Full Show PT 3: Wednesday, August 12 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show - Full Show PT 3: Wednesday, August 12 [Vault]

Original Air Date: August 12, 2026
Summary by Podcast Expert

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Episode Overview

Theme:
This episode centers around the classic Bert Show formula: real, funny, and engaging conversations about relationships, personal lives, and listener drama. The standout storyline follows a heartfelt (and slightly awkward) “Love Lost and Found” segment where the team helps a listener reconnect with a woman he met in Atlanta. Other discussions include casino tales from Las Vegas, debates about wedding name changes, and the comedic challenges of ordering at McDonald's via song.

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Key Segments & Insights

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1. Love Lost and Found – Reconnecting Brian and Lauren

Timestamps: 01:01, 24:45 – 34:43

Background

• Brian's Story: Met Lauren at a jazz show in East Atlanta, got her number, lost his phone the next day, and spent days trying to track her down via hair salons in Marietta.
• Bert Show’s Involvement: Broadcasts Brian’s call, takes listener input, and stages a reunion with help from Dale, Lauren’s best friend.

The Search

• Brian’s tenacity: “I spent like a week and a half calling different hair salons in Marietta...” (24:22)
• Dale immediately recognizes Lauren from Brian’s description, confirming her identity and providing background: “She’s tall, got dark hair. Very, very beautiful. Just beautiful. She looks like a runway model. Perfect.” (03:34)

The Reunion

• On-Air Three Way Call:
  • Lauren is brought on-air with Brian, with Dale joining to ease the awkwardness.
  • Lauren admits being initially “freaked out... but it’s flattering” (30:14) hearing herself identified on radio.
  • The infamous spilled drink: “Yeah, I totally spilled his drink on that guy.” (30:57)
  • Brian apologizes for the drama: “Sorry to make such a scene of everything, but I did say I would call, so.” (31:32)
  • Host puts the two in direct contact to “let romance take its course.”

Notable Quote:

• "I must say, I'm feeling pretty good. Our batting average on this thing is around 850." – Host (34:09)

Memorable Moment:
The moment Lauren recognizes the level Brian went to track her down, with supportive and teasing interjections from the crew. The excitement and nerves are palpable and contagious.

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2. Women & Gambling: Katie’s ‘Hustler’ Moment in Vegas

Timestamps: 05:25 – 10:48

• Katie, a skilled poker player, is accused of “hustling” a poker table by a drunk player in Vegas after asking a rules question.

• The show highlights the intimidation (and unfairness) women face at male-dominated tables:

  • "There is an intimidation if you’re a woman that you want to go... and there’s some guys that don’t take too well to a woman coming to the poker table." – Katie’s Husband (06:25)

• The event is turned into a source of pride, not embarrassment:

  • "To be considered a hustler... that’s a big deal. I was very proud of my girl for getting yelled at a poker table." – Katie’s Husband (07:47)

• The group also jokes about cashing out quickly, not being high-stakes gamblers, and reminisces about their own small-scale gambling victories.

Memorable Moment:
Katie triumphantly cashing out 50 cents, and being playfully teased for her prudent style:

• "I used to work with a guy... who loved the rush. He’d go down $5,000 and stick it out, then go up $12,000, then go down $9,000. I would be so stressed out just watching him." – Host (08:52)

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3. Wedding Talk – Name Change Drama

Timestamps: 12:41, 13:19 – 21:43

• Joanna’s Wedding Countdown: Planning to get married in a year, reflecting on how women “don’t learn from each other” about wedding stress (13:19).
• Name Change Debate:
  • Joanna wants to hyphenate her last name (“Rodriguez-Newman”) for professional and cultural reasons, but faces pushback from her fiancé’s mother.
  • She defends her choice: “I think it’s very important in the job market today to stand out somehow... I just want mine to be better, lovelier.” (15:11, 14:34)
  • The team and callers discuss similar situations, balancing tradition, parental expectations, and individuality.
  • Joanna’s resolve: “If you’re this clear on what you want, then that’s exactly what you have to do.” – Jeff (18:31)

Memorable Moment:

• Joanna’s Facebook “future Mrs. Rodriguez Newman” post prompts a call from her future mother-in-law, launching a humorous but real conversation about family, tradition, and confrontation.

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4. Viral Content & Group Banter

Timestamps: 37:04 – 38:44

• Singing McDonald’s Order: The hosts react hilariously to a viral clip of someone singing a complicated order at a McDonald’s drive-thru.
  • "On a number six super size with the Sprite and large fries, mustard, ketchup only please, but don’t you forget that cheese..." (37:35)
• The group is impressed when the McDonald’s staff gets the order right, and the segment highlights how silly, fun, and unpredictable the show can be.
• Jeff jokes, “I’m starving,” as the segment wraps.

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• Dale, on Lauren: “If I wasn’t gay and a few years younger, I would date you because you’re so beautiful.” (01:54)
• Katie’s Husband, on gambling: “To be considered a hustler... that’s a big deal.” (07:47)
• Joanna, on name changes: “I’m proud of being a Rodriguez... I just think career-wise and also because I’m proud of where I’m from and I don’t want to drop my last name.” (18:13)
• Host, reacting to matchmaking success: “Our batting average on this thing is around 850.” (34:09)
• Lauren, describing the ‘Love Lost and Found’ experience: “It’s really flattering. It was a little strange at first hearing somebody talk on a radio show that’s broadcast... but no, I mean, it’s flattering.” (30:14)

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Episode Takeaways

• Authentic Connections: The Bert Show shines in orchestrating and celebrating real-life connections, awkwardness and all, while bringing listeners into the drama.
• Women’s Experiences: The casino and wedding segments provide an honest look at the unique but relatable challenges women face—from outdated poker stereotypes to keeping a strong identity through marriage.
• Community Engagement: Listener calls and input are vital—whether solving “lost and found” love or sharing stories about modern relationships.
• Classic Bert Show Humor: Quips, minor roasts, and lighthearted moments keep the mood buoyant, even during more serious discussions.

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Brian’s “Love Lost and Found” Backstory: 01:01 – 05:02
• Las Vegas Poker Table Story: 05:25 – 10:48
• Wedding Name Change Conversation: 13:19 – 21:43
• Brian & Lauren On-Air Reunion: 24:45 – 34:43
• Singing McDonald’s Order (Viral Content): 37:04 – 38:44

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For anyone who missed this show, it’s a Bert Show classic—equal parts endearing, hilarious, and genuinely full of heart.

Transcript

[Bluff]

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[Spin Quest Announcer]

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[Host (possibly Bert)]

Queen Carvania stood haloed by the morning sun. An army hung on her every word. My champions, I have sold my chariot on Carvanha. Twas a lovely suv, an inexplicably queenly offer. They're even coming to the castle to collect it. Tonight we feast. An offer you can feast on. Sell your car today on Carvana.

[Sponsor Voice (Cassie from Vinted)]

Pickup fees may apply.

[Bluff]

The Birch Show.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

All right, so we just did a love lost and found with this dude Brian right here.

[Brian]

Two Saturdays ago in East Atlanta, I was there with a buddy watching a jazz show. And we went into the. Can I name the club. We went into the graveyard toward the end of the night, and almost immediately I ran into this girl that she commented on my height. I'm 69 and she's 5 9. We kept talking, and eventually I just said, look, you know, we really ought to go out on a date. So, got her number, got up the next day, reached for my phone, and it was gone.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

All right, so that was earlier this morning. And we just replayed that call, and Dale called up and said, I know who that is. I know who that is.

[Jeff]

That's his new best friend.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Best friend. What's going on, Dale?

[Dale]

Hey. Not much. How are you guys? This is so funny because I've been trying to set Lord up for weeks.

[Jeff]

Oh, really?

[Dale]

Has she ever tell her, lord, if I wasn't gay and a few years younger, I would date you because you're so beautiful.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Oh, that's cool.

[Brian]

Sweet.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

So she, over the course of, like, the last week, hasn't brought this guy's name up at all, though?

[Dale]

No, not at all. She. She's always talking about meeting certain guys and people want to set her up. And I keep telling her, like, laura, when the time is right, that person's gonna walk through the door, they're gonna sweep you off your feet. You're not gonna know it. And I think this could be it.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

He sounds like a cool guy.

[Dale]

Yeah, he does. He does. I really, really, really want to set Them up.

[Katie's Husband]

And in the conversation, you remember, he had talked about how she spilled a drink on him. So. And I'm thinking, and I'm thinking and I'm thinking, in her mind, she's thinking, well, he didn't call me because you know what I'm going to ask myself. So that's why I didn't call. Yeah.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Dale]

I could guarantee if I didn't say anything about it, she would talk to me about it today.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Oh, you think? So I'm really surprised that she didn't get any calls earlier this morning and email us.

[Dale]

Well, she's probably not up yet, but I'm on my way to work and she'll be there probably around 11 because I'm going to be there a little bit early. So. Yeah. This is so funny because the second you said the Claiborne, said Marietta, or actually the second you said the girl with the short dark hair, shaved on the side like, oh, that's Lauren. Perfect.

[Lauren]

It is.

[Spin Quest Announcer]

Awesome.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

And somebody called earlier this morning and named the salon. Right. So they knew who she was.

[Dale]

Yep. Yeah, it's Lauren. She's my best girlfriend.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Fantastic.

[Jeff]

All right, perfect.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

What else can you tell us about her going into this call tomorrow? Because by Tomorrow morning around 7:15, we'll get them on together.

[Dale]

Okay. She. Well, she's from Savannah and she has actually been an apprentice at the salon. And she's getting ready to take her state board, which is actually something I'm getting her ready for because I'm an educator as well as a stylist. And she's. She's tall, got dark hair. Very, very beautiful. Just beautiful. She looks like a Runway model. Perfect.

[Joanna]

Would you consider her, like, sexually very active?

[Katie's Husband]

He doesn't know.

[Dale]

Yes. I have to say yes. Cause we're always talking about sex.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Perfect.

[Katie's Husband]

Oh, honey, good.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

That won't help.

[Katie's Husband]

No, it's his best friend.

[Joanna]

He can say whatever he wants.

[Dale]

He's a sweet, dear person to me. I mean, I just can't.

[Joanna]

He.

[Dale]

Does it tell you enough what a sweet, dear person she is? She's gonna love this.

[Brian]

Gonna love loving him.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Well, all we know about this dude is that he's six' nine and he seems like a pretty funny, charming dude. So maybe this will all work out in the end.

[Dale]

Oh. Oh. Don't you worry. I'm gonna make it work.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Okay, you got yourself a mission.

[Joanna]

Alrighty then.

[Dale]

Yes. I'm gonna get started on this as soon as she walks in the back door.

[Joanna]

Is that something that she likes to do?

[Katie's Husband]

Okay, come.

[Jeff]

We want to Encourage her to call us so that she'll go out with Brian, not discourage her.

[Joanna]

I'm just trying to help the guy out.

[Jeff]

Or disparage her.

[Joanna]

He's a tall fella. He's got to take care. Take advantage of that.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Dale, let me put you on hold. We'll get some info and we'll get you on with these guys tomorrow morning also, okay?

[Dale]

Oh, cool. That sounds wonderful. I look forward to it.

[Joanna]

All right.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Thanks a lot for calling, Matt.

[Jeff]

Appreciate it.

[Dale]

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

[Jeff]

You can tell how excited he is that he knows her. That was cute.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Job well done here, people.

[Joanna]

We think we gotta. We're not 100% sure we think.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

I mean, it pretty much sounds like it's right on the money right there.

[Joanna]

The bird show.

[Katie's Husband]

So Katie and I were in Vegas over the weekend, and Katie actually got yelled at at a poker table. But it's worth bragging rights, I think. So Katie Jo is. She's good at gambling. Like, she's a good poker player. She's good at gambling. We go to Vegas. She's the one. She's the person who wins. Like, she's. She, you know, she doesn't go often enough and stay long enough to win huge, huge amounts of money. But she certainly has a lot of luck in Vegas.

[Bluff]

Right?

[Katie's Husband]

So we. I love to go. Love to watch her. So she this time decided that instead of doing just, you know, going around a lot of different, you know, places and slot machines and different types of tables, she's gonna play poker. So she got in a poker tournament while she was in Vegas. Okay. The one thing that she did notice, though, that she would. She thought, well, I would. I would have loved to see more women be part of these poker tournaments and poker tables. And, you know, because I think there is an intimidation if you're a woman that you want to go and you want to seem like you know what you're doing and, you know, and there's some guys that don't take too well to a woman coming to the poker table.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Still an old boy network. Feels like, you know, like smoking a cig cigar.

[Katie's Husband]

Right?

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Got your scotch. All the boys hanging out, playing poker. Still has that feel.

[Katie's Husband]

Very Sinatra rat pack.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Yeah.

[Katie's Husband]

Kind of thing. You know, here's some broad that's coming up to the table to play poker. So. So she.

[Jeff]

Until they go to work, brawd.

[Katie's Husband]

But some guys in Vegas still do. And so she goes up to the table and she is playing poker with these guys. Well, there was a question she had about a certain. A certain Practice. And I. And I don't know enough about poker to know exactly what was going on, because it was a specialized poker they were playing. And so she leaned over when the play was not in motion to a guy sitting next to her to ask a question. And she was doing pretty well at the table. So it wasn't like she. She wasn't asking the basics, but she went over and asked the guy. So this other guy, seeing her do that, stood up and started yelling at her, but not yelling at her, like, you don't know what you're talking about and why are you asking this guy? He proceeded to go into a rant about how she was hustling the table.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Oh, get out of here.

[Katie's Husband]

He was accusing my girlfriend of being a hustler at a poker table in Vegas. And I said, that's awesome. And so she was like, dude, I don't know what you're talking about. And so it got to the point where the dealer almost had to call and. I don't know. I don't know.

[Joanna]

Pit boss.

[Jeff]

The pit boss.

[Katie's Husband]

And I almost had to get a call to the pit boss to get the drunk dude out of the way. But I thought, you know what? But you know what?

[Jeff]

She's like.

[Katie's Husband]

It didn't bother her at all. Because to be considered a hustler.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

You must be doing pretty well.

[Katie's Husband]

That's a big deal. So I could just say I was very proud of my girl for getting yelled at a poker table.

[Jeff]

Yeah, it's awesome.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

I love me some Vegas. I just don't appreciate it the way gamblers do. Like, I just don't have the same kind of rush on winning or losing like most do or some do when they go to Vegas. Just protect my money, man.

[Katie's Husband]

Well, there's a. You know, in any machine, if you've never been to Vegas or ever been gambling, especially if you go into the slot machines or any of the machines, there is a button that you can push this. Cash out. So whenever you're done gambling, you cash out and get your money back and stuff.

[Joanna]

And it plays the sound effects of coins falling, but it prints out a receipt.

[Katie's Husband]

Exactly. No more coins and buckets and that kind of thing. Unless you're in old, old Vegas. But. But yeah, and that was my. That was my catchphrase all weekend long was cash out. Because she made fun of me. The fact that I would. I wouldn't play very much. And then if I won anything, If I won 50 cents for a dollar, I'd cash out because I was on

[Jeff]

top that's not how you can gamble.

[Joanna]

Yeah, that totally shocks us about you, Melissa. Right, I know. I'm surprised you didn't tie a little tiny string to the quarter before you put it in the slot machine. You could yank it out.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

I used to work with a guy that just used to love the rush of gambling. I think I've told you about this guy before. Like I have sat at a craps table with him before where he would go down $5,000 and stick it out. Then he'd go up $12,000, then go down 9,000. He just loved that ride. And I would be so stressed out just watching him that that's not even a part of my reality.

[Katie's Husband]

Yeah, the routine around Vegas. I was the banker, basically. I mean, I would just watch Katie. So she'd go to one place and she'd win money and then she'd hand me part of what she won and then she'd take the rest of it and go somewhere else and lose it. But then by the end the night, by the time we got to the hotel room she had, she was up again, so. And it's same thing. I can't handle it. And she would laugh at me for like having my nails in my mouth biting.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Yeah.

[Katie's Husband]

Because of everything she was doing.

[Joanna]

There is something. There is something about gambling. Like I remember when we had to go to New Orleans for one of our radio conventions and Jimmy Barron and I to choose Tracy Peluso, then producer. Tracy who doesn't do anything bad, or no gambling. None of that.

[Jeff]

And Jimmy's Jewish.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Yeah, I want to be gambling with the Jewish guy.

[Jeff]

I'm gambling with the non rule breaker and the Jew. That sounds like a wild time.

[Joanna]

What are you implying about Jewish people?

[Jeff]

Just Jimmy.

[Joanna]

So we took her into the Harrah's casino that's right there in New Orleans. And I think we each gave her like 25 bucks. Like we each gave her five chips, you know, five dollar chips. And she turned that into like $45. And you would have thought she just won the thousand dollars easy money and got a G shirt.

[Katie's Husband]

I understand.

[Joanna]

K out.

[Sponsor Voice (Cassie from Vinted)]

K.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Well, congratulations.

[Katie's Husband]

Katie Jones, my husband.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Girl, that is like a stripe on your poker sleeve right there. If they accuse you of cheating, you've done pretty well, right?

[Katie's Husband]

She's the only girl there and the guys were accusing her of being a hustle.

[Jeff]

And congratulations on your 50 cents.

[Katie's Husband]

Thank you very much.

[Jeff]

Thank you.

[Katie's Husband]

I've invested that cash out.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Catch out the Bird Show.

[Sponsor Voice (Cassie from Vinted)]

This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Hey, it's Cassie. And this is your heads up that you're probably sitting on a fat stack of cash and you don't even realize it, y'. All, I took a look at my closet the other day, like, truly looked at it, and I realized I probably don't wear half of it. It's just sitting there taking up space and guilt tripping me every time I buy a new piece of clothing, reminding me that, oh, I'm running out of closet space and I have all these beautiful clothes I never ever wear. And it's become this weird pain point in my life. And then I found Vinted. Vinted is a secondhand app that makes it easy for everyday people like you and me to sell pre loved fashion and earn some extra money. Vinted was the motivation I needed to clean out my closet, and I'm betting it's the same for you. So picture this. You use Vinted now. You've got a less cluttered closet, a refreshed wardrobe with new pieces that you don't feel guilty about, and you made money. It's a win, win, win. And the extra nice part is that listing items on Vinted is quick and simple. And once an item sells, Vinted creates the prepaid shipping label for you. So if you're ready to clean out your closet and make some extra money, download the Vinted app for free and start listing. With no seller fees, you keep every dollar you earn. And for a limited time, you can enjoy free shipping in the US On Vinted. Can't wait to see what y' all are selling.

[Bluff]

What's going on, everyone? It's Bluff here and we're driving through the states in the bluffmobile and. And the best thing that we can do is play our favorite casino style games on Spin Quest. They have over a thousand games, including live dealer blackjack and craps. With tons of slots and unlimited options, you can get a $30 coin pack for just $10. For new users. Sign up today. Go to spinquest.com right now.

[Spin Quest Announcer]

Spin Quest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

The Bird Show. All right, producer Joanna here is getting married. Allegedly.

[Joanna]

And the exact day you're getting married, May 28, 2011.

[Spin Quest Announcer]

Okay.

[Joanna]

Did you celebrate on May 28, 2010, like a pre and pre anniversary?

Not really, but it did. I thought that I would like, you know, be thinking of that day. Oh my God, it's a year out. And actually Jason, my fiance, reminded me that we were a year away. So.

[Jeff]

Haven't you been engaged For a year already.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Yeah, I know, right? It does feel like a really long time.

[Joanna]

Do you know why? Because it is.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

But I mean, I think there comes a point, at least from the outside looking in, you know, with weddings and planning. Like, women don't learn from each other. Like, it seems like the very same fairy tale attitude is passed down from generation to generation and woman to woman, even though every woman complains about the small things that go along with wedding planning. But yet again, when a woman gets engaged, it all starts from zero. Like, this isn't gonna be me. That was their life.

[Joanna]

You don't wanna ruin it for them. You want them to figure it out and shatter their dreams on their own. You don't wanna be the one to tell them that. Look, honey, that's not how it's gonna happen.

[Katie's Husband]

But do you.

[Joanna]

Go ahead.

[Katie's Husband]

Do you think it's competitive, though? Cause I know that you're helping with a friend in her wedding and do you think it's the. Oh, well, I know that she may be having problems with the little details. This is gonna be different with me.

[Joanna]

It's not compet. If I'm gonna be completely honest. I think it's more of. Yeah, not competitive. Just like you want yours to be awesome and beautiful and the best, and you hope that everyone thinks yours is. But I don't want any. You know, I want hers to be lovely and beautiful as well. I just want mine to be better, Lovelier and better.

[Katie's Husband]

Yes. That's competition.

[Sponsor Voice (Cassie from Vinted)]

Yes.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

What's that? Lynn?

[Lynn]

That would.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Okay, yeah, that's a competition. Now, this doesn't really have to do with the wedding planning itself. This is more after wedding.

[Joanna]

Right, Right. Well, I think that with getting, you know, being engaged, there's a lot of things that Jason and I have been discussing from not moving in together until we're married, to our finances, how we're going to handle things, and then now also what we're going to do with my last name. Because my last name is Rodriguez. And in this world, I think that holds a lot. Like, as far as job goes, I think it's very important to keep my last name.

[Jeff]

Why is that?

[Joanna]

Because, I mean, nowadays it's, you know, you get kind of an edge being Spanish. I think you get kind of like a. You get put at the front of the line because maybe you're Hispanic, you can speak two languages. And I think it's very important in the job market today to stand out somehow.

That's why I use Jose$.

I thought it was.

Jesus.

[Bluff]

Hang on.

[Joanna]

Better Joke.

[Jeff]

Jesus.

[Joanna]

Your potential married name, it would be Newman or Newman. It's German.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Joanna]

But it doesn't hold as much value as.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

That's not gonna get you in the front of line anywhere.

[Joanna]

No, it's not.

[Jeff]

That doesn't say, I am from Urohai.

[Joanna]

No, not at all. So we've been discussing it, and I told him that I don't wanna keep my last name. I want to hyphen my last name so I would drop my middle name so I would be Joanna Rodriguez Newman.

[Jeff]

Hyphenated.

[Joanna]

Hyphenated. And at first he thought I was joking, but I would always assure him that it wasn't a joke, that I'm being serious. And then he finally, after arguing time after time, he let it go. And he's like, fine, as long as our kids are not gonna be Rodriguez Newman, they're gonna be Newman. I was like, that's fine.

[Jeff]

Whatever.

[Joanna]

You know, the kids don't even matter at this point. But I do right now. And that's how I'm going to do my last name.

[Jeff]

Don't talk about kids before you get married that day, you know, you can just remember that afterwards. It's not important now.

[Sponsor Voice (Cassie from Vinted)]

Whenever it happens.

[Jeff]

Yeah. Cross that bridge when you come to it.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

So you guys have an agreement?

[Joanna]

Yeah, so we have an agreement. However, I wrote on Facebook, or a friend of his posted a picture of Jason on Facebook and they said, the future Mr. And Mrs. Newman. And I commented afterwards, and I said, actually, future Mr. And Mrs. Rodriguez Newman. And Jason's mother saw it and she wasn't too happy about it.

[Jeff]

What did she say? Did she comment underneath it?

[Joanna]

No, no, no. She called him. She called Jason and said, you know, I saw something on Facebook and I'm not too happy about it.

[Jeff]

Jason's like, oh, great. Joanna took her top off again.

[Dale]

That's the problem.

[Joanna]

Moms shouldn't be allowed on Facebook.

[Lauren]

I agree.

[Joanna]

I agree. I agree.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Should be an entirely separate website. Facebook.com mom, whatever your name is.

[Katie's Husband]

Right, Exactly.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Yeah.

[Joanna]

So they had a long conversation, and he told her that I was just kidding, that I'm not gonna be keeping my eyes.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Wait a minute.

[Joanna]

Wait a minute.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Military man.

[Jeff]

Oh, no.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

That's what I love about guys in the military. They are not afraid of any kind of confrontation.

[Jeff]

Except for with their own mother.

[Joanna]

Yes. So after he got off the phone, I pretty much told him that he needs to go ahead and let his mother know that that's not the case. I'm not joking. That is what I'm gonna do. And traditionally, in the Hispanic community, we keep our last names. If my, you know, my.

Wouldn't you be Rodriguez Day Newman?

Yes, I would. Exactly. I would technically be Joanna Elisa Rodriguez

de Newman, which translates properly to, I am Joanna Rodriguez. Owned by Mr. Newman, which is correct.

Or I'm part of the Newman family. Yes. Not owned by Newman.

Semantics.

But anyways. But in the United States, it's not traditional. The women usually take the men's last name. And I understand that, and I get it. But I just. I think career wise. And also because I'm proud of where I'm from, and I don't want to drop my last name. I'm proud of being a Rodriguez. You know, I'm.

[Jeff]

I think. Because you feel so strongly about it. Cause so many women are gray in this area because it does seem. Well, once you have children, it's just easier to do it. So just sort of succumb to it, you know, because you don't want to make everything complicated. But I think you feel very strongly about this, and I can tell it's something that means a lot to you. So do it. Regardless of what his mom thinks, regardless of what anybody else thinks, if you're this clear on what you want, then that's exactly what you have to do.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

I bet your attitude would change if you were living in Arizona.

[Katie's Husband]

Then you'd want to keep my Newman named. My name is Newman.

[Jeff]

It's Newman. It's Jones.

[Katie's Husband]

It's Smith. Smith.

[Jeff]

Smith.

[Lauren]

Look, look.

[Katie's Husband]

My Guy's name is White.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

1 877-588-BERT-B E R T. Hey, Joe.

[Lynn]

Good morning.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

You're on the Bert Show.

[Lynn]

Hey, what's going on, Burt?

[Host (possibly Bert)]

You tell us, dude.

[Lynn]

Hey, man. I was just gonna call and tell Joanna. Me and my new wife, we just got married in April.

[Jeff]

Congratulations.

[Lynn]

We had the exact same argument. I told her I did not want her to hyphenate her name, and she insisted that she keep her name. She's actually. She comes from a family that they didn't have a son, so she was the only child. And she felt strongly about maintaining the family name. And my last name is very rare, so, you know, I really wanted us to keep my name. So we had this huge argument about her hibernating her name. Her mom got involved, said the same kind of thing. My parents really aren't in the picture, so they didn't really have an opinion. But what we decided was. And I thought this might help you, was she decided that she was going to keep her last name. And I guess I'M gonna have to be okay with that since that's what she wants. And ultimately I'd like her to be happy. So she said she's gonna keep all four names. So it'll be her first name, her middle name, her old last name, and now my name without a hyphen.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

So what's the whole name?

[Lynn]

So her whole name is Julia Elizabeth Holman Barbani.

[Joanna]

That is a lot.

[Jeff]

Yeah, a lot of women do that.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

I hope she doesn't play soccer because you can't get that on the back of the jersey.

[Lynn]

Well, she said she want do it because she'd like to keep a professional career. And she said that, you know, ultimately she will go by my name, but on paper she would still like to keep her last name. She said it wasn't. I felt. I personally felt like it was kind of like a lack of commitment or like it would be easier for.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

I don't know. I don't know.

[Lauren]

I just.

[Lynn]

I guess I didn't have a good attitude to begin with about it. But she says she wants to keep it, and, you know, I love her, so that's what I'll let her do. As long as.

[Lauren]

As long as.

[Lynn]

Kind of the same thing. Our kids are my last name. And I just didn't like the whole hyphen idea. It bothered me.

[Spin Quest Announcer]

Gotcha.

[Katie's Husband]

It still bothers him.

[Joanna]

But I stretches out his sentences the way his wife stretches out her name. Yeah, exactly, because I caught a few hyphens in that sentence.

[Katie's Husband]

I think the whole thing was hyphenated. But, Joanna, I agree with Jim, but I think the number one thing is you and Jason have to be on the same page. Yeah, man, he's got to get on that same page because he cannot. This is the wrong time for him to start playing between you and his mother and saying she was just kidding. That was a huge violation.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Take it from a dude that's been married a long time. You set the groundwork for all this stuff, like how he's gonna handle conflict between you and his mom right now.

[Joanna]

Yeah, I think you should call his mom. Like, I don't even think you should tell him. I think you should pick up the phone and go. Listen, lady. Listen, New mom or whatever the hell your name is.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Rodriguez.

[Joanna]

Guess what you're gonna have to get used to.

[Spin Quest Announcer]

Hey, the Bird Show.

[Sponsor Voice (Cassie from Vinted)]

This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Hey, it's Cassie. And this is your heads up that you're probably sitting on a vat stack of cash and you don't even Realize it, y'.

[Lauren]

All.

[Sponsor Voice (Cassie from Vinted)]

I took a look at my closet the other day, like truly looked at it and I realized I probably don't wear half of it. It's just sitting there taking up space and guilt tripping me every time I buy a new piece of clothing, reminding me that, oh, I'm running out of closet space and I have all these beautiful clothes I never, ever wear. And it's become this weird pain point in my life. And then I found Vinted. Vinted is a secondhand app that makes it easy for everyday people like you and me to sell pre loved fashion and earn some extra money. Vinted was the motivation I needed to clean out my closet, and I'm betting it's the same for you. So picture this. You use Vinted now. You've got a less cluttered closet, a refreshed wardrobe with new pieces that you don't feel guilty about, and you made money. It's a win, win, win. And the extra nice part is that listing items on Vinted is quick and simple. And once an item sells, Vinted creates the prepaid shipping label for you. So if you're ready to clean out your closet and make some extra money, download the Vinted app for free and start listing. With no seller fees, you keep every dollar you earn. And for a limited time, you can enjoy free shipping in the US on Vinted. Can't wait to see what y' all are selling.

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[Jeff]

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[Bluff]

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[Host (possibly Bert)]

The First Show all right, let's get Brian back on. Man, I've been waiting for this now 24 hours. I like. I feel like I'm invested in Brian

[Katie's Husband]

because you're gonna start bragging that you introduce them when they get married, kids and or together forever.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

It's the girl syndrome right there that. Oh, I was the one that Brought them together.

[Katie's Husband]

I'm responsible for this beauty.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Brian called us yesterday and he said that he met this girl in a bar a week and a half, two weeks ago, and then he lost his phone the next day on a bike ride. He's in a panic, man. Can't find her.

[Jeff]

He already asked her out when they met, got her phone number, but then the phone was gone and she was totally cool.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Here's my phone number. No worries. Well, he spends like a week and a half calling different hair salons in Marietta. Cause over the course of the conversation that they had over the night, he just remembers that she was a hairstylist in Marietta. So he's calling all these places trying to find her. He goes online trying to find her, and he has no luck at all. Right? So he calls us yesterday and he gives us some details that she lives in Grant Park. We knew. We knew that she was a hairstylist in Marietta. And we knew she was like 5, 9, and she had dark brown hair. So that's all pretty much that we had right there. What's going on, Brian?

[Brian]

Hey, good morning, guys.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

How are you doing?

[Brian]

I'm doing well. How about you?

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Okay.

[Katie's Husband]

You nervous?

[Dale]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

You have a different tone in your voice.

[Dale]

Nervous?

[Lynn]

Nervous?

[Brian]

No. Why. Why would I be nervous?

[Joanna]

Because love destiny is awake.

I think every creeper gets nervous before when they're about to have face to face interaction with the person they've been Internet stalking.

[Sponsor Voice (Cassie from Vinted)]

Gross.

[Jeff]

Don't say that.

[Dale]

Oh, come on, Jeff.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Like, at this point, though, we don't know if she even, like, gave him the fake number or the real number.

[Brian]

I know that's crossed my mind before.

[Katie's Husband]

No, because this is too perfect. This is too perfect and romantic. It's not gonna be anything ugly. No wrong number given.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

When we get her on, we will have this guy to thank because Dale called us yesterday. Let's get him on. Hey, Dale.

[Dale]

Yes, sir.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

How are you today?

[Dale]

I'm doing well. How are you guys this morning?

[Brian]

Good.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

You are about to. The agent, the ambassador of destiny. Dude, you were the one listening yesterday and called us.

[Dale]

Yes, I was telling Laura how this could be just her destiny.

[Joanna]

And if it doesn't work out, Dale, and you play your cards right, you could maybe take Brian over to the other side for a minute.

[Brian]

Oh.

[Dale]

Oh. Oh, God. I'm not too good at that.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

When you called her yesterday or you saw her yesterday, what were the first words that came out of your mouth?

[Dale]

Well, I actually, when I got there, I opened the back door and she was standing at the back door saying, I'm gonna kill you. Everybody was back there, like, saying how cute it was. And, you know, we were just. We were really excited. I'm so excited for Laura because she's such a great girl. I mean, she's beautiful inside and out. I think I told you yesterday, if I wasn't dead a few years younger, I'd want to her my girlfriend and marry her.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

I saw somebody sent me, like, a link to her yesterday. I think it was producer Tracy. She's really cute.

[Dale]

Yeah. Did you see the one at Claiborne's where she works? She had peak hair then.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

I did, yeah, that's the one I saw.

[Dale]

Yeah. She cut her hair shorter and it's darker and she's just. You know, I've known Lauren for a little over a month. She's just such a young, talented stylist that's up and coming, and she's just so kind and a big heart. And I don't know, the second her and I met, we just kind of connected and I just think the world over.

[Lynn]

Sweet.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

And to thank, Brian, this girl almost slipped out of your hands already, dude.

[Dale]

She was talking about that, too, yesterday.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Did she seem to be charmed by it or did she seem to be a little freaked out about it?

[Dale]

She was a little freaked out at first, but the more I started talking to her about it, she was like, yeah, you're right. Maybe. Yeah, you're right. I need to do this. That said, of course you do. I said, I mean, you're beautiful. I mean, why would you not.

[Jeff]

I'm sure anybody would be freaked out if their name was being talked about on the radio and somebody was looking for him. I mean, that's a little. That's a little intense at first.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Sure. Until you hear all the details, because it's all pretty charming that he went this far out of his way.

[Katie's Husband]

Did she remember him?

[Sponsor Voice (Cassie from Vinted)]

Dale?

[Dale]

Yes, she did. Yeah. I vaguely remember him because I spilled his drink on him and I was embarrassed and I said, oh, okay. Way to go, girl.

[Joanna]

She doesn't vaguely remember him. He's 8 foot 2 and he was staring at her and licking his lips for three hours at the bar.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Why are you making this so creepy, man?

[Dale]

That is too funny. That is so funny. I'm just so excited for it because I see what this guy's done. I think it's very romantic.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Well, she's on hold, so, Brian, I'm about to put her on with you. And these are. These are always awkward.

[Jeff]

You can do it, Brian. Like be charming and you know, vertically convenient.

[Brian]

Let's ride this pony. Not you, Jeff.

[Joanna]

I gotta be honest with you. I don't take offense to that, but I would if I were her. And Dale's like, yeah, let's,

[Dale]

let's do it.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Let's get Lauren on.

[Jeff]

Are you gonna put, are you gonna take Dale off? Are you gonna make this like a three way?

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Well, I think I'm gonna make it a three way because whenever it's just one on one, it's always awkward. The more people at the party, I think the better in this case.

[Joanna]

Wow.

[Dale]

I've never been on a three way with a woman before.

[Joanna]

Lauren's like a little his and his and hers.

[Dale]

Brilliant. Well, okay, let's get it going.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Hey Lauren. Good morning.

[Joanna]

Ride this poem.

[Lauren]

Hi guys.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

How are you?

[Lauren]

I'm good. It's a little early for me, but I'm good.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

When do you normally get up?

[Lauren]

Probably about like 8:45.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

I know. I have this generalization this of hairstylists that you guys work until like 8 o' clock at night, but then all of you go out and you party until 4 or 5 in the morning.

[Lauren]

No, I was actually asleep in bed by 12 o' clock last night.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Okay,

[Jeff]

so Lauren, were you totally flattered that Brian's been looking for you?

[Lauren]

You know, it was, it was a little crazy at first, but a friend of mine called me at like 9 o' clock in the morning and I had only been up for like 15 minutes. I was like, okay, well just let me get ready for work and I'll listen to it and see if the guy's really talking about me. And so of course I had to call one of my other friends. I'm like, you have to listen to the radio. And, and I mean, it's really flattering. It is. It was a little strange at first hearing somebody talk on a radio show that's broadcast, you know, all around the area. But no, I mean, it's flattering.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

And you remembered who he was because of the spilled drink?

[Lauren]

Yeah, I did. I was like, I. Yeah, I totally spilled his drink on that guy.

[Jeff]

And he's super tall too, so.

[Lauren]

Yeah, he's. That was one of the other things. I do remember him being like really, really tall. And I'm definitely not a short person myself, so. And I probably had like 4 inch heels on or something.

[Jeff]

See?

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Tall women wearing heels, man. As a guy that's five foot four drives me crazy. Don't own your height. Hide it. All right, here's Brian. Hey Brian, here's Lauren.

[Brian]

Hey, what's going on?

[Lauren]

How are you?

[Brian]

I'm doing very well. Sorry to make such a scene of everything, but I did say I would call, so.

[Sponsor Voice (Cassie from Vinted)]

Yeah.

[Joanna]

Lauren, go to your closet and open it. We've got a surprise for you.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

He's been there all night. Brian, tell Lauren. I mean, and I think this is charming, so I don't think I'm setting you up to freak her out, but, I mean, you went to great lengths. You weren't so impressed with her that night. You went to great lengths to try to find out who she was.

[Brian]

Yeah, you know, I mean, I went

[Dale]

to a place or two.

[Lynn]

I called some places.

[Brian]

I looked at several places online and

[Lynn]

then,

[Brian]

yeah, I kind of felt. I felt like I just kind of missed the website yesterday when I saw the Claiborne's website because there you were, right on the main page or second to the first page, so. But anyway, yeah, it was. It was kind of fun, if nothing else. I hope it was. I hope it'll at least be a memorable experience.

[Lauren]

There's no doubt about that. It definitely is.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

So is. So, Lauren, are you in a relationship right now? Are you not in a. Well, you obviously are because you gave him your phone.

[Dale]

No, I'm single.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Here's the awkward part.

[Joanna]

All right, Brian, here you go.

[Katie's Husband]

Take charge.

[Jeff]

Dale, here's your chance. Brian, ask.

[Dale]

Do it.

[Brian]

What's that?

[Dale]

I said do it. Lauren, do it.

[Lynn]

What am I.

[Lauren]

Okay, Lauren, I know what I'm supposed to say.

[Joanna]

Lauren, would you like to ride that pony?

[Lauren]

Thank you, Jeff. I appreciate that.

[Brian]

Not mine.

[Lauren]

I appreciate. You know, I guess I could find out if I would like to.

[Brian]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Why don't we just do this? Why don't I put both you guys on hold? And, Lauren, I'll give you Brian's phone number or whatever, vice versa. And then at least you guys are back in contact with each other. I mean, you gave him your number once, so we're assuming it's okay to give it to him again.

[Lauren]

Yeah, it's quite all right.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Okay, cool.

[Katie's Husband]

All right, awesome.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

This thing's done. This thing's done. We'll let it go before Jeff really creeps you out.

[Lauren]

Okay.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Thank you, Brian. You hold on with us, Dale.

[Katie's Husband]

Thanks, Dale.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Thanks, Dale.

[Dale]

Have a good morning, guys.

[McDonald's Order Caller]

You, too.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

And thanks for giving us a call. And thanks, Lauren. Okay, Brian, man, that's done, dude.

[Brian]

Thank you, guys.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Okay, go get your girl. Ball is in your court now, dude. We found her for you. And I must say, I'm. I'm feeling pretty good. About like, our batting average on this thing is around 850.

[Katie's Husband]

Yeah.

[Lynn]

So if I have to say, you

[Brian]

guys were one of the first things I thought of. Whenever I was. I was walking my flat tired bike home, I was like, you know, if I really don't find it, there's always that option, right?

[Katie's Husband]

All right.

[Jeff]

That's awesome.

[Brian]

You're like the nuclear option.

[Jeff]

I'm glad you reached out to us. And for all of the hopeless romantics, you have to let us know how it goes. I mean, if you guys get married and have babies, we must know about it.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Well, I want to check before that. Like in a couple of weeks, we'll give you a call just to see if you guys have touched base and have gone out.

[Dale]

Cool. Cool. Good deal.

[Brian]

Definitely.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

All right, Brian, I'll put you on hold.

[Joanna]

Sweet.

[Brian]

Thank you.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Congratulations, man.

[Jeff]

Good luck.

[Brian]

Thanks.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Good luck.

[Brian]

Thanks.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

We can do the same thing for you guys. So remember, if this ever happens to you or if you're out over the weekend and you just don't man up or you don't get his phone number or whatever, then Monday or Tuesday rolls around, you're like, you know what?

[Katie's Husband]

Damn, Damn.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Why don't I just get the digits? We can find them for you. With love lost and found.

[Katie's Husband]

But details are important.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Details are very important.

[Katie's Husband]

Details are very important.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Yeah, we get some vague ones sometimes. We're like, I met a guy, 6, 4, and he was at the Braves game in section 210.

[Katie's Husband]

We didn't even have that that time. Somebody called, said, I met him at a Braves game. He had a Braves hat on. Really good job.

[Bluff]

Get it the Bird Show.

[Sponsor Voice (Cassie from Vinted)]

This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Hey, it's Cassie, and this is your heads up that you're probably sitting on a fat stack of cash and you don't even realize it, y'.

[Katie's Husband]

All.

[Sponsor Voice (Cassie from Vinted)]

I took a look at my closet the other day, like, truly looked at it, and I realized I probably don't wear half of it. It's just sitting there, taking up space and guilt tripping me every time I buy a new piece of clothing, reminding me that, oh, I'm running out of closet space and I have all these beautiful clothes I never ever wear. And it's become this weird pain point in my life. And then I found Vinted. Vinted is a secondhand app that makes it easy for everyday people like you and me to sell pre loved fashion and earn some extra money. Vinted was the motivation I needed to clean out my closet. And I'm betting it's the same for you. So picture this. You use Vinted. Now you've got a less cluttered closet, a refreshed wardrobe with new pieces that you don't feel guilty about, and you made money. It's a win, win, win. And the extra nice part is that listing items on Vinted is quick and simple. And once an item sells, Vinted creates the prepaid shipping label for you. So if you're ready to clean out your closet and make some extra money, download the Vinted app for free and start listing. With no seller fees, you keep every dollar you earn. And for a limited time, you can enjoy free shipping in the US on Vinted. Can't wait to see what y' all are selling.

[Dale]

What's up everybody?

[Joanna]

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[Dale]

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[Joanna]

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[Spin Quest Announcer]

Spinquest.com Spin Quest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. You're on the Bird Show.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

A couple of things that are starting to gain traction on the Internet going virally. Have you guys seen this thing from college humor? The American Idol Losers. Guys that didn't make it to LA go through a McDonald's in order by singing at the McDonald's.

[McDonald's Order Caller]

I have a complicated order.

[Lauren]

Okay, go ahead.

[McDonald's Order Caller]

Are you listening?

[Lauren]

Yes, sir.

[McDonald's Order Caller]

On a number six super size with the Sprite and large fries. Mustard, ketchup only, please. But don't you forget that cheese. I got a sweet tooth, but I'm in a hurry. Can I get one? Big McFlurry. Give me one of them sprinkled with some M and M's. I'm feeling them. Excuse me, Mamba baby, can you tell me, did you get that? Was it too fast?

[Sponsor Voice (Cassie from Vinted)]

I like it.

[McDonald's Order Caller]

Go to the drive.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

Let's see if she gets the order right, though.

[Jeff]

Can you hear me?

[McDonald's Order Caller]

Am I coming in clearly?

[Jeff]

That's awesome.

[McDonald's Order Caller]

Did you get that?

[Lauren]

Rescue one of the number six super size only mustard and ketchup with a large Sprite and an Eminem Max leg.

[Brian]

Yeah,

[Host (possibly Bert)]

he's like really surprised. He got it right.

[Jeff]

That's fantastic.

[Joanna]

That's awesome.

[Jeff]

It's incredible.

[Bluff]

You got it right.

[Host (possibly Bert)]

It totally got it right.

[Jeff]

Totally impressive there.

[Joanna]

And I'm starving.

[Bluff]

Listen, it's the vert show.

[Lauren]

Hey, guys.

[Joanna]

Lady Luck here. Are you going on any road trips this summer? I know I'm going to be going on a bunch of road trips and being that I'm going to be passenger Princess, I Love playing on Spinquest.com Spinquest has all of my favorite slot games. Live blackjack, live craps. Head on over to Spinquest right now and get yourself a $30 coin pack for just 10 bucks.

[Spin Quest Announcer]

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