Vault: Advice From 11 Year Old

Summary

The Bert Show (Vault: Advice From 11 Year Old)

Date: November 4, 2025
Host: The Bert Show Cast (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & team)
Special Guest: Jacob, 11-year-old "child psychologist"

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Episode Overview

In this special throwback episode, The Bert Show invites Jacob, an 11-year-old with surprising life wisdom, to offer relationship advice to listeners struggling with adult problems. Jacob's unfiltered, straightforward, and unexpectedly practical guidance becomes the centerpiece as he fields a series of real-life relationship quandaries. The episode is light-hearted, often hilarious, and leans into the idea that sometimes children can cut through adult drama with elegant simplicity.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction: Jacob’s Wisdom and Premise

• The hosts reintroduce Jacob, first encountered during Bert's Big Adventure, noting his unique insight and lack of typical "kid talk."
• Jacob is challenged to take on the role of psychologist, tackling adult relationship dilemmas live on the air.

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2. Caller Advice Sessions

A. When Your Partner Lives With Their Ex (01:53–03:17)

• Caller: 21-year-old woman dating a 32-year-old man who still lives with his child’s mother.
• Jacob’s Advice:
  • "Life is about what you think, not what other people think. So don’t go under the influence of everybody else. Keep it real…do what you want to do." (02:53)
  • If the ex doesn’t move out, give her a day, “’Cause, like, girls are really hard to move out.” (03:09)

B. Infidelity and Self-Understanding (04:32–07:31)

• Caller: Man confesses cheating on his wife, doesn’t understand why, seeks justification.
• Jacob’s Advice:
  • “I don’t think you should have done it. That’s kind of like weird, like, not like that kind of ‘oh that’s not weird’, but like weird weird. Like crazy stuff weird.” (06:26)
  • “If you don’t know why you did it…maybe you should just start helping her out and get a different relationship or something if she doesn’t wanna be with you. But if she does, then hey, what the heck, just go with it.” (06:40)
  • "If you hooked up with her, then you hooked up with her. Just go with the flow, man. Just do what you have to do." (07:19)

C. Avoiding the Future (07:39–08:49)

• Caller: Woman living with boyfriend for a year; he dodges “where are we going?” conversations.
• Jacob’s Advice:
  • “If he doesn’t wanna go through with anything, then just don’t go through it with him.” (08:28)
  • “And he can’t force her in anything, which he’s not trying to do. So if he doesn’t want to go through with it, don’t go through with it. And if you don’t want to go through it with him, then don’t go through it with him.” (08:35)

D. Constant Arguments Over Trivial Things (09:09–11:16)

• Caller: Couple constantly argues about insignificant things (cars, animals spotted while driving, etc.).
• Jacob’s Advice:
  • “If you’re arguing a lot, then that’s just kind of being kind of like the same…but if that’s something like that minor, like a car, like, how do you do that? I just don’t get that.” (09:43)
  • “If you don’t like that, then don’t be with someone that you don’t like.” (10:04)
  • Suggests: “Just call it a fox dog.” (11:07), humorously encouraging compromise.

E. Chemistry With a Friend vs. Fiancé (11:28–13:14)

• Caller: Woman engaged for two years, but feels stronger chemistry with her fiancé’s best friend.
• Jacob’s Advice:
  • “Well, then the one with the most chemistry just go with. Because you don’t want to be with somebody, like, two years down the road that’s, like, you don’t like anymore.” (12:56)
  • If the former fiancé gets upset afterwards, “If he wants to get mad, just stay away from him. And if you just like, ‘hey, what’s up?’ then just do that.” (13:32)
  • Hosts dub the situation "a bit of a fox dog," tying back to Jacob’s earlier advice.

F. Relationship Distance and Age Gaps (13:50–15:45)

• Caller: Woman 11 years older than her partner, senses growing emotional distance.
• Jacob’s Advice:
  • “If he doesn’t want to be in something, don’t make him. And…I think you should confront him and ask him about it.” (14:32)
  • “If this guy doesn’t...want to be in the relationship, then why do you want to be in the relationship?” (15:16)
  • The caller parallels Jacob’s advice to her own seven-year-old niece: “I call her for advice.” (15:10)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jacob (02:53): “Life is about what you think, not what other people think. So don’t go under the influence of everybody else. Keep it real.”
• Jacob (06:26): “That’s just kind of like weird...not like ‘oh that’s not weird’, but like weird weird.”
• Jacob (07:19): “Go with the flow, man. Just do what you have to do.”
• Jacob (08:28): “If he doesn’t want to go through with anything, then just don’t go through it with him.”
• Jacob (10:04): “If you don’t like that, then don’t be with someone that you don’t like.”
• Jacob (11:07): “Just call it a fox dog.”
• Jacob (12:56): “Well, then the one with the most chemistry just go with.”
• Jacob (14:32): “If he doesn’t want to be in something, don’t make him.”

Hosts’ Commentary:

• (14:45) Podcast Host: “If this show has taught me anything, it’s that puberty has made us stupid.”
• (15:16) Caller: “I like this little kid. He’s almost like my seven-year-old niece. I call her for advice.”

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Major Themes

• Simplicity Over Complication:
  Jacob consistently encourages listeners to strip away the excess drama and complexity that adults often bring to relationships, urging them to focus on what they feel and to avoid forcing situations.
• Authenticity and Directness:
  His “go with the flow” philosophy, repeated throughout the calls, is not only the punchline but a genuine ethos. Jacob advocates honesty with oneself and with partners.
• Childlike Wisdom:
  The episode playfully highlights that a child’s perspective can be more effective than adult rationalization when it comes to resolving adult dilemmas.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:53 – Jacob introduced as “child psychologist”
• 02:18 – Caller 1: Partner living with ex; Jacob’s advice
• 04:32–07:31 – Caller 2: Cheated husband; Jacob's honest take
• 07:39 – Caller 3: Future-avoidant boyfriend; “Go with the flow”
• 09:09–11:16 – Caller 4: Nitpicking couple; “Fox dog” advice
• 11:28–13:14 – Caller 5: Chemistry with fiancé’s friend; follow your feelings
• 13:50–15:45 – Caller 6: Age gap and emotional disconnect
• 15:45 – Host’s reflection on the wisdom of children

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Overall Tone

The episode is light, comedic, real, and refreshingly blunt, with plenty of banter between the hosts and Jacob. The recurring “go with the flow” theme becomes both the running joke and the key moral takeaway. Adults may have the years, but sometimes the best advice is just the simplest.

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This episode is a must-listen for a feel-good look at relationships through honest, young eyes—reminding us, sometimes, not to overthink it.

Transcript

[Adam Grant]

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[Podcast Host]

The Bird show we met Jacob on Bert's Big Adventure and you know how sometimes you just meet a child that has like this wisdom like he's 11 years old but he doesn't say like 11 year old things a lot of times Jacob is one of those kids and we brought him on weeks and weeks and weeks ago to see how good he would be at kind of, like, playing the role of psychologist. He did so well. Here's a sample of one of the calls that we took.

[Jacob (Child Psychologist)]

I am currently dating a. I am 21. He is 32, but he lives in a house with his son's mother, but they're no longer together. She's supposed to be moving out actually today. Should I stand here and, you know, try to make things work, or should I go with everybody else's opinion and say, you know, yeah, he's probably got, you know, he's probably with his baby's mama and all this stuff. Whoa, that's some crazy stuff. Well, I think that life is about what you think, not what other people think. So don't go under the influence of everybody else. Like, keep it real. Keep it like how you want it, and just basically do what you want to do, not what other people want to do. Well, if she doesn't move out, then, yeah, tell her to leave. So if she's not gone today, give her a day. Give her a day. Because, like, girls are really hard to move out.

[Podcast Host]

So he summed it up in 30 seconds, man. Yes. Not a long, complicated adult talk. Jacob went right to it, man. We were in and out in 30 seconds. It took her longer to explain the problem than it did Jacob, how to fix it. Yeah. Hey, Jacob. How you doing, man?

[Jacob (Child Psychologist)]

I'm doing good.

[Podcast Host]

How you been, dude?

[Jacob (Child Psychologist)]

Yeah, it's okay.

[Podcast Host]

What's going on?

[Jacob (Child Psychologist)]

Well, I'm just sitting here, kind of.

[Podcast Host]

Sitting here. Kind of what?

[Jacob (Child Psychologist)]

Watching stuff like the walls.

[Adam Grant]

Just bored.

[Podcast Host]

Waiting for us to get to your phone call.

[Co-host/Producer]

Sitting there watching the walls?

[Jacob (Child Psychologist)]

Yeah, man. Halls are fun.

[Podcast Host]

What are they.

[Co-host/Producer]

What are they doing?

[Jacob (Child Psychologist)]

They're dry.

[Podcast Host]

I hear. What I hear him saying is in his rider contract, we have to have him on a hold less than 60 seconds.

[Co-host/Producer]

What he's saying is, can we keep it moving here, people? Right.

[Podcast Host]

All right, Jacob, let's get to the first call for you. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm actually going to put you on hold because everybody that wants to talk to you this morning wants to be on the voice disguiser. So I'll put you on hold. We will take their call. You will hear it while you're on hold, and then I'll bring you back on. Okay?

[Caller]

All right.

[Co-host/Producer]

And when you come back out, will you speak up nice and loud for us?

[Caller]

Okay.

[Podcast Host]

Okay. Hold on one second.

[Co-host/Producer]

I don't want you to wake up.

[Podcast Host]

The walls seems awfully bored with us today. Good morning. We will call this Birch show listener Bill hello, you're on the voice disguiser.

[Caller]

Good morning.

[Podcast Host]

Good morning. You have a question for our child psychologist, Jacob?

[Caller]

Yes, I do. Jacob. I here recently have had cheated on my wife. And my wife knows all about it and she's still with me, fortunately. But I don't know why I did this. I needed help.

[Podcast Host]

All right, hold on one second.

[Co-host/Producer]

Well, what's this specific question for Jacob, specifically what do you need help with?

[Caller]

I don't know why I did it. She keeps asking me why I cheated on her and I have no answer.

[Podcast Host]

Why you're perfectly happy in the relationship.

[Caller]

I was perfectly happy in the relationship. There's. There's 11 and a half years apart in our age. I don't know if that played a factor in it, but it just happened.

[Podcast Host]

Who's older?

[Caller]

She is.

[Co-host/Producer]

So you're going see the 10 year old to come up with an excuse for you to give to your wife as to why you cheated on her.

[Podcast Host]

He's 11 going on 12.

[Co-host/Producer]

Sorry.

[Podcast Host]

All right, Bill, hold on one second. All right, one's heavy right there. Let's see what Jacob has to say about it. Jacob, did you catch that?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Here you got a married guy, been married for a while. His wife is like 11 years older than he is, and he was perfectly happy in his marriage and went out, ended up hooking up with another woman.

[Jacob (Child Psychologist)]

Well, was there like anything involved? Like what you got like a bar or something?

[Podcast Host]

Oh, honestly, I'm gonna put both you guys on the voice disguiser. Bill, Jacob has questions for you.

[Caller]

No, it was not at a bar. It was a girl that was running around at work. It just kind of happened.

[Co-host/Producer]

Well, that's what happened when girls just start running in the office, you just.

[Podcast Host]

Kind of fall on top of them. Yep, that's a tough one right there, Jacob. This guy was totally happy.

[Caller]

What's happening?

[Adam Grant]

Is that Jacob?

[Podcast Host]

Hello?

[Caller]

Yes, I'm still here.

[Podcast Host]

Okay, go ahead, Jacob.

[Caller]

All right.

I just.

Oh, okay.

[Jacob (Child Psychologist)]

I don't think that you should have done it. That's just kind of like weird, like, not like that kind of like, oh, that's not weird, but like weird weird. Like crazy stuff weird. But like, if you want to tell her that you didn't mean to and stuff, if you already have, then that's good. But I mean, I don't know what went on exactly because like, I wasn't there. So you just gotta like kinda think it through and know why you did it. And if you don't know why you did it, then maybe you should just start like helping her out and get a different relationship or something if she doesn't wanna be with you, but if she does, then, hey, what the heck, Just go with it.

[Podcast Host]

I think he's asking, he's like, hey, I was totally happy. And you know what? Like, so some nice looking woman came around. I ended up hooking up with her. And I can't figure it out.

[Jacob (Child Psychologist)]

Yeah, well, if you hooked up with her, then you hooked up with her. Just go with the flow, man. Just do what you have to do.

[Co-host/Producer]

Okay, so that's what you tell your wife, sir. Go with the flow.

[Podcast Host]

Go with the flow. Go with the flow. Hold on one second. Okay, Jacob.

[Caller]

All right.

[Podcast Host]

Good morning. We're gonna call you Micah. What's up?

[Caller]

I have been dating this guy for over a year, living together for a year. And every time I try to have the where are we going? Future Conversation, he starts making jokes, changes the subject. And he did get out of a really abusive, emotionally abusive marriage before we met. And I got kids, he's got kids. And I was trying to decide or try to figure out what we're doing and where we're going.

[Podcast Host]

All right, so for one year. Well, let's get Jacob back on here. I think the voice disguiser off. Jacob, for one year, Micah has been living with this guy. He keeps avoiding the future talk like she wants to build a future with this guy. Every time Micah brings it up, he wants nothing to do with the conversation. As an. As an 11 year old, what is your advice to her?

[Jacob (Child Psychologist)]

Well, if he doesn't want to go through with anything, then just don't go through it with him.

[Podcast Host]

So you can't force him into anything.

[Jacob (Child Psychologist)]

Exactly. And he can't force her in anything, which he's not trying to do. So if he doesn't want to go through with it, don't go through with it. And if you don't want to go through it with him, then don't go through it with him.

[Co-host/Producer]

So are you kind of saying go.

[Podcast Host]

With the flow, go with the flow?

[Jacob (Child Psychologist)]

Exactly.

[Podcast Host]

Go with the flow.

[Co-host/Producer]

Go with the flow.

[Podcast Host]

Don't force him into anything. And good morning to trying to get Jackie on. Fallon, hang up. Put her on hold. Hey, Jackie. Was this Michelle?

[Caller]

Yes.

[Podcast Host]

Hey, Michelle.

[Caller]

Hey.

[Podcast Host]

Go ahead. You're on with Jacob.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Jacob (Child Psychologist)]

Me and my partner, we just seem to argue a lot over real stupid stuff. And I just. I don't know what to do about it. It'll be over something as stupid as what kind of car just drove by us, and we'll just go at it and argue, and it will turn into a huge argument. And I just don't know what to do about it.

[Advertisement Narrator]

Go with the flow.

[Podcast Host]

All right. How long you been going out, Michelle?

[Jacob (Child Psychologist)]

For about a year.

[Podcast Host]

About a year. Jacob, speak up real loud for us too. What should she do here? Everything just seems to end up in an argument with Michelle and her partner.

[Jacob (Child Psychologist)]

Well, if you're arguing a lot, then that's just kind of being kind of like the same. And you want to kind of not have everybody saying the same thing and you want to be different. But if that's something like that minor, like a car, like, how do you do that? I just don't get that.

[Caller]

But.

[Jacob (Child Psychologist)]

If you don't like that, then don't be with someone that you don't like.

[Podcast Host]

That sounds like really simple, great advice. So, Michelle, if you're arguing over little itty bitty things like a car.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Jacob (Child Psychologist)]

I mean, like one night we were driving and we saw something in the woods and he said it was a fox. I said it was a dog. And then it just turned into an argument. Like, why are you always disagreeing with me? I don't understand you. And then old stuff gets brought up. Like old. Other simple arguments get brought up. And it's like, I don't understand. And he gets really mad. He also has a temper problem, and I just. I don't understand it. Like, I refuse to argue with him. I try to stay calm, and he keeps going on until it's like I react.

[Podcast Host]

I think Jacob already told you. Yeah. If you're with somebody you don't like, then don't be with somebody you don't like. Is that your final advice there, Jacob?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Jacob (Child Psychologist)]

And if you still want to stay with him, just call it a fox dog.

[Podcast Host]

And that's going with the flow right there.

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Blue.

[Jacob (Child Psychologist)]

And he says it's yellow. It's a blue and yellow car.

[Podcast Host]

This guy's gonna be married for 75 years. Jacob, hold on one second. Somebody else wants to be on the voice disguiser. Good morning, Jackie.

[Caller]

Hello. Good morning. I love y' all guys.

[Podcast Host]

Thank you. You need advice from our 11 year old child psychologist?

[Caller]

Yes. I've been engaged for two years and I have chemistry with this friend. And is that normal to have chemistry with someone and absolutely be in love with someone else?

[Podcast Host]

All right, so you are engaged, but you have a stronger chemistry with the best friend. Just so we can kind of like get a couple more details. Is the best friend showing any interest in you?

[Caller]

And there's some innocent, like, little flirting, like, do you mind if I kiss your fiance? You know, and then he's like, I'm just kidding. But, I mean, I think there is. But when we don't see him for a while, it's like the feeling goes away. But then when we see him, it's like my stomach drops to my. You know, my heart drops to my stomach. So I don't know if that's normal. Maybe it's cold feet. Maybe. I don't know. You know?

[Podcast Host]

I don't know. So when all three of you are together, you have stronger chemistry with your fiance's best friend than you do with your fiance.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

I want to see what he wants to say. Hold on one second.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Podcast Host]

All right, we get Jacob back on. All right, Jacob, the scenario here is that we're gonna call her. Jackie is engaged, but she has more of a chemistry, and she's actually more attracted to her fiance's best friend than she is her fiance.

[Jacob (Child Psychologist)]

Well, then the one with the most chemistry just go with. Because you don't want to be with somebody like, two years down the road that's like, you don't like anymore. If you have better chemistry with somebody else, then maybe longer you'll be able to live with them and stuff.

[Podcast Host]

All right, so dump the fiance and go with the person that you feel more strongly about.

[Jacob (Child Psychologist)]

Yep.

[Podcast Host]

Okay.

[Co-host/Producer]

And then, hey, Jacob, what does she do when she's with this guy that, you know, she dumped the fiance for, but because they're all friends, like, a year from now, she's at a party and with the new guy, and the fiance walks in, then just if he.

[Jacob (Child Psychologist)]

Wants to get mad, just stay away from him. And if you just like, hey, what's up? Then just do that.

[Co-host/Producer]

And it's a fox dog.

[Podcast Host]

It's a fox dog. Yeah, we got a bit of a fox dog on our hands. Caroline, you're gonna be the last call here for Jacob, our child psychologist.

[Jacob (Child Psychologist)]

Okay, Go ahead. Hi, Jacob. Hello, Jacob. I'm in a relationship with this guy. We've been dating probably about two and a half years, and we started out as friends in a little group. I didn't pay him any attention. He approached me. There is one problem with me, but not necessarily he says, with him. I'm 11 years older than he is, and lately we started out, like, having a really good relationship, and now he's kind of, like, pulled back. It's like he's with me, but he's not with me.

[Co-host/Producer]

Maybe the first guy who called in, he's doing something in the office.

[Podcast Host]

So what exactly is your question for Jacob?

[Jacob (Child Psychologist)]

My question is, should I just approach him and say, is there something wrong? Do you want to move on? Is the relationship over? Because I feel like he's distant. Well, I think that if, like I said before, if he doesn't want to be in something, don't make him. And if I think you should confront him and ask him about it, because I mean, if he doesn't want to be with you, then obviously that makes you not want to be with him because then he'll not like you and then you won't like him and there will be a whole huge thing.

[Caller]

True.

[Jacob (Child Psychologist)]

I like this little kid. He's almost like my seven year old niece. I call her for advice.

[Podcast Host]

I mean, they cut right through it. I mean, he's telling you, look, if this guy doesn't. If he doesn't want to be in the relationship, then why do you want to be in the relationship? Is what Jacob said.

[Jacob (Child Psychologist)]

Exactly. I mean, because I'm a very attractive woman. I'm not being. I'm not being facetious, but I'm at the gym four times a week. So it's not like I just need him because of his age and that. But we were just really good friends. And so before we were lovers, we were friends.

[Podcast Host]

He gave advice. I mean, that's the thing about adults will complicate. Like I think if this show has taught me anything, is that puberty has made us stupid.

[Caller]

Thanks, Jacob.

[Podcast Host]

Hi, Caroline. See ya, Jacob. Very solid advice again today, dude.

[Co-host/Producer]

All right, well done.

[Podcast Host]

All right, thank you for coming on with us. Okay, bye. Talk to you later. Bye. Bye. The bird show. Dude, did you order the new iPhone 17 Pro?

[Co-host/Producer]

Got it from Verizon, the best 5G network in America.

[Podcast Host]

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[Co-host/Producer]

But with this camera, everything looks better.

[Podcast Host]

Especially me. You haven't changed your hair. In fact, 15 years. Cell these.

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[Adam Grant]

Delivery available for select [e-mail] hey, it's Adam Grant from Ted's podcast Work Life, and this episode is brought to you by. ServiceNow AI is only as powerful as the platform it's built into. That's why it's no surprise that more than 85% of the Fortune 500 companies use the ServiceNow AI platform. While other platforms duct tape tools together, ServiceNow seamlessly unifies people, data workflows, and AI connecting every corner of your business. And with AI agents working together autonomously, anyone in any department can focus on the work that matters Most. Learn how ServiceNow puts AI to work for [e-mail].