Vault: Am I normal? Listeners call in

Summary

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The Bert Show: Vault - "Am I Normal?" (June 19, 2026)

Episode Overview

This lively episode of The Bert Show dives into the quirks and habits that make us all wonder, "Am I normal?" Listeners call in with their unique (and sometimes hilarious) routines, obsessions, and pet peeves, while the hosts and cast weigh in, share their own oddities, and (lovingly) judge whether these behaviors are normal or "abnormal." The episode is packed with laugh-out-loud moments, relatable confessions, and the camaraderie that makes The Bert Show a morning staple.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Origin Story: Laundry Rituals (00:54–02:13)

• Host Jen kicks off with a story about a previous segment where she shared her jeans-laundering technique: shaking and folding them straight out of the washer to reduce wrinkles before drying.

  “I have to take them out, I have to shake all the wrinkles out. And then I have to like smooth them and fold them and then I put them in the dryer and it works.” (00:56, Jen)

• Co-host Tracy and other panelists debate if this is “normal” or a new trend, but admit it “works” for reducing wrinkles and cutting down on hang-drying time.

• The segment sets the tone: something “weird” can catch on and become normal.

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2. Parental Quirks: Comforting Kids (02:19–03:16, 06:54–07:20)

• Tracy admits that after seeing anything sad on TV—no matter how minor—she retrieves her sleeping daughter Ella from bed and cuddles on the couch:

  “If it has anything to do with a baby, I definitely do, but just anything that makes me kind of sad that makes you want to be close to your baby.” (02:35, Tracy)

• Tracy does this up to three times a week (03:00).

• The cast jokes about Ella’s disrupted sleep and wonder, “Is this normal for moms?”

• Caller Lauren calls in to share she does the same thing—sometimes three or four times a night—making this a surprisingly common mom-ritual (06:54–07:20).

  “Every time I see something sad on tv, I always get my daughter up and hold her for a while before I go back to bed.” (06:54, Lauren)

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3. Pranking Drivers: Flashing High Beams (03:40–04:37)

• Caller Diana admits she flashes her headlights at oncoming cars to make them think there’s a police speed trap, even when there isn’t:

  “I get some kind of weird thrill out of looking in my rearview mirror and seeing their brake lights come on really fast...” (04:05, Diana)

• The hosts are amused and acknowledge the power-trip, laughing at the collective paranoia it induces.

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4. Pants & Public Bathrooms: Germ-Avoidance or Overkill? (04:48–06:01)

• Caller Beth goes to extreme lengths to keep her pant legs from touching bathroom floors:

  “I have to take my pants off completely and fold them up and hang them over the towel bar...” (04:48, Beth)

• This applies everywhere, even friends’ homes or work bathrooms.

• The cast teases her, especially since she’s fine going barefoot, but agrees rolling up pants is common.

• A quick detour references a “Seinfeld” episode; relatable sitcom moments make the segment light and friendly.

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5. Odd Eating Habits: Color & Order Obsessions (06:14–06:44)

• Habits include:

  • Eating M&Ms in football team color pairs
  • Eating Goldfish crackers by biting the tail, then the body (06:26)
  • Animal crackers: Always eating the head off first (06:36)

  “I had to eat the head off first, I guess so that they couldn’t see what I was going to do to the rest of them.” (06:38, Anonymous Panelist)

• Quirky but relatable eating rituals spark laughter and “me too!” moments.

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6. Counting, Grouping, OCD & Sign Language (07:23–09:20)

• Caller Kim describes compulsively counting and grouping letters on signs in pairs, adding words until the total is even. She sometimes even fingerspells in sign language.

  “If it’s not even, when I get to the end of the phrase or sentence, I have to add more to it until it’s even and I can stop.” (07:26, Kim) “If I’m watching TV or and I’m doing it, I have to sign it in sign language.” (07:49, Kim)

• The hosts gently ask if she finds it debilitating (it can interfere with reading books), and Kim agrees she might need help.

  “Have you ever sought any help for that?” (08:55, Panelist) “No, but I probably should actually.” (08:58, Kim)

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7. Meal Timing & Drinking Rituals (09:27–10:13, 10:21–10:46)

• Caller Anna never drinks anything with her meals—waiting at least 30 minutes after eating:

  “I actually don’t drink anything at all until like 30 minutes after I’ve finished my meal.” (09:32, Anna)

• Multiple cast members' moms reportedly do the same.

• Caller Shannon admits she must "chew" any liquid before swallowing and can't tolerate food touching on her plate:

  “I cannot have any liquid, whether it be coke, water, milkshake. I have to chew it before I can swallow anything.” (10:35, Shannon)

• The conversation reveals a host of food and drink rituals, sparking more stories from the cast.

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8. The Gas Pump Must End on Zero (10:21–10:29)

• Caller Pam insists on finishing at a dollar amount ending in zero.

  “When I’m pumping gas it has to end on a zero.” (10:27, Pam)

• The cast reassures her: this one’s probably more popular than she thinks.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [02:44] Caller: “Abnormal.”
• [04:13] Diana: “I get some kind of weird thrill out of looking in my rearview mirror and seeing their brake lights come on real fast...”
• [06:38] Panelist: “I had to eat the head off first, I guess so that they couldn't see what I was going to do to the rest of them.”
• [09:02] Kim: “Yeah, it’s crazy. Like, my brother will see me like, signing just the letters, and he’s like, ‘What are you doing?’”
• [10:35] Shannon: “I cannot have any liquid, whether it be Coke, water, milkshake—I have to chew it before I can swallow anything.”

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Episode Summary Table

| Section | Topic | Key Contributor(s) | Timestamps | |--------------------|----------------------------------------------|----------------------------|--------------| | Laundry Rituals | Jeans shaking/folding | Jen, Tracy, Cast | 00:54–02:13 | | Mom Quirks | Waking kids after sad TV | Tracy, Lauren, Cast | 02:19–03:16; 06:54–07:20 | | High Beam Pranks | Flashing oncoming cars as “traps” | Diana, Cast | 03:40–04:37 | | Bathroom Anxieties | Removing pants to avoid floor contact | Beth, Cast | 04:48–06:01 | | Eating Rituals | M&Ms by color, Goldfish by body part | Multiple Panelists | 06:14–06:44 | | OCD Behaviors | Pairing & fingerspelling sign language | Kim, Cast | 07:23–09:20 | | Weird Meal Habits | No drinking with meals, chewing liquids | Anna, Shannon, Cast | 09:27–10:46 | | Numeric Gas Pump | Gas must end on zero | Pam, Cast | 10:21–10:29 |

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Tone & Final Thoughts

The hosts and callers keep the tone light, self-deprecating, and supportive, even when discussing potentially serious habits like obsessive counting. The recurring theme is that everyone’s got their “weird,” but those quirks might be more common than you think. It’s a validating, funny, and comforting listen—reminding us all that “normal” is just a setting on the dryer.

“This is one of our favorite segments...because it makes us feel so normal.” (11:07, Host)

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Transcript

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[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

Hey, the Birch Show. If there's something that you do and you're wondering if it's normal, we'll decide for you.

[Co-host or panelist]

Right?

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

Jen was actually. She changed some people's lives.

[Co-host or panelist]

Last time I do this weird thing when I do laundry, I take my je out of the washer and you know how they're all like crinkled, cramped up once they come out of the washing machine? Well, I have to take them out, I have to shake them out, like shake all the wrinkles out. And then I have to like smooth them and fold them and then I put them in the dryer and it works. Did you try it?

[Chase Sapphire Advertiser / Stitch Fix Announcer]

Didn't do it.

[Co-host or panelist]

And there's less wrinkles in your jeans, right?

[Co-host or panelist (possibly Tracy)]

It works.

[Co-host or panelist]

I got it.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

You folded them.

[Co-host or panelist]

And I founder, who did the same thing and he loves it too.

[Co-host or panelist (possibly Tracy)]

And now he's doing it. Before I heard Jen, I usually did, I would take them out of the dryer and I'd shake them out.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

Everybody shakes them out, right?

[Co-host or panelist (possibly Tracy)]

But I tried the folding thing and it works.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

You don't even shake them out. I shake them out.

[Co-host or panelist]

I just put them in there, throw

them in the dryer.

Yeah, but then there's like those permanent wrinkles in your jeans. Yeah, and I used to do it. I used to do it where I would hang them all dry and then once they were hung dry, I would put them in the dryer just to kind of tighten them back up again. But that takes even longer. So the shaking them out in the folding is like a shorter way to get them the way that I want them.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

The listener emailed Jen and I actually was like asking her to explain it. Cause when she said that, the listener did it Now Tracy's saying it still comes apart in the dryer. And Jen goes, it doesn't matter.

[Co-host or panelist]

It doesn't matter. It works. Something about it works. If it makes me feel better, it's not normal, but.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

Well, maybe it is. Maybe we've taken something that's not normal and made it mainstream. Tracy.

[Co-host or panelist (possibly Tracy)]

Yes. I don't think this is that abnormal, but every time I read something sad or see something sad on tv, if it's after Ella's gone to bed, I get her out of bed and I hold her for an hour or so and just let her sleep on the couch with me.

[Co-host or panelist]

Because you're sad.

That's sweet, though.

[Co-host or panelist (possibly Tracy)]

Just cause I'm like, yeah, just cause it makes me sad. Like, I mean, if it has anything to do with a baby, I definitely do, but just anything that makes me kind of sad that makes you want to be close to your baby. I guess.

[Caller or guest]

Abnormal.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

So at Christmas time, when those Publix commercials were on.

[Chase Sapphire Advertiser / Stitch Fix Announcer]

Right.

[Co-host or panelist (possibly Tracy)]

I'll get her out of bed and I'll hold her.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

Yeah. She did not get one good night's sleep the whole holiday season.

[Co-host or panelist (possibly Tracy)]

And I wonder why. She has sleeping issues.

[Co-host or panelist]

So it happens often? Does it happen often?

About how many times a week?

[Co-host or panelist (possibly Tracy)]

Probably three.

[Co-host or panelist]

Oh, no wonder she can't sleep through the night.

[Co-host or panelist (possibly Tracy)]

I know, but I feel better.

[Co-host or panelist]

Yeah, I don't think that's normal.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

Yeah. Ella's not in this.

[Co-host or panelist]

I have to find out from moms if that's normal.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

Ella's not in this world for Tracy. Ella's in this world for. Or Ella's not in this world for her. It's for Tracy.

[Co-host or panelist]

I could see if it was a movie about, you know, But a Publix commercial, probably that.

[Co-host or panelist (possibly Tracy)]

I don't know what's happened for a Publix commercial, but, yeah, like, any news stories and stuff like that. I definitely. Out of bed and hold her. You know what?

[Co-host or panelist]

But next time I see one of those like I said, or Latter Day Saint or Publix commercials, I'm going over to Tracy's and I'm gonna hold that.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

Except Tracy, you'll be fighting over her. You'll each have an arm. Hey, Diana. Welcome to the bird show.

[Caller or guest]

Good morning, guys. Love you.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

All right. Love you too. Loving you right back, darling. So am I Normal.

[Caller or guest]

Okay. Well, I like to flash my lights at oncoming cars, like, you know, to warn them of police traps.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

Right.

[Caller or guest]

When there's no police.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

Why do you do that?

[Co-host or panelist]

Awesome.

[Caller or guest]

I don't know.

I don't know. Honestly, I. I get some kind of

weird thrill out of looking in my rearview mirror and seeing their brake lights come on really fast and panic and like a.

Cops, cops.

And they're all around.

[Co-host or panelist]

That's hilarious.

[Caller or guest]

Just.

Just to, you know, defend myself. I also flash my lights when there is a police truck. But I. I don't know. I just. It's.

[Co-host or panelist]

Man, that's funny.

[Caller or guest]

I have the power.

[Co-host or panelist]

I guess that paranoia sucks because you'll

be on the brakes for the next five miles looking all over

Concerned citizen.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

You'll never. You're never exactly sure where it is. So you're like. The girl wouldn't have warned me for nothing. Hey, Beth.

[Caller or guest]

Hey.

You guys are awesome.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

Thank you.

[Co-host or panelist]

Thanks.

[Caller or guest]

Okay, so I have this weird thing. When I go to the bathroom, I can't stand the bottom of my pants to touch the ground, so I have to take my pants off completely and fold them up and hang them over the towel bar or, like, on the back of the hook in the bathroom, in the public places, in the.

[Co-host or panelist]

I mean. So you do this in anywhere?

[Caller or guest]

Anywhere, Anywhere. My friend's house, my work. Everywhere I go. I mean, I literally have to take them off completely because the thought of my pants legs touching the floor freaks me out.

[Co-host or panelist]

That's hilarious.

Isn't there more opportunity for your pants to touch the floor if you're taking them off?

[Caller or guest]

No, I. I don't know.

It's just. I don't know why I, like, take them off. I'm, like, really careful not to, like, let them touch the ground. And the funny thing is, is my husband laughs about it because I walk around barefoot so much. I love walking around barefoot. So apparently my feet don't bother me,

[Co-host or panelist]

but my pants does.

[Co-host or panelist (possibly Tracy)]

I don't take mine off, but if they're too long and I go to a public bathroom, I'll roll them up so they don't touch the floor.

[Co-host or panelist]

Well, I could see that, but that makes sense. How long does it take you to go to the bathroom?

[Caller or guest]

No, not very long. I mean, not like a huge amount of time, but. Yeah. No, I've tried rolling them up, and I don't know. I feel constricted, I guess.

[Co-host or panelist]

I don't know.

[Caller or guest]

It's just weird.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

Didn't Burt have a friend who got completely naked whenever he used the bathroom?

[Co-host or panelist]

I thought it was a Seinfeld episode that George used to take his pants

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

off and have to remove. Yeah, I would be worried that the place I was in would catch on fire.

[Co-host or panelist]

Yeah, no kidding. I have an Am I normal? From Twitter. She says when I eat M&Ms. I have to eat them in pairs. Inspired by college football team colors.

Oh, that's funny. That's great.

Yeah. I can only eat goldfish by the tail first and then the body of the goldfish.

Really?

I can't eat goldfish any other way, so I have to bite the tail off and then I can eat the little body of the goldfish.

[Co-host or panelist (possibly Tracy)]

I just noticed that yesterday I used

[Co-host or panelist]

to eat animal crackers when I was a kid. I had to eat the head off first, I guess so that they couldn't see what I was going to do to the rest of them. I don't know.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

What did you do to the rest of them? Weirdo.

[Co-host or panelist]

Shut up.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

Hey, Lauren. Welcome to the show.

[Caller or guest]

Yeah.

Hi. First, I love you guys. I listen to you every morning.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

That's cool. Thank you.

[Caller or guest]

You're welcome.

I had a mom just like Tracy, and every time I see something sad on tv, I always get my daughter up and hold her for a while

before I go back to bed.

[Co-host or panelist]

How often does it happen? In a week's time, how often do you do it?

[Caller or guest]

Well, she's older now. She's two and a half. But when she was a baby, I did it probably at least three or four times a night when she was first a night.

[Co-host or panelist]

Y' all are both oddly codependent.

[Co-host or panelist (possibly Tracy)]

Or maybe we're normal.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

Hey, Kim. Welcome to the show.

[Caller or guest]

Hi.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

What's going on?

[Caller or guest]

Okay, well, you're gonna think I'm crazy, but I do this thing where if I see a billboard or a sign or something, say, like, right lane must turn right. And I have to do it in pairs of two, and I have to say, like, R, I, G, H, T, L, A, N, E, M. And if it's not even, when I get to the end of the phrase or sentence, I have to add more to it until it's even and I can stop.

[Co-host or panelist]

That's like a very ocd.

Was it ocd?

[Caller or guest]

Yeah, very ocd.

Yes.

And then if I'm watching TV or and I'm doing it, I have to, like, sign it in sign language.

[Co-host or panelist]

Really?

[Caller or guest]

I've done it as much as I can remember, and I have no idea why. And I cannot stop just.

[Co-host or panelist]

Just that one sign.

[Caller or guest]

Anything.

I have to add to anything. Like, anything I see, if it just pops up, I just do it in my head automatically. And if it's not even, I have to add to it to make it even.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

So, like, I just. I happened to look up at the television, and across the bottom it said, NBC. Brian Williams, NBC Nightly News.

[Caller or guest]

Yes.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

So would you would you start spelling that off. And if that's an odd number of letters, would you say Thursday night or whatever you have to add?

[Caller or guest]

Yes, I have to add the next thing I see to it.

Wow.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

Until you can end evenly.

[Caller or guest]

Until it's evenly so every word. Every word.

[Co-host or panelist]

Wow.

That's gotta keep you on, like billboards and signs and anything.

[Caller or guest]

Anything. Like a trash can could say something and I would have to do it.

[Co-host or panelist]

Are you able to read a book successfully?

[Caller or guest]

Like, not really.

[Co-host or panelist]

Yeah. Yeah. If it's every word you do, I can't imagine you opening a page and having all those letters in front of you.

Have you ever sought any help for that?

[Caller or guest]

No, but I probably should actually.

[Co-host or panelist]

Well, it's just. It seems like that would be debilitating.

[Caller or guest]

Yeah, it's crazy. And like, Pete, like, my brother will see me like, signing like just the letters and he's like, what are you doing?

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

What do you do?

[Caller or guest]

Like, stop.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

What do you do for a living?

[Caller or guest]

I work at a retail store.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

So that's got to be Christmas time in sales. Thanks for the call. Hey, Anna.

[Caller or guest]

Yes.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

Welcome to the show.

[Caller or guest]

Hi. Love you guys.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

Thanks.

[Caller or guest]

I actually don't drink anything at all until like 30 minutes after I've finished my meal.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

So you never have like a glass of water or something with dinner?

[Co-host or panelist]

My mom's like that.

[Caller or guest]

Nothing.

[Co-host or panelist]

My mom.

[Caller or guest]

My mom says I've done it since I was little.

[Co-host or panelist]

My mother's the same way. I'm oddly fascinated by that. Millie P. Does not drink anything while she. During her meal. Really? So she eats a whole meal, doesn't really drink anything, and then in her drink, you know, drinking her water or her coffee or anything is separate from actually eating a meal.

[Caller or guest]

Strange.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

When I was a kid, I don't do this anymore, but my parents told me that I would eat everything on my plate in portions. So I could eat all the potatoes and then I would move on and I would eat all the carrots. Then I'd move on and eat all the.

[Co-host or panelist]

Do you have a food touching thing?

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

Nah.

[Co-host or panelist]

Some people don't like any other food to touch. That freaks them out.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

Hey, Pam.

[Caller or guest]

Yes.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

What's your am I normal question?

[Caller or guest]

Hey, guys. I don't. My gas thing, when I'm pumping gas

has to end on a zero.

Oh, yeah.

[Co-host or panelist]

I've known people that do this before. I think that's actually fairly normal.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

Shannon.

[Caller or guest]

Yes.

My abnormal is I cannot have any liquid, whether it be coke, water, milkshake. I have to chew it before I can swallow anything.

[Co-host or panelist]

Huh. Okay.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

Weird.

[Caller or guest]

I also have that My food can't touch. That's it. Cannot. I will get separate plates for everything, but especially water. I mean, it doesn't matter what the liquid. I cannot.

[Co-host or panelist]

It's so funny how I tend to have a liquid thing when it comes to meals. Like, I don't like soup because I don't like. To me, it confuses me that I'm drinking my meal. Like if I have soup, it has to be like a chowder or something that there's something in there I can chew.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

This is. I think we've all talked about this. This is one of our favorite segments and I think the reason we all like it so much is because it makes us feel so normal. Yeah, the first show.

[Bluff]

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[Caller or guest]

Oh, these just the most perfect fitting jeans my stylist sent me.

[Host (likely Jen or main host)]

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[Caller or guest]

one foot in a mall and still looks amazing.

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