Vault: Am I normal?...

Summary

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The Bert Show: "Vault: Am I Normal?"

Air Date: July 24, 2026

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Episode Overview

On this lively episode of The Bert Show, the cast dives into their "Am I Normal?" segment, inviting listeners and co-hosts to confess their quirks, odd rituals, or borderline-weird habits. Each participant shares a behavior that makes them wonder about their personal "normalcy," and the hosts weigh in with humor, solidarity, or—at times—horrified disbelief. From tooth brushing confessions inspired by Jessica Simpson to toilet paper etiquette subversion and even more eyebrow-raising moments, the episode embodies the show's classic real-and-funny tone, sparking laughs and a surprising amount of camaraderie among listeners and hosts alike.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

What is "Am I Normal?" (01:02–01:20)

• Explanation of Segment:
  • The cast invites callers to share quirky behaviors and asks, “Am I normal?”
  • The group confirms or denies whether the behavior is, in fact, common.

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Kicking Off: Celebrity Admission (Jessica Simpson) (01:20–01:57)

• Jessica Simpson's Quirk:
  • She admits on Ellen that she "doesn’t like to brush her teeth," only doing it about three times a week. Prefers floss and Listerine because her “teeth are so white and [she doesn’t] like them to feel too slippery.”
    • Notable Quote [Jessica Simpson, reported by Host C, 01:36]:

      "Because my teeth are so white and I don't like them to feel too slippery. But I do use, like, Listerine and I do floss every day."

• Hosts’ Reaction:
  • Immediate, unanimous "not normal" response—"nasty mouth" jokes ensue. (02:08)

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Listener Confessions: Are They Normal?

1. Avoiding Highway Road Markers (02:13–02:51)

• Caller: Beige
  • Tries to switch lanes to avoid bumps or the little road markers.
• Hosts’ Take:
  • Several admit to having done this—“You are normal. I do that.” (B, 02:31)
  • "It’ll be in your head the next time you’re on 285.” (B, 02:51)

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2. "American Idol" Roleplay (03:01–03:41)

• Caller: Melissa
  • Pretends to walk in and perform for judges during commercial breaks.
  • Sings and answers imaginary questions.
• Hosts’ Response:
  • Find it entertaining, if not strictly normal: "I don't know if that's normal, but it's fine." (B, 03:20)
  • One host admits he must say, "This... is American Idol!" along with Ryan Seacrest every week.

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3. TV Volume Must Be Even (04:00–04:22)

• Caller: Christy
  • Can only set TV volume on even numbers.
• Discussion:
  • One host does something similar, but with computer photo editing settings—numbers must be divisible by five (A, 04:22).
  • "It's always 75 or 80, never like 77." (A, 04:46)

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4. Changing Others’ Toilet Paper Rolls (04:54–05:16)

• Caller: Katie
  • Secretly switches toilet paper rolls in other people's homes to her preferred “over” orientation.
• Hosts’ Input:
  • Some have done the same; others don’t care as long as there’s toilet paper.

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5. "Conserving" Blinker Usage (05:51–06:13)

• Caller: Katie (again)
  • Doesn’t leave the turn blinker on; only flicks it to switch lanes to "save the blinker."
• Host Reactions:
  • "Why would you need to conserve your blinker?" (C, 06:04)
  • "You're worried about running out of blinker fluid?" (A, 06:08)
  • All agree this is not normal.

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6. Tooth Brushing Triggered by Eye Makeup (06:13–06:39)

• Host Confession:
  • Every time she puts on eye makeup, she feels compelled to brush her teeth—even if she’s already done it.
  • No other hosts or callers relate; deemed “weird.”

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7. Peeing on Laundry Towels (06:43–07:40)

• Caller: Sarah
  • Admits to peeing on towels while doing laundry so she doesn’t have to walk to the other side of the house—then washing them so no one knows.
    • Notable Quote [Sarah, 07:06]:

      "I just don't want to walk across the house to do it. But I'll pull off all my clothes and just stand there and pee on the towels."

• Hosts’ Reaction:
  • Stunned silence, then: "Not only are you not normal, but you're a pig." (A, 07:03)
  • Sarah admits her family has no idea:

    "I wash them so they have no idea. This is totally a secret. No clue." (D, 07:18)

  • Confirmed as definitely not normal.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• "Nasty, nasty mouth." – C (02:08) in response to brushing teeth 3x a week.
• "I have to say, along with Ryan Seacrest, 'This... is American Idol.' I have to do it every week." – B (03:41)
• "Not only are you not normal, but you're a pig." – A (07:03) replying to Sarah’s towel confession.
• "You're worried about running out of blinker fluid?" – A (06:08), poking fun at Katie’s turn signal concern.

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Episode Structure & Notable Segments

| Timestamp | Segment/Topic | Speaker(s) | |:--------------|:------------------------------------------|:-----------------------| | 01:02 | Introduction to "Am I Normal?" | B, C | | 01:24 | Jessica Simpson's brushing confession | C, B, A | | 02:13 | Expressway bump avoidance | D (Beige), B, C | | 03:01 | American Idol roleplay | D (Melissa), B, C | | 04:00 | TV volume even-number only | D (Christy), B, A, C | | 04:54 | Toilet paper flipping | D (Katie), C, B, A | | 05:51 | Conserving blinker usage | D (Katie), C, B, A | | 06:13 | Eye makeup triggers tooth brushing | C, B, D | | 06:43 | Peeing on towels during laundry | D (Sarah), B, C, A |

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Tone, Style & Host Dynamics

• Light-hearted, playful, and candid—the show creates an inviting atmosphere for sharing strange or embarrassing habits.
• Hosts are open with their own quirks, encouraging callers and listeners to embrace their oddities (or, sometimes, admit they might be alone... and that's okay!).
• Rapid-fire, conversational banter with plenty of supportive laughter, gentle ribbing, and “safe space” for even the weirdest confessions.

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Takeaways

• Most odd behaviors shared (avoiding road bumps, TV volume rituals, American Idol roleplay, toilet paper roll switching) have at least one defender or relatable moment in the group.
• A few habits, like "conserving" a blinker or peeing on laundry towels, are met with incredulity and outright rejection as "normal."
• The segment highlights how subjective “normal” can be—and that everyone has strange little routines they wonder about.

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In Summary:
The Bert Show’s “Am I Normal?” episode offers a hilarious, judgment-light look at the strange and unspoken habits we all carry. Whether you leave feeling seen, vindicated, or simply entertained, it’s a reminder you’re probably not as weird as you think (unless you’re peeing on laundry towels).

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

All right. Am I normal? What exactly is this, Jen?

[C]

Well, this is the thing where everybody admits something they do that's a little bit quirky and, you know, it might be a little bit off, but you need to know if other people do it, too. So you admit something that you do regularly or that you've done before and you say, am I normal? And we either confirm or deny.

[B]

Like Jessica Simpson gave us a perfect one to start with yesterday on the Ellen DeGeneres Show.

[C]

She does not like to brush her teeth. Now, I hate to bring this up because this may eliminate some prospects, but there's something I learned about you that, and I don't know how we learned this, but you talked about it in the interview. Don't listen, boys.

[A]

No.

[C]

Well, you don't brush your teeth. Oh, well, not all the time. Maybe 30 times a week. Explain why. Because my teeth are so white and I don't like them to feel too slippery. But I do use, like, Listerine and I do floss every day.

[A]

Right.

[C]

But I don't brush them every day. I just, I'll use a shirt or something.

[B]

Okay. So her thing would be, she would be calling right now 404741, Q100, and saying, is it normal that I only brush my teeth three times a week? And we would all say, oh, hell no.

[C]

Nasty, nasty mouth.

[B]

Hell no. Here is beige. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[D]

Good morning.

[B]

Good morning.

[D]

Mine is I'll drive on expressway or whatever, and I'll try to plan it where I'll change lanes and not hit a bump, hit the little markers that are.

[B]

I do that. I got to tell you, I'VE done that before, too. Not all the time, but, yes, I do do that.

[C]

You are normal. Constantly. You're always doing that. You're always trying to avoid the bumps.

[B]

I don't know why. Sometimes I do it and sometimes I don't. But, yes, there are times where I try to avoid those little bumps in the road.

[C]

I mean, four tires and you. And you avoid the best victory. I mean, you're like, I am a good driver. That's so funny.

[A]

Yourself.

[D]

A fist pump.

[C]

I have never even heard of that before now.

[B]

It'll be in your head the next time you're on 285.

[A]

It's totally normal, though, to avoid roadkill with your tires, right?

[C]

Yes, yes, yes. That's good.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Good job, Jeff.

[A]

Just making sure.

[B]

Melissa, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[D]

Good morning.

[B]

Hi.

[D]

Every time American Idol is on, on the commercial, I pretend I'm walking into the room and performing to the judges.

[C]

And do you actually sing out loud?

[D]

Yes, I do. And I pretend I actually answer their questions, too.

[C]

That's fantastic.

[B]

I don't know if that's normal, but it's fine.

[C]

Yeah, I don't care, but it's awesome. Is your family around? Are you by yourself when this happens?

[D]

No, it's usually when my boyfriend is at the gym or something, so I don't feel like a fool.

[C]

You just bored.

[D]

That's awesome.

[C]

Yeah. Not for.

[B]

I have a quirky one that relates to American Idol. Also, every week, I have to say, along with Ryan Seacrest, american Idol.

[C]

This.

[B]

This is American Idol. I have to do it every week.

[C]

I do want to ask her one quick question before we go. Do you ever allow the judges in your head to criticize you?

[D]

Oh, no. I'm always perfect.

[B]

Christy, am I normal? What do you have?

[D]

When I'm watching tv, I cannot have the volume on an odd number. It has to be on an even number.

[B]

Now, do you do that with stairs and stuff like that, that you can only climb up an even amount of stairs or what have you?

[D]

No, it's just a tv. Whenever I'm watching it, it has to be on an even number. Turn it up way too loud or down too low just so it's on an even number.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

I do something similar, and I. I think I do it with more things, but when I always remember it is when I'm editing photos on my computer because as you adjust different levels, they're all represented digitally and they always have to be divisible by five.

[C]

Weird.

[A]

So if I'm adjusting Something up. I can't adjust it. Like 1.28. It has to be 1.25 or 1.30.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Or if it's a scale of 1 to 100, it's always 75 or 80. It's never like 77.

[B]

Here is Katie. Good morning.

[D]

Hello.

[B]

Birch show. What's up?

[D]

Okay, two things. The first one, when I'm in other people's houses, I switch their toilet paper rolls.

[C]

To what?

[D]

Like, you know how the flap is either up or down?

[C]

Yes, I've done that before.

[D]

I like it. And if I see it and it's easy access, I'll just switch it.

[C]

Are you over? Are you an over or under or under?

[D]

Yeah, I'm an over over.

[C]

Me too. See, I don't really care.

[B]

I don't care.

[C]

As long as it just comes off the roll.

[B]

As long as it's there, I'm cool.

[C]

Well, Wendy with guys get irritating. You're using coffee filters most of the time, right? I'm using paper towels. I'm using brownie.

[A]

You got a bunch of Dunkin Donuts. Napkins in a box in the back.

[C]

McDonald's.

[B]

You know how uncomfortable that would be to use?

[C]

Bronnie, I know you dab. You don't.

[B]

You don't rob your dad.

[A]

Hey, there are benefits to a bigger sheet. There's zero worry about a breach.

[B]

Katie, what else you have?

[C]

Thumbnail Katie?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Your second one.

[D]

Okay. The second one is I'm actually in the turning lane right now. And I don't leave my blinker on. I conserve my blinker so that I never have to change it. So I'll just put it on to switch lanes, but I'll never leave it on.

[C]

Weird.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Why would you need to conserve your blinker?

[A]

You're worried about running out of blinker fluid?

[B]

I don't think that one's normal. I gotta tell you.

[C]

Yeah, no, I have a brushing my teeth one. Every time I put on eye makeup, I feel like I need to brush my teeth. Cause that's typically my routine. So even if I have just brushed my teeth, then I put on makeup. When I'm putting on eye makeup, I feel like I need to brush my teeth again. So I'll do it a second time. Really?

[B]

Really?

[C]

Yeah. It doesn't matter if I've just brushed them or not for whatever reason. I think it's just from that being the pattern. Every time now that I put on eye makeup, it triggers me to go. Brush your teeth.

[B]

She solo on this?

[C]

Weird.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

No, I don't think about that. No, I know.

[B]

Here is Sarah. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[D]

Yeah. When I'm doing laundry and I have to go like potty and I just don't want to go all the way to the other side of the house to go to potty, I just pile the towels up in the floor and just kind of go pee. Pee on the towels and then just throw them in the washing machine and wash them.

[B]

Come on.

[C]

You are joking.

[B]

Do you really?

[A]

Not only are you not normal, but you're a pig.

[D]

Obviously. I just. I don't know what it is. I just don't want to walk across the house to do it. But I'll pull off all my clothes and just stand there and pee on the towels.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Are there other people in your family who use those towels?

[D]

Yeah, but I mean, I wash them so they have no idea. This is totally a secret. No clue.

[B]

So this has to be done right before you put the towels into the laundry?

[D]

Yes. And then I run really hot water to make sure they get good and clean. But for some reason I just like to pee on the towels.

[B]

Sarah, I will say that you are not normal. We appreciate you sharing, but that is not normal.

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