Transcript

A (0:00)

With VRBoCare, help is always ready before, during, and after your stay. We've planned for the plot twists, so support is always available because a great trip starts with peace of mind.

B (0:15)

Your new home is now ready. Dr. Horton, America's builder, has new homes that are ready today. With new construction communities throughout the Puget Sound and Central Washington areas And more coming, Dr. Horton has the right home for you. And at Dr. Horton, we're still building with more construction, more communities, and more homes available every day. Tap your screen now or visit drhorton.com to find your new home now ready. Dr. Horton, America's builder and equal housing opportunity builder.

C (0:45)

Hey, the Burt Show. All right, Melissa, you want to explain exactly what raise your hands poll is? It's been up online now for a couple of days so we can talk about it.

D (0:52)

Well, it's basically, we all submit some questions that might be uncomfortable for us here in the studio to answer. And so Tracy comes in and she asks the question, and we all raise our hands if it's a yes, and we keep our hands down if it's a no because every question is a yes or no question. We also have a camera in studio, and we're recording these answers. So Tracy says on air, how many people raise their hand? And then that way you go online at all the hitsq100.com, see the video, and see exactly who raised their hand. And now I guess we're going to explain why we may have raised our hands on some of these.

C (1:25)

All right, Jeff was the first to come forward because we all sweared on something that we really cared a lot for before we went into this thing that we were gonna answer honestly. And Jeff was the first to come forward and say, look, I think I might have fudged on a couple of those.

E (1:37)

I don't even know why. Like, I think it's. I don't know why. Well, I just felt bad. Like, the one that keeps coming to mind is, if everybody was dangling from a cliff, would you save one before the other? And I didn't raise my hand. And the reality is, yeah, like, my first thought was Wendy, because she's the youngest and, you know, the smallest, the easiest one to fling over my shoulder. I mean, if I'm gonna save someone, I really don't exert myself to be quite honest with you.

C (2:02)

You and save both me and Wendy at the same time.

E (2:05)

Just sweep you both up. And then Gulliver travel. Dude, what's the guy's name? And then I thought, well, Carter, what a crappy way to Go falling off a cliff after surviving years of kidney disease and then a successful transplant. Like, that would suck. So I thought about Carter, and then

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 3: Tuesday, March 3 [Vault]

Air Date: March 3, 2026
Hosts: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and the Bert Show cast

Episode Overview

This episode delivers The Bert Show's signature blend of humor, authenticity, and relatable drama. The core of this segment revolves around the crew's "Raise Your Hands" poll—a series of revealing yes-or-no questions aimed at triggering honest (and sometimes embarrassing) admissions from the hosts. Other highlights include a hilarious and ego-filled discussion about a gym owner's personal mural, and a cringe-worthy-yet-heartwarming update from a listener whose boyfriend's dad is her gynecologist.

Key Segments & Highlights

1. Raise Your Hands Poll: Revealing Radio Confessions

Timestamps: 00:45–16:27

How the Segment Works (00:45)

Listeners can see the in-studio video online.
Each host answers a set of yes/no, potentially uncomfortable questions; hands are raised to indicate "yes." Some hosts later discuss why they answered as they did.

Notable Questions & Admissions

"Would you save one castmate over another (if everyone was dangling from a cliff)?"
- Jeff admits he fudged this one, joking his priorities might be based on who is easiest to save or who has children.
- Quote: "Take that back. There's definitely someone I would save last. And that's Javi." – Jeff (02:02)
"Have you looked up an ex online recently?"
- Bert, Jeff, Jen, and Wendy say yes.
- Bert’s explored Facebook to reconnect with an old flame for nostalgia, admitting, "I was interested to see what she turned into... I looked her up on Facebook." (04:14)
"Have all your sick day excuses this year been true?"
- Only Jen confesses to calling in due to emotional distress.
- "Yeah, I was too upset to come in one day because of everything that happened over the last couple of months." – Jen (06:08)
"Would you rather sleep alone, regardless of relationship status?"
- Bert and Jeff agree occasional solo sleeping is nice for personal comfort.
- "There should be designated solo days of the month." – Jeff (07:10)
"Do you have a current friend you don’t care for, but keep because they advance your social status?"
- Wendy confesses, calling these friends useful for social access.
- "You sort of have a group, and they can always give you a little step ahead... even if you don't want to be." – Wendy (08:08)
"Have you hidden money from a partner?"
- Jen is the only one to say yes, explaining she had “mostly separate accounts.”
"Do you prefer being at work to being at home?"
- Wendy says she prefers the social activity of work.
- "I live by myself. So it’s much more fun to be at work... I hate sitting still." – Wendy (09:48)
"Have you ever shoplifted?"
- Bert and Jeff both confess.
- Jeff recalls childhood guilt over a tube of paint.
- Bert shares a "Little League candy theft" spree, describing it as a daily activity for an entire season (11:44–12:11).
"Has a parent ever walked in during sex?"
- Both Jen and Bert answer yes, sharing awkward, comedic stories about being caught—as teens—by parents (12:35–13:45).
"Have you ever had sex with two different people in the same day?"
- Only Bert guiltily admits “yes.” The group teases him for glossing over the topic.
- "That's disgusting. Is that why you're breezing over it?" – Jen (14:06)
"Ever forced yourself to vomit after eating or drinking?"
- Jen and Wendy share stories about using this tactic after heavy drinking, while Jeff discovers he lied and recalls a time he induced vomiting after realizing he’d eaten raw chicken.
- "If it’s alcohol, it’s okay." – Bert (14:42)

Memorable Moment

The cast’s playful, judgment-free reactions and honest, often embarrassing stories provide a riotous window into both their private quirks and camaraderie.

2. The Giant Gym Owner Mural Debate

Timestamps: 17:03–24:53

Bert describes his shock at finding a 6’x4’ mural of his friend (and gym owner) Dolvett, displayed at Dolvett's gym. The mural features Dolvett being “sculpted” like an Adonis, with hands chiseling his abs.
The crew jokes about the level of self-adoration involved and compare the mural to Ben Stiller's character's gym in "Dodgeball."
Dolvett calls in, lightheartedly defending the mural as a creative depiction of his dedication.
- "It looks hot, and you know it." – Dolvett (24:21)
- Bert promises to post the mural online for listeners to weigh in.

3. Listener Drama: The Gynecologist Dad

Timestamps: 25:07–31:36

The Setup (25:07)

Listener Piper updates the show after a previous dilemma: she realized her new boyfriend’s dad is also her gynecologist.

The Outcome (26:48)

Piper took the hosts’ advice and told her boyfriend right before meeting the parents. He took it well, joked, and prepared her for the dinner.
The dad acted professionally and, at dinner, even suggested other gynecologists for Piper's future visits.
- "On the way out, he said...now that you're dating my son...he gave me names of other gynecologists." – Piper (29:08)

Listener Call-In: Another Awkward Doctor Story (29:41)

Denise shares her own story of having the same doctor as her boyfriend, recalling awkward exam room conversations about her boyfriend.

Hosts’ Final Thoughts

The cast expresses relief that Piper’s situation resolved smoothly and credits both her boyfriend and his father for mature, cool responses.
- "It shows that your boyfriend’s pretty mature, too. Yeah, he wasn’t freaked out." – Jen (31:19)

Notable Quotes & Moments

"Take that back. There’s definitely someone I would save last. And that’s Javi." – Jeff (02:02)
"You sort of have a group, and they can always give you a little step ahead at certain places so you’re kind of nicer to them even if you don't want to be." – Wendy (08:08)
"It looks hot, and you know it." – Dolvett, defending his gym mural (24:21)
"On the way out, he said, now that you’re dating my son...he gave me names of other gynecologists." – Piper (29:08)

Episode Structure & Tone

Style: Conversational, honest, and frequently self-deprecating with lots of friendly teasing.
Flow: Moves from group confessions to anecdotal deep dives and listener calls, keeping a light-hearted yet authentic atmosphere.

Takeaways

The Bert Show continues to use humor and brutal honesty to create relatable, water-cooler conversation moments.
Even the most awkward personal stories can become sources of laughs and (accidentally) good advice.
The authenticity and camaraderie of the cast—plus their willingness to share private stories—are key to the show’s ongoing appeal.

End of Summary
(Key ad breaks, music, intros/outros, and promotions have been omitted for clarity.)