Full Show PT 3: Tuesday, March 10 [Vault]

Summary

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The Bert Show – Full Show PT 3: Tuesday, March 10 [Vault]

Date: March 10, 2026
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Melissa, Emily, David, plus listeners

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show leans into their signature blend of humor, authenticity, and real-life storytelling. The team and their listeners open up about the (often hilarious, sometimes cringe-worthy) misbehaviors of their youth—ranging from stealing from parents to wild sibling shenanigans, with candid confessions that spark knowing laughter and affectionate ribbing among the hosts. Later, the conversation shifts to spicing up long-term relationships, complete with stories, tips, and playful banter, before finishing out with a lighthearted series of travel misadventures about driving wildly off-course.

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1. Kids & Stealing from Parents

Timestamps: 00:45 – 11:14

Main Theme:
The team discusses a new study showing that 1 in 4 kids admit to stealing from their parents—and their listeners line up to confess their own stints as childhood thieves.

Key Discussion Points

• Underreporting the Problem:

  • Bert references a study: "One in four of your kids... are taking something from you guys. You think they're angels, right?" (00:45)
  • David is skeptical: "I think one out of four is low." (01:04)

• Caller Confessions:

  • Brittany (Voice Disguised): Pays her own bills with her mom's credit card (known by heart). "My mom, financially, she's pretty well off … I make enough money to pay my bills..., but since I know my mother's credit card number by heart, well, I'll use it. She never pays attention." (01:19-02:35)

  • Emmy (Voice Disguised): "I have actually stolen two handles of vodka along with my mom's car to go to a party, and then I hit a tree with my mom's car... I blamed my sister." (02:56-03:15)

  • Family loyalty emerges: Emmy’s older sister takes the fall, and Emmy is left with a lifetime IOU. "You owe her, and she's gonna cash in later." – Emily, (03:36)

  • Sarah (Age 14, Voice Disguised): Admits to occasionally swiping cash or sipping booze. "Mostly just, like, money, but sometimes I’ll take... vodka, wine, beer." (04:23-04:33)

• The Hosts’ Stories:

  • Bert admits to stealing cash at age seven; says he bought cupcakes for neighborhood kids. "I was going through her file cabinet... and found a couple envelopes of cash." (05:17)
  • Melissa and Emily remember sneaking beers or, in Emily’s case, finding nothing left because her rebellious sister had already taken it all. (06:06-06:49)
  • Bert’s “worst confession”: He stole his parents’ stash of marijuana in high school and sold it at school, only for the weed to be so bad that "the plan backfired on me"—friends only got headaches. (07:04-07:48)

Notable Quotes & Banter

• "You’re stealing money at seven?" – Emily in disbelief at Bert's admission. (05:15)
• "Sibling rivalry: My sister hustled everything out of the house. Nothing for one to either." – Emily (06:49)
• "My plan backfired on me...the weed didn't do anything except give him a headache." – Bert (07:48)

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2. Spicing Up Long-Term Relationships

Timestamps: 13:21 – 20:27

Main Theme:
How do you keep the spark alive in a relationship that’s gone a little routine? Bert shares an innovative “sexy photo” routine inspired by a friend’s wife, sparking a spirited group discussion—and plenty of listener input—about anticipation and creative intimacy.

Key Discussion Points

• The Sexy Photo Strategy:

  • Bert describes a friend’s wife who, to shake up their routine, started sending sexy photos (“just a little peaksy”) at strategic, inconvenient moments—like during a high-pressure work meeting—with playful captions. The trick: the anticipation, since he's around her all day but can't act on it immediately.
    • "Underneath it, it says, 9:30 tonight, come and get it." (14:53)
    • "He sees the visual... constantly reminded all day long of what's gonna happen later on that night." (15:28)
  • Emily: "It's the one time that he has no control... she sends. I think that's also..." (15:40)

• Does This Work Both Ways?

  • David: "Does this work the other way?" (16:33)
  • Melissa argues that, for women, craftier words might be just as exciting as photos: "If you say things to us like what you're gonna do later, right, Just in a written out text message, I think that's just as exciting." (16:56)

• Listener Stories:

  • Angel: 17 years with her husband, keeps things fresh with occasional sexy photos and videos. "And it's always, always on when that happens. He just loves it." (18:37)
  • Kerry: Works with her boyfriend, so they send each other flirty messages and photos to keep things fun. "It's as awesome for me as it is for him... it can spark anything." (19:20)

Notable Quotes

• "You get to a point where things can get a little stale... you just got to keep a relationship fun and exciting, and it’s just a great thing to do." – Kerry (19:44)
• "Guys are visual, so if you do this anytime, it's gonna be a win." – Burt (19:00)
• "There's a chase, there's a mental chase going on." – Emily (17:34)

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3. Comedic Travel Misadventures – “Longest Wrong-Way Drive”

Timestamps: 20:51 – 27:03

Main Theme:
Bert invites listeners to share stories of the longest distance they’ve ever driven in the wrong direction before realizing their mistake—leading to a slew of hilarious, relatable, and sometimes jaw-dropping travel fails.

Key Discussion Points

• Katie’s Starter Story:

  • Set-up: Katie, returning from South Carolina, realizes an hour into her drive that she’s headed north, not south: "She ended up going north for one hour before she realized... She puts GPS in and she realizes, good God, I just went an hour out of my way." (21:15)
  • The hosts tally "one hour (about 60 miles)" as the baseline.

• Epic Listener Detours:

  • Lauren: Trying to drive from Paducah, Kentucky, to Dayton, Ohio, ends up in Nashville, Tennessee—four hours out of the way, in a snowstorm. "I didn't get home until 3:00 in the morning." (23:17-23:40)
  • Jennifer: Picks up a friend from the airport; supposed to drive to Hilton Head, ends up in Alabama. Trip becomes nine or ten hours instead of four. "My daughter kept saying, Mom, we're headed to Montgomery... Mom, we're in Alabama... we had to go all the way across Georgia to even get to South Carolina." (25:21-26:10)
  • Rebecca: Spins around Atlanta’s 285 loop for four hours as a college freshman before finally asking for help at Waffle House. (24:15-24:53)
  • Jessica: Meant to drive to Graceland; ends up pulled over by a Mississippi state trooper after following a friend’s errant navigation—map held upside down. (26:24-26:47)
  • The group laughs about how talking, distractions, and bad directions conspire to yield wild detours.

Notable Quotes

• "That realization that you're going the wrong way and that pit in your stomach. Like, what a waste of my life right here." – Burt (21:49)
• "State difference." – David, on how far off course the callers get (25:50)
• "I was a little girl from a small town, never been in the big city, and my family still talks about that. And I'm in my 30s." – Rebecca, summing up the lasting embarrassment (24:55)

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4. Memorable and Funny Moments

• Sibling IOU: The revelation that Emmy’s sister took the fall for a major mishap and will "always" hold it over her: "Your sister's for life. You know that, right? It's the rest of your life." – Emily (04:00)
• Bert’s Weed Fail: Bert’s teenage “foolproof plan” to steal and sell his parents’ weed only for it to have zero effect. "The weed didn't do anything except give him a headache." – Bert (07:48)
• Relationship Advice, Radio Style: Creative ways to keep romance alive—ranging from sexy photos to playful texts—offered up with the group's usual open, teasing energy.

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5. Stand-Out Quotes by Timestamp

• "One out of four is low." – David (01:04)
• "I have actually stolen two handles of vodka along with my mom's car to go to a party, and then I hit a tree..." – Guest Caller (02:56)
• "You owe her, and she's gonna cash in later." – Emily (03:36)
• "I was going through her file cabinet drawers and found a whole couple of envelopes of cash." – Bert (05:17)
• "My plan backfired on me… the weed didn't do anything except give him a headache." – Bert (07:48)
• "There's a chase, there's a mental chase going on." – Emily (17:34)
• "That realization that you're going the wrong way and that pit in your stomach... what a waste of my life right here." – Bert (21:49)

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6. Tone & Style

True to The Bert Show’s vibe, this episode blends heartfelt honesty with laugh-out-loud stories and playful, sometimes risqué, banter. The hosts create a safe space for both listeners and themselves to confess hilarious and sometimes mortifying stories—always with good humor, warmth, and camaraderie.

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Listen If You...

• Love reliving youthful mischief and sibling shenanigans.
• Want creative, fun (and slightly cheeky) advice for keeping relationships exciting.
• Need a laugh about travel nightmares and wrong-way road trip stories.
• Appreciate candid, relatable real-life radio with lots of audience participation!

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Transcript

[Burt]

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[Melissa]

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[David]

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[Burt]

The Birch Show. New study coming out saying one in four of your kids. One in four. I'm taking something from you guys. You think they're angels, right? But when you guys aren't looking, they're all up in your closet.

[Emily]

My baby. My baby's perfect. You know what? He's always been a good kid. I don't know about those other kids, but I know my kid. He would never do anything like that to me.

[David]

I think one out of four is low.

[Burt]

That's what this one says. You got to think that they're. Most of them are lying on. So it's probably more like 50%.

[David]

Yeah.

[Burt]

Brittany, you are on the voice disguiser. Good morning.

[Female Caller]

Keep my halo. I'm start off by saying I only do this when she tells me I can. But my mom wanted my bills. Most of the time my phone bill. And when she does, I know her credit card number by heart. And I'll pay like four of them.

[Burt]

And your mom won't know that you're using her credit card to pay your bills.

[Female Caller]

Well, my mom, financially, she's pretty well off financially. So. No, she doesn't. Unless it's like, you know, like if I pay my rent or something, maybe she'll look at that.

[Burt]

But don't you think that even if you asked her for the cash, she'd give it to you?

[Female Caller]

But, I mean, she'll give me the third degree about it. She'll just be like, I mean, because I work and I have. I make enough money to pay my bills. But the thing with my phone bill, it's in my name. But we have a family plan. It's just me and her. So she'll offer to pay it, you know, because it's her cell phone, too, but no.

[Burt]

How old are you?

[Female Caller]

I'm actually 20.

[Burt]

20.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Burt]

And it is a family plan.

[Female Caller]

Yeah. In my name.

[Burt]

My dad will pay. My mom will pay. His family plan.

[Emily]

Yeah. I love you.

[Female Caller]

Said.

[Emily]

You know, I got a job. I can cover that bill. But since I know my mother's credit card name or number by heart, well, I'll use it. She never pays attention.

[Burt]

Oh, she knows. Hey, Jamie, do me a favor, will you hold on? Because you're going to be my final call. You're my closer.

[Guest Caller]

Okay.

[Burt]

All right. Hold on.

[David]

What's that mean?

[Emily]

Yeah, exactly.

[David]

I understand.

[Tremphya Advertiser]

What?

[Melissa]

What did he just say?

[David]

Final call. Did he kill me?

[Melissa]

Did he call me that?

[David]

Is he gonna kill me?

[Burt]

Good morning, Emmy.

[Female Caller]

Hi.

[Burt]

Hi. You're on the voice disguiser.

[Guest Caller]

I have actually stolen two handles of vodka along with my mom's car to go to a party. And then I hit a tree with my mom's car, drove it back into the driveway, and then she didn't notice for a week. And when she asked what happened, I told her that she must have done something, that I didn't do it.

[Burt]

She didn't believe that.

[Guest Caller]

I know. But then I had to blame my sister.

[Burt]

You never took the fall for her, so you never admitted to it.

[Guest Caller]

I never admitted to it.

[Emily]

How old are you now?

[Guest Caller]

I'm 18.

[Emily]

Oh, you're still 18. Okay.

[Burt]

And how old is your sister?

[Female Caller]

Wow.

[Guest Caller]

She's 20.

[Burt]

And did she take the fall for you?

[Guest Caller]

Yeah, she did.

[Burt]

She did.

[Female Caller]

She did.

[Melissa]

Why did she do that?

[Emily]

You owe her, and she's gonna cash in later.

[Guest Caller]

She told me I owe her, but.

[Burt]

So you stole your parents vodka, you drank it, then wrapped your car around a tree, and then blamed it on your sister?

[Guest Caller]

Yep.

[Burt]

But what do you mean?

[David]

You owe her, but what? You're not gonna.

[Emily]

You don't think that she'll ever ask you to?

[Guest Caller]

She says the next time she ever needs anything, that I owe her money. Anything.

[Emily]

Your sister's for life. You know that, right? It's the rest of your life.

[Burt]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

She's gonna dangle that over her head forever.

[Emily]

And being the younger sister, you will always hear that story every Christmas. Like, eventually, when it comes out and you all can laugh about it, it will come up every holiday of what you did.

[Burt]

Sarah, you're on the voice disguiser. Good morning.

[Guest Caller]

Hello.

[Burt]

How old are you?

[Guest Caller]

I'm 14.

[Burt]

14. All right. What, are you stealing from your folks?

[Guest Caller]

Pretty much. Mostly just, like, money, but sometimes I'll take a couple sips or something like booze. Yeah.

[Melissa]

Like what?

[Guest Caller]

Like, she's got, like, vodka sometimes, or wine, beer.

[Melissa]

When do you sip it?

[Guest Caller]

When they're not home.

[Burt]

Like, every day. They're not home?

[Guest Caller]

No, no, no, no, no. Like, once a month, maybe 14.

[Burt]

Are most of your friends doing the same thing?

[Guest Caller]

A lot of them are.

[Burt]

Oh, it scares me. And how much cash do you think you've stolen from them over the years?

[Guest Caller]

Not. Not too much. Just, like, I live near a lot of places we can go to eat, so I'll just go grab a couple bucks sometimes to go, like, to eat somewhere.

[Burt]

I found my parents cash stash also. I'm probably younger than him, right? Yeah. Must have been, because it was before I left for California, so I was probably seven.

[Melissa]

You're dipping in.

[Emily]

You're stealing money at seven?

[Burt]

Yeah, man. I was going through her file cabinet drawers and found a whole couple of envelopes. The cash.

[Melissa]

You realize that's one year from where your son is.

[Burt]

Oh, that's terrible.

[David]

Well done, Javi.

[Burt]

Oh, that's awful.

[Melissa]

In a year, hey, you'd be dipping into your cash jar, man, I remember

[Burt]

going and getting all these Hostess cupcakes for all the kids on the street and dipping into that thing all the time. All the time.

[Melissa]

Next year, buddy.

[Burt]

Good morning, qfk.

[David]

I ever stole from my parents only because they were broke. Like, my parents are so frugal with money that, like, everything was allocated. And, like, I think if even if I took a dollar out of my dad's wallet, he would have noticed. He would have been. He would have known. Because I just think that's the way they. They operate. They're just very budgeted and.

[Burt]

How about y' all set?

[Melissa]

I think I did. I remember stealing one of my dad's beers and it tasting awful. Like, thinking it was gonna. You know, it was like one of those fancy kind or whatever. And I just remember it being horrible. But I remember stashing a couple of those in a backpack before leaving to go, like, hang out with my cheerleader friends or something.

[Emily]

My sister was such.

[David]

The girl with the beer in the backpack. Oh, Jen's here. And you take out two Old Milwaukee's best.

[Melissa]

No, they were like Becks or something like that.

[Emily]

My sister was such the rebel. And I think siblings naturally morph into something different than the other siblings. So, Yeah, I didn't. I was too scared to do anything. She'd already.

[Burt]

She.

[Emily]

Well, my sister already cleaned the house, so there wasn't anything left to steal.

[David]

She hustled everything out of the house.

[Emily]

My sister hustled everything out of the house. Nothing for one to either.

[Melissa]

I'm guessing my younger brother was that way too. I was too scared.

[David]

What do you guys help me out? I stole from my parents at 7.

[Burt]

No, I got a worse one than that. Even if you really want to go confess, let's do it. I've told you about this one before though.

[Emily]

Yeah.

[Burt]

And again, I'm not proud of this and I would never do it now, of course, but. Yeah. When I was in high school, my parents went away for vacation. I was just one of these dudes that went in their room, had to see what was in the closet, what was in their drawers and stuff. And I went in there one day and I found a whole stash of marijuana. Whole stash. So I took about half of it and sold it at school.

[Melissa]

No way.

[Burt]

I did.

[Emily]

You did.

[Burt]

And it was like the foolproof plan because what are your parents gonna do? They're gonna go, you stole my weed.

[Melissa]

They're not gonna admit to you.

[Burt]

They never admit to it. Yeah. So I sold it to a whole bunch of guys at school. And on Monday morning, I remember coming back to school and them all being mad at me because the weed didn't do anything except give him a headache. It was a really bad, really bad batch or something like that. So my plan backfired on me.

[Melissa]

But you thought you were gonna be the cool kid.

[Burt]

It was so foolproof.

[Emily]

Like you're seven, so you must have had it 17.

[David]

You must have had exciting parents. Because I can't really think of anything more boring than going through my parents room.

[Burt]

Oh, no.

[Melissa]

I found my parents Joy of Sex book when I was that young and like.

[Emily]

Oh, Harry, Harry, Harry.

[Melissa]

It's like all illustrated and everything.

[Emily]

70s.

[Burt]

Yeah. Do you think that book has changed over the years to where it's all trimmed down now?

[Melissa]

I don't know.

[Emily]

That'd be interesting to see, wouldn't it? Because the 1970s version is just gross.

[Melissa]

I remember being shocked. I was pretty young. I shouldn't have been snooping around in there. But I was like, what is that?

[Burt]

God. They would close that room door and it was just like, it was an open invitation. Like, I'm not allowed in there. Forget about this. I gotta go in there and see what they're trying to hide. Yeah, there was all sorts of stuff. There was weed. I found a gun I didn't even know we had in the house also.

[Melissa]

Really?

[Burt]

Yeah.

[Emily]

I never even searched for my Christmas presents. I was that I. Yeah, I knew because all my friends would go Find theirs. But I never did that because I didn't want to be disappointed.

[David]

I found mine by accident when I was like 12 and was so devastated that I could. Like, I started crying and went down and confessed to them like I lost it. Like it's like 12 or 13 years old. Far too old to be that affected by it. But it was something totally random that. That I knew my parents kept in their closet.

[Emily]

Was the hyperventilating cry. Yeah, that one.

[David]

But I can. I mean, I can remember it pass

[Emily]

out before you say anything.

[David]

Almost feel the anxiety now. But I remember I was going into my parents closet for something that they kept in there. Like, I don't remember what it was. Like whatever extra box of tissue, something that I knew they kept in there. And I just remember opening the door and turning to the side where it is and seeing on the floor, like the shopping bag. And I could see the three things in there and freezing and panicking and then just starting to uncontrollably cry. And I had to go downstairs.

[Burt]

You're such a good kid.

[David]

And I had to go downstairs and tell him. And I'm like, you're president.

[Female Caller]

I got a kid. I got.

[David]

And they're trying.

[Burt]

That's the kind of thing you'll run away from the house thinking that the punishment is going to be so bad. I'll just run away for two weeks.

[David]

Well, I.

[Emily]

Then you get to the end of

[David]

the yard to retell the story. Apparently I was more upset that I wouldn't be surprised. Like I wasn't upset that I found them and ruined their surprise. I felt I was upset that I ruined my own Christmas Eve.

[Melissa]

You ripped off your own Christmas Eve?

[Female Caller]

Yeah.

[David]

Now why do I even gonna get up on the 25th? Just gonna get drunk on Christmas Eve and sleep through it.

[Burt]

Hey, Jamie. What? Are you stealing from your parents?

[Guest Caller]

No, it's what my stepdaughter stole from me.

[Emily]

Ooh.

[Burt]

Okay. Oh.

[Melissa]

Sound like a tone. I don't like your tone.

[Emily]

Yes, ma'.

[Tremphya Advertiser]

Am.

[Melissa]

I'm sitting up straight.

[Female Caller]

Let's do it.

[Emily]

Yes, ma'. Am.

[Burt]

What happened?

[Guest Caller]

Ma'?

[Burt]

Am?

[David]

What do you got?

[Burt]

Go ahead. You're on the voice disguiser.

[Guest Caller]

I woke up one morning to. And realized that one of my personal. Yeah,

[Emily]

an adult item was gone.

[Guest Caller]

Item was gone from the top nightstand drawer.

[Emily]

Had you used that adult item before?

[Guest Caller]

Oh, please.

[David]

Have you used it since then?

[Guest Caller]

No.

[Burt]

And how. How old is the stepdaughter?

[Guest Caller]

She was 17.

[Burt]

Wow.

[Guest Caller]

It was gone. And then about 30 minutes later, it reappeared.

[Female Caller]

Oh, my God.

[Burt]

No, no, no, no, no. Oh, no. Did you confront her on it?

[Emily]

I want a customer per item, please.

[Melissa]

Just out of curiosity, alcohol.

[David]

Have you ever used that item with her dad?

[Guest Caller]

Not after that.

[Burt]

Oh, but before. But before that.

[David]

You did?

[Guest Caller]

Yes.

[Burt]

Yes, The Bircho.

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[Burt]

I feel some of you guys, I mean, I've been. I've been with the Same woman now 14 years. 14 years.

[Melissa]

That is a blessing. And you are a lucky man.

[Emily]

Yes, I am. I love the way you say that.

[Burt]

14 years, though. I mean, you got to get creative, man. And some of you are in relationships right now. Things got a little bit getting a little routine, and you're scratching your head on ways that you might be able to shake it up a little bit. Not in major ways, just little things that you can do sort of light the fire just a little bit. So let me tell you a plan that the wife of a friend of mine started a couple of months ago that has worked for them. Now, you can overdo this, so don't overdo it.

[David]

Yeah, you know you can. If you go too extreme on anything, it fails more miserably than if you never did it at all.

[Burt]

I think this is more of a case of just doing it too many times.

[David]

Okay.

[Burt]

And it's gonna sound pretty basic in the beginning, but there's a real key to this one. Okay. And I wrote some of this stuff down so I wouldn't jack it all up. They first, they work in the same office together.

[Melissa]

So the first home together and at work together.

[Burt]

Together and work together. Right. So they're seeing each other all the time. But what happened a couple of months ago was he was in a meeting, a high pressure meeting, closed door conference. Right. And she got kind of a crazy hair. So she decided to go into one of the empty office offices in their own building. And she snapped a sexy photo of herself. I'm not exactly sure if it was nude or just a little peaksy. Peaksy. And she sends it to him with. While he's in his meeting.

[Emily]

Funny.

[Burt]

And underneath it, it says, 9:30 tonight, come and get it. So while he's in. Yeah, so while he's in the meeting, he sees this. Now here is the whole trick to this for him is that it differs from your normal sext message or your normal picture because he's around her all day long now. So the visual is in front of him. And he's constantly reminded all day long of what's gonna happen later on that night. So he goes home that night, 9:30, rolls around and he says the hotness happens.

[Emily]

But I also think. And tell me if this is also a key, if this is also key, because he sees he's with her all the time, but at the moment she sends that picture is a moment he can't take advantage of anything.

[Burt]

That's exactly right. He can't do anything for hours.

[Emily]

So it's the one time that he has no control and cannot see her. And that's when she sends. I think that's also.

[Burt]

That's a key right there. So that you're gonna have the visual all day. And he can't. Or she can't capitalize on it right there. There's gonna be a couple of hours. So he says, then a couple of weeks later, they are at a restaurant with a whole bunch of their friends. And it's about an hour long dinner and about halfway through she skips out and she goes to the bathroom. It's a private bathroom, so not one of those nasty stall type deals. And she does the same thing. She takes just a real quick picture on her phone, sends it to him on his. And the caption Just says, when dinner is over, dessert is waiting for you at home. So now he goes back to the table, she's right next to him again. He's constantly reminded of what's gonna. He can't capitalize on it right now. So he's getting more and more fired up. As dinner goes on, they get home, the hotness occurs again.

[David]

Does this work the other way?

[Burt]

I don't know. I think as guys we would say no, but I'd have to. I don't know. Does it?

[Melissa]

Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I think it definitely does.

[David]

Well then I'll be right back. One of you ladies is about to get.

[Melissa]

I think for women we wouldn't, we wouldn't need pictures. It would just be craftier words.

[Burt]

Okay. Cause the guys are visual, guys are more visual.

[Melissa]

But if you say things to us like what you're gonna do later, right, Just in a written out text message, I think that's just as exciting.

[Burt]

She's done it a couple of more times than that. At Thanksgiving dinner at his parents house, she did it also saying basically, you know, like when Thanksgiving dinner is over and we get home, man, are you gonna get it? She did at a formal event a couple of weeks ago also awesome. Where she pretends to go to the bathroom or whatever. And just a little sneaky kind of sexy photo and says after the event tonight, I'm all yours. But like Melissa said, he can't capitalize on it right now. And all he can do is think of her and that picture for the next couple of hours. So when he gets home, it's a

[Emily]

chase, there's a mental chase going on.

[David]

But now there's a great opportunity for her to start jacking with him. Like take a picture of her topless wearing those bright yellow dishwashing gloves, holding a turkey baster and send the same thing.

[Emily]

Now that would be hot to you.

[David]

This is weird. And then just write like 9:30 tonight. Because he's gonna spend the rest of the day wondering if he should go into hiding or should go home.

[Melissa]

He needs to hold one of those kashi meals.

[Burt]

So the bottom line he says for him is that he tried a couple of times in between these to where she would be at a different place. And she sent a sexy picture also, which was cool. Cause those are always cool to get as a guy. But he said there's just something different when she's in another room and, and he's forced to be around her for 45 minutes, an hour and a half, three hours before the actual action. Takes place. Does that make sense?

[Melissa]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Burt]

Hey, angel. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Female Caller]

Hi. I do this for my husband. We've been together for 17 years.

[Melissa]

Wow.

[Female Caller]

What?

[Melissa]

Congratulations.

[Female Caller]

But, you know, you get to a point where things can get a little stale or whatever. And he was working days, I was working nights. And when I was at home, I would take pictures and send them to him at work or on occasion, make a video for him. And then I would send him a text message or a phone call and say, hey, you know, you've got a prize when you come home kind of thing. And it's always, always on when that happens. He just loves it.

[Burt]

Guys are visual, so if you do this anytime, it's gonna be a win. But his key for him was being next to her. Not only sending the picture, but she was gonna be next to him, and there was nothing he could do about it for a couple of hours. So there's a little bit of a difference there, you know?

[Melissa]

Mm.

[Burt]

Hey, Kerry, you're on Q100.

[Female Caller]

Hey, guys. How are you?

[Burt]

Good. How are you?

[Female Caller]

Wonderful, actually. I'm sitting in my car laughing because I actually work with my boyfriend, and we do this quite a bit, and it's as awesome for me as it is for him. And I'm telling you, for any couple, whether you're dating or you're married, it can spark anything.

[Emily]

Can I ask a question? Is that how your relationship started?

[Female Caller]

No.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Emily]

Yeah.

[Female Caller]

Not at all. It actually, we only started this, I'd say, a couple of months ago, and he just randomly sent me something. And we don't do it all the time because obviously you don't want to just make that. Yeah, exactly. But, you know, he was on his way to a very, very important meeting, and I ran into the bathroom real quick and took a cute little picture and sent it to him and said, good luck on your meeting. And it was just. It was. It's just fun. You just got to keep a relationship fun and exciting, and it's just a great thing to do.

[Burt]

Sure. As I said, it's always going to be welcomed. But the extra kicker here is the picture that is delivered to him while he's still around you. You're in the other room or you're stuck at dinner together.

[Emily]

Jeff's leaving the. That makes me nervous with you.

[Burt]

Take a picture of it.

[Melissa]

Jessica's.

[Emily]

I don't mean to interrupt. I'm just saying.

[Female Caller]

Warning.

[Emily]

Warning.

[Burt]

I'm turning my phone off.

[Grainger Advertiser]

Hey, the Burt Show.

[Burt]

I want to do sort of a Burt Show Guinness Book of Worlds records here. And I want to find the person that has driven the longest in the wrong direction before you realize that you had taken a wrong turn somewhere. And here's why I'm asking. We have a friend, Katie, who was in South Carolina, and on Sunday she was supposed to be driving back to Georgia.

[Melissa]

Oh, no.

[Burt]

It just took one wrong turn on Route 17. She was supposed to be going south and she ended up going north for one hour. So let's call it 60 miles would be our starting point. Before she realized, wait a second. Some here done right. It doesn't look right. Like we're in Albany, New York, and we're supposed to be in Georgia.

[Melissa]

Wait a second. Where are we going?

[Burt]

Wait a minute. Something doesn't make sense. So she puts GPS in and she realizes, good God, I just went an hour out of my way.

[Melissa]

Wrong way. Because that's. Then that's two hours detour.

[David]

Oh.

[Melissa]

Especially with Thanksgiving traffic. That is the worst.

[Burt]

It is when you. That realization that you're going the wrong way and that pitt in your stomach. Like, what a waste of my life right here.

[David]

When we did the contest where we took winners out to Las Vegas, married the Diamond Dash. The Solomon Brothers Diamond Dash. That's what it was. The bus driver made a mistake leaving Memphis and didn't realize it until he hit North Carolina.

[Burt]

Oof, that hurts.

[Melissa]

What?

[David]

Yeah. You didn't know that?

[Melissa]

I remember that happening.

[David]

Yeah. He was supposed to go west, obviously, because they had stops in all these different cities, so they had Graceland, obviously. So they hung out and they saw Graceland and that was cool.

[Female Caller]

And.

[David]

And then the bus driver.

[Emily]

It takes eight or nine hours to get through Tennessee.

[David]

Oh, yeah, they know.

[Emily]

Wow.

[David]

It threw us off by a whole day. Because their next stop was supposed to be.

[Melissa]

They have to like skip their next stop or something.

[David]

So. Hey, where are you guys? Well, we're in Memphis again. Alrighty then.

[Emily]

Yeah, I didn't know that. I've gotten out of my way before. Like, I've. I've been in the right direction, but I was trying to get to a beach location on the east, on the east coast. And it was, you know, I forgot if it was in South Carolina or. It must been South Carolina. But anyway, So I took 85 up to Greenville rather than 20 over. So I. It was probably an extra two and a half hours for me to drive then south through South Carolina. So I saw the whole state, which is a beautiful state.

[Burt]

I think it's more impressive to hear the mile difference. So in your two and a half hours. What are you talking, 120 miles?

[Emily]

I'm not good at that, but let's say.

[Burt]

Yeah, 120 miles.

[Emily]

Yeah.

[Burt]

All right. Good morning, Lauren, you're on Q100. Hi.

[Female Caller]

Good morning.

[Burt]

Hi. How far out of your way?

[Female Caller]

Oh, let's see. I lived in Dayton, Ohio, drove to Paducah, Kentucky for work. Coming back, the next sign I see is welcome to Nashville, Tennessee.

[Melissa]

Oh, whoops.

[Burt]

So how many miles are we talking about here?

[Female Caller]

I honestly have no idea. I just know I didn't get home until 3:00 in the morning.

[Burt]

How many hours?

[Female Caller]

It was a good four hours out of my way. Four hours in the middle of. In February in a snowstorm.

[Melissa]

Oh, that's awesome.

[Burt]

So you have to assume that you're going 60 miles an hour. So that's what, 240 miles out of your way?

[Emily]

Probably.

[Melissa]

I did it one time going from just from Gainesville to Tallahassee when I was a freshman in college. And we were turned around for probably about an hour going back towards Jacksonville instead of towards Tallahassee on I10.

[Emily]

And then it's that. That feeling that you have, wait a second, are we going the right way? And then you start looking for the sign, the interstate sign, to see if it says north or south or whatever.

[Melissa]

For some reason it won't come for like forever.

[David]

Right?

[Emily]

Right.

[David]

Because you need it.

[Melissa]

Yes.

[Burt]

Hey, Rebecca. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Female Caller]

Hey. I went to the University of Tennessee. Woohoo. And when I was trying to go home, it was eight hours away from Knoxville. My parents dropped me off and they said, come home by yourself. Now, this was before math class, and I had never been on the interstate. I spun around 285 for 4 hours. Not figure out how to get off on 85 south to go to Columbus. Could not do it. Went to a Waffle House, finally in tears and asked the guy, I said, I will pay you money to take me to Columbus. I just kept on my way.

[David]

So how could you?

[Female Caller]

It was awful.

[Burt]

I was a little girl from a

[Female Caller]

small town, never been in the big city, and my family still talks about that. And I'm in my 30s.285 goes east,

[Emily]

west, north and south. And I know it sounds dumb, but when you first move here and if you just get confused, it confuses you.

[Burt]

Things look awfully familiar here.

[Female Caller]

You're like, wait a second, I said

[Melissa]

I was going east.

[Female Caller]

Yeah.

[David]

Look, kids, Big Ben. Look, kids, Big Ben.

[Burt]

Good morning, Jennifer.

[Female Caller]

You're on Q100 hey, I'd like to say I love your show, but I picked up a friend of mine from the airport and we were supposed to been going to Hilton Head and we ended up in Alabama. Oh, we went down 85 and we ended up off of the exit, the first exit into Alabama, before we realized we went the wrong way.

[Burt]

Whoops.

[Emily]

Wow.

[Burt]

How many hours difference is that?

[Female Caller]

Oh, my gosh. Let's see. It takes about four hours to get to Hilton Head. We got there in about nine, 10 hours.

[David]

So what are y' all doing?

[Emily]

State difference.

[David]

Just talking and hanging out and not paying attention.

[Female Caller]

It was funny because I had my girls, my two daughters in the backseat. My oldest one's 13, and she kept saying, mom, we're headed to Montgomery. I'm like, oh, that's all right, Sarah. We're fine. We're going the right way. Mom, we're in Alabama. And she's like, you should have listened to me. Like, yeah, I guess I should have. Because then we had to go all the way across Georgia to even get to South Carolina.

[Burt]

So we had about 300 mile difference there.

[Female Caller]

Oh, yeah, it was bad.

[Emily]

That is so funny because, I mean, Atlanta. Yeah, that's so funny. She's 13, and so she will all wait, you know? Anyway.

[Burt]

Good morning, Jessica. You're part of the bird show. Hi.

[Female Caller]

Hi. When I was 16, right after I got my driver's license, a bunch of my friends decided we were going to go to Graceland. And let's just say I was mine to be driving. A friend of mine was navigating and he's like, go here, go here. And we didn't realize until I got pulled over by a state trooper and Mississippi. Mississippi. That we were going west instead of northwest.

[Melissa]

And your parents like, dude, I totally

[Female Caller]

had the map upside down. Exactly.

[Guest Caller]

Horrible.

[Burt]

And you're driving 15 miles an hour.

[David]

So did the cops say to you by any chance, all right, kids, where are you from? You know, we're from Atlanta. Where are you headed? We're headed to Graceland. Memphis. He's like, by way of where?

[Burt]

The bird show.

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