Full Show PT 3: Wednesday, December 17 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 3: Wednesday, December 17 [Vault]

Date: December 17, 2025
Podcast: The Bert Show (Pionaire Podcasting)
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Michelle, Justin, Phil, Scott, Laurie, and others

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Overview

This episode dives into the authenticity (or not) of classic movie and TV cliches, specifically the “spontaneous applause” trope during public wedding proposals, and transitions into a hilarious dive into notorious serial marriages—featuring both listener stories and celebrity banter. It also features one of the show's signature phone scams, delivering big laughs and outrageous reactions throughout.

The cast—anchored by Bert and his cohosts—recreate and analyze cultural moments in their usual lighthearted, witty style and welcome input from listeners who match or even outdo their celebrity reference points.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Do Public Proposals Really Get Applause? Testing the Movie Cliche

[01:02–08:22]

• Premise:
  Bert introduces a recurring segment, testing whether movie/TV cliches hold up in real life. This episode is all about public wedding proposals: do they actually receive spontaneous applause?

• Reference Point:
  The “Survivor” reality show wedding proposal, where audience applause erupts, is used as the spark for the discussion.

  “These movie and TV cliches, we are gonna start testing these out, and the one that we're focusing on this week is the spontaneous applause... Just like the one we saw on Survivor last week.” – Bert [01:02]

• Personal Experiences:
  Justin and Laurie recall real-life moments witnessing this cliche fulfilled.

  • Justin: “I’ve seen more than one.” [02:11]
  • Laurie shares her own engagement story:

    “My husband took me out to dinner at Cafe Lily in Decatur... At the end of the dinner we had dessert and champagne. My ring was in the bottom of the champagne glass. And he got down on one knee, proposed to me. Everybody started clapping and cheering, taking our picture. It was absolutely wonderful.” [03:03]

• The Experiment:
  Phil is tasked with carrying out a public marriage proposal at a bustling Caribou Coffee, with Tracy playing along. The cast offers “helpful” advice to hype up the drama and test if strangers react as movies suggest.

  “Is your game plan to stand up on a chair or something and publicly, you know, announce your love for Tracy and break off in a proposal at that point?” – Bert [05:07]

• Execution and Reaction:
  Phil gives a heartfelt, staged proposal, and… the crowd responds as Hollywood predicts.

  Phil: "Hey, guys, if I can have yalls attention for just two seconds...I love this girl right now. And I'm so in love with her, I can't even see straight...And I just want to know if you would marry me. Come here." [07:13–08:08] “They're absolutely applauded.” – Bert [08:16]

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2. Serial Marriages – JLo & Listener Stories

[08:31–14:40]

• JLo Sets the Bar (or Not):
  News of Jennifer Lopez’s third marriage at age 34 leads to incredulous commentary:

  • “Is it possible that she's been married three times at 34 years old?” – Scott [08:37]

• Listener Stories That Outdo the Celebs:

  • Tamika’s Mom:
    “My mom has been married seven times by the time she was 38 years old and divorced seven times.” [09:16] • Provides a breakdown, including one marriage lasted only a week. • “She’s gotten to where she can do it herself [divorce].” [10:36] • The show jokes about getting a “divorce at the QT” (convenience store) [10:40]

  • Ronnie’s Aunt:
    “There's seven that I know of for sure. I know there's faces that I don't know names of. And she's 36.” [12:26]
    “It's like a running joke in our family not to even get to know the guys at Christmas because they're not even gonna be there for you.” [12:45]

  • David’s Ex:
    “She was not even 30...she's about 28, 29. Five times by the time she was 28 years old...the same guy twice, with other people between.” [13:34-14:04]

    • And she has a custom “man ring” made from all her engagement rings: “It was almost like a...snake figured ring with gold leaves in between it. But it had five stones in it.” – Phil [14:17]
    • “She took all her engagement rings and merged them into one ring.” – Scott [14:30]

• Reflections on Love vs. Infatuation:
  The crew reflect on whether people are really “falling in love” multiple times, or just mistaking infatuation for something deeper.

  “I really think, and I know I did it, where I mistake love for infatuation…” – Scott [11:54]

---

3. The Bert Show Phone Scam: The Technologically Cursed Coworker

[17:32–23:22]

• Setup:
  Justin (posing as Jeff) calls Michelle, pretending to be from tech support, and implies she's the common factor behind broken office machines.

• Escalating the Bit:
  He delivers increasingly absurd solutions—including banning her from equipment, assigning her a “copy buddy,” and even suggesting manual typewriters and the use of stairs over elevators.

  • “The problem with the equipment is you.” – Justin [18:41]
  • “Maybe what we could do is you could have other people make copies for you.” – Justin [20:52]
  • “We have actually found...a manual typewriter.” – Justin [21:27]

• Revelation & Reaction:
  Michelle gets frustrated but rolls with it; finally, she's told it’s a prank, and coworkers are revealed to be in on the joke.

  “You’ve just been phone scammed!” – Justin [22:55]
  “Oh, my gosh so you actually call. Okay, this is a prank. This is not serious.” – Michelle [23:06]

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Movie Cliche Testing:

  • “I've been out in a lot of restaurants and a lot of bars...I have yet to see one of those. Have you seen?” – Bert [02:04]
  • “They're absolutely applauded.” – Bert, surprised at outcome [08:16]

• Listener Serial Marriers:

  • “My mom has been married seven times by the time she was 38...and divorced seven times.” – Tamika [09:16]
  • “It's like a running joke in our family not to even get to know the guys at Christmas...” – Ronnie [12:45]
  • “She took all her engagement rings and merged them into one ring.” – Scott [14:30]

• Phone Scam:

  • “The problem with the equipment is you.” – Justin [18:41]
  • “We have actually found...a manual typewriter.” – Justin [21:27]
  • “Oh, my gosh so you actually call. Okay, this is a prank.” – Michelle [23:06]

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Public Proposal Cliche Setup: 01:02–08:22
• JLo & Serial Marriage Chat: 08:31–14:40
• Phone Scam Segment: 17:32–23:22

---

Tone & Style

The episode is playful, high-energy, and rooted in the chemistry and banter between the hosts, with genuine listener stories adding authenticity and laughs. Their interaction blurs the line between earnest exploration of social phenomena and outright comedic riffing.

---

Summary

This Bert Show episode takes on movie marriage tropes, tests them in the wild, and invites listeners to top tabloid stories with their real-life antics. The show’s signature phone scam brings the episode to a raucous, funny close, proving that when it comes to love, public proposals, and office life, the drama and humor are all too real.

Transcript

[Burt]

Hola.

[Michelle]

You want to pay just 10 bucks.

[Burt]

For your phone service at Boost Mobile? Just 10 bucks for your phone service at Boost Mobile? Yeah, I totally do. Yeah, I totally do.

[Announcer]

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[Burt]

Hey, the Burt Show. All right, these movie and TV cliches, we are gonna start testing these out, and the one that we're focusing on this week is the spontaneous applause that always breaks out after a public wedding proposal. Just like the one that we saw on Survivor last week.

[Justin]

If you don't mind, I'd like to say something to her. Oh, everybody's gonna say I'm there in this crazy game. I've seen you at your highest high and your low.

[Burt]

Between it all.

[Justin]

We worked together as a team to accomplish so much. And in the end, I ended up falling in love with you.

[Burt]

Here it comes. Listen to the crowd.

[Justin]

I want to spend the rest of.

[Burt]

My life with you.

[Phil]

I love you with all my heart.

[Justin]

Will you marry me?

[Burt]

And everybody is applauding and they're starting to wave. And all the John 3:16 signs come out.

[Justin]

I love you with all my heart.

[Burt]

Yo. Wicked beautiful.

[Justin]

Seriously, we'll have a piss of life together.

[Burt]

I've been out in a lot of restaurants and a lot of bars and a lot of public places, and I have yet to see one of those. Have you seen?

[Justin]

I've seen more than one.

[Burt]

You have? Really?

[Justin]

Yeah.

[Scott]

Seriously.

[Justin]

And people. People do break into applause. I've seen one at a baseball game.

[Burt]

I don't believe it.

[Justin]

And I've seen. Where did I see? I saw.

[Scott]

What is ball game? It's up on the Jumbotron.

[Justin]

Oh, and I saw one just recently.

[Burt]

We were.

[Justin]

We were at the Bellagio hotel in Las Vegas, and I think that was the hotel and they have like an indoor garden, like plants with the water show. So we were in the water show and there's this big, huge, like, marble staircase going up to maybe some. What do they call, conference rooms or something upstairs. And we saw a guy while we were in there, we saw the guy get down on the knee and propose to the girl on the steps of the think of Bellagio. And everybody broke into applause.

[Burt]

They were filming Ocean's twelve.

[Phil]

And they.

[Justin]

Need to get some better looking actors and actresses.

[Burt]

Hey, Laurie. You think you've seen this also?

[Laurie]

It happened to me.

[Burt]

Okay, tell me all about it.

[Laurie]

My husband took me out to dinner at Cafe Lily in Decatur. And we. He had it set up with. He knew, he knows the owner had everything set up. We ordered nothing off the menu. Everything. We had a seven course meal. Everything was absolutely wonderful. At the end of the dinner we had dessert and champagne. My ring was in the bottom of the champagne glass. And he got down on one knee, proposed to me. Everybody started clapping and cheering, taking our picture. It was absolutely wonderful. Strangers were coming over congratulating us.

[Michelle]

It was wonderful. It does happen.

[Burt]

Bert, how embarrassed would you be if like he gets up on a table or he gets up on a chair, which is what Philturan is going to do here in a couple of minutes, makes the proposal and everybody just keeps on eating.

[Justin]

They can't even see you.

[Burt]

No one even shut up.

[Phil]

You see that?

[Burt]

Hey, Phil, you see that?

[Phil]

Hey, what's going on, guys?

[Burt]

How you doing, man?

[Phil]

Real good. I'm really nervous.

[Burt]

Well, it's the first time you've ever proposed to a beautiful woman.

[Announcer]

Exactly.

[Justin]

Plus you're not used to talking to girls in general.

[Phil]

And I know her too. And that makes it even worse. You gotta be more comfortable.

[Scott]

I think Tracy looked visibly nervous when she left here.

[Phil]

She is. She is too. You know why?

[Scott]

Because she's like, oh my God, it's gonna jinx it. And then Scott's never gonna propose.

[Justin]

I don't want to make you more nervous or anything, but Scott, Kenny's waiting outside your office. He said he's gonna beat your ass.

[Announcer]

When you get back.

[Phil]

We had that discussion this weekend.

[Burt]

I think Tracy even said like last week her boyfriend Scott was like, I know this is all for the radio and stuff, but it's really kind of bumming me out that someone's gonna propose to you before I do.

[Scott]

Are you serious?

[Burt]

Totally serious.

[Phil]

I told Scott to make him feel better that when we kiss I won't use my tongue. So it'll just be a deep kiss.

[Burt]

Alright, so set the scene for me. Where are you guys? How many people are around?

[Phil]

Okay, actually where we're at right now is Caribou coffee. And there's actually. This is the most crowded place we found. There's about 15 people in here. And it's actually a pretty good crowd in here. And they've got some people doing some early morning business discussions. And you know, of course people are obviously getting their coffee and reading the paper and everything. So it's actually a good crowd. It's not a bad crowd at all.

[Burt]

Okay, now, is your game plan to stand up on a chair or something and publicly, you know, announce your love for Tracy and break off in a proposal at that point?

[Phil]

Well, that was my question, because, you know, they have that commercial. I think it's that jewelry commercial where we were talking about the guy standing out in the courtyard, and he's yelling.

[Michelle]

At the top of his lungs, I love this woman.

[Burt]

I love this woman. And then she whispers in his ear.

[Justin]

I love this man.

[Scott]

I love this man.

[Burt]

Come on.

[Laurie]

Yeah.

[Justin]

That's your next studies. I want you to go to a busy place where there's a lot of pigeons and yell out, and I want to see if they all fly off of you.

[Phil]

So do you want me to make a big scene and get everybody's attention?

[Burt]

Well, yes, I think you have to be on a chair and say something like, excuse me, excuse me, blah, blah, blah, and then profess your love for Tracy. You gotta say something sweet to get everybody on your side. And then you say, that's why I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And you get on a knee and blah, blah, blah. Does that sound right?

[Scott]

Yeah, sounds about right. Tell her she needs to look shocked, like it's a total surprise right now.

[Phil]

She's reading the paper. She has no interest in me whatsoever right now.

[Justin]

And at some point during the proposal, I want you to use the sentence, I know you're my sister.

[Scott]

And, Phil, don't, Don't. Don't break character. Like, don't start laughing in the middle of it.

[Burt]

Yeah, man, you gotta be serious.

[Phil]

Yeah, well, that's one thing I told her. I was like, as I'm doing this, I'm gonna try really hard to look you in the eye, but I might have to kind of stare over your head.

[Scott]

Just pretend it's intern Jen.

[Burt]

There you go. Put intern gens on Tracy's body.

[Phil]

You remember that? I retract that earlier tongue comment.

[Burt]

All right, the floor is yours, man. Go for it. All right, again, we are testing the movie and TV cliche that a public wedding proposal will always get a big round of applause.

[Justin]

Jen, you know it's not real, right?

[Scott]

I was just, like, all of a sudden got nervous for her. Did you hear what you just.

[Michelle]

Woo, woo.

[Justin]

She's tearing up over there.

[Phil]

Oh, God, I hope she says.

[Justin]

Yeah.

[Burt]

She was mouthing to Melissa. I'm really nervous.

[Scott]

Damn.

[Burt]

I don't know why.

[Scott]

I think I just got nervous for Phil that he's gonna have to be publicly Embarrassed in front of all these people. But go ahead, honey.

[Justin]

That's a stress for him.

[Announcer]

Yeah.

[Phil]

All right, y' all ready?

[Announcer]

Mm.

[Phil]

Hey, guys, if I can have yalls attention for just two seconds. Just give me just one second. I hate to bug you. I know you are in the middle of coffee and getting ready for work and everything, but this is my girlfriend, Tracy. I love her more than anything in the entire world, and it's kind of special. We had our first date here, and I just want you all to know how much I love this girl right now. And I'm so in love with her, I can't even see straight. And so I have a question I want to ask you. I'm shaking. I'm sorry. I'm shaking.

[Laurie]

Tracy.

[Phil]

The past four years have been the best four years of my entire life. And I love you so much. You are my everything. You are my best friend. When I go to bed at night, I love having you there beside me When I wake up in the morning. You start my day off great just by knowing you're beside me. You make me want to be a better person. And I love you so much. And I just want to know if you would marry me. Come here.

[Laurie]

Come here.

[Phil]

She said yes. She said yes.

[Announcer]

Thank you.

[Justin]

Thank you.

[Phil]

Appreciate it, guys.

[Burt]

Thank you. They're absolutely applauded.

[Justin]

Why did you think they wouldn't?

[Burt]

I just never saw anybody find. I just thought it was a movie cliche. Very nicely done.

[Justin]

There you go.

[Burt]

Hey, the bird show. Looking for the new J. Lo number. She just got married over the weekend Again.

[Scott]

Did for the third time. She married Marky Anthony in a secret ceremony in the back of her Los Angeles mansion this past Saturday. And, yeah, we're just talking about how is it possible that she's been married three times at 34 years old? And who's. Who's been married and divorced more times than J.

[Announcer]

Lo?

[Burt]

Good morning, Tamika. Hi.

[Laurie]

How are you guys doing?

[Burt]

I'm doing great. I was gonna tell you after I saw your number that it came up. You know, Phil actually puts up sometimes a brief description of the call. When I saw the number that you're about to tell us about, I thought this would be the greatest call that we were gonna take, but we have some that can actually beat you.

[Laurie]

Really?

[Burt]

Yes. Go ahead.

[Laurie]

My mom has been married seven times by the time she was 38 years.

[Scott]

Old and divorced seven times 38. You've got to go through the number just, like, what age and how long it. Like when she.

[Laurie]

Let's see. The first marriage, she was 17. Lasted for about a year. The second one, she was probably about 18, and it lasted for about a year. The third one was nine years. She was probably 22, I'm gonna say. The fourth one, I'm gonna say she was about 35. Lasted for about a week.

[Burt]

One week, seven days.

[Scott]

After nine years, then the next, less a week.

[Justin]

How long did she know the one week guy before she married him?

[Laurie]

Yeah, probably about three or four days.

[Scott]

Oh, come on now.

[Burt]

Really?

[Laurie]

I am dead serious.

[Scott]

Oh, man. Now I'm curious. Which one were you a part of?

[Laurie]

Actually, I was. She had me when she was 16, so she wasn't married when she had me. Okay, so. And then the one after the week lasted about a month, and then it lasted two years.

[Scott]

Have you ever divorced again?

[Burt]

And she divorced and she's divorced now, right?

[Laurie]

Yes. She hasn't been married in three years, so she's doing pretty good right now.

[Scott]

Now, that gets expensive, doesn't it? I mean, is it expensive?

[Laurie]

She's gotten to where she can do it herself.

[Burt]

She'd do it at a qt.

[Scott]

I'd like a lottery ticket, please. And a divorce. Thank you so much.

[Burt]

Now, have you ever talked to her about this?

[Announcer]

Yeah.

[Burt]

I'm just curious why she says she keeps falling in love with these guys. Cause when we heard about JLo and Marc Anthony this morning, my. My thought was, how many times do you really, truly fall in love in one lifetime? And for me, at least, my belief has gotta be. It's just once for me.

[Laurie]

Well, she'll sit there and tell you that she. She probably thought she was in love with him. But, you know, afterwards, she realized she wasn't. Yeah.

[Burt]

After day five, she realized.

[Justin]

Once the weekend rolled around, she realized.

[Scott]

It'S just for her, I think that we all got. I mean, I think that we all fall in love a lot. Like as a teenager and, you know, when you're younger, I mean, you've said the L word to somebody besides Stacy. You felt like you were before. And once you gain that experience and you decide to make the commitment, that's, you know, that's the marriage thing. But over and over and over again, right? You realize it's like, okay, everybody does that as a teenager, but it seems like some people just never grow out of that.

[Burt]

Yeah.

[Scott]

Oh, and I'm just looking at Bert and laughing because. Why did you say the L word at times?

[Burt]

Like, because I really felt it from the bottom of my. From the bottom of my.

[Michelle]

Something.

[Burt]

Yeah.

[Laurie]

Right.

[Announcer]

Yeah.

[Scott]

Because I was just wondering if some people. I really think, and I know I did it, I've. Where I mistake love for infatuation. Like that initial, just all about the person.

[Burt]

And it's not love, but there's some trigger that makes you realize that at some point, I'm not gonna marry this person. It could be after 20 minutes, if you know what I mean. But, yeah, I mean, there's gotta be some trigger that lets you know that this is infatuation and not the real thing. Morning, Ronnie. You're on all the hits Q100.

[Announcer]

Hey. Hey.

[Laurie]

I was just calling because my aunt. It's only. I'm sitting here trying to figure out everybody. There's seven that I know of for sure. I know there's faces that I don't know names of. And she's 36. The first time she was married, she was either 17 or 18. And I think the longest one was like six months. I think it's like a running joke in our family not to even get to know the guys at Christmas because they're not even gonna be there for you.

[Scott]

It's like any flashcards at the Christmas table.

[Laurie]

I'm telling you.

[Justin]

How many hyphens are in her last. This is my aunt, you know, Willoughby, Weiss, Carter Hobby$.

[Burt]

Yeah. Her business card would have to be a legal pad at this point. Seven times by the time she was 36.

[Laurie]

It's more than that. That's just what I know. And I'm only 21, so I hadn't.

[Michelle]

Even met all of them.

[Scott]

Oh, my God. Can't you just. I mean, I just. I'm fascinated. Women. Can't you just date the guy? That's how I always felt about JLo. Why can't you just date instead of having to worry yourself about getting engaged and getting married with JLo, we were going. Why can't you just be alone for more than five minutes?

[Burt]

Good morning, David. You're on all the Hits Q100.

[Phil]

Hey, guys. I've got. I dated a girl. We've got engaged. And then when it comes down to talking about how many times you've been engaged and stuff like that, she revealed she was married five different times.

[Scott]

How old was she at that point?

[Phil]

She was not even 30. I think she's about 28, 29.

[Burt]

Five times by the. By the time she was 28 years.

[Phil]

Old, the same guy twice between. With other people, between that.

[Scott]

Now. Now, did that. Was that a deal breaker? Did you break off the engagement?

[Phil]

Yes, we broke it off after she showed me what she calls her man ring. It was a ring that. With all the engagement stones in it.

[Burt]

Oh, no.

[Phil]

And it was almost like a. It was like a snake figured ring with gold leaves in between it. But it had five stones in it.

[Scott]

She took all.

[Burt]

This chick is like a movie, man.

[Scott]

She took all her engagement rings and merged them into one ring.

[Phil]

And when I left, I'm sure my stone got added to it.

[Burt]

I'm sure, man.

[Scott]

My man ring.

[Burt]

Unbelievable. Thanks, dude. I love that. Five times by the time she was 28 and has a man ring to show for it. Yes, the bird show.

[Announcer]

This is Matt Rogers from Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. This is Bowen Yang from Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. Hey, Bowen, it's gift season. Ugh.

[Justin]

Stressing me out.

[Announcer]

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[Michelle]

Knock knock.

[Announcer]

Ooh, who's there?

[Scott]

A Boost Mobile expert here to deliver and set up your all new iPhone 17 Pro designed to be the most powerful iPhone ever.

[Announcer]

You called that a knock knock joke?

[Scott]

This isn't a joke. Boost Mobile really sends experts to deliver and set up your phone at home or work.

[Announcer]

Okay. It's just that when people say knock knock there's usually a joke to go with it.

[Scott]

Like I said, this isn't a joke.

[Announcer]

So the knock knock was just you knocking?

[Scott]

Yeah, that's how doors work.

[Announcer]

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[Burt]

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[Announcer]

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[Burt]

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[Burt]

In the meantime, brand new Birchill phone scam.

[Justin]

Calling up a woman who just can't seem to get the computers or the copiers or any of the electronic equipment in the office working, I call up with a solution. Maybe she should just stop using it.

[Michelle]

Good afternoon. You're sitting up with me. I may help you.

[Justin]

Hi, I'm looking to speak with Michelle, please.

[Michelle]

This is Michelle. How are you?

[Justin]

Hi, Michelle. How are you?

[Michelle]

I'm great.

[Justin]

Good. This is Justin with the central office.

[Michelle]

Oh, finally. I'm so glad you finally called.

[Justin]

And you've been having quite a few technical problems with the equipment down there, huh?

[Michelle]

Oh, my gosh. It has been a nightmare. Everyone in the office has been having so many problems. We're backed up on everything because the computer is breaking down a copier machine. The ink is not working. There's so many malfunctions. Are we getting new equipment?

[Justin]

The equipment that you have is fine. We were in there after hours about a week ago and we looked at the equipment. The equipment's fine.

[Michelle]

Yeah, it's fine for a day, but never consistently. It's always.

[Justin]

Well, we found out what the problem was. If I could come up right out and say this, then we'll discuss the solution. The problem with the equipment is you.

[Michelle]

Excuse me?

[Justin]

The problem with the equipment is you.

[Michelle]

Are you kidding? How could the. How could it be me? I mean, how could it possibly be me when everyone in the office is having the same complaints? We're calling all the companies, all the manufacturer to find out what the problem troubleshooting for Hours. I mean, I've been on the phone literally my whole shift trying to troubleshoot and find out what's wrong with the computer on particular days. How could it possibly be me?

[Justin]

Right, well, we've noticed that on days when you're not working, there aren't any problems with the computer copiers, with the computers, with any of the equipment, with the three hole punch, everything works fine.

[Michelle]

Oh, my gosh. I can't believe that you could actually even say something like that when everyone has complained.

[Justin]

Right, but they only have complaints when you're working.

[Michelle]

Oh, my gosh. But I'm not the only one using this equipment, so how could you pinpoint me as the culprit?

[Justin]

Well, we think you're the most technically inadequate. Have you ever worked with electronic equipment before?

[Michelle]

Yes, I have. Yes, I have. I'm very computer literate and I am. I do know my electronics. I mean, I'm not a wiz or a tech. You know, by the time I get through calling and troubleshooting, I automatically know more about the computer you have at home.

[Justin]

Do you have like a vcr, a microwave, an answering machine?

[Michelle]

Who doesn't? Excuse me. Who doesn't? Who doesn't have a computer and microwave? And who doesn't?

[Justin]

And you can handle those? Okay. Are you a good driver?

[Michelle]

Excuse me? I thought you were calling to actually help me solve this solution so that we could better work at this company than to call and accuse me. Now you're into my home and into my private appliances. What does that have to do with equipment that's at this job?

[Justin]

I'm not accusing you. I'm just trying to point out that the problem seems to be when you get on a computer, then it breaks. When you make a copy, then it breaks. When you use the electric stapler, it breaks.

[Michelle]

Do you have a camera in your office? Are you recording these? Do you have date and time that you actually see that when I use it, it actually breaks? Or are you listening to someone else in the office that may not want to take responsibility for actually using the equipment themselves?

[Justin]

Okay, here's what we're going to do. We have a solution for this, you know, for the time being, until we figure something else out. Maybe we can get some simpler equipment with some big colorful buttons that you can work, but.

[Michelle]

Big colorful buttons? Now you're insulting my intelligence.

[Justin]

Maybe what we could do is you could have other people make copies for you.

[Michelle]

So what is the point of me being at work? I have my own job. What I'm going to have someone I'M going to have Sarah next door to me or any other cubicle. Just get up and make copies for me. I can't use the machines now. Is that what you're trying to tell me?

[Justin]

Well, what we'll do is we'll assign you. Like, we were thinking maybe Nicole could be your buddy. Cause you guys have the same shift more often than not. So Nicole's like your copy buddy.

[Michelle]

Nicole? Nicole barely knows how to use the equipment herself. Nicole is barely at work herself. So when she calls off, what do I do then?

[Justin]

Well, then you'll have, like, a backup copy buddy.

[Michelle]

Oh, my gosh.

[Justin]

We have actually found. And please appreciate this because it wasn't easy to find a manual typewriter.

[Michelle]

I don't know how. Now, listen, listen. You are talking about 2004. And you keep claiming that you don't want to upset me or install my intelligence, but you've done all of those things and above, and now you're telling me that you want me to peck, peck, peck, and now that is a final straw. I mean, now that's something I actually don't know how to use. I don't know how to use a manual typewriter. I haven't used one in at least 20 years.

[Justin]

Okay, let me ask you this.

[Announcer]

How.

[Justin]

How much more upset would you be now if I told you that we're gonna ask you to use the stairs instead of the elevator?

[Michelle]

You know what? You don't even run the elevators. How could you tell me not to use the elevator?

[Justin]

We're just scared of having you around any sort of electronic equipment, you know?

[Michelle]

Oh, my gosh. I can't believe that you're actually telling me that I have to use the stairs now. Who are you?

[Justin]

Well, just, you know, I mean, if you get into work five minutes late, we're not gonna penalize you. We already spoke with Terry. She understands. She, you know, she sees the challenges that you have with. With. With complicated things, so she understands.

[Michelle]

I don't believe that Terry said anything like that because she's always complimenting me on how competent I am and how sufficient I am on the job as office manager, so.

[Justin]

Well, Terry, she's worried that if she upsets you that you'll break stuff more.

[Michelle]

Oh, my gosh.

[Justin]

All right, well, when you talk to Terry, tell her for me, if you would, please, that Jeff with the Burt show called at all the hits Q100, and you've just been phone scammed.

[Michelle]

What? Stop playing. Oh, my gosh. I knew this had to be possibly. I mean. Oh, my gosh so you actually call. Okay, this is a prank. This is not serious.

[Laurie]

Right?

[Justin]

And I think if you turn around and look through the window in Terry's office, everybody's standing in there and I think they're probably laughing at you.

[Michelle]

Oh, I see them now and they think it's really super, super funny. Ha ha ha. The joke's on me.

[Burt]

We will.

[Announcer]

We will scam you. Get it? The Bird Show.

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