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Ryan Seacrest
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Host (possibly Burt)
The third show we're going to play the conversation that we had with Big Mike from American Idol. But the fact of the matter with Mike is this is that that when his wife was delivering their first baby, he wasn't there. He chose to go out to LA and pursue his dream on American Idol.
Co-host 1
He had just been given the chance to do the Hollywood round. Right.
Host (possibly Burt)
Right.
Co-host 2
I think.
Host (possibly Burt)
Right.
Co-host 1
And he was like, man, this is my chance to make it happen for my family. I gotta stay.
Host (possibly Burt)
And at the end of the day, that's what he did. He went out to la. I mean, he advances all these rounds. She has the baby and he missed that. He missed that, man. And he's at peace with it now. We can go one of two ways here. You guys tell me which way you want to go with this.
Caller/Listener 1
Okay?
Host (possibly Burt)
We could talk to moms that are still upset that their husbands missed the birth of their baby for whatever reason. Or we can talk to moms that are totally cool with why their husbands missed the birth of their baby.
Co-host 3
We'll get more calls with the first one.
Host (possibly Burt)
Angry.
Co-host 3
Angry.
Co-host 4
I think.
Co-host 5
Can we take both? Because I think I would be interested to hear the contrast.
Co-host 6
Yeah, that's true.
Co-host 5
Between the two. You know what I mean? And you have to be in like a happy. Like you can't call up and go I'm totally fine that he didn't show up. Cause he wasn't in the baby's life at all anyways and blah, blah, blah.
Caller/Listener 1
You know what I mean?
Co-host 5
It has to be like, you guys are married. Stayed married after the birth of the
Co-host 1
baby, but it was for work or family or whatever. I'm guessing we'll have a lot of military families that experience that.
Co-host 5
I was just saying we should eliminate those. Right.
Host (possibly Burt)
Cause that's too easy. Yeah. I'm glad he went to serve his country. Okay. We get those. Totally get those. So we're looking for two kinds here. 404. You're still upset for the reason why he missed the birth of your baby. He was out on a fishing trip and he mistimed it. He was at a bar when you called, and he couldn't get somebody to drive him home. Whatever.
Co-host 5
Didn't we talk to somebody? Because we've talked about this before.
Co-host 3
Yeah.
Co-host 5
And was. Didn't. Wasn't there a guy passed out drunk? Like, he went out with his buddies the night before. They took him out, like, as the baby was coming. He went to sleep at like 2 in the morning, totally hammered and slept. And then she. Her water broke at 6.
Co-host 3
Ooh, there's a lot of drunk starting calm. Is getting nervous. I'm sure there's a lot of guys who would probably get. If she has a long labor and he's nervous, so he decides to go, you know, I need a couple cocktails to calm me down a little bit for a second. And then he completely gets too trash to come back.
Host (possibly Burt)
Or he. You know, there could be a case where he takes like a dude vacation and you deliver early, you go into labor, and he can't get back in time.
Co-host 5
If he's on one of those vacations you go on, like in a mountain in Argentina somewhere, sitting up there. Home.
Host (possibly Burt)
Yeah, but if you're like three weeks out or something like that, then you can't do that. I don't know what the statute there is, how many miles you can travel, but it's not the Buenos Aires.
Co-host 3
I know that my friend could have
Co-host 5
missed the birth of his because his wife sent him a text message and didn't call. Like, he was at work. He was in a studio, so he was working. And she sent a text to his phone and didn't pick up the phone and call. And he's like, when you're having a baby, you need to pick up the phone and make a call.
Host (possibly Burt)
Hey, Alyssa.
Caller/Listener 2
Hey.
Host (possibly Burt)
So you got Big Mike's situation On American Idol, where dude goes on out to LA and he misses the birth of his first child. So his wife seems to be pretty cool about it. But we're looking for moms that are still either upset or by the husband missing the birth or are totally cool with it.
Caller/Listener 2
I'm totally cool with it. My husband. The night before I had my plan C section that we planned for three months with the specific doctor, he fell off a ladder at work and cracked his skull. And I was in the emergency room with him. He's like, you have to have the C section with this doctor. I don't want anyone else touching you.
Caller/Listener 3
I was like, are you sure?
Caller/Listener 2
So my family flew in that night, and he was at Atlanta Medical, and I'm down at Northside to get you in the same hospital. But I was famous.
Caller/Listener 3
They were like, hey, aren't you the woman whose husband's in Atlanta Medical?
Caller/Listener 2
Hey, everybody knows you around here. And I was like, oh, wow.
Co-host 1
Oh, that's terrible.
Host (possibly Burt)
Couldn't you see you in the same,
Co-host 5
like, put my skull together at Northside?
Host (possibly Burt)
Oh, that's so funny.
Caller/Listener 2
Two days there and, like, forced them to let him go so he could see his son. I mean, he was. And then they had a bed for him. They put me in a special room where they had a bed for him. And he was able to see his son two days after he was born.
Co-host 2
Well, she's at peace, though.
Co-host 1
Wow. Yeah.
Host (possibly Burt)
She's okay with it. Hey, Shannon, I want to put you on hold because I think you may be my closer call. Okay?
Caller/Listener 2
Okay.
Host (possibly Burt)
All right.
Co-host 4
Hold on.
Co-host 1
Don't go anywhere.
Host (possibly Burt)
Don't go anywhere, Shannon.
Caller/Listener 3
That's right.
Co-host 3
Yeah, I got to hear that.
Co-host 2
I know.
Host (possibly Burt)
Good morning, Elaine. You are on Q100. Hi.
Caller/Listener 2
Hi.
Caller/Listener 1
Hi.
Host (possibly Burt)
How are you?
Caller/Listener 2
I'm good. So, yes, I'm 30 and my sister is 28, and my dad missed both of our births, and my mother still very upset about it. But the funny little twist is, even though she uses it all the time to prove that he was never there. He raised us. He got custody of us in the 80s and raised us by himself. She was nowhere in the picture.
Co-host 5
Why did he. What was his reason for missing the birth?
Caller/Listener 2
He was working on the oil rigs back in Louisiana. And he would be out for a week and then home for a week, and it was while he was out both times.
Co-host 3
Oh, socks.
Co-host 2
So he's working.
Co-host 1
So he was working.
Host (possibly Burt)
He was working. I want to get to that Shannon call, man. Because her husband missed all three.
Co-host 3
Oh, God, dude, I'll Tell you what,
Host (possibly Burt)
let me just take Carly first, and I'll get to Shannon.
Co-host 5
He's busy, man.
Host (possibly Burt)
Good morning, Carly. You're on the Vert Show. Hi.
Caller/Listener 3
Hi. Hi.
Caller/Listener 2
How are you? Hey.
Co-host 5
Hey, hey.
Host (possibly Burt)
What's going on?
Caller/Listener 3
Hey, good.
Caller/Listener 2
I just wanted to call and tell you guys that my dad was on business when I was born, and he tried his best as he could to make it on time, but was just five minutes late. And I jokingly still bring it up when we get in fights today.
Host (possibly Burt)
So you've let it go, but you really haven't let it go.
Caller/Listener 2
Yeah. Yeah.
Host (possibly Burt)
Here is Shannon. All right, you guys ready for this?
Co-host 2
Yes.
Host (possibly Burt)
All right, Shannon, how are you?
Caller/Listener 3
I'm good.
Caller/Listener 2
How are you?
Host (possibly Burt)
I'm okay. The number seems really high, though. You've had three kids?
Caller/Listener 3
We do. Well, I have five.
Caller/Listener 2
Two are from my first marriage, and then my last three are from the second.
Host (possibly Burt)
Okay.
Caller/Listener 2
And we. We had talked about it beforehand. Do you want me to.
Host (possibly Burt)
She had said, yeah, go ahead.
Caller/Listener 2
Earlier.
Co-host 1
Sure.
Co-host 3
Yes.
Caller/Listener 1
He. He.
Caller/Listener 2
Both of his parents died of cancer, and he has a phobia of hospitals.
Co-host 3
Ah. I knew somebody like that.
Co-host 6
Really?
Caller/Listener 2
Yes, very severely. Like, he almost died from a pygmy rattlesnake bite at one point. Like, absolutely does not do hospitals. And the third one was premature, and he actually almost gave in and went just because. But then everything turned out fine. I had a best friend. She was in there for all three, and it worked out, and you really have to, I guess, prioritize. I mean, I think I probably would have been pissed if he had been laid up somewhere in a bar, but, you know, I mean, this man loves his kids more than anything in the world, and it was very hard for him not to go.
Caller/Listener 3
But, you know, you do what you do.
Host (possibly Burt)
Like when you say phobia of hospitals, like, what are you talking about? When he thinks of going to a hospital, what are we talking about?
Caller/Listener 2
It just brings back very. It was. He lost back to his parents within a year, and it's very sickening for him.
Co-host 1
I'm pretty sure I knew somebody like that. Maybe, like, panic attacks, anxiety.
Caller/Listener 2
Yeah, it's very hard. Yes.
Ryan Seacrest
I'm pretty sure my.
Co-host 5
I'm sorry. Go ahead.
Co-host 3
When I had my transplant, I had a friend who had to call me on the phone because she couldn't come in the hospital because her father had passed away, and she associated anything negative with it with the hospital. So she had to call and say, I'm so sorry. I'm not gonna make it up to see you.
Co-host 5
I think it's possible that my uncle missed the birth of his only daughter. Cause he has a. Like, my aunt had surgery. She's passed away now. But, like, when I was living in Syracuse, like, I remember she went in for surgery then. She also had a heart attack more recently. And I don't think he went to visit her either time. His wife of like, 50 years.
Ryan Seacrest
Is that right?
Co-host 5
Cause he was so phobic, and he gets so. He just can't do it. I wonder what that. Wonder what happens if he gets sick?
Host (possibly Burt)
I don't know.
Co-host 3
It was like she said her husband almost died. From what, a snake bite? Because he wouldn't go to the hospital.
Host (possibly Burt)
Stacy would never have that. She'd say, suck it up and you get your ass down here. I don't care how nervous or phobic you are, you get your ass down here. You don't even know what phobia is till the next time you see me. You'd be a Stacy phobic if you don't get here. Hey, aj. Good morning. You're on the Burt Show. Hi.
Caller/Listener 3
Hi.
Co-host 5
How y' all doing?
Cassie (Vinted Ad)
Good.
Host (possibly Burt)
How are you?
Caller/Listener 2
Good. I was on bed rest with my second child at the hospital, and when I went into labor, the doctor called my house and our phone was disconnected,
Caller/Listener 1
so I had to call my neighbor to go to my house.
Caller/Listener 2
And my husband missed the birth.
Caller/Listener 1
When he capped it, he was like, how much longer?
Caller/Listener 2
I was like, it's done. She's here.
Co-host 5
So, like, I didn't hear that. Did he cut the bill off or did the phone get cut off? Cause he didn't pay the bill.
Caller/Listener 2
Right.
Co-host 5
So he didn't pay the bill, phone gets cut off, he misses the call saying, your baby's here.
Ryan Seacrest
Right.
Host (possibly Burt)
That's gonna be a tough one to let. Is he the current husband or is he the ex?
Caller/Listener 3
He's the current husband.
Caller/Listener 1
We have three kids.
Caller/Listener 2
There's like another one after my middle child. But, yeah, I bring it up all the time.
Host (possibly Burt)
I bet that's the first thing he did. Like, when you told him you were pregnant, he's like, I'm paying the bill for the next two years.
Co-host 1
Yeah, exactly.
Co-host 3
I'm taking care of honey.
Caller/Listener 3
Exactly.
Host (possibly Burt)
All right, aj, thanks for calling.
Caller/Listener 1
Thanks.
Caller/Listener 3
Have a good day.
Host (possibly Burt)
You too.
Cassie (Vinted Ad)
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Ryan Seacrest
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Ryan Seacrest
You're on the Birch Show.
Host (possibly Burt)
Okay, Melissa, you'll appreciate this. This is from a Miami news anchor last night doing a story on. I think it was. I think it was sexual injuries. Do you hear this yet?
Co-host 3
I think it was a. Is it injuries or is it a device? It's Some guy. But it's some report on something that has to do with. With sex.
Ryan Seacrest
Emergency room workers say the injuries are run of the mill.
Host (possibly Burt)
Everything from pulled hamstrings to fractured penises. Injuries tend to happen most when people
Ryan Seacrest
get intimate in unusual places or try unusual things. So consider yourself warned.
Caller/Listener 2
Sorry.
Co-host 4
People are cracking up in here. You pulled me right back.
Caller/Listener 2
Then they got.
Host (possibly Burt)
Then they gotta cut to.
Co-host 3
Then he got lost.
Caller/Listener 3
I would do the same thing.
Co-host 3
Yeah. Later on we're going to do a audio of a anchor who shocked his co host with using the word penis when they were doing a story about some kind of sexual device.
Host (possibly Burt)
I actually have it.
Co-host 3
Do you?
Host (possibly Burt)
Huh? This is a guy in New Orleans that they were talking about the sexual device. And this news anchor never even breaks character. Like I don't think he realizes how unprofessional he was just for a second because he picks up his papers like right after he says it and he's like. And then tries to move on to the next story. But listen to the words.
Co-host 6
And the G shock costs about $1,200. And doctors say it is safe, but for some reason it just doesn't work on everyone. For more information on tonight's story, go to abc26.com beautybreakthroughs and guys, the shot lasts between four and six months. And Susan, who you met in our story, says that is one appointment she is not going to miss because she says it worked for her.
Co-host 4
So she's enjoying penis a little bit more. Is she?
Co-host 6
She is. She's enjoying her sex life a little bit more. She and her husband.
Co-host 4
There's proof.
Co-host 6
Thank you, Michael. Yes. I hope those doctors are ready for some serious business.
Co-host 4
I bet they are. I agree.
Co-host 6
I think the phones are going to be ringing.
Co-host 4
Yes, they will.
Host (possibly Burt)
Everybody.
Co-host 3
I mean, it's a female segment, his female co host. And they're just like, why did you say.
Caller/Listener 3
What did he just say?
Host (possibly Burt)
Idiot. Let me play it again. Let me play it again for you guys because now, you know it's there. All right. It's at the very tail end of this. And he again, I mean he like he's just using some of his ad lib skills.
Co-host 3
And I was smiling.
Co-host 6
And the G Shock costs about twelve hundred dollars and doctors say it is safe, but for some reason it just doesn't work on everyone. For more information on tonight's story, go to abc26.com/beauty breakthroughs. And guys, the shot lasts between four and six months. And Susan, who you met in our story says that is One appointment she is not going to miss because she says it worked for her.
Co-host 4
So she's enjoying penis a little bit more, is she?
Co-host 6
She is. She's enjoying her sex life a little bit more. She and her husband.
Co-host 4
There's proof then.
Co-host 6
Michael. I agree. I think the phones are going to be ringing.
Co-host 4
Yes, they will.
Host (possibly Burt)
Yes, they will. But I don't realize that's.
Co-host 3
I have a meeting in the boss's office. What?
Co-host 1
Why?
Cassie (Vinted Ad)
Why?
Caller/Listener 3
What did I do?
Co-host 2
That's something you say in the office. You don't say that while you're talking.
Host (possibly Burt)
Most offices.
Co-host 3
I've never been in a real one.
Host (possibly Burt)
Jeff and I joke about this all the time. That if we ever got jobs in real offices, we would all be fired. Three minutes.
Co-host 5
You become like bank tellers.
Co-host 1
Because we all try to one up each other with our gross out humor, like our shock value humor. Because we don't make each other laugh anymore unless it's shocking.
Host (possibly Burt)
And you can only do it in the studio. Even outside those doors, it's not even cool.
Co-host 2
There is a bell that you're supposed to ding if you say anything. Red light. Because it's so funny. And then give yourself a point over in the promotions office. So you're supposed to say something inappropriate and get on this board with a little check mark. The more check marks, the better it is.
Host (possibly Burt)
Yeah, try that in your accounting firm today. This is an email that we got sort of on the same subject here. Says, dear Burt, show listening every morning. And I have since high school. Anyway, in the past I've heard you guys discuss the junk press. Been a while since we talked about the junk press.
Co-host 1
Yes, it is a complicated move.
Host (possibly Burt)
Do you want to explain exactly what that is?
Co-host 1
Well, it's just when a man presses his junk against you, really it's on purpose, but. It's on purpose, but sort of seemingly on accident.
Host (possibly Burt)
It's in a situation where it could. Like it could be in a crowded bar.
Co-host 3
He's trying to get past you.
Ryan Seacrest
Pardon me?
Co-host 1
I'm reaching over you across the table.
Host (possibly Burt)
But the end result is the dude's got his junk pressing up against you.
Co-host 3
Correct.
Host (possibly Burt)
After we talked about this the first time, we realized that there's a breast press. Also boob press. But this one is all about the junk press. All right. Anyway, in the past I've heard you guys discuss the junk press. 24 years old and never had it happen to me until last week. Twice. And I think they were both accidents, but I can't be sure. It's what she writes. First one Was while she was getting a massage.
Co-host 1
Oh, oh, see, no, no, no. That's intentional violation.
Host (possibly Burt)
You think?
Co-host 3
Absolutely.
Co-host 1
Yes, yes.
Host (possibly Burt)
She explains pretty well what happened. She says she's on her stomach with my hands down on my side in that position. Your hands are kind of curled up in a cup shape, right? Well, the massage therapist rested his junk right there in her upward facing hand.
Co-host 5
Hold it like a little bird.
Co-host 3
That is not an accident.
Host (possibly Burt)
No accident.
Co-host 1
No, he placed it right there.
Co-host 3
He had to lift up.
Co-host 1
He wanted her to hold.
Host (possibly Burt)
She says she didn't do anything about it.
Co-host 5
Here, hold these while I work on your shoulders.
Caller/Listener 3
Exactly.
Host (possibly Burt)
Hold on to my tar balls.
Co-host 1
Come on, you guys have a set. I mean, you would know if that was touching somebody's hand.
Host (possibly Burt)
Yes, for sure.
Co-host 5
Okay, I'm gonna put my cheesy peen right here in your hand. I'm gonna act like it's an accident, but I know it's there.
Co-host 3
You paid for that service, right?
Co-host 5
Uh huh. Now I'm gonna tickle you so you make a fist.
Co-host 2
Oh yeah.
Host (possibly Burt)
She says, I thought maybe it was just an accident, but when I look back, maybe it wasn't. And then she says it happened again. She went to happy hour a few nights ago.
Co-host 5
Yes, she did.
Host (possibly Burt)
This week the bar brought in a salsa dance instructor. He was teaching all the ladies how to do some salsa moves. Mostly just group stuff. Except for at the end, he takes me and positions me in a way that his junk sits right on my knee. I swear he didn't do that move with any of my friends. Just coincidence? Or is the bird show just making me paranoid? Thanks again for all the laughs in the morning.
Co-host 3
See, that's the beauty of the junk press is the fact that it makes you question. See, it's a way a guy can be creepy without you realizing it.
Co-host 1
But salsa dancing, you are really close together, right? I mean, Wendy, you would probably know this better than anybody else, kind of.
Co-host 2
But I'm trying to think of a move that they do that even because
Co-host 1
your leg was in between his.
Host (possibly Burt)
That's what I was thinking.
Co-host 1
I don't fault the salsa guy nearly as much as I fault the massage therapist.
Host (possibly Burt)
Because the dance guy, it's more questionable than the masseuse. Dude, you know what you're doing there?
Co-host 1
I think so too. Yeah, I think the dancer might have and accidentally done it.
Co-host 3
Wendy. And all the moves because you've been in a dance studio probably every day for the past two months. Have you ever had the junk on you?
Co-host 5
When do you ever get that junk on you? While you're dancing.
Co-host 2
Well, there's some moves that you have to be close, but in salsa, I'm trying to think because you're pretty far apart, and I don't know where your your knees going.
Co-host 5
Did you ever do the pasa Noble Cheesy Peen?
Co-host 2
It's a new one. I haven't tried that.
Host (possibly Burt)
Allison, good morning. You are on the Burt Show.
Caller/Listener 2
Hi. I worked with a co worker that used to do. It's called the grab and hug. And he would actually hold you really close, and you wouldn't realize that one of his hands would actually be on
Caller/Listener 3
your chest while he was hugging you close.
Caller/Listener 2
So not only the junk, but they'll fill you up, too.
Host (possibly Burt)
So he's got you, like, sort of by the both hands, by the back behind your shoulders, one hand in front
Caller/Listener 3
of you on your chest, and then
Caller/Listener 2
he would hug you close to the other one.
Caller/Listener 3
You were so close, you never knew
Caller/Listener 2
that he had his hand on you.
Host (possibly Burt)
That's an advancement.
Co-host 5
I've actually tried that maneuver several times with hobby. But she's always like, what are you looking for?
Co-host 1
What are you doing? There's nothing there.
Co-host 5
You trying to borrow a pen?
Host (possibly Burt)
Jamie, Good morning. You're on the Birch Show.
Caller/Listener 3
Hi.
Caller/Listener 2
Yeah, there's the girl who. It's called the crotch rubber.
Caller/Listener 3
And basically it's when a guy is
Caller/Listener 2
sitting at a bar, a girl comes up next to him trying to flirt
Caller/Listener 3
with him a little, and she's constantly
Caller/Listener 2
rubbing her crotch against his knee.
Co-host 5
And where. Where can I meet her?
Host (possibly Burt)
Right outside the pony.
Caller/Listener 2
Why do you want to meet this girl?
Co-host 5
It's cool.
Host (possibly Burt)
I don't know that I have ever witnessed the crotch robber.
Caller/Listener 3
I've witnessed it a few times, and sometimes it can be on accident, but
Caller/Listener 2
there's definitely those intentional crotch rubbing girls.
Co-host 1
Ew.
Host (possibly Burt)
Now, I have gone to hairstylists that I'm really very confident that do the blue press on you.
Co-host 3
Absolutely.
Host (possibly Burt)
There's no need for your boobs to be. Well, there is a need. That could be a must warranted.
Co-host 5
I think we promote that at our next Birch show event, like the pool party, the midnight swim with lots of crotch rubbing girls and guys.
Ryan Seacrest
Put it on the flyer. Yeah, listen, it's the Vert show.
Cassie (Vinted Ad)
This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Hey, it's Cassie. And this is your heads up that you're probably sitting on a fat stack of cash and you don't even realize it, y'. All, I took a look at my closet the other day, like, truly looked at it, and I realized I probably don't wear half of it. It's just sitting there taking up space and guilt tripping me every time I buy a new piece of clothing, reminding me that oh, I'm running out of closet space and I have all these beautiful clothes I never ever wear and it's become this weird pain point in my life. And then I found Vinted. Vinted is a secondhand app that makes it easy for everyday people like you and me to sell pre loved fashion and earn some extra money. Vinted was the motivation I needed to clean out my closet and I'm betting it's the same for you. So picture this. You use Vinted now. You've got a less cluttered closet, a refreshed wardrobe with new pieces that you don't feel guilty about, and you made money. It's a win, win win. And the extra nice part is that listing items on Vinted is quick and simple and once an item sells, Vinted creates the prepaid shipping label for you. So if you're ready to clean out your closet and make some extra money, download the Vinted app for free and start listing. With no seller fees, you keep every dollar you earn. And for a limited time you can enjoy free shipping in the US on Vinted. Can't wait to see what y' all are selling.
Caller/Listener 3
What's up Foos?
Co-host 4
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Ryan Seacrest
This is the Bird Show.
Host (possibly Burt)
All right, so let's get where's the mother in law dude?
Co-host 5
Where'd she go?
Caller/Listener 1
I don't know.
Co-host 5
Do you ever have a mother in law?
Host (possibly Burt)
I got mother in law.
Co-host 5
Was she there before?
Host (possibly Burt)
It's not my mother in law. We're talking about though.
Co-host 5
Can't stand mother in law's.
Co-host 2
They always hang up on you.
Co-host 1
What's her story?
Host (possibly Burt)
Her story is that mother in law wants to watch kids. I think just an overnight deal.
Co-host 1
Okay.
Host (possibly Burt)
But our listener doesn't trust the mother in law. Just doesn't trust that the kids will be safe.
Co-host 1
So we talking to the listener? Are we talking to the mother in law?
Host (possibly Burt)
We're talking to the listener. It's a lot like the same situation I had, you remember, you know, like a couple of years ago and I went to New York and I brought the kids up there and my mom wanted to take them to the museum for the day. But my mom's a sketch man. I mean a total sketch. She's all over the place, doesn't pay attention. And I've seen her with the kids and I didn't want her to go to the museum alone with my kids, so I ended up going with them.
Co-host 3
I mean, there's so many levels of insult to a woman because if you've been a mother and then you're told you can't watch children correctly, that's the insult. And then on top of it, when you're the daughter in law, you know that you're told, yeah, you know, you're not as good as watching my kids as my own mother is.
Host (possibly Burt)
It's a tough conversation to have right there. A brutal one. Here's Kathryn. Hey, Catherine, can I be on the
Caller/Listener 1
Voice of Sky there?
Host (possibly Burt)
You already are.
Co-host 3
You are.
Caller/Listener 1
Oh, I am. Okay, awesome. Basically, my husband's mother walked out on him when he was three. He's now 27 and she wants a part of our kids lives, but she hasn't been there for us. And I'm not all of a sudden just gonna bring my child and drop them off with a stranger. I have a four year old and a nine month old and she keeps asking to watch them overnight. And I've offered multiple times for her to watch her while we go on a date. Watch them, you know, during the day while running a couple of errands. If she can't have them overnight, she doesn't want them at all.
Ryan Seacrest
All right, let's.
Host (possibly Burt)
Let's get a little history. Let's just get a little history. So moms takes off when your husband is how old? Like this is a childhood thing.
Caller/Listener 1
She left when he was 3. And throughout the last 24 years, she really hasn't much to do with him. She comes in and out of his life whenever she feels like it. And I'm almost afraid that she's gonna do that to our kids. Once they get attached to her, they're not gonna see her again for a couple years.
Host (possibly Burt)
Man, it's almost like you're talking about my family. It's like the same story I've been telling on the radio now for nine years. So now when she has had interaction with the kids, is. I mean, is she present? Is she taken care of? Is she a good grandmother? When she's around,
Caller/Listener 1
she not really like, because they don't know her, they don't want to go to her, and they're usually sitting in mine or my husband's lap and doesn't want to go to see her. And the only time she does see them is when we have to bring her to them.
Co-host 1
And how does your husband feel about it?
Caller/Listener 1
For so long, he's been on my side about, you know, they don't need to spend the night overnight. But then he called her up about two weeks ago to ask why she has nothing to do with our kids. And she turned it around saying that it was my fault. I'm the B word, and I'm very cold to her and that I'm keeping her from seeing her grandchildren. So that, of course, started a huge fight between me and my husband.
Co-host 1
And now do you feel like he's on her side of things?
Caller/Listener 1
I do. I feel like for so long he's been on my side and all of a sudden he's like, well, maybe she should watch him overnight. And I'm just not sure about it because they don't know her and she is a stranger to our four year old.
Co-host 1
Well, I mean, yeah, that's weird. I don't know why she wants that.
Co-host 3
I found it odd that she is willing. She wants. She's not willing to watch them during a date, only wants to watch them overnight. But I do think that your children's relationship with the mom is not going to be the same as your husband's relationship with his mom. You know, I mean, y' all are introducing her to the kids as their grandmother. So I just wanted to throw that in there because, you know, just because the parent doesn't get along with their parent doesn't mean the grandchildren have to have the same relationship.
Host (possibly Burt)
But, I mean, all you have is a history to go on. And this one obviously. This one obviously strikes at me here. If the history that you have with your own parent is that they come and go, they emotionally come and then they emotionally take off, that's easier to deal with when you're a parent. But if that's their history, if that's their relationship resume, then you're always a little bit nervous that they're gonna do the same thing to your child. And when you've got a three, four, five year old to have the grandparents just dabble in and then dabble out, that's a scary thought.
Co-host 1
I also think that just for that one night overnight, like, how do you leave your kid there with basically a stranger with your kid looking at you going, mommy, don't leave me here. I don't know who this person is. I mean, if that, what like you said, if that was a couple hours while you all go out to dinner and your kid knows you're coming back in a couple hours, they can get used to it, maybe get to know her. But overnight with a stranger and you've got a four year old looking back at you saying, please don't, Mommy, I don't know how you could do it. I mean, physically, how do you drive away? I mean, you wouldn't be able to.
Caller/Listener 1
I told him the same thing. And I just think it's strange that she will not watch him during the day for a couple hours, but she'll take them overnight.
Co-host 1
That's weird.
Host (possibly Burt)
You know, this is gonna sound really strange, but if this was my situation, here's how I think it would play out. Because I think my mom likes the idea of being a grandmother, but doesn't like being a grandmother. Like, she loves the idea of having the kids overnight, but whenever we've presented that to her, she's always bailed on it. So I'm wondering if you actually said to her, okay, what night? I knew it. I wonder if she would just go, yeah, you know what? Maybe the week after is okay.
Co-host 2
She may flake out, but that's a, that's a gamble.
Host (possibly Burt)
Pull up with a gamble right now.
Co-host 5
Diaper bags and toys and all that, all the stuff that comes with kids, just dump it on the floor.
Host (possibly Burt)
Hey, good morning. Shelly has some advice for you. Hey, Shelly, good morning. Good morning.
Caller/Listener 2
17 years of being with the same mother in law.
Caller/Listener 3
She hates me, she wants my kids.
Caller/Listener 2
No, I've told my husband, I said,
Caller/Listener 3
when she can grow up and she
Caller/Listener 2
can act her age and she can say things that aren't negative to my kids, maybe she can have them, but not until then.
Caller/Listener 3
And if you don't feel comfortable, you don't feel comfortable, don't let him go. My husband says he doesn't hate me because of it. So I mean, that's, you got to
Caller/Listener 2
go with your Instincts.
Caller/Listener 3
And you got to go with how you feel.
Co-host 1
I totally agree with that.
Host (possibly Burt)
Kathryn, you're not saying that this mother in law is talking down to the grandkids? She's not being nasty or anything like that, right?
Caller/Listener 1
Not that I'm aware of.
Host (possibly Burt)
Okay.
Caller/Listener 1
But I do know that she calls her sisters and my husband's brother and his wife and talks smack about me.
Co-host 2
Oh, who cares?
Co-host 1
It's your kids you're thinking about here.
Host (possibly Burt)
Yeah, you gotta take you out of it, man. If you're not in with Mama Bear, you ain't in at all. Hey, Meredith.
Aaron's Representative
Good morning.
Co-host 3
You're not just marrying your husband, right?
Caller/Listener 3
Hey, Meredith. Love your show.
Host (possibly Burt)
Thank you.
Caller/Listener 3
I totally think that if she can't spend a couple hours and you feel comfortable with her, with you leaving her with your kids, then she can't have any time. And if she's talking junk about you, that's a flat out no right there. You have to respect me before you can get to my kids. So I say until she can. Until you and your children feel comfortable with her for a couple hours, it's not going to fly for an overnight.
Host (possibly Burt)
So, Meredith, what you're saying is sort of. It's a little different than I think what Melissa was saying. You're saying that they can't be two separate relationships. If you don't respect you, then you can't get to my kids.
Caller/Listener 3
I mean, I have a similar issue with my husband and his mom. She just flat out left. And my daughter is extremely attached to her now. So that comes from a history with us where she was there and then she left. No word from her. And now my children are wondering where she is, and I don't know what to tell them. So from that perspective on me, I'm saying, no, if you can't. If I don't feel comfortable with you, how am I supposed to trust you with my children?
Host (possibly Burt)
Thank you for calling. And Valerie, good morning. You're on the Burke Show.
Caller/Listener 3
Hey.
Host (possibly Burt)
Here you have Catherine here who's just like, not comfortable leaving her kids with the mother in law because she doesn't really feel like she's very trustworthy. The kids don't hang out with her a whole bunch. It almost feels like she'd be dropping them off with a stranger.
Caller/Listener 3
Well, I think it's ridiculous. I mean, children are very resilient. They don't really have a sense of time. They're not, you know, they're better off for whatever time they're going to have with her and get to know her. If it's just a short amount of time. Unless she's physically unable to take care of them, like has Alzheimer's or has some kind of physical problem. I think she's being absolutely ridiculous. The children should have time, whatever time it is to spend with her, you know, it's. They just need to have a little time. Something is better than nothing. Unless she's physically unable to care for him. And it's a safety issue.
Co-host 1
She's physically capable, but she's also physically a stranger. But don't you think that it's weird she won't do just a couple hours? It's either overnight or nothing at all.
Caller/Listener 3
Well, I mean, she may be trying to establish some type of rapport with the children, but. I mean, my mother is not much of a grandmother, but she's kind of got some extenuating circumstances. I have a mentally retarded grand brother and she cares for my stepfather who has Alzheimer's, but she has a plate full. But if she could, she would take whatever time she could with the grandchildren. She just doesn't really have the time to. But physically she's capable and I would let her have whatever time she wants with them.
Co-host 2
Kind of arguing Jen's point. Why not then spend a couple of hours each day or each week getting to know the kids and then eventually bring it up to an overnight stay?
Host (possibly Burt)
There's some weird ego thing going on that it's like all or nothing here and I just wouldn't if it's. I wouldn't play that game if I were you. You're inevitably the guardian of your own children. And if you don't feel comfortable, character wise or physical wise, that your kids are around your mother in law, then it can't be done. It's too important a decision to just try to make somebody else happy with. It's your kids.
Caller/Listener 1
And I feel that since we're the parents, she should be doing it on our terms.
Co-host 3
No, I'm just concerned about the rift that's coming between you and your husband over at that. You know.
Caller/Listener 1
Yeah, when she called me that word and he said nothing to her.
Co-host 5
Oh, he didn't defend you at all?
Caller/Listener 1
No, he just. He said it wasn't worth fighting over.
Host (possibly Burt)
That's. That might be the bigger issue because that one is worth fighting on. I think you start throwing out words like that and he doesn't defend you, that might actually be the bigger issue, Catherine. All right, well, as usual, we didn't get you any real great answers, but at least you got to hear a Couple of different angles on it.
Caller/Listener 1
Yeah.
Host (possibly Burt)
Okay.
Caller/Listener 1
Thank you.
Host (possibly Burt)
All right, Bye.
Co-host 1
Bye.
Ryan Seacrest
This is the Bird Show.
Cassie (Vinted Ad)
This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Hey, it's Cassie. And this is your heads up that you're probably sitting on a fat stack of cash and you don't even realize it, y'. All. I took a look at my closet the other day, like truly looked at it and I realized I probably don't wear half of it. It's just sitting there taking up space and guilt tripping me every time I buy a new piece of clothing, reminding me that, oh, I'm running out of closet space and I have all these beautiful clothes I never ever wear. And it's become this weird pain point in my life. And then I found Vinted. Vinted is a secondhand app that makes it easy for everyday people like you and me to sell pre loved fashion and earn some extra money. Vinted was the motivation I needed to clean out my closet, and I'm betting it's the same for you. So picture this. You use Vinted now. You've got a less cluttered closet, a refreshed wardrobe with new pieces that you don't feel guilty about, and you made money. It's a win, win, win. And the extra nice part is that listing items on Vinted is quick and simple. And once an item sells, Vinted creates the prepaid shipping label for you. So if you're ready to clean out your closet and make some extra money, download the Vinted app for free and start listing. With no seller fees, you keep every dollar you earn. And for a limited time, you can enjoy free shipping in the US on Vinted. Can't wait to see what y' all are selling.
Ryan Seacrest
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Host (possibly Burt)
All right, this is from the virtual listener that wants to know how to address this with A co worker says good morning and you guys can call up with your advice if you got it. 404-741-Q100 I work in a small office and have been having issues with a coworker for over a year. We've never really been able to see eye to eye since our first day together. Mostly she's upset That I work from home half the week while she's here for long hours. Recently I had to cover her position for her for the morning. And when I asked our other co worker why she was gone, I was told she is getting food stamps. Now, I have no problems with people who need food stamps, but she and her husband work full time. She's been living in an apartment and decided she no longer likes quote unquote apartment life. So she went house hunting. I tried to help her find an affordable house because of the past year we've been receiving calls from creditors for her. She picked a house that is twice as much as her apartment now and got my boss to write a letter to the state saying her hours were cut. She's still getting paid the same amount as before and is basically getting assistance to live out of her means. It's killing me not to say something to her either way, my boss or the state. I can't sit by and let her get assistance when it's not warranted. Please help me.
Co-host 1
So she's getting unemployment but she's employed is what it sounds like to me.
Co-host 3
I don't know how food stamps work.
Co-host 2
I don't either.
Host (possibly Burt)
Me neither.
Co-host 3
But I do remember working. Yeah. At the Piggly Wiggly. Okay. I was a cashier at the Pig and there was.
Co-host 2
Hello, what's up?
Co-host 3
And so we knew there are certain things, at least at the time on food stamps that you could wring, you know, could, could wring out. And there's some things that didn't qualify for food stamps. So I know the baby formula and different kinds of things to help new mothers out was a part of food stamps. But there's this one guy that came up and part of his grocery bill was the food stamp part. Right. And then he was buying cigarettes, which is not a part of the food stamp, at least it wasn't then. And he had to pull out cash for it. And he opened up his wallet and he had this huge wad of big bills in his. And I couldn't believe you're on food stamps. And he looked like he had at least $500 in his wallet.
Host (possibly Burt)
Just.
Co-host 3
And I was so frustrated by that because I thought there are people that really do need assistance, but then there are definitely people who take advantage of the system.
Host (possibly Burt)
But I wonder if you don't really
Co-host 1
wasn't making that money legally or at least at least wasn't reporting that money, you know, whether it was a server or whether it was illegal or whatever,
Host (possibly Burt)
you know, 404, 741Q100. Hey, Robin.
Caller/Listener 3
Hey. Hi.
Caller/Listener 2
Virtual Hi.
Caller/Listener 3
This lady needs to mind her damn business. In my opinion, she doesn't know this lady's full situation. She doesn't know what's going on, and she's. The first thing she said was that they've been having problems with each other. This is out of spite. And if this lady is doing something wrong, she'll get caught. She'll get caught. So for her to know all this personal information and say she wants to go reporter, she needs to mind her damn business.
Co-host 2
But it's, again, people taking advantage of the system. She's got a job, and she just wants more stuff and bigger things. Why not just live comfortably in something smaller until you can finally afford it without having to use the government's money or my money? Because my money goes to the government.
Caller/Listener 3
I absolutely agree with. And my money, too. But you don't know this lady's situation. She's making all kind of assumptions. That's my point. That's my point. This is a co worker, okay? So, I mean, she's being spiteful and nosy, in my opinion. I pay my taxes. I understand what you're saying.
Caller/Listener 2
I completely agree.
Caller/Listener 3
But what is her motivation behind this?
Host (possibly Burt)
Yeah, because it does say in the first couple of lines there that they haven't seen eye to eye in a long time. So you wonder maybe if she's looking at her a little more critically because they don't get along to begin with.
Co-host 1
Oh, definitely.
Host (possibly Burt)
Here is Melissa. Good morning. You're on the Burt Show.
Caller/Listener 1
Good morning.
Host (possibly Burt)
Good morning.
Caller/Listener 2
I was going to say that you can go on the Department of Human
Caller/Listener 3
Resources website for Georgia.
Caller/Listener 2
You can send an anonymous tip, and they'll investigate it and find out, because I had to do that before.
Host (possibly Burt)
Oh, you did.
Co-host 2
You did. To a co worker?
Caller/Listener 2
No, to a friend.
Host (possibly Burt)
What were they doing?
Caller/Listener 2
Not a friend, just an enemy. Someone I know.
Co-host 2
Someone you didn't want.
Co-host 3
What were they doing to share blood with?
Caller/Listener 2
Food stamp fraud. Not a family member.
Host (possibly Burt)
Now, it almost sounds like your situation is very much like this email. Was this a woman that you did not or a guy that you did not get along with?
Caller/Listener 2
Oh, I don't get along with her. And I know what she was doing was wrong. So you reported her.
Host (possibly Burt)
So you reported her?
Caller/Listener 2
Yes. And then they investigate it. And you don't have to do anything with the investigation.
Host (possibly Burt)
Look, it's a cool thing. It's. It's set up that way. Whatever the motive is gonna get busted.
Caller/Listener 3
You're gonna get something wrong, then it'll be.
Caller/Listener 2
They'll be prosecuted. If they're not, then you don't have anything to worry about. But at least you know you did the right thing by turning them in.
Host (possibly Burt)
Do you remember what the website was?
Caller/Listener 3
You just go to the.
Caller/Listener 2
I think it's DHR.gov or Georgia DHR.gov and there's a link on there for. I think they have a whole department that handles investigation.
Host (possibly Burt)
Wow.
Co-host 3
I do think anonymous. I don't know. I think it's a little cowardly to be honest with him. You know, that's okay.
Host (possibly Burt)
Where she's too still at the end of the day, if you're doing the right thing.
Co-host 3
I know it depends on if you're doing the right thing. I think the first cut like I the how think buying a house would have tipped me off. If you're on food stamps and you're going house hunting. Yeah, that would tip me off a little bit. Like wait a second. That's a red flag. But I see where the first color is. Like if she's doing the right thing and not doing it out of spite, then I get it. But if she's just trying to be kind of spiteful. Spiteful.
Host (possibly Burt)
Your motivation is wrong. But still, at the end of the day, it's all you got.
Co-host 6
They investigate her and she's doing something
Co-host 1
wrong, it's really that woman's fault.
Host (possibly Burt)
Right?
Ryan Seacrest
The Birch Show Hey, Ryan Seacrest here. And if you're looking for some serious fun, head over to chumbaccasino.com@chumba casino. You can play all your favorite social casino style games games for free, anytime, anywhere. It's the most fun you can have on your phone or computer. No purchase necessary. BGW Group void. We're prohibited by law. See terms and conditions 21 plus.
Airdate: August 5, 2026
Hosts: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & The Bert Show Cast
This episode of The Bert Show dives into some of the most engaging, funny, and authentic morning radio discussions. Key segments include real-life dilemmas and drama centering on missed childbirths, awkward “junk press” moments, and thorny family and workplace situations. The hosts invite listeners to call in with their experiences and offer their commentary with signature humor and candid honesty.
[01:16 – 10:36]
[12:46 – 16:44]
Miami anchor struggles to seriously report on “pulled hamstrings to fractured penises” ([13:09]).
New Orleans anchor ad-libs that a patient is “enjoying penis a little bit more” after a medical procedure, shocking his co-hosts ([14:34], repeated at [15:34]).
“So she's enjoying penis a little bit more, is she?” – Co-host ([14:34])
“If we ever got jobs in real offices, we would all be fired.” ([16:09])
[16:40 – 21:50]
[24:04 – 34:45]
[36:21 – 41:53]
“If you're doing the right thing...it's all you got.” ([41:45])
The Bert Show crew maintains a signature blend of honest storytelling, lighthearted banter, and listener-driven drama. The episode’s language is casual, direct, and often playful, making even sensitive or awkward topics approachable.
This episode captures the Bert Show’s knack for inviting real-life stories from listeners, adding a dose of laughter, and digging deep into topics ranging from family tension and social etiquette to workplace ethics—all while keeping the mood light and the engagement high.