Full Show PT 3: Wednesday, February 25 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 3: Wednesday, February 25 [Vault] (Aired: February 25, 2026)

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show brings listeners a lively mix of relatable drama, quirky romance, and real-life family dilemmas, driven by Bert and the cast's signature humor and authentic conversations. Main themes include an entertaining “Love Lost and Found” segment about tracking down a charming traffic cop, a frank parenting chat about kids wearing costumes in public, and an insightful discussion on how women and men differ when it comes to relaxation. The episode maintains the show's warm, bantering tone, creating space for both laughs and genuine reflection.

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Key Segments & Highlights

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1. Love Lost and Found: Searching for the Handsome Traffic Cop

[02:00–11:34]

• Premise: Listener Jamie calls in seeking help to reconnect with a traffic officer she had a fleeting, chemistry-filled encounter with at the intersection of Lenox Road and Piedmont.
• Jamie’s Story:
  • She describes seeing two cops while stopped at a crosswalk, feeling a spark with one (a “light-skinned African American guy, beautiful smile...in full gear”).
  • “We kind of locked eyes, and I smiled at him...He kind of flashed like a million dollar smile. He was very handsome.” (Jamie, [03:17])
  • The officer struck a “GQ pose” while directing traffic, which Jamie and her friend found endearing and amusing.
• Humorous Banter:
  • The hosts and Jamie joke about the cop’s neon gloves and his conspicuous pack of nuts, leading to recurring playful callbacks (“the police officer with the nuts”).
  • “Do you really want to be the guy eating the nuts, or the guy not? Because that means you’re the nutless guy.” (Co-host, [06:27])
• Listener Leads:
  • Timothy, a police department insider, calls in confirming he knows the officers who work the intersection, and reveals the one in question is single.
  • “No, he’s actually not married.” (Timothy, [08:30])
  • The team works behind the scenes to set up a call between Jamie and the officer, hinting at future follow-ups.
• Memorable Moment:
  • “He might have just been...That's just the sexy way that he controls traffic on Piedmont and Lennox.” (Host, [11:06])

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2. Parenting Dilemma: When Should Kids Stop Wearing Costumes?

[14:41–21:47]

• The Dilemma: Bert discusses his son Hayden’s attachment to a Peter Pan costume, questioning if there’s an age where it’s no longer appropriate—or safe from peer mockery.
• Candid Reflections:
  • Bert shares his rational and emotional reservations: “At five, costume every day feels acceptable to me. At six, I’m getting a little nervous. Like, people are gonna start making fun of him…” (Bert, [16:40])
  • Co-hosts debate whether the transition to first grade is a milestone where costumes should stop, or if kids should simply enjoy their quirks as long as possible.
• Listener Input:
  • Callers share experiences, generally encouraging Bert to let Hayden enjoy his costume phase.
  • “He’s fine as long as he’s still in kindergarten. First grade’s a whole another ball game…” (Caller Lisa, [19:55])
• Banter and Advice:
  • Co-hosts get playful with ridiculous “solutions,” from using a BB gun to (jokingly) deter costume-wearing, to sabotaging costumes with bleach—underscored with laughter but reinforcing the show’s lighthearted take.

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3. Why Women (and Moms) Struggle to Truly Relax

[22:07–28:24]

• Personal Observations: A co-host shares insights from a lake weekend with friends, noting that even with time off, some women (especially mothers) can’t relax.
  • “I really don’t think that we make it a priority to chill out and relax nearly as much as men do...We literally had to sit her down on the couch and put a blanket on top of her...” (Co-host, [22:07])
• Gendered Relaxation Styles:
  • Men, the hosts opine, can ignore chores and responsibilities until they really need doing (“dudes...can put things off...So tonight I can watch a game, whatever. Tomorrow I’ll get it done...” Host, [23:48]).
  • Women, conversely, feel compelled to accomplish tasks before relaxing, with mental to-do lists running constantly.
  • “It doesn’t necessarily have to be the to-do list…and what housework needs to be done. Because not all women are good at housework. Hello. But I think that it’s just anything...If your emotions don’t feel right, then you’re analyzing, ‘Why don’t my emotions feel right?’” (Co-host, [26:20])
• Spas as Escape: The group agrees that spa days may be the only place some women are forced to “just be.”
  • “That is the only way the woman can, can relax is to escape like that.” (Co-host, [28:12])
• Takeaway: The segment balances laughter (about laundry and household duties) with authentic recognition of parental and particularly maternal stress.

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “We kind of locked eyes, and I smiled at him...He kind of flashed like a million dollar smile.” – Jamie ([03:17])
• “Do you really want to be the guy eating the nuts, or the guy not? Because that means you’re the nutless guy.” – Co-host ([06:27])
• “No, he’s actually not married.” – Timothy ([08:30])
• “At five, costume every day feels acceptable to me. At six, I’m getting a little nervous.” – Bert ([16:40])
• “He’s fine as long as he’s still in kindergarten. First grade’s a whole nother ball game.” – Lisa (caller) ([19:55])
• “I really don’t think that we make it a priority to chill out and relax nearly as much as men do.” – Co-host ([22:07])
• “Spas are so successful...the only way a woman can relax is to, to escape like that.” – Co-host ([28:12])

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Summary Table of Key Topics

| Segment | Start | End | Main Points | |------------------------------------------------|--------------|--------------|--------------------------------------------------------------------| | Love Lost and Found (Traffic Cop Search) | 02:00 | 11:34 | Jamie seeks traffic cop; comic back-and-forth; insider lead | | Parenting: Costume-Wearing Kids | 14:41 | 21:47 | Bert’s Peter Pan dilemma; co-host/ caller advice and banter | | Why Women Struggle to Relax | 22:07 | 28:24 | Gendered differences, parenting stress, culture around relaxation |

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Tone & Takeaways

The Bert Show’s signature mix of humor, warmth, and openness shines throughout, turning small daily dilemmas into laugh-out-loud confessions and honest group therapy. From tracking down a traffic cop to untangling the mysteries of kids’ phases and adult stress, the cast and their callers serve up an episode that's relatable, memorable, and characteristically heartening.

Transcript

[Host 1]

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[Host 2]

Hi there.

[Host 1]

We're looking to get to the campground.

[Guest or Advertiser]

Well, you're going to take a left at the old oak tree end of this here road. No, I'm just kidding. Let me get my phone out.

[Host 1]

How are you getting a signal out here?

[Guest or Advertiser]

T Mobile and US Cellular decided to merge, so the network out here is huge. We're getting the same great signal as the city and saving a boatload with all the benefits. Oh, and a five year price guarantee. Okay, here's those directions.

[Host 1]

Actually, can you point us in the direction of a T Mobile store?

[Advertiser Voice]

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[Host 2]

Hey, the bird show. We were gonna have Jamie on earlier this morning who is looking for a police officer that she met last week that she would like to meet again.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Yeah, it was a traffic. It's gonna be a traffic cop. Love lost and found.

[Host 2]

Yeah, yeah, same thing. I mean we've done this for years and years now.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Yeah, because in any Situation, regardless of where you are, you have a connection with somebody, some kind of chemistry, but for whatever reason, you end up leaving the situation without exchanging phone numbers. And so that's why we do love lost and found, where you contact us, let us know who the person was, the description, if you don't know their name, and everywhere you were and everything. And we try to go to the Burch show community and find that match and find the person. And in this case, it has to do with the traffic cop.

[Host 2]

Hey, Jamie.

[Caller or Guest]

Hey, how are ya?

[Host 2]

Good, how are you?

[Caller or Guest]

I'm a little. I just got nervous all of a sudden.

[Guest or Advertiser]

You did.

[Host 2]

You're cool.

[Caller or Guest]

Okay, good.

[Host 2]

Let's work on finding this cop for you. Okay?

[Caller or Guest]

Okay.

[Host 2]

All right.

[Caller or Guest]

So we didn't actually meet.

[Host 2]

Haven't met.

[Caller or Guest]

We met through glass, so to speak.

[Co-host or Contributor]

So he pulled you over then, right?

[Caller or Guest]

No, I was hoping he would catch my expired tags, but he was actually in front of my car.

[Host 2]

All right, so what happened, and where did all this happen?

[Caller or Guest]

Okay, I had. I was coming home from a meeting. I had a business associate with me in my. So I couldn't really cat call or roll down the window and get a number.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Is that something you would normally do?

[Caller or Guest]

I'm in the corner of Lenox Road in Piedmont, and I was taking a left, and I was gonna try to run the light. I was chuckling at Jessica's story this morning, because I was gonna do that, but I got stopped on the crosswalk. It turned red. And I look over to the right, and there's these two cops. I think it was about 5:45. And it's like. I think they were either showing up for work or. Or, you know, how, like, they direct traffic and make sure that people don't run the lights. But I was sitting on a crosswalk, so I thought. My first thought was, oh, I'm about to get fussed at. And then we kind of locked eyes, and I smiled at him, and I looked at my friend Amy, and I go, ooh, he's cute. And then he. I think he read my lips because he kind of flashed like a million dollar smile. He was very handsome. And then I kind of backed up and let him, you know, across to the other side of the street. And so he's directing traffic, and we were looking for a ring, but he had those neon gloves on.

[Host 2]

So we were like, those are hot. We all wear those in studio.

[Caller or Guest]

He's a cotton anything, so you can't

[Co-host or Contributor]

tell if he's married or not because he's wearing those traffic Gloves.

[Caller or Guest]

Yeah, but we were looking for. Sure.

[Host 2]

Women say they love a man in a traffic glove.

[Co-host or Contributor]

That's just what they say. I do now.

[Caller or Guest]

I'm a big fan. So he's directing traffic. You know that light is pretty long there. I was taking a left onto Piedmont. It's right there at the Business Chronicle building. And he kind of. We had to laugh because he struck this GQ pose with his back to us. Like he had his hand on his hip and was kind of directing traffic with one hand. And you know, we had to laugh at that because I don't know, it just didn't look natural. But it was cute at any rate. So I think that he was trying to impress you.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Yeah, he was kind of strutting his stuff for you.

[Host 2]

It was the police inviting look like.

[Caller or Guest]

Yeah, he's really, he's very handsome. If I had to describe him, I would say he's probably 5, 10, 11ish. I don't know that he was 6ft. He wasn't all that tall, light skinned, African American guy, beautiful smile. He had the hat on. He was in the full gear, looked really nice. And I actually saw him there a couple days later. He was eating a pack of nuts.

[Host 2]

I can tell this is going in a different direction.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Is it some weird cop code or something for some weird dvd?

[Caller or Guest]

He probably didn't need that information. But he was really cute. Striking.

[Co-host or Contributor]

But don't you think he works there

[Host 2]

regularly?

[Co-host or Contributor]

Yeah. So can't you just go back?

[Caller or Guest]

Probably. But you know, I don't live in that area town so I just, I don't know. I was, I was mentioned it to Jen and she was like, hey.

[Co-host or Contributor]

I was like, let's do traffic cop

[Caller or Guest]

love lost and found.

[Host 2]

Well, here's what we need to do then. It's probably focusing less on what he looks like and probably more if you're a police officer that knows or has access to who was on that shift that day at 5:45. Right.

[Caller or Guest]

There's two of them.

[Host 2]

There's two of them. There's the guy in his nuts and the other guy.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Well, do you really want to do it? Let me ask you a question. If you're, if there's two guys, do you want to be the guy eating the nuts or the guy? Not. Because that means you're the nutless guy. Yes.

[Host 2]

You don't want to be the nutless cop. In this case. We're looking for the guy.

[Co-host or Contributor]

And you realize that he may not like you now just because you told all of his cop coworkers that he struck a very unnatural one handed GQ traffic directing pose which I imagine is

[Caller or Guest]

like he knew he was doing it because even my friend Amy who was in the car was like, oh no he didn't. And I was like, look at that. It didn't matter though, it was just too funny and he was really cute.

[Host 2]

This may be the fastest love lost and found we have ever done. We are hot on the the police officer with the nuts.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Hey, when he was eating his nuts, did he have his neon glove on or was he, was he gloveless? Was he gloveless nut eating?

[Caller or Guest]

I didn't notice at that point.

[Host 2]

All right, we are looking for a striking police officer. 5:10, 5:11. You said light skinned African American, right? 5. It was at 5:45 roughly.

[Caller or Guest]

I don't exactly remember, but around then Lennox and Piedmont.

[Co-host or Contributor]

And he had a very bright green neon triangle on the palm of his

[Host 2]

hand and you couldn't miss his nuts.

[Caller or Guest]

Sorry I mentioned the nuts.

[Host 2]

Hey Timothy. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller or Guest]

Hi, good morning, how are you?

[Host 2]

Good, sir. How are you?

[Caller or Guest]

Not too bad.

[Host 2]

Can you give us a lead here?

[Caller or Guest]

Well, yeah, it's only officer 2 officers I worked at and one of the ones that set up the job, so.

[Host 2]

So it's your job to assign the police officers to that intersection?

[Caller or Guest]

I'm the one that called the gentleman you're referring to and informed him about the job.

[Host 2]

So you know who he is?

[Caller or Guest]

Yes, well, it was one or two people, but I'm pretty sure I know which one she's referring to. Does he get a lot of calls like this? No, not that I'm aware of, but.

[Host 2]

Well, the first question that we need to know. Do you know him intimately enough to know if he is married or not?

[Caller or Guest]

No, he's actually not married.

[Co-host or Contributor]

No, he's not married.

Do you know if he would be opening? Would he be. Do you know him well enough to know if he's open to sharing his nuts?

[Caller or Guest]

It's all responsibility.

[Host 2]

All right, so how do we want to do this? Do we want to get a phone number from you? Can we get in direct contact with him? Can you provide us with his name? Maybe we can announce it and have him call in. How can we do this?

[Co-host or Contributor]

Can you bring him to us? Can you put him in the trunk of your car and deliver him here to the radio station with nuts?

[Caller or Guest]

I can't guarantee the nuts, but maybe he can work something out with you guys off the air.

[Host 2]

We would certainly like Ali to at least call him off the air and see if he's interested in coming on.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Timmy.

This is awesome.

[Host 2]

This is coming quick.

[Caller or Guest]

I'm pretty excited.

[Host 2]

So we're trying to get this cop on, and Timothy's running into a little bit of a roadblock. Hey, Tim.

[Caller or Guest]

Hey.

[Host 2]

Hey.

[Caller or Guest]

It's a little bit of a problem. Got his voicemail. So I'm. I'm sure he might be busy on

[Co-host or Contributor]

a call, but can't you read? Do you guys have a CB or something?

[Caller or Guest]

I don't think that'd be quite official

[Co-host or Contributor]

business, but, I mean, can you tell him that there's like. Why don't you tell him there's like a breaking and entering at Jamie's house that just happened?

[Host 2]

We can actually make that happen. We'll just send Ben over there and we'll have him break into the window.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Intern Benjamin needs some street Credit.

[Caller or Guest]

He called 911. Ask for him.

[Host 2]

All right, well, Timothy, can we do this? Because it's not going to conclude right now. So I guess what we'll do is we'll. We'll keep trying to get in touch with them. And then Jamie, when we do either our next show that we're all here together, we'll get you guys on the air together, or maybe it happens over the next 15 minutes. Who knows?

[Caller or Guest]

Perfect. I'm good either way.

[Host 2]

At this point. You're calling him?

[Caller or Guest]

Yes. One of your people are gonna email me.

[Co-host or Contributor]

I think we just. When Timothy reaches him, I think because, you know, because we're gone for a week, I think he just puts Jamie in touch with the two of them, and then we talk to him on Monday. They've got their first child on the way.

[Host 2]

You think it's gonna happen?

[Caller or Guest]

That would make my mom really happy.

[Host 2]

All right, Timothy, I'll let you go. And I'll have either Sean or Lyndall, somebody call you off the air, and we'll figure this all out and we'll get them together.

[Caller or Guest]

All right. Sounds good to me.

[Host 2]

All right, thank you very much.

[Co-host or Contributor]

One thing that we didn't mention this time around, that we found out last time, is Timothy told us that this guy is not married.

[Host 2]

He's not married. Right?

[Co-host or Contributor]

Right.

So we did find out he was single. So we'll see if he's interested in meeting his girlfriend.

[Caller or Guest]

If he has a girlfriend. She's really mad right now.

[Host 2]

Well, I mean, they didn't do anything wrong. I mean, this is just the way you.

[Co-host or Contributor]

We're just looking for him.

[Host 2]

He might have just been. That's just the sexy way that he controls traffic on Piedmont and Lennox.

[Caller or Guest]

I'M sure he gets honked all the time. He's really good looking.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Maybe you could go to like park in Phipps Plaza and lower one of your tires really low and then when you get to the intersection, just stop and go. Oh dear. Oh no. I've got a plan. Who can help me?

Help me.

Help me.

[Host 2]

Officer Planters. Officer Planters.

[Caller or Guest]

Thank you. Thank you so much.

[Co-host or Contributor]

You're welcome.

[Host 2]

Bye bye.

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[Host 1]

We're lost. I'm going to pull over and ask that man for directions.

[Host 2]

Hi there.

[Host 1]

We're looking to get to the campground.

[Guest or Advertiser]

Well, you're gonna take a left at the old oak tree end of this here road. Nah, I'm just kidding. Let me get my phone out.

[Host 1]

How are you getting a signal out here?

[Guest or Advertiser]

T Mobile and US Cellular decided to merge. So the network out here is huge. We're getting the same great signal as the city and saving a boatload with all the benefits. Oh, and a five year price guarantee. Okay, here's those directions.

[Host 1]

Actually, can you point us in the direction of a T Mobile store?

[Advertiser Voice]

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[Host 2]

This is for the Birchill parenting community. Help me out with something here just for a second because I'm not exactly sure where to go with it and Stacy and I are. Don't see it eye to eye. You know how, you know how like sometimes you're walking around a mall, you're in a restaurant or something and there's a kid that is dressed in a costume and it's really cute, you know, like for girls it's like generally a process.

[Co-host or Contributor]

But not in October. Like random times.

[Host 2]

Yeah, random times. I mean kids go through these phases, I guess when they're like 3, 4, 5 years old or whatever where they're just. You can't get them out of their costume. It's the cutest thing to see, right?

[Co-host or Contributor]

Yes.

[Host 1]

It's so cute.

[Host 2]

Little four year old Superman.

[Co-host or Contributor]

I saw Spidey at like I forgot where I was shopping the other day, but little Spidey jumped out of the van with his mom.

[Host 2]

So cute, man.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Little princesses in the Disney store.

It's fun.

[Host 2]

Do you wish you can get away with that as an adult? Yes. Just dress up the same costume every single day.

[Co-host or Contributor]

That's why I go on vacation so far away from everyone I know. I just like to walk around. I walked around all of Montreal dressed like Spider Man.

[Host 2]

Well, some of these kids, mine included they get into this routine where you can't get them out of their costume. I mean, it is like, every day for weeks, if not months, you know? And Hayden's is. Is Peter Pan. Okay. Loves his Peter Pan costume. Okay. And don't come up to him and say, oh, that is the cutest Robin Hood costume I've ever seen. Nothing will piss off a five year old like, confusing.

[Co-host or Contributor]

What's he say?

[Host 2]

Robin Hood for Peter Pan. He'll say, I'm Peter Pan.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Can you bring him in here dressed up so I can call him Robin Hood?

[Host 2]

No, you're not gonna taunt my child. The funny thing is, the only difference in the costumes is the color of the hat. But to him, there's a world of difference. I'm Peter Pan. I'm not Robin.

[Guest or Advertiser]

It.

[Host 2]

But here's my question. And the face is cute and all. It's really cute. And we've been doing it for a while now.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Well, Hayden's 17.

[Host 2]

He's on the cusp of six now.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Mm.

[Host 2]

And that's gonna happen on September 26th.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Okay.

[Host 2]

And for. I know this is gonna sound irrational to you guys, but to me, six is a world of difference from five. Like, at five, costume every day feels acceptable to me. At six, I'm getting a little nervous. Like, people are gonna start making fun of him and stuff if he wears it every single day. And maybe I'm totally, totally in left field here, but is there a certain time limit where you have to say to your kid, like, okay, you got to take the costume off now?

[Co-host or Contributor]

Let me ask you a question. Is he. Because he's in that window, like, with a fall birthday.

[Host 2]

September 26th.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Right. So is he kindergarten or first grade?

[Host 2]

He's kindergarten.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Then I think he's fine, because I think. I don't think you can do it because you're worried about his peers making fun of him.

[Host 2]

Right?

[Co-host or Contributor]

So kindergarten, I think, is okay.

[Host 2]

But how about when we're outside of the. And he's not wearing it to school?

[Co-host or Contributor]

Doesn't matter, because I think he's still kindergartner. But see, I don't know, because I don't have kids, so I don't know. I just. In my mind, I understand what you're saying, but to me, it's not the number six. It's like a first grader. Like, okay, now you're in big boy all day school.

[Host 2]

Like, first grade sounds a lot more mature to you than kindergarten.

[Co-host or Contributor]

You know, mommies aren't coming in, passing snacks on the kid's birthday. And stuff like that's kindergarten nonsense. You know what I mean? You can drink, you can have sex. You're in first grade now. So like that, that's a whole different. You know, the kids are standing out in front of the school smoking.

[Host 2]

Sure. Kindergarten, that's unacceptable, right? 404-741-Q100 and Stacy's take on it is. And I wish I really adopted her philosophy on more. Like, kids are kids, man. When he's out of the phase, he'll be out of the phase. Let him be a kid for as long as he wants to be a kid.

[Co-host or Contributor]

So that's what I thought. Like, well, I don't, I don't understand the huge difference between 5 and 6. And again, I'm not a mother, so I don't know. But I don't see that as being this huge transition.

Are you looking at kindergarten? Are you looking at September 25th or whatever this birthday is, is like a milestone where you can sit them down

[Host 2]

and go, hayden, I even thought about it yet. I'm just.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Oh, really?

[Host 2]

I hadn't thought about the talk because it just sounds ridiculous to me to have to sit down your kid and say, look, you're too old to wear the costume now. Like, I don't. There's something that's so pure about him wanting to wear that every day. Like, I don't want to have to sit him down and go, look, this is how the world works. You can't wear costumes at nine years old.

[Co-host or Contributor]

You're telling a five year old how the world works.

Here's what you need to do. What time does he get home every day? Is he full day of school?

[Host 2]

Three o' clock now? Yeah.

[Co-host or Contributor]

All right, so here's what you need to do. About 2:30 today, you need to dress like a pirate.

[Host 2]

He'd love that.

[Co-host or Contributor]

And you just become. But you have to go out in public and you have to let people make fun of you. You have to go out with Dolvette, dress like a pir.

[Host 2]

The thing is, nobody would make fun of me if I was with my kid in a pirate costume. Everybody would think I'd be dad of the year.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Just so you know, I would make fun of you if I saw you wearing a pirate costume. I don't care if your kid's around or not.

I wouldn't. In front of your face.

Right immediately. Text to go, dude, I just ran into Bert. Get your camera, bp. And he's dressed like a pirate.

[Host 2]

Seriously, Just so you guys know that in the confines of my own home at 7:30 every night. I am dressed up as Captain Hook. And we are, we are dueling every night. Good morning, Lisa. You're on Q100.

[Caller or Guest]

He's fine as long as he's still in kindergarten. Because my son has a September birthday too, and he went through that and first grade's a whole nother ball game, but he's still fine.

[Host 2]

So let's say your kid in the first grade is still wearing his costume or her costume. Then what does that conversation sound like?

[Caller or Guest]

I don't know. He stopped, so I would have just probably never sent him to school.

[Host 2]

Maybe so let's screw the education.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Can't you just.

[Caller or Guest]

No, I never had to talk because he got out of that. Because his was Power Rangers.

[Host 2]

They were the same one for six straight months.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Can't you just get involved in like, you know, like the end of the night, you're doing some laundry and you accidentally pour an entire gallon of bleach in the tank?

He has can't be upset.

[Host 2]

Hey, Lynn, you're on a Q100.

[Caller or Guest]

He's just fine. Just let him be his little person that he's being.

[Host 2]

So if he wants to stay, if

[Caller or Guest]

he wants to wear costumes every single day, let him wear a costume every single day.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Okay? See? Yeah. Instead of pouring bleach or, you know, having a talk, can you, in first grade tell them, look, if you're a superhero, you know, you have to keep your identity secret at school or something. I mean, tell a good story and then like, oh, you're right, dad. And then they just wear the regular clothes out in public.

What if you do this? What if I got a low power BB gun and every time I see him in public, you tell me where he's going and I just shoot him?

Do you still have a baby gun?

[Host 2]

What if I get a high powered shotgun and do that to you?

[Co-host or Contributor]

If I'm dressed like Peter Pan, Please do. But like every time. So he just. Not enough to break the skin, but so it really hurts and stings. And then you just say, sometimes the universe shoots people who dress like Peter Pan.

But again, it's a more creative story than the bleaching.

Right? You never tell him it's me. But then you don't have to take the responsibility of explaining to him it's wrong. He just realizes Peter Pan equals Ow.

[Host 2]

Thank you for making me feel better about being a parent.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Do you want me to watch him for a couple days? Not even a minute. Why doesn't he stay with me for the weekend and we'll see if we can break him in that.

According to Jeff, if you roll up a paper and knock him on the nose with it, then he'll know.

Just rub his face in the Peter Pan costume.

No, that is a no, sir.

That is a no. Please.

[Advertiser Voice]

The first show.

[Co-host or Contributor]

I learned something at the lake this weekend with my girlfriends and that is that women do not know how to relax. I really don't think that we make it a priority to chill out and relax nearly as much as men do. Because I think they've just got the ability to sort of like lie amongst filth or whatever it is they have to do in order to like really schedule that relaxation time. It will not bother a guy that, you know, the living room's trashed or the laundry's not done, or there's disgusting dishes in the kitchen, whatever. They'll still be able to lay there and sit still and actually like have some relaxation time. Or maybe guys schedule it with like watching sports or whatever it is. But really don't think that women know how to relax. And I say that because I was with four of my best friends and we went to the lake over the weekend to one of my friends lake houses in, in Lake Jackson and we literally had nothing to do. Two of the women in the group are moms, so they always have a kid up at 7 o' clock in the morning who needs something. You know, one of them has two children, so she is just always in that mode like. And she literally said, I'm having a difficult time relaxing. Cause I just don't know what to do with myself, you know. And I think it's a real shame that we don't schedule that time for ourselves or force ourselves to do it. But it always seems like there's something else to do. And it was so funny because we literally had to sit her down on the couch and put a blanket on top of her and say, you are not getting out of your PJs, you are sitting on the. We're watching a movie. Because that will at least be an activity where you are not allowed to do anything, clean anything, you know, tidy up anywhere, cook anything, I mean, you name it, you're not allowed to do anything but actually sit here for two hours and watch this movie.

[Host 2]

I think dudes for the most part have like this. This gear of being able to. We can put things off. Like if it doesn't get done today, it'll get done tomorrow. So tonight I can watch a game, whatever. Tomorrow I'll get it done and then Tomorrow, when there's another game on, Wednesday's cool, Thursday's cool. And then y' all pick up after us. And that's what. I'll stress y' all out.

[Co-host or Contributor]

See, I don't even think that's it, cuz I don't. If it's something. If I have something that I need to do and I'm putting it off, it'll stress me out. But I just think there's different. I just. I don't. I know. I've had this discussion with Jessica before. I don't compute things, as in, the kitchen needs to be cleaned up. Like, I'm okay, the kitchen's messy, but when I get up to cook dinner, then I'll clean it up. So it's not like I'm putting it off. It's just that, yes, the kitchen is messy, but it doesn't have to be clean right now. Like, it has to be cleaned.

And I guess for women, it's like, it has to be clean before anything else can be accomplished.

For laundry, for example.

Right.

Like, I know. Like, we have two different ways of doing laundry in the house. Jessica does laundry on Tuesday. She does all the laundry in the house. Whatever has to be done. Like, that's the day and everything. Like, the bag goes to the dry cleaner. Towels, sheets, her clothes, my clothes, everything washed on Tuesday. Whereas my mode of laundry is, ah, crap, I need those jeans. And they're dirty.

[Host 2]

Right.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Throw them in, wash them, dry them, take them out. Usually leave them on the couch.

[Host 2]

If you decide not to actually take them out of the hamper and wear them wrinkled. Right.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Just flush them off in the dryer

[Caller or Guest]

with a little dryer sheet. I've done that too many times.

[Co-host or Contributor]

It's a different. It's what causes fights, I think, between most couples.

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Because I think it's just not a. It's just not a process that. It's just not the way the guys think. Like, I'll walk by the dog dish, and there won't be any, like, water or food in there or something. And then Jessica will come in and go, oh, my God. Didn't you say the dog doesn't have any water? Like, no, I didn't even look at it. Knowing that when Sasha needs food or water, she'll come in the living room and sit and stare at me and bark. And then I'll go, what do you need?

[Host 2]

Stacy will put things on the stairs for me to take upstairs. I can't get around them without making some kind of jimmy or skip up the stairs. To get around them, and it still won't register to me to bring them upstairs.

[Co-host or Contributor]

I put stuff on the stairs for me to bring up, and I still don't do it.

I mean, my thing is, I don't think it has everything to do with housework. I just think that women, we think our brains are processed differently than guys. I mean, I do think, and I'm not saying this insultingly, I just think guys are more simple than women are in the way they think.

[Host 2]

We take pride in that. Are you kidding me? You're not insulting us.

[Co-host or Contributor]

I get emails. The man hating emails. And I'm not a man hater. I just do think that men are. Think more simply than women do. So we are processing something all the time. So it doesn't necessarily have to be the to do list. And what housework needs to be done. Because not all women are good at housework. Hello. But I think that it's just anything, anything that's on your mind. If your emotions don't feel right, then you're analyzing, well, why don't my emotions feel right? Why don't I feel good today? I mean, everything is a multi layer process, you know, in our brains. And I think that's why it's hard to relax. Because it is rare for a woman to sit and not think.

Like, just sit and not just watch

[Host 2]

a game or just watch it.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Like, just watch a movie.

[Host 2]

Florida State or Tennessee are playing. You guys just can't. I can't just get into the game.

[Host 1]

You always feel like you're missing something too.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Like when you sit down and relax,

[Host 1]

you're like, what am I missing? What could I be doing? Do I need to be sitting here? I'm missing out on something else. By sitting here and taking time for me, like, you're missing the fun. You're missing the social, like, life. You're missing everything by sitting and not doing anything.

[Co-host or Contributor]

You know what? And I think that you touched on a good part there. It's. It's like you think you could be doing something for someone else other than just yourself. Like, I could be working more. I could be responding to listener email. I could be sending Bert some more ideas. I could be doing this for my family. I could be, you know, oh, I took pictures last week. I should upload them to, you know, Shutterfly so I can share them with my friends. It's always putting everybody else first.

I gotta send somebody a ninja on Facebook.

[Host 2]

I haven't poked anybody all day today.

[Co-host or Contributor]

You know, like, you know, I think it's I think that that's key because I think you stop, you have to, in order to relax, you have to stop putting everyone else in your life first. And I think especially for moms of young children, I think that, that they just get into that mode and it's just nearly impossible for them to chill out.

[Host 2]

When we go on vacation, it will take Stacy three days.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

To relax. I mean if we're on a five day vacation, it gives her two days to relax and as soon as she finally lets the guard down, time to go back, take care of the kids.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Well, there is a reason spas are so successful. That is the one way that women force themselves to go in there, get in a robe, get in a room, have you know that is the only way the woman can, can relax is to, to escape like that.

[Advertiser Voice]

Get it? The bird show.

[Host 1]

We're lost. I'm going to pull over and ask that man for directions.

[Host 2]

Hi there.

[Host 1]

We're looking to get to the campground.

[Guest or Advertiser]

Well, you're going to take a left at the old oak tree end of this here road. No, I'm just kidding. Let me get my phone out.

[Host 1]

How are you getting a signal out here?

[Guest or Advertiser]

T Mobile and US Cellular decided to merge. So the network out here is huge. We're getting the same great signal as the city and saving a boatload with all the benefits. Oh, and a five year price guarantee. Okay, here's those directions.

[Host 1]

Actually, can you point us in the direction of a T Mobile store?

[Advertiser Voice]

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[Host 2]

Carvana is so easy. Just a click and we've got ourselves a car.

[Caller or Guest]

See so many cars. That's a clicktastic inventory.

[Host 2]

And check out the financing options, payments

[Advertiser Voice]

to fit our budget. I mean that's Clickonomics 101 delivery to our door.

[Co-host or Contributor]

Just a hop, skip and a click away.

And bot.

[Host 1]

No better feeling than when everything just clicks. Buy your car today on Carvana. Delivery fees may apply. We're lost. I'm gonna pull over and ask that man for directions.

[Host 2]

Hi there.

[Host 1]

We're looking to get to the campground.

[Guest or Advertiser]

Well, you're gonna take a left at the old oak tree end of this here road. Nah, I'm just kidding. Let me get my phone out.

[Host 1]

How are you getting a signal out here?

[Guest or Advertiser]

T Mobile and US Cellular decided to merge so the network out here is huge. We're getting the same great signal as the city and saving a boatload with all the benefits. Oh, and a five year price guarantee. Okay, here's those directions.

[Host 1]

Actually, can you point us in the direction of a T Mobile store?

[Advertiser Voice]

America's best network just got bigger. Switch to T Mobile today and get built in benefits the other guys leave out plus our five year price guarantee. And now T Mobile is available in US Cellular stores. Best mobile network Based on analysis by Ookle of speed test intelligence data 2H 2025 bigger network the combination of T Mobile's and US Cellular's network footprints will enhance the T Mobile network's coverage price guarantee on talk text and data exclusions like taxes and fees apply. See t mobile.com for details.