The Bert Show – "Vault: Another Round Of 'Am I Normal?'"

Podcast: The Bert Show
Episode Date: January 6, 2026
Host: (Referred to as "Birch" in episode) and The Bert Show Team
Summary by: Expert Podcast Summarizer

Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives headlong into the perennial question: “Am I Normal?” With a blend of humor, honesty, and genuine curiosity, the team opens the phone lines for listeners to share their quirkiest, most private habits and oddball routines. The show’s goal? To remind everyone that “normal” is a far stranger and broader category than we tend to think.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Show Introduction & Concept (01:32)

• The host introduces the “Am I Normal?” segment. It’s a favorite on the show where both hosts and listeners confess personal quirks for affirmation or gentle ribbing.
• Birch kicks things off by revisiting his own weird behavior: watching his pupils dilate in the mirror (“I think it’s really cool to watch my own eyes dilate.” – Birch, 01:39).

2. Listeners Share Their "Freaky" Habits (02:10 – 02:48)

• The phones light up with listeners eager to confess:
  • Post-shower naked dance/celebrity interviews: (“I just start naked dancing. I pretend I’m a star, and I interview myself…” — Caller, 02:11)
  • Lottery reactions rehearsal
  • Wearing the wedding dress for fun, years after the wedding
  • Food critic roleplay while eating
  • Reenacting great movie lines in the bathroom
  • Self-tying up for ‘damsel in distress’ games

3. Is Kissing Family Members on the Lips "Normal"? (03:13 – 04:21)

• Producer Tracy shares how her boyfriend Scott called her family “freaks” for kissing on the lips (03:13).
  • “You kiss your family on the lips?... That’s weird.” – Scott (quoted by Tracy, 03:20)
• The team is split—some insist it’s completely normal, especially for parents and kids, while others are baffled by the habit as adults.
  • “So as an adult, you still kiss your dad on the lips?” – Birch (04:02)
  • “Yeah, and my mom and my little brother and my sister…” – Tracy (04:04)
• The mood remains playful but probing. There’s agreement that everyone has different boundaries, and “normal” is contextual.

4. Odd Family Traditions and TV Quirks (05:30 – 07:01)

• One listener calls to admit her family robot dances every time the Law & Order theme plays (05:33).
  • “We stop, we pause, and we do the robot. Seriously. And even my 3 year old…” – Caller (05:38)
• Another listener and her daughter (who are African American) unabashedly quote "Napoleon Dynamite" in public. (“I mean, I’m like 35 and should grow up, and me and my daughter, we will talk this way…” — Caller, 06:21).
  • The hosts delight in the harmless absurdity. “The Law and Order robot thing is way more normal than an African American watching Napoleon only in dynamite and quoting it.” – Birch (06:54)

5. Bathroom Rituals and Excitement (07:10 – 07:57)

• A listener gets excited by being first to use a freshly cleaned public bathroom:
  • “I open the door and sweep with my hand and say, ‘Ah, the fabled up toilet seat!’” – Caller, Elizabeth (07:14)
  • Other female hosts agree—being the first user feels like winning a prize.

6. Everyday Fantasies & Role Play (08:09 – 09:02)

• Birch admits narrating imaginary car races against other drivers at intersections (08:09).
  • “I kinda have like a sportscaster in my mind doing a play by play…” – Birch (08:09)
• Another co-host confesses pretending to run from cops in traffic, even making a getaway into their garage (08:25).

7. Imaginary Acceptance Speeches & Quirks (09:08 – 10:36)

• Allison regularly acts out Oscar acceptance speeches—complete with tears (09:09).
  • “Whenever there’s an award show on, I get up and I accept my Best Actress award…and I get emotional, I cry my eyes out…” – Allison (09:09)
  • She obliges the hosts with her speech on air, giving a hilariously sincere performance.
• In a quick-fire round, more oddities emerge:
  • Toenail sniffing after clipping – Chris (10:55)
  • Having celebrity imaginary friends – Renee. Her husband once caught her “talking to Ben Affleck” (11:08).

8. Final Thoughts: We're All a Little Weird (11:42 – 11:54)

• The hosts reflect on the confessions with warmth and acceptance.
  • “We all sit and worry and wonder if we are normal or not.” – Co-host (11:45)
  • “Yeah. You know what? We’re all screwed up…it’s just different, you know, levels of screwed up.” – Birch (11:49)
  • The underlying message: quirks make us human, and sharing them brings us together.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Quirk Affirmation:
  “There’s great comfort in knowing that other people do the same things.” – Birch (01:35)
• On Family Kissing Norms:
  “It’s just a little sign of affection. It’s like giving them a hug or a kiss on the cheek…but with your family, you kiss on the lips.” – Tracy (04:14)
• On Award Show Fantasies:
  “My family and my dog’s there. And, you know, I thank my dog for being such a wonderful dog.” – Allison (09:26)
• On Universal Weirdness:
  “You know what? We’re all screwed up…it’s just different, you know, levels of screwed up. But everybody’s screwed up.” – Birch (11:49)

Segment Timestamps

• Introduction to “Am I Normal?” – 01:32
• Listening sharing quirky habits – 02:10
• Kissing family members on the lips – 03:13
• Law & Order theme family robot dance – 05:33
• Bathroom rituals – 07:14
• Imaginary car race narration – 08:09
• Fake Oscar speeches – 09:09
• Toenail sniffing and imaginary celebrity friends – 10:55
• Wrap-up: “We’re all screwed up” – 11:49

Tone & Style

The episode is lively, candid, and full of friendly banter. The hosts create a supportive, judgment-free zone where listeners feel comfortable sharing everything from harmless eccentricities to genuine oddities. The takeaway: there’s no such thing as “normal”—we’re all weird, and that’s something to be celebrated.