The Bert Show – Full Show PT 3: Wednesday, November 5, 2025

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This episode of The Bert Show delivers the usual blend of authentic humor, candid real-life stories, pop culture banter, and listener drama. The core pieces include a lively interview with actors Heather Graham and Jimmy Mistry about their film "The Guru", a classic "War of the Roses" segment featuring a suspicious wife, and a uniquely weird interview with a self-described 'afterlife telegrams' entrepreneur. Laughter, vulnerability, and the cast's signature quick wit drive the conversation throughout, making for a dynamic and entertaining morning radio experience.

Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Interview: Heather Graham & Jimmy Mistry (from "The Guru")

[02:14 – 08:15]

• Movie Banter & Behind-the-Scenes:

  • The cast reminisces about memorable roles of Heather Graham (Roller Girl in "Boogie Nights", "Austin Powers", "Bowfinger", etc.) and dives into their newest project, "The Guru".
  • Humorous recounting of an embarrassing set moment involving Jimmy Mistry and a ‘pouch’ during a towel-dropping scene.
    • “He was wearing a pouchy thing. And then, when they took it off, he was in serious pain.” – Heather Graham [02:57]

• Handling Uncertainty in Film:

  • Graham discusses not always knowing if a project will succeed:
    • “You never actually totally know, because sometimes things turn out good that you think... so you just kind of hope.” – Heather Graham [03:23]

• Pop Culture Recognition & Accents:

  • Heather shares funny fan encounters, especially with kids quoting "Austin Powers".
    • “They’re like, ‘Was it Shag?’ And then they ran away.” – Heather Graham [03:57]
  • Jimmy and Heather playfully attempt each other’s native accents, leading to jovial teasing among the hosts.

• Their On-Set Dynamic & 'Diva' Jokes:

  • The duo jokes about trailers, egos, and behind-the-scenes relationships.
    • "He was kind of a diva, though, you know, he's like, oh, is my trailer as big as Heather's and all that? No, I'm joking." – Heather Graham [05:12]

• Heather’s High School Experience:

  • Graham modestly debunks the myth that movie stars were always confident and popular, sharing stories about being awkward and nerdy, even wearing a neck gear to school.
    • “I had neck gear at one point... I wore it to school.” – Heather Graham [06:02–06:05]

• Reflection on Drive & Ambition:

  • Conversation turns to how being an outsider can fuel career aspirations:
    • “If you grow up really happy and you always have everything you want, you don't have the same ambition.” – Heather Graham [06:49]

• Nostalgia for "License to Drive":

  • Graham reflects on being on set with both Coreys (Feldman & Haim) and the shift from awkward high schooler to movie star.
    • “All along, people were just kind of like, oh, you know, she’s a nerd. And they’re like, wow, maybe I should have asked her out.” – Heather Graham [07:07]

• Praise for Marisa Tomei:

  • Admiration for co-star's physique and performance.
    • “She has a scene in lingerie. I was like, wow, man. Like, that girl works out.” – Heather Graham [08:06]

2. War of the Roses: Is Doug Cheating?

[08:16 – 15:14]

• Setup:

  • Listener Diane suspects her husband Doug of infidelity, citing vague behavior and echoes of a past cheating incident.
  • She's also three months pregnant, adding emotional complexity.

• Doug’s Response to the ‘Florist’ Call:

  • The team orchestrates their classic 'War of the Roses' test—offering free roses to Doug under the pretext of a promotional florist.
    • Doug chooses to send the roses to Diane, writing: "With all my love. Always, Doug." [12:34–12:40]

• Awkward Radio Reveal:

  • Doug catches on quickly: “I knew something was going on. No one offers a free dozen roses. Nothing's free.” [12:48–12:54]
  • Diane awkwardly tries to play off why they're on the radio, but the hosts press on her suspicion and the awkwardness ramps up.

• Fallout:

  • Doug is frustrated, telling Diane: “You guys are being a little rude here. I think you're insulting my relationship here, baby, I think you should hang up the phone.” [14:59]
  • The segment ends with the hosts sheepishly apologizing.

3. The ‘Afterlife Telegrams’ Guy: A Wild Invention

[15:14 – 26:44]

• Paul’s Pitch:

  • Paul proposes a service where, for $5 per word, a telegram can be sent to a deceased loved one via a terminally ill person who memorizes it and promises to deliver it in the afterlife.
    • “For a fee of $5 per word, with a five word minimum, you can write a telegram to someone who has passed away...and when they pass away, it’s their job to deliver that message.” – Paul [16:09]

• No Sales, Many Questions:

  • Paul reveals he has not had any paying customers, and the conversation devolves into playful and often sarcastic questioning about logistics (“What if the terminal messenger doesn’t end up in the same afterlife as your loved one?”), and ethics (“How do you confirm delivery?”).
    • “There are a lot of people I'm gonna run into. I mean, I'm gonna have to do a lot of searching.” – Host [16:48]

• Logistical & Philosophical Problems:

  • They joke about heaven, hell, purgatory, reincarnation, and the possibly awkward fate awaiting the messenger (“What if by the time the messenger gets there he’s a squirrel?”).

• Origins & Intent:

  • Paul admits the idea originated from a throwaway gag in the Wayans brothers’ film "Blank Man", not from any religious conviction.
    • “Actually, there's this terrible, terrible movie...called Blank Man.” – Paul [24:08]

• Criticism & Defense:

  • A caller accuses Paul of preying on the grieving; he insists no one’s paid him and there are safeguards on his site.
    • “Number one, you haven't visited the website. If you did, you'd see that I have a whole lot of safeguards...” – Paul [25:56]

• Plugging the Website:

  • The hosts encourage listeners, tongue-in-cheek, to check out afterlifetelegrams.com, and wish Paul luck.
    • “For anybody stupid enough to go: afterlifetelegrams.com, afterlifetelegrams.com, afterlifetelegrams.com. Gotta say it one more time...” – Paul [26:21]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Heather Graham on being approached for ‘Austin Powers’:

  • “They’re like, ‘Was it Shag?’ And then they ran away.” [03:57]

• Heather Graham on childhood awkwardness:

  • “I had neck gear at one point...I wore it to school.” [06:02–06:05]

• Jimmy Mistry on the burden of his movie reputation:

  • “In England, when I walk around, people think I know everything about sex. Because they go, ‘Oh my God, there’s the Guru. Let’s go and ask him...’” [04:01]

• Paul on his afterlife messaging service:

  • “For a fee of $5 per word, with a five word minimum, you can write a telegram to someone who has passed away...and when they pass away, it’s their job to deliver that message.” [16:09]

• Host, on skepticism:

  • “There are a lot of people I'm gonna run into. I mean, I'm gonna have to do a lot of searching.” [16:48]
  • “How do we get a receipt?” [22:26]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:14] – Interview with Heather Graham and Jimmy Mistry begins
• [03:56] – Heather Graham on “Austin Powers” fan stories
• [05:12] – Heather jokes about Jimmy being a diva
• [06:02] – Heather on being nerdy in high school
• [08:16] – War of the Roses: Diane suspects Doug
• [12:34] – Doug sends roses to Diane; “With all my love. Always, Doug.”
• [14:59] – Doug calls out the hosts: “You guys are being a little rude here.”
• [15:32] – Interview with ‘Afterlife Telegrams’ Guy starts
• [16:09] – Paul describes the service
• [24:08] – “Blank Man” movie inspiration revealed
• [25:56] – Paul defends the integrity of his service

Tone & Style

Conversational, sharp, and irreverent. The hosts keep things moving at a quick pace, alternating between playful teasing and genuine curiosity. Interviews blend candid confessions with tongue-in-cheek skepticism, especially with unusual callers and guests.

For Listeners Who Missed It

• Celebrity Interviews: Catch Heather Graham’s blend of glam, honesty, and nerdy self-deprecation.
• Dramatic Listener Calls: "War of the Roses" offers both tension and extreme awkwardness as Doug is put on the spot.
• Truly Oddball Inventions: Experience the hilarious and bizarre "afterlife telegrams" concept — a perfect example of The Bert Show’s love of the unusual.

Overall, the episode highlights why The Bert Show remains a top morning radio choice: unfiltered conversations, humor in awkwardness, and a willingness to follow curiosity wherever it leads.