The Bert Show (Vault: Advice From 11 Year Old)

Date: November 4, 2025
Host: The Bert Show Cast (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & team)
Special Guest: Jacob, 11-year-old "child psychologist"

Episode Overview

In this special throwback episode, The Bert Show invites Jacob, an 11-year-old with surprising life wisdom, to offer relationship advice to listeners struggling with adult problems. Jacob's unfiltered, straightforward, and unexpectedly practical guidance becomes the centerpiece as he fields a series of real-life relationship quandaries. The episode is light-hearted, often hilarious, and leans into the idea that sometimes children can cut through adult drama with elegant simplicity.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction: Jacob’s Wisdom and Premise

• The hosts reintroduce Jacob, first encountered during Bert's Big Adventure, noting his unique insight and lack of typical "kid talk."
• Jacob is challenged to take on the role of psychologist, tackling adult relationship dilemmas live on the air.

2. Caller Advice Sessions

A. When Your Partner Lives With Their Ex (01:53–03:17)

• Caller: 21-year-old woman dating a 32-year-old man who still lives with his child’s mother.
• Jacob’s Advice:
  • "Life is about what you think, not what other people think. So don’t go under the influence of everybody else. Keep it real…do what you want to do." (02:53)
  • If the ex doesn’t move out, give her a day, “’Cause, like, girls are really hard to move out.” (03:09)

B. Infidelity and Self-Understanding (04:32–07:31)

• Caller: Man confesses cheating on his wife, doesn’t understand why, seeks justification.
• Jacob’s Advice:
  • “I don’t think you should have done it. That’s kind of like weird, like, not like that kind of ‘oh that’s not weird’, but like weird weird. Like crazy stuff weird.” (06:26)
  • “If you don’t know why you did it…maybe you should just start helping her out and get a different relationship or something if she doesn’t wanna be with you. But if she does, then hey, what the heck, just go with it.” (06:40)
  • "If you hooked up with her, then you hooked up with her. Just go with the flow, man. Just do what you have to do." (07:19)

C. Avoiding the Future (07:39–08:49)

• Caller: Woman living with boyfriend for a year; he dodges “where are we going?” conversations.
• Jacob’s Advice:
  • “If he doesn’t wanna go through with anything, then just don’t go through it with him.” (08:28)
  • “And he can’t force her in anything, which he’s not trying to do. So if he doesn’t want to go through with it, don’t go through with it. And if you don’t want to go through it with him, then don’t go through it with him.” (08:35)

D. Constant Arguments Over Trivial Things (09:09–11:16)

• Caller: Couple constantly argues about insignificant things (cars, animals spotted while driving, etc.).
• Jacob’s Advice:
  • “If you’re arguing a lot, then that’s just kind of being kind of like the same…but if that’s something like that minor, like a car, like, how do you do that? I just don’t get that.” (09:43)
  • “If you don’t like that, then don’t be with someone that you don’t like.” (10:04)
  • Suggests: “Just call it a fox dog.” (11:07), humorously encouraging compromise.

E. Chemistry With a Friend vs. Fiancé (11:28–13:14)

• Caller: Woman engaged for two years, but feels stronger chemistry with her fiancé’s best friend.
• Jacob’s Advice:
  • “Well, then the one with the most chemistry just go with. Because you don’t want to be with somebody, like, two years down the road that’s, like, you don’t like anymore.” (12:56)
  • If the former fiancé gets upset afterwards, “If he wants to get mad, just stay away from him. And if you just like, ‘hey, what’s up?’ then just do that.” (13:32)
  • Hosts dub the situation "a bit of a fox dog," tying back to Jacob’s earlier advice.

F. Relationship Distance and Age Gaps (13:50–15:45)

• Caller: Woman 11 years older than her partner, senses growing emotional distance.
• Jacob’s Advice:
  • “If he doesn’t want to be in something, don’t make him. And…I think you should confront him and ask him about it.” (14:32)
  • “If this guy doesn’t...want to be in the relationship, then why do you want to be in the relationship?” (15:16)
  • The caller parallels Jacob’s advice to her own seven-year-old niece: “I call her for advice.” (15:10)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jacob (02:53): “Life is about what you think, not what other people think. So don’t go under the influence of everybody else. Keep it real.”
• Jacob (06:26): “That’s just kind of like weird...not like ‘oh that’s not weird’, but like weird weird.”
• Jacob (07:19): “Go with the flow, man. Just do what you have to do.”
• Jacob (08:28): “If he doesn’t want to go through with anything, then just don’t go through it with him.”
• Jacob (10:04): “If you don’t like that, then don’t be with someone that you don’t like.”
• Jacob (11:07): “Just call it a fox dog.”
• Jacob (12:56): “Well, then the one with the most chemistry just go with.”
• Jacob (14:32): “If he doesn’t want to be in something, don’t make him.”

Hosts’ Commentary:

• (14:45) Podcast Host: “If this show has taught me anything, it’s that puberty has made us stupid.”
• (15:16) Caller: “I like this little kid. He’s almost like my seven-year-old niece. I call her for advice.”

Major Themes

• Simplicity Over Complication:
  Jacob consistently encourages listeners to strip away the excess drama and complexity that adults often bring to relationships, urging them to focus on what they feel and to avoid forcing situations.
• Authenticity and Directness:
  His “go with the flow” philosophy, repeated throughout the calls, is not only the punchline but a genuine ethos. Jacob advocates honesty with oneself and with partners.
• Childlike Wisdom:
  The episode playfully highlights that a child’s perspective can be more effective than adult rationalization when it comes to resolving adult dilemmas.

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:53 – Jacob introduced as “child psychologist”
• 02:18 – Caller 1: Partner living with ex; Jacob’s advice
• 04:32–07:31 – Caller 2: Cheated husband; Jacob's honest take
• 07:39 – Caller 3: Future-avoidant boyfriend; “Go with the flow”
• 09:09–11:16 – Caller 4: Nitpicking couple; “Fox dog” advice
• 11:28–13:14 – Caller 5: Chemistry with fiancé’s friend; follow your feelings
• 13:50–15:45 – Caller 6: Age gap and emotional disconnect
• 15:45 – Host’s reflection on the wisdom of children

Overall Tone

The episode is light, comedic, real, and refreshingly blunt, with plenty of banter between the hosts and Jacob. The recurring “go with the flow” theme becomes both the running joke and the key moral takeaway. Adults may have the years, but sometimes the best advice is just the simplest.

This episode is a must-listen for a feel-good look at relationships through honest, young eyes—reminding us, sometimes, not to overthink it.