Full Show PT 3: Thursday, May 7 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 3: Thursday, May 7 [Vault]

Episode Date: May 7, 2026
Main Cast: Bert, Jeff, Michelle, Guest Michael Johns, Callers (notably Marilyn, Jennifer, Ruben Studdard)
Show Vibe: Playful, candid, supportive, packed with personal stories and lively banter

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show blends parenting hot topics, entertainment world insights, plenty of humor, and real-life struggles. Listeners are treated to everything from a heated debate about controversial parenting decisions, to inside scoop on a star-studded concert featuring American Idol alums, to playful commentary on the quirks of dating profiles—and even confessions about body image and costume drama. The show's chemistry and playful banter bring authenticity and warmth, inviting listeners to laugh, relate, and weigh in.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Controversial Parenting: The "Phone-as-Baby-Monitor" Debate

(Starts ~01:01)

• Caller Confession: A single mom admits to leaving her child asleep at home with only a phone call as a baby monitor while she runs errands.
• Listener Reactions: Outrage and concern flood in initially, with law enforcement and child protective service professionals weighing in; some listeners admit they've done similar things.
• Follow-up: Marilyn, a best friend connected to the situation, shares that this led to a heartfelt confrontation and change. The friendship was nearly lost over it, but the mom was remorseful and promised never to do it again.
  • Standout Quote (Marilyn, 02:00):
    “She called me and she was a mess. She was in tears, really, that she was never going to do that again.”
  • Michelle (02:23):
    “So your friendship's back intact and her baby is safe. Happy ending.”
• Moral: The hosts reflect on whether their show actually did some good for once—with their trademark tongue-in-cheek skepticism.
  • Jeff (03:51):
    “Did we actually do something good?”
  • Bert (03:53):
    “It would appear so. And it feels like I just don’t know what to do with it.”

2. Parenting Mishaps Happen to the Best of Us

(04:23)

• Shared Story: A caller describes how her toddler wandered outside while both parents worked at home—the baby was thankfully returned by a utility worker.
  • Caller (04:54):
    “The doorbell rang and it was the water man... He had my daughter in his arms. And I almost—”
  • Bert (05:35):
    “Alright, you don’t get over that. You don’t get over that anytime soon.”
• Validation: Even the most attentive parents have scary lapses; solidarity and empathy from the cast.

3. Special Guest Segment: American Idol Alums & David Foster Tour

(07:16, main content through ~17:43)

Michael Johns in Studio

• Recap of the Night: Michael shares a wild gig at Tin Roof Cantina, late-night antics, and still being a little “buzzed” on air.
  • Bert (07:47):
    “Are you still buzzed right now?”
  • Michael Johns (07:53):
    “I’m still fuming on the cab right over here. Trust me... The guy wouldn’t take my credit card to, like, get me over here.”
  • The cast jokes about hangovers and the realities of growing older.
• Big News: Michael is performing at the David Foster & Friends show at the Fox Theatre.
  • Michael (08:56):
    “It’s a dream come true to actually play the Fox Theater and David Foster. I just can't wait.”
  • They discuss David Foster’s legendary impact as a songwriter/producer.
• How Michael Got There:
  • Michael (10:01):
    “Right when I got kicked off Idol... [David Foster] was doing a residency on Access Hollywood... and he said, hey, I love your voice... I’m doing a Vegas special. Would you like to come and join?”

Ruben Studdard Calls In

• Ruben jovially denies being hungover like Michael but admits a late night with family.
  • Bert (11:41):
    “Can we all just agree that we have two American Idolists that are still a little bit drunk on the radio right now?”
  • Ruben (11:48):
    “Absolutely not. We cannot agree that. I’m 100% sober right now.”
• Praise Exchange: The two gush about each other's talent and their camaraderie on tour.
  • Michael (12:08):
    “Ruben was one of my favorite voices ever on American Idol.”
  • Ruben (12:30):
    “Thank you, Michael.”
• How Ruben Joined David Foster: Met at a UNICEF event, later invited to join Foster’s tour.
  • Ruben (12:52):
    “You only get, you know, so many people that have done the type of things that he’s done... he has the hits.”
• Other Performers: Philip Bailey (Earth, Wind & Fire), Peter Cetera (Chicago), Deborah Cox—a truly star-packed lineup.
• Personal Touches: Ruben is now a vegetarian for health (and vocal) reasons.
  • Ruben (16:08):
    “I just, you know, I feel for me, it's just the healthiest way to live and eat... since I cut dairy and meat products out... I've never sounded better.”
  • Jeff (16:38):
    “So it's not an ethical... animal thing?”
  • Ruben (16:43):
    “No, I'm not... really work for me.”

4. Playful Dating Profile Critique

(19:16 – 24:41)

• Hosts Review Offbeat Online Dating Videos:
  Several tongue-in-cheek dating profile videos are played, each more quirky than the last.
  • Over-the-top conversations about what’s attractive: Great eyes, conversational skills (even “through glasses”), a love of Pepsi, and one woman's unapologetic openness about one-night stands to the soundtrack of Nine Inch Nails.
• Hosts’ Banter:
  The team riffs on what their own “aphrodisiac songs” would be.
  • Michelle (21:46):
    “Yeah. Your seduction song.”
  • Bert:
    “If a girl told me, if you put that Nine Inch Nails song on, and we're gonna get it, it's gonna be a wild night.”

5. Favorite Seduction Songs: Listener Call-ins

(24:44 – 25:12)

• Listener Van: “Justify My Love” by Madonna (24:47)
• Listener Whitney: “Birthday Sex”—doesn’t even need to be your birthday (25:14)
• Quick, fun banter on how music preferences reveal personality.

6. Barry White’s Hilarious PSA Meltdown

(25:33 – 28:41)

• The show debuts audio of Barry White repeatedly flubbing a commercial script and cursing out of frustration—a rare and entertaining behind-the-scenes moment.
  • Barry White audio (28:29):
    “Go get your tickets now. Hi, this is Barry White’s college cordially invite your to come on down.”
  • The hosts all relate, laughing about their own on-air bloopers.
  • Michelle (28:56):
    “Anybody who writes copy and is bad copy. That's what happens in the studio shoot.”
  • Bert (29:00):
    “I've had great copy and I just can’t get through it.”

7. Costume Shopping Blues & Body Image Confession

(29:43 – end)

• Intern Michelle’s Halloween Struggle:
  She shares the frustration of finding a “sexy” Pocahontas costume—a size 6 that won’t fit over her butt, leading to a candid reflection on body image, sizing chaos, and turning 30.
  • Michelle (30:19):
    “I’m pulling it up my thighs. Like, it’s not going up. It’s just like, one of those moments where you’re just like, please fit. Please fit.”
  • Michelle (32:31):
    “I feel like I’m always hungry, but I just don’t feel like no matter how hard I work out... everything... I can eat clean all week, but if I eat that one thing, I feel like it just shows up on me.”
• Host & Listener Support:
  Empathetic nods to inconsistent clothing sizes and the emotional roller coaster of dressing room disappointments.
  • Bert (34:10):
    “But you always blame it on the clothes.”
  • Michelle:
    “Like, you never blame it on you. It’s like this clothing size is wrong.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (With Timestamps)

• 02:00 Marilyn (Caller):
  “She was in tears, really, that she was never going to do that again.”
• 03:51 Jeff (Co-host):
  “Did we actually do something good?”
• 5:35 Bert:
  “Alright, you don’t get over that. You don’t get over that anytime soon.”
• 07:53 Michael Johns (Guest):
  “I’m still fuming on the cab right over here. Trust me... The guy wouldn’t take my credit card...”
• 12:08 Michael Johns (Guest):
  “Ruben was one of my favorite voices ever on American Idol.”
• 16:08 Ruben Studdard (Caller):
  “For me, it's just the healthiest way to live and eat... since I cut dairy and meat products out... I've never sounded better.”
• 21:48 Bert:
  “If a girl told me, if you put that Nine Inch Nails song on, and we're gonna get it, it's gonna be a wild night.”
• 28:29 Barry White (audio):
  “Go get your tickets now. Hi, this is Barry White’s college cordially invite your to come on down.”
• 30:19 Michelle (Intern):
  “I’m pulling it up my thighs. Like, it’s not going up. It’s just like, one of those moments where you’re just like, please fit. Please fit.”

---

Highlighted Segments by Timestamp

• 01:01 Parenting Hot Topic: Leaving a child alone at home
• 07:16 Guest Michael Johns on American Idol, touring with David Foster
• 10:01 Michael’s path to the Foster tour
• 12:08 Ruben Studdard on music, touring, and going vegetarian
• 19:16 The team critiques hilarious/awkward online dating profiles
• 24:44 Listeners share their “seduction songs”
• 25:33 Barry White’s frustrated PSA outtakes
• 29:43 Intern Michelle on Halloween costume woes and body image

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Tone and Takeaway

Warm, sassy, and unfiltered, this episode nails what makes The Bert Show special: a real mix of empathy, laughter, and the everyday messiness of modern life. Parenting scares, backstage showbiz stories, honest talk about bodies and insecurities—all are tackled with humor, honesty, and zero pretense. If you’re looking for a show that feels like hanging out with the funniest, most relatable friends you know, this is a perfect listen.

Transcript

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[Caller Ruben Studdard]

Get it?

[Host Burt]

The bird show.

[Caller Single Mom]

Yeah. I'm a single mom and I work during the day and so I try to get things done when she's asleep. What I do is after I put her down to sleep, I get her to bed by like 8:30. I call my home phone using my cell and I put the phone in her crib. And once I know she's down and out, I run out and I do errands.

[Co-host Jeff]

People were pissed.

[Co-host Guest]

Well, at least the first handful were. And then people started to call it and like, well, I do it sometimes.

[Co-host Jeff]

I do.

[Host Burt]

In fact, we had an officer call up. So she was coming up today to start doing the research. And we're going to try to find out where this woman lived and everything.

[Co-host Michelle]

Had somebody from Defects who said that she would investigate her if she knew who she was.

[Host Burt]

Well, Alice was initially talked, the best friend is Marilyn. And Marilyn must have been listening this morning because she's on the phone now.

[Caller Marilyn]

Okay.

[Host Burt]

Hey, Marilyn.

[Caller Marilyn]

Hey. I want to thank you guys so much because, I mean, you know, Alice told you that, like, I was so upset over this that, like, I was ready to end the friendship. But after talking to you and hearing from your listeners, she called me and she was a mess. She was in tears, really, that she was never going to do that again. And she felt like she was an awful mother. And I mean, I gave her the tough love. I was like, look, you have been an awful mother, but if you're changing your ways, then that's, that's a good sign.

[Co-host Michelle]

Oh, that's awesome.

[Caller Marilyn]

Great.

[Co-host Guest]

Do you believe her?

[Caller Marilyn]

I do believe her because she was so. She was, like, beyond upset. Beyond upset. And there's no way she's not going to keep her word on this one especially. I mean, if that's the whole reason that we're friends again, I'm going to be keeping my eyes out on it.

[Host Burt]

When she told you initially she was doing this, you must have been shocked. Like, my friend's not capable of being this bad.

[Caller Jennifer]

Apparent.

[Caller Marilyn]

Thought she was kidding at first. So incredibly irresponsible. I was furious. He just seemed so casual about it, you know, like. Oh, you know, I mean, yeah, we heard it's like a baby monitor, but she's like, forever away. I mean, even five minutes away can be forever away.

[Host Burt]

You know, it really is like a punchline. It would be like something Jeff would say, like make a suggestion he would do if he was babysitting somebody. We'd all laugh about it. Oh, that's so ridiculous. Wow. Okay, well, that's good.

[Co-host Michelle]

Great. So your friendship's back in intact and her baby is safe. And so a happy ending.

[Caller Marilyn]

Yeah.

[Co-host Guest]

Something will go wrong.

[Caller Marilyn]

I want to thank you so much for that.

[Co-host Jeff]

Until the next time she needs to go to Target and she's gonna be

[Host Burt]

like, well, no, don't say that. Don't say that.

[Caller Marilyn]

Yeah, I told her, look, you gotta go to Target during the day and, you know, bring the kid with you. That's what parents do.

[Caller Jennifer]

Right. And that's still spending quality time. I mean, you're still with your daughter, one on one, just shopping.

[Host Burt]

Baby doesn't know. So long as she's with mom, she doesn't care.

[Caller Jennifer]

Exactly.

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[Host Burt]

All right, Marilyn, thank you for the update.

[Caller Marilyn]

Thank you.

[Host Burt]

Appreciate it. Yeah, I mean, we could take it.

[Co-host Guest]

Did we actually do something good?

[Host Burt]

It would appear so. And it feels like I just don't know what to do with it.

[Co-host Michelle]

Do you feel dirty, Jeff? When we do something good.

[Co-host Guest]

This isn't sitting well with me.

[Co-host Michelle]

Jeff has to go take a shower.

[Caller Ruben Studdard]

So.

[Co-host Guest]

Wait a minute. Two things happened. One, a caller to our show took the advice of the listeners who were.

[Co-host Michelle]

Yes.

[Co-host Guest]

Okay. So that was the first thing. And the second thing, it ended with a good, renewed friendship.

[Caller Ruben Studdard]

Yeah.

[Host Burt]

Weird.

[Caller Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Co-host Michelle]

Do you need to.

[Co-host Jeff]

Do you need to go?

[Co-host Guest]

I'm going to go see the regular guys.

[Host Burt]

Hey, Jennifer, Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller Marilyn]

Hey.

[Co-host Michelle]

Hey.

[Caller Marilyn]

I'm so glad she's changed her mind and decided not to leave her baby at home. That's crazy. Actually, my daughter was sick and she was in daycare, so I had to stay home and work one Day, and I put her down for her nap, and I was working in my office, and my husband was working in his office. We were both home upstairs. My baby got out of her crib, went downstairs to look for us because she didn't hear us in our home offices. Went downstairs, went outside. I didn't even know she was gone.

[Host Burt]

Right.

[Caller Marilyn]

The doorbell rang and it was the water man. The meter man brought her back to me. I thought I was going to have a coronary.

[Host Burt]

Yeah, you hear stories like this from time to time. And, you know, as a most paranoid

[Caller Marilyn]

mom there is on the planet, and

[Co-host Michelle]

at least that was a nice meter man.

[Caller Marilyn]

My kids like a hawk. I'm like, no, you have that. You're going to choke. No, you can't do that. You're. You know, so. I mean, it happens to the best of people. And even. I mean, what she was doing was stupid, but.

[Host Burt]

Yeah, you just can't. You can't have your eyes on your kids all the time. That's for sure.

[Caller Marilyn]

No, you can't. But, I mean, when the waterman brought her up to the door, he was knocking on the door. I'm like, who's knocking on the door? He's going to wake up my daughter. And then I went to the door and he had my daughter in his arms. And I almost.

[Host Burt]

I bet you almost threw up.

[Caller Marilyn]

I paid for his dinner. I sent him a gift certificate. I wrote a really nice letter to the water company. But you just never know. You have to be careful even when your children are sleeping. Of course, my husband had left the screen door open downstairs, and that's how she got out. But.

[Host Burt]

All right, you don't get over that. You don't get over that anytime soon.

[Guest Michael Johns]

Hey.

[Host Burt]

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[Caller Marilyn]

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[Host Burt]

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[Host Burt]

Michael Johnson studio. What's up, dude?

[Guest Michael Johns]

How are you guys?

[Host Burt]

How are you, man? Now, you were just telling us. Let's pretend that we've just given you some truth serum. Okay? You walked in the door and I hit you with, like, a needle. And it has truth serum in it. Okay. You played a gig last night, a spontaneous gig last night, right?

[Guest Michael Johns]

Yeah, I went to my old stomping grounds, the Tin roof cantina, and had a little fun.

[Host Burt]

What time did you get out of there last night?

[Guest Michael Johns]

I don't know, like three?

[Host Burt]

You still kind of buzzed right now?

[Guest Michael Johns]

Maybe four.

[Host Burt]

Are you still buzzed right now?

[Guest Michael Johns]

Yeah, I'm not, you know, maybe.

[Host Burt]

Okay.

[Co-host Jeff]

Potential.

[Guest Michael Johns]

I'm still fuming on the cab right over here. Trust me, the guy wouldn't take my credit card to, like, get me over here. I wasn't happy.

[Co-host Jeff]

Why?

[Guest Michael Johns]

I don't know. You tell me.

[Host Burt]

Didn't you say, dude, American Idol, Michael, right here.

[Guest Michael Johns]

He wasn't having it.

[Host Burt]

He wasn't having it. Was it a great time last night?

[Guest Michael Johns]

It was a good time. I love this town. I love coming back here and meeting up with old friends.

[Host Burt]

When was. At what point last night did you do your last shot shot? Yes.

[Guest Michael Johns]

Well, Jaeger's never the last shot. It's just the absolute, like, you're screwed.

[Host Burt]

You do get to a point, though, where you're like, I'm so buzzed right now that stopping isn't going to do me any good. Yeah, right, as well. Just keep going.

[Co-host Guest]

It's like you're already. It's the mentality that you used to have as a kid when your curfew was 11 and you look at your watch and it's like 12, 15. You're like, crap. And you're like, well, I'm going to get grounded anyway.

[Host Burt]

I might as well get grounded, too. Yeah, I'm going to be hungover.

[Guest Michael Johns]

And then you turn 30.

[Host Burt]

You'll be hurt for the next three days, man.

[Guest Michael Johns]

Exactly.

[Host Burt]

What are you doing in town? What's going on?

[Guest Michael Johns]

I am here for the. For the David Foster and Friends show tonight at the Fox Theatre. It's huge. It's the PBS special ran all year. And it's a dream come true to actually play the Fox Theater and David Foster. I just can't wait.

[Co-host Jeff]

So for people who don't know who David Foster is, tell them why he's such a big deal.

[Guest Michael Johns]

David is the man responsible for everything from Chicago to Earth, Wind and Fire to Whitney. Josh Groban, Michael Buble. I mean, this guy. I mean, he sold over 500 million records.

[Co-host Jeff]

Songwriter. Yeah.

[Guest Michael Johns]

Songwriter, producer, everything. I mean, the guy really is just. Just a living legend.

[Host Burt]

It's like. I mean, if like, any number one hit, like, over the last 15 years has his either influence or his name on it. Right?

[Guest Michael Johns]

Honestly, in the last, like, 30 years, yeah.

[Host Burt]

This dude.

[Guest Michael Johns]

I mean, I think him and Quincy Jones are literally responsible for the last 30 years of music.

[Host Burt]

It's crazy. So how do you. How did you end up getting hooked up with this dude?

[Guest Michael Johns]

Right when I get kicked off to Idol, you go to Access Hollywood and Allen and you do whole thing. And then he was doing a residency on Access Hollywood last year, and he said, hey, I love your voice. Is there any way. Do you know my songs? Man in motion, like, St. Elmo's fire. Huge song. And then She's a Beauty by the Tubes. She's a beauty, Yeah. I was like, yes, I know that song. She goes, well, I'm doing a Vegas special. Would you like to come and join? And it was everyone from, I mean, Celine Dion to Brian McKnight to Babyface. It was insane. And I somehow got invited to be there, and I was like, yes, I'll be there.

[Host Burt]

She's a Beauty was a tough one for you just to say, wasn't it? Yeah, she's a Beauty. That was a hard one.

[Guest Michael Johns]

Well, not in Atlanta.

[Host Burt]

Ruben Studdard hears you on the radio and he's like, I want some American Idol love. He's on the phone now also.

[Guest Michael Johns]

Oh, Ruben's the man.

[Host Burt]

Is he serious? Seriously? Hey, he just called.

[Guest Michael Johns]

Oh, my God. Ruben's okay.

[Caller Ruben Studdard]

Hey, Ruben, what up?

[Caller Jennifer]

What up, Ruben?

[Caller Ruben Studdard]

What's happening, man?

[Co-host Guest]

So were you out with Michael last night doing shots of Jaeger at.

[Caller Ruben Studdard]

Oh, man. Nah, I was with my cousin last night.

[Host Burt]

You may be in the exact same state that Michael Johns is in right now.

[Co-host Jeff]

Where'd you guys go?

[Caller Ruben Studdard]

Oh, man, it's awful. I'm too old to be. Yeah. Anyway,

[Caller Jennifer]

Sticks and Tylenol.

[Co-host Jeff]

I didn't even hear about your hang last night. Where'd you go out to?

[Host Burt]

Yeah, where'd you go, Reuben?

[Caller Ruben Studdard]

Nah, I honestly was at my cousin's house from about, you know, 6 o' clock until about 3 o'. Clock.

[Host Burt]

So can we all just, like, can we put it aside and all agree that we have two former American Idolists that are still a little bit drunk on the radio right now?

[Caller Ruben Studdard]

Absolutely not. We cannot agree that. I'm 100% sober right now.

[Host Burt]

Are you gonna be feeling it later on today, man? You know, before you called up, Michael was just saying just the greatest things about you, man. He really was.

[Co-host Guest]

Really?

[Caller Ruben Studdard]

What do you say?

[Host Burt]

He's here.

[Guest Michael Johns]

No, I mean, I honestly, like, Reuben was one of my favorite voices ever on American Idol. And getting to know him through this process of being on the tour with David Foster and come out to the Fox tonight because he does a version of Home, Blake Shelton's home. You know what I mean? That's so soulful and amazing. Completely Reuben studded. It's. It's awesome.

[Caller Ruben Studdard]

Oh, thank you, Michael.

[Caller Marilyn]

John.

[Co-host Guest]

Where do you guys think David Foster went out until 3:00am last night?

[Caller Ruben Studdard]

I don't know. He's probably writing another $20 million record.

[Guest Michael Johns]

I mean, he is amazing. He's amazing.

[Host Burt]

So how did both of you guys get hooked up? And, Reuben, how did you get hooked up with this whole thing tonight?

[Caller Ruben Studdard]

Oh, man, I was. I met David Foster probably about two, three years ago, and I was doing a UNICEF event, and, you know, we performed together. And he said, well, you know, one day we'll work together again. And, you know, a couple months ago, he just called me out of the blue and was like, you know, look, I'm going on the road. You want to come sing some of my songs? And I was like, you know, who can turn down David Foster? So I had to move some people out the way. He's very important in the world of music. You know, you only get, you know, so many people that have done the type of things that he's done, so. And every night when we're with him, we always get impressed by the, you know, the sheer volume of hit records that he's done. Like, some people do a lot of records, but, you know, not a lot of people have, you know, hits like that. And he has the hits.

[Co-host Jeff]

Who else is performing tonight other than you two?

[Guest Michael Johns]

It's pretty cool, actually. Philip Bailey from Earth, Wind and Fire, Peter Satira from Chicago. I mean. And honestly, Deborah Cox. Yeah, Deborah Cox. We love her. And it's actually pretty amazing. Like, we all sit there, and we. We watch Peter Satira sing every night and all those hits from Karate Kid to, like, you know, and we all do our little impersonations and stuff. I.

[Caller Ruben Studdard]

You got to do it for him while you're in there. Michael. John.

[Guest Michael Johns]

Oh, I can't. Come on, you do it tonight. It's very clear. It's amazing. I mean, we just get to. We get to be surrounded by these legends and just have a great night every night on tour.

[Host Burt]

And Ruben, you know, Michael was telling us that this was his first time ever in the. In the Fox theater.

[Caller Ruben Studdard]

Oh, his first time. Yeah, he told me that as well.

[Caller Jennifer]

How many times have you been in the Fox theater?

[Caller Ruben Studdard]

I've been there a couple times.

[Guest Michael Johns]

That's what I told Reuben. I said, dude, this is my bucket list. I'm checking off. He goes, yeah, I played there five nights straight. Whatever.

[Host Burt]

It's old hat for him, man.

[Co-host Guest]

Hey, every time we talk to Michael, he's going back to the tin roof for, you know, hanging with friends. Do you have any must visit places other than family's house when you come back to Atlanta?

[Caller Ruben Studdard]

When I come to Atlanta, I got to go. It's a little bakery we go to for breakfast called the Highland Bakery. It's just amazing.

[Co-host Jeff]

It's the best.

[Host Burt]

Have you guys been.

[Co-host Jeff]

Yes. This is amazing.

[Caller Ruben Studdard]

My wife introduced me to that place, and I've been in love with it ever since.

[Guest Michael Johns]

But Ruben's now a vegetarian.

[Host Burt]

Oh, yeah.

[Co-host Guest]

You are? What?

[Guest Michael Johns]

Reuben's a vegetarian?

[Host Burt]

Yeah.

[Guest Michael Johns]

And he said to me, tell me. Tell me, dog. Like, what's your favorite fried chicken in ribs place? And I said, fat mats. I mean, come on, you know? And he goes, oh, that just kills me, man. Like, he. Like he still wants to be there, but, like, he's a vegetarian.

[Co-host Guest]

Are you doing that for the rest of your life, or are you doing that just for health reasons right now?

[Caller Ruben Studdard]

No, I'm doing it for the rest of my life, man.

[Co-host Jeff]

Really? Why. Why'd you make the decision?

[Caller Ruben Studdard]

Well, I. I've been a vegetarian for a year and a half now, so I've just. I don't know. I just, you know, I feel for me, it's just the, you know, healthiest way to. To live and eat. And, you know, I have. I've never sounded better. You know, I. I used to always have problems with, like, mucus build up on my vocal cords not to, you know, get, you know, real Personal or anything, but my vocal cords since I cut dairy and, you know, meat products out of my life. So I'm, you know.

[Co-host Jeff]

So it's not an ethical. It's not like an ethical animal thing?

[Caller Ruben Studdard]

Oh, no, you know, no, I'm not. I don't be going crazy on Peter with, you know, all that really work for me.

[Guest Michael Johns]

Trust me. I mean, you guys come down tonight to the Fox Theater. Like, he sounds better than I've ever heard him.

[Co-host Guest]

Why don't you sing something for us right now, Ruben?

[Host Burt]

I'm gonna bag one out.

[Caller Ruben Studdard]

Right, man. I don't think this is the appropriate time.

[Host Burt]

All right, dude, thanks for taking the time to call in, man. We appreciate it.

[Caller Ruben Studdard]

No doubt, man. Thank you guys for having me. Y' all come down to the Fox tonight, please.

[Host Burt]

All right. Go get some rest, man. Go get some rest. He's not going to admit it, but he does sound like he's in the same state you are right now. I am.

[Guest Michael Johns]

Okay.

[Host Burt]

What time does everything start tonight?

[Barry White Audio]

Eight o'. Clock.

[Host Burt]

Eight o' clock tonight?

[Guest Michael Johns]

Yep.

[Host Burt]

Very cool. It's good having you in studio, man.

[Guest Michael Johns]

Thanks, mate.

[Co-host Michelle]

Congratulations on your first performance of the Fox.

[Host Burt]

Oh, yeah, it's gonna be great.

[Co-host Jeff]

Thank you.

[Co-host Guest]

You need some cash for the cab?

[Guest Michael Johns]

From you?

[Host Burt]

Yes.

[Barry White Audio]

Okay.

[Guest Michael Johns]

You owe me, Jeff.

[Host Burt]

The Burt Show. It's the Burt Show. All right. I've got some audio that's been left over for like the last three or four days. Some of this stuff I have to run after 8:30. So I'm glad the timing on it is happening right now. This is a TV anchor up in New who was trying to say top cop.

[Caller Marilyn]

Uh oh.

[Host Burt]

As in police officer during the 6 o' clock news in New York City. Lucy, thank you. Tonight, New York City's former top top cop, Bernard Carrot, ordered to make an unexpected trip. Whoops, a little too many.

[Co-host Jeff]

Mickey had to make a formal apology

[Co-host Michelle]

to that officer later, but now because that officer's like, well, thank you very much, Lucy.

[Host Burt]

Thank you. Tonight, New York City's former top top cop, Bernard Carrick ordered to make an unexpected trip to jail.

[Caller Jennifer]

You know, he could like both honors, you know.

[Barry White Audio]

Sure.

[Host Burt]

If I'm the dude, I'm like, yeah, you hear refer to me last night.

[Co-host Michelle]

Yes.

[Host Burt]

These come from. I haven't listened to these yet, so I don't know if they're really good or suck. But one website has these as some of the most bizarre online dating videos of all time. So these would be video profiles that you put up online. Okay. Okay. And the first one. Oh, Lord, Melissa, you may be more, you may know more about this than I do. Comes from Utaru. Is that some kind of sci fi handle?

[Caller Jennifer]

I don't know.

[Co-host Guest]

U T A R U?

[Co-host Jeff]

I don't.

[Co-host Michelle]

Not that I know of. But is it a geeky profile?

[Host Burt]

I think it's a geeky profile. I think we got geeky profile ahead.

[Online Dating Profile Male]

Okay, well, I want people to know about me is I'm sort of a wild and crazy guy, really spontaneous, really strange. I mean, but at the same time I'm also sort of normal, down to earth. I mean, I live at home with my parents. Although that shouldn't be a distraction against people. I really care about things and the people that I know about. I'm very friendly, I'm very outgoing, if you get to know me. And I mean, unfortunately I also find myself a little bit shy and that's why I'm sort of doing this. I guess my biggest turn on would be a great conversationalist. Someone who I'm able to talk with, I'm intrigued with, has a nice voice and has great eyes, of course. And I mean even through glasses. And I'm able to like just chat away without any realizing what the time is.

[Caller Ruben Studdard]

Nope.

[Online Dating Profile Male]

No tattoos, no earrings, none of that sort of stuff.

[Barry White Audio]

I'm not.

[Online Dating Profile Male]

I'd rather have the pure naturalness as opposed to say putting some weird stuff on me except for my glasses. But then again, I sort of need

[Host Burt]

them to see and I think it's not awful.

[Co-host Michelle]

Well, I mean, if that is real to all geeks everywhere. Seriously, I mean that, you know, what a stereotype. Were there tape in his glasses when he was talking?

[Online Dating Profile Female]

I'm just looking for somebody to have fun with.

[Caller Marilyn]

That's it.

[Online Dating Profile Female]

I'm not into having a long term relationship and I don't want to get married again ever. My idea of heaven would be to go out with as many hot guys as possible. I want to do voiceovers.

[Co-host Guest]

Oh God.

[Online Dating Profile Female]

I've been on the radio quite a bit, but I want to do it like as a part time thing. Not to make money, but because I love hearing myself on the radio. If romance was like food, I'm a glutton because I am always hungry and I'm hungry right now. I love to eat. You should date because I'm not boring. I'm wild and crazy. And there's a possibility that we could have sex. If you play the song Closer by Nine Inch Nails.

[Co-host Jeff]

Oh my God.

[Co-host Guest]

Should hook her up with the dude with the glasses.

[Host Burt]

Oh my God. Should I go on on those or are those kind of lame?

[Co-host Michelle]

Well, I do. It made me think of something, though. Is there, like. Does everybody have a song that if somebody played it?

[Host Burt]

Like your aphrodisiac song?

[Co-host Michelle]

Yeah. Your seduction song.

[Host Burt]

4047401 q100. It would say a lot about you. Like, if. If a girl told me, if you put that Nine Inch Nails song on and we're gonna get it, it's gonna be a wild night.

[Co-host Michelle]

You're gonna have claw marks in your back.

[Host Burt]

Yeah, that's gonna be a painful, painful night. That's probably gonna be some wax. I'm walking out of that place with burn marks.

[Co-host Guest]

Mine is It's a small world.

[Co-host Jeff]

Oh, God.

[Host Burt]

Appropriate. This is Jeremiah.

[Online Dating Profile Jeremiah]

She makes the rider that wants to have fun, likes to go out and just basically have fun with. I would have to say my favorite motto is, have fun, stay young, drink Pepsi, because you can only have so much fun. And why not stay young mentally and enjoy life for what it truly is? My dream vacation would be going to Jamaica, sipping a margarita on the beach, sleep, staring into the sun as the music in the background plays something really good. I like to drink lots of alcohol, answer dating questions, and not know what I'm saying until I look on the

[Host Burt]

Internet and say, no, Jeremiah. What did you do?

[Caller Ruben Studdard]

No.

[Online Dating Profile Jeremiah]

And then I just laugh at it all and move on to the next, wow.

[Co-host Michelle]

Too much Pepsi Serious young.

[Co-host Jeff]

He lost where he was. He's like, wait, what's my name again?

[Host Burt]

Ronald. Looking for himself a little. A nice girl also.

[Online Dating Profile Ronald]

What I'm looking forward.

[Co-host Michelle]

Oh, my goodness.

[Caller Ruben Studdard]

Yes.

[Host Burt]

Beautiful.

[Online Dating Profile Ronald]

Any person wants to go out with me.

[Host Burt]

Sling Blade, man.

[Online Dating Profile Ronald]

That's what you want to know. Well, I can't date a woman that walk out on you five minutes, then they tell you they want a dollar or two to get them a drink and walk out the door and not come back.

[Host Burt]

The thing I value most than women

[Online Dating Profile Ronald]

is most valuable, almost women. Well, passion, loving, caring. I'm not a I sit at home guy, so I like to get out and do things. So if that's what y' all want to do, let's hop on ride, and let's go.

[Host Burt]

I am fairly certain that is a Bulldogs fan right there.

[Co-host Jeff]

I thought it was an actual bulldog who could just talk.

[Host Burt]

Freaky songs.

[Co-host Michelle]

Yes. Seduction songs. If somebody put this song on, you would not resist.

[Host Burt]

Then after we take these calls, I've got one more thing to play for you. It's. Barry White was cutting a commercial and couldn't get it right. And he got so frustrated he just started cussing his way through the whole commercial. But to hear him cuss in that Barry White voice is still sexy.

[Co-host Michelle]

Yeah, Barry White has. Yeah, that's a seduction song for a lot of people.

[Host Burt]

Hey, Van.

[Co-host Michelle]

Baby's made.

[Host Burt]

Hey, Van. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller Marilyn]

Hey, how you guys doing this morning?

[Host Burt]

Okay, what is your seductive song?

[Caller Marilyn]

Oh, my God. Justify My Love as an oldie but a goodie.

[Co-host Michelle]

Madonna. Good one.

[Caller Marilyn]

Yeah, when she was cool. Now she's just freaky. Yeah, I can.

[Host Burt]

I can feel the sexiness in that one. That's good. Thank you.

[Caller Marilyn]

Hey, go Gators.

[Sleep Number Advertiser]

Go Gators.

[Co-host Michelle]

What the hell?

[Host Burt]

I like her.

[Online Dating Profile Female]

Really?

[Caller Marilyn]

I like her.

[Sleep Number Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Co-host Michelle]

Wendy, seduction song is the Gators fight song.

[Caller Jennifer]

Exactly, isn't it? Everybody's.

[Host Burt]

Hey, Whitney, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller Marilyn]

Hey, good morning.

[Online Dating Profile Male]

Good morning.

[Caller Marilyn]

My song would be Birthday Sex. It doesn't even have to be your birthday to get it onto that.

[Co-host Michelle]

That's funny.

[Host Burt]

That's not bad. Yeah, I'm not feeling all that sexy to it.

[Co-host Michelle]

Yeah.

[Host Burt]

Sexual healing. Becca was gonna say also sexual healing. All right, this is. This is Barry White. Well, I don't think he's not with us anymore, is he?

[Sleep Number Advertiser]

I don't know.

[Co-host Michelle]

I don't know.

[Co-host Guest]

I don't know.

[Guest Michael Johns]

He did pass away.

[Host Burt]

He did.

[Co-host Michelle]

He did.

[Host Burt]

Oh, my God.

[Caller Marilyn]

There's an Australian ghost in here.

[Host Burt]

Michael John's just stepped in studio. Grab a mic, dude.

[Guest Michael Johns]

How you doing, Atlanta?

[Co-host Michelle]

How's it going?

[Caller Jennifer]

Good morning.

[Guest Michael Johns]

How's school? It was okay.

[Host Burt]

This is a recording from Barry White, who I think was doing either a PSA or a commercial. And we've all had these days where we're in. In, like, a production studio and we're in a rush to get out of here, and you just start messing up your lines. I'm guilty of it. I know. I just start cursing and turning into a little bitch, right? Barry White had his little bitch day.

[Barry White Audio]

Hi, this is Barry White. Please join me on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, May 8th, 9th, and 10th. For the first. For the first thing, I'm cutting the spot. Tony.

[Caller Ruben Studdard]

Jesus.

[Barry White Audio]

Hi, this is Barry White and Paul Quinn. College cordially invite you to a weekend in Texas on Friday. Saturday. One more time. Saturday and Sunday. Hi, this is Barry White and Paul Quinn. College cordially invites you to a weekend in Texas on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, May 8th, 9th, and 10th. As the. Hi, this is Barry White and Paul Quinn, College cordially invites you to a weekend in Waco, Texas. Friday, Saturday and Sunday, May 8th, 9th, and 10th. This gala weekend will include the welcoming of celebrities reception on Friday, the first, second and third rounds of tennis tournament, the first, second and third rounds of. Hi, this is Barry White. Invite you to a weekend in Waco, Texas, welcoming celebrities to reception on Friday. Let's take it after the 8th, 9th and 10th. Okay, do it over. Quinn College cordially invites you to a beautiful weekend in Waco, Texas on Friday.

[Guest Michael Johns]

It's just not fair.

[Barry White Audio]

These words up, man. I mean, he's got words that he don't even need. Barry White and Paul Quinn college cordially invites you to a beautiful weekend in Waco, Texas, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, May 8th, 9th and 10th. This gala weekend will include the welcoming celebrity reception on Friday, the first, second and third rounds of the tennis tournament, the Barry White concert with the Love Unlimited orchestra, of course, and the post concert reception on Saturday and a championship semi finals of fish. Man, I'm gonna lay cut this off, all right? I'm gonna pick it up to concert Love Unlimited orchestra. That's right.

[Co-host Michelle]

We have all done this.

[Host Burt]

Totally.

[Barry White Audio]

Go get your tickets now. Hi, this is Barry Weiss college in court cordially invite your to come on down.

[Caller Marilyn]

He's done.

[Barry White Audio]

Hi, this is Barry White college cordially invites you to a beautiful weekend on Friday. Saturday ain't just a.

[Co-host Michelle]

Anybody who writes copy and is bad copy. That's what happens in the studio shoot.

[Host Burt]

I've had great copy and I just can't get through it. I've blamed it. Other people that have. Have been written have written the copy.

[Co-host Michelle]

That's great.

[Host Burt]

All right, we come back. Michael Johns. We've given him an open invitation. We said, look, when you're in Atlanta, just stop by whenever you want. So we did Michael Johns in Studio next Q100.

[Barry White Audio]

This these words up, man. I mean, he got words that he don't even need.

[Host Burt]

The bird show. The bird show. Intern Michelle here. I am your doctor. I make house calls. I deliver in the middle of the night. This is her at Mike Music. Poor little, poor little thing. Poor little thing. Hello. A little shock treatment this week trying to get into her Halloween costume.

[Caller Jennifer]

Well, I didn't actually. I went to. I had the idea for Halloween to be. I wanted to be Pocahontas and I wanted my boyfriend to be John Smith because I'm ethnic and he's a country white boy. So I figured it'd be like it go, you know, hand in hand. So of course I'm a procrastinator and I wait till the last minute to go costume shopping and I went to a costume store, and I found this cute. The cutest Pocahontas costume. And it's a small. And, you know, I think, as we've discussed before, that on Halloween, you want to be sexy. So a little small. Like, if it's a little small. Small, yeah, it's fine.

[Host Burt]

You're gonna air. Air on the side of. Of too small.

[Caller Jennifer]

Yeah.

[Host Burt]

Rather than too conservative.

[Caller Jennifer]

Small enough.

[Host Burt]

Okay.

[Caller Jennifer]

Okay. So on the package, it says small four to six, and I'm a size six. So I go into the fitting room, and I try it on, and I can't get it over my butt. And I, you know. Yeah. So I'm pulling it up my thighs. Like, it's not going up. It's just like, one of those moments where you're just like, please fit. Please fit. You're just doing everything you can. So I leave the costume store, and I'm just contemplating, you know, what am I gonna do looking. I've gone literally to, like, 10 costume stores, and this is the only place that had a really cute Pocahontas type costume. So I go back to the costume store. Cause I'm thinking to myself, well, if I try putting it on a different way, maybe it will fit. So I.

[Co-host Guest]

Over your head.

[Caller Ruben Studdard]

So why should.

[Host Burt]

Your chest would not accept it. That's awesome.

[Co-host Michelle]

I love it.

[Caller Jennifer]

So I go back to the same one, get the same size, because it's only six small. And I tried putting it over my head, but it still won't fit over my butt.

[Caller Marilyn]

There was no medium, no nothing.

[Caller Jennifer]

There was no medium or nothing. So it's just one of those things that I got it on, but it just won't go. And so, of course, it's one of those things where you get a little bit depressed because as a female, you're like, okay, I'm a size 6, so this says 6, so it should fit me, period. There's no, you know, there's no ifs, ands, or buts and butts. But it won't fit over my butt, so it's a problem. So now I'm just in a dilemma because I really want to find a costume that's cute, but it has. My boyfriend and I, we have to compliment each other. It can't be something where I go solo.

[Co-host Michelle]

What a cute idea, though, for the Poconous suite.

[Host Burt]

This has sort of been a reoccurring theme here with Michelle over the last couple. She's struggling with 30 right now.

[Caller Jennifer]

Yeah, six months till I turn 30. And I think it's There are obviously a lot of different changes you go through because you're leaving your 20s and tons of things going on in your mind. But then the biggest one, I think that probably affects you is when your metabolism just slows down again because you go through that phase, like maybe in your early 20s or, you know, where it slows down. And now I feel like my metabolism is slowing down, but my eating habits are increasing. So it's.

[Host Burt]

You mean you're hungry or you're paying more?

[Caller Jennifer]

I feel like I'm always hungry, but I just don't feel like no matter how hard I work out and I eat pretty clean and stuff, but everything. I can eat clean all week, but if I eat that one thing, I feel like I just shows up on me. Or I feel it. Yeah. Or my jeans fit a little bit tighter.

[Co-host Guest]

Well, is the one thing that Hardee's Burger that drops out of the sky in that TV commercial that weighs about two pounds?

[Caller Jennifer]

No, I don't like Hardee's. It's more like grits and bacon in the morning.

[Co-host Jeff]

Is that worth it, though?

[Caller Jennifer]

It is, but I think, you know, it's just like I said, it's that thing, and I. And of course, you put your clothes on and everything, but when you're preparing for Halloween and you want to fit in that costume and you don't, and it's almost like that in between size, because even some costumes I've tried on, I'm a medium. They may be a little bit big, but it's just that small. You just want to be able to fit into that small costume. And it's kind of depressing and discouraging when you don't. When you're not able to do so.

[Host Burt]

So what are you going to do now? Are you still searching for it?

[Caller Jennifer]

I'm still on the hunt for the costume. I found a couple little ideas I have, but like I said, I have to be a partner with my boyfriend.

[Host Burt]

If you found. If you found an eight that fit, would you wear it or would you?

[Caller Jennifer]

I don't. Yeah. I mean, I think, like I said, traumatic. Yeah, I think we kind of do take that since, you know, we were very sensitive in that subject of. But, you know, I think also with brands and different types of clothing, sometimes you fit in a four and some brands, and then you go to a different brand because the cuts different. You don't fit in it.

[Co-host Jeff]

But, yeah, I would say changes throughout the same store. Like, there's a couple of stores in town, like, where you have to try stuff on, because sometimes a two would fit you, and then the next time it's a 10.

[Caller Jennifer]

Exactly.

[Sleep Number Advertiser]

But you always blame it on the clothes.

[Caller Jennifer]

Like, you never blame it on you. It's like this clothing size is wrong. It's not a four. Exactly. That's exactly what I think about that costume. I think it's an extra small.

[Guest Michael Johns]

Not a small.

[Host Burt]

Stupid designer advice coming in, saying that Party City has some Pocahontas costumes that you might want to try.

[Caller Jennifer]

We'll have to check that out.

[Co-host Guest]

And they have big ones, too.

[Co-host Michelle]

Yeah, come on, now.

[Host Burt]

I mean, it's coming from. I mean. Yeah, come on now.

[Co-host Michelle]

Hater.

[Co-host Jeff]

Hater.

[Host Burt]

Also, they say little five points. Have you tried there yet? Great costumes.

[Co-host Guest]

Why don't you mix it up and wear it really tight around the butt and goes Pocahontas.

[Caller Jennifer]

Well, I was thinking. I was thinking about cutting slits, buying it, and maybe cutting slits on the side so I could alter it. Maybe put some little suede ties or something. But I don't know if I have enough time to, like, do all the

[Co-host Guest]

alterations for some of that expandable belt stuff that old men have in their pants.

[Host Burt]

The Burt Show.