Full Show PT 3: Wednesday, May 13 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show: Full Show PT 3 – Wednesday, May 13 [Vault]

Original Air Date: May 13, 2026
Episode Summary by The Bert Show
Hosts: Bert, Melissa, Sean Hennig, Reshma, Brian McCann (guest), various callers

Episode Overview

This energetic episode of The Bert Show brings an authentic mix of hilarious sibling rivalry stories, a major-leaguer Wiffle ball showdown (sort of), embarrassing accidental discoveries of family “private” tapes, and a news story on a girl who can’t stop sneezing. With their trademark blend of humor and relatability, the cast keeps things lively as listeners call in with stories and special guest Brian McCann joins the fun.

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Segment 1: Sisterly Hot Buttons and the “Adopted” Prank

Timestamps: 00:47–09:24

Key Discussion Points

• Intern Reshma’s Family Pranks:
  Reshma shares a childhood story about telling her younger sister she was adopted, taking the classic older sibling prank to extremes:

  “I told my sister when I believe I was seven, she was five ... that she was adopted because she does look different than the rest of my family.” – Reshma (02:35)

  She kept the joke secret for seven years until her sister, in tears at age 11, finally confronted their mother.

  “My sister thought she was adopted for seven years ... and it was completely worth it.” – Reshma (06:18)

• Others Chime In:
  Co-host Melissa reveals she was subject to the same prank as a child, reinforcing how widespread—and scarring—this sibling tactic can be.

  “My sister did the exact same thing to me, about the exact same age ... She said, ‘Look in the mirror. Look at you. You don’t look like us.’” – Melissa (03:33)

• Callers Share Their Experiences:
  Listeners call in with twists on the theme: one even recounts how a mother (not a sibling) played along with the adoption prank, leaving lasting emotional impact.

  “My mom actually did [the adoption prank] ... my sister went to school crying one day.” – Caller Lainey (06:43)

  Others flipped the script, taunting their biological sibling for not being "special" like the adopted kids.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• “There’s not one ounce of you that has any kind of remorse about it at all?” – Burt Burch (09:03)
• “She feels no remorse whatsoever, and she waits until they’re in public and humiliates her sister again by telling the story...” – Melissa (09:13)

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Segment 2: Wiffle Ball Legend vs. MLB Catcher Brian McCann

Timestamps: 09:25–22:53

Key Discussion Points

• The Wiffle Ball Challenge:
  Bert recounts his college days, claiming to have had an “unhittable” Wiffle ball pitch. With MLB star Brian McCann in-studio, Bert is eager to see if the legend holds up.

• Epic Preparations (and Letdown):
  Bert details a quest across multiple sporting goods stores to find the “right” Wiffle ball, revealing a mix of nostalgia and self-awareness:

  “I am aware of how pathetic the story is. ... I bought 15 wiffle balls ... and I can’t find the pitch.” – Burt Burch (16:51–17:37)

  Despite all efforts, Bert confesses the magical pitch is lost to time, but McCann promises to face him if it ever returns.

  “If I find it, do I have a shot to throw it against you?” – Burt (18:49)
  “Absolutely. We’ll set it up.” – Brian McCann (18:52)

• Promotion of Rally Foundation Softball Game:
  Brian plugs an upcoming celebrity charity game for childhood cancer research, billing a Home Run Derby with Chipper Jones and other big names.

  “It’s just a great cause, and you get to meet these kids and they melt your heart.” – Brian McCann (19:42)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• “You also smoked a tremendous amount of weed in college, too.” – Radio Host Burt (14:16)
• “I might have quit the industry after that. Had I struck you out, I might have gone to an island somewhere ...” – Burt (18:31)
• “All I want to do is beat Chipper in a home run derby. That’s basically all I want to do.” – Brian McCann (21:08)

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Segment 3: Accidental Discoveries—Parents, Kids & Sex Tapes

Timestamps: 22:58–31:09

Key Discussion Points

• The Carrie Prejean Incident:
  Discussion turns to former Miss California’s ongoing controversies, especially an allegedly accidental airing of her private tape—with her mother present:

  “They put the tape in ... her mom is in the room. The pageant people never warn them what’s coming up.” – Burt Burch (25:11)

• Have You Ever?—Listener Stories:
  The cast invites callers to share their own accidental experiences with family sex tapes or explicit content.
  Hilarious and embarrassing stories follow:

  • One caller finds her parents’ tape under the dresser, taped over family Christmas footage, featuring her dad in “elephant trunk underwear” (27:45–28:24).
  • Another caller’s friend finds and shares explicit pictures of her parents with classmates (28:50–29:20).
  • A male caller finds a video of his stepdad on the couch, pleasuring himself (29:25–30:21).
  • One more discovery: “a picture of my mother taking care of business with a fruit.” – Caller (30:40)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Just so you know, nothing good is ever kept under the dresser.” – Radio Host Burt (28:29)
• “That image will stay with you for the rest of your life.” – Melissa (27:52)
• “Please tell me ... can I eat that fruit anymore?” – Melissa (31:02)

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Segment 4: The Girl Who Can’t Stop Sneezing

Timestamps: 31:14–36:18

Key Discussion Points

• Lauren Johnson’s Bizarre Medical Mystery:
  The cast plays a news clip about 12-year-old Lauren Johnson, who sneezed “8–9 times a minute ... over 12,000 times a day” for two weeks.

  “You want to laugh if it’s not so sad.” – Burt Burch (32:09)

• Medical Perspective & Skepticism:
  Some voice skepticism, suggesting it might be a nervous tic because she sneezes with her eyes open and out of her mouth (35:05).

  “If you watched the Today show clip ... she does not sneeze out of her nose. She sneezes out of her mouth and she doesn’t close her eyes.” – Caller Patrick (35:05)

• Empathy and Humor:
  Co-hosts try to stifle laughter, illustrating the delicate balance between sympathy and comic relief.

Notable Quotes

• “Someone tell me ... if you hold in your sneeze, somehow, some way, your spinal cord can get wrapped up or something like that.” – Burt Burch (33:26)
• “I would be in the class getting tickled at her doing it all the time. I feel bad for her.” – Melissa (34:48)
• “Melissa, when you do your 8:30 newscast, I want you to sneeze the whole way through.” – Burt (36:15)

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Notable Quotes Snapshot

| Quote | Speaker | Timestamp | |-------|---------|-----------| | “My sister thought she was adopted for seven years ... completely worth it.” | Reshma | 06:18 | | “You trust your older siblings to take care of you and protect you ... I empathize with all the younger siblings out there that get picked on.” | Melissa | 09:59 | | “I am aware of how pathetic the story is. ... I bought 15 wiffle balls ... and I can’t find the pitch.” | Burt Burch | 16:51–17:37 | | “This is bragging rights for 162 games.” | Brian McCann | 22:04 | | “Nothing good is ever kept under the dresser.” | Radio Host Burt | 28:29 |

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Episode Takeaways

• Sibling dynamics are a source of endless stories—often funny, sometimes scarring.
• Childhood pranks can have a surprisingly long-lasting impact (and little remorse from perpetrators!).
• Embarrassing family video discoveries are common and never not hilarious/traumatizing.
• The Bert Show's candid, unfiltered conversations turn even cringe into humor and connection.
• Awareness for childhood cancer and community events, like the Rally Foundation softball game, cap the episode with heart.

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For more laughter, listener drama, and authentic conversations, check back daily for new episodes with the whole Bert Show cast!

Transcript

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[Radio Host Burt]

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[Brian McCann]

It's the Burt Show.

[Burt Burch]

Intern Reshma is up and she's got a hot button here that at least two other Burt show members have the same sort of hot button. And it's the sister relationship. How old is your sister?

[Reshma]

She is 19. She's 16 months younger than me.

[Burt Burch]

Okay, all right.

[Reshma]

Can relate to that. 16.

[Burt Burch]

Yeah. Wendy has the same kind of sisterly hot button. And Melissa, it comes out from time to time also.

[Reshma]

And we grew up practically as twins because my mom always wanted twins. So I'm Reshma and her name is Rachna. We look identical. Like, besides, like if you took a black and white photo of us, we look identical. Like I'm a dark version with lighter hair, like, you know, lighter eyes. She's pale, like paler than Wendy and has pitch black hair and light brown eyes. Like, besides that, we are identical. So we grow up like twins. She got everything at the same time. Rachna.

[Radio Host Burt]

So it's Reshna, Rachna and Reshma.

[Reshma]

It is.

[Burt Burch]

Now, did your parents dress you guys in the identical clothes also? They did, absolutely. So they're already establishing that there's. There's no individuality here.

[Melissa]

That's a foul with twins.

[Burt Burch]

Agreed.

[Melissa]

So you're not even twins and you had to dress a lot?

[Reshma]

Yeah, cuz my mom wanted twins so bad cuz I guess she was on fertility drugs for so long, she was like, if I have twins, I can get out of the way and I'll be done. So my little sister's technically an accident, but like a planned accident. Whatever.

[Burt Burch]

I'm sure you bring that up to her all the time.

[Reshma]

All the time. She. A couple weeks or a couple days ago, a friend of mine brought the story back up that I had forgotten about. I hadn't. It was one of those things you kind of repress, but just never really thought about. And I remembered it. And it has been, like, on my mind constantly because I've always, like, messed with my sister. I mean, she's my sister, but. But I never realized how young I started and how intense it was starting with her.

[Burt Burch]

This could be one of the cruelest things ever that one sister has ever done to another sister.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Reshma]

And it's a pretty generic thing older

[Melissa]

sister has ever done to a younger sister.

[Reshma]

Yeah. And it's a generic thing. It's just. I took it a step further and I told my sister when I believe I was seven, she was five. She might have been. She was five or six. And I told her she was adopted because she does look different than the rest of my family. She's extremely pale. We're all like, you know, tan skin. Like, you know, she did not look identical to any of us.

[Burt Burch]

Remember having that conversation with her and explaining what adopted was?

[Reshma]

I do. No, she knew what adopted was. I do remember that. But I remember her telling. Telling her that because she was irritating me. And she was talking. She was, like, being irritating for some reason. And I think she was like, I was telling her why she was doing something different than I was for some reason. And then I just decided to, like. It was one of those things I heard at school. So I decided to tell her that she was adopted.

[Burt Burch]

So you're really not part of this family? You're not blood?

[Reshma]

No. I was like, you're not adopted. And I started backing it up. And, like, you don't look like us. You don't act like us. Like, you know, backing it up with little facts and everything, which is Melissa

[Burt Burch]

with her empathetic eyes right now.

[Melissa]

Because my sister did the exact same thing to me, about the exact same age. Because I'm the only blonde in my. My father was blonde, but he had turned gray early. So when I was little, I was the only blonde in my family. And so Melanie let me know, look at you. She said, look in the mirror. Look at you. You don't look like us. Yeah.

[Reshma]

And luckily, I mean, it works really well. But at the end of it, my mom and my, like, you know, she's the younger one, so she always runs to my mom every time I. But to avoid getting in trouble, I told her that she couldn't tell my mom because it would hurt her feelings that she knew because my mom didn't want to tell her yet. So she was like, are you sure? And I. I mean, we had a long conversation about this. I told her that she couldn't tell my mom. It would really, like, you know, affect her because it's a really sensitive topic. And my mom loves her a lot, but I mean, end of the day, she's adopted.

[Melissa]

I think this is fantastic. Yeah, you do? To younger siblings, of course. Y'.

[Caller Lainey]

All.

[Melissa]

Y' all think it's fantastic. Funny.

[Burt Burch]

And again, she's five at this time.

[Caller Lainey]

Ye.

[Reshma]

And I'm seven.

[Burt Burch]

You're seven. Okay.

[Melissa]

Just to let the little sibling know, look, we were wanted more than you

[Sean Hennig]

see what Hayden's telling Hollis right now?

[Caller Lainey]

It's that age.

[Radio Host Burt]

Hayden is not that mean, not that cruel.

[Burt Burch]

Oh, come on.

[Reshma]

I mean, that's what he said.

[Radio Host Burt]

But Hollis is saying that to Hayden right now.

[Burt Burch]

He's probably buying it.

[Reshma]

But I probably forgot about it the next day. I mean, it was one of those things that you kind of say, like, you know, you have such a, like, short attention span. And I never brought it up again. And we never talked about it. It wasn't like one of those things I taunted my sister with. It was just something I told her once. It was funny that day. And I never brought it up again. Years later, like, years Later, I was 13 and she was 11, and we had moved to Georgia from California. Like, I told her this when we still lived in California. And we are. It's like after school one day, and my mom, like, I'm sitting on the table doing my homework. I remember this so I can tell you what I was wearing. I was sitting at the dining table doing my homework, and my mom and my sister were fighting about something. And I was ignoring them. Cause it had nothing to do with me. So I wasn't gonna get involved.

[Caller Lainey]

Oh, no.

[Reshma]

And all of a sudden, out of nowhere, like, nowhere, my sister is like bawling, crying, screaming at my mom. And she goes, you're mad at me cause I'm adopted. And my mom was like, what? And all of a sudden, I like, freeze.

[Melissa]

I all of a sudden, like six years later.

[Reshma]

Oh, yeah, six or seven years later. And everything rushes back to me. And I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. And I froze. Like, I got chills in my. Like, I'm getting chills now thinking about how scared. So my mom was like, what did you say? And my sister was like, it's cause I'm adopted. And runs off to her room. My mom literally, I can remember the look on her face, like 360swooshes over to me and goes, what did you do? And I have never been beat so hard. In my entire life. But I kid you not knowing my sister thought she was adopted for seven years was completely worth it. Completely worth it.

[Burt Burch]

No remorse at all.

[Reshma]

Seven years.

[Sean Hennig]

This poor child thought she was adopted. Yeah, seven years.

[Melissa]

And I thought about it when she went to bed. Probably thought about it every time they went and did something.

[Reshma]

Every time we argued, every time she looked in the mirror. Like, I was thinking about that. And I was like, really?

[Burt Burch]

Every time your parents made a decision between the two of you and they sided with you for seven years.

[Melissa]

Blood.

[Caller Lainey]

Yeah.

[Reshma]

I never thought about that, though.

[Burt Burch]

Hey, Brittany. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller Lainey]

Hey, I was just calling to tell you that my sister went through the same situation, except I didn't. Like, I didn't start it. My mom actually did. And she told her that she was adopted one day because my sister is like dark skinned and she was getting in trouble and stuff. And my mom actually went with this, like, this scheme and she made me play along with. Went so far that my sister's teacher ended up finding out because my sister went to school crying one day and it was just supposed to be like a joke because she was misbehaving. She was like, well, none of my kids do this because they're so good. It must have been your real mom. You got it from your real mom. And she also told her that she was a twin and that she was a bad twin. So, I mean, it was pretty intensive. My sister has scarred her life. Like, she thinks about it now. She still gets angry about it.

[Burt Burch]

How old was she? How old was she when your mom had this conversation?

[Caller Lainey]

She was like in second grade.

[Burt Burch]

Oh, God.

[Melissa]

Oh, that's so cruel. I don't mean to be disrespectful, but your. Your mom's kind of.

[Caller Lainey]

I don't even have a relationship with her anymore. But that's. I mean, she. She's like. She was. It was intense. So my sister, like, if anybody brings up like, zeda, where's your tornad? Or something, she just, like, she'll just start crying or she'll just get really sick.

[Burt Burch]

As a mom, you can't do that.

[Melissa]

That's mean. That's just downright mean.

[Burt Burch]

That turns it from fun to me.

[Melissa]

Yeah, that's not funny.

[Sean Hennig]

Siblings are allowed to taunt each other. Parents aren't allowed to taunt their kids.

[Reshma]

No, my mom would have never now.

[Melissa]

But see, mine didn't last that long. I just remember I went to Millie Pete and I said, show me the papers. And she goes, what are you talking About. And I said, show me the papers.

[Burt Burch]

Oh, really?

[Melissa]

And she said, what are you talking about? The adoption paper.

[Radio Host Burt]

My real mom and dad.

[Melissa]

Show me the adoption papers. And she's like, melan.

[Burt Burch]

Hey, Lisa. Good morning to you on Q100. Hi.

[Caller Lainey]

Hi. I just wanted to say that in my family, I'm adopted and my brother's adopted, but my youngest sister is actually theirs. So we used to do the opposite to her. And we used to go, well, you're not adopted. You're their kid. And she used to cry because she did not feel special at all.

[Melissa]

She was just like, I want to be adopted, too.

[Caller Lainey]

So we used to torture her with that all the time.

[Radio Host Burt]

They picked us out, and you were just what they got. We were hand picked.

[Burt Burch]

And there's not one ounce of you that has any kind of remorse about it at all?

[Reshma]

No, I mean, to this day, we've never talked about it. We tell it, like, in groups to tell, like, people's stories, but we've never, like, discussed the emotional baggage.

[Melissa]

No, let me. Let me translate that. She feels no remorse whatsoever, and she waits until they're in public and humiliates her sister again by telling the story and laughing about how she cried.

[Radio Host Burt]

Pretty much.

[Melissa]

Yes.

[Burt Burch]

This is going to trump yours. Good morning, lyne. You're on Q100.

[Caller Lainey]

Hey, it's Lainey.

[Burt Burch]

Lainey, hi.

[Caller Lainey]

Hey. You guys are awesome. I just wanted to tell you I have two sisters that are 13 months apart. And since I was very, very little, they had told me that my oldest sister had bit my finger off because I've thrown up on her when I was a baby and I had a scar on the finger that they said. And they said I had to go to the hospital and have it sewed back on. And I believed that until I was probably like, fifth grade.

[Burt Burch]

That you had a sewed on finger?

[Lauren Johnson Narrator]

Yeah.

[Caller Lainey]

I mean, I was really gullible. It was probably stupid on my part.

[Melissa]

No, it's not gullible. It's called you trust your older siblings to take care of you and protect you. I'm the baby of the family. I empathize with all the younger siblings out there that get picked on.

[Burt Burch]

Scott, good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller Jesse]

I went through a lot with my brother, and he got my mom involved, and I was told that Diane Sawyer was my real mom.

[Brian McCann]

You're on the Burch show

[Radio Host Burt]

here.

[Brian McCann]

Burcha.

[Burt Burch]

Good morning. Q100. Yes.

[Caller Jesse]

Hey, I got a question for you. What type of wiffle ball is it that you have? Because if you have the wiffle ball with the holes in it, or if it's a solid wiffle ball, that's going to change the pitch completely.

[Burt Burch]

Yeah, that's part of the story here that I will detail for Brian McCann right now. So that has a lot to do with the story I'm about to tell.

[Radio Host Burt]

It appears that Burt doesn't have any balls with him today.

[Burt Burch]

Oh, that is that. You don't even know Brian. How are you?

[Brian McCann]

I'm doing good. How are you doing?

[Melissa]

That sounds like an awkward phrase. Awkward.

[Reshma]

Thank you.

[Burt Burch]

Thank you for coming in this morning.

[Brian McCann]

Thanks for having me.

[Burt Burch]

We're gonna talk about the Rally foundation. We're gonna talk about the softball game on Friday night and all that. But has Jeff prepared you?

[Brian McCann]

I've heard a little bit about this

[Burt Burch]

pitch from what was supposed to happen today.

[Brian McCann]

Not. Not at all.

[Radio Host Burt]

Just so you know, up until a half hour ago, Bert had ice on his shoulders.

[Burt Burch]

I will tell you that this did get pretty pathetic a couple of days ago. But let me go back 20, back to my San Diego State days when I was a young.

[Melissa]

Brian, how old were you 20 years ago?

[Brian McCann]

Five.

[Melissa]

Okay, I'm sorry. Go ahead.

[Burt Burch]

Well, while you're, you know, tooling around on your big wheel.

[Brian McCann]

Yeah.

[Burt Burch]

I'm in college at that point and I have four roommates. And, you know, we're all 18, 19, 20 year old dudes or whatever.

[Radio Host Burt]

You've probably heard the same story from Smoltzi, so stop it. You can.

[Burt Burch]

So, you know, you just make up these superficial games just to compete with each other. You probably do the same thing with all your boys right now.

[Brian McCann]

Oh, yeah.

[Burt Burch]

So Wiffle ball was our game of choice in our apartment. Four guys competing all summer long, each and every day, taking it very, very seriously. Well, I realized in week one of our round robin tournament that I had an unhittable pitch. Brian McCann.

[Brian McCann]

What did it do?

[Burt Burch]

The real question is what didn't it do?

[Brian McCann]

If you hold the Wiffle ball a certain way, it does. Did it hook real bad on you?

[Burt Burch]

It.

[Brian McCann]

Or did it rise?

[Burt Burch]

Let me try and explain it to you because even as a major leaguer, you might have a tough time, probably.

[Radio Host Burt]

It was like. It was like one of those cartoon birds. When you get hit on the head. It just went all over the place.

[Burt Burch]

It really did. Like, it started way up here and it started really high in the strike zone. Really high. Like, Jeff suggested we do this today here in the building. And let's do it. We could. I can't because it breaks higher than 10. It starts higher than 10ft. And how do you throw this? I'm telling you, man, it's got to

[Brian McCann]

be a certain wiffle ball then.

[Burt Burch]

Well, I'll get to all of that.

[Brian McCann]

Okay, so.

[Melissa]

Oh, don't rush the legend.

[Sean Hennig]

You didn't realize this because. Come on inside of the movie Big Fish, right?

[Burt Burch]

That is so not true. All of These details are 100 true.

[Melissa]

Oh, sit tight for the story, my friend.

[Burt Burch]

I would throw it into the sky. It would hit the bottom of a plane and it would come down and. And it would also break inside so hard. And it would start on the. It was high and upper left hand part of the strike zone. And it would break so low and to the right at your knees. It wasn't possible to hit it.

[Brian McCann]

And you could throw it for a strike every time.

[Burt Burch]

Every time. And, you know, I had my other pitches, but that was my out pitch.

[Brian McCann]

Okay. I played a lot of wiffle ball growing up, but I don't. I've never heard of a pitch like this.

[Burt Burch]

You have never seen anything like this.

[Brian McCann]

There's a guy on YouTube that throws a wiffle ball pretty. You got to check it out. It's amazing.

[Burt Burch]

What's it.

[Brian McCann]

What you can do with it.

[Burt Burch]

What do you think his does?

[Brian McCann]

He shows it and it rises. He throws as hard as he can, and it rises and hits a strike zone every time.

[Burt Burch]

So it'll start, like at the floor and then rise its way up. I had a pretty nasty riser also, because, you know, if you're gonna go undefeated a whole summer, you have to have more than just one pitch.

[Brian McCann]

Absolutely.

[Burt Burch]

So there was a curve, There was a knuckle, there was a scrooge, but there was the unhittable, unhittable pitch.

[Radio Host Burt]

You also smoked a tremendous amount of weed in college, too.

[Burt Burch]

This I was crystal clear about.

[Radio Host Burt]

Okay.

[Burt Burch]

Even between hits. This was crystal clear.

[Reshma]

All right.

[Burt Burch]

So I've always had, in the back of my mind, man, I wonder if a major leaguer could hit this thing. Just somewhere stored in the back of my head 20 years ago. So Jeff says, you're coming in today. And I'm like, this is it, man. This is the opportunity I've always waited for. Let's go ahead and do this. I mean, you potentially could be in the hall of Fame someday. Who knows? I mean, you're hitting.300. This is going to be perfect. Because this is not like me pitching against some guy that is sometimes up at aaa. Other times, you're the man. So Jeff said, it's on.

[Melissa]

Brian said, only the best in the major leagues are, is worthy to try to achieve. I love how he talked about, it's not like somebody that goes down and triple A and comes back up.

[Brian McCann]

No, it's that easy to play. I gotcha.

[Burt Burch]

Okay. To be the best, you got to beat the best.

[Brian McCann]

We need to set it up in the parking lot.

[Burt Burch]

Well, let me tell you why it's not happening.

[Melissa]

Because I'm here. Because you said, Bert, earlier, before Brian came in, that it wasn't happening and you'd explain. And I'm thinking, oh, well, it had something to do with the fact that Brian couldn't do it. But Brian's sitting here going, no, no,

[Burt Burch]

no, I never said that. So I took it very, very seriously. And if you're a competitor, you know, it doesn't matter what you're competing in, you want to win.

[Brian McCann]

Absolutely.

[Burt Burch]

So I took this very, very seriously. I wanted to bring back this pitch. So last week, and now I know this is going to get pathetic. I go to Dick's sports and I go, I don't have a wiffle ball in the house. So I go to Dick's to go get a couple of balls just to throw it around a little bit, make sure it's, you know, it's been 20 years since I threw the pitch.

[Radio Host Burt]

Funny sentence.

[Melissa]

I know.

[Burt Burch]

So I go to Dick's to get a wiffle ball and the old school wiffle balls are gone.

[Brian McCann]

Really?

[Burt Burch]

They're not there. So they've got something called a junk ball now, which just has some holes in the middle and you have to sort of relearn it. But I'm like, you know what, I can relearn this. So I get about six of them and I go to the YMCA up here at Hammond in the middle of the day and I start throwing against that tennis backboard. Yeah, over and over and over. I couldn't find the pitch, man.

[Radio Host Burt]

I couldn't find it because they jacked with your equipment.

[Melissa]

Do they still manufacture the ball?

[Burt Burch]

Well, it's not done yet.

[Melissa]

I'm sorry.

[Burt Burch]

So I spent half an hour out there throwing.

[Brian McCann]

Okay?

[Burt Burch]

I'm a 42 year old guy that hasn't thrown anything in years. So my arm is falling off of my body at this point, but I am determined. So I start going from sporting goods store to sporting goods store looking for the right wiffle ball.

[Brian McCann]

Dude.

[Melissa]

Oh no.

[Sean Hennig]

Is this what I'm talking? Sad?

[Reshma]

No, it's pathetic.

[Sean Hennig]

It's a hero's journey.

[Burt Burch]

I am aware of how pathetic the story is. So finally I end up at the Sports Authority over by Petsmart in. In Buckhead. And I go in the back section, and the angels started to sing, man, it was almost like there was one beam of sunshine on the Wiffle ball section, and there it was, the correct Wiffle ball.

[Radio Host Burt]

Not only are you. Do you have this unhittable pitch, but you also have the world's longest excuse.

[Burt Burch]

Well, no, no, that's really not an excuse. So I go and I get like.

[Melissa]

I appreciate the passion. I appreciate the passion of going from store to store.

[Burt Burch]

Dude, I bought 15 wiffle balls.

[Brian McCann]

That's impressive.

[Burt Burch]

15 of them.

[Brian McCann]

Do you have it here with you?

[Caller Jesse]

No.

[Melissa]

Why?

[Burt Burch]

Because I went out and I used the same bag, 15 of them, and I threw for 45 minutes, man. And I can't find the pitch.

[Brian McCann]

Really?

[Burt Burch]

I did everything I could. It's gone. It's gone.

[Brian McCann]

Is there any tape of this pitch

[Burt Burch]

I was practicing over and over and over again?

[Radio Host Burt]

No, Brian, they didn't have motion pictures back then.

[Burt Burch]

I wanted to go back out over the weekend, but my arm was so damn sore from throwing the first day that I can't find the pitch. And I've tried and tried and tried, and it's got no break on it at all. And I figured if I come in here and I throw this thing to you, you're gonna hammer me. So I would rather forfeit and say I don't have the pitch anymore. Oh, man, it's. It was a sad day. My youth is officially gone.

[Radio Host Burt]

No, that was gone a long time ago.

[Burt Burch]

The reality of it now, it's gone.

[Brian McCann]

I wish I could face that pitch.

[Burt Burch]

I will work on it.

[Caller Lainey]

All right.

[Burt Burch]

I won't have it together on Friday. I'll try. I'll try to find it again today, but I don't know what else I can do that I haven't tried already. Because, believe you me, there's nothing more I wanted. I might have quit the industry after that. Had I struck you out, I might have gone to an island somewhere and that would have been it. So it won't happen today, but I hope someday it does.

[Brian McCann]

Oh, I'll be waiting.

[Sean Hennig]

And thanks for being a good sport, for saying that you would play along with Burt's little game.

[Burt Burch]

If I find it, do I have a shot to throw it against you?

[Brian McCann]

Absolutely. Okay, we'll set it up.

[Burt Burch]

Because as Jeff said, I think that if I can get it by you, then Chipper's gonna win. Want a piece of it?

[Brian McCann]

And I can take him down, probably.

[Burt Burch]

All right. And I can go right through the lineup.

[Radio Host Burt]

Well, like that dude, they made the movie from the. For the Pittsburgh Steeler guy who ended up getting a walk on position at age 40.

[Burt Burch]

Yeah. What was that dude's name? The guy that he was on the special teams. Yeah, whatever was it?

[Brian McCann]

That was the Eagles. The Eagles.

[Burt Burch]

The Eagles. Yeah. Well, thanks for coming in today, man. We won't see the pitch on Friday, but this is going to be a good time on Friday night.

[Brian McCann]

It's going to be a blast.

[Burt Burch]

Yeah.

[Brian McCann]

Excited to get it. Softball game going. Chipper's gonna be there. Andrew Jones is gonna be there. We'll have a home run derby. And, you know, it's gonna be. It's gonna be a fun time, for sure.

[Burt Burch]

So this is for the Rally Foundation?

[Brian McCann]

Yep.

[Burt Burch]

Which is what?

[Brian McCann]

It's a research for childhood cancer.

[Burt Burch]

Okay.

[Brian McCann]

So it's, it's. It's. It's just a great cause, and you get to meet these kids and they melt your heart.

[Burt Burch]

And when did you got. When did you get involved? This is not your organization, right? This is a net nationwide organization.

[Brian McCann]

Yes. We got involved two years ago. Tom Glavin had it and he was, you know, on the end of his career and moving on with something else. And I was in a perfect position to take over. And my wife and I have been nothing but helpful to this thing.

[Burt Burch]

Awesome, man. So. And the game has all these Atlanta Braves in it, but there's a whole bunch of personalities from TV and radio that are going to be playing in it also, right?

[Brian McCann]

Absolutely. David Pollock is playing in it. A lot of other guys are playing in it. I can't think of right now, but it's going to be a blast.

[Burt Burch]

Jeff was telling me, like, the lineups for both teams. There's like 40 deep on both teams.

[Brian McCann]

It's going to be a long day.

[Burt Burch]

This game is going to start at 8 and be over at 3 in the morning, man.

[Radio Host Burt]

It's going to be like a little League game where it's going to get about to the fifth inning and some people are just going to say, let's go get ice cream. Everybody bails.

[Melissa]

And can everybody come out and watch it? Like anybody can come out and watch this game.

[Brian McCann]

Absolutely. You show up and it's going to be fun.

[Burt Burch]

Is it a. It's down at Georgia Tech, Right.

[Radio Host Burt]

What's the name of the stadium?

[Sean Hennig]

Russ Chandler Baseball.

[Radio Host Burt]

Baseball field.

[Burt Burch]

Oh, that's like the official Georgia Tech.

[Radio Host Burt]

The big one. Yeah.

[Brian McCann]

Oh, wow.

[Burt Burch]

So we get to play on a real field.

[Brian McCann]

Yeah.

[Burt Burch]

All right, cool.

[Brian McCann]

All I want to do is beat Chipper in A home run derby. That's basically all I want to do.

[Burt Burch]

Who's competing in that? The home run Derby?

[Brian McCann]

Me, Chipper, Andrew Jones. There's going to be a guy that hits home runs. Softball home runs for. That's what he does. So it's going to be impressive to see him hit the ball. And there's a couple other guys.

[Radio Host Burt]

So are you guys. The home run derby, is it going to be softball home runs or they.

[Brian McCann]

It's going to be softball home run. So it's something that we've never done before.

[Sean Hennig]

And it's slow pitch softball. Right?

[Brian McCann]

It better be.

[Melissa]

I was saying the same thing.

[Brian McCann]

I don't think I could hit anything that's coming fast right now.

[Burt Burch]

And how far are the fences in softball?

[Brian McCann]

I'm not sure how far it's going to be, but it's usually like 250ft, I think.

[Sean Hennig]

Okay, and what is it normally on the baseball field?

[Brian McCann]

400 to dead center. 330 down the lines.

[Sean Hennig]

Gotcha.

[Burt Burch]

But as I said before, there's something about competing. Like, if you have that in your blood, like you want to win, you want to beat these guys, Right?

[Brian McCann]

This is bragging rights. Absolutely, I want to win. This is bragging rights for 162 games.

[Burt Burch]

Because if you lose, he's got to hear chipper in his ear the entire season.

[Brian McCann]

Something I don't want to hear. Right.

[Radio Host Burt]

So were you pr like, were you like, warm up for this, like, practice for this, or you're just gonna go

[Brian McCann]

and I hope I swing and miss. No, I'm not. I'm not gonna swing at all. I'm just gonna go and see what I got. Okay.

[Burt Burch]

So it's Friday night, the gates open, I think I read at 6 o', clock, right?

[Brian McCann]

Yep.

[Burt Burch]

And then there's the home run derby

[Brian McCann]

at 6:30, and then the game starts at 7. Okay.

[Burt Burch]

And you can get all the information up Online right now at q100atlanta.com is

[Radio Host Burt]

10 bucks a person. 10 bucks a person.

[Burt Burch]

Again, 10 bucks a person. Am I missing anything here?

[Brian McCann]

That's it. That's good.

[Burt Burch]

Cool. We'll see you on Friday night, man.

[Brian McCann]

Absolutely.

[Burt Burch]

And I will work on that pitch. Someday it will be you and I, friend.

[Caller Carter]

Awesome.

[Burt Burch]

It will be right here. Thank you.

[Brian McCann]

The Burch show. This is the Burch show.

[Burt Burch]

All right, let me ask you all a question, and I'm not sure that we're gonna get any calls on this whatsoever, but this was based off of Kerri Prejean. Is that how you pronounce her name? She Is the former Miss California in all sorts of controversy right now? Right?

[Sean Hennig]

Well, I mean, definitely right now. But you know what? I'll. Because she took a stand against same sex marriage in the pageant. Then didn't win the pageant, blamed it on her answer. And then was in the headlines for a while. She also had, like, nude photographs that came out when she said she wasn't posing topless, that the wind blew her shirt open. Then now there is a sex tape of her by herself. That she sent to a boyfriend when she was 17. And there's all kinds of dramas with this lawsuit with the Miss USA pageant.

[Caller Lisa]

So it's.

[Sean Hennig]

So it's all back and forth. And she has a book out. So she's been doing the media circuit to try to promote this book.

[Burt Burch]

Here's what we know over the last couple of days. And here's where I'm going with this. So, as it's been reported, the California pageant wants their money back. They invested a lot of money on Carrie Prejean. And they feel that she sort of, like, breached her contract. So they're looking for some money back. I think they paid for breasts for her. And they're looking to get that money back. And some other stuff. Also, she doesn't want to pay it. So as it's been told, she and her counsel, including her mother. Were in an attorney's office with the California pageant officials also the other day. And they were starting to negotiate some kind of settlement. And the pageant people get really cruel about it. This is how we found out about the tape. And they say, we really think that you ought to just go away. And probably not ask us for any more money. And Kerry's like, no, you know, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not giving you any of your money back. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So they put the tape in of Carrie taking care of herself. In this quote, unquote, sex tape. Her mom is in the room. The pageant people never warn them what's coming up. So they put the tape in, they hit play. And there's Carrie taking care of herself for her mom to see.

[Sean Hennig]

Horrible.

[Radio Host Burt]

Hi, Mom.

[Burt Burch]

So here's what I was gonna ask you guys. Have you ever accidentally seen a video of your parents doing this? Or have your parents ever accidentally checked out your video that you've done this in? 404-741-Q100. So you might have taped over some random movie. And your parents put it into, you know, VCR or whatever or dvd. And they caught a glimpse of the first couple of seconds of you and whoever.

[Melissa]

Well, don't look at me. Millie Pete, 80 years old.

[Burt Burch]

I couldn't imagine it was millipede.

[Melissa]

If it used to videotape, it would have been the spotlight camera.

[Radio Host Burt]

Yeah,

[Melissa]

yeah. So no, I never saw a videotape of Millie pete doing it.

[Burt Burch]

404,741 q100. But it would only probably last for like 3 seconds. Like they would see it and turn it off and certainly not watch the whole thing. But she details exactly what was in this video. That hurt. Keep in mind, her mom saw this.

[Kerri Prejean]

I was alone, sending it to my boyfriend who I cared about and loved about at the time. When you're young, you think, you know, this is the one. And you know, never did I think it would come and just slap me right in the face.

[Burt Burch]

So what happened? So this was a relationship with a boyfriend. This is not a sex tape. When we hear the word sex tape, this is not anything like some of the ones we've heard about.

[Caller Jesse]

This is.

[Burt Burch]

You were sending video of yourself to your boyfriend.

[Kerri Prejean]

Right. I was all by myself and a boyfriend you love. Right. And no one was in the room with me. I was not having sex with anybody.

[Sean Hennig]

Unbiased reporting by Sean Hennig.

[Burt Burch]

But keep in mind, again, her mom is taking a look at this. Her mom saw the first couple of seconds of that.

[Sean Hennig]

God, that's awful.

[Burt Burch]

Terrible.

[Sean Hennig]

Even though I hate her, I do feel bad that her mom saw that.

[Melissa]

Oh my God.

[Burt Burch]

Yeah, Brittany hung up there, but she found a video of her parents on her computer.

[Caller Lisa]

Oh,

[Sean Hennig]

yeah.

[Melissa]

Oh my God.

[Radio Host Burt]

How's that happen?

[Burt Burch]

Here's Jesse. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller Lainey]

Yeah, I was about probably seven and I stayed at home from school. And you know when you're at home you play with like checkbooks and pretend to be banking. And I was looking under my parents dresser and I found a videotape. And you turn it on and it was first us shopping for a Christmas tree and then all of a sudden it turns into like this disgusting 1970s. My mom was in a nightie

[Caller Jesse]

and

[Caller Lainey]

no, this is worse. My father had on one of those elephant trunk underwear.

[Burt Burch]

Oh, no.

[Melissa]

That image will stay with you for the rest of your life. And you were, and you were seven.

[Caller Lainey]

Yeah, I was seven years old.

[Melissa]

Oh my gosh.

[Caller Lainey]

And I think it came out when I was about 10 because I, I, I, I don't know. My babysitter, I think I showed it

[Burt Burch]

to my babysitter and again, it was taped over.

[Caller Lainey]

What we were all, as a nice little happy family, Christmas shopping For a Christmas tree.

[Burt Burch]

And then it goes to that real snowy sh. And then there's your mom and your dad.

[Caller Lainey]

I was even smoking a cigarette, and she had never smoked my day in my life.

[Reshma]

It was.

[Melissa]

That is fantastic.

[Reshma]

Yeah.

[Radio Host Burt]

Just so you know, nothing good is ever kept under the dresser.

[Burt Burch]

Thank you for calling, Jesse. Appreciate it.

[Radio Host Burt]

Under there. It should stay under there.

[Sean Hennig]

I love it that she kept the secret for three years and then showed her babysitter.

[Burt Burch]

Look what I found. The fact that dad is there with the elephant. Oh, God. Hey, Katie. Good Morning. You're on Q100. Hi.

[Caller Lainey]

Hey. I have a story. My friend, when we were in seventh grade, she calls me late at night one night, and she's like, you're not gonna believe what I found in my parents closet. And then the next day, she brings in pictures of them to school.

[Burt Burch]

Oh, no.

[Melissa]

Oh, God.

[Caller Lainey]

She passed them around to, like, all this big group of girls, and everybody knew about it.

[Burt Burch]

Oh, no. That sucks. And she's how old at the time?

[Caller Lainey]

She was in seventh grade. So I guess we're like, what, 14?

[Melissa]

That's funny. That's funny.

[Burt Burch]

Good morning, Brandon. You're on Q100. Hi.

[Caller Jesse]

Hey, Burchell. How are you?

[Burt Burch]

Good, man. How are you?

[Caller Jesse]

Good. Yeah. So my stepdad actually had a collection of videos hidden in a suitcase under his bed. So me and my brothers all knew about this collection, so we'd sneak in there when they were gone. And my parents were gone one day. So I went in there and grabbed a video, put it in, and it started out to be another video that he had under the bed. And I was like, this is strange. Why does he have two copies of the same video? And all of a sudden, the camera turns to my stepdad on the couch, pleasuring himself and talking to my mom.

[Burt Burch]

Oh, no, dude, no.

[Sean Hennig]

That is a pride on your brain.

[Burt Burch]

I feel so bad for you.

[Caller Jesse]

Yeah, I was, you know, getting into it, and then my eyes burned out of my head, and I ran up and grabbed the tape out of the vcr.

[Burt Burch]

Oh, God.

[Reshma]

No, no, no.

[Sean Hennig]

It was almost like a mirror.

[Caller Jesse]

Yeah.

[Burt Burch]

Oh, no. Yeah, I got you.

[Radio Host Burt]

Jen keeps explaining it. So it was just him right there. There he was. All of his glory.

[Melissa]

That's messed up.

[Radio Host Burt]

Playing with his wiffle balls.

[Burt Burch]

Hey, Amy. Good morning, unhittable.

[Caller Lainey]

Hey.

[Burt Burch]

Hi.

[Caller Lainey]

I didn't actually find a video, but when I was about 15, I came across a picture of my mother taking care of business with a fruit.

[Burt Burch]

Crap.

[Caller Lainey]

Yeah. It was traumatizing.

[Melissa]

Please tell me, can I eat that fruit? Can I eat that fruit anymore.

[Burt Burch]

No, no, no, I'm not gonna be.

[Melissa]

Shopping is a pleasure. Takes a whole new meaning.

[Brian McCann]

It's the vert show. It's the vert show.

[Burt Burch]

All right, so check this out. This is the news story. First I'll play the news clip and then I'll play about a minute of her interview on the Today show yesterday. But Lauren Johnson, about two weeks ago, I think, just started sneezing. Poor little thing. I mean, you're gonna hear it right through both of these pieces.

[Melissa]

It freaks me out when people like I'm a one time sneezer. I mean the average person, it kind of freaks me out when you're that multiple, when you do two or three in a row. So, you know, that kind of is fascinating to me. But if you did it constantly for

[Burt Burch]

two weeks, it's exhausting.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Lauren Johnson Narrator]

At first glance, Lauren Johnson is your typical 12 year old. But sit with Lauren for more than two seconds and you quickly learn she's unique.

[Caller Lisa]

I can't stop sneezing. It's about. It goes off about eight to nine times a minute.

[Lauren Johnson Narrator]

On a regular day, the sixth grader can sneeze more than 12,000 times.

[Burt Burch]

You want to laugh if it's not so sad.

[Caller Lisa]

It was different. And I just kind of got along with it, thinking that it wouldn't last as long.

[Burt Burch]

I know you try not to laugh, right? And we haven't edited this in any way, shape or form. Poor little thing, can't stop.

[Caller Lisa]

It's been two weeks now, and this is the most amazing thing.

[Lauren Johnson Narrator]

Lauren learned to adapt. She says sometimes she has no clue she's sneezing at all. But still, all she wants is to be a normal 12 year old again,

[Caller Lisa]

just for sneezing to stop. I mean, I feel fine now, but it's just the sneezing going on and on and on.

[Lauren Johnson Narrator]

Doctors say what's happening to her is so rare. She has a better chance of winning the lottery three times in the same year than having this mysterious chronic sneeze

[Melissa]

comes out with that statistic.

[Burt Burch]

I know, right?

[Melissa]

Seriously, did somebody actually research that?

[Burt Burch]

Probably 1 in 75 million, right?

[Melissa]

It's not just winning the lottery, it's winning the lottery three times. Three times in one year. That poor thing. That's a awful sneeze too. That's like it's not a little lemme

[Radio Host Burt]

sneeze because I get weirded out by silent sneezers.

[Sean Hennig]

And what if you felt like you had to say God bless you every time?

[Burt Burch]

That's all you would do all day. Somebody tell me a long time ago, like, if you hold in your sneeze, sneeze, somehow, some way your spinal cord can get wrapped up or something like that. Like when I was like 6 years old or something.

[Melissa]

Yeah. That's why.

[Burt Burch]

So then she goes on the Today show to talk about it. Poor little same thing. And you want. You gotta hold back laughing about it because it's just over and over and over again.

[Caller Carter]

Something like five sneezes a minute to maybe more than that. Maybe even 10, 20 sometimes.

[Sean Hennig]

Yes.

[Caller Carter]

And so the average is a.

[Burt Burch]

Is.

[Caller Carter]

You know, you have an average of that, but then that kind of accumulates something like 10,000, 12,000 sneezes a day every week. This is miserable.

[Caller Lisa]

Yeah.

[Caller Carter]

Yeah. Would you say it's been pretty miserable?

[Caller Lisa]

Yeah.

[Caller Carter]

Yeah. You've not been able to go to school?

[Caller Lainey]

No.

[Caller Lisa]

It's a little too destructive in the classroom. Hard to focus

[Caller Carter]

more versus sneezing more.

[Burt Burch]

No.

[Caller Carter]

It sounds like there's some worry that maybe something might have happened to make you want to sneeze. Is there anything that you can think of that happened to you that made you emotional about something?

[Caller Lisa]

Nothing. Schools are going great. Everything's been doing fine. I can't think of anything.

[Caller Carter]

I can't think of anything.

[Burt Burch]

Melissa and Wendy over here are laughing.

[Caller Lainey]

I feel bad when it's one of the.

[Melissa]

Those sneezes that would get all over you, the hiccups. I mean, we've heard people with hiccups over and over again, but come on. I would be in the class getting tickled at her doing it all the time. I feel bad for her.

[Caller Carter]

She can't eat.

[Melissa]

I mean, it's all I can help her.

[Burt Burch]

Patrick doesn't even believe it's real. I don't think. Hey, Patrick.

[Caller Jesse]

Hey, Good morning. Yeah. If you watched Today show clip yesterday, you can see that she does not sneeze out of her nose. She sneezes out of her mouth, and she doesn't close her eyes. So it's not a real sneeze. I don't believe. I think it's a nervous tic.

[Melissa]

Oh, I see. Yeah. Because you're. There's too much pressure on your eyes, and that's why you automatically close your eyes when you sneeze.

[Radio Host Burt]

If you don't, your spine wraps up and you have a heart attack.

[Caller Jesse]

Well, I mean, there was some, I don't know, study test or whatever. Don. That everyone tried to not close their eyes and they sneezed and they couldn't do it.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Burt Burch]

Oh, really? So maybe it's just some kind of nervous tic type thing.

[Sean Hennig]

It's the worst when you're in your car and you have to sneeze. Oh yeah, because you're driving, you're on the highway and you're panicked. There's no way. You cannot close your eyes.

[Burt Burch]

Right. Well, that's been going on for two weeks for her right now. So they're still trying to figure out exactly how to, how to get her some help.

[Caller Carter]

Something like five sneezes a minute to maybe more than that. Maybe even 10:20 sometimes.

[Melissa]

Yes.

[Caller Carter]

And so the average is.

[Burt Burch]

Carter, why are you laughing like that?

[Caller Carter]

But then that kind of accumulates something like 10,000 thousand. 12,000 sneezes a day every week is miserable.

[Melissa]

Poor thing.

[Caller Carter]

Yeah. Would you say it's been pretty miserable?

[Radio Host Burt]

You know, Melissa, when you do your 8:30 newscast, I want you to sneeze

[Brian McCann]

the whole way through. It's the vert show.