Full Show PT 3: Tuesday, January 6 [Vault]

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bert Show – Full Show PT 3: Tuesday, January 6 [Vault]

Date: January 6, 2026
Podcast: The Bert Show
Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Featured Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and guests

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Episode Overview

This engaging episode of The Bert Show is a vibrant blend of candid, humorous, and heartfelt conversations around common life experiences—from navigating diet culture, making major life decisions like marriage, to quirky personal habits. The show features a highlight interview with Mireille Guiliano, author of Why French Women Don't Get Fat, followed by a spirited segment on wedding “cold feet” versus genuine hesitations, and the always-popular “Am I Normal?” call-in section, where listeners revel in their odd or comforting habits.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Interview with Mireille Guiliano: “Why French Women Don’t Get Fat”

Timestamps: [01:49] – [11:42]

Main Takeaways:

• French vs. American Attitudes Toward Food:

  • Mireille describes her book as "the ultimate non-diet book," emphasizing a lifestyle rooted in mindful and pleasurable eating rather than restriction or deprivation ([02:35], Mireille Guiliano).
  • Her personal journey reflects a cultural shift: “I was a typical French girl when I was thin. Then I came to America as a student and I gained 20 pounds and then I went back to Paris and I gained another 10 pounds [...] My little family doctor put me back on track by basically reteaching me what my mother had taught me.” ([02:43], Mireille Guiliano)

• Key Principles from the Book:

  • Portion Control & Mindful Eating: French people eat smaller portions, eat more slowly, and rarely snack. Taste is prioritized over quantity.
    • "We eat with our head, we fool ourselves. We eat in a very common sense way by having three meals a day, not snacking, we have smaller portions, we eat much, much, much more slowly." ([03:45], Mireille Guiliano)
  • Pleasure & Satiation: Satisfying taste buds with 3 bites is often enough—quality trumps quantity.
  • Allowing Indulgence (in moderation): “If you want to have chocolate, you shouldn’t deprive yourself of chocolate. If you like bread, you can have a nice piece of bread with your meal. Just don’t have a loaf.” ([05:53], Mireille Guiliano)
  • Cultural Foundation: France’s deep gastronomy culture cultivates respect for food, encouraging awareness in eating.
  • Cooking as Joy, Not Chore: The French connect with food through cooking, unlike many Americans who may see meal prep as burdensome.
    • “For us, [cooking] is a central act. We cook because we like to prepare something for the people we love.” ([06:55], Mireille Guiliano)
  • Diary/Journaling: She encourages journaling food intake for awareness.
  • Personal Adaptation: She warns against sudden, drastic dietary changes; gradual reduction wins.

Notable Quotes:

• “Slowing down is probably the most important thing.” ([08:27], Mireille Guiliano)
• “If you eat good food, you can eat everything.” ([08:19], Mireille Guiliano)
• “Assume that you eat probably between 10 and 30% more of what you really need and start reducing slowly.” ([11:23], Mireille Guiliano)

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2. Defining “Cold Feet”: Wedding Jitters or Deeper Doubts?

Timestamps: [14:33] – [21:54]

Main Takeaways:

• Distinction Between Jitters & True Doubt:
  • Callers and hosts share experiences distinguishing between “just nerves” and knowing, deep down, that something is wrong.
    • “If your first gut instinct is that no, then go with your gut, because there is a reason why you have that feeling.” ([15:04], Caller)
    • “The difference between cold feet and knowing is cold feet comes from your head, and knowing comes from your gut. You got to listen to your gut, because your heart and your head will mess you up every time.” ([15:53], Caller)
  • Questions to Ask Yourself: Would you be happy with this person in 50 years—or even next week? If you're repulsed or ill at the thought, that’s not just jitters.
    • “If you say, okay, I’ve gotta look 50 years from now, am I gonna be repulsed for the next 50 years? That’s not gonna work.” ([16:36], Burt)
  • Jitters Come from the Ceremony or Occasion, Not the Person: It's normal to be anxious about public speaking or the significance of marriage, but not about who you're marrying.
    • “If you question, is this the right guy? Then there’s something wrong.” ([17:04], Caller “Misty”)
    • “If you're worried about your past and if everything’s going right and you’re worried about the honeymoon and all that—that’s cold feet. But if you’re looking down the aisle and that dude repulses you and you’re throwing up, that’s not the right guy.” ([21:22], Burt)
  • Timing and Readiness: Concerns about age, finances, or timing are normal; doubt about the partner is more serious.

Notable Quotes:

• “My friend, she said the minute she got engaged, she felt closed in, like the walls were coming in... then realized, you know, I really don’t think that one, I’m cut out for marriage and certainly not with you.” ([18:56], Caller)
• “A little card [canceling a wedding] is a heck of a lot less expensive than a divorce.” ([20:00], Radio Host 4)
• “Vomit should not be involved in a wedding, you know, at all.” ([21:48], Radio Host 3)

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3. “Am I Normal?” – Celebrating Quirky Habits

Timestamps: [21:54] – [32:09]

Listener Confessions and Fun Highlights:

• Relatable Oddities:

  • Staring in the mirror to watch pupils dilate
  • Pretending to be interviewed naked post-shower
  • Practicing lottery win reactions or Oscar acceptance speeches ([29:34], Caller)
  • Playing “wedding” years after the real event
  • Reviewing homemade food as a food critic
  • Sniffing clipped toenails ([31:19], Caller)

• Family Traditions and Social Norms:

  • “Kissing family members on the lips”—debated as normal or not—shows regional and personal differences ([23:55] onward).
    • “I kiss my dad and my mom on the lips.” ([24:19], Radio Host 4)
    • “I give them the cheek. I don’t care. Kiss anybody on the lips is an adult unless I’m with them.” ([24:54], Radio Host 3)
  • Doing the robot dance when the "Law & Order" theme plays and quoting Napoleon Dynamite as an African American—is that “normal?” ([26:07], Caller, [27:06], Mireille Guiliano)

• Inventive Fantasies:

  • Pretending to be chased by police while driving
  • Giving elaborate imaginary award show speeches, often brought to tears thanking loved ones
  • Having “celebrity imaginary friends”—and getting “caught” talking to them by a spouse ([31:33], Caller)

Notable Quotes:

• “We all sit and worry and wonder if we are normal or not. If you know what, we're all screwed up. It's just different...levels of screwed up, but everybody's screwed up.” ([32:13], Burt)
• “When I clip my toenails, I sniff them.” ([31:19], Caller)
• “Whenever there’s an award show on, I get up and I accept my best actress award. And I have the same speech. And I get emotional. I cry my eyes out…” ([29:34], Caller)

Memorable Moment:

• Live, heartfelt Oscar-style acceptance speech from a caller for “Best Actress”—moving both the caller and hosts ([29:54]).

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

| Speaker | Quote | Timestamp | |---------|-------|-----------| | Mireille Guiliano | “Slowing down is probably the most important thing.” | 08:27 | | Caller | “If your first gut instinct is that no, then go with your gut, because there is a reason why you have that feeling.” | 15:04 | | Burt | “If you say, okay, I’ve gotta look 50 years from now, am I gonna be repulsed for the next 50 years? That’s not gonna work.” | 16:36 | | Radio Host 3 | “Vomit should not be involved in a wedding, you know, at all.” | 21:48 | | Burt | “We all sit and worry and wonder if we are normal or not. [...] It's just different levels of screwed up, but everybody's screwed up.” | 32:13 |

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Episode Flow Commentary

The tone of this episode is warm, witty, and candid—typical of The Bert Show’s signature style. Mireille Guiliano’s interview sets an informative, thoughtful pace, later matched by earnest and vulnerable calls about marriage doubts, which then give way to joyous, communal weirdness in “Am I Normal?”. Throughout, Bert and the cast balance empathy, humor, and inclusivity, letting listeners feel seen and understood, quirks and all.

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Recap Table: Key Segments & Timestamps

| Segment | Description | Start | End | |----------------------------------|----------------------------------------------|--------|--------| | Mireille Guiliano Interview | French vs. American food habits, lifestyle book, mindful eating, cultural differences, cooking joy | 01:49 | 11:42 | | Cold Feet/Wedding Jitters | Listeners & hosts weigh in: jitters vs. real doubts, personal stories | 14:33 | 21:54 | | Am I Normal? | Audience calls share quirky/funny personal habits, "Are you normal?" debate | 21:54 | 32:09 |

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Conclusion

This episode of The Bert Show offers a comforting and hilarious batch of life’s most pressing (and entertaining) questions: can you eat croissants and not get fat, should you marry if you have doubts, and just how weird are your bathroom habits? Between expert advice, real listener stories, and on-air camaraderie, the episode delivers both practical insights and a reminder that everyone’s “brand of weird” is a little more universal—and a lot more fun—than we think.

Transcript

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[Radio Host 1]

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[Burt]

Hey the Burt Show. The name of the book is why French Women Don't Get Fat. It's by Mire Giuliano and has been endorsed by Oprah Winfrey. And if it's been endorsed by Ompro Winfrey, you kind of have to listen to what's going on. We have Mire on the phone with us this morning. Good morning.

[Mireille Guiliano]

Mirei Good morning.

[Burt]

How are you this morning?

[Mireille Guiliano]

Very well. On my way to Atlanta.

[Burt]

Oh, are you really?

[Caller or Guest 1]

Yes.

[Burt]

You're going to be here I'm going.

[Mireille Guiliano]

To be here this afternoon.

[Burt]

You got like a book sign in here?

[Mireille Guiliano]

Oh, I'm down there for the museum auction weekend.

[Burt]

Oh, very cool.

[Mireille Guiliano]

And lots of events.

[Burt]

Oh, we'll have to get some information and stick it up on our website for you.

[Caller or Guest 1]

Okay.

[Radio Host 2]

If we had known that, we would have had you come in studio tomorrow.

[Mireille Guiliano]

Yeah, well, I didn't know that either. I was traveling and I'm sort of working a day at a time.

[Burt]

Hey, Mire, I'm a little confused exactly what to call your book because it's not really a diet book. Is it a.

[Mireille Guiliano]

No, no, it's actually the ultimate non diet book. Okay, so it's a lifestyle book. Really?

[Caller or Guest 1]

Explain that to us because it's about.

[Mireille Guiliano]

You know, I wrote it because I was a typical French girl when I was thin. And then I came to America as a student and I gained 20 pounds and then I went back to Paris and I gained another 10 pounds and I was in this horrible vicious circle when you are heavy. And with my little frame, I was more than heavy. I was fat and I was unhappy and low self esteem and grumpy and couldn't see myself, couldn't look at myself. And my little family doctor put me back on track by basically, you know, teaching me, reteaching me what my mother had taught me. And so when I came to America and I've been lecturing on food and wine for the past 15 years and people see me, I'd always say, well, you're so passionate about food and wine and we see you in restaurants and you entertain a lot and how come you're not fat? And you know, I couldn't say, been there, done that, but I just gave them the French rug and said, well, French women don't get fat.

[Burt]

And why is that?

[Mireille Guiliano]

Because we have a different relationship with food. We eat with our head, we fool ourselves. We eat in a very common sense way by having three meals a day, not snacking, we have smaller portions, we eat much, much, much more slowly. Actually, right now in my life I still go back and forth to France every six weeks and I'm always stunned to see how out there we take time to eat. And when you take time to eat and you eat slowly and you chew well and you put your knife and for, and you eat with your senses, you eat with pleasure, you eat less because your taste buds get satisfied after three bites, basically.

[Radio Host 3]

Now, Miri, you said, you know, you were raised in France and you had this lifestyle, then you came to America. I'm curious, specifically when you came to America, what made you change your routine? And how did that routine change?

[Mireille Guiliano]

Well, I discovered chocolate chip cookies and brownies and ice cream and eating, being able to, you know, I was living with families and being able to go to the fridge and pick whatever I wanted when I wanted, and eating in front of the TV and standing up and between meals. And I probably was having seven meals a day, and most of them were bad.

[Radio Host 4]

Now, mirei, I have seen you on Dateline before when they featured your book and got to see that program and thought it was interesting when you talked about how French women don't deprive themselves.

[Mireille Guiliano]

That's right.

[Radio Host 4]

Of some of these things. Like, you guys have wonderful pastries, and I mean, the French are famous for their wonderful desserts and that sort of thing. How do you have your eclairs but still not get fat?

[Mireille Guiliano]

Well, first of all, I should say that because pastry is one of my, what I call in the book, offenders. Pastries in France is much less sweet than here, and the portions are about.

[Caller or Guest 1]

A third, a third of it.

[Mireille Guiliano]

I mean, a croissant is not a croissant is not a croissant. And now we even have mini quasso.

[Caller or Guest 1]

But.

[Mireille Guiliano]

The reason we can eat it all, in a way, and sometimes I have to be careful when I say that, because some journalists would write, you can eat everything and not gain weight. Well, it's not quite that way. You can eat quality food in small portions, and then you can eat anything you want. If you want to have chocolate, you shouldn't deprive your chocolate. If you like bread, you can have a nice piece of bread with your meal. Just don't have a loaf. Or yesterday I was on a TV show and they brought the size of what people ordered downstairs on Broadway at a diner as a hamburger. And then they asked me what the portion would be, and it would be about a third between the hamburger, the bun and the French fries. I mean, the fries was enough for a family of three.

[Burt]

Mireille, I still can't get a really good sense about what your entire book is about. I mean, obviously you're talking about some pretty basic stuff here. Yes, obviously. Your book is also probably more than 100 pages. So what are you filling those pages with?

[Mireille Guiliano]

Oh, it's also, you know, it's a memoir and it has a lot of anecdotes about produce. Because when I grew up and still now, I mean, a lot of French women go to markets, you know, at least once or twice a week, and we like fresh food. We like to cook. I have a lot of recipes in the book, simple Recipes, because I wanted to encourage young people to cook. Because another difference is that I've noticed for many American women, cooking is a chore and for us is a central act. We cook because we like to prepare something for the people we love, whether it's our spouse or children or family or friends. And so I wanted to make easy. And so I talk a lot about produce, and I'm amazed that a lot of Americans have not discovered some basic produce, like my favorite, which is a leak. And I talk about a magical leek soup that is like a vegetarian weekend broth with vegetables and a nice way to detox you because it's a mild diuretic. And I think Americans are discovering because it's from the onion family, but it's much milder and sweeter and nuttier. And people who taste it love it. So I'm hoping to make people discover how to cook vegetable, how to like vegetables. A lot of people think they don't like vegetables. It's because they don't know what to do with it.

[Burt]

So what I'm hearing here is like, if you're talking about fruits and vegetables, smaller portions, slowing down, Slowing down, Slowing.

[Mireille Guiliano]

Down is probably the most important thing because, well, first of all, it's for people to become more aware of. You see, the difference between France and the US is like, we have 300 years of ritual and gastronomic culture. So we have a great respect for food and we pay much more attention to what we put into our body. And I would like to help people here to realize that a lot of the food they eat is really, really bad food. It's preserved, it has a lot of chemicals in it, and it's over salted and over sweetened. It makes them eat more. And once you become aware of what you eat, and that's why keeping a journal is a very nice little way to start. Because a lot of women write me and said, my God, I didn't realize what I was eating every day. It's crazy. And that's the first step. But then you really have to eat with your senses. And to do that, you need to take 20 minutes. Now, I'm not saying you can do it three times a day and seven days a week, but start on the weekends, start a couple of days for dinner if you can. And you will see the difference when you sit down and you eat slowly, which means in a relaxed fashion, you will eat less. You see people eat on the go and multitasking and in that situation you are stressed. So when you're stressed, you tend to eat more to start with and you don't pay any attention. Have you ever watched people in the airport eating in those fast food places between they catch a plane, sure. You don't see a sign of pleasure on their face. It makes me so sad to see that this relationship with food has to change. I mean, there's a difference between eating for living and living for eating. Food is something very, you know, it's one of our basic three basic needs with love and security. And we have to respect the food we eat. We have to eat it with respect. And we also have to know what our body can take. And that's why my book does not like a diet book. Give you one size fits all, you know, do this, do that, don't eat this, don't eat that. All I'm saying is that, listen, if you eat good food, you can eat everything. But try to as a base, assume that most of us, because in our life today, you know, we are not like our parents and grandparents, working hard in the field, in the mine or walking a lot. Most of us, we sit, you know, whether it's in the office, in the car, in the subway, in the bus, and we don't need all that food. So assume that you eat probably between 10 and 30% more of what you really need and start reducing slowly. Don't hit your body with from six slices of bread to zero, go from six to five. Because if you do that, which the diets tell you to do, and of course if you do that, you're going to lose a lot of weight fast.

[Burt]

But then what if what Mireille is saying here makes sense to you? Pick up the book. It's called why French Women don't get fat. And you can pick it up just about anywhere. I got all the information on Amazon.com yesterday also. Mire, thanks a lot for joining us. Thank you and have a great time in Atlanta when you get here too. I will.

[Mireille Guiliano]

I love the South.

[Burt]

Alright, bye bye.

[Mireille Guiliano]

Bye bye.

[Burt]

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[Radio Host 1]

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[Christy]

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[Radio Host 1]

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[Caller or Guest 1]

Calm I had a similar experience and I and my gut reaction was no. But then after I I thought about it a little bit I went back and I said yes. And then seven years later I got divorced. Even the day of my wedding my dad said and they when it comes to get in the back room when you're there in your wedding Dress my dad. Are you sure this is what you want? And I still had that little bit of doubt. And I kept saying to myself, well, maybe it's just the wedding jitters.

[Radio Host 1]

Maybe.

[Caller or Guest 1]

What I'm saying is, is that if your first gut instinct is that no, then go with your gut, because there is a reason why you have that feeling.

[Burt]

All the hits, Q1 and the Burt show at 9:54. And the thing she says there is, like, she knows the guy that she's about to walk down the aisle to exchange vows with, say that she's going to spend the rest of her life with this guy. She knows that either A, it's a lie, but she starts to talk to herself and convince herself that it's just wedding day jitters. So here's what we want to try to define. What is the difference between cold feet, wedding day jitters, and legitimately knowing that this guy is not the guy, and this marriage is never gonna work. Good morning.

[Radio Host 1]

Hello.

[Caller or Guest 1]

How are you?

[Burt]

Good. How are you, ma'? Am?

[Caller or Guest 1]

Good. The difference between cold feet and knowing is cold feet comes from your head, and knowing comes from your gut. You got to listen to your gut, because your heart and your head will mess you up every time.

[Burt]

It's always that big old fight, like, I never know which one's which.

[Radio Host 2]

Yeah, yeah. Like, how do you.

[Burt]

Oh, no, really, like, you. Like, your head will try to lie to your gut.

[Caller or Guest 1]

No, your head just. Well, I can't say it on the radio. Your head just messes with you. You can rationalize anything in your head. I think your gut, your gut. You got to follow your gut.

[Radio Host 3]

Well, I think Bert made a good point earlier about how a lot of this can help a lot of people. So I'm just curious. What question should someone ask themselves to determine whether it's jitters or if it's legitimately? They don't need to do this.

[Burt]

Well, like, I think if you say, okay, I've gotta look 50 years from now, am I gonna be repulsed for the next 50 years? That's not gonna work. That's more than jitters right there.

[Radio Host 3]

Even more than that, 50 years. How about next week?

[Burt]

Yeah.

[Radio Host 2]

If the thought of kissing them makes me go.

[Radio Host 3]

If we take separate honeymoons, maybe that's not a good idea.

[Burt]

Misty, go ahead and define wedding day jitters from. Look, this guy and me is just not gonna work.

[Caller or Guest 1]

Okay, My theory is, before my wedding, I had maybe a little bit of butterflies, maybe questioning, did I sow all wild oats? But I never once questioned, is this the right Guy. I think if you question, is this the right guy? Then there's something wrong, because you should know before you walk down the aisle that this is the man you're meant to be with. There's a reason that you're engaged to this person.

[Radio Host 4]

And your jitters were more about your life. Like, what you.

[Caller or Guest 1]

Well, yeah, my jitters were just being in front of everybody. And, you know, maybe once went through my head, did I sew all wild oats and then, you know, threw that out the window? Who cares? This is who I'm supposed to be with, right?

[Burt]

No, I felt that, too. I don't know why it's so funny. You know, you're in radio, and you're talking to all these people on the radio, and you go out to, like, vision, and you could be on the mic in front of thousands of people, but just walking down that aisle and having everybody stare at me while I gave those vows was. It's terrifying to me.

[Caller or Guest 1]

And that's. Yeah, that's the way my husband was, too. That was the only nervousness he felt was just, oh, God, I'm gonna be in front of all these people. But he knew he was supposed to be with me. I knew I was supposed to be with him. And that's just the. If you're questioning that, then there's a problem.

[Burt]

That's a good way to define it, maybe.

[Radio Host 3]

And I think Jen pointed that out earlier, like, institution of marriage as opposed to the person who, like, yeah, maybe.

[Radio Host 4]

It'S, like, all the wedding stuff, or maybe it's the finality of it. Like, oh, my God, this is it. Like, you know, the weight of such a big decision is maybe what gives you the jitters or the cold feet or whatever, because it's just a big deal. And then if you're questioning the person, like, do I really like the way they do that? Or what, Then that's really the issue. But if you're kind of jittering about the ceremony. I know my husband was jittery about the ceremony. He's like, I'm not in front of people unless I have a guitar in my hands. Yeah, where's my guitar? Make me feel a little bit more comfortable up here.

[Burt]

Good morning, Stephanie. You're on all the hits. Q 150. Hi.

[Caller or Guest 1]

I was just gonna say that I think, like, cold feet is kind of legit. Like, it's just performance jitters. There's 400 people. Like, every single one of those people is in one room staring at you while you profess your love. You Know, I mean, anyone would get nervous when you're. Everyone's staring at you. If you're breathing too heavy, one, everyone notices. But my friend, she said the minute she got engaged, she felt closed in, like the walls were coming in. And she said yes, she got the dress, she got the cake, she got the reception. And then she just said the whole time she felt like she was gonna throw up. And so she sent out the invitations. And then two weeks later, everyone who responded got something from her that said, basically, we can't do this. Like, she knew from the get go and did all the fun stuff like bought the dress and bought the cake and everything, and then realized, you know, I really don't think that one, I'm cut out for marriage and certainly not with you, you know?

[Burt]

Yeah.

[Radio Host 3]

Our family got the second invitation one time from a family member who, due to, you know, unfortunate circumstances, we've had to, you know, cancel the wedding, whatever. But yeah, just this little card. Yeah, but.

[Radio Host 4]

But a little card is a heck of a lot less expensive than a divorce.

[Radio Host 3]

Exactly.

[Radio Host 4]

For sure. Agree. Even if you go that far and you say yes, if you know it's not right, don't do it.

[Christy]

Right.

[Burt]

You know, Jen was saying that her husband Ryan was saying that he's only in front of all these people if he has a guitar in his hand. So I think it was pretty ingenious the way that they handled their wedding because this is actually Ryan on their wedding day. I'm sure he would appreciate that.

[Radio Host 3]

And instead of the tux, he had the cowboy outfit, purple, lavender sequence.

[Radio Host 4]

I was on some sort of swing.

[Burt]

Hey, Nicole, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller or Guest 1]

Hey, I just wanted to. What I have to say is basically like what Misty said, it's the person. Cold feet is just maybe the timing. You know, I know for me, I was really young when I got married, and I knew that I wanted to marry him, and I knew that he was the person for me and I was going to be with him forever. But I was like, oh, my gosh, am I too young? Am I too immature right now to be married to him right now? I hadn't had a chance to go to college, so I was like, oh, you know, I need to go to college first. But that was cool. See, I knew he was the person I wanted to be with. And a lot of the other elements, timing, age, financial situation, that kind of thing would contribute to cold feet, I think.

[Burt]

It seems to me like everybody is calling up, basically defining it the same way you're defining it, and that's. If you look at the guy and that's the problem, then you know it's not cold feet, right? All right? That's the real deal. But if you're worried about your past and if everything's going right and you're worried about the honeymoon and all that cold feet, you're looking down the aisle and that dude repulses you and you're throwing up. That's. Yeah, that's not the right guy.

[Radio Host 3]

Vomit should not be involved in a wedding, you know, at all or with.

[Christy]

The person you're with.

[Burt]

Another wisdom from Melissa Garner.

[Christy]

That's right.

[Radio Host 3]

No vomit in your wedding.

[Burt]

The third show. From time to time on the show, we do this thing called Am I Normal? Because we all do really freaky things in, like, the privacy of our own homes, and there's great comfort and knowing that other people do the same things. Like, I think I came in here one day and I started it off by saying that sometimes I'll stare in the mirror and I'll try to shift from one eye to the other to see my pupils dilate just for no reason at all. Except I think it's really cool to watch my own eyes dilate. And I was wondering if that was normal. And a whole bunch of people called up and said, yeah, I do that, too. And then we got a whole bunch of calls like these.

[Caller or Guest 1]

Every time I get out of the shower, I'm totally naked. I'm drying off, and I just start necking. I pretend I'm a star, and I interview myself and answer my own questions. Does anybody practice how they're gonna react when they hit the lottery? I've been married for three years, but I still play in my wedding dress like it's my wedding. After I make something to eat, I.

[Mireille Guiliano]

Pretend I'm my own food critic.

[Caller or Guest 1]

One thing that I love to do is when I hear a really good line in a television show or on a movie, I'll excuse myself and go to the bathroom and then reenact that line over and over in the mirror until I get it perfect. I usually tie myself up and play like a damsel in dist.

[Radio Host 2]

Do you rescue yourself, too?

[Caller or Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Burt]

All right. So if you do one of these kind of freaky things and you want confirmation on it and you feel like revealing a little bit about yourself this morning, you can call us now, 404-741-1005 and ask us if you're normal or not. But the reason why we're even doing it this morning Is because producer Tracy, who we can already answer the question no. Has one of these going on in her life right now.

[Radio Host 1]

Well, the other day, Scott and I were in the car. We've been together for three years now, and he has labeled me and my family complet freaks. No. And then I started thinking about it, and maybe we are. We were coming home from Easter dinner the other night, and he said, you.

[Radio Host 3]

Kiss your family on the lips?

[Radio Host 1]

And I said, yeah.

[Radio Host 3]

And he's like, that's weird.

[Radio Host 1]

And I'm like, no, it's not.

[Burt]

And he said, yes, it is.

[Radio Host 1]

He's like, that's weird. He's like, I've never kissed my family on the lips.

[Radio Host 4]

And now.

[Radio Host 1]

And then I started thinking, oh, my God, what if it is weird? And what if my family thinks it's weird and I just go for the lips and they're too embarrassed to tell me? Why are you kissing me on the lips?

[Burt]

Yeah. I gotta be honest with you. It seems a little weird to me. Yeah. I never kiss my dad or my mom on the lips.

[Radio Host 4]

I don't think it's weird.

[Burt]

No. You kiss your dad?

[Radio Host 4]

I kiss my dad and my mom on the lips. Really?

[Caller or Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Radio Host 3]

I used to. I mean, not as an adult, but as a kid I did, but not as an adult.

[Burt]

So as an adult, you still kiss your dad on the lips?

[Radio Host 1]

Yeah, and my mom and my little brother and my sister and my little nephew. Like, I. Yeah.

[Radio Host 3]

And I don't.

[Radio Host 2]

Tongue.

[Radio Host 3]

No.

[Radio Host 1]

Yeah.

[Radio Host 4]

There's nothing sexual about it. It's just a little sign of affection. It's just like giving them a hug or a kiss on the cheek. But with your family, you kiss on the lips.

[Burt]

But what can you get from the lips that you can't get from the cheek? If you're kissing, it's an adult.

[Radio Host 2]

Or from a firm handshake.

[Radio Host 4]

It's always like that. It's just always been that way.

[Burt]

Or just a wave from afar or a high five.

[Radio Host 3]

And, you know, you are normal, Tracy, because, I mean. And God bless our listeners, but there's listeners that will do that to random strangers. Like, there are listeners that have come up to me like people that I know. Not total strangers, but people I've seen several times to the point that we hug and they want to go for the lips to say hello. And I give. You got to kiss me on the cheek. I don't care. Kiss anybody on the lips is an adult. Unless I'm with them.

[Radio Host 2]

Do you have. Save that. Do you have a. Do you like. Will you stop Someone, if they're going for your lips, you just turn.

[Burt]

Yeah. You give them the cheek.

[Radio Host 3]

I turn. I mean, I pulled out.

[Radio Host 2]

And what if they turned with you?

[Radio Host 3]

Huh?

[Radio Host 2]

What if they turned with you?

[Radio Host 3]

Well, then they turn with me, but you're not kissing me on the lips.

[Radio Host 2]

Because I think we need to send Phil out with somebody on the show to an event where all their friends are going to be at and introduce him. And Phil is the guy who does not, who will only kiss on the lips and will walk circles around you to get to your. Like, you will either get whiplash and hurt your neck, or he will kiss you on the lips. And the kiss has to be a little too long. Hey, Tracy, even the guys.

[Burt]

Hey, you have a question of if you're normal or not.

[Caller or Guest 1]

I know it's not normal. My family and I, whenever law and order comes on, you know that doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom. That part.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Caller or Guest 1]

We all do the robot. Oh, daughter, no, it's not normal if someone is in the bathroom, if someone is doing dishes, if someone is getting ready for bed, it does not matter. We stop, we pause, and we do the vote. And even my 3 year old. Oh, God. It's not normal. I know it's not. And my. Well, I would say probably since he was about a year old, he is three years old now, and he does it, too. And he says robot, robot through the whole thing. And it's very. We take it very serious.

[Burt]

But it's only the law and order thing.

[Caller or Guest 1]

It's only. Oh, God, it's so weird. And then also, we use a lot of Napoleon dynamite phrases. Yes, I know. It's not normal. And I mean, I'm like 35 and I should grow up. And me and my daughter, we will, like, talk this way. She's 13 years old and we're African.

[Mireille Guiliano]

Americans, which I know is really not normal.

[Caller or Guest 1]

But we'll talk this way in public. And I'll say, well, what do you feel like you. I feel like what I want. Gosh. Oh, my God, your kid is so rude. You know? Yeah.

[Burt]

The Law and Order robot thing is way more normal than an African American watching Napoleon Dynamite and quoting it.

[Mireille Guiliano]

We love it.

[Radio Host 2]

That's okay. Bert quotes barbershop all the time. Booty call. He's all over that.

[Burt]

Good morning, Elizabeth. You're on all the hits. Q100. Are you normal?

[Mireille Guiliano]

Not so much.

[Caller or Guest 1]

Okay. You know when you go in, like, a public restroom and they've just cleaned it? Well, it's a women's restroom, so they put the Toilet seat is up. Well, I like, open the door and sweep with my hand and say, ah, the fabled up toilet seat. Get really excited, like, beautiful dance.

[Mireille Guiliano]

What?

[Radio Host 4]

The fabled up toilet seat.

[Caller or Guest 1]

I don't know, it just. You got the movie voice, you know.

[Mireille Guiliano]

You know, the sweeping of the hand.

[Caller or Guest 1]

You're like, ah, pulled up toilet seats.

[Radio Host 4]

I will say, though, I agree with her, that I do get really excited if I'm the first one into the women's bathroom and it's up from the night before because you know that you're the first one to use it for the day. There is a little excitement there. It's like, oh, I get a clean.

[Radio Host 2]

Pot or a man just use your bathroom.

[Burt]

I will say this, I still do this. That if. If I'm in an intersection and I am the first car in the intersection, I'm next to somebody else.

[Radio Host 2]

Oh, you said this before.

[Burt]

And the light is going from red to green. I kind of have like a sportscaster in my mind doing a play by play of me trying to beat the guy next to me to the end of the intersection. He's like, weiss is on the line. The competition today is heavy. He's next to a Nissan Sentra.

[Radio Host 2]

You know what? I forgot. I do this all the time. But if I'm in traffic and, like, I see I either pass a cop or there's a cop like, six cars behind me who clearly has no interest in me, I pretend I'm running from them and, like, to the point that when I actually get to my street, you know, by now the cops turn and go in a different direction, but to the point where I get to my street, like, I will gun it. I'll be going down my little cul de sac at like 50 miles an hour. I'll whip the car into the driveway. I'll open the garage door. I will get in the garage door and shut the garage door and then sit there for a moment to make sure the cop isn't behind me.

[Burt]

Allison, are you normal? Allison, I picked up the wrong line. Allison. Good morning.

[Caller or Guest 1]

Hi.

[Burt]

Hi.

[Caller or Guest 1]

Whenever there's an award show on, I get up and I accept my best Actress award. And I have the same speech. And I get emotional. I cry my eyes out when I'm thinking, my family and my dog's there. And, you know, I thank my dog for being such a wonderful dog.

[Radio Host 2]

Can you give us the speech right now?

[Radio Host 4]

I want to hear it.

[Caller or Guest 1]

All right. My sister's listening, so I hope she at least, you know.

[Radio Host 3]

Well, you better thank her.

[Caller or Guest 1]

Appreciates it.

[Radio Host 2]

Okay.

[Caller or Guest 1]

I, you know, of course I'd like to thank the Academy and, you know, I go on, you know, thanking my agents and things and then.

[Radio Host 2]

No, no, no, we want you to do it.

[Radio Host 4]

Do it.

[Radio Host 3]

You just got the Oscar.

[Burt]

So, yeah, do it as though there's nobody around.

[Caller or Guest 1]

Academy Award goes to. Thank the Academy or if it's the Golden Globe, the Hollywood Foreign Press. And I would like to thank my agents for believing in me and giving me this opportunity. And you know, my husband, I love you so dearly. Thank you so much for taking a chance and marrying me and staying with me through my crazy days. And to my family, I would love to thank my father who, you know, has seen me through the toughest. You're going to make me cry. The toughest time. And, you know, I'll never forget that day that you left me in that Minnesota airport and said I had to go. And you know what I'm talking about. Daddy and my mom and my sister who have supported me when I was, when I was just down and out and, you know, just the worst times. And you never left my side and you always believed in me. I love you all. Thank you so much.

[Burt]

Very good. Very good.

[Radio Host 2]

I was waiting for Bert to start.

[Burt]

Playing music if I couldn't find any. Thank you for coming.

[Caller or Guest 1]

By the way, Tracy, you're not weird for kissing your family on the mouth.

[Radio Host 3]

Thank you.

[Radio Host 2]

Says the woman who gives award speeches at the television.

[Burt]

Hey, Chris, you're on all the hits Q100.

[Caller or Guest 1]

When I clip my toenails, I sniff them.

[Burt]

Oh, dude. Dude, really?

[Caller or Guest 1]

I'm not the only one that does this either. I've heard of other people doing it. It's so nasty.

[Burt]

It's nasty. And Renee, you're on all the hits Q100.

[Caller or Guest 1]

Yeah, I have imaginary friends pretty much whenever I get a chance alone. I have conversations with like Ben Affleck and things like that. I've actually had my husband catch me doing this.

[Burt]

So they're celebrity imaginary friends or are they just random named people?

[Caller or Guest 1]

No, celebrity imaginary friends.

[Radio Host 3]

I want to know the story of your husband catching you. Who were you talking to?

[Caller or Guest 1]

I was talking to Ben Affleck and he's like, who the hell is Ben? And I didn't know what to say. I was so embarrassed. I only do it when I'm alone.

[Burt]

I love human nature. I love human nature. I love that.

[Radio Host 3]

And we all sit and worry and wonder if we are normal or not.

[Burt]

Yeah. If you know what, we're all screwed up. It's just different. You know levels of screwed up, but everybody's screwed up. Yeah, you can take some comfort in that. Get it The Birch show.

[Caller or Guest 1]

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[Radio Host 1]

And with Weight Watchers you can get doctor support and personalized nutrition program. See if you [e-mail] ad not reviewed or approved by Novo Nordisk.

[Mireille Guiliano]

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