Vault: Are These Gifts Worthy Of A Breakup?

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: Are These Gifts Worthy Of A Breakup?

Podcast: The Bert Show
Episode Date: January 26, 2026
Main Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & The Bert Show Cast

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Overview of the Episode’s Main Theme

This lively episode dives into the tricky dynamics of gift-giving in relationships—specifically, whether the quality or thoughtfulness of holiday gifts can predict a couple’s future together. Triggered by a listener's story about unevenly matched Christmas gifts, the Bert Show crew explores how presents, their personal touches, and what they might symbolize affect relationship health. Callers chime in with their own experiences, and the hosts playfully “diagnose” the future of these couples based purely on gifts received.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Case That Started It All: Uneven Gifting

• Initial Email: The hosts discuss a listener’s email:
  “For Christmas this year, I went all out and got him all these great personal things. He got me four $20 shirts and two DVDs.”
• Host Reaction:
  • “What a bummer if you really put—like, I mean, if you start shopping in November and really put some, you know, nice stuff together…” (A, 00:16)
  • The team agrees this lack of effort isn’t promising for the relationship—unless the gifts reflected true thought or sentimental value.
• Insight: Thoughtfulness and effort far outweigh dollar amounts when it comes to meaningful gifts.

2. Can We Predict Your Relationship's Fate from Gifts?

• Game Introduction: Listeners call in, describe what they received for Christmas, and the cast predicts if the relationship will last.
  • “You can call up and tell us what you received for Christmas, and then we can tell you whether or not the relationship’s gonna last.” (A, 02:02)

3. Notable Listener Calls

Melissa & Katie Jo — "Gift of the Magi"

• Budget Buy-In: Both agreed on a $50 cap for presents.
• Katie Jo’s Move: She collects unused, single earrings, trades them in, and tops up just $50 to buy diamond earrings for Melissa.
• Melissa’s Move: Divides the $50 into several small, thoughtful gifts.
• Host Reflection: If one had put in the stellar effort and the other gave a universal remote, “you’d be like, oh, no way [that couple lasts].” (C, 03:35)
• Key Insight: Balancing personal effort vs. creative compromise matters more than raw value.

Jessica – Clothes… But the Wrong Size

• Gifts: Two shirts, two pairs of pants, costume jewelry.
• Effort: Her boyfriend tried to buy matching outfits—unfortunately, the pants were too small.
• Hosts’ Verdict:
  • “He did his best because anytime a guy goes shopping for a woman’s clothes… that’s good.” (B, 04:42)
  • “Not only did he try, he also thinks you have a little ass. You’re good. Congratulations.” (A, 05:06)
• Key Insight: Making an effort, even if imperfect, counts for a lot.

April’s Sister – Loungewear vs. the Big TV

• Gifts: Sweatpants and sweatshirts from her husband, while he buys himself a $1,500 TV.
• Hosts’ Take:
  • “He’s just lazy. He loves her. He’s just lazy.” (B, 05:56)
• Key Insight: A pattern of lazy gifting can be fine if it’s well-understood and accepted by both parties.

Christina – A Thoughtful Medley

• Gifts: Bath and Body Works lotions, teddy bear, watch, scarf, hat, pajama pants.
• Hosts’ Verdict:
  • “He did good because… [he] had to go to several different places. That means thought and lots of shopping.” (B, 06:38)
• Key Insight: A diversity of thoughtful, smaller gifts suggests care and effort.

Christian – BlackBerry Jealousy

• Gift: A newer-model BlackBerry with GPS from her partner—something he himself doesn’t even have.
• Hosts’ Opinion:
  • “Oh, he loves you. Yeah. Does he love you?” (A, 06:58)
  • “That’s a sacrifice.” (C, 07:45)
• Memorable Quote:
  • “My move would be to keep the new phone myself.” (A, 07:47)
• Key Insight: Giving someone a “better” version of something you like is a major love language for some.

Brian – Dad Gets Clothes

• Gifts: Slacks and a shirt from his wife. He gives her and their daughters diamonds and other “nice gifts.”
• Incident: He wanted a watch, feels he can dress himself.
• Hosts’ Take:
  • “She’s just trying to update your wardrobe a little bit.” (C, 08:52)
• Insight: In long-term relationships, pragmatic gifts can be an act of care.

Angela – The Ultimate Dud: Nothing

• Gifts: “I got nothing… I didn’t even get a card.” (D, 09:10–09:21)
• Context: Married, has children from a previous relationship. They shopped for kids together, but he did nothing on his own.
• Host Prediction:
  • “I think you’re gonna get a late Christmas present. It’s gonna be divorce papers.” (A, 09:54)
  • “Magic Eightball is saying things aren’t good.” (B, 10:06)
• Insight: Completely forgetting (or ignoring) a partner at the holiday is a big red flag, especially in an established marriage.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You probably won’t make it through Valentine’s Day.” — A, on lackluster effort in gifting (01:49)
• “He did his best because anytime a guy goes shopping for a woman's clothes, and you said it was, you know, pants and shirts that match… right.” — B (04:42)
• "Not only did he try, he also thinks you have a little ass. You're good. Congratulations.” — A, reassuring Jessica (05:06)
• “He’s just lazy. He loves her. He’s just lazy.” — B, on habitual under-gifting (05:56)
• “My move would be to keep the new phone myself.” — A, on giving away the top-tier device (07:47)
• “I got nothing… I didn’t even get a card.” — Angela (09:10–09:21)
• "I think you’re gonna get a late Christmas present. It’s gonna be divorce papers.” — A, joking but pointed (09:54)
• “Magic Eightball is saying things aren’t good.” — B, closing on a dire note (10:06)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00–01:35 | Main Topic Introduction—Listener’s disappointing gift, team’s initial reactions
• 02:02–02:38 | Launch of the call-in “predict the relationship” game
• 02:39–03:37 | Melissa and Katie Jo’s creative $50-gift exchange story
• 04:04–05:13 | Jessica’s “wrong-size clothes” scenario
• 05:20–05:56 | April’s sister: the habitual sweatpants v. TV husband
• 06:04–06:47 | Christina’s thoughtful gift assortment
• 06:53–07:47 | Christian receives upgraded phone
• 07:55–08:52 | Brian gets slacks, wants a watch
• 09:10–10:13 | Angela received absolutely nothing; hosts’ dire prediction

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Conclusion

In this engaging, banter-filled episode, The Bert Show uses the lens of holiday gifting to discuss larger relationship issues with humor and insight. The resounding takeaway? It’s not the gift, but how much thought, effort, and real care go into it that matters—and sometimes, a lack of effort exposes cracks that even the most generous present can’t fill.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, the bird show. We were reading emails the other day, and we got to one, and we're like, you know, blah, blah, blah. We're like, going through, looking for stuff for the show. And one. One paragraph stood out to us in this one email. This is what wasn't in, you know, specifically what she was emailing about. But we all had the same reaction when we read in the email that for Christmas this year, I went all out and I got him all these great personal things. He got me four $20 shirts and two DVDs. Wow. And we started talking about that because, you know, what a bummer if you really put, like, I mean, if you start shopping in November and really put some, you know, nice stuff together, and.

[B]

He gives you the sort of last minute.

[A]

Yeah, whatever was in the, you know, $20 DVD bin at Target.

[B]

Right.

[A]

That type of deal. So we talked about that. And without having more information from her, we can't pass absolute judgment. But we're all in pretty much agreement that he probably isn't really into that relationship. I mean, if. Now, if the DVD was something along the lines of, like, let's say she's, you know, a big fan of the movie Gone with the Wind, and it's like a classic movie and she loves it for whatever reason. So he was able to go find, you know, some behind this Director's cut edit or something of Gone with the Wind or re.

[B]

Because this shows thought.

[A]

Right.

[C]

But obviously he didn't or she wouldn't have written in the email. Just it was this generic thing.

[A]

It would have been.

[C]

It was like, oh, he was so sweet. And he got me this. My favorite movie of all time. But that's obviously not what he did.

[A]

So he went out and got Men in Black and something like that. So the agreement that we all made when we were in the room is that that relationship's over.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, inside of 90 days.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, you probably. You probably won't make it through Valentine's Day. And that's when the, you know, the ceiling opened up and the ray of light came down and we realized that we were blessed with a gift.

[C]

A little asbestos, but, yeah, you know, some kind of, you know.

[A]

404-741-1005 if you're interested in this, then we. You can call up and tell us what you received for Christmas, and then we can tell you whether or not the relationship's gonna last.

[B]

Yeah, it's like we can make the predictions just by knowing the answer to that question. What did he give you for Christmas.

[A]

The Telephone number is 404-741-1005. Melissa. Now, if we didn't know Melissa and Katie Jo, Melissa got dangerously close to this, this holiday.

[C]

Yeah, Katie Joe cheated. No, she was. She outdid me for Christmas for sure because she was very creative and very personal. It's a very gift of the magi kind of thing where we had actually set a budget of $50. We set a budget of $50 for Christmas because our anniversary is actually this weekend. So we wanted to spend more money on our anniversary than we did Christmas. And so $50 was it. So I went out and I thought, well, you know what I'll do is so that she has more gifts to open, I'll divide that $50 out and I'll get a lot of little gifts, little fun, cool things, and then she'll have more gifts to open instead of just one. And then what she decided to do was she went through her jewelry box and she got some loose diamonds, like diamond earrings where she had lost the other one. And, you know, several of those. You have those in your jewelry box that you keep. What am I ever going to do with this? Well, she collected them, traded them in, and then only had to spend $50 over in order to get me a pair of diamond earrings for Christmas. So if I came to the table and I said, hey, Birch show. Well, you know, my girlfriend got me diamond earrings. Or she, let's say she called, hey, you know what? I got my girlfriend diamond earrings for Christmas and she got me a universal remote.

[B]

You're a little imbalanced there.

[C]

Yeah. You'd say, well, you know what, she's probably going to break up with you for Valentine's Day.

[A]

But we would get the more details.

[B]

She is the dud. Yeah.

[D]

In your relationship.

[A]

Or we'll talk about the. Or what? We would analyze that and talk about the $50. We would say, you know, if I.

[C]

Gave you the whole story, you'd be like, maybe not. But if it was just plain, look, I got, you know, I got them this and they got me this, you'd be like, oh, no way.

[A]

So here's Kimberly taking it one step further. God bless her. Or no, I'm sorry. Jessica. Hey, is this Kimberly or Jessica?

[D]

Jessica.

[A]

Hey, Jessica. What's up?

[D]

Nothing much. How are y'? All?

[A]

Good.

[D]

How are you doing? Good, Just trying to go to work.

[A]

Alright, what did you get for Christmas this year?

[D]

What did I get?

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Two shirts, two pairs of pants, and some costume jewelry.

[A]

Now, does any of that have meaning to you?

[D]

Somewhat not what I expected. I got him an ipod, a tool chest.

[A]

Well, see that? What you got him is irrelevant because we have to work. Just, just from the guy's point of.

[B]

View, it's only, yeah, it's only what you got for Christmas.

[A]

Now I think I, I, I think he's, he did his best.

[B]

I think he did his best because anytime a guy goes shopping for a woman's clothes, and you said it was, you know, pants and shirts that match or were intended to be matching. Right.

[D]

But they're the wrong size.

[B]

Well, guys, did he go too small?

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Which one?

[D]

The pants.

[B]

The pants are too big or too small?

[D]

Too small.

[B]

See, this is good.

[A]

It's good. That's good.

[B]

This is good.

[A]

Yeah. You're fine. Jessica, not only did he try, he also thinks you have a little ass. You're good. Congratulations.

[C]

They're always gonna make that mistake.

[A]

Yeah. Enjoy. 2008. Hey, April.

[D]

Hi.

[A]

What'd you get for Christmas?

[D]

Actually, it's for my sister. She bought. Well, let's see. She mostly got like sweaters and things to wear around the house.

[B]

Sweaters and things to wear. So she got sweatpants and sweatshirts for Christmas from her boyfriend.

[D]

Husband.

[B]

Husband. And that's it?

[A]

Yeah. That's different.

[D]

Yeah, but he got like a fifteen hundred dollar tv. He always gets like big things like that doesn't matter.

[B]

It's not the exchange. It's only what she got.

[D]

Yeah, that's basically like all she gets for every like birthday, holidays, everything.

[A]

Status quo. They're gonna, they're gonna be fine. He's just thoughtless.

[D]

Oh, that's good.

[B]

He's just lazy.

[A]

Yep.

[D]

Nice.

[B]

He loves her. He's just lazy.

[D]

Thanks.

[A]

See you, bud.

[B]

That's my prediction.

[A]

Hey, Christina.

[D]

Hey. How are you?

[B]

Wrong.

[A]

Yeah, we should be taking numbers down and follow up with him at the end of the year. Hey, Christina.

[D]

Hey. How are you?

[A]

What'd you get for Christmas?

[D]

I kind of got the same deal. Like the little odds and ends. I got like bath and body works, lotions, a teddy bear, a little watch, scarf and hat, and a little pajama pants.

[A]

Now the question is, what are you combining with. That's a good stash.

[B]

Good.

[A]

What were you hoping for?

[D]

That's about it. I got like, I guess. Yeah, I really wasn't hoping for anything. I like Christmas to give more than anything. Fun it that way.

[A]

Okay, so you're fine.

[B]

He did good because to get all those things, he had to go to several different places.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

So that means thought and lots of shopping, which Both guys don't like to do.

[D]

Okay. Awesome.

[A]

Hey, Christina. Christina.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Or is this Christian? What did you get. What did you get for Christmas, Christian?

[D]

I got a BlackBerry.

[A]

Oh, he loves you. Yeah. Oh, does he love you?

[C]

Why are you confused by that?

[D]

I don't know. You know, it was something I didn't know if I wanted or not. And he's more into it than I was.

[A]

Give yourself share in that.

[D]

Well, he has one, too. I just have the newer one with the GPS.

[A]

See? The best. He gave you the BlackBerry. The best thing that ever happened to Jessica and I was her getting a BlackBerry.

[D]

Really?

[A]

Because now she understands and she's in your world. Like, she understands just picking up and looking at the blinking light.

[C]

Or is he. Or is he telling her she talks too much and that's why he got here, take his BlackBerry.

[B]

No, I think it means that he loves you.

[D]

Thank you.

[A]

And if anything.

[B]

Because your technology is better.

[C]

That's true. That's a sacrifice.

[A]

New phone with all these gadgets attached to it. Dude, absolutely. I gotta be honest with you. My move would be to keep the new phone myself.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Hello? Hey, Brian. Hey, Brian. So I didn't get to you fast enough. What's.

[D]

Hey, that's all right. I got slacks in a shirt.

[A]

Slacks, huh? Yeah.

[D]

Slacks in a shirt. I bought my wife a diamond bracelet. And I bought my oldest daughter a diamond necklace and diamond earrings. And the rest of my daughters, I got, you know, really nice gifts.

[A]

Well, the gifts you gave don't matter. The pants and a shirt, it's tough. I don't know. It's gonna have to be you and Melissa, you, Jen and Melissa, because I don't.

[B]

Pants and a shirt. Well, I will say I like getting clothes for my husband because I like to pick out what I think he's gonna like and what I think he's going to wear. So I can't say that that's a bad thing.

[D]

Well, I'm growing, you know, I think I can dress myself. All I wanted was a watch.

[B]

Saying that you can. She's trying to help.

[C]

Yeah, that's the thought I had, is like. I mean, you have children together, so this is your wife, right?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

So, yeah. Part of me is like, she's just trying to update your wardrobe a little bit.

[A]

How long have you been together? How long have y' all been together?

[D]

14 years.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

16 years.

[C]

I mean, you're fine. She's just telling you maybe to, you know, do a little makeover.

[B]

I'll spruce it up.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Hey, Angela, you'll be our last phone call.

[D]

I got nothing.

[A]

Oh. Oh, that could be a problem. How long. How long have you been dating them?

[D]

We're married.

[B]

You got nothing for Christmas?

[D]

I didn't even get a card.

[A]

Yeah. You guys. You guys have any kids?

[D]

I. I do.

[B]

You have children, a previous relationship?

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Did he get them any presents?

[D]

We went shopping for them together.

[B]

He didn't do anything on his own for Christmas at all?

[D]

No.

[B]

And he married him because.

[D]

I don't know.

[C]

Is this. Is this something that you've seen a pattern in or is this a first time thing?

[D]

No, he's usually thoughtful just because he forgot.

[A]

I think you're gonna get a late Christmas present. It's gonna be divorce papers.

[C]

They've been celebrating Christmas since September, so he didn't forget.

[A]

Yeah. Well, good luck with that.

[D]

Thanks.

[A]

Yeah, that's not a good one.

[B]

I. I don't think that. Yeah, the Magic Eightball is saying things aren't good.

[A]

Hey, the bird show.