Vault: Are Women Really Using Headbutts in Fights? Listeners Call In to Confess

Summary

Episode Overview

Episode Title: Vault: Are Women Really Using Headbutts in Fights? Listeners Call In to Confess
Podcast: The Bert Show
Date: April 1, 2026
Theme: The hosts explore the surprising topic of "headbutting" in fights—specifically among women—after reports surface that actor Kiefer Sutherland allegedly headbutted someone at a party. They challenge their listeners to call in and share their experiences or stories, expecting that "no woman" does this. The episode quickly becomes a hilarious and revealing call-in segment that disproves the host’s expectations, all while the cast keeps the laughs and banter rolling.

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Main Discussion Points

1. Kiefer Sutherland’s Headbutt: Sparking the Debate

• [00:00-00:17] Context & Banter:

  • The episode kicks off with co-hosts discussing reports that Kiefer Sutherland headbutted someone at a party:

    B: “Multiple reports say Kiefer Sutherland headbutted this dude at a party... So he turned into the real Jack Bauer.” [00:02]

    • This leads to speculation about whether headbutting is common in real life or just a TV trope.

• [00:24-00:40] Physical Logistics & Humor:

  • The co-hosts joke about the physical practicality of headbutting:

    A: “Me, five four. I can’t—I’d headbutt you in the chest.” [00:24]
    A: “That’s my belt buckle.” [00:36]

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2. Do Women Really Headbutt? Hosts State Their Doubts

• [00:54-01:26] Doubt and Stereotypes:

  • Bert throws down the gauntlet, challenging listeners to prove that women get into headbutting fights:

    A: “I would like to talk to a woman that has been headbutt by another woman, or you have been the woman that headbutted another woman. ... This is just a man thing. No woman would ever do that.” [00:54]

  • Another host claims women won’t risk facial injury:

    B: “We’re too worried about what we look like to face some sort of facial injury.” [01:20]

• [01:29-01:40] Anticipation for Calls:

  • The hosts estimate the odds and start betting on whether any female listeners will call in.

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3. Listener Call-Ins: Proving the Hosts Wrong

Call 1: Katie’s Classy Headbutt

• [02:04-02:48] “I am actually a very classy young lady...”
  • Notable Quote:

    E (Katie): “This girl called me the wrong name and tried to reach for my hair... and my first instinct was to lunge forward and bust her forehead open. I actually split her forehead down the center.” [02:13]

  • She confesses to walking around with a huge forehead bruise for months.

Call 2: Deborah's Skating Rink Smackdown

• [03:11-03:52] Literal Teenage Drama:
  • Deborah recounts a teenage fight at a skating rink where she headbutted a girl who was about to hit her with a skate:

    D: “She tried to pick up a roller skate and hit me with it. And I went forward and I headbutted her, but I broke my nose.” [03:41]

Call 3: A Woman Headbutts a Man

• [03:59-04:28] Breaking Stereotypes:
  • A man shares how his now-fiancée headbutted another woman’s boyfriend:

    G: “The boyfriend tried to break it up, grabbed her by the shirt, called her the F word... Headbutt, straight to the nose. Broke it. I mean, blood everywhere.” [04:06]

Call 4: Chronic Headbutter in the Family

• [04:30-05:16] Family Tradition:
  • Angela reveals her sister is a “chronic headbutter”:

    F: “She actually headbutted at the time—it was her boyfriend. They’re married now. And he had to get three stitches in his forehead.” [04:41]

  • The hosts joke about what the boyfriend told the ER staff to explain his injury.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Bert’s Challenge:

  A: "No woman will call and say she's been headbutt by another woman." [01:26]

• Impromptu Call Surge:

  A: "There's not a phone line available right now." [01:58]

• Chronic Headbutting:

  B: "Chronic, chronic headbutter." [04:39]

• Physical Toll:

  E (Katie): “I had a huge bruise on my forehead and had to walk around with that for, like, three months because it took forever to heal.” [02:41]

• Emergency Room Cover-Up:

  C: "He fell into a pole. He—he said, I'll tell you what didn't happen. My girlfriend just didn't headbutt me." [05:18]

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Key Timestamps & Segments

• [00:02] - Kiefer Sutherland news sparks the episode topic
• [00:54] - Hosts dispute the likelihood of women headbutting
• [02:04] - First call-in: Katie’s headbutt confession
• [03:11] - Deborah's roller rink fight story
• [03:59] - Man calls in about his fiancée headbutting someone
• [04:30] - Angela shares about her sister, a "chronic headbutter"

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Tone & Style

The mood is energetic, playful, and filled with the Bert Show’s signature blend of real talk and humor. The casual teasing between co-hosts mixes with genuine surprise as the show’s “no-woman-headbutts” theory is quickly debunked. Listener stories add authenticity, and the hosts' reactions fuel the comedic pace.

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Summary Takeaway

What begins as a mocking dismissal of women headbutting each other turns into a parade of memorable listener stories that completely upend the hosts’ expectations. From skating rink showdowns to relationship drama and even headbutting as a “habit,” the episode delivers constant laughs and reveals that, when it comes to heated fights, women are just as ready—and able—to land a knockout headbutt.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, the Bird show.

[B]

Multiple reports say Kiefer Sutherland headbutted this dude at a party on Monday night and actually broke his nose with his head. So he turned into the real Jack Bauer.

[A]

Now, I thought this was headbutting was only happened in movies and on tv. I don't think it really ever happened in real life.

[B]

I guess he's been doing it on TV for 24 for so long that maybe it was just like instinct, like he went into Jack Bauer mode.

[A]

But that's a sophisticated move. And you got to be the right height also, because, man, me five four. I can't. I'd headbutt you in the chest.

[B]

The thing is.

[A]

Dude, what are you doing?

[B]

Clear the coffee table. I'm about to headbutt you.

[A]

That's my belt buckle.

[B]

Dude.

[A]

You're doing nothing. Except hitting me in the belt buckle.

[C]

And the headbutt is a. I mean, that's like a stupid move. Cause what if you headbutt someone and knock yourself out? Can you imagine that? Bert and I are in a fight. I headbutt him and knock myself out. And Bert's like. That was an easy one.

[A]

You know how from time to time we will challenge our listening audience and we will say, look, I'm sure I have a question that I can ask here that pertains to nobody listening right now. I've got one. I would like to talk to a woman that has been headbutt by another woman, or you have been the woman that headbutted another woman. It just doesn't happen. That's why women are a higher level of species than man, because this is just a man thing. No woman would ever do that.

[B]

I don't think so either, because we're too worried about what we look like to face some sort of facial injury.

[A]

No woman will call and say she's been headbutt by another woman.

[C]

Here's the problem. Here's the flaw in your theory. We're going to get calls. Because as much as women care about their appearance, when they start scrapping with

[A]

other women, it's not headbutting, man.

[C]

There's. Yeah, you'll get called.

[B]

They'll use everything.

[C]

When two women are going at it, they're fingernails, there are teeth, there is hair pulling.

[A]

Different.

[C]

No way.

[B]

I went slid up.

[D]

No way.

[A]

I may be wrong.

[B]

No way.

[C]

We told you. You guys have seen girl fights, head butting.

[A]

There's not a phone line available right now.

[B]

You're kidding me.

[A]

Good morning, Q100. Hi.

[E]

Hi.

[B]

Hey.

[A]

Who is this?

[E]

My name is Katie And I actually headbutted a girl my last year.

[B]

Freak show. You are a freak show.

[A]

Face to face. Your forehead hits her forehead.

[E]

Yes. I am actually a very, you know, classy young lady. I have great manners. But this girl called me the wrong name and tried to reach for my hair. And we happened to be the same height. And my first instinct was to lunge forward and bust her forehead open. I actually split her forehead down the center.

[B]

Wow.

[E]

Because I hit her so hard. But I had a huge bruise on my forehead and had to walk around with that for, like, three months because it took forever to heal.

[A]

Did she hit you with the C word?

[E]

Actually, it was a combination of a improper name for a prostitute and the C word, so. And then a couple words describing dirty, and I'm definitely not any of those, actually.

[C]

You know, obviously it'll be a different story for a different time, but whatever got her to call you. That is a fun tale, I'm sure.

[A]

Hey, Deborah.

[C]

Good Morning.

[A]

You're on Q100.

[D]

Hi.

[A]

My assumption was that no woman has ever headbutt another woman. And the phone lines are lit up with women saying, oh, yeah, bring it on.

[D]

Yeah, I brought it on. It happened at the skating rink when I was like. Imagine that. I was like 14 years old. She kept messing with me and messing

[F]

with me, you know?

[D]

And back then there was like, the cool group, the nerdy group. Well, of course me.

[G]

I was in the cool group.

[E]

Yeah, I can tell you.

[D]

Fights with me. And she tried to pick up a roller skate and hit me with it. And I went forward and I headbutted her, but I broke my nose.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Because it's an advanced move. It's a very advanced move. How about a woman that headbutts a guy?

[B]

Oh, no way.

[A]

Hey, Matt. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[G]

How you guys doing?

[A]

Okay.

[D]

You got pwned by a girl?

[G]

No, it wasn't me. My girlfriend. Well, now fiance. Last year, we were at a movie. Came out of the movie. She got into it with her ex boyfriend's girlfriend or whatever. The boyfriend tried to break it up, grabbed her by the shirt, called her the F word. I don't know if you could say that on radio. Headbutt, straight to the nose. Broke it. I mean, blood everywhere. It was ridiculous.

[A]

Good morning, Angela. You're on Q100.

[E]

Hey, how are you?

[A]

I'm fine.

[F]

Actually, it wasn't me that headbutted, but my sister, she is a chronic headbutter.

[B]

Chronic, chronic headbutter.

[D]

Yes.

[F]

She's a lot older now, but in her younger days she would headbutt all the time and she actually headbutted at the time. It was her boyfriend. They're married now.

[D]

And he had to get three stitches in his forehead.

[A]

What?

[B]

I'm sorry, he had what in his forehead?

[F]

He had to get three stitches.

[A]

Now what brought on the headbutt?

[C]

Were they doing it?

[F]

No.

[C]

Okay. Were they fighting?

[F]

No, she wanted to fight and he wouldn't engage with the arguing and talking and tried to walk away and that pissed her off so she attacked him and headbutted.

[C]

Okay. Do you know what he said to the people at the emergency room? Because he didn't say a girl headbutted me.

[F]

No, I do not know what he said.

[A]

He said anything.

[C]

He fell into a pole. He.

[A]

He said, I'll tell you what didn't happen. My girlfriend just didn't headbutt me. Hey, the Burt Show.