Vault: Are parents ruining their adult kids' independence?

Summary

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The Bert Show: "Are Parents Ruining Their Adult Kids' Independence?"

Air Date: July 31, 2026
Hosts: Bert, Birch, Melissa, and the Bert Show Cast
Episode Theme:
Exploring whether modern parenting—particularly "helicopter parenting"—is undermining the independence of adult children, using anecdotes, listener calls, and spirited debate to grapple with how far parental involvement should go.

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1. Episode Overview

The Bert Show tackles the phenomenon of parents intervening excessively in their adult children’s lives, particularly in professional and personal matters where independence is expected. The team shares personal stories, workplace anecdotes, and takes listener calls to highlight how this dynamic manifests and debate who’s responsible—parents, adult children, or both.

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2. Key Discussion Points & Insights

A. Parental Over-Involvement in Adulthood

• Workplace Examples (00:00–01:42):
  • Birch recalls a grown woman (23–24 years old) whose mother would call in sick for her from another state, prompting confusion and concern among coworkers.
    • “This is a grown woman. It's a grown ass woman.” — Birch (00:12)
  • Melissa recounts another situation where an employee cited her mother’s feedback on workplace instructions, reporting back to her boss with her mom’s perspective.
    • “The umbilical cord is so taught that she can’t even take instruction at work without her mom’s feedback.” — Melissa (01:41)
  • The hosts uniformly call this extreme level of parental involvement "ridiculous."

B. Personal Family Contrasts (01:42–04:13)

• Birch shares that in his first job, his own dad was so disengaged he didn’t even know where Birch worked for a year and a half.
  • “He had no idea where I was working. The total anti, like you said, antithesis of what you’re talking about.” — Birch (02:52)
• The cast laughs about the practical joke that got Birch fired, contrasting hands-off parenting with over-involvement.

C. Listener Callers Expand the Conversation

1. Parents Handling Adult Chores (04:13–06:55)

• Debbie (04:13):
  • Works in a doctor’s office; a 30-something schoolteacher has her mom make all her medical appointments—even dictating what to say during calls.
    • “This person is teaching our children, and she can’t pick up the phone, make her own doctor’s appointment?” — Caller (04:40)
  • The hosts unanimously blame parents for stunting their children’s independence.
• Conversation turns to parents helping adults with checkbooks, spreadsheets, school projects, and beyond.
  • “If you don’t allow him or her to start making their own decisions that early, then they become adults, and they are incapable of making a decision, you know?” — Birch (05:37)

2. Extreme Dependency (06:00–07:46)

• Lindsey (06:00):

  • Had a 21-year-old employee whose parents drove her to each work assignment. The employee became hysterically upset when asked to drive herself.
    • “She had a car… Crying, like hysterical, sobbing, crying when she would get to work if her parents weren’t there.” — Caller (06:31)

• Sarah (06:55):

  • Best friend's mother does everything for her 28-year-old daughter (also a teacher): laundry, cooking, grading papers, balancing checkbook, taxes, paying bills, and calling her out of work.
    • “She’s 28 and she’s a teacher. And her mom does all this for her.” — Melissa (07:19)
  • Sarah acknowledges extenuating circumstances—her friend lives at home because her mom has cancer—but stresses that her parents never do these things for her.

3. Medical Exceptions and Pushback (08:40–10:11)

• Megan (08:40):
  • At 26, lets her mom regularly handle her medical appointments due to severe health complications.
    • “I mean, I’m 26, and my mom makes doctor’s appointments and things like that all the time for me. I have a lot of medical issues.” — Caller (08:54)
  • Melissa challenges the practice, noting that technology and tools exist for adults to maintain their own schedules and appointments.
    • “There’s things called calendars. I have right here at a glance, paper calendar. There’s phones…” — Melissa (09:23)
  • The caller clarifies her mother’s help is necessary during periods of severe illness.

D. Paying Debts for Grown Children (10:32–11:47)

• Gloria (10:32):
  • Works at a courthouse, remarks on the prevalence of mothers and grandmothers paying fines for their grown children (sometimes well into their 40s or 50s).
    • “It’s ridiculous to see these grandmothers and mothers come in to pay fines... they’re in their 40s and their 50s.” — Caller (10:35)

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3. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “My mom said we should do it differently.” — Burt, mocking the phenomenon (01:35)
• “If you are on one end of the pendulum, this is completely the opposite.” — Burt, about family detachment vs. enmeshment (02:02)
• “Don’t you want to raise an adult?” — Melissa (04:44)
• “I think the people that can’t handle situation... probably had a helicopter parent.” — Melissa (06:38)
• “If you wanted so badly to be an adult, then be an adult. You take some pride in that.” — Melissa (10:11)
• “I would be offended as a parent if my kids at 24 called me up for that kind of help… what did I do wrong?” — Birch (11:29)

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4. Timeline of Key Segments

• 00:00–01:42: Workplace anecdotes of parental over-involvement
• 01:42–04:13: Contrasting independent and disengaged parenting styles
• 04:13–06:55: Caller shares stories of adults reliant on parents for basic tasks
• 06:00–07:46: More calls regarding emotional dependency and parental enablement
• 08:40–10:11: Medical exceptions and debate over when parental help is justified
• 10:32–11:47: Grown children’s debts being handled by parents; societal observations

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5. Tone and Takeaways

• Tone: Playful, incredulous, sometimes exasperated; mix of amusement and concern
• Key Message:
  While exceptions exist (such as chronic illness), habitual parental involvement in adult children's basic affairs can undermine independence and maturity. The hosts point fingers at both the enabling parents and the grown children who fail to "adult." Multiple stories highlight how pervasive, and sometimes socially accepted, this trend has become.
• Host's Consensus:
  Across the board, the Bert Show casts strong skepticism on "helicopter parenting" and challenge listeners to raise, and become, self-reliant adults.

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6. Conclusion

From laugh-out-loud tales of work calls from mom, to sincere frustration with dependency in adulthood, this Bert Show episode delivers a blend of real-life examples and lively debate. Listeners are left to reflect: At what point should parents step back—and what is the cost if they don’t?

Transcript

[Burt]

Get it?

[Birch]

The Birch Show. All right, so we used to have a Birch show employee here back in the day that used to have her mom call in sick for her.

[Burt]

Mm.

[Birch]

And we all looked at each other when that used to happen. This is a grown woman. It's a grown ass woman.

[Burt]

She was how old at the time?

[Birch]

23, 24 years old.

[Melissa]

Yeah. Well.

[Unidentified Male Co-host]

And her mom lived in a different city. It's not like she lived with her mom.

[Melissa]

Her mom lived on the West. You know, over on the West Coast.

[Unidentified Male Co-host]

Her mom lives in Califrado. So it's like, one thing. Like, if I wasn't feeling well and was up all night and Jessica was up and I asked her to call one of you guys. Like, we didn't know her mom. Her mom didn't live in the city. Her mom didn't live with her, which made it kind of freaky.

[Birch]

It was weird.

[Unidentified Male Co-host]

So you get a call from Colorado saying, hey, my kid, who's six miles from me right now, can't come into work today.

[Birch]

What if your kid's not living with you? Yeah, pretty much they're on their own when it comes to the work.

[Melissa]

I know. And yeah, I mean. And it reminded me of who you're talking about when it was a friend of a friend. So I don't know this person directly, but this friend was saying that her friend is a boss, okay. In an office and has an employee who is around that same age. And it's not the fact that her mom calls in sick for her, but it's the fact that when she's talking to her employee, there's a lot of times that she'll give her instruction. And then let's say the next day, that employee comes back and says what her mother's feedback on that instruction was.

[Birch]

Oh, get out of here.

[Melissa]

So the employee would, like, talk to her mom about work, and the mom would give her feedback, and then the girl would go back and tell the boss what her mom had said.

[Birch]

Oh, no, you're kidding.

[Burt]

No, that is ridiculous. My mom said we should do it differently. Yes. Like we should work hard or.

[Melissa]

My mom disagrees with that. Yeah, exactly. And says it to the boss. And the boss is like, how do I handle that? When the employee who doesn't live at home is somebody who is so. The umbilical cord is so taught that she can't make it. She can't even take. It's not just make a decision without her mom. She can't even take instruction at work without her mom's feedback.

[Burt]

That's the antithesis of Burt's relationship with his family. If you are on one end of the pendulum, this is completely the opposite.

[Birch]

I. Seriously, you're gonna think that I'm making this up way too attached. In my very first radio job, I was answering phones, and I was doing research for a country radio station. I would have to go through the phone book every day, and I would have to call up people randomly and see if they listen to country music. Right. I had that job for a year and a half, and I was, like, 17 years old at the time. I just wanted my foot in the door of radio. And I came home one day because I got fired from the job. I did a practice. I did a practical joke at work. They took it the wrong way, and I got fired from the job. I was having too much fun at the radio station, and I got fired. And I came home to tell my dad about it because I was so bummed about it. And he's like, you work where? It was a year and a half,

[Burt]

and he didn't know you worked there.

[Birch]

He had no idea where I was working. The total anti, like you said, antithesis of what you're talking about.

[Melissa]

Oh, hi. Your life is tragic.

[Birch]

Now, let me get this straight. You work where.

[Melissa]

Need a hug? I mean, I know this is. What practical joke did you.

[Unidentified Male Co-host]

I know. That's what I wanted to know.

[Birch]

It's kind of a complicated story, but I was doing research out, and there were, like, seven or eight high school kids all in the same room. And as I said, we'd have to go through the phone book and call people up and say, hey, do you listen to kson, the country station in town? They'd either say yes or no. And if they said yes, then we would play them some hooks of country songs and they would rate them for us. Right? Well, on lunch break one day, I thought it would be really funny to take out the speaker portion of the phone, because back in the day, you used to be able to unscrew, like, the bottom part of the phone, and there was a device in there that made it so other people on the other end could hear you. I screwed all the phones, and I took that device.

[Unidentified Male Co-host]

That's funny.

[Birch]

So everybody in the room was, like, talking to these people on the phone, and nobody could hear them back.

[Melissa]

So they'd hang up on them.

[Birch]

So they'd hang up on them. And they brought engineers back from home that were, like, having dinner with their family, and nobody could figure it out.

[Unidentified Male Co-host]

Why did you let it Go so long?

[Birch]

Because it was one of those things where it went on too long, and I was too scared to say anything about it.

[Melissa]

And he was 17. Exactly.

[Birch]

Hey, Debbie. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

I work in a doctor's office, and I have a patient that's probably in her 30s and is a school teacher and has her mom call and make her appointments for her.

[Burt]

No.

[Caller]

In the chair next to her, telling her what to say.

[Birch]

Is that right? I don't think this is so uncommon. 404, 740. 100.

[Caller]

What?

[Melissa]

Yeah, I. Well, I mean, I blame the parents. What? What are you thinking?

[Caller]

This person is teaching our children, and she can't pick up the phone, make her own doctor's appointment?

[Melissa]

I mean, don't you want to raise an adult?

[Birch]

Like, I've got to believe there are parents that still help out their adult children with, like, checkbooks and make appointments for them. I hope these helicopter parents are listening right now.

[Burt]

Yes.

[Melissa]

Let it go.

[Unidentified Male Co-host]

There's probably parents who do work projects.

[Melissa]

Yeah, I bet.

[Unidentified Male Co-host]

Like, if a kid has to do, like, a spreadsheet, I say kid, but an adult, like, if a child.

[Melissa]

Well, that's. The parent, sees them as a little kid.

[Unidentified Male Co-host]

If an employee has to do, like, spreadsheets from work or expense reports or something like that, I could see.

[Melissa]

It's okay, honey. I'll do it.

[Unidentified Male Co-host]

I'll do it. Just give me your receipts. I'll do it.

[Birch]

This is like that helicopter mom we had on a couple of weeks ago with the whole prom thing.

[Unidentified Male Co-host]

What was that?

[Melissa]

Oh. Cause she wanted to choose her son's date. She'd already asked somebody to the prom, and she didn't like it, so she talked him into getting somebody else to go with him to the prom.

[Birch]

I'm saying that's where it all starts, right there. Like, if you don't allow him or her to start making their own decisions that early, then they become adults, and they are incapable of making a decision, you know?

[Melissa]

Oh, I can't stand it. I don't. Again. What are you expecting your child to become if you are hovering so long and so closely, you know?

[Birch]

Here's Lindsey. Good morning, Lindsay. You're on the Burt Show.

[Caller]

Morning. How y' all doing?

[Birch]

Good. How are you?

[Caller]

I had an employee. It was last year sometime, and my job. You kind of travel around a little bit. But she was 21, and her parents drove her to every assignment that I sent her to.

[Birch]

Come on.

[Caller]

They drove her to every assignment.

[Burt]

Now. Both parents drove her. Like, she sat in the Back seat while mommy and daddy drove her. Or just one parent at a time.

[Caller]

They would rotate. Sometimes mom would drive, sometimes dad would drive. And then when I put an end to it, she was hysterical. Every time she would have to drive somewhere by herself.

[Unidentified Male Co-host]

What do you mean hysterical?

[Birch]

She had a car.

[Caller]

Crying, like hysterical. Sobbing. Crying when she would get to work if. If her parents weren't there.

[Burt]

That is sad.

[Melissa]

I have a feeling that the criers are. I mean, like when she. I. I'm not surprised that she said that. She started losing it and couldn't handle it and started crying. You know, I think the people that can't handle situation. I'm not talking about a tragic situation, but something. If you get from it, you get reprimanded at work for something and you start crying. You know, you probably had a helicopter parent.

[Birch]

Hey, Sarah. Good morning. You're on the Burke show. Hi.

[Caller]

Hey, guys. My best friend and her mother does her laundry, cooks for dinner, grades her papers. She's a school teacher, balances her checkbook, does her taxes.

[Burt]

No.

[Caller]

Yep. Calls her out of work, makes her doctor's appointments, pays her bills. It drives me crazy.

[Melissa]

How old is this girl?

[Caller]

She's 28 and she's a teacher.

[Melissa]

28 and she's a teacher. And her mom does all this for

[Birch]

her and now does she live with her mom still?

[Caller]

She does because her mom has cancer. Okay, like. But either way, I don't care. I mean, I live at my parents because I'm unemployed and trying to school and make something of myself. But my parents definitely don't like do any of that for me. The only thing my dad will do is occasionally I'll convince him to put gas in my car.

[Melissa]

Yeah, yeah. Dad's like.

[Caller]

I mean, it's ridiculous. She doesn't. She doesn't think there's anything wrong with it.

[Birch]

28.

[Burt]

That is so sad.

[Melissa]

I'm going to do that today. You know what? I'm going to do that today. I'm going to call Millie P. And I'm going to say, mom, I need some doctor's appointments made. Will you call for. And I just want to hear her response.

[Burt]

Who are you?

[Melissa]

I'm sorry, are you serious?

[Unidentified Male Co-host]

Why don't you ask her to call like Tracy to get you out of the next Q100 event?

[Melissa]

I should like have her. Hey, can you not.

[Unidentified Male Co-host]

Will you call Tracy? She scheduled something at the end of June and I'm just not going to be there. Can you call her and just let her know?

[Melissa]

See, the difference is Millie. Pete would not do that and start reprimanding me for trying to get out of an event.

[Unidentified Male Co-host]

Right.

[Melissa]

You know what I mean?

[Burt]

I think if I called my dad and said, dad, would you call Bert and tell him that I'm not going to be able to make it? I think he would start laughing. He would think it was a complete joke.

[Birch]

We should have our parents call each other. So your dad should call my dad, who has to call me for you to call and say, I like it. Here's Megan. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Good morning. That's actually pretty funny. You should do that. You know, I think it depends on the situation. I never had my mom call in to work for me. That's a little pushing it too far.

[Melissa]

Stupid.

[Caller]

But, I mean, I'm 26, and my mom makes doctor's appointments and things like that all the time for me. I have a lot of medical issues. We're dealing with two different types of cancer. And when you're dealing with that many doctors and that many different facilities and things like that, sometimes it's just easier to have your mom help you make appointments and remind you when things are and things like that.

[Birch]

Melissa's getting ready to jump on.

[Melissa]

No offense, because, I mean, I'm sorry you're going through cancer, but there's things called calendars I have right here at a glance. Paper calendar. There's phones that have appointments. I mean, I have a medical condition. And I don't think ever one time I ever had my mommy call the doctor for me. I mean, you're a grown woman.

[Birch]

Well, in a case like this, when you're sick, though, like, some days you're gonna be tired or whatever, and you wouldn't solicit for the help of your

[Melissa]

family in a place like that.

[Burt]

Your mom reminds her of when to go.

[Caller]

I'm, like, so sick from chemo that I can't stand up straight, you know, I understand that.

[Melissa]

I understand that. But I mean, it seems that you're calling. It's a routine for you, though. It's not just once in a while. This is a routine that you have your. Your mom make your doctor's appointments for you.

[Caller]

Yeah, I'd say she probably called the doctor for me at least once a week. Yeah.

[Birch]

You would never have that in your house. No, never ever.

[Melissa]

I mean, because I think. Well, here's my thing is I also. I blame the parents, but also, as the children, you cannot complain as a teenager of wanting to be an adult and then get to adulthood and then call mommy And Daddy for everything. Like, you gotta. I mean, seriously, you've got to. If you wanted so badly to be an adult, then be an adult. You know, you take some pride in that.

[Birch]

One last call. Hey, Gloria. Good morning. You're on the Birch Show.

[Caller]

Good morning.

[Birch]

Morning.

[Caller]

I work at a courthouse, and we deal with people all day, and they come in and pay fines for, like, grown children. You know, it's ridiculous to see these grandmothers and mothers come in to pay fines. Sometimes we'll, you know, we have to pull them up at birthdays, and they're like, you know, in their 40s and their 50s, and they've got their grandmothers and mothers paying fines for them.

[Birch]

This fires Melissa up more than anything else we talk about.

[Burt]

It does.

[Melissa]

I don't understand, because these are the people that are. I mean, I don't know. I just feel like all these people are in our society doing things, you know, like, around us.

[Unidentified Male Co-host]

Melissa does not want people who are.

[Melissa]

No, it's not just me. I'm just the one being vocal about it. I just think it's ridiculous.

[Unidentified Male Co-host]

Melissa says, if you're going to live in my world, you're going to meet my standards.

[Melissa]

No, I would be. I'm the only one that's calling everybody out on being. Being immature and dumb. Why are you doing that?

[Birch]

I know. I think the sick listener. That one, to me, is in a category all by herself. But I would be offended as a parent if my kids at 24 called me up for that kind of help. I say, what did I do wrong? 28 or 28. What did I do wrong?

[Melissa]

50.

[Burt]

That one teacher's mom grades her papers.

[Caller]

That's crazy.

[Birch]

You're on the Birch Show.