Full Show PT 3: Wednesday, November 19, 2025 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show: Full Show PT 3 – Wednesday, November 19, 2025 [Vault]

Podcast: The Bert Show

Date: November 19, 2025

Hosts: Bert, Melissa, Adam, Cookie

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Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into two major listener relationship dramas: the first about the etiquette and meaning of keeping photos of exes, and the second (and most impactful) about a listener (“Cookie”) grappling with her husband’s past infidelity—specifically, his affair with a woman still present in their friend group, whom Cookie continues to befriend despite the fallout. Throughout, the Bert Show cast balances empathy, tough love, and signature humor, with heavy audience participation and candid storytelling.

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Main Topics & Key Segments

1. “Jason from CNN” Dating Update

[01:33–04:00]

• Recap: Amy (a returning listener) was seeking closure about a guy named Jason from CNN. The show's team pursued some “Bert Show detective work”.
• Resolution: The Jason Amy was interested in is happily committed to someone else (his live-in girlfriend confirmed his unavailability).
• Takeaway: The hosts encourage Amy—at least she took the chance.
• Memorable Quote:
  • “At least you tried it and you pursued it… now you know you never had a shot because he’s committed.” — Bert [03:01]

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2. Should You Keep Photos of Your Exes?

[04:12–16:53]

Panel Debate

• Melissa describes an at-home debate after her partner, Katie, finds an old photo of Melissa with an ex.
• Melissa’s perspective: Toss the photo—there’s no point in keeping pictures with exes, especially those that could be emotionally charged.
• Katie’s perspective: If it’s a good picture of you, keep it—regardless of who else is in the photo.

Key Discussion Points

• Vanity and Sentiment: For some, it’s about how they look in the photo, not the person next to them.
  • “She doesn't care if Saddam Hussein is in that picture. If it’s good of her, she is white-knuckling that thing.” — Melissa [06:29]
• Emotional Baggage: Mixed opinions on whether keeping physical mementos equates to holding on emotionally.
• Placement Matters: A big difference between a photo tucked away and one displayed; out-of-sight is less threatening.
  • “If you have pictures of exes up on your bulletin board or in picture frames… problem. If they are tucked away in some photo album… that’s a different story.” — Melissa [09:02]
• Call-in Reactions:
  • One listener (Jimmy) says he used to think photos of exes should be tossed—now, he believes they’re memory keepers.
  • Another (Christy) says it’s “crappy” for her girlfriend to keep exes’ photos in her wallet, especially with no current pictures of her.
    • “There’s not one photo of me anywhere [in her wallet], but there are of her and the ex.” — Christy (caller) [14:00]
• Hosts’ Advice:
  • Bert and Melissa agree: If a picture is of a romantic/intimate moment, get rid of it. If it’s part of a collage of memories from an era, there’s less harm in keeping it out of sight.

Memorable Quotes

• “I think it has to do with placement… big issue if it’s on your desk. The fact that it was thrown haphazardly in some drawer—no issue.” — Melissa [09:02]
• "Sometimes, it's okay to be a bitch, ladies. It's okay." — Melissa [38:57]

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3. Listener Drama: Navigating Your Husband’s Past Affair Still In Your Social Circle

[19:07–37:19]

Cookie’s Story

• Background:
  • Cookie was engaged, pregnant, and discovered her fiancé (now husband) cheating—with a woman (“the mistress”) who remains in their friend group.
  • Despite this, Cookie stayed, married him, rebuilt trust, AND continues to befriend the mistress (including regular phone calls and emotional support).
  • The current issue: The mistress plans to wear a revealing costume to a Halloween party. Cookie feels insecure about her post-pregnancy body and doesn’t want the mistress to attend.

Hosts’ Reactions & Advice

• Bert and Melissa’s stance:
  • Shock and disbelief that Cookie continues to allow the mistress in her life and that of her husband.
  • Repeatedly urge Cookie to set boundaries—“You have every right… to tell your husband this woman is not allowed in your general vicinity at all.” — Bert [23:48]
  • Call out the underlying issue: Cookie lacks strength to enforce boundaries for her own well-being.
  • Bert: “She doesn’t have the skillset to act courageous and get what she wants out of life, and she’s gonna walk through it miserably.” [29:45]
• Adam’s Perspective:
  • Humor tinged with tough love: “Keep your enemies closer is crap—dead bitch.” [24:23], [30:12]
  • Questioning Cookie’s reasoning: “Why are you bringing her back into the relationship when your husband is fine letting her stay away?” [28:02]
• Melissa on Gender Dynamics:
  • Explores why women are socialized to avoid being "the bitch" even at a personal cost.
  • "So many women don’t want to be considered a bitch… and make their lives so complicated.” [38:46]

Audience Calls/Comments

• Listener #1: “If she’s still in your life… chances are he’s still hitting it.” [33:01]
  • Cookie insists she’s 100% sure her husband is faithful now.
• Listener #2: Advises Cookie to make a clean break (“Let us be the voice you can’t find”).
• Listener #3: Shares personal experience—left an unfaithful partner while pregnant, encourages Cookie to find the strength.
  • “If he cheated while you were pregnant, he’ll do it again.” [37:43]

Host Interventions

• Drawing boundaries: Bert and Melissa agree Cookie must decisively cut the mistress out—if not for herself, then as an example for her child.
• Cookie’s Hesitation: Despite agreement, Cookie keeps backtracking, unsure if it’s “too late” or even possible after years of normalized friendship with the mistress.
  • “I don’t really mind being her friend… it’s not like I’ve gotten over the whole situation...” — Cookie [35:52]
  • Bert: “You never get over something like that.” [36:13]

Memorable Quotes

• “Here’s how you tell her: ‘Hey skank. You did my husband in my bed while I was pregnant. I really don’t want you in my life anymore.’ Any questions?” — Adam [32:40]
• “You gotta stand up for yourself. There are boundaries, and it’s okay to maintain those boundaries.” — Melissa [27:02]
• “Nobody gets over that—in your bed.” — Bert [36:45]
• “Sometimes it's okay to be a bitch, ladies. It's okay.” — Melissa [38:57]

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Noteworthy Moments & Quotes with Timestamps

| Timestamp | Moment/Quote | Attribution | |-----------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|---------------| | 03:01 | "At least you tried it and you pursued it... now you know you never had a shot because he’s committed." | Bert | | 06:29 | "She doesn't care if Saddam Hussein is in that picture. If it’s a good picture of her, she is white-knuckling that thing." | Melissa | | 09:02 | "If you have pictures of exes up on your bulletin board...problem. If they are tucked away in some photo album...that’s a different story." | Melissa | | 14:00 | “There’s not one photo of me anywhere [in her wallet], but there are of her and the ex.” | Christy (Caller) | | 23:48 | “You have every right…to tell your husband this woman is not allowed in your general vicinity at all.” | Bert | | 24:23/30:12 | “Keep your enemies closer is crap—dead bitch.” | Adam | | 27:02 | “You gotta stand up for yourself. There are boundaries, and it’s okay to maintain those boundaries.” | Melissa | | 32:40 | “Here’s how you tell her: ‘Hey skank. You did my husband in my bed while I was pregnant. I really don’t want you in my life anymore.’ Any questions?” | Adam | | 36:13 | “You never get over something like that.” | Bert | | 38:46 | “So many women don’t want to be considered a bitch… and make their lives so complicated.” | Melissa | | 38:57 | "Sometimes, it's okay to be a bitch, ladies. It's okay." | Melissa |

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Final Thoughts

• The episode highlighted the nuanced territory of modern relationships, vulnerability, and self-respect.
• Panel consensus: Setting boundaries is vital; being “nice” at your own expense isn’t noble—it’s self-defeating.
• Show’s Tone: Blunt, compassionate, real, with sharp humor and group therapy vibes.
• For Listeners: The Bert Show isn’t just laughs—it’s tough love, emotional honesty, and crowd-sourced advice—sometimes all at once.

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Transcript

[Melissa]

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[Cookie]

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[Melissa]

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[Cookie]

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[Melissa]

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[Cookie]

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[Melissa]

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[Cookie]

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[Melissa]

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[Cookie]

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[Melissa]

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[Bert]

Hey the Bird show. So Amy, when we left off with you yesterday, that's the only thing that we knew about him was just the recommendations coming from his co worker saying, you're wasting your time with this guy. But you said, you know what? I'll make my own decisions.

[Cookie]

Okay.

[Bert]

So for the last 24 hours we tried tracking them down and there are a couple of Jason's that work at cnn. But we think we got the right one and we were all set to kind of like tie this all up in a nice little bow for you today.

[Adam]

Okay?

[Bert]

But we can't do that 100% of the way.

[Cookie]

Okay. Yeah, it looks like there are several.

[Melissa]

Jason's that, you know, people were calling about yesterday. And the good news is, I think the one that everybody was saying was nuts and crazy is not the Jason we're looking for.

[Cookie]

Oh, okay, so that's the good news.

[Melissa]

Yeah, that's the good news.

[Adam]

The bad news is that guy came into work and killed four people yesterday afternoon.

[Melissa]

So we. So we did find a Jason who remembers meeting you on the bus or on the train, says that you're very nice, fits the description that you were talking, you know, that you had said. So we did find the Jason. The problem is that we found the Jason through his live in girlfriend.

[Bert]

Oh, boy.

[Adam]

Wow. Yeah.

[Melissa]

Who says that he's a very, very nice guy. He's never been married before. She totally understands why you were interested, but unfortunately he's unavailable.

[Cookie]

Oh, well. Well, I tried.

[Bert]

Yeah. I mean, at least, you know.

[Cookie]

Yeah, exactly.

[Bert]

Like, I'd rather know that you at least tried it and you pursued it and you never, at least at this point, don't have a shot because he's committed to somebody else. Yeah.

[Cookie]

Oh, well.

[Melissa]

But you also know next time not to hesitate.

[Cookie]

Yeah, exactly.

[Melissa]

And we also recommend MySpace.comb show.

[Cookie]

I already have a MySpace page.

[Bert]

All right, then eventually you'll come around to hitting on them.

[Melissa]

Yeah, you need to. You need to find Hoss on there.

[Cookie]

He's already one of my friends.

[Melissa]

Oh, okay. All right. Well, I'm not telling you something you don't know then.

[Bert]

Yeah, okay, Amy.

[Cookie]

All right.

[Bert]

All right, thank you, Amy.

[Cookie]

Bye.

[Bert]

Now, from our end, I mean, we've got a pretty good track record with this kind of thing. Really good. I mean, I think we're hitting like 8 of 10.

[Melissa]

The only times that we. Is it more than one? Because I know of one in particular, but the person, the Braves guy, The Braves game, But it did not have any. I mean, that was. That was their fault.

[Adam]

Hey, he was at the Braves game with a bunch of guys. They all had gloves and baseball caps on.

[Melissa]

And I sat next to him for the entire game and never got his information.

[Adam]

Right, Right.

[Melissa]

So.

[Bert]

So there is one guy at cnn, though, named Jason that has really got to be pretty pissed when he went into the office because he knows what all the co workers now think of them. Hey, the bird show. The bird show.

[Melissa]

So there's been a debate in, I guess, my house between me and Katie. It's probably, yeah, been about a week regarding pictures with exes. Okay. So Wednesday night I came into the studio because I record twists, show I'm on Wednesday, it's on Sunday nights here on Q100, but we pre tape it. So I was here at the station on Wednesday night. Katie came with me that night. We went in my office, and she sat at my computer while I was getting stuff ready. And I had opened the drawer to my cabinet to get my headphones out and get stuff I needed. And I noticed there were pictures there of me and Katie that I had just thrown in there. And so maybe I had picked those up or something regarding the pictures, which I think prompted her later on to look at those pictures when I left the office. Okay, so that's why she was in the desk drawer. Well, okay, fine. So to record Twist, go home, no big deal. Come in Thursday morning for work, open that same drawer to get stuff out. And there was a picture that was kind of sticking out that I had not seen the night before. And when I pulled it out, it was a picture of me and not Lisa, which was my last girlfriend. And it was a picture that was like four years old. But I. When we broke up, I must have taken it down, thrown it in the drawer, and never thought anything else about it. But I did notice that it was stuck out, which means that Katie saw it. And Katie purposely put it there for me to see the next morning. So I thought, well, you know, what is the right thing to do here? Well, obviously the right thing to do is to toss the picture. So I threw the picture away. And then when I saw her for lunch on Thursday, I said, I think I have an apology for you, because I had no idea. I assumed that you saw that picture. And then I saw a grin on her face, and I said, and I apologize. I had no idea that picture was in there. I wasn't keeping it for any reason, blah, blah. And so she said, what'd you do with it? And I said, I threw it away. And then she got mad at me for throwing the picture away. And I said, well, why are you mad at me?

[Adam]

You didn't have to throw it away. I already poked the eyes out and black tattooing, that makes it.

[Melissa]

I did a good job on those devil horses. She said, it was a good picture of you. And I said, well, regardless, I was with not Lisa. And I threw it away. So we had the debate on pictures with exes because her feeling is, surprisingly, she was messing with me about it being in the drawer. But her feeling is, if it's a good picture of you, there is no reason to Throw it away.

[Bert]

So it has nothing, nothing to do with it having any kind of sentimental value. If it's good, if you look good in it, keep the picture.

[Melissa]

Well, first of all, I have not expressed yet on the air how vain my girlfriend is. And so if she sees a good picture of herself, she is not. She is not throwing that thing away. She doesn't care if Saddam Hussein is in that picture. If it's a good picture of her, she is white knuckling that thing. And so what my feeling is that I. What's the purpose in keeping it? Like, we didn't really get into a fight about it. It was just a debate on, Well, I don't, you know, understand the purpose of keeping it. Like, I have kept pictures after. Like, after a breakup, you throw. I've thrown pictures in a box, and I haven't thrown them away yet because it's a process to finally throw them away. But I've kept them. And then I toss them. And so. And she's like, if it's a good picture, keep it. It doesn't matter. She's got all pictures if it was good of her. She's got pictures of her exes and photo albums. So we went back and I was just surprised by her reaction because I really thought that the reason she put the picture out was because she's mad, but she's doing it just to mess with me, because she saw it and she's, oh, here. Yeah. And. But then she got mad. She literally got mad at me for throwing her away. So. So then we were at dinner Saturday night with all of her friends, and it was. All of her friends had a birthday dinner. We were all coupled and all this stuff. So we brought up the. We just wanted to take a poll of the. Of the table. And we were doing it in fun. Like, you know, she's like, oh, let's take a poll on pictures. Let's ask everybody else about their feeling about pictures. And then we realized that there was one couple in the group that they weren't, like, lighthearted about it. When we went around the table and ends up, they had the same argument. And my view again is, why keep the pictures? And if she has them, I don't look at them. Like, if I know there's a photo album that has a picture for an ex, I just won't even look through it. And her friend felt the same way, but her friend's boyfriend did not. And they had, you know, obviously she had kept all the pictures of her and her ex boyfriends. And this new boyfriend, who is probably the guy that she's going to marry, is not very happy with, and he can't understand why she won't take the pictures down.

[Bert]

See, I don't see a problem with it. I don't. I don't have the same philosophy you do on it. Like, to me, looking like I still have a box somewhere in the house of pictures. I mean, it's not the ex girlfriend box. I think there are pictures from vacations from back in college, probably fraternity pictures and their ex girlfriend pictures. They're all in the same box, you know, and to me, it's like. It's just like looking at a picture of your past because there's somebody else in there that you had a good time with. I have no emotional attachment, no romantic attachment to that person anymore. But the fact that I had a life before Stacy came along, that doesn't go away because Stacy's there. So I've kept them all.

[Melissa]

I think it, you know, I don't know. I think that the. The underlying idea is that you're holding onto something or there's meaning behind them and why can't you throw them away? I think is the argument for some people, because, like, some of those pictures for you, if it's your picture with an ex, it's fine. Because, like, well, I don't, you know, we broke up. It's no big deal. But the body language, somebody sitting on somebody's lap, somebody kissing somebody's cheek, somebody with their arm around them, the vacation that you took that now you. You can't afford to take or you haven't taken yet, or. I mean, it's just all these, the. The conversation that it, you know, brings up. And that's why I don't even. That's why I don't even look at him. I haven't told her to throw them away, but I haven't looked at them because I think. I think it has to do with placement. Like, had that picture of you and your ex been on your desk? Big issue, the fact that it was thrown haphazardly in some drawer. No issue. Like, if you have pictures of exes up on your bulletin board or in picture frames in your room. Problem. If they are tucked away in some photo album up on the shelf to look at. I don't know, when you're in your 50s and it's a rainy day and you want to look back on your youth or whatever, then that's a different story. Like, to me, like Bird said, it's about that time of your life when you were single or you were dating other people or whatever. Like, as long as it's not like a dedicated, like, oh, this is my shrine. This is my shrine box to my ex, or this is my shrine photo album to my ex love, then I think it's okay, as long as it's kind of sprinkled in with the time of your life. Because I know I have early college pictures with boyfriends or guys I was dating or whatever, and it's in there with my, you know, my pledge sisters. I was pledging my sorority, and, like, all those other things kind of all mixed in together has nothing to do with that guy. It has to do with that time of your life.

[Adam]

You know, when I was. When we lived in Arizona, not only did I not like Jessica to have pictures, but I banned her from talking about ex boyfriends because I was new to Arizona and she grew up there. So every time we'd go somewhere she had already been, usually with an ex boyfriend.

[Bert]

So you thought she had the memories of some other guy.

[Adam]

And I'm like, can we go? Like, it was a huge fight once, I think, at the Hoover Dam. And I was like, can we go to one damn place and not have you talking about, oh, my God, I was here.

[Bert]

When I was in.

[Adam]

The guy I went to prom with and I were here, we kissed, right? Now he stood in the van, and I came here. Now he kissed.

[Melissa]

I don't want to know everything.

[Bert]

The last time I was here was with a guy that was so much better looking than you.

[Adam]

Right?

[Bert]

Such a good time.

[Adam]

I'm like, can we just. You know what? In your head, okay, out loud, I will push you over the.

[Bert]

Hey, Jimmy, what's going on? You're on The Burt Show. Q101 first.

[Cookie]

Let me say, guys. You guys rock. Been listening to you since I moved to Atlanta. You guys are awesome.

[Bert]

Thank you, sir.

[Melissa]

Thank you.

[Cookie]

I originally, I agreed with Melissa, you know, toss them out, get rid of them, there's no point. But since then, I've been married for two years, and my wife is really big into scrapbooking and saving pictures. Not necessarily saving unnecessary pictures, but the good ones. Like Melissa was saying also earlier, save them. Well, I think I'm starting to change my view on that, because why should you throw those pictures of you and those memories away? As we get older, we all know that. Wow, our memory really starts to go. So hold on. Hold on to them so you can at least remember what made you the person that you are today.

[Bert]

I agree I agree. Because each one of those relationships that you're in with somebody that you take a picture of was crappy enough for you to get out of. That eventually got you to where you are, to where you're the kind of person that could end up, you know, settling down, you know? So I look back at those pictures as though those were great times in my life, and I was allowed to have those before Stacy came along.

[Melissa]

Well, maybe the compromise is like Jen said. I mean, placement. Of course, neither one of have pictures of exes up anywhere, but I do think that if you're macking down with someone in a picture, that picture should. I don't ever want to see those pictures. You know, just toss them. There's no reason for you to. Oh, look, that was when we had our best kiss ever. And look at that. We're in bed together. And look, I know that, you know, the sheets are pulled up, but we're naked. You can tell that that's a wonderful picture we did. We extended the arm out and took a picture of ourselves because we just had great sex. Those pictures should be thrown away. I mean, come on.

[Bert]

Hey, Christy. Good morning. You're on Q100. Hi.

[Melissa]

That's. Good morning.

[Cookie]

How are y'?

[Melissa]

All?

[Adam]

Good.

[Bert]

How are you?

[Cookie]

I'm doing good. It's too early, but I'm doing good. I just want to say I agree with Melissa on the photo thing. You know, if it's. If it's something in your past, you know, put it in your past, maybe, you know, you don't have to throw them out, but don't poke them around in your wallet. My girlfriend has two pictures, at least that I know of in her wallet. Of her ex?

[Melissa]

No, no.

[Cookie]

They have been broken up for a few years.

[Melissa]

Is that because they're best friends now? Still?

[Cookie]

Supposedly. But this person is not very good.

[Melissa]

Lesbian.

[Cookie]

My girlfriend.

[Melissa]

Lesbians. Exes are not your. Your best.

[Cookie]

Oh, my gosh.

[Melissa]

So, my drama.

[Cookie]

But yeah. Not one photo of me anywhere.

[Bert]

No photo of you in the wallet. But they're photos of her and the ex.

[Cookie]

Slash. No, I'm not. She has not one photo of me.

[Adam]

That's a problem. Yeah.

[Melissa]

How long have y' all been dating?

[Cookie]

Over a year.

[Bert]

Oh, that's a big problem.

[Melissa]

No, that's. That's.

[Cookie]

Thank you. You know, she's got photos in her drawer, you know, just everywhere. They're not out, you know, like in my face or whatever, but they're put away. But the two in her wallet kill me.

[Bert]

Oh, yeah, they do.

[Melissa]

I'm Surprised? You're with her a year?

[Adam]

Yeah. How are you okay with that?

[Cookie]

I have to be pretty much.

[Bert]

No, you don't.

[Adam]

Can't you break up?

[Cookie]

No, no, I wouldn't do that. You know, I love it more than a photo is not going to tear us apart or anything like that, but, you know, it's just kind of. It's just kind of crappy. Like this weekend we were out, you know, doing stuff, and I pretty much had to break her arm to get her to take a photo with me.

[Adam]

Do you. Do you love her as much as she loves her ex?

[Cookie]

I think I love her more than she loves her ex, but she just doesn't realize that or something.

[Melissa]

She's laughing about it now, but they're about to have a fight. They're gonna have a fight. I'm sure she is.

[Bert]

All right, so you and the best friend are in car accidents at the same time and you both end up at the hospital on the same floor. Does your girlfriend go to see you first or does she go to see her best friend?

[Cookie]

She's gonna kill me, but I think she would go see probably her best friend first, depending on who was closest to the parking deck.

[Bert]

No, no, no, no.

[Melissa]

That is wrong.

[Bert]

That is so wrong.

[Cookie]

Honestly. Honestly. It would be a toss up, I think.

[Melissa]

A toss up?

[Adam]

It shouldn't even be a toss up.

[Bert]

You can't justify it by saying it'd be a toss up.

[Melissa]

This is different conversation. But I. You know what? I think my side gig is going to be hosting seminars for lesbians to teach them, number one, a sports bra is not a bikini top. And number two, just because when you break up your ex girlfriend does not equate to your best friend. This. I have been. Lesbians have argued with me about not being in touch with my exes because they think that it is. Because, I mean, you speak, you had something special together and you should honor that because your friends, you can never really let that go. Yeah, you can. And I would not be with this if Katie had her exes in her.

[Bert]

Wallet and no pictures of you.

[Cookie]

It would be such a big deal to me if there was, like, you know, something in there, but nothing.

[Bert]

And then if I asked you the same question about the hospital thing, if your first answer was, gee, I don't know, it's a toss up.

[Melissa]

Oh, hell no.

[Bert]

That's a statement.

[Melissa]

Oh, no, no, no. But anyway, you have to think about it, like, in the way, if you were giving a friend advice, like that woman that just called us, like, if a friend of hers came to her and told her the exact same story. What advice would she give her friend?

[Bert]

Yeah, she'd say, break up with that girl.

[Melissa]

Then give yourself that same advice. Or at least it's different. But it's different because I love her. No, no.

[Bert]

Whatever.

[Melissa]

Yeah, that's respect.

[Bert]

Totally the Fruit show.

[Adam]

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[Bert]

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[Adam]

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[Bert]

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[Adam]

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[Melissa]

Whoa.

[Adam]

So is Saldana.

[Melissa]

Hey, can you wrap these please?

[Bert]

Wow.

[Adam]

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[Melissa]

You can get four iPhone 17s on them. The new center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies. It's the perfect gift for everyone.

[Adam]

I'm the worst. I only got my mom a robe.

[Melissa]

Well, it's better than socks.

[Adam]

So I have to trade in my old phone, right?

[Melissa]

No AT T mobile. There's no trade ins needed when you switch. Keep your old phone or give it as a gift.

[Adam]

Incredible.

[Melissa]

In fact, wrap up my old phone too for my aunt Rosa. Forget that. Aunt Liz will be jealous.

[Adam]

Sounds like my family drama.

[Melissa]

Oh I got it. I'll give it to my abuela. I'll take reindeer paper with hey where are you going? To T mobile.

[Bert]

The holidays are better than AT T Mobile.

[Adam]

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[Melissa]

Got okay plus taxes, fees and $35.

[Adam]

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[Melissa]

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[Adam]

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[Bert]

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[Adam]

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[Bert]

What are we calling this virtual listener? Tracy.

[Melissa]

We'll call her Casey.

[Bert]

Casey.

[Adam]

Why don't we call her Cookie in honor of Tracy.

[Bert]

Hey, Cookie.

[Cookie]

Hi. How are you?

[Bert]

Good. How are you today?

[Cookie]

I've been better.

[Bert]

I just. I mean, it just feels to me like you're one of these women that just refuses to stand up for herself.

[Cookie]

Well, it happened like, a year and a half ago, I guess. So I'm not really as much worried that he would do it again because we're married now.

[Bert]

Okay, how long. How long were the two of you married? We're skipping ahead a little bit. How long were the two of you married?

[Cookie]

Almost a year now.

[Adam]

You were.

[Bert]

So you were.

[Melissa]

You weren't married back then?

[Cookie]

No, we were just engaged.

[Melissa]

Okay. How long had you been dating for?

[Cookie]

About two years.

[Melissa]

Two years you were engaged? And then what happened?

[Cookie]

Well, I caught them cheating on me in my house, and so.

[Bert]

That hurts, man. Was this a friend of yours?

[Cookie]

I knew her really well. I don't know if I call her a friend.

[Melissa]

Okay, and so that you walked in on them in the house. Were they in your bedroom?

[Cookie]

Yes.

[Adam]

So you came home from somewhere and, like, did you just happen to walk in blindly or.

[Cookie]

I was working and came home on surprise. And it was a surprise.

[Adam]

Oh, yes, it was.

[Bert]

Did you have any kind of feeling at all that something was going on between.

[Cookie]

Actually, this is so funny. I called you guys and was like, I need to know. Do you think you cheated on me? I don't even think I was like, he's cheating on you, period. He's cheating on you. And then two months later, I found out.

[Adam]

So you've been on with us before.

[Cookie]

Yeah.

[Bert]

And we told you that he was cheating on you.

[Cookie]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

And you waited two months before you walked in on him.

[Cookie]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Now, what were some of your. What was some of this suspicious stuff that you gave us that made us say definitively?

[Cookie]

You would get text messages from her and be like, I don't know why she's calling me. I have no idea. And I'm like, okay. And I'd let it go. And then she would randomly call as it was time for me to leave in the morning. Like, if I was running late, she would be Calling at the time I'd be leaving.

[Adam]

Oh, so you didn't take our advice the first time. So you're calling up to get it and not take it a second time?

[Cookie]

No, no. Okay, I took your advice. I just. At that point, I was pregnant. Not much I could do.

[Bert]

I guess you just felt like you were trapped and did you ever. So she, again, is in your social circle. You know of her, but you did not know her?

[Cookie]

No, I knew her. We just weren't real good friends.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Melissa]

All right. So you're pregnant, you're engaged to this guy. You walk in, they're having sex in your bed.

[Cookie]

Yeah, okay, but that's not the problem because we're fine now. I've completely forgiven him.

[Melissa]

Like, you're jumping ahead. So when did this forgiveness take place? And how do you. I don't understand. Did they end the affair immediately or.

[Cookie]

Well, yeah. She was out the door, and I chased her out the door. She was out the door. And then. I mean, it was a process. It wasn't something that happened overnight. It was a process. And eventually we.

[Bert]

Sure.

[Adam]

Breaking up is hard to do.

[Cookie]

Yeah. And so we worked it out, though. But I mean, it was just over a few months of the forgiveness part, and it took a while, and the trust had to rebuild itself, too. And that just recently happened the way I can trust them 100%.

[Bert]

Can we just stop for just one second? Like, this isn't a sister that we're talking about. This isn't a cousin like that. You guys are bonded for the rest of your life. Why didn't you just say, I don't want this person in our lives anymore? You had sex with a woman while I was pregnant and we were engaged. Dead.

[Cookie]

She's not in his life. So we have the exact same group of friends, and they invite her, and we are invited, too. And it's like we all end up at the same places all the time.

[Melissa]

She was in his life now.

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

Now you marry. Okay, so, okay, you said that you just recently were able to trust him, but you've been married a year. So you went ahead and married him when you didn't trust him?

[Cookie]

No, it took him about six months for me to gain my trust. Like, pretty much. I knew it would work out eventually. And so by the time we got married, I pretty much like 99% trusted him. And then the rest of it just came over time. Just the healing of it, I guess.

[Melissa]

So why are you calling us today?

[Cookie]

Because she does hang out with the same group of friends, and it's really hard every time, but I usually can, like, deal with it. But this time, I know she's coming in, like, this kind of very revealing, revealing costume. And I just had a baby in July, so I know she's gonna do that. And she's just like. She always tries to.

[Adam]

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Hold on a minute, Cokie. Burt has. Just as your parents would do when they were mad at you, they just did the. I can't even look at you right now. He just took his headphones off and.

[Bert]

Left and started walking out of the room. You're driving me crazy, Cookie. You're driving me crazy.

[Adam]

Hold on.

[Bert]

Adam, you have every right in the world to tell your husband this woman is not allowed in your general vicinity at all. But you haven't done that ever.

[Cookie]

Well, because these are my friends, too.

[Adam]

Well, hold on a minute.

[Bert]

Then if the. Cookie.

[Adam]

Hold on. You realize. You realize. That is funny every single time. You realize that all of your friends, by choosing to remain acquainted with the mistress. Bert. Bert. By remaining acquainted with the mistress.

[Bert]

Dead bitch.

[Adam]

Then they are choosing essentially her over you. Because I think, like, if I had a friend who was cheated on, then the person who, you know, the mistress or the person who did the cheating wouldn't be. I wouldn't acknowledge their existence anymore. Like, I would eliminate them. I think that's the sign of a friend. So your friends are choosing the mistress over you. You realize that, right?

[Cookie]

Yeah, I guess I can see that side, too. But it's not really. My direct friends want her there. She has a friend that invites her everywhere that everyone else is still friends with, and she invites her. So the people. That's. The guy that is having the party doesn't want her there either. It's just everyone's nice to her because everyone kind of feels sorry for her.

[Melissa]

I am assuming she's wearing. How do you know what she's wearing? You just said that she's going to wear this very revealing costume. How do you know what her costume is?

[Cookie]

Because we're still friends.

[Melissa]

You're still friends?

[Bert]

So she called you up and told you what she was going to be wearing?

[Cookie]

Yes.

[Melissa]

How often do you talk?

[Cookie]

Once or twice a week.

[Melissa]

Once or twice a week. And you're just buddies?

[Cookie]

I mean, she calls me when she has a problem and I talk to her. I try to be nice to her because.

[Melissa]

Why?

[Bert]

Why? You don't have to be. She had sex with your fiance while you were pregnant.

[Melissa]

In your bed.

[Bert]

In your bed. Why do you have to be nice to Her?

[Cookie]

I don't know. That's what my husband says. He's like, please don't talk to her. He's like, you do nothing but bring it back up.

[Adam]

Is he not talking to her anymore?

[Cookie]

No, he's not.

[Adam]

And you are.

[Cookie]

I just feel sorry for her.

[Bert]

You feel sorry for her? Oh, my God, Cookie.

[Adam]

This is an award winner.

[Bert]

You're killing me. I just feel so bad that you can't find the courage to stick up for yourself and just get this person out of your life entirely.

[Cookie]

I almost feel like if I have her out of my life, though, how am I gonna know if she does it again?

[Adam]

Keep your enemies closer.

[Melissa]

Well, I think by bringing her consistently into your life, you're increasing the chances of it happening again. I.

[Bert]

That was all the vowels right there.

[Melissa]

My thing is about women. My thing is about women. They're afraid to be A. And my thing. You could call me opinionated, you can call me A. I don't care what you call me, but that is not going to happen in my life. And I think that so many women, she's. I feel sorry for, but I don't want to be mean to her. I don't want to be mean to him. I know he cheated on, but I don't be mean. And then they're going to cry about what's going on in their life. And it's like, you gotta.

[Bert]

You gotta stand up for yourself.

[Melissa]

There are boundaries, and it's okay to maintain those boundaries.

[Adam]

It's okay, but let's just walk through it because it's so comical.

[Bert]

I don't want to beat her up.

[Adam]

I'm just saying, fiance has sex with a girl in your bed, it's disgusting. And you catch them because you come home to surprise your fiance and they're doing it.

[Melissa]

And the difference between all that scenario is like, neither one of them. I don't know, neither one of them would be in my life after that.

[Adam]

So then, fiance begs for forgiveness, and you find it in your heart to forgive him. And that's a whole other debate, whether or not you should, because you weren't even married yet or whatever. But you have pregnant at the time, but you have a baby on the way. So you open up your heart and you're generous and you forgive him and you trust him to not do it again. And you're working on your relationship and that's great. He has eliminated the girl that he did from his life, but you are holding onto her.

[Cookie]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Why?

[Melissa]

And you're even comparing yourself to her tomorrow. Night. Like, she's told you what she's wearing, and you're still. And you're. Then you're beating yourself.

[Bert]

Jeff asks a great question. Let's not. I. I think that needs to be answered. Why are you bringing her back into the relationship when your husband is fine letting her stay away?

[Cookie]

I think that's what Jeff said. It's like, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. I feel like she can't hurt me again if I know what she's doing. Sometimes.

[Bert]

She's hurting you just. Her presence is hurting.

[Melissa]

I don't believe it. I don't believe it. I don't believe that you're that calculated and you're that strong. You're like, I'm just going to keep my enemies closer. Because you wouldn't sit there and say, well, I just had a baby. My body's not as good at hers, and she's going to be all in her skimpy outfit tomorrow night, and I'm not. And I'm just. No, because it's ridiculous. Yes.

[Cookie]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

You had a baby. Yeah. I mean, and that should be something that you're celebrating. And you're comparing yourself to her and feeling sorry for yourself. Even with her in your life. You're not. You're not being strong in this and being.

[Bert]

Do these people in your social circle. Has anybody said to you that we none of us really like this other woman, let's just eliminate her? I mean, don't kill her.

[Cookie]

But no, they. I mean, it's just really hard because everyone has grown up together. I mean, these are people that everybody went to high school with. We all went together. Everyone's known each other forever. And, I mean, it's hard to say, hey, you're out of the circle because you did something wrong. Like, she's apologized for it and, like, she's regretful of it. And it's hard when you've grown up with someone to say, like, hey, you're out of. You know, you're out anymore.

[Adam]

We can't. This is.

[Bert]

Okay. I'm gonna.

[Adam]

I'm lost.

[Bert]

Cause I'm gonna put you on hold. We're gonna take some calls, and then we'll get you back on, okay?

[Cookie]

Okay.

[Adam]

Dude, why are we even taking calls?

[Bert]

I feel really bad for her.

[Adam]

You know how sometimes you'd hear people to take dog to the. You know, this.

[Bert]

Oh, I'm not ready for that.

[Adam]

That's what it is.

[Melissa]

Why do you feel bad? Why do you feel bad for.

[Bert]

I feel bad for her because she doesn't have the skill set to stand up for herself and act courageous and get what she wants out of life, and she's gonna walk through it miserably. She just doesn't. She can't.

[Melissa]

There is a time in your life when you are an adult and she either realizes that and makes a change or she doesn't and she moves on. And that's it. And obviously she's made her choice to be a weak woman.

[Bert]

Jeff. Don't need the voice of skies. All right, Trisha, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Cookie]

Hey, there. Okay, Cookie, since you can't confront this woman, let us do it for you. Get her on the voice disguiser or whatever. Oh, and Melissa, I totally agree with you that keep your enemies closer is crap. Yeah, completely dead bitch.

[Melissa]

You mean the mistress, right?

[Bert]

I wonder, can you put the voice disguiser back on here real quick? Hey, Cookie, if there was a way. Because you obviously don't. Well, you don't have the courage to do this. Would you rather her just not be in your life? You just don't have the courage to do this yourself?

[Cookie]

It's not like I don't have the courage. I just. It's just being able to say friends is the hard part. It's because she's not going away. Even if I want her to go away, she's not going away.

[Bert]

Make new friend.

[Adam]

Right?

[Melissa]

And also, Cookie, I would. You know, I'd listen to that argument if you weren't on the phone with her twice a week and you were helping her with her problems.

[Bert]

That's a great point. Like, if she's just there because the whole group is getting together. That's one thing. You guys are best as friends. Why are you on the phone with each other twice a week?

[Adam]

Why are you taking her calls? Like, can't you think of a hundred things you would? I can think of one to be more beneficial to you than talking to the woman who slept with your fiance in your bed.

[Cookie]

Go ahead, because I've got one left to say. She goes up to your fiance and he was in your bed, and I was like, someone say why you were pregnant?

[Melissa]

Why you're pregnant? That's right. You gotta add all of it to it.

[Bert]

You know how I feel about that. That's. That to me, is the lowest of the low. When you screw around. When you screw around, period. But when you screw around on your wife while she's pregnant with your baby, to me, it gets zero. Lower than that.

[Cookie]

He didn't know I was pregnant at the time.

[Bert]

You were six months pregnant. Didn't you say that?

[Cookie]

No, it was six months before, like, we've been engaged.

[Bert]

Oh, okay.

[Melissa]

Well, yeah. And in the bed. I don't. The reason I keep bringing that up because another one extra.

[Bert]

That's the trifecta right there.

[Melissa]

Cheat on me and then you cheat on me in our bed.

[Adam]

You said you keep those sheets.

[Cookie]

That's not what I called for.

[Adam]

Oh, what did. Okay. What? What?

[Melissa]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Cookie?

[Adam]

Yeah. What's your question? Let's just hear your question.

[Cookie]

Okay. She is going to the Halloween party. She's been invited and she wants. I just want to know, how do I tell her I don't want her there?

[Bert]

Okay, here's why I don't. Here's why I don't feel comfortable getting you that advice, because what you're doing is so unhealthy for yourself. That. And we would be, quote, unquote, like, enabling this, you know?

[Adam]

Like, here's how you tell her, hey, skank. You did my husband in my bed while I was pregnant. I really don't want you in my life anymore. So don't come to the Halloween party, don't call me, and don't call my husband. Any questions?

[Bert]

Here's an interesting observation, John. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Cookie]

If she is still in your life and you know, chances are he's still hitting it, especially if he knows he's going to the party.

[Melissa]

You think.

[Bert]

Is there any part of you that believes that he might still be having sex with this woman?

[Cookie]

Not at all. Not in the slightest little bit. I know he's not.

[Adam]

How do you know?

[Cookie]

Well, because, I mean, I just know. I know the difference in my husband, and I know he's not. Without a doubt in my mind, I would give 100 certainty he's not.

[Adam]

How do you. Like, how. How can you be 100 certain, though? Like, how do you know? Are you with him 24 7?

[Cookie]

No, he. I just know, like, if. If he were doing it, he would probably do at least some of the signs that he had last time is in, like, leak numbers out of his phone. I know. Like, I have the phone bill. I could check it whenever I wanted to, if I wanted to. I don't, but I could. And I just know that if he were doing it, he wouldn't let me have access to that.

[Bert]

All right, follow me in this situation, because now I'm going to totally turn on you because you're the one that's doing wrong this weekend. Not the mistress. This is. You're. You're the one that's causing the problem because you have allowed her to be a friend of you, of yours. And in your circle, you. You're not allowed to say when she can show up and when she can't. You're talking to her twice a week. So you have already established a friendship.

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Bert]

Either enjoy her company or don't. But you can't pick and choose where you want to see her. You are wrong.

[Cookie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Melissa]

Cookie. You can't be lukewarm about it. I mean, I think that. I mean, because that's. You're sending two different signals by being someone she can confide in and then turning around, saying you can't go to this party because if they're. And that you totally trust your husband, but yet you're afraid for her to be in her scanley clad outfit tomorrow night at the party.

[Cookie]

I don't trust her. And I see what you're saying, and I guess I am wrong because I shouldn't be nice to her if I feel this way. I'm not saying that you're not right. That's what I called for is because I'm so confused on what to do. Like I just completely get out of my life and then just take the chances for doing it again, but hoping that she won't. Or.

[Bert]

Yeah, your theory is flawed. I mean, this whole keep her close to you and watch her look, she's gonna screw around. They're gonna find a way to screw around if it's gonna happen. So you might as well just eliminate her. Eliminate it You. But again, you can't pick and choose where you want her to hang out. You've chosen to be her friend. So it's unfair to her actually, for you to say you can't go to the party.

[Cookie]

I should just tell her I don't want to be friends with her at all?

[Bert]

Yes, I think so, Melissa.

[Melissa]

Yeah. I mean, what's easier for you in your life? And, you know, I hate to throw the mother card on you, but what advice would you give your child? What model do you want your child to see?

[Cookie]

I think the hard part for me is just that I don't really mind being her friend. It's not like I've gotten over the whole situation, what happened. I mean, it's not my fault. It's just. It's hard when it's the three of us. It's not hard when it's me and her or it's the mean him. It's hard when we're offering there, then.

[Melissa]

You'Re not over it. And there's no reason. I mean. And I don't blame you for not being over it. I mean, it's. That's a big burn.

[Bert]

You never get over something like that.

[Melissa]

And I think that just. But, you know, just because you're not around them, I mean, that makes it. That's okay. You don't have to. I don't know, Cookie.

[Cookie]

I agree with you. I do agree. I do agree that I'm probably not doing the right thing. And I probably should just tell her because I don't think what I'm doing is really fair to anyone either. I just. I guess I'm stuck. And I don't. At this point, I don't know what to do because it's been going on for so long that I've been nice to her that I just don't know. I don't know. I just feel like I've made the mistake, I guess, now of being in front of those begin with.

[Bert]

That is true. It's not reversible, though. I mean, I think that's. This is solved in one conversation with your husband and one conversation with her. I tried to do the right thing. I have never really gotten over this. I'm sorry. I'm uncomfortable. We can't be friends anymore. She has no defense. She slept with your fiance while you were pregnant. Nobody gets over that in your bed. Thanks, Melissa. Cookie, we got. We gotta go. You know what the right thing is to do here, but you're gonna have to muster up some strength.

[Cookie]

All right? Thank you.

[Bert]

Sorry.

[Melissa]

Good luck.

[Adam]

Wow.

[Bert]

I don't need the voice disguiser. Morning, Burchell.

[Cookie]

That girl is beyond retarded. I'm stabbing my desk at work thinking how stupid can one person be?

[Bert]

She just doesn't have the strength to do this, you know? I mean, I really feel bad for her.

[Cookie]

Well, my ex boyfriend went to Korea. He was in the military. And I found out he was cheating on me. And I was pregnant at the time. But I guarantee you I got the guts and I left him and I didn't look back. And I think that she should have left that guy when she had the chance. Because if he cheated on her while she was pregnant, he's gonna do it again.

[Melissa]

Absolutely. I think, you know, a lot of times, and I know Bert gets frustrated. I know guys don't understand it because guys are better at things like this for cutting things off and moving on, standing up for themselves. And I think that so many times with women. You know, our minds are so connected to our hearts. Our, our thought process involves so much emotion. I think more so than it does with guys on a consistent basis. That that's when we. That's when we gray the, gray the. Or muddy the waters rather, because she is putting all this emotion to it. Should I do the right thing? Should I be friends? I mean, we have to honor our friendships as we've been friends since high school and blah, blah, blah, blah blah and all those things. So many women do that and they make their lives so complicated and they don't want to stand up for themselves because again, so many women don't want to be considered a bitch.

[Bert]

And then you wake up in the morning and you constantly feel like the victim. Life sucks. Why me? Why me? Why me? And you're creating all these situations for yourself.

[Melissa]

Sometimes it's okay to be a bitch. Ladies. It's okay.

[Bert]

Save that. Get it The Bird show.

[Melissa]

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[Adam]

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[Cookie]

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[Melissa]

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[Cookie]

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[Melissa]

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[Cookie]

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[Melissa]

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[Cookie]

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