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Bert (Host)
play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. The Burt show it was gonna be real close, real close with Colleen over the weekend. She initially called us and said that she was covering for her brother. Brother was making some payments to the company, didn't have the cash and she
Colleen
held onto this for six weeks. Like her brother. They had contract. It was a small office, what of six people or something? Very intimate office. And they had contracted her brother to do some work and he didn't cover the cost so he didn't give them the money that that was owed to them. And so the company's president or CEO or I'm not sure what the position is, decided to use that money to give bonuses to all the employees. But the sister knew that that money wasn't there. And she held onto this for six weeks. And when we talked to her on Friday, she's going to try to cover the money because they all expected their bonuses on Friday night and they already cut the checks. Yeah.
Melissa
Remember she told us that she had to cut the checks on Thursday and give them to her boss Thursday night.
Frank
And she wasn't supposed to get that loan check until today, but the bonuses were going out on Friday.
Colleen
So we were talking about the floating of the checks where even if they went into the bank on Saturday, the check wouldn't clear until tonight.
Bert (Host)
So at least on Friday night everybody would have been happy because they got their checks. But perhaps if they go to the bank today and they're not cleared, that's when it's all going down.
Frank
Well, it would take a couple of days for a big check like that to clear, so she had a little time to buy. But then I thought about it this way. If she gets a big check to put in the bank, then that check's gonna take a couple days to clear. If they put theirs in on Saturday and she puts hers in today, and it doesn't clear before everyone's on Saturdays.
Melissa
But.
Colleen
Well, I'd say from someone who used to be broke, if she gets it in before 2 o' clock today, it should all clear at the same time.
Bert (Host)
Weren't you so broke that one day you showed up and, like, all the stuff was out?
Colleen
It was on my front lawn. Yes, yes. And all my friends who were passing by thought it was a yard sale.
Bert (Host)
Your landlord took everything out of the house and put it on the front lawn?
Colleen
Yes, the marshal came over and kicked my stuff out.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
Didn't the marshal take your stuff?
Colleen
And the marshal took DeKalb County. Marshall took my stuff.
Bert (Host)
See, that's why we all need DVRs of our life, because I would buy the on demand for that.
Colleen
Oh, my God.
Bert (Host)
And watch you get kicked out of your farewell.
Colleen
Well, the beauty of it is it starts from the phone. I know we're going, but it'll make our caller feel maybe a little better. The phone call from my neighbor here at work, and then me leaving early to go home to find all my stuff on the lawn to gather my animals who were running around, put them in my car, and then go out and see the DeKalb County Marshal with all my stuff, stuff in his squad car drive off. And then me do an Internal investigation at DeKalb county to find. Oh, well, we don't even know which marshall was there. So we can't do any. Whatever they covered for the Marshall. Yes. Yeah, well, we're past the, you know, I. I can't do anything about.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
Statute of limitations.
Colleen
Statute of limitations. But, yeah, DeKalb County. So. Yeah. And I have never lived there since, so. But yeah, that.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
Just out of curiosity, what did these co workers say when they called?
Colleen
Oh, so when I left work early, by the way, it was a neighbor that called and said, you probably should get. Because they're putting your stuff out on the lawn. And so then I go and I get my stuff out of the lawn. I'm standing there. And then it was lunchtime, so some coworkers happening, passing by and saw me and thought I was having a yard sale. So that's when they pulled up to say. And I said the only words I had to say where it's not a yard sale. And they said, oh, okay. Well, we'll see you later.
Bert (Host)
Gotta go. Yeah.
911 Operator
Bye.
Bert (Host)
Bye.
Colleen
They didn't know what to do. So pass by yard, Sal. So just to let you know, I'm broke. I know a little bit about banks. And so if they. Even if they deposited their check on Saturday, it's not gonna go through till midnight tonight. And she gets her check in before 2:00'.
911 Operator
Clock.
Colleen
It won't clear to midnight tonight, so everything's good.
Bert (Host)
Did you get all that, Colleen?
Colleen (Caller)
I got all that.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
And if you want anything at Melissa's house, she's having a yard sale.
Colleen (Caller)
I know. Apparently.
Colleen
Yeah. Not a yard sale.
Bert (Host)
What did you do on Friday after the show here? What did you go? You must have ran right to the bank.
Colleen (Caller)
Well, I mean, I ran right to the bank, but, you know, the paperwork for signing that we signed everything, but they weren't giving us the check until today.
Caller/Listener
Right.
Bert (Host)
Okay.
Colleen (Caller)
So I just. Let's just say it was like the longest day of my life.
Colleen
So how'd the party go?
Bert (Host)
Yeah.
Melissa
Yes, the party.
Colleen (Caller)
You guys are not gonna believe what happened.
Frank
Okay, okay, what happened?
Colleen (Caller)
He forgot the checks.
911 Operator
What?
Bert (Host)
He forgot the bonus checks?
Caller/Listener
He forgot the checks.
Melissa
He left them at home.
Colleen (Caller)
I know. It's like, I don't know. I feel like the luckiest person in the entire world.
Bert (Host)
One of our listeners might have nailed this last week because I know if you're the boss and you've got such an amazing gift for everybody in the office, you're so excited to present it to them and see everybody's face, and you don't forget a check like that for the office. I think he may be like. He may know what's going on.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
But did he tell everybody?
Colleen (Caller)
He told everybody. He told everybody at the party, like, I've got this huge surprise for you. And he told everybody about the three thousand dollar checks that everybody was going to be getting. He was even willing to leave the party to go get the checks. And everyone's like, no, no, no, it's okay. You know, it's Friday night, not gonna need it anyway, you know, until. And so he's like, all right, well, it'll be in your mailboxes on Monday morning.
Melissa
So you bought yourself even more time.
Caller/Listener
Wow.
Colleen (Caller)
I bought myself even more time. Like I could not. I just.
Colleen
Wow.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
So when is the money?
Colleen (Caller)
I would have done without you guys. And the advice.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
You would have gone to jail.
Caller/Listener
I truly didn't know what to do.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
You owe us.
Colleen
Had one phone call.
Bert (Host)
That's what we do.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
So what, so you're gonna get the money today then? How long is it gonna take the money to go from your account that you got the loan through to the account that the company has that so the checks clear,
Colleen (Caller)
they're at the same bank.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
So you just take it, you go to the bank, pick up the check and then just deposit it.
Colleen (Caller)
Right. And since, you know, somebody goes in to cash their check today or whatever, like, it's not like because of the significant amount of the check, it's not like they're gonna necessarily, they're gonna be able to check to see if the funds are there because it's all being
Caller/Listener
done at the same bank, their money.
Colleen (Caller)
I just feel this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I learned an important lesson throughout this whole process.
Melissa
It's not done yet.
Bert (Host)
Yeah, I was going to say this isn't over though, right?
Colleen (Caller)
I feel like it is because, I mean, you're right. There's still a few hours left. But I don't know, I just, I feel good about the whole thing. And when that happened on Friday night, I was interesting. The look on my face.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
Now all you have to do is get 15 grand from your brother. That's it.
Colleen (Caller)
Well, yeah, that's a whole other issue. You're right.
Bert (Host)
Yeah, that'll. That'll set you guys apart right there. Have you had a talk with him over the last couple of days about all this?
Colleen (Caller)
Well, he, I mean, I had to co sign on the loan at the bank for him. So, you know, we've, we've met at the bank, but other than that. And you know, it's not really. It's definitely put a strain on the relationship. We're, we're very close, and so this. You know, he feels awful about it, but, you know, he. It's business. And I'm not going to be afraid to do what I need to do to get him to pay the money, because it's not fair.
Bert (Host)
Yeah. And you have to, or you're going to jail. And he's going to jail. Hey, Sherry. Good morning. You're part of the Burt Show. Hi.
Caller/Listener
Hey, good morning. How are y'? All?
Bert (Host)
Good, thank you.
Caller/Listener
I just wanted to say I agree with you, Bert, with what you said about the boss, that it's too important for him, that he wouldn't forget the checks. I think he's setting her up.
Colleen
Yeah, I just don't.
Bert (Host)
I mean, when I. Look, you guys, when. When we're doing our Christmas thing, right, and you guys have your presents and you. And it's the day for us all to exchange. You know how excited you get, like, when you're gonna see my face when you give me the present.
Melissa
Yeah.
Bert (Host)
If you're the boss and you got a $3,000 bonus check, and, you know, all six or seven employees are gonna be so stoked by you giving them this bonus. You don't forget that. That's, like, the center of the party
Colleen
for you with us and the interns. There's seven people in this room, which is more than her office. You know what I mean?
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
Right. But he still told them all about it. Like, I think you're. I think you're overthinking it. I think he still had the magic of telling him and making the announcement and then saying so. But the bad part is I left my checks in my briefcase, which is at home, and I'm willing to. If you guys want them, if anybody needs them tomorrow, I'll go get them. And then, you know, everybody goes, no, no, no. You know, like, that's. I mean, you kind of lose the magic of, okay, everybody open your envelope at the same time. But you still get to see their face when you tell them they're given three grand when they thought they were getting nothing.
Bert (Host)
Hey, Stacey. Good morning. You're part of the Burke Show.
Caller/Listener
Good morning. I was just calling to tell Colleen. I don't want to burst her bubble or anything, but if her boss. I work at a bank. If her boss gives the checks this morning, and let's just say someone goes on their lunch break to cash the ch. Because I'm telling you, you would be surprised how much people cash checks for that amount of money. They walk around with money like crazy anyway, if they Go to cash the check. That check's not going to be good until tomorrow morning. So what's keeping anybody from going on their lunch break to cash that check? And then they're going to be told, I'm sorry, the funds are not available for this check.
Colleen
But if she takes that deposit in there before that deadline, then it would clear. Correct?
Caller/Listener
It won't clear. Because if she gets it there before 2 o', clock, it will post tonight and be available tomorrow morning.
Colleen
Right.
Caller/Listener
It's not going in as cash unless it's a cash deposit. It's not going to be available until tomorrow morning.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
But it's from this. It's a loan from the same bank.
Caller/Listener
So then she needs to ask them to please make it a cash transfer deposit.
Colleen
What you're saying. I see what you're saying. Instead of them depositing the check at lunch, you're saying if they cash it. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.
Caller/Listener
Right. Because a lot of people I'm seeing, they're getting these bonuses and they're coming to the bank and they're cashing them. And my first thought is, I can't believe how much money people walk around with.
Bert (Host)
I betcha.
Colleen
Okay, that's true. I didn't think about them going and wanting the cash immediately. I always thought about just them depositing it.
Bert (Host)
My wife handles all 100% of the financing in our house, so I feel so left out of this conversation. I have zero idea what y' all are talking about. I've been in a supermarket way more than I've been in the bank.
Colleen
Bert, A check that's not very much.
Bert (Host)
And that's not very much either.
Melissa
Not very much.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
All right. Well, Bert, a check is a piece of paper. It's about the size of a dollar bill. And you can write an amount on it.
Bert (Host)
You can find a. I wrote one back in college. Yeah, Yeah, I had some in college. Hey, Franc.
Parent (possibly female)
Good morning.
Bert (Host)
You're on Q100.
Caller/Listener
She's going down, Bert.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
Oh, boy.
Caller/Listener
She's going down. And that weight that she feels lifted her name. She's going to be her new roommate in jail.
Bert (Host)
We missed the punchline on that. Your phone went out.
Caller/Listener
She said she feels like a huge weight was lifted. The huge weight that was lifted versa. And she's gonna be her new girlfriend in jail.
Colleen
You're editing yourself.
Bert (Host)
Why do you think she's going down? What's flawed in her.
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Her plan?
Caller/Listener
I think he knows about her. I mean, you're talking about a company with six people. They know things. And if he doesn't know about her now. He'll find out later. Where does this huge deposit come from? They've got to rectify books at some time.
Bert (Host)
Well, then she handles the books, too, right?
Caller/Listener
Say that again.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
The deposit is. The deposit is from her brother. Like that. He.
Caller/Listener
Wasn't he supposed to be paying on it the whole time? Yeah, yeah, but how did that. It hasn't been payments all along. It's like one huge payment.
Bert (Host)
Right?
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
So what difference does it make if it's my company as long as the money comes in?
Caller/Listener
You got a company that's intimate with six people, and he's kind of feel betrayed. And I'm gonna go now because my kids will start crying. That's just gonna irritate everybody.
Bert (Host)
Okay, we don't.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
I understand what you're saying about it looking weird on the books, but if one of y' all owed me $15,000, I don't care if you pay me, if your cousin paid me, if you sold your car and gave me that money, as long as I got it at the end of the day. So I think if she sat down with. I think once this is said and done, she could sit down with her boss and go, hey, I've just got to give you a heads up.
Bert (Host)
No, no, no, no, no. I don't think she can do it.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
In case it looks just so you know.
Colleen
And based on that conversation, I want to meet a Skinny Bertha, you know, because Bertha always is. Because she said a huge wait list is going to be. Bertha is your roommate in jail.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
Is there a Skinny Bertha are you referring to?
Colleen
Yeah, exactly.
Bert (Host)
Hey, Colleen, let's catch back up with you over the next couple of days and find out if this all went well for you, okay?
Colleen (Caller)
Okay. Now, the girl at the bank's got me nervous, but you're totally fine. I appreciate it, and I'll let you guys know what happens.
Bert (Host)
Okay?
Parent (possibly female)
Yeah.
Bert (Host)
You're not 100% in the clear yet, but we'll talk to you over the next couple of days.
Colleen (Caller)
All right, thank you again.
Melissa
Good luck.
Colleen (Caller)
Thanks.
Bert (Host)
See you. Now the Bird Show.
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about how confusing weight loss has become? Like one minute it's carbs are bad and then the next it's no, actually carbs are fine, but only if you walk 10,000 steps and drink a green juice. And honestly, it's just a lot. And then even if you do lose the weight, keeping it off is a whole different story. If you're struggling and want something that fits your real life, hers can help. It's designed to support you in reaching your goals in a way that actually fits your life. That's why weight loss by hers is getting so much attention right now. Hers connects you with licensed medical providers who create doctor developed treatment plans tailored to you. They offer access to an affordable range of FDA approved GLP1 medications including the Wegovy pill and the Wegov pen. It helps regulate your appetite so you eat less and keep the weight off. If you're ready to reach your goals and want to try something new, visit fourhers.com Bert to get personalized affordable care that gets you that's F-R-H-E R S.com Bert for hers.com Bert weightlifts by hers is not available in all 50 states with gov is a registered trademark of Novo Nordisk A s To get started and learn more, including important safety information with govi, clinical study information and restrictions,
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Bert (Host)
play social casino void where prohibited visitors. BenQuest.com for more details the Bird Show I think most parents go through this. If you have have kids and some of the kids of some of your friends get paid for good grades, it puts pressure on you as a parent to start paying your kids off.
Parent (possibly female)
Right. And I was, it actually came from when I was a kid, I had friends. Well, not friends. I knew guys that got paid. And I thought, like, man, y' all just rich guys, spoiled, blah, blah, blah. You know, you're not learning the value of education. You know, I thought like that because that's what I learned from my mom and D. But as I grew older and the same thing. Melissa, you mentioned something about brain freeze. Anyway, but I had a. When I was younger, I used to think that I would never do that. You mentioned something about leashes, having your
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
children on a leash.
Colleen
Yes, yes, that's right.
Parent (possibly female)
And that's something I would never do now. I won't do it now, but I understand now.
Bert (Host)
I know, right?
Melissa
I get it.
Parent (possibly female)
Yeah, I get it. Same thing about getting paid. I used to think that I would never do that. I mean, you don't get paid if you get good grades. That's expected. Now that I'm old and I have children, I see the payoff, I see the twinkle, I see the worth now according to the level of maturity, definitely. Like, I wouldn't give my 8 year old 50 bucks for getting good grades, but I would give her a dollar, you know, just to kind of show her work ethic.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
Is dollar a big deal to her? Like, would she be like, I got
Parent (possibly female)
a dollar from daddy and I make sure they understand the value. You know, I'm trying to teach the value of money, first of all. And I'm trying to teach that if you work hard, you could get some sort of payoff that means something to you.
Bert (Host)
See, I like that, that line of thinking. I just don't like when it comes to school because they're never gonna get paid to go to school unless you are a quarterback for Tennessee. But for the rest are probably not gonna get paid to go to school. But you know what I'm saying, They're not gonna get paid in any time of their life for doing hard work in school. Maybe at the end of the day when they graduate, but if they do chores around the house, I'm way co giving them a buck for that. But for me, good grades is like, you get good grades cause you're supposed to get good grades. You just do it.
Colleen (Caller)
Really?
Melissa
Yeah. You get a degree and you get an education just because that's just what you do. That's the expectation in your house.
Parent (possibly female)
Exactly.
Melissa
And I think that that's okay to keep it that way, even though the other parents are doing something different. Cause I know that the Kids that I grew up with, like my next door neighbor growing up, she got paid for grades. Like she would make money on Cs. I'm like, I'm getting grounded if I get Cs. Yeah, she would get like a certain level for like C's, B's and A's and all this other kind of stu. Well, I mean, she, you know, eventually barely graduated high school and definitely didn't go to college and you know what I'm saying? So didn't really work out for them. And we were the household that when that was just the expectation.
Bert (Host)
You don't reward average. And C would be an average.
Parent (possibly female)
At my house right now, I wouldn't reward average. I would reward above average. All age, things like that, like real good, satisfactory. I mean, you know, I think they're still getting maybe satisfactory, unsatisfactory right now, but I would reward A pluses. A pluses. I mean, nothing's average, anything like that. But I understand what you're saying though, because I'm walking a real. I'm walking the fence on with that, you know, because. And another thing is when I was raised like that, I've come to grow to think that it's just necessary to do hard work regardless. Regardless of a payoff at all. But people that I know, they expect. It's like they have an expectation, you know, and I don't. I didn't have that growing up. So I want to kind of try to instill that. Yeah, it's like a fine line.
Bert (Host)
I can say when is the time?
Frank
I mean, I grew up getting rewarded for good stuff, but it wasn't. I mean, I didn't think about it, but I mean, it just made you strive harder to get those better grades. I didn't get paid for Cs, I didn't get paid for Ds. Expectations in my house were A's. So if you didn't get A's, then you didn't get rewarded. But if you got A's and you worked hard and you put forth the effort, it was kind of a nice thing to get something. Seeing your parents really appreciate all the hard work you're doing.
Bert (Host)
How much did you get for an A?
Frank
It would be probably like five bucks. Like not per A. It was probably just like five bucks. Or they would just give me like a small little gift. Like it wasn't anything huge. It's not like a hundred bucks for a good report card. It's just something little and minute.
Bert (Host)
But mine was more that if I didn't Get A's and B's. Then I couldn't do anything extracurricular, so baseball was out of the equation. So I had to keep. I got kicked off of my baseball team by my dad with two games left in the season, man, and we were in the playoff hunt, and we only had 10 dudes on the team. And one of the kids was sick, and he kicked me off the team because I got a C in art. And we had to forfeit the last two games of the season. He was like, I didn't want anything to do with that kiln. Come on, man.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
That's your own fault right there.
Melissa
I would have yanked you from the dude.
Bert (Host)
Eight kids coming to school on Monday. Like, we had a fourth amount because of you.
Melissa
If it was algebra, he would have understood it was art. That's why you were in trouble.
Bert (Host)
Good morning, Laura. You're on Q100. Hey.
Caller/Listener
Hey there. I was just thinking, listening to you guys talk about, you know, paying and rewarding your children for making good grades.
Colleen
Right?
Caller/Listener
You know, I really don't have a problem with that as long. As long as the reward is reasonable. But when you think about it as an adult, we're paid. We are paid to perform. When we go to work, we don't go to do it for fun. We're paid for formally, to make a living. I don't have any problem with that.
Bert (Host)
But that. See, to me, like, it would be the equivalent, like, if you went to. If you're going to, I don't know, if you're getting your master's degree. They're not paying you to do that.
Colleen
Well, the grades are the payment.
Melissa
It's just.
Colleen
Payment isn't always in a dollar.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
It's along the same lines of having Little League baseball games where there's no winner or no loser. You know what I mean? Like, it's kind of like, yeah, it seems. I don't think you should be rewarded for doing what you should be doing anyways. Like, you should be getting A's and B's. Like, I used to get the same thing Burke got. Like, if I didn't get A's and B's, then I got in trouble. So I never got rewarded because the expectation was, dude, you're a smart kid.
Colleen
Well, your reward was not getting in trouble, right?
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
So it was the same way. I think it's the same way with. When they don't let Little League teams win or lose. There is going to be a winner and there is going to be a loser. You are gonna do great or you're gonna have a consequence.
Melissa
And it's also like you're getting the value of it for yourself. You're not doing it to get something from the outside. You're doing it to build yourself up.
Bert (Host)
Right?
Melissa
Does that make sense?
Colleen
I'm getting paid for what I got in trouble for. I mean, because controls talking was always X X. I mean, I got unsatisfactory in controls talking throughout elementary school. And I'm getting paid today.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
Now I'll get paid for this one day.
Colleen
Rewarded for that. That's what I told the teacher. I said, Ms. Hudson, one day. One day. This is gon. And here I am.
Bert (Host)
And Hayden's getting too good at grades right now. That cost me too much money. Frankly, too cheap to go on that plan. Hey, Mary. Good morning. You're on Q100.
Caller/Listener
Good morning.
Colleen
Good morning.
Caller/Listener
You know, I always agree with Bert 99% of the time, but this is the 1% Bert, that I just have to say.
Bert (Host)
So this is the 1% you're wrong. Huh?
911 Operator
This is the 1% of the time
Caller/Listener
that Bert is wrong.
Bert (Host)
All right, bring it on. Let's go.
Caller/Listener
I pay my son for as, and the reason is because he's in high school. And if you pay for those as now, I mean, if that's an incentive to make them, instead of settling for the C or settling for the B, just to graduate for going for the A. And then at the end of the day, you have a scholarship or, you know, you have all of these opportunities that a higher GPA affords you. That's an investment to me. I mean, I feel like I'm investing in not having to pay for his college education thousands of dollars by giving him $10 for an A. And he likes it. And I'm happy because he brings home the A.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
Now, why would. Why is that A? Why is that, to you more acceptable than punishing him for Cs?
Caller/Listener
Oh, well, the pay scale goes. He gets $10 for an A, and he gets $5 for a B, and he gets minus $5 for a C. So an A and a B C would negate, you know, would make it come down to only $5. So he does not get paid for fees, and he gets money taken away.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
That didn't answer my question. My question was why?
Caller/Listener
Why wouldn't average. A C is average. A child can graduate high school with a C. I mean, you. You tell a child graduate from high school, and every child is not a scholar, every child is not super hyper intelligent, and every child is not going to Bring home an A. Because some coursework is more difficult than others, and some subjects are not that child's forte.
Melissa
Well, here's where I think that's the level of expectation you're setting up for your kid, though.
Bert (Host)
Yeah. And here's where I think your plan is flawed. At least in my house, you'll be flawed. That the payment is getting the scholarships to go to college. That is what he's earned. That's what he's working towards. Not the $10.
Colleen (Caller)
Right.
Caller/Listener
And he understands why I give him that extra incentive for the aides. He understands that I feel like it's an investment into his college education. And as far as chores, I don't pay him a dime because he needs to know that he has to keep his, you know, keep his butt clean and keep his environment clean. Because when he's an adult, nobody's going to pay him for washing his dishes when he's in college or doing his laundry. He needs to do that because that's his responsibility. I'm not paying him for that.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
That's a contradiction of what? Like, okay, I'm not gonna pay him for chores because he needs to know when he grows up, people are gonna pay him for church, but I'm gonna pay him for doing well because he needs to know when you grow up. Yeah.
Bert (Host)
Have you started to pay the kids yet for the grades?
Parent (possibly female)
No, I haven't. I've rewarded them. When I say paid. Not just monetary money. I reward them. Took. And taking them to a professional game, you know, things like that, so they can see the.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
Or let them pick out.
Melissa
I used to get good grades. We're going to the Hawks game on Friday night.
Lean Supplement Promoter
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Bert (Host)
That's more for Daddy than, hey, the Birch Show.
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Spin Quest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. The First Show all right, I think we can cover a couple of different things here.
Colleen
Okay.
Bert (Host)
I have put together for Josh for Tomorrow's show the nine best 911 calls of 2009.
Melissa
Like the ones that are about ridiculous stuff.
Bert (Host)
Totally ridiculous stuff. And I think there might be a late entry. Jeff and I couldn't figure out if we have played this one before.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
No, it just. I think it just happened.
Bert (Host)
It's a brand new one.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
It was a call in California from a woman who has some Hungry kids in the car. So you can understand her need to take care of business quickly. But when the Burger King doesn't make the Bacon Western Ranch properly, she seeks help from the authorities.
911 Operator
Trash. Partner, how can I help you? Yeah, I'm over here. I'm over here at Burger King, right here in San Clemente. No, not San Clemente. I'm sorry. I live in San Clemente. I'm in Laguna Niguel. I think that's where I'm at. I'm at a drive through right now. I ordered my food three times. They're mopping the floor inside. And I understand they're busy. They're not even busy, okay? I've been the only car here. I asked them four different times to make me a Western barbecue burger, okay? They keep giving me a hamburger with lettuce, tomato and cheese, onions. And I said, I'm not leaving. I want a Western burger because I just got my kids from Taekwondo.
Caller/Listener
They're hungry.
911 Operator
I'm on my way home and I live in San Clemente. Uh huh. Okay. She said, she gave me another hamburger. It's wrong. I said four times. I said, I want it. She goes, can you go out and park in front? I said, no, I want my hamburger rice. So then the lady came to the manager, whoever she is, she came up and she said, do you want your money back? And I said, no, I want my hamburger. My kids are hungry and I have to jump on that toll freeway. I said, I am not leaving this spot. And I said, I will call the police because I want my Western burger done right now. Is that so hard? Okay, what exactly is it you want us to do for you? I send officers down here. I want them to make me right. Ma', am, we're not gonna go down there and enforce your Western bacon cheeseburger. To do this is between you and the manager. We're not going to go enforce how to make a hamburger. That's not a criminal issue. There's nothing criminal. So I just sit here. You need to calmly and rationally speak to the manager and figure out what to do between. You did come up and I said, can I please have my Western burger? She said, I'm not dealing with. She walked away because they're mopping the floor and it's all full of suds and they don't want to run. They don't want to go through there
Melissa
out of Tennessee, ma'.
911 Operator
Am, Then I suggest you get your money back and go somewhere else. This is not a criminal issue. We can't Go out there and make them make you a cheeseburger the way you want it. Rob, that is. You're supposed to be here to protect me. What are we looking from a wrong cheeseburger?
Bert (Host)
No.
911 Operator
Is this like. Is this a harmful cheeseburger or something? I don't understand what you want us to do. Just come down here. I'm not. No, ma'.
Colleen (Caller)
Am.
911 Operator
I'm not sending the deputies down there over a cheeseburger. You need to go in there and act like an adult and either get your money back and go home. Stop acting like an adult herself. I'm sitting here like, I just want them to make my kids a western burger. Now this is what I suggest. I suggest you get your money back from the manager and you go on your way home. Okay? Okay.
Bert (Host)
Bye.
911 Operator
Bye.
Caller/Listener
I love that.
911 Operator
It's funny that.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
What are we protecting you from? A wrongly made hamburger.
Bert (Host)
That is the most patient 911 worker in the history of 911.
Melissa
I love it that she shot it to her straight, though.
Colleen
I love that. I think so many people, though. 91 1. Is that because we had a friend that I guess it was yesterday or Saturday that Roswell Road was shut down in both directions because the power line's down. So we had a friend that was in that traffic and had called to say, do you know what happened? So. Because the. The reports had not come out yet that Roswell Road was shut down in both directions. And the words that came out of her mouth were, well, you know what? I'm going to call 91 1. And I was like, no, for what?
Bert (Host)
Just to get like a traffic report on why.
Colleen
Yeah. And I. And I was like, well, first of all, please don't let one of my friends be one of these 911 calls at Burke.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
You know, we end up playing it in a week. Yeah. Can you tell me why the road's closed?
Colleen
But it's one of those things, I think people automatically when they're frustrated and they have nowhere else to go. It seems like 911 in their head is where they want, you know, to call.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
I've called 911 a couple times, and every time I do call it, I question while I'm dialing it, I hope this is worthy. You know what I mean? Like, I've called it before. I've seen a car swerving like mad ones driving home late at night. And I'm like, I saw a guy
Melissa
falling asleep at the wheel when I was driving home from Florida. Like, literally, you could tell he was leaned over and Trying to do the 10 and 2 and lean his head forward.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
Try the air conditioner on and the window down.
Melissa
But he was in the left hand, the far left lane. It was going so slow. I'm like, what is up with this guy? Or whatever. People were going around him going around. And when I was on the side of him, I was like, oh, my God, that dude is falling asleep. And I had the thought, do I call 911?
Colleen
Do I?
Melissa
What do I.
Bert (Host)
You know, I've never had to call 911 except when we were on this show. Remember when we called 911 and we got around on hold from one thing to the other and it made the news and all that? That's the only time I've ever had to dial that number.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
Did y' all hear about what happened at the Zesto?
911 Operator
No.
Colleen
Oh, nothing bad happens at the Zesto.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
Right there is the most Southern thing I have ever said in my life.
Colleen
Y' all hear whatever y' all would
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
hear it happen up at the Zesto.
Melissa
The Zesto in Little five Place.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
In Little five. I'm Orland.
Caller/Listener
Yeah.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
So dudes rob the place, jump over the counter with guns, run in the back, they're robbing it, right? And three people witness the robbery. So Three people call 911. Three people get placed on hold and are on hold the entire time the robbery is taking place.
911 Operator
No.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
Yes. It happened Saturday night. WSB had the video of this thing, and they interviewed the employees. And the employees were like. We saw. People were like, oh, this is. We're gonna be okay. Like. Cause I call 911 3, get away with it. 3.
Lean Supplement Promoter
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Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
The guys are. Dudes are gone. Rob went in the back, kicked in the office door, took all the cash or whatever they took and gone.
Bert (Host)
Hey, Liz. Good morning. You're part of the Burt Show.
Caller/Listener
Good morning, Burt Show. First of all, I want to say I love you guys. And I've been out of town, so I've been missing you guys.
Bert (Host)
Glad you're here. Welcome home.
911 Operator
Thank you.
Caller/Listener
I'm glad to be home. Okay, now listen, I've been telling my husband about this 911 phone call, and I hope that maybe one of y' all can remember this one.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
Okay?
Caller/Listener
But it's a man. He's calling. Instead of saying ambulance, he says, let me see if I can get it right. Oh, yes, I need a Bamba Lands. Do you remember that? I don't even know what the storyline was, but instead of saying ambulance, he says, bamba Lands.
Melissa
I do remember that, but I can't remember the context of the call.
Caller/Listener
Guys, if you can remember, Vert put it on there because I want my husband to hear it. I mean, every time that I tell him about it, we both just crash.
Bert (Host)
I'm looking through all the 911 calls that I have in the computer here, and there are so many. I have it here, McNuggets. We got emergency beer.
Caller/Listener
I didn't even think it was that, like, a big emergency.
Bert (Host)
It may come up tomorrow because we're playing, like, nine of them tomorrow. There's a 911 Viagra call that we're probably gonna play tomorrow. You guys remember that one? And there's a whole bunch of them. So it may just come back up tomorrow.
Caller/Listener
So what time y' all playing it?
Bert (Host)
I don't know. You're assuming. We've got a schedule.
Caller/Listener
Back to good old Bird Show.
Bert (Host)
Ye.
Caller/Listener
Love you guys.
Bert (Host)
Thank you.
911 Operator
Bye.
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Bert (Host)
The Bird Show.
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Caller/Listener
Off.
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about how confusing weight loss has become? Like, one minute it's carbs are bad, and then the next it's, no, actually, carbs are fine, but only if you walk 10,000 steps and drink a green juice. And honestly, it's just a lot. And then even if you do lose the weight, keeping it off is a whole different story. If you're struggling and want something that fits your real life life, hers can help. It's designed to support you in reaching your goals in a way that actually fits your life. That's why weight loss by hers is getting so much attention right now. Hers connects you with licensed medical providers who create doctor developed treatment plans tailored to you. They offer access to an affordable range of FDA approved GLP1 medications, including the Wegovy Pill and the Wegovy Pen. It helps regulate your appetite so you eat less and keep the weight off. If you're ready to reach your goals and want to try something new, visit fourhers.com Bert to get personalized, affordable care that gets you that's F-O-R-H-E-R-S.com Bert fourhers.com Bird waitlist by hers is not available in all 50 states, but Gobi is a registered trademark of Novo Nordisk. A s get started and learn more, including important safety information with Gobi clinical study information and restrictions.
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This is the Birch Show.
Bert (Host)
Jen Hobby what is the Birch Shows? I'm just curious because this is becoming one of my favorite segments on the show.
Melissa
It is pretty fun. It's when you're nosy about something and you know it's none of your business to figure it out, but you're just curious so you go and investigate and you don't want to do it on on your own time. You want us to do it for you so you're not embarrassed about being nosy. So bring us your I'm just curious and we'll figure it out for you.
Bert (Host)
So Julia here was telling us she lives in Woodstock and it's one home there in Woodstock that just has been decorated so beautifully for years. And Julia, correct me if I'm getting any of this wrong. And just like a, like a couple of days ago, it was gone for two weeks. It's been up and then over 24 hours, all the decorations down, right?
Caller/Listener
Every last thing, including the Christmas tree from inside the house is now leaning on the side of the house.
Bert (Host)
I mean, so within 24 hours. And how many years has this been going on now?
Caller/Listener
Oh my gosh, I've been in the neighborhood for like eight. So I mean, as long as I've been there.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
You mean they don't do this every year for eight years. It's just. This is the first year that they've undecorated.
Caller/Listener
Right, right, right. They always have nice decorations.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
Okay.
Caller/Listener
And this year, I mean, they really went all out, too. It's beautiful. And it's all gone within 24 hours. Yeah.
Bert (Host)
So we were speculating on what it could be, and producer Tracy here behind the scenes, has been doing some research for you.
Producer Tracy
Yeah. And. Excuse me. Your neighbor, for whatever reason, was oddly annoyed at me for calling. Like, could not understand why anybody would be curious about this. I mean, like, it's not. Like, it's not abnormal or anything, but apparently the husband in the house got a job, so he. Well, the whole family, but he before them is moving to Europe. So he's moving, like, mid December. So what they ended up doing, since he won't be home for Christmas and they're not gonna see family over the next couple of years, they actually ended up celebr. Like, having family come into town, and they celebrated Christmas. Like, did a big Christmas celebration the first weekend in December. And then. Yeah, and then they were going to be going to Disney World.
Advertiser
I guess that was one of the
Producer Tracy
gifts that the kids got. So they were going to be going to Disney World, and then husband was taken off and going to Europe, and since the house is going on the market in January, they had to take the Christmas decorations down while he was still in town.
Caller/Listener
Oh, my God. I never would have figured that out.
Producer Tracy
And then mom and the kids are going to be spending the actual real Christmas in Florida with her mother.
Colleen
Nice, Trace. I mean, we got the whole lowdown.
Guest (possibly Bert's co-host or regular panelist)
Maybe, perhaps the reason they were so. Maybe they were so annoyed because you wouldn't stop with the question.
911 Operator
You're like, I know what I did.
Caller/Listener
I let you do it.
Bert (Host)
See, the reality of these things are always way. Well, this one's not even boring, though.
Caller/Listener
That's kind of cool.
Melissa
It is cool.
Bert (Host)
I think in our head, we all had thought, recession, something happened to the house, they got laid off. But this.
Melissa
I thought the kids got in trouble, so they canceled Christmas.
Caller/Listener
That's sweet, though, that they got to celebrate with everybody, but they could have left some decorations up for the rest of us.
911 Operator
That's funny.
Bert (Host)
All right, Julia, thank you for filling us in.
Caller/Listener
Thank you so much.
Bert (Host)
All right, if you have something you're just curious about, really, it's none of your. It's none of her business. No, it's none of Julia's business, but you just would really like some answers, then email us, and we'll get producer Tracy on it, and it could be about anything. It could be a family member, it could be somebody in the office. It doesn't matter. If you're just curious and you just need to know, then email us.
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Date: May 27, 2026
Cast: Bert (Host), Melissa, Colleen, Frank, Producer Tracy, Callers/Listeners
This episode of The Bert Show is a lively installment, blending listener drama, relatable parenting dilemmas, workplace intrigue, and laugh-out-loud real-life moments. The core focuses are:
As always, the show balances humor, honesty, and authentic audience engagement.
[01:25–14:20]
Colleen, on risky timing:
“So we were talking about the floating of the checks where even if they went into the bank on Saturday, the check wouldn't clear until tonight... at least on Friday night everybody would have been happy because they got their checks.” (02:27)
Colleen, on past financial embarrassment:
“My landlord took everything out of the house and put it on the front lawn… all my friends passing by thought it was a yard sale.” (03:08)
The accidental ‘luck’:
The boss “forgot the checks” at the bonus party, buying Colleen unexpected extra time for her loan to clear.
“I feel like the luckiest person in the entire world.” – Colleen (06:00)
Listener perspectives and skepticism:
Callers weigh in on how “odd” it was for a boss to forget huge bonus checks, hinting he might suspect more than he’s saying.
“He may know what’s going on.” – Bert (06:00)
Financial technicalities:
A bank employee listener phones in with caution: Deposited loan funds may not clear before employees try to cash their bonus checks.
“If she gets it there before 2 o’clock, it will post tonight and be available tomorrow morning.” (10:57)
[16:49–27:02]
Melissa: “My next door neighbor… she would make money on Cs. I'm like, I'm getting grounded if I get Cs.” (19:08)
Bert: Tells a story about being kicked off his baseball team for a C in art! (21:00)
Colleen: “I got unsatisfactory in controls talking throughout elementary school. And I’m getting paid today!” (23:16)
[29:37–36:47]
[39:23–42:22]
"I feel like the luckiest person in the entire world."
– Colleen, after her boss forgot the bonus checks (06:00)
"You don’t reward average. And C would be an average."
– Bert, discussing grade incentives (19:37)
"Ma’am, I’m not sending the deputies down there over a cheeseburger."
– 911 Operator (32:23)
“See, the reality of these things are always way… well, this one’s not even boring though.”
– Bert, on the Christmas decor mystery outcome (41:53)
The entire episode carries The Bert Show's signature playful, real, and relatable tone—with banter, gentle ribbing, supportive listener interactions, and authentic vulnerability from both hosts and callers. The humor is quick, but the show doesn’t shy from genuine discussions about money, parenting, and the messiness of real life.
This episode is classic Bert Show: it blends workplace snafus, parenting debates, viral audio, and hometown intrigue with humor and empathy. Fans and new listeners alike are treated to a full spectrum of the hosts’ personalities—as well as the voices and perspectives of their devoted audience. Whether you’re in it for the drama, the laughs, or the community, it’s a rewarding listen.