail and joking about fleeing to Mexico.

2. Found Money Dilemma

[13:16 – 23:17]

Background:

Intern Rich relates how his wife found $400 in cash on the street, triggering both excitement and guilt.

Key Discussion Points:

Moral Quandary: Should they keep the money or attempt to find its owner, despite their own financial struggles?
- Host Bert [16:46]: “Is this a gift from God or is this a test from God?”
- The couple’s circumstances resonate with listeners: "We're trying to figure out how the bills are even gonna be paid next month." [16:21]
Is There a Right Thing? Practical challenges in returning the cash are debated; posting vague signs or Craigslist ads are suggested but not seen as foolproof.
- Co-host Felo [17:52]: "You can't say it's money"—suggests being vague to weed out impostors.
- Caller Erica [19:11]: “Unless you can absolutely identify who that money belongs to, then you have no responsibility to try to find who it goes to.”
Ethical Outlook: The majority view is: keep the money, but “pay it forward” whenever possible.
- Co-host Jen [19:34]: “If you see it like Bert said, as a gift from God…maybe you can also gift to someone else.”
Cynical Takes: Speculation that the money could be from “someone up to no good” (possible drug deal) adds lighter, comic relief.
- Host Bert [21:39]: “You should keep the money.”
- Caller/Listener [21:35]: “I think it'd be from, like, a drug deal.”
Final Thoughts: Hosts urge Rich to ease his conscience by trying, at least superficially, to locate the owner, and to pay generosity forward when able.

Memorable Quote:

Host Bert [20:09]: “I think if it's my case, I do something just to ease my own mind that at least I tried to find the person.”

3. Divorce Bucket List: Reclaiming Life

[24:51 – 33:50]

Background:

Erica, a listener, shares she's just started a divorce and wants a “bucket list” to help her reboot.

Key Discussion Points:

Listeners Offer Ideas: From solo travel and learning photography to karaoke nights and even pole-dancing parties.
- Co-host Jen [26:36]: “One of the things on my list was traveling by myself… it was a unique challenge.”
- Caller Kimber [28:25]: “Gathered about six of my girlfriends...went to a karaoke bar and we all sang man bashing songs.”
- Caller/Listener [29:09]: Suggests hosting a girls’ night with an adult toy party—“all your girlfriends could...make some money for whatever it is that you want to buy.”
- Caller/Listener [33:01]: Talks about working at a pole dancing studio that hosts private parties for occasions like divorces and birthdays.
Personal Growth & Fun: Hosts encourage Erica to push outside her comfort zone—try new classes, be adventurous, and find activities not associated with her ex.
- Host Bert [27:09]: “Become the things that you've always been scared of doing before.”
Dating for Fun: Another caller shares her “dating checklist,” going out with men from all backgrounds and professions for the experience (and free dinners).
- Co-host Carly [31:25]: Adds humor calling it “the Powerball of dating.”

Memorable Quotes & Moments:

Co-host Jen [32:02]: “I do think that it should be something that it’s a personal challenge… you’re going to feel a whole lot better about yourself.”
Co-host Carly [32:15]: “I love the fact that she starts off with ‘I want to be a photographer’ and we end it with sex parties and date men of all races.”
Caller/Listener [33:25]: “We do stuff like divorce parties...it’s just a fun environment...private party...pinup style photography…”

Timestamps Recap

[00:45] Carly’s Blackmail Story Recap
[03:47] Carly reveals she was laid off
[08:48] Callers weigh in—no sympathy for the blackmail attempt
[13:16] Rich shares the found $400 story; ethical debate ensues
[19:11] Caller Erica: “Unless you can absolutely identify who that money belongs to…”
[24:51] Erica introduces her “divorce bucket list” concept
[28:25] Caller Kimber: Divorce karaoke party
[31:00] “Dating checklist” advice
[33:01] Pole-dancing as divorce party therapy

Tone & Style

Honest, humorous, and conversational.
Hosts mix empathy and straight talk, often bringing comic relief to tough subjects.
Listeners’ stories and feedback encourage community and authenticity.

Notable Quotes

Host Bert [08:46]: “You’re not going to get a lot of sympathy here, for sure.”
Carly (Guest Caller) [10:23]: “I am really relieved that nothing happened to me. It could have been worse.”
Host Bert [16:46]: “Is this a gift from God or is this a test from God?”
Co-host Jen [19:34]: “If you see it…as a gift from God…maybe you can also gift to someone else.”
Co-host Carly [32:15]: “She starts off with I want to be a photographer, and we end it with sex parties and date men of all races.”

Conclusion

This episode captures the essence of The Bert Show—tackling real-world dilemmas with humor, empathy, and unfiltered honesty, offering both practical advice and lighthearted takes on even the most challenging situations. Whether it's workplace drama, ethical decisions, or reinventing yourself post-divorce, the show handles it all with the warmth and camaraderie listeners love.