Vault: Advice From The Bert Show Men

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: Advice From The Bert Show Men

Date: December 22, 2025
Podcast Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Episode Theme: The guys of The Bert Show take over the studio to deliver blunt, honest relationship advice to female callers—“no sugarcoating, no emotional gymnastics, just the truth from the male perspective.”

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Episode Overview

This episode features a “men-only” advice segment in which Bert, Crash, Phil Tyranna, and Jeff (with brief appearances from others) field relationship questions from female callers. With the women of the show absent, the men aim to offer unfiltered, straightforward takes on dating, relationships, and intimacy, often referencing the book He’s Just Not That Into You as a guiding principle. The tone is comedic, candid, and at times irreverent, with plenty of good-natured banter mixed in.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. On Men and Communication: The Joy of Silence

Timestamp: 02:02 - 03:37

• Topic: Guys enjoying comfortable silence while women often seek constant conversation.
• Crash and Bert reflect on how, when women leave the studio, the men can exist in quiet togetherness, feeling it’s true bonding.
• Quote:
  • Crash: “There was silence. See, this is what guys can do. Like, that was an enjoyable time. That was a quality four minutes that I just spent with you. We were in the room together, but we weren’t talking.” (02:40)
  • Bert: “...the concept of a Guy can watch nine innings of baseball and three extra innings and say 30 words to each other, and that’s a great time.” (02:53)

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2. Caller Sarah: Should I Stay with My Controlling Boyfriend?

Timestamp: 06:04 - 09:43

• Situation: Sarah, newly moved in with a boyfriend who still sees and communicates with his ex-fiancée, asks if she’s right to be bothered when her boyfriend wants the ex to spend the night.
• Advice:
  • Phil Tyranna: “He’s trying to secure you, keep you on check while he’s going to go out and play the field a little bit.” (07:15)
  • Jeff: “He is just trying to see how far he can push you by him saying, ‘Can she come over and spend the night?’ If you give in...next week it’s going to be, ‘Hey, me and her going out on a Friday.’” (07:35)
  • Bert: “He’s really not that into you...The fact that you won't allow it, though, and the fact that he’s putting her feelings above yours indicate that he’s not really that into you. So you should, in all honesty, tell him to go do what he wants with his ex and you get out of there.” (08:06)
  • Crash: “You’re in a possessive relationship with a guy that wants complete control...He doesn’t respect your wishes. So dump him.” (09:03)
• Memorable Moment:
  • Bert jokes about “genitalia on a shelf” in the ex’s apartment, adding humorous levity to a tough conversation. (05:03)
• Consensus: Leave the relationship—he’s not genuinely invested, nor respecting her boundaries.

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3. Caller Krista: Is My Neighbor Into Me or Just Creepy?

Timestamp: 10:04 - 14:18

• Situation: Krista, 18, has a “crush” on her 18-year-old neighbor, who stares at her but never follows up after being given her phone number. He’s got a girlfriend, and Krista wonders if he likes her.
• Advice:
  • Phil Tyranna: Jokingly calls the neighbor a “peeping Tom” and a “creep,” highlighting the lack of initiative: “He’s staring at you from outside the window, but yet he’s got your phone number and he won’t talk to you.” (11:05)
  • Jeff: “He obviously knows where you live. If he’s not coming over...take the hint.” (11:56)
  • Crash: “He’s compiling your phone number just in case something doesn’t work out with his other 18-year-old girlfriend.” (12:07)
  • Bert: “At 18, boyfriends and girlfriends don’t count...you need to go have yourself a damn good time...screw things up.” (13:54)
• Quote:
  • Crash: “All rules are off at 18...You could pretty much screw up as much as you want, and everybody gives you a big old leap of faith. So go ahead, have a great time and screw things up.” (14:05)
• Consensus: He’s not making an effort; don’t wait for him. At 18, be bold—go out, have fun, don’t overthink the drama.

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4. Caller ‘Sue’: Husband’s (Very) Quick Sex—How to Talk About It?

Timestamp: 17:43 - 22:33

• Situation: Married two years, Sue says her husband “lasts five minutes” in bed and doesn’t seem concerned about her pleasure. She fears bruising his ego by bringing it up.
• Advice:
  • Crash: Encourages directness and playful communication: “Just show me what you want me to do, and I will be like a puppy dog. I will sit, I will poop where you tell me to.” (19:36)
  • Phil Tyranna: “Just tell him, say, whoa, whoa, whoa, easy. Before he gets started, say, hey, do this first, do this second, and then give me your five minutes of pure love.” (21:26)
  • Humor: The guys riff on “bunny” bedroom accessories and joke about “creams” for lasting longer.
• Quote:
  • Crash: “It’s really, really important...that the person I’m doing that with is having as much fun as I am. So I welcome the opportunity for them to show me what they want.” (19:36)
• Consensus: Communicate honestly and directly—show, don’t just tell. Don’t expect dramatic changes, but mutual pleasure requires openness.

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5. Caller Julie: Is My Out-of-Town Guy Genuine or Playing Me?

Timestamp: 22:46 - 26:07

• Situation: Julie’s “boyfriend” lives out-of-state for work and only communicates sparingly (often via text, rarely calls)—yet he makes big declarations of love when he’s in town.
• Advice:
  • Phil Tyranna: “He travels all the time...he doesn’t call you when he’s out of town because he’s busy giving that to his girlfriend in the other town.” (24:05)
  • Crash: “If a guy is really into you, he will find the 60 seconds to give you a damn call.” (24:38)
  • Jeff: “Texting is so much easier to do. How easy is it to duck into a bathroom...send a text message...and then walk into the other room where his little hussy is.” (25:05)
  • Bert: “He’s cheating with you. You’re the mistress.” (25:44)
  • Crash: “Again, he’s just not that into you. I mean, if he’s not calling, all he’s got to do is pick up the phone and say ‘hey’. If he’s saying he’s too busy to do that, then he’s just not that into you.” (25:51)
• Consensus: He’s stringing her along, likely has someone else, and isn’t genuinely committed. Don’t fall for the “I’m too busy” excuse.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Men Socializing Without Talking:

  • Crash: “I feel closer to you guys since we didn’t talk.” (03:34)

• On Simple Male Relationship Advice:

  • Bert: “We keep it simple. We don’t complicate things with all these analogies and trying to dissect it.” (05:50)

• On Recognizing Unhealthy Possessiveness:

  • Crash: “You’re in a possessive relationship...he doesn’t respect your wishes. So dump him.” (09:03)

• On “He’s Just Not That Into You”:

  • Bert: “If he’s not calling, all he’s got to do is pick up the phone and say ‘hey’. If he’s saying he’s too busy to do that, then he’s just not that into you.” (25:51)

• On What Matters at 18:

  • Bert: “At that point, boyfriends and girlfriends don’t count...have yourself a damn good time.” (13:54)

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Time-Stamped Segment Highlights

• 02:02: Guys celebrate the “male moment” when women leave the studio—revealing gender differences in social comfort.
• 06:04: Sarah’s call—controlling boyfriend and ex-fiancée drama dissected.
• 10:04: Krista’s call—decoding an unresponsive (yet stare-y) neighbor.
• 17:43: Sue’s call—navigating sexual satisfaction and awkward conversations in marriage.
• 22:46: Julie’s call—long-distance relationship realities and “He’s Just Not That Into You” logic.

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Tone and Language

• Authentic, No-Nonsense, and Playful: The men are intentionally blunt, using humor, pop-culture references, and analogies to drive home their points. Joking about “peeing like a puppy” and “creams” for sexual performance keep things light—even when addressing serious relationship issues.
• Camaraderie Over Sensitivity: The episode revels in the male perspective—sometimes at the expense of nuance or empathy, but always circling back to direct, actionable advice.

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Summary Takeaway

If you haven’t listened, expect a lively men’s roundtable where real talk rules and the “He’s Just Not That Into You” doctrine reigns supreme—sprinkled with jokes, zingers, and honestly delivered advice for relationships, dating, and sex. The Bert Show guys suggest: If he’s into you, you’ll know; if not, don’t make excuses for him. Don’t be afraid to screw up, don’t be afraid to say what you want, and always have fun—especially when you’re 18.

Transcript

[Zoey]

Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree.

[Drew Ski]

Zoey, this thing weighs a ton.

[Crash]

Drew Ski, lift with your legs, man.

[Caller Sue / Various Callers]

Santa. Santa, did you get my letter?

[Drew Ski]

He's talking to you britches.

[Crash]

I'm not.

[Zoey]

Of course he did.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

Right?

[Crash]

Santa, you know my elf Drew Ski here. He handles the nice list and elf.

[Drew Ski]

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[Zoey]

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[Crash]

It as a gift.

[Zoey]

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[Drew Ski]

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[Phil Tyranna]

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[Crash]

The bird show Jeff just made a great observation because the girls now are out of the studio. I love this, but for what reason? There's a reason here that it makes this time so golden.

[Bert]

Like how long was that song? Four Minutes, maybe.

[Crash]

Something like that.

[Bert]

So in the four minutes of that song, let's say, took the girls, you know, it would take a guy 10 seconds to get out of the studio, but it took the girls, like, 45 because they got to pack up and do their nails or whatever. So they finally. They get up and they get out of the studio, and Burt and I, like, we're just kind of looking around. I pick up a section of the paper and read an article. And then as the songs. And I'm looking at Bert, and I'm like, this is great. Like, there's no random chatty.

[Crash]

There was silence. See, this is what guys can do. Like, that was an enjoyable time. That was a quality four minutes that I just spent with you. We were in the room together, but we weren't talking.

[Bert]

This is the same reason that girls, when, like, you know, they go to the bathroom to get. Always talk. This is. This is why if you sit down and watch a movie or a TV show with a girl and she talks with the whole thing, the concept of a Guy can watch nine innings of, you know, regular session baseball and three extra innings or two extra innings and say 30 words to each other, and.

[Crash]

That'S a great time.

[Bert]

And that's perfectly fine.

[Crash]

I walk away from that experience, and Stacey go, what'd you guys do? And I said, we had a great time.

[Bert]

What'd you guys talk? And then you get mad at us. What'd you guys talk about? Not much. Really?

[Crash]

Yeah.

[Bert]

You know, and it'd be able to be like, you know, Jeff's looking at getting a new car. Oh, okay. What kind? I don't know. I didn't ask. How could you not ask?

[Crash]

That is quality time.

[Jeff]

And we had a great time not talking.

[Crash]

Exactly. I feel closer to you guys since we didn't talk.

[Bert]

So that being said, the girls just go home.

[Jeff]

God said a lot without saying anything at all.

[Crash]

There's a reason why all the guys are in the studio now. There are no women left in here except intern Martha here, who's not allowed to say a word.

[Bert]

I disagree with that. I believe there's still one woman left in the studio.

[Phil Tyranna]

Yeah. It would be you, Bert.

[Crash]

No, I had a time, my friend. I had a time when I had testicles.

[Bert]

I think. You know, here's the deal. I think Bert is capable of. I mean, you know, he still watches Oprah and reads, you know, you know, Ladies Home Journal on the toilet and stuff. But the truth is, I mean, he had man experiences. Phil Turana, on the other hand.

[Crash]

A.

[Jeff]

Lot about me you don't know.

[Bert]

In his relationship with intern Jen, you don't know me. Man has made every typical chick mistake that he can and has taken none of his pretty.

[Jeff]

All right, then let me represent the simple man's opinion. Let me represent.

[Crash]

But you're getting. You're getting bitch slapped.

[Jeff]

Let him talk.

[Crash]

But you know what? We've all been in relationships like he's been, and before we've grown. And that's what brings us to us to this point where we're all. We all professors now on the subject.

[Phil Tyranna]

As hard as it is to believe, I too, at one point was pw. Trust me, in a bad, bad way.

[Crash]

Bw. P. PW oh, pw.

[Phil Tyranna]

Yeah, in a horrible way. So I too have felt the depths of lowness where I put my manness up in a TR shelf somewhere in a jar full of formaldehyde, but he's still in it.

[Bert]

Like, I don't even think like, you know, his genitalia is on a shelf in, you know, intern Jen's new apartment.

[Crash]

Hanging from a rearview mirror right now.

[Bert]

Right. Like dice, too, class.

[Jeff]

Well, let me surprise you then. Thanks, Dirk.

[Bert]

Right now she's letting Melissa and Jen play with them while they're hanging out.

[Crash]

Let's see how he does here. Here's what we're doing here because there's this new book out called he's just not that into you. The no Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys. And it's brilliant because it's a guy giving honest, break it down advice to women. Because if women go to other women, you're all over the road and you're trying to save each other's feelings, where guys can break it down and just go, he's just not that into you. Move on. That's all you need to hear.

[Phil Tyranna]

We keep it simple. I mean, we don't complicate things with all these analogies and trying to dissect it. It's just. No, break it down, break it down. Who's in the dental chair, by the way?

[Crash]

That is Sarah. Hey, Sarah. Hey, how are you?

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

Good, how are you doing? Good.

[Crash]

You want a little tough love? Yeah, you come to the right place. No women in this studio now. It's just the guys. What do you need?

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

Well, I've actually been living with this guy for about a month now. And we used to work together about three or four months ago. And he and his ex fiance, they broke up about six months ago, I guess. And so I moved in with them and they still have contact, like briefly every now and then they go out to eat together and they'll, you know, hang out and they'll talk on the phone every once in a while. It's very brief. But he asked me the other day, he's like, well, do you care if she comes over and spends the night? And when I did not like that idea, he got furious with me. I mean, he jumped on my case like nothing.

[Crash]

All right, we can stop there. Crash, would you like to be the first here?

[Phil Tyranna]

Well, how long have you. Let me get some details here. How long have you two been together now?

[Bert]

You.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

We've been dating for about three months now. And he told me, he's like, well, just so you know, in case anybody asks, you're taken. You can't, you know, don't go out and do anything with anybody else because you know, you're mine.

[Crash]

Go ahead, Craig.

[Phil Tyranna]

All right. That's a classic example. Even after three months, I'm surprised this would happen after three months. It's a classic example of just trying to give you the lock. He's trying to secure you, keep you on check while he's going to go out and play the field a little bit. And that, I guarantee you, has happened before. This three months has been up. I guarantee you he has done something like this even before telling you, go.

[Jeff]

Ahead, rook, with this. I say that he is just trying to see how far he can push you by him saying, can she come over and spend the night? If you give in and if you say yes, then next week it's going to be, hey, me and her going out on a Friday. I know we usually go out, but I haven't seen her in a couple weeks. She had a hard week. I. I'm gonna take her out. He is just trying to see how far he can push you and test the limits.

[Crash]

Jeff dollar.

[Bert]

Have we already asked if you're giving it up to him?

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

No, you didn't ask.

[Crash]

Are you?

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

Yes.

[Bert]

So here's the deal. He likes what he's getting from you.

[Crash]

And he thinks it's okay.

[Bert]

Yeah, he's all right with that. But he's not to steal the title of the book. Damn it, that guy took a great phrase.

[Phil Tyranna]

Yeah, he did.

[Crash]

From his own show.

[Bert]

He's really. Yeah, he's really not that into you. And the reason. And that doesn't necessarily mean he wants to. Mean he wants to get back together with his ex. Guys really aren't that bright. So in his mind, he might not have any interest in the ex. He might not like the ex. He Might not. I mean, he might like her, but he might not want to have a relationship with her. But he still might feel, you know, some connection because they were, after all, engaged. So he's probably not thinking that it's that big of a deal. The fact that you won't allow it, though, and the fact that he's putting her feelings so far above yours indicate that he's not really that into you. So you should, in all honesty, tell him to go do what he wants with his ex and you get out of there, but you won't, because you're gonna hold on to the fact that he somehow, every now and again, compliments you on some random thing and you think that means that he wants you forever.

[Crash]

Sarah.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

Yes.

[Crash]

A the guy you're in a possessive relationship with, a guy that wants complete control of the relationship, and he doesn't respect you enough. You've already gone to him and told him how much it bothers him, and he's blown a gasket over that, and he doesn't respect your wishes. So dump him. He doesn't respect you, and you're in a possessive relationship.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

See, I just moved out of my house to move in with him, and I've been living there for, like, three weeks now, and I pretty much been disowned by my entire family because I moved in with him.

[Bert]

Your family will take you back.

[Crash]

Yeah, in the long term, this guy's gonna be no good for you.

[Phil Tyranna]

Yeah, you moved way too fast on this. He's a PwC. He's a player with commitment. He wants to keep you and still keep playing out in left field. And I guarantee he's not wearing a glove.

[Crash]

All right, sir, we're gonna move on to the next call. It's that easy. Thanks.

[Bert]

Have fun not taking our advice.

[Crash]

Yeah, you know they won't. You know they won't.

[Jeff]

How was that, Jeff? Was that okay? Was that acceptable to you?

[Bert]

I didn't listen to what you said.

[Jeff]

Thank you.

[Phil Tyranna]

It's funny because neither did I.

[Jeff]

Thanks for inviting me in.

[Crash]

Studio.

[Jeff]

Appreciate it.

[Crash]

When did you get it?

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

Who are you?

[Crash]

Hey, Krista.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

Yeah?

[Crash]

Let's do this.

[Caller Sue / Various Callers]

All right.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

Okay. I have a crush on my neighbor. We've been neighbors for about eight years, and, well, he's been sending me mixed signals. Like, he would, like, okay, if I would walk across the yard because I have a huge fence in my backyard. My neighbor doesn't. If I would walk across the yard, I would catch him looking at me. But anytime I try to talk to him, two minutes into the conversation, he ends it. I give him my number. He hasn't called. Now I know he has a girlfriend, so I'm wondering, could he like me?

[Crash]

And how old are you?

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

I'm 18.

[Bert]

How old is he?

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

He's 18.

[Bert]

Okay, so you're wondering why an 18 year old is looking at another 18 year old girl walking across the yard.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

Well, okay. Yeah.

[Crash]

And he got your phone number and he just hasn't used it yet. Yeah, that's the bottom line. You haven't hooked up with this guy?

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

No.

[Crash]

Okay. Have you ever gone out with him?

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

No.

[Crash]

Okay, you got the basics. Crash. She's 18.

[Phil Tyranna]

What exactly does this peeping Tom do when he's not in his mother's basement playing Tunnels of Doom? This man is creepy. He just creeped me out.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

No, no, no, he's not creepy.

[Phil Tyranna]

No, he's creepy. He's staring at you from outside the window, but yet he's got your phone number and he won' talk to you.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

Oh, no. He's always out in his backyard working on his jeep. So he'll see me walking across the yard. He's not staring like that.

[Phil Tyranna]

Yet he makes no attempts for communication.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

No, not really. And like, when I try to talk to him, he ends the conversation in like two minutes, like. And it. It seems almost like he's nervous.

[Crash]

He's 18. He probably is.

[Phil Tyranna]

You know? You know what? Then I'm gonna. I'm gonna turn this one over because I still. I still wanna go with the creepy analogy, But I'll turn this one over to my younger cohort in crime over here to Phil Tyranna. He's young, he works on a jeep, he's a redneck, and he's creepy. Phil.

[Crash]

Oh, my God. This may be insurgen.

[Jeff]

You're trying too hard. Give it up. He said he had his girlfriend. If he's stopping the conversation two minutes in. That's a hint. You gave him your number. He obviously knows where you live. If he's not coming over. 18 year old. If he's not coming over late at night. Hey, want to hang out? Want to do something? Take the hint.

[Crash]

I don't.

[Jeff]

Yeah, he's not into you.

[Crash]

All right, Krista, I'll go next, and then Jeff will be the anchor person on this one.

[Caller Sue / Various Callers]

Okay?

[Crash]

Okay. You're 18. He's 18. He just wants to get laid. So he.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

But I don't have a problem with that.

[Crash]

Okay, hold on one second. But he's got a girlfriend right now. So what he is doing. He's compiling Your phone number just in case something doesn't or something doesn't work out with his other 18 year old girlfriend. If that doesn't work out, he'll start knocking on your door.

[Jeff]

But, but although, do you think he would have, might have started the communication, maybe called her, you know, out of nowhere saying, hey, I'm hanging out, you want to go get some lunch or something just to, just to keep her.

[Crash]

Maybe a little bit closer?

[Jeff]

Because he's obviously not giving her any attention right now.

[Crash]

Krista, at 18 years old, even guys know this. Sex is like volleyball. You have to bump and set before you spike. And he is bumping right now. When he breaks up, he'll start setting and he's just setting you up for sex. He's 18. That's all is on his mind. Jeff, you've never played a game of volleyball, so he's a little confused.

[Bert]

I was thinking of this Summer Olympics in volleyball. Okay, I'm done. Yeah, see, I disagree with that. Here's the deal. The guys when they are that age are. If you think it's difficult, well, you don't know because you're not older, but you really need to. When you give him your number, what do you say?

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

I told him to just, if you ever want to talk. Because me and him don't talk that much being neighbors. And I thought it was kind of ridiculous. I was like, you know, I figured we'd been neighbors for so long, you know, it's kind of ridiculous. We don't really talk to each other. So if you ever want to talk, give me a call and I give him my number.

[Bert]

Yeah, that's not enough of a hint. Here's what you do. Go over there with your phone number and say, hey, you know what? I see you out here working on your Jeep. And if you want to be so bold, you can say, look, I know you have a girlfriend, but if there's ever a night where she's not available and you'd like to go out and have dinner, I would love to have dinner with you.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

Okay, so I should still try to chase it down.

[Bert]

If you, I mean, you're at 18, so at that point, boyfriends and girlfriends don't count.

[Crash]

All rules are off at 18.

[Bert]

So I would say, I mean, you need to like, you need to go.

[Crash]

Have yourself a damn good time.

[Bert]

Yeah, slap it across his face. Couldn't be more obvious.

[Crash]

Cause eventually you're, you're going to get to an age here fairly quickly where you have to start acting like an adult. But at 18 years old, you could pretty much screw up as much as you want, and everybody gives you a big old leap of faith. So go ahead, have a great time and screw things up.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

Oh, believe me, I want to.

[Bert]

All right, thanks.

[Crash]

Thank you.

[Caller Sue / Various Callers]

Bye.

[Crash]

How do we do on that one, y'?

[Phil Tyranna]

All?

[Bert]

I think we did great.

[Phil Tyranna]

That was good, man. Where were those neighbors when I was 18?

[Bert]

I think we should that. That girl would have been fun to talk to for a long time.

[Crash]

Why?

[Bert]

She's like, I'm not afraid to screw things up. I don't care. I'll get in there at 18.

[Crash]

Screw it up.

[Bert]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Crash]

Screw it.

[Phil Tyranna]

Which you're supposed to do.

[Bert]

I think that's great. That's who we need doing diaries on our show, not that high school kid in band.

[Crash]

Okay, she can call back. 404-741100.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

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[Zoey]

Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree, Zoe.

[Drew Ski]

This thing weighs a ton.

[Crash]

Drew Ski, lift with your legs, man.

[Caller Sue / Various Callers]

Santa. Santa, did you get my letter?

[Drew Ski]

He's talking to you britches.

[Crash]

Not that.

[Zoey]

Of course he did.

[Crash]

Right, Santa, you know my elf Drew Ski here. He handles the nice list. An elf?

[Drew Ski]

I'm six' three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T mobile you can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies. Right, Mrs. Claus?

[Zoey]

I'm Mrs. Claus's much younger sister. And AT T Mobile there's no trade in needed when you switch. So you can keep your old phone.

[Crash]

Or give it as a gift.

[Zoey]

And the best part, you can make the switch to T mobile from your phone in just a 15 minutes.

[Drew Ski]

Nice. My side of the tree is slipping.

[Bert]

Kimber.

[Phil Tyranna]

The holidays are better. AT T Mobile switch in just 15 minutes and get iPhone 17 on us with no trade in needed. And now T mobile is available in US cellular stores with 3, 4 monthly.

[Commercial Voice / Announcer]

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[Phil Tyranna]

Day ahead of you? AARP is here to help you feel your sharpest every day. Discover delicious food and simple habits proven to support your memory and mental well being. We have healthy meal plans and videos to give you inspiration for eating healthily. Support your brain [e-mail] fuel your brain.

[Crash]

Jeff, we're going to need the voice disguiser for this one.

[Phil Tyranna]

Whoa.

[Crash]

Hello, sue. Give us a 3, 2, 1.

[Caller Sue / Various Callers]

3, 2, 1.

[Crash]

Yep, you're on the voice disguiser. We cannot recognize your voice. Tough love advice. Let's do it.

[Caller Sue / Various Callers]

Hey guys, I've got a kind of sensitive question here. My husband and I have been married about two years now, and when we have sex, it's like five minutes. It's over. And how can I talk to him about this without hurting his male ego? I don't want to make him feel bad, like he's not doing a good job. But on the other hand, you know, it's not really.

[Crash]

I think I realize while you're on the voice disguiser, this is either Lady Crash or Stacy.

[Phil Tyranna]

Not really. Five minutes. This guy's a stud. I mean, come on, quit with the pressure already. I mean, I. What is it? What's your name again? Or call her Sue. We're calling you Sue. Okay, sue, let me just tell you a little something about sex and marriage. All right, I kid you not. I had sex with Lady Crash the other night during a pitching change at a Braves game.

[Caller Sue / Various Callers]

All right?

[Phil Tyranna]

That doesn't take more than three minutes to throw a couple of warm ups. And I was out the door five minutes every time.

[Crash]

Now, was the sex with this guy good before y' all got married?

[Caller Sue / Various Callers]

I guess it was about the same.

[Crash]

So what are you complaining about? You knew what you got into.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Crash]

You knew he was bad before. Did you think the wedding ring was like some big time aphrodisiac?

[Bert]

Maybe you should put the wedding ring somewhere else.

[Caller Sue / Various Callers]

Well, we've both been married before, and I think he's only been with maybe two people before me. And same with me, but I guess I've had a longer past. I don't know, but it's just kind of like it's all about him. And I know that he doesn't really think that way, but it's like he's not really concerned if I'm enjoying it.

[Crash]

Can't. Like, let me start with this, and then we'll go right around the room.

[Phil Tyranna]

Just.

[Crash]

I may be different than the other guys in the room here, but it's really, really important because I'm kind of a people, people pleaser person that the person that I'm doing that with is having as much fun as I am. So I welcome the opportunity for them to show me what they want. Go ahead, take my hand. Do it. Just show me what you want me to do. And I will be like a puppy dog. I will sit, I will poop where you tell me to. I'll do anything you want. Give me your hand. Like a puppy is what I meant. Not into the pooping on each other.

[Bert]

Trying to say.

[Crash]

But you know what I'm saying.

[Bert]

It's okay if you haven't.

[Caller Sue / Various Callers]

Yeah, well, he does. Like, if I have, like a bunny, he likes to watch that.

[Crash]

Pardon?

[Phil Tyranna]

Did you just say he was like a bunny?

[Caller Sue / Various Callers]

No, I say I have a bunny and he likes to watch that.

[Crash]

The bunny.

[Phil Tyranna]

Oh, I say.

[Bert]

Okay, how's that go again?

[Crash]

Well, in some houses, it probably sounds like this.

[Phil Tyranna]

It's a bunny.

[Crash]

That's what it is, Jeff. That one. Your turn.

[Bert]

Yeah, I did.

[Crash]

Her husband sucks in bed. What does she do? How does she tell him?

[Bert]

I honestly, I've got nothing on that. I.

[Phil Tyranna]

What?

[Bert]

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how to tell because every Guys are so different. Like, I think. I don't think you're typical in liking all the instruction. And if it's how long have you been married?

[Caller Sue / Various Callers]

About two years now.

[Bert]

And it was going on 10 years. This has been going on?

[Caller Sue / Various Callers]

No, no, no, no, no. Two, Two.

[Bert]

Two years. And it was like this before you got married?

[Caller Sue / Various Callers]

Yeah, but, you know, while it happens, it's good, but it just doesn't last.

[Bert]

Very long, you know?

[Phil Tyranna]

What?

[Crash]

Aren't there creams and stuff for that crush?

[Bert]

Talk to his mother.

[Crash]

Don't you have creams and different ways, you know, thinking about baseball and.

[Phil Tyranna]

Yeah, I mean, you know, you could be honest with him and just tell them. I mean, if you guys have been married for two years, you've both been married before, so it shouldn't be like this. Sex is like this all kind of like, ooh, freaking me out thing. Just tell him, say, whoa, whoa, whoa, easy. Before he gets started, say, hey, do this first, do this second, and then give me your five minutes of pure love.

[Bert]

What part of the city do you live in? Okay, what part of the city?

[Caller Sue / Various Callers]

Ok, I'm starting to feel safer.

[Bert]

No, no, no, no, no. What part of the city do you live in?

[Caller Sue / Various Callers]

South.

[Bert]

Oh, south.

[Caller Sue / Various Callers]

Yeah.

[Bert]

Wouldn't work.

[Crash]

Why? What were you thinking?

[Bert]

Well, I was thinking of maybe, like, if she lives north of the city, like, having him drive to Cumming, the most direct route. And then she drives to Cumming, like a really long route.

[Crash]

Gotcha.

[Bert]

If she could tell what the difference would be.

[Crash]

See what he's saying?

[Caller Sue / Various Callers]

Yeah, I heard that.

[Crash]

All right, let's ask the guy that's dating the virgin. Filter in. What should she do?

[Jeff]

I checked out when she said we've been having sex. They said bye bye to me a long time ago. So I'm just looking at the pretty colors on the wall.

[Caller Sue / Various Callers]

Okay.

[Crash]

All right.

[Caller Sue / Various Callers]

Thanks a lot.

[Bert]

Sorry we couldn't help you, but you know Burt poops where Stacy tells her to?

[Crash]

I gave her some sound advice. You guys didn't help much on that one.

[Bert]

I couldn't. That's a tough one.

[Phil Tyranna]

That's pretty weird. In two years, she's only had sex for, like, 26.

[Crash]

We'll take one more call on this and then we gotta move on. Let's go with Julie. Hello, Julie. And we can do this again tomorrow.

[Commercial Voice / Announcer]

Earlier.

[Crash]

Hey, Julie.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

Hey. Thanks for taking my call.

[Crash]

Thank you for calling. Now, this is no nonsense stuff here. You don't have a bunch of women in here that are going to sugarcoat things for you.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

Okay, that's what I need, because women are crap. Okay, I. I've been dating this guy, and he actually lives out of the state, and he Travels for business here to town and we've been seeing each other for about a year.

[Caller Sue / Various Callers]

And.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

When I'm with him, the things he says, like he's never felt this way before and he just can't get over how he feels about me. But when he's not here, he doesn't communicate as often as I think that he should. And I'll call him and it'll be days before he'll call me back.

[Bert]

Lower those communication expectations for the guy. That's number one.

[Caller Sue / Various Callers]

Okay, I am.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

Because he travels so much that I'm realizing. I know he's really busy, but. And he'll text message me, which I think is really weird. Why not just call me?

[Crash]

Go ahead, crash.

[Phil Tyranna]

This is. Oh my God. This was the easiest phone call we ever took. He travels all the time when he's in town. He gives you the stand up philosopher routine of lovey, lovey, lovey. He doesn't call you when he's out of town because he's busy giving that to his girlfriend in the other town.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

That's what I figured.

[Phil Tyranna]

Oh, yes, this guy, yes.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

But we're not really having sex. Like we've only had sex twice.

[Phil Tyranna]

It doesn't matter, really. This man has got a lineup, like, oh, trust me, he's got to be. He's. No, I guarantee it. He's got him lined up all over the city like a major league baseball player. Before.

[Crash]

Before I throw this one over to Jeff too. Let me. This is a stroke in with a broad, broad brush here. But women should never take this excuse as valid. I'm just so busy at work I haven't been able to call you. That is what a load of crap that is. If a guy is really into you, he will find the 60 seconds to give you damn call and check in with you and say hi. Working too much is not a valid excuse.

[Jeff]

And going on that the whole he will text message you when he's gone. That is so much easier to do than to call. How easy is it to direct into a bathroom or duck around the corner, send a text message, hey, I'm thinking about you, man. I wish you were here. But then walk into the other room where his little hussy is a hussy.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

Wait, can I say one comment?

[Crash]

Sure.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

Okay. He had once told me, I remember this in our earlier, like in one of our first dates, that his best friend told him that he should always play low key, like, don't act so interested in someone, don't call them.

[Bert]

You're holding onto that One comment from however long ago. He's cheating with you. You're the mistress.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

Unbelievable.

[Crash]

Again, he's just. Again, he's just not that into you. I mean, if he's not calling, all he's got to do is pick up the phone and say, hey. If he's saying he's too busy to do that, then he's just not that into you.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

Okay.

[Crash]

All right.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

Thank you all so much.

[Crash]

Okay, Bye. Bye.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

Bye.

[Bert]

Enjoy not taking our advice.

[Crash]

It's so easy.

[Phil Tyranna]

Yeah, it's simple.

[Crash]

So simple. But women. And you hear how they justify and stuff with each other and they hold.

[Bert]

On to one comment from however long ago.

[Crash]

No, no, no.

[Phil Tyranna]

The bird show.

[Zoey]

Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree.

[Drew Ski]

Zoe. This thing weighs a ton.

[Crash]

Drew Ski, lift with your legs, man.

[Caller Sue / Various Callers]

Santa. Santa, did you get my letter?

[Drew Ski]

He's talking to you, Bridges.

[Crash]

I'm not.

[Zoey]

Of course he did.

[Crash]

Right, Santa, you know my elf, Drew Ski here. He handles the nice list. And elf.

[Drew Ski]

I'm six three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T Mobile. You can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group self. Right, Mrs. Claus?

[Zoey]

I'm Mrs. Claus's much younger sister. And AT T Mobile, there's no trade in needed when you switch. So you can keep your old phone.

[Crash]

Or give it as a gift.

[Zoey]

And the best part, you can make the switch to T mobile from your phone in just 15 minutes.

[Drew Ski]

Guys, my side of the tree is slipping.

[Bert]

Timber.

[Phil Tyranna]

The holidays are better. AT T Mobile switch in just 15 minutes and get iPhone 17 on us with no trade in needed. And now T mobile is available in US cellular popular stores with 24 month.

[Commercial Voice / Announcer]

Credits for well qualified customers plus tax and 35 device connection charge credits and balance due if you pay off earlier. Cancel finance agreement. 256 gigs, 830 eligible Ford in a new line, 100 plus a month plan with auto payments, taxes, fees required. Check out 15 minutes or less per line.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

Visit t mobile.comvrbo Last minute deals make chasing fresh mountain powder incredibly easy. With thousands of homes close to the slopes, you can easily get epic Pow, Freshies, first tracks and more. No need for months of planning. In fact, you can't even plan Powder Pow is on its own schedule. Thankfully, somewhere in the world it's always snowing. All you have to do is use the last minute filter on the app to book a last minute deal on a slope side private rental home book [e-mail].

[Phil Tyranna]

Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.

[Bert]

The world of commercial real estate is changing and fast. Welcome to in the Loop. We're diving into the topics that hit the hardest. We'll explore what's happening today.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

The benefits of biophilia in the workplace.

[Bert]

Can be decreased stress and irritability.

[Jeff]

Tomorrow, how can you bring components of the 15 minute city of the urban.

[Bert]

Grid, the things people like, the gathering places and beyond.

[Caller Sue / Various Callers]

We need to start thinking about the.

[Zoey]

Future and start thinking about these things are coming in 2030 or 2040 or 2050.

[Caller Sue / Various Callers]

Then you can go, okay, now how.

[Female Callers (e.g., Sarah, Krista, Julie)]

Do I actually take actions today to make that happen?

[Bert]

Subscribe to in the Loop wherever you get your podcast. ACAST helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere.

[Phil Tyranna]

Acast.com.