Full Show PT 3: Tuesday, March 3 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 3: Tuesday, March 3 [Vault]

Air Date: March 3, 2026
Hosts: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and the Bert Show cast

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Episode Overview

This episode delivers The Bert Show's signature blend of humor, authenticity, and relatable drama. The core of this segment revolves around the crew's "Raise Your Hands" poll—a series of revealing yes-or-no questions aimed at triggering honest (and sometimes embarrassing) admissions from the hosts. Other highlights include a hilarious and ego-filled discussion about a gym owner's personal mural, and a cringe-worthy-yet-heartwarming update from a listener whose boyfriend's dad is her gynecologist.

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Key Segments & Highlights

1. Raise Your Hands Poll: Revealing Radio Confessions

Timestamps: 00:45–16:27

How the Segment Works (00:45)

• Listeners can see the in-studio video online.
• Each host answers a set of yes/no, potentially uncomfortable questions; hands are raised to indicate "yes." Some hosts later discuss why they answered as they did.

Notable Questions & Admissions

• "Would you save one castmate over another (if everyone was dangling from a cliff)?"

  • Jeff admits he fudged this one, joking his priorities might be based on who is easiest to save or who has children.
  • Quote: "Take that back. There's definitely someone I would save last. And that's Javi." – Jeff (02:02)

• "Have you looked up an ex online recently?"

  • Bert, Jeff, Jen, and Wendy say yes.
  • Bert’s explored Facebook to reconnect with an old flame for nostalgia, admitting, "I was interested to see what she turned into... I looked her up on Facebook." (04:14)

• "Have all your sick day excuses this year been true?"

  • Only Jen confesses to calling in due to emotional distress.
  • "Yeah, I was too upset to come in one day because of everything that happened over the last couple of months." – Jen (06:08)

• "Would you rather sleep alone, regardless of relationship status?"

  • Bert and Jeff agree occasional solo sleeping is nice for personal comfort.
  • "There should be designated solo days of the month." – Jeff (07:10)

• "Do you have a current friend you don’t care for, but keep because they advance your social status?"

  • Wendy confesses, calling these friends useful for social access.
  • "You sort of have a group, and they can always give you a little step ahead... even if you don't want to be." – Wendy (08:08)

• "Have you hidden money from a partner?"

  • Jen is the only one to say yes, explaining she had “mostly separate accounts.”

• "Do you prefer being at work to being at home?"

  • Wendy says she prefers the social activity of work.
  • "I live by myself. So it’s much more fun to be at work... I hate sitting still." – Wendy (09:48)

• "Have you ever shoplifted?"

  • Bert and Jeff both confess.
  • Jeff recalls childhood guilt over a tube of paint.
  • Bert shares a "Little League candy theft" spree, describing it as a daily activity for an entire season (11:44–12:11).

• "Has a parent ever walked in during sex?"

  • Both Jen and Bert answer yes, sharing awkward, comedic stories about being caught—as teens—by parents (12:35–13:45).

• "Have you ever had sex with two different people in the same day?"

  • Only Bert guiltily admits “yes.” The group teases him for glossing over the topic.
  • "That's disgusting. Is that why you're breezing over it?" – Jen (14:06)

• "Ever forced yourself to vomit after eating or drinking?"

  • Jen and Wendy share stories about using this tactic after heavy drinking, while Jeff discovers he lied and recalls a time he induced vomiting after realizing he’d eaten raw chicken.
  • "If it’s alcohol, it’s okay." – Bert (14:42)

Memorable Moment

• The cast’s playful, judgment-free reactions and honest, often embarrassing stories provide a riotous window into both their private quirks and camaraderie.

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2. The Giant Gym Owner Mural Debate

Timestamps: 17:03–24:53

• Bert describes his shock at finding a 6’x4’ mural of his friend (and gym owner) Dolvett, displayed at Dolvett's gym. The mural features Dolvett being “sculpted” like an Adonis, with hands chiseling his abs.
• The crew jokes about the level of self-adoration involved and compare the mural to Ben Stiller's character's gym in "Dodgeball."
• Dolvett calls in, lightheartedly defending the mural as a creative depiction of his dedication.
  • "It looks hot, and you know it." – Dolvett (24:21)
  • Bert promises to post the mural online for listeners to weigh in.

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3. Listener Drama: The Gynecologist Dad

Timestamps: 25:07–31:36

The Setup (25:07)

• Listener Piper updates the show after a previous dilemma: she realized her new boyfriend’s dad is also her gynecologist.

The Outcome (26:48)

• Piper took the hosts’ advice and told her boyfriend right before meeting the parents. He took it well, joked, and prepared her for the dinner.
• The dad acted professionally and, at dinner, even suggested other gynecologists for Piper's future visits.
  • "On the way out, he said...now that you're dating my son...he gave me names of other gynecologists." – Piper (29:08)

Listener Call-In: Another Awkward Doctor Story (29:41)

• Denise shares her own story of having the same doctor as her boyfriend, recalling awkward exam room conversations about her boyfriend.

Hosts’ Final Thoughts

• The cast expresses relief that Piper’s situation resolved smoothly and credits both her boyfriend and his father for mature, cool responses.
  • "It shows that your boyfriend’s pretty mature, too. Yeah, he wasn’t freaked out." – Jen (31:19)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• "Take that back. There’s definitely someone I would save last. And that’s Javi." – Jeff (02:02)
• "You sort of have a group, and they can always give you a little step ahead at certain places so you’re kind of nicer to them even if you don't want to be." – Wendy (08:08)
• "It looks hot, and you know it." – Dolvett, defending his gym mural (24:21)
• "On the way out, he said, now that you’re dating my son...he gave me names of other gynecologists." – Piper (29:08)

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Episode Structure & Tone

• Style: Conversational, honest, and frequently self-deprecating with lots of friendly teasing.
• Flow: Moves from group confessions to anecdotal deep dives and listener calls, keeping a light-hearted yet authentic atmosphere.

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Takeaways

• The Bert Show continues to use humor and brutal honesty to create relatable, water-cooler conversation moments.
• Even the most awkward personal stories can become sources of laughs and (accidentally) good advice.
• The authenticity and camaraderie of the cast—plus their willingness to share private stories—are key to the show’s ongoing appeal.

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End of Summary
(Key ad breaks, music, intros/outros, and promotions have been omitted for clarity.)

Transcript

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[C]

Hey, the Burt Show. All right, Melissa, you want to explain exactly what raise your hands poll is? It's been up online now for a couple of days so we can talk about it.

[D]

Well, it's basically, we all submit some questions that might be uncomfortable for us here in the studio to answer. And so Tracy comes in and she asks the question, and we all raise our hands if it's a yes, and we keep our hands down if it's a no because every question is a yes or no question. We also have a camera in studio, and we're recording these answers. So Tracy says on air, how many people raise their hand? And then that way you go online at all the hitsq100.com, see the video, and see exactly who raised their hand. And now I guess we're going to explain why we may have raised our hands on some of these.

[C]

All right, Jeff was the first to come forward because we all sweared on something that we really cared a lot for before we went into this thing that we were gonna answer honestly. And Jeff was the first to come forward and say, look, I think I might have fudged on a couple of those.

[E]

I don't even know why. Like, I think it's. I don't know why. Well, I just felt bad. Like, the one that keeps coming to mind is, if everybody was dangling from a cliff, would you save one before the other? And I didn't raise my hand. And the reality is, yeah, like, my first thought was Wendy, because she's the youngest and, you know, the smallest, the easiest one to fling over my shoulder. I mean, if I'm gonna save someone, I really don't exert myself to be quite honest with you.

[C]

You and save both me and Wendy at the same time.

[E]

Just sweep you both up. And then Gulliver travel. Dude, what's the guy's name? And then I thought, well, Carter, what a crappy way to Go falling off a cliff after surviving years of kidney disease and then a successful transplant. Like, that would suck. So I thought about Carter, and then

[D]

he dismissed it and said she had her second chance.

[C]

It was a fleeting thought, Javi.

[E]

I really couldn't. I mean, if I'm being honest right now, I couldn't really think of any reason to save.

[F]

Just let me dangle. Bye bye. And save yourself.

[C]

You gotta go.

[E]

And then now Bert had to point it out, but I forgot he had children. Like, obviously, I don't want any two children or any children at all to be raised without a parent. So then even if it's a bad one.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Then I'd have to consider Burt. So. Yeah. So I didn't answer that one honestly because there would be somebody I would probably save first. Well, no, take that back. There's definitely someone I would save last. And that's hobby. The rest of you, I would have to sort out. So, like, I felt bad. Cause I don't know.

[C]

How are you gonna answer it honestly? Who would you say first?

[F]

You gotta pick one.

[C]

You gotta pick one.

[G]

Who's first?

[F]

I mean, I'm happy to come in last place with you, but I would

[E]

probably have to go with Bert because his. Because of the children.

[C]

But let the record show, please, man, think of the children.

[E]

So that was the one that came to mind. And I'm sure as you read these down, I'll go that one, too. Because I remember I sat in the office with Tracy, and I'm like, will you read them to me again?

[C]

Okay, so let's do these. In the past week. Yeah, this is one of the first ones. Whenever we're answering these, my first thought is, lie. Don't deal with the stress that's going to come with these. Just lie through it. It's just a radio segment. I know. And I answered them honestly.

[D]

What's fascinating is the one who. Who he's just talking about how. Just lying, you know, and he could make it easy on himself, but he's the one that initiated the swears that we all had to do.

[C]

Yes. So in the past week, have you looked up an ex online? Everybody said no except me. So let me explain.

[H]

Oh, no.

[C]

Every time. Not every time. In a lot of conversations I've had about Facebook, people are telling me how they've hooked up or reconnected with people from their high schools online.

[E]

Sure.

[C]

And I now have a stupid amount of friends on Facebook. A stupid amount. Right. And I have not reconnected with one person from high school. Not one Person. So while I was on the other day, I said to myself, damn it, I'm gonna reconnect with somebody. And the first person that came to mind was that girl that I told you guys about. Remember? She was a freshman. I was a senior. She puked on my lap after Padres game. Tracy Cole. For whatever reason, I just want to. I was interested to see what she turned into because she was, like, freshman president. She was, like, from this fantastic family, and she just had it all going. So I was just. I thought, I wonder what she's turned into. So I looked her up on Facebook.

[F]

Mm.

[D]

Did you find her?

[C]

I did not. Okay. In the past year, have you looked up an ex online? I said yes. That was the Tracy Cole one. Jeff said yes. Jen said yes. Melissa said no. Wendy said yes.

[G]

Well, yeah, you always kind of, like, browse ex boyfriends.

[E]

I'm surprised you didn't, Melissa, because you had a reunion.

[D]

Yeah, but I. I mean, I dated guys back then, so who cares?

[F]

That's funny, Jen.

[C]

You have.

[F]

Yeah, I think I have. It was kind of. It was kind of vague, but I think I looked up my college boyfriend. When I was a freshman in college at Florida State, I dated a guy named Patrick, and I looked him up to see if he was on MySpace, and he wasn't.

[C]

Okay, Jeff.

[E]

I think just. Same thing, just being on Facebook, and I think I got one or two clicks from, you know, or whatever friend requests from people that I went to high school with. So then you start clicking through, and they're like, oh, I remember that. Oh, yeah. Oh, she was friends with a girl I was in love with. And then click and read all about them and find out how they're miserably happy in the Midwest.

[C]

You wish for the worst, don't you? Yeah. Yeah. Have all of your sick day excuses in 2008 been accurate? In other words, have you ever lied about why you were not coming in? Jen is the only one to answer yes to that.

[F]

Yeah, I was too upset to come

[C]

in one day because of everything that happened over the last couple of months.

[F]

Certainly excusable, but. And it was. I remember it because it was a day that it was just gonna be Melissa and Jeff and I on the show. And normally, I would have never called in sick.

[C]

Mm. That makes perfect sense.

[E]

This is reinforcing my decision to let you fall off the cliff.

[F]

Bye.

[C]

Bye. This is the one I really wanted to answer today. Regardless of your relationship status, would you rather sleep alone at night?

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[G]

You buried yourself.

[C]

Well, I buried myself, but Jeff Said that he would have answered the same way had he thought more about it. Like what I thought was long term. Absolutely not. But the truth is, and I've said this before, that if my wife is out of town for a day or two, I sleep better in the bed when I'm alone. So for. From just every now and then, yes. Long term. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[E]

I had the same thing. I think I just answering this question, I just got too in my head about it and I'm like, well, no, I don't want to sleep, but I'm with Bert. There, there's certain. There should be designated like every third Wednesday, Thursday, Friday should be solo days of the month or something like that because, you know, you get the whole thing.

[C]

It's yours, man. Yeah.

[E]

And you put build up pillows around you and you make a fort.

[F]

Careful what you wish for there, fellas.

[C]

Right? Just as I said, three days a month.

[F]

Careful what you wish for.

[E]

One weekend a month or two.

[C]

Two weekends a month, maybe. Oh, no, new. You're on your own. You're on an island by yourself on that one.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

Pillow, fork.

[C]

Do you have a current friend that you don't really care for but you keep as a friend because they will advance your social status? Wendy, you said yes?

[G]

Well, yeah, yeah. Without naming it. Well, without name.

[E]

You have to name names, right?

[G]

No, you don't have to name names.

[F]

No.

[G]

Like, I think you keep the people that you wouldn't hang out with daily just so you can get into certain places and you sort of have a group when you already get there that you know, so you're not too uncomfortable. But they can always give you a little step ahead at certain places so you're kind of nicer to them even if you don't want to be.

[C]

So it's a person you don't even necessarily like, but a person you're keeping around because they can do good for you.

[G]

Absolutely.

[C]

Get you in a club.

[G]

I think everybody does that every once in a while.

[C]

Jeff, you answered yes to that one also.

[E]

Yeah, I put my hand up before I heard all of the question and I thought it was gonna be, does anybody have a friend in their life that they are still friends with, but they don't really like? You know, just somebody you haven't broken up with. And so I put my hand in the air and then. So I got lots of those.

[F]

Just haven't gotten around to dropping them off the cliff yet.

[E]

Not lots, but more than I'm Comfortable with. So that's what I raised my hand for. But the social status thing, I mean, other than Bert, not really.

[F]

Is one of them known as Red Mask?

[E]

No, Red Mask, check away.

[C]

Oh, you're not gonna help your social status.

[E]

Yeah, yeah. I keep checkaway around to get into clubs and Rio Grande.

[C]

Do you have money that your significant other doesn't know about? Or if you are not currently in a relationship, have you hidden money? Your last relationship all said no, except Jen.

[F]

Yeah, I had mostly separate accounts. I mean, I had mostly separate accounts, so it wasn't something that I was like hiding. But it wasn't something I disclosed either.

[C]

Makes sense. Over the past six months, do you like being at work more than you like being at your home? Wendy is the only one that said yes.

[G]

I love it here. I have so much fun here. I think everyone's fun here. So I like hanging out. So I don't have anything to do at home. I live by myself. So it's much more fun to be at work. It gives me something to do. I hate sitting still. So at work, I'm moving.

[F]

I was here late yesterday till like 3:30 and Wendy and I were having a great time. She was just hanging out all day.

[G]

Yeah, it was fun.

[C]

So it's not that you're miserable at home. It's more fun here.

[F]

Yeah.

[G]

And I'm moving and I'm just not bored.

[E]

That right there is going to slow down the home studio process.

[G]

Well, a nap's nice every once in a while.

[C]

Have you ever shoplifted anything? I said yes and Jeff said yes. What'd you steal? Your heart. Well, that's not shoplifting. I gave it to you.

[G]

Do you guys need a moment?

[C]

I think we just had it.

[E]

I have a very distinct memory as a kid, and I have no idea how old I was, but of taking a tube of paint from a hardware store. I was there with, I think my dad, my grandmother, they were off, you know, probably buying whatever project my grandmother needed to do around the house. And I have a very distinct memory of like taking this tube of paint and like, I don't know why, like, I didn't even need to paint anything.

[C]

It was just like this felt good.

[E]

Well, yeah, it felt good. And then I spent the rest of, you know, that summer, whatever summer it was, every time I saw a cop car peeing a little bit in my pants, like I was convinced that I

[C]

was gonna go to.

[E]

I was gonna get executed for that. Like I'd see a movie, I'd walk in my Parents were watching a movie, like an old school western where they're killing somebody at the firing squad. And I just burst into tears. I have a pan. But that's the. I don't know why that memory. You know how some childhood memories are just very like. I can see the tube of paint. I can see myself standing in front of the rack. I know where the door to the store was black. And I remember like it was a white tube with a black cap. Black writing on it. Looked like a big fat toothpaste tube. Like a tube that hair gel would be in. And I remember seeing the door and I remember just getting out there and hiding it.

[C]

At least yours was a one time offense, I'll confess that. Oh, no. Yeah. In Little League I ran with a pack pack of hoodlums back in the day.

[F]

And the dark streets of San Diego,

[C]

the mean streets of Spring Valley, California. We used to go into Kmart every day before a Little League practice and steal candy every day for an entire season.

[F]

What was your candy of choice?

[C]

If it was available, it was done. It was taking and we would.

[F]

Jolly Ranchers.

[C]

You take the stuff and you sort it out later. Okay, so it was every day. It was really, really bad. Have you ever had a parent walk in on you during sex? Jen said yes and I said yes. Your own parent? No, somebody else's parent. A boyfriend?

[D]

Mm hmm.

[F]

No comment. I don't have to go further, do I?

[C]

Was it a long time ago?

[F]

Oh yeah, really long time ago. Back in the day.

[D]

I would feel bad right now if. If somebody's parent walked into them now I'd be concerned.

[C]

Happened a week and a half ago. Well, was it somebody that might be listening right now?

[F]

No, it's just horribly embarrassing. But yeah, it was a high school

[E]

boyfriend and you guys were his mom?

[F]

Yeah, it was after school.

[E]

You guys were in his room. You guys got up there and knocked the baseball car collection to the floor. You ripped his baseball jersey off of

[F]

him and you're going too far.

[C]

Game on.

[E]

Enough.

[F]

Enough description from you.

[C]

I got caught twice actually. Same girl, different parents. Once was in the shower. Oh no. It was a glass shower. Hey, mom came home from work early and there was a trail of our clothes from her room into the bathroom. And she opened up the bathroom door and there we were in the shower. There's nowhere to run and nowhere to hide, man.

[G]

What'd she say?

[C]

That's really. She said, debbie, what are you doing? And Debbie said, nothing isn't the proper answer.

[E]

Don't you know?

[C]

Right. And the second one was the same girl, but her best friend's mom caught us together in her best friend's house.

[G]

That's comfortable.

[C]

God, these are nasty. What? Have you ever had sex with two different people on the same day? Everybody answered no, except I answered yes to that.

[F]

That's disgusting. Is that why you're breezing over it?

[C]

It's not helping.

[E]

She's doing the yada yad

[C]

back in the day. Stupid stuff. Have you ever stuck your finger down your throat after eating? Let's stop there. Jen and Wendy both said yes.

[G]

Okay. Like, you know when you get really hammered and then you go to, like, some place like Waffle House and you eat a whole bunch of grease and you're just feeling disgusting, and you're disgusting anyways. Before you went and ate. And you need to. You have to throw up because your body will not let you go to sleep.

[F]

Yeah.

[G]

Until you do. There you go.

[C]

I think if it's alcohol, it's okay.

[F]

Yeah. Exact same scenario for me. I've never done that sober, but sometimes the room won't stop spinning.

[E]

I can't imagine doing that because I don't think I would ever eat Waffle House sober. So if I get drunk enough that it tastes so good and it's in

[C]

me, you can't let that back. You can't regurgitate that.

[E]

Don't hold it down.

[D]

That's a waste of money.

[E]

Yeah. $4.38.

[G]

Or sometimes if you're really sick, you feel it. I mean, I've done it when I've been sick. Like, your body just feels disgusting. That that's what you have to do to just kind of.

[E]

Oh, I actually realized. I just realized now that I've lied about this one.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

I was at a.

[C]

You stuck your finger down somebody else's throat to make them throw up at you.

[E]

No, I did it to myself when I was at a restaurant and was eating lunch and not really paying attention to what you're eating. And then I looked down at the sandwich that I was eating, and it was raw chicken. It hadn't been cooked all the way through, so the middle was totally raw. And I knew it tasted weir. And the person I was with said, go make yourself sick.

[C]

And you did it.

[E]

Cause I had already had. This was my second bite of it, and I'm like, no, I think it's cool. Cause I think it was cooked on the edges. And they're like, you don't want to deal with it if it's not. Go.

[C]

That is not an option. For me. I mean, even drunk, I will stand in front of that mirror sweating it out, talking myself into not throwing up before I stick a finger down my throat.

[F]

See, I'm the opposite. I'll talk myself into it because I know I'll feel better the next day if I do.

[G]

You totally will feel better. You should try it.

[E]

I am Tony freaking Robbins. In a cab on the way home from a where, I think where I'm like, oh, man, you can do this.

[C]

You are strong.

[E]

You're not gonna get sick. The cab driver's like, dude, you're in the car alone. I know.

[F]

I am.

[E]

I am in the car alone with no vomit.

[C]

Hey, the bird show,

[A]

day or night, VRBoCare is here 247 to help make every part of your stay seamless. If anything comes up or you simply need a little guidance, support is ready whenever you reach out. From the moment you book to the moment you head home. We're here to help things run smoothly, because a great trip starts with the right support. And, hey, a good playlist doesn't hurt either.

[C]

Well, in a case like this, I'm not ready to lose the friend, but I am looking at him entirely differently, and I'll tell you guys why. You've heard me. If you listen to the show, talk about my friend Dolvett who owns a gym in Buckhead called Body Sculptor, Inc. That's my boy, and I'm very proud of him. What he's done with that gym, I mean, if you know my friend's history, to see where he came from to where he is right now, I'm very proud of what he's done.

[F]

And he's a trainer.

[C]

He's a trainer. He's a personal trainer.

[F]

He owns the business side of it.

[C]

He owns the whole thing. He's a trainer.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

He is the man there, right? Very proud of him. He just took over the entire building. He redecorated the place. It looks fantastic. More and more clients are signing up with them. This is the same dude that helped me out with the calendar photo. He's the same guy that's gonna help me out with those boudoir photos, because it certainly looks like I'm gonna have to do that.

[F]

That's the UGA bet.

[D]

Oh, they're winning the national championship there.

[C]

So every time I walk into his gym, there's something new, some new equipment, because he's. Now he owns the whole thing instead of just half of it. There's new equipment another day, there's new paint another day, there's like a new logo. And yesterday I walk in there. Sorry, bruh. Yesterday I walk in there and There is a 6 foot by 4 foot mural of himself.

[D]

I didn't realize it was that big.

[C]

It's six feet. You walk in there and you can't miss it. But that's not. I mean, that's not at all. It is a mural. And let me try to explain it to you. He is in kind of the. Looking over my. He's got his head turned looking over his shoulder position like this. Okay.

[F]

Like very Adonis.

[C]

Almost like a very Adonis. Yeah. Okay. And right underneath his chest are two hands. One is holding a chisel and the other is a scalp. While they are working on what appears to be like his abs.

[F]

And it's a six foot by four foot.

[C]

Six by four. Now, the place is called body sculpting. So the idea is he again is looking at Adonis position right there.

[D]

And they're sculpting.

[C]

Sculpting his abs. It's huge. As you walk in there.

[D]

Have you seen this?

[G]

I haven't seen it yet.

[C]

Come here. I want you guys to look at this one at a time. Have you seen it yet?

[F]

I saw it.

[C]

Okay, look at this one at a time. Jeff, I gotta get your take on this. Have you seen it?

[D]

It has his face on it.

[F]

It's.

[C]

Yeah, it's him. It's his face.

[E]

Oh, it's gonna. This is gonna. I don't know if I'm gonna be able to work out in Dolvett's gym after this.

[C]

I want you to see the full picture. Come on over here. I don't want the small version. I want you to see the one I got over here.

[G]

Wow.

[C]

All right, there's the face right there. Now scroll down for you.

[G]

Oh, just facial expression.

[C]

He's a trainer and he looks good and all. He's got you. I mean, he's a trainer.

[F]

Let me see this again.

[G]

And he's putting on the sexy face.

[C]

Come over here so I can show you the whole.

[G]

He's seducing you, Bert. He's seducing you. When you walk into that gym, it

[C]

is one of those pictures, like, as you walk around the gym, it's like his eyes follow you like you're in that haunted mansion at Disney. Okay, so we'll go now.

[E]

All right, now here's.

[F]

Is that your hairy arm?

[C]

I got lasered.

[E]

Here's.

[C]

You see what I'm saying?

[D]

I want to know when he came up with the idea.

[E]

Here's My thought, where was he and

[D]

who did he tell?

[C]

And now here. Here was. Here was my position on it because we were. All of us were in the gym at the same time working out. All of us friends were in the gym working out at the same time. So we're giving him relentless amounts of crap about it. And Dolvett's the kind of guy, like, the more you say it shouldn't be, the more he believes it looks good. So he's just being defiant about it. But I mean, come on. Have you guys ever seen Dodgeball?

[F]

Yes.

[C]

You know that picture of Ben Stiller in his own gym where he's like half dragon or something and he's half trainer and he's all ripped sort of like that.

[D]

Now for anybody does a bit of a parody. Dolvett, though, I mean, it's not. It has nothing to do with his shape. Like, he's a good looking guy. Perfect body.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

I mean, he is a perfect advertising for his own company.

[C]

Because how you want to train her to look.

[F]

Yeah, he is your. I mean, he is his own business card, right? Absolutely.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

People are texting me wanting to see it. Are you gonn it online?

[C]

Yes, I sent it last night. But the way things work around here, it takes a little bit longer to

[E]

get by the end of the show. Right?

[C]

By the end of the show, you think?

[D]

I hope so.

[E]

So here's the thing.

[C]

We're all beat down.

[E]

I did nothing to do with it. Did he commission this artwork himself?

[C]

I do believe so, yeah. Because he gave it to another friend of ours who sent him back a couple of proofs. Like, they had to go back and forth. Like, I'm just making up the conversation. Like, look, you know, the chisel isn't on near my abs. Close enough. So can you move it down a little bit? Then they send him back another proof. And look, the chisel needs to be closer to my. In between my top ab and my. The bottom of my pec.

[F]

You know, this conversation happened.

[C]

No, no, no. I'm making it up. So it had to go back and forth like that.

[E]

Because I think if somebody. I think there's a big difference if somebody gave it to him as a gift.

[C]

No, no, it's just his idea.

[E]

As opposed to him just trying to help you out, bro.

[C]

No, this is it.

[E]

Maybe Dolvett could be friends with my rejected friend and then.

[D]

Well, I like the fact that they, you know, made the rest of his body look like it was from stone.

[C]

Yes. You know, a good idea in the head?

[F]

Yes. When I first saw it, though, because you had mentioned this to us off the air yesterday, I didn't think it was as bad as what you said.

[C]

Okay.

[F]

I expected it to be, like, way more egomaniac than it is, but it's

[C]

still kind of egomaniac of somebody scalping your. Sculpting your abs.

[E]

The sculpted one would like to speak with you.

[C]

Okay.

[G]

Oh, no, hold on.

[C]

The one that has the 6x4 mural of himself in his gym. I present to you. Dolvett.

[I]

You are so funny. You are the funniest guy on the planet.

[F]

The buddy sculptor.

[E]

You do realize that this man could make you puke this afternoon. Four times.

[C]

I'm never planning on going back ever again and crying.

[I]

Unbelievable. Listen, guys, it's not me sculpting my abs. It's a picture of body sculptor being chiseled. The words body sculptor being chiseled in my side.

[E]

Where are the words?

[I]

On my ribs?

[H]

It's being chiseled.

[I]

I have a tattoo on my side. I tattooed body sculptor. That's my dedication to my company, to what I do. And then I chiseled it, mocked it in a photo as if I'm made of stone. People over at Ground Rush Media made it of stone. They're chiseling a Hands are chiseling body sculpture into the side of my body.

[C]

Can't see that part. Can't see the tattoo.

[I]

Whatever.

[C]

Not in this photo. Right here. It looks as though they are sculpting the muscles into your body.

[I]

Whatever. It looks hot, and you know it.

[C]

Am I wrong? Javi,

[E]

just so you know, Jen and Bert are both one inch away from the computer screen, looking for words by his content. Hey, just so you know, Dolvett, I have in my own house, I have a similar picture, but they're more polishing me with one of those things he used to wax a car.

[I]

Those big knit gloves.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[C]

Those big bumper gloves.

[E]

I'm being shammied and snapped. So much chip. So I think it's cool.

[C]

Dovette. I'm putting the picture up online around 8, 8:30 or so. And I'll let you know what the emails say. Either keep it up or take it down. Cool. Thanks, guys. The fruit show. This was the conversation, or about 20 seconds of it, that we had with Piper.

[H]

I'm going to dinner with my boyfriend's parents tonight at their house, and this is my first time meeting them. I did some Google research on them and discovered that his dad is my gynecologist.

[F]

How Long has he been your doctor?

[H]

Like, for five years. I have never been so uncomfortable in my life. I don't know, like, how do you approach that?

[C]

All right, so that was last week on the show.

[E]

That is horrible.

[F]

That is horrible. And we heard from a lot of Burt show listeners who work in the medical field and whatever, and said the dad might not recognize you unless you go there a lot. If you're only going there once a year, he's got so many patients to see every day. The dad might not know, but you're gonna have to cross that bridge at some point anyway, so they were saying, you gotta tell the boyfriend.

[C]

You might believe that about your doctor, though. Do you? Don't you want to.

[D]

That he doesn't remember you?

[C]

Right. Like, I mean, it's a personal enough relationship to where he's gonna remember your case or remember your face and remember your stuff.

[F]

If you go once a year. I mean, that's five visits over. Five. You know what I mean?

[E]

I wouldn't expect my doctor who does, like, physicals or whatever just yet. What's that called? A general practitioner guy who. Now, I would be upset if I had something like, let's say next time I go into for a physical, he's like, oh, you got whatever. And you gotta come in every two weeks for treatment for the next six months to have that removed. Or like a surgery where there's a big lead up to it. Well, then I certainly. During that window, I would hope that I would be memorable. But if I'm just a standard issue. Oh, yeah. Hey.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

It's not gonna hurt your ego at all to be the gynecologist and you not be remembered.

[E]

Right.

[C]

I'd be surprised by that. I would. That would bum me out. But in this case, not at all. She's back. Hey, Piper.

[H]

Hey. How are you?

[C]

Good.

[F]

Oh, no. I'm a little tired.

[D]

What happened?

[H]

Nothing. It was fine. It ended up being perfectly fine.

[C]

In what way?

[H]

No, I took your advice and I talked to my boyfriend on the way there.

[D]

Oh, on the way. Okay.

[H]

On the way to his car, on the way to his parents.

[C]

Oh, he didn't even have a chance to think about it.

[H]

Well, we didn't have time. So that was when I. And I told him. I said, you know, I'm really. I was really nervous about meeting your parents, so I kind of googled them, and I found out that your father's my doctor. And he started laughing, and he's just like, oh. He's like, that's all right. He's like, my father's really cool. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Don't worry about it. We'll make sure, you know, he'll be fine. And I was like, still really nervous sitting in the car. He was, you know, laughing, but in a sweet way. And then when we got there, he introduced me and he said, I think, you know, Piper here's. She's one of your patients. And he was so sweet and very professional. Sort of acted like he didn't remember me and maybe did, or maybe he didn't, I don't know. But he's just like, you know, hello, it's wonderful to see you again. I hope we take good care of you and. And that sort of thing. And then he didn't talk about it the rest of the night.

[D]

That's good.

[E]

That's awesome.

[G]

It was like.

[H]

Yeah.

[D]

And I'm sure your boyfriend's may. I mean, you're. You know, his dad's been a gynecologist all his life, so maybe it's something he's used to, so.

[F]

Exactly.

[H]

And that was sort of his reaction when I told him, which is why he left, because he understood why I was nervous. But, you know, it was one of those, don't worry about it. My dad's very cool, he's very professional.

[C]

Now I'm curious about the timing of the whole thing because I'm glad it worked out well, but what made you decide to wait till the car ride over there rather than like the 24 hours that you had or 48 hours you had beforehand?

[H]

Well, it was. It was. It was only like 24, and he was busy. He works in a bar and, you know, so, I mean, it was. We just didn't really have time to get together. And I was so nervous about it, but I didn't. I was trying to figure out how to say it. So it was one of those. Finally, it just kind of like, okay, I'm really nervous. I'm gonna tell you.

[D]

Well, I still think that you should change doctors or at least change doctors in his practice if you're still dating a boyfriend.

[H]

Here's the thing that's so cool about him. On the way out, he said, you know, now that you're dating my son, I know you're probably might be a little uncomfortable or whatever. And he gave me names of other gynecologists.

[C]

Oh, really?

[D]

I think you should take him up on it.

[F]

That's really cool.

[C]

Very cool.

[H]

Yeah, he was very cool. So, I mean, it was one of those, like, really totally. A non issue, non Issue.

[E]

This is like the second thing in a week that's gone.

[C]

Well, I know, huh? The ratings are gonna die. The show is over.

[E]

Oh, God. Watch out for the locust, people. First we run out of gas, and then things turn good on the bird show.

[C]

Hey, Denise. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[H]

Good morning. How are y'? All?

[C]

Good, thanks.

[H]

All right, Piper, I really have a good suggestion for you. When I first started dating my boyfriend, I went to my gynecologist. Well, he also happens to be my boyfriend's regular doctor. He found out that we were dating the whole time that I was sitting there, up in the stirrups. Like, I was sitting there and the nurse is holding my. Like, just talk. Like talking to me, beside me. And then all of a sudden, the subject changed to my boyfriend. And the whole time he was talking about my boyfriend, and I'm looking at the nurse going, he's really not doing this. He's doing this. Oh, my God, I can't believe he's doing this. So I would suggest possibly taking one of those doctors and making them your gynecologist, because it was really awkward and uncomfortable for me.

[C]

So, Denise, let me get this straight. You said that your gynecologist was your boyfriend's general practitioner?

[H]

Yes. He's a family doctor, too. And my mom went to him. She was like, oh, yeah, go, go, go. You know, this is back when I was 18, so I haven't been back to him. I changed.

[C]

I didn't know that those two worlds collided like that. I decided that you're a gp.

[H]

A lot of family doctors who will do that.

[C]

Oh, really? Thank you.

[D]

Yeah. Any conversation that stirrups is just bad conversation,

[C]

so. And your boyfriend didn't bring it up after you guys left dinner or anything? He didn't say he was bothered by it? Not at all.

[H]

Oh, no, no. He was just like, are you cool now? You know?

[C]

So it was real? Matter of fact, yeah.

[H]

So it was like, no, I'm fine. Your dad's great. Thanks. And, you know, thanks for making me so comfortable. And. And it was a non issue.

[F]

It shows that your boyfriend's pretty mature, too. Yeah, he wasn't freaked out.

[H]

He's great. He's definitely great.

[D]

I'm glad.

[C]

Perfect weekend. Thank you for sharing with us, Piper. Appreciate it.

[H]

Thank you.

[C]

All right. Have a good day. You too. Bye. Bye.

[E]

Get it.

[C]

The bird show.