The Bert Show - Full Show PT 3: Wednesday, January 28 [Vault]

Original Air Date: January 28, 2026
Hosts: The Bert Show Cast (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and others)
Podcast Theme: Real talk, humor, listener drama, and relatable stories, making mornings lighter with candid conversations.

Episode Overview

This episode blends classic Bert Show humor with real-life listener dilemmas, a tongue-in-cheek look at relationships, and hilarious commentary on customer service meltdowns. From debunking rumors through a high-tech lie detector, to testing the “chore play” theory for couples, and finally some over-the-top call center dramas, the show oscillates between laugh-out-loud moments and relatable life insights.

Key Segments and Discussion Points

1. Lie Detector Drama: "I’m Not a Prostitute!"

(00:00 - 08:22)

• Lie detector tech: The cast clarifies their lie detector isn’t the old polygraph style, but an analysis of vocal nuances (pauses, stutters, vocal pitch).
  • “This one detects…nuances in your voice, like pauses and stutters and quivers and everything.” (B, 00:07)
• Listener Krista’s story: Krista calls in, sharing an absurd breakup story—her boyfriend of nearly a year was convinced (without proof) that she was secretly a stripper or prostitute.
  • “We broke up because he was convinced that I was a stripper or prostitute at night. And that’s where all my money was coming from.” (Krista/D, 01:20)
  • She explains silly misunderstandings: showing up in a wig for fun with friends, having a bit more money than expected for her job.
• Cast’s jokes & skepticism: They poke fun—“Did you pay for everything with damp $1 bills that smelled like Bud Light?” (B, 02:16)—while probing for a logical cause for her ex’s suspicion.
• Relationship fallout: Krista details her ex’s paranoia—texting her roommate and mother, directly confronting her, finally ending things on New Year's Eve.
  • “He even went so far as, like, text message my mother, things like that.” (Krista/D, 05:58)
  • Krista wants vindication: “What I want is the haha factor at the end of the day.” (D, 04:26)
• Next steps: Bert plans to put Krista on the show's voice-analysis lie detector and play results for her and her ex.

2. The "Chore Play" Experiment: Does Doing Chores Really Lead to More Intimacy?

(08:22 - 20:04)

• Confidence hack for women: Briefly mentions a viral idea—a listener says sleeping in sexy lingerie boosts her confidence at work and socially.
  • “She does it every single night. And she feels like she operates now at a different level of confidence.” (A, 09:03)
• Parenting magazine survey: Introduces “chore play”—a survey shows many mothers consider their husbands doing chores as the sexiest 'foreplay,' often preferring it over actual intimacy.
  • “Would you rather make love to your husband, or would you rather have, like, a maid for the day?...65% of the women say, give me the maid.” (A, 10:25)
  • “They call it chore play instead of foreplay.” (C, 10:39)
• Discussion on shifting household dynamics: The hosts talk about gender roles, mental load, and how men often don’t realize all the responsibilities women juggle.
  • “A guy has to get a woman's mind into the bedroom before they ever make it to that bedroom.” (C, 11:33)
• On-air “chore play” challenge: Listeners (single, dating, and married) agree to try the experiment—doing unprompted chores and reporting back.
  • “Chore play will fail if she knows what you're doing.” (A, 13:22)
  • “Just walk into the kitchen, do the dish...Don’t draw any attention to it...” (A, 16:20)
• Funny detours: The group riffs on what counts as cheating at chores (“instead of giving the baby a bath, if they just take it outside and power wash it”), and how men often oversell or seek credit.
  • “If you try to get credit for it...Look what I did...that’s the worst thing you can do.” (A & G, 13:15-13:21)
• Caller perspectives:
  • Heather calls and hilariously endorses the theory: “These guys are going to get so lucky tonight. It is 100% foolproof.” (I, 18:30-18:36)
  • Others recall how unprovoked help is the real turn-on, not just doing chores for show.
  • The cast jokingly bemoan the “rules” of modern relationships: “So many rules with women. Tell us, don’t tell us. Say it, don’t say it.” (B, 19:34)

3. Hilarious Customer Service Nightmares: Dell Call Center Meltdowns

(20:09 - 30:00)

• Classic Dell meltdown call: Listeners are treated to a “classic, classic meltdown” recording—a man furiously calls Dell customer support over his mom’s computer not shutting down, growing more irate as the rep follows standard verification protocol.
  • “All I need to know is how do you turn this thing off?...You know your automated crap sucks, all right? And I think you suck.” (E, 22:06)
  • “Will you please tell me?...It says Windows is shutting down, it's been saying that since last night...” (E, 24:00)
• Cast commentary: The hosts gleefully dissect the call—empathizing with both sides and joking that the rep is likely “jacking with him” for fun.
  • “I really believe that guy right there was just totally jacking with him. Like, I'm gonna set this guy over the edge right here.” (A, 25:28)
• Reverse meltdown – the Dell guy trolls back: The next call is even wilder—a Dell rep snarkily mocks a customer who’s hesitant to buy a computer without speakers, repeatedly calling him a “little girl, little girl.”
  • “You want to add a floppy drive? …Only $30. …Are you sure? Because in the future gonna cost more money.” (H, 27:16)
  • “Why you have to fly in front of you? Yes, and why you call me?...Little girl, little pussy girl.” (H, 28:21-29:13)
• The Bert Show’s reaction: The hosts are in stitches and encourage listeners to send in similar recordings for on-air laughs.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Krista, on her ex’s suspicion: “Yeah, I guess my job during the day didn't count to him.” (D, 01:37)
• Bert, about breakups: “If we get one call like this, we get a million calls.” (A, 04:48)
• Krista, on her goal: “I just want to...have the haha factor at the end of the day.” (D, 04:26)
• On 'chore play': “Chore play will fail if she knows what you’re doing.” (A, 13:22)
• Heather, on tool belts and romance: “The minute he puts on that tool belt out on a whim...he’s lucky if I don’t pull that tool belt off of him the minute he starts, because that is hot.” (I, 18:34)
• Dell call meltdown:
  • Customer: “All your automated crap sucks, all right? And I think you suck.” (E, 22:06)
  • Dell rep: “Hold down the power button for 10 seconds.” (J, 24:55)
• Dell rep trolling customer:
  • “Little girl, little girl...little pussy girl.” (H, 28:21-29:13)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00 – 08:22: Lie Detector segment with Krista, "Am I a prostitute?"
• 08:22 – 20:04: Chore Play discussion and calls (“chores as foreplay” challenge)
• 20:09 – 29:57: Customer Service calls—Dell support meltdown and “trolling” rep

Podcast Tone

The Bert Show’s signature style is warm, irreverent, and quick-witted. Serious issues (relationship trust, mental load) are tackled with humor and empathy, while audience calls and real-life examples add relatability. The hosts riff off each other with playful banter, never missing a chance for a joke, but always looping back to genuine advice and insights.

Summary Takeaway

This episode is quintessential Bert Show: relatable drama, playful relationship experiments, and pure audio comedy gold. Whether you’re into exploring relationship dynamics, need a morning laugh, or just love cringe-worthy customer service moments, this show delivers a hearty, authentic start to your day.